THE MAILLOT TWINS
By Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
The Maillot twins—Gretchen and Destiny—were identical thirty-three-year-old sisters double-dating their good and faithful boyfriends in Left Foot Creek in Beaver, Wisconsin, in most rustic countrysides. Gretchen was the big sister; Destiny was the little sister. Today Gretchen and Destiny Maillot once again had on their favorite one-piece swimsuits for this frolic in the creek by the cabin. Both maillots were a junior’s size six. Both maillots had shoulder straps. Both maillots had a V-Neck. Both maillots had a scoop back. Both maillots had a high leg cut. And both maillots were Chevron-patterned maillots. Gretchen’s one-piece swimsuit had V-stripes, in alternating yellow and black, from top to bottom, spreading left to right, and covering front and back. These V-Stripes were two inches thick. Destiny’s one-piece swimsuit had V-Stripes in alternating red and black, also from top to bottom and spreading left to right and covering front and back and also two-inches thick. These maillot girls were both born on October 9, 1961. Gretchen was the big sister by three-and-one-half minutes, and
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she stood five feet two-and-one-half inches tall. Destiny was the little sister by three-and-one-half minutes, and she stood five feet three inches tall. Both maillot twins always had their hair straight, beyond their shoulders, and full of bangs. And they were attractive young brunettes. And they were lithe and slender and curvaceous, across the cups and along the sides and down the back. The boyfriends of the Maillot twins were also identical twins as well. Gretchen’s boyfriend Flanders was the big brother. And Destiny’s boyfriend Proffery was the little brother. And despite their many attempts at ruse, the maillot women could never fool their boyfriends as to which one they were. And, in like, despite their own tricks, Flanders and Proffery could never fool their own girlfriends about which twin that they were themselves. The men were also thirty-three years old, having been born on October 22, 1961. The young men were skinny and short, each about 130 pounds and standing about five feet seven inches.
All four here in Left Foot Creek were born-again believers living mightily for God. They prayed together. They read their King James Bible together. They went to their Baptist church together. They sang from a hymnbook together. And they gave out the Word of God together, going door-to-door. And they tithed and gave offerings to the work of the Lord. And, being born-again Christians, they all looked forward to a glorious future in Heaven to come for them in God’s time.
Gretchen Maillot then spoke up and said, “I hope that there will be creeks like this Up in Heaven when we get There.”
“What would Heaven be like if couples-in-the-Lord like us could not have water fights in our swimming suits in nice creeks like this one?”asked Destiny.
Flanders said, “I don’t think that the Bible says whether there will be creeks in Heaven or not. But I do know that in Revelation 22:1 God’s Word mentions a ‘river of life.’”
“Oo! A river would be even funner than a creek,” said Destiny.
“Deeper and wider and louder,” said Gretchen.
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Proffery said, “About an ocean to frolic in Up in Glory I am in doubt,”
“A spree in the ocean in Heaven would make me happy,” said Gretchen.
“Boyfriend, why do you say that?” asked Destiny.
And Proffery said, “In Revelation 21:1 it says that in Heaven someday, there shall be no more sea.”
“I hope that that day does not happen soon in Heaven,” said Destiny.
“That won’t happen until God creates the new Heaven and the new Earth,” said Proffery.
“Oh,” said Gretchen, “When time ends and eternity begins.”
“The sea would be even more more fun to spend on a double date than would be a river,” said Gretchen.
“Let us have our fun in the water in our maillots while there is still such a thing as time,” said Destiny. “And then after that we can have even better times in the new Heaven and the new Earth.”
Gretchen Maillot then said, “What do you think, Flanders?” And she put her whole form down below the water of the creek, and she stood back up, dripping from all parts of her body. Then, to entice him, she coquettishly put her bare arms akimbo, making sure some of her fingers were upon her one-piece swimsuit along her hips and part of her fingers were upon her skin of her upper leg. Flanders, being a man, paused to look upon her maillot cups. He took in the erotic bending of the bars of the yellow “V’s” and the bars of the black “V’s” as they ran across the curves of her maillot cups. This particular feature of such Chevron one-piece swimsuits had her boyfriend discovered in her in her one-piece swimsuit long ago, and he always took time to admire her such telltale femininity as this ever with private delights. And his maillot girlfriend knew that she was exciting him again this same way.
And she said, “It’s not nice to stare at a girl, Flanders.”
And Flanders replied with an evasive, “I was just thinking.” And all four smiled in fun.
Then Destiny felt like flirting with her boyfriend. And she remained standing up in the creek
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in water up to her upper legs, and she put one hand to her nose and one hand above her head, and then she went ahead and shook her women’s maillot-covered hips to tempt him. All of this done in a Chevron one-piece swimsuit duly accentuated the spell that she put upon Proffery. And Proffery gazed upon her V-Striped front, giving her a long gaze from the top to the middle to the bottom. Staring upon these seductive black “V’s” and red “V’s,” Proffery once again saw these “V’s” as arrows that pointed down to the bottom of her front right down there. Nothing better hinted at the nether regions of a woman than the “V-stripes” of a Chevron one-piece swimsuit, in the mind of Proffery.
“Naughty! Naughty!” chided Destiny, knowing her boyfriend and his imaginations.
“I was just looking,” said Proffery, making excuses. All four fell upon grins.
Though these four did always play at coquetry, they did not play at immorality. All four were decent and moral and chaste when it came to what they allowed themselves to do with their bodies. They were all four abstinent when it came to physical relationships. And they promised God to remain virgins until the night of their weddings. [Though the Maillot twins and their boyfriend twins all four preferred the single life of double dating among each other and its more appropriate decorum that must go with celibacy.]
Just then, from up on the bank to one side of this flowing creek came a voice, saying, “What? Ho! Greetings and felicitations from far away, O good sons and daughters of the Lord!”
The four young daters looked up to the bank. Lo, a real little green leprechaun!
He was holding up against his chest with great exertion a big heavy kettle in both of his little arms. From down here in the creek, the four could not see what was in that kettle that made it so heavy. To both his right hip and his left hip, this little leprechaun had a little scabbard fastened with a little sword in it. He must have stood nearly three feet tall. His swords must have been about one foot long. His shiny kettle was larger than his torso. His attire was all in green. He looked even Irish, even though leprechauns were not of any human lineage or of any human nationality.
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A long moment of quizzical muteness came upon the four Christians as this leprechaun stood there, holding this kettle against himself and breathing heavily because of it. Then the leprechaun up there on the bank spoke to them down in the creek. “You do not speak? Did a dumb demon take away your tongues? You must have something that you four want to say.”
And Flanders spoke first, “Are you a real leprechaun?”
Then Gretchen asked “Are you a make-believe leprechaun?”
And Proffery asked, “Are you a Halloween leprechaun?”
And Destiny asked, “Or are you a Mardi Gras leprechaun?”
The little leprechaun huffed and said, “Fine reception for a messenger from Heaven to get from four such staunch children of God as you four.” This was a real leprechaun sent by God.
This leprechaun’s face was turning red with his great strain of holding this heavy kettle up like this. Flanders asked the leprechaun the question that all four now wanted to ask him: “What is in the kettle?”
And the leprechaun said, “It is not called a ‘kettle.’” Then he said, “It is called a ‘pot.’”
Proffery then asked him, “What is in the pot?”
“Treasures.” said the little leprechaun.
“What kind of treasures?” asked Gretchen.
“A whole slew of coins,” said the leprechaun.
“What kind of coins?” asked Destiny.
“Why, gold and silver coins, of course,” said the leprechaun.
“And the pot?” asked Flanders.
“What is the pot made of?” asked Proffery.
“Why, of bronze,” replied the leprechaun in green.
“May we see it?” asked Gretchen.
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“We Maillot twins never saw a real pot of gold and silver before,” said Destiny.
“Nay. None of you get to take a look at it inside,” said the leprechaun.
“Where did you get it?” asked Destiny.
“Did you find it at the end of a rainbow?” asked Gretchen.
The leprechaun said, “God gave it to me.” Then he said, “But take heed to what God says in Haggai 2:8: ‘The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, saith the Lord of hosts.’”
“Why do you have two swords?” asked Flanders.
“For your benefit,” said the leprechaun.
“For our protection?” asked Proffery.
“Nay. For my protection,” said the leprechaun.
“Where are you going with that pot?” asked Flanders.
“To our destination,” said the leprechaun.
“Is it far from here?” asked Proffery.
“It is both near and far,” said the leprechaun. “I bid you four good Christians now to follow me.”
The four believers began to climb up the creek’s bank to be with this leprechaun and to follow him to their mysterious destination.
“Go back!” said the leprechaun. “Go back into the water. As I lead you four to where God wills me to lead you, you four must all stay in the creek. You must not come up here. You must let me lead you as I walk up here on the shore.” In obedience and respect the four believers stepped back down into the creek. “Now you may follow me,” then said the leprechaun. And as he began to lead them from the land, they began to follow him from the water. And he made sure to always be in their sight as he walked so as not to lose them in his work on them for God.
After a while, the leprechaun asked, “Good Gretchen, what will Heaven be like for you when
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you get There, do you think?”
Without hesitation, Gretchen Maillot said, “Oh, Heaven will be a Place with a happy job.”
“There is indeed work for God’s resurrected saints to do for Him Up There, and it will be a happy work for that man or woman in Heaven,” said the leprechaun.
“Not so for this woman and her job yet down here on Earth,” said Gretchen.
“Tell me about your job down here on Earth,” said the leprechaun.
“Oh, that’s easy,” said the elder Maillot twin. “It’s in Genesis 3:19.” And she recited it now, saying, “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it was thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”
“Ah, God’s curse upon Adam and upon men that came after Adam because of Adam’s great sin,” said the leprechaun. “Hence the difficult workplace.”
“And the reality of going to work for us women who work, as well,” said Gretchen.
“Men call going to work ‘the grind,’” said the leprechaun.
“I myself call it ‘rigor and vigor.’” summed up Gretchen her troubled spirit.
“What do you do for a living that makes you weary in your life, O Gretchen?” asked the leprechaun.
“I ring up groceries at the grocery store. I am one of the cashiers there,” said Gretchen.
“Is it a hard job to do?” asked the leprechaun.
“It wouldn’t be were it not for the work stress, O leprechaun,” said Gretchen.
“Is there a lot of stress being a check-out clerk, Gretchen?” asked the leprechaun.
“Things that I scan that are not in the system. Bag boys that don’t come up when I call them. Customers complaining about our prices. Rude customers with an attitude and arrogance. And the feel of being at work in itself that keeps me on edge,” said Gretchen.
“What would you want work to be for you when you get to Heaven?” asked the leprechaun.
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“Oh, that’s easy to answer,” said Gretchen Maillot. “Up There I will be making women’s one-piece swimsuits for my ministry. I will make things just like what I and my sister have on right now.
And I will make them for all of the women in Heaven to wear every time they feel like wearing them. My work There will make other women look sexy.”
“You could change your career in this life and start making maillots even now,” said the leprechaun.
“No. No. I want to make maillots only in Heaven,” said Gretchen. “Down here, my troubles in my workdays—even if I had such a dream job—would ruin one-piece swimsuits for me. Work stress is a part of workdays, and I do not want a job and its stress to take away the magic that I see in maillots. But in Heaven, no jobs have work stress. There is the place for my dream job, O leprechaun.”
“To you, then, Heaven is a ‘great sweatshop in the sky,’” said the leprechaun.
Edified and very glad, Gretchen Maillot said, “I think it is. It is.” And she had hopes in Heaven’s Glories someday to come for her.
Just then a strange and discordant whizzing passed by in the air up where the leprechaun was walking. And, lo, a mortified gasp from the leprechaun. And his hands almost tipped the pot of gold and silver off toward one side of his arms! But, rallying, he regained his tight hold upon the pot, and he said, “Hmph.” All four looked at him. Behold, an arrow stuck in the back of his left hand!
“Leprechaun, are you okay?” asked Flanders in shock.
“I will be okay soon, good Flanders,” said the leprechaun.
“It looks like it is all the way through,” said Proffery in mortification.
“Not much longer, if I have my say about it, Proffery,” said the leprechaun.
The Maillot twins asked, “Where did that arrow come from?”
Just then a fierce centaur came galloping up to the leprechaun in a charge. Being a centaur, this creature wielded a bow and arrows and quiver. His human head was hirsute with much black hair and
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with bright white skin. His human arms and hands held his archery equipment with acumen. His human torso was bare-chested and strong. And his equine body and legs and hooves and tail was that of a fleet black stallion.
“I have come for your pot of gold and silver, O leprechaun of God,” declared this fearsome centaur.
Mighty in God, the leprechaun, keeping a firm hold on this pot, went ahead to pull that arrow out of his left hand by way of using his right hand. And he cried out. Then he scornfully threw this bloody arrow upon the ground and drew his sword out of his sheath with his good right hand. And the centaur was just about to trample down to the ground this short little man in green. Then, holding this heavy pot in his wounded left arm, the leprechaun unleashed a fell swordplay upon the charging centaur with his good right arm. And, behold, the mighty and formidable black centaur fell down to the ground, slain in battle against the leprechaun. As the centaur lay dead before his feet, the leprechaun declared to his followers, “Behold the salvation of the Lord!”
Not one coin spilled out of his pot where he had just fought. And the leprechaun went on to say, “My hand hurts.” Then he put his saber back into its scabbard. And then he put back both of his two arms around the heavy pot once again. And with a heave he brought it back up higher against his chest. And he said, “God will heal my hand in time.” Then he said, “I must keep this pot for the work of the Lord. No devil is going to take this away from me. I must carry it the whole way to the place for me to do my job for God. It is heavy.”
“What can we do to help you?” asked Flanders.
“Only follow me,” said the leprechaun.
“What about your hand?” asked Gretchen.
“God gave me two hands,” said the leprechaun.
“That pot is a terrible burden to bear for so long,” said Destiny.
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“Not so heavy as the burden of the cross that our Saviour bore for us,” said the leprechaun.
“Would that God allow me to carry that heavy weight for a little way for you,” said the concerned and grateful Proffery.
“I have Holy Spirit power within me,” said the leprechaun. “God gives me the strength to serve Him as His leprechaun thereby.”
Then the leprechaun resumed his trek on the land, and the four others resumed following him from down in the flowing creek.
Then the leprechaun went and asked his question unto Flanders, asking him, “What do you think that Heaven will be like for you when you get There, Flanders?”
“For sure I will not be bagging groceries Up There,” said Flanders right away.
“Do you bag groceries for a living here on Earth then, Flanders?” asked the leprechaun.
“Yeah,” said Flanders dourly.
“Do you not like bagging groceries as a job?” asked the leprechaun.
“The customers are kind and good to me. The cashiers are kind and good to me. The bosses are kind and good to me,” said Flanders. “But my attitude is not always kind and good to them.”
“What do you mean?” asked the leprechaun.
“Lots of times I get caught up in some of my sales floor projects at the grocery store,” confessed Flanders. “I find myself putting up milk or stocking eggs or doing back stock or putting up grocery stock or facing or rotating. I let myself become too comfortable in my sales floor stuff that I am doing.
And then I hear it again, ‘Flanders, customer service, please. Flanders, customer service.’ That means that a cashier is calling me to come and bag a customer’s groceries. We are like the last store that still offers our customers a free carry-out service of their groceries to their cars in the parking lot. And when I hear my name summoned for customer service to bag groceries, a part of me is rattled, because I was in the middle of some sales floor work that I wanted to get done. And I have to leave my pet
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project of the moment and go up and bag an order of groceries. To my shame, I call this responsibility ‘my thorn in the flesh.’ The Apostle Paul talked about his own thorn in the flesh in II Corinthians 12:7-10. He said that it buffeted him, lest he be exalted above measure. The Bible never tells what Paul’s thorn in the flesh was. But mine is bagging groceries for a living. When the Bible talks about ‘the flesh,’ of course, it refers to one’s own desires and willfulness and selfishness that is contrary to God’s will. And a thorn in the flesh is a pricking point that is always there and always uncomfortable and always unsettling. God wills me to bag for the glory of God. I fight bagging in my heart in rebellion against the Good Lord. I am wrong. God is right. The customers are good. The cashiers are blameless. My boss loves business to be good. I have to keep telling myself Psalm 100:2, which says, ‘Serve the Lord with gladness:…’”
“Are you anticipating a happier workplace when you get to Heaven, Flanders?” asked the leprechaun.
“Yeah! Yeah!” said Flanders.
“What do you think that God would have you to do for Him in your work in Glory?” asked the leprechaun.
“I would like to write for a career Up There,” said Flanders.
“Then Heaven for you will be being an author in Heaven,” said the leprechaun.
“I can write novels and stories happily ever after in Heaven,” said Flanders. “In my stories, the saved boyfriend will lead the lost girlfriend to salvation. Or the saved girlfriend will lead the lost boyfriend to salvation. Or the Christian girl gets her prayers answered like unto a life dream come true.
Or it is the Christian guy whom God answers his prayers and his life dreams. In my novels, the women can be unicorn mistresses or griffin mistresses. Or the men can be unicorn masters or griffin masters. And I can have battles between good and evil.”
“Do you write such in your time down here?” asked the leprechaun.
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“Uh huh,” said Flanders. “But in Heaven I will make it my occupation, and not just my hobby. And I will have a lot more time to write these things. And other saints—and maybe even the angels—might read my stories that I write in Heaven when I get There. And my writing will be better Up There than it is so far down here.”
“Writing must be your dream job,” said the leprechaun. “Why don’t you step out in faith and make a job out of writing in this life for God?”
“I do not want an editor changing what I write. If a writer down here turns professional and gets paid royalties for what he writes, then that means that an editor and an agent and a publisher will also want to have their ways upon the written work as well. My writing is mine, and it is mine and God’s. No editor is going to draw any of his red lines through my sentences—even if it means for me not to get published. In Heaven, my stories and novels will not be compromised by editors,” said Flanders.
“A writer knows best how to write what he writes. Editors do not necessarily make changes for the story’s quality so much as for the story’s saleability.,” said the leprechaun.
Just then the four wading in the creek saw a flame of fire shooting along the bank where their mentor was walking with his pot. And right after that, their gallant and mighty leprechaun cried out, “Woe is me! My hands are burned! And it is too hot to hold on to my pot!”
The four understood that a fire-breathing creature had just now shot fire upon their leprechaun upon his hands and upon the pot that he was holding in his hands. But the leprechaun rallied, and he did not drop the hot pot out of his hands. He held on to the pot of coins with all of his determination.
And again, he dropped not even one coin from this pot of coins despite this attack on his life.
Having heard this and seen the flame of fire, Destiny called forth, “What happened up there?”
Gretchen called out, “Are you okay, O leprechaun of God?”
“I am okay,” said the leprechaun. “But another foe has come to get me. Pray to God for your
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safety. Amen. The Lord is mightier than I.”
Then Flanders asked, “Who’s up there with you?”
And Proffery asked, “What is he after?”
Then the creature that had attacked the leprechaun with that flame of fire manifested itself to the four down in the creek.
“Why, it’s a she!” exclaimed Flanders.
Proffery studied the anatomy of this she-beast, saying, “The head of a lion…the body of a goat…the tail of a snake.”
“Why, she has come straight out of Greek mythology!” said Gretchen.
“Or maybe Roman mythology,” said Destiny.
“I am your worst nightmare, young men and young women,” said this she-monster.
“Behold a real chimera,” proclaimed the stalwart leprechaun.
“Surrender your pot of gold and silver, O leprechaun of the Lord,” demanded of their leader this chimera.
“I shall cut you to pieces before you take my precious pot,” said the fearsome little leprechaun.
“I require your treasure,” said the chimera.
“My Jesus has a job for me to do, and I will not let you keep me from fulfilling it,” said the leprechaun.
“Then I shall take it forcefully from you,” said the chimera.
Then the little fierce leprechaun put his right arm around the bronze pot and drew his sword out of his sheath with his spare left arm. And he unleashed a most ferocious attack upon this she-beast with his little sword. First the leprechaun cut off her tail. Then he cut up her body. Then he cut off her head. And very quickly this powerful and dangerous chimera lay dead upon the banks of this creek.
The four believers were dumbfounded upon this great fight. Still had not this leprechaun
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spilled any of his coins out of the lid of this bronze pot. And he said, “My hands still hurt.” But then he went on to say, “Well, that’s that with this one.” And he sheathed his sword back into his scabbard with his left hand. And he put once again both arms around the circumference of his pot of treasure.
And he held it tightly against his midriff. He then said, “It’s getting heavier to hold up.” Then he said, ”Do follow me. We five are now halfway there.”
And he resumed his guiding of his disciples, and they resumed their wading down the creek in obedience. After a while, he turned to the younger Maillot twin, and he asked her, “Destiny, what do you think will make Heaven Heavenly for you when you get There?”
“What can I say but, ditto? I want a happy workplace to go to like any other born-again believer would,” replied Destiny Maillot. “It is not easy for a Christian to go to a workplace filled with unchristian workers. I am the dairy manager at the grocery store that I work at. As a believer who wants to please her Saviour at the job, I feel it is my duty to do the best that I can do for my boss and for my Jesus. But the other workers do not feel the same way about Christ and their job. They don’t care about doing a good job at work. To them it is good enough if the job is done, even if it is not done well. Who cares if it is all wrong? They do think. I got it done. That’s good enough for me. They come in late. They leave early. They slack all day and punch buttons on their cell phones. They call in sick, even when they are perfectly well. And they lie and say bad things about us believers there. For myself, I like all of my dairy products in their right places in my dairy case. I want the milk to be in the right place—the two-percent where the two-percent goes and the one percent where the one percent goes and the skim where the skim goes and the whole where the whole goes. And so with the half-pints and the pints and the quarts and the half-gallons and the gallons. But the unsaved workers, being
what they are, often put the milk in the wrong place. They do not study the shelf tags and the U.P.C. numbers to make sure that they are putting my milk in its right place on my shelf. They choose to slack, being lazy. And I see milk in the wrong place in my own dairy case. And the good workers have
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to pick up the slack of the bad workers. The good workers are already tired and discouraged. But now they become even more fatigued and weary, having to fix the mistakes of the lost workers who don’t care. And the lost workers continue merrily on in their lazy ways. I guess that I am a dairy manager who wants her department to look good. And I have to fight the rest of the store to keep it looking good. I can only dream about a happy grocery store job, O leprechaun.” Then she said, “I dream about a happy grocery store job in my sleep. What sweet dreams those are. Maybe that will be so for me after the rapture sometime. A woman like me can dream.”
“You dream in the night of a happy grocery store job, and you daydream in your waking life of a happy grocery store job in Heaven,” summed up the leprechaun.
“I do. I surely do,” she said.
“What will work be like for you in Heaven’s grocery stores, Destiny?” asked the leprechaun.
“Just like my dreams in my sleep,” said Destiny Maillot in good cheer. “My grocery store that I will work at will be an old-fashioned little grocery store like in the olden days of America. It will have only two or three employees, and I will be one of them. In the TV show “The Waltons,” there was a man named ‘Ike Godsey.’ who ran a 1930’s grocery store. That’s where I would like to work in Heaven. It would be a happy grocery store. It would be a happy place to work. It would be a nice little shop in which to earn a living. And in Heaven, all of my fellow workers will have a work ethic that pleases God instead of one that displeases God. My real grocery store has a few dozen fellow workers. Just think how happy I would be working with a grocery store of only a couple or three fellow workers. A tiny grocery store like that excites me with a joy of the Lord in actually going to work of all places. Thinking about this, I cannot wait to go to work in Heaven, O good leprechaun.”
The leprechaun said, “So Heaven for you is going to work in an Ike’s Grocery Store, Destiny.”
“Happy times await me in Glory,” said Destiny Maillot.
Just then their fearless leprechaun betrayed a squeal of consternation and put his bronze pot
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over his eyes and bent his legs at the knees to crouch. He did not look ahead from behind this pot before his eyes. And the gallant leprechaun prayed, “I rest upon you, O Lord.”
“O leprechaun sent by God, what is up there with you?” asked the younger Maillot twin.
“I have to see and take a look,” said the elder Maillot twin.
“Nay, my daughters. Do not so foolish a thing with my nemesis of this moment,” adjured the leprechaun.
“We could help you,” said Flanders.
“We do not want you to do all of this alone,” said Proffery.
“Good sons of God, this one, like the others, is all of my work in God and none of your work in God,” said the leprechaun.
“Why, O giving leprechaun?” asked Gretchen.
“Why do even you hide behind that pot with this foe?” asked Destiny.
“Because this time my adversary is a basilisk,” explained the leprechaun.
“A basilisk?” asked Gretchen.
“A real basilisk?” asked Destiny.
The four pilgrims well heard about such beasts as basilisks. If one looked upon the face of a basilisk, that person died. If a basilisk looked upon the face of a person, that person died. If a basilisk breathed his breath upon a person, that person died. If a person breathed in the breath of a basilisk, that person died.
“The dread reptile of dread reptiles,” said Flanders in understanding.
“The unconquerable beast,” said Proffery.
And the four Christians, in seeking to help their benefactor and mentor, began to climb up the bank, covering their eyes and their noses and their mouth.
“Good people of God, I entreat you to go back now into the creek and to turn around and to
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keep your faces covered with both hands,” urged the Godly leprechaun in gentleness. Convinced by his compassionate tone, the four did just exactly that. And they waited upon what would come from so perilous a beast as this in their leprechaun’s battle of the moment.
The basilisk spoke now, his voice dark and guttural, “O leprechaun of Christ, give me your pot of gold and silver, lest I breathe upon you where you do stand.”
“I have the Lord’s work that I must do with my pot,” said the leprechaun. The magical leprechaun held up his big bronze pot in his right arm way high up at the level of his head, and he drew his sword from his sheath in his left hand.
“I have come to oppose your Lord’s work,” said the basilisk. “Again I say unto you, ‘Give it to me, or I shall breathe upon you and kill you where you stand.’”
“In the name of Jesus Christ, I say unto you, ‘Go and breathe in now your own breath,’” declared the leprechaun.
Smitten by God with this declaration, the basilisk found himself now breathing in his own poisonous breath as he breathed it out. And a deadly paroxysm of coughing came upon the basilisk where he stood before the leprechaun. Nevertheless, the basilisk undauntedly went on to say to the leprechaun, “O fellow with the Holy Ghost power of Elijah and Elisha, give me your magic pot, or I will look you in the eye where you crouch and slay you with one glance.”
With a Holy Spirit power within himself, the leprechaun told the basilisk, “In the name of Christ Jesus, I command you to look yourself in the eye.”
Struck by God this second time, the basilisk found himself coming up to the creek and looking upon his fell reptilian face in the creek’s reflection. His eyes were looking at his eyes. And the basilisk fell to the ground here on the bank of the creek and did not move. Covering his own visage with his big bronze pot, the leprechaun came up to him and saw him prostrate, face down, and not moving. With his same right arm holding up his pot of precious coins, he went ahead to strike at the back of the
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neck of the fallen basilisk with his sword in his same left hand. Once. Twice. Thrice. And the basilisk lost his head. And he was slain in battle.
Then with the authority of a fellow who had done his Lord’s work effectively, the leprechaun said to the four, “You may look now.”
And they all looked. “It festers,” said Flanders.
“It stinks,” said Proffery.
“It rots,” said Gretchen,
“It oozes,” said Destiny.
The leprechaun then sheathed his sword back into his scabbard and once again put both of his short arms around the wide pot.
“Good leprechaun, your eyes are yellow now,” said Flanders.
“They used to be white,” said Gretchen.
“Alas, your faithful leader had caught a little glimpse of the basilisk’s glimpse,” said the leprechaun. “But I will not die.”
“And your skin is yellow, too,” said Destiny.
“It was white just before the basilisk had come,” said Proffery.
“Your faithful leprechaun has breathed in a little of that basilisk’s breath, I do confess,” said the leprechaun. “But I will live on.”
And with supernatural power the leprechaun resumed his long journey with this most onerous pot of treasure borne by his little frame, telling them, “Let us resume our trek to where I need to lead you four.”
And the four again began following him—him up on the land; themselves yet down in the creek.
Then it was Proffery’s turn to answer the question put forth by the angelic leprechaun of green.
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Of course the leprechaun asked him in like, “What do you think that Heaven will be like, Proffery?”
“Why, a job at Racine’s Office Supply Store in the skies,” readily answered Proffery.
“What will Heaven not be like for you, may I ask?” interjected the interested leprechaun.
“Working as the frozen manager at the grocery store I work at right now,” said Proffery.
“Is working at a grocery store a bad thing?” asked the leprechaun.
“No worse a thing than working at any place other than a grocery store in this temporal life,” said Proffery.
“Do you see all jobs as bad things in your life down here before Heaven?” asked the leprechaun.
“Were I to quit my job as frozen manager and go start a new job any other place, I would be in effect ending up merely trading one bad thing for another bad thing,” said Proffery.
“You must hate work,” said the leprechaun.
“In Heaven I will love work,” said Proffery.
“Tell me about your life as the frozen foods manager at your grocery store, Proffery,” said the leprechaun.
“It all started when the boss came up to me and said, ‘Proffery, for now on it will be more work with less people.’” said Proffery.
“Ah, under-staffing,” said the leprechaun.
“An easy way for a store owner to make more money for himself at the expense of his workers,” lamented Proffery.
“Stress!” said the leprechaun.
“Yes! And when the boss does that, he ends up with disgruntled workers and unhappy customers,” said Proffery.
“Sounds like a good way for the store owner to see his store go out of business,” said the
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leprechaun.
“Multitasking tempts me to fall into a nervous breakdown at times,” said Proffery. “It is not easy having to be at two different places at the same time. We do not have enough workers to wait on our customers.”
“Would you say that working in this life is like ‘going to a place where you do not wish to be and doing something that you do not wish to be doing?’” asked the leprechaun.
“It is like an exhaustion—but not of the body, but, rather, of the emotions,” said Proffery.
“Cheer up, child of God. As you know, going to work in Heaven is far more happy than going to work on Earth,” said the leprechaun.
“No more will it be for me where the minutes are long, and the hours are many,” said Proffery with hope.
“You can’t wait to work at a type of Racine’s Office Supply Shop Up There. Can you?” asked the leprechaun in encouragement.
“Old fashioned creaking floors of wood, an entrance door with a little bell that rings when a customer comes in, narrow and random aisles, a store merchant that says, ‘God bless you.’ shelves that are full and overflowing with merchandise, and all kinds of wonderful and neat products for schools and businesses and offices,” said Proffery.
“What kinds of things did this include?” asked the leprechaun.
“Paper for one—and lots of it. For example yellow pads of wide-ruled paper, pads of white ruled paper, both wide-ruled and college ruled, index card notebooks and loose index cards and typing paper and copy paper and construction paper and sketch pads and graph paper and shorthand notebooks. And also writing tools also—all the kinds that one can find. For example, pencils of all types of different numbered leads, pens of all colors,, all colors of magic markers and crayons and colored pencils. And typewriter supplies also—from ribbons for manual typewriters and for electric
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typewriters and for electronic typewriters; and from erasing supplies such as eraser wheels with brushes and erasable tabs and correction spools and correction cartridges,” said Proffery with fervency.
“Where is this Racine’s Office Supply Store in this Earth?” asked the leprechaun.
“It is gone now. But I remember,” said Proffery. “It was on Main Street in east Green Bay not far from a Sure-Way grocery store, but across the street.”
“How did you find out about it?” asked the leprechaun.
“I went to the hardware store right by it to buy an aluminum garbage can for my garbage pickup,” said Proffery. “And there it was, that beautiful shop–a simple sign and a basic entrance way, but a marvelous interior. It was like Heaven on Earth.”
“Did you think about maybe working for this good man who blessed his customers in the name of the Lord?” asked the leprechaun.
“I did,” said Proffery. “And I did ask the merchant if he were looking to hire. But he told me that he was going to retire and sell the building.”
“Ouch, a happy job for you that got away,” said the leprechaun.
“I’m okay about that. I will be working for him at a Racine’s Office Supply in Heaven when my time comes to leave the Earth—either by rapture or by death,” said Proffery in good faith.
“As they say, Proffery: ‘Do what you love; love what you do.’” said the leprechaun.
“Ah, a happy job with happy workdays that await me in Glory,” said Proffery with a long sigh.
Just then a large saurian beast swooped down from above, grabbed a hold of the leprechaun holding on to his pot of treasure, and did lift back up into the skies, carrying the leprechaun and his pot up with him! To Gretchen it looked like a little dragon. To Destiny it looked like a dragon with two legs. To Flanders it looked like the Behemoth of Job chapter forty. To Proffery it looked like the Leviathan of Job chapter forty-one. But the airborne leprechaun spoke and said, “Alas, I am being carried away by a wyvern.” Yet no coin spilled out of the bronze pot in all of this chaos.
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The wyvern said then, “O leprechaun of Jesus, if I cannot take the pot away from you, then I have to take it away with you with it.” The wyvern had a hold upon the leprechaun’s shoulders with his two wyvern paws. The leprechaun had his hold yet upon his pot of coins, his grasp weakening now from so much prolonged labor of having carried it for miles. He then called down to his disciples, “Pray for your unfortunate leprechaun, if you would, O good fellowservants.”
At once Flanders said, “Let us form a prayer circle.”
And Proffery said, “A prayer meeting is in order.”
And Gretchen said, “We must save our angel!”
And Destiny said, “Jesus saves!”
And the Maillot twins and their boyfriends at once began to pray as they stood in the creek. The sound of the flowing waters gave peace to a prayer of turmoil. They then looked up from their prayers.
The airborne leprechaun and his great adversary were nowhere to be seen.
“He carried our leprechaun away,” said Destiny.
“He probably dropped him to his death,” said Flanders.
“Our leprechaun is not coming back,” said Proffery.
“He lost his coins—pot and all,” said Gretchen.
“Woe! God has not answered our prayers,” said Destiny.
“Or maybe He did not hear us four,” said Gretchen in malaise.
“I’m not giving up,” said Flanders.
“God will help us,” said Proffery.
Just then a speck appeared in the sky far away. They all saw it. They hoped in secret pining.
They watched. It grew larger and nearer. It was coming toward them straight from a distance. They prayed again—this time in silent thoughts. It became clearer. It was drawing nearer. It was a revelation indeed.
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Behold, the leprechaun riding the wyvern in the air, his bronze pot resting upon the wyvern’s back before him and held tightly in both arms of the leprechaun!
“Yea!” shouted Gretchen.
“He lives!” said Flanders.
“He’s coming back for us!” yelled Destiny.
“And he has mastered the wyvern!” said Proffery.
This wyvern then lighted upon the ground on the bank of the creek before them, and he was not happy at all. The leprechaun dismounted this wyvern, his pot of gold and silver coins still full to the top and without a coin missing in all of this flight. The wyvern spoke and said, “I loathe your God Who answers the prayers of the believers, O leprechaun of Christ!”
“God made you to come back and bring me back to the believers,” said the leprechaun.
“And I will make you pay for that, O green leprechaun,” said the wyvern.
“You cannot fight God Almighty and win, O wyvern,” said the leprechaun.
“I can still slay you and run away with the pot of coins,” said the wyvern.
“Can you? Or can you not?” asked the leprechaun, his sword in his right hand and his pot held in his left arm.
“We’ll see about that,” said the wyvern. And he charged. And the leprechaun charged. And the wyvern got the worst of it. The sword of the leprechaun in his right hand swung left and right and up and down and diagonally in the air. And after a short while, the wyvern fell dead in battle. His wings were both cut off. His legs were both cut off. His tail was cut off. And his head was cut off. It was truly a gruesome sight lying there upon the ground.
But all four Christians gave glory to God and said, “Amen!”
And the leprechaun went on to say, “God says in His Word, ‘Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me:…’ Psalm 50:23.”
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“Thank you, O Leprechaun sent by the Good Lord,” said the Christians in the creek.
Then the little leprechaun with the big pot of coins sheathed his sword back into his scabbard, gasped and said three words—”Heavy. Heavy. Heavy”—and did collapse there upon the grass.
“He’s passed out!” cried out Gretchen in dismay.
“He’s exhausted,” said Flanders.
“He’s overwrought,” said Destiny.
“He worked too hard for us,” said Proffery.
In his faintness the leprechaun said, “I pray Thee, Lord, that I have not spilled out from the pot.”
And a voice from Heaven called down and said, “That you have not, My good and faithful servant. I will be with you, and I will not leave you or forsake you.”
“God be praised,” said the supine leprechaun faintly.
The four then began to climb up the bank to go and help their fallen leader. But the voice of the Lord called down to them, saying, “Do not go and look into the pot. Leave the leprechaun to My care. Go back down into the creek and wait upon God. I love you and care for you.”
And the four born-again believers obeyed God and dared not to come up to where the bronze pot lay. The leprechaun, exhausted, had fallen in such a way that not only did no coin fall and touch the ground, but also the pot of coins itself did not fall and touch the ground. It lay instead upon the leprechaun’s chest where he lay in a daze. And his short little arms even now were pressed against the sides of the pot of coins. The four looked upon each other in expectation. The five had to wait upon the Lord Who finishes His good work. What this work was the four had no idea. But what they did know was that there was a reason why a magical leprechaun of green was bearing his load as he was all of this way and battling great beasts who wanted it unto death and leading the Christians to a mysterious place that God would have him to lead them.
In this time of silence the four discerned a sound of many waters just ahead down the creek
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from where they stood. Left Foot Creek was never so audible before. Left Foot Creek’s noise of many waters up ahead must be the place where the leprechaun was to lead them. What was there that sounded like a rapids in so shallow and narrow a creek as this? The four born-again Christians had waded down this creek many times, but they had never waded out so far as they did here today.
“I hope you’re all right, good leprechaun friend,” called out Flanders. There was no reply.
“Are you okay?” asked Proffery. There was no response.
“Tell us if you’re all right,” pleaded Gretchen, There was silence.
“Are you going to make it?” asked Destiny. Silence came from the upper bank.
“We’ve got to go and see him,” said the elder Maillot twin.
“I need to make sure that he is fine,” said the younger Maillot twin.
“He told us not to leave this creek right now,” said Flanders.
“And God told us not to leave this creek yet,” said Proffery.
And the Maillot twins stayed down here in the flowing waters with their boyfriends. And they waited upon leprechaun and God. And they prayed and quoted Scripture and shared fellowship in this time of trial.
Then they saw him. He was standing now before them up on the land. He held his pot in his hands yet. And he was okay and all right. And he could speak now. And he said to them, “Up ahead Left Foot Creek flows into Left Foot Lake. There is my destination. There is your destiny. There is where God has me to lead you to.”
“We are almost there then,” said Gretchen.
“It’s been a long and good journey,” said Destiny.
“God must have something to tell us four,” said Proffery.
“God must be testing us,” said Flanders.
“I am your messenger sent by God,” said the leprechaun. Then he said, “Follow me the short
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rest of the way, if you would.”
And he led them the last one hundred yards of Left Foot Creek. And here they were at Left Foot Lake. And they waded out into the lake up to their waists. He needed not to tell them that their pilgrimage ended here. As beautifully pastoral as was the creek, all the more was it so at this lake. Truly Left Foot Lake was a place where God would be most likely to come down from Heaven unto Earth.
And the leprechaun disclosed to them a hint of his purpose as their mentor this day, saying, “I have brought you four born-again Christians here in order that you may learn the mystery of Heaven for the glory of God.” Then he said plainly, “I am come that I may edify you here what makes Heaven what it is for the born-again believer who is truly living for God.”
All four pondered the sagacious objectives stated by their leprechaun. There was more to Heaven than going to work and being happy doing it. They were convicted of not comprehending Heaven for what made it truly Heavenly. But they dared not to think too hard on what Heaven was supposed to be in the eyes of the Holy God. But they did have an idea. And they awaited the leprechaun’s further words to tell them what they were thinking now.
And he told them what they were thinking now, them in the lake; and himself holding up his pot of coins at the banks of the lake: “Heaven is all about Jesus.”
Of course!
And he continued, “What makes Heaven to be Heaven, foolish sons and daughters of God, is the regal glory of Christ sitting upon His throne with yourself kneeling before Him in worship.”
He was so right.
And he then said, “Only walking and talking with the divine and physical and glorified Jesus Christ the Lord in the life to come is what makes Heaven the Place of perfect love and perfect peace and perfect joy.”
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Jesus was the Prince of Peace.
“I believe, but do not understand,” confessed Flanders.
“I have ears to hear, but I do not comprehend,” confessed Proffery.
“I know what you tell me is truth, but I cannot quite see it,” said Gretchen.
“I can only see this through a glass darkly,” said Destiny.
“You four had left your own personal Saviour out of your ideas of Heaven,” rebuked the stern leprechaun. “But I can do my work, and God will help you to repent.”
“What shall we do?” asked Flanders.
“Should we stay here in the lake?” asked the elder Maillot twin.
“Should we pray?” asked Proffery.
“Should we come up to the shore?” asked the younger Maillot twin.
“It is time now for you four travelers to come up out of the waters and to stand with me upon the land,” said the leprechaun.
The four weary waders now came up out of Left Foot Lake and stood beside their guide upon the banks of this lake.
“Look out upon Left Foot Lake,” said the leprechaun. “And behold the work of the Lord. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”
Having uttered this prelude, the leprechaun then held out his pot of gold and silver coins out above the lake where he stood. And he then ceremoniously turned the pot over and completely upside-down. Lo, he let fall every last one of his gold and silver coins into Left Foot Lake before where the five stood. Behold a whirlwind of white suddenly came up out of the lake right where the precious coins fell in. It was a white tornado. It was a gentle white tornado. It was the Holy Spirit of God. It was the strength and the wisdom and the love of the Holy Ghost. And it came toward the four believers on the shores. And it came upon them. And it passed through them. And it passed by them. And it
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ascended back up to Heaven. And it was gone. And the Christians were most effectually edified.
“I now believe and understand,” said Flanders.
“I have ears to hear, and I now comprehend,” said Proffery.
“I know the truth, and I see it now,” said Gretchen.
“I now know the secret things that belong to the Lord my God,” said Destiny.
“Flanders, I call upon you to tell me what the white tornado has taught you about Heaven,” said the leprechaun.
And Flanders said, “If it is anything like what I think it is now, it is truly all about Jesus this time for me.”
“What is Heaven for you now that Jesus is in your daydreams thereby?” asked the leprechaun.
“I will write a story Up There in my writing room in my mansion, and I will go and give it personally to my Saviour to read,” summed up Flanders. Then he elaborated on his new understanding of Heaven, saying, “It will be thirty-one-page typed story. It will be called ‘The Maillot Twins.’ I will type it on my electronic typewriter, and I will proofread it thoroughly and take away any typographical errors, and I will put it in my big yellow envelope and I will put that, in turn, in my manila folder. Then I will put it in my attaché case. And I will at once go on a long walk down the countryside roads of Heaven with my short story to go see Jesus. And when I get there, I will kneel before Him, and I will open up my briefcase, and I will give my short story to Him. And God will read the story that I have written for Him in Heaven. And He will say to me, ‘Well written, O good and faithful servant.’ And that will be my first story written in Heaven.”
“God bless you, Flanders,” said the leprechaun. “You have repented in the Lord.”
Then the leprechaun called forth to Proffery, and he said to him, “Good Proffery, would you like to go next?”
“The honor is mine,” said Proffery. “I, too, have learned what I needed to learn in my heart
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from that white tornado.”
“What did the white tornado say to you that touched your heart for Heaven?” asked the leprechaun.
“A new daydream that will come true,” said Proffery. And he went on to narrate his new dream about Heaven: “First of all, I will be with Jesus. I will be with my Saviour in a grove full of lemon trees and lime trees. Jesus knows how I love iced tea all the seasons of the year down here in Wisconsin. Spring and summer and fall and winter, my favorite drink is always iced tea. Well, Up There Jesus and I can drink iced tea together in the groves. I can pick a lime from a lime tree, and I can squeeze it into my big mug of iced tea and add sugar cubes as I chat with God. Then he can pick a lemon from a lemon tree and squeeze that into his mug of iced tea and add sugar cubes as He chats with me. Being the Creator, my Saviour had created the world’s first lemon trees and first lime trees on the third day of creation six thousand years ago. And my Maker and I can walk and talk and drink cold tea as we wander around the fields of lemon trees and lime trees. And I will have the time of my life fellowshipping with my precious Saviour.”
“Well said, O Proffery,” commended the leprechaun. “Your heart has been made right in the Lord.”
Then the leprechaun spoke and said, “What did you learn for yourself from the white tornado that passed through your body, Gretchen?”
“I have come to daydream of a visit from Jesus to my mansion in Glory,” began Gretchen.
“Not just any visit,” said the leprechaun in emphasis.
“Indeed. We two will eat together in my dining room,” said Gretchen.
“What kind of dinner will you make for God in your kitchen, Gretchen?” asked the leprechaun.
“A whole heaping platter of strawberry shortcake,” proclaimed Gretchen. “I will know that Jesus is coming for dinner. And I will be in my kitchen preparing it. I cut the fresh strawberries. I
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make the biscuits. I make the whipped topping. And it is all made from scratch. My Lord deserves the best from me. Then I cut the biscuits into two halves, put the strawberries and whipped topping upon the bottom half, put the top half upon that, then put more strawberries and whipped topping upon that top half. Then my work for God in the kitchen of my mansion is done. And I set the dining room table in my mansion There. And then the Lord comes. And we each eat from our platters. And for a drink we will have whole milk. And Jesus can say to me His humble and grateful servant, ‘Thank you for dinner, O Gretchen. You’re a great cook.’”
“Great dream. So shall it become reality for you in Heaven,” promised the leprechaun. “You are truly mature now in the Lord.”
Then the leprechaun spoke and said, “Tell me, Destiny, what thoughts about Heaven did the white tornado inspire you with when it did its work on your heart?”
“I will marry the Lamb of God,” said Destiny. The Lamb of God was Christ Jesus.
“You must be talking about the marriage of the Lamb in Revelation 19:7,” said the leprechaun.
“Yeah, O leprechaun,” said Destiny. “I will be the Lamb’s wife.”
“The Lamb’s wife is the symbol of the church,” said the leprechaun.
“I will represent all of the believers on Earth and in Heaven,” said Destiny. “I will be dressed in a pure white wedding gown of linen. The linen symbolizes the righteousness of the saints. I will be a beautiful bride at the altar in Heaven. And Jesus will be the Bridegroom. As the Groom, Christ is the Head of the church.” She then continued, “I will walk down the aisle in Heaven. And I will stop beside Jesus at the altar. And I will marry the Son of God there in a type of symbolism. And all Christians and Christ will be together for ever and ever.”
“A beautiful allegory to dream about in Heaven indeed, O Destiny,” declared the leprechaun.
“No other testimony of Heaven of this day so glorifies the Christ Jesus of Heaven so personally as does yours, O good Destiny.”
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Then the leprechaun spoke final words of farewell, saying, “My work in the Lord is done now.
God has done His Good through me to His glory. You four now will have the crown of righteousness to give back to Christ when He takes you home. That’s the crown given to the saints in Heaven who loved the Lord’s appearing for the right reasons while still living on this Earth. I bid you four in Christ, ‘Good-by until we meet again in Heaven.’ God be with you all every moment and every while. Farewell. And Amen!”
Then the leprechaun let go of his empty bronze pot down into Left Foot Lake, and a gray tornado came up out of the lake, swept up the little green leprechaun in its gentle vortex, and took him back up to Heaven.
The Maillot twins and their boyfriends were alone now.
Flanders said, “”What a leprechaun. I can’t wait to see him again.”
Gretchen said, “What a day it’s been today. God has made us right.”
Proffery said, “What a lake. I had never seen this lake before.”
And Destiny said, “What mighty whirlwinds. They made magic happen.”
Then the Maillot twins and their twin boyfriends began their walk back to their own section of Left Foot Creek back home, this time walking on the dry ground of bank.
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