THE GREEN LADY
By Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
Her name was Miss Flaurie Laurie Lestrille, and her complexion was green, and she was the green lady. His name was Mr. Flanders Arckery Nickels, and he had a lizard man’s head, and he was her new boyfriend. Flaurie had come from the planet Venus, and she settled down in her new life on Earth. Likewise Flanders had come from the planet Mars, and he moved to Earth to start a new life for himself. She lived in Green Bay, Wisconsin, in the Astor Park neighborhood on Monroe Street. He lived one block away from her here in Green Bay, also in Astor Park, his place being on Quincy Street.
Both Flaurie and Flanders lived alone in upper apartments of duplexes of an upper and a lower. The story of how they had first found each other right after having come out of the rockets at Austin Straubel Interplanetary Rocket Terminal is a story of good old-fashioned romance. Flaurie’s rocket was a little rocket for only one pilot and one passenger and that passenger’s possessions. And she had so many books on that rocket that it affected the rocket’s trajectory when it blasted off from Venus. And it affected the steering of the rocket in its trip to Earth. And when she had planned on landing at the
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Appleton Galactic Rocket Depot, her pilot had to land in Green Bay’s rocket field, instead, about thirty miles northeast of Appleton. But the landing was safe and Flaurie and her pilot were all right. And the books were still intact and together in the cargo bay. But she did not know anything about Green Bay. Flaurie had done all of her research from Venus on the city of Appleton only. So, in essence, the green lady was lost and stranded. Meanwhile, Flanders was landing at this same Green Bay rocket field at this same time in emigrating from Mars. He had intended to land at Wittman Regional Rocket Transfer Point in Oshkosh. He had done much research back in Mars all about this city of Oshkosh. And he was expecting to live in Oshkosh when he immigrated to Earth. His rocket was a shuttle of a rocket with room for ten passengers and all of their baggage. But unexpected difficulties came upon his long trip. The other nine passengers were no-shows. And the shuttle rocket was required to be on time. So it blasted off from Mars with too light a load for its trajectory and its size. With the big cargo level almost empty and the rocket with only two pilots and one passenger and his possessions, the pilots were forced to land the medium rocket not in Oshkosh, but, rather, up in Green Bay, almost fifty miles northeast of Oshkosh. Flanders had with him his rare and valuable coins in the cargo room of his rocket. And when he landed at Green Bay, he knew that he was now a man with his precious coins looking for a place to live here on Earth. He retrieved his treasures from the rocket, walked out of the rocket and saw another rocket blasting off on its way to Venus. And he saw a green lady standing not far from that rocket with big cardboard boxes sitting upon the ground all around her. Then he saw his rocket blast off back to Mars. His luggage was a couple of attaché cases with gold and silver coins.
Flaurie saw a lizard-like man standing where a rocket had just lifted off to go to Mars. Her rocket had just left her stranded. She did not know what to do with all of her boxes of books. This lizard man had only two little briefcases, one in each hand. Maybe he knew of a home where people could go who had no home here in the Earth. But, more important than herself, her books had to be taken great care of.
Back on Venus, the green lady had prayed and accepted the free gift of eternal life. She was a
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born-again Venusian woman. Christ was her Saviour. Surely God must be the One to Whom she must ask for a place to live. The Lord delighted to answer the prayers of all believers everywhere—both back in Venus and here on Earth, most surely. And as for Flanders, he, himself, had found Christ back in his life on Mars some time ago. He was a born-again Martian man. He would pray to God to find him a place to move into here in Earth somewhere nearby. The God Who always answered his prayers on Mars must surely be the same God Who could answer his prayers here in Earth of all places. And Flanders and Flaurie began to approach each other here in this Green Bay rocket transfer point. And the closer he got to the green lady, the prettier she became to him. And the closer she got to the lizard-head man, the more handsome he became to her. And when they stood face-to-face, the green lady was truly a stunning alien woman, and the lizard-man was quite the handsome extraterrestrial man.
He said to her, “Fair lady from Venus, my name is ‘Flanders Nickels.’”
And she said to him, “Cute guy from Mars, I am ‘Flaurie Lestrille’.”
He proffered his hand, and they both shook hands. Then she curtseyed before him. Then he bowed before her. Then a short silence passed between them. He broke the silence and said, “I’m lost, and God will find me a home, Miss Lestrille.”
“I, also, Mr. Nickels,” said the green lady.
Just then two yellow cars came driving up to them and stopped. Being from outside of Earth, neither extraterrestrial knew that these were taxis. But they found out at once. One taxi driver said to Flaurie, that God told him to drive her to Monroe Street. The other taxi driver told Flanders that the Lord sent him here to drive him to Quincy Street. And at once Flaurie’s taxi driver and Flanders began to fill Flaurie’s taxi with her boxes of books. Then Flaurie gave him the address that her taxi driver told her of about where she was going. And Flanders wrote down his new address given him by his taxi driver and gave it to her. Then the green lady got into her yellow taxi, cocked her adorable head to the side at Flanders in a look of great admiration and affection, thanked him, and said, “Let’s keep in
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touch.” And he got into his taxi with his two attaché cases, looked upon her in a crush, and promised, “I will keep in touch.” And the yellow cabs drove away from Austin Straubel Interplanetary Rocket Terminal and came to Green Bay’s historical district Astor Park—the green lady to Monroe Street; the lizard man to Quincy Street. And the first thing that the two immigrants did upon arriving at their new homes was to kneel upon the green grass of their new front yards and pray and thank God for His so great and wondrous providence. Then they moved in. And they put their stuff away in their new beautiful and spacious upper apartments. And very soon after, upon examining their acquaintance’s notes of address, Flaurie and Flanders found out that they were indeed neighbors in a wide broad new world. Why, Monroe and Quincy Street were right next to each other, parallel, and only one block away. She lived in the 1100 South block of Monroe; and he lived in the 1100 South Block of Quincy.
God is good. Truly Flaurie Lestrille and Flanders Nickels were destined to become extraterrestrial girlfriend-and-boyfriend-in-the-Lord.
In her new life in Green Bay, the green lady was reading from her little den of books—all the books that she had had in her home in Venus. She had books of science fantasy and books of Venusian geography and books of solar system history and books of romance novels and books of Heaven and books of rocket engineering and books of government on Venus and books of celebrities from throughout the nine planets and books of botany on Mars and Venus and books of zoology on Earth
even books on Shakespearean plays from seventeenth-century Earth and books on the state of Wisconsin. After a while, she set them all down and got out her favorite Book—the King James Version Bible. She had heard that her God had written this Book of Books away in this Earth way back in 1611 way before her time. And she wanted to read this Good Book and to study it and memorize from it and live it to the Glory of God. And she had ordered it from a publishing company called “Regular Baptist Press” and had it shipped to Venus from Earth and got it in the mail not long after. This King James Bible was now her favorite book of all of her books. And the green lady now picked
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up the Holy Bible, sat down upon the floor in the corner of her bedroom, and opened it up for the day
now once again to read what her Good Lord had to say to her. She chose to read the book of Matthew here in her first Bible study in Earth. Matthew was the first book of the New Testament. Here Matthew portrayed Jesus Christ as the promised Messiah for to come to the Jewish people of the first century A.D. He came to Earth in Bethlehem, and He was raised in Nazareth in Galilee. This was Earth’s Holy Land—where God walked this very Earth two thousand years ago. And she studied Matthew more than she did even the other three Gospels. Then she came to a verse that spoke to her heart. It told her of something that she was doing wrong in her walk with Christ. God’s Word pricked her conscience, and she was convicted of a sin. This verse was Matthew 6:24, and she did not like how this Scripture verse made her feel upon reading it. This was how it went: “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” The green lady knew what was wrong in her life with Christ. She loved too much to buy books. And the many books that she did buy were expensive books.
Indeed her Holy Bible was the cheapest book of her whole den. All of her other books that she had bought were more expensive. And she had a spending problem because of this. She loved books too much, and she loved mammon in order to buy new books. And she spent so much on her books that she did not always have food to eat or a tithe to give to the church. And her books even kept her from her Bible studies from time to time. She was divided between good books and the Good Book.
And because of this, the green lady was living in poverty. God, in His love for her, gave her this nice upper apartment in Green Bay, but she had no furnishings in it. As her home was in Venus—full of books and empty of necessities—so was her home here in Earth. And this was a sin of serving two masters. And she often chose mammon and books over God and worship. And God’s Word told her this sin point-blank in this verse. And she did not like what He had to say to her. And she was sorry for having opened up to the book of Matthew now as she did. And the green lady was resisting the
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Holy Spirit’s still small voice to take heed to this verse and to repent of her sin. She decided to shut the Bible up for now and read no more for now. And she grieved the Holy Spirit and quenched the Holy Spirit in this act of disobedience.
One block away, Flanders, in his nice new apartment on South Quincy Street, got out his King James to read the Words of God for the day. His favorite book of the sixty-six books that make the canon of Scripture was the book of Ecclesiastes. So this was the one he would go to and study today in his first day on the planet Earth. He had no bed yet upon which to read. Nor did he have a desk and desk chair here at which to read. He did not have any furniture upon which to read at all. Things were no different here for him on Earth than they had been for him on Mars. Any money that he had to spend that he had earned at work had always gone to buy gold and silver coins. That left no money for necessities of the apartment—both there and here. He preferred the luxury of gold and silver to the necessities of daily life. He loved his coins. He loved also his King James Bible. He loved his King James Bible a little less than he loved his coins. So, now that he settled down in his new place in Green Bay to read God’s Word, he had to sit down on the wooden floor of his empty bedroom. Ecclesiastes was definitely a mysterious and not-well-known book of the Bible among Christianity throughout the worlds. But not for Flanders. He had memorized whole parts of chapters from this favorite book of his. And this was his own go-to book in the Bible. Its most profoundly philosophical words duly written by the world’s wisest man who was not Jesus—King Solomon—stole his heart early in his walk with Christ, and it had never left his heart since. But now he came to a verse that offended him. This verse was Ecclesiastes 5:10. And this was what it said: “He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he that loveth abundance with increase: this is also vanity.” He had never disliked any verse in Ecclesiastes before until he came to this verse just now. Funny how a believer can see new things in the Holy Bible every time he reads it, even if he had read it before. Truly the other times that he must have read this verse, he had not truly discovered it. But now he discovered it, and it spoke to
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his heart. And his heart rebelled against this specific Word of God with a stubbornness. Who would have thought that Flanders Nickels would ever disagree with his book of Ecclesiastes? Yes, the man from Mars was disagreeing with Scripture right from his favorite part of it. He at once put down Ecclesiastes and came up to his two attaché cases and opened them both up and took much time to admire them. He saw envelopes of rare and precious Martian coins of gold and of silver and of bronze and of platinum. He saw folders of Martian coins of several different diameters—ranging from one-quarter of an inch in Earth’s measurements to five inches in Earth’s measurements. He saw packets of some of Mars’s most primeval coinages—of copper, of brass, of aluminum, of iron, of steel, of magnesium, of zinc, of manganese, and others. He took a look back at his Holy Bible. He remembered what God had just said to him about silver. The Lord had told him that his silver coins did not satisfy him. So, God also said that all of his coins did not satisfy him. His gold and silver and precious metals God did call “vanity.” But they were not vanity to this man from Mars. And, convicted of his sin, this lizard-man rebelled against God, and would not now look back again at the King James Bible. And he went ahead to continue gazing upon his treasures of the briefcases.
Flaurie got up the next day in her apartment on Monroe Street, and the first thing she thought about was to go to her den of books. And once within, she said to God, “Thank You, Lord, for my books!” The green lady then went to take a look at a book of maps of this state of Wisconsin where she now was in her brand new life. Then she remembered that handsome fellow from Mars that she had met at the rocket station in town. He had helped her to move all of these books up the stairs to this upper apartment for her in all of her heavy cardboard boxes. His name was Flanders. He was quite the cute cosmic fellow. Martians with their lizard-like heads must be fun to kiss, she thought. She had to go see him. She knew where he lived. Maybe they could have an inter-denizen date, if such a date between a Venusian woman and a Martian man were called that. She at once left her apartment to go find his apartment and his street and maybe ask him out.
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Meanwhile, Flanders, just a little earlier, woke up for the day on the carpeted floor of his living room, and he remembered the green lady who had come into his life just the day before. All people from Venus had green complexions. But he loved Flaurie’s the most of all women from Venus. He wanted to again seen that stunning face and to talk to her again. And he got up at once to go to her apartment and see if she really did want to go out with him somewhere in this brave new world called “Earth.”
She walked half a block south on Monroe Street. Then she turned east to begin walking down Grignon Street.
He walked half a block south on Quincy Street. Then he turned west to begin walking down Grignon Street.
Grignon Street, running east and west, connected Monroe Street and Quincy Street, both streets running north and south and both parallel to each other and both one block from each other.
And the green lady and the lizard man saw each other at once, one city block between them on this Grignon Street.
And they both began to run toward each other. But when they reached each other, neither knew what to do that would be good and proper and sensible. So they stopped in front of each other and tried to find something to say. After a while, Flanders spoke up and said, “I’ve missed you, Flaurie.”
And she said, “I’m glad to be with you again, Flanders.”
“I was thinking that we could go someplace together in our new life on this planet,” he said to the green lady.
“Where could we go in this big new world that we know nothing about?” asked Flaurie.
“I heard that this country called America has what they call ‘malls,’” he said to her.
“Malls,” she said. “As in big hammers?” she asked.
“Those, I think, are called, ‘mauls,’ with an ‘aul,’” he said. “My idea is ‘malls’ with an ‘all.’”
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“Your green lady would be happy to go on a date with you to the malls,” said Miss Lestrille.
“What is a ‘mall’ with an ‘all?’”
“Huge retail buildings with lots of little stores inside—plus some real big stores as well,” he explained it to her as best as he comprehended them.
“Every woman from any planet loves to go shopping with her boyfriend,” said the green lady.
“Any man from any planet would be thrilled to go shopping with a girlfriend as stunning as you, Flaurie,” said Flanders.
The year was 1990.
And the two outer space emigrants found Bay Park Square Mall in Ashwaubenon. And there at the end of a mall passage, just before the Shopko department store, off to the left, the green lady and Flanders saw a little shop with pretty clothes for older girls and younger women.
Flaurie read out loud the store’s sign above its wide entrance, “The Deb Store.”
“I think that I would like to see more of what is inside the Deb Store here, Flaurie,” the lizard man said.
“And, I, too, especially, Flanders,” said Flaurie Lestrille, most excited.
And, hand-in-hand, they went into this shop for juniors and misses. And they found a most elegant dress hanging on the rack near the back of the store. It was green, and it matched the green of Flaurie most fittingly. “It’s beautiful and green…like you, Flaurie,” said Flanders.
“I have to have this dress, Flanders,” said Flaurie Lestrille, her Venusian woman’s heart smitten by it.
Then a worker of this Deb Store came up to them and asked if she could be of any help. Flaurie at once asked her, “What is this one all about, if you could tell me. It’s such an elegant dress. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”
“It’s a prom dress,” said the clothing store worker. “It is also called a ‘prom gown.’”
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“We’re both kind of new to this planet,” confessed Flanders. “Could you tell us what a ‘prom’ might be?”
“Oh, that’s a dance that high school students go to at their school. The girls dress up formally in dresses like this. And the boys dress up formally in suits and ties.,” explained the merchant.
Flaurie and Flanders looked at each other. Flaurie said to the merchant, “Flanders and I are too old to go to high school proms.”
And Flanders said to the merchant, “But Flaurie is not too old for a green prom dress like this.”
“Yes! Yes!” agreed the green lady most avidly. “Could you teach two travelers from far away all about this particular green prom gown. O kind lady?”
“Of course. I’d be very glad to,” said the Deb Store worker. And she summed up this most elegant dress, saying, “Its shiny fabric that you see is called, ‘acetate.’ This prom dress is made by the company called ‘Dance Allure.’ It is a size medium. It’s shoulders are puffed shoulders of green lace. And its sleeves go all the way to the elbows. Two little green bow ties adorn the ends of these sleeves. The bodice of this dress is all of green acetate. And the skirt portion of this dress is also all of green acetate, with two flounces that reach down to the knees in a ‘V.’ This type of hem between the bodice and the skirt is a ‘Basque waistline.’ And in the back of this dress is a very large green bow tie. And it has a zipper closure in the back.”
“I’m a size medium,” said Flaurie.
“Do you love it, Flaurie?” asked the lizard man boyfriend.
“I do. I do,” she said ardently.
“I do, also,” said Flanders. “I need to see you in this,”
“I could become ‘your elegant lady in an elegant dress,’ O Flanders,” said the mesmerized green lady.
“How much is this?” asked Flanders, pulling out his wallet. Flaurie also took out her wallet
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at the same time.
“This is going to be the most exciting thing I have ever gotten, Flanders,” said Flaurie. “Even a book is not as precious to me as this prom dress.”
“This prom gown is better even that my best coins,” said Flanders.
And the clerk said, “This dress is on sale for one hundred dollars.”
The two immigrants looked into their wallets. Flanders said, “I can not quite pay for half.”
The green lady also said, “Nor can I quite pay for half.”
“I spent my last fifty on a gold coin with a heads of our Martian ruler and a tails of our ruler’s mansion,” he said. “Now I wish that I had not bought that.”
“And I spent my last fifty on the complete Venus Encyclopedia book,” said Flaurie. “But here I could have something much better, but I don’t have the money to buy it.”
“Could we buy this prom gown with a down payment for now?” Flanders asked the clerk. This was feasible for him back on Mars in the ways Martian merchants worked.
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the store employee. “Here on Earth a shopper cannot put down a down payment for a store purchase and expect to pay the rest of it later.”
The green lady spoke up and asked, “Could I pay for this prom dress in weekly installments?
I’ve done that a few times in Venus when I bought things from stores like this.”
“I’m sorry, Miss,” said the clothing store merchant. “Here in Earth, to buy clothes, a customer has to pay the whole thing before she can take it home for herself.”
Flaurie and Flanders searched their wallets deeply and desperately. But still they each had not anymore in their wallets than when they had first opened them here.
“Flanders, I cannot pay for this prom gown,” lamented the green lady.
“Nor can I, stunning girlfriend,” he said in great discouragement.
“We cannot have it,” she said in despair.
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“I cannot see you in it,” he said in regret.
“I cannot wear it,” she said in remorse.
And the two left the Deb Store, doleful and crushed. They knew that they were never to see this green prom gown in this Deb Store again. Another young lady was sure to snatch it up right away and buy it and wear it for her prom. And the green lady and the lizard man walked back to their homes without saying a word, both fallen into a slough of despond.
When they arrived at her house, she said, “We two still have Jesus, though, Flanders.”
“Yes, Flaurie,” he said. “And Jesus will never leave us or forsake us.”
They both then wrote down their new phone numbers and gave them to each other. Then the green lady went into her upper apartment, and he walked the rest of the way to his upper apartment.
How did Flaurie Lestrille first find Christ as her personal Saviour? It happened back in Venus when she was a little girl who did well in reading class in fourth grade. Back then she had not yet found her addiction for books. But she did love to read. In church where her parents and her siblings went in her home planet, the pastor always told his flock in his sermons, “The King James Bible is written at a fourth grade reading level.” And little Flaurie thought about maybe buying herself her very own first book with money she had saved up from doing odd jobs around her neighborhood, And after a short while, she earned enough to buy a book of her own. Her first thoughts were to buy a King James Bible. So she went to the church bazaar to find one to buy and to read. But when she saw a hardcover book that was entitled “The Books of John and Romans,” she thought that this would be more right for her in her search for God. This little book had the exact same book of John and book of Romans as any true King James Version Bible had, except that it did not have all of the other books that the complete King James Bible had. Surely these two New Testament books would tell her Who God was. And the green girl bought it, took it home, and began to read it. She finished off reading John within a week. And she finished off reading Romans within a half of a week. And she knew
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then that she were a sinner on her way to Hell. And she learned that in order to go to Heaven instead she had to become a born-again Christian. All that she needed to do was to believe in Jesus. And all that she needed to do to believe in Jesus was to pray and ask for the free gift of eternal life. Becoming a born-again believer required that she pray and ask God to save her lost soul. And the little green girl understood that the Saviour of the world of Earth was the same Saviour of all of the other worlds of the solar system. And that meant her world of Venus, too. The Lord Jesus Christ must now become her very own personal Saviour. And this most basic of eternal truths became clear to her heart by the work of the Holy Spirit and of the Scriptures that she had read from her little John-Romans book. It happened for her after a rainstorm in Venus in the countryside. As it happened before in her childhood there on Venus, it was a summer day, and the nearby sun was near sunset, and the rain had come and gone: and, behold, a glory. In astronomy, a “glory” was a most colorful and dazzling phenomenon of light most glorious that occurred in outer space. Well Venus got these inside its own atmosphere, and such glories occurred as often as rainbows occurred on Earth. In short, the green girl found her salvation from her sins inside a glory as she knelt humbly in prayer and prayed the sinners’ prayer.
Indeed, Flaurie Lestrille knew what she must pray to get saved, and she was all ready to call upon the name of the Lord and get saved, and then the glory settled down from the skies down unto the ground, and she walked into this glory and she knelt down, and she prayed for Heaven for herself in her life to come instead of Hell for herself in her life to come. In this way she confessed her sin nature, apologized and repented of her sins, confessed the Gospel, trusted Jesus and Jesus alone, and asked Him to save her lost soul. This was how the green lady had become born again. And she thanked God for this book of John-Romans. And she went out and bought a whole King James Bible. And then she discovered a joy for books and for collecting books. And here she was now, living on Earth, and eternally secure in her salvation in Christ. But her books had cost her a dream dress that matched the color of her skin.
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How did the lizard man Flanders become a born-again believer? He got saved, of course, back in his life on Mars. That was before he began to buy and to collect a fortune of coins. He dreamed at night of money trees in the daylight and of huge silver dollars in the streets under the streetlights in the dark of night. He liked the game of Monopoly and the game of Life from Earth for its play cash. And he liked books from Earth that told of all the different types of coins used by all the peoples of that planet so abundant with humans. Earth people were most likable. They had many different hobbies and diversions and pastimes from country to country. Well, one day, he found a paper money resting upon a park bench not far from his parents’ house on Mars. It looked like a type of Earth money—a piece of cash with much green and gray and much intricate designs and various type faces and type sizes of words and numbers alike. This one said throughout on its front “1,000,000 dollars.”
And it said “The United States of America.” And it showed the drawing of a man of earlier days with the name, “Franklin,” underneath it. This looked like a lot of money to the little lizard boy. He picked it up and turned it over and read the following: “Here is the million-dollar question: ‘Will you go to Heaven when you die?’ Here’s a little test: Have you ever lied? Have you ever stolen? Have you ever used God’s name in vain? Jesus said, ‘That whosoever looketh upon a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.’ If you did these things, God sees in you a lying, thieving, blasphemous, adulterer at heart. And the Bible warns you that one day He will punish you in a horrible place called ‘Hell.’ But this same God is not willing that any should perish. Sinners break God’s Law, and Jesus paid their fine. Because of this, God can legally dismiss the case against you. In John 3;16, it is written, ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’ Then Jesus arose from the dead, defeating death thereby. Today, repent and trust Jesus, and God will give you eternal life as a free gift. Then read the Holy Bible every day and obey it. God will never fail you.” When little Flanders read this for his first time, he knew that this was truth. This was not the $1,000,000 bill that he had
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thought it was. Nay, this was a most unique type of salvation tract. And the lizard boy, upon his enlightenment of this truth, understood that this salvation tract was more valuable that any real $1 million dollar bill. A one-million-dollar bill could not get a Martian boy to Heaven. But this salvation tract could. The Martian sky was a deep red of noon under a far away sun. And the little lizard boy sat down, raised his knees, brought his arms around his knees, and looked up toward the Good Lord way beyond Mars’s red sky above. Then he brought his head downward, between his knees, and he prayed that God forgive him of all of the bad things that he did, and he was both penitent and repentant, and he confessed that he could not save himself, and he declared to God that only this Saviour—Who died for him and Who rose from the grave—could keep him out of that bad place called “Hell”–and he proclaimed the phrase, “Jesus saves,” when he asked Christ to prepare a place for him in Heaven. And then he said, “In Jesus’s name I do pray this, Father. Amen.” This was how Flanders Nickels had come to Christ for so great and secure and forever salvation. And he never once regretted this biggest decision that he had made in his numerous years of life on Mars.
The next day, the green lady, alone with God in her barren bedroom, praying fervently and effectually, relived the prom gown that got away. She knew that temptation and sin had brought her to this point where she could not even afford this precious prize of a prom dress that was even on sale.
She knew that in herself, even with her Holy Spirit power as a believer, she willingly continued to follow her flesh instead of her Spirit every time she found another book that she just had to have. Books were indeed good things to have. That is, books that were not evil in themselves. But she had made even good books evil in her consuming desires for more of them. She had a problem. And she now confessed that her problem was a sin problem. She had to learn to stop buying more books. And she had never been able to have victory in her life over this temptation. And, being somewhat of a carnal believer, she did not seem to know what to do when the Devil came along and offered her another expensive book to buy, telling her, “You’ve got to have this, Flaurie.” In this poignant moment
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she called out to God up to Heaven, “Help me, O Lord. I cannot do this myself.” [It is written in Matthew 26:41, “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”] Behold, Almighty God put her into a real place of test: The green lady found herself in a bookstore with more books than she had herself in her den at home. She was in the “worlds” section. To her left was a section on books on Mars. To her right was a section on books on Venus. In between and right before her was a section on books on Earth. The rest of the sections of worlds in this department were books on Mercury and on Jupiter and on Saturn and on Uranus and on Neptune and on Pluto. Right now she wanted to learn all about her new world of Earth. At once she began to check out books that she could buy and take home and read and study that were all about the Earth to where she had moved. She discovered the joy of atlases for her first time about this world. She found a big and tall and wide and black hardcover book called “Reader’s Digest Atlas of the World.” And she found an equally big and tall and wide blue hardcover book called “Reader’s Digest Atlas of America.”
This world atlas was, of course, all about Earth. This atlas on America? She now knew that this America was the country that she had come into upon moving to Green Bay as she had. She just had to have both of these wonderful and exhaustive atlases. First she checked her wallet that she had in her purse. She found one fifty and one twenty and one ten and one five and one one. And she found in her coin purse one half-dollar and one quarter and one dime and one nickel and one penny. She had a total of $86.91. She checked the world atlas book and found it to be $43.46. She checked the American atlas book and found it to also be $43.46. Both books together totaled $86.92. She had only $86.91 on hand. She was one penny short of affording these two of her most needed books to begin her new life here in this new world. She would not settle for the one or the other. The green lady definitely needed both of these books. Where could she get that one extra penny? She could steal a penny. She could beg for a penny. She could try to negotiate with the cashier most un-Earthly. She would do none of these three. Just then a cute guy came up to her and asked her if she needed a penny. How could
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he have known? God must have sent him for her. And she told him her story, and he gave her a penny, and she thanked him. Then a woman came up to her with a King James Bible that she wanted to buy, and she said to the green lady that she was one cent short of being able to pay for it. The woman asked her if she could spare one cent for her. Flaurie at once thought to herself, “Flaurie, what would you do if you could see Jesus standing beside you right now? Would you give this woman seeking God’s Word your dear penny? Or would you keep this dear penny for yourself and deny this woman seeking God’s Word her precious Bible? Take heed. Christ could be watching.” And at once the green lady took the penny that a kind man had given her for her wants and did give it to the kind woman for her needs. Behold, Jesus was watching. Though from Heaven, the Lord Jesus saw all in its benevolence here in this real bookstore. Then Flaurie looked again into her wallet and coin purse, and she was once again short one cent for the purchase of these two Reader’s Digest Atlases. Enlightened with her good decision, Miss Lestrille said to herself, “I’d bet that Jesus really were here in His way, whether I had seen Him or not.” [It is written, “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.” Proverbs 15:3.] Strong and wise in God, Flaurie put her wallet and her coin purse back into her purse, put the two dream books back upon the shelves of the bookstore, and left the shop of books without books in her hands for her first time. And she felt glad in the Holy Spirit. What she did not know was that she had just passed God’s test for her. Suddenly she found herself back in her prayer room, and she remembered all that had just occurred. And in reflection she began to understand more about what she had just done that so pleased her Lord. She had resisted her sin that so easily beset her for her first time. She had with her will and with her choice not spent money on a good book to add to her den. The green lady had learned how to control her spending. This day, she had turned down her two most desirable books that she had ever seen. And she had money left over now for some of her life’s necessities. Maybe she could in time buy a mattress for her bedroom floor, or buy a wooden chair and a little table for her dining room, or buy a few dishes for her kitchen, or buy a rocking chair for her
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living room, or maybe buy some towels and cloths for her bathroom, or maybe buy some skirts and blouses for her closet. No longer did her den have to be the only full room of her home, and no longer did her other rooms have to be all empty rooms in her home now for now on! Next time the Devil would tempt her with another book to buy, all she needed to do was to pray to God and tell Him, “You are with me. I will not do it. I will not disappoint You.” [It is written, “I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.” Psalm 16:8].
So great things were soon to happen for the green lady of the Lord.
Meanwhile, God was going to test the lizard man for the error of his ways as well. Flanders bought gold and silver. He needed to buy food and clothes, instead. He had a freezer and a refrigerator and cupboards and drawers, but he had no food in his kitchen. He had a spacious walk-in closet, but he had only one shirt and one pair of pants and one pair of shoes and one pair of socks and one underwear. And his life of expensive coins was a harsh life for him both back on Mars and starting out now in his life on Earth. And as he prayed in his bedroom, his stomach growled with hunger. He remembered the prom dress that got away. And he groaned in frustration. [It is written, “Watch and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak.” Mark 14:38.] Truly if Flanders had regularly let the Holy Spirit guide him in his decisions in his walk with Christ, he would not be in this situation which he was right now. But he habitually gave in to his flesh all the time and went and bought this silver coin and went and bought that gold coin. And now he could not even help his girlfriend to buy her an elegant dress for her elegant form. His destitute life barren of life’s necessities in this nice new upper apartment, he finally said to God, “I’m all Yours now, Lord.
I give up. I cannot keep fighting myself. I have to stop fighting You. Do with me what You have to do with me in order to make me what You need me to be.” And God heard the lizard man from Heaven.
And God put Flanders Nickels into a test of refining and purifying as He needs to from time to time with his disobedient children. And suddenly Flanders found himself in a pawn shop somewhere he
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knew not where he was. He saw affordable items all throughout this retail store. And though they were but meager things to have around the home to make one’s home life comfortable, this time these life’s necessities appeared desirable to this big spender of luxury metals. He saw a furniture room and a kitchen supply room and an electronics room and a room where food was sold and a room where wholesome drinks were sold and a men’s clothing department room and a room for heavy winter clothes so needful for northeastern Wisconsin where he lived now and a room for bathroom supplies and a room for tools and supplies. He wandered from department to department throughout this pawn shop in which he had suddenly found himself. And everything looked good and desirable. And everything here for Flanders was good in the eyes of God. And the prices did not seem at all too bad for a man who had never gone shopping for necessities like this before. He had to check out his wallet to see what he should do. He found one thousand dollars given him by God for this test. Why, with these day’s cheap prices here in 1990, the lizard man could get just about all that he needed at this pawn shop to settle down comfortably in Green Bay in his nice upper apartment. He could even buy a cheap little cot to get a good night’s sleep in his bedroom for his first time. And he went and got a grocery cart and began to shop around for life’s basics now. Then he saw a little room in the back of this pawn shop. It was called “The Treasury Department.” This room had an open doorway that led into this department of treasury. And Flanders hesitated. He wavered. He prayed. He checked his wallet again. What kinds of treasuries could a man from Mars buy here with one thousand American dollars in his wallet? He had to find out. He went right in. But, as he passed through the doorway, he took a look back at the inexpensive merchandise of the rest of the store, and he did so with longing.
Then he saw the treasuries. And what he saw first was a real brick of sterling silver. It was a little silver brick. But he had nothing like this yet in his attaché cases. It shone in glitters and sparkles and sheen. And he now decided that rare metal bricks were better than rare metal coins. He had to have this genuine silver brick all for himself in his apartment. Surely adding this treasure to his home on
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Quincy Street would be better than filling his new apartment with any needs for living. But, nonetheless, this silver bar could not give him a comfortable night’s sleep as a bed could. And he turned away from the silver treasure before him now to look back at the exit of this Treasury Room.
Quickly he turned back to gaze upon the brilliant silver bar. He asked the merchant behind the counter how much he was selling this for. And the man said, “It’s on sale for a thousand bucks.” Though Flanders had never spent a whole one thousand dollars on any of his previous treasures—that is, any of his rare and precious coins—this was still a good price for a whole brick. Flanders took out his thousand dollars out of his wallet. It was ten one-hundred dollar bills. And he set the cash on the counter before the cashier. Then the cashier said, “But for Martians like you, we are selling this silver brick for only nine hundred dollars.” Why that was even better! But then the cashier said, “On Mondays like today, we offer our customers a one-hundred dollar discount. It’s yours for eight hundred dollars instead.” This was too good to be true. But then the merchant said, “Oh, let me not forget. Today is our store’s anniversary. We are giving a one-hundred dollar discount on any purchase of our silver that is five hundred dollars or more. That means that you can have this silver bar for only a total of seven hundred dollars.” Surely God wanted the lizard man from Mars to have this silver treasure in his briefcase! But this was not the end. The man in the pawn shop’s treasury room then went on to ask, “Are you a veteran of any world like Mars?” Flanders nodded his head in verity. “Good! That knocks another one hundred dollars off of your purchase in our Treasury Department. You can have this brick of silver for only six hundred dollars.” Never before had the lizard man found himself in so fortuitous circumstances to add great wealth to his gold and silver collection before. Then the man of the back room of this sales floor asked, “Have you lived on our world long, sir?”
And Flanders Nickels said, “I came to this world just this past weekend.”
“Ah, that’s another one hundred dollars off for being a new inhabitant of our Earth, sir,” said the storekeeper. “As my final offer I shall sell you this treasure of silver for only five hundred dollars.”
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The lizard man thought upon life’s good basic things that he did without because of things like this silver brick. He thought upon his two briefcases and did see them as God saw them. He thought upon his “grand,” as Americans called it, in his wallet. He thought upon righteousness and unrighteousness. He then said to himself out loud, “What would Jesus do?”
“What’s that, sir?” asked the puzzled merchant.
And Flanders Nickels asked himself out loud in reply, “What would Christ do if He were in my situation?”
The pawn shop worker answered, “I do not know,” for lack of anything else to say.
“It is written, ‘Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.’ I Peter 1:16,” quoted the lizard fellow Scripture.
It was not holy to buy that which is forbidden by God, even if such a purchase were good in its self. It was holy to buy that which God wishes for one with the money that he has to pay for it.
“Are you still interested, sir?” asked the pawn shop worker.
“The Lord would not buy silver, if He needed bread,” said Flanders. And with this, Flanders Nickels first resisted the temptations of gold and silver so regularly thrown upon him by the Devil. The next time Satan came along to tempt him, he would find it easier to say, “No,” to him and to his flesh.
And the third time would be easier for the lizard man than was the second time. Likewise the fourth time, than the third time. In like the fifth time over the fourth time. And Flanders said to the man behind the glass case. “I do not need a silver brick, sir. Thank you for your time.” And Flanders left the silver bar and the Treasury Department and the pawn shop. And he came back home with his “grand” in his wallet. He was going to buy himself some of life’s essentials with this one-thousand dollars, and he was glad for it. [In the book of Joshua, a wayward soldier named Achan disobeyed God and took as plunder two hundred shekels of silver. That measured up to eighty ounces. The Bible called that prohibited silver part of “the accursed thing,” and Achan was stoned for it. He died in part
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for the cause of sinful silver. And though silver is not evil, what Achan did with this silver was evil.
He had disobeyed God’s Word to get it.] And though this silver brick were not evil in itself, for the lizard man from Mars, it would have been evil. And suddenly Flanders found himself back home in his prayer room sitting upon his floor. He knew that he had officially repented and that he was free from his wrong spending and that he was free for his right spending now for now on. And he praised and thanked and blessed the Good Lord Jesus. And the next day he went back to the pawn shop and bought food and clothes and sundry other household needs and did set up his upper apartment into a comfortable home. And his new place was cozy and filled. And God would give him even more.
The next day, he called up his green lady and told her what he had learned in the Lord and how he had repented of his sin of rare and precious coins. She, in like, told him what God had taught her and how she had repented in Christ of her own sins of many books.
Then they both asked each other out for a rendezvous at the same time: “Let’s go to the Deb Store!” she said just at the same time he said, “Let’s buy you a prom gown!”
And they went on their second date together back again at Bay Park Square in Ashwaubenon, and they went right back to the Deb Store. She had at this point fifty dollars in her wallet. He, also, found fifty dollars left in his wallet.
“Now we can buy the prom dress, Flanders,” said the green lady.
“No silver bar can shine like my lady in her green prom gown,” bragged Flanders on her.
And they went into the Deb Store, arm-in-arm. Lo, there it was on its hanger—green as Flaurie herself and shining brightly like an angel from Heaven. It was still here! Both had dreaded never seeing this dress again. But they dreaded no longer. Behold, a young woman also admiring it. Lo, this young lady now picking it up off of the prom gown rack upon its hanger and going into the dressing room with it in the back of the little store. Woe! Their prom dress slipping away from them even after they had both repented of their stumbling blocks. The lizard man and the green lady brought their
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hands together into each other’s and they squeezed in consternation. “Let us pray,” said Flanders.
“Lord, please don’t let that girl buy this prom gown before we two can,” prayed Flaurie Lestrille.
The two waited upon God in the uncertainty of the moment. Then the young woman came back out of the dressing room with this prom gown on. She paused to look at herself in the three mirrors out here. And she liked what she saw. Then she went back into the dressing room.
“Let us pray,” said the lizard man again.
“Lord, please don’t let that girl take away my prom dress from me,” prayed the green lady again.
And again the two waited to see what God would have for them.
Then the prom girl came back out of the dressing room. This time the prom gown was on the hanger in her hands.
Silently Miss Lestrille prayed that this prom girl go and put this back upon the rack where Flaurie and Flanders were standing and hoping. Woe! This prom girl instead walked up to the till, bought it, and walked out of the Deb Store with it.
The green lady’s green dress had gotten away from her! She gasped. He groaned. Both were crushed.
“Flanders, do you think that I was making ‘my’ prom dress a kind of ‘another book’ in the Lord’s eyes?” asked Flaurie Lestrille.
“I do not believe so, girlfriend,” said Flanders. “But do you think that I was maybe making silver and gold out of this prom gown I wanted for you, Flaurie?”
“No. Not at all, Flanders,” said the green lady with a shaking of her head.
“Then this prom dress must have been a good thing for us in the Lord’s eyes,” said Flanders.
“But the Lord willed it for the young lady who was going to the prom,” said Flaurie.
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“She needed it more than we did,” said the lizard man.
“There surely are other prom gowns now here in the Deb Store,” said Flaurie.
“Are there any that match your color, O girlfriend from Venus?” asked Flanders doubtfully.
“I kind of doubt that,” said the green lady.
They shopped around, but found no more elegant green prom dresses here. They stood there, looking at each other. They both knew what had happened this day.
Flaurie said, “It’s gone.”
And Flanders said, “It was taken away from us just as we were about to get it.”
They both opened their wallets and again found their respective fifty dollars in cash in them. Flaurie was thinking thoughts. So, too, was Flanders.
Flaurie asked, “Are you thinking the kind of things that I am thinking, Flanders?”
“What about you?” he asked in humbleness.
“I was thinking of how I used to buy books instead of prom dresses,” said the green lady.
“And I was remembering how I used to pursue gold and silver. Until this prom gown came along,” said Flanders.
“What do you think now?” asked Miss Lestrille.
“About now, I still do not want to add anything more to my briefcases,” he confessed. “How do you feel?”
“As for myself, I refuse still to buy another expensive book,” she confessed.
“The prom dress was that beautiful,” said the lizard man.
“Like no other prom gown that I ever saw,” said the green lady.
“She will look really good at her prom,” said Flanders.
“Lucky prom girl. Lucky prom guy,” said Flaurie Lestrille.
“Between the two of us we still have one hundred dollars together,” said the man from Mars.
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“What would Jesus have us to buy with that?” asked the green lady.
“Maybe he would have us to save it,” said Flanders.
“God’s ideas are good,” Flaurie praised the Lord. “Saving money for later is a good thing, I would think.”
Then Flanders spoke up and said, “I heard of a kind of retail store that is common to this world, but that is not common on your world or on my world, Flaurie.”
“A store? What kind of retail store?” she asked.
“It is a store full of real inexpensive things, all that were donated to the store by benefactors for the profit of the store. Regular stores, as you know, sell new things at regular prices. But the stores that I am thinking of sell used things at real low prices,” said the lizard man.
“What are such stores called?” asked Flaurie.
“Americans call them ‘thrift stores,’” said Flanders.
“What can a lady from Venus and a gentleman from Mars find at an American thrift store?” asked Miss Lestrille.
“Let us go to one and find out,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Let’s not wait forever,” she said in glee. “Which thrift store do you think is the biggest thrift store here in our new city of Green Bay?”
“I think that that might be St. Vincent de Paul in the northern part of Green Bay,” he said.
“Let us go to this St. Vincent de Paul and buy nice used things for real cheap, boyfriend,” said the green lady.
God was looking down from Heaven upon His two Christians, and with them He was well-pleased. And the Good Lord chose to give His believers a most divine and plenary blessing for their so great repentance from their besetting sins. And he would do so for them in their thrift store shopping that they were on their way to do. That is, Jesus was going to have a surprise at St. Vincent de Paul for
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the both of them. And a surprise from God unto His son or daughter for Godly living was truly a present from Above, a gift from Jesus.
As the two shoppers wandered around the big store, a volunteer worker walked by with a rack on wheels of formal wear for young men and young women. “Proms,” said the volunteer. “Real neat!”
There on that rack was the very same green prom gown of lace and acetate that had gotten away from them at the Deb Store earlier today! Both green lady and lizard man saw it. Flaurie exclaimed in fervor, “That’s got to be that the very same one that that girl had bought, Flanders!”
“That’s got to be another one just exactly like it, Flaurie!” he exclaimed in equal fervency.
Neither could tell. But here it was, being wheeled to the prom dress section to put on sale on the clothing racks. “May I?” asked Flaurie, grabbing the elegant dress by its hanger.
“Sure, Ma’am,” the volunteer said.
“The size! The size!” said Flanders.
Flaurie checked and read the label, “Size medium!”
“It’s yours!” said Flanders, enchanted. “Amen!”
“Ours!” said the green lady. “Alleluia!”
“Put it in before we lose it again,” said Flanders.
“I’m going to put it on and buy it with myself in it,” she said.
“Never take it off, girl!” he said.
“Never! Never!” said the green girl, entranced.
And the price tag read a most affordable $10.00. And she skipped to the dressing room with her delight in her life in her arms. And she put it on. And her form never felt better. And she came out of the dressing room to show her boyfriend.
“Oo là là!” said Flanders in a sultry tone.
“What does that mean?” she asked.
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“That means ‘Whoa!’ in French,” he told her.
“What does ‘Whoa!’ mean in English?” she asked him.
“It means, ‘Wow, girl!’” he told her.
“Your green lady is now complete, boyfriend,” said Flaurie Lestrille.
“Oh, but we can add more green,” he said.
“I’d love more green to wear,” said Miss Lestrille.
And the lizard man took her shopping with his wallet throughout this brave new thrift store and he bought her bright green ribbons for her much wild hair and long green opera gloves for her arms and her hands and sleek green tights for her legs and her feet and feminine green block heel pumps for her feet. His total bill for these wondrous green accessories was an affordable $10.00.
And, in the spirit of joy in the Lord, Flaurie came up to the checkout lane with Flanders with all of her and his purchases upon her self. And the cashier was a kind old lady who accommodated her desires to not have to go back and take them all off in the dressing room before buying them.
“God bless you, Ma’am,” said Flaurie to the cashier.
“God bless you, Miss,” said the cashier.
“Thank you for your graciousness,” said Flanders to the cashier.
“I am happy for the both of you,” said the cashier. “Welcome to our world.”
Flanders took another look at his girlfriend from Venus, and he said, “Woo, my elegant lady in an elegant dress.”
“You love it,” said Flaurie.
“My green lady in her green prom attire,” he said.
“We do not know anything about proms back in Venus,” she said.
“We don’t have proms on Mars, either,” he said.
“What does a prom lady do with her gentleman friend in their first days together in their new
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world?” asked the green lady.
“Back in Mars, there is nothing more romantic than a walk under the red sky of the ending of the day,” he said to her.
“Women from Venus love to walk with their guys under the much thick clouds that we have,” she said to him.
“This world has blue sky and thin white clouds,” he said, looking up into Earth’s firmament.
“Would a man from Mars like to walk with a woman from Venus here in Earth?” asked the green lady.
“Hand in hand?” he asked.
“More than hand-in-hand,” she said.
“Arm in arm then?” he asked further.
“More than arm-in-arm,” she said.
“Arms around sides?” he asked.
“More than arms around sides,” she said.
“Then it must be arms around waists,” he said.
“Arms around waists,” she said.
“Would you like your man to wear something formal himself?” he asked her.
“Yeah,” she said. “How about a dashing suit and tie and dress pants?” she asked.
“How about a tuxedo?” he asked.
“Yeah! My man would look good in a tuxedo,” said the green girl.
“Like a St. Vincent de Paul tuxedo,” he said.
“Yeah!” she readily agreed.
And he found a black tuxedo and black shirt and black tie and black pants and black socks and black dress shoes to buy here at their thrift store. And he put them on, and he bought them with them
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on his person.
And they, dressed in formal wear, went out into the big city of Green Bay for a walk under the blue sky and the white clouds. He put his left arm around her left waist and felt her sleek acetate upon his palm and fingers. She put her right arm around his right waist and felt his covered hip on her opera glove fingers. And he leaned his head against the right side of her head and felt her much untamed and wild hair touching his head, and he was happy. She, in like, leaned her head against the left side of his head, and she felt his man’s reptilian skin resting upon her ear, and the novelty filled her with marvel. She wondered about the magic of a traditional hug. She pondered the chance of a real kiss. She daydreamed about her future with Flanders. She discovered the real life of real romance with a real guy. And the green lady was giddy with a whirlwind of feelings.
Then she said, “Are you thinking things like I am thinking things, boyfriend?”
“Are you thinking about a hug and a kiss?” he asked.
“That I am,” she said.
“Then I am thinking things like you are thinking things, Flaurie,” he said.
Then they stopped and they had a traditional embrace, facing each other. After that they went and gave each other a kiss for their first time.
Then he said, “I am also thinking about my life with God.”
“You are thinking about the Lord, too?” she asked.
“Uh huh,” he said.
“Is the Holy Spirit saying the same thing to you that He is saying to me, Flanders?” asked the green girl.
“What is the Holy Spirit telling you, my Flaurie?” he asked.
“You have to go first. You are the man,” she said.
“Do you want to know what God is telling me right now?” he asked.
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“I do,” said the green lady.
“He is telling me to donate all of my gold and silver coins to St. Vincent de Paul,” said the lizard man from Mars.
“Are you really going to do that?” she asked.
“I really am, Flaurie,” he said.
“Now my turn to tell. I am the woman,” she said.
“Tell me what the Holy Spirit wants you to do,” he said to her.
“He wants me to donate all of my books to St. Vincent de Paul,” she said.
“And you are going to go and do that. Aren’t you?” he asked.
“Yes! Right away,” she said to him.
“We born-again believers can only be happy together when we go and do what God tells us to do,” said Flanders Nickels.
“The happiest place for born-again Christians like us to be is to be right in the middle of the will of God,” said the green lady.
“’If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them,” he quoted Scripture.
“John 13:17,” she quoted this verse’s reference.
“Do I get another hug, my stunning green lady?” he asked.
“Only if I get another kiss, O lizard man of mine,” she said.
And the guy from Mars and the gal from Venus gave in to another sweet hug and another sweet kiss.
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