The Daughters of Aphrodite—Gravel, Gretchen, Grandy, Grey, and Gree—are called of God to protect The Tome of Hymns, the world’s last hymnbook. They must keep safe this last hymnal from the griffins, the demons, who want to burn it up with fire from their beaks. Beelzebub—the griffin of griffins—wants to take hymns out of this Earth. To share in this ministry of the five Daughters of Aphrodite, their five unicorns and their five warrior boyfriends must take on these griffins in great battle between good and evil. And the final battle between good and evil takes place in the Palatial Palace—the home of Aphrodite and her daughters.
The Daughters of Aphrodite
Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
The Table of Contents
Chapter I….………………………………………………………………………………………..Page 1
Chapter II…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 12
Chapter III…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 24
Chapter IV…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 37
Chapter V…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 50
Chapter VI…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 63
Chapter VII………………………………………………………………………………………..Page 76
Chapter VIII………………………………………………………………………………………Page 90
Chapter IX……………………………………………………………………………………….Page 104
Chapter X…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 116
Chapter XI……………………………………………………………………………………….Page 134
Chapter XII………………………………………………………………………………………Page 151
Chapter XIII……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 167
Chapter XIV……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 181
Chapter XV………………………………………………………………………………………Page 196
Chapter XVI……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 211
Chapter XVII…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 226
Chapter XVIII……………………………………………………………………………………Page 241
Chapter XIX……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 256
Chapter XX………………………………………………………………………………………Page 272
Chapter XXI……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 288
Chapter XXII…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 303
CHAPTER I
Aphrodite and her five daughters were gathered together in fellowship in the attic of their house. All six were faithful and true born-again Christians living mightily for Christ their Saviour.
At fifty years of age, it was rightfully said that Aphrodite was the most beautiful woman in the world. And the Daughters Of Aphrodite were aptly said to be the most fair of all matriarchs’ daughters everywhere. Their names were “Gravel” and “Gretchen” and “Grandy” and “Grey” and “Gree.”
As mother, so like daughters: All six had pretty unblemished white complexions and brown eyes and brown hair; all six were five feet eight inches in height and one hundred twenty pounds in weight; and all six were cheerleaders in black and in an alternate color distinctive to each, Aphrodite herself in black and green. The oldest Daughter Of Aphrodite was Gravel at thirty years of age. Next came Gretchen, who was twenty-seven years old. Then came Grandy, herself twenty-four years old. After that came Grey, twenty-one years of age. And last came Gree, who was eighteen years old now. This attic was the whole third floor of this great house. This house was world famous; it was called “The Palatial Palace.” And this renowned attic was called of God “The Sanctuary.” This Sanctuary was
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the refuge of the world’s last hymnbook. Indeed the ministry of the Daughters Of Aphrodite for Jesus was to keep safe from the evil griffins this last hymnbook on Earth. And Aphrodite had this only hymnbook locked safe and sound in this attic where no griffin knew of. These evil griffins who were out to get this hymnbook were demons sent by Beelzebub to take out Christian hymns from the Earth. Nothing would make Beelzebub and his wicked griffin demons happier than if they held this church hymnbook in their eagle claws and shot out fire from their eagle beaks and burned up this last vestige of Christian music out of this world. All griffins hated Christ and His music. And all griffins hated the Daughters Of Aphrodite. And all griffins hated all that was in this house and in this attic. This attic the Sanctuary measured one hundred feet by one hundred feet by one hundred feet. Way above their heads where they stood were the rafters of this attic. A Mansard roof formed four slopes of ceiling that joined the wall seventy-five feet up in here. All four walls were covered with wooden paneling. And windows filled all four walls except for the north wall, where there was not one window. As Aphrodite said, “We don’t need any north windows; the sun does not shine in the north.” The windows of the west wall, which let in the light of sunsets and dusks, numbered several sets of three windows each from one side of the wall to the other side of the wall. Each of these sets of windows consisted of one window in the middle which was stationary and one window to each side of this middle window, both of which opened outward laterally with handles at the bases. These windows each consisted of two panes wide by five panes high, each pane about six inches wide by twelve inches tall. Thus each window of the windows of this west wall measured one foot wide by five feet tall. And thus each set of three windows measured three feet wide by five feet tall. The bottoms of these windows were waist high to the girls, and the tops of these windows were over the heads of these girls. And for decoration for these west windows the daughters of Aphrodite had little pumpkin gourds and other little gourds resting upon the sills, these gourds replaced when spoiled. And there were a dozen of these three-window combinations all along this long west wall of the Sanctuary. As for the south wall, which let in
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daylight of high noon, these windows were a more basic combination window. Like the windows that renters found so often in their apartments, these windows had at their bottoms a combination of glass window and screen to accommodate the change of the seasons. For winters, the glass window—the storm window—would be down; for summers, this same storm window would be up, locked its place by tabs securely in notches, and the screen would let in nice comfortable air from the outside. Such were the many windows of this south wall of this attic. These windows had two sections—an upper and a lower—measuring three feet by three feet each. And the whole windows measured three feet wide by six feet high. Their bottoms were at the level of the girls’ knees and their tops were at the level of above the girls’ heads. And for window decorations, the family put a bunch of three Indian corns in their divers colors upon each sill. These windowsills were particularly deep, and there was much room for this Indian corn upon them so as not to fall off. There were a dozen and a half such windows in this south wall of this Sanctuary. As for the east wall of this holy place here on the third floor of this Palatial Palace, where the light of dawn and of sunrise would pour in, were most old world style windows like what a house owner might have were he to buy an old farmhouse. These windows had storm windows which could be pushed open outward with a latch. When opened thus, these windows were outward from the house at an angle from above. Hinges along the top held the tops of the windows in place; and brackets along the sides near the bottoms held the windows in their place when opened. And fold-out screens were put manually in underneath the tops of the inside upper windows to let in outdoor air. These old-fashioned windows measured two-and-three-quarters feet wide by five feet high. They started at the knees of the girls and they ended within arms’ reach of the girls.
And for window decorations, the women had all manner of glass apparatus—beakers and flasks and graduated cylinders and test tubes and retorts. And there were a dozen and a quarter of such windows along this east wall. As for the north wall, here in the sides of the north of this Sanctuary was the treasure book of God—the world’s only hymnbook left on Earth.
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“Shall we sing, my daughters?” asked Aphrodite.
“Let us sing, Mom,” said the daughters of Aphrodite.
And the six illustrious believers walked across the floor up to the holy repository where the hymnbook was safely stored and hidden. This floor of the Sanctuary was of wide dark brown boards of wood which creaked and groaned as the young women walked across it. There was no carpet or rug or mat covering any wood of this floor. It was all bare hardwood. There lay the treasure chest. Right now the light of dusk coming through the many west windows was quickly waning toward twilight.
Aphrodite asked, “Gravel, would you turn on the light?”
And Gravel, the eldest daughter said, “The honor is mine tonight.”
There was only one lamp in this big attic, and it was a great lamp, and it came down from the ceiling and rested way above the floor directly above the treasure chest. It was a pull-down chandelier lamp with a rheostat switch on the wall. This chandelier lamp had incandescent light bulbs—each of them being ten-watt light bulbs—in fact one hundred of them in one grand light. Standing by the exit of this attic room at the edge of this north wall, Gravel turned the rheostat switch all the way on. Lo, one thousand watts of light now shining upon the treasure chest here in the early moments of night outside.
“Amen?” asked Aphrodite.
“Amen!” said the five Daughters Of Aphrodite.
“Open all of them up, Mom,” said Gravel about the whole network involved in getting to the most safe hymnbook for a song session.
The wooden treasure chest measured five feet wide by three feet deep by three-and-one-half feet high. And it was made of the petrified wood called “lignum vitae,” which was as stone in its hardness.
Iron bands banded this treasure chest with utmost security. And chains of steel protected this treasure chest from the stealing away its prize book. And a lock of platinum bound the chains together into one.
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Aphrodite pulled out a platinum skeleton key from her purse and put it into the lock and turned the key.
The lock was unlocked. And the daughters worked together to push the chains out of the way and to heave open the lid and to look down into the treasure chest. There sat the attaché case on its wide side down at the bottom deep within.
“Open up the attaché case, Mom,” said Gretchen in magical inspiration.
Aphrodite pulled out the black attaché case and held it adoringly in her arms against herself. This depository had two locks of three rolling dials each. To unlock this repository, Aphrodite had to first pray to God for this day’s combination, and God would answer her prayer and tell her the right combination to open up this briefcase. This number was different each time. She did so right now. And God told her in His still small voice into her ears, “777.” This number was God’s perfect number of completion. Aphrodite then rolled the two dials to the number “777.” And the two tabs of the case opened up. And Aphrodite opened up this black attaché case. Behold, the gold and silver little box inside.
“Mom, quick, open up the metal box so we can sing,” said Grandy, impatient and full of zeal.
This little gold box and its silver hinges and its silver padlock glistened in the magnificent little lights from the chandelier directly above.
“What time is it?” asked Aphrodite.
Grey said, “I think that it is 8:30 at night, Mom.”
“Ah, I shall proceed with the numbers ‘8-3-0,’” said Aphrodite, appropriating God’s manner of opening this gold and silver treasure box.
And Aphrodite moved the dial on the padlock first to “8,” then back again to “3,” then forward again to “0.” And the padlock opened with a click.
“There it is, Mom!” said Gree even before Aphrodite opened it. The beautiful matriarch opened this last storage box. And there it was.
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Lo, The Tome Of Hymns!
It was a single volume of one thousand hymns. It was a hardcover book with gilt edges to the pages. And it had a thumb index in its fore edge in reference to the category or topic of a collection of hymns in this big book. It was compiled by Aphrodite’s late husband before his untimely demise some time ago. And the cover was black; and the title, green, to match the colors of his wife’s cheerleader uniform of all of their married years together. And it had a black ribbon and a green ribbon with which to bookmark a certain place in this volume of hymns. And it had a dedication, which said, “I dedicate this hymn book first to God, second to my family, last to myself.” All one thousand of these hymns were the good old hymns that the good old churches used to sing from the good old days. This book of hymns commemorated a more early time for America, when people used to go to church on Sunday, and when Christianity was a driving force within the United States for the country’s good, and when Judaeo-Christian values were passed on in the nation’s families from generation to generation.
“Which hymn comes next for us to sing, Mom?” asked Gravel.
“I think that we finished it up again in yesterday’s singing, Big Sister,” said Gretchen.
“Where’s the green ribbon?” asked Gree.
Aphrodite looked and said, “The green ribbon is after hymn 1000.”
“That means that that was the hymn that we got to sing last time,” said Grey. The green ribbon left off right where they had left off in the hymnbook.
“Where’s the black ribbon?” asked Grandy.
Aphrodite looked and said, “This black ribbon is right before hymn 1.”
Gravel said, “That means that the first hymn is the one for us to sing next.” The black ribbon started out where they were to go next in the hymnbook.
“What’s hymn number one about, Mom?” asked Grey.
“It’s called, ‘There’ll Be No Dark Valley,’” said Aphrodite.
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All six remembered this hymn very well right away upon hearing its title.
Grandy said, “Oh good. A hymn all about Heaven.”
“It is really more about Jesus’s return, Little Sister,” said Gretchen.
To this, Grandy said, “I like to think of it as being a Heaven hymn.”
It is written in Psalm 66:1-2, “Make a joyful noise unto God, all ye lands: Sing forth the honour of his name: make his praise glorious.” And this they did. Aphrodite and her five daughters made a joyful noise unto God in singing this good fundamental Baptist hymn:
“1. There’ll be no dark valley when Jesus comes,
There’ll be no dark valley when Jesus comes;
There’ll be no dark valley when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.
To gather His loved ones home,
To gather His loved ones home;
There’ll be no dark valley when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.
2. There’ll be no more sorrow when Jesus comes,
There’ll be no more sorrow when Jesus comes;
But a glorious morrow when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.
To gather His loved ones home,
To gather His loved ones home;
There’ll be no dark valley when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.
3. There’ll be no more weeping when Jesus comes,
There’ll be no more weeping when Jesus comes;
But a blessed reaping when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.
To gather His loved ones home,
To gather His loved ones home;
There’ll be no dark valley when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.
4. There’ll be songs of greeting when Jesus comes,
There’ll be songs of greeting when Jesus comes;
And a joyful meeting when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.
To gather His loved ones home,
To gather His loved ones home;
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There’ll be no dark valley when Jesus comes
To gather His loved ones home.”
This hymn of God finished in today’s song session, Aphrodite moved the green ribbon from the very back of the book to the very front of this book. And she then moved the black ribbon from this hymn number one for the day to the hymn number two for tomorrow.
A most reflective moment of mutual thoughts passed upon these six devout Christian women after having sung this hymn. And Gravel broke the silence and said, “There is no dark valley where Dad is now.”
“Your father is in the Place of light,” said Aphrodite.
“Heaven, where we born-again believers get to go after we die,” said Gretchen.
“Dad was a good man, Mom,” said Gree.
“Your father was a great man,” said Aphrodite.
“No pastor since Dad has ever preached hellfire-and-brimstone like he did,” said Grandy.
“Your father was inspiring a spiritual revival in America just before he passed away,” said Aphrodite.
“Those terrible and horrible griffins, Mom,” said Grey.
“A whole mob doing the will of Beelzebub,” said Grandy.
“Beelzebub said to them, ‘Go get Pastor Hymn real bad,’” said Gravel.
“And they did,” said Gree.
“And we lost Dad,” said Gretchen.
“Your father always said about griffins who threatened him just what the Apostle Paul always said about his enemies the people who opposed his ministry back in that first century,” said Aphrodite. “We all know that verse,”
“Philippians 1:21,” said the five daughters of Aphrodite.
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“For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain,” recited Aphrodite this Bible verse.
It had all taken place against Pastor Hymn when he had obeyed God’s call to go to the central portion of the world and preach against Beelzebub. This center of the Earth was the land between the Euphrates River and the Tigris River. It was here where the griffins were so numerous that they even outnumbered the people in that region of the world. This land was truly “the griffins’ land.” No missionary had ever dared to go there and preach. But Pastor Hymn always went where God had sent him. And this most obedient pastor knew that when he would give his sermons there that he would be preaching almost exclusively to an audience of griffins. But he was not afraid. And he went there. And he began to preach against the wickedness of all griffins everywhere. He spoke of how griffins were also known as “demons,” And he spoke also of how Beelzebub was the chief of griffins. And he spoke of how Beelzebub sent his griffins down to the earth from the first heaven to do his work for them, telling them “Now go down and do something bad.” And he spoke of the destiny of all griffins everywhere as being eternity in the lake of fire. And he reprimanded his whole audience of griffins before him saying to them, “The Lord rebuke you all!”
And it was then that Beelzebub himself came down from the firmament in his most malignant and malicious presence, and he lighted upon the ground behind his soldiers against Christ and all Christians. And Beelzebub challenged the great preacher, “You say to my griffins, ‘The Lord rebuke you all.’ I dare you to say that to me, mortal man of flesh and blood.”
And in a most heroic and courageous stand for Christ, Pastor Hymn said back to him without hesitation, “God Almighty rebuke you, O Beelzebub, griffin of griffins!”
And right after that all of the griffins there turned back to look upon Beelzebub. And Beelzebub commanded his griffins, “Now go get Pastor Hymn real bad.”
And in most evil consensus the whole gang of griffins charged upon Pastor Hymn and ran over him in a mob rage and truly trampled him to death with their great and overpowering griffin forms.
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Indeed was Pastor Hymn quite rent asunder and broken up into pieces. And after this, Beelzebub and his demon griffins rejoiced together in a rejoicing that shook the world.
And after Pastor Hymn’s martyrdom, the revival that he was leading quickly came to an end. The griffins began to take over the world. And pastors who had not the integrity of Pastor Hymn quit the ministry. And the only thing left in the world of this once great revival was this last hymnbook. Only Aphrodite and the five Daughters Of Aphrodite and of Pastor Hymn were left of this family to continue fighting for Christ. And they were not quitters. And their job was to keep safe this only hymnbook of the world out of the claws of the griffins. And they agreed to do so, even if it meant martyrdom for themselves.
As of yet, none of the griffins knew where this The Tome Of Hymns was hidden. Even Beelzebub did not have a clue. But collectively griffins from throughout the world were looking for it. If they were to find it, they were commanded by Beelzebub to shoot fire out of their mouths upon it and to burn it up into very ashes and to take it out of the world of Christians for forever everywhere. The griffins in their war against Christ were diligent and thorough and steadfast. And the Daughters Of Aphrodite and their mother were the griffins’ most targeted focus in this battle between good and evil.
But the Lord of Aphrodite and of the Daughters Of Aphrodite was an utmost sovereign God. It is said of this Almighty in Daniel 4:3, “How great are his signs! And how mighty are his wonders! His kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and his dominion is from generation to generation.” And it is said in Romans 8:31, “What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?” And again it is written about Him in Colossians 1:16, “For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:”
Here in the Sanctuary of the Palatial Palace, after much collective prayer in silence upon all of these things, Aphrodite said, “It is time now to quickly put the good hymnbook back in its treasure
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chest.” All five daughters agreed.
And the matriarch of the great Christian family went ahead to once again secure this last book of its kind back into its repository here in the third floor room of their house. She put the hymnbook back into the gold box and closed it up and locked up its silver padlock. Then she put this gold box back into the black attaché case and shut that up and rolled the barrels of the locks to a random number. Then she put the attaché case back into the treasure chest, and she and her daughters shut down the lid, and they gathered the chains together, and she put the platinum skeleton key to the platinum lock and locked it. And she put the skeleton key back into her purse.
It was time to leave this Sanctuary for now. And the five all turned in for the night. Aphrodite’s bedroom was the second floor of this Palatial Palace. The rest of the living quarters of this Palatial Palace were on the first floor. And the bedrooms of each of the five Daughters Of Aphrodite were single one-room houses right just outside of this Palatial Palace in seventy-two degree angles one from another and connected to the Palatial Palace with short sidewalks and with cement steps.
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CHAPTER II
The five Daughters Of Aphrodite were on a walk together down the country highway County Trunk ZZZ. Nice pastoral and peaceful countryside abounded out here near to their great house. Being cheerleaders, each was dressed in a long-sleeved cheerleader sweater with cuffs and with a hem that covered the waist tightly, and with a box-pleated cheerleader skirt reaching nearly to the knees, and with cheerleader socks that went up to nearly the knees and with canvas cheerleader sneakers, and with cheerleader ribbons in her long pretty straight brown hair. Gravel’s cheerleader colors were black and white. Gretchen’s cheerleader colors were black and brown. Grandy’s cheerleader colors were black and blue. Grey’s cheerleader colors were black and gray. And Gree’s cheerleader colors were black and orange. And each of these cheerleaders had a chenille emblem with a megaphone and with her name spelled out.
“God is good,” said Grandy.
“And God is light,” said Gretchen.
“And God is truth,” said Gravel.
“And God is love,” said Grey.
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“And God is holy,” said Gree.
“There are so many Godly things that our God is,” said Grey.
“These things are called ‘divine attributes,’” said Gravel.
“The Bible commands us to praise God for His divine attributes,” said Gretchen.
“Then it goes to say that the Bible also commands us to thank God for His divine blessings,” said Grandy.
“It is written,” recited Gravel Scripture about praise and thanksgiving, “’Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.’ Psalm 100:4.”
Gree went on to say, “Dad used to preach that ‘praising God’ is ‘extolling Him for what He is.’ And he said that ‘thanking God’ is ‘extolling Him for what He does.’”
“Shall we girls play that real neat game that Dad used to have us of the flock do at church?” asked Grey.
“That worship game called ‘Pass the Praise?’” asked Gree. Grey nodded. “God gets all the praise when believers play that game,” said Gree.
“Or maybe we can play that other game Dad used to call ‘Pass the Thanks,’” said Grandy. “I’m better at that game than I am at the other game.”
“God gets the glory in ‘Pass the Thanks,’ also,” said Gretchen.
Gravel said, “We played ‘Pass the Thanks’ the last time we walked down this countryside road. “Let’s play ‘Pass the Praise’ this time instead. I am better at that game than I am at the other game.”
The five cheerleaders stopped their walk, looked upon one another, and nodded their heads in agreement with Gravel.
“Who should start?” asked Gravel.
“You should start this time,” said Gretchen. And the five Daughters Of Aphrodite resumed their
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walk down County Trunk ZZZ.
Gravel thought for a moment, then said, “I would like to praise the Lord for His omnipotence.”
“His all-powerfulness,” said Grandy in definition.
Gretchen went on to tell more in praise about this attribute of God: “Jesus is most omnipotent. In Jeremiah 32:17 God’s Word says, ‘…, and there is nothing too hard for thee.’ And in Jeremiah 32:27 it is written, ‘…; is there anything too hard for me?’ In Mark 10:27, God says, ‘…: for with God all things are possible.’ And in Luke 1:37, it says, ‘For with God nothing shall be impossible.’ There is nothing that God cannot do. God Almighty has absolute carte blanche over all of His creation in Earth beneath and in Heaven above. Being God, He can act with irreproachable impunity upon anyone and everyone. He is accountable to no man and to no angel. All that He does or thinks or feels is consummately His own decision. Even Beelzebub cannot say to God, ‘No.’ And the Lord has this great and terrible Beelzebub ‘on a leash.’ Beelzebub can only do what God lets him do, and Beelzebub cannot do what God does not let him do. And empires and kingdoms and nations God does call mere ‘drops in the bucket’ He removes kings and sets up kings. He is unimpeachable Deity. He is the Sovereign of sovereigns. He is King of kings. He is Lord of lords. And in Deuteronomy 32:39-40, it is written about God in His omnipotence, ‘See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me: I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand. For I lift up my hand to heaven, and say, I live for ever.’ In I Samuel 2:6, God’s Word says, ‘The Lord killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up.’ And in I Samuel 2:7, the Word of God says, ‘The Lord maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up.’ That is just a little of what I can think about in praising God for His omnipotence for now. I will think of more things like this one of these days in my bedroom when I am alone with God in prayer.”
“Amen, Big Sister!” said all the rest of the girls. “God is powerful!”
Gretchen then said, “Now it is your turn to pass the praise, Gravel.”
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“Oh yeah,” said Gravel. “I pass the praise to you, Gretchen.”
“Oh good. I’m next,” said Gretchen.
“What do you think that you will pick to praise Jesus about, Gretchen?” asked Gree.
“I am not sure yet,” said Gretchen. “Do you have any ideas, girls?”
Grandy spoke up and said, “Praise the Lord for His other attribute that always goes with His omnipotence.”
Gretchen thought upon this recommendation, then understood, “You must mean His omniscience, Grandy. Is that what you mean?”
“Uh huh,” said Grandy with a nod. “Praise our God for being omniscient.”
“His all-knowledge,” said Gretchen. “Our God is all-knowing.”
“This is a tough one to speak all about spontaneously,” said Grey. “But much can be said about it once a Christian girl gets rolling on it.”
“I know where to start for a girl like myself,” said Gretchen, beginning her praise of Jesus for His perfect wisdom as God. “In Matthew 10:30 Jesus Himself said to His audience, ‘But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.’ I have lots and lots of brown hair as a Daughter Of Aphrodite. All five of us girls have lots of brown hair as Daughters Of Aphrodite. Well, God Himself already knows how many brown hairs I have on my head—even without having to count them in the first place. He knows all things with perfect knowledge.” She paused, and praise began to fill her tongue. “In I Corinthians 1:25 the Word of God tells us, ‘Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men;…’ And God is by no means foolish. His omniscience is a wisdom called ‘eternal wisdom’ or ‘infinite wisdom.’ That is, He knows all things in a perspective unique to Himself. Though we people know things only temporally and mortally, He knows things heavenly and immortally. Being omniscient, He knows all that was and all that is and all that will be. Nothing can happen anywhere on Earth where God could say, ‘That surprises me.’ In God’s Word in II Peter 3:8. it is written, ‘But, beloved, be not ignorant
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of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.’
Consider the Most High wisdom that went into the creation. Our Maker was a most wise Designer.
Only an omniscient God could speak His Word and create life to fill the Earth and to fill Heaven.
This all-wise God did all of this in six days. In Genesis 1:31 it says, ‘And God saw everything that he made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.’ Mom is wiser than we are. Dad was wiser than Mom. The angels are wiser than Dad was. And the Lord Jesus is wiser than the angels.” A pause in her words came upon her. Then she said, “I’m done. Was that a good praise, do you think?”
“It gave glory to God,” said Grey most truthfully.
“I loved it,” said Grandy. “It makes a Christian girl think.”
And Gravel said, “It’s your turn to pass the praise to somebody, Gretchen,”
“Let it be me,” said Grandy.
“Do you have an attribute picked out for which to praise our Saviour, Grandy?” asked Gree.
“I do! I do!” said Grandy.
Gree said, “Pass the praise to Grandy, Gretchen.”
And Gretchen said, “I pass the praise to Grandy.”
And Grandy at once said, “There is a third attribute of God that goes along with ‘omnipotence’ and ‘omniscience.’”
“What is it, Middle Sister?” asked Gree.
Gravel said, “I think I know. Is it what I think it is, Grandy?”
“It is God’s attribute of omnipresence,” said Grandy.
“That’s the one,” said Gravel.
“God is all-present,” defined Grandy this attribute of God. “He is omnipresent.” Then she said,
“I know some Scripture verses that talk about this.” And she then said some: “In Jeremiah 23:23-24
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God’s Word tells us, ‘Am I a God at hand, saith the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? Saith the Lord. Do not I fill heaven and earth? Saith the Lord.’ Being an all-present Deity, God is in all places at all times. In Matthew 10:29 it is written about sparrows, ‘…and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.’ God sees the fall of every sparrow. In Psalm 139:2, it says, ‘Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising,…’ That says that God sees us every time we sit down and every time we stand up. In verse seven in that same Psalm, it is written, ‘Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence?’
That says that we can not run away from God. How can a girl elude the eyes of a God Who is everywhere? In the next verse of that same Psalm, it is written, ‘If I ascend into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.’ God is not only everywhere left and right, but he is also everywhere up and down. In Psalm 16:8, David writes, ‘I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.’ The great psalmist knew that God was always there with him. And because of that, we can believe in His promise never to leave us nor to forsake us. In Isaiah 66:1 God’s Word says about His omnipresence, ‘Thus saith the Lord, The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool:…’ Who can see as much as God regarding what is happening in Heaven and on Earth? He is truly both places at once in His own way.” She paused.
Grey then said, “Do you know any more Bible verses about God’s all-presence?”
“I cannot think of any more right now,” said Grandy. “And I do not have any more ways to explain His omnipresence for now. I just know that it is true, because He is God.”
Gree said, “It is your turn to pass the praise, Grandy. Pass it to me.”
“No,” said Grey. “Pass it to me.”
Grandy pointed to Grey and said, “I pass the praise to Grey.”
Gree said, “Why am I last today?”
Grey said, “You were first the last time a couple weeks ago.”
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“Oh yeah. I was,” confessed Gree. “We were going from youngest to oldest that day.”
And Grey said, “Today we just ended up going from oldest to youngest this time.”
“I shall wait my turn,” said Gree.
And Grey went on to say, “I think that I would like to praise Jesus for his mercy. ‘Mercy,’ in definition, means, ‘God not giving us the bad things that we deserve.’ For example, what do all of us of humankind deserve other than an eternity in Hell after we die to pay for all of our sins that we committed against a holy God? This applies to us born-again Christians as well as to all of the people out there who are not born-again Christians. But God in His mercy looked down from Heaven upon all of us wretches, and He loved us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross for our sins that we might be redeemed. Because this Son of God in His love for us shed His blood and died and rose again, fallen mankind now could be spared Hell and given Heaven. All we need to do is to accept Christ’s gift of everlasting life. This mercy of God effectually keeps sinners from going to Hell.
Hence all born-again believers go to Heaven, and all not born again go to Hell. Look upon the unique Psalm 136 if you want to see the word ‘mercy’ in the Bible. All twenty-six verses of this psalm end in the phrase, ‘for his mercy endureth for ever.’” A silence of thoughts came upon Grey now for only a moment. Then she found new examples of mercy for which to praise God. And she said, “God’s mercy not only helped to bring us to a saving knowledge of Jesus, but it also blesses us in our walk with Christ in our saved lives as well. In Psalm 103:10, the Word of God says, ‘He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.’ That says that even Christians can do things that they should not do, and even then God in His mercy will withhold His chastening hand from them. Again in Psalm 103:11, God says the same thing, ‘For as the heaven is high above the earth, so
great is his mercy toward them that fear him.’ His mercy is great upon us erring Christians, even when we do not deserve mercy for what we do. Nonetheless let none of us tempt God. Were God to take away His mercy upon the believer, He could strike him or her dead. Hence the judgment upon what the
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Bible calls ‘the sin unto death.’” Her praise was done for now in “Pass The Praise” today. She was now to pass the praise.
Gree said, “We know who gets to go next. I am the only one left. Pass the praise to me, Grey.”
And Grey said, “I pass the praise to you, Littlest Sister.”
“I already know for what I will praise God,” said Gree.
“What is it?” asked Gretchen.
“I’ll give you all a hint,” said Gree. “Grey just got done praising God for His mercy. What would be the next logical thing to praise God for right after that?”
Grandy spoke and said, “God’s grace.”
“Right,” said Gree. “I shall seek to praise God for His grace.” And she began impromptu: “What is grace? Grace is “God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.’ Grace is also ‘God giving us good things that we do not deserve.’ As sinners none of us down here deserve to have an eternity in Heaven with Jesus and its peace and joy and love. But God gives it to the humble repentant person who prays for it with a humble heart. We born-again Christians are saved by grace through faith. For a verse in the Scriptures with the word ‘grace’ in it, just look at the last verse of the Holy Bible: ‘The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.’ Revelation 22:21. We all learned from church how there are two types of grace mentioned in the Bible. There is ‘saving grace,’ which believers know all about, and there is ‘sustaining grace.’ which also refers only to believers. This grace that sustains is what makes God’s promise so real where he vows never to give us more than we can bear. In II Corinthians 12:9, it is written, ‘…, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness….’ God promises to be with us both in mountaintop experiences and in valley experiences.
His grace will see us through.” Gree then remembered a chorus from a hymn in the hymnbook, and she went ahead to sing it:
“Some thru the waters, some thru the flood,
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Some thru the fire, but all through the blood;
Some thru great sorrow, but God gives a song,
In the night season and all the day long.”
Then Gree went on to say, “In II Corinthians 8:9, it says, ‘For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.’ And again in II Corinthians 9:8, it says, ‘And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work.’” Then she could find no more to talk about for now about praising God for His grace.
And the Daughters Of Aphrodite were done with this special worship diversion for the day.
And in girl fun, the five cheerleaders began to do cheers here on County ZZZ. Hopping and skipping and prancing about, they sang forth chants and cants and cheers.
Then they came to the end of this country road. Here was an intersection. And they now came upon County Trunk YYY. They stepped out onto this next county road. They were some miles away from their home. And the girls smelled a foul and rotten odor. “What stinks out here all of a sudden?” asked Gravel.
“It isn’t a skunk,” said Grey.
“It smells like a dead body,” said Gretchen.
“Like meat gone bad on the counter,” said Gree.
“Maybe a dead carcass right around here,” said Grandy.
“I think that it is coming from over here on the other side of this road,” said Gravel.
And five young women crossed the road. And there it was. It was a fallen griffin. And it was dead. And it scared the five young women.
“Is this what they look like?” asked Gree.
“I know that they are after us, but I never knew for sure what they might look like,” said Grey.
“This is the first time that I saw a real griffin,” said Gravel.
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“This is the first time for me, too, even a dead one,” said Gretchen.
“How did he die?” asked Grandy.
“None of us know,” said Gree.
“He does look real old, even for a griffin,” said Grey.
“Maybe he died of natural causes,” said Gravel.
“He’s a lot bigger than we girls,” said Gretchen.
“He’s a lot bigger than our unicorns,” said Gravel.
“I’m afraid,” said Gree.
“Do not be afraid, Little Sister,” said Gravel. “He cannot hurt us now.”
“I feel like I’m getting sick,” said Grey.
“The stink makes me feel the same way,” said Gretchen.
“Let’s quit our walk now and go back to our house,” said Grandy.
“It is safer in the Palatial Palace than it is way away from home like this,” said Gravel.
“There are griffins way away out here, like this one,” said Gretchen.
“I pray that none get any closer to our house than this one,” said Gree.
“That’s a comfortable thing to pray for us,” said Grey.
And Gravel said, “Let us go back home now at once.”
And the five Daughters of Aphrodite turned back and began to walk back down County Trunk ZZZ.
And Gree said, “I don’t feel like throwing up now.” All four others nodded their heads and agreed.
“Should we tell Mom what we saw?” asked Gretchen.
All four looked at Gravel. And Gravel said, “We better not. Mom does not need to know that.
She worries so for all of us.”
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And in subdued silence the five cheerleaders pondered silent thoughts of reflection in their private thinking all the rest of the way back home.
Gree pondered, “What if I see a living griffin?”
Grey pondered, “What if the griffins start coming closer to home?”
Grandy pondered, “What if the griffins get inside the house?”
Gretchen pondered, “What if the griffins get into the attic?”
And Gravel pondered, “What if the griffins get into the treasure chest?”
And none of the Daughters Of Aphrodite dared share their secrets thoughts with each other. Only God could see what they were thinking. And they asked God for courage. And God gave their hearts courage.
And when they got back home to Mom, they told her about their great fun that they had with the fellowship pastime “Pass The Praise.” And the dead griffin demon scared the five daughters no more.
It is written, “Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.”
Psalm 31:14.
The daughters’ bedrooms were individual living quarters connected to Aphrodite’s living quarters by a sidewalk and a stoop of cement steps going up to a landing and then a stoop of cement steps going down from this landing and then another sidewalk. These five bedrooms were like the points of a pentagon with the main house in the middle. And the total length of each one of these five sidewalks and their steps was about ten yards. These bedrooms were large and well heated in the winter from a furnace in Aphrodite’s first floor and kept cool in the summers by fans inside the houses of the daughters. Shovels were on the girls’ sidewalks for the winter months. And in the backs of each of these five distant living quarters were nice back porches, enclosed, made homey by their inhabitants, and with a screen door opening out to the back. The porches were the size of a large office, and the bedrooms were the size of a small shop. And it was in these unconnected bedrooms where each of the
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five cheerleaders now turned in for a while. Gravel found satisfaction from a good hour of prayer. Gretchen found contentment from a good hour of Bible study. Grandy found joy in reflecting upon unicorns of God. Grey took delight in a game of “Pass The Thanksgiving” all alone with God. And Gree let the music of hymns play in her head to fulfill her worship for now.
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CHAPTER III
The Daughters Of Aphrodite were riding their unicorn pets down a countryside road called “Quarry Drive.” The five cheerleaders were going to have some good girl fun together at the quarry down this road, and their sensible unicorns would have to watch and wonder as they waited for them to get done. Gravel was dressed in her own black and white cheerleader uniform, and her white unicorn matched the color of Gravel’s white contrasting pleats of her cheerleader skirt. His name was “White.”
Gretchen was dressed in her cheerleader uniform of black and brown, and her contrasting pleats to her cheerleader skirt were brown; her unicorn was also brown, and his name was thus, “Brown.” As for Grandy, her cheerleader uniform colors were black and blue, and her unicorn was blue just like her own contrasting pleats to her cheerleader skirt. Of course his name was “Blue.” The same with Grey. Her black and gray cheerleader uniform had contrasting pleats of gray; and her unicorn, named, “Gray,” was a gray unicorn. And Gree’s cheerleader uniform, full of black and orange, had a skirt with contrasting pleats of orange. “Orange” was the name of her unicorn, and he was an orange unicorn.
And indeed a color-coordinated phantasmagoria was ambling down Quarry Drive today with beautiful
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cheerleaders riding most enchanting unicorns. The mistresses all loved their unicorns dearly, and the unicorns ever desired to please their mistresses. And the unicorns understood English, both hearing it and speaking it. And the mistresses knew and understood subtle and individual expressions in face or in unicorn horn toot or in stance of their own unique unicorns. For example, when Gravel’s White made his eyes cross-eyed at her, he was saying thereby, “You’re goofy, Mistress.” And when Gretchen’s Brown stood there with all four legs spread out from his equine torso, he was saying, “I am weary, my mistress.” And when Grandy’s Blue tooted a note on his horn that sounded like a blast of a tuba, he was saying, “I do not want to do that, Mistress.” And when Grey’s Gray made circles in the air with the tip of his unicorn horn, he was saying, “Let’ s play some more, Mistress.” And when Gree’s Orange raised his unicorn tail up like a dog, he was saying, “Thank you, O Mistress.”
White loved to run like the wind. He was the fastest of the five unicorns of the Daughters Of Aphrodite. He won in dashes and sprints. And he won in marathons of one mile and in marathons of twenty-six miles. Sometimes, when he and Gravel were traveling alone together, she would say to him, “White, I wonder how fast you can go.” And he would take off with a blast and run so fast that the breath was taken from his rider where she sat. Once time she clocked him at fifty miles per hour! She had nearly fallen off that one time when she was not holding on. She learned to hold on tightly after that close call. “Hold my neck, Mistress,” he always told her each time from then on.
One time it was White who spoke up in a walk with her on his back, himself saying, “I wonder how fast I can go, Mistress.”
And Gravel said, “Why, you took the question right out of my mouth, White.”
“I thought that you were about to ask that,” said White.
“How about a race that is not on the road?” she asked.
“I never did that with you on my back in an off-road sprint, Mistress,” said White.
“Is it risky?” she asked.
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“You could fall off of my back and hit a tree or a rock or an animal,” said White.
“I would not want to hit a tree or a rock. I wonder if it would hurt if I hit an animal.” said Gravel.
White crossed his eyes at her. And she said, “You’re right. If it were an animal that I hit, he would probably hit me right back.”
“I do not want my mistress to fall,” said White.
“Let’s see how fast you can go in the ditch then,” said Gravel.
“I never did that kind of thing in the side of road,” said White.
“It is safe. And there is tall green grass there. And I want to feel the stalks hitting me in my knees when you run,” said Gravel.
“I am at your service, Mistress,” said White. “Hold my neck tight.” She did so. And White shot out like a wind from where he had been walking. And his hooves pounded upon the ground along the side of this road.
Feeling the wind against her body and in her face, Gravel said, “Weeeee!” And she delighted in the slapping of the heads of the field grass smartly upon her bare knees.
Just then a little flying form crashed into Gravel’s forehead. It was a big black crow. And Gravel was knocked out at once. And she fell off of the back of fleet White and landed in a heap amid the gentle cushion of much field grass. Knowing what had just happened, White stopped and turned back and quickly stood at his mistress’s side. “Mistress, are you okay?” asked White.
Supine, Gravel opened her eyes, put her hand to her head, and said, “An animal hit me.”
So clever was this turnabout reply, that White knew that his mistress was all right. And he said to her, “If you think that you look bad, you should see what the crow looks like.” And both laughed. And Gravel shook the daze out of her head, stood back up, and mounted her white unicorn.
“A slow ride back home, Mistress?” asked White.
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“You can run again, rascally White. But don’t run faster that a crow can fly,” said Gravel.
And both laughed. And he got her back home quickly and safely. Her head hurt for a while after, but that headache soon went away.
As for Gretchen’s Brown, he loved his unicorn horn. He took care of his unicorn horn even more than he took care of his mistress. He would go out to the rocks and scrape the edges of his horn tip to make it the sharpest horn of unicorn kind. He also speared his horn in the sands deep up to his forehead. He did this repeatedly to make sure that his horn was the whitest unicorn horn of unicorn horns. And he loved to be petted on this horn with a loving stroke of his mistress’s hands. And he delighted in showing off his horn to young school children at a class. As they wondered and marveled at touching his unicorn horn and feeling its solid hardness, Brown felt flattered and special. He loved all the attention. Indeed Brown had attained fame as “the unicorn with the most worthy horn of all.”
And Gretchen gave him her okay to go on special shows to show off his horn. And he went to carnivals and fairs and circuses and parades throughout the region, and he was happy to brag on his horn. But the much traveling from city to city made him weary. And he found that he missed his mistress on his long times away from home. And God called him back to take care of Gretchen.
Brown knew about griffins and their focus on his family back home. And he wanted to get home and give up his successful shows. He now loved Gretchen more than he did his unicorn horn. He needed to get some rest and some sleep first; for his legs could hardly take another step. But his beloved mistress missed him, and he missed her. He decided to hike back home without a night’s sleep and to be with her again the first thing next morning. And this he did. Like the prodigal son in Luke chapter fifteen, whose father was waiting for him to come back home after a wild fling and to welcome him back into his arms, Brown, when he got back home to the Palatial Palace, saw his mistress Gretchen come running up to him with her arms outstretched for him. He stood there in great happiness, his four legs stretched outward from his exhausted body, and she threw her arms around his neck and hugged
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and kissed him and said, “I love you, Brown. Welcome back home.”
“I am glad to be back home, dear Mistress,” he said. “I shall not run off again to another show.”
As for Grandy’s Blue, he liked to study physics in his little experiments. And he could clearly see the great wisdom of the Grand Designer. For example, one day Blue and Grandy went grocery shopping together. He stood outside in the lot and waited for his mistress to come back with some bags of groceries to put into the saddlebags that she had upon him for this errand. She came back and began to put one bag into his left saddlebag. He happened to see their reflection in the big store windows. And in this reflection it looked like she were putting this bag of groceries into his right saddlebag. She then walked around him and began to put the other bag of groceries into the other saddlebag on his other side. As he watched this in the reflection in the window, it looked like she were on his left side. But he turned his head back to her, and she was really on his right side. How uncanny God’s laws of reflections were! Another time, he looked into the mirror at his own unicorn face. Not moving a muscle, he had his mistress take a photograph of his face in his exact same pose from in front of him. Lo, his horn that was pointing just off to the left in the reflection was, in the photograph pointing just off to the right. Again reflection turned left to right; and right to left. But the photograph, instead, kept left left; and right right. And he now knew that what a person saw in his own reflection in the mirror was exactly the lateral opposite to what other persons saw in that same person face to face. And clocks with faces and numbers and hands that moved? Blue put his wind-up clock to the mirror and looked at what it looked like in its reflection. Behold, it was almost impossible to tell what time it was in this manner. Instead of moving clockwise, all of the hands looked to now be moving counterclockwise.
And where the “9” was supposed to be, there was instead a “3.” When Blue worked to try to tell what time it was in this mirror’s version of his clock, at first he thought it to say seven minutes after eleven o’clock. But when he looked upon the actual clock itself, he could now tell that it were really seven minutes before eleven o’clock instead. And his discoveries of God’s laws of Physics did not end there.
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He came to discover tricks with double windows. In the night with his lamps on in his stable, he was watching his reflection in the double window, light in here and dark out there. His one hoof he had on a bale of hay and his other hoof he had on the bare wood floor. By studying reflection and looking at himself in the double window, he could in this reflection pass the one hoof that was upon the bale across the one hoof that was upon the bale, both separate reflections of the same hoof on the bale. He did the same with his hoof that was upon the floor. By moving this hoof the same way, Blue could pass the one reflection of the hoof on the floor down across the other reflection of the hoof on the floor. All this could be seen in this double window of this stable. One day he came up to his mistress Grandy and asked, “I wonder what I can learn about refraction for a while.”
“Maybe other Physics things, too, Blue,” said Grandy.
“Like the classic question that man does not have an answer to,” said Blue. “The question, ‘What is light—particle or wave?’”
“You like science,” said Grandy.
“I do, my mistress,” said Blue. “Physics glorifies the God of science.”
“Maybe if you get tired of Physics, you could go on and study Chemistry,” said Grandy.
To this, Blue blew a note on his unicorn horn that sounded like a blast in the skies. It was like a tuba had just been blown. And his mistress laughed and said, “Chemistry must not be your cup of tea, Blue.”
“Glass apparatus are not meant for us unicorns,” said the unicorn showing off his hooves in explanation to his disagreement with Chemistry.
As for Grey’s Gray, this unicorn pet lived for classic board games. He and Grey played all manner of board games together. His favorite two were most classy and not well-known war games—one of them called “Broadsides”; and the other one of them called “Battle Cry.” And he liked board games with money—either cash or coin. He liked to be the banker in Monopoly, with its cash rack of
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novelty “1’s” and “5’s” and “10’s” and “20’s” and “50’s” and “100’s” and “500’s.” And he liked the particularly big game cash of the game of Life—the novelty “1,000’s” and “5,000’s” and “10,000’s” and “20,000’s” and “50,000’s” and “100,000’s and the very red promissory notes. He had also other money games—one called, “Money,” with mock coins; and one called, “Billionaire,” a global free enterprise game. And he and Grey also played “Careers” and “Easy Money.” “I thought I saw a yellow-bellied sapsucker,” the line went for “Careers.” As for the game “Stratego,” his favorite piece was the one with the smoking bomb on it. The favorite board game of Grey was “Game Of The States.” She and he had memorized the capitals of the fifty states of the union from studying this board, and Gray went on to study this board in depth and to learn what each state produced in its free enterprise system of America. Another game they played was called, “Your America.” and it had a thorough little book with questions and answers in playing this game. Well, Gray went ahead to find an advantage over his mistress by memorizing the section “inventors and authors” of the question and answers book in his spare time in his shed. Lo, if a question were now to come up in this game about inventors and authors. Gray now already knew the answer. And he started beating his mistress at this game from then on. And Gray also had a logic game called, “Who,” from long ago days. What this game meant by “bootblack,” was later called “shoeshine boy.” The very first two board games that his mistress played with him were children’s games–”Chutes and Ladders” and “Candyland.” The former of the two, a game where one went up ladders and went down chutes; and the latter of the two, a game with colored cards and colored squares and with a Neapolitan on the design of the board. Gray also had in his board game collection three classic board games that were all of wood—the board and the pieces and everything else. These three games were “Backgammon” and “Checkers” and “Chess.” He had gotten these three from the bookstore Barnes and Noble. One particularly good time that mistress and unicorn had together with board games was the time that they were playing Monopoly on the landing of the stretch of sidewalk between her wing and her mom’s house in a nice sunny summer
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day. Grey had a few houses and Gray had many hotels. Surely the unicorn was on the verge of winning this game over his mistress real soon. Lo, a neighbor’s kind collie dog came up to where they were playing; and she stepped out onto the board as they were playing; and she lay down upon her belly right upon this board in the middle of the game. The game ended right there. Or it would have ended. “The game is done, Gray,” said Grey. “Nobody won this time.”
Not giving up, Gray went ahead to twirl his unicorn horn about in making imaginary circles before his face.
“You want to keep playing,” said Grey. “There is a big dog on the game.”
Most artful and with unicorn ingenuity, Grey put his unicorn horn underneath the Collie dog and gently flipped her over and off of the game, and she landed comfortably back upon her belly, but now completely off of the Monopoly game. And all the pieces were intact as if no she-Collie had lain down upon it. And the game continued much to Grey’s satisfaction. And before five more minutes had passed, the unicorn won the game over the mistress.
What did Orange like doing as a unicorn the pet of Gree? He liked Christmas trees—all the year long. With help from his mistress, Orange filled his stable with Christmas trees cut from his own mistress’s mother’s middle back yard. And Christmas trees surrounded his stable outside as well. His favorite Christmas tree he put in the corner of his stable where he read the Holy Bible every morning in the dim light of twilight before day and every evening in the dim light of twilight after day. This was the kind of Christmas tree that he told Gree that he would make for himself some day. And here it was, in a most cozy little corner with just enough light to shine upon the Good Book in the twilight. This Christmas tree was real and ever green and abounding in old-fashioned big colored lights and with no other ornaments of any sort. Other Christmas trees that Orange worked with to make had lots of little colored lights. Some had big white lights. Some had little white lights. Some had strings of popcorn. Many had silver tinsel. Of course many had gold garland. And Orange had no lack of shiny
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ornaments on all of his other Christmas trees that were not his one in the corner. There were as many colors of ornaments upon these Christmas trees in the stable as there were colors in any of God’s rainbows. And they accentuated the homeyness of this good stable of Orange’s. Orange liked color.
Also only upon the Christmas trees outside around his stable, Orange put a star of gold or a star of silver upon the tops of each. That one Christmas Eve in the night some years ago, he and his mistress Gree were trimming a most unique Christmas tree right to the right hand side of the door to his stable outside. Like his favorite Christmas tree, this new Christmas tree would have only lights and nothing else—except this new one was going to have a bronze star on top. These lights were given him by his mistress. They were not red and green like Christmas colors. In fact they were orange and yellow, fit for Halloween colors. Gree had found them on a clearance rack in a department store, marked down for after Halloween had gone and passed. And they were decorating this Christmas tree out here with Halloween lights from just several weeks ago. These were modern little lights. And when Gree put up the last of the lights and put the star on top and plugged in the lights, this Christmas tree became Orange’s favorite of the Christmas trees out here. Orange and Gree paused to gaze upon this brand new Christmas tree of the collection in great admiration.
“I love it, Orange,” said Gree. “I can see that you love it, too.”
In reply, Orange curled his unicorn tail upward and backward from where he was standing.
And Bree said, “You’re welcome, Orange.”
Thinking upon these things in their reflections as mistress and unicorn making their way to the quarry of Quarry Drive, they all saw it at once, beckoning the ten playful gamesters with its hills of sand and hills of earth and hills of gravel just up ahead to the side of the road.
“Unicorns and women, we have arrived at our quarry,” said Gravel.
And the cheerleader Daughters Of Aphrodite leaped off of their unicorns and began to run the rest of the way there. At once the frolicsome unicorns in like, also began running to get there, their
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quadruped equine legs in gallop and quickly passing by their biped mistresses. The unicorns got there first and did not wait for their mistresses to join them. And five colored unicorns began to run up and down most inviting hills of the quarry in joy and rejoicing in the Lord. And the cheerleaders got there and also began running up and down the big range of hills. Daughter Of Aphrodite played with Daughter Of Aphrodite. Unicorn played with mistress. Mistress played with unicorn. And unicorn pet played with unicorn pet. And this family of ten frolicked in run across all the hills and summits and depths of sand, of dirt, of little stones. Some knees got scraped up among the cheerleaders, and some fetlocks got scratched up among the unicorns. But that was okay with all. They were having fun.
And God looked down upon His ten fellow shippers, and He was glad for their happiness.
Then Gravel spoke and said, ‘Littler sisters, I have an idea for a new game for us young women to play here at our quarry.”
“What might it be?” asked Grey.
“Getting dizzy,” said Gravel.
A moment of consideration passed among the cheerleaders. Then Gree said, “I am still young enough to go and get myself nice and dizzy.”
“No girl who likes to have fun as we do would turn down an opportunity to make herself happily dizzy,” said Gretchen.
“I would like to try that,” said Grandy.
“I, also,” said Gree.
“Count me in,” said Grey.
“Don’t leave me out,” said Gree.
“Let me be the first,” said Gravel.
“What does a grown woman like ourselves need to do to get dizzy at a quarry?” asked Gretchen.
And Gree said, “I would say to just do the same things that a little girl would do to get herself
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dizzy at a quarry.”
“Somersaults!” said one of them.
“Logrolling!” said another one of them.
“Spinning!” said another one of them.
And the cheerleaders began their induced dizzy spells so delightful for young women like themselves who had the game of young girls in their hearts.
Gravel went to the top of a big hill of sand and began to make backward somersaults down this hill. Gretchen went to the top of a big hill of gravel and began to log roll down its slope. Grandy went to the top of a hill of dirt and began to roll down the hill in her own kind of rolling where she stayed mainly upon her bottom in a sitting position. Grey chose a hill of sand and began to make forward somersaults up toward its top. And Gree ran to the top of a hill of earth and spread her arms out at her sides and began to spin in place upon her feet.
Gravel said, “I’m getting sand in my undies below.”
“That’s all right,” said Grey. “I’m getting sand in my undies above.”
And Gretchen said, “You think that that’s bad. I’m getting stones in my sneakers.”
And Grandy said, “I’ve got it the worse, gals. My pleats are getting dirty in this dirt.”
“You’re not the only cheerleader who’s getting dirty in the mud,” said Gree. “Look at my sneakers.”
A while passed as the girls enjoyed their spree. And the unicorns were watching.
One of the unicorns said, “Indeed a most queer and inexplicable game our mistresses do play every time we come here.”
Another unicorn said in equal fascination, “It makes no sense. But I kind of wish that I could be a woman having fun like that out there.”
Another unicorn spoke and said. “They usually take better care of their cheerleader uniforms
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than to get down in a quarry like this.”
“Cheerleaders like to have fun, too,” said another unicorn.
“They will make sure to get their cheerleader uniforms and all that is inside their cheerleader
uniforms nice and clean right away when they get home,” said another unicorn.
“But we unicorns love the quarry, too,” said another unicorn.
“And we unicorns love to play games, too,” said another unicorn.
“Let’s go and play our game of the bottom of the quarry,” said another unicorn.
“Our game we call, ‘Brandishing,’” said another unicorn.
“As our mistresses call it, ‘Swordplay,’” said another unicorn.
“Amen!” said the five game unicorns.
And they left their mistresses to their fun in the hills and ran down into the foundation of the quarry for their unicorn fun. And the unicorns batted unicorn horns one against another in a mock battle. And the sound of horns striking horns echoed in this deep old quarry.
“Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred,” said Gravel counting her backward somersaults.
“There. Three times,” said Gretchen, counting her trips down to the bottom of this hill in her logrolling.
“Here goes for trip number four,” said Grandy, counting her trips down the hill on her unique rolling of her own.
“One hundred, one hundred one, one hundred two,” said Grey, counting her forward somersaults.
Looking at her watch, Gree, spinning in place, said, “Fifteen minutes and counting. And I am still standing.”
“Women, are you having fun yet up there?” called forth a unicorn from the foundations of the quarry.
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“Are you having fun yet down there?” asked a Daughter Of Aphrodite from the tops of the hills.
“Uh huh,” said the five unicorns.
“We cheerleaders, too,” said a Daughter Of Aphrodite.
And the five women fell in a giddy little high of disorientation, rested their spinning heads upon their hills, and giggled like little girls.
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CHAPTER IV
Gravel was on another date with her extra special boyfriend Flanders at the high bank of the gentle countryside creek. They lived some few miles away from each other, and this creek right here where they were sitting together was halfway between her house and his house. “What a big wide part of such a little narrow creek here all of a sudden like it gets, Flanders,” said Gravel.
“It must surely be the biggest stretch of our little creek right here, girl,” said Flanders.
“One could almost call it a ‘lake,’ right here where it gets so big all of a sudden,” said Gravel.
In thoughts, Flanders said, “Je presente à tu le lac.”
“That’s French. Isn’t it, Flanders?” she asked.
“It is,” he said.
“It means literally, ‘I present to you the lake.’” she translated.
“That’s what I had said to Mom when I got to show her this part of the creek that first time,” he said.
“It is not the best French. I do say that,” said Gravel.
“I was then very early in my French 1 class in ninth grade. I was just starting out French for
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my first time in school,” said Flanders.
In thoughts of French, Gravel said, “Je te presente le lac.” And she translated, “I present you the lake.”
“That’s better French, Gravel,” he said. “Or better yet, ‘Voilà. Le lac.’”
“There, The lake,” she translated. “Or perhaps, ‘Voici. Le lac.’”
In translation he said, “Here. The lake.”
“Your French is better now,” said Gravel. “So is mine.”
“Ah, ma jeune fille très seduisant en uniforme de pom-pom girl.” said Flanders Nickels in romantic French.
In translation, Gravel said, “Oh, my seductive girlfriend in her cheerleader uniform.”
“Is my French good enough for a girlfriend now?” he asked.
“If it weren’t accurate with your mom in your formative days of French, now it is truly worthy for your girlfriend of many years in your more learned days of French, boyfriend,” said Gravel.
Gravel’s cheerleader uniform in full was a glory of black and white from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet. In her brown hair she had black and white ribbons. Her cheerleader sweater had long sleeves with cuffs and a bottom hem grabbing her around her waist; black and white partitions divided up by diagonal lines ran down her front and back and up and down her sleeves; her cuffs and bottom hem were black; her sweater pattern was classified as an asymmetrical pattern; her chenille emblem was black with a megaphone and the name, “Gravel” on it, and it was upon the middle of a field of white. Her cheerleader skirt had wide box pleats surrounding her hips: and it had eight black primary pleats and eight white contrasting pleats; and it had a zipper/button closure in back; and the pleats reached nearly to her knees. She had on black knee socks with three wide white stripes along the tops. And her sneakers were old-time canvas sneakers, all black with white soles and white shoelaces.
“My Gravel—the fox,” he bragged on his cheerleader.
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“My Flanders the gentleman,” said Gravel.
To Flanders’s right was a picnic basket with his King James Version Bible upon it. Alongside him to his left was Gravel. And to her left was a little Styrofoam cooler with her King James Bible upon it.
Flanders put his hand to the picnic basket, and he said, “I’m hungry.”
And, putting her hand to her cooler, Gravel said, “And I’m thirsty.”
But Flanders instead picked up his Holy Bible in both of his hands, and he said, “First I want to fill up with the Word of God. Then I shall eat.”
“It is written, Flanders,” began Gravel to recite Scripture, “’…; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food.’ Job 23:12.” She then took a look at what her mom had put into this cooler for today’s picnic. Great pop and great juice was inside this cooler just right for this summer day at the creek. But Gravel said, “I prefer drinking the Word of God right now over drinking cold refreshing beverages.” And she put the cover back on the cooler. And the cheerleader in black and white then set the Good Book upon her pleats of her skirt upon her lap. Flanders set his Bible just above his knees of his outstretched legs on the bank. This shore here by the “lake” of the creek sloped steeply down, but the two fellow shippers were not close enough to the creek to put their feet into the waters.
“What should we read together from the Bible this day, Flanders?” asked Gravel.
“Ah, I was thinking Psalm 148,” he said.
“Ah, right in the part of the Psalter where all of the praise Psalms are, Flanders,” said Gravel.
“Do you know what Psalm 148 says?” he asked.
“I don’t know that one right yet, Flanders,” said the cheerleader. “It must be a great praise Psalm, being where it is in the Psalter.”
“It is the ‘praise of praise Psalm,’” he said. “Fourteen of the greatest of praise verses in the
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whole book of Psalms, girl.”
“Let’s hear it,” said Gravel.
“Would you like to read it along with me?” he asked.
“I’d like that a lot,” she said.
And they found Psalm 148 in their personal King James Bibles, and they read out loud together Psalm 148 out here in the open fields next to the creek. And this is what it said: “Praise ye the Lord. Praise ye the Lord from the heavens: praise him in the heights. Praise ye him, all his angels: praise ye him, all his hosts. Praise ye him, sun and moon: praise him, all ye stars of light. Praise him, ye heavens of heavens, and ye waters that be above the heavens. Let them praise the name of the Lord: for he commanded, and they were created. He hath also stablished them for ever and ever: he hath made a decree which shall not pass. Praise the Lord from the earth, ye dragons, and all deeps: Fire, and hail; snow, and vapours; stormy wind fulfilling his word: Mountains, and all hills; fruitful trees, and all cedars: Beasts, and all cattle; creeping things, and flying fowl: Kings of the earth, and all people; princes, and all judges of the earth: Both young men, and maidens; old men, and children: Let them praise the name of the Lord: for his name alone is excellent; his glory is above the earth and heaven. He also exalteth the horn of his people, the praise of all his saints; even of the children of Israel, a people near unto him. Praise ye the Lord.”
“Well, Gravel,” asked Flanders, “what do you think of that?”
“Whoa, such praise about His heavens and His nature and His humankind,” said Gravel.
“It praises our God from His universe and from His Earth and from His mankind,” said Flanders in agreement.
“I’ve got to sit down for a few weeks and memorize all of this, O boyfriend,” said the Daughter of Aphrodite.
“Then you love it, too,” he said.
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“Uh huh,” she said. “It is a great and new discovery for me in the Good Book. Thank you for showing this to me, Flanders.”
“Do you have a favorite part of the Bible that you would like us to read together out loud right here and right now, O Grandy?” he asked.
“Oh, I do, Flanders,” she said. “And it is also a Psalm.”
“The whole Psalm I hope,” he said, loving this fellowship with his Christian girlfriend.
Gravel nodded her head in assent and said, “The sweet psalmist of Israel wrote this psalm, Flanders.”
“Ah, David, my Bible hero,” said Flanders.
“It is Psalm 23,” said the cheerleader in black and white.
“I memorized that one lots, girl!” he said. “’The Shepherd’s Psalm,’ it is called.”
“That’s one of the passages that I memorized myself, Flanders.” said Gravel.
“Let’s not read it together. Let’s recite it together, instead,” said Flanders.
“Amen, Boyfriend-in-the-Lord,” agreed Gravel.
And the two fellow shippers recited together this most famous of Psalms in its six verses: “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”
“A great funeral Scripture for saved loved one s who have passed on to Heaven,” said the cheerleader. Indeed it was also popular for funerals of lost loved ones who had passed and gone to Hell. Only born-again believers knew the way to Heaven and did go There when their time came.
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The lost could not claim this same promise in Psalm 23 that the saved could. But salvation was rare upon the world. There were many ways to Hell, but only one way to Heaven—the Lord Jesus.
Having eaten and drunk thus of the Word of God, the two by this “lake” now decided that it was time to eat and drink what they had brought to this picnic. Gravel took off the cover to her Styrofoam cooler and showed Flanders what she had brought for the two of them. He leaned over and looked, and he saw white grapefruit juice and white soda and whole milk with a bottle of chocolate malt power and a bottle of plain malt powder to put into the milk. And he also saw metal spoons and big glass mugs of all types with which to drink these beverages.
Gravel said, “I know how you don’t like red grapefruit juice, even though that is the kind that people buy. I got this white grapefruit juice at the great big grocery store in the city.”
“Thank you, Gravel. I must be the only one who likes grapefruit juice that is sour and not sweet,” said Flanders.
“And the white soda is for me, because I am more of an ‘uncola woman’ than I am a ‘cola woman,’” said the cheerleader.
“And we both like whole milk and our malt powder,” said Flanders.
“Plain malt drink for me, Flanders, and chocolate malt drink for you,” said Gravel.
“And your favorite spoon of yours with the horizontal lines and the wide spoon width, and my favorite spoon of yours with the horizontal lines and the regular spoon width,” he said.
“They were both in the family before I even was,” said Gravel.
“Same patterns on the handles, but different spoon heads,” said Flanders.
“So, Flanders,” said the cheerleader in black and white, “what’s in the picnic basket for us today?”
“Sandwiches,” he said. “Lots of them.”
“A girl and a guy can’t go wrong with a picnic basket full of sandwiches on a date.” said
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Gravel. “What kinds of sandwiches did you bring for your pretty girlfriend?”
“I brought sandwiches for my beautiful girlfriend, Gravel,” he said, correcting her “pretty” with his “beautiful” with sincere flattery. “Take a look,” he said. And he lifted up the lid on its hinges and leaned it over toward her, and she leaned and looked inside.
She thought out loud, saying, “Roast beef sandwiches, bologna sandwiches, summer sausage sandwiches.”
“All with rye bread and lettuce and Swiss cheese and mayonnaise,” he told her.
“A picnic basket with all of these inside makes a girl happy on a date like this,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Are you still hungry, Gravel?” he asked.
“I am. I am. How about you?” she asked.
“Now I am real hungry,” he said.
“Let’s eat,” she said.
And boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ bowed their heads in prayer and thanked God Who provided these two with much food and drink on this picnic.
Gravel carefully put her Bible back on top of her cooler so as to not let it fall down to the ground. Flanders in like set his Bible back on top of the picnic basket, careful not to set it upon the ground. Cheerleader and boyfriend honored their Holy Bibles thereby.
And they ate and drank and fed their hunger and quenched their thirst. And when they were done, they were content.
Then Flanders stood up and put his hand to his left hip. In a sheath along his left hip was his saber. God had called him to go and fight griffins with this sword. His ministry as griffin slayer was not yet upon him officially, but it would be upon him officially soon. In this interim, he practiced with his sword daily and rigorously to become the best that he could be for the Lord. And already he was
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among the best of good Christian soldiers at sword fighting. He was destined to be a very great enemy to griffins in the eyes of God and men and women.
Seeing his hand on his scabbard, Gravel said, “God tells you to train now. Doesn’t He?”
“I must do God’s work,” he said.
“Could I watch again this time, Flanders?” asked Gravel.
“You may watch,” said Flanders. “It may get intense, but don’t get nervous.”
“I won’t, Boyfriend,” said the Daughter of Aphrodite.
And at once, Flanders Nickels went out into the wilderness to practice with his sword. He quickly came upon a deciduous tree. It was a box elder. He prayed upon the Lord’s will for him regarding his training with this box elder tree. And God told him to clip off the end leaf of this lowest branch just above his head. He swung his saber in his right hand over his head in an arc, and he did clip off this one leaf from this end of the branch. And as it fell Flanders reached out with his left hand and adroitly snatched it up out of the air.
Next he came up to an oak tree. He saw a lower branch of this tree also with a leaf at its end and just above his head. He prayed, and God told him to also clip off this end leaf of this oak branch and, further, to cut it in half before it could reach the ground. With his right hand, he swung his sword above his head with that same arc and did adeptly clip off this end leaf. And it began to fall. And the swordsman-in-training then went ahead and swung his sword, seeking to cut this leaf into two even halves. The leaf was truly cut into halves, and Flanders grabbed up the two pieces of leaf in his left hand before they could reach the ground. Holding them in his palm, he critiqued his work. Not only was this leaf cut into two, but both pieces were the mirror image of each other. Seeing them together on his palm, he could see God’s symmetry of Oak leaf displayed in this one severed leaf.
Next he came up to a weeping willow tree. He prayed and found out that God wanted him to cut a whole span of willow leaves off of the lowest branch in one even stroke with his sword, and to
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not miss one leaf on this side of the branch, and also not to cut off even one leaf extending out from the other side of this same branch. The wind suddenly picked up and began to move this branch of leaves about above where he stood. God was challenging him in his training. Calling upon God, Flanders swung his saber in both hands across the underside of this branch in a wide and broad swipe. Behold, dozens of weeping willow leaves falling from the tree and blowing away in the wind. The branch was yet intact where it joined the trunk, and the whole underside was stripped bare of all of its leaves, and the whole upper side was yet full of all of its leaves. And the wind ceased. And God looked down and said, “Well done, My good and faithful servant.”
Then Flanders came upon a coniferous tree. This was a pine tree. And its needles were green and long and thin. And it had pine cones. Sure of what God had him to do with this pine tree’s test, Flanders prayed, “You want me to cut off a pine cone from the end of this branch that is just above my head, O Lord.” At first, God did not answer his prayer. Still certain, Flanders asked God, “How many pine cones would you like me to hack off of this branch with my saber, O Jesus?” Again God gave him no answer. Humbled thus, Flanders supplicated the Lord and asked, “What would You have me to do with this pine tree that will glorify You in my training session right here, O Father?”
And God told him, “My son, clip off the end needle of this branch above your head.”
And Flanders at first was perplexed. Never before had God told him to do anything as hard as this in any of his training. But Flanders said to himself, “’Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:’ Philippians 1:6.”
And Flanders reminded himself that God would not ask him to do anything for Him that God would not give him the wisdom and power to do so. Flanders needed to do this test, too, to eventually be worthy for his soon work as griffin slayer. And he called upon God, and he swung his sword in his right hand, and he struck this evergreen branch with the double-edge of his blade tip. Behold, a single long thin green pine needle falling down to the ground at Flanders’s feet. He did it! God did it! And Gravel
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saw it!
And the cheerleader in black and white said, “I do believe that you are ready for the griffins now, Boyfriend.”
And he said, “If not yet, surely hopefully soon, O Gravel.”
“My knight in shining armor whose mission from God is to rescue his damsel in distress,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“What can be called such distress more than a girlfriend-in-Christ whose life is threatened by demons for the cause of the last hymnbook in the world?” said Flanders.
Then the Holy Spirit directed the swordsman to look again at this pine tree with which he had wrought a great victory. Flanders obeyed God and turned to look back at this evergreen. A quiet moment passed upon the man and his girlfriend as God was preparing Flanders for another challenge.
“Lord, what would You have me to do?” asked Flanders, ready, willing, and able.
And God said, “That which you have just done with your right hand, now do so again with your left hand, My good soldier with the sword.”
“Your will be done, my Lord and my God,” said Flanders. “I shall do my best for you in all things.”
“This is a hard one, Boyfriend,” said Gravel.
But to this, Flanders said, “It is written, O Gravel, ‘I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.’ Philippians 4:13.”
“I believe that,” said the cheerleader in black and white in all good faith.
Calling upon God for Holy Ghost power, Flanders put his saber now upon his non-saber hand.
And he looked upon this sword in his left hand. And he felt overcoming power of victory coming into his heart and to his mind and to his body. He then turned to look up at this branch full of needles just above his head. He studied this current most outward pine needle. And he knew that God could do it.
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And with a beatitude he said, “Bless You, O Saviour, for making your humble son a swordsman-in-training.” And he swung his saber in his left hand up and over his head in a direction that he had never swung his saber in his right hand. Lo, something came off of the end of this branch. And it began to fall. And Flanders could see that it was a lone pine needle. And it fell to the ground at his feet. He looked down upon it. Gravel looked down upon it. He then looked up at the branch. She then looked up at the branch. There was now at this end of the branch another vacant space where a needle had been. This vacant space was where the needle that was on the ground had come from. He had done it. God had done it. It was done.
And a voice from Heaven called down to him and said, “Very well done, My good and faithful soldier. I now call you ‘My griffin slayer.’ I esteem you ready now to use your sword for My cause.
Go out and fight demons for My glory. As I have said to My Apostles in their great commission, I now say to you in your great commission, ‘…: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.’”
“I hear and obey, O God Almighty,” said Flanders.
And God on His throne said a beatitude to Flanders, “The Lord bless thee and keep thee, O great and mighty griffin slayer. Very great will be your rewards in Heaven.”
And then all was silent. The Christian cheerleader and the Christian warrior looked upon each other. She said, “Flanders, as Sarai submitted herself to Abram as his wife, I now submit myself to you as your girlfriend.”
“I shall strive to be as kind a boyfriend for you as Abram was a husband for Sarai, O beautiful Gravel,” said Flanders.
“What would you have me to do as your girlfriend-in-Christ, O Flanders?” asked the cheerleader in black and white.
“God would wish a comrade for me in my battles,” said Flanders. “God wills an ally for me.”
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“I could be that fellow soldier for you,” said Gravel.
“No woman can become that fellow soldier,” said Flanders. “Women are not meant for battles against griffins.”
“Who might this ally be, O Flanders?” asked Gravel.
“It must be your White,” he said.
“My white unicorn?” she asked, docilely.
“It is the will of the Lord,” he said.
“My white unicorn I hereby lend to you for your ministry as griffin slayer, O brave Boyfriend,” said Gravel.
“I thank you, Gravel, and God will use White to the harm of Beelzebub,” said Flanders.
“What better thing can a woman’s boyfriend and her unicorn do together than to harm the cause of Beelzebub?” asked Gravel.
In witty reply, Flanders said, “To benefit the cause of Christ, milady.”
“The one is as the other,” said Gravel.
“Glory!” said Flanders. “Glory!”
“Amen!” said Gravel. “Amen!”
And having done all of this, the cheerleader girlfriend and her Christian soldier packed up their Bibles and their picnic stuff, and they left this beautiful land of the winding creek for now, and they walked back to their respective homes. Gravel asked White what he thought about in being her boyfriend’s comrade in war against griffins, and he readily accepted, saying, “As Flanders and I are as great friends, so shall Flanders and I be as allies against Beelzebub’s griffins.” And it was decided that White in his times of peace would still live at home in his stable at the Palatial Palace, and in his times of war he would be with Flanders out in the fields.
Meanwhile, unseen by cheerleader and warrior, the two born-again believers having left this
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favorite place of theirs by the “lake part” of the winding creek, a hybrid of a great beast lighted upon this same bank. He was alone. And he was looking for trouble. And he searched around for evil. Half of him was an eagle, and half of him was a lion. And smoke was coming out of his beak. This fell creature was a griffin. And here where he had lighted was but walking distance from the Palatial Palace. Never before had an actual griffin dared to come so near to the palace. Beelzebub and his griffins were becoming more bold now. They were bound to become even more bold in times to come.
And they were going to come even closer to that coveted hymnbook in times even later to come. This griffin pondered this hidden book of hymns wherever it was. And he shot fire out of his beak down upon the place where Flanders and Gravel had been just a little while ago. This was what the griffin wanted to do with that holy book. The fire went out upon the grass. The griffin cursed all Christians everywhere. And he then lifted back up into the sky and flew off. He would come back again soon, next time with more aggression.
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CHAPTER V
Gretchen and Proffery were on a date in her family’s “back forty garden,” as the Daughters Of Aphrodite called it. It was the part of their one-thousand acre yard that was the farthest from the palace. And it was one big farmer’s field of pumpkins and of watermelons. And the harvest was now ripe. The pumpkins were all large and orange and full-grown. The watermelons were all large and green and oval-shaped. The happy couple in Christ were walking through the rows of this garden hand-in-hand fellowshipping and flirting both at once as only couples in Christ could do.
Ever the cheerleader in black and brown, Gretchen was her boyfriend’s cheerleader in attire again this day. Her cheerleader uniform was the same as Gravel’s cheerleader uniform, except for her own colors. Indeed all five cheerleaders among these five Daughters Of Aphrodite had identical cheerleader uniforms, but for their own unique two colors. As for Gretchen, she had black and brown ribbons in her brown hair. And her cheerleader sweater was long-sleeved with cuffs and a hem; and it was patterned asymmetrically with partitions of black and brown throughout; and it had a chenille emblem of black with a megaphone and the name, “Gretchen,” all in an upper field of brown. The cheerleader skirt was of eight box pleats—abundant with black primary pleats and with brown
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contrasting pleats. It reached most of the way to her knees. And it had a zipper/button closure in the back. And she had on black knee socks with brown stripes and black sneakers with brown shoelaces and brown soles.
Gretchen stopped before one pumpkin, gazed upon it, and squatted down beside it. Proffery asked, “Do you like this one, Gretchen?”
“Oh, I do,” she said. “This one would be just right for me to make my handsome fellow a pumpkin pie.”
“Your fellow likes pumpkin pie,” he said about himself in third person point of view.
“He likes all pies,” said Gretchen.
“Not apple pie, though,” he said. “Apple pie tastes dull to him.”
“Does my guy not love all other pies that people eat?” asked Gretchen in flirt.
“Indeed not all other pies,” he said. “There are pot pies out there, Gretchen. And I would eat pot pies if they did not have those awful peas and carrots in them that they all have.” Proffery came back thus to first person point of view.
“Tell your girlfriend all of the pies that she makes for you that you always eat up in one meal,” she said.
“Pumpkin pies. Pecan pies. Chocolate pies. Strawberry rhubarb pies. Cherry pies. Blueberry pies. Coconut cream pies. Banana cream pies. I can’t think of any others,” he said.
“And you especially like the way I make my crusts,” she said. “My crusts I hand make.”
“The best pie crust anywhere, Gretchen,” he praised her.
“I like to make my boyfriend-in-the-Lord happy,” said Gretchen.
“They all say that the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” said Proffery.
“Mom taught me that proverb, Proffery,” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
“Your beauty of face and form stole my heart before your cooking did, fair Gretchen,” said
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Proffery good honest praise to his special cheerleader girlfriend..
“My face and form took your heart, Boyfriend, but my pies will keep your heart,” said Gretchen in coquetry.
“Your pies may keep my heart, but your cheerleader uniform will never let me go,” said Proffery of his utmost pleasure at the way Gretchen was dressed every day for himself and for herself.
“Black and brown looks good on me, I think,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“It matches your brown hair,” he said.
“Brunettes rule!” she said, holding her arms akimbo and kicking up her right leg in a cheer.
He approved of this impromptu little cheer with great satisfaction. Then he turned back to her pumpkin that she was looking at. “Shall I bring this back home for you when we are done with our date for the day here in the back forty garden, Gretchen?” Proffery asked.
“I’d be glad for that, Proffery,” said Gretchen. “Such a task as that is not meant for a woman.”
“Carrying a big pumpkin from way back here to the palace is a man’s work,” he said. And he reached down and lifted it up to his chest in both arms.
Then he paused to look upon the big watermelons. This garden of fields was arranged in long alternating rows of pumpkins and watermelons. He said, “I can bring a watermelon home, too, if you want to enjoy watermelon, Gretchen.”
“A watermelon also, with a pumpkin at the same time?” she asked.
“I can carry this pumpkin in my left hand and that watermelon in my right hand,” he said. “Nothing is too good for a guy like myself to do for a gal like yourself.”
“May I have the pleasure then of lifting it up into your hand, Proffery?” she asked.
“That would help,” said the man of God.
And Gretchen picked a good-looking watermelon and lifted it up toward her boyfriend. He moved the pumpkin from his right hand to his left hand. And he reached out his right hand and took
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the watermelon in that hand. And he stood there, his hands steady and sure and strong.
“I bet that the watermelon is heavier than the pumpkin, Boyfriend,” said Gretchen.
“Yes. And my right arm is stronger than my left arm,” said Proffery.
“Nowadays farmers make watermelons smaller. Theirs are round and seedless. Ours are oval and seeded,” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
“I like your watermelons better than I like their watermelons, Gretchen,” said Proffery.
“So do I,” she said.
“You and I are good old-fashioned people,” said Proffery.
“And you and I do not mind spitting out many seeds,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Yeah, girl. And that means even if we accidentally bite down into some,” he said. Both laughed out loud together at this.
“Did you ever go and actually swallow a watermelon seed like I did one time, Proffery?” asked Gretchen.
“No,” he said. “What’s it like?”
“Well, it had no flavor. And it slid only partway down my throat. And I had to cough a few times. Then it came back up and out of my mouth. I felt better when it came out. I’m glad that I did not end up swallowing it all the way,” she said.
“It sounds like trying to swallow a great big pill,” he said.
“Yeah. Except it was slippery and thin,” she said.
“If that had happened to me, my mom would have told me that I would grow a watermelon tree in my stomach,” he said.
“Everybody knows that watermelons do not grow on trees,” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
“So did Mom,” said Proffery. And the two laughed out loud again together.
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Just then a shadow came upon them where they stood in the back forty garden of pumpkins and watermelons. Gretchen saw Proffery looking up into the skies as a scout. She then looked up at what he was staring at. It looked to be a dark and tiny thunderstorm cloud. And it began to spread its shadow all across this whole field of garden down here. It took away the comforts of sunlight upon the two down here.
“Proffery, that’s one eerie cloud,” said the cheerleader Christian.
“Gretchen,” he said, “get down on your stomach and cover your head.”
Suddenly afraid, Gretchen obeyed her boyfriend, though she did not understand his alarm. She lay down on her stomach and covered her head with her arms. He dropped the pumpkin and the watermelon hastily to both sides, and he drew his fencing foil, and he yelled up to the skies, “If you have come for evil, come down and face me first, demon!”
Turning her head to see him, Gretchen said, “Proffery, I am afraid.”
“Do you sense great darkness, Gretchen?” he asked.
“I do now, Proffery,” she said.
“That is no rain cloud up there this time,” said the man with the épée.
“I have never seen you draw your foil like that before,” she said.
“You have only seen me draw my foil before in my training,” he said.
“Proffery, are you saying that that darkness up there is actually a griffin?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said.
“A real griffin, Proffery?” asked the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“A real griffin, Gretchen,” he said. “And judging where he is up there, I would say that he is just outside the boundaries of your own thousand acres here.”
“No griffin has come so near to Mom’s land before as this one at this time,” said Gretchen.
“He seems to not be moving,” said Proffery.
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“Is he hovering way up there?” asked the cheerleader girlfriend.
“He is,” said the fencer. “He is neither going forward nor backward nor right nor left.”
“But is he coming down?” she asked.
“He is neither coming down nor going up,” he said.
“I praise God that he is not yet descending,” said Gretchen. “I pray God that he go away.”
“Do so, good Christian woman, and the Good Lord answer your prayers,” said Proffery.
“May I get up on my knees to pray?” she asked.
“God hears the prayers of His saints in any position he or she may be at. But if you feel that kneeling is best for your prayer, pray on your knees, O most fair Gretchen,” said Proffery.
Gretchen got up to her knees, and she was just about to ask for God’s deliverance, and the griffin flew off toward the edges of the sky before she could even say, “Dear Father in Heaven,”
Behold, the comforting bright yellow of sunlight came back upon this back forty garden. And warmth and peace and righteousness again pervaded these thousand acres.
“He’s gone now, Gretchen,” said Proffery.
“He’s gone now,” said Gretchen.
And Proffery put his épée back into its holster. And he turned away from the skies to look at her. “How are you doing, Girlfriend?” he asked.
“These are scary times for us,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“I have been practicing at my fencing for many months and with much rigor,” said Proffery. “And I was ready to pick that griffin’s eyes out with my fencing foil. But he got away.”
“My Jesus has given me a Christian soldier boyfriend who can protect me like an angel of God himself,” said Gretchen.
“I want nothing to happen to my precious cheerleader in black and brown,” said the man. “If anything were to happen that might hurt you, I will make sure that it hurts me instead of you.”
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“You are my deliverer from the griffins,” said Gretchen, and she hugged him long and hard and gratefully. And he hugged her right back in secret fears of losing her to the griffins someday to come.
Then the Holy Spirit bade the fencer to go to training right now. And he said, “God tells me to practice right now, Gretchen.”
“Could I be of assistance for you?” asked the cheerleader.
“God and I would appreciate that,” said Proffery.
“Is this garden a good place in God’s eyes for you to do your war games?” asked the woman.
“Nay. God wants me to train in your orchard,” said Proffery.
“Ah, we can practice with the apples again this time,” said Gretchen.
“This time I will need you and the Lord to make this war game the most challenging of any of my war games of all, Gretchen,” he said.
“Just say it, and I will do my best to make it as hard as I can,” agreed Gretchen.
“I request the company also of your unicorn Brown,” said Proffery.
“I will ask him,” she said.
“He and I can be rivals in this training, Gretchen,” said Proffery.
“No unicorn can spear through quite like Brown,” said Gretchen.
“I hope to excel Brown’s spearing through with his horn with my spearing through with my foil,” said Proffery.
And the Daughter Of Aphrodite understood her boyfriend’s words about training in her orchard with herself and her unicorn. She said, “I think I know now why God calls you to the orchard. I am to toss apples toward you, and you are to spear them through with your fencing foil. And I am to toss apples toward Brown, and he is to spear them through with his unicorn horn. And the rival who catches the most of the apples that I toss is the winner of this game.”
“A game for my wars,” said Proffery.
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“As you want it, Boyfriend, your hardest test ever,” said Gretchen.
“I shall learn to slay griffins God’s way,” said Proffery.
And she said, “Why, Proffery, if you beat my unicorn with catching apples like this, you will surely be ready to take on the demons as God’s griffin slayer.”
“And I shall then begin my ministry for the Lord on the battlefield between good and evil,” he said.
He then reached down and picked up the watermelon in his right hand and the pumpkin in his left hand, and he said, “Shall we go back to the house and drop these off?”
“Yes. You remember,” she said with an affectionate smile.
“And then we can go to the orchard,” said Proffery.
“You and I and Brown,” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
And they trekked back to the Palatial Palace. He gave the pumpkin and the watermelon to Gretchen, and she put them in her room, and he rested his arms from the load before the training of this day. She asked Brown if he would like to assist her boyfriend in a practice. And when he found out that it was as a competitor and not as a teammate he most emphatically agreed all the more so. Brown and Proffery had been friends for a long time, and Brown was honored to have a part in making this fencer ready to take on the griffins out there.
There they were then, the three in Aphrodite’s orchard that stretched long and far immediately behind the Palatial Palace. Proffery asked the cheerleader Gretchen to gather up a bushel of apples from the branches and to fill up the bushel to overflowing with them. That she did. Then she stood beside the bushel of apples and waited for his next request. The soldier-in-training then said, “Now go to the house and bring out a pail and a little mixing bowl and a big soup bowl and a little cereal bowl and a baby bowl.” This she did. And she and Brown then listened as he went on to say, “If you two would hear me out, the Lord told me what He wanted as the rules to this war game: ‘There shall be
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five rounds to today’s training. You, Gretchen, will be tossing apples toward me and Brown in slow pitch throwing. That is, toss them kind of up in the air toward us, so that when they fall we can spear them. And do not aim your throws for either your beloved griffin or for your beloved boyfriend—aim your throws instead toward right between us. Now in the first round, we two rivals will be ten paces away from you. You will take the pail and scoop up a pail of apples from your bushel, then count them, then, with a tight hold upon the pail, throw these apples out at us all at once all out of the pail in this one throw, holding on tightly to the pail. Then in the second round, we two rivals will be twenty paces away from you, and you will take a little mixing bowl and scoop up a mixing bowl of apples from this bushel. Then you count them. Then you throw them up toward us all at once in one throw as you keep a good hold upon the mixing bowl. Then in round three, we two opponents will be thirty paces away from you. You will take the big soup bowl and fill it up with these apples from the bushel, count them, then throw them all up toward us at once, in one throw, yourself holding the big soup bowl in the same manner. Then in round four, Brown and I will be forty paces away from you. You will take up the little cereal bowl and dig out apples from the bushel, into the cereal bowl, then count the apples, then throw out these apples toward us all together in one throw as you hold on to the little cereal bowl. As for round five, the last round, your unicorn and I will be fifty paces away from you. In this round you will take up that tiny baby bowl that you still have from your infancy and dig it into the bushel of apples and gather up this tiny bowl of its apples. You will count the apples. And you will throw the apples that are in that baby bowl toward us in the same manner as you have in the previous rounds—all at once in one toss all coming out of the bowl together with a tight hold on the bowl.”
After all of this was said, Brown nodded his unicorn head and Gretchen nodded her head and said, “Yes.”
The bushel to her left and the accouterments to her right, she said, “I am ready if you two are.”
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Asking one last needful question, the brown unicorn said, “And the one who catches the most apples at the end of five rounds is the winner between him and me, my mistress?”
She looked at Proffery. He nodded. And she said, “Aye, good Brown.”
“Let us prepare, my worthy opponent,” said Proffery. And the fencer turned around, marched ten paces from where his girlfriend stood, Brown at his side in this little march, and both turned back to face Gretchen.
The cheerleader in black and brown then went ahead and scooped up a bunch of apples into her pail from the bushel, looked into it and counted, then declared, “Eight apples.”
“Let this war game begin,” said the mighty fencer of God.
And the Daughter Of Aphrodite heaved this pail of apples forward forcibly, allowing the eight apples to fly out of the pail toward the two competitors waiting for them. Whiz! Whiz! Whiz! Whiz! Brown swung his unicorn horn around in great equine finesse. Zip! Zip! Zip! Zip! Proffery thrust his fencing foil around like an Olympics fencing gold medal winner. Behold, four apples all stuck successfully on Brown’s unicorn horn and four apples all skewered professionally on Proffery’s épée.
Gretchen said, “Proffery, 4; Brown, 4.” The unicorn then pushed these apples off of his horn with his hoof. Proffery did the same with the apples on his foil with his left hand.
Then Proffery marched another ten paces back, the unicorn walking with him, and both turned back to look at Gretchen from twenty paces away. The mediator then scooped up a mixing bowl of apples from the bushel, counted them, and said, “Six apples.” And she heaved forward this mixing bowl, forcing the apples to come out toward the two players. Whiz! Whiz! Whiz! From this greater distance away, Brown speared through three apples with his unicorn horn. Zip! Zip! Zip! With equal agility and accuracy, Proffery snagged three apples through with his foil.
Gretchen said then, “Proffery, 7; Brown, 7.” And the unicorn took off these apples from his horn, and Proffery pushed off his apples from his fencing foil.
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Then man and unicorn marched back again a little farther, Proffery measuring another ten paces.
Now they were thirty paces away from the cheerleader. And they turned and made ready. The woman then scooped up a big soup bowl of apples from the bushel. And she counted and said, “Four apples.”
And she thrust forward this big soup bowl of apples, and the four apples came shooting out toward man and unicorn. Whiz! Whiz! Brown caught two apples with his horn. Zip! Zip! Proffery caught two apples with his épée.
The scorekeeper declared, “Proffery, 9; Brown, 9.” The two players of this war game removed the apples from their sword and horn.
Then the two rivals marched back another ten paces of Proffery’s steps and turned to make ready. They were both now forty paces away from the game hostess. She then scooped up a little cereal bowl of apples from the bushel. She looked upon it and said, “Two apples.” And Gretchen jerked this little cereal bowl forward hard in both hands. The apples shot out and forward and toward the rivals of this training game. Whiz! Brown snatched one apple with his horn. Zip! Proffery snagged one apple in his fencing foil.
Gretchen declared, “Proffery, 10; Brown, 10.” And Brown, in great competitor spirit, thrust his unicorn horn off to the side and forced the apple to fly off to another row of apple trees. He was intense in spirit and in body. He wanted to win. And he was frustrated. A tie was not good enough for him. His horn was his pride. As for Proffery, he was unsure about his readiness for God’s calling were this game to end up in a tie. He had been training for a very part of his life here for his future as a griffin slayer. Was he good enough to serve the Almighty God in the universal war between good and evil? He took a hold of the apple around his foil, squeezed the apple hard with his hand, pulled it off, and threw it off to the side in grit.
Then the fencer and the unicorn marched back again, Proffery making ten more paces. And they both turned back around to see their thrower, now from fifty paces away. The cheerleader in
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black and brown then scooped the baby bowl into the bushel of apples. She looked upon it and said to them, “One apple.”
This was it, knew soldier and unicorn. There could be no tie if this one apple were caught by one and missed by the other. Only if both missed this last apple could this practice game end up a tie.
“I refuse to lose,” declared Brown to Proffery.
“I refuse not to win,” proclaimed Proffery to Brown.
And the Daughter Of Aphrodite threw forward this baby bowl in her firm grip and let fly this sole apple right to in-between boyfriend and pet. Whiz! Lo, Brown missed! Zip! Behold, Proffery did not miss!
Man and unicorn looked upon each other. Then they looked to the woman. She declared this war game’s final score: “Proffery, 11; Brown, 10.”
Brown, himself a true sportsman in heart, bowed before Proffery, and he said, “I defer to your foil, O Christian warrior.”
And Proffery, a humble winner, said to gallant Brown, “I petition you to be at my side in my new calling as griffin-slayer, O most august Brown.”
“I accept this calling as fellow griffin slayer, O Proffery,” said the brown unicorn.
And Gretchen said what all three of God now knew, “Boyfriend, you are now ready to take on griffins with your épée.”
“May God get the glory,” said the fencer.
And the Daughter Of Aphrodite said in addition, “And I now lend you to my boyfriend, O beloved Brown. May the God that keeps Proffery safe keep you safe as well.”
“I shall fight to keep you safe, O wonderful Mistress,” said the brown unicorn his mission from God.
“And I shall fight to keep your book of hymns safe, so fair Gretchen,” promised her boyfriend.
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She reached forward her hand and said, “May I?” They both understood, and they came up to her, and she picked off the apple from her boyfriend’s foil in subjection to his authority and did proffer this apple to her unicorn in promise of her fidelity to him. And in deference to his mistress, the brown unicorn took the apple into his mouth and ate it up. Then Proffery bowed before the Daughter Of Aphrodite. And the cheerleader curtsied before the Christian soldier. And Brown blasted a note of battle stations on his unicorn horn to make official their new lives together for the cause of God.
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CHAPTER VI
Grandy and her boyfriend Regalroyal were on another date in the side yard. They were in the plush green lawn just outside her screen porch. As always, Grandy was attired in her black and blue cheerleader uniform, this blue being a dark blue. The pattern of her cheerleader sweater was the same as all of the others sisters’ patterns, and her chenille emblem was of a megaphone with her name “Grandy” on it. And her cheerleader skirt had black primary pleats and blue contrasting pleats, eight in all, just like her sisters’ cheerleader skirts, all complete with zipper/button closures in back. And her ribbons and knee socks and sneakers were her own black and blue as well.
Right now this fresh Spring grass abounded with dandelions. “You like dandelions, Regalroyal,” she said as they were sitting in the midst of them.
“Yes!” he said. “Not so much, though, when they go to seed.”
“Yellow dandelions,” she said more specifically.
“Maybe the only flowers that I like,” he said.
“I like daisies and black-eyed Susans a lot,” she said. “They look just like each other, except daisies are white with a yellow middle, and black-eyed Susans are yellow with a brown middle.”
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“I don’t mind hawk weed when it is all over the grass,” he said.
“Hawk weed,” said Grandy. “Some are quite yellow, and some are quite orange.”
“Here in our part of the world, Grandy, we also have goldenrods and milkweed,” said Regalroyal.
“I wonder if flowers and weeds are not classified as the same,” asked Grandy.
“Maybe a horticulturalist would have the answer to that question,” said her boyfriend.
“Surely a botanist would know,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“God created Earth’s very first plants on the third day of creation,” said Regalroyal.
“Long ago,” said Grandy.
“But not so long ago as evolutionists would have us to believe,” said Regalroyal.
“We creationists and Christians know this Earth as a young Earth of six thousand years of age,” said Grandy.
“Indeed much wisdom of the origins can be gained by the antediluvian genealogy of Genesis chapter five,” said her boyfriend-in-the-Lord. “Evaluate the coeval and successive lifespans of those ancestors of the human race, these men who lived for nine hundred years, going backward from Noah to Adam, and one learns that the six-day creation week was six thousand years ago. There was no big bang in the universe billions of years ago.”
“Yeah, Boyfriend,” said Grandy. “And even if there had been a big bank that began the creation of the universe billions of years ago, then where had this big bang come from?”
“Truly it takes more faith to believe in evolution than it does to believe in creation,” said Regalroyal.
“As for me I will stick to the Maker,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“Do you know how Acts 15:18 goes, Grandy?” asked Regalroyal.
“I think I might if I hear it,” she said.
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“It goes like this,” he said, and he recited it: “Known unto God are all his works from the beginning of the world.”
“Yes. I heard that verse before,” she said. “And I read it many times in my Bible studies.”
“This tells me that God made Heaven and Earth,” said Regalroyal.
“Indeed Heaven and Earth are His works that He knows,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“I know of another verse about our Maker,” said the Christian boyfriend.
“Tell me,” said Grandy.
“It is found in Proverbs 20:12, Grandy,” he said.
“I know that verse,” said his girlfriend.
“Do recite it for me,” he said.
And she recited it: “The hearing ear, and the seeing eye, the Lord hath made even both of them.”
“Who can make an organ so glorious as an ear?” asked her boyfriend-in-Christ. “Just think, hammers and anvils and stirrups. Behold, a way to receive and understand the stimulus of sound.”
“And the eye, Regalroyal,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite. “On the first day of creation, God made light. And the eye can see this light. And the eye can see in this light. And it can even see in the dark some. And it can see black and white. And it can see color.”
“I just look at you, so-pretty Grandy, and I can see eyes made by God that stole my heart and that keeps me by you. Only the Maker can make such pretty eyes as yours, girl,” said Regalroyal.
“Even your ears are beautiful, when I can see them with all of your pretty hair. God made your ears, and He made them attractive.”
“I love it when your eyes look at me, and I love it when your ears listen to me,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“And your cheerleader uniform is almost as pretty to look at as even all of yourself, Girlfriend,”
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praised Regalroyal.
“You flatter your cheerleader so right where she loves to be flattered,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“All you Daughters Of Aphrodite love your cheerleader uniforms more than you love even yourselves,” said Regalroyal.
“Do I look good to you in black and blue, Boyfriend?” asked Grandy.
“Definitely, girl! You do! You do!” he said emphatically.
“Would you say that it matches my brown hair and my brown eyes?” she asked, looking for compliments.
“It does! It does!” he said in most sincere praise.
“All of us sisters have brown hair and brown eyes,” said Grandy, turning this conversation somewhat frisky.
“But I like yours the best,” he said in clever reply in this flirting going on all of a sudden.
“You do. Do you?” she asked in flirt.
“Uh huh,” he said with a nod.
“Well, Regalroyal, I like your features the most of you five men, as well,” said Grandy.
“That’s why we are going together,” he said. “You are my favorite, and I am your favorite.”
“And my unicorn Blue, Regalroyal?” she said, teasing her Christian boyfriend.
“Blue is my favorite of the unicorns, too, Grandy.” he said. “Am I his favorite of us guys?”
“You are my Blue’s favorite of the men,” she said.
“We are like a family of three,” he said.
“And also kind of like an extended family of fifteen,” said Grandy, counting the five groups of girlfriend and boyfriend and unicorn. “And Mom makes it a full family of sixteen.”
“Aphrodite, whom all the world says is the most beautiful woman in the world,” he said.
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“Fifty years young,” said Grandy of her mom.
“A most bedazzling matriarch at that. Grandy,” said Regalroyal.
Just then the smell of smoke came from the west. Grandy said, “I smell something burning.”
“I do, too,” he said. They looked off toward the west.
“Is something on fire?” she asked.
“You know what they say: ‘Where there’s smoke there’s fire.’” said her boyfriend.
“We know that it’s not the Palatial Palace. That’s right here with us,” she said. “And it’s not coming from that direction.”
“Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark,” he quoted Shakespeare.
“Do you think that someone is trying to burn up the yard?” she asked.
He quickly snatched up his bow and arrow and quiver. And he said, “Follow me, Grandy. I think that I might know what it is that is rotten.”
He proffered his free hand, and she took it, and they ran toward the west. Being a cheerleader, Grandy had no problem in running with the man and not falling behind in his haste. After several minutes he stopped his run, and she stopped, too. They stood before a dense and dark forest of Redwoods. “Is it coming from in there, Regalroyal?” asked the cheerleader in black and blue.
He studied this woods of towering trees and prayed in silence and studied what was within that he could see from out here. And he said, “There is evil in the Redwood woods, Grandy.”
“How can you tell?” she asked.
“I smell brimstone,” he said.
“You mean that there might be a real griffin in our forest?” asked the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“There is a griffin in the woods,” he said.
“Regalroyal, if that is true, then a griffin has come into our yard,” said Grandy.
“They grow ever more bold, Grandy,” said Regalroyal.
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“No griffin has trespassed into the yard before,” said the cheerleader.
“Is that true, Girlfriend?” asked the archer man. “Your mom has never seen a griffin in the thousand acres before?”
“None at all, Regalroyal,” said Grandy.
“Then that makes this the first time for a griffin of Beelzebub to have come within the thousand acres.” said the Christian warrior.
“Wickedness is coming in upon the Palatial Palace,” said Grandy. She looked into the woods and whispered discreetly to her boyfriend-in-Christ so that no griffin could hear her, “The griffins are looking harder now for Dad’s hymnbook.”
He whispered back, “The Sanctuary of the third floor.”
“Is he really in there, the Redwood forest?” asked the cheerleader.
“The smoke we smell is not the smoke of trees on fire. It is the smoke of the brimstone of hellfire. Every griffin out there breathes that out of his mouth and out of his nostrils, because Hell, in a telltale way, indwells them as demons,” said Regalroyal.
“We must be smelling the sulfur of Hell then,” she said. “None of these trees are on fire then,”
“Not yet, that is,” he said. “Who other of creatures of this Earth can shoot real fire out of their mouths than griffins?”
“Only the griffins can breathe out fire like they do,” confessed Grandy.
“Speak quietly, Milady,” said the archer man. “He might be listening to us out here.”
“Do you think that he can hear us, Boyfriend?” she whispered into his ear.
“Griffins have keen ears,” he said to her quietly.
Looking into the dark forest, she whispered, “Do you think that he can see us, too?”
“Griffins have most keen eyes,” he said back to her.
“I cannot see him in there,” she said.
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Regalroyal remained there just outside the edge of this dark and now spooky woods. And he dared to poke his head into the darkness therein from where he was standing. He said, “I cannot see him, either.” He quickly brought back out his head from the forest.
“Should we go in and go after him?” asked the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
To this Regalroyal said, “God says in Proverbs 22:3, ‘A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.’”
“Boyfriend, you train and practice daily to do something for God in a time like this,” said the cheerleader in black and blue. “And now you are hiding from the one that God would have you to kill. And you are misquoting the Scriptures to defend your own cowardice.”
“Is that how you see all of this, Grandy?” he asked.
“That is how I see all of this,” she said.
“Woman, this adversary that is in the woods is not just a bear or a lion or a tiger! This is a griffin, with the mass of a little elephant and with the cunning of a field marshal and with the spirit of Beelzebub himself!” exclaimed Regalroyal. “Griffins are not creatures to chase after with oneself not prepared.”
The cheerleader in black and blue then grabbed the artillery of the Christian soldier-in-training and tore it off of his person and marched into the darkness to pursue the griffin hiding in the forest, herself ready to fire the bow and arrow to defend the hymnbook in the attic. At once Regalroyal grabbed her, both now within the woods, and he held her back against her will. And he said, “I am the man. God calls not the woman—but the man—to fight military wars. I require that you let me be the leader in our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Give me back my artillery.”
“Will you go after that griffin among these Redwood trees, or do I have to go after that griffin, Boyfriend?” she asked.
“We must wait upon God and His time, woman,” said Regalroyal. “If a woman or a man runs
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after something and in doing so runs ahead of God, that man or that woman loses the protecting hand of
God. And only bad things happen to a Christian who is not living in the will of God.”
“Manfriend, the griffin is in the yard right now as we speak, and the hymnbook is next to go, if we do not stop the devils right here before they get any closer,” exclaimed the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Woman, obey your boyfriend-in-Christ,” said the Christian soldier of God.
“I give you back your artillery, Boyfriend,” said the cheerleader. And she gave it back to him. Then she said, “But I will still go and stop that griffin in the woods even if have to do it alone.” And suddenly she bolted away from the archer, his artillery yet in his hands, and she ran heedlessly into the dark forest with the speed of a young woman in sneakers.
Without pausing to command her to come back, Regalroyal at once ran deeper into the woods himself to go after her and to try to stop her. Long and hard he ran, but farther and farther did she get away from him. And the Christian warrior lost the cheerleader whom he was supposed to protect somewhere in the woods. He prayed first, saying, “Lord, bring her back please.” Then he called out her name, saying repeatedly, “Grandy?” But none answered. Then he sat down and prayed again, saying this time, “Lord, keep her safe.” Then he waited upon God, his artillery in his hands and ready for a griffin now.
Then he heard a scream from inside this forest about one hundred yards away. It was dear Grandy! He jumped to his feet, and he cried out, “Grandy!” and he ran to where he heard her crying out. There she lay upon the forest floor. She was supine. Her head was upon the ground. And her hands were both holding the top of her head.
She cried out, “Help me, please, God. Help me, O Regalroyal! I hurt real bad.”
She removed her hands from her head. And Regalroyal was shocked into dumbness. Deep and long gouges were now in her precious brunette head on top and blood was pouring out of them to the ground along side of her head.
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“Grandy!” he cried out. “What happened?”
“I found him, Flanders,” she said. “Or should I say, ‘He found me.’ It was one of them. I saw a real griffin. And I suddenly lost my bravery. He laughed at me. I was too afraid to run away. Then he scratched my head with his claws of his eagle talons. I fell down at once. And then he got away.
Am I going to die, Boyfriend? Is it time for your girlfriend to come home to Jesus?”
Standing strong and vengeful, the archer for Christ promised, “Grandy, I am going after the griffin who did this to you! And I am going to find him! And I will kill him with a hundred arrows!”
“Regalroyal, if you leave me now and go after him, I will die out here in the woods,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
He was suddenly in the horns of a dilemma. If he went and slew the griffin and did not tend to his girlfriend, she would bleed to death all alone right here. But if he did not now pursue the griffin, he might be able to save the life of his dear Grandy. He prayed in great perplexity, “God, what should I do?”
And the Holy Spirit told him in His still small voice, “Hear the woman now.”
And Grandy said, “I was wrong.”
And Regalroyal said, “This is not God’s time for me to go to war.” And he knelt down beside the greatly wounded cheerleader, And he took off his shirt, tore off sleeves and strips of material and wrapped her head with them. She cried as he did this. He groaned in grief over her as he did this.
And his words to God were “Save her life, O God,” over and over again.
Then Regalroyal’s work of rudimentary first aid was done. He said to her, “Now we need to wait upon God.”
“We shall wait upon God,” she said. “I as well this time.”
And she passed out there in the middle of the forest of Redwoods. It was time for Grandy to rest from her pain of consciousness. With God’s help, she would now start to get better. Regalroyal
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saw that her bleeding stopped. And he had a word of prayer.
Behold, Blue, her unicorn, came bounding up. Praise the God Who answers prayer!
“Ah, near and dear Blue,” said Regalroyal. “Seeing you come is like seeing an angel from Heaven coming right now.”
“God told me to run here as fast as I could, Regalroyal,” said her unicorn. And he saw his mistress in her wounds lying down on her back, the man sitting next to her. “Alas, Mistress!” cried out the blue unicorn.
“A griffin assaulted her,” said Regalroyal.
Looking down upon his mistress, Blue said, “With God and yourself, Regalroyal, she will get better. And I shall lend my aid to her as you see fit.”
“Would you be kind enough to bring her back to the Palatial Palace, good and benevolent Blue?” asked the archer.
“As I serve my mistress so shall I serve you, O faithful and wise Regalroyal,” promised Blue.
“I have a griffin to hunt down and to slay with a hundred arrows,” vowed the archer revenge.
“Do you have a hundred arrows in your quiver?” asked the blue unicorn.
“No. I do not have a hundred,” he said.
“Do you need a hundred arrows to kill one griffin?” asked Blue.
“With a good shot I can slay a griffin with one arrow,” said Regalroyal.
“This griffin who hurt my mistress…would you slay him for the cause of her or for the cause of Christ?” asked wise Blue.
“I guess for the girl,” confessed her boyfriend.
“Regalroyal, you are not ready yet to begin your ministry as griffin slayer for Christ,” said the blue unicorn with sagacity.
“What do you think that I should do, in your impartial viewpoint as a third party, prudent
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Blue?” asked the man.
“You must learn to fight your battles for and with and of Jesus,” said the unicorn.
“I am called to slay griffins, in the end, to protect that book of hymns and to keep safe all of the family that keeps that book,” said Regalroyal, remembering his ministry as a Christian archer.
“Go and do so, brave archer,” said Blue. “And keep that in your soul and in your spirit all the days of your life as a Christian soldier.”
“I shall do so,” promised the warrior of Christ.
“Mighty Regalroyal?” asked Blue.
“Yes, my girlfriend’s unicorn?” asked the man.
“Would you allow a unicorn to be at your side in your battles against the griffins?” asked Blue.
“You would do that for me and God?” asked Regalroyal.
“I would,” said the blue unicorn. “With my horn and your bow and arrow, we can take away from this Earth a lot of demons who want the book that we have in the Sanctuary.”
“As I fight the griffins, you can fight the griffins with me, O venerable Blue,” said Regalroyal.
“Such is the will of God for me now,” said Blue.
“I accept this noble and selfless sacrifice,” said Regalroyal.
Just then the Holy Spirit bade the archer to go his house and to practice his archery in his yard
for the day. The blue unicorn saw attentive listening in this Christian archer’s face, and he understood that God was talking His thoughts to this man. “What does the Spirit of God say to you, Regalroyal?” asked Blue.
“He tells me to train some more,” said Regalroyal. “I shall go home now and train.”
“I will take tender loving care of our Grandy on my walk back to the palace, O good man,” said
Blue.
“Aphrodite will help her to get better,” said Regalroyal. “She is wise and knowing and Godly.”
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The archer for God then delicately lifted his girlfriend up and onto the back of her pet unicorn.
The unicorn said, “Do not fear, my Mistress. I shall get you back home soon. Hold on and keep your thoughts upon Jesus.”
In a faint voice, the Daughter Of Aphrodite said, “I shall do that, O Blue.” And the blue unicorn went on to take Grandy back home to her mom.
Regalroyal then marched back home to his house. And in the fiery zeal of a man whose only desire now was to please his Saviour, this archer went on to work himself with the most challenging practice session with his bow and arrow of all his years of training. His war game right now was in his back yard at his clay pigeon shooting range. His two brothers helped him out by throwing the clay pigeons up in the air randomly, one at a time, the brothers taking turns. As the one brother saw his clay pigeons all broken by Regalroyal’s arrows every one that he did throw, so, too, the other brother also saw Regalroyal break up his clay pigeons with his arrows every one he threw as well.
And in the end, the one brother said, “Fifty clay pigeons out of fifty!”
And the other brother said, “That’s remarkable shooting!”
But the archer for Jesus said, “That’s not good enough. One more time for me.”
“What more can an archer do?” asked one brother.
“A mortal archer can do no better than what you’ve just done,” said the other brother.
“This time I want two clay pigeons at the same time,” said Regalroyal. “I serve a mighty God.”
“Do you mean that you want the both of us to throw up a clay pigeon at the same time?” asked one brother.
“I do,” said the archer of the Lord.
“Are you going to shoot two arrows at the same time from your bow?” asked the other brother.
“No,” said Regalroyal. “I will fire first one arrow into the one clay pigeon; then I will fire a second arrow into the other clay pigeon. And I must break them both up before they hit the ground.”
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“You never tried something that crazy before,” said the one brother.
“Nobody did anything like that in archery before that I know of,” said the other brother.
“A Christian soldier needs to learn how to fight griffins before he goes and fights griffins.” said the griffin slayer in training.
“Any archer who wants to try to do what you’re thinking of is already ready to slay griffins if he gets ideas like this in his head,” said the one brother.
“If you get both arrows like you say right through the both clay pigeons, all the world will know that you are officially the Lord’s griffin slayer archer,” said the other brother.
“First I have to do it,” said Regalroyal. “Get ready and get set.”
The two brothers picked up one clay pigeon each, held it in their right hands, and awaited their soldier brother to give the word.
“Pull!” he said. And again he said, “Pull!”
And one brother threw his clay pigeon up into the air toward Regalroyal’s left. And one brother threw his clay pigeon up into the air toward Regalroyal’s right. Regalroyal aimed to his left, let go of his bowstring, And zoom! Regalroyal then nocked his other arrow, aimed it to his right, and released his bowstring. And zoom! Lo, both clay pigeons were broken up, and the pieces fell to the ground, and the two successful arrows landed upon the ground some distance beyond the clay fragments.
“You are the griffin slayer of Christ, Brother,” said the one brother.
And the other brother said, “Now you are ready for your ministry of battles for Jesus, Regalroyal,” said the other brother.
And Regalroyal said to God, “Thy will be done, O Heavenly Father.”
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CHAPTER VII
Grey and her Christian boyfriend Laud were on another date together at the bowling alley in town this day. Gray her unicorn had brought them both here and was waiting outside to take them back home when they were done bowling. Grey, being a Daughter Of Aphrodite, was dressed in her cheerleader’s uniform again this day as every day. Her colors were black and gray all throughout her ribbons and sweater and skirt and knee socks and sneakers. Her chenille emblem was of a megaphone with the name “Grey” on it. Her primary pleats were black; and her contrasting pleats were gray. And she had a zipper-button closure in the back. When they arrived at the bowling alley, Laud asked her, “Do you feel comfortable in bowling shoes?”
And she said, “No. I feel comfortable only in my cheer leading sneakers. But I love bowling a lot. And I love bowling with you the most. The sacrifice is only for a while. Then I can become complete in my whole black and gray cheerleader uniform all over once again.”
Laud could tell that she did not mind too bad about having to wear the bowling shoes for as long as they bowled. She was right, though, about her attire. His cheerleader girlfriend did not look complete as a cheerleader when she had on those bowling alley shoes instead.
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Having said this, the two went ahead and put on bowling shoes. “Black and white does not go with black and gray,” said Grey.
“Don’t I know it,” said Laud.
“They do make me think about those saddle shoes that cheerleaders used to wear before our time, Laud,” said Grey.
“Saddle shoes. I heard about them,” said her boyfriend.
She then picked up a bowling ball, and she said, “You know how my best game of bowling ever was a hundred, Laud.”
“Not every girl ‘hits a divot’ in the bowling alley the way you did that day and gets a strike from doing that,” said Laud.
“My shoe came off just as I threw my ball, and it went on ahead of the ball, and it stopped, and the ball did not, and the ball hit the shoe, and, bingo, a real strike!” summed up the cheerleader in black and gray.
“Before it hit the shoe the ball was on its way to the gutter. After it hit the shoe it went on to make a perfect hook, and it crashed right between the one pin and the three pin, girl,” he said. “Wouldn’t you know it? A strike came out of all that.”
“I got my shoe back,” she said.
“My worst game of bowling was a hundred,” he said.
“I remember that game, Laud,” she said. “You had the flu that day.”
“Not the flu,” he said. “Something like that.”
“It was a fever,” she said.
“I was a hundred degrees,” he said.
“A hundred degrees. A hundred points,” she said.
“If I had a fever of three hundred degrees, maybe I could bowl a three hundred game, woman,”
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said her boyfriend-in-the-Lord.
“Enough said there, Laud,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite. Both laughed together. Then she went ahead and took those four steps that she learned in bowling class from high school Phy. Ed. Class, and she threw her bowling ball down the alley. Her ball went completely straight with no hook and no slice. It crashed right into the number one pin. And eight pins went down. And two pins remained up.
“Uh oh, Grey,” said Laud. “That is not a good thing for a bowler like yourself.”
“I see this kind of thing with my bowling all of the time,” she said. “It cannot be fixed.”
“It is called ‘a seven-ten split, Grey,” he told her.
“Is it as hard for a good bowler to make up for something like this as it is for myself?” asked the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Let me just say that you will not get a spare this way,” said Laud.
“I never get spares,” she said. “I’m not that good.”
“Your specialty is open frames,” he teased her.
“Your cheerleader can surprise you, Boyfriend,” she said. “A girl can do a lot with God on her side.”
And she picked up the next bowling ball, took those four steps, and threw the ball. And it was dead straight in the middle. It passed by and through the middle of the space between the two standing pins. She missed both pins cleanly. She did not get a spare. She got an open frame.
He said to her, “Yeah, Grey. A woman can do a lot with God on her side.”
“I should have prayed first,” she said. Cheerleader and Christian boyfriend laughed together.
Then he picked up his bowling ball. Grey remembered what she was just saying, and she prayed in good fun and glory to God, “Lord, help me to beat my boyfriend today at his own game.”
In rebuttal, Laud paused to pray and did say, “Lord, help me to beat Grey at my own game.”
“Laud, God cannot answer both of these prayers for the both of us,” said the cheerleader in
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black and gray.
“Then you better start praying longer and harder,” he said. And he prepared to throw his bowling ball.
Then, in a moment of wily tease, Grey put her arms akimbo, kicked up her leg, and brought it back down, and shook her hips about, and said, “Go, Laud! Go!”
This impromptu cheer effectively turned his head away from the pins. And his ball went off to the far left of the lane, stayed there for a while on its travel, then fell into the gutter, just brushing the number seven pin and not knocking it over.
“You clever winch, Grey,” he said to her with a big smile.
“The word is ‘wench,’ O Boyfriend,” she said.
“You clever wench,” he said. “You went and distracted me.”
In flirt she said, “God helps those who help themselves,”
“That’ s not in the Bible,” he said.
“If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying,” said the cheerleader in black and gray.
“That’s not in the Bible, either,” he said.
“Keep your eyes on God,” she said with a broad grin. “Not on your girlfriend’s pleats.”
“That’s in the Bible,” he said. “The first part.”
“Are you rattled, O Laud?” she asked, knowing that he was having as much fun in today’s bowling game as she was.
And he said in brag, “Woman, the only time that I do not get spares is when I get strikes.”
“So you think that it is not too late for you to get all of the pins down with your second ball, O Laud?” she asked him.
“A spare is a bad frame for a bowler like myself,” he said in boasting.
“Go after the mighty spare, O Christian warrior,” said the cheerleader in black and gray.
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And she shook her hip of box pleats about just before he threw this second ball of his frame. But this time he did not look. And his ball crashed into the ten pins, knocking eight of them down and leaving two of them up.
“Boyfriend, that is just what happened for me.” said Grey.
“Woe, a seven-ten split,” he said.
“What are you going to do now?” she asked.
“There is nothing to do now. Look over there,” he said.
She looked and saw the automatic pin setter knock down the last two pins and set up the next ten pins. “Oh yeah,” she said. “That was your last ball of the frame.”
In mirth, Laud said, “The first frame is done, and I have to be tied with a twenty-one-year-old cheerleader.”
“Better luck next time, Laud,” teased Grey.
“We both have eight points,” he said.
“Eight to eight,” she said.
“Also known as ‘eight up,’” he said.
“Ah, your favorite pop,” she said in jest.
“That’s ‘Seven-Up,’” he said.
“’You like it. It likes you,’” she recited an old line.
“Those good old time green glass bottles used to say that,” Laud said.
“Days before our times,” she did say.
They then proceeded through the second frame. The cheerleader got an open frame again. So, too, did the cheerleader’s boyfriend. The same with the third frame. And so on through the ninth frame. And the score at the beginning of the tenth frame was Grey, 79; Laud, 80.
The Daughter Of Aphrodite said, “I could beat my record high, Laud, with a little luck, that is.”
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“Whoa, cheerleader! I could do worse than my record low,” confessed Laud.
“It’s a good thing for us that you make a better warrior than you do a bowler the way your game is going today,” she said.
“It is good for me that your worst cheer leading is better than your best bowling,” he said to her in praise.
“My turn,” she said. And she picked up her bowling ball to start the tenth frame.
“Go for the strike, fair Grey,” her boyfriend encouraged her.
And her ball went wild toward the right. Yet it went on to turn in a hook halfway down the lane. And struck the three pin and the six pin right in between. And all ten pins were scattered and knocked down.
In disbelief, the cheerleader in black and gray asked, “Is that a strike? A real strike, Boyfriend?”
“It is a strike, a real strike, O Grey!” he said to her in compliments.
“I did that kind of thing only one time before in any of our dates here, Laud!” she said.
“Well done! Do it again,” he said to her in good exhortation from a fond boyfriend.
“I’ll try to do that again,” she said. She threw another ball. This time it went into the gutter to the left. She then threw her last ball. And this one went into the gutter to the right. “Gutter gutter,” she said. But she was still happy. Scoring her game on her bowling sheet, Grey said, “Eighty-nine points. Not my best game. But my second best game.”
“Now my turn,” he said.
“Laud, promise me that you will not give me the game by trying to bowl bad in this frame,” she said.
“I promise,” he said.
Then she asked, “Laud, have you been bowling like this today just to let me win?”
“Never,” he said. “Nope. I’m just having an off day today.” He was happy today with her, just
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as she was with him.
“Your turn now, Laud,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“My last frame. I better make it good,” he said.
“Just one strike and you win the game,” she said.
“Or one spare, and I win,” he said.
“Nine pins, and we tie today,” she said.
“Eight pins, and I lose, and you win,” said Laud.
“Rattle rattle rattle,” she said pirouetting in place, her skirt flying about her hips.
“With you doing that, I’m liable to knock down only seven pins, woman,” he said in flirt.
Then he turned away from his cheerleader girlfriend, and he threw his first ball of this tenth and last frame. It took a slice and knocked against the number four pin and the number seven pin.
“You knocked down four pins, Laud,” said Grey in pleased commentary.
“I’ve got to do better than that on my next ball,” he said.
“How I wish that I had bet you a big candy bar on this game today,” she said.
“You stopped betting me candy bars on our bowling dates after you lost your first ten bets with me,” he said to her.
“Would you like to bet me a candy bar now?” she asked.
In the spirit of the game, he said, “Yes, Grey.”
“Snickers or Milky Way?” she asked.
“How about Oh Henry?” he asked.
“You’re on,” she said. “Whoever wins this game right now gets an Oh Henry from the one who loses this game.”
He then threw his second ball of this last frame. His ball took a hook and knocked against the number six pin and the number ten pin.
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“You knocked down four more pins, Boyfriend,” said the cheerleader in black and gray. He forfeited his third throw of this tenth frame in not getting his needed spare.
He said the final score: “Cheerleader, 89; soldier, 88.”
“My first victory ever against you, Laud!” she said.
“My first defeat to you in a hundred games, girl,” he said.
“I want my candy bar,” she said.
“I’ll get your candy bar, Grey,” he said. And he went to the vending machine and got her her reward for winning the bet.
“This is the best Oh Henry I ever had,” she teased him.
“Now I am broke,” he said facetiously.
“Mom always says, ‘Do not gamble,’” said the cheerleader in black and gray with a big broad grin. “Your girlfriend got you good this time, Laud.”
“Do unto others as they do unto you,” he said in mock indignation.
“That’s not in the Bible,” she said. “It goes like this, ‘Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them:…’”
“Matthew 7:12,” said Laud. And boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ hugged and reveled in the fun that they had here tonight at the bowling alley. “Good game, Grey,” he said.
“Thank you, Laud,” she said back to him.
“What should we tell Gray?” he asked her about her unicorn waiting outside.
“Tell him the truth,” she said.
And they took off their bowling shoes and put back on their regular shoes, and they went outside and together told the gray unicorn that his mistress beat her boyfriend this time. Gray said, “There’s a first time for everything.”
“That’s not in the Bible,” said Laud. “Is it?”
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They all thought upon this, then shook their heads in doubts. And Gray took them both back to the Palatial Palace from the bowling alley.
Then Laud said, “I feel God calling me to practice with my spear.”
“May I watch again?” she asked.
“You won’t be afraid?” he asked.
“I will stay out of your way,” she said.
“Sometimes my training does get intense,” he confessed. “I would be honored to have you with me as I do my spear training, Grey.”
“And I, too, if I can?” asked the gray unicorn. “May I stay and watch?”
“You do me kindness, grand and noble Gray,” agreed Laud. “The honor is mine.”
The three went to his place a few miles down the road to encourage him in his war games with his spear. There lay a pile of bales of hay all bundled up with thick strings and set upon a wooden wagon three feet above the ground in an open field. The hay bales were arranged upon this trailer much like the bowling pins were arranged at the bowling alley. Only instead of being arranged in a horizontal triangle like the bowling pins, these bales of hay were arranged in a vertical triangle. The bottom row had four bales all next to each other. The next higher row had three bales all next to each other and were centered evenly upon the bottom row. The next higher row had two bales up against each other, centered upon the row just below it. And the highest row had one lone bale centered upon the two bales below it.
“I saw this test before, Boyfriend,” said the cheerleader in black and gray.
“I never saw this one,” said Gray the unicorn.
Laud told the rules of this war game for himself to the gray unicorn: “I must tear apart these ten
hay bales with my spear as fast as I can. I must snap all of the binding strings and not miss one of them. I must scatter all of this straw off this wagon and onto the ground below. And I must do it like
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a white tornado. My spear must not rest for even an instant. And I must treat these bales of straw as if they are griffins themselves.”
“A soldier can get himself tired out doing something that hard,” said Gray.
“God wills me to become my best with my spear,” said the Christian warrior in training.
“How long does it take?” asked Gray.
“The quicker I get it done, the better a Christian soldier I am,” said Laud.
Grey the Daughter Of Aphrodite spoke up and said, “Last time it took my boyfriend one minute and thirty seconds to get the job done.”
“I am now hoping for a minute,” said Laud.
“He has me time his war game against the hay bales with this, Gray,” said Grey. And the cheerleader held up a tiny little hourglass. “This is how I time his attack against the straw bales with his spear. beginning to end.”
“That looks like a type of egg timer, Mistress,” said her gray unicorn.
“A little less so, Gray,” said Grey. “An egg timer measures about three minutes. This little sand timer measures exactly one minute.”
Laud said, “When I am in the middle of my mock assault, and the first minute goes by, Grey turns the little hourglass over, and it starts to trickle down on the second minute.”
“The first time that my boyfriend did this, Gray, I had to let this little hourglass run down empty five times,” said the cheerleader in black and gray.
“That was with one bale of hay only,” said Laud. “I have since built up strength and finesse and strategy. I had to learn to cut the binding ropes more readily and thoroughly. I believe now that I have learned that to God’s glory now.”
“You must have started out poorly with your spear and have become excellent with your spear since, Laud,” said the gray unicorn.
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“God is making me a soldier-for-Christ,” said Laud.
“A true griffin slayer with a spear,” the cheerleader Grey commended her boyfriend.
“Are you ready, Grey?” asked the spear man.
“I am,” said his girlfriend, raising the hourglass in both hands.
“Would you do the honor of counting down, Gray?” asked Laud.
“I would like that very much, Laud,” said the gray unicorn. Flanders stood upon the ground before the flatbed of straw bales. And Gray commenced, “On your mark. Get ready. Get set. Go.”
And Laud leaped up right upon the wagon. Grey turned the little hourglass over. Gray beheld with bated breath. And Laud assaulted the ten bales of hay with a ravaging destruction like unto a hurricane. With his spear he thrust, and he impaled, and he severed, and he tore up, and he cut wide and deep. Loose straw flew about in the air like unto a fall wind blowing all the leaves off of the deciduous trees in the north. All of the binding ropes were cut. All of the baled hay became loose and scattered about upon the platform. And all of the broken off hay was swept right off onto the ground below. Laud did all of this with his spear. And when he was done, he raised his spear above his head in his right arm and leaped off of the trailer and onto the field of ground.
Grey looked at the timer with the falling sands. Behold, it was only half empty on the top. And it was only half full on the bottom.
“Did I make it in one minute?” asked Laud, breathless and holding himself up against his vertical spear stuck into the ground and very weary.
“My my, Mistress and friend,” said the unicorn to cheerleader and soldier. Both the girl and her unicorn were watching this little timer in incredulity.
“Go ahead and tell Laud, O Gray,” said Grey.
And Gray said, “Mighty Laud of God, you did all of this in half a minute.”
“I did ten bales in thirty seconds?” asked the man with the spear.
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“You surely did, my gallant boyfriend,” said the cheerleader in black and gray.
“Valiant. Indeed valiant,” said Gray.
“Why, there’s nothing left up there on that flatbed,” said Grey.
“I have never seen such an utter destruction like this before from any soldier with his spear, Laud,” said the gray unicorn.
“I did it,” said the man of the spear. “I really did it this time.”
“Boyfriend, you can scare griffins,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Good friend,” said Gray, “I would have to say that your days of training like this to get ready for the griffins have come to their fruition.”
“I am ready for God now to slay griffins for Him,” said the man with the spear.
“My boyfriend the griffin slayer for Christ,” said Grey.
“Jesus, I come. Jesus, I come,” sang out Laud, that hymn line, now entering his ministry for which he had been training these last years like this.
“May I fight griffins with you at your side, O Laud?” asked Gray the unicorn.
“A Christian soldier like myself needs a Christian soldier like yourself to take on evil such as them, O Gray,” said Laud.
“Comrade,” agreed the gray unicorn.
“Ally,” said the Christian soldier man.
And Grey the cheerleader found even greater esteem for her boyfriend and for her unicorn, both of whom she already cherished with great endearment. He reached out his spear toward her. She reached out and took it in both hands. It was heavy with wood and iron. And it was warm with great exercise. And it was sharp at its end.
Then he said, “Shall we three finish our date at your place, Grey?” And she nodded her head.
And Gray brought them back to the Palatial Palace. And they approached her screen porch that lay
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just outside her bedroom on her wing of the five wings of the Daughters Of Aphrodite.
There just at the bottom of the steps of this back porch stood a ferocious and vicious interloper. He stood there, blocking their way. And he said to them, “Welcome back home, O group of Christ.”
Gray stopped right where he was. And he lifted his fore hooves off of the ground and stamped them back upon the ground. Laud grabbed a hold of his spear that his girlfriend had been holding on to on this ride home from his place, and he leaped off of the unicorn and ran toward the trespasser. The cheerleader in black and gray leaned her head down upon her unicorn’s mane in fear and did pray for God’s mercy.
This fell beast then raised his eagle wings and lifted up into the skies for flight. Laud saw him getting away. And Laud hurled his spear one hundred feet upward toward the fleeing bane above the house. The spear impaled this dread creature’s left wing. And he faltered in flight. He shook this spear out of his wounded left wing and rallied and did escape the Christian soldier. The spear landed upon the roof of Grey’s bedroom with a “clank.” And the surprise visitor was gone now.
This unwelcome guest was a griffin.
This griffin had actually come up to just outside of the Daughter Of Aphrodite’s bedroom and porch.
He could have come into the house.
In the house was the last hymnbook.
Never before had a griffin come so near to this prize over which good and evil fought.
“What is this world coming to when a demon like him comes right up to the Palatial Palace like this, Laud?” asked the cheerleader in black and gray.
Gray said, “My mistress, these are trying times for this world.”
And Laud spoke not, but instead climbed up to the roof and retrieved his spear which had hit its mark. And he climbed back down. Then he spoke, “I got him. He will make it back from where he
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had come. But I got him. And I wounded a griffin.”
“Look, Mistress,” said her unicorn pet. “Your screens of your porch are all rusty.”
The three looked upon them and wondered. Then the Daughter Of Aphrodite said, “That griffin’s wings must have brushed across them when he was standing here in front of them.”
Laud quickly looked upon the iron head of his spear which had impaled the griffin through his feathers of his one wing. Behold, this spear tip was rusty as well. He would have to clean it up and shine it up again for the coming battles.
“Dirty griffin,” said Laud.
“Scary griffin,” said Grey.
“Formidable griffin,” said Gray.
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CHAPTER VIII
It was Halloween and Gree and her boyfriend Tyrannus were going trick-or-treating together.
She was this day as every day dressed in her black and orange cheerleader uniform. Her ribbons and her chenille emblem with the megaphone and the name “Gree” and her cheerleader sweater and her cheerleader skirt with the zipper/button closure and her primary pleats and her contrasting pleats and her knee socks and her sneakers were all abundant with black and orange. In addition to her cheerleader uniform, Gree had on also for this special date a black witch hat and a black mask. Tyrannus said, “Your cheerleader colors are perfect for Halloween, Gree.”
“Eighteen years old is not too old for a woman and a man like ourselves to still go trick-or-treating, Boyfriend,” said Gree.
“We young men and young women like candy just like boys and girls do,” he said.
“I love your Halloween costume, Tyrannus,” she said. “Is it as heavy as it looks?”
“It is. It is real armor, too, at that,” he said.
“You are my literal knight in shining armor tonight, Boyfriend,” she said.
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“I love your Halloween costume, too, Gree,” he said.
“As I am this day going trick-or-treating, so am I every day doing my stuff in my life,” said the cheerleader in black and orange. “Except for these two extra trick-or-treat accessories.”
“You are my pretty brunette bewitcher,” he praised her.
“Boyfriend, what am I now? Am I a cheerleader, or am I a witch?” asked Gree.
“A cheerleader witch,” he said.
“Or maybe a witch cheerleader,” she said.
“My beautiful Daughter Of Aphrodite,” he said.
“Your suit of armor makes clinking sounds as you walk,” said the cheerleader in black and orange.
“What if I were to trip and fall down?” he asked. “I think that if a knight in shining armor were to fall that he could not get back up because of the weight of all of that armor.”
“Boyfriend, if you fall, I will help you to get back up again,” said Gree.
“Should I raise my visor so that I can see enough not to fall?” he asked.
“What? And scare little children?” she asked.
“Very funny, clever vixen,” he said. Both laughed together out loud.
“With that loud suit of armor, we will not be able to sneak up to a house without already being heard,” said Gree.
“The sidewalk makes me even louder,” he said.
“With my black witch hat, I won’t be able to sneak up to a house without already being seen,” said Gree.
“Your witch hat makes you look a good foot taller,” he said.
“As tall as it is in its cone, it is all the more wide in its brim,” said his girlfriend.
“Sexy hat,” he said to her. “And sexy black mask.”
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“My black mask hides some of my face,” said Gree.
“But it accentuates your pretty brown eyes,” said Tyrannus.
“Why, thank you, Tyrannus,” she said.
“Oh, here’s our first house of the night,” he said.
“My next door neighbor down the road,” said the cheerleader in black and orange.
Tyrannus knocked on the door with his gauntlet over his hand. A man who looked to be sixty years old and wearing glasses with very thick lenses and with much dark hair opened the door.
“Trick or treat,” said the two Halloween revelers.
“Ah, Gree, out trick or treating again this year,” said the fellow.
“I brought my boyfriend with me this time, Neighbor,” said Gree.
“Young man, you must be Tyrannus,” said the man at the door.
“You know me, sir?” asked Tyrannus, flattered.
“Everybody knows the Daughters Of Aphrodite and their boyfriend warriors,” this man praised Tyrannus.
“I must be famous,” said Tyrannus in self-effacement. “I had no idea.” He felt good about himself upon being recognized by a stranger.
“Neighbor,” said Gree, “I didn’t see you flying over my palace on your winged horse today.”
He said, “I came down with a little cold. And my winged horse has allergies today.”
“I’ve missed the two of you,” said Gree. “Do come back again.”
“I shall. The first thing tomorrow morning, Gree,” he said.
“And do come down and have chips and dip with us someday,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“I shall, Gree,” he said. “I love chips and dip.”
“I know,” said Gree.
Then this next door neighbor put peanut butter kisses in the bags of both trick-or-treaters.
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“Thank you, Neighbor,” said the witch.
“Thank you, kind sir,” said the knight in shining armor.
“And Happy Halloween to you two, good Gree and brave Tyrannus,” said this fellow.
“Happy Halloween,” said the two trick-or-treaters.
The next house down this road in the countryside had a little children’s playground set in its front yard. Even though it was dark, a girl about ten years old was sliding down the little slide. And when she came to the bottom, she ran up to them and said, “Hi, Gree. Hi, Sir Knight.”
“Trick or treat, my favorite little girl,” said Gree.
“Sir Knight,” said the little girl, “are you that man who will go and kill griffins?”
“I am that man, little girl,” said Tyrannus. “I think that I can start doing that for God pretty soon now.”
“Griffins are bad, bad animals,” said the little girl.
The child then put a honey crisp apple into each of their two trick-or-treat bags. Gree said, “Thank you, my fine girl.” And Tyrannus thanked her, too.
Then the little girl asked, “Mr. Knight in shining armor, are you going to fight those griffins in all of your armor?”
“No, little miss,” he said. “My armor is God Himself.”
“God is the best kind of armor,” said the little girl. “He is my Saviour.”
“That is good news to hear,” said Tyrannus. “He is my Saviour as well. And He is Gree’s Saviour, too.”
“Oh knight. It was Gree who helped me to find my new Saviour.” said the young girl.
“Glory to God,” said Tyrannus. “My girlfriend is not silent when it comes to witnessing to others.”
Then they all bade a “Good-bye” for now, and the two continued down the rural road on to the
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third house down the road from the Palatial Palace. At this house was a whole line of white concrete columns in the front left to right. Tyrannus counted them and said, “Ten pillars, Gree!” They came up to this house, and Flanders was about to knock, and then he saw a door knocker on the front door. With his gauntleted hands, he could not get a hold of it to use it. With her hands uncovered Gree went ahead to use the door knocker. And an older couple about one hundred years old answered the door. They had no glasses and no contact lenses, but they squinted their eyes in an effort to see who was here at their door. And they had no hearing aids, but they still heard the door knocker. They had no dentures, but they also had no real teeth. And the woman had less hair than did the man. “Who’s out here?” asked the old man.
“It is us, old-timer,” said the cheerleader in black and orange.
The old woman said to the old man, “Did she call you ‘old-timer,’ Husband?”
“Yes,” he said. “I think that that is what she said.”
“Then it must be a Daughter Of Aphrodite,” said the old woman.
“Is that you, O Gree?” asked the old fellow.
“She said something about ‘us.’ when she told us who was here,” said the old lady.
“Is that you with her, Tyrannus?” asked the old guy.
“Yes,” said Gree and Tyrannus together.
The old man said, “You two heroes are always welcome to our house. Do come in.” The two followed the man and the woman into the house.
“We came for trick-or-treat,” said Gree.
“Trick-or-treat,” said the old lady. “It is that day already this year.”
“Happy Halloween to the both of you,” said Tyrannus.
The old man understood now. And he grabbed up two handfuls of coffee flavored hard candy, and put one handful into Gree’s trick-or-treat bag and one handful into Tyrannus’s trick-or-treat bag.
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“Thank you, old-timers,” said Gree most affably.
“I thank you two, too, old timers,” said Tyrannus, seeking to say the right words.
“Husband, he calls us just what Gree calls us,” said the old lady.
“We can call him family just as we can call her family now,” said the old timer.
And the old lady said, “You two have blessed us this day, Tyrannus, Gree.”
“Go and get those nasty demons, Tyrannus,” exhorted the old man about griffins.
“I shall do my best,” said Tyrannus.
And they left to go to the next house down the road a way. This fourth house was a little cabin with no windows and with a door on each wall in the middle. “This is Principal Principle’s cabin. Isn’t it, Gree?” asked Tyrannus. He was the high school principal.
“Uh huh,” said Gree. “All four of our years there.”
“Now we are alumni,” said Tyrannus.
“Which door should we knock on, do you think?” asked Tyrannus.
“Being his neighbor I know,” said Gree. “We must knock on the north door. His other doors don’t shut up right after they get opened.”
“Why doesn’t he just fix the other three doors?” asked Tyrannus.
“He doesn’t like to work on the cabin in his spare time,” said Gree.
“He certainly likes to work hard on his job,” said Tyrannus. “No matter what, he was always there for us when we came to him with a problem.”
“Principal Principle cares more for his students than he does his cabin,” said Gree.
“Well, girl, let’s go knock on the north door of his cabin,” said Tyrannus. And they came and stood before the north door. Both knocked on his door at the same time, and a real little man opened the door and looked upon his visitors in their Halloween costumes.
“Trick or treat, Principal Principle,” greeted Tyrannus and Gree.
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Tilting his head up to look them in the face, the high school principal recognized them at once.
“Ah, my good valedictorian and my good salutatorian,” he called up to them. “What a happy day it is for me to see my best two students of the school.”
“It is good to see you, Mr. Principle.” said Tyrannus.
“And the same for me, too,” said Gree.
“Happy Halloween to you two,” said the dwarf. And he said, “Gree, your favorite food in the cafeteria was our little half-pints of chocolate milk.” He at once went to his little refrigerator, got out a fresh cold such chocolate milk and read the expiration date, “November 15.” “For you, good Gree,” he said. And he put it into her trick-or-treat bag.
“Thank you, sir,” said the cheerleader in black and orange. “You remember.”
And the real small man then said, “And, Tyrannus, you liked our cafeteria’s chocolate pudding.
Our chocolate puddings in the cafeteria are small. But I shall give you a big chocolate pudding. I found this big one at the grocery store. But now I want to give it to you for trick-or-treat.” And the grateful principal went back to his refrigerator and got out a big bowl of cold chocolate pudding from the dairy department all ready to eat, and he put it into Tyrannus’s trick-or-treat bag.
“Thank you. Thank you, sir,” said Tyrannus.
“Happy Halloween to you both,” said the high school principal.
“I would like to do something for you, Mr. Principle,” said Tyrannus. “May I have the honor of repairing your other three doors to your log cabin?”
“I want to help,” said Gree. “Can I help, too, Tyrannus, Mr. Principle?”
And the short fellow with a big heart said, “I would be most grateful, O good Christians.”
And Tyrannus said, “I and my girlfriend-in-the-Lord and her unicorn Orange can come over first thing tomorrow, and we can fix those doors so that they can close as surely as they can open.”
“Surely God is in all three of you to do something like that for me,” said the good principal.
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“God bless you, Mr. Principle,” said Tyrannus.
“God be with you, Mr. Principle,” said Gree.
And the principal bade them a “Happy Halloween.”
And the two proceeded to the next house in the countryside in this neighborhood of the Daughters Of Aphrodite. At this fifth house a man and his dog and his cat came to the door. Knight and cheerleader witch said, “Trick or treat.”
The dog backed away farther into the house, and the cat stood there in trembling. Their master said, “That’s all right, Rover. It’s okay, Felix. It’s Tyrannus in that suit of armor. And that’s Gree underneath that witch hat and in that mask.” At once the dog came back into the doorway, and the cat stopped trembling.
“Hello, Old Farmer,” said Gree.
“Hi, friend,” said Tyrannus.
Old Farmer then said, “I’ve got nothing but Bit-O-Honeys for now. Lots of trick-or-treaters have come and cleaned me out.”
“Bit-O-Honeys?” asked Tyrannus.
“My boyfriend and I are fond of them,” said Gree.
“I may have only this one kind of candy left for now, guys, but I’ve got a whole bag of them,” said the man.
“I would be glad for a piece,” said Tyrannus.
“You two trick-or-treaters are good Christian folk,” said the man. “You both have your work cut out for you with all of these griffins who are coming around now. Keeping that last hymnbook safe is a dangerous job. I’ve been praying for the whole bunch of you down the road. For the both of you, you two are not just getting one Bit-O-Honey. I’m giving the both of you together the whole bag.
“The whole bag, Old Farmer?” called forth the cheerleader in black and orange in glee.
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And the man with the dog and the cat poured half of the bag into Gree’s trick-or-treat bag and half of the bag into Tyrannus’s trick-or-treat bag. As he did so the big dog poked his head into the Halloween witch’s bag, and the cat put his paw into the Halloween knight’s bag. “Get your head out of there, Rover. You already had dog treats for dinner. And you, Felix, already had your cat treats. Get your paw out of there.” And the two pets obeyed their master.
“Thank you, sir,” said Tyrannus.
“Thanks for your generosity, Old Farmer,” said Gree.
“I’ll keep you both in my prayers,” said the man. “And also the rest of your family and your group in your good cause for God,
“We appreciate those,” said Gree.
“We can use your prayers,” said Tyrannus.
And they left this farmer and continued their trick-or-treating in this isolated countryside. They got done in the dark of night. Their bags were now full of candy and other good food. And they walked back to the Palatial Palace. There Tyrannus took off his suit of armour and was again in his blue jeans and his long-sleeved cotton shirt and his vest and his penny loafers with no socks. Gree took off her witch hat and her black mask, and she was once again the traditional black and orange cheerleader in full.
After a moment of respite from this Halloween diversion, Gree said, “You didn’t tell me about what you did for your training today, Tyrannus.”
“That’s because I did not train yet today,” he said. “I was saving that for after trick-or-treating.”
“Oh. What will you do tonight then for practice?” she asked.
“Would you like to come over and find out?” he asked.
“This night is yet young,” she said. “I want to see my soldier do his war game thing again this night, too.”
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“It might be a little more violent than a young lady would like to see,” he said.
“Necessary violence to prepare for the violence that the griffins hope to bring upon us,” said Gree.
And they rode her unicorn Orange in this warm evening to his place down the road a way. He set to work to prepare for his training in his back yard under the light of the full moon. As he made his preparations, Gree was standing and holding up his battle-axe on its bottom of the handle upon the ground. As heavy as its handle was in its length, its blade was all the more heavy way up at this top. It was so heavy that she was leaning to one side in her endeavors to keep it straight. Her boyfriend was setting up little structures. Each structure was one cement block resting horizontally upon two thick logs set up vertically. A space of about one foot lay between these two logs of each structure. And the battle-axe man went and made ten of these structures.
“Tyrannus, you are going to break cement blocks upon sets of logs,” she said.
“Hopefully all ten with ten blows, Gree,” he said.
“Last time, you went and broke logs upon sets of cement blocks,” she said. “You did ten of those with ten blows.”
“I need it to be harder this time,” he said.
“Cement blocks are harder than wooden logs,” she concurred.
“Griffins are harder to break than either wooden logs or cement blocks,” he said.
“This battle-axe is making me to fall down, Tyrannus,” said the cheerleader in black and orange.
“I am ready now for my practice of the day, Gree,” he said. And he came up to her and took the battle-axe for her and came up to his ten structures with the battle-axe in both of his hands.
He stood there for a moment, took a breath in, took a breath out, and commenced. In a furious flurry he swung down and struck cement blocks and lifted back up his deadly battle-axe over and over again. Sparks flew. Clashing echoed. And wind blew upon her. Then he was done. The sparks
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went out. The clashing became silent. And the wind ceased. Behold, ten cement blocks broken into two with ten blows from Tyrannus’s battle-axe.
“Tyrannus, are you all right?” asked the Daughter Of Aphrodite. “I have never seen you fight any of your war games like you have fought this war game.”
He stood there, panting, and he leaned upon his battle-axe, the head of the battle-axe resting upon the ground before his feet. He said, “I am okay, fair Gree. I just have to get my breath back.”
“I have seen you do hard things in your hard training before, Boyfriend,” she said, “but nothing like what you just did right now.”
“It gets harder next,” he said.
“Tomorrow?” she asked.
“This night,” he said, “right after I get my strength back.”
“What can be harder than breaking cement blocks?” she asked the battle-axe soldier-in-training.
“Taking down a part of a forest,” he said. He pointed to a little woods of box elders not far away from this field in his back yard.
She gazed upon it and said, “It’s dark in there, Tyrannus. A battle-axe warrior might not be able to see where he’s swinging in there, even with a full moon.”
“I shall be just outside of its edge and swinging my battle-axe with this light of the full moon shining down upon me. I shall be able to see where I am swinging from just outside of the forest,” he said.
He began to walk over there. She followed him. And they came to the edge of this field right up against this little woods. He said, “Trees are going to fall, my comely cheerleader. You might want to stay a little distance away from my work.” She paced some steps away from the forest and turned to look.
He held his battle-axe this time horizontally for this war game. And he began. Hack! Hack!
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Hack! Hack! Hack! Behold a box elder began to fall back into this field. He stepped off to the side to avoid it in its descent. And it came crashing down beside him. He continued on with the next tree in this part of the practice for the night. Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Behold a second box elder began to fall. This one was falling back into the woods. He stepped back out of the way of the base of the falling tree. And with a crash, it fell down into the forest. He then went to the third tree of this box elder forest. Slice! Slice! Slice! Slice! Slice! And this tree began to fall off to the left. He agilely darted to the right to avoid getting hit by this tree. And it fell down upon the field and just missed hitting any of the other trees of this woods. Tyrannus then attacked his fourth tree with his battle-axe.
Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack! And this fourth tree began to fall this time off toward the right. Tyrannus was forced to dodge quickly to the left to not get knocked down by this tree. And it fell down upon other trees that were still standing here in the edge of the woods. And these other trees fell down all around Tyrannus, but he was not hurt. Fifth he went to a Box elder tree that was bigger than any of the others at this edge of the woods. If it took five blows of his battle-axe to fell the other four trees that he had cut down, surely this one would take ten blows of his battle-axe. He said to Gree, “Girlfriend, I must fell this tree, also, with five blows.”
“It can’t be done, Boyfriend,” said the cheerleader in black and orange. “Even you cannot do that.”
“With God on my side, I can do that, Gree,” he said.
“That I believe, Tyrannus,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
And he began. Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! And this biggest box elder began to fall. And it began to fall backwards right down toward him where he stood. He could not get out of the way of this falling tree. And with most innovative strategy the battle-axe warrior braced his battle-axe up and down in front of himself to act as a shield, and he ducked his head some few feet from the top of this battle-axe. Behold, the massive box elder trunk landed squarely upon the top of the battle-axe
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right in front of Tyrannus. And it drove the battle-axe three feet into the ground. And it acted like unto a teeter-totter on its fulcrum, the top part leaning down on Tyrannus’s side of the battle-axe and falling slowly and safely behind where he was squatting. Then it fell off of the fulcrum to the side, landing safely to the man’s side with a great crash. “Amen!” said the battle-axe warrior. And he stood back straight up and reached down and pulled back up out of the earth his weapon for God.
“Tyrannus, I have never seen a man do something so impossible as what you have just done,” said the cheerleader in black and orange.
“Mistress,” said Orange, “what more does he have to do to become a griffin slayer?”
“Nothing,” said Gree. “Tyrannus, you have arrived as a battle-axe warrior for God.”
“No Christian can say of himself in Christ, ‘I have arrived,’” said Tyrannus, panting hard now after this second war game of this night’s practice. “But I know now that I am now ready in the Lord to take on the Devil’s griffins in battles for Jesus.”
“Would you like an orange unicorn to fight with you and for you in Christ, O Tyrannus?” asked Orange.
“Good and brave Orange, I need you in my life as a griffin slayer now,” said Tyrannus. “I most happily consent to your offer.” He then leaned upon his staff to hold himself up. His breath came back. His legs became strong again. And his arms felt better. “That last one was a close call.”
“Shall we go back to my place and celebrate and have some rest?” asked the Daughter Of Aphrodite. Both unicorn and soldier nodded their heads in assent. And Orange brought them both back to the Palatial Palace not far away.
They now stood before Gree’s back porch of her wing of the five wings of the great palace.
The cheerleader in black and orange said, “I can’t wait to break into my bag of Halloween candy, guys.”
“I’m hungry for chocolates, too, girl,” said Tyrannus.
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And the orange unicorn said, “I’m a unicorn. I don’t care for trick-or-treat goodies.”
Gree then said, “Let’s come into my porch. I’ll go and get both bags of tonight’s trick-or-treat from my bedroom.”
She then turned back and opened the screen door to her porch. Behold, a guttural squawk of a voice from within this porch called forth with great authority, saying, “I want your hymnbook! Where is it, O Daughter Of Aphrodite?”
The cheerleader screamed. The unicorn tooted an alarm on his unicorn horn. The Christian soldier swung his battle-axe. And a screech of pain came out from the doorway. And out flew the visitor in the night. And glass windows broke in great chaos in his flight. And he escaped. Behold, on the threshold of this door was a severed lion paw. The three knew what it was. The three knew what this meant. The three prayed to God.
A griffin had finally entered into the Palatial Palace for the first of such an occurrence among griffin kind.
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CHAPTER IX
It was a clear and warm autumn morning. An august conclave was being conducted. And it was taking place in a part of Aphrodite’s front yard far away from the Palatial Palace. It was being held in a meadow of clearing in the midst of her Christmas tree farm. A good white dragon and a good gray dragon were the speakers. The good white dragon was the good angel Michael. The good gray dragon was the good angel Gabriel. And with them were the Christian soldiers called of God now to go out and slay the griffins. There was Flanders and his saber. There was Proffery and his foil. There was Regalroyal and his bow and arrow. There was Laud and his spear. There was Tyrannus and his battle-axe.
Michael spoke and said, “O mighty and formidable Christian men, you five and your girlfriend’s unicorns are now called of God to go and slay Beelzebub’s griffins. The ten of you will be the most fully involved Christian soldiers of the ages-long war between good and evil. Aphrodite and her daughters may well see the culmination of this war between good and evil take place inside their own palace. You ten must protect the family and the palace and the attic and the hymnbook.”
Gabriel then spoke and said, “In this world of today, Beelzebub has fifty griffins at his disposal.
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These fifty griffins go to and fro through the Earth and walk up and down in it. These are the last remaining griffins of a world where there were once many more such griffins. A pandemic of sickness had come upon the griffins not too many decades ago, a sickness as of rapid aging unique to griffin kind, and they all died. These fifty griffins that remain in the world are immune to this unusual griffin sickness. They are living and well and will seek Beelzebub’s will for a long time on this Earth. Your job is to slay these last fifty griffins all who seek Aphrodite’s hymnbook with the strength and cleverness and tenacity of Beelzebub.”
Michael then spoke and said, ‘Good Christian soldiers, “We also must tell you about Abaddon and Apollyon. These are Beelzebub’s two high griffins. Abaddon stands to Beelzebub’s left. Apollyon stands to Beelzebub’s right. ‘Abaddon’ by definition means ‘Destroyer.’ ‘Apollyon’ by definition means ‘Destruction.’ No disease can hinder these three griffins.”
Gabriel spoke and said, “Christian soldiers, we have come to you here from Heaven to teach you about angelic warfare in high places so that you can wage earthly warfare in low places.”
Michael said, “It is all about Beelzebub’s rebellion against Christ and his war against Christians and his quest to take away hymns from the Earth.”
Gabriel said, “And at this point of mankind’s history, this evil wrought by Beelzebub is mainly focused upon seizing and burning up in hellfire that book The Tome Of Hymns.”
“Where did Beelzebub come from?” asked Michael a rhetorical question. “He was originally Lucifer, the brightest and most wise and most beautiful and most powerful angel of all of the Lord’s angels. It is written in Ezekiel 28:12-15 about Beelzebub when he was a good angel, ‘…, Thus saith the Lord God; Thou sealest up the sum, full of wisdom, and perfect in beauty. Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God: every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold: the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou wast created.
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Thou art the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou wast upon the holy mountain of God; thou hast walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire. Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the days that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee.’”
Gabriel went on to say, “Lucifer had fallen into discontent at being God’s number one angel. Lucifer came to want to become God Himself. It is written in Isaiah 14:12-15 about Lucifer’s fall, ‘How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations! For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.’” Gabriel continued, “In Lucifer’s five ‘I will,’ statements, he was saying: 1) That though he was a created being, he wanted to be in the dwelling of God [‘Heaven’] 2) That he wanted to rule over the angelic realm [‘stars of God’] 3) That he wanted to have messianic anointing in God’s kingdom [‘mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north’] 4)That he wanted to have glory that God alone possesses [‘heights of the clouds’] 5) That he wanted to take the very place of God Himself [‘be like the most High’].”
Michael said, “He fell upon pride. And Lucifer became Beelzebub. You know him by his other names–’The Devil’ and ‘Satan.’ Beelzebub was the first fallen angel of God’s hierarchy of angels. He became an evil angel. And one third of the other angels joined his side against God in a universal rebellion. God, in His absolute utmost sovereignty, went ahead and cast Beelzebub and his fellow fallen angels out of Heaven. These evil angels were cast down to the skies above the ground on this planet Earth. These are the griffins that you all know about. You might know them by their other names: ‘demons,’ ‘devils,’ and ‘unclean spirits.’”
Gabriel went on to say, “And Beelzebub and his griffins all hate that book of hymns that you are called of God to keep safe. They already got rid of all of the other hymnbooks in this world. Nothing
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would make them happier than seizing that very last hymnbook and casting it down into hellfire. In a sense, one could say that they want to damn The Tome Of Hymns.”
A moment of silence passed among the seven of God. Then Flanders asked, “Michael, Gabriel, why does not Beelzebub seek to take out the Bible from the Earth? Surely the God-breathed Scriptures do more for our cause than does even a book of hymns.”
“God has promised to keep His Word for ever and ever, good soldier of God,” said Michael. “He will preserve the King James Bible consummately to the uttermost.. And God does not lie. But to keep safe the world’s hymnbooks, God has never promised such.”
Gabriel then spoke up and said, “But Beelzebub has nonetheless been at war with the King James Version Bible from its very start. The translators of the King James Commission were persecuted by the Catholic church for this Good Book. Some were burned at the stake. Many became martyrs for the perfect Word of God. They even coerced the King James Commission to include the Apocrypha in the original draft. The Apocrypha is a forfeit.”
And Michael said, “In these days of apostasy the King James is said to be outdated and hard to understand. And new Bible translations have come up to compete with the King James. These are the New King James Bible and the New International Version Bible and many others. They all have been translated from original false manuscripts of long ago. And they add to and take away from the true Word of God. And God has promised in Revelation 22:18-19 that damnation awaits all of these translators of these modern Bibles so abundant in the world. Beelzebub loves all of these false Bibles. They all cause confusion and doubt about God’s Word. This is how he attacks the Authorized King James Version Holy Bible today.”
Proffery spoke and said, “So Beelzebub fights against the Good Book by way of making other Bibles that say different things, and he fights against the hymnbooks of the world by way of eradication throughout everywhere.”
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“Quite, good Proffery,” said Gabriel. “And just as Beelzebub has his own Bibles, he also has his own music.”
“Music with the beat of the world to it and not with the melody of the Spirit with it,” said Michael.
Gabriel said, “Genres such as rock and roll and country and jazz and pop rock and rap and even Christian rock and Christian rap.”
Regalroyal spoke up and said, “Pastor told us that in Christian rock, though the words may honor the Lord, the beat behind the words is of the world instead.”
And Laud spoke and said, “Christian rap, Gabriel? Truly an absurd genre at that. ‘Christian’ and ‘rap’ are diametrically opposed.”
“True, Regalroyal, Laud,” said Gabriel. “Beelzebub tempts with such music. Such music is loud noise, and Beelzebub likes loud noise.”
Michael then said, “The lost person listening to the Devil’s music knows what the Devil is saying to him, but he does not know that it is the Devil who is saying that. And the good and faithful Christian who happens to hear the Devil’s music can tell that it is the Devil who is saying something, but he cannot tell what it is that the Devil is saying.”
“Spooky,” said Regalroyal.
“Subtle,” said Flanders.
“I can see why Beelzebub does not want Christians to sing hymns,” said Proffery. “These good old-fashioned hymns glorify Jesus in lyrics and in beat and in worship.”
“I can just see Beelzebub cringing when our girlfriends and their mom sing from their hymnbook,” said Tyrannus.
“Just think, brethren,” said Laud. “At one time whole flocks of many good Baptist churches used to do all the time what only Aphrodite and our girlfriends can do now only in their attic.”
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“If the griffins do get that book of hymns, my brothers, then no one can sing to Jesus again in all of this world,” said Flanders.
And Proffery said, “We five soldiers have a most holy calling from God Almighty.”
And Regalroyal said, “Not just we five here, but also our girlfriends and their unicorns and the matriarch Aphrodite herself.”
“God is using us to preserve singing for Christ.” summed up Flanders.
Michael said, “The Holy Bible has many verses about singing for Jesus. It refers to ‘singing for
Jesus’ as ‘making a joyful noise unto the Lord.’”
“It is written,” said Gabriel, “’Make a joyful noise unto God, all ye lands: Sing forth the honour of his name: make his praise glorious.’ Psalm 66:1-2.”
“Also it is written,” said Michael, “’O come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.’ Psalm 95:1.”
“Again is it written,” said Gabriel, “’Sing aloud unto God our strength: make a joyful noise unto the God of Jacob.’ Psalm 81:1.”
“Further it is written,” said Michael, “’Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.’ Psalm 95:2.”
“Even again it is written,” said Gabriel, “’Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise,’ Psalm 98:4.”
“Even once again is it written,” expounded Michael, “’With trumpets and sound of cornets make a joyful noise before the Lord, the King.’ Psalm 98:6.”
“And finally in the Psalter, God’s Word says, ‘Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.
Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.’ Psalm 100:1-2,” said Gabriel.
After all of this was said, Flanders said, “I knew that hymns were important to God and fun for us born-again believers. But now I know how integral they are in God’s creation.”
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Proffery spoke now and said, “As singing of hymns were and are and evermore shall be in Heaven, so must singing of hymns continue on here on Earth.”
And Regalroyal said what he now believed: “Cannot a believer love his Saviour more with a life of hymns than he can without a life of hymns?”
And Laud dared say, “If angels and resurrected saints sing hymns to God, ought not we saints still on Earth do likewise?”
And Tyrannus said, “A believer need not to first have a good singing voice in order to go and make a joyful noise unto God.”
Then Gabriel said, “My listeners, think upon Job 38:7 all about when God created the heaven and the earth.”
And Michael said, “’When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy.’ Job 38:7.”
Even stars sang.
This, all of this, was what Beelzebub wanted to take out of God’s Earth.
Flanders spoke and said, “These wars that we will soon fight against the last fifty griffins on Earth. Will we have you two on our side, Michael, Gabriel?”
Michael said, “You will not have us good dragons fighting for you against the fifty.”
Gabriel said, “Our focus as the good dragons is on Beelzebub and his two captains.”
Proffery asked, “But God will help us. Won’t he?”
And Gabriel said, “God will help you. He helps his Christian soldiers in their battles, and He helps us good angels in our battles.”
“Can good angels die?” asked Regalroyal.
“Good angels cannot die,” said Michael. “But good Christians can die.”
Laud said, “If that happens to me, I am ready to meet my Maker.”
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And Gabriel said, “First be willing to live for Christ; then be willing to die for Christ.”
And Laud said, “I will fight for God’s hymnbook.”
And Michael said, “Fight first for the Good Lord for all things.”
Flanders said, “I read how you have confronted Beelzebub a few times, mighty Michael.” He went on to say, “It is all about Daniel 10:12-13.”
Pleased with this swordsman for Christ, Michael said, “You know that passage, O wise man of God. Tell me it, if you would, as you see it.”
And Flanders recited these two verses: “Then said he to me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me; and I remained there with the kings of Persia.”
“Tell your good white dragon what you see in these words, good Flanders,” said Michael.
“I see this:” said Flanders. “It took place back in Earth’s days of the Medo-Persian Empire. The emperor was Cyrus. And God was sending the prophet Daniel a vision. And Daniel did not understand the vision. So he prayed and asked the Lord to explain the vision to him. And God sent Daniel a messenger angel to tell him what this vision was saying. Well, Beelzebub found out about this. And he came after this messenger angel and stopped him before he could get to Daniel, and he fought against this angel. And he hindered God from answering Daniel’s prayer by wrestling with this angel sent by God. Then God sent you, Michael, to go there and to break up this fight. And that you did. Then Beelzebub left. And the messenger angel was free now to go to Daniel and to tell him what he needed to know from God.”
“You know then who this prince of the kingdom of Persia was, wise Bible student,” said Michael.
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“It had to be Beelzebub, the griffin of griffins,” said Flanders.
“And you know who was speaking these two verses and to whom he was speaking, O man of God,” said Michael.
“It was the messenger angel, and he was speaking to Daniel the prophet,” said Flanders.
And Proffery exclaimed, “Why, these two angels fought for twenty-one days.”
“Well understood, Proffery,” said Gabriel.
“I heard about another battle that you had with Beelzebub, O Michael,” said Proffery.
“In the Scriptures, good man?” asked Michael.
“In the book of Jude,” said Proffery.
“Jude 9, wise Proffery,” said Michael.
Proffery recited this verse, “Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he disputed about the body of Moses, durst not bring against him a railing accusation, but said, The Lord rebuke thee.”
“Moses, the prophet of prophets,” said Gabriel.
“I don’t understand this verse,” said Proffery.
Michael said, “Allow me to edify you five Bible students.” And Michael preached the Word of God of Jude 9: “I and Beelzebub had a fight about the grave of Moses. I did not know where Moses was buried. Beelzebub did not know where Moses was buried. God had hid Moses’s grave from us. And He had hid Moses’s grave from mankind. God knew that if mankind had known where Moses’s body was buried that then mankind would make a holy shrine out of this sepulchre. And men would glorify and worship Moses the man. Only God is worthy of worship. His name is Jealous, because men worship false idols. Beelzebub wants such worship. But he was willing to concede such worship to Moses if it made God jealous. So Beelzebub searched the world over to find Moses’s dead body.
But even he could not find this grave. God would not let him find it. God then sent me to confront
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Beelzebub about his wicked search. Beelzebub and I fought. I tell you, if I am God’s strongest good angel, Beelzebub is nonetheless more than a match for myself. In my struggle against Beelzebub, I could have told him off. But even I have to respect Beelzebub the prince of the griffins. Instead I said to him, ‘The Lord rebuke thee.’ This was the way that God would have it.”
Gabriel went on to say, “Beelzebub to this day, much of Earth’s history later, still has not found Moses’s grave. Only God knows where the great prophet is buried.”
“’The secret things belong unto the Lord our God,…’ Deuteronomy 29:29,” said Michael.
Then Gabriel said, “Men of God, Beelzebub is no longer focused on Moses’s grave. Now Beelzebub is focused on you Christian soldiers and on the hymnbook that you are called to protect. Take heed to God’s Word that comes out of my mouth: It is written about these last days, ‘…, for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.’ Revelation 12:12. Flanders, look now upon your saber. Proffery, look now upon your épée. Regalroyal, look now upon your bow and arrow. Laud, look now upon your spear. Tyrannus, look now upon your battle-axe.” Flanders looked upon his saber. Proffery looked upon his épée. Regalroyal looked upon his bow and arrow. Laud looked upon his spear. Tyrannus looked upon his battle-axe.
And Gabriel then went on to say, “Look not upon man-made weapons. Look upon the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. It is written, ‘Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually.’ I Chronicles 16:11.”
“In the name of the Lord will I wage my battles,” said Flanders.
“I will trust in God and not in my weapon,” said Proffery.
“I promise to keep my eyes on Jesus,” said Regalroyal.
“God Almighty shall fight my battles for me,” said Laud.
“Through God I shall prevail,” said Tyrannus.
“Very well declared, good soldiers of Christ,” said Gabriel.
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The good gray dragon and the good white dragon looked upon each other in a short while of muteness. And both good dragons nodded their heads. And Michael spoke and said, “It is time for a hymn right now.”
And Gabriel said, “Let us sing the hymn, ‘All Hail The Power.’”
A silent moment passed. Then the seven personages sang this hymn of worship of Christ:
“1. All hail the power of Jesus’ name!
Let angels prostrate fall;
Bring forth the royal diadem,
And crown Him Lord of all;
Bring forth the royal diadem,
And crown Him Lord of all!
2. Ye chosen seed of Israel’s race,
Ye ransomed from the fall,
Hail Him who saves you by His grace,
And crown Him Lord of all;
Hail Him who saves you by His grace,
And crown Him Lord of all!
3. Let ev’ry kindred, ev’ry tribe,
On this terrestrial ball,
To Him all majesty ascribe,
And crown Him Lord of all;
To Him all majesty ascribe,
And crown Him Lord of all!
4. O that with yonder sacred throng
We at His feet may fall!
We’ll join the everlasting song,
And crown Him Lord of all;
We’ll join the everlasting song,
And crown Him Lord of all!”
Gabriel then adjourned this conclave with the closing, “We are on the winning side.”
And Michael said his final words of this conclave: “They are on the losing side.”
Then the two good dragons of God lifted up into the air and ascended above the clouds and returned to Heaven.
And the five Christian soldiers had a prayer meeting. Then they returned to their homes
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to read the Bible. After that they returned to the house of Aphrodite, and they told the Daughters Of Aphrodite and their unicorns what they they had seen in the front yard by the Christmas trees where the conclave had taken place. And Aphrodite had a word of prayer for the five men and for the five women and for the five unicorns and for herself and for the hymnbook in the Sanctuary. And then the five soldiers returned to their homes with their respective weapons for God.
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CHAPTER X
How did these five Christian warriors called to slay griffins first become born-again Christians in the first place? This chapter will summarize all five men believer’s testimonies of salvation one by one.
The man Flanders, before he got saved, was a curser and a murmurer and a complainer. At his best, he would throw out a euphemism of bitterness at his circumstance. At his worst, he would curse God and wish to die. In between his best and his worst, he would go on a long tirade against the Lord Who had let something bad happen to him. Though he saw himself as a man of great emotional endurance and strength, he in truth was thrown about by life’s vicissitudes, and he could not cope with the trials that would come into his life day by day. The good times did Flanders take for granted and come to expect. The bad times did Flanders cry foul and see them as unjust attacks upon his happiness.
His greatest murmurs at God were always regrets that God had not made him a perfect being. Flanders had come to believe that if he were perfect then he could finally be happy in his life. A perfect man, he thought, would not have problems coming into his life that would make him angry. He could type and not make typos. He could stock groceries at his grocery store job, and he would not drop anything. He
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could walk and never stub his toe. He could remember where he put something, and he would never have to look for it. And he could never slip in the ice and fall down in the winters. As in many people’s casting of blame, so, too, was Flanders’s casting of blame: It was always “God’s fault.” Indeed regarding Flanders’s daily bad words at God, it was a wonder that God did not strike him dead. But this egregious sin could not continue forever. One day Flanders had gone over the line. And God smote him. What happened just before God had had enough? It was a foggy day in the countryside. And Flanders cursed the fog of God and charged with meanness the God Who had brought this fog. He stood at the edge of this road. It was County Trunk Q. He was on foot and on a walk and in a hurry to cross this road. He could not see the traffic. The drivers of the beasts could not see him. “This fog is dangerous, God!” he murmured in indignation at the Lord as he stood there. “Don’t you know that I am trying to get to the library already?” Then he ordered the Lord, “Get rid of all of these people. Or else. The last thing that I need in my life is to get hit by an ass.” He then told God where to go, and then he said the malediction about doom. Then he huffed insolently right up to God. And he again looked both ways. And he began to walk across the county highway. Behold, a bray loud and long to his left! And an ass went by going to his right! And he nicked Flanders in his knees where he stood. And then it went by, shrouded by this fog going just as it had been shrouded by the fog coming. Flanders was not wounded. But, boy, what a volcanic rage consumed upon Flanders from this. He nearly got hit!. God did not have the right to do this to him like this. And God was going to get it good this time. In a storm inside of himself full of thunder and lightning, just as soon as this beast just barely missed him on this road, Flanders hauled off with his devilish tongue and cursed the holy God with the most flagrant expletive of the English language. His hand fortified his word up toward where God was.
And, thinking to have had the last word with the “big bad wolf” of God, Flanders, this time without looking both ways, sought to finish crossing this rural foggy road. He stepped into the next lane, where traffic was traveling from his right to his left. Boom! There was no warning.. There was no missing
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this time. He was sent flying off to the other side of this road. He fell into a ditch of tall unmowed grass. And the driver rode off without stopping or slowing down. And Flanders was oblivious to the uttermost. It is written, “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” Hebrews 10:31.
Indeed so consummate was the rebuking of God Almighty upon this fierce and discontented rebel that this man in the ditch was not murmuring anymore right now. Was he going to make it? He doubted that he would. He was a bad man who deserved to go to Hell. And Hell was where he would go were he to die like this by the side of the road in the thick fog. Humbled most effectually, Flanders rallied his senses, and he spoke to God in a prayer instead of a railing. And he said up toward Heaven, “Have mercy on me the chief of sinners, O Lord.” Just then a medium white dog came up to him and kissed his face with his tongue as Flanders lay upon his back. Flanders struggled to lift his head from the ground to see this friendly benefactor better. He looked to have a kind smile to his lips around his teeth. He looked to be a Samoyed. Just then a man came up, saying, “What do you see, Grins?’” “Grins” must have been the name of the Samoyed. And Flanders saw a man with what looked to be a black Bible in his hand. Then Flanders must have passed out where he lay. And when he came back to, he was in a strange bed in a strange room, and there was this Bible man and his Samoyed with him.
This man said, “Grins and I saw that you were hurt, Flanders.”
“You know me, sir?” asked Flanders.
“Everybody in this part of the county knows you, Flanders,” he said. “You are the one who yells at Jesus.”
He thought and said, “Yeah. That’s I.”
This man then picked up that black Bible from a desk in the corner of this room. And he said, “I am Deacon Parlance of the Baptist church in town. Would you like to hear some Bible verses right now?”
“I think, Deacon Parlance, that that would be good for me right now,” said Flanders.
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“It is written,” said the good Samaritan of a deacon, “’And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord; and the Lord heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the Lord burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.’ Numbers 11:1.”
“That’s mumbling against God,” said Flanders in reference to all of his complaining and griping. “I repent of that now.”
“It is written,” said the good Baptist deacon, “’But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.’ Matthew 12:36.”
“That’s worse. That is murmuring against God,” said Flanders about all of his accusations against Christ. “I repent of blaming God for things.”
Then the life saver and the soul winner said, “It is written, ‘Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.’ Exodus 20:7.”
“That is the worst. These words are maledictions. And God’s name is the most sacrilegious of all curse words,” said Flanders about swearing. “I repent of saying the Lord’s name in vain.”
“This day is so great salvation near to a man who used to speak like Beelzebub,” said Deacon Parlance.
“Whatever I need to do to find this salvation for myself I will do it right now,” said Flanders.
And the witness warrior led Flanders through the sinners’ prayer where he lay. And Flanders got saved. And he did not go back to his sins of the tongue again since. That was how Flanders got born again. And he fully recovered from that accident in the fog. And he was now well and on his way to Heaven.
As for Proffery, before he found Christ, he was heavily involved in the occult. It started out with his first written short story. A wizard was in that story, and his name was Wizard Wonders. This story was entitled, “White Magic.” And this wizard was what Proffery referred to as a “white wizard.”
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Proffery’s Wizard Wonders conjured good magic and helped people in distress like unto a superhero.
As any Christian knows, there is no such thing as white magic. All magic, whether good or evil, is indeed “black magic.” And this was true both in story life and in real life in the eyes of God. And Proffery wrote many stories about his Wizard Wonders. And, sure enough, soon after, he began to write about black wizards who conjured black magic. And this became his first novel of his writing years before Christ. This novel was called, most indicatively, “Black Magic.” And four evil wizards were the main characters of this new genre of novels for Proffery. The Wizard of the Air controlled the wind and made hurricanes and tornadoes. The Wizard of the Waters controlled the seas and made tidal waves and caused flooding. The Wizard of the Land controlled the continents and made earthquakes and chasms. And the Wizard of the Fire controlled fire and made forest fires and conflagrations. Some time after having written this first book of his, he came to feel no longer fulfilled just to write about wizards. Nay, now he wanted to become a real wizard himself. And he began to go to libraries and book stores and book fairs to buy books about black magic. He read much, but progressed little, in his pursuit of becoming a wizard. One day, Proffery sought Beelzebub himself in a private petition, asking him to give him some of his power. He was in his bedroom when he was, in essence, praying to Beelzebub. In those days, there were yet many griffins. And Beelzebub sent one of his griffins to go and talk to Proffery in his bedroom that day. “Good friend,” called forth this foolish and dark Proffery to this griffin. “Welcome.”
And this griffin said, “My name is ‘Diabolism.’ Proffery. I can help you to become a wizard.”
“What do I need to get my dream to come true, Diabolism?” asked Proffery alone with the griffin.
“You need first to find yourself a familiar,” said the griffin.
“You mean like a ‘familiar spirit?’” asked Proffery.
“Yes,” said the griffin. “Any good wizard needs a familiar spirit at his side with him, helping
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him and working with him and enhancing his magic.”
“Animal assistants who serve wizards and warlocks,” said Proffery. “That’s what familiars are. Aren’t they, O Diabolism?”
“Yes, my good Proffery,” said the griffin.
“Would you become my familiar spirit, good griffin friend?” asked Proffery.
Diabolism stamped his lion paw upon the floor and gave Proffery the evil eye and did hiss through his closed eagle beak at him. This griffin offended said to him, “Foolish child, griffins do not submit to wizards.”
“I’m sorry,” said Proffery.
“Pick an animal for yourself, and I will turn him into a familiar spirit for you.” promised the griffin.
“I understand now that it is not for me as a person to have a familiar who is a griffin. Griffins are half-eagle and half-lion. Maybe I can have an eagle familiar or a lion familiar to serve me in my life as a wizard, O good friend,” said Proffery.
“Pick eagle or lion, my fine boy, and I will bring him to you from afar, and you and he can become acquainted with each other, and then I can turn him into your new familiar spirit,” said the griffin. “Then, behold, you become quite the wizard that you want to become.”
“This is too good to be true,” said Proffery. “This is a life dream come true for me. What can I do for you to show you how thankful that I am for all of this that you are doing for me, my great griffin benefactor?”
“Just sell your soul to Beelzebub, Proffery,” said Diabolism.
“What do I want with my soul now?” asked Proffery.
“You cannot see it or feel it or need it,” lied the griffin to the young fellow in half-truths.
“That’s right. How do I go about to sell my soul to Beelzebub?” asked Proffery.
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“All that you have to do is to promise me that you will never accept Jesus Christ as your Saviour and then go on in life and acting on that promise for forever after,” said Diabolism.
“That’s easy and good and sounds right to me,” said Proffery.
“Pick your animal,” said the griffin.
“I pick a lion,” said Proffery.
“Now promise me your promise, and I will give you your wizard powers and your familiar spirit,” said the griffin.
Just then the phone rang.
“Don’t answer that!” snapped the griffin in rebuke. Proffery felt better than to answer the telephone with the gravity of the griffin’s voice. But then the griffin gave the same snap at Proffery again with the same words, “Don’t answer that!” Now Proffery this time felt a need to answer the phone because of the curtness of the griffin’s voice.
Proffery went and picked up the phone and answered it, saying, “Hello?”
And a man’s voice asked, “Proffery, is this you?” This was Usher Morgan of next door.
“It is, Usher Morgan. You kind of called me at a bad time.” said Proffery.
“Crazy thing, Proffery,” said Usher Morgan. “God wanted me to tell you just now that wizards grow old and die and go to Hell,” Didn’t wizards live forever? Usher Morgan had been his next-door neighbor for only a few months, and he did not know of Proffery’s pursuits of wizardry yet. This man went to the Baptist church in the next town. Proffery had come to esteem Usher Morgan as a true man of God, in essence, that he knew things. If this griffin with him now enhanced Proffery with wizard powers, what good would it be if he ended up dying and going to Hell in the end? Diabolism the griffin had lied to him. Then Usher Morgan said, “I have a Bible verse to share with you, O good neighbor.”
“You have a verse from the Bible to tell me, Usher Morgan?” asked Proffery.
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Diabolism the demon heard this, and he screeched in dismay, and he fled the house for fear of hearing the Word of God from the phone. And the Baptist usher told Proffery this Scripture verse, “Proffery, God’s Word says in Leviticus 20:27, ‘A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.’”
“That is almost myself,” said Proffery, convicted of his sins and of his afterlife in Hell. And he knew further that even if he did not sell his soul to Beelzebub and become this wizard, he would still go to Hell lost in his sins and without Christ. “Usher Morgan, what must I do to be saved?” he asked.
“Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved,” said the Baptist church usher.
And after hearing more about this Jesus, Proffery prayed the sinners’ prayer with this good man of God, and he got saved. This was how Proffery had become a born-again believer.
What did Regalroyal do to get saved? What was he like before Christ? What was he like after Christ? In his unsaved life, Regalroyal was a true brilliant scholar of scholars. He lived for doing homework all night after coming home from school. He garnered perpetual straight “A’s” on all of his report cards. He was downright smart, and he knew it. It all started for him in the first quarter of eighth grade. He had regularly earned three “A’s” on his report card throughout his grade school years, and he thought that that was pretty good. But in his first quarter of eighth grade he found on his report card this time five “A’s.” That made him wish to get “A’s” all the more from that. This was the beginning of his life of hard study at school, a lifestyle that was to carry him through the rest of his academic days and reward him with “A” after “A.” Homework had now become Regalroyal’s god. And he became the “student of students.” In ninth grade a fellow student praised him as intellectual because he took the class Algebra I—Modern instead of the easier class Algebra I—Practical. In tenth grade he was struggling with two classes—Geometry and Biology—and wondering if he might end up with “B’s” in those classes. He then “declared war” on Geometry and Biology—that is, he went on to
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study Geometry and Biology all the harder. And he “won the war,” earning “A’s” on his report card that quarter when it was all done. In eleventh grade, he took seven classes and no study hall, and he earned a commended student award on the P.S.A.T. test. And after another year of straight “A’s” in twelfth grade, he earned the Presidential Award Scholarship for his upcoming private college costs.
Then just before college next fall, Regalroyal took four CLEP tests, college placement tests. He did well enough on them to earn himself credit for a semester and a half of college. And in college he fell in love with foreign language curriculum. He majored in French. And he minored in Spanish and in German. And he also took one course each of Russian and Latin and Greek and Arabic and Persian.
He bragged on himself as a polyglot. And he was on the Dean’s list all of his years at college. And he graduated from college a semester early because of his CLEP tests. Graduate school now awaited him.
He made plans for himself. He was going to go to Sorbonne University at Paris, France. His field, of course, was going to be French. He was going to write a paper all about the French Revolution and what it was like to be a young man living in Paris at the time. His paper was going to be called, “Liberté. Egalité, Fraternité.” This was going to earn him his Master’s Degree. Then he would go on in graduate school to even more erudite learning. He would become a French savant. And he would write a thesis called, “The Fall of Napoleon,”explaining why the French emperor fell in battle at Waterloo to the Duke of Wellington. This book he was going to write would earn him his Ph. D.
He graduated college with his Bachelor’s Degree. The summer vacation ended. And grad school was now only a week away. And Regalroyal and his family had a good visit from Treasurer Todd of the Baptist church not far away. Treasurer Todd was an outspoken man of God who had led many to a saving knowledge of Christ. And Regalroyal regarded this church treasurer to be a man who knew God as Regalroyal knew French. As soon as Todd came to his door, Regalroyal called out to him in French, saying, “Mon bon Chretien, le Dieux est saint et très puissant. N’est ce pas?” Todd asked him what that meant in English, and the French expert translated his greeting, saying, “My good Christian, God
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is holy and powerful. Isn’t that so?”
Treasurer Todd then said, “Ah, Français, le langue de Napoleon.” This meant in English, “Ah, French, Napoleon’s language.”
And Regalroyal was most impressed. And he said to Todd, “You know your French, Treasurer Todd.”
And Todd said, “I took French I in ninth grade. I remember some yet here, years later.”
“So, Todd, did you come to tell me about God today?” asked Regalroyal, honored with this visit from such a believer.
And the Baptist church treasurer said, “I heard of your fame from your years at college, how you learned eight different languages.”
“Yes! Yes!” said Regalroyal, feeling good about his knowledge.
“But do you know Christ, Regalroyal?” asked Todd.
“I know about Him,” said Regalroyal. “But I do not know Him like you know Him,”
“A man needs to know the Saviour as I know the Saviour in order to be saved from his sins,” said the church treasurer.
“I heard that it is a bad thing to be lost in one’s sins,” confessed Regalroyal.
“Hellfire and brimstone await the man who dies in his sins,” said the Christian fellow.
“I definitely do not want that to happen to me,” said the scholar.
“May I show you a couple of Bible verses, O Regalroyal?” asked Treasurer Todd.
“Sure, Todd. Go ahead. I need to hear what you have to say to me today,” said the student.
And Todd opened up his Bible and read to this man the following: “’And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.’ Ecclesiastes 12:12-13.”
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“Was this a wise man who said this, Treasurer Todd?” asked Regalroyal.
“This was Solomon, the wisest man on Earth,” said the soul-winner.
“Ouch! Words from a man smarter than myself,” said the school wonder.
Treasurer Todd went on to say, “Man’s wisdom, though it fills books and libraries and the internet, is only temporal wisdom. But God’s wisdom, though it fills only one Book—the King James Version Bible—is eternal wisdom.”
“They do call the King James Bible ‘the Good Book,’” said Regalroyal.
“The Bible tells us from where we have come, why we are here, and to where we are going.” said the witness-warrior.
“The Bible makes it sound from those two verses that my graduate school studies coming up for me are not as important to God as worship is,” said Regalroyal.
“If you stand before Jesus before the gates of Heaven, and He asks you, Regalroyal, ‘Why should I let you into My Heaven?’ what will you say? Would you tell God, ‘Well, I mastered the French language like no other American did?’ Would that convince God to let you come into His Heaven? Or will you say to Him, ‘I prayed and accepted your free gift of eternal life offered me by the shed blood of Jesus on the cross and by His resurrection?’ If you could truly say that to the Lord, then he would surely say to you, ‘Come on in to Heaven.’”
“Woe! I cannot say that to Jesus right now. I never prayed and asked for salvation,” said Regalroyal.
“Now would be a good time for us to do that, O Regalroyal,” said Treasurer Todd.
“Yes. Let me do that right now,” said the searching soul. “Could you help me to do that?”
“I would be glad and joyful to lead you through the prayer, O Regalroyal,” said Todd.
“French is not so important as the Saviour,” confessed the intellectual man now.
And Treasurer Todd led Regalroyal through the sinners’ prayer line by line unto so great
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and personal and true salvation. And ever since that conversion and repentance, Regalroyal never went did go on to graduate school. Christ the Lord had better things for him. And Regalroyal was happier for it. This was how Regalroyal had become a Christian.
What about Laud and his testimony of salvation? In his lost life, he was a fan of women’s boxing. This was his favorite sport to watch on TV. And he was always at the arena in the first row of seats at any local women’s boxing event. He even dreamed dreams of getting into the ring against a woman. There was something about a boxing glove that called out to him with strong fetish. And seeing a pretty young woman wearing boxing gloves stirred up his insides deep down. And seeing women actually duke it out in the boxing ring was both sensuous to his heart and sensual to his drive.
Though he was ever the virgin, Laud bragged on his love for women’s boxing by saying, “It’s better than sex.” Quite regularly Laud had seen everything happen in the ring in his raptures. He had seen young women throw punches. He had seen young women take punches. He had seen young women’s heads snap back from stiff jabs. He had seen young women’s expressions become disorientated from crosses. He had seen young women’s knees buckle from underneath herself from roundhouses. And he had seen young women fall to the canvas from uppercuts. And he had seen all manner of shots to the body, both clean punches and unclean punches. And when he saw a women’s boxing match that ended with a knockout, he gazed upon the woman lying upon the canvas and became mesmerized in reverie and great curiosity. He was in high school back then, and he discovered a pretty senior girl there who was the star of his school’s girls’ varsity basketball team. Her name was “Anna.” And she was five feet eleven inches tall. As his friend put it about tall Anna, “She’s a tree.” And he thought to himself, What would it be like for me to get punched by this girl in the ring? The thought of himself being knocked out by a girl in the ring stirred up his inquisitiveness greatly. That aspect of his lust for girl’s boxing was not new to him in his heart. He did not know which he would enjoy more—being KO’ed by a girl or KO’ing a girl. Either way, Laud vowed to himself to make sure to convince tall pretty
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Anna to don the boxing gloves with him. She was three inches taller than himself. He was five feet eight inches tall. She was thin and athletic. He was thin and wiry. She was a competitor. He was a dreamer. He promised himself to get alone with her at his place and finally make boxing personally real for himself against a real woman. And he asked out this Anna. He asked her, “Anna, do you think that you can make as good a boxer as you do a basketball player?”
Being a successful athlete and confident in her skills in any sport, Anna replied, “I can beat any girl in the ring just as I do in the basketball court, Laud.”
“Can you beat any boy on the basketball court, Anna?” baited Laud.
“Yes. I can,” she said.
“Can you beat any boy in the ring, Anna?” he said, manipulating her pride to his advantage.
“I can beat up any boy of our high school in the ring,” bragged Anna.
“Could you beat me up in the ring?” he asked.
“I can clean your clock. And I can ring your bell. And I can take you down, Laud,” said the very confident basketball player.
“Is it a date then?” he asked.
“Name the place, and we will put on the boxing gloves and get into the ring,” she said.
“It will be in my basement. There is no real ring down there. But it is full of nice carpet. And there is much extra space. And no one can get hurt in falling from a punch down there,” he said.
“Then the basement shall be our ring,” said Anna.
“I already have two pairs of boxing gloves down there, Anna,” he said. “I like to play act and make believe with them down there by myself.”
“Tonight then?” asked Anna.
“Yes. Tonight,” he said. And the date was set.
She came. They went down to the basement. They were all alone down there together. And
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they put their boxing gloves over their fists. The girl knocked her boxing gloves together. He knocked his boxing gloves together. And the dream of Flanders’s life commenced.
Young woman and young man duked it out in an unofficial bout in a make-believe ring. It was true that Anna was taller and bigger than he. But it was also true that men were generally stronger than women. She pummeled him with her gloves. He pummeled her with his gloves. What desires were aroused in his soul from actually punching a girl for real this time. And what stimulation stirred up in his body from finally feeling what it was like to be actually punched by a pretty girl now. Both were equally pleasant to his spirit. This was the funnest time of his teenage life. And the girl was getting the worst of it. She was no longer having fun. She was hurting. And she had enough now of this prize fight. And she brought her gloves down at her sides, and she said, “I give up. You win. I don’t want to do this anymore.” But he was in a state of spell with this boxing match. He did not want to quit right now. He was in an enchanted land. And he did not want to leave it. He was not done yet with the girl in his basement. And he threw two more punches—as they are called, “the old one two.” With his left boxing glove he threw his hardest punch so far in this prize fight, and he hit her hard in her belly. She gave forth a grunt and her body bowed forward. Then with his right boxing glove he threw an even harder punch, this one an uppercut into her chin. She gave forth an “Uh,” and her face went blank with confusion, and her eyes rolled up, and her knees buckled from under herself, and she fell to the carpet, and she lay there, her eyes closed in unconsciousness. She did not move. She was knocked out. And his life dream came true.
Just then a knock came upon the door of the house. Somebody was here. He or she might come down to this basement. And Laud would be found out! And he suddenly understood what a sinner he was in beating up a young lady who no longer wanted to box with him. He did not have time to take off his boxing gloves. He did not have time to take off her boxing gloves. He could not hide the tall gal anywhere. He was wicked. And he was found out. The visitor was going to find out all
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about him. How sorry Laud now was for having done such violence to a high school girl as he did.
He was not a good man. He deserved to go to Hell for what he did to the young lady. He had to confess his sin. And, surrendering to his circumstances, he came up from the basement, opened the door to the house, and saw Church Clerk Gary standing there, from the Baptist church on the county highway outside of town. Gary was a good friend of Laud’s. “Clerk Gary, would you come down to the basement and see the bad thing I just did this evening?” And Gary found out everything. Fearful of going to Hell, Laud asked, “Church Clerk Gary, can God forgive all of this?”
And Clerk Gary said, “Laud, God can forgive any sin. Even this.”
And Gary preached God’s plan of salvation to Laud. And in the end, Gary led Laud through the sinners’ prayer, and Laud became a born-again believer.
Then Anna came back to. She asked, “What happened?” And she looked around from where she lay. And she remembered all now. And Clerk Gary preached Christ to her, and he led her to salvation as well. And this fetish left Laud, and he never went back to it. This was how Laud had become a born-again child of God.
Lastly in this chapter is the testimony of the salvation of Tyrannus. Sunday School Teacher Carla Rae was the one whom God used to lead him to salvation. She taught the teen Sunday School class at this Baptist church, and he was thirteen years old. And he was a problem student. As he was in the public school, so was he in Sunday School. He played tricks and practical jokes and mean skits on other people. One day at the teen class, Tyrannus brought to church an old-time ink bottle from former days of long before his time. He said that it was his Grandpa’s ink bottle from his days of one-room schoolhouses long ago.. Tyrannus held up this bottle of ink, and he said to a girl his age in Carla Rae’s Sunday School class, “Do you want to see what Grandpa used to do to other little girls like yourself?” And she nodded. And he grabbed a tight hold of her hair along the side of her head, and he forced the handful of hair down into the ink bottle. She pouted. He smiled. And Carla Rae
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reprimanded him in the name of the Lord. And he felt bad for what he did. But again, the next week at Sunday School for the teen class, Tyrannus went and did a nasty trick once again. Carla Rae was teaching on the Holy Spirit’s role in the prayers of the believers. And Tyrannus went on a knock-knock joke monologue, thus interrupting her teaching: “Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who?Banana banana. Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Banana banana. Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Banana banana. Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad that this is not a banana joke?” Carla Rae then rebuked him in the Holy Spirit.
And Tyrannus felt stupid and rude. And he said spoke no more interruptions for the rest of that teen class that day. But, sure enough, he went to play his games with others once again the next Sunday School at church. There was a teen-age boy in his class who squinted his eyes a lot because he could not see as well as the others in class. And in blatant disrespect, Tyrannus said to this boy, “Who am I?”
And Tyrannus went ahead to squint his own eyes, and he kept his eyes that way for a very long time, and he said. “Hi, boys and girls. You can see me, but I cannot see you.” The boy was hurt by this mimicry, and his face fell into a great discouragement. And Tyrannus laughed and took away his squinting and said, “Don’t let it bother you. You can’t help it.” But the boy was bothered by it. And Carla Rae scolded Tyrannus up and down for his ungodly mockery. And at once Tyrannus understood the wrong of his actions. He should not have done and said what he did and said. But these shenanigans came right back to this teen Sunday School class the very next week with Tyrannus in the classroom. Carla Rae had her hands full with this trouble student. And Tyrannus was insatiable and mean and ignorant.
She prayed to God about this boy many times in her time alone with God. And God told her what she could do to tame this wild boy—how to make him to repent once and for all and not just to repent each time and then go right back to it all over again each next time. God answered her prayers when she was on one of her Bible studies in her quiet time at home that day. It was a couple of Bible
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verses with Holy Ghost wisdom and power that God said would convict this unsaved boy and show him his need for the Saviour. And she got alone with Tyrannus in the Sunday School room before the class started. And she said, “Tyrannus, God is not happy with you with your behavior.”
He said a brief and challenging, “How come?”
“You know how come, Tyrannus,” said Sunday School Teacher Carla Rae, asserting her authority in God over him righteously.
“All right,” said Tyrannus.
“God has something to say to you about your soul, Tyrannus,” she then said.
“Say it,” he said in brevity and bravado,
She turned in the Scriptures and found the first of the two verses that God had her to read to Tyrannus; and she read it to him out loud: “’For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.’ Ecclesiastes 12:14.”
The day of reckoning must fall on wicked Tyrannus!
She then turned in the Scriptures and found the second of the two verses that the Lord needed her lost student to hear from her lips: “’For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.’ II Corinthians 5:10.”
The day of doom awaited wicked Tyrannus!
The Sunday School teen class teacher then went on to tell Tyrannus about the two different judgment seats mentioned in the Holy Bible. She told him of the Bema Seat Judgment and the Great White Throne Judgment. He learned that the Christian awaited the Bema Seat, and that that was a judgment regarding rewards for faithful service, and that that would make Heaven even more joyous for the believer. And he learned that the non-Christian awaited the Great White Throne, and that that was a judgment seat for punishment of sins done in this life, and that that would make Hell all the
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hotter for the unbeliever.
He was going to Hell and burn!
And his knees trembled, and his elbows shook, and his heart hurt in his chest, and his face became pale, and his head pounded, and he was scared to death. Tyrannus was convicted of his sins and saw his need for the Saviour.
“I’m sorry, Sunday School Teacher Carla Rae,” said Tyrannus humbly and penitentially.
“Don’t say that to me. Say that to God,” said the Sunday School teacher.
“I’m sorry, God. I won’t be that way anymore,” said Tyrannus in humility and repentance.
And right there, Carla Rae led him through the sinners’ prayer line-by-line. And he got saved.
Then the other teenagers of Carla Rae’s Sunday School class began to file in. And Tyrannus came up to each of every one of them and apologized to them and asked for their forgiveness. And he at once became an asset to the teen class. And he went on to become her best student. This was how Tyrannus had become a born-again believer.
What were the words of this sinners’ prayer that these five famous boyfriends of the Daughters Of Aphrodite had said to God that converted them to Christ? The following is a sample such sinners’ prayer that all need to pray to become born-again Christians: “Dear Father in Heaven: I know that I am a sinner, and I cannot save myself. Thank You for having sent Jesus as the payment for my sins. I believe that Jesus came to Earth, lived a sinless life, died for my sins, and rose again from the dead. He is Lord. And His perfect blood saves. And He lives today. I ask You now to help me to repent, to forgive me my sins, to become for me my personal Saviour, and to give to me my everlasting life in Heaven. Thank You for rescuing me from the fires of Hell. Truly and quite Jesus saves. In Jesus’s name I pray. Amen.”
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CHAPTER XI
Regarding the Daughters Of Aphrodite, how did girl meet boy? This chapter will tell how Gravel and Gretchen and Grandy and Grey and Gree had first met Flanders and Proffery and Regalroyal and Laud and Tyrannus. All first became girlfriend-and-boyfriend at high school football games, the girls as cheerleaders, all taking place at the high school stadiums. And each story of the five girls was both novel and could only be wrought by a God with a sense of humor.
First, reader, shall come the story of how Gravel and Flanders had first met. Gravel was a freshman, and she was cheering her freshmen football team this night on her first day as a cheerleader.
And things did not work out for this beginner cheerleader as they did for her fellow ninth grade cheerleaders who had been cheerleaders in grade school. Right off the bat, as soon as Gravel stepped out onto the concrete track that encircled the high school football field, she tripped over her shoelaces and did fall on her hands and knees upon the hard cement. She skinned up herself pretty bad, but she was not hurt. She then looked upon her cheerleader sneakers and saw both shoes untied, with the shoelaces dangling about her feet. Gravel had gotten dressed up in her new cheerleader uniform completely, except for tying up her sneakers. Now she went about and tied them both up. And she
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stood up again. And she joined her cheerleaders in a practice skit now before the game. The other cheerleaders were shaking their pom poms, and Gravel paused to admire the sound of all of this swishing. Then her cheerleader to her side asked her, “Gravel, why aren’t you shaking your pom poms?”
And then another cheerleader to her other side asked her, “Gravel, where are your pom poms?”
Gravel looked back to where she had fallen. There her pom poms were, left behind after her fall. She skipped up to them, picked them both up, and rejoined her cheerleaders, shaking her pom poms now and reveling in her own sounds of swishing of pom poms. Then the cheerleaders lined up in a single file line and began to kick up their legs. Well, Gravel kicked up her leg, and, lo, her foot crashed into a cane of an old man who was walking by. His cane was quite kicked right out from underneath his right hand. But he himself did not get kicked. And, praise God, he did not fall down. “I’m really, really sorry,” said Gravel. And she ran and retrieved this cane and brought it back to him. He thanked her and continued on his way. Gravel began to wonder if she were not cut out for cheer leading. Then the boys of the freshmen football team came out onto the field. One of them had a most unusual number on his jersey. It was “00.” What a number–”Double zero.” What position did he play? Was he cute? Was he a Christian like herself?
She asked her fellow cheerleaders, “Who’s that boy?”
And one of the cheerleaders said, “He’s Flanders.”
Another of the cheerleaders said, “He’s saved.”
And another cheerleader said, “He’s the nose tackle.”
“I don’t know much about football,” said Gravel, “but isn’t a nose tackle supposed to be like the biggest football player on the field?”
“Uh huh,” said the rest of her squad.
“But this Flanders is like the smallest football player on the field,” said Gravel.
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“Our coach believes in speedy players and not in physical players,” said another of the cheerleaders. “And he wants a fast nose tackle and not a strong nose tackle.”
“Surely if this Flanders is quick, that would be a good thing, I would think. But he is surely far from strong. He could get bent into two by a center on the other side of the line of scrimmage,” said Gravel.
“Gravel, he’s looking at us right now from the fifty-yard line,” said one of the cheerleaders.
“Gravel, he’s looking at you,” said another of the cheerleaders.
“He’s smiling at me from inside his helmet,” said Gravel. Then she asked her squad, “Should I smile back at him?”
“He may be a small guy, Gravel,” said another cheerleader, “but everybody likes him at school.”
“What would a football player like him see in a girl like myself?” asked Gravel.
“Gravel, not every girl is a Daughter Of Aphrodite,” said another cheerleader.
“Quick. Smile back at him before he turns away, Gravel,” said another cheerleader.
And Gravel smiled back at him. Then he took off his helmet and held it up in his hand above his head before her.
“What should I do?” asked Gravel.
“Do a cheer for him, Gravel,” said another cheerleader.
And, impromptu, Gravel made up a cheer just for him: Raising her one pom pom in her right hand above her head and holding her other pom pom in her left hand along her side, Gravel began spinning in place and chanting: “Flanders, what’s your number? What’s your number? Flanders, Flanders, what’s your number? Number zero zero. Number zero zero. Number number number zero zero!”
Behold, he began to walk toward her!
“What should I do? What should I say?” asked Gravel, shy and excited both at the same time.
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“Do another cheer for him,” said one cheerleader to her.
“It’s too late, Gravel. Here he is,” said another cheerleader.
Her pom poms in her hands, Gravel put her arms akimbo and cocked her head to the side at him friskily and in hopes, and she asked him, “Flanders, did you like my cheer?”
And Flanders said to her, “I did. I did, Gravel.”
“I am hoping to make the cheerleader squad when our coach decides who to keep and who to let go,” said Gravel.
“Gravel, a girl like you will make it,” he said. “You’re cut out for cheer leading. Keep up your real neat cheers.”
“Next week will be our school’s homecoming game,” she said. “That’s a big day for our varsity football team and their varsity cheerleaders.”
“It can be a big day for us freshmen, too,” said Flanders. “Homecoming, that is.” Being a Christian, Gravel did not go to the Homecoming dance. He went on to say to her, “I’m a believer, and we believers do not go to dances.” Then he said, “But we could go to the game and see how our team does.” Believers watched football. She watched football, too.
“I’d like to do that with you, Flanders,” she said. “Could we call that a date?”
“We can call that our first date, Gravel,” he said.
“Amen!” she said.
“Amen!” he said right after.
Then it was time for this evening’s freshmen football game. Gravel had no more mishaps this evening. Flanders had a quarterback sack and a forced fumble and a blocked punt. Their team won big
21-0. And she made the cheerleader team.
At the big homecoming game, the varsity football team lost badly by a score of 2-27, and Gravel lost her voice in the bleachers, and Flanders fell down the last step of the bleacher steps.
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But that was okay with the two Christians. This was their first date together. And they continued on to this day as boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ. This was how Gravel and Flanders had first met.
Second, reader, shall come a narrative of how Gretchen and Proffery had first met and become girlfriend-and-boyfriend-in-the-Lord. On that day, Gretchen was a senior girl, and Proffery was a sophomore boy. She was an upperclassman; and he, an underclassman. She was a varsity cheerleader for the high school football team. He was the kicker and the punter for the varsity football team. He looked up to the players of the offense and the defense with high regard, and he looked upon himself as “just a special teams player.” But Gretchen knew that all three were integral to winning at football. That day that they first met was the second game of the year. One of his dizzy spells had come upon him last week at the first game, and he had to sit on the bench. She had not seen him that day. But he was seeing her do her cheers right in front of that bench, and he kind of liked her, and he would ask her out just as soon as his dizzy spell went away. But the dizzy spells did not go away until he went to bed that night. So, here he was, the next week, well and sharp and playing football, and thinking of ways to ask out the famous Daughter Of Aphrodite.
The game began. And the kicker kicked the kickoff clear through the uprights and beyond the end zone! It was a touch back. Everybody on this side of the field cheered and stomped their feet upon the bleachers. And the cheerleaders cheered loud and long and enthusiastically. The bleachers on the other side was quiet with doubts. This game started out great for Gretchen and her cheerleaders. One of the cheerleaders said to Gretchen, “Everybody loves him. They call him, ‘The Silver Boy,’ because he looked like Paul Hornung ‘the Golden Boy.’” Why, that was professional football back a good fifty years!”
“What’s his name?” asked Gretchen.
“His name is ‘Proffery,’” said another cheerleader.
“I think he’s cute,” said Gretchen.
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“How can you tell?” asked another cheerleader. “He’s got his helmet on.”
“A girl can just tell,” said Gretchen.
Then this “Silver Boy” came running up to the cheerleaders, bowed before Gretchen, and said to her, “Fair Gretchen, what’s a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?” Then he rejoined his players on the sidelines.
One of the cheerleaders said, “He got it all wrong.”
And another cheerleader said, “He said it all backwards.”
In her thoughts, Gretchen thought of how it was supposed to go: “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” And she pondered either his wit or his dim wit. Either way, this only served to make her to like him all the more.
Later in this game Proffery pinned the opponents back at their own one-yard line with a punt that landed fifty yards from his line of scrimmage and rolled for another thirty yards beyond that. The cheerleaders cheered. The fans went wild. And all the football players slapped the Silver Boy on his back for another job well done. And Proffery again came up to Gretchen, and this time he said, “Gretchen, you are my density.” And he laughed at himself most ingratiatingly before her. And he ran back to join his team on the sidelines not far away.
“What do you think that he meant?” asked one cheerleader.
“What was that about?” asked another cheerleader.
Gretchen said, “I think that it should go more like this: ‘Gretchen, you are my destiny,’”
“A destiny to our star football player!” said another cheerleader. “Lucky you, Gretchen.” Gretchen was fond of the Silver Boy.
Later in this varsity football game, Proffery on a punt, had a bad snap from the long snapper and a bad hold from the holder, and the ball was fumbled away. It was a loose ball! In a heroic decision, Proffery snatched the ball from the ground and drop-kicked it a good fifty yards downfield before the
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other team could do anything. The special teams return man could only return the ball five yards before being run over by Proffery’s special teams players. Once again the Silver Boy came through.
Again the fans and the cheerleaders and the players celebrated in great gladness with hoots and hollers and cheers and chants.
And for the third time, Proffery came up to Gretchen and said something both crazy and pleasingly eccentric at the same time. He said, “Gretchen, I am dumb for you.” And right away he ran from her again to be where he ought to be.
“Is he saying that he is stupid for you, Gretchen?” asked one cheerleader.
“Is he saying that he is a dummy for you?” asked another cheerleader.
No, he was saying that he was speechless for her. And that did Gretchen know. She had to get to know this boy. His diction was the most clever play on words that she had ever heard from a man before. And as much as he evidently liked her, she was beginning to like him all the more so.
Then late in the game, Proffery lined up for an extra point attempt. His and Gretchen’s team were already ahead 33-0. This was what football fans called, “a garbage extra point.” That is, this play’s score would not change the outcome of the game. There was only one minute left in the game clock now, and there was no way that they could now lose the game. And who could not justifiably call an extra point “a chip shot?” Well the Silver Boy went and missed it. It did not lift up from the ground. It sailed low. And it went by underneath the crossbar. Who ever heard of a kicker kicking an extra point not far enough? That was what Proffery had just done. But he still held his head high, and he shook his head about where he stood, and he waved before the crowd in apology. And at once he walked up to where Gretchen was cheering. And he said to her in explanation, “Ditzy head, Gretchen.” And he stayed here this time in front of his great crush.
One of the cheerleaders thought to herself that he was calling Gretchen a ditz.
Another cheerleader thought that he was calling himself a ditz.
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But Gretchen knew exactly what he meant. He was calling himself in his own language “a dizzy head.” That is, one of his dizzy spells had just come upon him when he ran up to kick that missed extra point.
Gretchen wanted to go out with Proffery. Proffery wanted to go out with Gretchen. And before the football game was done, he asked her out for a date with him at her dad’s Baptist Church for Sunday Morning Worship. He was already saved. And she said, “Yes!” And they stayed together as Christian boyfriend and Christian girlfriend ever since. And their affection for each other had grown stronger over their years together since.
Third, O reader, I would like to tell the story of how Grandy and Regalroyal had first met and went on to become boyfriend and girlfriend. All four years of high school, Regalroyal was thought of as the “kid who was smarter than his teachers.” He was an intellectual marvel among a thousand students. His mind was the mind of a genius. And he was voted as the future most successful alumnus of his high school. Homework was the greatest part of his life all the days of his life at the high school.
But there was one thing about this brainiac that made him more human, and it endeared himself to all the rest of the young men and young women of high school. It was a most natural diversion that was second to him only to studying. He loved to watch the cheerleaders. And all of the school knew it.
He went to all of the football games to admire the football cheerleaders. He went to all of the basketball games to watch the basketball cheerleaders. He went to all of the wrestling matches to watch the wrestling cheerleaders. And these games were freshmen level and junior varsity level and varsity level. And he was ever the reticent fan of all of the cheerleaders, never thinking bad thoughts about them, never saying bad things to them, and never doing bad things to them. He just sat in the bleachers, looking, and admiring, and behaving. In fact, not once had Regalroyal even come up to any of the high school’s cheerleaders to talk to them—not at the games, not in class, not in-between class.
He did this for his ninth grade year and his tenth grade year and his eleventh grade year and his twelfth
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grade year.
But one day was different for this cheerleader fan. One day was different for the cheerleader Grandy. It was the end of football season. It was cold and windy. It was late October. Grandy was cheering on her junior varsity football team at the sidelines with her fellow cheerleaders. And then it was halftime. And the score was not in their favor at 20-28. They were not a good team this year, having a five-hundred record at this point. This would be the last football game of the year for Grandy’s junior varsity team. Just then Grandy heard behind where she stood the sound of a man clearing his throat. She turned around. Lo, Regalroyal having come up to a real cheerleader! He asked, “Grandy, may I say something that I can say only to you?”
Most aptly honored, Grandy said, “I would like that, Regalroyal.”
And Regalroyal spoke and said, “You are the prettiest cheerleader that I have seen in four years, O Grandy.” Then he cleared his throat again. What a thing to say to a girl! What flattery had been spoken to Grandy with such sincerity. She was his favorite cheerleader of the past four years everywhere. He made her sound quite like a cheerleader of cheerleaders. And all of this had come from the lips of Regalroyal himself, the most liked boy in school. Indeed still waters run deep. He then cleared his throat a third time. And she fumbled for words worthy of a compliment back for him.
Then she spoke and said in affection, “Regalroyal, you silver-tongued gentleman! Even Mom and Dad had never said anything as kind to me as what you have just said to me. Flattery will get you everywhere.” Sweet romance stirred up in her heart toward him. She wondered if she could ask him out. She wondered if he could ask her out.
Then Regalroyal said, “I wonder if we could have a date together for ice cream cones.”
Suddenly she remembered what her mom and dad had taught her about dating men. It was a sin for a saved girl to go out with a lost boy. Likewise it was a sin for a saved boy to go out with a lost girl. No Christian must date one who is not a Christian. A Christian must date only another Christian.
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“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers;…” That was how that Bible verse began. And that was found in II Corinthians 6:14. She herself was most surely a born-again believer. But where did Regalroyal stand in Christ? She would ask him.
“Regalroyal, may I ask you a question?” she asked.
“You can ask me anything, Grandy,” he said.
She asked him, “Regalroyal, are you a born-again Christian?”
He answered her, “No. I am not.”
She sighed in sorrow, and she obeyed God’s Word for her own good, and she said, “Regalroyal, you could make a cheerleader a great boyfriend. But I cannot go out with you on a date.”
“How come, Grandy?” he said with a broken heart.
“Because you are not born again,” she told him.
“How come I need to be born again?” he asked in sadness.
He did not know. He could not tell. It was the only way to Heaven. It was the only way out of Hell. And she said to him, “If you do not know the answer to that question, all I can do is to pray for you, O Regalroyal.”
“A fellow like myself can always appreciate prayers from a Daughter Of Aphrodite,” said Regalroyal.
“Are you still going off to college next year, Regalroyal?” asked Grandy.
“Yes,” he said. “I won’t be around here anymore.”
“De Pere,” she said.
“St. Norbert College,” he said.
“Far away,” she said.
“My homework will get even harder in college down there than it is in high school up here, Grandy,” said Regalroyal.
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“College cheerleaders are young women. We high school cheerleaders are only yet girls.” said Grandy in wistful thoughts.
“I believe that my studies will keep me from going to the games once I start college,” he said.
“Regalroyal, you’re giving up cheerleaders for academics completely?” asked the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“That’s how I see things,” he said, dolefully.
“That’s sad,” said the cheerleader.
“I will still be thinking about one cheerleader, Grandy,” he said.
“Myself,” said Grandy, understanding.
“Yourself,” he said.
“Regalroyal,” she said. “Seek Christ.”
“I shall ponder upon your Godly advice,” he said.
“I’ll keep praying for you, Regalroyal,” said Grandy.
“I’ll see you around, Grandy,” he said. And he walked away. Her heart was broken in having taken this most challenging stand for God that she had taken in all of her life. But the Holy Spirit was not grieved. And she did not quench the Holy Spirit. And she knew that she did right with God in rejecting this so cute guy. God was well-pleased with her.
Regalroyal went off to college. He studied and became a famous connoisseur of French. And he graduated Summa Cum Laude. He had not heard from her. She had not heard from him. She wondered upon him every day. He remembered her every day. And four years of separation had taken place. But something divine and eternal and all-good happened for him. He got saved from his sins.
His conversion was with utmost verity. He had prayed sincerely the sinners’ prayer. He was now born again. And now God would let him and her date each other.
And he came back for Grandy. He told her of his so great salvation and all about the Saviour of
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the world and all about his new life in Christ. At first she could not believe him. This sounded too
good to be true. But he proved himself not long later to her. And he asked her, “Grandy, would you go out on a date with me for some chocolate ice cream cones?”
And she said, “Yes! Yes!”
This was how Grandy and Regalroyal had first met and eventually become girlfriend-and-boyfriend-in-the-Lord. And they were still together now, bonded by the Holy Spirit of God.
Fourth, O reader, I shall narrate how Grey and Laud had first met and become girlfriend and boyfriend. Grey had the privilege of being the head varsity football cheerleader. Upon her personal request to the cheerleader woman coach, guy cheerleaders this year cheered alongside of the gal cheerleaders. Girl cheerleaders here, of course, had on sweaters and skirts. Guy cheerleaders here, of course, had on sweaters and pants. And the fans who had come to see the football games were now treated to see the high school’s first co-ed cheerleaders. The boy cheerleaders threw the girl cheerleaders up into the air and caught them as they came back down. The boy cheerleaders lifted up the girl cheerleaders and held them up in the air horizontally above their heads. The boy cheerleaders yelled cheers through a megaphone, and the girl cheerleaders yelled cheers as they shook their pom poms. This modern diversity was very popular with the football fans this year for Grey’s high school and its community. And Grey liked to be thrown and caught and held up by strong young boy cheerleaders. There was one male cheerleader whom she was the most fond of of the squad she led as head cheerleader. His name was “Laud.” He became the male cheerleader captain. Herself, being the head cheerleader, she was over him as male cheerleader captain, in the co-ed varsity cheerleader hierarchy. She was not sure what would come of this. But he was acquiescent to her wishes for her men and women cheerleaders over the cheer leading department. He was a good and kind man. And she had a crush on him. And, to her delight, her cheerleader coach, assigned her and him as the chief co-ed cheerleader duo. And very quickly, they became each other’s favorites of the many who
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cheered under her in all of the varsity football games. She would always say to him, “Laud, you look good in pants.”
And he would always say back at her, “Grey, you look good in your skirt.”
Flirting was always so much fun in high school, and young innocent romance was new and magical.
But Grey was prudent, for she did not know where Laud stood spiritually. She did not go and ask him out for a date; he could be lost in his sins. But neither did she go ahead and ask him if he were saved; again, he could well be lost in his sins: she did not want to fall into disappointment. So she kind of rode the fence with him. That might not have made Jesus happy with her.
But one day she decided to go for it and find out. She would go up to him, and she would find out for sure if he were a believer, or if he were not a believer. From finding out for herself thus, then she would know whether she could continue flirting with him among the cheerleaders at the football stadiums. But she chose to do so with guile, and not with honesty. And she went and carried out her query, asking him, “Laud, you’re not one of those born-again Christians. Are you?”
Offense shown upon his face. But it was not an offense at Christ. It was an offense at her. And Laud told her, “I happen to be one of those born-again Christians, Grey.”
Behold the web that she had weaved through her deceit! In her put-down of Christ for her cause of a boyfriend, she had put down her would-be boyfriend for his Christian standing.
Worse yet, Laud went on to tell her, “A cheerleader ought never to deny my Christ.”
At a loss for explanation and excuse, Grey found herself saying, “Oh, but Laud. I am a believer, too, like yourself.”
“Sure you are, Grey. I can tell.” he said to her, himself strong in Jesus.
“I was just trying to find out,” she said in defense of herself and of her circumvention.
“No cheerleader is going to tempt me to deny my Saviour, no matter how pretty she might be,”
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declared Laud, making his stand for the Lord Jesus.
Behold, Grey and Laud had a fight even before they had gone on a first date together.
And he felt it wise to stop his flirts with her. And she felt too ashamed to continue flirting with him for how bad she had made herself look to him. He forgave her, but did not talk to her like he used to. All of the other cheerleaders asked her, “Grey, what happened between you and Laud?”
And she could only say, “I was in the wrong between me and Laud.”
“What did you do?” they asked.
“I kind of denied Jesus, in a way,” she could only say.
“Oh, Grey. That’s a bad thing you did,” the cheerleaders said to her.
The Apostle Peter had done the same thing, as told in all four Gospels in the Bible. But in Peter’s case, Jesus gave him another chance. And Peter had come through, and he went on to become a great man of God.
And, seeking restoration of fellowship with God, Grey asked the Lord to give her another chance. And she got on her knees in prayer alone with God and confessed and repented of her sin with Laud. And God heard her and forgave her and cleansed her from her sin. And the Holy Spirit bade her to go back to her special boy cheerleader Christian and seek reconciliation with him. She did so at once, telling Laud everything in confession. She told him how lonely she had been all throughout high school, seeing all of these cute boys, but not able to ask them out, because they were not saved. She told him how she would have been tempted to disobey God in that matter with him, because he was the cutest boy at school, and she was fearful of trading Jesus for him in her affection for him. She told him how very few true Christians like Laud were out there anywhere for a Christian who should have been behaving as the Daughter Of Aphrodite that she was. And then she asked him, “Laud, would you forgive a cheerleader like myself?”
And at once Laud asked her, “Would you forgive a stubborn and thoughtless Christian like
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myself, Grey?” And he went on to tell his story, how he had been deceived by girls who named the name of Christ, but who did not live for Christ. And he told about even Baptist girls he knew who wanted to go out with him, only to seek the ungodly entertainment of the world. And he told of that last girl he knew who said that it was God’s will that they go out; and they went out, and she was already both drunk and high at the same time. And he confessed to Grey of his sardonic skepticism of all the girls of his high school. And then he said that, upon first cheering with Grey, he noticed that this cheerleader was different from other girls, and he believed that she was a true Christian, and he found faith in her that she would not lead him astray as all of the others did. And then that injudicious query.
Grey at once said, “I forgive you, Laud.”
And Laud said right back, “I forgive you, Grey.”
God had given Grey her second chance, and she came through, and she and Laud were reconciled. They once again found joy in cheering with each other at all of the football games. And all of the other cheerleader gals and guys could tell the good difference. And accord came back to Grey’s cheerleader squad. And soon after, they became girlfriend-and-boyfriend-in-Christ. And they were together ever since, dating happily in the Lord.
Fifth, O reader, I shall tell the story of how Gree and Tyrannus first met and became girlfriend-and-boyfriend. Gree was a middle school football cheerleader, and Tyrannus was a middle school football player. Both were in seventh grade. And their middle school football team had a record of
3-3-3. That’s right, they had three wins and three losses and three ties. This boy Tyrannus was the third string quarterback, but he was far from inconspicuous. Indeed Tyrannus was most conspicuous, being known as “the quarterback who was afraid to throw.” He was not cut out for football, but Gree liked him anyway. And Gree told her fellow cheerleaders, “I kind of like Tyrannus.”
But they all said back to her, “But he cannot complete a pass.”
Indeed, whenever the coach put Tyrannus into the game, Tyrannus would panic every time.
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The center would snap him the ball, and he would hold the ball in the air too long and get sacked. Or the center would snap him the ball, and he would stand back there and fumble the ball away. Or the center would snap him the ball, and he would attempt a run that was not called, and he would gain one yard. It got so that the fans booed whenever Tyrannus walked out onto the field to play quarterback for their team. This was Gree’s first crush. And, unknown to her, she was Tyrannus’s first crush.
But Mom and Dad said to Gree, “Seventh grade is too young for a girl to go dating like that.”
And Tyrannus’s parents told him likewise, “Seventh grade is too young for a boy to look for a girlfriend.”
Both seventh-grade girl and seventh-grade boy obeyed their parents.
Then the last middle school football game of the year came upon cheerleader and quarterback.
It was halftime. Tyrannus had not seen any playing time. And their team was behind by six points. And the third quarter began. Then one of her fellow cheerleaders came up to her with a note. Gree read the note, and it said this, “Pretty Gree, if I throw a touchdown pass, would you let me touch my nose to your nose? Your admirer, Tyrannus.”
Gree laughed out loud, but she was not laughing in scorn. She rather liked what he wrote to her.
But she wrote back this note, wherein was written, “Tyrannus, two better quarterbacks than yourself would have to go down first. Yours in Christ, Gree,”
Gree gave this note to the cheerleader messenger of the moment, and this cheerleader ran and gave him her note. He read it, and he smiled fondly at her, himself confident that he would get his wish. And the third quarter ended. Neither team had scored in this quarter, and Gree’s and Tyrannus’s team were still behind by six points. And Tyrannus had been on the bench all this time at this game.
And the fourth quarter started. Lo, the first string quarterback went down with an ankle injury, and he could no longer continue playing. And the coach put in the second-string quarterback. Right after that that cheerleader messenger came back with a second note for Gree. She read it: “Oh, Gree,
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do I still get to touch noses with you if I go and throw that touchdown pass? Your great admirer, Tyrannus.”
At once Gree wrote back her second note to him, writing, “Tyrannus, one better quarterback than yourself would have to go down first. Your Christian fan, Gree.” She gave this note to the cheerleader-messenger, and this cheerleader-messenger ran and gave Tyrannus her reply.
He read it, and he looked up at Gree with a smile of blind devotion and strange confidence.
Late in the fourth quarter, the second-string quarterback went down with a wrist injury, and he could play tonight no more. And the coach had to put in his third-string quarterback. This, of course, was Tyrannus himself. With a third note he had written now in his hand, he gave it to the messenger-cheerleader, and he ran out onto the field. He paused to wave affectionately at Gree. Then he gave all of his attention to the football game. Gree got the note and read it, its words saying, “So, bonny Gree, if I throw a touchdown pass, will you touch my nose with your nose? Your greatest fan, Tyrannus.”
Gree quickly wrote a note in reply, writing, “Tyrannus, first you have to go and throw that touchdown pass. Go for it! Your admirer, Gree.” She gave this note to her cheerleader messenger. But the cheerleader messenger could not deliver this note to Tyrannus now, because now he was in the game. So Gree had to take this note back from her cheerleader courier. In infatuation with this cute boy, Gree held this note as if she were holding Tyrannus’s hand itself.
And on this very play, Tyrannus stood behind the center at the opponent’s ten-yard-line. It was third and one. If the coach called a running play, they could likely get the first down and earn a new series of downs. This close to the end zone, and with time running out on the clock, they could eat up the rest of the clock on more running plays and likely get the touchdown and the extra point for the win. But their running game was not performing as well this night as it had been all year. And the coach chose to trick the other team, and he dared to gamble with Tyrannus on a pass to the end zone, instead. Knowing Tyrannus’s ways, the coach called for a very most high percentage pass to the
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middle of the end zone where he would have three wide receivers and two tight ends waiting for the pass. Tyrannus paused to look at Gree the cheerleader, and he rallied his spirit of the game for her, and he was ready in the Lord. He said, “Hut!” The center snapped him the ball. And he threw his pass.
It went right into the whole pile of his three wide receivers and his two tight ends waiting for him in the end zone. Behold, his two tight ends both caught the ball at the same time! It was a completion for him! Tyrannus had thrown his first touchdown pass of middle school. And the crowd this time cheered Tyrannus. And his team went ahead and made the extra point. And time ran out. And because of Tyrannus, Gree’s seventh-grade football team won the big game.
With her great crush for Tyrannus, Gree crumpled up her own handwritten note, and she ran out onto the field, and he ran over to meet her, and they went ahead and touched noses in front of all the crowd. And the fans cheered both cheerleader and quarterback.
He was saved from his sins. She was saved from her sins. And they wanted to go out with each other. But Gree and Tyrannus had to wait until they were both in eighth grade to become girlfriend-and-boyfriend at the will of both of their moms and dads. And on their first day of eighth grade, Gree and Tyrannus officially became Christian girlfriend and Christian boyfriend. And they were together ever since.
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CHAPTER XII
Aphrodite was in her bedroom on the second floor of the Palatial Palace in effectual fervent prayer of thanksgiving. Kneeling upon her many pillows on the floor beside her bed in the dark of night, she was thanking her Heavenly Father for each of her daughters’ first day of salvation long ago as little girls. They had each found Christ through her and Pastor Hymn at five years of age, one by one, every three years, starting at the oldest and ending with the youngest. First was Gravel to get saved; second it was Gretchen who got saved; third it was Grandy who got saved; fourth it was Grey who got saved; fifth it was Gree who got saved. Pastor Hymn planted the seed of salvation in his little girls’ hearts, and Aphrodite watered the seed of salvation in these little girls’ hearts, and then God gave the increase. And in this prayer room of the night for Aphrodite, the beautiful young matriarch reminisced in great nostalgia with the Lord upon these five wonderful conversions of the very young Daughters Of Aphrodite. The following tells all about what Aphrodite had to say to her Heavenly Father about these five wonderful and divine miracles of so great salvation:
As for Gravel, she was at her preacher-dad’s Sunday Morning Worship Service again with her family. That Sunday, the famous patriarch preached another of his hellfire-and-brimstone sermons to
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his flock. His message was on the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, that passage found in Luke 16:19-31–the parable that was a true parable. He told his flock that Lazarus, a poor man, died as a saved person and went to Heaven. And he told his flock that the rich man died in his sins and went to Hell. The keynote verse of the sermon this day was Luke 16:24, a verse about Hell, and it read the following: “And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.” Pastor went on to say, “These words were spoken by the rich man in Hell. He was in Hell, because he rejected Christ all of his life. Hell is only all bad things. And the baddest of these bad things in Hell is the fire. You can take all of the waters of the five Great Lakes, and you still cannot put out the fires of Hell. Hell is the torments of the lake of fire.” And many other such things did Pastor preach that morning on hellfire.
That night for Gravel, when it was time for her to go to bed in her wing of a bedroom next door, she instead went up to Aphrodite’s bedroom and said to her,”Mom, I’m afraid to go to bed.”
“Why, O Gravel?” asked Aphrodite.
“I’m just real scared, Mom,” she said.
“What are you afraid of, Hon?’” asked the matriarch.
“I’m scared all about fire,” said Gravel.
“How can I help you not be afraid of fire, O Gravel?” asked her mom.
“I’m scared of fire, because I do not know Jesus as I need to,” said Gravel.
Aphrodite thought for a moment, and then understood her little girl’s trepidation. “Hon,’ are you afraid of the fires of Hell that your father preached on today?” she asked.
“Yes, Mom!” cried out the little girl yet without the Saviour. “Dad said today that no thinking person would put his hand on a gas burner, but that they would still reject Christ and burn in Hell. And Dad said that people down there will be thirsty for ever, and that they will never get to drink a glass of
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cold water down there. And Dad said that their bodies will be burning in brimstone. What’s brimstone, Mom?”
“’Brimstone’ is ‘sulfur,” said the matriarch.
“Then I’m scared of brimstone, too,” said little Gravel.
“But your father said hopeful things from the pulpit today, as well, Hon,’” said Aphrodite. “Do you remember what he said about how we don’t have to go down there in the fire?”
Little Gravel’s thoughts shown upon her countenance, and she said, “He said something about Jesus—the Saviour of the world.”
“Jesus saves people so that they don’t have to go down there into the fire and brimstone,” said her mom.
“And Dad said that Jesus can do that, that He can save– because He is God,” said Gravel.
“Do you remember what your father said about what Jesus did for people so that they don’t have to end up down there?” asked Aphrodite.
“Something about how He died on a cross and came back to life three days later,” said Gravel, feeling better now with this good news of the Gospel.
“He did that for everybody,” said her mom.
“And he did that for me, too,” said five-year-old Gravel.
“And why did he do that for all of us, Hon?’” asked Aphrodite.
“Because all of us do bad things that make us deserve to go to Hell and its fire,” said Gravel.
“Do you do bad things, my daughter?” asked the matriarch.
“Yes, Mom. You told me to put away my Tinkertoys, and I never got around to doing that,” said the little Daughter Of Aphrodite. “I deserve fire for that.”
“Do you remember what your father said at church today about what we all need to do in order to be saved from these fires of Hell, Hon?’” asked Aphrodite.
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“Dad said that in order to get saved, all that we need to do is to reach out and take the free present from Jesus,” said Gravel.
“The free gift of eternal life, Hon,’” said Aphrodite.
“Yeah, Mom,” said the girl Gravel. “First we have to believe in Jesus. Then we have to pray and ask Jesus to save our soul,”
“Would you like to do that now, Hon?’” asked Aphrodite.
“I don’t want to be on fire, Mom,” said Gravel. “And with Jesus I don’t have to be afraid of it.” Then Gravel said, “I am ready to accept Jesus as my Saver.”
And Aphrodite had the wonderful privilege of leading Gravel to salvation.
And when Pastor Hymn came home from a call not long later, wife and daughter told him what happened this night, and he rejoiced in the Lord most joyously.
As for Gretchen, she got convicted of Hell in a sermon at Sunday Evening Worship that Pastor Hymn had preached. Again it was one of his patented hellfire-and-brimstone sermons. That message’s keystone Scripture verse was Jude 13, wherein it was written, “Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness for ever.” His preaching on Hell that evening was about the “blackness of darkness” of Hell. He went on to say to his flock, “In Hell there is no light. It is black. It is dark. It is pitch. I call it ‘lightlessness.’ The doomed in Hell will say before too long, ‘Doesn’t anybody have a light down here? I am sick and tired of this darkness.’” And he went on to preach more upon the utter darkness and the outer darkness of Hell.
And the next night, Monday, Aphrodite’s family was gathered around in the first floor of the Palatial Palace, and Pastor Hymn was preparing his next sermon for Wednesday night up in the second floor. It was bedtime now for the little girl Gretchen. And Aphrodite said, “It’s time to tuck you in bed for the night, Hon.’” Her bedroom was just outside of this main part of the palace in its own wing.
But Gretchen this time said, “”My bedroom is so far away from your and Dad’s bedroom, Mom.
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And it is real dark in there in my room when I am in bed.”
“Would you like to sleep with your father and myself this time, Gretchen?” asked Aphrodite.
“Will it be dark in there tonight, too, when I am asleep?” asked Gretchen.
“Would you like a nightlight on for when you sleep?” asked the matriarch.
“I’m afraid of the dark, Mom,” said little Gretchen.
“Hon,’ you’ve never been afraid of the dark before,” said Aphrodite.
“Yesterday at church, Dad said that Hell is dark, Mom,” said Gretchen. “I’m afraid of dying and going down to Hell where it is always black.”
Aphrodite thought for good words about the Saviour of the world Whom little Gretchen did not yet know personally. And Aphrodite said, “Jesus is ‘the Light of the world,’ Hon,’”
“That’s what Dad said in the sermon yesterday, Mom,” said Gretchen. Then she said, “Light is good. Darkness is bad.”
“Hon,’ do you know what else that your father said in the sermon last night?” asked the loving matriarch.
“That Jesus had created light on the first day of creation,” said Gretchen.
“And do you remember how your father called born-again Christians, ‘the children of the kingdom of light?’” asked Aphrodite.
“And he called those who are not born-again Christians, ‘the children of the kingdom of darkness.’” said Gretchen. “That’s still me right now, Mom.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way any longer, Hon,’” said Aphrodite.
“Mom, is it nice and light up in Heaven, with Jesus Up There right now?” asked Gretchen.
“I remember how your father in church yesterday told how Jesus is the light of Heaven,” said her mom. “It was Revelation 21:23. And it was beautiful.”
“It was how the moon and the sun won’t be There, and it was how Jesus will be the One giving
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the light Up There,” said little Gretchen.
And Aphrodite recited this verse to her little girl, “And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof.”
“And also, Mom, the verse that Dad read to us about Heaven, ‘…: for there shall be no night there.’” said Gretchen.
“Revelation 21:25,” said Aphrodite.
“Hell must be all night,” said the little Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“As Heaven is all day,” said the matriarch.
“I am ready to become a child of light, Mom,” said Gretchen. “I no longer want to be a child of darkness.”
“Oh, Hon,’ I can help,” said Aphrodite, all caught up in this very good moment.
“Mom, why are you crying?” asked the young girl.
“Because I am happy, O dear Gretchen,” said the matriarch, giving her a long hug.
“And I am happy, too,” said the little girl on the verge of salvation.
And that night, in the living room of the first floor of the Palatial Palace, Aphrodite had the privilege of leading five-year-old Gretchen to her own true and sincere salvation.
And as soon as the sinners’ prayer was done, Gretchen said, “Let’s quick and go tell Dad!”
“Your father will be overjoyed when he finds out,” said Aphrodite. And mother and daughter ran upstairs in a race to tell Pastor Hymn the good news. Aphrodite got there first. And Gretchen told the great news.
And as soon as he found out, he said, “Blessed be the name of the Lord, He who has looked down upon my daughter and has rescued her from Hell this evening.” And the patriarch hugged his newly saved little girl long and hard. Then he and Aphrodite hugged in the Lord. Then all three hugged in a circle.
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“Mom, I’m not afraid of the dark anymore,” said Gretchen.
“God shall keep you,” said the matriarch.
“And I am not afraid of Hell anymore, either,” said Gretchen.
“You can never lose the salvation that God has given you this night, O Gretchen,” said Pastor Hymn.
“Will you be okay tonight, Hon?’” asked Aphrodite.
“I am not scared of going to bed in my bedroom anymore, either, Mom, Dad,” said Gretchen.
“God is my light now that I am born again.”
And with this, the matriarch and the patriarch and little Gretchen went out into her bedroom, and they tucked her in bed and sang a hymn to her as she lay there underneath the covers, herself now a daughter of light.
As for Grandy, she got convicted of her sins and of her eternal destiny to come from a sermon that her dad preached on a Wednesday Night Bible Study and Prayer Meeting. He had been called of God to preach another hellfire-and-brimstone message to his flock that night. And he preached upon the eternity of Hell for those thus damned. His key Bible verse that evening was Isaiah 5:14, which read, “Therefore Hell hath enlarged herself, and opened her mouth without measure: and their glory, and their multitude, and their pomp, and he that rejoiceth, shall descend into it.” “Hell hath enlarged herself and opened her mouth without measure,” he began his sermon. “What does that mean? That means, O good flock, that there is always room for one more in Hell. And Hell is for forever for the man or woman or boy or girl who dies in his or her sins. As eternal as may be the glories of Heaven for the saved, equally eternal are the torments of Hell for the unsaved. Good listener in this church service, God has provided Himself as the only way to stay out of Hell. But if you reject the Lord Jesus, and you die lost in your sins, once you get to Hell, there is never a way out of Hell for you for ever and ever. Suppose you are down there, suffering the torments, and you hear news that in a hundred years a
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missionary is going to come who will preach the Gospel of salvation, offering the damned another chance at repenting and accepting the Saviour Jesus Christ. You would think to yourself, ‘O good! In a hundred years I can get saved, and then I can finally get out of here.’ But true born-again missionaries do not go down to Hell. And you will never get that other chance.” Pastor Hymn paused, took a breath, and then said, “I have to share with you of the flock a true understanding of the longevity of Hell for the damned. I must borrow two words that I learned in math class back in college, if I may. The first word is the word ‘googol.’ Speaking generally, ‘googol’ is a gargantuan number. Speaking specifically, a ‘googol’ means ‘one, followed by a hundred zeroes.’ It not sufficient to say that the eternity of Hell is a googol amount of years. What is the second college math word that I learned?
It is the word ‘googol-plex.’ Very generally speaking, a ‘googol-plex’ is much much more colossal than even a ‘googol.’ Most specifically speaking, ‘a googol-plex’ is ‘the number one followed by a googol amount of zeroes.’ I dare say, O flock, that it is not even adequate to express Hell’s eternal sufferings as enduring a googol-plex number of years for the damned. God calls it for ever. Sufficient is it for me to say that Hell is forever, which is ever and ever.” Having said this, he then went on to talk about other dread aspects of the eternal lake fire for the rest of his sermon in that mid-week service.
That very night, alone with Aphrodite, Grandy was getting ready for bed in her bedroom in one of the wings to the palace structure. Her dad was praying in his and Mom’s bedroom upstairs in the main part of this Palatial Palace. And Grandy said, “I wish that I never had to leave my bedroom, Mom.”
“It is a bedroom of a palace, Hon,’” said Aphrodite in gladness for her great and majestic home.
“I wish that I could be in this bedroom forever,” said Grandy. “I wish that I could be in the Palatial Palace forever. I wish that I could be here on Earth forever.”
“Why do you say that, O Grandy?” asked the matriarch in compassion.
Then the little Daughter Of Aphrodite said, “Right now, the way that I stand with God, I will
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have to be down in Hell forever instead, Mom.”
“Would you like to be up in Heaven instead forever, Hon?’” asked loving Aphrodite.
“I would so much, Mom,” said Grandy. “Dad said that Hell is the worst place to be in the whole universe. He said that no one would want to go there for even just an instant or a moment. But they all have to be there for ever. And I am one of them.”
“You grabbed my arm at church when Pastor said that Hell is for ever,” said the loving matriarch.
“But then Dad said that Bible verse that was all filled up with good hope,” said Grandy. “Remember when I put my head against your arm then, when he said that, Mom?”
“That good Bible verse promise,” said Aphrodite. “Romans 6:23.” And she recited it to little Grandy: “…; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
“Eternal life is a very good thing. Eternal death is a very bad thing,” said the little girl Grandy.
“Hon,’ are you ready to receive the Lord Jesus as your Saviour?” asked Aphrodite.
“I am, Mom,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Do you believe that Jesus is God?” asked the young matriarch.
“I do, Mom,” said Grandy.
“Do you believe that Jesus alone can save you?” asked Aphrodite.
“I do, Mom,” said Grandy.
“Would you like to pray with me and receive Jesus as your personal Saviour?” asked her young mom.
“I would, Mom,” said Grandy.
Grandy, a child with the faith of a child necessary for so great salvation, was ready for Jesus now. And there in her bedroom, Grandy prayed the sinners’ prayer with Aphrodite, and she became thus a born-again child of God.
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Just then in came Pastor Hymn, and he said, “Did I just hear my wonderful little girl praying just now?”
“That was me, Dad,” said Grandy. “I just prayed my very first prayer.”
The mom and dad looked at each other in Christian ardor. Aphrodite said to him, “It was the big one.
And he said to her, “Ah, the one for salvation.”
Grandy then went on to say, “Mom, Dad, I was afraid of forever before I got saved. But now I am eager for forever now that I got saved.”
“Praise the Lamb for sinners slain,” said Pastor Hymn. And he wiped his eye with his hand.
“Dad, are you crying?” asked little Grandy.
“Grandy, I have just come from my bedroom, having been praying for your soul this past hour-and-a-half. And then I came back down to see how you were doing. And here you were, my beautiful little girl, newly saved in Christ. Thank you, good wife Aphrodite. And thank You, Lord.”
Next came Grey for salvation in her time. Little five-year-old Grey was in her bedroom of her wing of the palace, sleeping for the night. The rest of the family was in the dining room eating stove top cooked popcorn from a big mixing bowl on the table. The patriarch then went to the living room to watch TV to see a Billy Graham Crusade sermon. And the matriarch went to the kitchen to eat a grilled cheese sandwich at the kitchen table for a late night snack.
Just then, away in her bedroom off to the side of this main part of the palace, Grey woke up from a little girl’s scary dream. She had dreamed that she was sinking into quicksand. And she ran outside her bedroom and inside the palace to go tell Mom about her bad dream that she just had.
She found Aphrodite at the kitchen table, and she said, “I had a nightmare in bed, Mom!” And she jumped up upon her matriarch’s lap and held her tightly around her neck.
“Hon,’ tell me about your bad dream,” said Aphrodite, holding her little girl endearingly.
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“I dreamed that I was sinking in quicksand, Mom,” she said. She remembered in this dream standing upon nice safe dry sand. And she was looking out into a nice little pond right in front of where she was standing. And she was admiring the bottom of the pond here at its edge and its much nice wet sand at the bottom. And she stepped out into this pond to get her feet in upon that wet sand. And it quite grabbed both of her feet, and it held her tight, and she could not get her feet out of it. “It started eating me, Mom,” she said. She remembered how the harder she tried to get out, the more of herself it started eating up. And she was sinking deeper and deeper. “I was up to my neck in it, Mom,” Grey said. In this quicksand there was no going higher in it. There was only going lower in it. “Then I woke up.” little Grey said.
“Dear, you’re not in quicksand anymore,” said Aphrodite. “Let me hold you and make you feel better.” She held her daughter in both of her arms. “Is that better, Grey?” asked the young matriarch.
“I was never really in the quicksand. Was I, Mom?” asked Grey.
“It was just a bad dream, Hon,’” said Aphrodite.
A silent moment passed by, and Grey said, “I know that someday I will be in the quicksand for real, Mom.”
“Why do you say that, Hon?’” asked Aphrodite.
“After I die I will be in quicksand forever,” said the little girl. “That’s what Dad said in Sunday School this morning.”
That morning Pastor Hymn taught the youngest grade Sunday School class of his church, of which Grey was one of his pupils. He had taught hellfire and brimstone to his little boys and little girls with a tender regard for their tender age. His teaching on Hell was all about the continual fall that a damned person will be doing down in Hell. He taught how those down there will be slipping and sliding and forever falling ever downward. Pastor did not say that quicksand was in Hell, but little Grey dreamed about this scary falling deeper into some quicksand as a type of the Hell he was teaching
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to his little Sunday School children for the good of their souls. Aphrodite did not sit in on this class, herself being in the adult Sunday School class. She went on to ask her little five-year-old girl, “What did your good father say about Hell, dear Grey?”
“Dad said that they will be in slippery places and that they will be in destruction, Mom,” said Grey.
“Ah, Psalm 73:18,” said the wise matriarch, knowledgeable about the Scriptures. And she recited this verse: “Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.”
“That’s it. That’s what Dad read from the Bible,” said little Grey.
Pastor had expounded on this verse about Hell: “Hell is the bottomless pit. Down there, one will always be falling, but never landing. One has no solid ground upon which he can put down his feet. There is no floor upon which to stand. He is in a limbo, a void, a bad place. His feet and his legs and his arms and his hands are flailing about, looking for something that is solid. He is, basically, always sinking, sinking, sinking. Hell is these ‘slippery places’ of which that Bible verse speaks. Hell is worse than falling off of a cliff and landing to your death. Hell is worse than sinking into a lake and drowning. Hell is worse than sinking into the quicksand and suffocating. Even being lost in space, were such a thing comprehensible, yourself drifting and wandering and forever going nowhere utterly alone, is not so bad as slipping continually in Hell’s slippery places with nothing under your feet.”
“Did your father say why people go to Hell and fall for ever?” asked Aphrodite in love.
“Because we all sin. He said that even if we sin only one time, we still have to pay for that sin with eternal falling down in Hell,” said Grey.
“Did your father tell you about Jesus right after?” asked the matriarch.
“Yeah, Mom,” said Grey. “Dad said that Jesus came to save sinners from their sins.”
“Jesus is here right now with us in this kitchen, Hon,’” said Aphrodite.
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“I don’t see Him, but I know that He is here,” said Grey.
“Jesus wants to become your Saviour, Grey,” said Aphrodite.
“I don’t know Him yet as you and Dad do, Mom,” said little Grey. “But pretty soon I will.”
“Are you saying that you want to get saved, Hon?’” asked Aphrodite.
“Right away, Mom!” exclaimed little Grey. “I do not want to fall for forever.”
“Let’s pray together, dear Grey,” sang out the matriarch.
And right there in the kitchen, Aphrodite led Grey to salvation. And right after that, they told the patriarch the great news. And Pastor Hymn prayed, “O Heavenly Father, what can a dad like myself say to You now, except, ‘Thank You for saving the soul of my daughter Grey.’ I praise You for Your mercy and for Your grace!” And the patriarch of the five Daughters Of Aphrodite had the whole family of seven gather into the kitchen and to sing the great hymn, “Bringing In The Sheaves.”
And Grey went on to say, “I will never dream about quicksand again.”
Lastly came the youngest daughter of Pastor Hymn and Aphrodite to salvation. This was Gree.
The little girl came wandering into her mom and dad’s bedroom upstairs in the second floor. Aphrodite was giving good advice on the phone to a sister-in-the-Lord, asking her to forgive a husband who had forgotten their anniversary. And the woman on the other end agreed to do so. And then they said, “Good-bye” for the night and hung up in accord. There stood little Gree, right next to Aphrodite’s big bed, and waiting either for herself to speak up or for her mom to say something first.
Aphrodite spoke up first saying, “You can talk to your mom now, Hon.’ I’m done talking on the phone.”
And Gree said, “I can’t go to bed tonight, Mom.” It was indeed past little Gree’s bedtime. She had already been tucked in. And she had fallen asleep in bed. And now she was upstairs here.
‘Why can’t you go to bed, dear?” asked the matriarch.
“Because there are worms in my bed, Mom,” said the child Gree.
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“Did you see these worms, Hon?’” asked Aphrodite.
“No, Mom. But they are there,” said Gree in a child’s credulity.
“If you did not see them in bed with you, then how can they be there, O Gree?” asked Aphrodite in a mother’s care and reasoning.
“I looked for them in the dark, and I did not see them, but I knew that they were there,” said Gree. “And then I looked for them with the light on, and I did not see them, but I still knew that they were there.”
“How could you tell that they were there, Hon?’” asked her mom.
“Because I felt them there in bed with me, Mom,” said Gree. “I don’t want to go to bed all night again.”
“Shall we both go down and see if we can both see them?” asked the matriarch.
“I need you there in my bedroom tonight, Mom,” said five-year-old Gree.
And Aphrodite and her youngest daughter went down and out of the central part of the palace and in to the bedroom of Gree on her wing of the palace. The patriarch stayed back in his and Aphrodite’s bedroom to call up a man of his church who had lost his wife, to encourage him in the Lord.
Once in Gree’s bedroom, her mother came up to the bed, and she rolled back the covers, and neither saw any worms. But sincere agitation shown upon Gree’s face. Gree said, “If I go to bed, all the worms will come back, and they will crawl all over me, and it will be like I am in Hell.”
Pastor Hymn had preached one of his hellfire-and-brimstone sermons today at church. In that Sunday Morning Worship, Pastor preached upon the doctrine of Hell to his flock out in the cemetery in back of the little Baptist church. It was a nice and sunny and warm morning of summer. The wind was a calm zephyr. And there was a focus on death in this unique church service, here in the midst of many graves. Pastor began to preach the message that God had for him to preach this day to his flock: “Men
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and women and children of church, today I will speak about the worms of Hell. In Mark 9:44, 46, 48, God’s Word tells us all three times, ‘Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.’ In the fires of Hell are myriads of worms crawling around. You might say, ‘There can be no worms down there alive, because it is all fire, and because it is too hot.’ Well, I say to this, that in incinerators in big cities, where it gets thousands of degrees hot, people have found worms in them and crawling around in them. Worms can endure great burning heat. And if there are worms in burning incinerators, can there not be worms in burning hell? The doomed people down in Hell will have these worms upon their corruptible indestructible bodies, crawling all about upon them, and slithering across their scorching skin, and maybe even boring through their physical bodies. I believe that these worms in Hell will cover the whole bodies of the people in Hell. And they will be a most dreadful torment unique to those in Hell.” And he continued on in his message on the worms of Hell.
As the matriarch and the little daughter stood beside Gree’s bed, Aphrodite said, “Do you remember what Dad said about ‘salvation,’ Hon?’”
“Dad said that the meaning of ‘salvation’ is ‘deliverance,’ Mom,” said Gree.
“Deliverance from what, O Gree?” asked the matriarch.
“Deliverance from Hell and from its worms,” said Gree.
“And do you remember who gives us this salvation?” asked Aphrodite.
“The Saviour,” said Gree. “Only the Saviour can give salvation.”
“And do you know how your dad explained the word ‘Saviour?’” asked the matriarch.
“The meaning of ‘Saviour’ is ‘Deliverer,’ Mom,” said little Gree.
“And what does this Deliverer deliver us from?” asked Aphrodite.
“He delivers us from Hell and from its worms,” declared Gree.
“And Who is He that can do all of this for us?” asked the matriarch.
“The Lord Jesus Christ,” said five-year-old Gree.
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“Would you like the Lord Jesus Christ to become your own Savior of so great salvation, O Hon?’” asked Aphrodite.
“I want Him to keep me from that bad place down there all full of worms,” said Gree.
And in Gree’s bedroom with the light on, matriarch and daughter kneeling beside the daughter’s bed in the sinners’ prayer, Aphrodite had the joy of leading Gree to salvation.
Just then in came Pastor Hymn and the whole rest of the family. The patriarch said, “Dear Aphrodite, the Holy Spirit bade me to come out here with all of the rest of us to see what God had to show us tonight.”
And at once, Gree said, “There are no more worms in my bed, Dad. And I don’t have to worry about the worms in Hell that you told us about in church today. And I am going to Heaven now instead.”
And Aphrodite spoke and sang out in raptures, “Gree has just become born again, O finest husband of mine.”
And the patriarch of the five Daughters Of Aphrodite spoke and said, “Now my soul can rest for my cares for my family. All seven of us are now born-again believers. God is good and great and grand indeed.”
Alone with God in her second-story bedroom in her prayer of reminiscence this night many years later, Aphrodite finished her thanksgivings to her Heavenly Father for the unique and blessed salvation of her five beloved daughters. And the Lord heard her. And the Shechinah Glory of God Himself filled this great room.
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CHAPTER XIII
The five grown Daughters Of Aphrodite were each in their bedrooms enjoying leisure time with puzzle books. Their pet unicorns were with them in their rooms. And Aphrodite was in her first floor den, reading Pilgrim’s Progress.
Gravel was alone with her white unicorn. She was working her way through an intricate maze with one big rectangular boundary and with many narrow ways and with the level of skill being rated as “expert.” “I seem to have taken a wrong turn in my maze just now, White,” said the cheerleader Gravel.
“Did you come to a dead end, Mistress?” asked White.
“Not at first. But then all of a sudden,” said Gravel.
“That kind of thing doesn’t happen to you lots,” said White.
“And now I am not sure how to get back to where I had taken that first wrong turn,” said the cheerleader in black and white. “Now where was that first wrong turn?”
“It’s a good thing that you do not work your mazes in pen, O Mistress,” said the white unicorn.
“I’m a pencil person,” said Gravel. “Always pencil. Especially for my maze books.”
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“The only time that I see you with a pen in your hand is when you write out your checks for your bills,” said White.
“And the only time that I write in cursive is when I write my signature,” said Gravel.
“You are a woman who likes to print her words, Mistress,” said the white unicorn pet.
“At least I still know how to write cursive. Nowadays they don’t teach that in school,” said Gravel.
“Makes one wonder how the younger generation goes about and signs their checks,” said White.
“Nobody writes checks anymore,” said the cheerleader in black and white.
“Yeah. So true,” said the white unicorn.
“I once saw a sign about that on a bank building one day just the other day,” said Gravel. “It said, ‘Writing checks is so twentieth century.’”
“At one time the twentieth century was the modern age,” said White. “But here we are now well into the twenty-first century.”
“This maze is making my eyes dizzy,” said Gravel.
“Is it a hard one?” asked White.
“Come here and take a look,” said his mistress. And she showed him. And he examined it for a brief time. “What do you make of this maze, O White?” she asked him.
“I think that back here where you took a left, you should have taken a right. And up ahead here, where you went down, you should have gone up,” said White. He then went on to say, “And over here near the start I can see is where you first went the wrong way in this maze.”
“You can tell all of that just like that, amazing White?” the Daughter Of Aphrodite asked.
“We unicorns do like to help out our mistresses whenever we can,” said White.
“You have a keen mind, O White,” said the cheerleader in black and white. “You are even better at mazes than I am.”
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“White ever at your service, O Mistress,” said her pet white unicorn.
“How did you get so good at doing mazes?” asked Gravel.
“That kind of thing comes naturally to me,” said White.
“Getting lost has never been something that happened to you, White,” said the cheerleader mistress in praise of her unicorn.
“And I have to give your boyfriend with the sword due credit, also, Mistress,” said White. “He and I have been training for battle together lately. And he has taught my mind to focus on my surroundings. That must be why I worked my way through the maze that stumped you.”
“I can tell that the way you worked through my maze is the way that you will slay griffins, good and gallant white—with method and scrutiny and Godspeed,” said his mistress.
“I have a God-fearing mistress to protect,” he said in deference to this Daughter Of Aphrodite.
Meanwhile Gretchen and her unicorn Brown were in her bedroom, and Gretchen was working word search puzzles up in bed. The cheerleader in black and brown went on to say, “I do say, Brown, working word search puzzles is not hard to do and is not one that takes a lot of thinking.”
“I know all about word search puzzles, Mistress,” said the brown unicorn. “They are not hard to make, either.”
“Some people do them backwards from how I do them,” said Gretchen.
“You do word search puzzles by looking for a word on the grid first and then circling it on the grid, and then looking for that same word in the list second and then crossing it off of the list,” said Brown, knowing his mistress and her ways.
“Others do it differently,” said Gretchen. “Others first pick a word from the list, then go looking for it on the grid, seeking first the first letter, second the second letter, third the third letter, and so on, hoping to find it that way on the grid.”
“You never do word search puzzles like those kind of puzzle people do, my mistress,” said
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her pet brown unicorn.
“Unless the word search puzzle has numbers to find instead of words,” she said.
“You stay away from word search puzzles with lists and grids of only numbers, Mistress,” said Brown.
“I call those kind ‘number search puzzles,’” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
“It’s a good thing that with word search puzzles, the whole word makes one straight path in one direction in one line,” said the brown unicorn.
“Up and down or left and right or diagonally,” said Gretchen, gazing upon her pencil.
“Is this word search puzzle another easy one for you, Mistress?” asked Brown.
“I almost got caught in a tricky one just a little while ago,” she said. “The word list was about obscure men in the Bible. One of them was called, ‘Dishon.’ and the other one was called ‘Dishan.’ But I did not get fooled. And I got them both right, one right after the other.”Take a look at them, Brown.”
She showed him, and he said, “They are both diagonal in the grid, one going from lower right to upper left, and one going from lower left to upper right.”
“I know my words,” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
“And you know your names, Mistress,” said her unicorn pet.
“Look here, Brown,” she said.
He looked into her word search puzzle, and he saw the name “So.” “’So.’ Mistress?” he asked. “Who is ‘So?’ “
“I can’t tell,” she said. “He must be another obscure man in the Scriptures, Brown.”
“Why, that man’s name is so short that a girl could easily not even see that on the grid doing word search puzzles the way that you do.” said the brown unicorn.
“A nice long name like ‘Mahershalalhashbaz’ a girl like me could never miss in a word search
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puzzle,” said Gretchen.
“Is he also an obscure Bible man, Mistress?” asked Brown.
“Yes. But I know who that one is,” said Gretchen. “He’s the son of Isaiah.”
“A unicorn like myself would be inclined to think that a word search puzzle might not be big enough to fit a name like that in its grid,” said Brown.
“It’s not in this word search puzzle,” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
“A name that long could not even fit in the list,” he said in hyperbole. And mistress and pet laughed together.
Meanwhile Grandy was working some crosspatch puzzles in her puzzle book in her bedroom alone with her blue unicorn pet. “Mistress, how is your crisscross puzzle going for you?” asked Blue.
“Crosspatch puzzle,” she said to him. “I call them ‘crosspatch puzzles.’”
“I know how they work,” he said to the cheerleader in black and blue. He went on to say how the crosspatch puzzle grid resembles a crossword puzzle grid. Whereas, in crossword puzzles the list had subtle clues from which the puzzle worker guessed the word and then went on to place the word in its designated place on the grid, in crosspatch puzzles the list had words from which the puzzle worker had to fit into its empty grid in its undesignated and correct place with regard to word length and position of letters and alphabetic correctness. This type of pencil puzzle required thinking ahead, with regard to other words on the list and other parts of this grid of empty boxes.
“That’s correct, good Blue,” said Grandy. “And I am not good with puzzles, either, at that.”
“And you are downright bad with crosspatches, Mistress,” said her blue unicorn pet.
“But I still like crosspatches the best anyway,” said Grandy. She held up her pencil.
“You didn’t tell me how today’s crosspatch puzzle was going for you,” said her pet unicorn.
“I seem to be stuck thinking about four of five words at once all ahead of time,” she said. “I’m confused.”
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“And these are fun for you?” asked Blue.
“Well, not as fun as underlining in my Bible, of course,” said Grandy.
“What can be as much fun as Bible study?” concurred Blue.
“Prayer,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Of course, Mistress,” said Blue, having the heart of the Christian woman.
“I do my things like this after I am done doing God’s things like those for the day,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“You definitely do not save the best for the last,” said her pet unicorn.
“Definitely nothing satisfies like Jesus,” said Grandy.
“What are the four or five words that you are trying to fit into your crosspatch puzzle?” asked the pet unicorn.
“’Sanctification’ and ‘justification’ and ‘propitiation’ and ‘redemption’ and ‘imputation,’” said Grandy.
“Ah, Mistress, five good doctrines of the Christian faith.” said Blue. “Would you tell your doting unicorn what those five words mean again? Their definitions are hard to remember.”
“I love to teach my unicorn Bible wisdom,” said the cheerleader in black and blue. “’Sanctification’ means ‘preparing or setting apart a person or thing to a holy use.’ God can do this only with true born-again believers. ‘Justification’ means ’an act of free grace where God pardons and declares righteous the sinner through Christ.’ This happens for a person the very moment that he gets saved. ‘Propitiation’ means ‘an offering made to an offended God to appease His wrath and to obtain His favor.’ This is Jesus, Who died on the cross. ‘Redemption’ means ‘being bought back for a price.’ Our Saviour is called ‘Blessed Redeemer’ in one of the great hymns of our hymnbook. He redeemed us to God with His shed blood. And ‘imputation’ means ‘put to the account’ ‘laid to one’s charge’ ‘reckoned.’ It is God Who imputes man’s sins. And it is the righteousness of Christ that is imputed to
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man conditionally on faith in Christ’s sacrifice.”
“Sanctification—becoming more and more like Christ every day. Justification—just as if you have never sinned. Propitiation—the satisfaction for sin in the eyes of a holy God. Redemption—Freeing someone by repaying. And imputation—one’s righteousness becoming Jesus’s righteousness,” summed up her literary unicorn.
“Very well put, Blue,” said Grandy.
“Do you give up now on this night’s crosspatch puzzle, O Mistress?” asked Blue.
“I think that now I am getting it all figured out,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“My mistress is not a quitter,” said the blue unicorn.
Meanwhile in Grey’s bedroom, this Daughter Of Aphrodite was with her unicorn Gray, and she was sitting in front of her desk with a crossword puzzle magazine and a pencil.
“Mistress, is it another crossword puzzle magazine with Sunday newspaper crossword puzzles this time?” asked Gray.
“Only the hardest ones for this woman, Gray,” said Grey.
“My mistress, the crossword connoisseur.” said Gray her unicorn.
“Let’s see. Seven across. Four letters. And the clue is ‘Ireland,” said the cheerleader in black and gray.
“Are any letters in seven across filled in already, my mistress?” asked the gray unicorn.
“The second letter is an ‘I,’” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite. “I already know what the word is.”
“I have not a clue,” said Gray.
“It is the word ‘Eire,’” said Grey. “This crossword puzzle is too easy.”
“I never heard of the word before, O Mistress,” said Gray.
“I read a lot. You do not read a lot,” said the cheerleader mistress. She then wrote this word in.
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Later on in this crossword puzzle, Grey spoke her thoughts again to Gray and said, “Ah, seven
down. Four letters again. And the clue is once again, ‘Ireland.’”
“Do you have any letters already on the grid for this seven down?” asked her gray unicorn.
“An ‘I’ again. But this time the ‘I’ is the third letter,” said Grey. She laughed and smiled at her unicorn companion.
“You know the answer. Don’t you, Mistress?” asked Gray.
“’Erin,’” she said the word.
“’Erin,’” said her pet unicorn. “That word I have heard before.”
“Where did you hear it, Gray?” asked the cheerleader in black and gray.
“That Irish greeting that goes something like this: ‘Erin go bragh,’” said the gray unicorn pet.
“Ah, Erin go bragh,” said the crossword expert. “Ireland forever.” And she wrote this word in.
Later on, near the end, Grey said, “I have a hard one here that I cannot figure out, Gray.”
“A crossword puzzle clue has stumped you, my mistress?” asked her gray unicorn.
“The clue is ‘a part of a horse’s anatomy,’” said the unicorn mistress.
“I’m much like a horse, though much bettered endowed on my forehead, Mistress,” said Gray, shaking his unicorn horn about in the room.
“It is thirty-three across, and it has seven letters,” said Grey.
“What letters do you have already filled in?” asked the gray unicorn pet.
“Woe, all seven letters are yet blank, Gray. You don’t have much to work with. Come through for your mistress,” said Grey.
“I would guess the answer to be ‘fetlock,’ Mistress,” said Gray, lifting up his hoof and shaking it in indication.
“That’s a fetlock?” asked Grey in learning a new thing.
“My fetlock is this little extra piece just in back of my leg and just above my hoof. See this tuft
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of hair right there?” he said to her.
“I see some hair there,” she said.
“That’s where my fetlock is, Mistress,” he said. Horses have these. And so do we unicorns,” said Gray.
“I don’t have anything like a fetlock, Gray,” said Grey.
“That’s because you are not a unicorn, and I am,” said Gray.
“Thank you, Gray, for rescuing me. I have never heard of such a word,” said Grey. She wrote the word into the crossword, and it proved to be the right word for thirty-three across.
“We unicorns know things,” said Gray.
“Our Maker has given His unicorns wisdom and knowledge,” said Grey, more fully cognizant of that right now.
Meanwhile, Gree was alone in her room with her orange unicorn pet. She was working puzzles, too. She was doing dot-to-dot puzzles. In her young childhood Gree loved to do dot-to-dot puzzles. Those were most basic and easy and of less than a hundred dots to connect. When she became an older little girl, she bought more challenging dot-to-dot books for herself. Now these all had over a hundred dots to connect. When she became a teenage girl, she began to work dot-to-dot books for more mature children, these having as much as five hundred dots to connect. But now that she was a young woman, she searched for and found dot-to-dot books with a thousand dots to connect. This night Gree on her little stool in the corner began to open up a little packet of a sheet until it buried her lap where she sat.
“Mistress, what is that big sheet of paper that opened up like an old time road map?” asked her orange unicorn.
“It is the world’s biggest dot-to-dot puzzle,” declared the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Why, you would need a whole table to do such a big dot-to-dot puzzle,” said her pet unicorn.
“I certainly cannot work this, sitting upon this little stool,” said Gree.
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“Try the desk,” he said.
She came up to the desk with it and set it upon the desk. She said, “The desk is too small.”
“Try the table,” he said.
She came up to the table and set it upon the table. She said, “The table is too small.”
“Try the floor,” he said.
She sat down upon her wooden floor, set it down, and said, “The floor is not too small.”
“How many dots, Mistress, does this dot-to-dot puzzle have?” asked Orange.
And the cheerleader in black and orange said, “It has fifteen hundred dots!”
“Where did you get such a puzzle like this?” asked her orange unicorn.
“From the big bookstore in the big city,” she said. “It was expensive.”
“How much?” he asked.
“Fifty bucks,” she said.
“For one dot-to-dot puzzle,” he said.
“I think that it will keep me busy for a few days, Orange,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
She took a pencil and went over to the opposite corner of the room and sharpened it and came back to this corner of the room and sat down in front of her big puzzle sheet.
“I believe that you will have to get back up and do that lots more times over before you’re done with this dot-to-dot puzzle, Mistress,” said her unicorn.
“I might have to use more than one pencil with this one, Orange,” surmised Gree.
“Do you think that you might start right now?” asked Orange.
“I can’t wait,” she said. And she put her pencil to the paper and connected the one dot and the two dot together with her first drawn line of one thousand five hundred.
“Maybe a word of prayer might be good before you go and do your fun like this, Mistress,” said her unicorn pet.
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“Prayer is good for all things both good and bad,” said the cheerleader in black and orange.
And she prayed a good quick little prayer, “Dear Father, I pray that I have my funnest fun with this one most of all of my ones. Thank You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” And she connected dot two to dot three.
“What do you think it will be when you’re finally all done with it, my mistress?” asked Orange.
“I can’t tell yet, being so close to it like this,” said Gree.
She stood up and put some distance now between her eyes and the dot-to-dot puzzle on the floor. “Can you tell yet?” asked her pet unicorn.
“No. Still too close and too big, Orange,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“We will have to wait until you get it all done,” said her unicorn pet.
“Or until God has me to finish it,” said Gree.
“That could take a fortnight,” said Orange.
“Or maybe a ‘fortday,’” teased Gree.
“Mistress, there is such a thing as a ‘fortnight,’ but there is no such thing as a ‘fortday,’” said Orange.
“I know,” said Gree. And woman and unicorn laughed together. And Gree went on to connect the third dot to the fourth dot.
And then Gree went on to spend time connecting many more dots, and Orange went to the opposite corner to pray and to thank God for life.
As for Aphrodite, she was finishing up her reading for the night. She was on the last page of John Bunyan’s classic Christian novel Pilgrim’s Progress. She looked around and thanked God for all of her shelves of books in this den and for how cozy it was in here to read and for peaceful moments like this in her famous home the Palatial Palace. This matriarch, the cheerleader in black and green, suddenly felt a sense of imminent evil here in her first floor of her house. She did not know what it was. She chose not to pray about it. And she went and finished reading that last page of the book.
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Suddenly the sound of crashing came in upon this library of a room. It was the sound of many windows breaking in an exterior wall outside of this den. It was the sound of a wall coming down to the floor in breaking pieces. It was the sound of rubble and debris. It was the sound of battle. It was the sound of demons.
In dire exigency, Aphrodite rushed out of her den and out into her living room. Behold, five griffins inside the house!
One griffin spoke and said, “Where do you hide the hymnbook, woman of God?”
Aphrodite, bold in Christ to the utmost, said right back to this griffin, “Death to the griffin who finds my hymnbook!”
A second griffin spoke and said, “Is the hymnbook in this Palatial Palace?”
Aphrodite spoke and said, “Death to the griffin who razes my house!”
A third griffin spoke and said, “Is the hymnbook in this living room?”
Aphrodite spoke and said, “Death to the griffin who does the will of Beelzebub!”
A fourth griffin spoke and said, “Is the hymnbook in this first floor?”
Aphrodite spoke and said, “Death to the griffin who defies the will of God!”
The fifth griffin spoke and said, “Is the hymnbook upstairs?”
And Aphrodite spoke and said, “Death to the griffin who seeks to burn up the hymnbook with fire!”
And all five griffins now spoke and said, “Death to Aphrodite!”
And they began to stalk her in this first floor of her palace where she stood, strong and sure and ready to die for Christ.
Just then in came the five Daughters Of Aphrodite and White and Brown and Blue and Gray and Orange, all five unicorn horns lowered and ready for battle and awaiting God’s will.
They had heard the crashing from their bedrooms outside of this main part of the palace, and
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they had come to look and to see what was going on, and they had expected the worst, and they now saw the worst.
Standing with God, not alone with her five daughters and their five unicorns, Aphrodite prayed and said, “Lord, protect Your book of hymns.”
The Daughters Of Aphrodite prayed collectively, “God, take away these griffins.”
And the five unicorns charged in upon the five griffins.
A skirmish broke out between good and evil for the first time inside the walls of this Palatial Palace. And the five unicorns drove out of the house the five griffins. And they took the battle outside. And the griffins had enough of the unicorns. In fact, too much. And they fled battle, wounded and beaten and humbled.
Wearied and worn, Aphrodite came up to the sofa, saw it upside down, set it right back up, and sat down upon its middle cushion.
“Mom, what happened?” asked her five daughters, already knowing what had happened, themselves having seen it all take place.
“They got inside the house,” said the matriarch.
The hymnbook was inside the house.
The Daughters Of Aphrodite said, “But they are all gone now, Mom.”
And all five unicorns said, “But they will all come back.”
Aphrodite spoke and said, “I feel dizzy for some reason.”
Aphrodite was not one to feel faint after having faced down evil in her days. She put her hand to the back of her head and brought it to in front of her face.
Lo, blood on her hand.
“Mom, you’re bleeding,” said her five daughters.
The matriarch was wounded in battle this night.
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At once her daughters set about with first aid for the wound in the back of their mother’s head. Calm in Christ, Aphrodite said, “I did feel a gouge from an eagle beak back there.”
And as for the unicorn warriors, they set about to repair the wall and its windows through which the griffins had come through so forcibly.
One of the unicorns said, “We five unicorns are lucky to be alive, having taken on griffins without the men.”
Another unicorn said, “If the men had been here, those five griffins would never have escaped; they would have been slain in battle. “
Another unicorn said, “God will have the men with us for now on every time the griffins come.”
Another unicorn said, “A sword, a foil, a bow and arrow, a spear, a battle-axe—wielded by our men, those weapons can do more damage than we unicorns can with our unicorn horns.”
And another unicorn said, “There are fifty griffins left in the world, and there are ten of us.”
And Aphrodite, hearing their conversation, said, “There are more with us than there are with them.”
And Aphrodite had a prayer meeting right now with her daughters and with their unicorns.
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CHAPTER XIV
Flanders the sword fighter and Gravel were out riding her fleet white unicorn together down County Trunk QU in the countryside. Flanders was seated upon White in front, and Gravel was seated upon White in back. And the lady held on to the gentleman around his waist in both arms. Fast indeed did her unicorn gallop, his hooves pounding upon the gravel, and a cloud of dust arising from the road behind them. “Weeeee!” said the cheerleader in black and white with the joy of a little girl going fast. “Ha ha ha! Go, White!” And again, “Weeeee!”
“Gravel,” said Flanders, “he must be doing a good forty miles per hour with the both of us on his back.”
“My White can go a good fifty miles per hour with myself alone on his back,” said Gravel.
White spoke and said, “I can run sixty miles per hour with no one on my back.”
“Only a Cheetah can run faster than that,” said Flanders. Then he, too, said, “Weeeee!”
Gravel thought about getting romantic now and resting her head against her boyfriend’s head,
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but the ride was too bumpy, and she did not want to knock heads with him. She, instead, rested her head upon his shoulder to the side. That was good. No heads were colliding. And she could feel his shoulder underneath her chin. And he could feel her hair along his ear.
“You’re a very beautiful woman, Gravel,” said Flanders. “The God of blessings has put you into my life.”
“I want to stay beautiful for you, Flanders,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“The Bible says ‘Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah.’ Psalm 68:19,” said her boyfriend.
“I came for you from God,” said Gravel, understanding what her boyfriend meant in that Scripture verse.
“And you have a most noble and gallant unicorn,” said Flanders.
Gravel spoke and said, “Did you hear that, White?”
In acknowledgment, her galloping white unicorn gave a toot on his unicorn horn, and he kept on running.
“Thank you for having said that, Boyfriend,” said the cheerleader in black and white.
“For how long have you had him, Gravel?” asked Flanders.
“I was saved for one year, and then he came into my life,” said Gravel.
“You are thirty years old now. You got saved at age five. You found White then at age six,” said Flanders. “You two have been mistress-and-pet now for about twenty-four years.”
“Going on a quarter of a century,” said Gravel.
“How did it all begin?” asked Flanders.
“It happened for me at a ghost town,” she told him.
“A ghost town of all places,” he said in hearty delight.
“The former town of Mandan,” she said.
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“A ghost town with a wild white unicorn,” said Flanders.
“Would you like to hear more?” she asked.
“I want to hear all about it, girl,” said Flanders.
And she told him everything of how she and White had first found each other and become best of friends ever since: “I was the oldest child then of two girls. Gretchen was around, but Grandy and Grey and Gree had not yet come. Mom had told me about ghost towns in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. I asked her if there were ghosts in ghost towns. And she said that there weren’t. Then I asked her what
ghost towns were if they were not towns with ghosts in them. And she told me that they were little rural towns whose people all left, thus leaving these once living towns empty. She told me that in ghost towns the houses were empty and the streets were empty and the yards were empty. And she told me that the stores and the shops were all abandoned. And she told me that everything remained in that town, but the people. And when I asked where we might find such a town, Dad told me that Mandan in Upper Michigan was a ghost town like how Mom described them to me. I tell you, Flanders, I just had to go and visit this mysterious Mandan. I thought to maybe beg Mom and Dad to take me there, but they already wanted to go there before I had to beg. In fact they promised me to take us two girls with them to go and check out this mystical ghost town. In my great anticipations, I daydreamed about what it would be like. I would go and pick out a house, and go into it, and explore it, and fall upon sweet reverie in solitude, and sit down in a corner of a room, and lean against the wall, and close my eyes in a trance, and would feel like I were in Heaven. Mom told us two little girls, ‘When we walk through Mandan, stay close to us. I don’t want you girls to get lost in a strange little town that once was.’ And Dad warned us two girls, ‘Wolves run wild in Upper Michigan. They look like big dogs, but they are not dogs. They will bite!’ All on that trip north, I could not wait for expectation. And then we came to a green sign with white letters, reading, ‘Mandan, Unincorporated.’ Sure enough, no one was in Mandan everywhere. We saw all the buildings, but none of its former residents. We were now in
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my own little paradise. And we walked around in this most tranquil little ghost town. Taking in the sights at first, close to the rest of my family, I lagged around a little bit behind the other three. I stayed on the roads, walking behind Mom and Dad and Gretchen, and did not yet adventure into any of the abandoned homes on the roads. But then I saw a beautiful three-story house off to the left of the street.
I stopped and stared upon it in great fascination. I pondered upon it from here out front. I then decided that this was going to be the first abandoned building in this ghost town that I was going to check out inside. And I went inside a house in Mandan. I found a beautiful porch all empty and peaceful. I went farther into the house, and I found a beautiful whole first floor all isolated and quiet, room after room.
I went up the stairs and I found a beautiful whole second floor full of bedrooms all vacated and tranquil. And I went up more steps and found a big, spacious and dusty attic that was the whole third floor. No one had been in this attic for years, and no one else was in this attic right now, and no one was going to be in this attic again. I was in Utopia. I had arrived. I would sit down in the corner and rest my back against the wall and fall into a wondrous and marvelous little spell. And that was just exactly what I did. Not long later, I opened my eyes. Why, I must have been so comfortable here in this abandoned house in Mandan that I had fallen asleep. And I wondered where Mom and Dad and Gretchen were now. I realized then that I had let myself get lost in this ghost town, thus disobeying Mom’s rule. And I worried now about those wolves that Dad had warned me about. What if a wolf were to come up into this vacated attic up here? And now I was afraid in Mandan. I was a little girl who did not know where her parents were. I ran down the stairs and out of the house as fast as I could in hopes of seeing my family waiting for me outside the front porch. But they were not there. I did not see them anywhere. They were gone. At once I ran down the street looking for them. Then I saw one of those wolves of the north country. He looked just like the big bad wolf in that fairy tale that little girls read. I tried to run away from him. And he saw me running away from him, and he began to run toward me. He looked hungry and savage and deadly. I was going to be eaten up by the big bad wolf,
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I thought. I prayed quickly a three-word prayer, ‘Help me, Lord!’ And, behold, a big white unicorn charging my way from just up ahead. He was coming toward me from in front, and the wolf was coming toward me from in back. I at first was not sure whether this big white unicorn were coming to get me or to get the wolf who was trying to get me. I chose to hope for the latter. And again I prayed to God, praying for the latter to be God’s will for me right now. I could hear the wolf breathing behind me. I could see the long horn of the white unicorn before me. Then the unicorn went right by me along my left side. And then I heard a terrible lupine yelp behind me. I knew what had just taken place. The good unicorn had slain the evil wolf. And God spared my life. I stopped running, and I turned around, not eager to see graphic violence. And it was terrible to see, but wonderful for my rescue. The white unicorn sent by God had speared his unicorn horn deep into the wolf’s left side of his ribs. And I was shocked at the blood. The unicorn said to me, ‘Don’t look, little girl,’ and he put his big equine form sideways between me and the dead wolf so that I did not have to see it. This godly white unicorn saved my life.”
“That was I,” said White here now years later, as he was giving his mistress and her boyfriend their ride on the county highway this day.
Gravel continued their true tale together, saying, “I quickly went ahead to thank him for saving my life. And he said to me to thank God and not to thank himself. And I went ahead and thanked God for having saved my life as He did. Then he told me that I ought to apologize to Jesus for having disobeyed my mom and dad as I did. And I said, ‘I’m sorry, Lord.’ and I meant it. Then he said that it would be a good idea were I to say, ‘I’m sorry’ to Mom and Dad, also, for having run off from them as I had. And I promised to do that right away, if I could ever find them again.”
White then spoke and said here amid the telling of this true tale, “I told her that we could look for her family together, and I promised her that we would find them soon.”
“And he found them all together very soon after,” said Gravel. “Mom and Dad were on their
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knees in what was once a park. They were both praying that God bring back their lost daughter to them. And when they both saw me, they gave the prayer-answering God the glory. I came running up to them, and I said that I was sorry for what I did. Dad had to give me a little spanking. And Mom had to ground me for a little while after we got home.”
Flanders asked, “Then what became of White then after you were found again?”
“While we were still in Mandan, all five of us thanking God for my rescue that the unicorn told my family all about, I asked Mom and Dad if I could keep him,” said Gravel.
“Mistress, I pray thee, allow me to tell the rest of the story to good Flanders,” implored White on this run.
“I hand the rest of the story to you, White,” said the cheerleader in black and white. “It is all about you.”
And her pet unicorn went on to say, “Gravel asked Pastor Hymn if she could keep me as her own unicorn. And he said, ‘Only if he wants you to keep him.’ He knew the way of us wild unicorns well. Pastor Hymn right off asked me, ‘Would you like my daughter Gravel to become your mistress, O white unicorn from God?’
And I nodded my head and my unicorn horn and said, ‘I would be happy to serve Gravel, sir.’
Then her mother, who did not know the way of us unicorns, said to Gravel, ‘He’s wild, Gravel. He’s liable to throw you off of his back if you think to ride him.’
‘He won’t do that, Mom,’ said little Gravel.
‘Will you throw my daughter off of your back, white unicorn?’ asked Aphrodite.
And I bowed my head and my horn before this great matriarch, and I said to her, ‘I shall not throw your daughter off of my back, Ma’am.’ And to prove it, I got down upon my belly, and I proffered my back to this little girl, and she climbed up upon my back, and I carefully stood back up, making sure not to let her to fall accidentally to the ground. I stood there, still and expectant.
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And little Gravel said, ‘See, Mom, Dad, I’m not falling off of the nice unicorn.’
Aphrodite looked at Pastor. Pastor nodded his head.
And Aphrodite said to Gravel, ‘You may keep him.’
And Pastor said to Gravel, ‘Take good care of him.’
That is how I and my mistress first met.” said White ending this telling of their true tale.
He slowed down now to a steady walk. Even unicorns get tired after much running. And in this slower gait, he got his strength and energy back. They continued on down County Trunk QU for a few miles as the three took in the sights of the rural part of America here in the Midwest.
Then White stopped his walking and gazed up into the sky ahead and narrowed his eyes in focus and sniffed air through his nostrils. He then pounded first one fore hoof upon the ground, then the other fore hoof upon the ground. And he brandished his unicorn horn in the air in aggression.
“Gravel, something’s wrong with White,” said Flanders.
“White, what do you see?” asked the cheerleader mistress in black and white.
And White said to the both of them, “Mistress, comrade, brace yourself. It’s the big one.”
Upon hearing these words, Gravel leaped off of her white unicorn and got upon her knees for prayer.
“What’s wrong?” asked Flanders.
“What I see now, you shall see soon, O ally,” said White. Then he said, “They’re coming, Flanders.”
In the cause for prudence and yet not understanding, Flanders jumped off of White and drew his sword out of his scabbard. And he looked off into the horizon where the white unicorn was looking.
Lo, a flock coming from the north. Just a flock of birds, he believed. Yet he saw his Daughter Of Aphrodite kneeling off to the side in prayer, and he saw brave White acting nervously and uncertainly.
He prayed to God in silence, asking for explanation. And he saw black smoke in the midst of this flock
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as it drew nearer. He knew now.
“Why, it’s a whole flock of griffins!” exclaimed Flanders.
“Ten of them all at once, coming after us, fellow soldier,” said White. “What should we do?”
Taking command, Flanders said, “First of all, White, take us both away closer to where they are coming from. We must keep this battle as far away from Gravel as possible. I do not want her to be caught in the middle of what is going to happen here. She must be given the chance to pray uninterrupted. Her prayers will make the difference between our victory or our defeat.” Holding his sword in his right hand, he leaped and landed squarely upon the white unicorn’s back. “Charge!” commanded Flanders. And at once White began to charge the flock, his unicorn horn forward and ready for battle and Flanders’s sword held high and prepared for battle.
Just up ahead, the ten griffins began now to light upon the ground one by one. They then stood there like the Devil, waiting for the unicorn and his rider to reach them.
Flanders did not plan on stopping. He chose to race right into the flock where it was standing about and to cut up as many as he could with his saber and then come back and do it again and then do it a third time, thereby taking out a whole slew of griffins before they could get about and mass their troops for battle against him and White. And what he could do in these three charges with his sword, the white unicorn could also do with his horn.
But griffins have sound battle savvy and enhanced resources. They saw unicorn and rider in fierce charge, and they went ahead and shot out fire upon the ground between them and their two assailants. The griffins, by doing this, formed a wall of fire from left to right that proved to be a barrier that Flanders and White could not traverse. And Flanders had to say to White, “Retreat!” so as to not get burned up in the great fire.
Fierce in the Lord, Flanders, mounted yet upon White, spoke to the ten griffins on the other side of the wall of fire, “Griffin flock, if you are come for battle, tarry not thus with me. But if you have
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come for show, be gone with all of you now with Godspeed.”
One of the angry griffins called out to him, “Flanders of God, I will bend your little saber, and then I will bend you.”
A second angry griffin said back to Flanders, “I am going to break off your nasty unicorn’s horn!”
And a third angry griffin said, “Where’s the girl Gravel? We want to make her tell us where she hides the hymnbook.”
“To get at the hymnbook, demons, first you have to get through me and White,” Flanders told them right back.
A fourth angry griffin said, “If we have to get through all of Christendom, sword fighter of God, we will get at the hymnbook.”
A fifth angry griffin said, “The day of griffins is at hand, O mortal!
And a sixth angry griffin said. “Death to the Palatial Palace and all who live there!”
“Instead you flock of griffins talk big and hide behind the fire!” snapped White.
Incensed, a seventh angry griffin spoke and said, “Mighty White, protector of Gravel The Daughter Of Aphrodite, if I find that cheerleader anywhere near here I will do to her what no griffin has done to any woman!”
Provoked beyond himself by this double-entendre, White hauled off and played a dire dirge upon his unicorn horn, clearly cursing these ten griffins with a premature day of judgment before their day of judgment was come, indeed wishing the destiny of all griffins everywhere to now come upon these ten griffins here before their time.
“Shut up, unicorn!” yelled an eighth angry griffin.
“What you just said to us, I say the same back to you!” said a ninth angry griffin.
“That pierced right through my head!” yelled back a tenth angry griffin.
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White looked upon Flanders with incomprehension at such vexation and words just from a blast on his unicorn horn. Flanders did not understand such outcry from the griffins, either, but he pondered this in the back of his mind. There seemed to have been a Holy Spirit power against these ten griffins above and beyond just what notes had been played spontaneously by White thus for his first time.
Agitated and vengeful, the flock of griffins banded back together for the cause of Beelzebub, and they now flew over the fires to face Flanders and White on their side of the fire to begin battle. Like a machine, the ten griffins at once massed their troops most strategically, both surrounding man and unicorn and also separating man from unicorn. The sword fighter now had five griffins around him where he stood, and the white unicorn now had five griffins around him where he stood. In both cases, the griffins were at twelve o’clock and at two o’clock and at five o’clock and at seven o’clock and at ten o’clock.
Flanders called upon his God Almighty, and White also summoned the Lord, and the combat started in the countrysides some long way off of the side of County Trunk QU. Gravel was safe and sound far away back there, praying for victory for her pet and for her boyfriend. Saber in the hand of man fought against talon and paw and beak of the forms of griffins. And horn and hoof in the form of unicorn fought against the aforementioned three of the forms of griffins.
The unicorn horn and hoof together fared better than any one griffin’s threesome of talon and paw and beak. And the soldier’s sword fared better, also, than any one griffin’s threesome of talon and paw and beak. And the saber was faring better than was the unicorn horn and hoof for the cause of Christ. But the whole of griffin group was faring better than the whole of unicorn. And the whole of griffin group was matching the sword of man. Good was losing this battle against evil at this point. And God told this to Gravel, yet back by the roadside of QU. And Gravel prayed harder.
Then suddenly White cried out with a terrible dumb horse’s neigh! He was hurt! And Flanders felt shock rise up in his head. He shook these scary cobwebs out of his head vigorously. Gravel could
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feel her unicorn’s pain. She grew faint.
“White!” cried out Flanders.
“Alas!” cried out White.
The white unicorn was on his side and surrounded by five standing griffins. He was sorely wounded. But the five griffins were wounded as well. Flanders was bleeding, and he was surrounded by five griffins, and these five griffins were bleeding, too.
In a furious barrage of saber strikes, Flanders sought to break through his griffins that were between him and the unicorn and to come for White’s rescue. And these five griffins were set back and scattered. Then in an equally effectual assault, Flanders came upon the five griffins that were around his comrade, and through dint of skill and desperation and determination, Flanders scattered and sent away these five griffins, also, with his saber. Exhausted, he fell upon his knees beside White where he was lying. He thought to have rescued the white unicorn. White said to Gravel far away, “My mistress, God hears your prayers this moment. Your dear unicorn returns to the dust.”
“Be strong yet in Christ, White!” gave Flanders battle commands.
Flanders then looked up and saw ten griffins now surrounding him and White. And smoke was coming out of their beaks. They were all ten about to shoot out fire out of their mouths upon the two soldiers-for-Christ.
“Is this it?” asked Flanders, now feeling as White felt. Was he coming home to Heaven now?
His unicorn ally rallied and rolled back over upon his belly, and he began a hymn on his unicorn horn. It was the hymn “Nearer, My God, To Thee.”
And the ten griffins laughed.
Suddenly Flanders remembered how the griffins did not laugh, but rather panicked, when this same unicorn had tooted that other song on that unicorn horn early in this confrontation. It was that dire dirge of judgment day for griffins. And Flanders said, “Don’t give up, good White. Play again
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that first song on your unicorn horn—that one that rattled their heads.”
In obedience to his commander, the white unicorn raised his horn tall and proud and valiant, and he gathered all of his emotions to toot it with passion, and he played that song, haunting and ghastly and terrible to griffins.
At once the black smoke coming out of the ten griffins’ beaks drifted away and came no more out. And they strained their lungs to shoot out fire. But the fire was no more there to come out. The fires had been quenched by this song horrible to griffins.
One griffin said, “Let me get out of here!”
A second griffin said, “That’s a song about Hell!”
A third griffin said, “Beelzebub, we cannot win!”
A fourth griffin said, “It is like I am hearing Jesus rebuking the demon!”
A fifth griffin said, “My heart cannot take this any more!”
A sixth griffin said, “My brain! My brain! Is this a stroke coming on?”
A seventh griffin said, “My blood is getting hot!”
An eighth griffin said, “My blood is getting cold!”
A ninth griffin said, “My eagle half is contending against my lion half!”
And a tenth griffin said, “My spirit is at battle with my soul!”
What had begun inside the fires within the griffins had quickly spread to all of the other organs of the griffins who were hearing this song to their utmost fears. The Christian man and the Godly unicorn were not fazed by this strange song of Holy Ghost power. And the griffin demons were utterly perplexed and disturbed. Indeed the only thing more painful to these ten griffins than to hear this dread dirge on the unicorn horn now would have been to have to face God at the day of their judgment literally, face to face with Jesus. They were put to the defense now in this battle between good and evil.
And they did everything in defeat, but to flee battle.
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White had done his coup de grâce upon the battle command of Flanders. Now it was up to Flanders to finish off this battle with a victory in the Lord. And with the flock of griffins in disarray and confusion all about him, the sword fighter took on all ten griffins with his saber. He thrust and swung and parried and feinted with his sword as the griffin slayer that God had made him to be. He impaled griffin bellies and griffin chests and griffin limbs. And he hacked off griffin heads and griffin claws and griffin paws. And after a while, there lay about upon the ground ten griffins all slain in battle.
Then the white unicorn ceased his song on his unicorn horn. “We did it,” said Flanders.
“We and God did it,” corrected White.
“God did it,” said Flanders most correctly.
“I don’t think that I dare play that song again on my horn, Flanders,” said the white unicorn.
“Do you have conviction in having played that song, White?” asked Flanders.
“I almost made a god out of that song when I was playing it and making those griffins all messed up as I did,” said White.
“Kind of like when the Israelites brought the ark of the covenant into battle with them against the Philistines to their own undoing?” asked Flanders.
“Not this time, but probably next time,” confessed the white unicorn.
“Unicorns are proud of their horns,” said Flanders, understanding.
Indeed no such formidable victory had been begun by any unicorn and his horn in any battle before as this one by White with his horn in this battle. It was all the one-time work of God, who answered Gravel’s prayer way back by County Highway QU.
“I am weary and wounded,” said White. He struggled to get to his feet, and stayed there, and could not take a step.
“And, I, too,” said Flanders, leaning heavily upon his sword hilt, the tip resting upon a rock.
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“I wish that my mistress were here with us,” said the white unicorn.
“I wish to see Gravel, too, good unicorn,” said Flanders.
“There are ten less griffins flying around in the world now,” said White.
“Only forty left in all of the world,” said Flanders.
“Through God, Flanders, we two griffin slayers slew one-fifth of all of the demons left in the world,” said White.
“Ah, twenty percent,” said Flanders.
Just then Gravel came walking up to them, beautiful and pristine and unblemished by battle wounds.
“Mistress,” sang forth her white unicorn, “you’ve come for your White.”
“My White, you’re marked with battle,” said Gravel. And she ran up to him and squatted down beside him and spoke good encouraging words to him.
Flanders squatted down to Gravel’s side beside the gallant unicorn. He looked upon the ten griffin carcasses all about. He looked upon Gravel. And he loved her all the more now for her beauty of life and young womanhood and God’s protection over her as she was praying for her two protectors.
He said, “You are a true Daughter Of Aphrodite, Gravel.”
She then looked up toward him. “Flanders, your face, it’s got cuts.” And she could not hide the hurt in her woman’s heart for his battle experience that he had just endured.
“My other parts of myself also have cuts, fair Gravel,” he said humbly.
“You did that just for me and for my hymnbook, Flanders,” sang out the cheerleader in black and white empathically.
“I care for you very, very much, O Gravel,” said the sword fighter for God.
“I care for you very, very much, O Flanders,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“God gave me and White the victory, comely Gravel,” said her boyfriend-in-Christ.
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She now looked around at the battle field and now discovered the flock of slain griffins all lying around. “My my,” she said. “I have never seen Beelzebub lose so many like this before. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Ten dead griffins.” Then she said, “Boyfriend, no man has ever done anything quite like this before. You wield the saber better than any other man on Earth. You are in God, and God is in you.”
“Thank you, Gravel,” he said. “Your prayers back at the roadside for us made the difference.”
Then he said, “Plus a little Holy Ghost magic from good White here, too.”
“Can I be of any help to you, Flanders?” asked the cheerleader in black and white.
“I was wondering if you could help us two Christian soldiers to get back home,” said Flanders.
“You need to rest and heal up and get better,” said Gravel. “And you, too, dear White.”
The white unicorn asked, “How can we get back to our palace, Mistress, the three of us way out here miles away from home?”
“The same God Who gave you the victory over ten mighty griffins because I prayed can also bring the three of us back home with a little prayer,” said Gravel in all good faith.
She prayed, and, lo, here came Aphrodite with a horse-drawn wagon. The white unicorn and the swordsman and the Daughter Of Aphrodite got in, and Aphrodite took them back to her Palatial Palace.
Flanders stayed there on the first floor on the living room sofa, so that Gravel could take care of him.
And White stayed there on the first floor on the rug in front of the living room sofa, so that Gravel could help him to recover as well.
And boyfriend and pet got well with Godspeed.
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CHAPTER XV
Gretchen and Proffery and her unicorn Brown were gathered together in fellowship in the part of her thousand acres where all the sand dunes were. Here was a special section of yard out back behind the palace of fifty little sand dunes amid a great field of wheat. This dune that they stood before now, Gretchen told them, “This is the biggest of my fifty sand dunes.” It measured fifty yards in diameter. Woman and man and unicorn did not yet step into this sand dune from the wheat that they were standing in.
Proffery, in respect to his Daughter Of Aphrodite, felt it not his place to step out onto this sand dune ahead of her and her unicorn. This cheerleader in black and brown seemed to regard this sand dune with reverence not to be violated.
Brown said, “Should we tell him, Mistress?”
Gretchen said, “I shall do so now, O Brown.”
“Do say on,” said the fencer warrior, his foil along his left hip in its sheath.
And Gretchen said, “God told me the first time that I had stepped out upon this sand dune many
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years ago, ‘Put off your shoes, for the ground upon which you stand is holy ground.’”
“And that she did,” said Brown. “She never came out to this sand dune since without first taking off her socks and her sneakers first, Proffery.”
The cheerleader in black and brown then sat down upon the wheat field along the edges of this biggest sand dune and to take off her cheerleader sneakers and her cheerleader socks.
“Should I do the same?” asked Proffery.
“Uh huh,” said Gretchen with a nod of her head. And Proffery took off his penny loafers from his bare feet where he stood in the wheat and set them here alongside this sand dunes.
The brown unicorn proceeded to say, “It is not just this sand dune that God calls His holy ground, but all of these sand dunes that God calls His holy ground, Proffery.”
“How come?” asked Proffery.
And the Daughter Of Aphrodite told him, “It’s an old legend in the family from the days of Dad’s ancestors, O Proffery. It says that Jesus walked through this part of His Earth one day on a visit from Heaven to see the beauty of America’s Midwest. My Palatial Palace that I live in was not here then. Instead there was a simple house that belonged to Dad’s forefather and fore-mother. And this was not America then. And Wisconsin was not then a state of the union, of course, either. Jesus walked through this field of wheat that was then without sand dunes. And in each step that He took, His divine feet created a sand dune in the wheat. After having taken fifty steps, and having made fifty of these sand dunes thus, He then ascended back up to Heaven.
“Was it long ago?” asked Proffery.
Wise Brown spoke and said, “The legend says that it was five hundred years ago, Proffery.”
The cheerleader in black and brown said, “Over fifteen centuries after this same Christ had walked the Promised Land among the Jews.”
“You know what that means,” said Proffery. “Your ancestors had a visit from a post-incarnate
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Christ!”
“Yeah, Proffery!” said Gretchen in awe and wonder at the sum truth spoken by her boyfriend-in-the-Lord.
“God Himself walked through my mistress’s thousand acres, half a millennium ago, Proffery,” emphasized the brown unicorn.
“Do we dare go into one of these sand dunes?” asked Proffery.
Gretchen said, “We can go into these sand dunes every time we feel like doing so, just so that we go in only with our feet bare.”
“Hooves can step out into these dunes, also,” said Brown about himself.
“Let us go in,” said the cheerleader in black and brown, her feet made bare. And the three of the Lord stepped out into these holy sand dunes and walked around and took in the surreal peace that arose from the sand of this sand dunes.
Proffery saw the way that Gretchen’s brown unicorn stayed faithfully at her right hand side as she strolled in this sand and how he kept his eyes vigilant in the skies for any danger to come from afar that might imperil his mistress and how he fawned over her every regard upon him with reciprocal adoration. And he spoke and said, “Indeed, O Gretchen, great is the love between you and Brown!”
In glory to God, the brown unicorn mistress said, “It is written, ‘A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast:…’ Proverbs 12:10.”
Proffery said in praise, “As it is for a man and his beast, so is it with a woman and her beast.”
Brown also went on to quote scripture about himself as his mistress’s pet, “It is written, also, ‘Exhort servants to be obedient unto their own masters, and to please them well in all things;…’ Titus 2:9.”
And Proffery said in honor of God, “As it is for a servant to his master, so it is for a pet to his mistress.”
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The brown unicorn said, “Indeed, Proffery, this biggest sand dune has a most special place in my and my mistress’s heart.”
“How come?” asked Proffery.
And Brown said, “Here was where I myself first saw my especial Gretchen. Right here in this very sand dune it happened.”
And the cheerleader in black and brown said, “I and Brown first discovered each other right here in this very place in these thousand acres.”
“Was it by accident?” asked Proffery.
“It was wrought of God,” said Gretchen.
“It only looked like chance, but it was God’s will,” said Brown.
“Aphrodite always says that God works in mysterious ways,” said Proffery.
“Would you like to hear the whole story, Proffery?” asked Gretchen.
“Yes!” said Proffery.
“I will be most glad to tell you all about it,” said Gretchen. “I and Brown can both tell you of our first moments together of just before we became mistress-and-pet.” She looked upon Brown and gave him the opportunity to tell their story first.
And her brown unicorn began, “In my early grown-up years as a wild unicorn, I in my youth feared no creature—neither bear nor lion nor tiger nor man nor woman nor child. I did not even fear any of the griffins of Beelzebub. I even thought not to be afraid of Beelzebub! “
Gretchen spoke up in his favor and said, “Oh, but you did fear God, O Brown. And the Bible says that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.”
“You know about me and dragons, though, O Mistress,” said Brown. “Tell him. I do not like that part of our good story.”
“My Brown, before we got to know each other, was more afraid of God’s angels than he was
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of God Himself,” said Gretchen. “He knew how Michael and Gabriel came down from Heaven from time to time to speak to Mom and Dad.”
In confession, the brown unicorn said, “I was scared to death of dragons.”
“And the Lord told him to go and gallop across the famous thousand acres of the Palatial Palace and to do so at once for a reason that only God knew why,” said the mistress.
“God did not tell me why He wanted me to do that, but I was supposed to go and do that in faith in a God Who does not make mistakes,” said the brown unicorn.
“And because the Good Gray Dragon Gabriel and the Good White Dragon Michael might have been there at the palace and its grounds, Brown did not go and obey God right away,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“I waited a long long time before I went and did what God had told me to do,” said the brown unicorn.
“And in God’s eyes, delayed obedience is disobedience,” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
“And when I finally did venture out into the thousand acres as God had told me to, I only went into it a few hundred yards and quickly ran back out away from it.” confessed Brown.
“Once again, partial obedience is also disobedience in the holy God’s eyes,” said Gretchen.
“And I told God, ‘I cannot go there where the dragons might be,’” said Brown. “Why, dragons were even bigger and stronger than griffins!”
“And the Lord had to rebuke my brown griffin before our time together came,” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
“God Almighty smote my unicorn horn!” exclaimed Brown. “That surely gets the attention of any unicorn, to have the Lord strike his own unicorn horn, Proffery!”
“Ouch, the horn, the pride of all unicorns,” said Proffery.
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“Yeah!” exclaimed Brown in discomfiture of remembrance.
“What did God do to your horn?” asked Proffery.
“He made it like talc!” exclaimed the brown unicorn.
“Talc?” asked Proffery. “Isn’t that the softest rock in the world?”
“Uh huh, Proffery,” said Brown.
The cheerleader in black and brown spoke and said, “At the time, I was praying that God bring me a unicorn to adopt into the family as my very own pet.”
“And for myself, I wanted to be a wild young unicorn running around and causing trouble, free from any mistress or any master,” said Brown.
“I bet this true tale gets worse before it gets better, Brown,” said Proffery.
“Yes. It does,” said Brown. ‘I first noticed that something was wrong when I simply went to the rocks to sharpen the tip of my unicorn horn. Of all the things to happen to a unicorn, my tip of my horn broke off of the rock and fell to the ground. I knew right away that this meant that I was a sick unicorn. My horn was diseased. And I was ashamed. Not long later, my once proud horn became like shale—it began to break up into layers and to be brittle when it knocked against something. And in mortification I saw my unicorn horn break off in pieces until it was only half of a horn in length. I went and hid myself from the world. And soon it started to become dusty powder. And it began to dissipate into the wind. And my unicorn horn no longer extended beyond the top of my head. I felt like I had become a horse!”
The Daughter Of Aphrodite said, “Unicorns scorn horses, Proffery.”
“Horses can’t talk,” said Proffery.
“I could still talk, but I looked dumb!” said the brown unicorn. “I began to think that someone might come up to me and throw a saddle on my back!”
“Ow, Brown!” said Proffery, understanding this proud unicorn’s utter indignation.
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“I remember myself standing just outside of the famous thousand acres,” said the unicorn pet.
“I was sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I remember how I said to God, ‘I am more afraid of myself now than I am of the dragons.’ I must have been the ugliest unicorn anywhere. I looked up into the sky, and I saw no dragons up there. And I came to think that maybe I had brought this upon myself. Who ever heard of a unicorn horn going bad like my unicorn horn had? It could only have been the work of God Almighty! I must have provoked my Maker to take away my horn. God can do things like that.
The Creator can also take away that which He had created. If God had struck a unicorn horn dead, could He not just as easily strike the whole rest of a unicorn dead? Surely even a dragon of God could not do to me what the God of a dragon could do. I fell upon fear of the Lord. And when I fell upon fear of the Lord, I submitted to the will of the Lord. And when I submitted to the will of the Lord, I leaped and pounced upon the thousand acres, and I galloped across the vast yard that God had told me to gallop across with full and humble obedience. And with each acre my hooves passed crossed, my unicorn horn became longer and stronger and healthier. I did not care if I saw a dragon now. They were the good guys, because they were on God’s side. I saw no dragons there anyway. And when I got to the sand dunes in the field of wheat, I saw a little girl playing in one of them. And she looked at me and said to me, ‘Brown unicorn, you have the handsomest unicorn horn I ever saw.’ That made me feel like quite the unicorn when she told me that! Amen! My unicorn horn was healed and well once again.
“That little girl was myself,” said Gretchen. “And that sand dunes where I was playing was this sand dunes that we three are in right now.”
“And right away I wanted to become her special pet to be hugged,” said Brown.
“And I ran up to him and hugged him around his front legs,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“And then I asked him, ‘Handsome brown unicorn, would you like a mistress to come into your life?’”
“And I said, ‘Would you become my mistress, little girl?’” said the brown unicorn. “And she nodded her head over and over in a most emphatic, ‘Yes!’ And she told me her name, and I told her my
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name. And we were together ever since here at the Palatial Palace and its one thousand acres.”
“And now my Brown is no longer afraid of Michael and Gabriel and the rest of the angels of God,” said the cheerleader in black and brown.
“What a happy story,” said Proffery. “It started out real bad; yet it ended real good.”
Just then Brown looked at Proffery, and he said, “Proffery, do you smell something?”
The man and the woman sniffed and both shook their heads.
The brown unicorn said, “I smell something rotten in the air.” He scampered off of the sand dune and out into the wheat, taking in a mystery aroma that caused man and woman concern. Proffery came up to Brown’s side here in the wheat, and he unsheathed his épée. Gretchen also stepped out of the sand dune and stood next to them in the tall wheat stalks.
“I don’t see anything, Brown,” said his mistress.
Brown then said, “I see forms off in the distance, and they are coming here subtly.”
“I smell something, too,” said Proffery. “It smells like rot.”
“What do they look like who are coming toward us?” asked Gretchen.
And the brown unicorn said, “Like beasts bigger than us unicorns.”
“I smell them now.” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite. “They smell like carcasses, carcasses that are living.”
“I see them now, Brown,” said Proffery. “I believe that I know what they are.”
“I can tell what they are, too,” said the brown unicorn.
“I’m afraid,” said the cheerleader in black and brown. “They are griffins. Aren’t they?”
“Aye, Mistress,” said her unicorn pet.
“You are right, Gretchen,” said Proffery.
Brown said, “There are ten of them, Proffery. And they are coming in ambush.”
Taking command in battle now, Proffery raised his fencing foil in the air, and he gave orders,
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“Gretchen, seek refuge in the sand dune!”
“They will still see me there,” said the young woman.
“If it is a holy ground where one need to take off his shoes, maybe the griffins might not want to go get you there,” explained Proffery. He himself quickly put back on his shoes here in the wheat field.
Gretchen obeyed him and escaped to the sand dune.
Brown said, “They are coming now like ten beasts possessed, Proffery.”
“And now with all the rage of Beelzebub himself, comrade,” said the mighty fencer.
“What would God wish us to do right now, ally, so as to not get wiped out by so great a phalanx as this?” asked Brown.
“I think that I know what to do to make them stop and slow down,” said Proffery. “I need time to prepare battle strategy for the two of us against the ten of them.”
“What can I do to do my part to stop them where they are?” asked Brown.
“Let me stand upon your back,” said Proffery. “You stay standing right where you are, and I will mount you and stand upon your back, and I will be taller than they.”
“That will make ten griffins hesitate?” asked the brown unicorn.
“If it does not make them hesitate, surely such a display will make them to stop and think,” said Proffery.
And Brown steadied his four legs where he stood and poised his unicorn horn forward in challenge. Proffery mounted the brown unicorn and stood up upon the brown unicorn’s back, and he held his fencing foil forward in defiance. The griffins drew near.
From the sand dune, Gretchen said, “I shall pray.”
“Do so, good lady,” said Proffery in expectation.
And the griffin army came up to Proffery upon the unicorn, gazed upon him, and stopped their charge.
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And Proffery said to the ten griffins, “”Go back. You are not welcome on Aphrodite’s land.”
One griffin spoke and said, “We make ourselves welcome, O fencer of God.”
A second griffin said, “We make ourselves welcome to the hymnbook. Where is it, O Christian soldier?”
Proffery replied, “The hymnbook is none of your business. It does not belong to you.”
A third griffin said, “Beelzebub makes the hymnbook our business.”
A fourth griffin said, “We want to ‘borrow’ it.”
Proffery said, “It is not to be lent out to beasts who shoot fire out of their beaks.”
A fifth griffin said, “We can shoot fire out of our mouths just as easily at fencers as we can at hymnbooks.”
And a sixth griffin said, “And we can scorch a man and his unicorn with no trouble at all.”
“Where is the hymnbook?” taunted Proffery. “Is it in that tree there? Is it in this wheat here?”
A seventh griffin said, “I’m sure that the woman over there in the sand on her knees knows.”
And an eighth griffin said, “I’m sure that I can make her talk.”
Incensed, the brown unicorn pet said, “Let me go and knock their heads off with my hooves, Proffery.”
“Keep your eyes on the Lord, my comrade,” said Proffery. Brown brandished his unicorn horn about and stayed his mind on God.
A ninth griffin now spoke and said, “I think that I will go and have a little talk with the little woman over there.”
And a tenth griffin said, “The cheerleader is kind of cute for a girl.”
Proffery shot a glare upon the two griffins in a fiery look. Brown looked him in the eye directly in a silent communication. Yes, Proffery must keep his focus on their God of their battles as well.
The two griffins stalked the praying Daughter Of Aphrodite where she was kneeling in this
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sand dune. Her back was turned toward them. She did not see them coming up to her from behind. First one griffin stepped out onto this sand dune, and then the second griffin stepped out onto this sand dune. Brown wanted to call out to his mistress. Proffery raised his hand in indication not to. Proffery wanted to rescue his cheerleader, but something inside him said to wait and see.
Lo, the first griffin to step out onto the sand, upon reaching Gretchen, suddenly began to lift his eagle claws and lion paws off of the sand over and over again. The second griffin did likewise, like unto a barefoot man walking in the hot summer sand of July at a beach. It looked like they were doing a dance, but it was no dance to the two griffins. Indeed the Christian woman did not find this sand too hot to kneel down upon in this bright sunny day. And Proffery’s bare feet did not get burned this day when he was in this same sand dunes, either. And Brown had not had any trouble in stepping out onto this sand dune with his hooves.
The first griffin sought to drive his eagle beak down into the back of the head of Gretchen where she was praying, but he had to raise his wings and lift off of the sand, and he could not get at this young woman. The second griffin thought to swipe his lion paw into Gretchen’s back, but his lion paws were scorched, and he had to lift up off of the sand as well, himself; and he could not get at the Daughter Of Aphrodite where she knelt.
“Curses!” screeched forth the first griffin.
“Curse this sand dune!” screeched forth the other griffin.
And the two griffins had to leave the sand dune and the praying woman, and they flew back to the field of wheat.
Meanwhile, there arose a great chatter among the ten griffins. Brown was mystified at what had just happened. Proffery thought upon how he was told that Jesus had made this sand dune with steps in this part of the thousand acres. He himself had suggested his girlfriend to seek sanctuary in this sand dune while he and her brown unicorn were to engage in battle against these ten griffins. And he came
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to understand: This sand dune, created by Jesus, whose ground was holy ground, upon which no man or woman was supposed to walk without first taking off his or her shoes, was harmful to demons. The sand of this sand dunes literally was like fire to any griffin who thought to walk out upon it. And it was to men and women and animals of the Lord harmless and comfortable. As it was with this particular sand dune, surely so was it in like with all of these other sand dunes. And Proffery formed a most novel and efficacious battle strategy to take on the griffins thereby with Brown as his ally. The flock of ten griffins were squawking and arguing with each other. And the eight who had not stepped out on to the big sand dune were sticking their faces into the faces of the two who had stepped out on to the big sand dune. And there was division in the ranks of the griffin phalanx.
Proffery gave battle commands to his comrade, “Brown, when you see me run into a sand dune, then pick out a griffin and charge him and drive him into the sand dune where I standing, and I will pick him out of the battle with my fencing foil.
“I shall do thus, O Proffery,” said the brown unicorn.
And Proffery ran to the next nearest sand dune that was not the sand dune where his girlfriend was praying for them. And he turned back around and raised his foil. Brown then charged in upon a confused griffin, his unicorn horn lowered, and the griffin backpedaled and ran back from Brown right into the sand dune where the mighty fencer of God was waiting for him. The griffin turned around to focus on this battle in a one-on-one confrontation with the épée soldier of God in this sand dune. At first he was holding his own against Proffery, but his stance was compromised by this holy sand of Jesus in this dune. And before too long, he was pierced through many times with the fencing foil, and he fell in battle, slain by the griffin-slayer.
The man and the unicorn did this same thing a second time. And a second griffin fell in battle just as the first one had.
And the third griffin was slain in battle likewise.
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And there arose panic in the remaining seven of this griffin flock.
But griffins are keen and wily. And one of the griffins said to the six other griffins, “They have fallen in battle upon the sand. Let us fight them in the air, and we will not fall in battle as they had.”
Brilliant. Truly brilliant. And the flock of griffins reorganized and massed their remaining seven in a shape of a heptagon. And they ascended up into the air and hovered above the fencer just out of the reach of his foil and beyond the supernatural power of the holy ground where Proffery was standing. Proffery commanded the unicorn to come out onto the sand with him. Brown did so and awaited Proffery’s next battle orders. The seven hovering griffins ascended a little higher now in order to be out of the reach of Brown’s unicorn horn.
One of the griffins then said, “Let’s burn up the two Christian soldiers with some of our own fire.”
Yet another griffin said, “Let’s give that dastardly sand down there a dose of griffin fire first.”
And a third griffin said, “Yes! Let’s go and get God first.”
And that first griffin said, “Yes. We will make it worse than any cross for Jesus.”
And these three griffins shot fire out of their mouths upon the holy sand wrought by Jesus. Behold, the fire shot back up off of the sand and right back into the faces of the three griffins who thought to attack God. And they were instantly consumed in blazing fire. And they fell down slain in battle upon the ground.
Now only four griffins remained. And they were afraid. But one of them said, “Remember what our fellow griffin said—let’s burn up our adversaries– and let us never mind about the sand. We cannot fight God. But we can still fight a fencer and his unicorn.”
“Fire is too easy to slay the two anyway,” said a second griffin.
“Let us take them on the way griffins fight best—with beak and talon and paw.” said a third griffin.
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“And let us do that in the air,” said a fourth griffin. “We griffins fight better in the air than we do on the ground.”
Proffery and Brown were ready for this battle’s climax. Proffery looked over at Brown. Brown’s equine eyes said, “Let us conquer in God’s name.” Proffery then looked over at his cheerleader over there in black and brown, her spirit praying. And her praying form told him to pray once again first before taking on these last four griffins. And he, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit, prayed, “Lord, make the air above the sand dunes as uncomfortable for these wicked griffins as you have made the sand below uncomfortable for the griffins.” And God answered his prayer.
Behold, up where the griffins were hovering, just as they were about to descend and attack, the Holy Spirit upon the sand dunes arose and surrounded the griffins here in the air. And this holy air began to choke up these griffins where they hovered. Once again, God’s righteousness hindered the griffins in their battle against the forces of good. They began to cough and to wheeze and to gasp. Proffery gave battle orders, “Let us go and get them, Brown!” And the four last griffins, gasping and their fight taken out of them, fell several feet lower and were now within reach of horn and foil. And Brown wielded his horn and Proffery wielded his foil—both to the decimation of the forces of evil. And, a short while later, the last four griffins were slain in battle.
Brown descended back to earth upon the sand dunes. Proffery dismounted. Gretchen raised her head. She stood up in her sand dune over there, and she looked around, and she was most pleased.
Proffery said to the Daughter Of Aphrodite, “Look, girlfriend, ten dead griffins, thanks to Jesus.”
“What a battle!” she said. “I kind of missed it.”
“Mistress, your prayers helped us to win,” said her brown unicorn.
“Is anybody hurt?” asked Gretchen.
“No, Girlfriend,” said Proffery. “None of us are wounded.”
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“Just the ten griffins, Mistress,” said Brown.
“Our God has had a great victory this day,” said Proffery.
“There were forty griffins left in the world before this battle,” said the cheerleader in black and brown. “After this battle just now, there are now ten less griffins left in the world. Only thirty griffins are left now.”
“Ten griffins out of forty,” said Brown. “We have slain one-quarter of all forty of them this day. Only three-quarters of those forty still live today.”
“I am beginning to see Beelzebub as lightning falling from Heaven.” said Proffery allegorically.
“These are dirty rotten beasts to have lying around in my thousand acres,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite. “What should we do?”
Brown looked upon his mistress who had been praying throughout the whole battle, and he said, “I would think another word of prayer might make our God happy, O Mistress.”
“Of course, Brown,” said Gretchen. “Silly me.”
And the cheerleader in black and brown prayed to God to get rid of the griffin carcasses. Behold, the ground opened up beneath each of the ten fallen griffins, swallowing them up down inside whole, and closed back up again.
“Why, thank You, God,” said Gretchen.
“Whoa!” said Proffery.
“Amen!” said Brown.
“Praise You, God,” said the fencer warrior.
Unharmed and well and victorious, the three of Christ came back to the Palatial Palace to tell the others what great things that God had just done for them. And all rejoiced in joy in the Lord together.
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CHAPTER XVI
Grandy and her boyfriend Regalroyal were on another date riding her unicorn Blue. The three were in the front yard—Aphrodite’s Christmas tree farm—and the blue unicorn was sauntering his way through evergreens not much taller than himself. It was not Winter time of the year, and there was no snow upon the ground these days amid the Christmas trees. The cheerleader in black and blue could see the branches of Christmas trees brushing against her cheerleader skirt pleats as her blue unicorn passed through between them. For modesty, as she sat behind Regalroyal, Grandy put her hand to her pleats and moved them forward from where they had been pushed back by the boughs.
“Woman, I saw that,” teased her boyfriend.
“You little griffin,” she teased him right back.
“Mistress, you’re flirting again,” said Blue.
“He started it,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite in fun.
“It’s her fault, Blue,” said Regalroyal.
“Boyfriends and girlfriends,” said Blue. “We unicorns just cannot understand them.”
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“Unicorns are too sensible a creation to do anything like flirt,” said Regalroyal, praising his girlfriend’s pet.
“Poor Blue,” said Grandy.
“Lucky us,” said her boyfriend, glad for his flirts.
“It’s been a while since you two kissed,” said the blue unicorn.
“You just didn’t happen to be around when we did,” said Grandy.
“I haven’t seen you two hug for a while, either,” said Blue.
Regalroyal said, “We hugged this morning, but you were out hunting at the time.”
In romance, the cheerleader in black and blue wrapped her cheerleader arms around her boyfriend’s waist as they rode. “Mistress, you’re hugging him again right now,” said the blue unicorn with a silly and comical blasting of one note on his unicorn horn.
“If you think that that is bad, wait till you find out what Regalroyal and I will do next.” said Grandy.
“I know what you mean, Girlfriend,” said her boyfriend. And he turned his head around to face her. And she and he had a pert little kiss.
“Mistress, I know what you are doing,” said her unicorn pet.
“He made me do it, Blue,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite in humor.
“Don’t blame me,” said Regalroyal. “She was asking for it.”
“It’s always the woman,” said Grandy with a laugh.
“The both of you are insufferable,” said the logical unicorn, and he laughed through his horn.
And boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-Lord laughed together.
And he continued strolling among the Christmas trees of summer, mistress and mistress’s boyfriend on his back.
Then Regalroyal spoke and said, “Grandy, you and I have been together now for some years.
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But you and Blue have been together for ever.”
“Indeed for some many years, Regalroyal,” said the blue unicorn.
“My two big sisters each had a unicorn to take care of, Boyfriend,” said Grandy. “And the time came for me when I wanted one, too, for myself.”
“But she had a bad habit,” said Blue. “She pulled unicorn horns.”
“Grandy, you went and pulled unicorn horns?” asked the archer.
“I didn’t mean to be mean when I did that, Regalroyal,” said Grandy. “I just loved unicorns and their horns.”
“No girl ought to grab a unicorn by his horn,” said Regalroyal.
“I pulled on White’s horn, and I pulled on Brown’s horn,” confessed the cheerleader in black and blue. “And that used to get Gravel and Gretchen so mad at me. It upset their two unicorns, too, when I did that. I did not know better. And I proved myself too immature to earn the privilege of becoming a unicorn mistress. Mom said that was too young to have a pet. And Dad said that I was not old enough to have a pet.”
“What happened then?” asked the archer boyfriend.
“Mom said that maybe I could have a dog, and Dad said that maybe I could have a cat,” said Grandy.
“Those make good pets,” said Regalroyal.
“I definitely did not want a dog or a cat,” said Grandy. “For just a little while, I pondered upon whether a griffin would make me a good pet. But the Holy Spirit quickly changed my mind about that.
That was a bad idea.”
“Griffins cannot become pets,” said Regalroyal.
“Mom then told me what I must do to have the privilege of having a pet unicorn: ‘You’ve got to stop pulling on your big sisters’ unicorns’ horns, little girl.’”
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And I promised Mom, ‘I’ll be a good girl.’
But then Dad said to me, ‘You must not pull any unicorn horn for one year. If after that year goes by, and you do not pull the two unicorns’ horns all that time, then I know that you will not pull your own unicorn’s horn.’
And all I could say was, ‘I’ll be good, Dad.’”
Blue spoke up and said, “All of those spankings that she got with her mischief with my two predecessors in the family did not speak to her like this contingent test before her now spoke to her.
And all of those times that she was grounded because of what she did in her simpleness did not teach her what she needed to learn as a unicorn mistress as did this little bargain of one year.”
“How did that one year go with you, Grandy?” asked her boyfriend.
“I passed with flying colors, Regalroyal,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“Then you got your unicorn?” asked the archer of God.
“Yes!” said Grandy. “Dad went and found him for me, and Mom went and gave him to me.”
“Where did Pastor Hymn find him for you?” asked Regalroyal. He looked upon good and Godly Blue.
“I was up north,” said the unicorn pet. “And I was still at home yet with my own mother and father.”
“You came from a real unicorn den?” asked Regalroyal with marvel.
“All unicorns spend the early years of their life in a unicorn den, Regalroyal,” said Blue.
“Of course,” said the man. “That makes sense.”
“My dad snatched a unicorn from his own den,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Oh, but with my consent,” said Blue. “And with the consent of my mom and dad.”
“Did God show Pastor where to go to find you, Blue?” asked Regalroyal.
“He did,” said the blue unicorn. “And God showed me where to go to be found.”
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Regalroyal pondered this seeming contradiction. First Blue told him that God had led Pastor right up to the unicorn den; then Blue told him that he was away from the den so that Pastor could find him.
“He does not know, Blue,” said his mistress. “Tell him what we know about wild unicorn dens up north.”
And the blue unicorn said, “Unicorn dens are always hidden away so that it is hard to see them, Regalroyal. And God made sure that I myself was out of my den and outside in the clearing to make it easier for Pastor Hymn to see me.”
“Oh,” said Regalroyal. “There is much wisdom in knowing all about unicorns.”
And the Daughter Of Aphrodite said, “Dad told me the whole story of when he and my blue unicorn first saw and addressed each other: ‘Pastor Hymn, I presume?’ asked my Blue.
‘Blue, I presume?’ asked Dad.”
“How could you both tell?” asked Regalroyal.
“God had told me to be watchful for a visitor coming with a Bible in his hands,” said Blue.
“And God told Dad to be on the lookout for a blue unicorn whose horn was not yet done growing,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“Pastor Hymn had a Bible in his hands at the time, and Blue’s horn was not fully mature yet,” said Regalroyal in conjecture.
“Right twice over, Regalroyal,” said Grandy.
“And how did Aphrodite give Blue to you, Grandy?” asked her boyfriend. “Where was it that you first laid eyes on him?”
“Right here!” said mistress and pet in unison.
“In this Christmas tree woods?” asked Regalroyal. Unicorn and woman nodded their heads.
“Only it was Winter. And there was snow on the ground. And it was Christmas Eve,” said
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Grandy. “Mom planned it all.”
“I was there with the whole family,” said Blue. “And they were going to have little Grandy coming out to me in a wooden sleigh pulled by the family’s other two unicorns. They were all singing the Christmas carol ‘The Friendly Beasts.’ I joined in in delights of anticipation. We sang of the beasts who had their part in the song’s words about the birth of Jesus in the manger. We sang of a donkey who brought Jesus’s mother to Bethlehem. We sang of a cow who gave Jesus his manger of hay. We sang of a sheep who gave Jesus his wool for a blanket. We sang of doves in the rafters who cooed Jesus to sleep. And here I was—a blue unicorn about to find his mistress in the same night of Christmas, as depicted by this night’s carol being sung, two thousand years after the Biblical event. I already loved God. Soon I was going to love Grandy, also. And she was going to love me.”
“Even before we met, we already loved each other, Blue,” said Grandy.
“And then she came,” said the blue unicorn.
“And there he stood,” said Grandy.
“Not knowing her bad habits of earlier childhood, I lowered my unicorn horn in deference to the little girl,” said Blue. “She knelt before me in introduction. And I touched her shoulder with my horn in first greetings.”
“And you said to me, Blue, ‘I submit to your authority as mistress if it be your will that I become your unicorn,’” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“And I replied, ‘It is my will and God’s, O little girl.’ And after that I went and asked you, ‘Could we also become best friends in life, as well?’” said Blue.
Regalroyal spoke in this narrative of this true tale and asked, “Aren’t unicorn mistresses and unicorn pets always best friends in life?”
“I did not know the ways of mistresses and masters yet in my life as an older child unicorn,” said Blue. “But what I proposed came immediately to be. Grandy said, ‘Yes, Blue,’ to me, and we
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became instant mistress-and-pet and also best-friend-and-best-friend.”
“I never regretted that Christmas Eve,” said Grandy.
“That day was the first day of my new and happy life,” said the blue unicorn.
“Not one time did I grab Blue’s unicorn horn,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“When I heard about how you pulled unicorn horns, I was thankful that I had not found out about that before we first got together, Mistress,” said Blue.
“Mom and Dad made sure that I did not do that anymore,” said Grandy.
“And God, too, Grandy,” said Regalroyal.
“The Lord keeps His children in line,” said Blue.
“Look, we are at the end of the front yard,” said Grandy.
“The Christmas trees are all behind us now,” said Blue.
“And here is your road—County Trunk WW,” said Regalroyal.
“Boyfriend,” said Grandy, grabbing his upper arm in both of her hands and pointing to the road before them.
“What’s up, Grandy?” asked the archer.
“The road, right in front of us, it’s shaking!” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
Regalroyal and Blue looked upon the road that was running parallel to where they were standing. Truly the blacktop was shaking!
“Could it be an earthquake?” asked Blue.
“Wisconsin is not known for earthquakes,” said Regalroyal.
“What can shake a road like this?” asked the cheerleader in black and blue.
“Either something of God or something of Beelzebub, Mistress,” said Blue.
“I think to know the answer,” said the archer. And he picked up his bow from the strap alongside his back. He pointed off to the right. Behold an army of griffins marching down the road
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toward them. “How many do you see, Blue?” he asked.
“I see five griffins,” said his ally.
“Only five?” asked Regalroyal.
“Only five,” said Blue.
“There must be more,” said the griffin slayer archer.
“I don’t see any more than those five down there,” said the woman.
Regalroyal then turned to look down County Trunk WW in the other direction, off to the left.
He said, “I see five more griffins marching toward us from over there, guys.” He pointed. And the other two looked.
“Do tell me that there are no more than those ten coming after us, Regalroyal,” supplicated the girl.
“I see only the ten,” said Blue.
“Well, it’s our turn now,” declared Regalroyal.
“How can I help?” asked Grandy. “I can kick and bite and scratch with the best of them.”
“We will need a prayer-warrior on our side unhindered by combat,” said the Christian warrior.
“I can be bold and pray out in the open,” she said.
“Do not tempt God,” he said. “We need you to pray, hidden in the Christmas trees.”
“I’ll do that, Regalroyal,” she said. And she scampered off back into the Christmas tree farm.
“What can I do, Regalroyal?” asked the blue unicorn. “Shall I take on the five to one side; and you, the other five to the other side?”
“Nay, my comrade. We two must not become separated in battle,” said Regalroyal.
“Do you have a plan all ready for us?” asked the blue unicorn.
“I was thinking much what we could do to conquer a group of ten griffins lately, Blue. But here they come now in two groups of five griffins,” said Regalroyal.
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“They have come most strategically in their battle plans,” said the blue unicorn.
“They have outsmarted me for a while, Blue,” said the griffin slayer.
“They cannot outsmart our God, Regalroyal,” said Blue.
“God will tell me what we must do, good ally,” said Regalroyal.
“They are coming nearer,” said Blue. “I hear the stomping of their lion feet upon the road.”
“From both sides,” said Regalroyal with a sigh of discomfort.
Then the marching griffins stopped their slow steady assault. One griffin from one side spoke and said, “Regalroyal, give up your mission for God. We will get the hymnbook today.”
Then another griffin from the other side spoke and said, “Archer man, do you surrender?”
Then another griffin back from the first side spoke and said, “I eat arrows for breakfast.”
Then another griffin back from the second side did say, “I eat unicorn horns for a midnight snack.”
Then once again another griffin spoke from the first side and said, “I have five times your physical strength, O soldier of Christ.”
Then once again another griffin spoke from the second side, saying, “And I have two times your physical strength, O blue unicorn.”
Then once again another griffin spoke and said from the first side, “Where might your lady friend be, O Regalroyal with the bow and arrow?”
Then once again another griffin spoke from the second side, “If Grandy be here with you, or if she be home at the palace, I will get my satisfaction of fire upon herself.”
Yet once again another griffin from the first side went on to say, “The girl sings from the hymnbook!”
Then, finally, another griffin spoke from the second side, saying, “After today, Regalroyal, your Daughter Of Aphrodite will never sing a hymn again.”
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Thus all ten griffins spoke their utterances to the griffin slayer and his unicorn, alternating from left to right and right to left. And it shook the Christian soldier. And Regalroyal’s doubts were not hidden from his ally. And the unicorn also fell upon doubts. If the ten griffins were to resume their march, converging upon the two forces of good, evil would have been at an advantage at this point in the battle.
Meanwhile, alone in the Christmas trees and not knowing how the battle was going, the prayer-warrior Grandy was praying, “Good Lord, make the ten griffins do something that no griffin has thought to do before. And make it something that will be to their own undoing.”
Behold, down the road to the right, one of the advancing griffins stopped his march and raised his eagle claw before his four allies, and he said, “Do what I do.” The same thing happened down the road to the left, a griffin stopping his advance and telling his four allies, “Do as I do.” And the march was temporarily stopped. And the two lead griffins flew out into the Christmas tree farm, one to the right of Regalroyal and one to the left of Regalroyal, and they each grabbed a hold of a Christmas tree with their lion paws and uprooted it and held it in their eagle claws. In one accord the eight other griffins went and did the same thing. And then they flew back to County WW, stood there for a moment, and resumed their march, holding these Christmas trees in front of them.
Regalroyal, an astute tactician, saw that this odd decision had delayed their charge upon him and Blue. And that gave restoration of his and Blue’s own confidence for the battle. And it also allowed him the time to find out what to do next in this battle. He said, “Blue, they are yet too far away for you, but they are not too far away for me. I am an archer. I can shoot them down with my artillery before they can even get to me. After I fire a volley of arrows into them, then you can charge what’s left of them right back and spear them with your horn and pound them with your hooves.”
“I shall obey you, Regalroyal,” said Blue.
The archer for God drew an arrow from his quiver, nocked it in his bowstring, and drew back
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on his bowstring, and aimed his arrow at the chest of the lead griffin in the griffin army to his right.
The archer for God beheld these griffins in an assault, holding these little evergreen trees in front of themselves like cheerleaders holding pom poms, and he laughed out loud at them and lowered his arrow.
In admonishment, Blue asked, “Comrade, what’s so funny?”
“Why, those griffins looked like pom pom girls the way they hold those little pine trees in front of themselves like that, Blue,” said Regalroyal. “Ha ha ha!”
“Regalroyal, this is no time to stop and laugh at Beelzebub’s griffins,” rebuked the unicorn the archer. “These are demons!”
“They look to me to have become addled,” said the archer for Christ. “Has any other griffin slayer seen what we two are seeing right now?”
“No, Regalroyal,” said the blue unicorn. “But things with griffins are not always as they look to be.”
“What can a griffin do with a Christmas tree in his eagle talons?” asked the Christian soldier in mock.
Just then a hawk flew by in front of the lead griffin. The lead griffin swung his Christmas tree from right to left, struck the hawk in flight hard, and sent him crashing to the ground amid the trees of the Christmas tree forest along the side of the road. It was quite dead.
Blue was stunned upon seeing this. Regalroyal’s understanding was opened. These ten marching griffins were advancing toward the two soldiers of Christ with most ingenious strategy of using these Christmas trees as weapons.
In pondering, the blue unicorn said, “Regalroyal, they also seek to use these Christmas trees as shields.”
“As shields, too, Blue?” asked the griffin slayer.
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“Uh huh. I think so,” said the unicorn soldier of God. “It would be hard for me to get my horn through something like that to get them with it.”
“I should hardly think that a Christmas tree will stop my arrows from getting them,” said Regalroyal.
“Do make Godspeed. The griffins are almost upon us,” said the blue unicorn.
The Christian archer at once raised his arrow once again and aimed at the chest of the lead griffin to his right, that Christmas tree in front of his griffin chest, and he let fly his arrow. Screech! Behold, that lead griffin stretched his head high up where he stood, became stiff, dropped the Christmas tree at his lion paws, grabbed at the arrow in his chest, and fell in battle. The griffin was slain. But the griffins did not change their plans. They just kept marching, holding these little conifers in front of themselves thus.
Regalroyal drew another arrow from his quiver very quickly, and he nocked it and drew back the bowstring and aimed it at the front of the next griffin marching toward them to his right. He fired his arrow. Squawk! Behold, this griffin was impaled in his chest as well. And he fell right to the ground, his eagle claws still holding on to the little evergreen tree. He was thus slain in battle. And the griffins kept coming.
Regalroyal then made ready another arrow, and he fired it at the next griffin in front to his right.
This arrow, also, passed right through the branches of this makeshift shield and right into the form of the griffin holding it. Gasp! And this griffin fell down to his side, his Christmas tree falling down upon his fallen self. He was dead, too. The griffin march proceeded seamlessly.
Regalroyal fired another arrow into this dwindling griffin army to his right. Squall! And this griffin fell down upon his face, his Christmas tree flying out of his hands and off to the side of the road. He, too, was slain by the archer of the Lord.
And one griffin remained in that army from the right. He was almost upon Regalroyal. And
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Regalroyal most quickly fired another arrow into this griffin as well, just as this griffin swung his Christmas tree left to right toward Regalroyal. Shriek! Boom! The griffin fell down dead. And Regalroyal was struck by the Christmas tree along his right side of his ribs. The Christmas tree broke along its trunk in the middle. And Flanders felt himself collapse upon his knees. And he remained there upon his knees, his ribs wounded and his head dazed.
Blue awaited Regalroyal’s next battle orders, but Regalroyal was knocked senseless for the moment. The griffin army from the right was vanquished by the archer’s arrows. But the griffin army from the left was yet whole, and they were now upon them. Blue remembered his ally’s commands given him just before he began his volley of arrows: “When I take out the griffins with my bow and arrow, then take out the rest of the griffins with your horn and hoof.” And he went and performed them to his utmost. It was one unicorn against five griffins with Christmas trees as weapons.
Meanwhile his mistress Grandy was praying even harder for victory. And she prayed that God smite the griffins with discord. And discord was soon to come upon the five remaining griffins.
At first all looked bad for the unicorn. He was surrounded by griffins with “Christmas tree clubs.”
And he was battered left and right and front and back with little trees. But the griffins did not mass their troops intelligently. They massed themselves right up against the unicorn, and that made their blows with the trees to mainly be with thin outer branches that did not hurt. Had they massed themselves a little farther from the unicorn, their blows with the trees would have been more with the thick trunk inside and would have done to Blue what the one had done to Regalroyal. Truly never before had griffins so unnaturally deviated from using their traditional beaks and talons and paws in the midst of battle as these griffins had chosen to do in this battle. And it was most deleterious to them in their cause for Beelzebub. Their Christmas trees right off began to get in the way of their fight. One Christmas tree bumped another Christmas tree that was meant for the unicorn. Another Christmas tree got bumped by another Christmas tree that was meant for the unicorn. And Christmas trees were
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striking Christmas trees in the midst of the phalanx of griffins, who surrounded the unicorn. And this provoked the demons to turn against each other with angry words:
“Look where you’re going!”
“Get out of my way!”
“You’re in my spot!”
“You’re crowding me out!”
“Go away!”
And they lost their focus on their foe in this battle between good and evil. And Blue saw this, and he acted accordingly. After a quick little petition to God, he took advantage of the quarreling among the griffins. And Blue went on to attack this griffin army by way of horn and hooves. And first one griffin fell in battle. And then a second griffin fell in battle. And then a third griffin. After that a fourth. And finally a fifth. Lo, five dead griffins slain by the blue unicorn, five Christmas trees lying about all on top of the five fallen griffins.
The victorious unicorn looked upon his conquest, and he prayed up to Heaven, “Thank You, Lord.” Then he looked upon the conquest wrought by Regalroyal, and he prayed again a “Thank You, God.” And he then looked for Regalroyal. And the griffin slayer archer was standing, his head clear now and his speech back upon his tongue.
The Christian soldier said, “Most well done, good Blue.”
And Blue said, “Great battle tactics, comrade.”
Regalroyal was holding his hand along his right side. He said, “I think that they hurt some of my ribs, comrade.”
“That was quite a hit that he hit you with, my friend,” said the unicorn.
Regalroyal surveyed the battlefield in scrutiny. Then he said, “That Christmas tree that hit me is the only one broken among all ten of the Christmas trees.”
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Blue took a look for himself where he stood. “Sure enough, comrade. Leave it to you to break a Christmas tree the hard way as you did.”
“Ha ha ha!” said the archer. “Ouch. My ribs.”
“Best not to laugh for now, Regalroyal,” said his ally.
Just then along came their battle’s prayer-warrior. “Precious Grandy,” said Regalroyal. “We won.”
“I can see that,” said the cheerleader in black and blue. “Whoa, Regalroyal, Blue!”
“First they stopped to grab up some of our Christmas trees; then they started fighting over the Christmas trees, Mistress,” said Blue.
“We fight for a mighty and wise prayer-answering God, brave Blue,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“What should we do about these dirty griffins all around here?” asked the blue unicorn.
“Let’s pray,” said Regalroyal. He looked to his Christian girlfriend. She prayed. And, lo, a flock of vultures came from the other side of County Trunk WW, and they swooped in upon the griffin carcasses en masse, and they fed upon the ten great and foul beasts until there remained only griffin bones. And then the vultures flew back across the road to where they had come from back into the horizon.
“Amen!” said the griffin slayer archer.
“God does indeed work in mysterious ways,” said the cheerleader in black and blue.
“God is amazing!” said her pet unicorn.
Regalroyal applied simple math to the griffin census. He said, “Before this battle, there were thirty griffins left on Earth. We have seen ten griffins fall this day. That was one-third of all thirty. Only twenty griffins now remain in the world. The day of the Lord is near now upon Beelzebub.”
“Amen!” said Regalroyal and Grandy and Blue.
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CHAPTER XVII
The cheerleader in black and gray was on another date with Laud as they traveled down a rustic gravel road upon the back of her gray unicorn pet. Despite the uneven surface, Grey the cheerleader still heard the steady clop of her unicorn’s hooves upon the stones. On any paved road, whether concrete or blacktop, the clop of her unicorn’s hooves were much more regular and consistent to listen to. This gravel road was called, “Angle Drive.” It started at state highway 29, and it went south out into the countryside away from the busy highway. And all was peaceful here for the three travelers.
“It is good to get off of the highway,” said Laud. “The traffic was bad today.”
“There are some crazy drivers out there,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Horses and donkeys and ponies and mules and other unicorns,” said the gray unicorn. “Those who drive them don’t have any patience with other drivers.”
“The carriages are the worst,” said Grey. “They think that they own the road.”
“I saw some of those dog-carts that are popular these days,” said Laud.
“Big dogs,” said Gray the unicorn. “Like that big black Newfoundland whose driver cut in front of us to make a left turn.”
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“Angle Drive is a safer and less hectic road, Grey,” said Laud. “Thanks for suggesting that we take that right turn that we did.”
“I know the area well,” said Grey.
“I don’t know this part of the region at all,” said Laud.
“You’ll like what is coming up on this road up ahead, Laud,” said the cheerleader in black and gray.
“Is it something funny?” he asked.
“It is,” said Grey.
“What is it, Mistress?” asked Gray.
“It’s that odd road sign up ahead where Angle Drive takes a right turn,” said Grey.
“Oh yeah,” said Gray. “The county must like to put up extra signs.”
“What makes this sign an odd sign, Grey?” asked Laud.
Grey answered and said, “It’s coming up just ahead. When you see it there and see what it says, you will know how little sense that it makes.”
“I cannot wait,” said Laud.
And Gray said, “It will make you either scratch your head or laugh.”
And they came to where Angle Drive took a right turn. This right turn was a ninety-degree turn.
And beyond this turn this same road continued on deeper into the countryside. But this sign at this corner of the turn read, “Angling Road.” There were no other roads at this turn. This same road that was called, “Angle Drive” before this simple turn was called “Angling Road” after this turn. Gray stopped, and the three looked upon this road sign.
“Do you get it, Laud?” asked the girl. “How goofy this sign is?”
“All this single little road does is to take a turn, and it becomes another road,” said Laud. “A turn is no reason to change the name of the road.”
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“A road in the city, maybe,” said Grey with a laugh. “But not a road in the country.”
“If you think that that is queer, Laud,” said Gray, “ask my mistress about Mansion Road in the city of De Pere.”
“I’ve been in De Pere, Gray,” said Laud. “What’s weird about Mansion Road?”
“Tell the good man, Mistress,” said the gray unicorn.
“It is full of tiny little houses left and right beginning to end,” said the cheerleader in black and gray.
“Ho ho!” said Laud.
“Oh, Gray,” said Grey, “remember that street in the countryside south of Kunesh that was so hot and sunny on that summer day?”
“I think that I do, Mistress,” said Gray. “Was that the one with no trees anywhere on either side of the road and with the hot sun beating down upon us?”
“Uh huh,” said Grey with a nod of her head.
“Did this rural road have a funny name?” asked Laud.
“It was called ‘Shady Lane,’” said Grey.
“Not any more,” said Gray, referring to its lost shade trees.
“Ha ha!” said Laud.
And the three travelers continued their way, now going down Angling Road. Laud then spoke and said, “You two must have had many good times going on your travels in your many years as mistress and pet. I am so happy to be with the two of you in our travels together as a threesome.”
The gray unicorn said, “Laud, I am as happy to carry you and my mistress as I was to have carried just my mistress. I am glad to be your friend.”
Grey then said, “Gray and I have been together for ever—even before he had his unicorn horn.”
“Gray, you did not have your unicorn horn back then?” asked Laud.
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“I was yet a child unicorn when Grey first took me in into her life, Laud,” said Gray.
“Where was this?” asked Laud.
“At his mom and dad’s place,” spoke up the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“An actual unicorn den!” exclaimed Laud in marvel.
“Yes!” said Grey.
“Not inside one,” said Laud.
“Inside one,” said Grey.
“Many curious people have searched for unicorn dens, but unicorns hide their dens so effectively that no one can find them, but the unicorns who live in them,” said Laud.
“I found the one with little Gray and his mom and dad and brothers and sisters inside it,” said Grey.
“God must have had His hand in this,” said Laud.
“I think in my case that it was by simple chance that I came to it,” said the woman.
“How did you just happen to discover a den of unicorns, Girlfriend?” asked Laud, skeptical.
“I was in the area with my four other sisters,” said Grey, “my three big sisters and my one little sister. And we were playing hide-and-seek. Little sister Gree was the one who was ‘it.’ We four big sisters ran off to hide. Gree began to count to thirty. I ran into a very most covert place in the thickest part of a woods not far at all from where Gree was counting. I did not know where the big sisters were hiding. They did not know where I was hiding. And by then Gree must have finished counting. And I very quickly ran right into an opening like unto a doorway in a hill of loose branches higher than a grown-up’s head. All of a sudden I saw much light in that hiding place. I was inside a structure.
And I heard a masculine voice say, ‘Son, did you forget to shut the door?’ And I heard a feminine voice call forth to that same son, ‘Gray, you let a girl in.’ And then I heard this ‘Gray’ say, ‘I forgot again, Dad. I won’t forget again, Mom.’ My eyes quickly got used to the lights inside this strange
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novel building. The lights were red kerosene lanterns, each resting upon its own little table of sticks all bundled together. The walls were all of sticks all bound up into nearly solid wooden planks. The ceiling was all sticks, resting upon a lattice frame of loose little one-by-one boards crisscrossing each other above. The floor was bare earth. There were no windows. There were no steps going to any upstairs or going down to any basement. There was only this one floor. And this one floor had many rooms. And none of these rooms had doors in all of their doorways. The only doorway with a door in this whole place was the one through which I had first come accidentally. This door was the only entrance into and exit out of this odd home. This room that I found myself in right now was the first room into this ‘house.’ And I saw a very young unicorn standing there as gray as the November sky. He must have been the one who had left the door open. And I saw a big unicorn with a horn. He must have been the father. And I saw a nearly equally large unicorn without a horn. She must have been the mother. Then I saw other littler unicorns coming into this room—some with horns, some without horns. Those must have been the other kid unicorns of this family. They must have been like the age of teenagers in human families. They looked to be the older siblings of the littlest unicorn, the one who was abundant with glistening gray. He stood there. He had no horn, but he was a male unicorn. His legs were the unsteady legs of a fledgling unicorn. His hooves were too big for his long thin legs. His eyes had a free spirit of youth in them. He barely stood taller than myself, I then yet a little girl. And he gazed upon me and cocked his head to the side at me and asked me, ‘What are you?’
I was nervous standing in this home full of strange unicorns. I looked to the mom and dad unicorn, and they showed kindness and hospitality to me in their eyes. I then turned to the older siblings, and they showed curiosity and friendship to me in their eyes. And then I turned to this youngest unicorn, and he showed affection to me in his eyes. And I said, ‘I am a girl.’
And he said to me, ‘I am a unicorn.’
And I came to know what I had stumbled into. I had come into a real live unicorn den!
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Yes, unicorns were benevolent and gracious creatures. And their homes were simple and basic. And theirs were a happy lot.”
Not knowing what I should say I said, ‘I was just playing with my sisters right out there.’ I pointed to the outside. “I did not mean to intrude.”
And Gray then asked, ‘Could I play with you, girl?’
I looked to his dad and mom. And I asked them, ‘Would that be okay with you?’
He asked his parents now, ‘Could I go and play with the girls, Mom and Dad?’
And they were both quick to consent. And Gray bolted out the door with a little unicorn’s thirst for games. And I quickly ran out after him, myself thanking his parents for saying, ‘Yes.’
And all four of my own sisters were in the clearing just outside the woods. Gree had already found the three other sisters, but had not yet found me. And before they saw me, they saw Gray. And when I came out, they instead got to doting on the little gray unicorn. They were petting him and saying nice things to him and admiring him most adoringly. And when they saw me, they said, ‘Look, Grey, a real little unicorn.’ But I knew that I was still his favorite.
And Gray asked me, ‘Is your name “Grey” as well, little girl?’
I said, ‘I am “Grey” with an “e.”’
And he said, ‘I am “Gray” with an “a.”’
Instantly Gray joined in on our hide-and-seek game. And before that game was done, Gray and I had become pet-and-mistress.”
Their story finished, Gray, here now years later with his mistress and her boyfriend, said, “Now I am grown up and bigger and wiser.”
“You look majestic and noble, O Gray,” said the cheerleader in black and gray. “Your unicorn horn began coming out not long later, and now it is long and strong. Your legs soon found their strength and sturdiness, and now you carry me and Laud down the roads. Your hooves are no longer
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bigger than your fetlocks. Your countenance has become chiseled with maturity and many years. And you now tower over your mistress, both of us now adults. And indeed, Gray, your grayness shines even more brightly than it had in your youth.”
“My mistress, what kudos upon a unicorn!” exclaimed her pet.
“I love you, Gray,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“And I love you, my mistress,” said Gray.
And the three continued their date on down the lengthy countryside road that angled. Then the woman said, “I sense something unwholesome in the air.”
Laud pondered her words in an ensuing silence. Gray stopped his gait and looked around where he stood. Grey gazed straight ahead.
“I don’t see anything yet, Mistress,” said the gray unicorn pet.
“What is it, do you think, Grey?” asked her boyfriend.
“Call it ‘women’s intuition,’” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“Is it evil?” asked Laud.
“It is evil that I feel,” said Grey.
Gray turned to look back upon the two people he had on his back, and he said, “Griffins are evil.”
“Is it a griffin that you sense, Grey?” asked Laud.
“It is a flock of griffins that I sense,” said the cheerleader in black and gray.
In a type of reconnaissance. Laud asked her, “How many griffins do you feel nearby, Grey?”
And he draw out his spear from its holster along the gray unicorn’s side and raised it into the air above his head.
Grey thought for a moment, then said, “I can sense ten griffins in this area.”
Then an army of griffins appeared off in the distance on farther down the road. “I see them!”
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said Laud.
“Are they coming toward us or going away from us?” asked Gray.
“I would say, Gray, that that ought to be a rhetorical question,” said Laud.
In self-rebuke, the gray unicorn gave a disclaimer, saying, “If ten griffins were all together up ahead like that, of course they would be getting ready to come after us.”
“They are coming toward us,” said the spear man of God.
“Should he gallop?” asked Grey.
“No,” said Laud to Grey. Then he said, “Gray, stay still and get ready for battle.” The Christian soldier then dismounted the Godly unicorn and stood to his side. Grey was still upon Gray’s back.
The army of griffins was coming closer, not quickly, but rather slowly. Laud plotted strategy.
Just then the gray unicorn spoke and said, “I see only nine griffins up ahead!”
Suddenly a griffin swooped by from behind, shooting fire out toward the cheerleader on the unicorn’s back, and swooped on past ahead!
“Get down!” yelled Laud to Grey.
And Grey dove down to the ground upon her face in great panic and haste. And Gray her unicorn right after lifted his fore hooves up off of the ground in alarm. Immediately Laud knelt down beside her. “I’m all right,” she said. “I believe that I am all right.”
From up ahead, the griffin who attacked her like this said, “I didn’t have to miss!” And he gave forth a raucous griffin laugh at the three. And he flew on ahead and lighted upon the ground with his other griffins. Now there were ten griffins up ahead in that walking phalanx down the road.
Under his breath Laud said, “I’ll get him for this, Lord.”
And the griffin army marched onward and stopped about one hundred feet from the three forces of good. The ten and the three had a stare-down. Neither evil nor good flinched. But evil fell to words first. One of the griffins said, “”We are looking for a certain book that we would like to read, O
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Daughter Of Aphrodite.”
Laud spoke and said, “Talk to me. Do not talk to my girlfriend.”
A second griffin spoke next, saying, “Man with the spear of God, we are looking for a certain book that we would all ten of us like to read.”
Laud retorted, “Griffins do not like to read.”
A third griffin said, “We would like to sing a song.”
Laud said, “Griffins do not sing the kinds of songs that are in the book of which you inquire.”
A fourth griffin then spoke, saying, “If you do not know where this book is, then we will have to ask the lady.”
Defending his mistress, the gray unicorn said, “Ask me instead, griffin!”
A fifth griffin said, “Gray unicorn, is the hymnbook in the Palatial Palace somewhere?”
The Daughter Of Aphrodite spoke out in haste, saying, “You foul griffins stay out of the palace!”
A sixth griffin then asked, “Is it in one of the bedrooms of the wings?”
A seventh griffin then asked, “Is it in the basement?”
An eighth griffin then asked, “Is it in the first floor?”
And a ninth griffin asked, “Is it in the second floor?”
Grey looked upon Laud and said, “Why, they have been looking around in the palace!”
And Laud said to her, “That we do not know for sure, Grey.”
Gray asked, “How can they know so much about the Palatial Palace, Laud?”
“What they have disclosed about your palace is but common knowledge in the eyes of the public,” said Laud.
Yet a tenth griffin said, “There is a most mysterious third floor. Is there not, O Laud and Grey and Gray?”
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The three forces of good looked upon each other in great sober-mindedness. And Laud rose to the cause. He gave battle commands, saying, “Grey, jump on Gray and ride far away to a safe place to pray, and get off, and quickly pray. Gray, make Godspeed and take her to safety and come back to me. As for myself, I must seek to stall them from attacking me before I have you back at my side.”
Gray said, “You can stall ten griffins with one spear?”
Laud said, “No. But I can stall ten griffins with words given me by God to say to them.”
And at once, the cheerleader in black and gray mounted the gray unicorn, and the gray unicorn sprinted back away in the opposite direction as fast as he could gallop. And the ten griffins began to stalk the Christian soldier with his spear. And Laud awaited God to tell him what to say right now to the ten griffins.
The griffin who had taunted the three of God with his burst of fire spoke now and said, “Do you have any last words to say, O mortal man with the great spear?”
And the Holy Spirit spoke a secret still small voice into Laud’s ear, saying, “’And if Satan cast out Satan, he is divided against himself; how then shall his kingdom stand?’ Matthew 12:26.” And the spear man of God understood.
And he began his work of God. Putting down his great spear upon the ground before him, Laud said to this taunting griffin, “What is your name?”
And this griffin said, “Laud, we griffins do not have names.”
“Beelzebub has a name,” said Laud.
“He is ‘griffin of griffins,’” said this griffin. “He deserves a name of his own.”
“Who is the greatest of you ten griffins here before me now?” asked the cunning Christian soldier.
“Why, that would be myself, of course,” said this same griffin. The nine other griffins cried out in jealousy and understandable indignation. He, of course, was not the greatest of these ten griffins.
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Speaking further, Laud said, “Surely one of you must be the greatest other than this one who declares himself so.” This incited the ten griffins to jealously.
Another griffin spoke and said, “I am the greatest, because I spoke to Beelzebub the other day.”
Another griffin spoke and said, “No. I am the greatest, because I have fought the most battles.”
Another griffin spoke and said, “I am the greatest of us ten, guys, because I slew a Baptist pastor in my time.”
Another griffin said, “I am the greatest, because I am the biggest.”
Another griffin said. “I am the greatest, because I have the broadest wingspan.”
Another griffin said, “I am the greatest, because I challenged Michael himself.”
Another griffin said, “I am the greatest, because I told off Gabriel.”
Another griffin said, “I am the greatest, because I am the most intelligent.”
Another griffin said, “I am the greatest, because I slew the most believers.”
And the first griffin said, “I am the greatest, because my fires are the hottest.”
Most artfully, Laud replied with specific calumnies upon each of the ten griffins one by one:
To the griffin who bragged on his speaking to Beelzebub, Laud said in ruse, “Yeah, but Beelzebub speaks to all of these other griffins every day.”
Before any griffin could tell the other griffin that it was a lie, Laud said to the griffin who bragged on fighting the most battles, “Yeah, but the other griffins all say that you were seen fleeing that last battle in fear.”
Before that griffin could defend himself from this false charge, Laud went on to tell that griffin who bragged on having slain a Baptist minister, “Yeah, but he was really a Lutheran minister whom you killed. That’s what these griffins say. And you know how Lutheran ministers are friends of griffins for preaching false doctrine.”
And before this griffin could deny it, Laud said to the griffin who bragged on being the biggest,
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“Yeah, but there is a difference between being big and being strong. The other griffins think that you could be a more effective griffin if you lost a few pounds.”
Before that griffin could reply, Laud went on to tell the griffin who had bragged on being the griffin with the longest wings, ‘Yeah, but these other griffins say that your wings, though they are long, they are also the least wide. They say that you fly like a girl griffin.”
Before that griffin could ask the other griffins if they had said that, Laud said to the griffin who had bragged on having challenged Michael, “Yeah, but Michael ignored you like you were just an eagle or just a lion. Ask any griffin here, and he will tell you the same thing.”
Before that griffin could ask, Laud said to the griffin who had bragged on telling off Gabriel, “Yeah, but some of your griffin friends here really think that Gabriel handed it to you, and you got licked by a dragon.”
Before any of the griffins could deny it, Laud said to the griffin who had bragged on being the most intelligent, “Yeah, but they say that you cheated on your tests.”
Before any of the griffins could respond, Laud said to the griffin who had bragged on having slain the most Christians, “Yeah, but those were all women and children. That’s what griffins say about you.”
Before this could be verified, Laud said to the griffin who had bragged on shooting the hottest fire, “The other griffins say that your fire is the hottest, but that also it is the most brief.”
The ten griffins were at odds against each other. They believed everything that Laud had just told them. And each griffin of the ten thought that the other nine griffins had been talking about him.
The whole griffin army here on this gravel road now was against itself. And the hostility with which they had come here to vent against God and His three followers was now instead bitterness ready to blow up and turn griffin vs. griffin.
Laud took a look behind himself and saw good Gray come galloping up, the unicorn now not
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far away from him. Laud spoke further, “Come now, and let us begin battle, O great griffins of Beelzebub.”
Gray came running up to him. And Laud, his spear in his right hand, leaped up upon his back, as he galloped by. And he said, “Charge, Gray!” And the Christian soldier riding his unicorn of God charged right into the phalanx of griffins. And battle commenced among twelve warriors. The griffins were fighting the griffins. And the two of God were fighting the griffins. And the griffins were fighting the two of God. And the two of God were not fighting the two of God.
Meanwhile, a couple of miles away, safe in a field of tall grass and mullein plants, the Daughter Of Aphrodite was praying for her boyfriend with the spear and for her unicorn warrior. She wondered what it were like to fight battles, and she wished that she could be there for her two colleagues. But she knew that God highly esteemed her ministry as prayer-warrior for Laud and Gray. And Grey had rest in the will of God in this. The cheerleader in black and gray prayed that her two soldiers prevail quickly in the Lord…and that she could come up to them when it was all done and see them alive and well…and that they could all three return in victory to the palace, none wounded.
Meanwhile in the battle Laud was getting scrapes and bruises, and Gray was getting abrasions and contusions. But the griffins were getting lacerations and gashes. Laud swung and thrust his spear against many griffins and impaled many deep into their aquiline and leonine organs. And Gray was breaking griffin bones with his four hooves and cutting up eagle and lion parts with his horn. And as spear man and unicorn stood their ground, the griffins were falling one by one. The ten griffins were quite their own worst enemies here among the forces of evil in this battle. Laud’s artifices of allegations spoken just before this battle commenced had effectively made the griffin army a house divided against itself. This was just what the Holy Spirit had bidden Laud to make happen when He spoke that silent Bible verse into his ears.
And after a while, nine griffins were fallen in battle, and one griffin remained alive. This was
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the griffin who had flown by and had shot fire out of his mouth toward Grey in mock and in scorn.
This griffin now said to his two enemies in battle, “Remember, Laud, Gray, I don’t have to miss!”
And he began to prepare fire to shoot out at them where they were standing. Laud was fifty feet away from this griffin. Gray was at Laud’s right side. Laud’s spear was in his right hand. Spear man and gray unicorn looked at each other.
“Get him, comrade!” said Gray.
And Laud hurled his spear fifty feet. And the spear drove right into this last griffin’s chest and came out behind his back. And this tenth griffin of ten was slain in battle. The griffin slayer and his unicorn ally prevailed in this battle between good and evil.
“What will you do with your spear now, where it is right now?” asked Gray.
“I have to pull it back all of the way out,” he said.
“It might be easier to do it in the back than in the front, with the spear head already all the way through like it is,” said the wise unicorn.
“Good counsel, comrade,” said Laud. And he took the end of the spear right near its blade and pulled it backwards out of his lion back.
“Yick!” said Gray. “Makes a unicorn to get sick.”
“A spear man like myself, too, Gray,” said Laud.
“Shall I go and get my mistress and bring her back here?” asked Gray.
“I do not want her to see all of this blood,” said Laud. “Would you take me back to where she is, instead?”
“I would be glad to, Laud,” said Gray.
“Are you okay from battle, Gray?” asked Laud.
“I feel up to a good ride back,” said Gray. “How are you from battle?”
“I think that I feel all right, too,” said Laud. “Let us now start to go back home.”
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He mounted the gray unicorn, and Gray brought him back to his cheerleader in black and gray.
She asked them, “Did the battle go well, Boyfriend?”
To this he said, “As your prayer for us went well, so did our battle for us go well, Grey.”
“Are they all dead?” she asked.
“All ten have been slain in battle,” he said.
“Before this battle there were only twenty griffins left on Earth,” said the gray unicorn. “God helped us slay ten of them this day.”
“Half of all the last twenty around anywhere,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“There are only ten griffins left in the world,” said Laud.
The cheerleader in black and gray was helped up onto the back of Gray with an extended hand from her boyfriend. And in singing and praising the three returned to the Palatial Palace.
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CHAPTER XVIII
Gree was on another date with Tyrannus at a flowing creek, and her unicorn Orange was with them. The three were standing upon the bank and looking down upon this creek.
This cheerleader in black and orange said, “Boyfriend, you know all about where the creeks are around here.”
“I do at that, Gree,” said Tyrannus.
“How did you find out about all of them?” she asked him.
“My favorite hobby as a little boy was wading down all of the creeks that I could find in my travels,” he said to her.
“How many do you know of?” she asked.
“Dozens,” he said to Gree.
“Lots of dozens, Tyrannus?” asked the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“All of them that are in this county,” he said.
“How long have you known of this one here?” she asked.
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“Not so long, Gree,” said her boyfriend.
“For just a few days?” she asked, catching the wandering of his words over this creek.
“For a while,” he said.
“For a short while?” she asked.
“For a long moment,” he said.
Orange spoke up and said, “I think he means ‘for a short moment,’ Mistress.”
“Tyrannus, you never saw this creek until just now. Didn’t you?” asked Gree with a grin.
“That’s right, Gree,” he confessed. “This is my first time here, and this is the first time that I have seen it.”
“A ha! A creek that you never saw before, Boyfriend,” said the cheerleader in black and orange.
“I do not know everything about creeks after all,” confessed Tyrannus.
“The man is clever with words, Mistress,” teased her orange unicorn.
Tyrannus then took out his battle-axe from the harness alongside of Orange, and he set it upon the ground, and he stepped down into the flowing creek in all of his clothes, heedless of getting them all soaking wet. He waded about back in forth for an interim. Then Gree thought to do the same. “Could I join you in the creek, Tyrannus?” asked Gree.
“If you don’t mind getting your cheerleader uniform kind of wet, Gree,” he said.
“The water looks to be just up at your knees,” said Gree.
“It would be just up to your thighs,” he said.
“My skirt might get a little wet if I step in,” she said. “And my sneakers and my knee socks will get all wet.”
Her orange unicorn, more adventurous, said, “Let’s go in—you and I together—Mistress, and let’s have some fun!”
In flirt, Tyrannus reached down his hand into the water and splashed some creek water right
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into the top part of her cheerleader skirt, above the black and orange pleats. She jumped back in reaction, yet she stood there, laughing and having fun. “Excuse me, woman. I seem to have had an accident,” teased her boyfriend-in-Christ.
“Well let me have an accident with you, O Boyfriend,” flirted the cheerleader in black and orange right back. And she jumped and crashed feet first into the creek right in front of where Tyrannus was standing. And where she landed, she splashed water up across his whole pair of blue jean legs that was above the creek. Young man and young woman laughed.
“Come on in, Orange,” beckoned Tyrannus.
And Orange jumped in next, splashing water across Tyrannus’s short-sleeved shirt and his mistress’s cheerleader sweater. Man and woman and unicorn now laughed.
Thus even before they had had time to get used to the water, they were already all dripping creek water off of their selves where they were standing.
“Well, at least my head is dry,” said Tyrannus.
With tricks in her woman’s head, Gree stuck one of her sneakered feet behind one of Tyrannus’s penny loafer feet down in the creek, and she pushed into his chest with her shoulders. And down went the man backwards into the creek on his back.
He got back up, laughing greatly in this fun coquetry between man and woman, and he said, “To the moon, Alice.”
“Your head seems to have gotten wet, Tyrannus,” said the cheerleader in black and orange.
“At least your head is dry, pretty Gree,” he said in overt hint. Knowing what her boyfriend-in-Christ meant by this, Gree sought to backpedal. But he put one of his feet behind both of hers from in front, much as she had just done to him, and she tripped up over his foot, and she fell down right upon her bottom in the creek.
She sat there in the creek, the waters up to her neck, and she went on to say, “Boyfriend from
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God, my head is still dry.”
From her side, the orange unicorn pushed her head down into the water with his unicorn horn.
“Mistress, you seem to have gotten your head wet,” said Orange.
“Way to go, Orange!” cheered Tyrannus.
And Orange said, “My head is still dry.”
To this his mistress said, “I am not big enough to force your head into the water, Orange.”
“Nor am I,” said Tyrannus.
Proud of his stature and equine power, Orange said, “We unicorns are bigger and stronger than you people.” And he turned his back on them and waded slowly downstream.
Then, like little ninjas, both man and woman together leaped and grabbed Orange around his neck from behind and lifted their legs above the creek from where they were hanging on to the playful unicorn. And the combined weight of both man and woman pulled down the unicorn headfirst into the creek. All three then stood up in the shallow creek. Orange shook the water out of his ears. And he said, “I think that my head got wet.”
“He who laughs last laughs best, Orange,” teased Tyrannus.
“And she who laughs last laughs best, also,” said Gree in play.
And the two laughed. And so, too, did the orange unicorn.
“Gree, Orange, how did you two first discover each other?” asked Tyrannus.
“At a geyser,” said the unicorn mistress.
“At the geyser,” said the unicorn.
“’The geyser?’” asked Tyrannus. Woman and pet nodded their heads. “The Mississippi River Geyser?” he specified in query. His two friends nodded again.
“It happened at Geyser National Park between Wisconsin and Minnesota up north, O Tyrannus,” said Gree.
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“Right where the Mississippi River first begins, Tyrannus,” said the orange unicorn.
“Isn’t that geyser the reason for the Mississippi River?” asked Tyrannus.
“The water from that geyser truly fills the Mississippi River with all of its water as if flows a thousand miles and empties out into the Gulf of Mexico,” said the cheerleader in black and orange.
“That’s the geyser that never stops shooting upward!” exclaimed Tyrannus.
“The Holy Spirit works miracles at that geyser,” said Gree.
“Miracles of healing and miracles of casting out demons,” said the orange unicorn.
“And miracles of answered prayers,” added Gree.
“It is a magical land of enchantment and entrancement,” said Tyrannus. “I heard about that Godly place.”
“I was there,” said Gree. “I was praying there.”
“I was there, too,” said Orange. “I was looking for a girl who was praying there.”
“That definitely sounds like our Good Lord doing more of His Good work for His believers,” said Tyrannus.
Gree said, “I had asked Mom and Dad for a pet unicorn to call my own. God had told Mom and Dad that they were going to bring forth five daughters, but no sons. I was the fifth Daughter Of Aphrodite to have come around. No more children were to come forth into this world in our family through Mom and Dad. And my four big sisters each had their beloved pet unicorns, and now I wanted one, too, for myself. And Mom recommended that we look for a unicorn den somewhere. But Dad recommended prayer first. And all of our family and myself were praying that I could find my unicorn pet, too, to love and to befriend in my life as a girl. And God told me to go to the great geyser, where prayers were answered. And all of our whole family of Mom and Dad and us five daughters and us four unicorns all traveled to the famous Mississippi River Geyser to pray to God and find out if it were His will that I get my extra special unicorn pet. I took one look at that geyser, and I almost fell down in
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worship of the very geyser! It looked like it shot so far up into the sky that it could reach God Himself in Heaven! It looked so wide that it was like a lake in the sky. And its drops came down like unto the deluge of a gargantuan shower that covered a whole acre. And a cloud of steam arose from the geyser and spread east and west and north and south like a spreading fog throughout the land. And it was warm there even in Winter. In fact it was hot like unto shower water or bath water. This Mississippi River indeed starts out most colossal at Geyser National Park. The west half of the park was in Minnesota, and the east half of the park was in Wisconsin. And the geyser was the midpoint of the national park and of the interstate border where the great river ran. We all looked around and saw no unicorn here yet. Then Dad said that it was a good time for a prayer meeting with all eleven of us. We gathered together in a prayer circle—Mom and Dad and us five daughters and the four unicorns. Our group prayer meeting lasted about an hour. All the prayers were intercessions for me that my unicorn could come to me right then and right there.”
“And then I came,” said Orange.
“An orange unicorn came running up to us, tooted a note upon his horn, and continued galloping by right past us. And I watched as God was answering our prayers. This frisky unicorn mischievously pranced up to this geyser toward its left side, then continued onward and around the bend and on the opposite side, where I could not see him. For just this moment, the geyser was between myself and the handsome unicorn. Then he came around the bend, now on the right side of this geyser, and I could see him again now. And he gamboled up to me in most pleasing ostentation.
And he stopped before me where I stood, and he said, ‘Youngest Daughter Of Aphrodite, would you be happy with a unicorn pet who is orange like myself?’” narrated the cheerleader in black and orange.
“That was what I said to her,” said Orange.
“Those were his first words to me,” said Gree.
“Remember what you said in answer, Mistress,” said her unicorn pet.
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“I said, ‘I never saw an orange unicorn before,’” said Gree.
“Her very first words to me, Tyrannus,” said Orange.
Tyrannus asked, “Gree, did you doubt God?”
Orange went on to say, “Indeed orange is not a normal color for unicorns. It does take people a little while to get used to being with a unicorn like myself who is so full of orange.”
The Daughter Of Aphrodite went on to say, “Right then this strangely colored unicorn began to toot a song on his unicorn horn. It was the hymn, ‘All Creatures of Our God and King.’ We all listened for a while. And when he was done playing this great hymn, I ran up to him with my arms outstretched, and I hugged him around his upper legs.”
The pet unicorn now told Tyrannus, “Then she said her second thing to me.” The unicorn then turned to Gree and said, “Tell him, Mistress,”
And the cheerleader in black and orange said, “I said to him, ‘Orange is my favorite color, I do say.’”
“And we became pet-and-mistress from that time on,” said Orange.
“And I have no regrets about my life with Orange,” said Gree.
“Wonderful and true story,” said Tyrannus. “Great is your bond between you two.”
And Orange said, “Great is your and Gree’s bond between you two, O Tyrannus.”
And the cheerleader in black and orange said, “Great is our bond as a threesome-in-Christ.”
And Tyrannus said, “’…; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.’ Ecclesiastes 4:12.”
A short interlude took place. Then the three were satisfied from their games and fellowship in the shallow flowing creek, and they stepped up onto the bank and stood on the shore, water dripping down their legs.
Suddenly the Daughter Of Aphrodite cried out, “God is telling me to flee into the creek!”
Fearing the worst, Tyrannus reached down quickly and picked up his battle-axe, and he looked
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up into the sky. In battle rally, her unicorn blasted a battle note on his horn and also looked up into the sky.
Just then a line of fire came upon the stalks of wild grass here in the countryside and ran across the ground right toward where Gree was standing! Temporarily frozen with panic, Gree stood there and did nothing. And the fire came to the cheerleader in black and orange supernaturally rapidly and did set her feet on fire. She tried to stamp these two fires burning upon her sneakers out on the grass only to make it worse for herself. With one hand holding his battle-axe, Tyrannus with his other hand lifted up his girlfriend and threw her down into the creek with all due quickness. The fire went out on her feet, and her feet were in great pain of first-degree burns.
But there were no griffins flying around above. Behold, another line of fire racing across the surface of the Earth from somewhere the three could not tell. This one was coming right toward where the unicorn was standing. He gazed upon this phenomenon—himself not afraid, but rather fascinated—and this fire came upon his two front legs. He then broke free from his study, and leaped back into the creek and put out the fires upon his fore legs.
In hasty rebuke, the man of God with the battle-axe said, “These are not the times to stop and stare. These are the times to fight and to slay.”
Still were there no griffins seen in the sky. Nor were there any griffins to see on the land. Lo, a line of fire now coming from yet a third origin, and this one was rushing right to where Tyrannus was standing with his battle-axe. Not stopping and staring, he at once sought to attack this fire on the ground with his mighty battle-axe of God. Woe! He stopped the fire from reaching his person, but he did not stop the fire from blazing up upon the battle-axe itself. His very weapon with which he was called of God to slay griffins was being consumed by a fire from a griffin whom he could not see.
“Comrade, throw it into this creek!” called forth his unicorn ally in urgency. That he did at once. And the fire was put out on his battle-axe, and his battle-axe was yet good for more battle.
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In fear, Gree asked, “Where are all these fires coming from?”
Orange said, “They are not coming from above.”
And Tyrannus said, “They are not coming from the ground.”
“Where are they?” asked the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“They are neither in the sky nor on the ground, Mistress,” said her pet unicorn.
Tyrannus thought and said, “They must be from beneath the ground.”
“Comrade, if that is so, would it not be wise with you to come into this cool wet creek for now?” asked Orange. Heeding this counsel, Tyrannus stepped out into this creek, and the unicorn lifted the battle-axe up out of the water with his horn, and the Christian soldier thanked him and took it back into his hands.
Behold, ten griffins coming up out of the earth along both sides of the little creek. Five manifested themselves thus on the one side, and five others manifested themselves thus on the other side. The three fires wrought by three of these griffins were setting the local countryside on fire on the first side of this creek, and the other side of the creek was yet unscathed by any griffin fire this moment. Right away, three griffins on this other side shot fires out of their mouths and did set this countryside on fire as well.
Orange whispered to his fellow forces of good, “They seek to burn us out of this creek.”
“They only seem to be trapping themselves between us and their fires,” said Gree.
“Gree,” said her boyfriend, “griffins can fly.”
“Oh yeah,” she said. “It is swimming that griffins cannot do.”
The ten griffins then stalked up to the three standing in the comfortable wet creek. One of them said, “Gree, we believe that your hymnbook is in your attic, which is the third floor of the Palatial Palace. Do you deny that understanding?”
The Daughter Of Aphrodite snapped and said, “You stay out of the attic, you dirty minion!”
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Tyrannus bade her, “Don’t say anything, O Gree.”
A second griffin then spoke and said, “Beelzebub knows.”
Orange was about to give this second griffin a piece of his mind, but a look from Tyrannus bade him to be silent as well. And the unicorn swallowed his pride and spoke not to the griffin.
A third griffin then said, “Horse tastes good to me. But I think that I like unicorn for dinner even more.”
A fourth griffin said to the three trapped in the creek, “I could easily swallow up your battle-axe, O Tyrannus. But I think that I shall make you swallow it instead.”
And a fifth griffin said, “Too bad for you, O Gree. When I get done with you you will never be able to sing a hymn to God in this life again.”
The three forces of good were wisely reticent, as per Tyrannus’s battle commands.
A sixth griffin, irritated by his enemies’ silence, said, “Does the cat got your tongue, O mortals?”
A seventh griffin said, “Look how they treat us with disrespect.”
An eighth griffin said, “They talk to God. But they won’t talk to us.”
Tyrannus gave a look in his eyes to the cheerleader in black and orange. She understood. And she got down on her knees in this creek in prayer and began to talk to God out loud. Tyrannus then also gave a look in his eyes to Orange, and Orange understood. He must prepare for battle.
A ninth griffin said, “The creatures of God are losing it,” The forces of good found confidence.
And a tenth griffin said, “Somebody shut the girl up!” The Daughter Of Aphrodite did not stop her prayers out loud.
Tyrannus sought the Lord, his secret prayers asking, “God, is my girlfriend right? Do griffins not know how to swim? What can a shallow creek do to ten mighty griffins?”
And Tyrannus stepped out onto the shore of this creek on the one side of the creek, and he
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said to the five griffins on this side, “Come and get me, demons!” And he held out his battle-axe in challenge.
In cue, Orange stepped out of this creek on its opposite shore, stood there steadfastly, lowered his unicorn horn, and said to the griffins on this side of the creek, “Take me on!”
And this battle between good and evil began. Between the forces of good was the creek. Between the forces of evil were the forces of good and the creek. Between the two fires were the forces of good and the forces of evil and the creek of the battlefield. And in one charge, the forces of evil drove back the forces of good and made them to fall back into the creek. The Daughter Of Aphrodite, her eyes stayed on Jesus, continued seamlessly in verbal prayer unabated where she knelt in this creek: “…and, Lord, if You would, put some of your Holy Ghost power into this creek just as You have into that great and glorious geyser.”
One of the griffins shouted out, “Stifle, young woman! Your prayers are disturbing us!”
Gree did not stifle. And she did not mind if her communion with Almighty God were disturbing all of the griffins.
Rallying, battle-axe man and unicorn fought back against the walls of griffins to both sides of the creek and did force them back. And the forces of good were upon dry ground again. Tyrannus was wielding his battle-axe up and down and left and right and diagonally in four directions. And Orange was kicking out with his front and back hooves and swinging his unicorn horn around as a swordsman would his foil or his saber. But the ten griffins were standing their ground, and they did not retreat any farther from the creek for now. And the fires were closing in upon the thirteen soldiers fighting this battle.
On her knees in this creek, the integral prayer-warrior prayed, “Lord, I understand Your revelation. Griffins can swim. But this creek you have stricken with Your Holy Ghost power. And its waters are now benevolent for us, but malevolent for them.”
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A griffin yelled out, “I tell you. I’ve got to hand it to the woman. Woman, I’ve got to hand it to you.” And he shot fire out at the cheerleader in black and orange. Quickly she put the rest of herself and her head below the water. And the fire passed across the creek only a few inches above the back of her submerged head, and it went out. And she lifted her head up out of the water again.
“Woe, that was a close call,” said Gree to herself. Nothing had happened to this griffin for having done this to the prayer-warrior and this creek. This Holy Ghost power bestowed upon this creek had a nature to it that Gree would have to wait to find out about.
And the cheerleader in black and orange resumed her prayers. And battle at the banks of the creeks began again.
She prayed further. “Lord, I understand now your plans for this great battle. It is not by horn or by battle-axe, but by my words, for which we can win this battle. To God be the glory!”
A griffin screeched, “Lady, if you don’t stop your praying, I’m going to come into the creek and take you out of this battle by myself, boyfriend and unicorn or not!”
She shuddered upon hearing this threat from so great a fell beast. But she would not stop praying to her Heavenly Father. He would protect her even better than could her boyfriend and her unicorn. And she understood that it was the will of her Heavenly Father right now for this griffin to come after her here in the little flowing creek.
In assault, this griffin lifted up into the skies, flew over Tyrannus’s head, and landed into the water right in front of Gree’s face where she was praying. Immediately upon landing, this griffin felt a stinging tingling to the feathers of both of his eagle wings. He squawked in surprise, but the strange sensation left him, and he felt okay. And with this, he dove his beak into Gree’s hands that were folded in prayer, one peck into the one hand, and another peck into the other hand. It happened so fast. And Gree cried out, “Tyrannus! Orange!”
This griffin thought now to slay the woman of God where she knelt. But she kept her focus
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on Heaven and Lord, and she prayed with perseverance, saying now to God, “Lord, tell my boyfriend what you told me.”
And the Lord did so, the still small voice of the Holy Spirit speaking in the griffin slayer’s ears,
“You and Orange must soon fight all ten of the griffins in the waters. And I will put hosts of angels between them and Gree. As for you and Orange, it is written about this battle, ‘Be ye strong therefore, and let not your hands be weak; for your work shall be rewarded.’ II Chronicles 15:7.”
At once the Christian soldier with the battle-axe told the good orange unicorn, “Comrade, it is the will of God that we take on the griffins in the water and no longer on the land.”
“God is all-wise, ally,” said Orange.
And both fires to both sides were licking up shrubs and grass and weeds in two wildfires. And the battlefield was now too small for a battle of this scope to fit into.
And God fought for His three: With the forces of good between the forces of evil and the flowing creek, the orange unicorn asked, “Ally, how will God get all of these griffins past us and into this creek.?”
“Wait upon God,” said Tyrannus.
And the griffin in the creek called out to his nine fellow griffins, on the land, “Come into the creek, and let us slay ourselves a Daughter Of Aphrodite, and the hymnbook can be ours!”
And the nine other griffins lifted way up into the sky–out of the reach of the battle-axe on one side and out of the reach of the horn on the other side–and they all lighted upon the little creek from both sides. They all gave out a little squawk upon first touching down into the water, their wings feeling something like a harmless little static shock. But they felt all right right after. Indeed so large were the ten griffins in this little shallow creek, that they had to make several rows of griffins around the praying woman just to fit in the water.
Behold, to her left manifested Michael, the Good White Dragon. Lo, to her right manifested
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Gabriel the Good Gray Dragon. And the ten griffins panicked. And they fled God’s two angels. The griffins clambered up the banks in flight. And they cursed the angels that they were fleeing.
But God had put a curse upon the waters of this creek that would affect only griffins. And all ten griffins had been in this creek just now. And one of the griffins, upon seeing the griffins’ fires closing in upon them on the land, thought to flee in the air from this fire. But his wings would not unfurl. Another griffin sought also to get out of the fire by flying away. His wings unfurled, but they could not flap. A third griffin panicked upon seeing this, and he tried to lift up from the earth as well, only to find that his wings were breaking up into pieces of brittle feathers. A fourth griffin found his wings limp and weak. A fifth griffin found his wings heavy and stiff. A sixth griffin found holes in his wings. A seventh griffin found his wings losing feathers like a plague. An eighth griffin found his feathers all stuck to each other and not pliable anymore. A ninth griffin’s wings were now without feeling. And a tenth griffin found his wings could unfurl only halfway. In ten different ways, none of the ten griffins could fly anymore. The griffins had touched the creek water and had gotten wet from this creek water and now could no longer fly away from their own wildfires that they had wrought. And the fires were quickly coming upon them in two different directions.
And Michael said to the three forces of good, “We leave you good warriors with God.”
And Gabriel said to the three forces of good, “God will send the rain.”
And then the two good dragons left, leaving the battle-axe man and the orange unicorn to finish off their jobs as griffin slayers in this battle.
And the griffins panicked for their very lives. And Tyrannus wreaked havoc with his battle-axe upon them now, serving Christ most effectually as griffin slayer. And griffins fell left and right where he stood on the bank of the creek. And, Orange, as Tyrannus’s comrade, wrought devastation upon the griffins who were on his side of the creek. And griffins fell at the work of the unicorn, also. And, in the end, ten dead griffins lay about on this side and on that side of this flowing creek. This battle
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battle between good and evil was finished.
Yet now the fires were upon them. Tyrannus and Orange sought refuge in the creek. And Gree stood up in this creek now, and said, “Thank You, God, for this great victory this day. I give the glory to You. In Jesus’s name I pray. Amen.”
“Tyrannus,” called forth the orange unicorn, “what about these fires?”
And Tyrannus said, “Remember what Gabriel told us, comrade.”
“He said that God would bring the rain,” said Orange.
Just then the skies opened up from directly above, and a great drenching downpour came down upon this earth only right where they were, and after a few minutes, both fires to both sides were completely extinguished. And all was comfortable and cool and dry again.
“Amen!” said Orange.
“Hallelujah!” said Tyrannus.
“Alleluia!” said Gree.
Working easy math, Tyrannus said, “Before today, there were only ten griffins left in this world.
Today, we slew all ten of them. There are zero griffins left in this land to contend against for the cause of our dear Lord Jesus.”
“Except for Beelzebub,” said Orange. “Beelzebub is still alive and well.”
“And for Abaddon and for Apollyon,” said the cheerleader in black and orange. “Beelzebub’s two greatest griffins.”
“We must leave those three for Michael and Gabriel, guys,” said Tyrannus.
“I agree,” said the Daughter Of Aphrodite.
“I understand,” said Orange.
And the three made their way back to the Palatial Palace. Amen! The Tome of Hymns was still safe and hidden in the Sanctuary, well and whole and intact.
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CHAPTER XIX
A most formal conclave was taking place in a grassy green backyard. The site was Flanders’s place. And the assembly was attended by seven personages—the Good White Dragon and the Good Gray Dragon and Flanders and Proffery and Regalroyal and Laud and Tyrannus. Some weeks had gone by since the five battles between good and evil. And soldier and unicorn had all recovered from all of their battle wounds with much rest and recuperation, the Daughters Of Aphrodite having tended to them and taken care of them. And Aphrodite had taken care of her five daughters from their wounds in battle as well. There were no more griffins left to slay in this world for the Christian warriors. But there was still the griffin of griffins walking up and down in the world and going to and fro in it—Beelzebub. And he still had his two associates—his griffin generals behind the scenes.
The Good White Dragon Michael spoke first in this business meeting of the forces of good: “Beelzebub now knows where the hymnbook is kept.”
A most somber and solemn silence filled this backyard of meadow.
The Good Gray Dragon Gabriel said, “His coming is like unto a tornado in a wilderness and like unto a waterspout upon the sea.”
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Flanders spoke and said, “I shall fight for God and run my sword through him.”
Gabriel said, “Flanders, your saber to Beelzebub would be like unto a butter knife to him.”
Proffery then said, “O great angels, I shall poke his eyes out with my épée.”
Gabriel answered, “Proffery, your fencing foil would be like unto a pin to him.”
Regalroyal spoke, saying, “I could shoot an arrow at his head.”
Gabriel said, “Regalroyal, your bow and arrow would be like unto a child’s arrow with a rubber cap to him.”
Laud said, “At least let me run my spear through his heart.”
Gabriel said, “Laud, your spear would be like unto a toothpick unto him.”
Tyrannus said, “Do I dare try to cut off his head with my battle-axe?”
And Gabriel said, “Tyrannus, your battle-axe would be like unto a child’s plastic trick-or-treat weapon unto him.”
Flanders dared ask, “O good dragons, can the unicorns be of any help with their horns?”
Gabriel answered, “No.”
And Michael added, “Their unicorn horns would be like unto sewing needles to him.”
“He is duly called ‘the griffin of griffins,’” confessed Flanders.
“And his two subordinates must be nearly as bad,” said Proffery.
Michael said, “His two associates are black griffins.”
“Black griffins!” exclaimed Regalroyal. “I thought that all griffins were tawny.”
“I never saw a real black griffin before,” said Laud.
Michael added, “And Beelzebub himself is as big as a dragon.”
Tyrannus spoke and said, “I never heard of a griffin who was as big as a dragon.”
“What would God have us Christian soldiers do for Him in His battle against the forces of evil?” asked Flanders.
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“Leave the last battle to God,” said Gabriel.
Michael said, “It is written, ‘(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal; but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)’ II Corinthians 10:4.”
Proffery spoke asking, “Are we to not raise our weapons in this last battle?”
Michael said, “You are to put down your weapons in this last battle.”
Flanders asked, “Are we men going to see this last battle take place?”
Michael said, “You will be there in this final battle between good and evil.”
Gabriel said, “You five men and your girlfriends and their unicorns and Aphrodite shall be there in the final war.”
Proffery asked, “Where will Beelzebub attack?”
“The Palatial Palace,” said Gabriel.
“Where the book of hymns resides,” said Michael.
“Will he get the hymnbook?” asked Regalroyal.
Michael said, “That is not for a man to ask.”
And Gabriel said, “That is not for a man to know.”
“Whom will God Almighty use to fight Beelzebub at the Palatial Palace?” asked Laud.
“He shall use myself for one,” said Gabriel.
“And he shall use myself for another,” said Michael.
“But that will be two against three,” said Tyrannus.
“Yes. It shall be,” said Michael.
“As far as the physical battle itself goes,” said Gabriel.
Flanders said, “You two good dragons told us five men that we will be there when you wage war on Beelzebub and Abaddon and Apollyon at the Palatial Palace.”
“Yes,” said Michael. “Even prophets and kings and Apostles will never have seen what you
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five men will soon see.”
Gabriel went on to preach, “’Beelzebub’ by definition means ‘lord of the flies.’ ‘Abaddon’ by definition means, ‘destroyer.’ ‘Apollyon’ by definition means ‘destruction.’ What you will see in Beelzebub’s last battle against our Lord Jesus Christ would make even the most valiant Christian soldier to become as a woman in travail. Do not flee. Do not faint. Do not turn away. It is written in Ephesians 6:10-13, ‘Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.’”
Michael said, “God wills it that you five Christian soldiers be there to fight for him and with him, but not by way of sword or by way of foil or by way of bow and arrow or by way of spear or by way of battle-axe.” He then said, “But by way of worship.”
“We shall worship God in the middle of battle,” agreed the five men.
Flanders then asked, “What worship can five men do that would please our Christ as you two good dragons fight the three bad griffins?”
And Gabriel explained it in plenary simplicity, “Speak praises out loud unto our most praiseworthy Jesus.”
Michael put it in more clarity, saying to them, “Whatever God puts in your hearts to praise Him thereby, simply say it out loud up to Heaven where God will hear you.”
“Praising God is a weapon that can hinder Beelzebub. Isn’t it?” asked Proffery.
“Praise to the Lord is a weapon that can shake the foundations of Hell,’ said Gabriel. “And it can rattle even Beelzebub, the prince of the griffins.”
Flanders said, “You told us that our girlfriends will be there to see this all take place as well.
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And their mom, too.”
Proffery said, “You must have a ministry that Aphrodite and the Daughters Of Aphrodite must also do to fight Beelzebub in this last battle.”
And Gabriel said, “These six devout and holy women of God shall sing hymns up to God in Heaven.”
Michael said, “You five born-again Christian men can well imagine how Beelzebub will react to that.”
Regalroyal said, “He would be liable to get sick.”
Laud said, “He would hate that, body, soul, and spirit.”
And Tyrannus said, “Hearing six born-again women singing hymns to God would definitely take a lot of his strength away from him.”
“And what about our five unicorns?” asked Flanders. “Do they have a part in this final battle, too?”
Proffery said, “They cannot use their horns or their hooves in this battle. But they can still fight for our Jesus in a way that Jesus wills them to. I’d bet.”
“You are right,” said Michael. “The Lord’s will for your five unicorn soldiers is for them to rebuke Beelzebub in the name of the Lord clearly and boldly.”
“They can do that,” said Flanders.
“They will do that,” said Proffery.
“Beelzebub will definitely be fazed by that,” said Regalroyal.
“You two good dragons of the Lord in direct confrontation and we five men of the Lord praising the Lord, and our six women of the Lord singing hymns unto the Lord and their five unicorns rebuking in the name of the Lord—we sixteen in indirect confrontation—can be more than a match against Beelzebub and his two chief griffins,” summed up Flanders.
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“Most aptly summarized, good and faithful Flanders,” said Michael.
Proffery went on to say, “Do I dare summarize the direct battle as God’s two greatest angels vs. God’s three greatest fallen angels in war over The Tome Of Hymns?”
“That you can, O judicious Proffery,” said Gabriel.
Regalroyal surmised in query, “Will we forces of good with our indirect warfare both weaken the enemy and strengthen you two during the great last battle?”
“Quite, adept Regalroyal,” said Gabriel.
“Whom does Beelzebub wish the worst for of all of us forces of good?” asked Laud.
“That would be Aphrodite,” said Michael. “Of all whom Beelzebub hated the most on this Earth among the living and the dead of Christianity, only Pastor hymn did he hate more than her.”
Tyrannus asked, “Is Aphrodite in danger for her life?”
“All of us here in this conclave are in danger for our lives,” said Gabriel. “As are all of us not here in this conclave among the forces of God.” That meant also the women and the unicorns.
Flanders said, “But I thought that God was going to win this battle.”
Michael said, “God will win this battle, but casualties happen in all battles.”
And Gabriel said, “Whether a believer lives or dies for Christ, God still wins His battles.”
“Woe!” said Proffery.
“I cannot think of anyone or anything like unto Beelzebub who so dares to fight against God these past six thousand years of Earth’s history and actually believe that he can take Him,” said Regalroyal.
“What awful awful pride he has,” said Laud.
“He is fittingly called ‘the prideful spirit.’” said Tyrannus.
Michael said, “Of all of Beelzebub’s wicked traits, pride is his primary trait.”
And Gabriel said, “In I Timothy 3:6, God calls ‘pride’ ‘the condemnation of the devil.’”
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Michael then said, “Gabriel, make these men to know the secrets of the universe.”
And Gabriel spoke and said, “Hear me and learn, O mighty soldiers of Christ. Each of these three black griffin chiefs has a mission of his own, a field in which he excels, a goal which he strives to effect. Beelzebub is the chief of his griffins who tempt men and women and boys and girls into pride. Abaddon is chief of the griffins who teach mankind its false religions throughout the globe. Apollyon is chief of the griffins who teach atheism and evolutionism throughout all of mankind. Beelzebub, the ‘god of this world,’ thinks to rule this sin-cursed and fallen Earth. Individually these three chief griffins have dominated mankind through their three programs stated thus. And collectively they are now working together to wrest the hymnbook from the palace and to burn it up and to cease the singing of all psalms and hymns and spiritual songs in this devastated world.”
“It is written, O men, ‘Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;’ Ephesians. 5:19,” said Michael. “And again it is written, ‘Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.’ Colossians 3:16.”
Flanders spoke saying, “Beelzebub seeks to take away hymns and Christmas carols from mankind on the Earth, but he cannot take away hymns and Christmas carols from mankind Up in Heaven.”
Proffery said, “Nor can Beelzebub take away good and godly singing from the good angels in Heaven and on Earth.”
Regalroyal said, “I would not be happy in an Earth without songs of God.”
Laud said, “Our God loves His songs even more than we do.”
Tyrannus said, “If all of those griffins had left even just a few hymnbooks lying around, I would memorize some hymns and hide them in my heart. And then I would sing them later.”
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“Indeed, good Christian men, even the stars sang when God had created your Earth,” said
Gabriel. “Job 38:7 as spoken by God Himself.”
“’When the morning stars sang together,…’” recited Michael.
Flanders dared to sing a line of hymn not forgotten yet:
“All nature sings, and round me rings
The music of the spheres.”
“Is it about the stars singing? Do you think?” asked Tyrannus.
“I don’t know, Brother,” said Flanders.
“What hymn is that?” asked Regalroyal.
“I don’t know,” said Flanders.
“How does the rest of it go?” asked Laud.
“I cannot remember,” said Flanders.
“See what Beelzebub wants to take away from us,” said Proffery.
“That mystery hymn is still there, in the Palatial Palace, written and published in the hymnbook,” said Flanders.
“At least our girlfriends and their mother memorized some hymns,” said Proffery.
“Christians, soldiers, lovers of hymns, attend,” said Michael. “I have instruction to teach you.”
And the five born-again believers returned to the business at hand.
Michael continued his lesson, “”The Good Lord Jesus Christ is called in the Scriptures many times ‘the rock of offense’ and ‘the stone of stumbling.’ It is written thus in many ways in I Peter 2:6-8 and in Isaiah 28:16 and in Psalm 118:22-23 and in Matthew 21:42 and in Acts 4:11 and in Romans 9:33.” He then said, “It is because of the pride of unregenerate man that the Saviour of the world is called thus by man. This pride of man comes from Beelzebub. Proud men resist God. Proud men deny their need for a personal Saviour. Proud men reject the Gospel of salvation. Proud men die in
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their sins. Proud men go to Hell. Indeed pride sends more people to Hell than anything else does.
Christ Jesus, the rock, offends the lost. Christ Jesus, the stone, causes the unsaved to stumble. The natural man is offended by the Saviour and stumble over Him in their rebellion. They are both uncomfortable and bored when Christians come up to them and share Christ with them. Some of them may refer to Christ as being ‘too much religion.’ And they refer to believers as ‘Jesus freaks.’ And unbelievers dislike believers just as they dislike Christ. Some may even fall into a great rage when confronted by Christians, and this great rage can come only from Beelzebub. Christian soldiers, do you know how Beelzebub, the proudest griffin, deceives the nations?”
“They deceive men about the Saviour,” said Flanders.
“They deceive men about salvation,” said Proffery.
“They deceive men about sin,” said Regalroyal.
“They deceive men about self,” said Laud.
“They deceive men about souls,” said Tyrannus.
“Well said, O Christian warriors,” said Michael. “And Beelzebub, the great deceiver, deceives men into thinking that they can save themselves. The utter folly of utmost pride does dwell in the hearts of men. This diabolical pride in themselves makes them to say, ‘I can save my own soul from Hell’ and ‘I have my own way to Heaven’ and ‘I don’t need a Saviour of my own’ and ‘I’m not a real bad person,’ and ‘I can earn my way to Heaven’ and ‘My good deeds will outweigh my bad deeds’ and ‘Jesus never died for my sins.’”
Michael continued, “And what about those who know that they are going to Hell, and they make light about it? Their pride entices them to say things like, ‘I’m going to Hell, and I will rule down there.’ There are no rulers in Hell. Everyone down there is damned eternally. Their pride also entices them to say, ‘I’m going to Hell, where all of my buddies are, and we are going to have a great time.’ There are no great times in Hell. Down there is the everlasting lake of fire. And in God’s timing
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He will cast even redoubtable Beelzebub down into the torments of Hell as its prisoner as well for forever. You good Christian men and we two angels all know how greatly the Lord Jesus suffered on the cross for mankind. Indeed He suffered at Calvary like no other man has ever suffered on Earth. But believe this: The damned in Hell suffer even more so in the fires of eternal damnation than did Jesus on the cross. It was pride that brought them down there.”
Gabriel then began to teach his lessons on Abaddon and Apollyon: “There are over one thousand five hundred religions in the world. And there is only one Christianity. Religion teaches salvation by works. Christianity teaches salvation by grace through faith. Religion is taught of man. Christianity is taught of God. Religion damns. Christianity saves. All the fathers and founders of all religions are dead and buried and decayed. The Christ of Christianity rose again from the grave and lives today. Abaddon loves mankind’s sundry and diverse false religions. False denominations are the work of Abaddon. False churches are the work of Abaddon. And false ministers are the work of Abaddon. It is written in II Corinthians 11:13-15, ‘For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.’ Behold the heresy of the Catholic church. Behold the heresy of Islam. Behold the heresy of Hinduism. Behold the heresy of the Protestant churches who do not teach the Biblical plan of salvation. The Bible promises that all the false ministers, those who lead their flocks to Hell with them, shall all receive the greater damnation.
In Revelation 17:5, God’s Word tells us, ‘And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.’ This ‘great whore’ is the Catholic church, the church of the End Times. In Genesis 16:12, God tells us, ‘And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man’s hand against him;…’ This refers to Ishmael, begotten of faithful Abram and conceived by Hagar, the
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handmaid to Abram’s wife Sarai. This Ishmael was not the child of promise. This Ishmael was the forefather of the Arabs. These are the Muslims. And Islam is a religion of death. As was Ishmael, so are his descendants—wild and against every man and every man against him. They live the false creed of ‘Death to the Christians and death to the Jews and death to the infidels.’ And Allah is a false moon god figuratively; and Allah is the Devil literally. And about Hinduism and its polytheistic beliefs, I say unto you, ‘There is only one God, and He is Jesus. Monotheism is the truth.’ In Isaiah 45:6 it is written, ‘That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the Lord, and there is none else.’ And again it is written in Isaiah 45:22, ‘Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else.’ And about the false protestant churches out there in America, I say unto you the God-inspired words of John the Apostle in Revelation 3:17, ‘Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:’ It is further written about this church in Revelation 3:20, ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.’ This is Jesus talking. He is asking the churches of this land to let Him into their church, but the churches do not want to let Him in! Even good Baptist churches, which had once stood for the truth, are now going the way of the world. Many are falling into the ecumenical trap of having both a traditional service and a contemporary service. Many no longer have a door-to-door visitation program. Many no longer use the Authorized King James Version Bible. And many have the music of the world in their services. Many have entertainment now as their services. Many churches’ standards have fallen by the wayside. Many of the flocks no longer dress up in their Sunday best for church. Many pastors no longer preach about sin and judgment and hell. Many no longer warn about false doctrine and false teachers. Many now have basketball teams and gymnasiums and singles’ clubs and AWANA and programs for teens. Abaddon loves these churches and these religions and this ecumenical movement that is sweeping
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across the lands. And even the traditionally sound doctrine of fundamental Baptists has lost ground to the false teaching of Peter Ruckman. These last days of this church age is the age of Laodicea. And the church of Laodicea was neither hot nor cold—but instead lukewarm. And this makes Jesus want to throw up. Abaddon is happy with the churches of this twenty-first century.”
A silent interim passed as the five Christian soldiers took this wisdom in. Then Michael spoke and said, “Gabriel, make these men to know the rest that they need to hear.”
“Yes, Michael. Apollyon, the chief griffin over atheism and evolutionism,” concurred Gabriel. He preached: “Atheism declares, ‘There is no God.’ But in Psalm 14:1 it is written, ‘The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.’ And in Psalm 53:1 it is written in a parallel verse, ‘The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good.’ There is abundant evidence everywhere that God is real. Any thinking person can see God in His wonderful creation. Any thinking person can see God in his own conscience. Any thinking person can see God in the Holy Bible. Any thinking person can see God in his own soul and spirit. In Romans 1:19-21 God’s Word tells us, ‘Because that which may be known of God is manifest to them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.’ Apollyon does not like this Bible verse, because it exposes him as a liar. Further, look what mankind has done to his wonderful museums. In dating certain times of the Earth of its past on this display or that display, the little sign will refer to the letters ‘C.E.’ This stands for ‘common era.’ They refuse to use the letters ‘B.C.’ and ‘A.D.’ that would give glory to God. In this ‘C.E.’ is a rejection of Jesus Christ the Lord. Apollyon has convinced many atheists to say, ‘If there is a loving God, why is there so much suffering in the world?’
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My answer and God’s is, ‘Because people choose to sin. Sin brings suffering and death. And sin always affects someone else.’ Apollyon also convinces atheists to say, ‘I do not believe in God, because I have never seen Him.’ I can say to them, ‘Do you have a brain?’ They can answer me, ‘Yes. I have a brain.’ I can say to them, ‘Have you ever seen your brain?’ And they can say, ‘No. I have never seen my brain.’ And I can say to them, ‘Then how do you know that it’s there?’ Likewise their reasoning is thus proven wrong. God the Father is a Spirit. And Jesus, the Son of God, came down to Earth as God incarnate. And the Holy Ghost is a Spirit that indwells every Christian. This is the real trinity of the real God. Also, Apollyon likes atheists to say about themselves, ‘I am the captain of my own destiny.’ Thus atheists make themselves their own gods. But God Almighty says in James 4:14, ‘Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.’ The real God will one day be the Judge of Apollyon and of all of his atheists. Right now Apollyon is successfully tempting mankind to take God out of our homes, our families, our marriages, our schools, our courthouses, our government, and our private lives. He knows that once a nation says to God, ‘We do not want You, Lord,’ then God will honor their request, and He will leave that nation. Once that happens, God takes away His protecting hand over that country, and He leaves them to their sin. And their sins reap a harvest of only bad things for that people. And that nation falls. It is written in Psalm 9:17, ‘The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God.’ Apollyon is happy when that happens. This is atheism and what happens when atheism takes over a country.’”
Gabriel then went on to preach further to his captive audience here in the backyard of Flanders, “Apollyon had a great victory over truth one day in America in what was called the ‘Scopes Monkey Trial.’ An ungodly teacher was given the right to teach evolutionism in the public school. From that trial, evolutionism was put falsely on an equal standing with creationism. Now, years later, it is illegal for a teacher to teach creationism to his students in America’s public schools. ‘Separation of church
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and state,’ the evolutionists declare. But ‘separation of church and state’ did not mean ‘freedom from
religion,’ but rather, ‘no one-church state.’ Now evolutionism is accepted as fact, and creationism is regarded as ignorance. Apollyon had his hand in this unfortunate court trial of the Supreme Court that day. Apollyon is the evil advocate for evolutionism. As you young men know, evolutionism denies the six-day creation week of Genesis chapter one, and it denies the Garden of Eden and its Adam and Eve of Genesis chapter two. The Bible says that there is a Maker of all that is. Evolutionists say that we have all evolved from a lower cell. The Bible says that mankind was created in the image of God. Evolutionists say that mankind is just one of the animals. The Bible says that the Creator created every animal after its own kind. Evolutionists say that mankind has come from monkeys. I say, ‘If mankind had come from monkeys, then why are there still monkeys around?’ The Bible teaches that our Earth is a young six thousand years old. Evolutionists say that this Earth is billions of years old. They might say, ‘Look at this rock. It is millions of years old.’ And yet I say to them, ‘How do you know? Were you here millions of years ago to see it form?’ Ask now a born-again believer, ‘Where did the trees and the clouds and the moon and the sun and the stars come from?’ and he will answer with the wisdom of a creationist, ‘They were made by a wise Designer.’ Ask an evolutionist, ‘Where did the trees and the clouds and the moon and the sun and the stars come from?’ and he will say, ‘They all came from a great big bang at the beginning of history.’ If I may say, even if the universe had begun by evolutionism’s big bang and not by the Word of God, ‘Who made the big bang happen?’ Does it not take more faith to believe in the random chances of evolutionism than to believe in the Creator of a wise design? The evolutionists might say, ‘Our beliefs are backed by science. Your creationism is not backed by science.’ I say to them, ‘Your science of evolutionism is not true science. It is mere theory. It is mere false faith. It is mere folly. God made science. When an evolutionist does what he does, and that is to take God out of science, he comes up with crazy and wild ideas that he calls truth. And these truths deny the true God of true science. Why do evolutionists try to believe what they do about the origins
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of the universe so doggedly? It is because they do not want to admit that there is a Maker to Whom they are accountable for their actions in this life. They refuse to confess that there is a Higher Power.
They hate Jesus Christ the Creator Who died on the cross for them. If there really were no God, then everybody could go and do whatever they wanted, and nothing bad would happen to them for doing that. And they think that they are free without the Lord. Yet evolutionists can only cry out in the end, ‘Eat, drink, and be merry; for tomorrow we shall die.’ They go to their grave, rejecting the first verse of the Bible: ‘In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.’ Genesis 1:1. This Scripture verse is the one that Apollyon hates the most of all the Bible’s verses.”
Then Gabriel said, ‘All false religions, all atheism, all evolutionism—these are the works of the formidable Abaddon and Apollyon. And Abaddon and Apollyon serve Beelzebub—the incarnation of pride.” Gabriel and Michael then looked upon each other. Gabriel said, “Michael, make the Christian warriors to remember Who rules in Heaven and Earth to the uttermost.”
And Michael said, “Flanders, Proffery, Regalroyal, Laud, Tyrannus, hear me and heed me and hold to my words I have to say right now: “The Lord Jesus Christ is King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
He is Invincibility. He is Indomitableness. He is Unconquerableness. He is Absoluteness. He is Sovereignty. He is Lord and Master. He is the I Am. He has His will done in His time and in His way and in His place. He shall fight for you and with you and through you. With Him, you five Christian warriors can prevail over Beelzebub and his two generals. And He will put down all evil. And there shall be no more wars between good and evil. And He will set up His Kingdom on Earth for the Millennial Reign. And great will be your eternity in Heaven Above for ever and ever. And hymnbooks will fill all the places of the world. And men and women and boys and girls will sing hymns even after time itself comes to its close and eternity begins in the New Heaven and in the New Earth. Amen and Amen.”
Then Gabriel and Michael looked upon the five men. The two good dragons adjourned this
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conclave. They bade the men, “Keep your eyes on Jesus.” And then they flew back up to Heaven.
The five men looked upon each other. They were ready now for the coming last battle between good and evil. And they had utter rest in Christ.
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CHAPTER XX
The ten born-again Christians got together for fun and games at the local miniature golf course. God had told them this day to go and have fun. He said that the Palatial Palace would be okay today.
The five cheerleaders and their boyfriends were to have a most happy diversion and good Christian fellowship and rest from war. Gravel’s golf ball was white with a black stripe. Flanders’s golf ball was solid white. Gretchen’s golf ball was brown with a black stripe. Proffery’s golf ball was solid brown.
Grandy’s golf ball was blue with a black stripe. Regalroyal’s golf ball was solid blue. Grey’s golf ball was gray with a black stripe. Laud’s golf ball was solid gray. Gree’s golf ball was orange with a black stripe. Tyrannus’s golf ball was solid orange. This time the Daughters Of Aphrodite did not bring their pet unicorns. Their unicorns were playing unicorn games at a unicorn park with wide broad meadows on the other side of town.
Even before they got to the first hole of this miniature golf game, Flanders declared himself, “I’m the ‘Golden Bear.’”
And Proffery said, “Brother, if you are the ‘Golden Bear,’ then I am the ‘Golden Boy.’”
“That’s football,” said Grey. “Even I know that.”
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“Call me ‘Goldilocks,’” said Gree.
“Your hair is hardly golden,” said Tyrannus.
“It is brown, just like all of us women here,” said Grandy.
“And just like all five of us men,” said Laud.
“Brown hair rules!” said Gravel.
“Brunettes have more fun!” said Gretchen, and she shook her brown hair about her head femininely.
“Whoa, girlfriend!” exclaimed Proffery. “Don’t turn me on so, doing that.”
Regalroyal then said, “Are we going to play miniature golf, or are we going to play this coquetry?”
“Did you say ‘croquet?’” asked Flanders.
“I believe that he said ‘crochet,’” said Gravel.
“If you ask me, a girl like me prefers coquetry to croquet and to crochet,” said Gretchen.
“All for one, and one for all,” said Flanders.
“Ten for one, and one for ten,” said Gravel. “Oo, do let me start the game. Can I hit first? Can I? Can I?”
Grandy said, “Correct grammar would be in this case, ‘May I? May I?’”
Gretchen said, “The sign on the post of this first hole says, ‘Par four.’ I would say that it will take you twice that to get the ball into the hole, Big Sister.”
“Why, look. A real little nasty windmill!” said Gravel. “Just look at it!”
“It is quite red,” said Proffery.
“And it is swinging,” said Flanders.
“To get to the hole on this first green, I have to go through that windmill,” said Gravel. “How can a woman do that with the vanes swinging around like they do right in front of the space that I have
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to get through at the bottom?”
“You’re not supposed to hit the vanes with the golf ball,” said Gree.
“And you’re not supposed to hit the windmill with the golf ball, either,” said Grey.
“I know that already, Gree,” said Gravel. “And I know that already, too, Grey.”
“If we don’t get started pretty quick, we might have to play in the dark,” said Flanders.
“It is already almost noon,” said Tyrannus.
“The sunset will not wait for us,” said Laud.
“And dusk is not long later,” said Regalroyal.
“Then comes twilight,” said Proffery. “And all ten of us knows what comes after twilight.”
Then in answering his own statement he said, “Night.”
“Let a girl putt,” said Gravel. And she putted her golf ball toward the passage through the windmill on this first green of the course. Lo, her golf ball went right up to it, passed by between two swinging vanes, and went into the red windmill, and came back out of the other side, and went right into the hole at the end of this green.
“Big Sister, that looks like a hole-in-one!” said Gretchen.
Gravel began to do a cheerleader cheer for herself, “L.P.G.A. champion, what’s your number? What’s your number? L.P.G.A. champion, L.P.G.A. champion, what’s your number? Number one! Number one! Number number number one!”
“Do I dare go next, after having seen something like this?” asked Flanders.
“Brother, don’t let your girlfriend show you up at miniature golf,” said Proffery.
Examining this tricky windmill, Flanders said, “I should like to go around the windmill.”
Regalroyal said, “There is no way around, Flanders. You have to go through it.”
Flanders looked upon Tyrannus, and he said, “If you had brought your battle-axe today, I would not be in this situation.”
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“What would I be expected to do with my battle-axe at miniature golf?” asked Tyrannus.
“I could ask you to knock the spinning blades off of the motor,” said Flanders.
Laud said, “They wouldn’t like that to happen in this park. I wouldn’t think.”
Proffery said, “I heard that windmills like this are expensive.”
“You never heard that,” said Flanders.
“But I bet, nonetheless that they don’t come cheap,” said Proffery.
Gravel said to him, “I hope that your golf ball gets stuck inside the windmill, Boyfriend.”
“I am a better golfer than to do something foolish like that,” said Flanders.
“A girlfriend would think that you are better with a saber than you are with a putter.” said Gravel.
“Everyone, quiet down. I am about to putt,” said Flanders.
“He is about to put,” said Regalroyal.
“Not ‘put,’ but ‘putt,’” said Flanders. And he hit the golf ball. Lo, it went right in between the swinging blades just as Gravel’s golf ball had. But his golf ball did not come out the back of this red windmill.
Gretchen said, “I thought I heard the sound of a golf ball hitting something like wood.”
“I must have hit the back wall of the windmill inside,” said Flanders.
“My my, Flanders, your golf ball seems to have gotten stuck inside the windmill,” teased Gravel.
“Brother,” said Proffery, “that was no putt. That was more like a punt.”
“I would say more like a bunt,” said Regalroyal.
“I did that on purpose,” said Flanders in mock lie.
“What are we supposed to do now?” asked Laud.
“The ball is in there somewhere, and the game must continue,” said Tyrannus.
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“I just have to see it,” said Flanders. “May I get down and take a look inside?”
And Gravel said, “Boyfriend, you balked!”
And he got down on his hands and knees before the spinning little red windmill and looked into its dim interior. “Ah, I see it,” he said. “Now I can rest.”
Gretchen said, “Did you think that it got lost in the ‘Twilight Zone?’”
Grandy said, “He thought that it got lost in the ‘Night Gallery.’”
“I remember those shows,” said Tyrannus. “’Twilight Zone’ was in black and white TV days. And ‘Night Gallery’ was in color TV days.”
Laud said, “I liked Rod Serling’s shows. Funny how he looked younger hosting the later ‘Night Gallery’ than he did hosting the earlier ‘Twilight Zone.’”
Gree said, “What do the rules say about getting a ball lost in the windmill?”
Grey said, “There are no rules on the rule card about when that kind of thing happens.”
“I have to defer to the next golfer for his or her turn to putt,” said Flanders, getting back up from in front of the windmill.
“Goodie!” said Gretchen. “May I start next?”
And Proffery said, “Then I get to go after you, Girlfriend.”
And Gretchen studied the swinging red windmill from this start of the green. And she putted her golf ball quite hard. It zeroed in hard upon the windmill, and it struck the bottom of a spinning blade, and it bounced back on the green all the way to where she was still standing.
Proffery said, “Why, you are right back where you started.”
“That counts for one point, even though you did not end up any closer to the windmill than where you began,” said Grandy.
“A whole point?” asked Gretchen.
“All of it,” said Grey.
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“Do I get to try again?” asked Gretchen.
Gree said, “Yes. But you have to wait till your next turn.”
“All the way until my next turn,” said Gretchen with a comical sigh.
“I’m next,” said Proffery. And he prepared to putt his golf ball.
Flanders said, “Be careful, Brother. That windmill eats up golf balls. I know. It happened to me.”
“Here goes everything,” said Proffery.
“Here goes something,” said Laud.
“Here goes anything,” said Regalroyal.
“Here goes nothing,” said Tyrannus.
And Proffery swung his putter, and he nicked the green and the golf ball both at once. The ball was moved five feet and stopped abruptly short of the windmill. And a piece of the green came flying out and landed right up in front of the windmill.
“Divot!” said Gretchen.
“Big divot!” said Flanders.
“Accident,” said Proffery.
“Big accident,” said Gravel.
Regalroyal said, “What do the rules say about if the course and its property is damaged by one of its players?”
“It says that they have to forfeit the game and leave without getting reimbursed,” said Laud.
“Uh oh, Proffery,” said Tyrannus.
“The rules say that the course and its property must be willfully damaged by one of its players,” said Proffery. “This was not on purpose. How can a guy tell what his golf club will do once he putts
in this crazy miniature golf course?”
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Gretchen said, “At least my ball went somewhere.”
“Yeah, all the way there and all the way back,” said Proffery.
“Your divot made it all the way there, though, Proffery,” said Grandy.
“Yeah, and it is right there in the way of us six other golfers who are still waiting our turn,” said Regalroyal.
“I wish a penalty upon any of you six who are yet to play for every ball that bumps into my pretty little divot,” said Proffery.
“I shall bump your divot with my putter,” said Grandy. And she stood before this divot, and she raised her golf club to hit it out of the way of the entrance of the windmill.
Gree called out, “Uh uh, Grandy. The rule card says to not raise your golf club and swing it around above your knees.”
“You just might hit someone with it,” said Grey.
“Then all of you get out of the way,” said Grandy. “Get out of the way of my putter. And get out of the way of my divot.” Everyone backed up. She swung. And she struck the divot hard. And it flew off of this green and on into the gravel stones between this green and the next green, off of the fields of play.
“That’s even better than Gravel’s hole-in-one,” said Flanders.
“We should not all be playing all at the same time like this,” said Proffery. “Too many players are playing in too small a green.”
“Our golf balls are beginning to get in the way of each other,” said Regalroyal.
“And a girl can hardly find room to putt with this big crowd around her,” said Grandy.
“Ten golf balls all in one place like this,” said Grey. “What does the rule card say about this?”
“It does say that if a large group is in front of a single player to maybe let him pass on through so as to not hold him up,” said Gree.
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The ten looked behind themselves to see if there were any behind them waiting to play this first green. “Nobody’s behind us,” said Flanders.
“And nobody’s ahead of us, either,” said Gravel.
“We have this whole miniature golf course all to ourselves,” said Gretchen.
In this manner and with much fun banter, the six others of this game went on to putt their golf balls in this first hole. None of any of these ten had successfully gotten into and out of this little red windmill with their first putts of this first green, except for Gretchen. And methodically and slowly they worked their way through this course on up to the eighteenth hole, one-by-one, putt after putt. There came no more holes-in-one after Gravel’s in the first hole. And there were no eagles anywhere among the ten. Nor were there any birdies. There were some pars attained. Most were bogeys and double-bogeys and worse. After seventeen holes, Flanders said, “I counted up the pars for each green as it was written on the posts before each hole. And I figured out that par for this whole eighteen-hole miniature golf course is a score of fifty. I stand so far with this one more hole to shoot at a score of seventy.”
With a laugh Proffery said, “Well at least you get your money’s worth, Brother.”
“What is your score, Boyfriend?” asked Gretchen.
He looked on his scorecard and said, “I stand at seventy-one so far.”
“You shouldn’t talk,” said Gretchen.
“What do you have so far, Gretchen?” asked Gravel.
“I have sixty-six,” said Gretchen.
“I have sixty,” said Gravel.
“I have sixty-nine,” said Grandy.
“I have sixty-eight,” said Grey.
“As for myself, I have sixty-seven,” said Gree.
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Regalroyal said, “I am at seventy-two and counting.”
“I have seventy-five myself here near the end,” said Tyrannus.
“And I have seventy-three,” said Laud.
“All of us already way over par of this game’s fifty points, and we are not even done playing yet,” said Flanders.
“Hole number eighteen waits for us,” said Gravel.
Then the ten looked upon what this hole number eighteen was all about.
“I never saw such a long green as this one before,” said Gree.
“It is hardly four feet wide, and yet it goes on and on dead straight way, way over there to its end,” said Regalroyal.
“Straight and narrow,” said Grandy.
“The way that our God would like us to walk in our Christian lives,” said Flanders.
“The sign on the post says ‘Par five,’” said Proffery. “Though this is a long hole, it is still hardly a par five hole.”
“This hole is so simple and basic, one would wish that there was more to this hole,” said Grey.
“It is truly an anomaly to this course,” said Gretchen.
“The word is ‘mistake,’” said Gravel. “They made a mistake with this hole number eighteen when they made it.”
“I myself do not understand this green,” said Laud.
“It is not a grand finale to a great game like this in this park,” said Gree.
And Tyrannus said, “Well at least this green will help our scores look better after we finish this one off good and quick.”
“You’re first, Gravel,” said Flanders. “Try not to get another hole-in-one.”
“I don’t have to worry about any rocks blocking my way, nor any more windmills, nor any
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twists and turns, nor any hills up or down, nor any little logs with this one. I just need to putt hard and hit straight, and hope that it goes far enough and into the hole at the end,” said Gravel.
“Don’t try too hard, Girlfriend,” said Flanders. “You are so far ahead of the rest of us, that there is no way that you can lose.”
“Unless you score like maybe ten or something in this one hole alone,” said Gretchen.
“And only if we score holes in one ourselves, too,” said Proffery.
“We men are being showed up by our women with the scores that we all have so far,” said Regalroyal.
“The women are only lots over par, but we men are way lots over par,” said Tyrannus.
“At least this is not a battle of the sexes,” said Laud. “This game is an individual battle among ten.”
“We are all playing just for our own selves,” said Grey.
“It is Gravel against whom we should compete,” said Gree.
“She’s the one who is ahead. We need to get her and to take her down,” said Grandy.
“Let’s rattle Gravel,” said Gretchen.
“If you try to do that, she will end up rattling you,” said Flanders.
“She clearly proves herself to be a better miniature golfer than any of us,” said Proffery.
Gravel spoke and said, “A woman cannot putt with all of this racket going on around here like this.”
And all the ten became mute and attentive. And Gravel putted her golf ball. It went straight down this lane like a die, and it went all the way to the end, and it went down right into the hole.
“A hole in one!” said Gravel. “Another hole-in-one!” And Gravel set her golf club upon the green where she was standing, and she did a cheer for herself. Putting her arms akimbo, she kicked up first her left leg and set it back down, and she kicked up second her right leg and set it back down. And she
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pirouetted three times in show. And she cheered, “Go, Gravel! Go!” Then she skipped merrily up to the hole way over there. She said, “Let me show you guys my winning ball.” And she looked down into the hole. “My, the hole is awful deep for what it is,” said Gravel. She could not see the ball down there. She got down on her hands and knees and put her face before the hole. “Queer, it’s dark down there, and I can’ t see anything in this,” she said. She then reached in her hand and her arm down into this hole up to her elbow. “My ball…it’s gone,” she said. And she took her arm out of the hole.
The other nine quickly came up to her. Flanders said to her, “Gravel, what are you saying?”
“I lost my ball,” she said. “This miniature golf course has made a mistake. This hole…it’s all wrong.”
The others all looked in and also saw nothing. Flanders smiled and said, “Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark.”
“That line is from Macbeth,” said Gretchen.
“No, it’s from Hamlet,” said Proffery.
“What does the rule card say if a player loses his ball so bad that no one can find it?” asked Regalroyal.
“It says that you have to buy a replacement ball for the one that you lost,” said Grandy.
“If I went and lost my ball in this hole eighteen, then you guys will also go lose your ball in this same hole,” said Gravel.
“What should we do?” asked Grey.
“We can never finish this game with a hole like this that never ends,” said Tyrannus.
“We should all get our money back,” said Laud.
“This hole is different in looks as well as in results,” said Flanders. “All of the other holes in this miniature golf course are wider and shorter and with a cup at the bottom. This one is narrower and longer and with no bottom to it.”
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“It looks more like a pipe to me,” said Proffery.
“Who’s going to tell the workers what happened here in hole number eighteen?” asked Gree.
“We can tell them that they have a hole that is amok,” said Regalroyal.
“A hole that is run amok,” said Proffery. “How will you tell them what this ‘amok’ means?”
“We could tell them that it has no bottom,” said Regalroyal.
“And what do you think they will say if you tell them that?” asked Proffery.
“Somebody needs to know,” said Gretchen. “Or the same thing will happen to all of the next players.”
“They may already know. Who knows how many players before us have found out this same thing already?” asked Grandy.
“They should have told us,” said Grandy.
“I’ll go and get a worker and see if he cannot help us out,” said Flanders.
“I never saw such a thing as this in any miniature golf course,” said Proffery.
“Go get them, for us, Boyfriend,” said Gravel.
And he left hole eighteen and came up to the little building where the workers were. He told one of them, a young lady, after much forethought, “My girlfriend lost her ball in the hole. It’s green eighteen. And none of us can find where it went.”
Saying nothing to Flanders with her tongue, but saying much with her expression, the worker followed Flanders to this last hole. All ten golfers pointed to the mysterious hole that ate golf balls.
And in great testings of patience, this worker turned to the left of this green and pointed to the base of a little hill down there and said, “It’s down there.”
The ten miniature golfers saw a little green down there off to the side of this green, and, behold, a white ball with a black stripe resting there upon that green right in front of a regular hole.
“Why, there’s my ball,” said Gravel.
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“How on Earth did it get down there?” asked Gretchen.
And the ten miniature golfers quickly went down to this little green to take a look. Lo, a pipe coming out of a hill and opening up to this little green.
“We have found out what happened to Gravel’s golf ball,” said Flanders. This little green was an extension to this hole eighteen. Indeed this little green down here was the end of hole eighteen just as the big green up there was the beginning of hole eighteen. And that funny little hole up there that seemed to have eaten golf balls was instead a pipe, an underground tunnel, through which the golf ball traveled to roll out onto this little green down here.
In a loss for words, the worker walked away, shaking her head.
Gravel said, “We’re sorry.”
And the ten laughed with themselves for their naiveté, and the worker also laughed gaily. All was well.
“Well,” said Gravel, “that putt ended up taking a while.”
“I am next,” said Flanders. Gravel stayed down here by her ball. And Flanders and the other eight went back up there to get ready for their turn on this last hole of the course.
Flanders said, “Gravel, your ball came into this hole with accuracy, and it left this hole with mystery. But my ball will not hold up the game.”
Proffery said, “Flanders, it is good for Joe Montana that he did not play football the same way that you putt.”
“Joe Montana, ‘the best who ever played the game,’” said Regalroyal.
“And it is good that Flanders does not play football. Stick to miniature golf, Brother. You are no Tom Brady,” said Laud.
“Tom Terrific,” said Tyrannus in honor of the great quarterback.
“The ‘GOAT!’ ‘The Greatest Of All Time,’” said Proffery about Tom Brady.
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“Who’s better?” asked Gravel. “Joe Montana or Tom Brady?”
All ten thought and said, “Tom Brady.”
Flanders went on to say, “What is better to have said about you in the N.F.L.–to be called ‘the best who ever played the game’ or to be called ‘the greatest of all time?’”
All ten did not stop to consider, and all ten said, “To be called ‘the greatest of all time.’”
“Well I am neither,” confessed Flanders.
“Boyfriend, just don’t go and get your ball stuck in the underground tunnel the same way that you got your ball stuck in the windmill,” said Gravel.
“If I did that, I would have to tell that woman what happened again, and this time we would not be able to get her to laugh.” said Flanders.
“Only God could make that golf ball get stuck in the pipe,” said Proffery.
Just to make sure that that did not happen, Flanders prayed, “Lord, I ask that this ball not get stuck in the pipe way underground.” And he putted. And the ball went straight down the middle of the green, closed in upon the hole of the pipe, and stopped just short, and it rested upon the green. Flanders’s ball lay just in front of this hole.
“See how God answered your prayer, Brother,” said Proffery in jest.
Next Gretchen putted. And her ball went right up to the hole and stopped alongside its left edge.
Then Proffery putted. And his ball went past the hole, bumped against the wooden board behind it and came back toward it and stopped. It lay just behind this hole.
Then Grandy putted, and her ball rolled right up to the right side of this hole and stopped there.
Next Regalroyal putted, and his ball ended up in front of the cup in its front left edge.
Next Grey putted, and her ball ended up in front of the cup in its front right edge.
Then Laud putted, and his ball ended up in back of the cup in its back left edge.
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Then Gree putted, and her ball ended up in back of the cup in its back right edge.
Then Tyrannus lined up to putt in his turn. “Somebody pray that God has his will to come to pass with my putt,” requested Tyrannus.
“I will,” said Gravel.
“Do pray,” said Tyrannus.
And Gravel prayed, “Lord, have Your will come to pass on Tyrannus’s putt right now.” Then she secretly silently prayed, “But let me win this miniature golf outing real big.”
And Tyrannus putted his ball quite hard. His golf ball proceeded most miraculously to bump every last eight other golf balls there right next to this hole inasmuch as their golf balls all fell down into the hole, and his golf ball as well. Whoa, nine golf balls fell into the hole in the tunnel at once!
“See how God answered your prayer for me, Gravel!” he bragged on himself upon this phenomenon that had never happened before at this miniature golf park.
As Gravel stood there, almost doubting her prayer-answering God, all nine other putters quickly ran down to this lower green to join her and to watch nine golf balls to come out of this pipe down here.
No golf balls ever came out of this pipe.
“Woe!” said Tyrannus. “There are never coming out!”
And Flanders said, “They are all stuck inside that underground tunnel.”
And Gravel found faith again in her prayer-answering God. And with this, she said, “God has let me win real big.”
And with this, after the nine others had to forfeit, Gravel went on to take her last turn to putt.
And she sunk her golf ball in the official hole that ended this eighteenth green.
And she said, “I defer to not cheer.” Then she said, “God will cheer for me Up in Heaven.” Then finally she said, “To God give I the glory. Amen!”
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“Amen!” said the nine others in mirth and merriment.
And miniature golf was done for this day.
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CHAPTER XXI
In this attic, the third floor of this Palatial Palace, most unholy was now standing here in this most holy Sanctuary. Beelzebub was here. And he had come for the hymnbook. And he was in the same room as this sanctified treasure chest that was the repository for this The Tome of Hymns.
Between evil and this last hymnbook were all of the forces of good. Aphrodite and her five daughters and her five daughters’ boyfriends and her five daughters’ unicorns were now massed in this Sanctuary in this most dire hour upon the Earth. Aphrodite was standing upon the treasure chest along the back wall to the north. Her five daughters were standing in front of her in an arc. Her five daughters’ unicorns were standing in front of her five daughters in an arc, their unicorn horns lowered. Her five daughters’ boyfriends were standing in front of her five daughters’ unicorns in an arc, holding their weapons and remembering God’s commands not to use them in this final battle.
Facing Aphrodite now from the middle of the room was Beelzebub, with Abaddon to his right and with Apollyon to his left. Beelzebub had come charging into this Palatial Palace and crashing right through this southern wall of this Sanctuary with the power of a storm. There were pieces of windows
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and two-by-fours and broken rafters all spread out in this room in its south part from the great demonic collision wrought on-purpose by Beelzebub. And this southern edge of the Sanctuary was now open space with no wall at all there anymore so great was the devastation wrought by Beelzebub in this attack in the air. Likewise had Abaddon come storming in in his charge right into this room in his flight, breaking up the eastern wall of this Sanctuary also into boards and broken glass and splintered ceiling boards on this side of the attic room. And Apollyon had attacked likewise this Sanctuary by crashing into the western wall of this third-floor room gaining entrance thereby with equal brute might.
The western wall was spread out upon the floor with broken up glass panes and pieces of roof and beams of walls. There was no wall left in the far end of this attic after Beelzebub’s virulent trespass. But there were still some wall left to both sides of this room from Abaddon’s and Apollyon’s breach of this attic. The north wall, that lay behind the treasure chest, was yet intact.
And in came flying the Good White Dragon Michael and the Good Gray Dragon Gabriel, coming in from the south through the great opened-up space left by Beelzebub. And the two good angels lighted upon the floor of this Sanctuary, behind the three great griffins of griffins, the demons’ backs toward them and their faces looking toward Aphrodite yet.
The floorboards were bending down underneath the weight of three great griffins and two good dragons here in this attic.
Standing upon the depository whose treasure the forces of evil had come to confiscate, Aphrodite dared to speak and to say, knowing the answer, “Beelzebub, for what have you come?”
Beelzebub said in a quiet reply, whose sinister nature and threat were louder than his voice, “I have come, O most high saint of God, for the hymnbook.”
Aphrodite dared to look upon so great and fell Beelzebub and to say, “It is written, O griffin of griffins, ‘Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.’ Matthew 7:6.”
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“Foremost woman of Christendom, step aside and let me at The Tome Of Hymns, lest I give you the evil eye,” threatened Beelzebub.
“Beelzebub, I shall not let you burn up God’s hymnbook with your fire. I dare you to go and give me this evil eye,” said Aphrodite. “You shall not look at or touch or destroy my late husband’s book of hymns.”
Beelzebub then gave Aphrodite the evil eye. She looked into his evil eye. Behold, she instantly passed out upon the depository, and she collapsed where she stood, crashing down upon the large treasure chest and falling down to the floor in a heap and lying there, still. None here could tell whether Aphrodite were dead or alive right now. The Daughters Of Aphrodite screamed. The unicorns blasted toots of shock. The boyfriends gasped. And the forces of good were overwhelmed.
The two good angels now took charge of this confrontation. Michael said, “Comrades for Christ, our Lord Jesus has said, ‘Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.’ Psalm 46:10.”
And Gabriel said, “Forces for good, let us two angels fight this battle for you.” And Gabriel then said, “And do not forget your instructions given you men in our conclave in the backyard.”
Yes, the men were to praise Jesus, and the unicorns were to rebuke in the name of Jesus, and the women were to sing hymns about Jesus. And Gabriel and Michael were to fight the battle against the three forces of evil themselves.
And Christian men and Christian women and good unicorns deferred to the commandments of the good dragons.
And the two of Michael and Gabriel and the three of Beelzebub and Abaddon and Apollyon charged in most redoubtable clash between good and evil here in the third floor of the Palatial Palace. And angelic warfare in high places took place here in the Sanctuary over the hymnbook that was in the treasure chest deep within. And the attic was being devastated to the uttermost.
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As the battle roared as the sound of tornadoes and waterspouts, the five men Christian soldiers fought as God had willed them to: they began to praise God Almighty Above: Flanders rallied the men, telling them, “Psalm 41:13, O soldiers of the cross!”
And the five men declared Psalm 41:13 point-blank at the three griffins of griffins: “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel from everlasting to everlasting. Amen, and Amen!” This was the close to Book I of the Psalter.
Then Gravel rallied her sisters and said, “Let us sing ‘A Mighty Fortress Is Our God!’”
And the five women began to sing this hymn of battle up to Jesus on His throne right into the faces of Beelzebub and his two subjects:
“1. A mighty fortress is our God, A bulwark never failing;
Our helper He amid the flood Of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe Doth seek to work us woe–
His craft and pow’r are great. And armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal.”
And the unicorn White rallied the unicorn forces in their part for this battle, and he said, “Let us go and rebuke the devils in the name of our God!”
And the five unicorns went on to say, “The Lord rebuke you, Beelzebub! The Lord rebuke you, Abaddon! The Lord rebuke you, Apollyon!” And the three formidable griffins were struck hard by these rebukes.
And the battle raged. Lo, the ceiling of this attic came down from above. The very roof of this Palatial Palace was now torn down and lying about everywhere on the floor and down on the yard below.
Flanders rallied his men troops again for a second assault upon the forces of evil, saying, “Good men, let us recite Psalm 72:18-19.”
And five great men of God shot Psalm 72:18-19 hard into the ears of the three great and terrible griffins, proclaiming its words: “Blessed be the Lord God, the God of Israel, who only doeth wondrous
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things. And blessed be his glorious name for ever: and let the whole earth be filled with his glory; Amen, and Amen.” This was the close to Book II of the Psalter.
Meanwhile the Daughters Of Aphrodite went on to sing stanza two of their great song of battle for this day:
“2. Did we in our own strength confide Our striving would be losing,
Were not the right Man on our side, The Man of God’s own choosing.
Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus it is He–
Lord Sabaoth His name, From age to age the same–
And He must win the battle.”
Meanwhile the five mighty unicorns of the forces of good declared into the minds of the forces
of evil, “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus, O Beelzebub! I rebuke you in the name of Jesus, O Abaddon! I rebuke you in the name of Jesus, O Apollyon!” And this fazed the three griffins of griffins in their heads.
Behold, this third story up here gave way and did fall down to the second story of this palace!
Yet good and evil continued their battle unabated, now one floor lower.
Flanders rallied his men and said, “Let us recite Psalm 89:52, comrades in Christ!”
And the five Christian warriors uttered Psalm 89:52 before the forces of evil: “Blessed be the Lord forevermore. Amen, and Amen.” This was the close to Book III of the Psalter.
Meanwhile the five great and faithful Daughters Of Aphrodite now sang in assault at the griffin devils the third stanza of God’s fighting hymn for today’s great battle:
“3. And tho this world, with devils filled, Should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph thru us.
The prince of darkness grim—We tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure, For lo! his doom is sure–
One little word shall fell him.”
And the stedfast unicorns again chastised Beelzebub and his two captains in the name of the Lord, saying, “God rebuke you, Beelzebub! God rebuke you, Abaddon! God rebuke you, Apollyon!”
And the three forces of evil were smitten hard once again.
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Lo, in a great crashing down, this second floor now gave way and fell down to the first floor.
This battle was now at ground level.
Flanders encouraged the men, saying, “Let us be men and recite Psalm 106:48, O comrades!”
And the Christian soldiers quoted Psalm 106:48 right up against the three great and formidable griffins: “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel from everlasting to everlasting: and let all the people say, Amen. Praise ye the Lord.” This verse was the close to Book IV of the Psalter.
Right after this, the women sang the fourth and last stanza of their war song of Jesus hard into the three griffins of griffins:
“4. That word above all earthly pow’rs—No thanks to them abideth;
The Spirit and the gifts are ours Thru Him who with us sideth.
Let goods and kindred go, This mortal life also;
The body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still–
His kingdom is forever.”
And the little phalanx of unicorn soldiers uttered in great voices, “I rebuke you in the name of God, Beelzebub! I rebuke you in the name of God, Abaddon! I rebuke you in the name of God, Apollyon!” And this rebuke hurt the three chief griffins of griffin-kind.
Woe! This first floor now fell down into the earth into the basement!
Tenacious, Flanders said, “Be of good courage, men. Let us strike the enemy with Psalm 150:6!” This was the close to Book V of the Psalter. After this there were no more such verses from this book of Psalms with which to strike the three devils.
And the Christian soldiers recited Psalm 150:6 into the spirits of the griffins: “Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord.”
And Gravel said, “Let us women sing the doxology!”
And the Daughters Of Aphrodite sang the doxology to weaken the devils further:
“Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heav’nly host;
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Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Amen.”
And the valiant unicorns said in avowal, “The Almighty God rebuke you, Beelzebub! The Almighty God rebuke you, Abaddon! The Almighty God rebuke you, Apollyon!” And the griffins were rocked.
Behold, all of the walls down here in the open basement now caved down and fell onto the floor in a final destruction of the Palatial Palace. This once most illustrious edifice was now razed to the ground from this final battle of good and evil inside. All that remained of Aphrodite’s great house were the five bedrooms of her daughters in their wings out off of the palace.
None of the mortals in this battle were hurt yet, except Aphrodite, whose life was in doubt. The good white dragon Michael was sorely wounded and could not continue the battle. The good gray dragon Gabriel fell in battle, alive but wounded badly.
As for Abaddon, struck by praise and by hymn and by rebukes from the fifteen forces of good and having withstood the assaults of Michael and Gabriel, he now fell in battle, dead. Abaddon the griffin was slain in battle. As for Apollyon, also attacked by praise and by hymn and by rebuke and by Michael and Gabriel, he, also, perished in this battle. Apollyon was slain in battle thus.
As for Beelzebub, he was still well and whole and all right. He stood now before the fifteen standing mortals and the fallen Aphrodite and the two fallen dragons and his two fallen griffins like a Colossus who could not go down.
Then Aphrodite stirred where she lay in a heap. Was she living? Was she going to make it? Was she okay? She opened her eyes. She looked around from where she was crumpled. She stretched out her legs where she lay. She lifted her head. She sat up. She looked around. She saw her devastated palace. She stood up. She turned back to look upon the repository. She walked up to it. She climbed up on top of the treasure chest. And she stood upon the depository. And she spoke, “As I
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said, Beelzebub, ‘You shall not get at God’s book of hymns.’ You have to get past God first. And no one can get past God without such being God’s will. And it is the will of God that this The Tome of Hymns be not burned up with your foul fire.”
“Was my evil eye not convincing enough, O Aphrodite, to surrender that hymnbook to me?” asked Beelzebub. “Would you like to me to burn you up with fire where you now stand instead?”
Flanders spoke now and said, “Beelzebub, I still have my saber.”
“My, behold the roar of a little man with a sword,” scoffed the formidable Beelzebub.
“I have a big God behind it,” said Flanders.
“Flanders, take off my head,” said Beelzebub in most confident challenge.
And Flanders took his saber in both hands, and he raised it above his head, and he swung it downward diagonally, and he caught Beelzebub along the side of his eagle neck hard with it.
Behold, his saber came back hard against his own person and it cut Flanders in his forehead with a gash! Why, it was as if his sword had struck a boulder in its hardness. Flanders had struck the griffin, and yet he was the one who got wounded. He looked upon his saber, then at Beelzebub, then back at the saber. It was his own blood that was upon the tip of his sword. Shocked, Flanders said, “I think that I have to sit down.” And he fell upon his bottom where he stood, weak and dazed. Gravel began to tend to him to help him to stop the bleeding on his face.
“See how great a sword that you have, Flanders,” mocked Beelzebub. Beelzebub was not harmed by the saber in the least. Beelzebub then snatched up the saber out of Flanders’s grasp, and he held it up in the air before them all in both eagle claws, and he said before them all, “Behold how great a sword is this that was once in the hand of a great griffin slayer.” And the foremost of all griffins everywhere proceeded to bend the blade in upon itself, thus rolling it up into a spiral from tip to haft, doing this with his eagle claws. Having done all of this, Beelzebub then tossed it aside like one would a scrap. And he laughed at man and God.
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Proffery then said, “I have an épée, Beelzebub, and I know how to use it.”
“A mere fencer!” scorned Beelzebub Proffery.
“A foil and God are on my side,” said Proffery.
“Proffery, take out my eye,” said Beelzebub, sure of himself.
With no further words and with no hesitation, Proffery at once thrust his fencing foil toward
the left eye of Beelzebub. Beelzebub blinked. The foil struck his eyelid. And the tip of the épée broke
off and fell to the floor. Proffery stared down upon this broken-off piece. It must have been a good three inches long. His fencing foil was now blunted and no longer good for battle. And the griffin of griffins had done this to the foil with only a closed eyelid!
Beelzebub spoke and said, “What I did to your little foil, Proffery, I can do to your whole arm.”
And Beelzebub reached out his left eagle arm, grabbed a hold on Proffery’s upper right arm with his eagle talons, and squeezed the life out of Proffery’s foil arm. Proffery cried out and dropped his foil upon the floor and grimaced. Beelzebub laughed in seething pride, and he let go of Proffery’s arm.
Proffery’s sword arm was no longer of any further use for battle. He then crouched down and said no more. Gretchen came up to him to tend to his crushed arm. And Beelzebub cursed man and God.
Third, Regalroyal spoke to the impudent Beelzebub, and said to him, “I have a quiver full of arrows that I want to give you.”
Understanding the archer’s true message, Beelzebub said, “Give them all to me, man with the goofy bow and arrow.”
Regalroyal went ahead to nock his first arrow on his bowstring.
Beelzebub ridiculed him and said, “I want you to give me the first arrow right into my heart.”
Regalroyal drew back his bowstring, aimed at the griffin’s lion chest, and let fly his artillery.
The arrow struck Beelzebub right in his lion chest, and it bounced off of his lion chest, and it was snatched out of the air with a grab from his eagle claws. It was as if the arrow had struck a brick wall.
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Beelzebub asked, “Is this the best that you and God can do to me?”
Then he held up the arrow in the air in his right claw, and he bit off the arrow’s tip with his beak, and he went ahead to literally eat the arrow tip. After he saw how this rattled the archer, he then proceeded to eat up the whole rest of the arrow even to the vane.
He then grabbed a hold of Regalroyal by the shoulders in both eagle legs, and he lifted him up, and he turned him upside down. In this manner, he thus emptied the soldier’s quiver of arrows, spilling them all out upon the floor. Then he lifted the archer higher into the air and said to him “It’s hard to fire an arrow with yourself all upside-down as I made you.” He then dropped Regalroyal hard upon his head upon the floor. And Regalroyal lay there in a stun. Quickly Grandy came up to him to tend to his head wound.
After all of this, Laud and Beelzebub looked upon each other. Laud said, “Try to eat my spear, Beelzebub!”
Beelzebub showed his lion belly and said, “Fill me up with your spear, O Laud.” And Laud went and hurled his spear right toward the lion belly of the powerful chief griffin. The spear must have struck armor plates. For it collided into the griffin’s stomach with the sound of a clash. And it clattered to the floor with a great clanking. Behold, this spear was now broken into halves. And before Laud could know what to say, Beelzebub spoke to him and said, “What is this that you call a ‘spear?’ This is like unto a stick of balsa. This is like unto a toothpick. This is like unto a branch with no leaves.”
He then began to stomp upon these two halves of Laud’s once-great spear with his lion paws, his whole weight of griffin self behind these stamps. And after such a show, the spear was then sawdust and iron pellets. Then Beelzebub was done with his work on this spear.
Then he said, “I shall now do to you as I have done to your spear, mortal spear man.” And he pounced upon Laud where he stood, and he crushed him with one overwhelming stomp of both lion paws.
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And he said, “There. That’s good enough for me for now.” And he stepped off of Laud.
“My ribs. My ribs,” cried out Laud, supine.
At once Grey was at his side, to tend to his wounds.
Last stood Tyrannus. He saw malice incarnate and pride unchallenged written upon this greatest griffin’s’s countenance. “Ah, the battle-axe of a griffin slayer. The most powerful weapon among all griffin slayers. It can split wood. I say unto you now, O Tyrannus, ‘Would you split my head?’” And Beelzebub proffered his head.
In rebuttal, Tyrannus said, “I wield this battle-axe, but God swings it.”
“Swing it then,” said Beelzebub tersely.
Then in a novel strategy never done before to this colossal griffin, Tyrannus mounted Beelzebub himself! And he stood upon his back and raised his battle-axe in both hands and brought down the battle-axe in both hands. It struck hard upon the eagle head of Beelzebub from behind. Such a blow as that would have killed a normal griffin the same size as Beelzebub. But Beelzebub was not only the biggest and strongest griffin of griffindom, but he was also enhanced with supernatural powers that befitted the griffin of griffins and this ruler over all griffins. To put it simply, his eagle head was harder than the battle-axe. And Tyrannus’s battle-axe from the direct contact with Beelzebub, was sent flying ten feet away out of the hands of the Christian soldier. And this collision threw Tyrannus off of Beelzebub’s lion back. And this great stroke also took all feeling out of the fingers and hands and arms of the battle-axe man. Tyrannus lay prostrate. Looking up upon the floor where he lay face-down he could see his battle-axe quite broken up with its head separated from its handle. As for Beelzebub’s head, that was not hurt.
Beelzebub put his eagle talons to the top of his eagle head and scratched it. “My head itches,” he did say in truth. And he went up to the downed Tyrannus, and he gave him a vicious kick in his head with his lion paw. And he said, “That is what you get for climbing up onto me like one would a
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unicorn.” Gree came up to Tyrannus to tend to his wounds.
Having seen this most convincing dominance of Beelzebub over the five griffin slayers and their weapons, the five unicorns let go of their spirit of fight, and they dared not to take on this griffin. Not even these five unicorns together could have a chance against Beelzebub in his inimitable power.
Nonetheless the unicorn soldiers did not back away or retreat from Beelzebub. Seeing resignation upon the faces of their unicorns, the unicorns’ mistresses also gave in some to their own doubts now about this last battle with the griffins. But these Daughters Of Aphrodite did not move or budge from where they stood down here in the shambles of what was once their home. Aphrodite, however, remained standing upon the treasure chest. Beelzebub looked upon Aphrodite. Aphrodite looked upon Beelzebub. Then the still small voice of the Holy Spirit said thoughts inside Aphrodite’s head. Aphrodite obeyed God. And in this obedience she stepped down off of the treasure chest, and she stood in front of it. In deference to the grand matriarch of fifty years, the daughters and the unicorns and the wounded soldiers all moved off to the sides of this room to let Beelzebub approach the most holy shrine there along where the north side of the house once was. Aphrodite remained standing in front of the treasure chest. Beelzebub stopped in front of her. She stepped off to the side. And Beelzebub said, “I have defeated God this day!” And he came up to the system of repositories to finally get his claws and his paws upon The Tome of Hymns deep down inside and so very well hidden for these past years and so secure from any invaders for all of these years of the Palatial Palace.
First came the big treasure chest. Beelzebub looked upon the platinum padlock that held all the big chains of iron together that spread across all of this treasure chest. He then drove his beak down upon this padlock with one fell and mighty peck. Behold, this padlock broke open. And he swept all of the chains off with a sweeping of his right and left wings. Then he looked upon the heavy lid of this treasure chest, and he lifted it up with his right eagle leg. Within, next he saw the attaché case. He took it out with his left eagle leg and set it upon the floor. He looked upon the two sets of rolling dials,
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the two locks to this attaché case. He then set his left lion paw upon this attaché case, and with his right lion paw he ripped out first the one lock and second the other lock right out of the attaché case where he did hold it down. He then opened this attaché case with his beak. Within was the gold box with the silver combination padlock. He took this out with his right eagle talons and held it in the air before his eyes. And he looked upon this lock to the gold box. The box held up in his right eagle claw, he then grabbed a hold of this silver padlock with his eagle beak, and he gave a quick little jerk backwards with his head. And the padlock was broken and fell clattering to the floor. Beelzebub then sat down, set this last repository of the three upon the floor before him, and opened this gold box with a nudge from his beak.
Behold, The Tome of Hymns, the book bound by the late Pastor Hymn, the hymns kept safe by Aphrodite, the book sung by the Daughters Of Aphrodite, the reason for the battles of the Christian soldiers, and the wherefore to the unicorns as comrades, and the cause of Michael and Gabriel in this final battle.
Beelzebub snatched up this last hymnbook left on Earth with his talons of his eagle claws. Beelzebub said, “This day, evil has defeated good in this last battle between good and evil.” Then Beelzebub opened his beak to shoot out his scorching fire upon this hymnbook.
Behold, the Lord Jesus Christ stepped down from Heaven and into His Earth. He was standing now in this battlefield in the ruins of this former Palatial Palace. And He was between the ransacked depositories and Beelzebub holding the hymnbook in his griffin claws. And all the forces of good awaited the griffin fire that was meant to burn up this book of hymns. Good incarnate reached out and seized the book of hymns out of the talons of Beelzebub. Still no fire came out of Beelzebub. But Beelzebub began to cough and to choke and to wheeze and to gasp. The fire that Beelzebub had formed inside of his griffin body was kept from coming out of his beak by the Lord Jesus in His supreme power as God. And Beelzebub was becoming sick. And he had a terrible and dangerous
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very high fever coming upon him. And utter shock was coming upon his former ever-present vainglorious countenance as he stood before Christ the Lord. He was burning up inside. And the fire that he had meant to consume the hymnbook was now consuming his griffin self from inside. His organs and bones and muscles and nerves and cells and even his very own flowing blood inside of his most evil griffin body were all on fire now.
And the Lord Jesus Christ said with the authority of the Highest Power of powers and as the Most High over even potentates and griffins, “I rebuke thee, O Beelzebub!”
Behold, the once proud Beelzebub burst into flames on his outside now. And he was consumed with fires. And he died a fiery death. And he was cast down into the lake of fire, prepared for the Devil and his angels. Jesus looked upon the carcasses of Abaddon and Apollyon, and He cast them to Hell to be with Beelzebub.
All the forces of good here, both the wounded and the not wounded, were all so astonied at Who had come here from Heaven and at what He had just done in His Deity, that right now, they all gawked at Jesus in awe and reverence. But Aphrodite was the first to do all due homage to Him. And she fell down before Christ and worshipped him in obeisance. After that, the fifteen other forces of good did likewise and fell down in worship of the very Good Lord. Jesus Christ had the book of hymns in His hands. With the hymnbook in his left hand, God with his right hand went around touching his fallen soldiers from this last battle against Beelzebub and healed their wounds and made them well and strong again. He healed Michael and Gabriel and Flanders and Proffery and Regalroyal and Laud and Tyrannus and Aphrodite, the first to fall in this last battle against evil.
Then Christ the Lord spoke His word–”I raise your house up again, O Aphrodite.” And, lo, the Palatial Palace was restored good as new.
Then the Saviour of the world said, “I now take away the complicated storage place of the hymnbook. No more griffins live anymore to take this hymnbook away from you, O Aphrodite and
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you five daughters. It need not be hidden from the world anymore in a safe place.” Behold the depositories were gone now.
Then the Son of God said, “Go forth now and make new hymnbooks like unto this one. Go forth and sing hymns of joy. Go forth and make a joyful noise unto me. Go forth and make melody in your heart to me. Go forth and sing all the days of your life for the next thousand years. Enter ye into my Millennial Reign on Earth.”
Jesus then gave the hymnbook back to Aphrodite.
“Thank you, my Jesus,” said Aphrodite accepting it in all humble reverence.
Then God the Son went on to say, “It is written, ‘For the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea.’ Habakkuk 2:14. Then He went on to say, “Also it is written, ‘They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea.’ Isaiah 11:9.”
And finally God said again, “Enter ye now into My Thousand-Year Reign upon Earth.”
And all evil was taken out of Earth. And Christ began to rule the world from Jerusalem for a whole dispensation of Heaven on Earth. And the this Earth finally found its long-sought-for peace under the reign of this Prince of Peace.
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CHAPTER XXII
The Second Coming of Christ had taken place upon the Earth. Christ came down from Heaven and cast Beelzebub into the bottomless pit for the next thousand years. And all evil was put down in the world. And on Earth below it was now as in Heaven Above. The Lord Jesus now ruled a good Earth from His throne in Jerusalem. This was the Millennial Reign of Christ. This was the Thousand-Year Rule of Christ. This glorious and happy dispensation was called “The Millennium.”
And Pastor Hymn was alive again. Alone with Pastor Hymn on a bench overlooking a waterfalls sat Aphrodite in their backyard. She said, “I am so glad to have you back with me, O finest husband. I’ve missed you so.”
And Pastor Hymn replied, “I’ve thought about you every day Up in Heaven.”
“Did you miss me Up There, O faithful husband?” asked Aphrodite.
“Fairest wife, you are more beautiful today than even the day we got married,” said Pastor Hymn.
Aphrodite was dressed in her traditional black and green cheerleader uniform, like unto the
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cheerleader uniforms of her daughters in her daughters’ cheerleader colors. She was fifty back in the age of grace. Today in the Millennium Aphrodite and Pastor Hymn and all others were a perpetual thirty-three years old, just as Jesus was thirty-three years old when he had gone to the cross and rose again from the dead in the first century A.D.
“Good husband, do I still do my cheerleader uniform good testimony?” asked Aphrodite.
“Wonderful wife,” said Pastor Hymn, “indeed your charm of face and form exceeds even the lure of your cheerleader uniform.”
“That’s what a wife wants to hear from her husband,” said Aphrodite.
“Am I still your prince and your king and your knight in shining armor, O loyal wife?” asked Pastor Hymn.
“You were my first love, and you are my only love, and you are my last love, O handsome husband,” said Aphrodite. “Of all men, only Jesus is more important to me that you are.”
“That’s what a Christian husband likes to hear from his Christian wife,” said Pastor Hymn.
Just then a green unicorn came up to them. This was Aphrodite’s own new pet unicorn. “Green, come and join us,” said Aphrodite.
“I am at your service, O Mistress,” said Green.
Then a black unicorn came up to them. This was Pastor Hymn’s own new pet unicorn. “Black, welcome,” said Pastor Hymn.
“Ever at your service, Master,” said Black.
“Comeliest wife, shall we sing?” asked Pastor Hymn.
“Kindest husband, let us sing,” said Aphrodite.
“Where is The Tome Of Hymns now?” he asked.
“I believe that I left it over there on the picnic table,” she said.
“How good it is not to have to go through so-great security in order to sing from our
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hymnbook,” said Pastor Hymn.
“The griffins have all been slain by the men,” said Aphrodite of her daughters’ boyfriends’ military victories.
“And Beelzebub is in his own little jail,” said Pastor Hymn. Pastor Hymn then got up and went to the picnic table and came back to this bench with this hymnbook.
“Every household in America has a hymnbook now, I heard,” said Aphrodite.
“Yeah. I heard the same thing,” said Pastor Hymn.
“Look at our waterfalls, wise Husband. God made those,” said Aphrodite.
“Listen to our waterfalls, O lovely wife. God made their sounds,” said Pastor Hymn.
“How great God is,” said Aphrodite.
“How great Thou art,” said Pastor Hymn in prayer of praise to God.
“’How Great Thou Art—let us sing that hymn, O grand husband,” requested Aphrodite.
“Hymn number 1000 in my book of hymns,” said Pastor Hymn.
And husband-and-wife-in-the-Lord sang this hymn about the Creator from this hymnbook upon her lap here on the bench by the waterfalls:
“1. O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made,
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy pow’r thru-out the universe displayed!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
2. When thru the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees,
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze,
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
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3. And when I think that God, His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in–
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
4. When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!”
Just then Gravel, the cheerleader in black and white, came riding up on her white unicorn. “Mom, Dad, you wouldn’t believe what I just saw back there on my ride!” said Gravel.
“What did you see, my daughter?” asked Pastor Hymn.
“Do tell us, Gravel,” said Aphrodite.
“I saw a real lion who does not bite!” said Gravel.
“He was a tame lion. Wasn’t he?” asked Pastor Hymn, knowing these days of the Millennium.
“Yes, Dad. And he was eating straw,” said Gravel, “just like an ox would.”
“I bet that this lion that you saw did not pounce upon you, nor maul you, either,” said Pastor Hymn.
“Nor would he, Dad,” said Gravel. “He was tame like our unicorns in our family.”
“The curse upon nature has been lifted upon the Second Advent of our Lord and Saviour,” declared Pastor Hymn.
“Oh, but I saw other wild animals that acted like tame animals as well,” said Gravel.
“Tell us about it,” said Aphrodite, wanting to hear it all from her daughter.
“Why, Mom, I also saw a wolf and a lamb next to each other, and the wolf was not about to
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attack the lamb and eat it for food. The lamb felt perfectly comfortable being so close even to a wolf.
And not only that, but I also saw something else just like this. I saw a leopard lying down right next to a baby goat. Here again, the leopard did not attack him, and the little goat felt safe right next to him.
And I also saw a little group of three animals—a little calf and a little lion and a little bull—all together just like that, and a little boy was leading them as they walked. And I also saw a grown-up cow and a grown-up bear eating together in peace. The bear did not slay the cow for his food. And, like I said—there was that big lion with a mane eating up straw as if he were a bull. And I saw a big venomous snake coming up out of a hole in the ground and seeing a tiny tot of a child playing by his hole in the ground, and the snake was not about to strike the child with a bite. Even the deadly cockatrice itself was gentle when another tiny child played around with its own family,” said Gravel all that she had seen on this amazing ride into the countryside of this Millennium.
Aphrodite spoke and said, “I can see that the lions and tigers and bears of this current dispensation are not at all like the lions and tigers and bears of the previous dispensations of this Earth.”
“Their bite has been taken out of them,” said Pastor Hymn succinctly.
“Mom, Dad, my White and ‘my lion’ got into a fun game where they batted unicorn horn with lion paw, with myself on White’s back all the while. The lion was having fun, and my white unicorn was having fun,” added Gravel. “And I was having fun.”
Just then Gretchen, the cheerleader in black and brown, came riding up to them on her brown unicorn. “Mom and Dad and Gravel, I just saw something that I had never seen before.”
“What was it?” asked the three.
“It was just a blacksmith’s shop where I saw it happen, but what I saw could only happen in this Millennium,” said Gretchen.
“What did you see happening?” asked the three.
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“I saw the blacksmith ‘unmaking’ weapons in his shop,” said Gretchen.
Aphrodite asked her, “He wasn’t making weapons, but, rather, he was unmaking weapons?”
“Yes, Mom,” said Gretchen. “He was working away at a sword, and he melted it down and made it a farmer’s tool. And he was working away at a spear, and he melted it down and made it a garden tool.”
“Swords and spears, you do say, my daughter,” said Pastor Hymn.
And Aphrodite asked, “Gretchen, what kinds of tools was he making out of this sword and this spear?”
“One of the tools was a blade for a plow for making furrows in the dirt,” said Gretchen. “And another of the tools was a pole with a curved blade that one would use to trim plants.”
“You refer, no doubt, to plowshares and pruning hooks, my good daughter,” said Pastor Hymn.
“Yes. That’s what he was turning the weapons into—good tools with which to grow food for people,” said Gretchen.
“It is written, ‘And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore.’ Isaiah 2:4.” said Pastor Hymn. “Husband,” said Aphrodite, “how good it is to live in a world where there is no more war.”
“Jesus made it that way,” said Gravel.
“And we are in that way right now,” said Gretchen.
“Your young men will no longer have to fight another battle ever again,” said Aphrodite.
“I’m glad for that, Mom,” said Gretchen.
“And I, also, for sure,” said Gravel.
“And our Palatial Palace will never see again a battle like the one it had seen just before our Good Lord had come,” said Aphrodite.
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“The battle that our Jesus had won for us,” said Pastor Hymn, having been told all about it here in the Millennium.
Just then Grandy, the cheerleader in black and blue, came riding up to them upon her blue unicorn. “I just saw the Lord do a miracle with nature!” she exclaimed. “Surely our great Creator can create wonders in the sky! I saw it! I was there! It happened right in front of me! And Blue saw it, too.”
“My daughter, did our Maker put on a show for you while you were out riding?” asked Pastor Hymn.
“I was standing on the ground when it began,” she said. “Blue was standing right next to me.”
“What did the Good Lord make?” asked Aphrodite.
“Why, He made a triple rainbow!” replied Grandy in great awe.
“A triple rainbow?” asked Gravel.
“I never saw a triple rainbow before,” said Gretchen.
“It was second only to seeing Jesus Himself,” said Grandy. “I was there when it started; I was there when it was taking place; I was there when it ended.”
“Do tell us all about it,” said Aphrodite.
And Grandy told what she saw from God, “I was standing in the meadow. The rain had just stopped. And the sun was shining down from the side of the sky. Suddenly a band of spectrum came up from the ground not at all far away from where I was standing. And it climbed up into the sky. And as it climbed, it ascended in an arc upward. And then it got to the top of the sky. And it began to go back toward the earth some distance away—also in an arc. I just saw a rainbow form. And I took in the beauty of its colors. Then, the same thing happened with a second rainbow. Only this one started from the ground quite close to where I was standing. And it climbed and peaked and descended also in a good rainbow’s arc. Only this second rainbow was above the first rainbow. And it ended off in the
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distance farther away from me than the first rainbow. I paused to cherish this band of colors for a while. Then a third rainbow began and spread across the sky and ended—this third rainbow higher even than the second rainbow. Only this rainbow started from the ground right before my very feet. And its arc ended quite far away, the farthest away of the other ends of the three rainbows. I rejoiced in my Maker and in the rainbows’ Maker as I stared upon the spectrum in this third rainbow. Then the third rainbow began to fade away, and I could no longer see it. After that, the second rainbow slowly faded away, also, until I could no longer see it. And then the first rainbow slowly faded away completely, too.”
“Amen!” said Aphrodite. “Amen!” Then she said, “Only in this Millennium!”
“You know what rainbows are all about, Grandy,” said Pastor Hymn.
“You taught me well, Dad,” said Grandy. “Rainbows are a sign to man from God that God will never again destroy all the Earth with a global catastrophe of a great flood as He had this Earth in the days of Noah long, long ago.”
Pastor Hymn recited this promise from God in the Bible: “’And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh. And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.’ Genesis 9:15-16.”
Just then, Grey, the cheerleader in black and grey, came riding up on her gray unicorn. “Everybody, I heard a great thing while I was out riding Gray just now!” said Grey.
“What did you hear?” asked Aphrodite.
“I passed by a church that was singing a hymn that is also in our very own hymnbook!” said Grey.
“You found a church just like ours!” said Gravel.
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“Where was this church?” asked Gretchen.
“Just down the road about ten miles,” said Grey.
“What a great thing of God like that to be so close to Dad’s church here,” said Grandy.
Aphrodite said, “Glory to God. There are other fundamental Baptist churches out there that also worship God as we do!”
Pastor Hymn asked, “What was the hymn that this good flock was singing?”
“The hymn called, ‘The Church in the Wildwood,’ Dad,” said Grey.
“Was this church that was singing this, literally ‘a church in the wildwood’ itself?” asked Aphrodite.
“It surely was, Mom,” said Grey. “And just as that hymn lyric goes–’the little brown church in the vale’–so, too, was this church whose flock was singing this hymn.”
“Wonderful!” said Aphrodite.
“Hymn number 2 in my hymnbook,” said Pastor Hymn.
“I could feel the Lord inside that church even from sitting upon Gray outside,” said Grey.
“Praise the Lord for the rise of the fundamental church,” said Pastor Hymn. “Praise the Lord for the fall of the ecumenical church.”
Aphrodite said, “It is written, ‘The whole earth is at rest, and is quiet: they break forth into singing.’ Isaiah 14:7.”
“Only in this Millennium could there arise these days–not only in our own country but also throughout the world– such a revival as is happening everywhere with Jesus ruling the world now,” said Pastor Hymn.
“A revival of revivals indeed, most true husband,” said Aphrodite.
“Only Jesus can bring this global peace among men as He has done here in this dispensation,” said Pastor Hymn.
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“And I could hear this peace among men when I heard that hymn about church being sung by that church on my ride,” said Grey.
“It is written in Judges 5:3,” recited Pastor Hymn, “’Hear, O ye kings; give ear, O ye princes; I, even I, will sing unto the Lord; I will sing praise to the Lord God of Israel.’”
“Israel is Jesus’s country here in the Millennium,” said Gravel.
“And Jerusalem is Jesus’s capital in this Millennium,” said Gretchen.
“And Earth is Jesus’s world in this Millennium,” said Grandy.
“And the universe is Jesus’s dominion throughout all dispensations,” said Grey.
Just then Gree, the cheerleader in black and orange, came riding up upon her orange unicorn.
She said, “I just saw and talked with a real living angel!”
“What did he look like?” asked her four sisters.
“Why, just like every other angel,” said Gree, taken aback by such a simple thing for born-again believers to ask.
“A dragon,” said Aphrodite in basic wisdom.
“Yes. A dragon,” Gree said, “This angel was a good tawny dragon.”
“What did you say to this good angel?” asked Aphrodite.
“Well, I asked him his name, but he wouldn’t tell me,” said Gree.
“Angels in the Bible also refused to tell their names as well when asked,” said Pastor Hymn.
“Angels are a higher form than we humans,” said Aphrodite.
“But we still had a great talk,” said Gree, “that tawny dragon and I.”
“What a dispensation this is for a woman to go riding her unicorn and chance to come upon an angel of God and then go ahead and fellowship with that angel of God,” said Pastor Hymn in great marvel.
“That’s what we did, Dad—he and I were talking about the Lord.” said Gree.
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Aphrodite said, “I heard from other believers how they also happened to come upon an angel or two in their lives and started up a conversation with them.”
And Gree said, “He started the conversation. I at first stared at him like I were struck dumb. But then he said to me, ‘Hi, O woman of God.’ And I said back to him, ‘Hi, O angel of God.’ And we hit it off not long after that. After a while, then he quizzed me if I knew for myself Who was ‘the angel of the Lord’ that was referred to in the Old Testament several times. And I told him that I had seen that ‘angel of the Lord’ mentioned many times in my Bible-reading, but that I did not know Who that meant. I asked this good angel if that ‘angel of the Lord’ were an extra special angel. But he told me that He was no angel, but that He were instead the Lord Jesus. I asked him how that could be so in the Old Testament when Jesus had not come in His First Coming until the New Testament. And this good angel told me that the appearance of that ‘angel of the Lord’ was what Bible scholars refer to as ‘the pre-incarnate Christ.’ I understood right away what the good tawny dragon was teaching me. That ‘angel of the Lord’ was the appearing of the Lord Jesus before He had left the glories of Heaven to be born of a virgin in His First Advent. And the tawny angel told me, ‘God can do that.’ And I said, ‘Yes. God can do anything.’ We talked as friend-with-friend for quite a while, even though we had never met before. I tell you, angels know things that we believers know not. And yet I knew things that he knew not. He, being an angel, cannot understand so great salvation anywhere nearly as personally as I do, myself being a born-again Christian as I am. But he, being an angel, knows all about what it was like to be before the throne of Jesus when Jesus was still in Heaven and not down here in Jerusalem. We must have fellow shipped for nearly an hour. But then it was time for him to go and do an errand for the Lord. And he had to go. I said, ‘Good-bye for now,’ to him. And he said, ‘Till we meet again, good woman of God.’ And then he left. And then I came right here to tell you guys what just happened.” And she pet the neck of her orange unicorn affectionately.
A pensive and reflective moment of silence passed across this most holy family. Then Pastor
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Hymn said, “I would like to go and visit my Saviour in Jerusalem.”
“I would like to go see Jesus, too, and worship Him,” said Aphrodite.
Aphrodite and Pastor looked upon their daughters and the seven unicorns that made up this most Godly family. And Pastor Hymn asked, “Would anyone else like to come with myself and your mother?”
And Gravel said, “Amen to that, Mom and Dad!”
And Gretchen said, “The sooner the better!”
And Grandy said, “What an exciting thing to do! Let’s go!”
And Grey said, “I can get to see Him smile at me! I want that!”
And Gree said, “Praise the Lord I get to see Him!”
And the seven unicorns all nodded in most avid assent and tooted blasts on their unicorn horns in hearty anticipation of seeing God.
“A pilgrimage we shall undertake,” said Aphrodite.
“Let us go on our pilgrimage right now,” said Pastor Hymn.
Just then the five good and faithful Christian boyfriends of the Daughters Of Aphrodite came galloping up on five new black unicorn pets like unto Pastor Hymn’s black unicorn pet. Here were Flanders and Proffery and Regalroyal and Laud and Tyrannus, most very welcome every time they were to come. And this time the five boyfriends-in-Christ were the very most welcome of any time before.
The five devout boyfriends asked, “Pastor, could we come along, also, to see our Good Lord?”
With a most glad and thankful reply, Pastor Hymn said, “All are welcome to come with my family to go see Jesus. But you five I am the most glad and thankful to have come along with us.”
“You men are family, also,” said Aphrodite to the Christian boyfriends.
And twenty-four pilgrims began a pilgrimage.
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