Novels

“Jenney Penney Halsey, a professional woman gymnast in a long-sleeved patriotic American flag patterned women’s gymnastics leotard, has a boyfriend named Flanders Arckery Nickels, a soldier-for-Christ with his Bronze Bow and Brass Arrows and Deerhide Quiver.  Both are most spiritual and faithful born-again Christians living for God.  Jenney’s friend Tracey, a woman boxer,  needs Christ in her life.  And Tracey’s boyfriend Proffery , an all-star wrestler, also needs Christ in his life.  Flanders, because he sought to win souls of any who would listen, offended a unicorn and a griffin and a dragon, who each come after him to do battle with him.”

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Lady Jenny Joy Jubilee and Sir Flanders Arckery Nickels, the world’s only two born-again Christians in the world of the tribulation, wish for a companion in their lives.    Lady Jennifer is a woman of De Pere, Wisconsin.

Sir Flanders is the illustrious Griffin Keeper of the Fifty-First State, a paradise in Upper Michigan.  The ministry of the Griffin Keeper and his twelve griffins is to slay in battle the dread four unicornmen and their four unicorns of the apocalypse.  And the born-again believer Flanders wields the famous LongSpear created by God for this mission.

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Tracy Pie Chart, the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend, wears her yellow and red chevron-patterned one-piece swimsuit everyday.  Her beloved pet is a golden hind named ‘Demoiselle.’  And the maillot girl, though a good born-again Christian, has unforsaken sin in her life that has brought about into her life a demonic persecutor named ‘The Great Dark Griffin.’  Her boyfriend Flanders Arckery Nickels is also a good born-again believer, and he has a dear pet centaur named ‘Sieur.’  Flanders, also, needs to repent of a certain sin, his sin having brought into his life the demon called ‘The Great Dark Unicorn.’  For Tracy and Flanders, in order to rid themselves of their evil foes, they must first repent of their sins in their Christian walk.
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Flanders Nickels and his cheerleader girlfriend Tracy Haley Majesty are born-again De Pere High School sophomores in 1992. He has a pet winged horse named ‘Year.’ She has a pet winged unicorn named ‘Decade.’ He is the famous Griffin Slayer for God. She is the virtuous head varsity football cheerleader. He wields a mace for God, and she shakes a pom pom for God. But their days as boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ are troubled by sudden gray griffin attacks. And most troubling of all and most evil of all is the knight demon who does send these gray griffins of his to go get Flanders and Tracy.”

Flanders Nickels, a Christian writer, is dating Aphrodite Dea Tea, a nonChristian singer.  Proffery Coins, a Christian drawer, is dating Bitsy Shea Windemereshire, a nonChristian woman gymnast.  And Regal Sixpence, a Christian soul-winner, is dating Redde Steady Westminster, a non-Christian woman boxer.  The saved men are dating unsaved women.  This makes the men unequally yoked together with their girlfriends.  God disapproves of this.  And the Good and holy Lord has to rebuke them to make them live for God as He wills.