The lonely Christian man Flanders Nickels prays that he can go shopping with a girlfriend and buy her a maillot. Lo, a young woman whom he knows from work comes into his life; she is pretty, but she is not a Christian. Her name is ‘Heidi Antron Rooks.’ On their first date, much to his wildest dreams, they go to a department store and she lets him buy her a one-piece swimsuit that is white and is all full of black letters of the alphabet randomly throughout. Lo, his new maillot girlfriend tests his Christian propriety. Will he stay true to Christ and Christian values? Is she going to ruin his testimony as a believer? What will he do about her lost soul?
THE MAILLOT GIRLFRIEND
By Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
His name was “Flanders Nickels,” and he was a born-again believer. Alone with Christ now in quiet time of worship, he was reminiscing in prayer and reflection about what he called his “oldest prayer” once again today. He paused to look around today’s prayer site for him upon the docks of the Fox River at Voyageur Park in De Pere. These docks of Voyageur Park here consisted of one long main dock that ran a long span along the shoreline of this park and with shorter docks connected to the main dock at right angles and stretching out deeper into the river. And where Flanders was sitting now was at the very edge of the northernmost of these little docks, his bare feet partly in the river before and below him. To his left on this dock were his penny loafers; to his right on this dock was his King James Version Bible. He then lifted his feet out of the water and sat his own unique way. The way he sat now, the way he always sat upon the ground or on the floor, could best be described the following way: He was upon his bottom, and his knees were bent, and all of his bent legs were flat upon the dock to both sides of himself, and his feet were flat upon their sides to both of his sides. This felt fine to him. Those who saw him sitting this way said most pleasing things to Flanders: “You must be double-
Page 1
jointed,” and “If I sat that way, I would not be able to get up again,” and “How do you do that?” And he always went on to brag on himself and on his older sister, saying to them, “My big sister can sit the same way.” Flanders then saw a motorboat speed by on the river not too far away. He knew what this would bring about, and it came to him to his enjoyment: The waves from this speeding boat came up to this dock upon which Flanders was sitting, and the dock began to move up and down and left and right, and the dock began to squeak and squeal from its movement in the flowing waters. After a while, it dissipated and soon became still and quiet again. Flanders lived in an upper apartment of this eastern part of De Pere. Across the Fox River there was the western part of De Pere. He had lived here in Wisconsin all of his life. He turned his gaze to the left and looked upon the Claude-Allouez Bridge a few blocks to the south. This was the bridge that joined east De Pere to west De Pere. He then turned to gaze to his right and looked upon the Highway 172 bridge a few miles to the north. This was the bridge that joined the village of Allouez on the eastern side of the river to the village of Ashwaubenon on the western side of the river. North of both Allouez and Ashwaubenon on both sides of the river was the city of Green Bay. And this very Fox River, indeed a river that flowed north, emptied out into the bay of Green Bay. And Flanders admired the happenings in this Fox River—the pelicans feeding on the fish and the seagulls singing and flying about and the jet ski travelers and the kayak travelers and more motorboat travelers.
What was this born-again Christian’s “oldest prayer” of his life? It was to go one-piece swimsuit shopping with and for a girlfriend. He called this petition his “oldest prayer,” because he had begun asking God for this before he was even a Christian. Though God did not hear his supplications thus before his conversion, because God does not hear the prayers of the unsaved, God did hear his supplications thus after his conversion, because God always hears the prayers of the saved if their hearts are clean before Him.
Flanders now once again asked God to give him a real, living, and pretty maillot girlfriend.
Page 2
In more nostalgic reflection in the Lord, Flanders Nickels sweetly remembered bits and pieces of what women had told him in their experience and wisdom as women of women’s swimwear. A cashier at his store he worked at once told him this about two-piece swimsuits: “How can something that covers so little cost so much?” That same cashier friend had also enlightened him about the impracticality of a one-piece swimsuit when it came to using the bathroom, telling him how much easier it is for a woman to use an outhouse with a tankini than with a regular one-piece swimsuit.
One time a tall young cashier that he was working with told him how hard it is for a tall woman to find a maillot that fit, how the size may be right but the length might not fit from top to bottom very well in a tall torso like her own. His own mom once told him something most savory that he never forgot: she said, “It is easier to take off a wet one-piece swimsuit than it is to put on a wet one-piece swimsuit.”
His same Mom one particularly memorable day for him, walked with him across the bridge on that other side of De Pere just so he could show her a magical and entrancing black one-piece swimsuit that was in a store window. She went and said to him, “You’d look awful silly dressed in that.” And he quickly said, “I would buy it for a girlfriend.” Flanders even had a most fervent quote that he had said in a dream of the night: Standing in front of a women’s swimwear rack in a department store and admiring one particular one there, he found himself saying to someone else in this dream about this maillot, “The wider it is across the cups the longer it is down the torso.” Whether this was as true in the real world as it was in his dream, Flanders found this to be ever-provocative and sweetly curious ever since. He had many thrilling dreams about women’s maillot racks. But in none of these dreams did he have a girlfriend shopping with him. Maybe someday he could have a real maillot rack shopping with a real girlfriend. That was what his prayers were for.
Just then a familiar man’s voice called out to him, “Flanders, if you keep sitting like that, you’ll wreck your knees.”
He looked up and saw his store’s dairy manager, standing upon the green grass of the park’s
Page 3
lawn nearby. In returning tease for tease, Flanders called back to him, saying, “If that happened, who would do my work for me?”
“The boss would have to put a sign in the window,” teased this fellow worker right back. And the colleagues laughed together. Then this dairy manager said to Flanders, “Heidi likes you, you know.” Heidi was the new cashier of the store.
“No, she doesn’t,” said Flanders hastily and proudly.
“Everybody at the store knows that she likes you,” said the fellow worker.
Flanders paused for a moment and became thoughtful. Then he said, “I like Heidi,” Then Flanders told this friend, “Heidi is the pretty cashier of the grocery store.”
“Well, Heidi sees you as the cute bag boy of the grocery store, Flanders,” said the dairy manager.
“That kind of thing never happened for me before,” said Flanders in brave new ideas.
“She’s a lot of fun,” said the fellow worker.
“Do you think that she would want to go shopping with me?” asked Flanders, not revealing the kind of shopping that he was hot for.
“She’ll be glad to do anything with you, Flanders,” he said.
“Anything,” said Flanders.
“She could even surprise you, Flanders,” said the dairy manager.
“Maillot shopping, good friend,” confided Flanders Nickels.
“What’s a maillot?” asked this man.
“With a little luck that will be between only myself and her,” said Flanders in secrecy.
He called her up, asked her out, heard her say, “Yes!” and they went on a date. It was at Montgomery Wards, a department store and an anchor store to the Bay Park Square Mall. And he
Page 4
introduced Heidi to the maillot rack right where he knew that it was. Her more full name was “Heidi Rooks,” and he now had the pretty cashier with him on his first date in his life. And boyfriend and girlfriend were both together looking at one-piece swimsuits on a real date. She had comely features and a well-built frame and a resonant name.
With a pleasant voice of accord, Heidi Rooks asked, “What are we doing here in the women’s swimwear department, Flanders?”
“”Your date for the day wants to splurge on his pretty cashier that he bags for, Heidi,” he said.
Then he said, “Would that be fun for you, Heidi?”
“Do you mean that you want to buy me a women’s swimsuit?” she asked.
“That would be the funnest fun that I have ever had in my life outside of God,” he said.
“That would be fun for me, too,” she said. “But I warn you: I look better in a one-piece swimsuit than I do in a two-piece swimsuit.”
“Oh, that’s good,” he said. “To me every girl looks better in a one-piece swimsuit than she does in a two-piece swimsuit.”
“We young women worry when we go swimsuit shopping,” said Heidi Rooks.
“What do you girls worry about?” he asked.
And Miss Rooks edified him with another bit of wisdom about girls and their maillots, “We women want a swimsuit that does not make us look big. I need a maillot that makes me look thin.”
“That should be easy, Heidi,” he said. “Every maillot here will make you look thin. You are a slender young lady already.”
“Why, thank you, Flanders,” said Heidi Rooks in an entrancing tone of gratitude to his truth.
Then she shared with him another secret about dating, saying, “I don’t know of any other man than you who wants to go shopping with his girlfriend for clothes.”
“I could only dream about this in my prayers, Heidi,” he said. “My life’s prayers were all about
Page 5
doing with a girl what we are doing now.”
“Maillot shopping,” said Heidi Rooks. “And I shall become your maillot girlfriend.”
“Amen, fair Heidi!” he said in wonder and in marvel.
She paused, then asked, “How long do I have, Flanders?”
And he said, “We can make it an all day thing, Heidi.”
“How should we do this?” she asked.
“You can check out the maillots, pick one out that stands out for you, and go into the dressing room and put it on, and come on out and let me take a look at you and let me tell you what I might think of it, and if you like it, I buy it for you,” he said. “And if you don’t like it, we can do it again. And again. Over and over. Till we both are done. I shall buy you your one favorite of all the ones that you try on.”
“Can a maillot gal get a little hug in between each time?” she asked.
“Whoa!” he said. “A hug with a maillot woman?”
“No?” she asked.
“Yes!” he said. “A hug after each time indeed!”
She began her shopping here at Montgomery Wards: The first one she liked was a maillot with a chevron pattern of alternating greens and blacks turning into alternating blues and blacks, with strings at the sides inside the swimsuit, and with these same strings outside the swimsuit all tied up along the hips. Heidi picked it up off of the rack, held it against her front, and looked at Flanders. He nodded most enthusiastically. And she went to the dressing room with this, changed into it, and came out of the dressing room to show Flanders. “Siren girl!” he praised her in this maillot. She came up to him and gave him an embrace, and he embraced her right back in this maillot.
She resumed her shopping. And she next found a black and white one-piece swimsuit with buttons running down the front that were mean only for decoration. As she ran her hand down this on
Page 6
the rack. She said, “This maillot feels good, Flanders.”
And he said, “If it feels good, it looks good.” And she skipped to the dressing room to take off the first maillot and to put on this second maillot. And she came out of the dressing room to show off to her date. The first thing he said to her was, “Maillot goddess!” And she came up to him and threw her arms around him in another hug. He did the same with her.
She continued her shopping. And the next one she liked was a black one-piece swimsuit with little colored chevron stripes down the shoulder straps and across the cups. She looked inside and saw cups of plastic within. She told him a swimsuit secret that women all knew, “Black makes a woman look thinner when it comes to maillots, Flanders.”
“I like that one the best of the three so far,” said Flanders.
And Heidi Rooks danced to the dressing room, took off the second maillot and put on the third maillot. And she came out of the dressing room and showed herself to him and awaited his thoughts.
He said to her, “Heidi, you’re built like a brick…outhouse.”
She knew that he meant something other than “outhouse,” but he would not use objectionable words that might displease his God. This was his greatest compliment yet of the three. And she hugged him long and hard in this maillot. And he hugged her long and hard right back.
Then Heidi Rooks saw a most peculiarly-patterned maillot here on the swimwear racks of Montgomery Wards. It was a white one-piece swimsuit with letters of the alphabet in black all scattered randomly throughout the whole maillot on both sides. She lifted it hanger and all up off of the rack and showed it to him. “Maillot of maillots, Heidi!” he said. This one was definitely his favorite of the day. She paused to bring this swimsuit’s shoulder strap to her nose, and she smelled a most novel smell that was of fresh spandex of a brand new swimsuit right off of the racks. He saw her do this, and he requested if she would let him do that, too with this maillot on the hanger, and she nodded her head. And when he put his nose to this swimsuit’s shoulder strap, he said, “Aphrodisiac!”
Page 7
And she ran into the dressing room again, took off the third maillot, and put on this fourth maillot. And she came out of the dressing room to show handsome Flanders. He was there just outside the dressing room door. He took one look at her, and he said “Maillot girl of maillot girls!” And this time it was he who hugged her, and it was she who hugged him back.
“This is the one. Isn’t it, Flanders?” she asked.
“Do you like it best, Heidi?” he asked.
And she said, “This is my favorite maillot of Montgomery Wards, Flanders.”
And he said, “Then, Heidi, this is the one.”
Hand in hand they hopped to the checkout lane. She stood at his side before the cashier, herself still dressed in this purchase. And the cashier went out of her way to accommodate these two customers, using a little scanning gun to scan the maillot label that was attached with a string to the swimsuit that Miss Rooks still had on. Flanders wrote out a check for it. It was now the maillot of Heidi Rooks. And she was now Flanders Nickels’ cherished maillot girlfriend. Flanders gave Miss Rooks a little kiss on the nose. And she gave him a little kiss on the forehead. And they left the store with their arms around each other’s waists.
The still small voice of the Holy Spirit talked to Flanders and warned him about this woman with whom he had such a crush upon. God reminded him that she was not a born-again Christian as he was. And an unholy alliance of a saved boyfriend and a lost girlfriend could only lead to bad things for the saved boyfriend. It is written in I Corinthians 15:33, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” If a born-again believer dates a person who is not a born-again believer, that believer would start acting and thinking like an unbeliever. And the Christian could fall into sin.
And sin could lead to backsliding. And backsliding could lead to the sin unto death.
Confident and a little proud, Flanders said to the Holy Spirit, “I’ll be all right, God.” And he invited his new maillot girlfriend over to his place to show her his bedroom closet and his treasures
Page 8
inside his bedroom closet. Curious, and a little mischievous, she agreed. And they were both in there, looking up at higher shelves that were at the level of their shoulders. The one higher shelf was to the left, full of big hardcover books. The other higher shelf was to the right, full of big paperback books.
Looking back to the left, the maillot girlfriend asked him, “Are all of these Bibles, Flanders?”
“Uh huh, Heidi,” he said to her. “All of them are King James Version Bibles.”
In flirt she said, “Flanders, you have so many, that there aren’t any left for anyone else.”
He laughed with her and said, “Give me another King James Bible. I’ll read and study that one, too.”
“Are you saying that you read each one of these individually?” she asked.
“Yep!” he said.
“How come, if they all say the very same thing as each other, Flanders?” asked the maillot girlfriend.
“Oh, that’s because I read them with underlining pencils, Heidi,” he said.
She then saw a few boxes of number two lead pencils and a loose metal pencil sharpener and many scattered colored pencil cap erasers along the front edge of this left upper shelf in front of the Bibles. In understanding, Heidi Rooks said, “I think I see, Flanders. You don’t just read the Holy Bible; you study the Holy Bible.”
To further explain his multiplicity of King James Bibles, he told her, “I go through the Scriptures, and I underline passages that stand out to me with my pencils, and I write notes in the margins about those underlined passages with my pencils. I do this every day of my walk with Christ, verse by verse, and chapter by chapter and book by book. And when I finish the whole Bible cover to cover, it is all done for good. And then I put it here with the others on this closet shelf for forever.”
Most discerning to his words, Heidi went on to say, “I bet when you finish one King James Bible, you want your next King James Bible to not have any underlinings in it already from before.
Page 9
You probably want your new King James Bible to be clean and all ready for your new underlinings for your new reading of your Bible. That is why you have so many of the exact same Bibles. And I bet that each Bible reading you do cover to cover probably does not have all the same underlinings that you make with your pencils each time. And the notes that you make with your pencils are all different, too, one Holy Bible to another Holy Bible.”
“You already know me so well, Heidi, hardly after we just got to know each other,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Where did you go and buy all of these Bibles, Flanders?” asked the maillot girlfriend.
“From all of the bookstores in the area,” he said, “Barnes and Noble, Walden Books, B. Dalton’s, Little Professor Bookstore, Christian Book Shoppe, Lighthouse Christian Bookstore.”
He also said, “I also got some from Baptist ministries like “Bearing Precious Seed,” and “Northland Bible Ministries,” and “Regular Baptist Press.”
She then turned to look to his high shelf on the right hand side of his closet. She said, “What are these books here, Flanders? They look even bigger than any of your Bibles.”
“These are my department store catalogs from many years of collecting them each year as they came out,” he said.
She read the spines throughout this shelf to the right: “J.C. Penney’s,” “Sears,” “Montgomery Wards,” and “Spiegel’s.” And she said, “Ah, the good old days, Flanders. I remember these great big catalogs from my earliest days of life.”
“I heard that these heavy catalogs made a bad day at work for the mailmen who had to deliver them house to house the days that they came out,” said Flanders.
“Is that true, Flanders?” asked Heidi Rooks.
“I really think so,” he said. “That’s what I heard long ago.”
“What makes these catalogs such a treasure to you as to put them here with all of your Bibles?”
Page 10
asked the maillot girlfriend.
“Why, the maillot women in those catalogs indeed, Heidi,” told Flanders Miss Rooks.
“Of course,” said Heidi. “I should know that in you. My man and his maillots.” And she lifted up a shoulder strap from her maillot in indication.
And they spent the rest of their date together in Flanders’s closet as they looked at old swimwear fashions from old catalogs.
On their next date, they walked arm-in-arm to the Legion Park Pool. It was dark of night, and the pool was bright with lights. As they stood at the pool’s edge, they hesitated. Flanders said, “You’re not going to get your pretty maillot all wet. Are you, Heidi?”
“Forbid the thought that a woman get her swimsuit wet, boyfriend,” teased the maillot girl.
“It looks really good dry on you,” he said.
“But it will look even better wet on me, Flanders,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“Then do let us both jump in together, girlfriend,” said Flanders. And they jumped in here at this shallow end of the pool. The water was up to their bellies. She lowered all of herself below water and came back up again on her feet. And her swimsuit did indeed look more provocative now that it was all wet. They splashed around and had a great time together in the pool. Neither Heidi nor Flanders knew how to swim; so they stayed at this shallow end of the pool. Indeed these lights shining down upon Heidi Rooks in this dark of night in all of this water tempted Flanders to take his eyes off of God. She would look not so good even were it yellow daylight of sun shining down upon her and her maillot. She struck him as a seductress, but she did not know that. All of those times that he had so enjoyed going to the swimwear racks at all the stores were so fun; this date with Heidi Rooks here in her swimsuit was so much more the fun. “A penny for your thoughts, boyfriend,” said Heidi, and she pushed her arm through the water and splashed his front.
“I’ll take a dollar for my thoughts,” he said, and he splashed Miss Rooks across her front the
Page 11
same way with his arm. And he told her, “I was making a temptress of you in my thoughts, Heidi.”
“A girl like me likes to hear a guy like you to say that,” she said.
“And I was thinking about women’s swimwear racks,” he said. “I call them ‘gardens.’”
“Gardens,” she said, liking the sound of that. “Montgomery Wards has a dazzling ‘garden,’ Flanders.”
“They first come out for the year the first of February,” he said. “They are all real expensive then. And as the weeks go by, more and more swimsuits come out for the year on the rack. The selection keeps getting bigger and bigger. And they peak at the first week of June. By July, they start diminishing. And as the weeks go by, fewer and few swimsuits are on these racks. And they all start to get real cheap then. Soon the swimwear has to share a rack with other clearance clothes. And by October, they almost gone for the year. Most maillots are made of Nylon/Spandex. Old-time maillots used to be made of Nylon/Lycra Spandex. Some nowadays are made of Polyamide/Elastane. Some are made of Polyester. They are all made overseas—some in China; some in Vietnam; some in the Philippines. These modern days, all maillots have inner liners to them—either tan or black or white—and they cover the entire front inside. Some have liners inside that also cover the whole back as well. In old days of maillots on the rack, the only inner liner was the tan crotch liner. And I found out that a maillot with a skirt portion is called a ‘swim dress.’ Besides the word ‘maillots’ one-piece swimsuits are also called ‘tanks’ and ‘surplices.’”
“You’ve learned much about us women’s swimsuits from looking at all of them in all of the stores, Flanders,” said Heidi. “But your girlfriend knows something about them in her Mom’s young days that you do not.”
“You know something about them that I do not, Heidi?” he asked. “I dare you to tell me.”
“I’ll tell you a story first, Flanders,” she said.
“Tell me the story,” he said.
Page 12
“Mom, who was pregnant with me, and Dad went to the sandy shore of Lake Michigan one day up in Door County. They both had their swimsuits on—Dad in his trunks, and Mom in her one-piece swimsuit. And Mom went into labor, alone with Dad in the middle of nowhere. That was I. I, Flanders, was born that day on a sandy beach. Dad did real good. And Mom was okay. And I was okay. And Mom’s maillot was in the sand next to her. They had already agreed that if I were a girl, my name would be ‘Heidi.’ So I was born ‘Heidi Rooks.’ But they had a need for a middle name to give me. Neither had thought about that. Dad picked up Mom’s maillot, prayed to God to find a middle name for their new little girl, and did go on to read the label inside of Mom’s one-piece swimsuit. It said, ‘Made of Antron Nylon/Lycra Spandex.’ Mom took a look at the label, too. Dad asked Mom, ‘Antron?’ And Mom said, ‘Yes. Antron.’ So that became my middle name.”
“Heidi Antron Rooks,” said Flanders in sweet savor of full name.
“All from a swimsuit tag,” said Heidi.
“My maillot girlfriend’s middle name came from her mom’s own maillot,” said Flanders.
“Now you know something about one-piece swimsuits before our time, Flanders,” said Heidi.
“That they were made of Antron Nylon/Lycra Spandex,” he said. “That group of four words is as pretty as your group of three names.”
“I always love it when Mom and Dad tell me the story every time,” said Miss Rooks.
“Truth is stranger than fiction, girl,” said Flanders Nickels.
They then went on to splash and roughhouse and laugh together in the public pool until the pool officials said that the pool was closing for the night. Then they walked back together, wet, and hugging each other with an arm around their sides—she to her place; and he to his place.
On their next date, Heidi invited him to come to her place so she could show him her bedroom closet this time. The Holy Spirit told Flanders, “Do not go there on the date, My son.” Flanders listened, pondered, disobeyed God. He went there anyway. Her closet was a mystery that filled him
Page 13
with thoughts of maillots maybe hanging on closet hooks. After all, what American girl did not have pretty swimsuits hanging all along in her bedroom closet? Maybe Heidi might have some exciting things to show him therein. Surely more pretty sexy maillots! Reader, take note. The boyfriend was saved, living for God. The girlfriend was unsaved, living for the world. Flanders’s expectations did not match Heidi’s expectations. He wanted to see all of her clothes. She wanted carnal satisfaction.
He needed to share Jesus with her. She desired a fling in her closet. His Father was God. Her father was the Devil. And in disobeying God’s Holy Spirit, Flanders was asking for trouble.
And here he was in his maillot girlfriend’s bedroom closet alone with his maillot girlfriend.
Alas, there were no swimsuits in her closet—just the fetching swimsuit that she had on right now.
And even though she had hangers and chests full of women’s clothes, which she showed all to him, these clothes seemed uninspiring compared to her one-piece swimsuit of alphabet letters. Young man and young woman sat down side-by-side on the carpet of the closet floor. He began to lust after her one-piece swimsuit with impure thoughts new to him and not from God. The Holy Spirit told him the truth about immorality, “It’s not what it is cut out to be.” And that he heard, pondered, and this time kept in his heart to the edification of his thoughts. Not knowing what to do now that he was in her closet, he sought for an opportune time to leave without hurting her feelings.
But Heidi Antron Rooks came on like an aggressor with the wiles of a lascivious young woman.
Alone with him in her bedroom closet, the maillot girlfriend said, “We’ve got nothing to lose. Let’s have some real fun now, Flanders.” she said.
He knew exactly what kind of real fun that she was talking about. He leaned his body back a little to get away from this true seductress of a woman so close to him as she put herself. Not giving up easily, the maillot girlfriend said, “Flanders, let it all go and have all of me finally.”
“My body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, Heidi,” he told her.
“We can become one body right now here in my closet,” she said.
Page 14
Strong in the Lord, Flanders moved himself back a foot away from Heidi Rooks in her closet, and he quoted Scripture, saying, “’Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.’ I Corinthians 3:16-17.”
“My boyfriend, the twenty-nine-year-old virgin,” Heidi said in disfavor toward Flanders.
“Indeed as I should be until my wedding night,” he said in righteousness. “And I do not plan on getting married anytime soon.”
“Rome was not conquered in one day, Flanders,” said Heidi Rooks. “Start with my stomach. Look how nice and flat it is. See how my maillot covers it with its sensual fabric. Wouldn’t you at least reach out your hand and run it down my sexy belly? Surely that would be fun that is okay with you and with your God. Just try it once. And feel what you never felt in any of your worship with God.”
“Woman, you do not fool me,” said Flanders. And he quoted more Bible verses for himself, saying, “’I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.’ Romans 12:1-2.” Having said this Scripture, Flanders moved himself away from Heidi now to the far back of the closet, sitting now three feet away from the girl.
“Man, I feel bad for you,” said the lost maillot girlfriend. “You do not let yourself go and have any fun,”
“I do go and let myself have fun, Heidi,” he said. “I get to read the Bible. I get to pray to my Heavenly Father. I get to go my Baptist church down the road.”
“Oh, but a man needs to have fun just for the sake of fun,” said Miss Rooks, determined to find her licentious fulfillment with her boyfriend right here and right now.
Page 15
“Not if that fun is a sin against the holy God,” he said, solid like a rock of Christ.
“Flanders, you moved yourself so far away from me in this closet,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“I feel like I may have to move myself out of this closet if you keep up with this,” he said.
“Well, at least, touch one of my swimsuit cups,” she said. “Better yet, both of my swimsuit cups.”
“I will not touch a woman’s breasts,” he said.
And at once he got to his feet before the sitting maillot girlfriend.
She implored him, “At least do it for me, if you could, boyfriend.”
And he recited scripture for this moment, saying, “’Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock. And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.’ Matthew 7:24-27.”
She now stood up before him, a most sexual look in her eyes, and she put her right hand upon her maillot upon her most private place, and she said a most erotic, “Touch the–”
“Stifle, wench, in the name of the Lord!” he rebuked her. Finding himself in the same situation that righteous Joseph had found himself with his own seductress Potiphar’s wife, Flanders quoted godly Joseph’s words of Genesis 39:9 point-black hard back against the maillot girlfriend: “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?”
Saying no more, Flanders Nickels fled fornication, marching triumphantly and victoriously out of the closet and out of the bedroom and out of the apartment and out of the building and back home, for forever.
Page 16
Having lost the best boyfriend that a woman could have and all alone now for now on and remorseful for what she had done to him, Heidi Antron Rooks wept and said to God, “I was wrong, and Flanders was right.” She did not deserve good Flanders. He deserved better than herself, who was so bad. And the former maillot girlfriend cried with herself for her broken heart.
Without Flanders in her life all of a sudden after these few so happy days past with him always there for her, Heidi began to see Flanders’s true integrity for what it was worth. He was a true man of God who indeed loved his Saviour most of all. And though Flanders was a fun guy to flirt with, he would never do anything immoral with her. What Flanders said, Flanders did do. There was no hypocrisy in him. Things that she began to see in him now were things much like Jesus was. And how mightily did that Christian boyfriend so forcefully put down her every advance that day in the closet. Indeed, he could never be seduced. He was pure, clean, innocent. So just and right he was in having run away from her when she had sought fornication with him. Maybe it was time for her to go and seek the Saviour that saved his soul. Surely her soul needed all the saving that a Saviour like Jesus could do for her. And Heidi Antron Rooks, the maillot girl, now knew about herself that she needed to become a born-again believer like her former Christian boyfriend. But who other than Flanders Nickels could lead her to Christ? She had quite chased him away out of his life with her harlot’s ways.
Could a good Christian like Flanders forgive her if she came back to him to apologize and beg for his forgiveness and ask him to get her soul saved from her sins? She was now so suddenly fearful of going to Hell. Flanders was so going to Heaven. She so needed to go to Heaven. In her first prayer of her life, the maillot girl asked, “Lord, could you ask Flanders to forgive me?” Then, with crazy hopes for the best, Heidi Rooks went to seek Flanders for reconciliation.
Heidi found him at Wells Park, the little park of DePere next to the Fox River that had only one picnic table. He was in his favorite place of the park–that riverbank of shrubs in its shade of a hot summer afternoon. He was sitting upon “his” big flat rock with his index card of Bible verses on his
Page 17
lap and with his bare feet in the river.
His face looking outward toward the river, he could not see her standing behind him up on Front Street. With great anxiety she called forth, “Flanders?”
He turned back to look up at her. A happy look was upon his face toward her. And he called back, “Fair Heidi.”
“I came to apologize, and I came to tell you that what I did will never happen between us again,” she said.
He said, “I’ve missed you. I’ve prayed for you every day since. It is good to see you again.”
“Are you glad to see me right now, Flanders?” she asked.
“I am glad to see you again, comely Heidi,” he said in sweet affection.
“I came to you, because I know now that I need to become a born-again believer,” said the maillot girl.
“That is the most exciting thing that you ever said to me,” he said.
“Could you help a wayward woman to get saved, Flanders?” she asked.
“This day I see a loving God Who answers a lonely man’s most effectual fervent prayers for a wonderful maillot girlfriend,” said Flanders.
“A maillot girlfriend and not just a maillot girl?” asked Heidi Rooks.
“Yes, pretty Heidi, a maillot girlfriend once again and no longer just a maillot girl,” he said to her.
Heidi Rooks began to shed tears of joy amid sniffling.
“Heidi, you’re crying,” he said with tenderness.
“It’s a happy cry, boyfriend,” she said. “I’m yours to lead to Christ.”
“Would you come down and join me on my flat rock here in the shade, Heidi?” he asked. She stopped crying and sat down beside him.
Page 18
And Flanders now began his work in the Lord for the soul of Heidi: He began, “The first thing that we all need to know about ourselves is that we are sinners.”
“Sin is a bad thing,” said Miss Rooks.
“Sin can be doing a bad deed or thinking a bad thought or saying a bad word,” he taught her.
“That’s I, Flanders,” she said. “I cursed out a swear word at the cars on South Broadway Street on my way here when I had to wait so long just to cross the road.”
“That’s a sin,” he agreed.
“I am a sinner,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“The second thing that we need to know is that God loves us. His love is so great for us that He gave His only begotten Son to die on the cross of Calvary to pay for our sins,” preached Flanders.
“This only begotten Son of God—that’s the Lord Jesus Christ. Isn’t it?” asked Heidi Rooks.
“It is, Heidi,” he said.
“Does that mean that God actually died for me?” asked Miss Rooks.
“Yes, Heidi,” said Flanders. “And Jesus did not wait for any of us to clean up our lives first. He willingly died for all of us while we were yet full of sin.”
“Then you’re saying that the perfect God went and died on purpose for the imperfect me,” said Heidi Rooks.
“To save us from our sins,” said Flanders.
“The sinless Lord died for the sinful Heidi,” said the maillot girlfriend, understanding this truth.
“God hates the sin, but loves the sinner,” said Flanders.
“His love for me is even greater than Mom and Dad’s love for me, Flanders,” said Heidi.
“God’s love for us is called ‘agape love,’ and that is perfect love,” said Flanders.
“I do not deserve that, but I am sure glad that I get it,” said Heidi. “God is a God of love.”
“The next thing that we need to know, Heidi, is how Christ Jesus died for us,” said Flanders.
Page 19
“You were saying something about the cross of Calvary,” said Miss Rooks. “What is the cross about?”
“The cross was where Jesus shed His blood to pay the price for our sins,” said Flanders.
“The Lord Jesus bled for me?” asked Heidi.
“By way of crucifixion, Heidi,” said Flanders. “The blood that the Lord Jesus shed on the cross was perfect and pure and sinless. That was the only thing that could redeem all of us.”
“Crucifixion sounds like a bad way to die,” said Heidi Rooks.
“The Roman soldiers nailed Christ’s hands and feet with spikes onto a vertical beam and onto a horizontal beam connected to it near its top. His arms were spread outward with his hands nailed to the horizontal beam, and his legs were stretched straight down with his feet nailed to the vertical beam. This was the old rugged cross.”
“’The Old Rugged Cross’…that’s a hymn. Isn’t it?” asked the maillot girlfriend.
“Indeed one of my favorites,” said Flanders.
“This cross is because of my sins,” she said, most discerningly. “I wonder why I do all the sins that I do.”
“That is the next thing that we need to know, Heidi,” he said. “We all sin, because we choose to sin. We people sin by nature, and we sin by choice. It all started with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.”
“They were the first two people that God had created,” said Heidi.
“They were the father and the mother of all mankind,” said Flanders Nickels. “By doubting the Word of God and by believing the Devil, Adam and Even went on to disobey God. God had told them, ‘Do not eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Yet Adam and Eve went on to eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This was mankind’s first sin. And sin brought forth decay upon their human bodies, and they began to age now, and they had to someday die. And
Page 20
Adam and Eve’s sins were passed down generation to generation ever since to all families of all people of all places of all the ages. Because we sin, we have to die. That’s what funerals are all about.”
“I did hear one time that sins’ wages are death,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“Indeed sins’ wages are also the second death, Heidi,” said Flanders.
“Is that worse?” she asked.
“The first death is the physical death. The second death is being cast into the lake of fire,” said Flanders.
“The lake of fire is Hell. Isn’t it?” asked Miss Rooks.
“It comes after Hell and is even hotter,” he said.
“That’s the worst,” she said. “And because I sin I am someone who has to go down there.”
“The next thing that we need to know is that we do not have to die and go to Hell,” he said. “God wants to give all of us an escape, a deliverance, a way to stay out of Hell. And it is Jesus Who offers all of us salvation from Hell and also salvation for Heaven. Just come to Him and accept His free gift of eternal life. But take heed: this salvation cannot be bought nor earned nor paid for. Good and pretty Heidi, this salvation can be ours only as a present. All we have to do to get this free gift of everlasting life is to ask for it and to accept it. But you have to do this in this life. If you wait to do this until your life to come, when you are already in Hell, it is too late. Once down in Hell there is never a way out of Hell. To get to Heaven, you have to accept Christ’s gift in this life.”
“Easter must be all about this living God,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“The day that Christ arose from the dead,” said Flanders. “On the third day.”
“That’s impossible. But it is not impossible for Jesus the Lord,” said Miss Rooks.
“You’re right. I love to call the resurrection ‘the Easter miracle,’” said Flanders.
“A girl like me can now say that Christ died and rose again,” said Heidi.
“The Gospel,” said Flanders in sum.
Page 21
“I believe,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“That’s the next thing that we need to know in order to be saved—the resurrection,” he said.
“I have to admit, Flanders, that I had heard things about Jesus before—bits and pieces throughout my life—but I never really did anything about Him,” said the maillot girlfriend. “It is time now that I do something about Him. I want Jesus!”
“You had the Saviour of the world in your head all of these years, Heidi. Now is the time that you move the Saviour of the world down one foot to your heart,” said Flanders.
“I believe, Flanders, that if I were the only sinner in a world of sinless people that Jesus still would have gone to the cross to save me. And I also believe that if I were the only person of all the Earth and there was no one else on the planet that Jesus would still have gone to the cross for me,” said Heidi Rooks, confessing the first part of the Gospel. “Is that what you mean by bringing Jesus Christ down into my heart, Flanders?”
“This day so great salvation is very near upon a precious maillot girlfriend,” said Flanders.
“And I know that death could not keep the Lord dead,” confessed Heidi the second part of the Gospel.
“Let us go and get a real neat girl born again, pretty maillot girlfriend,” said Flanders.
“Tell me what to do to become a born-again believer, and I will do it,” said Heidi Antron Rooks in all good faith.
“We will pray the sinners’ prayer. I will say a line. Then you will repeat the line. It will take only a moment. And when we are done you will have become a born-again Christian like myself,” said Flanders.
“Lead your maillot girlfriend to the Saviour, boyfriend,” said Heidi Rooks.
And the following was the prayer that Flanders led Heidi to salvation with: “Dear Father in Heaven: I am a dirty rotten sinner before You. I am flesh and blood in all of its ungodliness, and You
Page 22
are Spirit and Truth in all of its Goodness. I should die in my sins and go to Hell paying for them for forever. But instead You died for me to keep me from having to go down there. God died for me!
And yet God lives today. That is You, Jesus. Very great is Your grace and Your mercy. I ask You now to look down upon a lost young lady and to hear her cry of confession and apology and repentance. Please save my lost soul. And keep me from the lake of fire. And prepare for me a place in Heaven. Only You can do all of that. As good Christians love to say, Father, ‘Jesus saves!’ Thank You, Lord God. In Jesus’s name I pray. Amen.”
She looked up from her prayer and paused to admire her place of so great salvation come upon her. The rock with the flat top was divine. The shade in this sun was divine. The flowing waters were divine. Everything now was divine. She said, “Flanders, this worship site that you have found is most Godly comforting.”
“All the more so that my maillot girlfriend has just become born again in this place, Heidi,” said her boyfriend.
“I feel most strangely happy now,” she said.
“All is well with your soul now.” he said. “That’s why.”
“And I feel peace that I have never felt before,” she said.
“That’s because you now have the Holy Spirit of God indwelling you, Heidi,” he told her.
“God is now in me,” she said, understanding.
“You have become born again into the family of God,” he said to her.
“I want to go and read the Bible. And I want to go and pray. And I want to go to a good church,” she said.
“My good and faithful new maillot-girlfriend-in-the-Lord,” Flanders Nickels praised her. “So great and manifest conversion has this day come upon you.”
“And I like it a lot, Flanders,” said Miss Heidi Rooks.
Page 23
“So do I, O wonderful Heidi,” said Flanders Nickels. “You have become a maillot lady now.”
“Then I shall be your maillot lady girlfriend for now on, cute Flanders,” said Miss Rooks, promising him her new life as a daughter of God living for Christ.
She then looked down upon his Bible. He did the same. She reached forth her hand to it. She asked, “May I?” He nodded. And she picked it up in both hands. She opened it. Wonder was in her countenance. And she asked, “Could we read from the Bible together out loud, Flanders, you and I, right here outside where people might hear us?”
He nodded zealously and looked into where she had his Bible open. It was Luke chapter one, the big New Testament chapter with eighty verses. “The first of two chapters in Luke that tell the Christmas story,” he told her.
“Luke chapter two also tells about Christmas?” she asked.
“Uh huh,” he said with another nod.
“That’s called ‘the First Coming of Christ.’ Isn’t it?” she asked.
“Also ‘the First Advent of Christ,’” he said.
“Let’s read all about Christmas together out loud, Luke chapter one and two,” requested the born-again maillot girlfriend-in-Christ.
And Flanders and Heidi did so, enjoying to the uttermost their first fellowship as boyfriend-and-girlfriend.
It was a month later now. The maillot girlfriend had shared fellowship of Bible study and prayer meeting and going to the Baptist church down the road together with Flanders now already quite faithfully. And she had also established a daily quiet time alone with God in Bible readings and prayers with Him in her apartment. Indeed it was written about her in Colossians 1:27, ‘…; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory:’ That is, this maillot girlfriend Heidi Antron Rooks was living for the glory of
Page 24
God, striving to attain her potential that God had in her. She even was ready to try out Thursday Evening Visitation door to door with the other women of the Baptist church. And right off she was living for Jesus just as much as her boyfriend Flanders was. She was a glowing testimony of what God can do to a person upon becoming born again.
And Flanders’s birthday came up. His maillot girlfriend had chosen to surprise Flanders with a veritable “birthday present of birthday presents.” Truly it was a plethora of birthday presents, all coming in the one day, and all still in their shipping packages. She filled his bedroom with a bounty of shipping boxes and their labels and shipping packages with their labels, indeed twelve packages without wrapping paper and all in their original shipping containers. As Flanders and Heidi looked upon all of these mysteries to Flanders, he beheld three cardboard boxes about four feet by one-and-one-half feet by one-and-one-half feet, and he looked upon three plastic packages that could fit inside a person’s large mailbox, and he saw three three plastic packages that could fit inside a person’s little mailbox, and he noticed also three tiny boxes the size of index card boxes. He saw also here in this bedroom, a tray of magic markers and Scotch tape and a box cutter and a few index cards and a scissors. “Girlfriend, what’s the tray for?” asked Flanders.
“Boyfriend, that tray is for me to make your best birthday present ever all ready for you when I am done working with it today,” said Heidi Rooks.
“When do you think that all of this will be ready?” he asked, excited like a boy waiting to open Christmas presents.
“It will take not long,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“Can I stay and watch?” he asked.
“No, boyfriend. You will have to not be in here when I am making all of these things ready,” said Miss Rooks.
“When can I come back in?” he asked.
Page 25
“When I am all done,” she said.
“What are all of these birthday presents?” he asked.
In subtle hint, she said, “These twelve birthday presents that you see on the floor of your bedroom now will make three birthday presents all complete in themselves.”
“So, the sooner I leave, the sooner I can come back,” he said.
“Yes, Flanders,” said the maillot girlfriend in tease.
“May I stay near the bedroom door and listen?” he asked.
“No, funny boyfriend. You will have to leave your apartment,” she said.
“Far?” he asked.
“If you want, near,” she said.
“Whatever you have for me on this birthday of mine, Heidi, I know that it will be the best thing to happen for me since the day you got saved,” said Flanders.
“Boyfriend, this is as fun for me as it is for you,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“Time for the birthday man to leave his girlfriend-in-maillot to herself,” said Flanders. And he left his bedroom and shut the door and walked out of his apartment and shut that door began to pace the hallway of this apartment building in prayer of most pleasing conjectures with the Lord.
Alone now in his bedroom, the maillot girlfriend began to open up the packages. The big cardboard boxes contained women mannequins that needed to be assembled. The big packages contained women’s maillots. The little packages contained women’s wigs. And the tiny boxes contained necklaces. All three were going to become three magnificent mannequins that would be like unto his own living maillot girlfriend.
He paced and prayed and guessed for a whole hour there in the hallway outside his closed apartment door. Then his pretty Heidi Rooks opened his apartment door, and she said, “Come on in and ‘Happy Birthday,’ Flanders.” And he came into his apartment and up to his bedroom door and
Page 26
saw that door now open for him in invitation. He ran the short distance to his bedroom and came in. Lo, presents of presents! Behold, three maillot girl mannequins all side by side and lined up together in a straight line along the wall of his room!
He gazed upon this menagerie in all of its vivid details. Their eyes were so lifelike. Their complexion was so nice and white. They all stood, taller than himself. And they were all duly thin. And their stands were all glass platforms with brackets that attached to a socket in the back of their ankles. And their feet were raised at the heels above the glass bases, themselves standing upon their toes.
The mannequin on the farthest left was dressed in a solid white one-piece swimsuit. Her wig made her a silver fox. Both of her arms were straight down at her sides. Around her neck was a necklace that had a circle with a “Q” on it. Taped upon the base by her feet were two handwritten magic marker index cards–the one above reading “My virtual girl”; and the one below reading “Quinn.” The “Q” on the necklace surely stood for Quinn, the name that Heidi had given to this girl mannequin.
The mannequin in the middle was dressed in an American flag patterned one-piece swimsuit. Her wig made her a brunette. Her one arm was bent at the elbow, and her other arm was straight down at her side. Around her neck was a necklace with a circle with a “G” on it. Taped upon this glass foundation were two magic marker index cards—one that read, “My virtual lass” and one that read “Gretchen.” The “G” on the necklace stood for “Gretchen.”
The mannequin on the right was dressed in a solid black one-piece swimsuit. Her wig made her a redhead. Both of her arms were bent at the elbow. And around her neck was a necklace that had a circle with an “M” on it. And two magic marker index cards were taped down upon this glass base. The one read “My virtual woman.” and the other read, “Mannie.” The “M” stood for “Mannie.”
“Are you happy on your thirtieth birthday, Flanders?” asked the real maillot girlfriend.
Page 27
“Of all the things that were given to me, dear Heidi, only Christ’s free gift of eternal life means more to me that this that you have given me this day,” said Flanders. “How can I thank you enough for such a spellbinding and enchanting present?”
“I think that this day I have found competition over the affections of my boyfriend,” said Heidi Rooks in flirt.
“You will always be my favorite maillot girlfriend, Heidi,” he said right back.
“Do you love the names that I gave your new maillot girlfriends, Flanders?” asked Miss Rooks.
“I do. And I get them,” he said, “’Mannie’ and ‘Quinn,’ as in ‘mannequin.’ And ‘Gretchen’
as in my favorite name for a woman.”
“I know my Christian boyfriend well,” said the real maillot girlfriend.
“I may not be one to hug and kiss virtual maillot girls,” he said. “But could I be one today to hug and kiss a real maillot girl?”
“A real maillot girl would like that a lot more than a virtual maillot girl could, boyfriend,” said Heidi Antron Rooks.
And boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ, swept up in romance of the moment, hugged long and kissed sweetly.
“Happy Birthday, Flanders,” said Heidi Antron Rooks.
“Thank you, Heidi,” said Flanders Arckery Nickels.
Page 28
