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Tracy Pie Chart, the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend, wears her yellow and red chevron-patterned one-piece swimsuit everyday.  Her beloved pet is a golden hind named ‘Demoiselle.’  And the maillot girl, though a good born-again Christian, has unforsaken sin in her life that has brought about into her life a demonic persecutor named ‘The Great Dark Griffin.’  Her boyfriend Flanders Arckery Nickels is also a good born-again believer, and he has a dear pet centaur named ‘Sieur.’  Flanders, also, needs to repent of a certain sin, his sin having brought into his life the demon called ‘The Great Dark Unicorn.’  For Tracy and Flanders, in order to rid themselves of their evil foes, they must first repent of their sins in their Christian walk.

THE ONE-PIECE SWIMSUIT GIRLFRIEND

Morgan P. McCarthy

The Table of Contents
Chapter I………………………………………………………………………………………….Page 1
Chapter II…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 12
Chapter III………………………………………………………………………………………..Page 24
Chapter IV………………………………………………………………………………………..Page 37
Chapter V…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 49
Chapter VI………………………………………………………………………………………..Page 61
Chapter VII……………………………………………………………………………………….Page 73
Chapter VIII………………………………………………………………………………………Page 85
Chapter IX………………………………………………………………………………………..Page 96
Chapter X………………………………………………………………………………………..Page 107
Chapter XI……………………………………………………………………………………….Page 119
Chapter XII………………………………………………………………………………………Page 131
Chapter XIII……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 142
Chapter XIV……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 153
Chapter XV……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 164
Chapter XVI…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 176
Chapter XVII…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 187
Chapter XVIII…………………………………………………………………………………..Page 198
Chapter XIX…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 209
Chapter XX……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 220
Chapter XXI…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 231
Chapter XXII…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 243
 
CHAPTER I
Her name was Tracy—Tracy Pie Chart—and she was a one-piece swimsuit woman.  Next to her King James Version Bible, her women’s one-piece swimsuit was the most a part of her of what she was as a girl.  And, being a born-again believer, Tracy did indeed love most of all her personal Saviour Jesus Christ.  And Miss Chart was the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend to her boyfriend Flanders.  Alone with God again in her bedroom, this girl spread out upon her bed her prized maillot to behold and to cherish and to touch.  She reveled in its femininity.  She delighted in its fabric.  She dreamed upon its yellows and its reds.  She doted upon its curves along its sides.  She was thankful for its high leg cut and its deep V-neck.  She put it to her nose in admiration.  She felt the cups in her thumbs and index fingers.  She ran it across her cheeks and down her chin.  She took a sneaky peak inside at its crotch liner and felt like a bad girl, and she did grin and look up toward God in repentance.  She thanked God for this maillot, saying to Him now, “Good Lord, you give us everything that we do need and some things that we do only want.”  She did not need this one-piece swimsuit, but it made her so very happy with satisfied want met in her many days as a born-again believer in Christ.  She then spoke three cogent words in tribute this maillot from God:  “Vintage!  Classic!  Traditional!”  Then she said again
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the best three words in her walk with Christ as a Christian;  “Thank You, God!”
This was what this one-piece swimsuit girlfriend’s one-piece swimsuit looked like:  Its pattern was a chevron-pattern top to bottom and front and back.  It had alternating red V-stripes and yellow V-stripes, each stripe one-and-one-half inches wide.  In front they ran down her shoulder straps, across her cups, down her torso, and across her belly and right down there in front of where her nether regions were.  In back, they ran down her shoulder straps and across her lower back and all throughout where her bottom was in a scoop back maillot fashion.  And along both sides, she could see the edges of these V-Stripes, where they began and where they ended.  Her shoulder straps were a most comfortable one-inch-wide upon her shoulders, gradually widening down to her swimsuit cups.  Within both sides of her maillot, and sewn inside the swimsuit itself were thick red strings all the way down the whole length of her sides.  These thick red swimsuit strings came out of the bottoms of both sides of the maillot and did tie up most alluringly along her hips for simple adornment.  The curves of her chevron one-piece swimsuit cups bent the V-stripes from their straightness across them.  And these V-stripes in themselves appeared to this girl to look like unto arrows that all pointed right down to where it was no man’s business to look upon her in her one-piece swimsuit. “Naughty, naughty, Tracy Pie Chart,” she chastised herself in mock rebuke.  She then looked up toward God and raised her arms halfway in ambivalence.  And she smiled in grin at God.  “Thanks for having made me a woman, Lord.” she said.  Tracy then turned her swimming suit over on her bed to admire its scoop back fashion.  A man could see so much of a woman’s back in swimming suit styles like this.  And Miss Chart stopped to stare upon her maillot’s inner liner.  It was a deep and sultry tan color.  And it covered the inside of her maillot all down the front and all down the back—both sides; not just the front.  And the inside of her swimsuit cups were the same tan color.  And the strong elastic band that ran underneath her cups was the same tan color.  As was the secret crotch liner within down below.  Then Tracy Chart picked up her fetish of a garment in both hands and once again read the three tags that were sewn in at the top of the
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left hand side, just below the band:  One tag read, “Made in the U.S.A.”  One tag read, “Size 9/10”  And one tag read, “Made of Antron Nylon/Lycra Spandex.”  She then held it up by its shoulder straps in both hands, and she prayed, “Lord, a man’s best friend is a dog; and a woman’s best friend is a diamond.  Not so for myself, as You so know about me.  Never mind a nice box of chocolates; never mind stupid flowers; never mind wasteful jewelry.  What this girl wants is a one-piece swimsuit.  And the one that I have now is the best maillot in the world.  I love myself in it; and Flanders loves me in it.”  Then the Holy Spirit spoke divine thoughts into her thankful heart, and she learned a most personal revelation about swimsuits and God:  Somewhere out there in America, a real worker or workers had
worked on a workday to make this ravishing maillot.  They were the makers of this one-piece swimsuit.
And God since the dawn of time was called “The Maker,”  He had made the people who had made this swimsuit for her.  So that made God to be “The Maker of the maker of this one-piece swimsuit.”  “Dear  Heavenly Father,” she prayed all due Scripture, “it is written about You, ‘To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever.  Amen.’  Jude 25.”
Then she quickly got dressed in this prize of a garment for the day, and she ran to the mirror to look at herself, a fan of this clothing, and a skeptic about herself.  She thought in prayer to God, “It is not myself that makes this swimming suit look good; it is this swimming suit that makes myself look good.  Isn’t that so, Lord?”  She then stopped to examine her face.  Her hair was long and straight and brown.  That was good for a girl.  Brunettes were prettier than blondes and redheads.  Across her forehead were full brown bangs.  A girl who had her forehead uncovered from her hair was not so pretty as a girl who had her forehead covered with hair.  “Bangs rule,” said Tracy Chart to herself and to God.  This young woman now wore contact lenses in her eyes.  But she had used to wear only glasses all the time when she was younger.  Back in those days, her boyfriend Flanders always said to her, “Tracy, you’ve got the prettiest glasses in Wisconsin.”  Now that she wore contact lenses instead, Flanders always said to her, “Tracy, you’ve got the prettiest eyes in Wisconsin.”  Tracy was just as
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beautiful with or without glasses in both her heart and in her boyfriend’s heart.  And she said to God, “A woman is attractive in glasses.”  If her boyfriend did quite believe in her attraction, then maybe she was attractive, no matter what she might think upon looking into this mirror.  Then Tracy Chart remembered what so-kind and sincere Flanders had told her just yesterday at his place: “Tracy, you are even more beautiful than your one-piece swimsuit!”  That had made her heart skip a beat in joy.  Nobody had ever given her so great a compliment as this.  Maybe it was true!  And all of her doubts about her slender form and about her comely features before her in the mirror now melted away in Flanders’ praise of her to her.  She prayed again to God, “Good Lord, is it not written in I Timothy1:17 all about You, ‘Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honour and glory for ever and ever.  Amen?’”  Then she said, “I thank You for Flanders Nickels.”  Then Tracy Pie Chart went on to pray, “And I thank You for letting me be a thirty-year-old woman these days.  Amen and Amen!”  Flanders was also thirty years old.
Her house was nice and pretty, also.  And it was most quaint and unusual.   And her yard was equally unique and different.  Her house was like unto the outline of a jaw of alternating present teeth and missing teeth.  And her yard was one flat acre elevated above the rest of the countryside upon a high ridge.  This ridge climbed ten feet up in its front to the southeast.  And this ridge was level in its front to the southwest. Between the west edge and the east edge of this front was a gradual rise.  A wooden staircase built into the ground climbed the steepest edge of the ridge.  In front of this ridge in the lower land below was the former house of Mom and Dad’s, and four acres of nice rural land.  When Mom and Dad had moved away, Tracy had her house built here on this elevated one acre of backyard beyond.  Up here not far away, one could see the Pine Mountain Ski Jump.  And up here one could look down upon the vacant house in front.  And up here one could see the many fields of farmers out back, whose ground was at the level of this ridge along its back boundaries.  Up here one could look upward to the tops of towering box elders, a single file line of such trees along the farmers’ fences at the north
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edge.  Up here one could reach out his hand to the sumac trees, short of stature and smooth of red buds.
Tracy’s mailbox on the road out in front of Mom and Dad’s old house read the same address as it did when Tracy was still down there living with Mom and Dad.  And that address was “Route 1, Box 130, Iron Mountain, MI. 49801.”  And her property was here in Aurora, Wisconsin, in Florence County.
As for her most odd and pleasing house, it was a one-story house whose configuration was like unto the configurations of battlements on castle roofs in Medieval times.  Battlements on Middle Ages roofs were in the forms of little wall and gap, little wall and gap, and so on.  And so thus was Tracy’s house:  it was in the form of a front hallway all the way across the width of the house, to which were attached unconnected rooms; that is, there was a room, then no room; a room, then no room, and so on across the span of her house.  Her house had five rooms along its back behind the long front hallway.
Between each room, a front hallway window looked out to the back, to the north, thus giving daylight to this wide long hall.  No windows were in this front of this hall, the wall that looked to the south.  And the only door that opened into this most odd house was in the middle of this front hall.  The five rooms were like five separate equally-sized squares up against a long thin rectangle.  The room farthest to the west was the living room, Tracy’s Bible-reading room most of the time.  Here she had her oak table and oak chair set that Mom and Dad had given her when she moved in up here, some time after their house down there had become vacant.  This table was where she spread out her Bible study stuff for daily Bible readings:  a box of twelve pencils with pencil cap erasers of different colors, a sturdy metal pencil sharpener with a crank, index card notebooks and loose index cards, Feature devotional commentary magazines, a ruler for a straightedge, her traditional Bible (the King James Version Bible in which she underlined and took notes in its pages), her auxiliary Bible (the King James Version Bible from which she looked up Scripture verses with Feature studies and did no underlining or writing in its pages), and usually a big mug of tea or iced tea with a bowl of quartered limes and a box of sugar cubes to put into it.  On this living room’s west wall was a window that looked out onto her ridge’s west.
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Her living room also had a north window that looked out onto the back of her ridge.  And her living room also had an east window that looked out onto a small span of yard and unto the window of her next room down.  And the south wall had no window.  Instead the south wall of her living room had a door that opened out into the far west part of her front hallway.
As for the next room of this house, this room was the kitchen.  And this kitchen was also her fellowship room.  In this kitchen did the one-piece swimsuit girl make dinners for fellow members of her church.  A dining room table with six chairs made this kitchen also a dining room.  She got together  for fellowship dinners with other ladies of the church here often, and they did share Christ as only Christians can do.  She adored her many dates with Flanders in this room.  She did cook breakfasts and lunches and dinners for her fellow believers quite often in here.  And everybody loved her cooking.  Only Emmy, Pastor’s wife, was a better cook than was Tracy Chart.  Emmy had won the Betty Crocker Award back in her days of high school.  But Tracy had gotten a grade of an A+ in Foods class when she  had gone to high school.  Flanders was a lucky man to have a woman like Tracy cooking for him.  He loved her breaded frog legs most of all of all her meals that she made for him here in this kitchen.  Like all of the rooms of this house, this kitchen also had three windows—one to the west; one to the north; and one to the east.  The west window of this room looked back toward that window of the previous room and also onto the wild little plot of yard between these two rooms.  And the north window looked out onto the westernmost box elder of her box elders.  And the east window, once again, looked out onto a little open space and onto the window to the next room of her house.  And as for the door to this kitchen/dining room, this, of course, was in the middle of this room’ s south wall, and it opened out into  the long front hall, in the middle of its western half of span.
The next room of Miss Chart’s house was the pantry room, the middle room of the five rooms.  This was like a utility room, as well.  And it was a workroom also, just for the men of the church to tinker with tools, while the ladies were in the kitchen with Tracy in fellowship.  For herself, this pantry
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room had a washing machine and a dryer and a furnace and a water heater and a big metal sink, oscillating fans and box fans in storage when it was not summertime, shelves of cleaning supplies and needful household chemicals, brooms and dustpans and sweepers, a metal box with important papers, electric meters and gas meters, and the landline telephone for her house.  As for the workroom part of this central room, there was a workbench and a whole wall of numerous little non-power hand tools in cubbyholes, on hooks, and on flat shelves behind the workbench.  A worker who had come for this room on a day of fellowship with the church did bring his own materials—and such was almost always wood for woodworking.  One day Flanders and Pastor had come here together and did make a wonderful wooden box with hinges just for Pastor’s favorite King James Bible of the many King James Bibles he did have around his house.  And one time Deacon Todd and Deacon Gary had made together in this room on a visit one day two nice new wooden collection plates for the church services to replace the not-so-nice manufactured collection plates that they had used to use.  This kitchen, as with the other rooms of this house, also had a west window and a south window and an east window.  The west window looked out onto the small space of yard and onto the window of the previous room.  The north window looked out onto the central towering box elders of the line of box elders.  And the east window looked out onto a portion of yard and onto the window of the next room to this house.  And the door of this pantry room was in the middle of the south wall, and it opened out into the very center of the long front hallway.   Immediately beyond that was the door to the outside of the house, from which one could see the front of the ridge.
The next room of this house was the bathroom, indeed a grand master bathroom.  There was a bathtub in one corner.  There was a shower stall in the second corner.  There was a toilet in the third corner.  And there was a sink with a mirror and a medicine cabinet in the fourth corner.  The floor was covered with little braided elliptic rugs throughout the much open floor space of this over sized and luxurious bathroom.  And towels and washrags of all sizes and colors were hanging on numerous rods
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all along the whole south wall, on both sides of the door.  And in the center of this palatial bathroom,
there was a linen closet with four sides and four shelves and four doors for bathroom supplies.  Of course, this bathroom’s west window looked to the previous room’s window and to the piece of yard between, and this bathroom’s north window looked to the easternmost box elder of the line of box elders, and this bathroom’s east window looked to the next room’s window and to the piece of ground between. And the door that lay in the middle of the south wall did open out onto the middle of the eastern half of the front hallway.
And as for the fifth and last room of this house, this was Tracy’s bedroom, which served as her prayer room.  Here she lay down on top of her bed in her maillot every night in the dark and did pray long and did pray hard.  She prayed for her sisters-in-the-Lord.  She prayed for her brothers-in-the-Lord.  She prayed for herself.  She prayed for Flanders.  She prayed for her pet.  She prayed for Flanders’s pet.  She prayed for the saved.  She prayed for the lost.  She prayed thanks to God.  She prayed praise to God.  She prayed for the President.  She prayed for the Vice-President.  She prayed for her family.  She prayed for other’s families.  She prayed for her own little Baptist church.  She prayed for the universal church, believers like herself whom she did not know personally.  She prayed for missionaries that her church supported financially.  She prayed for evangelists that her church supported financially.  She prayed for Pastor.  She prayed for the deacons.  She prayed for the sick.  She prayed for the well.  She prayed for the spiritual Christians.  She prayed for the carnal Christians.  And she most assuredly prayed for herself most of all.  She did all of these prayers every night in the dark of night in her bedroom spring and summer and fall and winter.  No t one day went by in her walk with Christ where she failed to pray.  The west window of her bedroom looked out onto the piece of yard between this room and the previous room and also the window of that previous room.  The north window of her bedroom looked out onto the back of her ridge.  And the eastern window looked out onto the eastern portion of her ridge.  And the bedroom door, in the middle of the south wall, opened
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out onto the broad front hallway all the way to the east.
It was time to read her Bible now, and she could not wait, her anticipation of her daily eating and drinking of the Word of God surely about to fill her hunger and quench her thirst for daily satisfaction upon her now.  And she skipped down the hall to her living room, where her Holy Bible awaited her upon her table in its veritable horn of plenty.  She sat down, picked up her Good Book, and again prayed in good faith, “Lord, show me where You wish me to read today.”  She then opened her Bible and found the book of John.  She beheld chapter eight,  She read verses one through eleven out loud for herself in obedience to God:  “Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.  And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.  And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,  They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.  Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned:  but what sayest thou?  This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him.  But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.  So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.  And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.  And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last:  and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.  When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers?  Hath no man condemned thee?  She said, No man, Lord.  And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee:  go, and sin no more.”
And Tracy Pie Chart was convicted point-blank of her great sin.  It was not adultery.  It was not hypocritical accusing.  But it was just as bad in the eyes of God.  And the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend
knew that it was real bad, as well.  God had told her over and over again about this iniquity, ‘Thou shalt.”  But she kept saying to God, “I shall not.”  It was a sin of omission.  And it had taken the life of
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a best friend of school days.  What was this sin that so easily beset her?  It was the sin of not witnessing about the Saviour to the lost and dying world.  She, being a born-again believer, was commanded to tell  others about Jesus Christ and to lead them to salvation.  Christians are meant to be soul-winners.  But the one-piece swimsuit believer in Christ was too afraid to do this.  So many times in his sermons, Pastor, a might winner of souls himself, had said to his flock, “The purpose of Christians is to make other Christians.”  After all, this was a matter of Heaven and Hell for all people everywhere in this great and wide world.  Born-again Christians went to Heaven when they died; and all not born-again went to Hell when they died.  Ought not a child of God like Tracy tell others about the saving Gospel, the good news, how Christ died and rose again?
But Tracy Chart was too afraid of their faces, too afraid of their feelings, too afraid of their words.  There was no good way to tell another that he was going to Hell.  And a person cannot get saved until he finds out that he is lost.  And that latter was a hard pill to have to tell people.  And this fear of man grieved the Holy Spirit of God within Tracy time after time, silencing her tongue every time the opportunity came for her to tell about the Christ of the cross Who had saved her own soul.
Resisting the Spirit and the Word of God, the one-piece swimsuit woman got up and fled this Bible-reading room, and she marched to her prayer room, her bedroom on the other side of her house.
And she fell upon her bed to pray, face-down this time, instead, in evident resistance.  And instead of praying, “Thy will be done,” the rebel of a woman said to God, “I can not.  I will not.  I shall not.”
And God looked down from Heaven upon His wayward daughter, and He was not pleased with her.
The Holy Spirit said to her in His still small voice the words of Exodus 4:11-12:  “…, Who hath made man’s mouth?  Or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind?  Have not I the Lord?
Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.”  God had said this to Moses, after Moses had told Him, “I am too afraid to warn Pharaoh for You, Lord.”  And now God was saying this same thing to Tracy Chart after she had again said to Him, “I am too afraid to warn the
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lost for You, Lord.”  And yet once again, lying prone upon her bed in the prayer of a rebel woman, stubborn Tracy again said to God, “I can not.  I will not.  I shall not.”
The one-piece swimsuit God was sorely and perilously tempting God in this heavy weight of great sin.  In Deuteronomy 6:16 and in Matthew 4:7 and in Luke 4:12, it is written in essence, “Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.”  And Tracy was doing so, provoking the Lord with what could soon become the sin unto death, were she never to repent.  And God looked down from Heaven upon His daughter, and He was not finished with her.  And what God wants, God gets.  Look out, O one-piece swimsuit girl.  He is Almighty.  And you are feeble.
Her little temper tantrum done, Tracy Chart decided to go outside and to be with her pet for a while and to forget about things.

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CHAPTER II
“Demoiselle, Demoiselle, are you home today?” the one-piece swimsuit called out to her beloved pet, walking toward her pet’s stable.
Just then a voice from behind called out to her, “Mistress, I was not home, but now I am home.”
It was Demoiselle.  And her pet came running up to her, a piece of carcass in her right hand and a bow in her left hand.
Demoiselle was a golden hind.  And a golden hind was half-woman and half-deer.  Her part that was a woman was the head and face and torso and arms; her part that was deer was the deer body and legs and feet and tail.  Her head had much beautiful long straight flowing blond hair down well past her shoulders.  Her eyes were a delightful black in their irises. Her torso was appropriately covered in a coat of mail wrought of sterling silver.  And her arms were bare and slender.  The rest of her was a full-grown doe.
“My mistress,” said the golden hind pet, “I have just come from the hunt.”  Along her woman’s back the golden hind had a quiver of arrows, its strap across her woman’s shoulders.
“For what did you hunt today for lunch, Demoiselle?” asked Tracy Chart.
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“I went hunting for wolf,” said the golden hind.
“I see that you got what you were looking for,” said Miss Chart.
“I looked for one; I found a whole pack,” said the natural-born archer.
“You know that wolves always travel in packs,” said Tracy.
“I know,” said the golden hind.  “I needed a challenge.”
“How many of them were there?” asked her mistress.
“Oh, a good ten, Mistress,” said Demoiselle.
“So you were outnumbered ten to one,” said the maillot gal.
“Uh huh,” said her skilled archer pet.  “But they were the ones who ran away.”
“Wisconsin wolves ran away from a deer woman?” asked Tracy.
“Mistress, these were Michigan wolves,” said the golden hind.  “I was over the border, hunting in the Upper Peninsula.”
“A wolf is still a wolf,” said Miss Tracy Chart. “They are predators.”
“I got one of them before the rest all took off, O Mistress,” said Demoiselle.  “That one became prey.”
“For what did you hunt yesterday?” asked Tracy.
“Yesterday it was foxes,” said Demoiselle.
“What will it be tomorrow?” asked the maillot mistress.
“Tomorrow it will be a black bear,” said Demoiselle.
“Most of us people hunters in Wisconsin hunt for deer,” said Tracy.
“Not this golden hind, my mistress,” said her deer-woman pet.  “I cannot bring myself to shoot down a deer.”
“I quite understand, Demoiselle,” said the one-piece swimsuit mistress.
“Most of my wolf is all eaten up now,” said her pet deer woman.
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“All that you have left is a leg, Demoiselle,” said Tracy Chart. “I will leave you to the rest of your meal.”
“Your golden hind can eat and talk at the same time,” said Demoiselle, ever-fond of her mistress’s words and attention.
“What shall we talk about today?” asked Miss Chart.
“What better to talk about than our Creator, O Mistress?” asked Demoiselle.
“We never grow tired of talking about God,” said Tracy.
And sweet fellowship came upon mistress and pet once again.
“My mistress,” said the golden hind.  “I see the shadow of trouble in your eyes.”
“Something has come to trouble me just now when I read my Bible,” said the one-piece swimsuit Christian.
‘I heard that the Bible tends to do that sometimes when a believer reads it,” said Demoiselle.
“God really told me off this time, though,” said Tracy.
“Was it about some new thing in your life?” asked the golden hind.
“No, it was all about that same old thing,” said Miss Chart.
“Ah, Mistress, your silent tongue,” said Demoiselle, knowing her owner most well.
“He told me once again to go out and win souls for Him,” said Tracy.
“You really should go out with Emmy and the women of your church and knock on doors and visit people and tell them about your Jesus,” said her wise pet.
Indeed in many of his sermons that Tracy had heard in her unfailing attendance record at church, Pastor did preach, “I’m not afraid to warn others about Hell; I’d be more afraid of God if I did not warn them.”  Flanders himself often told her in his love for soul-winning, “The purpose of us Christians, Tracy, is to bear other Christians.”  Emmy told her, “Born-again believers are commanded to bear fruit.”  And now even her friend and pet was telling her that she should do this.
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“Yeah.  I know,” said the maillot lady.  “I never did anything like that before.”
“I’m done eating, but I’m still hungry,” said her pet.  “Do you have any dessert for me, my mistress?”
Then Tracy said, “I’ve got something for you, Demoiselle.”
“I pray it to be my precious coffee candies.” said the golden hind.
“Those they are, Demoiselle,” said Miss Chart.
“Bali’s Best coffee candies,” said the golden hind in delight.
“They’re in the house, waiting for me to give you,” said the mistress.  And Tracy ran in to get them for her.
And Demoiselle said, “Ah, regular, espresso, latte,”  These were the three flavors of these special coffee candies.
And Tracy came right back out with three little bags of these coffee candies, one of each flavor.
“Demoiselle, would you like the all-solid one or the one with a soft inside or the one with the fizzy inside?”
“I want the all-solid one, Mistress, this time,” said the eager pet.
“The regular.  Good choice, Demoiselle,” said the maillot girl.
She gave it to the golden hind, and the golden hind unwrapped it and put it into her mouth, and the golden hind said, “Ah, instant coffee flavor satisfaction.”
“But you never drink coffee, Demoiselle,” said Miss Chart. “How can you tell?”
“I did once,” said her pet.  “Long ago.  One time.  I did not like it.”
“But you like these coffee candies,” said Tracy.
“Uh huh, Mistress.  Even more than I do my game I hunt for,” said her pet.
“You must like coffee food more than you do coffee the drink,” said Tracy.
“I must do,” said Demoiselle, thoughts in her woman’s eyes.
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“You should try coffee flavored ice cream sometime,” said Tracy Chart.  “Or coffee flavored yogurt.  Or coffee flavored chocolate.  Or coffee flavored frappes.”
“Are there really such things as those, O Mistress?” asked the golden hind.
“Oh yes.  For sure, Demoiselle,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman.
“I think that I would like to try them,” said Demoiselle.
A silent moment of tranquility passed by between them.  And Tracy said, “Legend has it that no person can shoot an arrow as well as a golden hind can shoot an arrow.”
The natural archer said, “I believe it.”
“I believe it, too,” said the mistress.  “Would you go and show off your archery skills to me again, O Demoiselle?”
“I am duly flattered by my mistress to hear such a request again so soon after the last time,” said  the golden hind.
“That was just yesterday.  Wasn’t it?” asked Tracy.
“Yes.  You asked me to shoot an apple off of your head,” said Demoiselle.
“And I asked you to do the very same thing to show off for me the day before yesterday,” said Miss Chart.  “The last two times you shot an apple off of my head.”
“Yeah, but Mistress, yesterday’s apple was a green apple, and the day before yesterday’s apple was a red apple,” said Demoiselle.
“I remember,” said the one-piece swimsuit lass.  “And both times, you shot the apple right off of my head without moving any of my brown hairs upon the top of my head.”
“What would you like me to shoot my arrow at this time today?” asked the golden hind, eager to yet once again impress the mistress whom she adored.
“Well, let me see,” said Tracy, looking around.  “Shooting at a stationary object is child’s play for any grown-up golden hind like yourself.  How about if I make it so that you shoot at a moving
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object this time in our games?”  Demoiselle cocked her woman’s head to the side at her mistress and gave her a sarcasm look in her eyes of black.  “Oh yes.  You do that every time that you go hunting,” added Tracy in retraction.
“Shall I close my eyes and shoot an arrow into that box elder tree trunk over there, Mistress?” asked the golden hind.
“No, Demoiselle.  Don’t go and do that.  That’s my favorite tree to climb,” said Miss Chart.
“Shall I keep my eyes open and split the barb of that barbed wire fence over there?” asked
Demoiselle.
“No.  Best not to do that, either, O Demoiselle,” said her mistress.  “That fence belongs to our neighbor down the road.  It would not look good if they found out what you did to his fence for the fun of it.”
“Shall I turn my back to my stable and fire my arrow with my bow backwards into the wall of my stable?” asked Demoiselle.  “I can do that.  We golden hinds are very flexible.”
“It is said that some cannot hit the broad side of a barn forward.  But you can surely hit the narrow side of a stable backward, girl,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.  Then she said, “But don’t do that for me.  I do not want to see trick archery.  I just want good plain skillful archery.”
“Those three options that I offered are all stationary targets, mistress,” said Demoiselle.  “Remember,  I need to show off to you with moving targets.”
“Shall I make some options?” asked Miss Chart.
“Tell me one, mistress,” said the golden hind.
“How about a moving apple this time?” asked Tracy.
“Do you mean an apple that you throw?” asked Demoiselle.
“Uh huh,” said the maillot girl, with a nod of her head.
“Red or green?” asked the golden hind.
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“Does it matter?” asked the maillot mistress.
“No,” said Demoiselle.
“How about an apple that is both green and red?” asked Tracy.  “Like this little Macintosh apple I see right now in this tree over here?”  Tracy walked over to that tree and picked an apple off of its lowest branch and held it in the air before her pet golden hind.
“That one will do best, Mistress,” said the golden hind.
“This is my one apple tree that has the smallest apples of all of my apple trees,” said Tracy Chart.
“A thrown honey crisp apple is too easy for me.  A thrown Macintosh apple is too easy for me, too, my mistress,” bragged the golden hind in gaiety and tease.
“We’ll just see about that, miss golden hind archer,” said her mistress in sport and fun.
“You throw it, and I will shoot it out of the air,” said the great archer.  Demoiselle drew an arrow from her quiver, nocked it in her bowstring, and raised her bow and drew back the bowstring.
And the one-piece swimsuit mistress tossed the apple straight up with her right hand underhand as hard as she could.  The golden hind, whose sense of vision was equal to her skills of hand and arm,
saw the apple ascend into the skies even above the tallest box elder.  And when this apple reached its summit, she let fly her arrow.  The familiar “whiz” of the golden hind’s arrow came into the ears of mistress and pet.  And they both saw the arrow go right through this little apple with unmatched accuracy of archery way up above the treetops.  And right after that, the arrow came back down to the ground right before Tracy’s feet.  And the apple was stuck in the middle of the shaft of the arrow,
“You did it, girl!” said her delighted mistress.  “I knew that you would!”
“No.  You didn’t,” said Demoiselle with a happy laugh.
“No. I didn’t,” confessed the maillot woman.  “But you did!”
“Aye.  I did,” said Demoiselle.  “And I did something else with that arrow in addition to
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just shooting an apple out of the sky, O Mistress.”
“And what was that?” asked her mistress.
“I made it to come back to earth and land right in front of you.” bragged the golden hind.
“You’re too much, Demoiselle,” said Miss Chart.
“I know, Mistress,” said the golden hind in mirth.  “I know.”
Just then a dark form passed by overhead and cast shadow upon the two where they stood on this ridge.  And a feeling of an evil came down upon them from above.  And fear supplanted happiness all of a sudden within them.  And they both knew who this was.  They looked up in intimidation at this beast, and they saw him gliding downward in a spiral to light upon the ground for another confrontation with them.  Afraid, the golden hind lowered her bow.  Frightened also, the one-piece swimsuit girl prayed, “Help us again, if You would, Jesus.”  And the malignant creature lighted upon the ground.
Acting in haste, the golden hind quickly tried to fire an arrow upon him, but this evil beast easily swung and knocked the arrow out of the air.  Demoiselle chose not to try to fire a second arrow at him right now.
Then Tracy Chart found the bravery to speak to this fell foe, “O Great Dark Griffin, you have come to harass me again.”
“I have, O maillot Christian,” he spoke to her in great demonic pride.
“You demons never quit,” cried out Tracy.
“Not this demon before you now, O Miss Chart,” he said in vainglory.
“You would make my mistress happy in her life with Christ were you to go away and never come back,” called forth the golden hind.
“Oh, but golden hind, I am her own fault,” said the Great Dark Griffin.
Demoiselle, now more poised and steady, now fired a second arrow right at this Great Dark Griffin.  But once again he batted it out of the air.  That first arrow he had batted aside with his right
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eagle claw.  This second arrow he did bat aside with his left eagle claw.
“Please go away again,” called forth Tracy.
“Oh, but girl in the maillot, you are my work for the Devil,” said the Great Dark Griffin.  “And you so know why.”
Demoiselle aimed a third arrow now at the griffin demon.  Justifiably confident, he kept both of his front eagle legs down upon the ground to tempt her to fire.  He was so certain in his evil; and the golden hind, uncertain in her goodness.  “Mistress, shall I fire now?” asked the pet.
The Great Dark Griffin spoke up and said, “Maybe your mistress ought to tell you why I keep coming now.  O woman in the one-piece swimsuit, tell your archer pet here why I had come that first time and why I keep coming back.”
“I’m sorry, Demoiselle, for having kept my secret from you all our years together,” began Tracy her confession.
“You’ve kept back a secret from me, O Mistress?” asked the best friend.
The griffin minion spoke and said, “Before she found you, golden hind, she had another one to call ‘best friend.’  And because of her recklessness she let her die and go down to Hell.”
“Not so!  She never did such a thing, O hateful griffin,” exclaimed Demoiselle.  Then she turned to her mistress and said to her, “Tell him he’s lying.”  Tracy gave no reply, but hung her head down.  “Tell me he’s lying, Mistress,” said the faithful pet.
“I was too afraid to tell her about the Saviour,” confessed Miss Chart.  “And I was the cause of her death, and I am the reason she’s in Hell now.”
And in demon’s pride, the Great Dark Griffin said, “Ha ha ha!”
“And because of my great sin, I let the most important soul in my life slip away to damnation,” said Miss Chart.  “And God took away some of His protecting hand from my life and did curse me with this ubiquitous griffin who ever seeks to take away my life.  That, O good Demoiselle, is why we two
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have to deal with this Great Dark Griffin all the time.”
“He he he!” laughed the malevolent griffin.
And, provoked and mortified at the same time, the golden hind let fly her third arrow right toward the griffin’s eagle head.  But the griffin batted this third arrow out of the way, as well, this time with his eagle beak.
And he laughed most hatefully, “Ho ho ho!”  And mistress and pet shuddered in all of their joints before the indomitable Great Dark Griffin.
And the one-piece swimsuit girl told now her golden hind all, keeping back nothing of all the horribleness of that first soul lost from Jesus:  “Demoiselle, where shall I begin?  I had a best friend back in grade school years.  Her name was ‘Allyson.’  I was saved back then already even.  But Allyson was not at all saved.  She never asked me about my Saviour.  And I certainly never told her that she needed the Saviour.  I could always all of my Christian life tell other believers about my Christ.  But I dared not get so bold then or now as to tell any lost person about my Christ—especially that He was the only way to stay out of Hell.  Well, Allyson and I went walking one day together on one of our many walks out in the countryside.  We chose to walk the railroad tracks that day.  And we came up to a railroad bridge.  I remember how we stopped just before the beginning of that bridge and looked across to the other side and said in jest to each other, ‘Last one across is a rotten egg.’  Then we began to run toward the other side, neither one of us with a care in the world.  We were both teen-age girls, and we ‘were never going to die.’  Between the railroad ties we could see an empty creek bed twenty-five feet below.  And we were side-by-side, still tied in this race, and we were two-thirds the way across that railroad bridge.   And we heard it.  It was a train with its train whistle. It was coming toward us from just up ahead.  And we two girls panicked.  And we stopped our running.  And we stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do right now.  ‘What should we do, Tracy?’ she cried out to me.  And I cried right back to her the same thing. ‘What should we do, Allyson?’  And we fell upon our knees on
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the railroad ties in fear of death.  I got back up first.  And I helped Allyson get back up.  And the whistle was louder now.  Two-thirds of this railroad bridge lay behind us.  One-third of this railroad bridge lay ahead of us.  Allyson panicked and ran back down the two-thirds part of this bridge in her effort to run away from the train toward the other side.  I panicked and ran down the one-third part of this bridge in my endeavors to run toward the train toward this side.  And the train whistle was very loud.  And just as I got to the end of the bridge, there was the train, right there where I was.  I jumped and landed safely upon the ground immediately beyond the bridge.  I was alive up here and well.
I quickly turned to look back for greatly imperiled Allyson, myself self not having time to get to my feet.  And what I saw happen was worse than any nightmare that I had ever dreamed.  And it was real.  It really happened!  I saw the train bump Allyson right off of that far end of the bridge just before she got to the safe land beyond.  And I saw her fall twenty-five feet down to the ground.  And I saw her body crash deadly upon the big rocks of the empty creek bed.  Where she lay, she raised her right hand.
She still lived!  I had to tell her about Jesus now before it was forever too late to do so.  And that scared me even worse than her great accident!  I quickly scrambled down the steep bank on my side of the bridge, and at once I was at her side over there.  I took her hand in both of my hands.  She asked me, ‘Tracy, what must I do to be saved?’  I knew the answer.  The answer I should have told her was, ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.’  But my tongue was too scared to say such a thing to a lost person for my first time.  She then asked me, ‘How can I get to Heaven, Tracy?’  I tried to say, ‘Freely accept the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ.’  But again my tongue spoke not a word.  Then she asked me, ‘How can I stay out of Hell, O Tracy?’  I could not find enough boldness to say ‘Call upon the name of the Lord Jesus, Allyson.’  But my tongue was dumb.  Then she said, ‘Please speak to me, O Tracy!’  And then her hand went limp in my hands.  And her eyes went shut.  And her face died.  Allyson died and went to Hell because of my great sin in my life, O Demoiselle.  And I held her hand, and I wept and sobbed.  Then, after that, no sooner did I put her hand upon her prone body,
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then along came this Great Dark Griffin.  And that is why he threatens us regularly all the time, O Demoiselle.  That is the great sin in my life.  And I have yet to repent of it in my daily life in Christ even now years later.”
Yet the golden hind, in her compassion toward her mistress, said, “I sorrow with you, O good mistress.”
“I do not, O one-piece swimsuit sinner,” the Great Dark Griffin accused this born-again believer here with them again now.
Then he looked up into the skies toward where God was on His throne, and he sought to accuse this daughter of God before God Himself, saying up to Heaven, “Look what Tracy Pie Chart did many years ago, Lord!”
Seeing this griffin’s eyes not focused on herself, the golden hind archer let fly a fourth arrow at him.  He did not see this one coming.  It was coming right toward his heart.  At the last second he looked down and saw it coming in upon him.  And he darted his griffin form to the right with a quick jerk.  And the arrow tore into his left shoulder.  This arrow got him, though not in its original deadly place.  He did betray a screech.  But then he grabbed a hold of its vane with his eagle beak and did pull it mightily out of his shoulder with an irritable and indignant squawk.  And he spat it out upon the ground in wrath.  Then he flew away in flight.  He would come back another day for more.  But once again the Good Lord had protected mistress and golden hind from harm from this formidable and ubiquitous demon.
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CHAPTER III
“Mr. Flanders Arckery Nickels,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend out loud to hear her boyfriend’s name spoken from her lips.
“Mistress,” said Demoiselle.  “You know that he is right here.”
“She knows,” said Flanders.
“And I am here, and I know,” said Flanders’s pet he-centaur Sieur.
Tracy Chart and Flanders Nickels were on another of their dates, riding their pets together, on a short journey through Aurora again.
They were cantering down County Trunk N, now about a mile or so away from Tracy’s place back from where this ride had started for the day.  They were traveling due east and riding side-by-side.
And they had now come upon the main intersection of Aurora.
“Which way should we go, guys?” asked Flanders.
“Let’s go straight ahead and go into Dickinson County,” said Demoiselle.
“Let’s turn right and go to the dump,” said Sieur.
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“Let’s turn back and go up the hill that is right after my house the other way,” said Tracy.
“Let’s turn left and go past the woods where there are bears,” said Flanders.
“There are no bears in those woods, Flanders,” said his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
Immediately to the left of this main street County N was a scrap iron yard; and across that little side street, the grade school.  To the right, up against this County N and across that other little side street was the Co-op, a little grocery store.  Even right now the electromagnetic crane was at work in the scrap iron yard.  Flanders and Tracy had seen this very same thing from the classrooms of the upper grades with their big windows in their school days here.  And Flanders used to go into the Co-op and buy Lollies and root beer barrels.
In good fun Flanders said, “We four are not a democracy.  I am the boss, and I want to go to the left.”
“I’ll go where you want to go, boyfriend,” said Miss Tracy Chart.  “That hill back beyond my place had all of those nice trees cut down when the neighborhood replaced the old road with the new road.”
And the golden hind went and said, “If my mistress now wants to go left, Flanders, then I want to go left, too.  I don’t want to go to the big cities if I can stay in the countryside.  Kingsford is plenty big, and Iron Mountain is even bigger.”
And Sieur said, “I shall defer to your decision, also, O Master.  I won’t find any treasures at the dump as dear to me as this.”  And in indication of what he meant by “this.” the centaur swung his great battle-ax about as if smiting demons.
“Do be careful with that, Sieur,” said Tracy.  “I can feel the wind blowing upon me from that blade.”
“As president of our corporation this day, I now ask, ‘Shall we go left now?’” asked Flanders Nickels.
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And all three others said, “Yes.”
And the four travelers sauntered down this road, and immediately after they passed the junkyard and the grade school, there was the woods on the right side of the road right up against its edge.  And a field as long and deep as the forest lay right up against the left side of this road.  And they knew that this road quickly became less and less official as a road.  It ended upon a little summit in the middle of nowhere at all.
In sweet reverie about her previous date with Flanders, Tracy asked him, “Flanders, did you really mean it when you told me what you had told me yesterday?”
“Oh yes.  I surely did,” he said, remembering exactly what she was talking about.  He had told his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend, “Tracy, you are so beautiful, that you had stolen beauty away from other girls when God was creating women and did keep it for yourself.”
“Flanders, you flatter your one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.  You know that what you said is impossible,” she said.
“You’re beauty is impossible, too, Tracy, but it is still real,” said Flanders Nickels. “And I am the luckiest Christian man to get to see it in you every day.”
“Would that I were as pretty a woman as you are handsome a man,” she said.
“I am twice blessed as the luckiest man in the world,” said Flanders.  “My one-piece swimsuit girlfriend loves me as much as I love her.”
“Let’s see your sword, mighty boyfriend,” said Tracy.
And Flanders Nickels with his right hand, reached for his sword along his left hip as he rode, and drew it out of his sheath.  “My ‘straightsword,’ dear girlfriend,” he declared.
“My boyfriend, the soldier of God,” said Miss Chart.
And the Christian soldier practiced with it in the air as he rode Sieur.  Sieur spoke and said, “Master, take care, if you would, not to lop off any of my ears.”  And master and pet laughed together.
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And Flanders Nickels put his straight sword back in his sheath.
Then the he-centaur spoke and said, “Master, did you tell your swimsuit girlfriend the compliment that you said that you had to tell her today?”
“Another compliment, boyfriend?” asked Tracy.  Flanders nodded.  “Tell me what he said to you the other day that he was going to tell me, Sieur,” said Tracy.
Demoiselle spoke now and said, “Mistress, such a praise as it sounds like it might be surely no pet is going to give away to any inquirer.  Flanders has to tell you now.  Ask him, if you would.”
“Okay, Flanders.  Your girlfriend-in-the-Lord is eager to hear what you’ve been telling everybody about me,” said Tracy Chart, her face beaming in most apt anticipation.
And Flanders told her, “Tracy, if a pretty girl is like a melody, you are like a carol.”
“Flanders, are not your favorite hymns all the Christmas carols?” she asked.
“Very much so, beautiful Tracy,” he said.
“And do you not call ‘Heaven’ itself ‘The Land of “The First Noel?”’” she asked, “your favorite Christmas carol?”
“I do at that,” he said.  “Heaven is as beautiful as my favorite carol.”
“You make me sound like some Helen of Troy.” she said.
“Your face could launch one thousand and one ships,” he said.
“Mistress, Helen of Troy’s face launched only one thousand ships,” said the golden hind.
“How well I remember my lonely years before we found each other, O Flanders,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend. “I had found men who were interested in me, but who were not handsome to me.  And I had found men who were handsome to me, but who were not interested in me.  But when you came to me our first day together, I found in you a brave new thing—you were the first man who was both handsome to me and interested in me at the same time.  Praise the God Who has brought us together.”
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And Flanders Nickels spoke and said, “As you know, Tracy, my story is very similar.  In my lonesome years before you, I knew of women who were pretty, but who were not saved.  I could not date those and still be true to God.  And in those years before you, I knew of women who were saved, but who were not pretty.  I would not date those.  A date for me is a get-together with a pretty girl in a pretty outfit.  If the girl be not attractive, it is not a date, but rather just a get-together.  But you came into my life.  Lo, a real girl who is beautiful and who dresses beautiful and who is mightily saved.  I must have fallen in love with that girl.  Thank you for loving me back, O Tracy.  What did I do to deserve such a gal as you in my happy life since?”
The one-piece swimsuit girl said, “Flanders, do you know Psalm 84:11?”
“I do, Tracy,” he said.  “And he recited its words sentimentally familiar to her:  “For the Lord God is a sun and shield:  the Lord will give grace and glory:  no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.”
“That verse I claimed from God as a promise from God,” she said.  “I once saw a Christian boyfriend as the good thing yet withheld from my walk with Christ.  And I knew that I was walking uprightly with God.  And I told myself about this verse that ‘the God Who died on the cross for me did not forget me or overlook me in my lonely life without a believing boyfriend.’  And I also told myself in my upright life with Jesus, that if He were never to bless me with a sweet romance in life, that then this sweet romance might not be a good thing for me or that it might not be a need of mine.  After all, I did not need a man in my life to get me to read my Bible every day.  I did that all the time without a man to share the Bible with.  And I did not need a man friend to get me to pray everyday.  I already prayed every day without a boyfriend to pray with in a prayer meeting.  And I did not need a boyfriend-in-Christ to convince me to go to church.  In my lonesome life I already went to our Baptist church every time the doors were open.  What I wanted was a cute guy to flirt with and to have companionship with and to love my one-piece swimsuit almost as much as I did.”
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“I do and still do,” said Flanders, “love your one-piece swimsuit, that is.”
“You’re a man after my own heart, boyfriend-in-the-Lord,” said Tracy.
“I’m a man after your own maillot,” he said in flirt.
“Demoiselle, our owners are talking frisky again,” said Sieur.
“It doesn’t take them long before they start talking like that,” said Demoiselle.
“Boyfriends and girlfriends are a most odd combination,” said Sieur.
“They do not think sensibly like we golden hinds and centaurs, Sieur,” said Demoiselle.
“People like them call it ‘having a crush.’” said Sieur.
“Or maybe in our owners’ case ‘being in love,’” said Demoiselle.
“Can you tell which of the two things may be between our owners—having a crush or being in love, Demoiselle?” asked Sieur.
“I don’t think that even they know,” said Demoiselle.
“Tsk!  Tsk!  O Demoiselle,” said Tracy.  “Whether Flanders and I have a crush on each other or whether we are in love with each other is not relevant.  We just love going out on dates and doing things like this together.  Who else can share fellowship in Christ together better than a boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ?”
“Master,” asked the centaur, “do you love fellowship in Christ with your one-piece swimsuit girlfriend more than you do anything else with her in your life?”
“Yes!  Yes!” said Flanders.
“What does a women’s maillot have to do with fellowship in Christ then?” asked Sieur.
Flanders could not reply with a ready vindication upon hearing this.  He looked at the three others, who were waiting for him to give one of his wise answers.  But in the end he said, “Well, not really a whole lot, clever Sieur.  That was just the guy in me talking to the girl in Tracy.”
“What does he mean by that last thing he just said, Mistress?” asked the golden hind.
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And Tracy said, “Animals like you two cannot understand daters like us two.”
“Well said, Mistress,” said Demoiselle.
“Plenty said,” said Sieur.
“Enough said,” said Flanders.
“Nothing more to be said,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman.  And all four laughed.
Then they began to climb up the steep little hill.  They were almost at the end of the road.  Up ahead, at the top of this hill, was the sudden end to this dead end little road.
Suddenly a cold blast of wind blew upon them from up ahead.  And this was July.  “Flanders, I’m afraid,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“I sense evil,” said the golden hind.
“Master, he comes again,” said the knowing centaur.
“It is he,” said Flanders.  And the Christian swordsman drew his straightsword and held it in the air.
And the four looked up toward the top of the hill just up ahead.  And the evil presence came up to the top of this hill from the other side, stood there in defiance of God and of good, and looked upon them with the disdain of Lucifer.
“Great Dark Unicorn,” Flanders addressed him in boldness and in discretion, “so we meet again.”
This Great Dark Unicorn was a demon.  And he was Flanders’s personal demon sent by the Devil himself to try to hinder and to tempt Flanders not to grow in his Christian walk and to cause Flanders to trip and stumble in his life as a born-again believer and maybe even to convince Flanders to deny Christ Himself and to backslide as a prodigal son might do.  What this fearsome Great Dark Unicorn wanted to most do to Flanders Nickels was to slay him in battle.
Then the Great Dark Unicorn replied to Flanders’s salutation, saying to him in knowledge
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and in derision, “Flanders, your saber has yet to be stained with my blood.”
“That day shall come, demon unicorn,” said Flanders.  “And that day shall be called ‘the day of the Lord.’”
Undaunted, the Great Dark Unicorn scornfully said, “Flanders Nickels of Aurora, your saber has yet to be stained with any demons’ blood.”
“Unicorn demon, my ministry to God is not to slay any demon but you,” said Flanders.
“Miss Chart, how mighty a boyfriend you have who has yet to slay the only demon whom God has told him to slay,” scoffed the Great Dark Unicorn.
“He waits for the right time, black unicorn,” said Tracy in defense of her boyfriend.  And her joints trembled upon her boldness with this unicorn bigger than any of the soldiers that were with her.
“Is now the right time?  Is later the right time?  Is earlier the right time?” asked the devil unicorn three point-blank questions, his piercing equine eyes looking brazenly right at Flanders in his eyes.
“Master, let me take off his head,” said the centaur, brandishing his long ax in threat at the demon equine.
“Nay, O Sieur.  Do not do so hasty a thing,” said Flanders.  “His hoof will surely knock your battleaxe right out of your hands.”
“Oh, but Flanders,” said the golden hind, “let me shoot an arrow right between his eyes.”
“No, good Demoiselle,” said Flanders to her.  “His unicorn horn will surely knock your arrow right out of the air.”
“Flanders,” said the maillot woman, “you’ve got the greatest weapon among the four of us.
What keeps you from cutting him down to the ground with it right now right where he stands?”
“Oh, but you’ve got to know that his black hide is impregnable to any normal sword, Tracy,” said Flanders.
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“Are we going to have to stand and do nothing?” asked Tracy, manifestly vexed and fearful.
“It is written in Matthew 10:28,” he answered in prudence, “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul:  but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.”
“I don’t know about you, Master,” said the he-centaur, “but I would rather not die right now…at least not without putting up a fight.”
“Maybe if we all come at him all at once with our bow and arrow and our battleaxe and our straightsword, maybe then we can overcome this Great Dark Unicorn,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
“I know that you are not chicken when it comes to battle, Flanders,” said Demoiselle.  “Tell me that you are not afraid to fight evil for Good.”
All three compatriots looked upon their leader, awaiting his words.
The Great Dark Unicorn broke in upon this expectant silence and said, “The man is afraid to die.”
And at last Flanders spoke most sincere and unexpected truth, “I am not afraid to die.  I am afraid to kill.”  And with this he drew his sword, came up to the mighty big unicorn, and swung and cut off a clump of hairs from his thick black mane, and he put his sword back into his sheath and walked back to join his comrades.  The Great Dark Unicorn was completely shut up by this bold and fearless act upon his unicorn self.  And he stood there, not knowing what to do for an embarrassingly long moment for this proud demon.   And he gave back no reprisal to Flanders.  In fact all of his desire for battle was completely taken from his spirit.  Without further persecution unto Flanders Nickels, this Great Dark Unicorn turned back around, and he did flee back to where he had come from.
“He’s gone,” said the golden hind.
“Just like that,” said the centaur.
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“I had seen him leave before, but I never saw him actually flee in flight like this before,” said
Tracy Chart.
“Master, you are a soldier of great and Godly courage,” said Sieur.
“That was even braver than if you had drawn your sword upon him for the kill,” said Demoiselle.
“I think now that that unicorn is the coward,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.
“To God be the glory,” said Flanders Nickels.  “But my evil unicorn, like his father the Devil, shall come back again after a season.  And next time he will be less taken aback.  Next time there may be battle.  And blood could be shed,”
“Why, Flanders, you’re shaking,” said his maillot woman friend.
“I fear shedding the blood of another,” he said, trembling noticeably.
“But, Master, you do not fear having your own blood shed,” said Sieur.
“If I bleed, I bleed,” said Flanders Nickels, and his trembling stopped.  Then he said,  “If the worst thing happens to me and I die, good Sieur, then the best thing will happen to me and I go to Heaven.”
“Such faith,” said the golden hind, “and so true for you, good Flanders.”
“Pastor says that, for a born-again believer, dying is like going to sleep and waking up in Heaven,” said Flanders.
“Amen!” said Sieur.
“Not so for the wicked unicorn of yours, boyfriend,” said Miss Tracy Chart.
“Hell was originally created for black griffins like yours and for black unicorns like mine, Tracy,” he said.
“For the Devil and his demons,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
But then the centaur spoke up and said, “Master, you talk so spiritually with your words, but
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you live most carnally with God’s words.”
“What makes you speak so, Sieur?” asked Tracy.
“I think that I know what you’re saying, Sieur,” said Flanders.
“Shall I tell them?” asked the centaur.
“You better let me do the confessing, truthful Sieur,” he said.  “It seems that I got so used to telling God, ‘No,’ all these past times with my Great Dark Unicorn, that now I am not listening to God at all.”  He paused, took a breath, and said, “God said unto me, ‘Take this straightsword which I have given you, and slay the minion the Great Dark Unicorn with it.’  My work for Jesus is to kill that wily and deadly black unicorn.  And I have rebelled against God and against His will and against His Word.”
“Because you are afraid of the enemy’s blood, Flanders?” asked Tracy Chart.  He nodded his head and spoke not a reply for this instant.
“Mistress, your soldier boyfriend does not have the spirit of a fighter for God,” said the golden hind.
“Oh, but at one time I did have the spirit of a Christian soldier, O Demoiselle,” he said.  “But in battle I went and slew the wrong man.”  He groaned in his belly and prayed, “Oh, God, forgive me.  I made a terrible mistake when I was young and foolish.  You forgave me, but I do not forgive myself.”
“You killed the wrong man, Flanders?” asked the maillot gal.
He nodded again and spoke and said, “I did, O so-beautiful Tracy.  I cannot bring myself to kill another—even if it be God’s bad guy like the Great Dark Unicorn.”
“How does a soldier of Christ kill a wrong man?  What do you mean by ‘the wrong man?’” asked his girlfriend-in-the-Lord.
“I unintentionally killed one of my own comrades in battle, because I was so zealous in the battle that I was not paying attention,” he cried out.
“I do not judge you for that, precious boyfriend,” said Miss Tracy Chart.
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“I should have told you, O Tracy,” he said.  “I’ve got to tell somebody now.”
“Tell me now, if you wish to, O Flanders,” she said.
And Flanders told his three closest friends his terrible mistake, “I was a soldier of the army of God, defending Wisconsin from the army of Satan.  The bad guys were invading LaCrosse, them having crossed the Mississippi River, and they were advancing in a phalanx into Wisconsin.  We of the Lord’s army were knights in shining armor riding white stallions.  They of the Devil’s army were knights in shining armor riding black stallions.  Everything that was going on around me in battle was a flurry of lances and hooves and falling knights.  I came upon a most pleasing heat for battle, this being my first such experience.  I was afraid for myself, but God turned this fear into trust in the Lord.  And I was knocking down evil knights with my lance left and right.  And I got a type of high from all of this danger happening all around me.  Then I saw one knight who was in front of me charging me on his horse.  At once I charged in upon him, and I ran my lance right through his chest and out his back.  And at once he fell down dead.  And then I saw his horse running past me with his knight fallen down slain in battle.  And I turned back to look.  Lo, that knight’s horse was a white horse!  Woe, I had killed one of God’s soldiers!   I had killed one of my own.  I had murdered the wrong man in battle.  Whom I thought to be an enemy assaulting me in battle was instead a comrade fleeing battle.  I remember falling down beside him where he lay in his suit of armor.  I remember that sickening blood pouring out of his armor all upon the ground from where he lay.  I remember the carrion birds who came down to feed upon his spilled blood.  I remember his white horse coming back to look upon his fallen rider.  And I remember throwing up upon the ground next to where he lay.  And I never forgot that guilt that invaded my life ever since that day.  I had done a deed fit for a demon.  And I never want to see a man or a demon bleed to death because of me ever again. I am an unfit Christian soldier called by God to be a demon-slayer.  Dark unicorns bleed, too, lust like good knights.”
Having told his contemporary colleagues today of that day’s great sin, as he saw it, he went on
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to tell them, that as he had knelt there amid the fury of this battle, he saw the ground open up and, behold, out from beneath came up a dread and dark evil beast.  It told him, “I shall persecute you evermore, O Flanders Arckery Nickels.”  This was a demon send by the Devil for the cause of evil.  And this was the very Great Dark Unicorn that had again come persecuting this day once more, their antagonist who had come looking for a fight here at the top of the hill in the countryside of Aurora.  And it was this Great Dark Unicorn who would ever be the cause of all of his problems for as long as he lived in this world.

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CHAPTER IV
The one-piece swimsuit girlfriend and her soldier boyfriend were walking around the back of her ridge on a date without the dear pets.  The pets were away now and hunting.  “What an awesome sight back here, Tracy,” said Flanders, “this whole line of box elders that reach up toward Heaven.”
“I wonder if a woman is closer to Heaven were she up at the top of one of her trees here than if she stands down upon the ground here,” mused Tracy about herself in the third person point of view.
“It would be an infinitesimal difference,” said Flanders.
“If the rapture were to happen when I were up at the top of this middle tree and when you were here at the trunk of this middle tree, would I get to Heaven first?” she asked.
“This middle tree is the tallest of all of these trees, Tracy,” Flanders said.  “I don’t know the answer to that question.”
“Now that I think about it, you and I would have first to meet the Lord in the air up in the clouds.  Then right after that He takes us all the way up to Heaven.  That is how the rapture will happen,” she did think out loud.
“The clouds seem a long way up above your great trees, Tracy,” said Flanders.  “And Heaven is way much farther away still.  It is north somewhere beyond the farthest star.”
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“First our Lord Jesus comes down from Heaven with a shout; then an archangel says something; then God’s trumpet, the last trumpet, sounds; then the dead in Christ rise; and then the dead in Christ and we living in Christ are caught up in the clouds and meet God; and then all of us born-again Christians of all history and all places are snatched up with force up to Heaven.  And so shall be ever be with the Good Lord,” summed up the one-piece swimsuit girl the rapture.
“And think how quick all of this takes place, O Tracy,” said Flanders.  “It happens in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, in the amount of time it takes light to go from the outer part of the human eye to the inner part of the human eye,” preached Flanders the instantaneity of the rapture.
“And just think about how our Lord separates the believers from the unbelievers among the billions on the earth and then goes on to bring the believers all the way to join Him in Heaven and leaves the unbelievers behind on the Earth,” testified the maillot Christian the wisdom and the power of the God of the rapture.
“The translation of us saints, Tracy, two thousand plus years and counting after Christ’s First Coming and seven years before Christ’s Second Coming,” summed up Flanders a timetable according to the Scriptures.
“And eschatology begins with this translation, this rapture, Flanders,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
“Eschatology—wonderful for us born-again believers; terrible for those not born-again believers,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Let’s go and have fun climbing trees again, Flanders,” said Tracy Chart.  “We love to climb my trees back here on our dates together.”
“Box elders are great tree-climbing trees,” he said.
“But let’s climb my trees differently now than in our other times,” she said.
“How should we climb these box elders this time, Tracy?” he said, eager to hear her new idea.
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“Let’s make it a race this time, instead, boyfriend,” she said.
“A race to the top!” he said in delight.  “I like the way you think.”
“No.  A race to the top and back down to the bottom, Flanders,” said his game-some girlfriend.
“What shall be the official top of a tree in this race?” he asked.
“The smallest branch that we can stand on up there that does not break,” she said.
“You, as a girl, have the disadvantage.  Being smaller than myself a guy, you will have to climb to a higher branch that supports less weight.  And I get to climb to a less high branch that supports my greater weight as a fellow,” he said.  “Your top branch will be higher than my top branch.”
“Oh, but I am a tall gal; and you, a short guy,” she said.  “We both weigh much the same.”
“You’re right, Tracy,” he said.  “We are nearly the same weight.  Our top branches may be at the same height.  May God have mercy on us in our new game that when we get to the top we do not climb too high and step up onto a branch that breaks on us.”
“And what shall be the official bottom of the trees we two climb, Flanders?” she asked.  “Shall we make the winner be the one who stands victoriously upon the biggest and lowest branch of his or her tree first?”
“Let’s make the bottom be the ground itself, Tracy,” he said.  “The one whose both feet land upon the ground below the lowest branch will be declared the winner of our tree-climbing race.”
“Agreed,” assented the maillot girlfriend.
“A maillot is hardly the outfit for a woman to climb trees in, girlfriend,” he teased her, “especially in a race.”
“You should talk, Flanders,” she said.  “It is hard for a guy to climb a tree with a sword hanging along his hip like that.”
“I like not to take it off,” he said.
“You’re always ready to face that bad unicorn,” she said.  “Do you think that he might come in
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the middle of our race?”
“Hardly, my girlfriend,” he said.
“Then why do you insist on not taking it off in order to beat me in a race?” she asked.
“Because I can lop off branches with my straightsword and not have to grab on to so many branches in the race,” he told her.
“That’s called ‘cheating,’” she said.
“That’s not cheating,” he said.  “It is just creative interpretation of the rules.”
“Cheater!” she said to him.
“Innovator,” he said right back to her.
“Boyfriend, you’re too much,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.  “I will let you use your sword.  Just don’t go and hack off the top branch upon which you stand in the middle of our race.”
“I’ll be careful,” he said.  And both laughed out loud.
“I’ll pick this middle tree, the tallest of my box elders,” said Tracy Pie Chart.  And she went and  stood under this one.
“I will want to keep my eye on you all throughout the race so that I know whether I am ahead or behind,” said Flanders Nickels.  “So I will pick this tree right next to yours, to the right.”  And he went and stood under that one.
“Ah, that one.  That’s my second tallest box elder,” said Miss Chart.
Boyfriend and girlfriend looked up into the great works of trunk and branches and green leaves that reached far up into the skies above where they stood and that shut out the blue sky from their view upward.  Flanders reached up both arms and grabbed up upon the lowest branch of his tree.  The one-piece swimsuit woman did the same with her tree.
And Tracy said, “Go!”  And the race began.
The man with the sword hacked and climbed on a steady ascent.  The woman without a sword
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climbed in a fleet ascent like an elf girl.
“I can’t see you through all these leaves, Tracy,” said the winded soldier in his exertions with his sword.
“I am right here,” she said.  “Where are you?”
“Your voice sounds like you are higher in your tree than I am in my tree,” he said.
“And your voice sounds like you are yet lower in your tree than I am in my tree,” she said.
“Blasted sword.  My strategy is not so good as your strategy,” he said.
“A woman in a race needs to keep it simple,” she said.  “And likewise for a man in a race.”
“I think that I am halfway up,” he said.
“I am right now coming out up on my highest branches,” said Tracy.  “I can see the sky now.”
“Alas.  All I see is this tree, woman,” he said.
“Now I am stepping out onto the highest safe branch that I can stand upon, Flanders,” she said.
“What is it like up there?” he asked.
“I can see Florence County below me,” she said.  “And up at the top up here, the wind is blowing me where I am standing left and right and back and forth.”
“I can remember that sensation from all of our other tree-climbing dates with your line of trees back here, girl,” he said.
“I think that now I will start climbing back down,” she said, the spirit of competition urging her to quit chatting and to resume the race.
“I’m coming closer to the top on my way up,” said Flanders Nickels.
“As for myself, boyfriend, I am getting farther from the top on my way down,” bragged the maillot woman.
“I hope for myself that my way down will be easier than is my way up,” he said, breathing heavily from his swordplay in his tree-climbing.
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“Your battle against my tree is more tiring for you with that sword than your battles against the black unicorn, Flanders,” said the woman in jest.
“I don’t know.  I never attacked the black unicorn with this sword before,” he said.
“I know,” she said.
“Funny woman,” he said.
“I am getting closer to the bottom on my way down,” she said.
“And I am getting farther from the bottom on my way up,” he replied.
“Flanders, now I hear you like you are right across from me,” she said.
“And I, you,” he said.
“I am halfway back down,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
“And I am halfway up,” he said.
“I am three-quarters done, and you are three-quarters yet to go,” she bragged.
“Woe, I am one-quarter done, and my girlfriend is one-quarter to go.” he lamented in mock dismay.
“You have left three hundred percent of what I have left until the finish,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman.”
“And you have left thirty-three percent of what I have left until the finish,” said Flanders.
“We were good at math in grade school, Flanders,” said Tracy Chart.
“On my report card in eighth grade my math teacher said that I was doing good with fractions,” said Flanders.
“Ratios,” said Tracy, thinking out loud.
“Ah, ratios,” said Flanders.  “When I first saw that word in my math book, I just thought that ‘ratio,’ was pronounced to sound like ‘radio,’ only with a ‘t’ sound.”
“Remember Chemistry class, Flanders?” asked Tracy Chart.
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“We’re going to talk about those ions again, aren’t we?” he asked.
“Uh huh,” she said.
“I can hardly hear you, Tracy.  I think that I am coming out upon the top of my tree,” he said.
“I can’t hear you too well, either.  I am coming toward the bottom of my tree,” she said.
“I know about what you’re going to say about ions in Chemistry.  I think the same way, and I still think the same way,” said Flanders.
“Cations,” she said for starters.  “One would think that ‘cation’ would be pronounced like ‘caution,’ only with a long ‘a’ sound.”
“Instead it is pronounced like ‘cat’ followed by ‘ion,’” he did say, ‘without the ‘sh’ sound.”
“And anions,” she finished off her disagreement with the experts.  “A girl like myself would want to pronounce ‘anion’ like ‘onion,’ only with a short ‘a’ sound.”
“And here they all say it like ‘an,’ followed by ‘ion,’” he said, “without making that ‘n’ sound like it has a tilde over it.”
“I am standing now upon the bottom branch, Flanders.  All that I need do now is to jump and declare myself the winner,” she said.
“Break a leg, girlfriend,” he teased her.
“The saying is ‘Shake a leg,’” she said to him.
“I am standing now on the top branch,” he said.
“Break a branch, boyfriend,” she said at him.
“I think that I will shake the branch instead,” he said to her.
“One might lead to the other,” she warned him.
“I can see all of Aurora from up here,” he said, looking down from where he was standing.
“Can you see me?” she asked.
“No.  There are too many leaves for me to see you,” he said.
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“I’m on the bottom branch of my box elder,” she said.
“I know that,” he said.
“Did I tell you?” she asked in fun and games.
“Yes, maillot woman.  You already told me that,” he said.
“One small step for woman; one giant step for womankind,” she said.
“You stole that saying,” he said.  “It is supposed to go, ‘One small step for man; one giant step for mankind.’”
“That was a long time ago, boyfriend.  That was then; this is now,” she said in the wit of nonsense.
“Edward Lear would probably say things like what you just said,” he said.  “I read his book.”
“The master of nonsense,” she praised him.  “I read his book, too.”
“I discovered his book at the Dickinson County Library,” he said, “when I was a kid.”
“When I was a teenage girl still living at home with Mom and Dad in the house out front below, I used to read a lot in the front yard amid the orange hawk weed and yellow hawk weed.” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.  “Books from Dickinson County Library.”
“Keep talking and not jumping, woman.  I am coming back down.  I’m in this to win this,” said Flanders.
“I think that I will lie down on my back on this lowest branch and let you catch up some before the big leap,” she said.
“Remember the fairy tale ‘The Hare and the Rabbit,’” he told her for her own good.
“You mean ‘The Tortoise and the Hare,’” she corrected him smugly.
“Yes.  I mean that.  That is what I mean,” he deferred to her.  He began to experiment out loud with his head as he climbed back down, “’The Tortoise and the Turtle.’  ‘The Turtle and the Rabbit,’ ‘The Tortoise and the Rabbit,’”  Then he said, “This is like combinations and permutations in
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Senior math.”
“What is more Senior math than matrices, Flanders?” asked the maillot girlfriend.
“I remember matrices,” he said.  “Our math teacher always made jokes and called them ‘mattresses.’”
“I feel a stick poking against my back where I am lying,” she said.
“Sit back up, and it won’t be poking you back there anymore,” he told her.
“I’ll do that, boyfriend.  Then I will jump and finish you off in this race,” she said.
“I am now halfway back down,” he said.  “What you have to do, you better do right now.”
“Uh oh,” she said.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Something’s wrong,” she said.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I’m stuck,” she said.
“You’re stuck?” he asked.
“I am stuck,” she said.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I seem to have a little tree branch stuck underneath my shoulder strap,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.  “And I can’t get it out.”
“A ha!  Pride goes before destruction.  And a haughty spirit goes before a fall!”  he said.  “God says just exactly that in Proverbs 16:18.”
“I cannot seem to get out.  Help me, boyfriend, or I will lose the race,” she called forth to him.
“Ha ha!” he said in gloating.
“I do not dare to rip my dear shoulder strap just to win a race,” she said, seeking for sympathy from her boyfriend.
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“So sad.  Too bad,” he said in great enjoyment.
“I can hear you up there now not very far away,” she said.
“Coming down is quicker for a guy with a heavy sword than going up,” he said.
“Boyfriends are supposed to help their girlfriends, when their girlfriends get into trouble,” said Tracy Chart.
“Ah, my damsel in distress,” he said.  “But we do not live in the world of fairy tales.”
“I can see you now, over there, almost at the bottom of your box elder,” she said.
“And I can see you now over there, upon your back…stuck, girl,” he teased her.  “For you, the proverb goes, ‘So close; so far.’”
“If I have to choose which one stays—the maillot or the win—I shall have to choose my maillot,” she said.  “You know what that means.”
“That means that you concede the victory to your boyfriend,” said Flanders.
“Flanders, you are a terrible beast,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
“Woulda, coulda, shoulda,” he teased her.  “Now I am the one also on my tree’s bottom branch, O girlfriend in her maillot.”
“It seems that my swimming suit got in my way more than your sword had gotten in your way,
Flanders,” said Miss Tracy Chart.
“As my new proverb goes, ‘The sword is mightier than the strap,’ O maillot girlfriend.  Ha ha ha!” said Flanders in his imminent and most turnabout victory in this new race of the day.
And with no further words and delay, Flanders leaped off of the bottom branch of his box elder and did land victoriously upon the ground with both feet landing squarely and steadily.
“What do you have to say now, O Tracy Chart?” he asked her.
“Help me out of this tree,” she said.  And boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ laughed together.
Just then the golden hind and the centaur came back from the hunt.  The golden hind had a
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section of ribs in her teeth; and the centaur, a deer leg in his teeth.  The two pets stopped and looked up at the one-piece swimsuit mistress upon her back on the big limb, a little limb running across her shoulder strap and within her swimming suit.  And they saw Flanders also up there on her branch, with both hands tugging on her shoulder strap.
“Mistress, are you and Flanders flirting in romance again?” asked Demoiselle.
And Sieur said, “We go away hunting, and we come back, and they are at it with each other again.”
“Not so, O Demoiselle,” said the maillot gal.  “We were climbing trees, and I got stuck here on this branch.”
And Flanders said, “It seems, Sieur, that my girlfriend cannot do anything without me having to become her knight in shining armor.”
“Yeah.  Right, Master,” said the he-centaur in denial.
“Mistress, of all the stories to tell, this one is the wildest,” said the golden hind to Tracy Chart.
And having said this, the two pets ran off to leave their owners alone with each other and to finish eating the meat that they had hunted down.
“We are goofy,” said Tracy in self-effacement.  “They did not believe us.”
“We are tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum,” he said.  “But I am still glad to help out my beautiful damsel.”
“I am most glad to be your dame in distress, Flanders,” said his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
“And I, to be your prince, O Tracy,” he said.  And he got the branch out of her shoulder strap.
Her beloved maillot was not damaged any.  She was embarrassed, but happy.  He felt like his woman’s hero.
“All’s fair in love and war,” said his girlfriend.
“All’s fair in trees and branches,” he said.  And again both laughed.
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Then they climbed down out of the tallest of these box elders, and they shared a Bible study and a prayer meeting together underneath this tallest of her box elders for the rest of the afternoon.

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CHAPTER V
Flanders and Tracy were riding their pets on their way to the Brown County Arena down in Green Bay.  And Tracy’s friend and next-door neighbor Jenny was with them, riding her horse Dame, a mare who could not talk people talk.  Jenny’s full name was “Jenny Classy Lassy,” and she was a professional woman boxer.  And she was lost yet in her sins.  And Flanders and Tracy were coming along with Jenny to see her fight today.
After a long morning journey, the travelers now came out onto Lombardi Avenue.  “We are now not for from the arena, Tracy,” said Jenny Lassy.
“It is right across the street from Lambeau Field,” said Flanders.
“I am so glad that you’re finally coming to see me in the ring, Tracy,” said Jenny.  “And I am glad that you came, also, Flanders.”
“I prayed that you not get killed on me in this prize fight, Jenny,” said Tracy.
“Women do not die in the boxing ring, silly Tracy,” said Jenny.  “My opponents I box with in the ring are not at all like your griffin or like Flanders’s unicorn.”
“That makes me feel better,” said Tracy.
“You’ll have to excuse my maillot girlfriend, Jenny,” said Flanders.  “Women punching women
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is somewhat frightening to her.  And she worries for you.  And she prays for you.”
“Worries I ask not for.  But prayers are good things,” said Jenny Lassy.
“A woman could get her block knocked off at the Brown County Arena boxing like you do,” said Miss Chart.
“Literally, no;  figuratively, yes,” said the woman prize fighter.
“What does it feel like to get punched by a boxing glove?” asked Tracy, getting less resistant and more willing to see Jenny’s bout today coming up soon now.
“You’ll see right away in round one, whether I throw the first punch or take the first punch, Tracy,” promised Miss Lassy.
“Ouch!” said Tracy.
“Exactly,” said Jenny.
“Ow,” said Flanders.
“Right on, Flanders,” said Jenny.
“I’ve got our tickets in Sieur’s saddlebags, Tracy,” said Flanders.
“And I’ve got cash in Demoiselle’s saddlebags in case we go to the concession stands, Flanders,” said the maillot girl.
“What do you have in your horse’s saddlebags, Jenny?” asked Flanders.
“Why, my stuff for the prize fight,” said Miss Lassy.  “Clothes and boxing gloves and other things that I need for what I do in the ring on Sundays like this.”
“How I wish that you would come to church with me and Flanders, O Jenny,” said Tracy Chart.
“Most of my prize fights happen on Sundays, Tracy,” said Jenny Lassy.
“Oh yes,” said Miss Tracy Chart.  Today was a Saturday.
“But I promise to come to your church someday soon.  I will make it a surprise,” said Jenny.
“That would be so good,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman.
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“I am so happy that you two got front row seats,” said Miss Lassy.
“I thought that, since I am coming here to see what you love to do best in life, I want to see all of it real close,” said Tracy.
“This is very new and different for me, too, Jenny,” said Flanders.  “And I just had to have a front row seat to find out all about what women’s boxing is like.”
“We women prize fighters cannot throw punches as hard as men prize fighters do,,” said Jenny.  “But then again we cannot take punches as a man prize fighter does, either.”
“You’re saying that women hit lighter than men do and that women go down easier than men do in the ring,” said Flanders.
“I believe that is true,” said the woman pugilist.
Tracy said, “It sounds like a good thing that women do not fight men in the ring,” said Tracy Chart.
“I would have my bell rung by a professional male boxer for sure,” said Jenny.  “I would have my clock struck by him.”
“Xena, Warrior Princess, can beat up on men,” said Flanders Nickels.
“That’s just a TV show.  That’s not real life,” said Jenny.
“God made men and women different from each other,” said Tracy.
“We women are smaller and shorter; you men are bigger and taller,” said Jenny Lassy.
“Look up there,” said Flanders.  “The sign for Oneida Street.  And there in the corner of Oneida Street and Lombardi Avenue–the Brown County Arena.”
“It needs a new roof,” said Tracy Chart.  “It’s an old building.”
“All-Star Wrestling happens there a lot,” said Jenny.  “Unfortunately for women boxers like myself, All-Star Wrestling fills the arena and we women prize fighters hardly fill the seats.”
“Women wrestlers are becoming popular with their fans,” said Flanders, “but not so much
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women boxers.”
“My profession is not a rich profession,” said Jenny Classy Lassy.  “But I love what I do.”
“You’re a fighter, Jenny,” said Flanders.  “You love to punch.”
“Oh, I do!” she said.  And she said in like, “I’m a fighter.”
In tease, Tracy asked her, “But do you love to get punched?”
“Oh, I do!  I’m a fighter,” said Jenny again, this time most facetiously.
“Ouch,” said Tracy.
“Ow,” said Flanders.
“Indeed,” said Jenny.
And they came up to the doors of the Brown County Arena on their pets, and they dismounted, and they reached into their saddlebags.  Flanders pulled out the tickets; Tracy pulled out her wallet; Jenny pulled out a little duffel bag.
“Are they really in there?” asked the one-piece swimsuit lady.
“My boxing gloves?” asked Jenny.  Tracy nodded.  “Uh huh,” said Jenny, also nodding.  “Would  you like to see them before I go in and put them on?” asked the woman boxer.
“Could I?” asked Tracy Chart.
“They are red,” said Jenny.  And she pulled them out of her duffel bag and held them out to her brand new ringside fan.
“They are red,” said Tracy.  And she reached out both hands at once and held a women’s real boxing glove in each of her hands.  “They’re kind of soft and kind of hard both at once,” said Tracy.
“With a woman’s arm throwing them, they end up being more hard than soft,” said Miss Lassy.
“I believe it,” said the maillot woman.  “So much padding in them.”
“Padding covered by leather,” Jenny edified Tracy.
“These boxing gloves make a woman’s fist bigger with them on,” said Tracy.
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“And they make the prize fight safer than fighting without them on,” said Jenny.
“Better for the good of a girl’s knuckles, I’d bet,” said Tracy.
“And better for the good of a girl’s face, too, for sure,” said Flanders.
“We girls who box want to stay pretty,” said Jenny, “just as any other American girl who does not box for a living.”
“May I put these on someday, Jenny?  Later.  Not now.  Not yet.  But maybe later somewhere down the road on one of our get-togethers,” asked the one-piece swimsuit woman.
“You’re finally coming around, O best friend,” said Jenny.  “You are no longer against what I do in my job.”
“I approve now, O good friend,” said Tracy.  “I am coming around to your side now.  I guess it was foolish of me to think that something like this could cause permanent damage to you.  This red boxing glove, the worst thing it can do is to knock a woman unconscious for a little while.  Then, a little later, she is awake again.  And she is just fine.  I no longer worry for you today.”
“That’s the spirit, Tracy!” said Jenny Classy Lassy.  “Promise me that you will be my loudest fan of the front row.”
“I will cheer like a cheerleader,” promised the one-piece swimsuit woman.
“Cheer your best friend to a KO,” said the woman boxer friend.
“I will!” said Tracy.
“And I will, too, Jenny,” said Flanders.  “Good luck in the ring.  I will be right beside Tracy in row one, watching and hoping and cheering.  Knock her out, girl!”
“I will,” said Jenny Lassy.  Then she said, “Well, I’ve got to go in and get ready for the fight.  Next time I see you, I will be looking down toward you from up inside the ropes of the ‘squared circle.’”
“Amen!” said Flanders.
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“Amen, Jenny!” said the one-piece swimsuit best friend.
“Thank you,” said Jenny.  “I thank you both for coming.”  She then went in and prepared for her big fight, and Flanders and Tracy looked for their great seats and sat down at ringside.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” said the ring announcer, “welcome to women’s professional boxing.  This is a scheduled five-round bout.  In this corner, wearing the blacks trunks and the black top, and weighing in at one hundred twenty pounds, with a record of ten wins and ten losses, is  ‘Aurora’s Borealis.’ Miss Jenny Classy Lassy.”
“Knock her out, Goldilocks!” cried out a spectator, a woman.
“Blondie, hit her!” cried out another spectator, a man.
“What’s a pretty girl like you doing in the ring?” cried out another of her fans.
Flanders called out, “May God give you the victory!”
And Tracy cried out, “Win one for God, Jen!’”
Jenny looked out upon her two best fans in this somewhat sparse crowd and raised her glove and smiled at them in appreciation.
Then the ring announcer went on to say,  “And in this corner, wearing the white trunks and the white top, and weighing in at one hundred thirty pounds, with a record of nineteen wins and one loss, ‘Milwaukee’s baddest woman,’ Miss Thunder Bolt.”
Boos and catcalls suddenly came forth from this sparsely-filled arena, making it sound more like it were filled to capacity for the loudness of the din.  Everybody seemed to hate this Thunder Bolt.
Flanders leaned over into Tracy’s ear and said, “Look at the size of that woman’s biceps.”
Tracy looked and turned away from the ring and said, “I cannot watch the fight, Flanders.”
“You don’t want to disappoint Jenny,” said Flanders.
“It is like she is twice as big as Jenny even though she weighs only ten pounds more than she
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does,” said Tracy Chart.
“Promise me that you will stay and watch Jenny at her work,” said Flanders.
“I promise,” said Tracy.  “But now I am nervous.”
“It will be fun to see what comes of this,” said Flanders.
“You will be happy whether Jenny gets clobbered or Jenny does the clobbering,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
“Yeah.  I think so, Tracy,” he said.  “I think that I could become a fan of women’s boxing after what I see today.”
“Flanders, you’re terrible,” said Tracy.
“I’m a guy,” he told her.
“All guys are alike,” said Miss Chart.  And Flanders grinned at her, and she grinned at Flanders.
Then the bell rang for round one.  And Jenny Lassy and Thunder Bolt moved in upon each other  in the center of the ring.  And Jenny threw a punch.  And it struck the other woman right in the face.
Her head did not budge.  And for the one-piece swimsuit girl’s first time, she had seen a woman slug another woman. This real punch was a stiff right jab into the forehead.  And the right fist that threw this punch had hit the woman with a red boxing glove covering it.  Never before had Tracy thought to have seen such a thing.  It was positively odd.  And yet it was most novel and fascinating.  It was definitely physical, and Miss Chart wanted Jenny to do it to her again.  And Jenny did it to her again. This time Miss Lassy connected with a roundhouse left into her opponent’s right temple. Jenny’s left boxing glove had struck this woman for real.  This powerful opponent’s head shook from the blow, but she seemed not hurt in her countenance.  Tracy was beginning to like this career of her neighbor and friend.
Tracy was beginning to approve of women’s boxing.  And Tracy wanted to see more of this fight.   Above all, the one-piece swimsuit fan of Jenny wanted her to do it again for her for a third time now.
And Jenny did not disappoint her greatest fan.  She went on to punch her red gloves into the belly of
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her bigger and stronger opponent—first a left; second a right.  A little grunt came out of her opponent in this ring, but she still seemed like she was not the worse off after having taken four of Jenny’s best shots.  So exhilarating it was for Tracy to see her Jenny beating up another woman in the ring like this.  Tracy wanted Jenny to quickly go and throw another punch at this opponent.  She prayed for that.  She daydreamed of an uppercut.  She prayed that it be an uppercut.  She could “just see,” Jenny’s opponent falling down from that blow and being counted out on the ring’s canvas.  She prayed for that now, too.
This was going to be a good and happy day for Jenny and Tracy and Flanders.
And she cried out, “Take her out, Jenny!”
Suddenly, with the speed of lightning and with the noise of thunder, Thunder Bolt threw a mighty powerful right uppercut.  And her black boxing glove struck hard and upward right into the underside of Jenny’s head.  It smashed hard into the underside of her pretty chin. And something flew right out of Jenny’s mouth.  It must have been her mouthpiece.  And her pretty golden head of curls snapped back hard and fast.  And she stood there in amazement in her features for a moment.  Then she fell back against the ropes, the ringside ropes the only thing that kept her upright.  In Miss Lassy’s pretty blue eyes was a most strange disorientation that Tracy had never seen before in a woman.  It looked like Jenny was about to faint away and fall down to the canvas and not get back up for a while.
Thunder Bolt was about to move in on Jenny to work her over and to finish her off.  Tracy said to Flanders, “Oh, I can’t look right now!”  But this brave new world that she was seeing now happen before her very eyes impelled her not to turn away.  Maybe Tracy was going to see her first knockout in a women’s prize fight.  And it would happen to Jenny.  But then the referee came in between the two women pugilists and looked to rescue Jenny from any further punishment.  The opponent had to step back away, and the referee was asking Jenny silly questions with easy answers.  After each question, Jenny gave a sensible answer and a nod.  Her legs where she was standing looked ready to buckle from underneath her torso.  And her very face looked like she might pass out with another blow like the last
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one.  And her gloves hung straight down to both of her sides.  Even her pretty golden curls looked suddenly unkempt and all dripping with sweat.  Then her trainer gave her a new mouthpiece to put in, and she put it in.  Was the prize fight going to be stopped with a technical knockout?  No.  The referee made his decision, and he had the fight to continue on.  Lo, Jenny seemed invigorated now once again, fight back in her now focused eyes once again.  Her adrenaline must have kicked in.  And the look of determination in her face manifested strength back in her head and her arms and her legs.  But her foe easily backed up this revived Jenny Classy Lassy against the corner of the ring, and she began to work over Jenny really bad.  She worked her over ‘real bad’ with superior strength and with superior skills and with superior strategy.  Pretty Jenny was a punching bag now with Thunder Bolt: lefts and rights and shots to the head and shots to the body and hooks and crosses and jabs.  This lasted for less than a minute.  It was terrible to see for Tracy.  And yet it was terrific for Tracy to see.  And she dared not turn even one glance away from this beating up of her best friend there in the ring.  And, of course, what had to happen after this great pummeling did happen—Jenny fell to the canvas.  And the way she fell was actually beguiling to the one-piece swimsuit woman.  Right after that last punch of that volley of punches, Jenny’s eyes both closed in unconsciousness.  (She was out even before she hit the canvas.)
And after she lost consciousness, her body became stiff from top to bottom and her head fell down forward, and her frame began to fall down toward her opponent.  Her opponent got out of the way of her fall.  And Jenny fell flat face down upon the canvas and did lie there prone, her arms and legs spread out from her torso like one would see in a boxing cartoon.  She looked so very goofy, but Tracy could tell that she was hurting, and that she would feel it when she came back to.
“Did you see that, Flanders?” asked Tracy.
“Yes.  I did,” said Flanders.
“Wow!” said Tracy.
“Neat!” said Flanders.  “Poor Jenny.”
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Then the referee counted to ten as he stood over the prone Miss Lassy, and he then said, “You’re out!”  And the referee held up Thunder Bolt’s right gloved fist in victory, and the announcer declared, “Winner by knockout, two minutes thirty seconds into round one, Thunder Bolt!”
Just then Jenny stirred from where she lay.  She lifted her face up a little from the canvas.  And she half-opened her eyes.  And the first thing she did was to look for her two friends.  And the three all made eye contact.  “Uh,” said the fallen prize fighter. Then she said to them “How embarrassing what just happened in front of you two, Tracy, Flanders.”
“I don’t know, Jenny.  I kind of liked it,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.
“You did, Trace?’” asked Jenny with a note of hope in her tone.  And Jenny rallied and sat up on her bottom and raised her knees toward her head and held her face between her knees for faintness.
“I can tell that she did enjoy seeing you in the ring, Jenny, and so did I,” said Flanders.
“Oh, Trace,’ it is so good to finally have you come around and approve of my sport now after all of these years of being afraid for me,” said Jenny.  Then she said for a second time, “Uh.”
“Are you sore from the knockout, Jen?’” asked Tracy.
“It was like I had just taken on George Foreman,” said Jenny.  She then said for a third time, “Uh,” in pain.  Then she raised her head back above her knees and looked these two best fans of hers in the eye with greater awareness in her countenance.
“I think that you are coming to now, Jenny,” said Tracy.
“I do believe that I am coming back to Earth again,” said Jenny Lassy.  “How’s my face look?”
“It looks okay,” said Tracy.
“Flanders, tell me the truth.  How’s my face look now after the KO I got handed to me just now?” asked Jenny.
With a grin, he said, “It needs improvement, Jenny.”
“I am still glad that your fight today was on a Saturday instead of on a Sunday,” said the
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one-piece swimsuit girl.
“Yeah.  I, too.  You, Tracy, are not one to compromise the Lord’s day on a long journey like this when you have church to go to that day,” said Jenny.
“Do you still promise to come with me and Flanders to church someday in the future, Jen?’” asked Miss Chart.
“I do at that.  And I will make it a sweet surprise for you.  I promise,” said Miss Lassy.
“I guarantee that Pastor’s sermons will keep you awake,” said Tracy Chart.
“His sermons will not put this girl to sleep like Thunder Bolt did,” said Jenny with a rigorous laugh.  Tracy and Flanders laughed with her.  Then Jenny rallied and stood up on her feet.  “I can stand now,” she said.
“I did not see any blood tonight,” said Flanders in lightheartedness.
In clever retort, Jenny approached the ropes, leaned forward against them, and spoke back to him, saying, “Maybe next time, Flanders.”
Adding to this little game, Tracy called out, “Yours or the other girl’s?”
And Jenny stuck her tongue out in game and said, “You will have to wait to find out.”
Stronger now and now almost one hundred percent in her senses, Jenny Lassy climbed down the ring to join her two best friends in the first row.  And the girls hugged in best friendship.  And Jenny and Flanders hugged in good friendship.
Then Miss Lassy said, “I’m hungry after all of that boxing.  Are you guys hungry, too?”
“Flanders, let’s all three go to Old Country Buffet,” said Tracy.
“Yes!  Yes!  My favorite restaurant!” he said.
“Chicken better even than Kentucky Fried Chicken,” said Tracy.
“Hot fudge pudding cake and bread pudding,” said Flanders.
“And a great salad bar, too, after a girl picks out all those nasty little carrot pieces out of the
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lettuce,” said Jenny.
“Are you up to riding any after what happened to you right now, Jenny?” asked Tracy.
“Old Country Buffet is just a few miles down the road from here,” said Flanders.
“West Mason Street is near indeed,” said Jenny.  “And I just woke up from a little nap.  I am refreshed now.”
All three said, “Ha ha ha!”
Then Jenny Classy Lassy said, “Let me go and get ready for our buffet.  I’ve got to take off my boxing gloves and get into my other clothes.  I’ll be right back.”  And with this, the woman prize fighter walked away to her preparation room, her legs strong and her head clear and her body still smarting.
And then she came back.  And the three came back to the parking lot to rejoin the horse and the golden hind and the he-centaur.  Jenny answered the question in the two talking pet’s minds, saying to them, “Yours truly got knocked out cold in the first round.”
The golden hind said, “What a strange game people make out of punching each other.”
And the he-centaur said, “Jenny is a fighter like you and me and like our owners, Demoiselle.”
And the horse gave forth a most ordinary whinny.  And Jenny said, “I know that Dame can’t talk like you two, Demoiselle, Sieur, but I still know what she says when she neighs.  I think that she approves of her mistress’s vocation, too.”
And with this, Jenny Lassy hugged her mare around her mane and did kiss her on her neck.
And the six all journeyed to Old Country Buffet.
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CHAPTER VI
The one-piece swimsuit lady and her golden hind were out riding together on a mistress-pet
day together.  This time Tracy had decided to go the other way down County Trunk N from her house, the two traveling west a few miles on their way to the Homestead General Store today.
“Mistress, could you tell me the Christmas story again?” asked Demoiselle, wanting to hear some good preaching from her good confidante.
“Ah, the Christmas story, O Demoiselle,” said Tracy, ever-fond of Christmas.  “The First Coming.  The First Advent.  That is found in Matthew chapter one and chapter two and in Luke chapter one and chapter two.  I memorized lots of verses in those four chapters, girl.”
“Do share scripture with your loving hind, O Mistress,” said the golden hind.
And Tracy Chart began an extemporaneous sermon on Earth’s first Christmas:  “Mary was engaged to Joseph, both just and pure and living for God, and Mary became pregnant with the Christ child.  Mary was a true virgin.  Joseph was not the father of the child.  The Holy Spirit of God had put the pre-born Jesus in Mary’s womb.  This was the miracle of the virgin birth of Jesus.  Back in the Old Testament the prophet Isaiah prophesied about this seven hundred years before it happened.  It is
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written thus in Isaiah 7:14, good Demoiselle, ‘Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.’  ‘Immanuel,’ by definition, means ‘God with us.’  This baby in her womb was God.  Again it is written in Matthew 1:23. ‘Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.’  She was going to give birth to the Lord.  This Lord Jesus had temporarily left His Father’s right hand side from the comforts of eternity past in Heaven to become a man born into the world.  And why did He leave Heaven to become a man, O Demoiselle?  It is written two verses earlier in Matthew 1:21, ‘And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS:  for he shall save his people from their sins.’  ‘Jesus,’ by definition, means ‘Saviour.’  And ‘Christ,’ by definition, means ‘anointed one.’  Joseph thought it to be for her good and for the glory of God that they divorce secretly while yet still fiance and fiancee.  But the angel of the Lord came into his dreams and told him not to do this, for her child was conceived by the Holy Ghost, not by another man.  And when Joseph woke up, he chose to obey the God of his dream:  he went ahead and married Mary; and further, after that, he and Mary did keep their bodies pure as an abstinent married couple until after Jesus was born.  That is pretty much the Christmas story told by the Apostle Matthew, good Demoiselle,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.
“Tell me all about the Christmas story as told by Luke, Mistress,” asked the golden hind as she cantered down the road on their little journey.
“The angel Gabriel is in Luke’s narrative lots,” said Tracy Chart.  “Gabriel was sent by God to visit the virgin Mary in her city of Nazareth in Galilee.  The first thing that he said to her when he got there was, ‘Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee:  blessed art thou among women.’
Upon hearing such commendations from an angel, Mary was not sure what to make of this.  But then, right after that, this same Gabriel went on to say to her, ‘Fear not, Mary:  for thou hast found favour with God.’  Then this angel went on to tell Mary all the things that I had told you when I was preaching
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about what Matthew said in his book:  things like the virgin birth and the baby’s name being ‘Jesus,’ and how it was to be the Holy Ghost Who would conceive this child in her womb.  This angel then told Mary things unique in Luke’s book about Christmas and the Christ child.  He told her, ‘He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest:  and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:  and he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.’  And Gabriel went on to officially refer to this babe that she was going to give birth to as ‘the Son of God.’  And then this angel sent by God declared, ‘For with God nothing shall be impossible.’
And after hearing all of this, Mary said, ‘Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.’  His message done, Gabriel then left Mary for now.”
“Is Luke’s Christmas story done then, Mistress?” asked the golden hind.
“No, it is just beginning,” said Tracy.  “That was a little preaching from Luke chapter one.  There is still Luke chapter two for me to tell you all about, Demoiselle.”
“Is that where the birth actually takes place?” asked the golden hind.
“Uh huh,” said Miss Chart with a nod of assent.
“Bethlehem,” said the wise golden hind.
“Yes, girl,” said Tracy.  “The Roman Emperor, Augustus Caesar, declared taxes upon the citizens of his empire.  And everybody had to go to the city of his ancestor to pay these taxes.  Joseph’s ancestor was David himself.  And the ‘city of David’ was Bethlehem.  And Joseph and Mary, herself now very pregnant, traveled there to Bethlehem.  And, sure enough, when they got there, Mary was experiencing labor pains.  It was time for her to give birth.  Now comes the heart and soul for me of the New Testament Christmas story for me to tell you, Demoiselle.  It is the fourteen verses of Luke 2: 7-20.  I’ve got to do it due honor by not trying to recite it and missing a few things in its length.  I memorized it lots, but I shall read it to us instead here as we travel.”  And, as she was riding, Tracy Chart turned back to take her Holy Bible out of her golden hind’s right saddlebags, and she turned
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to look forward again, the Good Book in both hands.  And she expertly found her Scripture and did most lucidly read her prized passage out loud to them both:  “And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.  And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.  And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them:  and they were sore afraid.  And the angel said unto them, Fear not:  for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.  And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.  And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.  And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known to us.  And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.  And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.  And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.  But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.  And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.”
“Mistress, those verses sound a lot like the verses of that Christmas show ‘The Peanuts’ Christmas,’” said the golden hind.
“Yes, spoken by Linus,” said Tracy Chart, “I make sure to watch that on TV every Christmas time of the year.”
“Praise God for Charles Schulz honoring the Christ of Christmas with the same verses that you have shared with me right now, good mistress,” said Demoiselle.
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“Praise God that His Word goes out on Christmas thus every year even with a cartoon, O Demoiselle,” said the one-piece swimsuit gal.
“And Simeon and Anna also saw the baby Jesus, too,” said the golden hind.
“Yeah.  Simeon held Him and blessed Him, and Anna thanked God for Him and told others all about Him,” said Tracy Chart.  “That is pretty much the rest of the Christmas story in Luke chapter two.”
“Does the Bible talk about Bethlehem much, Mistress?” asked Demoiselle.
“Some,” said Miss Chart.  “In the Old Testament and in the New Testament verses tell about Jesus’s birthplace.”
“I bet that they are parallel verses,” said the golden hind, knowing the Bible, too, herself.  “First the verse in the Old Testament, then the same verse in the New Testament again, this time with words like, ‘It is written,’ before it.”
“Right you are,” said the maillot woman.  “Seven hundred years before it happened the prophet Micah prophesied of Bethlehem and the birth of Jesus.  Therein it says this, Demoiselle, ‘But thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, though thou be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting.’  Micah 5:2.”
“And its parallel, my mistress?” asked the golden hind.
“Matthew 2:5-6:  ‘And they said unto him, In Bethlehem of Judaea:  for thus it is written by the prophet, And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Juda, art not the least among the princes of Juda:  for out of thee shall come a Governor, that shall rule my people Israel,’” recited Tracy Chart.
“Amen, Mistress,” lauded the golden hind her Maker.
“And then there is that most glorious Old Testament prophecy that I know and love so well about that first Christmas,” said Miss Tracy Chart.
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“I so know you, Mistress.  It is your favorite Christmas verse,” said the golden hind.  “Far be it from you to forget this verse when you’re telling me about Christmas again.”
“Isaiah 9:6,” said the maillot woman.  “A prophecy seven hundred years before its time.”
“I know that verse.  I memorized it,” said Demoiselle.
“Let’s say it together,” said Tracy.
And mistress and pet said together Isaiah 9:6:  “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given:  and the government shall be upon his shoulder:  and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.”
“Of those five names,” said the golden hind,  “I like ‘The mighty God’ best because that speaks of our Lord’s omnipotence.  Nobody can stop God from doing what He wills, and that is good, because He is good.”
“And my favorite title of the five titles there is ‘The Prince of Peace,’ and that is because perfect peace fills Heaven where I am destined, and Jesus There in His deified physical Presence is the reason for Heaven’s perfect peacefulness,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.
“We are in Homestead now, Mistress,” said Demoiselle.  “The Homestead General Store is not far away.  There is much room for groceries in my saddlebags.”
“And for this, too,” said Tracy, holding up her King James Bible.  And she put her Bible back in the saddlebag to her right.
“Would you sing your doting golden hind a song now for the rest of the way there, my mistress?” asked Demoiselle.
“I feel like singing a Christmas carol,” said Tracy Chart.
“Sing me a Christmas carol,” said Demoiselle.
“Something about the babe in the manger would be good after all that we were talking about on our journey,” said Miss Chart.
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“Maybe the carol ‘The Friendly Beasts,’” said Demoiselle.
“Yes, girl!  ‘The Friendly Beasts,” said the one-piece swimsuit rider.
“The great Christmas carols do not all have to be hymnbook carols, Mistress,” said the golden hind.
“Carols like that one that may not be in a hymnbook—some of those carols are just good as those carols that are in the hymnbook,” said Tracy.
“Sing it, Mistress!” cheered the golden hind.
And Tracy Pie Chart sang it in its fullness as she continued riding her pet the rest of the way to their destination for the day:
“1.  Jesus our Brother kind and good
Was humbly born in a stable of wood
And the friendly beasts around Him stood
Jesus our Brother kind and good

2. ‘I,’ said the donkey shaggy and brown

I carried His mother up hill and down
I carried Him safely to Bethlehem town
‘I,’ said the donkey shaggy and brown

3. And ‘I,’ said the cow all white and red

I gave Him my manger for a bed
I gave Him my hay for to pillow His head
‘I,’ said the cow all white and red

4. ‘I,’ said the sheep with a curly horn

I gave Him my wool for His blanket warm
And He wore my coat on that Christmas morn
‘I,’ said the sheep with a curly horn

5. ‘I,’ said the dove from the rafters high

Cooed Him to sleep that He should not cry
We cooed Him to sleep my love and I
‘I,’ said the dove from the rafters high

6. And ‘I,’ said the camel all yellow and black

Over the desert upon my back
I brought Him a gift in the wise men’s pack
‘I,’ said the camel all yellow and black

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7. Thus every beast remembering it well

In the stable dark was so proud to tell
Of the gifts that they gave Emmanuel
The gifts that they gave Emmanuel”

“There is it, just up ahead, our grocery store of the day,” said Demoiselle.
“But what is that coming down out of the sky right now?” asked Miss Tracy Chart.
“No!  No!  Not him!” said the golden hind in rancor.
“No, no.  It’s he,” said the suddenly frightened maillot believer.
And this that came down out of the sky now lighted upon the ground right before the door to this general store.  At once the golden hind drew an arrow from her quiver, nocked it, and drew back the bowstring, and aimed her arrow at the demon’s heart.  “Just give me the word, and I will shoot him down where he stands, Mistress,” said the golden hind lady archer.
“Don’t try such things right now, Demoiselle,” said Tracy, nervous and fearful.
“Speak to me, one-piece swimsuit wearer,” said the beast.
“O Great Dark Griffin, for what have you come to me today?” asked Tracy Chart, vexed and frustrated at his so great persistence of persecution and in peril of her own demise at his hands.
“I heard that you were going grocery shopping, and I thought that I would come along and help out,” said the demon.
“Who told you?  How did you find out?” asked Miss Chart.
“A great dark satyr told me.  He was watching you mount your golden hind, yourself in that seductive swimming suit.  He drools when he watches young maillot ladies do their stuff—outside and inside,” said the Great Dark Griffin.
“A satyr?  I never saw a satyr around here before,” said Miss Tracy Chart.
“Oh, but young woman, he saw you, and he stared at you,” said the Great Dark Griffin.  “We demons know one another, and we talk to each other about the things we see, and he knew that you are
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my work for our master.  And he stared at you with lust, and he stared at your golden hind with lust, and he listened to everything you two said just out by your mailbox.  Then he came to me and told me that you were coming west to this other grocery store here.  And I thought that I would surprise you and meet you here, O born-again Christian woman.”
“I would rather have met the great dark satyr here than you here, O Great Dark Griffin,” cried out the threatened maillot girl.
“No, you wouldn’t,” said the Great Dark Griffin.
“Mistress, please let me shoot him,” said her archer pet.
“Even with his head turned, O great archeress, he will make sure that your arrow will not reach him,” said the despondent mistress.
“Even he cannot knock out of the air every arrow shot at him” said Demoiselle.
“Do not fire an arrow at him right now, Demoiselle,” commanded the knowledgeable mistress.
“Shall I turn my gaze to your Demoiselle, O daughter of the Most High God?” asked the mighty demon.
“I would rather that you did not look upon me,” said Tracy Chart.
“Then I and your archer pet shall look upon each other,” said the Great Dark Griffin.
And Demoiselle, her arrow aimed at the Great Dark Griffin looked into the eyes of the griffin, and the griffin looked into the eyes of the she-golden-hind.  This lasted for a long moment.  The demon gave the golden hind the evil eye.  Then the demon told the golden hind, “Now point your arrow at your wonderful mistress.”
And the mistress at first laughed at such a directive.  But her Demoiselle went on to point her arrow at herself her mistress.
The demon then said, “Now say, ‘Good-bye,’ to your magnificent mistress.”
Tracy was suddenly not laughing.  What was happening all of a sudden?  What brought this
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about—the pet turning on her mistress?
And her beloved Demoiselle now said to her former beloved, “Good-bye,” in a subdued and sad
tone.
“Now aim your arrow at your great mistress’s heart,” said the Great Dark Griffin.
And with a look of not knowing what she was doing, Demoiselle aimed her arrow at her mistress’s torso between her two breasts.
Why, the griffin must have given the golden hind the evil eye.  His griffin eyes of red must have  overcome her eyes of black and seized control of her golden hind will and stolen her awareness.  It was like he supernaturally hypnotized Demoiselle with a demon’s power.  And now whatever he told her to do, she would go ahead and do.  And it was not the golden hind doing this to her mistress, but the devil griffin here doing this to Tracy through the body of Demoiselle.
Then the Great Dark Griffin gave final commands to the deluded golden hind, saying to her, “Now let fly the arrow and strike down your terrible mistress where she stands.”
Acting most prudently quickly for fear of her life, the maillot lady called forth and said, “In the name of Jesus, O Demoiselle, do not do such a thing!”
Suddenly compassion and familiarity and love came back to Demoiselle’s good features.  “Mistress?” called forth the golden hind.  “What was I doing?”
“Oh, Demoiselle, it is so good to have you back,” cried out Tracy Pie Chart.  The spoken name of Jesus had overcome the evil eye of the Great Dark Griffin.
“What was I doing?,” she cried out again in shock.
“You were about to kill your mistress with a golden hind’s arrow, Demoiselle,” chided the one-piece swimsuit woman.
The Great Dark Griffin for his second time now said, “Demoiselle, shoot down Tracy with that arrow.”
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“No, evil griffin.  I shall not!” rebuked the golden hind this powerful devil.  The name of Jesus
spoken by one of His faithful daughters had completely made void the words of the evil red demon eyes.  And the Great Dark Griffin no longer had power over the mortal golden hind.
Relentless, and acting now like a fly trying to get out of the window, the dogged dark griffin said to the good pet for his third time, “Shoot her, dumb hind of gold!”
But this time, the good pet laughed at him.  And he was rattled and at a loss now all of a sudden.
And now the golden hind pointed her arrow again at his heart, toward the middle of his lion’s upper chest.  And he panicked.  And he sought flight.  And he quickly turned his back and lifted up into the air for escape.  And the maillot Christian woman fired a Scripture verse at him, saying the words of James 2:19, “Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well:  the devils also believe, and tremble.”  And Demoiselle let fly her arrow.  And, lo, the arrow pierced the fleeing griffin in his lion’s rear in a most personally embarrassing battle wound for such a soldier for evil as himself.  And he betrayed a shameful squawk and hastened his flight.  And he got away.  And this demon of the Devil was humiliated.  He would, as Satan, come back for Tracy after a season away.  But he would never forget this indignation he suffered this day.
And Demoiselle and Tracy Chart rejoiced and gave God the glory for this another victory over the dangerous dark griffin.
Then, after this celebrating, the golden hind said, “Mistress, unless you repent and get right with God about Jenny, we shall never be rid of that Great Dark Griffin.”
“I know,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.  “I know.”
“You’ve got to win her soul,” said her wise pet.  “Because sooner or later, one of us will end up dead with that bad griffin coming back all the time.”
“I know,” said Tracy.  “I know.”
“You need to witness to her, Mistress,” said the golden hind tersely point-blank.
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“I know,” said the maillot girl yet again.  “I know.”
And golden hind and born-again woman were at odds with one another now.  Then, saying nothing to each other, Tracy went into this Homestead General Store, did her grocery shopping, came back out to Demoiselle, and filled the two saddlebags with groceries, and again mounted her golden hind and traveled back to her home on the ridge.  And all the trip home, neither spoke to the other.
Demoiselle was right.  Tracy was wrong.  And Tracy refused to obey the will of God regarding the lost soul of her best friend Jenny Classy Lassy.

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CHAPTER VII
The one-piece swimsuit born-again Christian was alone with God in her nightly quiet time of prayer in her dark bedroom.  The lights were off.  The three shades were all open, letting in sweet moonlight and showing the stars of the heavens.  And underneath her bedroom door a sliver of yellow ceiling light from the front hallway of her house shining through.  In her favorite maillot once again, Tracy Pie Chart was upon her knees on her braided elliptic rug on her wooden floor beside her bed.
Her hands were folded together, and her elbows were upon her bed, and her eyes were open, and her head was bowed.  And this night’s happy prayer was a thanksgiving/remembrance prayer of the day that she had first found Christ as her personal Saviour way back in fifth grade.  This day of salvation upon her was way back in her days with Allyson, and it was back before she had found Flanders as boyfriend-in-the-Lord, and it was back before she had found her golden hind Demoiselle, and it was back even before she had discovered her strange fetish with women’s maillots.  Getting saved was the first great big thing that had happened for her in life, and it was the biggest big thing that had happened for her in her life.  Making the decision to become a born-again believer was the best decision anybody can make in this life.  That day young Tracy had said, “Yes” to Jesus Christ the Lord.  She had become a Christian.  As a little girl, Miss Tracy Chart had not yet had her women’s chevron one-piece swimsuit
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delight of her adult life.  Back then she had a girl’s one-piece swimsuit without cups and it had a patriotic American flag pattern to it, and she liked it, but did not love it.  It was just a swimming suit to her as a girl.  In prayer with God now in this bedroom with the lights off, Tracy Chart remembered how she had come to Port Plaza mall with Mom and Dad and the rest of the family that most blessed day of salvation.  She was in her red, white, and blue stars and stripes girls’ maillot that day at the mall, and she accidentally got separated from the rest of her family somewhere in this mall.  And she wandered into J. C. Penney’s department store, and she found herself in the women’s swimwear department.
Curious and idle, young Tracy began to look about in these swimwear racks, holding up adults’ one-piece swimsuits on their hangers one-by-one.  She then looked upon her chest, and she then looked upon a women’s solid white one-piece swimsuit.  Inquisitive, little Tracy picked out this white maillot, held it up by its hanger, and did look into its inside up there.  Therein she saw two tan cups inside up there.  She thought to herself, “Someday I may need something like these for my swimming suit.  But not quite yet.”  And she put this white maillot back upon its rack.  And she continued her fascinating little adventure.  It was June that day she had gotten born again, and it happened right here.  And June is the peak of women’s swimwear season at all the department stores.  Indeed this was the first week of June, and in the first week of June all of the women’s swimsuit racks are at their peak in selection and quantity.  And J. C. Penney’s had the most maillots of any of the department stores of any of the malls out there at this time of the shopping year.
Then little Tracy Pie Chart came upon her favorite swimsuit rack in this swimwear department
right here.  On this single rack were several one-piece swimsuits all of the same kind—some solid
purple, some solid blue, some solid black, all of them one of these three colors.  And these maillots were particularly high-quality, with maybe double the spandex of a normal maillot.  These stole the heart of this browser.  And little Tracy now became enamored of women’s one-piece swimsuits.  She began to look inside these purple and blue and black maillots, and in these premium maillots she saw
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again those two tan cups; and she also saw a tan elastic band running across the width within right underneath the cups, and she saw a tan liner covering all of the front within, and she saw a tan liner covering all of the back within, and she even saw an extra piece of tan cloth down there where a woman was a woman down there.  Indeed were one-piece swimsuits like these on this rack quite as ‘real neat’ on the inside as they were on the outside.  She ran her hand across the purple swimsuit and felt the novelty of Antron Nylon/Lycra Spandex upon her hands.  She did the same with the dark blue one.  And she did the same with the black one.  Then she put her nose to the purple maillot and sought to see if it had a pleasing smell.  And she discovered the novelty of the pleasing smell of a fresh maillot right off the rack.  She did the same with the dark blue one.  And she did the same with the black one.
This was more fun than going hiking with Allyson.  Maybe she was growing up.  Or maybe she was just getting a little weird here.  Either way, she came to see God, Whom she knew not, as a Lord to Whom a girl should thank for fun times like these.  And she prayed a quick little word of prayer for her first time, “Thank You, Lord, for all of these swimming suits.”
Then she wandered over to the other end of this swimwear department; and, behold, three maillot mannequin women.  One was dressed in that same purple one-piece swimsuit; another, in that same dark blue one-piece swimsuit; and the other, in that same black one-piece swimsuit. The mannequin in purple was sitting down on a raised platform with her knees up and her arms at her sides with her palms down upon the platform.  The mannequin in dark blue was standing up with her arms down upon her sides.  And the mannequin in black was standing up with her arms akimbo, her hands upon her hips.  All three mannequins looked alike.  And their eyes seemed more alive than real women’s eyes.  These three swimming suit mannequins could easily pass as triplets.  They all looked the same in their faces and in their hairstyles of brown.  And they almost looked real to little Tracy Chart.  Having admired these three’s fronts, little Tracy walked around them to admire these three’s backs.  The back of a one-piece swimsuit was almost as alluring as the front of a one-piece swimsuit.
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Praying to the Lord for her second time in her life, Tracy did request a most absurd prayer, saying, “Lord, make these three mannequins come alive.”  Of course God would not do that.  Nonetheless, behold, three living real women came up to her, all three here just exactly like all three there.  One was in that very purple maillot; the other was in that very dark blue maillot; the other was in that very black maillot.  And their faces and eyes and brown hair was exactly like unto the three mannequins.  And their slim physique and tall stature was the same as those of the virtual girls on platforms.  And these real swimsuit women could easily pass for triplets.
And the purple swimsuit girl sat down in front of the purple swimsuit mannequin just exactly as her mannequin likeness was sitting, her knees raised and her hands down upon her sides.  And she said, “Hello there.  My name is ‘Purple Cheyenne.’”
Then the blue swimsuit girl stood before her mannequin likeness just as this virtual woman was standing, straight up with her hands down along her upper legs.  And she said in introduction, “Hi.  I am ‘Blue Cheyenne.’”
Then the black swimsuit girl did her part in like.  She stood before her mannequin likeness and put her arms akimbo with her hands on her hips just like the black maillot virtual woman.  And she said, “I’m glad you came.  I am called ‘Black Cheyenne.’”
“Are you three triplets?” asked Tracy in awe.
“Uh huh,” the three all said in unison.
“I am Tracy,” said Miss Chart.
“Glad to meet you, Tracy,” the Cheyenne sisters said together.
“Where did you three come from?” asked young Tracy.
“We three work here,” said Black Cheyenne.
“The boss wanted us three to model our store’s swimsuits today,” said Blue Cheyenne.
“And she said that we could pick out our favorites of the rack,” said Purple Cheyenne.
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“Those favorites of yours are also my three favorites,” said Tracy Chart.
“Someday you’ll have the right build to put on one of these, Tracy,” said Purple.
“Not too long from now you might go shopping for yourself here in this department,” said Black.
“And you can look like us then,” said Blue.
“I’d like that very much,” said Tracy.
Then the Cheyenne sisters looked at each other, and one said, “Shall we tell her?” and one said, “One of us needs to,” and the other said, “God would want that.”
“But what do you have to tell me?” asked Miss Chart.
“Let me ask the question,” said Purple to her sisters.
But Blue said, “Not you, Purple.  You’re the baby of the family.  I am three minutes older than you.  Let it be me to ask the girl.”
But then Black spoke up and said. “Not you, either Blue.  You are the middle kid.  I am older than you by three minutes.  Let it be me, the oldest of us sisters.”
And consent came upon the faces of the two younger triplets.  And Tracy asked, “What do you have to ask me, Black?”
And Black Cheyenne asked, “Tracy, do you know where you will be one hundred years from now?”
“A hundred years from now?” asked the grade school girl, not real sure about such a query at her young age.
“A whole century from now,” said Black.
“Oh, I do not think that I would be alive when that times comes,” said Tracy.
“You will be alive somewhere,” said Black.
An earnest moment of thought came upon Tracy as she assimilated this last statement.  Then
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she asked, “You’re talking about Heaven and Hell.  Aren’t you, Black?”
All three Cheyenne girls nodded their heads, and Black said, “Yes.  We are, Tracy.  We three sisters are all going to be in Heaven one hundred years from now, because we got born again.  And we want others to go to Heaven to be with Jesus and us someday, too.”
“And you go and try to get others born again like yourselves, too, then?” asked Miss Chart.
“It is written, ‘So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.’  Romans 10:17,” said Black.
“I never thought about dying,” said Tracy.  “I am a girl not even in my teens yet.  I think to have my whole life ahead of me.”
“None of us have a promise of another day,” said Black.  “Even young people die.”
“They do.  Don’t they?” said Miss Chart.
“So, Tracy, where will you go after you die, young or middle-aged or old?” asked Black.
“I guess that I will not be just six feet under and no more,” said Tracy.  “Is that so?”
“Each of us people all have an eternal soul.  And because of that each of us will live forever—even after we pass away.  And this forever after will be either Heaven or Hell,” said Black.  “And we have to make the choice in this mortal life down here before God takes us away to the life to come.”
“I do not know why God would let me into His Heaven if He were to take me away today,” said Miss Tracy Chart.  “And I do think that God would have good reason to let me go down to Hell if I were to die today.”
“That’s real good to hear,” said Black.
“It is?” asked Tracy, offended.
“Before a woman can get a girl saved, first that woman has to get that girl to know that she is lost.” said Black in good Christian compassion.
“Oh,” said Tracy, her feelings assuaged.
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“Before a person seeks Christ, she needs to know that she needs Christ,” said Black.
“That sounds like good things,” said Tracy.  “I think now that I need Christ.”  Then she asked, “Is Christ the difference for a girl between forever in Heaven and forever in Hell, Black?”
“Verily Jesus saves to the uttermost, O Tracy,” declared Black Cheyenne.  “This Saviour of the world is indeed the difference between Heaven and Hell for all who live and who lived.”
“I do not have a Saviour yet,” said Tracy.
“With help from the Holy Spirit, maybe we can change that for you, O Tracy,” said Black.
“I’m ready.  Preach Jesus to me, O Black,” said Tracy, on the verge of so great eternal life.
“I shall share with you two verses from I Corinthians and two verses from II Corinthians.  You can then tell me what you think about them.  And then I can preach to you about them,” said Black.
“That sounds real good to me, Black,” said Tracy.
“The first verse.  I Corinthians 1:18,” said Black Cheyenne.  And she recited this verse to her, saying, “For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.”  Then she asked, “Does that make sense to you like it does to me, Tracy?”
“I did hear of the cross of Calvary a few times,” said Tracy.
“Not good enough.  But a good place for us to start,” said Black.
“Was that where Jesus died?” asked Miss Chart.
“It is where He died for the sins of the world,” said Black.  “He willingly laid down His life to die for you and me on this old, rugged cross.  God willingly let wicked men pound nails into His hands and into His feet to fasten His own body to the wooden beams of the cross, because He loved all of us sinners yet in our sins with a perfect love that only God could have.”
“That’s crazy for Him to do,” blurted out Tracy.  “It is dumb.  It is foolishness.”
“Remember, O Tracy, God’s Word that I had spoken–’For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness.’” reiterated the Christian Black Cheyenne.
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“Oh yeah,” said Tracy.  “I guess I said something stupid like that, because I am not saved like you three are.”  Then she said, “I am still one of ‘them that perish.’”
“We three maillot models see in that same cross ‘the power of God,’” said Black. “We three sisters are of them ‘which are saved.’”
“What makes the cross that Jesus died on in your eyes ‘the power of God, Black?” asked Tracy.
“The answer to that is found in some of His last words as he hung on the cross,” said Black.  “As He was dying, He said three great most effectual and efficacious words–’It is finished.’  There on the cross of Calvary the Lord Jesus finished His work of redemption for fallen mankind.”
“Redemption is a good thing,” said Miss Chart.
“And now the second verse,” said Black Cheyenne.  “I Corinthians 2:14.  Therein God says this:  ‘But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God:  for they are foolishness unto him:  neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.’”
“Mom says that I have great book smarts.  Dad says that I have great street smarts.  But when it comes to this Holy Spirit, Black, I am dumb as a box of rocks,” confessed Miss Chart.
“In that verse, where God refers to ‘the natural man,’ He is talking about an unsaved man,” said Black.
“Does that make me ‘a natural girl’ then, seeing that I am an unsaved girl?” asked Tracy.
With a nod, Black said, “Yes.  It does, Tracy.”
“I do not know anything at all about this Holy Spirit of God,” said Tracy.
“I and my sisters have this Holy Spirit of God indwelling us because we are born again believers,” said Black.
“That’s not the way at all as it is with myself,” said Tracy.
“Right now my sisters are praying for you that that changes real soon for you here at our store,” said Black Cheyenne.
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“Black,” said Miss Tracy Chart, “should I be afraid in not having the Holy Spirit inside of myself?”
“Indeed you should fear that as you should fear Hell itself,” replied Black.
“i am afraid of Hell right now,” said Tracy.
“That’s a good way to start wishing for Heaven,” said Black in hopes.
In the sum of her understanding so far, Tracy said, “Does that verse say that all unsaved people cannot know spiritual truths as all saved people can?”
“That it does, O Tracy,” said Black.  “Are you ready for my third verse?”
“I am, Black,” said Tracy.
“II Corinthians 4:4,” began Black Cheyenne.  And she recited by memory this verse in her presentation of the plan of salvation:  “In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.”
“The god of this world,” asked Tracy.  “It that with a big ‘g’ or a little ‘g?’”
“It is god with a little ‘g,’” said Black.
“Then it is not God the good guy who blinds my understanding as it is in my life as an unbeliever,” said Tracy.
“Whom do you think it means?” asked Black.
“Is it the Devil?” asked Tracy.
“It is the Devil.  The Devil is called ‘the god of this world.’  And it is he who wants to keep all unbelievers from finding out the truth.  This truth is Christ, and the Devil is ever at war against Christ, and the Devil knows that he has now but a short time.  He wants you to never become a believer, Tracy.
None of us in our own strength and in our own intelligence is a match for the Devil.”
“He must be my greatest enemy,” said Tracy.
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“And mine,” said Black.
“But he still has me,” said Tracy the unbeliever.
“But he lost me,” said Black the believer.
“I want him to lose me, too,” said Tracy.
“The main truth that Satan wants you to keep from learning in your heart is the gospel.  The gospel is the tripartite truth of the death and burial and resurrection of Christ.  The gospel can also be defined as the two-fold truth that Christ died for our sins and rose again the third day.  Sometimes the gospel is called ‘the saving gospel’ or ‘the gospel of salvation.’  In this verse it is called ‘the glorious gospel of Christ,’” preached Black Cheyenne.  “And the man Christ is all-God.  And Christ is called ‘the light of the world.’  The Devil, as the prince of darkness, hates light.  And this Devil will do anything he can do to keep you from letting this light of God shine upon you and into your heart.”
“I am afraid of the dark.  I want this light,” said Tracy.
“One more verse,” said Black, little Tracy’s soul almost ready for so great salvation.  “It is II Corinthians 11:3.”  And Black Cheyenne recited this verse to the girl with the ripe faith of a child:  “But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.”
“What does the word ‘subtilty’ mean?” asked Tracy.
“Today we use the word ‘subtlety,’” said Black.  “That means ‘clever nasty tricks with words’ in this case.”
“Who’s the snake?” asked Tracy.
“The Devil,” said Black.
“Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden,” said Tracy.  “What did the Devil say to her that was so clever and nasty?”
“He simply said to her, ‘Yea, hath God said?’” answered Black.
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“That sounds like he was trying to make God to sound like a liar,” said Tracy most precociously.
“God had told Eve, ‘Thus saith the Lord.’  But when the serpent got done talking to her, she came to doubt God for what He had said,” preached Black.
“Did anything bad come to Eve for that?” asked Tracy.
“The least bad of the bad things that came from this was that Adam and Eve were driven out of the Garden of Eden,” said Black.
“They were kicked out of paradise for the rest of their lives, and that was the least of the bad things that happened?” asked Tracy.
“Yes,” said Black.  “The truthful God said, ‘Do not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  The untruthful Satan said, ‘No.  Go eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.’”
“I know now what happened,” said Tracy.  “They doubted the Word of God; they disobeyed the Word of God; they brought sin into this world.”
“Yes.  For sure, Tracy,” said Black.  “All you need to do to become a born-again Christian like myself and my two sisters is to ‘only believe; only pray.’  Christ makes getting saved easy, as accepting a free gift.  But the Devil wants everyone to believe that he has to work for his salvation.  God’s right way is by grace through faith.  The Devil’s wrong way is by works unto damnation.  The Lord wants all of us in Heaven with Him.  The Devil wants all of us in Hell with him.  And God gives all of us people the free gift of choice.  And He gives us so many years of life down here to make the right choice for our eternity to come.  A person can say, ‘No,’ to Christ all of his life and then say, ‘Yes,’ to Christ at the end, and he goes to Heaven.  But deathbed conversions are rare.  But a person who says, ‘Yes,’ to Christ one time in his life, can never say, ‘No,’ to Him again; and that one, ‘Yes,’ will reward him with Heaven.  What will it be, Tracy?  Do you want to say, ‘Yes,’ to getting saved right now, or do you want to say, ‘No’ to getting saved right now?”
“I say, ‘Yes,’ to that!” avouched little Tracy.
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“You believe,” said Black Cheyenne.
“I believe,” avowed Tracy.
“Then let us pray,” said Black Cheyenne.  “Repeat after me these lines of prayer as I lead you through it, line-by-line.  It is called ‘the sinners’ prayer.’  And when we are done, you are officially saved from your sins.”
“Let’s do it,” said little Tracy Pie Chart.
And this was the sample prayer that she said when she became a born-again Christian that most especial day of her life one day at J. C. Penney’s:
“Dear God the Father Above:  “I am a sinner coming to You for my so-desired salvation.  I am lost in my sins and I am depraved in my sins and I am reprobate in my sins.  And because of my sins, I have to die and go to Hell and burn in everlasting fires.  But You can help me now. Indeed I do not have to go to the fires of Hell.  Two thousand years ago You gave Your only begotten Son to shed His perfect blood and to die on the cross for me and to rescue me from my own eternal doom.  And not only that, Your Son, Jesus Christ the Lord, arose from the dead three days later.  He lives again.  And because He lives, I can live.  I can live forever in the joys of Heaven.  I want that for myself.  Please forgive me.  Please help me to repent.  Please cleanse me.  And please become my personal Saviour, O Lord Jesus.  And give unto me when my time comes eternal life with You in the peace of Heaven.  Thank You, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  In Jesus’s name I pray.  Amen.”
And right after she had prayed this among the Cheyenne maillot model sisters, all three gave forth with “Amen’s” and “Thank God’s” and “Praise the Lord’s”  And they all hugged little Tracy, and little Tracy hugged all of them.  That was the testimony of her own salvation that she reminisced about this night in prayer in so sweet nostalgia here in the dark bedroom full of God in Aurora.  And, even though Tracy had never seen the three Cheyenne triplets again, she thanked the Lord for them every day since.
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CHAPTER VIII
Flanders Nickels was with his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend and his he-centaur pet in his front yard, sharing with them once again the testimony of his salvation:
“I was a little boy of ten years old,” he began.  “And I went around doing mischief to our neighbor-farmer’s corn.  I went through his tall corn fields, all the corn ready for harvest, and I made myself fall into the corn, knocking it down and ruining some of his crops.  I fell and knocked down corn forward and backward and sideways, and I laughed as I was doing this.  I did not know that this was a mean and nasty thing that I was doing to the farmer;  I was just being a dumb bratty kid who was doing stupid bad things without thinking first.  You both know how the Bible says in Proverbs 22:15, ‘Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.’  Well, after having had my fun mischief for the day, I thought that I would go and have this same fun the next day.  Well this first day did not end before I got caught.  And my next day, as you both know from having heard my true tale before, I did not celebrate my rendezvous with the corn.  What happened, as you all know, Farmer Agrarian saw me walking out of his cornfield just after I had finished my puerile
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little game.  He asked me if I had done all of that damage to his corn.  I said that I did.  But I was not sorry.  In my naivete, I had not thought that I had done anything wrong.  He then asked me why I had done that.  And I began to see the error of my little game.  And I could only say that I did not know why I had done that.  Then he said something to me that convicted me as a sinner in the eyes of God.  He did go and ask me, “Flanders, what would Jesus do?” And I was suddenly aware that I was going to Hell for having done that.  I said to him that I was very sorry, and then I ran away from Farmer Agrarian as fast as I could.  I ran straight home, and I told Mom and Dad what I had done.  Mom and Dad were most unhappy.  Mom grounded me, and Dad spanked me.  Then Mom went and apologized to Mr. and Mrs. Agrarian, and Dad went to the Agrarians and paid for the loss of their crops.  Then Mom made me to weed her garden of corn all day on Saturday in the hot sun. And Dad sent me to work for Mr. Agrarian in his barn all day on Sunday.  And I learned my lesson.  And that lesson was to behave.  But now I feared God more than I did Mom and Dad and Mr. and Mrs. Agrarian.  I learned from my mean and ignorant mischief that I was a bad boy and that bad boys go to Hell.  And it was not so much that I did things like that corn vandalism all the time.  Indeed that was the only such time I had ever given others this bit of grief.  And it was not a bad sin like murder or stealing or doing drugs.  It was a little sin.  But I understood from Farmer Agrarian’s query that one day that there is no such thing as a small sin in the eyes of God.  And because of my one sin that wild day of mine, I earned my place in Hell.  All it takes for any person to go to Hell was just one sin.  Which ten-year-old boy has not done one bad thing in his life?  One bad thing, and, behold, he has to pay for that sin forever in an eternity in Hell.  I needed a Saviour.  But I did not know Who it could be that could save me.   I came to Mom to share my fears of damnation, but she did not know anything about a Saviour.  And she said that I was crazy thinking about things like this.  I went to Dad to ask him how I could get saved, but he was not a born-again believer, and he did not have the answers, either.  And he said that it was not good to think about things like that.  I went to see Catholic priests and Lutheran ministers to ask them how to stay
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out of Hell.  But the priests went on to talk about a place they called ‘purgatory,’ which sounded to me like a make-believe place.  And the ministers told me that I had to get baptized, but I knew that baptism could not pay for my sins.  Then I thought that maybe I ought to go to the Agrarians.  Mr. and Mrs. Agrarian were different from other people I knew about.  They talked about a Jesus that Mom and Dad did not talk about.  And they lived their lives in a more godly way than any Catholic or Lutheran did.  And they knew God in a more personal way than I ever did.  So I went to visit Farmer Agrarian and his wife to ask them about God.  The first thing I did, of course, as soon as he opened the door, was to tell him that I was sorry for what I had done to his field, and that I would never do that again.  And the second thing I told him was, ‘Mr. and Mrs. Agrarian, I am looking for God.’
Mr. Agrarian’s eyes lit up with a special joy for me, and he said right away, ‘Praise Jesus!’
And Mrs Agrarian smiled a broad good smile at me and said, ‘Praise the Lord!’
And I came into their farmhouse for my first time.  It was a poor house in monetary value and a rich house in the goodness of the Lord.  Though it was small in size, it was big in God.  The old walls were filled with magic marker handwritten signs thanking God for this this thing and that thing all over.  And all the old broken down doors had handmade wooden plaques with all manner of praise of God for this divine attribute and that divine attribute of His.  And on old desks and old tables were Bibles and prayer books and hymnbooks.  This farming couple were so poor as to be paupers, but their home and their lives were full of the joy of the Lord.  I never saw such a happy house before in all of my life.  My home with Mom and Dad and the rest of my family was not like this home of these godly farmers.
I then asked them, ‘How do you two know God so happily?’
And Farmer Agrarian said, ‘Because we two are born-again Christians.’
And Farmer Agrarian’s wife said, ‘We found God the moment we became born-again believers,’
I then said, ‘I want to become a Christian, a believer, like the both of you.’
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Mrs. Agrarian looked at Farmer Agrarian, and she said, ‘It it time to teach this fine young man the doctrine of Christ, Husband.’
And Mr. Agrarian told me, ‘Before a person seeks Christ as personal Saviour, first he needs to know a little of what Christ is all about.  What a person seeking God needs to have answered is the question “Why did Christ come?”  I have five answers from the Scriptures that tell us why Jesus came, fine Flanders.  I shall share them with you in the order that they come in the Holy Bible.’
‘Good Flanders,’ said the farmer’s wife, ‘as my husband witnesses to you about the Lord Jesus, keep in mind that the Lord Jesus did not begin when he was born of a virgin in Bethlehem.  Before the Lord Jesus had come to earth as the babe in the manger, He was in the comforts and glories of Heaven at God the Father’s right hand side.  As the Son, He was and is just as much God as is the Father and as is the Holy Ghost.’
‘I’ll remember that, Mrs. Agrarian,’ I said.
And this good Christian farmer went on to say, ‘First comes Romans 14:9.  And that says this:  “For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living.”  Flanders, our Good Lord had come that He might die.  He  came to Earth that He die for all of our sins and redeem fallen mankind from all of mankind’s sins.  This same love that drove Him to leave the comforts of Heaven in the first place was the same love that drove him to die on the cross for us at age thirty-three.  As the song goes, “It was not the nails that held God to the cross, but His love for you and me.”  And as that other song lyric goes, “He could have called ten thousand angels, but He died alone for you and me.”  And when He said His last words on the cross, saying, “Father, into Thy hands I commend My spirit,” He then gave up the ghost.  And when He died,  His saving work of redemption was done.’  Farmer Agrarian then went on to say to me,  ‘But this Son of God could not stay dead, O searching Flanders.  Death could not keep Him.  And He arose from the grave three days after He had died on the cross.  His physical body had revived after those three days in the empty cave of a rich
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man’s tomb.  Visitors saw His tomb empty, and everybody saw Him walking around in the Holy Land once again, but now in His resurrected physical body.  And on the fortieth day He then ascended back up to Heaven, where He still rules and reigns over Heaven and Earth these days two thousand years later.  He is Lord of the dead who have gone up to Heaven, and He wants to be the Lord of the lives of those Who are on their way to Heaven.   That is, He is Lord of the late believers and wants to be the Lord of the lives of the living believers.  Do you believe this, O searching Flanders?’
‘Oh, I do, sir,’ I said.  ‘This Jesus is God.  He can do anything.’
‘Amen,’ said Mrs. Agrarian.
Then Mr. Agrarian went on to say, ‘The second verse that tells us why Jesus had come is the verse Galatians 1:4.  And that verse says exactly this, “Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father.”  Jesus gave His body to His murderers because all of us are sinners who cannot help it and who cannot save ourselves.
We humans are sinners by nature and by choice.  Because our first parents, Adam and Even sinned in the perfect environment of the Garden of Eden, we all have inherited their sin nature, sin having been passed down through the history of mankind from generation to generation to generation.  But sin is still all the fault of every one of us descendants, because we willingly decide to sin with our own free will.  And Jesus willingly laid down His life on Calvary’s cross just as it was prophesied in the Old Testament.  And it was both the Jews and the Gentiles who saw to it that He die.  And Jesus had always known that this was His destiny in His short life on this Earth.  The Lord gave up Himself for our sins, so that He could keep people apart from the present evil world system in its rebellion against God, and that He could deliver people up to Heaven in their time to come.  These such people were the ones who had decided to become born-again Christians.  Jesus once said, “For I do always those things that please Him [His Heavenly Father].”  And when Jesus had given His life for all of our sins, He knew that that was according to God the Father’s will.’
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I said then, ‘This world is unholy; Heaven is holy.’
‘Very well said, Flanders,’ he told me.  ‘Do you believe this verse and what it says?’
“I do. Farmer Agrarian,’ I said.  “We sin and disobey the Heavenly Father; and Jesus is sinless and always obeys the Heavenly Father.’
‘Husband, he is learning very quickly,’ said Mrs. Agrarian.  And they both looked at each other and nodded their heads and smiled at me in compassion and Christian love.
Then my neighbor farmer went on to say, ‘And the third verse is I Timothy 1:15.  That Bible verse says all of this, Flanders:  “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.”  Good curious Flanders, have you ever heard of Paul the Apostle?’
‘Was he a missionary?’ I asked.
‘Indeed, Flanders,’ said Farmer Agrarian.  ‘Many consider him to be the greatest of all missionaries ever.’
‘Was he like a missionary of missionaries in the Bible?’ I asked.
‘Most aptly put at that, Flanders,’ he said to me.  ‘And it was he who had said this verse in his epistle to Timothy.’
‘This man said that about himself—that he was chief of sinners, Farmer Agrarian?’ I asked.
“Yes, and with good reason,’ Mr. Agrarian told me.  ‘You see, before he was Paul the Apostle, he was Saul of Tarsus.  Paul the Apostle gave his whole life to service to Jesus.  But Saul of Tarsus had given his whole life to service against Jesus.  The dividing line between this old man of sin and this new man in Christ was that famous ride to Damascus where he was going to go get some Christians and bring them to jail or to death.  On that road he met the post-incarnate Jesus Christ, and he repented of his persecution of Christians, and he did become a Christian himself.  And from then on his zeal against Christ became an even greater zeal for Christ.  And he did go on missionary journeys and
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did establish churches and did preach the Word and did win souls and did write much of the New Testament.’
‘It sounds like he was very, very good after he became a Christian and very, very bad before he became a Christian,’ I said to Farmer Agrarian.
‘Hence his confession as chief of sinners, young Flanders,’ said Mr. Agrarian.  ‘Though he also recognized himself as a sinner even as the born-again Apostle.’
‘And Christ came into this world to save sinners,’ I said.
‘Do you believe this verse about yourself, Flanders?’ he asked me.
‘I do, Mr. and Mrs. Agrarian,’ I confessed.  ‘I am a sinner for whom Christ had come for to save me.’
‘Husband,’ said Mrs. Agrarian, ‘the boy is so close.’
I then said, ‘I am the chief of sinners,’
And the good farmer’s good wife then said to me, ‘Now you are even closer, fine Flanders.’
‘That is good.  Isn’t it—to be close?’ I asked.  ‘Are you saying that I am getting close to finding God as you two already have?’
And Farmer Agrarian went on to say, “Verily are you on the verge of so great salvation, O Flanders.’
“I feel glad for that,’ I said.
And Farmer Agrarian then went on and said, ‘Now the fourth verse of the five with which I do witness to the lost sheep of Aurora.’  And he said, ‘It is the verse Titus 2:14, wherein it is written thus:
“Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.”’  And Mr. Agrarian preached to me this verse in its fullness to me:  ‘Jesus Christ gave himself to us so that He could redeem us from our sins and that we might glorify Him with good works.  You already heard me tell you about redemption—that is, how Jesus died
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on the cross for us and gave all of us the way to stay out of Hell and the way to go to Heaven; and that is through His shed blood.  You may have heard of the great Christian hymn “Blessed Redeemer.”  Let me sing to you its chorus.’  And he sang its chorus:
‘Blessed Redeemer, precious Redeemer!
Seems now I see Him on Calvary’s tree,
Wounded and bleeding, for sinners pleading–
Blind and unheeding–dying for me!’

Then he went on to say to me, ‘Indeed, young man, there is another chorus from one of the longest of

the hymns out there that more completely defines what our Redeemer did that did redeem us sinners.’

And this good Christian man went on to sing it for me:

‘Living—He loved me, dying—He saved me,
Buried—He carried my sins far away;
Rising—He justified freely, forever:
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!’

Then he went on to say, ‘Jesus had come to free us from sin and to free us from the power of sin and to free us from the penalty of sin.  With Jesus as our personal Saviour, we are no longer in bondage to sin and the Hell that comes from sin.  He had also come that we, as born-again believers, might do good deeds on this earth.  In a Bible verse in I Peter, the Apostle Peter refers to us believers as “peculiar people.”  In like manner in this verse I shared with you from the book of Titus, the Apostle Paul says that Jesus had come to purify His peculiar people with a zeal for going good works.  In Ephesians, the Apostle Paul says that Christians are “created in Christ Jesus unto good works.”  And in Titus, the Apostle Paul says that we Christians need to be “careful to maintain good works.”  Do you understand this fourth verse of the five, Flanders?’
I nodded my head, and Mrs. Agrarian said, ‘I can tell that you do, Flanders.’
‘Do you believe this verse, O inquisitive Flanders?’ asked Mr. Agrarian.
And I said, ‘I do.  I definitely do.  Jesus came to earth to rescue me from Hell and to save me to do good things for Him.’
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‘You are exactly right!’ he praised me and God.
And Mrs. Agrarian said, ‘One more verse, Hubby, and he will be ready for Christ.’
‘The fifth verse that tells why Christ came.  The last of my five such verses,’  said Farmer Agrarian.  ‘Flanders, this is I John 3:8:’  And he recited it to me:  ‘He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning.  For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.’  Then he said, ‘Now, kind Flanders, there is no sinner as bad as the Devil Himself.  He and his fellow fallen angels are so wickedly evil that Hell was originally created by God just for them.  But when Lucifer tempted Adam and Eve, causing sin to come to God’s perfect world, God was constrained to make Hell also the abode of the sinners who died in their sins.  Sin is of the Devil, and sinners sin in the Devil.  And the Devil is the enemy of God and of Good and of the Lord Jesus and of the born-again Christians—indeed of all people everywhere, all having been created in the image of God, Whom the Devil hates with a great raging jealousy.  Honest Flanders, do you know Who this verse means by the title ‘the Son of God?’
‘I would say that He is no Other than the Lord Jesus Christ Himself,’ I did say.
‘Right you are indeed!’  he said to me.  “And this Son of God is also called ‘God the Son.’
‘I believe it,’ I said.
And Farmer Agrarian continued on, saying to me about this verse, ‘The main work of the Devil is to deceive and to lie and to tell half-truths, in short to fool the whole world with deception.  And what he says the most is, ‘You do not need Jesus.’  And with his worldwide deceptions of the pride of life and of false religions and of evolutionism and of atheism, the Devil is at war with Jesus over the souls of men and women and boys and girls.  And most of the world die in their sins, most foolishly believing that they had never needed Jesus; and they go to Hell for ever.  But the Son of God came that He might be a Light in a dark world.  He told this lost and dying world, ‘You need me,’ and ‘I love you,’ and ‘I want to save you.’  The works of the Devil is to bring as many souls with him down to
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Hell, where he will soon end up,  Satan hates people.  And Jesus Christ died on Calvary’s cross and rose again the third day to destroy the works of the Devil.  This cross and this resurrection is the Gospel that has power over the Devil much to the Devil’s dismay.  You probably heard the most succinct saying, “Jesus saves.”  That saying is the one truth that the Devil does not want his lost people ever to hear, much more, to come to believe.  The Devil wants the most of all of this Earth that Jesus not save. And today, just as he had in the Garden of Eden, when God says, “Thus saith the Lord,” the Devil comes along and says, instead, “Yeah, hath God said?”  And we born-again believers, though we are the minority on this Earth, we, with God, are still on the winning side.  Our Jesus cannot lose.  He is God.  And God is the Most High.’  Then he asked me, ‘Do you believe?’
‘I do.  And I now know that even the Devil cannot tell God what to do and what not to do,’ I did say.
‘God is so Almighty, my lad, that He has even mighty Satan on a leash,’ said Mr. Agrarian.  ‘Anything that Satan might wish to do to a Christian has to get past Jesus first.’
‘A born-again believer is safe in the arms of his Saviour,’ I said.
‘Husband, I can tell that it is time now,’ said Mrs. Agrarian.
‘It is time, my good wife,’  said Farmer Agrarian.  ‘Are you ready to pray and get saved from your sins right now, Flanders?’
‘I am really ready to get saved from my sins right now, sir,’ I said.  ‘But as for the right words to pray and get saved, I am not real sure what they need to be.’
‘I shall lead you through the prayer line-by-line,’ he said to me.  ‘All that you need to do to get saved is to come to God personally and sincerely and specifically and humbly and ask Him, “Lord, please give to me Your free gift of eternal life.” And do trust God to do this, all of this, and none of yourself, Flanders.’
‘I want to do that right now, Mr. and Mrs. Agrarian,’ I said most honestly and frankly.
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‘The good boy is ready, O Regalroyal,’ said Farmer Agrarian’s wife in joy of the Lord.
And the soul-winner farmer led me through this exact prayer that converted me into Christianity:
‘Dear Father-God:  I am a sinner who has been sinning for over a decade in my life as lost little boy of ten.  I went and did a foolish little sin of knocking over Mr. Agrarian’s corn plants.  And, besides that, I had also gone and done many, many other sins that were much worse than that.  And the seeds of sin reap a terrible harvest—Hell in the life to come.  But Jesus came to Earth to live a sinless life and to shed sinless blood and die on the cross—the Just for the unjust—and to arise from the dead on the third day.  Jesus saves!  And I ask You to save me now as I ask for my own needful salvation.  I am sorry for my sins, and I ask for Your forgiveness, and I ask You to cleanse me from my sins.  I want Your divine help to repent of my sin nature.  Please become my personal Saviour, and please give me a home in Heaven to come forever and ever with You.  Thank You, God.  In Your Son Jesus’s name I do pray.
Amen.’”
Flanders Nickels paused now with his audience of his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend and his he-centaur pet, his most glorious testimony of salvation narrated so fervently from start to finish.
And Sieur said, ‘Master, though I had heard it all before, I never cease to relish hearing it again this day.  Praise Jesus for the saved farmer and his saved wife.”
And Tracy Pie Chart said, “As much as I love to tell you, Flanders, of my first day of salvation, I do love all the more to hear you tell me of your first day of salvation.  Praise the God who saves little boys who knock over farmers’ crops.”
And the three laughed in rejoicing in the Good Lord God.
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CHAPTER IX
“Master,” asked Sieur, “when are you going to kill?”
“You mean my Great Dark Unicorn,” said Flanders.
“Aye.  That one.  He,” said Sieur.
“I do not know.  I am not ready.  I may never be ready,” said Flanders.
“Your disobedience tempts God,” said the he-centaur.
“Yeah.  I am testing God,” he confessed.
“Remember what you said in our last run-in with him, my master,” said Sieur.
“What did I say?” asked Flanders.
“You said that next time he comes, that there could be blood,” said his pet.
“That I said,” said Flanders.
“By that you meant that next time the Great Dark Unicorn will not leave without a fight,” said
the centaur.  “Isn’t that what you meant?”
“Yes,” said Flanders.  “I might be forced to combat against another to the death.”
“Death does not scare you, unless it be another’s death,” said the he-centaur pet.
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“I killed once.  I pray not to do such a thing a second time,” said the Christian soldier in sin.
“We have arrived, Master,” said the centaur. “We are at the dump.”
“One man’s junk is another man’s treasure,” said Flanders, dismounting his he-centaur.  He had come here to seek and take little treasures that caught his fancy.
But the centaur put his human hand upon Flanders’s shoulder.  And he said to him, “Master, if you do not fight the black unicorn when he comes back, you will die, and I and your maillot girlfriend will lose you.”
With a sigh, Flanders said, “Maybe there will not be a next time.  Maybe this last time will not have another time.  He cannot always come back as he has been coming back.  Sieur, maybe he got tired of me and wants to go after another Christian more challenging in battle than myself.”
“Master, Master, the Great Dark Unicorn will always come back for you until you take him out of this Earth,” chastised the wise centaur.  “The only way to keep him from ever coming back again is to slay him in battle.  You’ve got the Straightsword from God Himself; it behooves you to use it now for God.”
“Look, a little clear glass beaker with white lines and measurements along its side,” said Flanders, picking it out of the pit and holding it up before his pet. “Do you like it?”
In deference to his master, the centaur soldier came up to him to examine this first treasure of the day for Flanders’s search at this dump.  “I do not see even one crack in it,” said Sieur.
“I think that I will take this one for starters,” said Flanders.  And he opened the saddlebag along his centaur’s right hip and put this chemist’s fragile glass beaker carefully into it.
“Master, what if the Great Dark Unicorn comes after us now while you are having your fun in scavenging?” asked Sieur.
“Well, Sieur, it is not like I do not have my sword faithfully along my left leg,” said Flanders, putting his hand to his scabbard in indication.  “As God wishes, I take my saber everywhere I go, even
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on all of my dates with Tracy, on all my times at the church, on all the days I go knocking on doors with the church folk, even next to my bed when I go to sleep for the night.  And it is here with me now at the dump.  Surely that counts for obedience to God.”
“But it is like you are afraid of pulling it out of its sheath, Master,” said Sieur.
“I can pull it out of my sheath right now,” said Flanders Nickels.  And he looked around, then drew it out of his sheath, then put it back in its sheath and looked around again.
“What are you looking for?” asked the centaur soldier.  “Were you looking to make sure that the Great Dark Griffin was not around anywhere?”
“Hey, I didn’t see anything,” said Flanders, turning away from his pet’s human eyes.
“You’re more afraid of your shadow than you are the demon unicorn’s shadow.” said Sieur.
Flanders kept his gaze away from his comrade, and he resumed his fun at the dump.  And he found a little fold-out wooden ruler.  “Look, a fancy ruler all folded up, all yellow with black markings and black numbers.”  He went ahead to unfold it straight.  “Why, it measures to six and one-half feet!  Feet and tenths and hundredths on this side.  And feet and inches and eighths on the other side.”
“Are you going to slay a demon with that, Master?” asked the centaur pet, no longer deferring to his master’s changing the subject.
“How do we know if maybe another Christian soldier has not already slain him somewhere out there?” asked Flanders.
“Not likely, O Master, seeing that the Almighty God has consigned you to be the one who slays him,” said Sieur.
“Maybe you can slay him for me, O gallant Sieur,” said Flanders, trying to get out of his duty to Christ in this life.
“Tsk! Tsk!  Master!” said the he-centaur in no uncertain rebuke.  “I am called of God to help you in this ministry of battle.  But I am not the one with the Straightsword wonderfully wrought by
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God.  I can help you kill the Great Dark Unicorn, but it is you who has to finish him off for yourself.”
“Oh, but behold your deadly battleaxe, O Sieur.  It has broken up and smashed up other demons when it is wielded in your hands.  I ask you to break up and smash up my Great Dark Unicorn when he comes back for me,” said Flanders.
“My old battleaxe was made by man,” said the centaur.  “And it has become rusty.  And it is a cumbersome weapon in itself.  And it is chipped and dented and bent.”
“But my straight sword is in perfect condition,” said Flanders.
“Hence the means to the end,” said Sieur.
“The weapon to kill my demon,” said Flanders Nickels with disagreement.
Flanders then put this carpenter’s measuring rule into the saddlebag.  And he resumed his scavenging at the big pit of the town dump.  And he found next to keep a tiny little silver cup with a little silver handle.  It was not much bigger than one of those little plastic cups that went with a bottle of cough syrup.  This treasure, too, was clean and ready for the taking. And Flanders took it and held it in front of his eyes.  “This positively shines, Sieur,” said Flanders.
“It is not too much bigger than a shot glass, my master,” said the centaur.
“I wonder what I can do with so small a mug,” said Flanders.
“You don’t have to make use of it; let it be something just for you to keep,” said Sieur.
“You mean that I can store it on my high closet shelf along with my other stuff I got from here over the years.  Don’t you, Sieur?” asked Flanders.
“Some dump stuff you go and use; some dump stuff you go and store,” said his centaur pet.
“Then I think that I will go and store this one,” said Flanders, putting it into the saddlebag.
Just then the sound of hooves upon the ground not far away came upon the two.  Flanders put his hand to the heft of his sword, but did not draw out his sword.  Sieur raised his battleaxe in both of his man’s hands, himself ready for a good fight.  And both looked off into the distance.  Behold, a
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charging unicorn closing in upon them.  But this was not a black unicorn.  Nor was it at all the Great Dark Unicorn himself.  It was a white unicorn.  And white unicorns were tame and benign and benevolent.  And Flanders breathed a sigh of relief.  And this galloping white unicorn came right alongside where the man and his centaur were standing, and he did run by and pass them by without any incident.  And the man and his centaur wondered in curiosity at such a sight.
Flanders said, “Amen.  It was not my unicorn demon.”
“It could have been, O Master,” said Sieur.
“I really should have drawn my saber,” said Flanders.
“What do you think made that white unicorn go running for his life like that, do you think?” asked the pet centaur.
“I heard that black unicorns like to scare off white unicorns,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Do you think, Master…?” asked his centaur.
“No.  My Great Dark Unicorn did not scare off that white unicorn in a rush to get here,” said Flanders.  “That must not be.”
“We must prepare to kill this time, Master,” said his comrade-in-the-Lord.  “And it must be both of us working together with our weapons—not just you with words and me with my battleaxe.”
Still in rebellion, Flanders said, “Maybe God Himself might smite dead the Great Dark Unicorn.
He can do that with no problem.  He can do that for me.  And then I am free.”
“Master, God will not help a prodigal son to do great things for Him unless that prodigal son first repents of his sins,” said the he-centaur.
“Our God is an awesome God.  And many times in the Scriptures it shows where God Himself did strike dead people right where they were standing.  God smote dead Eli and Nabal and Herod and
Ananias and Sapphira as told throughout the Scriptures.  God can strike dead my evil unicorn persecutor as well, O Sieur.  All I need to do is to pray to God that He do that to His glory, and, lo,
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that He does, and, behold, the Great Dark Unicorn is dead!  And then I can live happily ever after, Sieur.”
“You must learn to fight like a Christian warrior, Master,” adjured his pet centaur.
“Let us pray now together in an impromptu prayer meeting, O Sieur, that the Good Lord smite our Great Dark Unicorn dead right now wherever he is,” commanded the stubborn master.
“I think I hear the sound of hooves from far away,” said the centaur pet.
Flanders listened hard for a moment, then said, “I don’t hear the sound of hooves.”
“I hear them,” said Sieur.
Another moment passed as Flanders listened in this stillness, and Flanders now said, “I hear them now.”
The two looked off into the horizon toward the little thunders of galloping, and they both discerned a black unicorn off in the distance running right toward them with battle in his charge.
“It is not too late to pray,” said Flanders.  “It is never too late to pray,”
“That is true, O Master,” said wise Sieur.  “But there is a time for prayer, and there is a time for action.  Now is the time for action.”
“God, give me grace and mercy,” the Christian soldier prayed, and he looked down upon his sword along his left side, and he did draw it out of his sheath with his right hand, and he held it out in front of himself in both hands toward the converging charging great unicorn of evil.   And Flanders Nickels boldly declared, “O Great Dark Unicorn, come and get this,” the soldier of Christ more afraid of himself than for himself.
But the strength of Flanders’s will did not back up the strength of his words.  The Great Dark Unicorn was coming right at Flanders in fierce assault, his unicorn horn drawing nigh to Flanders’s chest where he was standing, and Flanders refused to swing his straightsword down upon the head of the fell demon unicorn closing in upon him.  And the centaur had to rescue his indecisive master in
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this dire instant.  It all happened so all at once.  Sieur swung his battleaxe downward toward the back of
the Great Dark Unicorn’s neck.  The Great Dark Unicorn had to jerk his head off away to the side so as to avoid the ax blow.  And Sieur missed with his ax.  And in evading this ax swing, the unicorn missed Flanders with his horn.  And the unicorn sped right past Flanders, missing him even with his greater mass of equine build.  And the unicorn quickly turned back around.  And the demon and the two soldiers of God looked at one another.
The Great Dark Unicorn said, “Flanders of Christ, I just nearly killed you where you stand.”
And Sieur said, “Demon unicorn of black, I just nearly killed you where you ran.”
And Flanders Nickels said not a word.
And the Great Dark Unicorn said, “I am stronger than the both of you together. And I am faster than the both of you together.  And I am more wily in battle than the both of you together.’
“And we two together serve a God more powerful than you and your father the Devil together,” said Sieur.
Again Flanders was mute in this war of words.
“Centaur of God, it seems like your mighty master talks battle like he fights battle,” said the black unicorn.  Then he asked, “Flanders, do you have nothing to say to me?”
“Why, you had almost run into my sword, Great Dark Unicorn,” said Flanders, speaking his words now.
“The way you were holding that sword, soldier of Christ, it was like you had never held such a weapon before,” said the Great Dark Unicorn.
“I had a dream last night that I remember right now all of a sudden,” said Flanders.  “I dreamed that a voice as of many waters told me, ‘Flanders, your sword shall prevail over a unicorn’s horn in time to come.’  That was my dream.  And I believe it to have been God Who told me this.”
“Alas, poor God.  His gallant soldier has arms that shake when he tries to lift up his sword for
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Him,” mocked the Great Dark Unicorn.
“Whether it were a dream or a vision, I believe that,” said Flanders.
“And when is this supposed to come true?” asked the dark unicorn in great swelling scorn.
“I believe that you and I will still be alive and well when this prophecy comes true for me, Great Dark Unicorn,” said Flanders, gaining courage for combat.
“What other things do you dream about, man of God?” asked the unicorn demon.
“I often have tornado dreams,” said Flanders.  “Why do you ask such a thing?”
“Do those tornadoes come true?” asked the demonic unicorn.
“No.  Not one of them.  They are just nightmares,” said Flanders.
“Then neither will your dream from God come true,” said the equine devil.  “It was just one of your nightmares of the night.”
Then Sieur broke in and said, “Enough with incongruous words already!  Master, this devil among us wishes you and me no good with all of this sideshow of chatter.  He seeks to tempt you to doubt God with this deceptive talk.  Can’t you see what he is trying to do?  We must fight!”
“Fight me first, Sieur!” said the Great Dark Unicorn.  And with this the great black unicorn spat right into the man’s face of Sieur.  In a rage of fury, Sieur charged the demon and swung his battleaxe toward the side of the great unicorn’s neck.  With the power of the Devil, the Great Dark Unicorn swung his invincible unicorn horn and knocked the battleaxe right out of both hands of the centaur in the middle of his swing.  And the powerful battleaxe fell to Sieur’s right hand side several feet away.
And Sieur put both of his hands to his mouth for ease of pain in their great stings from the collision of battleaxe and unicorn horn.
Completely losing his cool, Sieur yelled, “Curses to you, Great Dark Unicorn!  I’ll get you for that, and you will never be able to swing your horn like that at me again!”  And the he-centaur picked up his formidable battleaxe, and he quite threw it at him in a madness without sense!  Surprised at so
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irrational a battle tactic, the Great Dark Unicorn fell into a hesitation and indecision, and the heavy battleaxe smote him against his head with the side of its handle.  And the demon was dazed where he stood.  He stood there, not bleeding, but stunned.  Flanders looked upon the demon unicorn’s eyes, and he saw the same disorientation in his eyes as he had seen in fair Jenny’s eyes that day he had seen her in the ring after that powerful uppercut.  Funny how it was not so pretty with the demon as it was with the young woman.
“Master, carpe diem!” urged Sieur.
Flanders knew this to mean “seize the day.”  Yet he asked, “What’s that, Sieur?”
“Strike while the iron is hot!” exclaimed the centaur.
Flanders turned away from the blank eyes of the unicorn and re-orientated his focus upon the battle.  “The evil eye,” confessed Flanders.  He had just been spellbound by the evil eye of the Great Dark Unicorn, even when the Great Dark Unicorn was not fully conscious himself.
“Never stare into those red eyes, Master,” cried out Sieur.
“With his guile he has gained time to his advantage,” said Flanders.
“He’s coming back to now, and you could have struck him down with your sword,” cried out Sieur.
Flanders, recovered now from the evil eyes, found his straightsword no longer in his hands.  Why, it was back in his scabbard!  And he drew it and held it out in front of him with both hands.  He now said in no sure declaration, “I must now strike you down, O Great Dark Unicorn.”
And to the centaur ally’s consternation, there was nothing between his faltering master and the fell and certain unicorn but five feet of space.  Sieur’s own battleaxe was to the unicorn’s side and several feet from Sieur himself.  And his master was likely to die this time.  And the Great Dark Unicorn lunged toward Flanders and sought to pounce upon the little man.  And the centaur, again relying upon the desperation of the moment, again did a crazy battle strategy.  And he lunged toward
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the unicorn demon from the side and did pounce upon him with his hybrid man-horse form.  And he did fall upon the great black unicorn just as the great black unicorn was at his highest in the air.  And all three soldiers fell to the ground all in one heap.  Flanders was at the bottom.  The Great Dark Unicorn was in the middle.  And Sieur the he-centaur was on top.  Yet, Flanders’s straightsword was still in both of his hands.  Yet, neither had he actually swung his straightsword in all this while.  The good news was that he had not been thrust through with the unicorn horn.  With a great shaking about of his unicorn body, the unicorn minion threw the centaur off of himself.  And with the strength of five white unicorns, this black unicorn got back to his feet and stood upon Flanders, the man supine.  With his front left hoof, he pinned Flanders’s right hand to the ground.  With his front right hoof, he pinned Flanders’s left hand to the ground.  With his back left hoof, he pinned Flanders’s right foot to the ground.  And with his back right hoof, he pinned Flanders’s left foot to the ground.  Then, with a swipe with his unicorn horn, he forced the sword out of Flanders’s grasp where he lay.  And the straightsword landed ten feet away.  And with this consummate mastery over a man of God the Devil’s enemy, the Great Dark Unicorn commenced to scrape long scathing scratches upon Flanders’s chest underneath his shirt with his unicorn horn.  But Sieur came up behind the Great Dark Unicorn, swung his battleaxe, and struck him down with one fell blow upon his equine back in the middle.  But just as quickly as he had fallen, he got right back up once again.  Sieur swung again.  But the Great Dark Unicorn fled away out of the way of the blade.  The black unicorn was wounded and bleeding.  And at once he fled away in flight.  Sieur pursued him as fast as a centaur could run, but the supernatural unicorn quickly got away and was soon way too far away for master or pet to do anything now.  And Sieur came back to his wounded master lying there on the ground.
“Master, Master, do not die.  I beg of you,” implored his beloved pet.
“I think that I now have a greater understanding of what Jesus had suffered for me just to save my wretched soul, good Sieur,” said Flanders.  “But be of good cheer.  Your unworthy master is not
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going to die.  My hands have not been driven into a cross.  My feet have not been driven into a cross.  And my chest has not been made to look inhuman as Jesus’s was with a merciless cat-o-nine-tails scourging.  I will be all right after a while.  And with most brave rally, Flanders sat back up on his bottom.
“Master, you bleed,” said Sieur.
“For my first time in all of my encounters with my Great Dark Unicorn, O Sieur, I now bleed,” said Flanders.  “Where’s my saber?  I want to hold my saber.  I refused to swing it again today, and look what happened to me.   I’m a bad soldier-for-Christ.”
“Let me go and get it for you, Master,” said the centaur pet.
“No.  I must get my own saber,” he said.  “I lost it.  I’ve got to go find it.”  And with supernatural strength from God, Flanders again rallied, and he stood up, his knees wavering, then his knees not wavering.  He sighed.  He shook his head.  He looked at the blood coming from within his torn shirt.  He sighed again.  And he looked around for the saber.  And he walked up to it after that scourging from that unicorn horn, and he reached down and picked it up in his right hand.  And he came back to Sieur’s side.  Then he fell back down to a sitting position.  He shook his head.  He said, “I’ve got to rest and get better, Sieur.”
The centaur then asked, “Master, you are ready now to kill the devil.   Aren’t you?”
As Flanders sat there, his head between his knees, he gave no answer.
The centaur then asked, “Master, you are ready now to do to that unicorn what he has done to you today.  Aren’t you?”
Flanders raised his head above his knees and looked at Sieur, but said not a word.
“Master, you are ready now to strike the Great Dark Unicorn with your God-given straightsword.  Aren’t you?”
With this, Flanders shook his head a feeble, “No.”  Then he fainted where he sat and lay there.
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CHAPTER X
Jenny Classy Lassy and her friends Tracy and Flanders and all three of their pets were at the Winnebago County Fairgrounds in Oshkosh, Wisconsin.  Jenny had her black boxing gloves on this time.  And the six were standing right next to the ring.  The day was clear and sunny and just right for a fight.
Flanders said, “It looks like your prize fight, Jenny, is taking place outside this time.”
“Uh huh, Flanders,” she said.  “I prefer outdoor bouts to indoor bouts.”
“You box better outside than you do inside, Jenny,” said Tracy.
“I do.  Oh, I do, Tracy,” said Jenny.
“Look, a real tall woman stepping into the ring right now,” said Flanders.  The six all looked up at the ring.
“She is my opponent of the day,” said Jenny.
“She looks like a giantess,” said Flanders, “but a real skinny giantess.”
“If there is such a thing as a gaunt woman prize fighter, this woman here is surely she,” said the
one-piece swimsuit woman.
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“Mistress,” spoke up Demoiselle,  “all it would take for Miss Lassy is one strong punch and the tall woman will break into two pieces.”
“I think that I never saw such thin biceps in any boxer before, Master,” said Sieur.  “And the rest of the girl is even less muscular than are her biceps.”
“Do you think that she will be easy to knock out, Jenny?” asked Flanders.
“Not for me to say until after the fight, Flanders,” said Miss Lassy.
“What is her record, do you think, Jen?’” asked Tracy Chart.
“I think that she has had a victory or two in the ring,” said Jenny.
“Those two must have been sick of some disease when they got into the ring with her and did lose to her,” joked Flanders.  “Ha ha ha!”
Yet Jenny Classy Lassy said, “You’re right, Flanders.  The two women boxers who lost to this skinny giant were both sick that day of their fights.  One had stomach flu; the other had vertigo.”
“Truth is stranger than fiction,” said Flanders.
“It looks like her boxing gloves are getting hard for her to hold up,” said the one-piece swimsuit lady, “and the prize fight has not even started.”
In jest Sieur said, “Demoiselle, I bet you a coyote that Miss Lassy will knock her out in the second round.”
“A coyote makes hunters like us happy.  I bet you a coyote that Miss Lassy will knock her out in the first round, Sieur.” said Demoiselle.
“How many times, do you think, Jenny, that she was KO’ed in her most unlikely career for a woman her build?” asked Flanders.
“Ha ha ha!” said Jenny, knowing something about her opponent of this day.
“I went and said something funny again this time, too.  Didn’t I?” asked Flanders, wondering what Jenny knew that he did not.
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And Jenny Lassy explained, “Flanders, the woman is undefeated.”
“That?” asked Flanders, dumbfounded.  “I mean, rather, ‘She?’”
“Yep!” said Miss Lassy.
“She can not even take down a little girl were a little girl to get in the ring with her!” exclaimed Flanders.
“That’s right, Flanders.  You’re so right,” said Jenny.  “Her bout with me will be only her third time in the ring against another professional woman boxer.”
“Why, you’ll punch her lights out, Jen!’” said Tracy Chart.  “You hardly have a stomach flu, and you never had vertigo.  Ouch. Poor skinny giantess.  She’s going to get clobbered by you today.”
“Mistress, she won’t know what hit her,” teased Demoiselle.
“She’ll never see it coming,” said Sieur.
“I can’t watch,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman in manifest pretense.
“I can’t turn away,” said Flanders in manifest eagerness.
And Jenny’s mute natural horse looked at her, then up at the tall lady giant, and then back at her.
“Dame tells me that it is time for me to get up into the ring and fight,” said Jenny Classy Lassy.  “It is time for me to get it on.  And this time, Trace,’ your woman boxer will not disappoint you.”
“Jenny,” said Flanders, “do to her what the last one did to you.”
“I shall, Flanders,” said Jenny.  “And she will be on the canvas for an even longer time this time with me fighting her than I was last time with that hulk of a woman fighting me.”
“May you not have to win be a mere TKO, Jenny,” said Tracy.
“I promise all five of you a win by KO,” said Jenny Classy Lassy.  “Either in the first round, Demoiselle, or in the second round, Sieur.”
Flanders Nickels said, “All five of us here will be in this first row at ringside, cheering you on the hardest of all of these fans here, Jenny.”
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“Thank you, Flanders,” said Jenny.  “Thanks for coming, guys.”  And with this Jenny climbed up to the ring apron and climbed through the ropes and stood in her corner of the ring and knocked her black gloves one against another in zeal for fight.  And the referee and the ring announcer began their work for this match.
And the ring announcer proclaimed, “People of Oshkosh and the Lake Winnebago area, welcome to women’s professional boxing.  In this corner, standing five feet eight inches and weighing one hundred twenty-five pounds, and wearing the red trunks and the red top, and with a record of fifteen wins, none by knockout, and eleven losses, one by knockout, is ‘Aurora’s Borealis’ Miss Jenny Classy Lassy!”  And cheers came in upon Jenny for herself from all sides of the ring.
The ring announcer then went on to proclaim, “And in this corner, standing six feet three inches and weighing one hundred twenty pounds, and wearing the blue trunks and the blue top, and with a record of two wins, none by knockout, and zero losses, is ‘High Cliff’s Finest,’ Lacy Licorice Snap.”
And boos came in upon this ring for Licorice Snap from all four sides.  In an unladylike manner, Miss Snap shook her gloves at her cat-callers out there and snarled out spit down the sides of her mouth in a tempestuous rage.  Tracy was startled at Licorice’s ferocity.  Flanders liked it.  Jenny was not afraid.
“Lady prize fighters,” said the referee, “come out fighting.”  And the bell rang.  And the two women boxers met in the center of the ring.
“Hit her, Jen!’” called forth the one-piece swimsuit girl.
But, instead, Licorice hit Jenny.  She hit Jenny in her nose with a stiff right jab, and Jenny’s golden head snapped back from the glove.  So fast was this punch, that Jenny was surprised by it.  Tracy wondered if this blow had hurt her best friend.  Tracy studied her face and saw full awareness in all of her features.  Jenny was all right.  Now all that the one-piece swimsuit girl had to do was to wait for her friend to hit Licorice back and to knock her down hard.
“Hit her, Jen!’” called out Miss Chart a second time.
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But yet again it was Miss Snap who connected.  Miss Snap this time threw a stiff left jab, and that caught fair Jenny in the nose again.  And for the second time, hardly into the opening seconds of this round one, Tracy saw fair Jenny’s head of curls snap back from Miss Snap’s glove.  Curious and hopeful and unsure, Tracy looked upon Jenny’s face for any signs of faint in her countenance.  There was none.  Jenny Classy Lassy was still fresh with all of her fight left in her yet.
Flanders Nickels said now, “Wow, Licorice is good.”
And again Licorice threw a stiff right jab right into Jenny’s face, again on her nose.  Jenny’s head snapped back.  Tracy looked upon Jenny’s face and pondered.  And Jenny had all of her senses in her eyes.
And for a fourth time.  Licorice Snap connected with a stiff left jab into Jenny’s nose again, snapping her head back a fourth time.  Miss Lassy’s face was not the less conscious after this fourth punch, either.
“Why, she’s getting killed out there,” said Flanders.
“No.  No, she’s not, Flanders,” said the one-piece swimsuit friend.
Again did the lean and lightning-fast giantess throw two more of the same punches into the nose, a right jab and a left jab.  And Jenny’s face was not growing the least bit stunned, but rather increasingly irritated.
“Uh oh, Tracy,” said Flanders.  “I think that she is bleeding.”
“No.  No, she’s not,” said Tracy.
“Mistress, your friend is bleeding from the nose,” said Demoiselle.
“Oh no,” said Miss Chart in dismay.  “She is.”
“Pretty bad at that,” said Flanders.
“Master, will the referee have to call off the fight if Jenny’s bleeding doesn’t stop pretty soon?” asked Sieur.
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“I think that that is how boxing works, O Sieur,” said Flanders.
“Would that be a forfeit, Mistress?” asked Demoiselle.
“I don’t know,” said the maillot woman.  “Maybe it would be a ‘TKO.’”
“That would still count as a loss.  Wouldn’t it, Flanders?” asked Demoiselle.
“Yeah,” said Flanders.
“That tall woman has such a reach advantage on Jenny,” said Tracy Chart.
“And yet she has only one punch to her fight plan, Miss Chart,” said Sieur.
“Jenny has mastered lots of different types of punches, but this Licorice Snap mastered only one,” said Flanders.
“If Jenny can just get past this first round, then I’d bet that she will win this fight in the end,” said Tracy Chart.
Just then the referee stopped the fight all of a sudden for now and he looked hard upon Jenny, and he counted to eight.
“What’s he doing, Flanders?” asked Tracy.
“I believe that he is making up his mind whether to call off this fight or to let it continue,” said Flanders.
“Look, Jenny has stopped bleeding through her nose,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“Oh goody.  The referee is resuming the prize fight,” said Flanders.
“Oo, please be careful, Jen!’” called out Tracy.
And again Licorice threw a right jab for the nose.  But this time Jenny was ready for it.  And she  blocked Licorice’s glove with her own black glove.  And this time Licorice’s glove missed Jenny’s nose.  Right away did Miss Snap attempt another snapping left jab for the nose.  And again Jenny saw to it that Miss Snap struck her glove instead of her nose.  And the giantess missed again.
Two more times did the one-dimensional woman prize fighter attempt to connect to Jenny’s
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wounded nose in the exact same one-two combination that she stubbornly stuck to.  And again, both times her gloves could only strike her opponent’s gloves.
And Licorice Snap was breathing harder now in this bout than was Jenny Lassy.
Then Jenny Lassy moved in on Licorice Snap and backed her against her own corner.  And Jenny Lassy began to put a working over on her with at least a dozen punches—not one of the twelve shots the same as another in this series.  And right after that, Licorice Snap fell down most ungainly upon her bottom there in her own corner, and her legs were spread out forward, and head fell forward,  and she sat there, out on her bottom.
“She’s out cold!” exclaimed the one-piece swimsuit lady.
“Ah, round one, Sieur,” said Demoiselle.  “You own me a coyote for dinner.”
Just then the bell rang, ending round one.  “Woe, the girl’s saved by the bell,” said Flanders.
“What a lucky girl,” said Tracy.
And the five watched as both women boxers were worked on by their trainers to prepare them for round two.  Jenny’s nosebleed was completely stopped.  And Licorice’s consciousness was revived, but just barely.  Jenny looked ready to take out Licorice.  As for Licorice, she looked ready to be taken out.  Jenny Classy Lassy looked ready for her career’s first knockout of her opponent.  And Lady Licorice Snap looked ready for her career’s first knockout of herself.
And the bell for round two rang.  Yet Licorice Snap was in her corner still sitting on her chair from between the two rounds.  Then her trainer threw a white towel into the ring.  And the fight ended.
It was all over.  And Miss Lassy won.
“Alas, only a TKO,” said Flanders in disappointment.
“What does that mean, Mistress?” asked Demoiselle.
And Tracy said, “That means ‘technical knockout,’ Demoiselle.”
“That is not so good as a ‘KO.’  Is it?” asked Demoiselle.
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“No.  It is not,” said Flanders.  “What a fight!”
“So, did all of this mean that this bout ended in the second round, Master?” asked Sieur.
“I do not know,” said Flanders Nickels.
“We’ll ask Jenny,” said the maillot girl.
Then Jenny came back down from the ring and rejoined her friends.  “Jen,’ you look terrible,” teased Tracy.
“I know.  It’s my nose,” said the woman boxer.
“Does it hurt?” asked Miss Chart.
“Yes,” said Miss Lassy.
Just then her mare Dame gave her a look and a cocking of her equine head to the side at her.
“What did she say?” asked Tracy.
“She said to me, ‘If you think that my mistress looks terrible, you should see her opponent,’” translated the natural horse’s mistress.
And all six laughed together at this horse’s clever wit of expression.
“We should box sometime, Jenny, you and I,” said the one-piece swimsuit friend.  “Just for fun.”
“No.  No, Trace,’” said Jenny.  “I could never let myself slug you.”
“These gloves do look like fun,” said Tracy.
“But they do hurt for real, Trace,’” said Jenny.
“But in a fun way,” said Miss Chart.
“Unless you are the one who gets punched by one of these,” said Jenny.
“Boxing is fun for a woman like me, whether I get to be hit by a glove or whether I get to hit with the glove,” said Tracy ingenuously.
“I can tell that you never stepped into the ring before, Tracy,” said Miss Lassy
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“You’re the lucky woman who gets to be a boxer,” said the maillot gal.
“Are you sure that you want to go and do it like that?” asked Jenny.
“Maybe on my ridge sometime,” said Tracy.
“You’d have to be ready to throw a punch,” said Jenny.
“I can throw a punch,” said Tracy.
“And you would have to be ready to take a punch,” said Jenny.
“I can take a punch,” said Tracy.
“You’re on,” said the competitive Jenny Lassy.
“Yes!  Yes!  Yes!” said the one-piece swimsuit lass.  And the two young women now had plans for a get-together on Tracy’s ridge for an unofficial prize fight between two best friends.
Then Flanders asked, “Jenny, when a woman boxer throws in the towel after round one and before round two, in which round is she declared the loser?”
Jenny laughed and said, “Throwing in the towel is an immediate disqualification.”
On their way home, the travelers played a God-honoring fellowship diversion called, “Pass the Praise.”  In Pass the Praise, a Christian shared with his fellowship group something for which to praise or to thank the Good Lord for.  And when the Christian finished his praise, he called upon another of this group to praise God, thus “passing the praise.” And when that second praise person was done, he, in turn, passed the praise to a third person.  And so on.  Being the leader of these six, Flanders went first.  And he said this, “I thank God that He allowed me to be born a natural United States citizen.”
And he continued, “It is so good to live here in the U.S.A. and to enjoy all of our freedoms that we do have as American citizens.  We are promised the right to worship.  We have yet freedom of religion.
I can read my King James Bible anywhere I wish, and no one from the government is going to come and take me away to jail for doing that.  I can pray alone or in any prayer meeting inside or outside, and I will not be rounded up or beaten or put to death for doing that.  I can go to any bookstore and buy
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myself a brand new K.J.V. Bible,  because Bibles are everywhere.  I can go to church with pretty Tracy, and I can rest easy, knowing that the government is not going to come and shut down our church and haul away our pastor.  And Pastor and I can keep going out on Thursday Evening Visitation and give out dozens of salvation tracts, and the police will not give us a ticket or arrest us and tell us to get out of town.  And good Pastor has the freedom to preach from the pulpit against all the sins of America, and he will not be branded as ‘a right-wing extremist.’  Here in America the government does not tell Pastor what to preach and what not to preach.”  Thus was Flanders’s praise for America’s freedoms of religion
finished.
“Now pass the praise, Master,” said Sieur.
“I pass the praise to my girlfriend,” said Flanders.
“Your turn to praise the Lord, Mistress,” said Demoiselle.
“I know,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend. “I praise the Lord for His Goodness.  You all know that true saying, ‘God is Good.’  And God is all-Good.  I am glad that our God is not half-good and half-evil as I had once said as a little girl.  I was wrong then about God.  And I am glad that God is more powerful than Satan.  At one time I once told a classmate in grade school that the Lord and the Devil are equally powerful.  I was wrong about God there, too.  And, now that I know God personally, myself a born-again Christian now for many years, I know that my Lord Jesus keeps the Devil on a leash.  The Devil cannot do anything to hurt me without the Lord first stretching out his leash a little way.  And anybody who wants to harm me has to get by God first, because He is my Father, and I am His daughter.  And when life is done for me, God will safely take me Home to Heaven to be with Him, where a woman will be safe for ever and ever after.”  Then she said, “God is great!”  Then the maillot gal said, “I pass the praise to you, Jenny.”
Instantly Jenny Classy Lassy turned red in her face.  She hesitated.  She balked.  She said nothing for a while.  Then she said, “I never praised the Lord before in front of everybody like this.”
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Why, Tracy’s best friend was embarrassed!  She was ashamed of God.  She could not play “Pass the Praise” as Tracy and Flanders always played “Pass the Praise.”  Jenny then stammered in discomfiture, “Praising God out loud like this is a personal thing, Tracy.  You should know that about me.”
“I’m sorry, Jen,’” said Tracy Chart.  “You don’t have to play.  You can just be our audience.”
“I’d rather that we did not play this anymore on the rest of this ride home,” said Jenny.
Tracy heard Demoiselle whisper to Sieur too quietly for Jenny to hear, “I think that that is because she is not a believer.”
And Tracy likewise heard her Demoiselle whisper to Sieur too quietly for Jenny to hear, “She does not like to talk and to hear about Christ.  Lost people are like that.”
And Flanders and Tracy were at a loss for words after this disgruntled murmuring from fair Jenny.
Then the one-piece swimsuit girl gave in and said, “Well, then Flanders and I will not do Pass the Praise until after we get home, Jenny.”
Brashly bold in Christ and offended by Jenny’s offense at the Word, Flanders asked so-unsaved Miss Lassy an eternal question, “Jenny, would you like to get saved today?”
All of a sudden, Tracy herself lost her temper upon hearing her boyfriend ask her friend such a question.  And she snapped at him most caustically, “That is not for you to ask my friend!”  Why was Tracy so upset by this?  Because she knew that she should be the one to ask this Jenny this question.  God had been telling Tracy for years now to witness to Jenny and to try to get her saved.  It was her ministry to Jesus to win the soul of her friend Jenny.  And she had habitually said, “No,” to God every time an opportunity came between her and Jenny to share the Gospel of Christ.  And now Tracy grew red in embarrassment.  She had failed God and Jenny yet once again in this window of opportunity on the ride home back up north.  And now her boyfriend did not wait for her to witness to Jenny, instead himself jumping in and trying to take over her turf.  But Flanders was right, and she was wrong.  There
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really was no way that this maillot Christian was anywhere ready to witness to Jenny of her need for the personal Saviour Jesus Christ.
Jenny spoke up and said, “Don’t worry about me, Flanders.  I’m all right with God just as I am.”  There was brusqueness to her tone, and there was now offense in her features.  Tracy’s best lost friend was convicted by Flanders’s question, and she was not happy with Tracy.  And Jenny Lassy spoke not again to any of the other five with her on the ride back to Aurora.
Yet, once she got back home, Miss Lassy said, “I’m sorry for being a bummer, Tracy, Flanders.
But I’m okay now.  Forgive me, Trace,’  I’ll call you tomorrow.  I promise to be a better woman then.”
“I forgive you, Jen,’” said the one-piece swimsuit best friend.
And they parted that evening best friends once again.
Then Tracy apologized to Flanders for her snap, and he forgave her.  And she and Flanders were completely reconciled.
But Jenny Classy Lassy was still on her way to Hell.
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CHAPTER XI
“I’ve got it upon my head, Demoiselle,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl in happy diversions with her golden hind here in her yard.  Tracy’s hands were steadying a great big granny smith apple on top of her pretty brunette head.
The natural-born archer her golden hind bragged, “I can shoot that apple off of your head mistress with my eyes shut.”
“I know, girl,” said Miss Chart.  “But do keep them open.”
“That I shall do,” said Demoiselle.
“I shall keep my eyes open, too,” said Tracy.
“Good idea, Mistress,” said her skilled pet.
“And do not mess up my pretty brown hair,” said the maillot mistress.
“That I shall not do,” promised the golden hind.
“And make it so that I can eat it after you shoot it off of my head,” said Tracy Chart.  “That is, you can pierce the core, but do not pierce the good fruit around the core.”
Knowing that such was impossible in the laws of logic, Demoiselle still went ahead and said, “All shall be as you request, O Mistress.”
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The one-piece swimsuit girl then removed her hands from the big green apple on her head and did bring them down slowly to her sides and did stand still for her golden hind to do her good work.  Demoiselle raised her bow, nocked her arrow, pulled back on the bowstring, aimed and studied and prepared.  Then she began to release the bowstring.
“Look out!” yelled Tracy with fear in her head, her eyes looking above the golden hind archer’s head and her arm pointing up there.
And just as Tracy had given this warning, a great and forceful form crashed down upon Demoiselle’s firing arm.  Her right arm got bumped downward in the middle of her release of the bowstring.  And her arrow zoomed downward toward the ground just as she fired instead of straight and toward the apple.  The apple fell off of Tracy’s head, and she raised her arms. The arrow came in upon her.  And Tracy screamed and fell down and held both hands to her foot.   Tracy’s face was pale white in shock.  It was the Great Dark Griffin and he said, “It is I.”  And Demoiselle with terror did see her arrow sticking into her mistress’s right foot between the big toe and the second biggest toe.
“Dear, dear Mistress!  I am sorry!” cried out the golden hind.
“But I am not sorry,” said the malevolent Great Dark Griffin.  And he guffawed most guttural.
“Dear Demoiselle,” said Tracy in gasping, “the griffin did this.”
“I did this, Demoiselle,” bragged the griffin demon in joy of causing pain.
“Help me!  Help me!” cried out the one-piece swimsuit girl.
“Great Dark Griffin, I will see you burn in Hell for this!” yelled the golden hind in great mortification.
“Try to shoot me down for what I just did to your Christian mistress, O golden hind archeress,” challenged the Great Dark Griffin.
And Demoiselle went on to fire a volley of wild and inaccurate arrows from her quiver, one
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after another in an unprofessional attempt to strike down the black griffin where he stood.  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten arrows the golden hind did shoot at the griffin.  And with his beak and his left eagle claw and his right eagle claw and his left lion paw and his right lion paw the Great Dark Griffin easily batted every one of the ten random arrows right out of the air before they could get to him.
“Try again,” mocked the evil griffin from Hell.
And Demoiselle was completely broken in her spirit before this invincible demon foe.  And she could find no words.  She looked back at Tracy.  Behold, the face of her mistress was a sickly white more pallid than she had ever seen upon that face before.  “Mistress!  Mistress” cried out Demoiselle.
“What can we do?”
“God can help,” said the maillot woman.
“Young believer woman, if God can help, then why is your pet’s arrow sticking out of your bare foot?” asked the Great Dark Griffin.
“God did not do that to me,” said Tracy, holding on to her Christian faith.  “You did that to me with your own demonic free will as a dark griffin minion.”
“I do good work in the Devil,” bragged the dark griffin.
“If I could just pull out this arrow from between my toes, then I could stand up and rebuke you mightily in the Lord with a Bible verse,” said the fallen maillot woman.
“Pull it out now woman, and show me your mighty God,” said the Great Dark Griffin.
“Ow!  Ow!  I cannot,” said Tracy Chart in woe.
“I guess that then it will just have to stay there, O woman of God,” said the griffin devil.
“Allow me to pull it out, O my dear mistress,” said Demoiselle.
Startled by this, the Great Dark Griffin turned back to the golden hind, and he said, “You stay out of this, O deer woman.”
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“No.  I won’t,” said Demoiselle, regaining her boldness.  “I won’t stay out of this.”
“Stand back,” commanded the Great Dark Griffin, raising his great eagle wings in a show of greater force.
“Would you like me to hit you with a Bible verse, little devil?” asked the wise golden hind.  “I’ve got a good one to strike you with if you do not get out of my way.”
“Curse that Scripture verse, whatever it might be!” screeched the evil griffin from Hell.  But he got out of the way and did and said nothing for a little interim.  God was helping, and mistress and pet had time to try to work the arrow out of that impaled right foot.
The arrow did not go all the way through the foot.  That was good, for that made the foot hurt less.  But that was also bad, because the golden hind could not simply break the arrow in the middle and pull out both ends from both sides of the foot.
“Ouch!  Ouch!  Ouch!” cried out the maillot woman.  “Help me to not pass out, O good Lord.”
Demoiselle, praying to God for supernatural Holy Spirit strength for both herself and for her hurting mistress, gave one last pull on the arrow with all of her strength with both hands.  Behold, the arrow came right out.  And then did Tracy Pie Chart fall into weeping and sobbing.  Demoiselle cried with her.  But in the midst of her tears, Tracy prayed and said, “Thank You, God, for not letting me pass out.  My Demoiselle needs me to fight our griffin with Bible words.”  And the one-piece swimsuit woman stopped crying.  She began to sniffle.  But she cried no more.  And she took deep breaths and sighed and regained her breath.  They both then looked back up at this griffin incarnation of evil standing there nearby.  This minion of Satan was standing there like a little schoolboy facing a gang of bullies.  He was bigger than the two, stronger than the two, wiser in battle than the two; but in these two he could see a God bigger and stronger and wiser in battle than himself.  And he betrayed uncertainty now where he had previously been filled with certainty.  Yet he neither retreated nor advanced.  He just stood there, confused and unsure.
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Herself sitting upon the ground and her pet standing beside her, the maillot woman asked, “Demoiselle, what was that Bible verse that you had in mind that you were going to say to our Great Dark Griffin a moment ago?”
“Why, it was Deuteronomy 19:21, my mistress,” said the golden hind.
“I know that one, too, girl,” said Tracy Chart.  “It is a great Old Testament law verse written by Moses.”
“It is a great revenge verse just perfect for us in this predicament that came upon us today, Mistress,” said Demoiselle.
“We can hit the griffin with that verse even harder than the griffin had hit me with that arrow,” said Miss Chart.
“Yeah!” said Demoiselle.
“We can both recite it to him at once,” said Tracy.
“It can strike our wily griffin with twice as much Holy Ghost power if both of us say it together than if only one of us says it, Mistress.” said Demoiselle.  “Wouldn’t you think?”
“Yeah!” said Miss Chart.
And right now, the black griffin was slowly backpedaling in retreat.
Then the two Bible students shot out this Deuteronomy verse and did strike hard upon this griffin with God’s spoken Words, “And thine eye shall not pity; but life shall go for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.”
And the Word of God knocked over the Great Dark Griffin onto his side right where he had been standing.  And he cried out, “My right lion paw!”
With his great diabolical resolve and will, he got back up to stand.  He put no weight whatsoever upon his right lion paw as he stood there.  And he was at the mercy of a God Who had no mercy for fallen angels like himself.
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The golden hind asked her mistress, “Do you know if there is another verse in the Bible like the verse we just said together?”
“Uh huh,” said the maillot woman.  “I do.  And there is.  It is Leviticus 24:19-20.”
“Of course.  Those two,” said Demoiselle.  “I know those two verses, also, Mistress.”
“Let’s say them together and knock our unfriendly visitor down again,” said Tracy Chart.
“I’ve got to get out of here!” exclaimed the Great Dark Griffin.  “I’ve had enough of you two women!”
And with two strong wings, the Great Dark Griffin ascended up off of the ground and did seek hasty flight.  But before he was out of earshot, these two women recited this two-verse passage point-blank into him from the ground below:  “And if a man cause a blemish in his neighbour; as he hath done, so shall it be done to him; Breach for breach, eye for eye, tooth for tooth:  as he hath caused a blemish in a man, so shall it be done to him again.”
And the great and terrible black griffin gave out a screech of pain and cried out, “My precious right eagle claw!”  And with fear for his life he rallied and fled away in the air as fast as he could fly.  And he was quickly out of sight beyond the horizon.
“He lost; we won, Mistress,” said the golden hind.  “Glory to God for that!”
“He lost; God won,” said the one-piece swimsuit Christian.  “Amen!”
They both looked down upon the ground and saw the arrow that had sorely wounded pretty Tracy Chart.  It had blood all over it.  And a pool of blood upon the ground lay all around it.  But Tracy’s foot was no longer bleeding.
“The bleeding stopped already, good Mistress!” said the golden hind.
“God is good, and God is great,” praised Miss Chart Jesus Christ.
“Does it hurt yet?” asked Demoiselle.
“Oh yes.  It does, O Demoiselle.  Real bad,” said the maillot Christian.  “But my Jesus will give
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me the grace to endure my trial.”
“’God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.’  Psalm 46:1, my mistress,” said the golden hind.
“’I will bless the Lord at all times:  his praise shall continually be in my mouth.  Psalm 34:1,” said Tracy Chart..

Flanders Nickels was riding Sieur to the Kresge’s Store in Kingsford.  Sieur said, “There are quite a few Kresge’s out there.  Aren’t there, Master?”
“Yes, Sieur,” said Flanders.
“What’s that saying you told me?” asked the he-centaur.
“Whatever K-Mart doesn’t sell, they give to Kresge’s; and whatever Kresge’s doesn’t sell, they give to Jupiter,” said Flanders.
“There are lots and lots of K-Marts out there, Master,” said the centaur, “but I don’t know where any Jupiter stores are.”
“You’re right,” said Flanders.
“Are you going to buy your big coffee candy bar at Kresge’s again, Master?” asked Sieur.
“Uh huh,” said Flanders Nickels with a nod.  “The best chocolate is coffee-flavored chocolate.”
“May I have a little section again this time?” asked Sieur.
“I will give you a little section of my candy bar again, good Sieur,” said Flanders.
“Thank you, Master,” said the centaur.
“We are now on the Leif Erickson Highway,” said Flanders.
“We are crossing the border between Wisconsin and the U.P.,” said Sieur.
“Upper Peninsula, here we come,” said Flanders.
“Shall I run like the wind for you, Master?” asked the centaur, his battleaxe ever in his hands.
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“Yes, O Sieur,” said his rider.  “Run like the wind!”
And the he-centaur broke into a most rapid gallop as man and pet crossed over the bridge.  Flanders heard the sound of hooves pounding upon the concrete.  Flanders felt the wind upon his face.
Flanders felt the speed in his belly.  Flanders felt the up-and-down motions upon his bottom in this gallop.  And he saw the wind upon the hair of Sieur’s man head right in front of him where he sat riding.  And he saw the battleaxe ever-ready in both man arms of this good and faithful centaur.
Behold, suddenly a spearing of some spear coming from the right and just missing centaur and rider.  It came from nowhere, and it passed through behind the centaur’s man back, and it passed through in front of Flanders’s chest.  One or the other of them had just been spared instant death, either by providence or by chance or by God.
And the centaur, who had not noticed, continued galloping on.  Flanders jerked his head back to see what it was.  Lo, the Great Dark Unicorn standing back there in his malevolent ubiquity.  That “spear” was the demon’s unicorn horn.  And the black unicorn needed not to miss.  His miss was not an error in judgment.  His miss was to rattle and to shake up and to cause to quake.  Then Flanders saw the Great Dark Unicorn begin to pursue him and the unknowing centaur.  And as Flanders watched in silence, he saw the unicorn devil quickly closing in upon them.  “Sieur,” began Flanders, “turn about.”
Not knowing why, the obedient centaur obeyed his master’s commands.  The centaur stopped and turned around, and he saw him.  “Great Dark Unicorn, for what have you come to disturb us this time?” called forth Sieur.
But the black unicorn did not let up in his charge.  Flanders– the inexperienced, but called-of-God, soldier– had to give battle commandment to his comrade.  And Flanders thought for this quick moment with God and decided to say, “Hough his fetlock!”
And the centaur swung his battleaxe downward and houghed the charging evil unicorn’s left front fetlock.  And the Great Dark Unicorn fell upon the side of his neck upon his left side, his zeal
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having redounded back against himself from this precipitous charge.  The unicorn lay there regaining his senses.  His equine head and most dread unicorn horn thereupon lay upon the concrete of this highway.  And God gave battle commands to Flanders, saying, “Take your straightsword, my son, and chop off his head where he lies.  And do so at once!”
Instead, Flanders gave these battle commands to his soldier-pet, saying, “Now, Sieur, chop off his head with your battleaxe!  Quickly, before he gets back up!”
And Almighty God was not pleased with His soldier with the straightsword.
Confused by his master’s confusion, the he-centaur hesitated with this decapitation swing.  And the Great Dark Unicorn had now regained his senses.
“Now, Sieur!  Now!” commanded Flanders Nickels.
And Sieur swung his battleaxe downward somewhat toward the neck of the Great Dark Unicorn.  But just then the black unicorn moved his head.  And the battleaxe missed his neck.  And the battleaxe instead struck the demon’s unicorn horn—the most strong part of this Great Dark Unicorn.
When the great battleaxe struck the great unicorn horn, the unicorn horn atop his head, was still lying upon the highway.  In essence, the horn was smitten between the concrete of the road and the iron of the battleaxe blade.  And, oddity of oddities!  A tip of the unicorn horn of the Great Dark Unicorn was broken right off of the rest of the unicorn horn, and it lay there, severed.  Neither man nor centaur had ever seen such a thing happen to any unicorn, white or black, before.  It looked most queer.  Indeed this severing had a most abject effect upon the Great Dark Unicorn’s fighting spirit..  It was as if he were a man naked in front of a crowd.  That was how the Great Dark Unicorn felt now in front of two soldiers-of-Christ with the tip of his unicorn horn broken off like this and lying separate upon the ground.  There stood fearless and inimical Great Dark Unicorn suddenly “bare and uncovered and exposed.”  The demon was struck vulnerable.  He was in need of “clothes, covering, cloth.”  And all of this was right there in front of him upon the ground below his gaze.
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“Grab it, Master!” cried out the centaur.
And at the same time, Flanders cried out in like, “Grab it, Sieur!”
But the Great Dark Unicorn was the one to grab it up in a snatch.  He picked it up in his horse teeth and held it in his teeth most fastidiously and delicately and gingerly.  And he moved his four equine legs about upon this road in disconcertment.  His tail nervously swung about behind himself.
He would not look Flanders in the eye.  He even gave a whinny. But when he neighed, his unicorn horn tip fell out of his teeth.
The three warriors all pounced to grab up the prize of the spoils.  Unicorn teeth and centaur hands and man hands all crashed together to get at the piece of unicorn horn there upon the road.  But just then a traveler on a donkey bumped the unicorn, and a traveler on a pony bumped the centaur, and no traveler did bump the man.  And the man Flanders Nickels seized the prize of the unicorn.  And He held it tightly in his right hand.  And he quickly put it in his watch pocket of his blue jeans.  Yes, Flanders now had the advantage over the Great Dark Unicorn, and he would forever have this advantage over this demon for as long as he had this unicorn horn tip in his possession and not a part of the rest of the unicorn himself.  Fearful of losing this prize and his first advantage over this demon unicorn foe, Flanders quickly mounted his centaur and gave commandment, “Gallop away, O Sieur!”
And man and centaur fled battle with a prize greater in Flanders’s mind right now than the desired death of the unicorn.  The Great Dark Unicorn, his fetlock houghed, could not and would not pursue the two of God right now.  Instead he hobbled home, saying to Satan his father, “I live to fight another day.”  And this was going to be most dire for Flanders who thought that his soldier days in Christ were over now now that he was the “conqueror with the unicorn horn piece.”
When rider and centaur got back home, the centaur said to the rider, “Master, we did not do right today.”
“What do you mean?” asked the rider.
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“We did not beat the Great Dark Unicorn in battle today,” said Sieur.
“We did beat the Great Dark Unicorn in battle today, Sieur,” said Flanders in indignation.  “He will never bother us again.  We are free.  Would a black unicorn ever show his face to any mortal with his unicorn horn not all there?”
“Did not God say to you, ‘Cut off his neck with your saber?’” asked the centaur.
“Yes, but I did something better.  And to you I give most of the credit,” bragged Flanders.
“Nothing is better than obeying the Word of the Lord, foolish Master,” declared Sieur.  “You know I Samuel 15:22-23,”
Flanders paused and said, “I do.”
“How does it go?” asked the wise he-centaur.
And Flanders recited it:  “…, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord?  Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.  For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry…”
“That Great Dark Unicorn will come back, O Master, and when he comes back, he will come to kill.  He will stop at nothing to get that tip in your pocket back.  If you thought that he was fierce before, next time he will be ferocious.  And he will have the viciousness of a demon scorned.  I fear now for my first time of our next time with him, Master.  You have unleashed the Devil upon us in taking that unicorn horn piece and keeping it away from that unicorn.  You should have killed that Great Dark Unicorn when God had told you to kill that Great Dark Unicorn.”
“Maybe I should give this back,” said Flanders Nickels, pulling out the prize from battle from his watch pocket.
“It is too late, Master,  You have now made your God-ordained ministry as black unicorn slayer much more difficult,” said the he-centaur.
“What am I going to do?” asked Flanders.
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“You need not ask me, Master.  Ask yourself that question,” said Sieur in weariness at him.
“The will of God,” Flanders answered his own question with shaking and trepidation and rebellion in his heart.
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CHAPTER XII
Tracy and Flanders and Pastor Rex Disciple and the rest of the flock were filing out of the back of Second Coming Baptist Church, verily a little church in the wildwood.  Today was the day that the one-piece swimsuit woman was going to get baptized and become a member of this good fundamentalist Baptist church.  In fact, today’s Sunday Morning Worship was going to happen outside back here, and it would be all about Tracy Pie Chart getting baptized.  The pastor and the deacons were bringing chairs out back here for the older folk of the flock.  The children of the flock were going to sit in the branches of the trees.  And the younger adults, men and women, like Flanders, volunteered to sit down on the ground upon the grass.  The boys and girls and men and women were dressed in their “Sunday best.”  And Tracy Pie Chart was dressed once again in her especial red and yellow striped chevron-patterned maillot for this service.
The waters in which Pastor Disciple was to baptize the one-piece swimsuit woman was a little and shallow flowing creek called, “Right Foot Creek,”  Where Pastor was leading his flock back here was to the deepest part of Right Foot Creek, a place about waist-high to Tracy and surrounded by Honey Crisp apple trees.  And it was not far at all from this church building’s back door.  A little narrow trail that wound through the countryside did end right at this deepest part of the rustic creek.
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And a single-file line of walkers, about fifty, making the whole flock of Second Coming Baptist Church, were walking down this narrow path toward the flowing creek, Pastor in his suit and tie leading the way with a pocket King James Bible in his right hand.
Tracy said to Flanders behind her, “I never did this before.”
“Are you nervous?” he asked.
“I never had my head below water before,” she said.
“You are the only maillot woman I know who never swam in her swimsuit,” he said to her.
“Just because I never take off my one-piece swimsuit doesn’t mean that I ever swam in it,” she said.
“You are a wader and not a swimmer, Tracy,” he said.  “So am I.”
“What was it like for you in your first time with your head under water when Pastor baptized you, Flanders?” she asked.
“I remembered and did what Pastor had said to do,” said Flanders.
“Pastor told me, too,” she said.  “Before he puts me down into the water, I have to hold my nose shut with one hand and cover my mouth tight with the other hand.”
“If you do that, Tracy, you will be okay,” said Flanders Nickels.
“That I shall do then,” she promised.
“It will be something that you will remember years from now even more fondly than seeing your Jenny box for this first and second time that you did right there at ringside,” he said.
“Oh, I believe it,” she said.
“I hear the creek now right up ahead,” he said.
“When Pastor baptized you here, did you have a swimsuit on?” she asked.
“No.  I just had on my regular street clothes,” he said.
“The kind of clothes that you have on when we go and splash around at Lake Antoine,” she
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said.
“Yes,” he said.
“Look at Pastor right now.  He’s in his formal church men’s suit.  Is he going to go into the water with me?” asked the maillot woman.
“Why, yes,” said Flanders.  “He will be in the creek with you when he baptizes you in the creek.”
“In his suit and tie and all?” she asked.
“Uh huh,” said Flanders.
“He’ll get it ruined,” she said.
“Pastor’s wife will dry clean it for him,” said Flanders.  “Emmy knows lots of tricks that good housewives know who have raised a Christian home and lots of children.”
“Pastor says that he gets all of his suits from thrift stores,” said Tracy.
“Pastor and Emmy are not rich at all.” said Flanders.  “They live day-by-day on God’s grace.
And Jesus never fails to pay for their expenses and needs in their poorness.”
“Where will you be sitting when I get baptized?” she asked.  “I hope that you will be the most near to me of our flock, dear Flanders.”
“I will be sitting on the very bank of the Right Foot Creek,” he said.  “And my bare feet shall be in the water where I do sit.”
“Nobody can get any closer than that,” said Miss Chart, happy.
“I see the creek now, Tracy,” said her boyfriend-in-the-Lord.
“I wish that Jenny were here,” said Tracy.
“She has her bouts on Sundays a lot,” said Flanders.
“Yeah.  I know, Flanders,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
“Today is the Lord’s Day,” said Flanders about Sundays in rebuke of Jenny who was not here.
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“The day for good people to be at church,” agreed Miss Tracy Chart.
Pastor, still leading the long single-file line down the little narrow footpath, now stood before the little countryside creek.  And, in work for the Lord, he and his two deacons began to set up chairs here in the tall grass for the older people of the congregation.  His little red Bible was in his pocket for now.  And older members picked out which chairs to sit in.  And younger members picked out which places in the grass to sit in.  And the children picked out which Honey crisp apple tree to climb up and sit in.  And, of course, Flanders found his perfect place on the very banks of Right Foot Creek and did take off his shoes and socks and did put his bare feet into the flowing waters below.
Pastor got alone with Tracy at the creek’s edge not too far away from where Flanders was sitting and he told her that God was well-pleased that she had finally made this good decision and that he was
looking forward to Tracy finally becoming a member of Second Coming Baptist Church.  And Tracy nodded her head and thanked good Pastor Disciple for her imminent baptism here out back.
Then Pastor looked out upon his flock from where he stood, and he took out his little pocket Bible from his white shirt pocket.  And all the talking ceased from the flock.  The service was beginning now, and all the people were attentive now and eager to hear their pastor preach the Word again.  Sitting down beside Flanders for now, Tracy made herself ready for the message, too.  Her time to walk out into the creek was coming up not too long later.
Pastor began his sermon for this day, “Today I shall preach on the Great Commission.  The Great Commission:  What is it?   It is particularly summarized in the last three verses of the book of Matthew:”  He opened his little pocket Bible and read this passage out loud to his listening flock: “’And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.  Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:  Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you:  and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.  Amen.’  Matthew 28:18-20.  Jesus commanded this
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to his eleven good disciples on a mountain in Galilee near the end of His forty days after His resurrection.”
“Amen!” said Flanders and others in the flock.
Pastor continued, “But I would like to focus on four parallel verses that appear in the Scriptures near the end of the four Gospels.  There are four Great Commission verses appearing near the end of Matthew and the end of Mark and the end of Luke and the end of John, and they are all very similar, the one in Matthew being one that I have just read to you.  The one in Matthew, I say now again, ‘Go ye therefore, and teach all nations,…’  Matthew 28:19.  The one in Mark says this:  ‘…, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.’  Mark 16:15.  The one in Luke says this:  ‘And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.’  Luke 24:47.  And the one in John says this:  ‘…:  as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.’  John 20:21.”
“Amen!” said the men of the church.
The preacher continued, “Our little Baptist church has a great tract ministry here in Aurora.  I give out salvation tracts.  You give out salvation tracts.  Most of us in this flock give out salvation tracts.  This is a great way for us to obey the Great Commission today, two thousand years later.  One can put a tract in a bill one pays with the check in the envelope.  One can give out tracts to others house-to-house on our church’s Thursday Evening Visitation.  One can give them out at all the parks around here.  One can give them out at work.  One can give them out at school. One can give them out on walks.  My wife gives them out to trick-or-treaters who come to our door on Halloween. I give them out at nursing homes.  The tract ministry is a most effective means of evangelism.  You all know my little proverb when it comes to giving out salvation tracts in season and out of season.  Flanders, what is it?”
And Flanders Nickels said Pastor’s witnessing proverb:  “Contact; opportunity; responsibility.”
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“Amen!” said Deacon Gary and Deacon Todd.
Pastor Disciple continued, “Why should we Christians give out salvation tracts?  For one thing, obedience is better than results.  Giving out tracts is a way to obey the great commission.  And even if we do not see anyone getting saved as we give out tracts, giving out tracts is still the right thing to do.  For another thing, tracts can be left anywhere and can be given to any person.  What other literature can mean the difference between Heaven and Hell in the life to come for a person who reads such a tract?  For another thing, it is an easy way to witness.  Not all of us are preachers.  I collect business reply mails, and I mail them back with one of our church tracts in them.  For another thing, they can be read over and over again.  There are times when we go out knocking on doors that we come to one person at the door who takes our tract, hears us out as we preach the Gospel, but does not get saved at the door;  at a later time, we come back to that same door and we see the same man, and he tells us that he had read that tract and that he had prayed and gotten saved from that tract (this having happened between our first visit and our second visit).  For another thing, giving them out is inexpensive, and they can be given out liberally.  In our last business meeting, Second Coming Baptist Church voted to buy another one thousand tracts.  Good folk, keep giving them out.  For another thing, always have a good supply of them on hand.  For another thing, look for opportunities to give them out.  Brother Flanders gives tracts to all of the salesmen and vendors who come to his grocery store where he works as a receiver.  Our treasurer gives them out to all the cheerleaders when he goes to the high school football and basketball games.  Our church clerk gives them out to the football players and the basketball players themselves.  For another thing, begin each new day with a prayer saying something like this, ‘Dear God, bring someone my way to whom I can tell about You.’  And when he comes your way, don’t forget to give him a tract.  I, myself prayed very early in my Christian life, ‘Lord, I promise to give out at least one tract each day of all of my days as one of Your children.’  And God has not failed me, and I have not failed God.  For another thing, when you give out a tract, be friendly and be kind.  Smile.
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And do not get into an argument with him.  If you do start quarreling, you might win the argument, but will lose the soul.  And always leave that person on a good note.  For another thing, when you proffer the tract, simply tell him, ‘This tells you how to get to Heaven.’  Most people do not mind the word ‘Heaven.’   After all, that is what the tract ministry is all about.  And, of course, keeping people out of Hell.  For another thing, be soul-conscious.  Every man and woman and boy and girl has a soul that Jesus died for.  For another thing, be neat and clean in your appearance.  It may be true that God looks on the inside, but it is also true that man looks on the outside.  That is why I ask you men to wear suits and ties; and you women, dresses; when you of the flock go out on Thursday Evening Visitation with me.  And for the last thing, remember the words of the Lord in Isaiah 55:11:  ‘So shall my word be that goeth out of my mouth:  it shall not return unto me void, but is shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.’  And our “Good Friend” tracts are exemplary tracts, because they have a sample sinners’ prayer in the back so one can pray it and get saved;  and this sinners’ prayer mentions the resurrection.”
Pastor Rex Disciple now made preparations for Tracy Pie Chart’s baptismal ceremony.  Putting his sermon notes and pocket New Testament back in his shirt pocket, this older man slowly climbed down the bank of the creek and into the flowing creek in all of his Sunday best.  And he stood there in the center and in the depths of Right Foot Creek.  The flowing waters were below his waist.  He then looked up at Tracy, standing now beside her boyfriend, and he held out his hand in invitation.  The one-piece swimsuit girlfriend and Flanders looked at each other.  “Here I go, Flanders,” she sang out in joy.
And the maillot woman stepped down into the creek, waded out to where Pastor was standing, and accepted his hand in hers.  The flowing waters were just above her waist.  Pastor and Tracy then separated hands.  Tracy looked back at her fellow shippers among the flock.  Lo, everybody, young and old and middle aged, were standing right on the banks of this creek to get a “front row” view.  And her boyfriend Flanders was in this creek itself, standing right along its bank, knee-deep in its flowing
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waters.   The maillot church woman waved to her boyfriend-in-the-Lord, and he waved back to her in
anticipation that equaled hers.
Pastor preached in the water, Tracy beside him:  “What is believers’ baptism?  It is the first step of obedience for a new convert.”  Everybody gathered here knew that this maillot woman was no new convert, but rather a pillar of the church and a believer of many years of salvation.  She and Flanders looked at each other, and she knew that she should not have procrastinated so these years at Second Coming Baptist Church before finally getting baptized like this.  But boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ were happy for her now.  Pastor continued, “Believers’ baptism is an outward testimony of an inward faith.  Believers’ baptism is a picture of the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  And believers’ baptism is immersion, not pouring, not sprinkling.  Nor is it intended for babies. Babies go to Heaven when they die.  Believers’ baptism is only for born-again Christians, those already saved.”
Pastor then asked Tracy in front of all the flock, “Tracy, do you believe that Jesus Christ died for you on the cross and rose again the third day?”
The one-piece swimsuit woman proclaimed in public confession of her faith of the gospel of salvation, “I do believe, Pastor,”
Pastor then asked her in front of the flock, “Tracy, have you prayed and asked Jesus Christ to become your Saviour?”
Tracy Pie Chart declared in public confession of her saving faith, “I have, Pastor.”
Pastor then said, “Tracy, I now baptize you in the name of the Father and in the name of the Son and in the name of the Holy Ghost.”
Tracy dutifully shut her mouth and put her one hand over it and did also obediently plug her nose with her other hand, and she also quickly closed her eyes.  And Pastor brought her all the way down into the water and did bring her all the way back up out of the water.  She opened her eyes and could only see and feel water pouring down from the top of her head all over her face.  Then she took
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away her hand from her nose and found it to be none the worse for this first time under water like this.
No creek water had come into her nostrils.  Then she took her hand from her mouth and opened her mouth and found that no breath had been taken away from her and that her breathing was steady and sure.  No water had come into her mouth either in this first time for her that her head was under water.
She stood there, jubilant in God, her mouth saying, “Amen!  Amen!  Amen!”  And soon the water stopped dripping into her eyes.
“Praise Jesus, girl!” gave her boyfriend glory to their God.  And Flanders Nickels came wading out to his maillot girlfriend, his arms inviting an embrace.  And together on impulse, he and she gave each other a quick sweet little hug there in the middle of the creek.
And everybody gave praise to the Lord, saying, “Alleluia!  Hallelujah!”
Just then the one-piece swimsuit gal heard a most surprising and most happy woman’s voice call out to her, “Way to go, Trace!’”
“Jenny!” sang out Tracy.
“I came, Tracy,” said Jenny Classy Lassy.  “And I saw all of it happen.  It was beautiful.  I am glad I came.
“Oh, Jen,’ thank you.  Thank you for coming,” said Tracy.
“You are my girlfriend’s good and loyal best friend, kind Jenny,” said Flanders so glad himself, too, to see Miss Lassy here.
Then the pastor and Tracy and Flanders climbed back up out of the water and back up on the dry land.  And Jenny and Tracy hugged as best friends do.
Then Pastor said to the flock, “I now ask for a motion to accept Miss Tracy Chart into the rolls of membership of Second Coming Baptist Church.”
Flanders was the first one to raise his hand upon this proposal, and he said, “I first the motion, Pastor.”
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Pastor then asked his flock, “Is there a second?”
This time Emmy, Pastor’s wife was the first one to raise her hand upon this proposal, and she said, “I second the motion, Pastor.”
Pastor said, “All in favor, say ‘Aye.’”
All fifty or so broke into a chorus of most favorable “Ayes!”
Pastor then asked, “Any opposed, say, ‘Nay.’”
There was not one, “Nay,”  All was peaceful accord.
“Motion carried,” said the pastor.  Pastor then said,  “Any discussion?”  And all the flock began to talk at once, all saying all good things about Tracy.  Pastor smiled at Tracy in pastoral love and godly benevolence.  And he let the discussion which had gone out of control slowly quiet down until he could speak again.  And when they were listening to him again, he said, “Tracy, I now declare you a voting member of Second Coming Baptist Church.”  And then she hugged Pastor, and Pastor hugged her back.  And the spirit of revival came upon all here in the Honey crisp apple orchard on this side of Right Foot Creek.  Everybody shook Tracy’s hand in welcome, and Tracy shook everyone’s hand in acknowledgment of welcome.
After all these affectionate exchanges and praises and good words quieted down, Pastor said, “Let us sing a hymn.  Hymn number 187 in our hymnbook.”
“’Blest Be the Tie that Binds,’ O Pastor,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl the hymn’s title.
And the two deacons quickly ran back to the church, gathered up fifty or so hymnbooks from the auditorium, and brought them out in boxes for the service out back here for now.  They distributed them among all who were here.  Why, there was lost, beloved Jenny, also accepting a hymnbook!  And there by the creek this great group of believers went on to sing this song all about blessed fellowship:
“1.  Blest be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love!
The fellowship of kindred minds

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Is like to that above.

2. Before our Father’s throne

We pour our ardent prayers;
Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one,
Our comforts and our cares.

3. We share our mutual woes,

Our mutual burdens bear;
And often for each other flows
The sympathizing tear.

4. When we asunder part

It gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart,
And hope to meet again.”

Behold, Jenny Classy Lassy singing from the hymnbook!
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CHAPTER XIII
Tracy was in her golden hind’s stable, fellowshipping with her golden hind as they lounged around Demoiselle’s bales of hay for furniture.  The one-piece swimsuit woman was sitting upon one bale that was on top of another bale, and her bare feet were resting upon another bale in front of her that was only one high.  “This straw pokes me uncomfortably upon my bottom, O Demoiselle,” said Miss Chart.
“Maillot girls do not belong in stables,” teased Demoiselle.
“I think that I’ll do this,” said Tracy Chart.  And she leaped and fell most happily into a big pile of loose hay to her side.
“Is that better, Mistress?” asked her golden hind.
“I feel more comfortable now in my one-piece swimsuit, Demoiselle,” said Miss Chart. “I could sink into this and fall asleep.”
“You cannot go to sleep,” said her pet.  “You promised to tell me how you first came upon your favorite maillot, my mistress.”
“Oh yeah,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.  “I cannot lie down in this straw to tell it.  It behooves me to sit back up to tell it.”  She sat up in this little hay pile.
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“I heard it before,” said Demoiselle, “but I want to hear it again.”
“You love this story almost as much as you love my story of having first found Christ.” said Miss Chart.
“Both are true tales and both are stranger than fiction,” said the golden hind.
Tracy Chart looked around her golden hind’s little stable and did see the most familiar armory of archery most meet for a golden hind’s home.  Along the north wall were dusty rough wooden shelves of all manner of bows.  Along the east wall were brass hooks holding up all manner of quivers.  Along the south wall on the dirt floor were little wooden barrels without covers and about two feet high containing all manner of arrows.  And along the west wall was a long shelf full of trophy cups and ribbons and plaques from throughout her many tournaments and championships and competitions as a lady archer.
Demoiselle saw her mistress’s gaze fixed upon her largest and most golden of trophy cups.  Tracy said, “You deer women are better at archery than we people women are.”
“I won that one in the Midwest Archery Tournament,” bragged the golden hind.
“Five states were represented in that championship,” said Tracy.
“Yeah.  Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois, and Michigan,” said Demoiselle.
“You came in first,” said the maillot woman.
“I will never forget that,” said Demoiselle.  “You were there for me, cheering me on.”
“I will never forget that, either, girl,” said Miss Tracy Chart.  “You got a bullseye at one hundred yards away!”
“And it was outside and very windy and very rainy and very cold,” said Demoiselle.
“Most well done!” bragged Tracy on her pet.
“But that was not my best shot, Mistress,” said the golden hind. “My best shot only you and I have ever seen.  I did it and saw it; you saw it and felt it.”
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“Yeah!  And I made you do it, too,” said Tracy.
“I didn’t think that I could do it, but I did,” said Demoiselle.
“I’m sorry that I forced you into it,” said Miss Chart.
“You believed in me, and I came through,” said Demoiselle.
“I could have been killed,” said Tracy.  “But you went along with me because I was your mistress, and I insisted,” said Tracy Chart.
“But it was for my own good, after having lost the Florence County Tournament so bad as I did,” said Demoiselle.  “I needed to get my confidence back for the Dickinson County Tournament that
was coming up for me next.”
“Which you won real good,” said Tracy.
“Thank you, O mistress,” said Demoiselle.
What was this miracle shot with a bow and arrow that only mistress and pet golden hind had seen, up here on the ridge that they both knew all too well?:  That day this maillot woman paced ten yards away from her golden hind archer, stood tall and erect with her right side toward the pet archer and her arms straight down at her sides; and Demoiselle truly shot an arrow in unto Tracy’s upper shoulders along the top of her back, most precisely through both shoulder straps of her maillot and right through between swimsuit and skin, without giving the woman a scratch.  And after this happened, that maillot mistress said, “I think that I felt something.”
And Demoiselle uttered, “What hath God wrought!”  And her confidence had returned for her and never waned in the rest of her archery contests since.
That arrow had its own little wooden barrel all to itself in the center of all the many barrels here in her stable.
The one-piece swimsuit woman then ran her left hand down the curve of her left side and then ran her right hand down the curve of her right side.  And she said, “Let’s see a guy try to do that with
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his sides, Demoiselle,” bragged Tracy upon her feminine curvaceousness.
“I can do that, too, Mistress,” said the golden hind.  And she did the same thing with her own woman’s curved torso.
“I can see that you can, Demoiselle,” said the maillot woman, “and even wearing your coat of mail at that.”
“So many stores that there are out there where a woman can go and buy herself a nice one-piece swimsuit,” said Tracy Pie Chart.
“J.C. Penney’s especially,” said Demoiselle, “where you got saved.”
“Yes, and also Younker’s,” said Miss Chart, “where the second biggest selection is.”
“And Sears, Mistress,” said the golden hind.
“And Montgomery Wards,” said the maillot woman.  “And K-Mart and Shopko and the Boston Store and Elder Beerman’s and Prange-Way and Kohl’s and Fleet Farm and the White Store.  Lots and lots of nice department stores with brand new one-piece swimsuits to look at and to try on and to buy.”
“And all the thrift stores with used one-piece swimsuits to look at and to try on and to buy,” said
the golden hind.
“Yes, and I do know them,” said Tracy.  “St. Vincent de Paul and Goodwill and the Salvation Army and Bethesda Thrift Store and Fox Valley Thrift Shoppe.”
“And some maillots that a woman like you can find at rummage sales, too, O mistress,” said
Demoiselle.
Holding up her right shoulder strap in her right hand in indication, Tracy Pie Chart went on to say, “Bur I got mine from a gnome of God.”
“Now it is time, O mistress,” said her pet.  “Let me hear you tell your story of how God had given you your nice red and yellow chevron one-piece swimsuit that you wear in life nowadays.”
“Yes!  Yes!” said Miss Tracy Chart.  “This is how God had made it to happen for me:”  And she
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now told the true tale:  “The name of the gnome was Taylor, and she was a seamstress.  All of us in our family were riding together, and we came to Lake Antoine, and we all became spontaneous and decided to stop here all of a sudden and to splash around in the lake for a while.  I was eighteen years old, the perfect age for a one-piece swimsuit girl to be.  I had a one-piece swimsuit that I kind of liked at that time from Younker’s—a maillot of many colors.  And in that swimsuit I splashed around and had water fights and wrestled in the water with my family.   After a while, the action started settling down, and I got bored.  In Lake Antoine, I looked across to the other shore far away.  And I decided that I wanted to get there right now for some unknown and inexplicable reason.  I could not swim.  I did not want to walk on the land along the lake.  I could not wade right across through the middle of the lake.  So, I waded along the edges of the lake around and to the other shore.  And there I was, alone and still happy and in a strange peace of God.  I walked out onto this strange new land, and I saw a little cabin.  I heard the singing of a great hymn coming from inside that cabin.  It was the singing voice of a woman, but not exactly a woman.  It was the chorus to the hymn ‘How Great Thou Art’:
‘Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!’

Moved by the Holy Spirit, I came right up to this little cabin, and I knocked on the little door.  At once this woman creature singer opened the door, and I could see with my eyes the woman creature form who was singing this wonderful hymn.  At first I was dumbfounded at so strange a lady before me, and I stood there almost rudely, not saying anything.
Then she asked me, ‘Young woman, does the cat have your tongue?’
Then I spoke and said, ‘Are you a real gnome?’
And she said, ‘Yes,  I am God’s gnome of Lake Antoine.  I make pretty clothes for pretty girls.
And you are a pretty girl.  Have you come for a pretty outfit, milady?’

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‘No,’ I said at first.
Then she asked, ‘For what have you then come, my lady?’
‘Yes,’ I then said, my tongue playing tricks on me.
‘Is it a “yes” or a “no,” my silly girl?’ she then asked me.
‘I like pretty clothes, but I did not come here for such,’ I said.
‘Would you wish for myself to make you some pretty clothes?’ asked the lady gnome.
‘I would, miss,’ I said.  ‘But I don’t have any money on me now, myself wearing a one-piece swimsuit.’
‘I work gratis,’ she then told me.
‘Grotty?’ I asked, not knowing that word then.
‘Gratis, young miss,’ she said.  ‘For free.’
‘Why, thank you,’ I said to her.
‘My name is Taylor,’ she said, ‘and I am a seamstress.’
‘What do you make in your job as seamstress?’ I asked her.
‘Any thing and every thing for women and girls and people in between like you,’ she told me.
‘What do you specialize in?’ I asked her.
‘Women’s swimsuits,’ she said, ‘one-piece swimsuits and two-piece swimsuits.’
‘I wonder what a two-piece swimsuit feels like,’ I said.
‘Stick to one-piece swimsuits.  They feel better,’ she then said to me.
‘Oh,’ I said.  ‘Okay.’
Then she said, ‘I never saw so many colors in one maillot before as I see in your maillot, young lady,’
“It has lots of quadrilaterals in it,’ I said.  ‘And also triangles.  It has a black background, too.’
‘I can see that, lass,’ she said  ‘Do you like V-Stripes more than you like four-sided and three-
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sided geometric shapes?’
I thought upon that for a while, then asked ‘Is there such a one-piece swimsuit pattern like that, O good Taylor?’
‘Yes, my lass,’ she said.  ‘That pattern is called a “chevron pattern.”’
‘I think that I would like a maillot like that for myself very much, Ma’am,’ I said.
‘What are your favorite two colors of your one-piece swimsuit of many colors, O young lady.?’  Taylor then asked me.
I looked down upon my front and said, ‘All of the colors are the best,’
‘Pick out two colors that you would like to fill the swimsuit that I will make for you full of V-stripes of those two colors alternating,’ said the lady gnome.
‘How about yellow and red?’ I asked.
‘Ah, good choice, girl,’ said Taylor.  ‘Do you want shoulder straps or strings over your shoulders?’
‘I don’t think that I like strings over my shoulders,’ I said.
‘Shoulder straps it will be,’ said Taylor.  ‘How about strings along the sides?’
‘What kind of one-piece swimsuit is that, O Taylor?’ I asked.
And she said, ‘I was thinking of making a maillot with thick strings running along both sides of the swimsuit and inside the swimsuit itself. They come out along the hips and tie up nice and pert along the upper leg,’
‘I love that idea, O good gnome!’ I said.
‘Would you like them red or yellow?’ she asked.
‘Oh, red would look good along my hips all tied up nice and neat.’ I said.
‘Now about the inside of the one-piece swimsuit,’ said the wise gnome woman.  ‘All of the maillots that I make have a liner inside not only in the front, but also in the back.  Would you feel
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comfortable in that?’
‘I think that I would feel quite good in such a one-piece swimsuit,’ I told her.
‘Maillot inner liners come in three colors—tan or black or white.  Tan is the most traditional liner in one-piece swimsuits,’ said Taylor to me.
‘May I have both of my swimsuit liners to be tan, Taylor?’ I asked her.
‘Tan they both shall be,’ she said.  “And now one more question.  Would you like the back of your swimsuit to be a scoop back, which is tradition, or would you like it to be a high back, as they are coming out now in the stores?’
‘A scoop back would make me look better, but a high back would make me feel better,’ I said.
‘I think with this swimsuit I would want to look better.’
‘A scoop back it is then, my lady,’ said Taylor.  ‘I can see that young ladies are not afraid to show off their bare backs in their maillots yet these days.’
‘Will this swimsuit hold me up above well, you know where?’ I asked her.
‘I can see that you are not lacking endowment as a woman,’ said Taylor.  ‘My swimsuit cups are the best in the world.  And, like all good maillots, the maillot that I will make for you has a strong elastic band running inside all across and underneath the two cups.’
‘If I look good in this one-piece swimsuit that I have on now, will I look even better in the one-piece swimsuit that you will make for me here?’ I asked.
‘In a maillot that I make for any woman, that woman will look better in that maillot than even if she had no maillot on at all in brave bareness, my good and fine lady,’ bragged the gnome lady Taylor.
‘I definitely want such a swimming suit,’ I said.
‘Come on in and see your humble servant of God begin her new work for the Lord for you,’ said the seamstress.
And I followed her into her little cabin.  And apart from the necessities of life in a cabin, all that
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I saw was a little sewing machine and a spool of thread and a little scissors.  It looked to me that this lone little sewing machine and this sole spool of thread and this little scissors were all that this gnome used to make her pretty clothes for her pretty women supplicants.
I then asked her, ‘Is this all you use to sew clothes for the Lord, O Taylor, a sewing machine and one spool of thread and a little scissors?’
‘Milady, this little sewing machine is God’s little sewing machine, and this little spool of thread is God’s little spool of thread, and this little scissors is God’s little scissors.  Little is much when God is in it,’ declared the old woman gnome to me.
Having given the Lord such good and truthful glory Taylor then sat down at her sewing table and began to work.  I had to ask her, and I did ask her, ‘You do not know what size I am.  You have not measured my female self with any measuring cloth.  Nor do you know anything about my height and my weight, and yet you sit down now and begin your work.
Without looking up, Taylor said, ‘Your Maker knows all about you, my lass.’
‘Oh, good Taylor, what do you mean?”  I asked her.
And she said, ‘Young woman, is it not written in the book of Matthew, “But the very hairs of your head are all numbered?”
‘It is,’ I said with a nod.  ‘Matthew 10:30.’
‘And you know what Jesus is saying there,’ said Taylor.
‘He is saying that He knows how many strands of hair I have on my brunette head.’ I said.
‘So now you know,’ she said.
‘I pray that you do explain your meaning,’ I asked her in humility.
‘If our Creator knows the number of the strands of your brown hairs, does not this same Creator know the all the needed measurements of your female form for me to do His work for you?’ she asked.
‘Why, yes.  He does,’ I said.
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‘And my Maker will go ahead and tell me while I work with Him for you at this sewing table,’ confided wise and learned Taylor to me.
And I understood and said, ‘This little sewing table is God’s little sewing table.  Isn’t it, godly Taylor?’
And she said, ‘It verily is, milady.’
And Gnome the seamstress went to work.  And after one hour, her work for me was finished.  And she held it up in the air by its two shoulder straps.  For me it was love at first sight.  On impulse, I made a promise to God, ‘Lord, not a day will go by where I will not put this on for the rest of my life until death or rapture or unfortunate disablement.’  And God heard me, and I have not broken my promise to God of that day.
‘Thank You, God.  Thank you, dear Taylor.  Thank you, little magic sewing machine,’ I then said.
And the old gnome lady proffered her outhouse out back for me to put on my enrapturing new maillot for myself to begin a brave and new happier life in Christ now, following a former and simple life in Christ that was already blessed with happiness to begin with. Joy had now become bliss with this maillot from God.   And I put it on and came back out, my new one-piece swimsuit covering myself and my old one-piece swimsuit in my left hand.  And when I came back out of the outhouse, there stood most good Taylor, waiting for me to see how good I made her work look.
And she said, ‘Go now and please your boyfriend if you have one.’
And I said, ‘I shall, O most kind Taylor. I surely shall.’
And in farewell, she said, ‘Go with God, my young woman.’
And I said, ‘I shall.  I surely shall.’
‘Maranatha!’ she said to me.
‘Maranatha!’ I said back to her.
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And then without any further delay, I walked on the land of the shore of Lake Antoine around its edges in order to get back to my family quickly.  No doubt they were probably wondering what became of me.  I did not want Mom and Dad to start worrying about me.  And then again, I did not wade back through the lake as I had waded out to this cabin, because I was not ready to get my wonderful new one-piece swimsuit from God and gnome all wet quite yet.  At first it was too good even for beautiful Lake Antoine.  You know how I have changed my mind about that in our many fun times together here since, good Demoiselle.  And in my many fun times with Flanders here since that day,  too.   And when I found my family once again on the beach, they were all waiting for me, but not long yet, praise God.  And they could not believe their new Tracy Pie Chart.  They all asked me at once, ‘Where did you get the new swimming suit?’  And I told them all everything, praising its divine Maker, the Lord, most of all for it. I do not think that they believed me.  But it was the truth, O Demoiselle.  And you believe.  And Flanders believes.  And Sieur believes.  And Jenny also believes.”
“Gnomes are real, Mistress,” said her golden hind.
“Yes, Demoiselle.  Gnomes are real,” said the maillot woman.
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CHAPTER XIV
Emmy Disciple, Pastor’s wife, was paying a good and welcome call upon Tracy at her ridge this  sunny afternoon.  Emmy was a loving doer of good deeds, and she always did her good deeds for others of the flock with humbleness and sincerity and integrity.  Of all women in Second Coming Baptist Church, Emmy was the most compassionate.
“I am glad that you came to talk to me today, Emmy,” said the maillot gal.  “I bet that you know what I wanted to ask you about.”
“I know, Tracy,” said the pastor’s wife.  “I pray that my answer be said with the words and with the meaning that God would want from me.”
Her question was, “How can I witness to my friend Jenny?”  And neither woman spoke it nor heard it here at this fellowship here on the ridge right now.  It was enough that Pastor’s wife knew for what the one-piece swimsuit woman sought advice.
And Emmy called upon the Holy Spirit and commenced to give her good and Godly advice to the young maillot woman:  “There are two certain books mentioned in the Scriptures, Tracy, that I would like to tell you about.  One of the books is called, ‘The Book of Life,’ and the other book is called ‘The Lamb’s Book of Life.’  They are not the same book.  They are two different books.  First I
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shall tell you about The Book of Life.  Tracy, you probably know about Exodus chapter thirty-two.”
“Oh, I do, Emmy,” said Miss Tracy Chart.  “That is all about the sin of the golden calf.”
Opening her King James Bible, Pastor’s wife said, “Let me read to you two verses in that chapter, verses thirty-two and thirty-three:  ‘Yet now, if thou wilt forgive their sin–; and if not, blot me, I pray thee, out of thy book which thou hast written.  And the Lord said unto Moses, Whosoever hath sinned against me, him will I blot out of my book.’”
“Though it doesn’t say it exactly in those two verses, this book must be that Book of Life,” Miss Chart said her thoughts out loud.
“It is, Tracy,” said Emmy Disciple.
“What does that Scripture passage say?” asked the one-piece swimsuit lady.
“Sin is the most hateful act of all hateful acts in the eyes of the most holy God,” preached Emmy.
“What is written in the pages of The Book of Life?” asked Tracy Chart.
“Indeed the name of every and all men and women and children ever born into this world past and present and future,” said wise Emmy.
“What can happen that makes God take this person’s name or that person’s name out of this big book of names?” asked Miss Tracy Chart.
“Verily the sin of dying in your sins, Tracy,” preached Mrs. Disciple.
“You mean never choosing to become born again.  Don’t you, Emmy?” asked the one-piece swimsuit fellow shipper.
“Yes, Tracy.  The only sin in a person’s life that the all-forgiving Good Lord cannot forgive,” said Pastor’s wife.
Most wise herself, Tracy Chart asked, “So, in the end of one’s life, if that one had already asked Jesus to become his Saviour sometime in his life down here, his name stays in this book and never gets
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blotted out by God, and he goes right to Heaven when he dies.  Isn’t that so?”
“Very right you are, Tracy,” said the pastor’s wife.  “Every name that gets blotted out of this book belongs to the one who goes to Hell when he dies, and every name that does not get blotted out of this book belongs to the one who goes to Heaven when he dies.”
“The great difference of eternities between the lost and the saved after they pass away, most clearly recorded in this big Book of Life,” said the maillot young woman.
“A person can say, ‘No,’ to salvation a hundred times when God speaks to him and on the one hundred first time that God speaks to him, that person can say, ‘Yes,’ to salvation, and, lo, he is saved from his sins, and he can never lose his salvation.” said Emmy.  “But take heed, it gets easier for the lost person to say, ‘No,’ to Jesus and His offer of eternal life after each successive time that God does speak to him and he rejects Him.  The best time to get saved is the first time you hear the Gospel.”
“My Jenny has her name in that book, Emmy.  And it might get scratched out by the Lord,” confessed Miss Tracy Chart.
“The Good Lord uses His children—us born-again Christians—to lead unsaved people to Christ the Saviour,” said the pastor’s wife.
“I don’t think that Jenny knows the Gospel yet,” said the maillot woman.
“When are you going to tell her?” asked Mrs. Disciple.
“My hands shake at the very thought of doing that,” confessed Tracy.  “We two have never gone and talked about her soul like that.”
“Pray for Holy Spirit boldness to do that, O Tracy,” urged Emmy.
“There was also that other book that God has written in Heaven that you were going to tell me about,” said Miss Chart.
“The Lamb’s Book of Life,” said the good woman counsellor.
“What has God written in the pages of that book?” asked Tracy.
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“In that book are people’s names that can never be blotted out, Tracy,” said Mrs. Disciple.
“That’s a good book to be in,” said Miss Chart.
“The names that are written in this book belong only to those who have become born again sometime in their lives down here.  Once saved, always saved.  That is God’s promise of the eternal security of the believer.  Every name in The Lamb’s Book of Life belongs to a person either on his way to Heaven or who is already in Heaven,” preached Emmy Disciple.
“Jesus Christ is ‘the Lamb,’” said the maillot woman.  “It must have been He Who wrote this very good book.”
“It is written,” the pastor’s wife read from her Bible, “’And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.’  Revelation 20:15.  And again it is written, ‘And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie:  but they which are written in the Lamb’s book of life.’  Revelation 21:27.”
“My friend Jenny’s name is not yet written in that book, Emmy,” said Tracy Chart.
“She is in danger of the lake of fire,” preached Emmy Disciple.  “No person has the promise of another day on this Earth.”
“She cannot enter into Heaven where she stands now with my Jesus,” said the greatly troubled one-piece swimsuit best friend.
“Make it so that her name does get written by Jesus into his Lamb’s Book of Life,” exhorted this great woman of the church her disciple of the day.
“I’ll try,” said the maillot woman fearful for the damnation that awaited precious Jenny Classy Lassy.  “I have to at least try sometime.  God help me!”
“I’ll pray for you, dear sister-in-the-Lord,” promised good and faithful Emmy.
“Would you pray with me?” asked the one-piece swimsuit woman.
“Let us pray together right now and right here,” proffered Pastor’s wife.
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“I need prayer right now so much,” said Tracy.  “Right now I am more afraid for what will happen to Jenny if I do not confront her about her soul than for what might happen to our friendship if I do confront her about her soul.”
And the two most important ladies of Second Coming Baptist Church had a prayer meeting up here on Miss Chart’s ridge.
And when they were done praying, Emmy asked, “What did you decide, Tracy?”
“I have decided to obey God.  I will witness to my friend Jenny.  She will hear the Gospel loud and clear from her best friend—whether she wants to or not,” confessed the one-piece swimsuit girl.
“When yon do that, good Tracy, you will lose that evil nasty griffin out of your life,” reminded the pastor’s wife this persecuted daughter of God.
“That is most good news,” said Tracy with a sigh and with dream of rescue in her eyes.  “Nothing is more wrong in my walk with Christ than that accursed Great Dark Griffin.”
“And if you do lead your friend Jenny to Christ, you will want to go on and try to lead others to Christ as well,” said Emmy.
“I can do that, too!” said Tracy.  “That’s wild!  Do you think that that will be what God will have me to become?”
“Once your spirit tastes the eternal joy of winning a soul to Christ, you will want to do it again and again, Tracy,” said Emmy.
“I could become a mighty soul-winner like Flanders,” said Tracy Chart.
“You could come out with the ladies every Thursday night on Thursday Evening Visitation, Tracy.” said Pastor’s wife.
“First I must try my first time on Jenny,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman.  “And if my first try does not do it for her, I will try a second time with her.  And if my second time does not do it for her, I will try a third time with her.  Until at last I lead her to salvation.   But first I must try for my
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first time.  Jenny.  Dear Jenny!”
“Amen, O good and ready Tracy,” said Pastor’s wife.  “Would now be a good time for you to go and see Jenny?”
“O my friend and sister-in-Christ, it is written in II Corinthians 6:2, ‘…:behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation,’” said the one-piece swimsuit girl, her zeal for Jenny’s soul for the first time exceeding her fear of Jenny’s face.  “Would you excuse me.  I’ve got a soul to win for my Jesus.”
“I most gladly bid you Godspeed, Tracy,” said Emmy.  “I’ll be praying for you and Jenny.”
“Do so, O Emmy.  And thank you.  Thank you,” said Miss Tracy Chart.
And quickly she summoned her golden hind and just as quickly she ran off looking for Jenny.
And as Emmy was alone with God there on Tracy’s ridge in prayer, Emmy saw Tracy’s Holy Bible left behind from her mission for Jenny.  The maillot woman had forgotten to take her Bible with her.

Meanwhile, Pastor was alone with Flanders in his office.  Flanders had asked to see Pastor, because he was convicted of his sin of omission.  And once alone with his pastor, Flanders confessed,
“Pastor, I am a prodigal son who cannot kill a demon for the Lord.”
“You may be a sinner with a sin, but you are hardly prodigal,” said his more spiritually discerning minister.
“A backslider then,” said Flanders.
“Nor a backslider,” said the truthful minister.
“Carnal then.  Very carnal,” said Flanders.
“You are not a carnal believer, either, Flanders.” said the discriminating leader of his flock.
“What am I then, Pastor?” asked Flanders.  “I have been rebelling against the Almighty all the years of my Christian life.  Every time God says to me, ‘Slay the black unicorn,’ I say right back at
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Him. ‘I cannot slay the black unicorn.’”
“I know what you really are, Flanders,” said Pastor Rex Disciple.  “You are a sinner tempting God to spank you.”
“That is all that I am?” asked Flanders.  Pastor nodded.  “I thought that I was worse than that.”
“Nonetheless, Flanders, God’s chastening hand also includes sins such as the sin unto death,” said Pastor.
“You mean, that if I never do slay the Great Dark Unicorn, God just might smite me dead?” asked Flanders.
“There is no such thing as a small sin in God’s eyes,” said the minister.  “All sin is bad to God.”
“I am bad,” said Flanders.
“Do you want to be good?” asked Pastor.
“I do,” said Flanders.
“Go and slay the unicorn.” said Pastor.
“I love Jesus, but…,” stammered Flanders.
“If you love Jesus, keep His commandments,” said Pastor.
“John 14:15,” confessed Flanders.
“Are you also Jesus’s friend?” asked the missionary.
“I am,” said Flanders.
“Then do whatsoever He commands you,” said the Baptist pastor.
“John 15:14,” confessed Flanders Nickels.
“You know the Bible, and in all points but one you live the Bible,” said Pastor.  “I would say that you know James 2:10.”
“For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all,” recited Flanders this Bible verse.
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“What do you say to God about that?” asked the preacher.
“I’m not a violent man,” said Flanders.
“A man called of God to be a Christian soldier must be able to live in such a way that he can sing the hymn, ‘Onward, Christian soldiers,’ with truth and spirit,” said the pastor.
“I know our battle hymns that we all sing in church, Pastor,” said Flanders.  “’Onward, Christian Soldiers,’ ‘Sound the Battle Cry!’ ‘Faith Is the Victory.’”
“In the one matter of the Great Dark Unicorn, you fail the spirit of those three great hymns, Flanders,” said Pastor.
“You don’t have to contend against the demon as I have to, Pastor,” said Flanders.
“Flanders, Flanders, I daily contend against the Devil himself every time I preach,” said Pastor Rex Disciple, knowing what he was talking about all too well.
“I am sorry for what I said,” apologized Flanders. “I forgot.”
“I ask you to go and slay yourself a demon,” said the missionary.
“I know, Pastor, that if God told you to kill a devil unicorn, that you would go and slay a devil unicorn,” said Flanders.
“I would not ask you to do something for the Lord that I myself would not do for the Lord,” said this minister of integrity.
“I know.  I know,” admitted Flanders Nickels.
“You are afraid that if you kill this Great Dark Unicorn as this black unicorn slayer of Christ, then God will ask you to kill more black unicorns in your ministry to Christ,  Is that why you will not kill yourself your first demon unicorn?” asked Pastor Disciple.
“No.  This Great Dark Unicorn was always the only demon unicorn that I ever thought about, Pastor,” said Flanders.  “Do you think that God would have me to slay other evil unicorns even after I slay my own evil unicorn?”
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“That I cannot say, Flanders,” said the Baptist missionary.
“That is really bad for me.  I never thought about making killing my own career for God.  The kill that He wants me to do now these past years was too much for me already.  Any more than that, and I would want to die and go to Heaven.”
“There is no room for conscientious objectors in God’s army, Flanders,” Pastor rebuked him.
“I killed a man once,” said Flanders.  “A man created in God’s image.”  He went on to say, “It was the most horrible mistake that I have ever made.”
“The Great Dark Unicorn is not a man.  The Great Dark Unicorn is a demon.  The Great Dark Unicorn was not created in God’s image,” summed up the Baptist minister three good rebuttals refuting Flanders’s argument.
“The Great Dark Unicorn is still, nonetheless, a living creature, a testimony of life created by the Maker of life,” said Flanders.
“It is written in the beatitudes, ‘To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:…a time to die…a time to kill…a time to break down…a time to rend…a time of war.’” preached Pastor.
“Ecclesiastes 3:1-8,” said Flanders.
“A time for the evil unicorn to die.  A time to kill the evil unicorn.  A time to break down the evil unicorn.  A time to rend the evil unicorn.  A time of war against the evil unicorn.” preached the Baptist pastor words that Flanders had to hear from him right now.
“I am afraid of myself,” summed up Flanders now his understanding of why he refused to slay the minion for Jesus.
“I think not so now, Flanders,” said Pastor despite Flanders’s personal revelation that he had just summed up.
“What do you think, Pastor?” asked Flanders, somewhat offended.
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“What I think right now, Flanders, is that you do not fear God,” boldly uttered the Pastor, who always preached only to please God and not to please man.
“I don’t fear God?” asked Flanders in prideful indignation.  “I read my Bible every day.  I pray every night.  I go to church every time the doors are open.  I go out and give out tracts with you.  I tithe and give offerings to the church.  And I have kept my body clean in my relationship with my Tracy.”
Not giving in, the honest and insightful Pastor went on to say, “You do not kill the Great Dark Unicorn, because you do not fear the great God Who told you to kill the Great Dark Unicorn.”
“No, Pastor.  No,” denied Flanders, beginning to see his sin as God saw his sin.
“In Proverbs 9:10, God says in His Word, ‘The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.’” preached the Baptist pastor point-blank at Flanders’s pride.
“I don’t think so,” said Flanders Nickels.
“In Proverbs 1:7, God says in like in His Word, ‘The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge:  but fools despise wisdom and instruction,’” preached the minister to his errant disciple.
“Hardly,” said Flanders.
“In Job 28:28, God says in His Word once again, ‘And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom:  and to depart from evil is understanding,’” preached the missionary to Flanders’s
convicted heart.
“Not so.  Tell me that that is not so,” said Flanders.
“In Proverbs 8:13, God says also in His Word, ‘The fear of the Lord is to hate evil:  pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward heart, do I hate,” preached the more spiritual man of God to the less spiritual man of God.
“All right,” gave in Flanders.  “Okay.”  In boldness Flanders drew his sword from his scabbard, and he swung it around for a moment.  And in timorousness he quickly put it back into the scabbard.
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In kindness and yet firmness, Pastor asked Flanders, “Would you show me your famous straightsword once again, Flanders?”
“Okay,” said he in reluctance.  And he drew it out of his scabbard and held it out before his best friend.  “Go ahead and hold it if you wish, Pastor,” said Flanders, now more glad than offended.
And Pastor Rex Disciple reached out for Flanders’s saber and did hold it in his hands for his first time.
“Do you like it?” asked Flanders in true friendship.
“I do like it,” said the pastor.  “There is none like this anywhere in Wisconsin or Michigan.”
“Yeah.  You’re right, Pastor,” said Flanders, now reconciled to Pastor once again.
Pastor then proffered the sword back to the sword fighter, and the sword fighter took it back in his hands and put it back in its sheath.  A moment of muteness passed between teacher and student here in the Pastor’s back office.
Then Pastor went on to say, “So…what is your decision, Flanders?”
“I now admit that I had refused to try to slay my Great Dark Unicorn because I did not have fear of the Lord,” confessed Flanders.  “You are right, and I am wrong.”
“So what do you say now, Flanders?” asked the Baptist pastor.
“I now have fear of the Lord, Pastor,” declared Flanders.
“What will you do about that, Flanders?” asked the missionary church planter.
“I will go out and try to kill my diabolical Great Dark Unicorn,” proclaimed Flanders.
“Do so, brave Flanders, and may God be with you and give you victory,” uttered Flanders.
“Is it not written in God’s Word, ‘I can do all things though Christ which strengtheneth me,’ Philippians 4:13, Pastor Disciple?” asked Flanders Arckery Nickels.
“God shall give you the victory, my son,” said the elder.
“Praise Jesus!” uttered Flanders.  And he went out to seek the Great Dark Unicorn for battle.
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CHAPTER XV
Tracy Pie Chart at once ran a sprint to Jenny’s house without the written Word of God in her arm.  “I’ve got to save her, Lord,” she prayed on her long sprint.  “I’ve got to save her now.  Jesus, please save her.”
And not too long later, she arrived at Jenny’s place.  Jenny was there reading a stack of her International Woman Boxer magazines in her front yard on her front stoop.  Miss Lassy looked up and saw Tracy running toward her from the road.  “Tracy,” said Jenny, “you should see what this magazine says about Sky Hosoya.  She’s a power puncher.”
“Jenny!  Jenny!” said Tracy.
“Why, Tracy, you’re all out of breath,” said Jenny Lassy.
“I ran all the way here as fast as I could,” said Tracy.
“From your house?” asked Jenny.  The one-piece swimsuit girl nodded her head.  “That’s over a mile away,” said Jenny.
“Uh huh,” said Miss Chart.  “I’ve got to tell you something,”
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“What is it, Trace?’” asked Jenny Classy Lassy.
“You won’t like it, but I’ve got to tell you now about Jesus,” said the maillot girl.
“I would like to hear you tell me about Jesus,” said Jenny.
“Oh.  Praise God!” said Tracy.
“Do sit down and catch your breath before you preach your good words to your good friend,” said Jenny.
“Ah.  Praise Jesus!” said Tracy.
“Any friend who would run a whole mile like a forty-yard dash for a girl like me deserves to be listened to real good, Trace,’” said Miss Lassy.
“I never did this before, Jen,’” said Tracy.
“Not to anybody,” said Jenny.  “I know you.”
“This is my first attempt at witnessing for Christ,” said Tracy.
“Are you catching your breath now?” asked Jenny Lassy.
“That I am, Jen,’” said the maillot lady.
“Good.  Now tell your best friend about God,” said Jenny.
“Where should I begin?” asked Tracy Chart, nervous about her brave and new endeavor.
“Maybe at the beginning,” said Jenny.
“The Romans’ Road,” said Tracy.
“What’s the Romans’ Road?” asked Jenny.
“The eight verses in the book of Romans in the Bible that clearly tell the simple plan of salvation,” said Tracy.  “Romans 3:23; 5:8; 5:9; 5:12; 6:23; 10:9; 10:10; and 10:13.”
“Let’s hear them, Trace,’” said the enthusiastic Jenny.
“I didn’t bring my Bible with me,” said the one-piece swimsuit Christian.
“You probably memorized those salvation verses.  Didn’t you?” asked Miss Lassy.
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“Yes.  I did.  I memorized all of them once or twice,” said Miss Tracy Chart.
“Do go and tell me the first one,” said Jenny.
“Romans 3:23,” began the maillot believer.  “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;”
“Now go and preach to me all about this verse, Trace,’” said Jenny.  “I want to hear all about this salvation stuff that has been so much a part of your personal life.”
“Romans 3:23,” said Miss Chart again.  “I think that it really goes like this instead:  ‘For all have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God:’”
“Okay,” said Jenny.  “Preach this to me long and hard.  I am ready.”
“Romans 3:23,” repeated the one-piece swimsuit testifier again, “For all have sinned, and failed of the glory of God:”  Then she said, “That must be how it goes, Jen.’”
“Tracy, which one is it?  You’re getting me confused,” said Jenny Lassy.
“I wish that I had my Bible.  I’m sorry.  Emmy was talking to me and got me so excited and I went and ran off on her,” said Tracy Chart.  “And I left my Bible back in the house.”
“A young woman ought not to run off on a pastor’s wife like that, Tracy,” said Jenny.
“I ran off before she could even tell me to bring my Bible,” said Tracy.  “But do you have a Bible anywhere in your house for me to use?  A woman needs a Bible to lead her best friend to salvation, you know.”
“I don’t have a Bible of my own,” said Jenny.
“You don’t have a Bible anywhere in there for me to read to you Romans 3:23 as it really goes?” asked the maillot best friend.
“I never had anything like a real Holy Bible in my house, Trace,’” said Jenny.
“My Good and patient Lord, what am I to do?” prayed Tracy, looking up to Heaven.
“I will wait here while you run home and get it and run back here with it,” promised Jenny.
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“Better yet, I shall summon Demoiselle,” said the one-piece swimsuit gal.  “I should have thought of her in my haste to get here,”
“She runs like the wind,” said Miss Jenny Lassy.
Tracy Pie Chart then gave forth her beckoning to her golden hind somewhere not near here wherever she now was:  she put her two index fingers upon her tongue, and she gave forth a stentorian sound like that of an emergency siren that truly echoed into the horizons.  And maillot girl and best friend girl waited.  They waited not long.  Soon the two young women saw the pretty golden hind running down the road right toward them.  Demoiselle came to an abrupt stop right before her mistress,  her breathing not heavy and not winded, and she said, “I am at your service, O good mistress.  What can I do for you?”
And Tracy said, “O good Demoiselle, I need my King James Bible, and I left it on my table.  Could you run and fetch it for me and bring it back here for me?”
“I am honored to serve you and God thus, Mistress,” said Demoiselle.
“Go and serve our Good Lord, O Demoiselle,” Tracy dispatched her golden hind on her mission.  And Demoiselle ran like a deer and as a deer girl off to her destination.
“Now we wait for not a long while,” said Jenny, ready for salvation through the Word of God.
“And I shall pray that the Devil hinders not my Demoiselle in her very important errand,” said Tracy.  And she prayed that God give her golden hind Godspeed in her return with the Holy Bible.
Then Jenny said, “Maybe you should pray that the evil griffin of yours doesn’t come here, too, Trace.’”
“Yikes!  If that Great Dark Griffin comes right now, that would be the very worst time ever that he came into my life, Jen.’  Don’t talk that way, Jenny,” said Tracy.
“It’s just a thought,” said Jenny.
“I prithee that it stays just a thought,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman.  But that was the
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nearest that Tracy got to praying this time for divine protection from the Great Dark Griffin.
Behold, down came a cold malevolent shadow from above.  Lo, Jenny screamed!  And suddenly Jenny was not there at Tracy’s side upon the front stoop!
“Jenny!  Jenny!” cried out the maillot girl.
“Help!  Help!” cried out Jenny’s voice from above.
Tracy Chart looked up.  There was her best unsaved friend, airborne fifty feet high in the air, and held onto by a pair of formidable eagle claws gripping her two shoulders in a vise grip.
“Help me, Tracy!” cried out Jenny Lassy, kicking her helpless legs about herself in the sky with no chance of release.
In prayer now, the maillot Christian cried out to the third Heaven, “My Lord and my God, it is the Great Dark Griffin!”
In disdain the evil griffin said, “It is I of the first heaven.  And I shall carry your friend up to the second heaven.”
With her Bible knowledge, Tracy Chart knew that the first heaven was the sky; the second heaven was outer space, and the third heaven was where Jesus was.
“I’m going to die!” cried out Miss Lassy.  “I am afraid to die!”
“Bring her down, O great and terrible griffin!” cried out Tracy.  “Bring her down, I beg you.”
“I can do that,” said the malicious black griffin.  “I shall let go of her.  And then she will be down.”
“Tracy, Tracy, I am not ready to die!”cried out Jenny Lassy.
“Don’t let go of her!” cried out Tracy to the Great Dark Griffin.
“Then I shall ascend even higher,” taunted the demonic griffin.
“I cannot bear to go any higher,” said Jenny.  “I am afraid of heights.”
“No!  Do not go any higher, O Great Dark Griffin,” said Tracy Chart.
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“Would you prefer that I carry her away?” mocked the evil griffin.
“Bring her back to me,” pleaded Tracy Chart.
“I shall carry her away then,” said the devil’s minion.  “Shall I go away to the north or to the east or to the south or to the west?”
“Do not carry me away, O Great Dark Griffin,” lamented Jenny in great woe.
“Do not go away with my best friend,” pleaded Tracy.
“Then there remains only one last choice for this woman for a hungry griffin like myself,” said the malignant beast.
“My shoulders hurt, Tracy,” said Miss Lassy.
“One last choice for Jenny for a hungry griffin, O Great Dark Griffin?” called up Tracy.
“I shall eat Miss Jenny Classy Lassy,” said the demonic hybrid beast.
“Trace,’” called out Jenny maybe her last words on Earth, “you were right all along about my need for Christ, and I was wrong all along about my denial of needing Christ.”
“But I never told you,” cried out Miss Tracy Chart.
“I could still see Christ in you, Tracy,” said Jenny.  “And it was that Christ inside you that I rejected all of my life.  Now I must be eaten by a demon and go to Hell.”
“O my Lord, as it happened to Allyson, so now is it happening to Jenny,” prayed Tracy.
“God is strong enough to rescue me from this hateful devil, Tracy,” said Jenny. “Whether I get saved before I die or not, God still loved me,”
“All of this talk about God hurts my chest,” said the Great Dark Griffin.  “I command you two women to stop this talk about God.”
“Are you having chest pains, O Great Dark Griffin?” asked the one-piece swimsuit woman, finding new hopes for her best friend in her grave captivity way up there above.
“Stop this talking about God,” snapped the evil black griffin.
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“Does hearing fellowship harm your heart, O Great Dark Griffin?” asked Tracy, seizing the moment like a Christian soldier.
“No, it does not,” said the griffin demon.
“You lie!” said Tracy.
“It merely grates at my ears and my head,” said the minion of Satan.
“You lie like your father the Devil,” said Tracy.  “What I think is that when you hear two women talking about the Good Lord, that your heart gets to hurting you.  Isn’t that the truth?”
“My heart muscles are three times stronger than your heart muscles, little woman,” said the Great Dark Griffin.
“But your heart muscles stop working so well when you hear about God spoken by two fellow shippers like Jenny and myself.  I dare you to lie to me a third time and tell me that I am wrong,” challenged the maillot Christian.
“You are wrong, little woman,” said the black griffin.
“’Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day and for ever,’  Hebrews 13:8,” recited Tracy Chart words from the Bible about the glory of God.
“Jesus must be immutable,” said Jenny, adding to this fellowship attack against the lying griffin in this glory to God.
After having heard this convicting Bible verse from the one girl and then the comment from the other girl, the Great Dark Griffin felt a minor heart attack hurting him in his chest.  And though it did not hurt him too bad, it gave him concern clearly manifested in his eagle’s countenance.
“I may not have a perfect memory when it comes to salvation verses, because I have never led a  person to salvation before, O Great Dark Griffin, but I do know quite perfectly lots of other verses from the Bible about God, and with them God can make your heart fail.  And as for fellowship, Jenny and I can now talk about God together for hours just as we do lots of other things that we do talk about.”
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threatened the one-piece swimsuit woman, who now had the upper hand.  “And we can in the Lord make your heart fail with that, also.”
“Stifle, maillot wench,” said the Great Dark Griffin.
“I will stifle just as soon as you bring back my friend safely to the ground and then flee and not come back,” said Tracy in battle words.
“Trace,’” said Jenny.  “I do not feel safe with you sassing the demon like that.”
“I will bring your friend back down to the ground right beside where you are standing, and I will do so for her and you safely and soundly, O Miss Chart,” said the black griffin.  “But to flee two women as you wish me to do I will not do.”
“Well, at least come down and take her with you down here if you will not flee for now,” said Tracy.
In a cryptic response, the Great Dark Griffin said, “I think that I hear your golden hind galloping toward here about a mile away.
“What took her so long?” asked Tracy Chart.
“We had a little quarrel over a big Book,” said the Great Dark Griffin.  “When she got back there at your house, I was there already in your living room.  I saw the Bible upon your living room table, and she saw your Bible upon your living room table.  She struck first, but I struck last.  When I left your house, she was still trying to get back up to her feet.  The Bible was still there on your table when I left, but your golden hind, though, was not all there when I did leave.  I think I hit her a little too hard in her blonde head with my eagle beak. Poor deer girl.  She was bleeding pretty bad.  Anyway, I got here as fast as I could; I saw your fair Jenny here with you; and I decided to grab her and lift her up off of the ground like this.”
“Griffin foe, have mercy and do set me back down again,” petitioned Jenny Lassy.  “Tracy, I no longer have feeling in my two shoulders.”
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Then the Great Dark Griffin said more tricky words, “I shall come down and welcome your brave simple Demoiselle, O maillot mistress.”
And Tracy Chart now saw her pretty golden hind coming in a forced and weary gallop, her head bleeding from the top down her long pretty blonde hair.  Demoiselle was in her full archery accouterments, and in her saddlebags.  The golden hind spoke and said, “I am sorry for my tardiness, O beloved mistress.  I was hindered by Satan.”  She pointed her index finger at the griffin, who was now descending back to the earth, the girl in his eagle claws very tightly.
“By my death, you look terrible!” exclaimed Tracy.  “God bless you for your troubles this day for me, O wonderful, wonderful Demoiselle!”
“Your Bible is in my right saddlebag, O Mistress,” said Demoiselle, and the golden hind fell down upon her stomach and bent her wounded head to the side and took great heavy breaths and fought to stay orientated.  Then she said, “I do look terrible right now.  Don’t I?”  And she laughed in good cheer in this dire moment.  This sample of levity greatly encouraged the one-piece swimsuit girl for her cherished pet.
Then Tracy turned back to her friend Jenny, and, yes, Jenny was back upon the Earth, and she was standing there.  But she was crying, and her two shoulders were sprained.  “I’ll be okay, Tracy,” said Jenny. “I’m a big baby when it comes to aches and pains.”  These words also encouraged Tracy in this terrible time.
Then Tracy sought to encourage herself in the Lord, and she said, “’Among the gods there is none like unto thee, O Lord; neither are there any works like unto thy works.’  Psalm 86:8.”
“Ouch, my chest!” cried out the Great Dark Griffin.  Tracy was encouraged in the Lord.
So much trouble did one good Bible verse do to a demon, whereas the same verse would hardly faze a lost person and the same verse would give delight to a saved person.  And Tracy thought to herself now, Should I chase away the big bad griffin first, or should I try to go and lead Jenny to her
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salvation first?  The one-piece swimsuit girl, without having asked God to make her decision for her, on her own, chose the latter.
Tracy Pie Chart opened up Demoiselle’s right saddlebag and found her King James Bible in it.
She pulled it out.  This Book did not have blood stains on it from the altercation in her living room in her absence.  Tracy said, “It is high time to get you saved, O best friend.”
“I’m ready if you’re ready,” said Jenny.
“Let me see now,” said Tracy.  “Romans 3:23.”  And she searched the Scriptures and found it.
“And this is how it goes right from the Good Book,” said Tracy.
“Curse your speaking voice right now and forever if you dare utter that verse to woman or griffin or golden hind from that Book, O Miss Chart of God Above,” screeched the Great Dark Griffin.
Angry and offended and stubborn, Tracy read it anyway for the rescue of Jen’s lost soul:  “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”
Suddenly the feel of claws grabbed her by her very throat and wrapped themselves around the whole circumference of her neck.  The Great Dark Griffin quite held her in a choke hold by both of his full eagle talons.  And the maillot woman saw and felt these dread eagle legs raise her up off the ground a good four feet and then smash her back down upon the ground crushingly upon her bottom.  And then the evil griffin minion released his iron grip upon her throat.
Tracy at first put her hand to her bottom where she sat, thinking that her tailbone had surely been broken.  She felt it gingerly and found it to be okay after all.  Other than that, none of her other bones were broken or sprained, either.  Her neck was the most sore part of her body for now after this assault.  And her front of her neck felt like it was on fire.  Indeed her throat was the most sore part of her sore neck right now.  But she felt all right after having been dropped like this upon her bottom.
She then thought to say, “I think I’m okay, gals,”  But these five words did not come out audibly.  Though she spoke them, she had not spoken them.  Her voice box had been squeezed into silence by
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dint of the griffin’s aquiline demonic strength.   “I’m all right.  Aren’t I?” she tried to say.  But it was silence that the three others here did hear.  “What happened?” she cried out, but no one could hear her anymore.
“Mistress, this is worse than laryngitis,” said Demoiselle, worried.
“Woman of God, you can not read any more Bible verses about salvation to your unsaved friend anymore,” said the malevolent griffin.
“Oh, but you can show me those verses, and I can read them, Tracy,” said Jenny.
“Not anymore, O lady seeking God,” said the Great Dark Griffin.  And with this the minion of the devil dared to decimate this Holy Bible, indeed stamping on it with his back lion paws and their sharp lion claws until the Good Book was utterly ripped and folded and crushed and truly now unreadable.
Believer, nonbeliever, and golden hind gaped at this most irreverent and egregious and unholy wrecking of this Word of God that any creature had ever seen.
And in another victory in the Devil for the Great Dark Griffin, this evil minion then flew off, all four knowing that he would come back to persecute Tracy Pie Chart again after a season.
All seemed ruined now for the three who remained here at Jenny’s house.   Then Jenny’s horse Dame came home after a walk.  And the horse and the golden hind, though one was a non-speaking animal, and the other was a speaking animal, shared a mute conversation from face to face.  And Demoiselle looked back to the maillot woman, and she said, “Shee asked me if you had another Bible somewhere in your house, Mistress.  And I said, ‘Yes.  Lots.’”
“We can go to your place sometime, Tracy, and we can get me saved at your house sometime later.” said Jenny Classy Lassy.
Tracy nodded.  Yet her countenance said, “Later.”
“Later.  Yes.  Not now,” agreed Jenny.
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“Too much has happened today already,” agreed the golden hind.
“I have had too much myself today, too,” agreed Jenny.
“I, as well,” silently agreed the maillot woman with a nod of her head.
Then a still small voice, the words of the Holy Spirit, spoke to Tracy in her heart a promise, saying to her, “You will get your voice back someday soon, My faithful daughter.”  And Tracy found joy in the Lord once again.
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CHAPTER XVI
Flanders Nickels and Sieur were in Sieur’s stable together, fellowshipping in the Lord.  This centaur’s stable was like unto a horse barn.  It was painted red on the outside, and it was bare wood on the inside. Its interior, most spartan and just right for a centaur warrior, measured twenty-five feet by twenty-five feet by twenty-five feet.  It had a high ceiling way above the heads of the two here now.  This centaur stable had no windows.  This stable’s door was a sliding heavy wooden door that opened with pulleys, either to the right or to the left.  Right now the stable door was open all the way to the right.  The stable’s floor was old wood, covered with loose straw everywhere, but not deep straw.  In the opposite corner from where the master and the pet were sitting was Sieur’s battleaxe, mounted upon the wall now on rusty iron brackets.  In the corner to the right of where the two were sitting was the centaur’s tools for sharpening his battleaxe, all piled randomly upon three shelves measuring two-feet-by-four feet, one shelf above another, all affixed to the wall with rusty iron chains coming down to the shelves’ ends.  In the corner to the left of where the fellow shippers were was the old cast iron furnace, all black and solid, with a brick chimney in back of it.   Outside, in back of this stable, was a pile of logs for this furnace for the northern Wisconsin winters.  And here in this corner where the master and
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his pet were conversing was a red kerosene lantern sitting upon a cement block, now giving light to this centaur’s stable.
Flanders now went on to read more from his King James Bible to the both of them:  “’Then Zebah and Zalmunna said, Rise thou, and fall upon us:  for as the man is, so is his strength.  And Gideon arose, and slew Zebah and Zalmunna, and took away the ornaments that were on their camels’ necks..’  Judges 8:21.”
“You shall indeed rise and fall upon the Great Dark Unicorn, my master,” said Sieur.
“As the man is, so is his strength,” said Flanders Nickels.
“That talk that you had with Pastor, Master, has changed you for the better,” said the centaur.
“I am now becoming the Christian soldier that God did call me to be,” said Flanders.  “You shall never have to fight that despicable unicorn again all by yourself with myself standing by and watching,”
“I like the new you, Master,” said Sieur.  “You are now just like Gideon.”
“The angel of the Lord called Gideon ‘a mighty man of valor,’” said Flanders.  “Judges 6:12.”
“In that same verse, God told Gideon that He was with him,” said Sieur.
“In the same manner shall God be with me again the next time,” said Flanders.  “And with you, too, as my comrade, good Sieur,”
“So, good master, what did you do with our spoils from our last battle with the black unicorn?”
asked the he-centaur.
“You mean that tip of his unicorn horn,” said Flanders.
“Uh huh,” said Sieur with a nod of his head.
“I’ve got it with me in my watch pocket right here,” said Flanders, patting his upper right leg there.
“Ooo, do be careful not to lose it,” said Sieur.  “I do not believe that that Great Dark Unicorn
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can rest until he gets it back.”
“What good can a broken-off piece of his unicorn do for him now, O Sieur?” asked Flanders.
“Legend says that black unicorns can put a broken piece of their horns back from where it was broken off and, behold, it stays there forever, O Master,” said the centaur pet.
“Do you mean that all he needs to do with this,” asked Flanders, pulling it out of his pocket and holding it there in his right palm, “is to put it back on the blunt tip of his horn that is on his head, and just like that it stays there, sharp and whole again, just like it was never broken off?”
“That’s what legends say,” said the learned centaur.
“Well, he’s not getting this back again ever,” said Flanders Nickels.  And he put the tip of the unicorn’s horn back into his watch pocket quickly, and he drew his saber, and he did look around the stable.  No Great Dark Unicorn was here yet.  And he put his straightsword back in its scabbard along his left hip.
“Master, may I hear another Scripture verse about slaying God’s bad guy?” asked the centaur.
“I know just where I can look for another verse about fighting words,” said Flanders.  And he searched the Scriptures briefly, found it, and did read for his centaur ally,  “’And Samuel said, As thy sword hath made women childless, so shall thy mother be childless among women.  And Samuel hewed Agag in pieces before the Lord in Gilgal.’  I Samuel 15:33.”
“Your sword shall hew the Great Dark Unicorn in pieces before the Lord here up north,” said the centaur also in the spirit of war.
“Agag was the king of the Amalekites,  and God said that He would have war with Amalek from generation to generation. O gallant Sieur,” said Flanders.
“You have the obedient spirit of Samuel, O my master,” said his praising pet.
“The Great Dark Unicorn shall find his Gilgal at the edge of my straightsword,” said Flanders.
“And at the edge of your battleaxe,”
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“And it shall be the Lord Who smites him down,” said Sieur.
“It is written,” said Flanders Nickels, reciting a third battle-words Bible verse of this fellowship in the stable, “’And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saveth not with sword and spear:  for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give you into our hands.’  I Samuel 17:47.”
“Ah, Master, David and Goliath.” said the centaur.  The lad David had said these battle words to  the giant Goliath just before they engaged in battle against each other, one on one.  And David went on to slay the giant with a sling and a bag of stones.  And the boy David had given the Lord the glory for this great victory even before it happened.
“And think upon II Corinthians 10:4, O wise Sieur,” said Flanders Nickels.
“I don’t know that verse yet, Master,” said the he-centaur.  “What does it say?”
“(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;),” recited Flanders this Bible verse.
“Is this strong hold that God will pull down for us our black unicorn that we have been talking about?” asked Flanders’s ally.
“Yes, good friend,  That’s about us when God sends the Great Dark Unicorn our way again next time,” said Flanders, understanding God’s protecting hand upon His own.
“We have wrestled with that Great Dark Unicorn, and we still live, O Master,” concurred the brave centaur.  “God has spared our lives countless times.”
“It is written as well, O Sieur,” said Flanders, “’For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.’  Ephesians 6:12.”
“Nothing better describes demons better than that verse,” said Sieur.
“Further, these two verses in Ephesians chapter six that come just before that one,”said Flanders.  “’Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.  Put on the
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whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.’  Ephesians 6:10-11.”
“The whole armor of God, Master,” said Sieur, who was seasoned in battle for God and who knew Ephesians chapter six with faith and experience in spiritual warfare with his battleaxe.  “The armor of God:  standing with your loins girt about with truth, having on the breastplate of righteousness,  having your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked, taking the helmet of salvation, and taking the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, and praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.”
“Yes!  Yes!” said Flanders, ready now to take on his devil, “It is written in Ephesians 6:13, good comrade-in-Christ, ‘Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.’”
“Let us now pray and put on the armor of God with God’s help,” said the centaur soldier.
“Let us now fight the devil with God’s help at once,” said Flanders, rejecting Sieur’s counsel.
“We must prepare in the Lord first, Master,” said the centaur pet.  “I implore you, let us have a prayer meeting right now in case he comes before we are ready.”
“There is a time for prayer, and there is a time for action,” said Flanders.
“The Great Dark Unicorn is not here yet,” said Sieur.  “I entreat you, ‘Let us make preparations.’”
“I shall make preparations, Sieur,” Flanders said.  “I must find a secure and safe place to keep my prize of his unicorn horn tip.  My pants pocket cannot keep that Great Dark Unicorn from getting at it and carrying it away for himself, Sieur.  A Christian warrior like myself is liable to get all cut up there with something like that which a demon wants back desperately.  I shall go into the house and fetch my nice black aluminum attache case from my closet.  There will I put my precious tip and hide it away in
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that attache case in the back of my closet.  He will never find it there.  And if he does, it will be locked up, and he does not know the combination to my two locks.  Is that okay with you, Sieur?”
“Master, the broken off tip is like a homing beacon for that evil black unicorn.   The closet will be the first place that he will look.   And what demon as powerful as he cannot break open any attache case with his hooves?” objected Sieur in the Lord.
“Are you saying that I should just throw my found treasure in a field and run away?” asked Flanders in wounded pride.
“What I am saying is that in order to keep the unicorn horn tip from the black unicorn you must slay the black unicorn with your straightsword,” said the centaur.
“What have I been doing this whole time in the stable with you?  Have I not been talking only about doing the will of God and finally taking on my baneful demon in a desire now to actually slaying him?” asked Flanders.
“The armor of God, Master,  The armour of God.  We must pray and put on the seven pieces of the armour of God,” said the less hasty centaur.  “All we need do is to pray and ask God to give us the victory in a brief prayer meeting between just the two of us.  If we pray then God will put on us these seven pieces of armor that we need to defeat the Great Dark Unicorn.”
“Yeah.  I don’t see my enemy here yet.  We shall pray a prayer meeting together.  You are right, and I am wrong,” said Flanders.
“Master, I have never seen you go into battle before without first praying,” said the centaur.
“I have never gone into battle before with a real thirst for blood before,” confessed Flanders.  “I am sorry for my haste.  Would you forgive me, O Sieur?”
“I do forgive you, Master,” said the centaur.
“Before we pray, I must run and get my attache case from the house,” said Flanders Nickels, jumping up to his feet.  And as he ran to the door, he turned back and said, “I’ll be back at once.  Hold
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down the fort.  God is good.”  And at once Flanders ran to his house about one hundred feet away.
And the centaur Sieur felt his man’s face turn pale with grave misgivings of this most untimely errand.
Flanders ran through his house, came to his bedroom walk-in closet, pulled on the chain above to turn on the ceiling light, rummaged around in the back of the closet, and found his attache case under a pile of winter coats stored away for the summer.  And he grabbed it, and he paused to admire it in the cozy light of this big closet.  This attache case he had used to bring his school books to and from school back in eighth grade here in Aurora.  He remembered how he had used to set his empty attache case beside his desk all during his school days. In the family shoe box of pictures at Mom and Dad’s was a picture of Flanders at fourteen years of age standing in the driveway in his blue jeans and cotton plaid shirt and blue jean jacket and Jiffy hat and penny loafers, his right hand holding his attache case full of homework to do that night after school.  Mom had found it for him, and Dad had bought it for him.  Surely the little unicorn horn tip was more important to him now than was his large homework then.  He then opened this attache in this big closet and did see its pockets and its pouches and its compartments and its high-quality black interior.  It was even better on the inside than it was on the outside.  It was time now to make this empty forgotten attache case no longer empty and forgotten.
And Flanders took out from his watch pocket his prize from the Great Dark Unicorn, and he dropped it into the attache case with an audible thump, and then shut and locked up this dark aluminum attache case.  Now the broken-off piece of unicorn horn was safe and sound from the unicorn from whom it had come.  And, with no more dallying, Flanders Nickels at once ran back outside, to present this depository to his confidant the centaur.  Flanders wanted to share his joy in this attache case with good Sieur.  And he turned toward the stable and began to run toward it, his “prize stored in his precious.”
Behold, in the doorway, the Great Dark Unicorn standing and looking upon him!  Flanders stopped in his tracks, and he did hold the attache case in both arms tightly against his chest.  “I want
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what you have in there, Flanders Nickels of the Lord,” declared the demon.
“Where’s my Sieur?” asked Flanders.  “What have you done with Sieur?”
“Your Sieur is temporarily indisposed,” said the Great Dark Unicorn.
“What?  How?  When?” stammered Flanders.
Just then the centaur squeezed himself through the doorway between the frame and the black unicorn, stepped out in front of the evil unicorn, tried to speak a warning to his master, then fell down into a passing out.
“What did you do to him, O Great Dark Unicorn?” asked Flanders, aghast.
“He’s not dead, O soldier of Christ,” said the unicorn, “but I will get around to making him dead a little later on,” said the proud demon.
Heedless of the dangerous proximity to the unicorn of Hell, Flanders ran up to his ally in battle and tried to revive him.  But Sieur stayed fast asleep.  “What Devil’s trick did you do to my friend?” demanded Flanders.  The man still held on to his attache case in both arms.
And the Great Dark Unicorn answered his question, “I gave him the red evil eye,”
“Well I shall not let you give me your evil eye, Great Dark Unicorn,” vowed Flanders.  “I shall not look you in your face.”
“Draw your straightsword, Flanders,” boldly said the black unicorn.  “Cut up your unicorn bane with it.  You think that you are ready for me now in battle after all of these years of procrastinating.  Prove it now to me and to God.  Slay your first demon for Christ.”
Flanders at once set down his attache case to his left side, and he drew his saber now with his right hand.  And he commenced to assault the formidable evil unicorn with a fierce sword fighting the likes of what the minion had never seen before from this previously docile warrior.  And the bigger and stronger unicorn found himself forced to retreat straight back.  And he was driven back inside the stable.  And Flanders continued driving him straight back even up against the back wall.  And the Great
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Dark Unicorn was pinned between the wall and Flanders’s straightsword from God.  And he was cut and bleeding and wounded.  But the Great Dark Unicorn was not beaten.  And he did not quit.  And he spoke a word of accusation, “Flanders, you left your attache case behind.”
“I know, unicorn.  Hold your peace,” said Flanders in fierce attack.
The black unicorn then said, “Flanders, you left your friend back there.”
“I know, unicorn.  Hold your peace,” said Flanders, maintaining his upper hand.
The unicorn of Satan then said, “Flanders, you left your lantern on in here.”  There was a subtle inference to this rather incongruous battle cry.
But Flanders did not pay heed to any more threats from this unicorn whose blood that Flanders was shedding with his sword for his first time.  And Flanders said to this Great Dark Unicorn, “I know, unicorn.  Hold your peace.”
Then the most experienced warrior of these three warriors, the demon with Satan’s wisdom, went on to say, “Flanders, you never got around to praying like you said to Sieur that you would.”
And upon hearing this, Flanders now remembered.  He had never come back here after having retrieved his attache case for that promised prayer meeting that he was going to have with his prayer partner.
“Flanders, you are fighting me without the prayer-answering God on your side,” the Great Dark Unicorn told Flanders point-blank.
“I forgot to pray,” confessed Flanders.  His own human face now turned pale with apprehension.
“What good is a saber from God in the hand of a soldier for God if he is fighting without God?”
said the wicked black unicorn powerful words of a guileful tongue.
And Flanders’s sword arm lost its strength.  His fever for bloodshed quickly cooled down.  And this time in battle he found fear in battle for himself for his first time.  “I am afraid to die!” cried out Flanders this utterance that he never thought to say before in his unshakable security of eternal life.
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“Flanders, Flanders, run for your life!” screeched the Great Dark Unicorn in a stentorian command.
Yet Flanders still did not flee in battle.  But his sword arm went limp, fell down to his side, and let fall the straightsword from his sword hand.  His saber now lay upon the floor of the centaur stable.
And he did not know at all what to do now.  And now his sword was fair game for the unicorn to pick it up in his teeth and to fly away with it.  But the unicorn was instead plotting upon that attache case just outside of this stable.  Yet Flanders nonetheless still stood there between the evil unicorn and the exit door.  But the man was astonied with confusion.  And the unicorn simply walked around him where he was standing and now stopped before the light of this stable.
And the Great Dark Unicorn, carrying through a hint of battle tactic that he had insinuated prior now repeated himself, saying again, “You left the light on in this stable, Flanders.”  And having said this, the unicorn devil then kicked this kerosene lantern over with his right front hoof.  The lantern fell to the floor, broke, leaked kerosene, spilled the fire of light onto the kerosene, and set fire to the loose straw so abundant on the wooden floor.  And the centaur’s stable began to flare up with fire.
“Ha ha ha, Flanders, Sieur, Lord,” taunted the wicked unicorn in his prideful demon’s spirit.  And then with utter base meanness he raised his left front hoof and kicked Flanders hard with it in his forehead.  Flanders fell hard onto the back of his head, and he lay there.  Then the Great Dark Unicorn escaped the burning stable, trampled the sprawled centaur on the ground in front of the burning stable with all four unicorn hooves, and stood like a conqueror before the attache case that contained the tip of his broken unicorn horn for which he had come here this day.  He lowered the remaining unicorn horn that was still upon his head above his eyes down to the handle of this attache case down there in the grass, and he slid it all the way through the handle, and he raised his head and his horn back up into the air.  Behold, the fought-for depository was securely held by his own unicorn horn. And it did not block his eyes from his seeing as he held it upward with his raised horn.
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The Great Dark Unicorn turned back to the burning stable.  He saw Flanders now crawling out of the building on his hands and knees and coughing in much smoke.  The man was carrying his sword and his comrade’s battleaxe.  And the demon also saw Sieur now snapping out of the evil eye spell.  And he also saw the light of blaze consuming this little red building.  And he said in further scorn, “He he he, man and centaur and God!”
And then the unicorn of the Devil galloped away with his prize in the attache case.  He had won  yet another battle against the called-of-God sword fighter.
On his hands and knees, Flanders raised his straightsword, vowing, “Next time you will lose and go to Hell, Great Dark Unicorn.”
In encouragement Sieur said, “You wounded him, Master!  You wounded him!”
“I did at that, good centaur,” said Flanders.  “I drew first blood with him this time.”
“If he can be hurt, he can be killed, my master,” said Sieur.
“Prayer first, battle second,” said Flanders.
“Yes, O Master.  Prayer first, battle second,” agreed his pet and ally.
And they got to their feet, held each other up, and hobbled safely away from the burning centaur stable right behind them.
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CHAPTER XVII
Flanders Nickels and his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend went to Second Coming Baptist Church for Sunday Evening Worship.  And to their great spiritual and scriptural delight, Pastor preached another of his hellfire-and-brimstone sermons to his flock this night.  He began, “Tonight we shall talk about the doctrine of Hell.  Turn with me, if you would, to Luke 16:19-31.   This is sometimes called ‘the parable of the rich man and the beggar.’  But it is not a parable.  It is a true tale.  I will read a verse, and you read a verse.  Let us stand and fellowship in responsive reading from the Word of God.”  The little and mighty flock stood.  And Pastor began, reading out loud thus:  “There was a certain man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day:”
And the good flock continued, reading out loud thus the next verse, “And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores,”
Pastor continued this responsive reading out loud, “And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man’s table:  moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.”
And the faithful flock in like read the next verse of this passage, “And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham’s bosom:  the rich man also died, and was
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buried;”
The pastor then read, “And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.”
Then the flock read, “And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.”
Pastor Disciple read, “But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things:  but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.”
And the flock read, “And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed:  so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence.”
And Pastor read, “Then he said, I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my father’s house:”
And the flock read, “For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment.”
Pastor did read, “Abraham saith unto him, They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.”
The flock read, “And he said, Nay, father Abraham:  but if one went unto them from the dead, they will repent.”
And Pastor read, “And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead.”
Thus the true parable of Luke chapter sixteen in its thirteen verses.  And Pastor Rex Disciple said, “Hell is a place of fire first and foremost.  It is not just an eternal separation from God.  It is not just a place of unsatisfied desires.  And it is not just a place as some drawers might sketch of a man
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carrying a boulder upon his back as he crawls on his hands and knees.  It is a place that is as bad as Heaven is good.  And it is a lake of fire.  And the damned soul down there has a burning corruptible indestructible body in this hellfire.  Where is this Hell, you might wonder now.  I believe that Hell is in the middle of the Earth.  Inside our planet, miles and miles deep underground is the Earth’s mantle.  And, even deeper than the mantle, is the core of our planet Earth.  This core is fire.  I believe that that is where Hell might be.  And all of the damned of mankind are doomed to burn down there forever in this core.  If you doubt, ponder volcanoes upon the surface of our Earth.  When a volcano erupts on the Earth’s surface, lava comes out from deep below and becomes magma.  This, I believe, is the fire of the core or of the mantle.  This is the fire of Hell coming up from below.”
The pastor continued his hellfire-and-brimstone preaching of this night’s sermon:  “Turn with me, if you would now, to Matthew 25:41, and let us read this verse together out loud.”
And the good people of Second Coming Baptist Church read out loud from their King James Bibles once again:  “Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.”
And the wise pastor preached on this verse, saying, “Hell was originally made by God to punish Lucifer and his fallen angels.  You all know about a time before history when Lucifer and one-third of God’s angels rebelled in war against God the Maker.  Lucifer became the Devil,  And the Devil’s followers became the fallen angels.  God had then created Hell to be the future prison for Satan and these demons.  All of the black griffins and all of the black unicorns out there in this world will end up down in this Hell to burn in hellfire and brimstone for ever.  But then sin came into the world of mankind.  And God offered His Son to redeem mankind from his sin.  But mankind rebelled against God’s Son just as the demons had.  So, those of mankind who died in their sins also had to go down there to Hell and be with the demons in everlasting fire.”
Pastor then said, “Billy Graham is not sure that there is fire in Hell.  The Bible says that there is.
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In Mark chapter nine, Jesus is talking about sinners going to Hell.  In Mark 9:44,46,48—these three times—Jesus says about Hell, ‘Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.’  And also in the Old Testament it does say in Isaiah 66:24, ‘…:  for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched; and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh.’  What is this about worms in Hell?  Yes, there are worms in Hell.  People have found worms in incinerators here in the world, worms that can withstand great fire and heat.  And if worms do not die in incinerator fires, then worms shall not die in hellfire, either.  And these worms are right now crawling all over the damned bodies of those in Hell.  They may even be crawling right through these burning bodies down there.”
Pastor then went on to say, “What else is it about Hell that it is such a place of torments?  It is a place of utter darkness and outer darkness.  In II Peter 2:4, Jesus cast the fallen angels ‘down to hell, and delivered them into chains of darkness, to be reserved unto judgment:’  In II Peter 2:17, the doomed are of ‘whom the mist of darkness is reserved for ever.’  Again in Jude 6 the fallen angels God ‘hath reserved in everlasting chains under darkness unto the judgment of the great day.’  And again in Jude 13 God has reserved unto the wicked ‘the blackness of darkness for ever.’  Turn with me, if you would, to Matthew 25:30, and follow along as I read.”  And the flock did so, and Pastor did read, “And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness:  there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”  Pastor then said, “Down in Hell, people will cry out, saying, ‘Does anyone have a light?  I am sick and tired of this darkness!’  And what might this be about this weeping and gnashing of teeth?  The agony of Hell cannot be exaggerated with any human words.  In Hell is the din of groans and moans and weeping and gnashing of teeth, the cries of the great suffering and pain of all the billions who are down there, and the gasps of those who are all on fire in the great darkness.  How can Hell be dark if it be on fire?  Well, scientists here on Earth have come upon a fire that does not give light.  Cannot God do the same with fire down in Hell?  I would tend to think that the fires of Hell are so hot that they are too hot to give off light anyway.”
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Pastor continued his sermon on the doctrines of Hell, “Turn with me now to Psalm 73:18-19 and read it out loud for me, if you would, as I listen.”
And the godly flock did so, and this was what they did read:  “Surely thou didst set them in slippery places:  thou castedst them down into destruction.  How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment!  They are utterly consumed with terrors.”
Pastor went on to preach on this verse, saying, “This is another verse about Hell.  What are these slippery places that they are set in?  This is the Hell that has no solid foundation upon which the damned can set their feet.  There is no ground to stand on down in Hell.  Down there, one is falling and slipping and sliding and ever seeking to put his feet upon something, but never finding it.  Hell is a void.  Hell is a limbo.  Hell is a place with no bottom. Hell is an eternal falling.”
Pastor then went on to say, “Allow me to read to you now Isaiah 5:14.”  And he read from his Bible this verse out loud to his flock:  “Therefore hell hath enlarged herself, and opened her mouth without measure:  and their glory, and their multitude, and their pomp, and he that rejoiceth, shall descend into it.”  Pastor then preached, “We of Second Coming Baptist Church often sing the hymn, ‘Room at the Cross for You.’  In Jesus’s mercy and grace, he says to us born-again believers, ‘There is room Up in Heaven for you.”  But likewise, Jesus the Judge of sinners, can say to those who have rejected Him all of their lives, ‘There is room in Hell for you.’  This is Hell enlarging herself and opening her mouth without measure.  The population of people in Hell is far greater than the population of people in Heaven.  It is estimated that only two percent of the world’s population are truly born again.  That means that ninety-eight percent of the world’s population are still lost in their sins.  Turning to mathematics, one can say that that means two out of every one hundred people born get to go to Heaven when they die.  That is one out of fifty!  We born-again Christians are the minority.  With a world’s population of 6,500,000,000, that means that there are 130,000,000 of us believers upon this Earth right now, all of us believers destined for Glory.  As for those who are still lost in their sins right
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now in this world, again I turn to simple arithmetic and do state that these are the ninety-eight out of one hundred.  That means that forty-nine out of fifty people are on the road to Hell.  With a world’s population of 6,500,000,000, that tells me that 6,370,000,000 are going to Hell right now were they to die this moment.”
Pastor Rex Disciple paused for a moment, then said, “But there is one last doctrine about Hell that I must preach on that all of you already know, those of you who have eternal life waiting for them in Heaven.  And that is that Hell’s eternity is just as long as is Heaven’s eternity.  We believers shall rejoice with Jesus for everlasting in the joys of Heaven.  But the unbelievers shall suffer agony with the Devil for everlasting in the torments of Hell.  If a damned person in Hell were told down there that in a hundred years a missionary was coming down there to preach the gospel of salvation, that damned soul could say with hope, ‘In a hundred years I can get saved with the Word, and I can get out of here.’  But not so.  Good saved missionaries do not spend one moment in Hell.  And there is no hope in Hell.  And there is no escape from Hell.  And nothing of God is in Hell.  And there is no good thing in Hell.”
“Praise God that we will not spend one moment there, either,” said Flanders glory to God.
“Praise God that we will spend all of our moments in Heaven,” said the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend more praise to the God of salvation.
“Do I hear an ‘Amen?’” asked Pastor.
“Amen, Pastor!” said Deacon Gary.
“Amen,  Amen.” said Deacon Todd.
“Amen!” said now the rest of this little flock in this little Baptist church building.
Pastor then went on to say, “Knowing all of these things about Hell and its fires, what should we as born-again believers do?”  Everybody knew the answer to this question.  And Pastor told the simple answer, “We must go out and knock on doors and warn people about Hell.”  The pastor then said, “It is written in Ezekiel 33:11, ‘Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death
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of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live:  turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel?’  As God called His people Israel to salvation back in those days, so calls He lost people to salvation here in these days.” Pastor then said, “Flanders, you know the two parallel verses to this one that I just recited.”  Flanders nodded.  And Pastor said, “Would you recite them to us right now?”  And Flanders nodded again, eager to join in the preaching of the word with his pastor tonight.
And Flanders went on to say, “In Ezekiel 18:23 God says, ‘Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? Saith the Lord God:  and not that he should return from his ways, and live?’  And again in Ezekiel 18:32 God also says, ‘For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord God:  wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye.’”
“Indeed Old Testament souls were just as important to God as are New Testament souls,” preached the pastor.  “Thank you for reciting those verses, Brother Flanders.”
“Flanders knows his Bible, Brother Todd,” said Brother Gary in honor of Flanders.
“Better than we do, Brother Gary,” said Brother Todd in laud of Flanders.
The pastor continued, “God’s purpose for His Christians is to make other Christians.  Soul-winning is the most spiritual part of a believer’s life in Christ.  Witnessing can be done by new believers who have to drink the milk of the Word.  And witnessing can be done by believers who are pillars in the church, those who can eat the meat of the Word.  As I well know and can well say with the high turnout we have on every Thursday Evening Visitation, going out and knocking on doors isn’t just for the Pastor and his wife and his two deacons.  And no one can say to God, ‘Soul-winning is a gift.’
Nay, soul-winning is not a gift, but a commandment from God, for all Christians everywhere.  And there are many diverse and sundry ways to share the Gospel besides going out knocking on doors every Thursday night.  God has put you men in the right workplace for you to tell your boss and your fellow workers about Christ.  God has put you children in school for you to tell your teachers and your fellow
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students about Christ.  And God has put you college students in your college for you to tell the professors and the other college students about Christ.  And God has put you women in the home as homemakers for you to tell visitors and people you meet on your errands about Christ.  And wherever my wife Emmy goes, she always speaks to others about Christ.  It even says in the Bible that we who tell others about Jesus have beautiful feet.  In Matthew chapter thirteen and in Mark chapter four and in  Luke chapter eight we have the parable of the sower and the seed.  The seed that is sown on good ground is the soul-winner who wins many souls to Christ.  It is said therein that this witness-warrior brought forth fruit–‘thirty-fold, sixty-fold, hundred-fold.’  That means that he led thirty, sixty, one hundred, to salvation.  And every one who wins a soul for Christ down here is promised a crown of rejoicing for Up in Heaven to come.  You might say to me, ‘But Pastor, I told my best friend, my neighbor, my loved one, all about their need for the Saviour, but they still won’t believe.’  Don’t give up.  Keep the door open.  Continue your kindness to them.  And don’t argue with them.  God may be keeping them alive so that they may get saved later.  Stay on good terms every time you talk to your friend, your neighbor, your loved one.   And remember the words of I Corinthians 3:7-8, wherein it is written, ‘So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase.  Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one:  and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour.’  This means that you may be called to plant, and another might be called to water that which you planted.  This means also that another may be called to plant, and you may be called to water that which he has already planted. Whether you plant this seed of the Word of God or whether you water this seed of the Word of God, it is God Who gives the increase.  God is the one Who does the saving of a lost soul—not we ourselves.  God uses us Christians to lead others to Christ, and Christ does the actual saving of that converted soul.  I always remember that dear lady
who every time I visited her, introduced me to her friends, saying, ‘This is my pastor.  He saved me.’
I always say to them each time. ‘The Lord saved her.  I was only God’s vessel who shared the Word
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with her.’  Pastor and his flock laughed good-heartedly.  Then the pastor said, “God has just spoken to me with a thought or two.  There are some of us here in the auditorium who need prayer for encouragement.  I do not know who they are, nor what they need to be prayed for.  But I think it wise that we stop this Sunday Evening Worship message for now and have a word of prayer.  Brother Todd and Brother Gary, would you pray now as God leads with discretion and with Holy Ghost wisdom in intercession?”
Brother Todd went first, “Dear Father God, I ask You to lead me in prayer with Holy Spirit groanings which cannot be uttered.  You, Lord, are a God of second chances. I pray now for a second chance for one who desires now to be a soul-winner.  You know who this one is, and You know who this dear soul is who needs to be saved.  As this witness-warrior was on fire for this lost soul in this first attempt, I pray that you keep this soul-winner just as much on fire for this lost soul in the second attempt.  I also pray that there need not be a third attempt.  Whatever went wrong the first try, I pray that you make it all right in the second try.  As it is written in I Peter 1:23, ‘Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the Word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.’  Such a work for God as leading one to salvation requires the perfect King James Version Bible.  Such labor in the Lord requires the Holy Bible and its perfect Words.  Daughter of God, do not leave the Word of God behind and run off to your mission.  In Jesus’s name I pray.  Amen,”
Why, indeed Deacon Todd was praying for her, Tracy Pie Chart, and he did not even know anything about what happened in her most recent encounter with that Great Dark Griffin.  And the maillot girl was not only encouraged to the uttermost, but she was duly exhorted to obey the full will of the Lord with what to do with Jenny Classy Lassy and her lost soul.  Tracy was going to bring her Holy Bible the next time she would see Jenny and witness to her again.
Then Brother Gary began his prayer for whom he did not know the prayer was about and to whom the intercession was a complete mystery upon which the Holy Spirit would lead him:  “Dear
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Father, Who is in Heaven, I pray also that you give me God-breathed words of intercession for the one or ones that I am called upon to pray for.  I, also, understand that we have a member among us who is zealous and eager for a second chance with You, God, to finish off what he had started in his first chance.  He had the desire to obey Your will, but not the proper preparations to carry out Your will.  Every Christian soldier who goes off to war against evil needs to ask You—God Almighty—for the victory over this evil.  It is written in James 1:5, ‘If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.’  A Christian soldier needs to pray for wisdom and for strength before he goes off to slay himself a demon.  Brother, pray first, fight second.  In Jesus’s name for this I pray.  Amen.”
Quite was Deacon Gary praying for him, Flanders Nickels.  Flanders could tell, and he was not too proud to hear such words for him in front of this whole church.  None of the church knew that this prayer was just for him, but Brother Gary had a clue in his mind as insinuated at the end of his prayer.
And Flanders wanted to go over and hug so compassionate Brother Gary.  But he did not do that, and that was all right.  But Flanders Nickels was this time for sure going to pray before the Great Dark Unicorn came the next time for final battle.
“Thank you, Deacon Todd and Deacon Gary,” said Pastor Disciple.  “Let us now open up the hymnbook to hymn number 36–’A Mighty Fortress Is Our God.’  Let us stand and sing to our Lord.”
And the good people of this good church sang this good hymn to the Good Lord:
“1.  A mighty fortress is our God, A bulwark never failing;
Our helper He amid the flood Of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe Doth seek to work us woe–
His craft and pow’r are great, And, armed with cruel hate, On Earth is not his equal.

2. Did we in our own strength confide Our striving would be losing,

Were not the right Man on our side, The man of God’s own choosing.
Dost ask who that may be?  Christ Jesus, it is He–
Lord Sabaoth His name, From age to age the same—And He must win the battle.

3. And tho this world, with devils filled, Should threaten to undo us,

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We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph thru us.
The prince of darkness grim—We tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure, For, lo! His doom is sure—One little word shall fell him.

4. That word above all earthly pow’rs—No thanks to them—abideth;

The Spirit and the gifts are ours Thru Him who with us sideth.
Let goods and kindred go, This mortal life also;
The body they may kill:  God’s truth abideth still—His kingdom is forever.”

Pastor Rex Disciple then said, “I now close tonight’s Sunday Evening Worship service.  You are dismissed.  And I will see you again Wednesday night for the midweek service. Have a good rest of the Lord’s day.  God be with all of you.”
“God bless you, Pastor,” said his flock.
“And God bless you, too,” the pastor said to his beloved flock.

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CHAPTER XVIII
Jenny and Tracy were on a girls’ afternoon out upon the ridge.  Where Jenny was sitting amid the tall grass, to each side upon the ground was one of her brown boxing gloves.  Where the one-piece swimsuit girl was sitting on the grass, to each side of her on the ground was one of her own brown boxing gloves.  “I bought these yesterday at Fleet Farm, Jen,’ for our fun afternoon together.” said Tracy.
“I see a Bible on your lap, Trace,’” said Jenny.
“This Bible is all business,” said the maillot woman.  “I have unfinished work to do for God and for my best friend.”
“The Lord’s work first, the women’s games later,” said Jenny Lassy.
“I am ready now to win your soul for Christ,” said Tracy.  “I brought my Bible out here to do that.”
“I am ripe for the picking right now, Trace,’” said Jenny.
“I’m ready to share the Word if you are ready to hear the Word,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman.
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“I am ready to hear the Word if you are ready to share the Word,” said Jenny.
And Tracy Pie Chart, with an open King James Version Bible expertly began to lead her best friend down the eight Scripture verses called “the Romans’ Road”:  “First, Jen,’ comes Romans 3:23, and this time I will get it just right.”  And she read this verse from her open Holy Bible out loud before her to Jenny:  “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”  Then the one-piece swimsuit best friend asked, “Jenny, do you believe Romans 3:23?”
“I do,” said Jenny.
Tracy went on to ask her, “And do you know what it means?”
“I do,” said Jenny.  “That means myself, too.  I am a sinner just like everybody else.”
Then Miss Chart said, “Second comes Romans 5:8, Jenny.  And that goes like this, ‘But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.’  Do you believe Romans 5:8, O Jen?’”
“I do, Trace,’” said Jenny Lassy.
“Do you know what it means?” asked Tracy.
“I do,” said Jenny.  “The Lord loves me so much, that even though I am a wicked and lost sinner right now, Jesus went and died for me long, long ago anyway.”
Then Miss Tracy Chart said, “Third comes Romans 5:9, which goes like this:  “Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him,’  Jenny, do you believe Romans 5:9?”
“That I do,” said Miss Lassy.
“Do you know what it means?” asked the one-piece swimsuit lady.
“That I do,” said Jenny Classy Lassy.  “It is saying that because Jesus shed His blood for me, I will never have to go down to Hell.”
Tracy Chart then went on to say, “Fourth comes Romans 5:12, Jen,’  And that reads thus:
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‘Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men; for that all have sinned:’”  The maillot Christian went on to ask, “Do you believe Romans 5:12, Jenny?”
“I surely do,” said her best friend.
“Do you know what it means?” asked Miss Tracy Chart.
“Oh, I do, Trace,’” said Jenny Lassy.  “It tells me that because Adam sinned, we all since have sinned.  And because we all sin, we all have to die.”
“Fifth comes Romans 6:23,” said Miss Chart.  And she read:  “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”  Then she asked, “And do you believe Romans 6:23?”
“I indeed do,” said Miss Lassy.
“Do you know what it is saying, Jen?’” asked Tracy.
“I quite do, Tracy,” said Jenny Lassy.  “God is saying that, because we all sin, we all have to die and go to Hell.  But God wants to give us a present.  And that present is a forever after in Heaven.  And the Lord Jesus is the One through Whom a person can get this present.”
“Sixth comes Romans 10:9,” said the maillot believer.  And she read this to her:  “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”  And she asked her, “Jenny, best friend, do you believe Romans 10:9?”
“I do, Trace,’” said Miss Lassy.
“Do you know what it says there?” asked the one-piece swimsuit woman.
“I do at that,” said Jenny.  “It tells me that if a girl like me admits Christ, and if a girl like me goes and says, ‘Christ arose!’ then a girl like me gets saved from her sins.”
“Seventh comes Romans 10:10,” said Tracy.  “And this is how it goes:  ‘For with the heart man
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believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.’”  The maillot Christian went on to ask her, “And do you believe Romans 10:10, O Jenny?”
“I believe,” said Jenny.  “I do believe,”
“Do you know what it says?” asked Tracy Chart.
“I know what it says to me,” said Jenny.  “It says that if I take what I know about the Saviour in my head and move it down one foot into my heart, I will become a born-again believer.  And if I admit all of these new things about the Saviour that are now in my heart, again, Trace,’ I will become a born-again Christian just as you are.”
“Amen!  Amen!” said Tracy Pie Chart.  “This day, this moment, you are so close to so great salvation, girl!”
“Glory!  Glory!  Hallelujah!” sang out Miss Lassy from that great patriotic hymn refrain that she was familiar with.
“One more verse.  One last verse.  The key to salvation,” said Miss Chart.
“The eighth verse of what you call ‘the Romans’ Road,’ Tracy,” said Jenny.
“Romans 10:13,” said Tracy.
“Ooo, let me read this one.  May I read it, Tracy?  Do I get to read this verse?” asked the best friend.
“Oh yes!” said Tracy.  And she handed her Bible to her best friend’s eager hands.  “Romans 10:13,” she said again for her.
And Jenny Classy Lassy read this verse out loud for herself, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
“God’s promise of promises,” declared Tracy in the wonder of this moment.
“I believe Romans 10:13,” said Miss Jenny Lassy.  “And I do know what it means.  It promises me that if I pray and ask Jesus to save me, He will answer my prayer and save me at once.”
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“God’s present of presents—the free gift of eternal life,” said the one-piece swimsuit lass.
“And the Lord Jesus Christ will become my own personal Saviour,” said Miss Lassy.
“The King of Kings and the Lord of Lords,” said Tracy of this Saviour of the world.
“I am ready to get saved, but I am not exactly sure how go about and say to God what I need to say to Him to get saved,” said Jenny.
“I shall help you, dear Jen,’” said Tracy Chart.  “I will lead you through the prayer line-by-line.”
“You mean that you say a line of that prayer, and then I say that line of that prayer,” said Miss Jenny Lassy.
“Uh huh, best friend,” said the maillot woman.  “Let us start.”
“I am ready,” said Jenny.
The two girls bowed their heads, put their palms upon the tall grass at their sides, and closed their eyes.  And Tracy Pie Chart began the soul-changing prayer for her best friend:  “Dear God Above:”
“Dear God Above:” began Jenny her sinners’ prayer unto imminent salvation.
“I am a bad, bad woman on the road to Hell,” said Tracy the truth about all the lost.
“I am a bad, bad woman on the road to Hell,” said Jenny.
“But I am sorry for all of that,” said Tracy upon a sinner’s need for repentance.  “Please forgive every last one of my sins.”
“But I am sorry for all of that.  Please forgive every last one of my sins,” said Jenny.
“I believe that Your Son, the Lord Jesus, shed His blood and died on the cross for me,” said Tracy the first half of the Gospel.
“I believe that Your Son, the Lord Jesus, shed His blood and died on the cross for me,” said Jenny.
“And I believe that this same Jesus rose from the dead on the third day,” said Tracy the second
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half of the Gospel.  “Hence the Easter miracle.”
“And I believe that this same Jesus arose from the dead on the third day.  Hence the Easter miracle,” said Miss Lassy.
“Please save my soul from Hell,” prayed Tracy for the mercy of God.
“Please save my soul from Hell,” prayed Jenny.
“And please save my soul for Heaven,” prayed Tracy for the grace of God.
“And please save my soul for Heaven,” prayed Jenny.
“I am asking You to become my personal Saviour, O Jesus,” prayed Tracy the climax to this sinners’ prayer.
“I am asking You to become my personal Saviour, O Jesus,” prayed Jenny.
“Thank You, O Lord,” said Tracy a most culminating thanksgiving.
“Thank You, O Lord,” prayed Jenny.
“In Jesus’s name I pray.  Amen,” concluded Tracy the prayer that saves souls.
“In Jesus’s name I pray.  Amen,” prayed Jenny the closing to her salvation prayer.
The women opened their eyes.  They looked up.  They marveled at what had just happened between them in the Lord.  “I’m born again,” said Jenny in joy and rejoicing.
“You’re born again,” said Tracy in gladness and elation.
The two women reached out their arms to each other where they sat, and they hugged each other long and hard in the Lord where they were sitting.  Tracy felt as if she were hugging Jenny’s very newly saved soul.  And Jenny felt as if she were hugging an angel of God.  After a long time, the two women drew apart their arms from one another.  In Jenny’s eyes were the unspoken words, “Thank you, Trace!’”  And in Tracy’s eyes were the unspoken words, “Thank you, Jen!’”  Then the two women looked up to Heaven, and their tongues said out loud, “Thank You, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!”
And Jenny said, “I wish to pray and thank and praise Jesus my new Saviour and Lord,”
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And Tracy said, “And I wish to pray and ask the Good God to bless you and to guide you in your new life as a babe in Christ.”
“I pray that you stay with me as I walk around with God in my silent prayer,” said Jenny.
“And I pray that you stay with me as I walk around here in silent prayer as well,” said the maillot prayer-warrior.
And the new convert woman and the seasoned believer woman got up and walked around upon Tracy’s ridge and prayed effectually and fervently in divine silence.  They did not walk near one with the other, but they did not leave this ridge either.  And after finishing an hour of such communion with their Heavenly Father, they finished their quiet time with the Lord.
“Wow, what fun an hour of prayer is for me now all of a sudden,” said Jenny.
“That great hymn, ‘Sweet Hour of Prayer,’” said Tracy, well familiar with such a worship.
Then the two girls looked down at their feet.  There at Jenny’s feet were her two old brown boxing gloves that she had brought.  And there at Tracy’s feet were her two new brown boxing gloves that she had brought.
“Oh, we forgot,” said Jenny.
“Getting saved made me forget these, also,” said Tracy.
“Do you still want to go through with it?” asked Jenny.
“Oh for sure,” said Tracy.
“Are you positive, Tracy?” asked Jenny Lassy.
“We women are going to have fun together up here on my ridge with these,” said Tracy.  And she picked up her boxing gloves from the ground and held them upon her hands.
“I warn you, Tracy.  If we do go and do something crazy like this, you will be hurting for a while,” said Jenny.  And the professional woman boxer then picked up her boxing gloves from the ground and did hold them in her hands.
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“I do not care,” said the maillot woman.
“Tell me, Trace,’” said Jenny.  “Did anyone ever haul off and punch you?”
“No one ever slugged me,” said Tracy.
“You have never been in the ring before in any boxing match,” said Jenny Lassy.
“No.  But I cannot wait to make my ridge up here our boxing ring, Jenny,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.
“Tell me, Tracy.  Do you know how to throw a punch?” asked Jenny.
“Sure I do.  Everybody knows how to slug,” said Tracy.
“Have you ever socked another girl?” asked Jenny.
“No.  But there is a first time for everything.  Today here and now I will sock another girl,” said Miss Chart.  “And we both will have fun with my doing that.”
“I warn you.  I am a competitor,” said Jenny.
“But I have the desire,” said Tracy.
“I might have to punch you,  Are you ready for that?” asked Jenny.
“Getting punched by another girl is half the fun of women’s boxing, Jen.’” said the maillot woman.
‘Would you say that if I punched you that we would both have fun with my doing that, also, Trace?’” asked Jenny.
“Oh yeah,” said Tracy.  “What better way to feel a boxing glove than by getting punched by it?”
“Yes,” said Jenny.  “And what better way to get acquainted with a boxing glove than to get hit by it,  Girl!””
“They are both nice and brown—yours and mine,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman.
“You feel like boxing with me now,” said Jenny.  “But will you still feel that way if you put them on?”
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“Oh yes, Jenny!” said Tracy Pie Chart.  “Bring it on, woman!”
“Then go ahead and put them on, Tracy,” said Jenny.
And Tracy began to try to put her boxing gloves over her hands.  “This is kind of hard to do,” she said.  But she persisted, and at last she had her gloves on over her hands.
“How do they feel?” asked Jenny.
“They feel good.  I feel good,” said Tracy.  And she made both of her hands fists and put her nose to the leather to take in its aroma of newness.
“Is this the first time that you put them on?” asked Jenny.
“You can tell,” said Tracy.
“I can,” said Jenny.  “Now that you donned the boxing gloves, do you still say to me, ‘Bring it on?’”
“Yes!” said the maillot best friend.  “Bring it on, girl!”  And she knocked her gloves together.
And a great euphoria of brave new things came upon Tracy Chart.  And the spirit of women’s boxing stole the heart of this beginner.  And she had to punch someone.  And she could not wait any longer.
She saw her opponent putting on her boxing gloves.  And, after Jenny put on her left glove and before Jenny put on her right glove, Tracy swung her right arm back, ran right in toward Jenny, and did swing her right arm forward in a roundhouse punch toward her head, aiming for her nose.  Being the professional, Jenny threw back her head and dodged the blow completely.  Being the novice, Tracy, having missed, lost her balance and fell down upon her knees.  Tracy jumped back to her feet.
“Tracy, you cheated!” rebuked Jenny, truly angry.  And Jenny finished putting on her right glove.
“Uh oh.  I did it now,” said Tracy, suddenly no longer sure and confident.
“I’ll have to get you for this,” declared Jenny.
“What did I get myself into?” Tracy asked herself.  The maillot woman boxer was too afraid to
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flee and too afraid to stay.  So she stood there bravely, accepting the punishment that she had coming.
And Jenny Classy Lassy retaliated as a professional at this bout here on the ridge.  It was the old one-two with which she assaulted the maillot woman.  Her left glove hit the one-piece swimsuit girl in her belly with a stiff jab.  And her right glove hit the one-piece swimsuit girl in her forehead with another stiff jab.  Tracy heard herself grunt out an “uhhhh,” from the glove to the stomach, and she heard herself grunt out an “ahhhh,” from the glove to her forehead.  And she felt herself falling, though she was not really sure.  She felt something crash into her bottom.  No, rather she felt her bottom crash into something.  Was she in a sitting position?  Why, she had fallen onto her rear here in the grass.
She raised her head and looked around.  If this were the ridge, everything was spinning around.  Her forehead hurt so bad that her whole head was a headache.  And her belly hurt so bad that her breath was taken away from her.  She sat there, semi-conscious, and waited for her cobwebs to clear up again.  So this was what women’s boxing was all about.  Boxing gloves really did hurt.  Jenny could keep it.  Tracy was no fighter as Jenny was.
She could see her friend and opponent now.  Tracy’s vision was coming back to her.  She heard Jenny saying to her, “I’m really, really sorry!”  Tracy’s senses were coming back to her.  “Let me help you back to your feet,” said Jenny.  And Tracy was helped back up, and her sense of balance came back to her.  “How do you feel?” asked Jenny.
“I ache all over,” said Tracy.  And she laughed.  Jenny laughed with her.
“I’m sorry for what I did to you, Trace,’” said Jenny, And Jenny tore off her boxing gloves and threw them to the ground behind her.
“I asked for it, Jen,’” confessed Tracy.  “Could you help me get these off?”  And Jenny helped her to take off her boxing gloves.  And Tracy let them fall to the grass behind herself.
“What are you thinking now about my profession?” asked Jenny.
“I was thinking now that maybe getting punched is not all that much fun after all,” said Tracy.
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“And what are you thinking about now, Jen?’”
“I was thinking now that sometimes punching might not be the fun that it seems to be,” said Jenny Classy Lassy.
“You’re only saying that because you punched me, your best friend,” said Tracy.
“Yeah, Trace,’  You’re right,” said Jenny.  “I promise to never lay a glove on you again.”
“Promise me that you will not quit your career just because of what happened here on the ridge,” said Tracy.
“I promise, Tracy,” said Jenny.  “Will you come to my next fight?”
“Yes,” said Tracy without hesitation. “I will be there for you.”
“Leave the boxing gloves to us professionals,” said Jenny with a laugh.
“I will leave my own boxing gloves alone for the rest of my life,” said Tracy, also laughing.
“Tell me that you will still keep them, Trace,’” asked Jenny.
“I will keep them, but I will not again box with them,” said Tracy.
“That is good, maillot friend.  You’re not very good with them,” teased Miss Lassy.
“Or one could say, best friend, ‘They are not very good to me.’” joked the one-piece swimsuit lady.  And the two sisters-in-the-Lord laughed merrily together.

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CHAPTER XIX
The group of four—the maillot woman and her boyfriend and her pet and his pet—were gathered together on her ridge for another of Flanders’s games that he called “the contests.”  In
“the contests,” the two people participated and the two animals cheered and jeered in fun as spectators.
Here in these games man and woman had races that were most unorthodox and most to Flanders’s liking.  Yet, even though Flanders always said, “I like the contests more than you do, Tracy,” Tracy could always say, “But I win the contests more than you do, Flanders.”  Both statements were true.  To give a clue about what kind of races that the contests were all about, they almost always involved their players getting plenty dizzy; and both Flanders and his one-piece swimsuit girl, though both thirty years old, enjoyed getting harmlessly dizzy for the cause of dizziness.  Right now the golden hind and the centaur were setting up the red cones for the playing field most arbitrarily.  It was never the same- sized field from one day of the contests to the other day of the contests.  But the pets made sure that the four cones accurately lined up the four corners and the two finish lines at the ends.  Then Sieur stood at the opposite side of this day’s field as one official, and Demoiselle stayed at this end of this day’s field
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as the other official.  “You’re the girl, Tracy,” said Flanders.  “You pick first.”
“For our first contest, Flanders, I pick somersaults,” said the maillot gamester.
“Somersaults,” he said in query.
“How come the question?  That’s our most common of contests,” she said.
“Yes,” he said.  “But what kind?”
“Oh, yes.  I pick forward somersaults this time, Flanders,” she specified.
“I do better at backward somersaults,” he said.
“Oh, I know,” she said.  “That’s why I picked forward ones this time.”
“I have a crooked back,” he said.  “And you have a perfect one-piece swimsuit back.”
“Asymmetrical back people should not be making somersaults out here,” she teased him.
“Maillot girls should not be making somersaults out here,” he said.  “Who knows what the stubby grass will do to that spandex?”
“Demoiselle,” said Sieur, “our master and mistress are already at it with their trash talk, and the first contest has not even begun.”
“They do more trash talk than they do racing, Sieur,” said Demoiselle.
Flanders went on to trash talk with his centaur, “Sieur, just pay attention at the finish line and make sure which of us two finishes first.”
And Tracy shot a little fun barb at her Demoiselle as well, “Golden hind, your job at this starting line is to do the countdown.”
“On the mark,” began the golden hind the countdown.
Both forward somersault racers got down on their hands and knees and lowered their heads.
“Get set,” said the golden hind.
Tracy Chart asked, “Isn’t ‘get ready’ supposed to come next?”
“Go,” said her pet and contest starter official.
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And Flanders Nickels found himself getting a head start on his distracted opponent.  And he rose to the occasion.  And the more limber maillot woman had to rally to try to catch up to her experienced somersault aficionado.
“Mistress, I am sorry,” said Demoiselle.  “Catch him!  Do catch him!”
“Master, do not let a woman beat you.  You’ve been making somersaults ever since you were little,” said Sieur.
Flanders rolled in somersaulting with the superior strength of a male.  But Tracy rolled in somersaults with the litheness of a female, almost like that of a female gymnast.  And at the halfway point of this contest, the woman and the man were dead even.
“Bump her, Master!” cried out the centaur cheating ideas.
Picking up the cue, Demoiselle cried out her own cheating ideas, “Cut him off, Mistress!”
Being fair, Flanders neither bumped Tracy, nor did Tracy cut off Flanders.  Yet Flanders was falling behind Tracy.  And it was now at the three-quarter point across the field.
“Master,” called forth Sieur, “Get up and run!”
“You cheat, Sieur!” cried out the golden hind.  But Flanders did not cheat and get up and run.  Nonetheless, the golden hind called forth, “Stick out your leg, Mistress!”
“You don’t call that ‘cheating,’ Demoiselle?” called out Sieur with a laugh.  Of course the maillot woman did not stick out her leg and cheat.  But the maillot woman did gain more distance in this forward somersault race from Flanders.  And she crossed the finish line first.  Yet the centaur declared, “And the winner is…Flanders!”  Then Flanders crossed the finish line right after.
“Are you positive, Sieur?” asked Demoiselle.  And she ran like a deer up to this other boundary over here to see for herself.  “Yet I don’t think so, Sieur,” said the golden hind.
“Tell the truth, Sieur,” said Tracy Chart.
“The winner is you, Miss Chart,” confessed Sieur, “though I hate to say it.”
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“And I hate to say it, also, Tracy, Sieur, Demoiselle,” teased Flanders.
“Yet again, Mistress, truth prevails over falsehood,” said Demoiselle.
“Once again womanhood prevails over manhood,” said the maillot girl.
“Mistress, you can get up now,” said the golden hind.
“I cannot quite yet,” she said in laughter.
“Nor can I,” said Flanders, laughing.
“They’re dizzy, Demoiselle,” said Sieur.
“Thirty years old and still making themselves dizzy like they are three years old,” said the golden hind.
“Silly Master,” said the he-centaur.
“Goofy Mistress,” said Demoiselle.
“I’m up now,” said Tracy Chart, jumping back up to her feet.  “My head is back to normal.”
Flanders also got back to his feet in a leap, and he said, “I’m back, too.  I can stand again.”
“Now it is your turn to pick, Flanders,” said Miss Chart.  “I bet that you pick backward somersaults for our second contest up here on this plateau for this day.”
“I quite do,” said Flanders.
“I’ve got to go and referee the finish line,’ said the golden hind, running back to the side of the field from where she had been.
“And I’ve got to do the countdown,” said Sieur, staying here on this side of the field.
In this second contest, the race was this time back in the other direction of this field, and the pet officials’ duties were exchanged.
“Don’t embarrass me this time, Master,” said Sieur.
“I will show my manhood with great victory this time, O Sieur,” said Flanders.
“Mistress, your boyfriend has never lost a contest with backward somersaults,” said the golden
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hind.
“Yeah, but, Demoiselle,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl, “remember last time we both tied in backward somersaults just last week at his place.”
“Oh yeah,” said the golden hind.  “Well, go and tie him again!”
“Not so!” said Tracy.  “This time your mistress will beat him.”
“Well, go and beat him, Mistress!” cheered Demoiselle.
“Ready when you are, good centaur,” said Flanders, crouched down and ready for this second contest—his forte of all the contests.
“I will not get the countdown wrong like certain golden hinds,” said Sieur secretly to Flanders.
Demoiselle said, “I may be way over here, but I still heard that, Sieur.”
Flanders whispered in Sieur’s ear, “You centaurs have more sense than golden hinds.”
“I heard that also, Flanders,” said Demoiselle.
“My golden hind has the best ears of the four of us,” said Miss Tracy Chart.
Sieur said,  “I think it is time that I began the countdown.”
“Count down,” said Flanders.
And the he-centaur said, “On the mark.”
“Crouch down now, Mistress,” said the golden hind.  The one-piece swimsuit girl then crouched down.  Man and woman’s backs were toward the golden hind over at the finish line, and man and woman’s fronts were toward the centaur at this starting line.
“Get ready,” said Sieur.
“Get a little lower, Mistress,” called out Demoiselle.
“No interrupting the referee,” said Sieur.
“Unless you are the other referee,” said Miss Chart.
“Get set,” said Sieur.  “A little lower, if you would, Master,”
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“Hey,” said Tracy Chart.
“Turnabout’s fair play,” said Flanders.
“I’m not ready now,” said Tracy.
“She’s not ready,” said the golden hind.
“Go!” said the he-centaur.
And once again Flanders got the jump on Tracy on a somersault race in today’s contest.  And as the backwards somersault race took place, the maillot girl this time neither caught up nor kept her place, but instead began to fall farther behind.
“Show her who the man is!” called out Sieur to his master.  This time the golden hind could find no words to trash talk.  Her mistress was now halfway done, and Flanders was now three-quarters done.
“Mistress, go a little faster,” Demoiselle tried to exhort her owner.
“Master, the girl can hardly go any slower,” teased the centaur.
“And I am across!” said Flanders.  In victory, he leaped to his feet, became overcome with pleasing vertigo, and fell down upon his bottom.
“Alas, Flanders has won,” declared the golden hind.
“That’s telling it like it is, deer woman,” said the centaur.
Then along came Tracy, rolling over the finish line some seconds later.  “At least I came second,” joked Tracy.  “Second out of two is still good.”
“Second out of two is still last place,” said Flanders.
The two remained sitting to clear the happy vertigo out of their heads.  Then the one-piece swimsuit girl stood up.  Flanders stayed sitting.  “You can get up now, Flanders,” said Tracy.
“Ah, I can’t get up quite yet,” he said.
“You can’t tell me that you are still dizzy,” she said.
“I am no longer dizzy,” he said.
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“Then why don’t you get up?” she asked.
“I cannot yet,” he said with a grin.
“That we all four know already,” said the maillot girl.  “Why can’t you get up?”
“I think I hurt my bottom when I fell back down still dizzy,” he confessed.
“Your bottom hurts you?” she asked.
“Uh huh,” he said.  “I think that I broke my tailbone.”
“Master, all you did was to jump up and celebrate our victory, and then you fall and break a tailbone.,” said Sieur.
“Hey, at least he did not break two tailbones,” said Demoiselle.
Tracy said, “People have only one tailbone, Demoiselle.”
“Oh,” said the golden hind.  “How many do I have?”
“I don’t know,” said her mistress.
In tease of himself at what he did to himself accidentally, Flanders Nickels said, “Tracy, you could say that your boyfriend ascended in glory and descended in inglory.”
“The word is not ‘inglory,’ but ‘vainglory,’” corrected the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
“Mistress, as they say in the opening credits to ABC’s Wide World of Sports with the famous falling skier, ‘The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat,’” said the golden hind.
“Do we have to quit our contests already now, Master?” asked the centaur.
“I cannot make any more somersaults,” said Flanders.
“We can still log roll,” said the maillot woman.  “I was going to pick log rolling for our next contest with my turn coming up next.”
“I cannot even log roll now, girl,” said Flanders.
“Nor your made-up rolling?” she asked.
“You mean us rolling in sitting positions?” he asked.
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“Our very first race in the contests years ago,” she said.  “You taught me how to roll like that, and I fell in love with it.”
“I cannot do that either,” he said.
“Oh,” said the maillot woman, disappointed.
“Mistress, I think that the man went and did it to himself this time,” said Demoiselle.
“I have to forfeit the rest of today’s todays contests to you in defeat, Tracy Pie Chart,” said Flanders, laughing with himself.
“Well, at least for me anyway, good news has come from bad news,” said Tracy Chart.
The centaur went on to say, “Miss Chart, that is the first time that you have won a day’s contests
overall,  You have won individual games in contests, but you have never won the majority of games in any one day’s contests before.”
“Mistress, a majority is still a majority,” cheered Demoiselle.
“God has humbled me,” said Flanders, glad in the Lord.
“God has exalted me,” said Tracy.  She put her arms akimbo as a cheerleader and was about to cheer for herself.
Just then, the golden hind warned her, “Mistress, take heed.”
And the maillot victor remembered what happened to her boyfriend just after his celebration, and she refrained from any celebration of her own now in front of God.  “Thank you, Demoiselle,” said Tracy Chart.  And she now sat down beside Flanders.
“The contests are done early for the day, but I know what we can do to continue our fun,” said Flanders.
“Bible-reading?” asked Demoiselle.
“Prayer-meeting?” asked Sieur.
“Fellowshipping?” asked Miss Chart.
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“Riddling,” said Flanders Nickels.
“I know riddles from Pastor,” said Miss Chart.
“And I know riddles from our deacons,” said Flanders.
“And I know riddles from Bennett Cerf,” said the golden hind.
“And I know riddles from the magazines,” said the he-centaur.
“Shall I start?” asked Flanders.
All three others said, “Start.”
And Flanders said, “Suppose you have a man in a suit and tie riding a unicycle, and you have a poorly-dressed man riding a bicycle.  What is the difference between the two?”
All three looked at each other and said, “We don’t know.”
And Flanders said, “Attire.  A tire.”
All four laughed.
Then Tracy went and told her riddle for this fun day of fellowship with her group in the Lord, “What did the snail say when he was riding the turtle?”
All four looked at each other, and Flanders said, “We give up.  Tell us.”
“Weeeee!” replied Miss Chart.
All four gave forth a laugh.
Then Demoiselle asked her riddle, “Who’s bigger—Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?”
The three looked at each other, and all three guessed, “Mr. Bigger?”
And Demoiselle said, “No.  Mr. Bigger’s baby, because he is a little Bigger.”
Laughter filled the four.
Then Sieur asked one of his riddles of the day, “What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker?”  The three without an answer awaited the answer.  And Sieur gave the punch line:  “My pop is bigger than your pop.”
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The four laughed out loud.
Then Flanders gave his second joke of the day, “Why do the Greeks get up at sunrise?”
“Why?” the three others asked.
“Because Dawn cuts through grease,” he said.
The group animated with gaiety, Tracy went ahead and told her second riddle of this day, “What did the sarcastic agent say to the bad singer on audition?”
“What?” asked the three others.
“You should be on the stage.  The next one leaves in ten minutes.”
Right away the golden hind told her day’s second riddle right now. “Who’s the meanest person in the world?”
“Who?” the three others asked.
“The cook, because he beats the eggs and whips the butter.” said Demoiselle.
And right away Sieur went ahead for his second riddle to tell, saying, “Who’s the most patient man in the world?”
“Who is?” the three asked.
And the centaur said, “The doctor, because he has the most patients.”
Then Flanders told his third riddle of this volley of riddles, “Why does Santa Claus not have to pay for his parking?”
“Why?” the others did ask.
“Because it’s on the house.” said Flanders.
And the one-piece swimsuit gal told her third riddle of this fellowship, “Did you know that I am a light eater?”
“No,” the three others replied.
And she said, “Yes.  I eat as soon as it gets light out.”
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Her pet quickly told her third riddle of the day, asking, “What time is it when the clock strikes thirteen?”
“What time is it?” asked the three others.
“Time to fix the clock,” said Demoiselle.
Then Sieur told his third riddle so far, saying, “What became of Batman and Robin when they got run over by a steamroller?”
“What became of them?” asked the three others?
“They became Flatman and Ribbon,” said the centaur.
In this manner, the group of four fellow shippers each went on to joke their way and laugh their way through a fourth round of riddles and through a fifth round of riddles before they ran out of ideas.
And they were satisfied now from today’s games and riddles.
Then Flanders said, “I think that I can stand up now.”
“Let me help you up, boyfriend,” said his maillot girlfriend.
And she helped her boyfriend back up to his feet.   “Thank you very much, pretty Tracy,” he said to her.  “I think that I can walk now.”
“Did you really mean that, Flanders?” asked Tracy, her head cocked to the side in fondness.  Her boyfriend had called her “pretty Tracy.”
“I did,” he said, knowing exactly what she was asking about. “You’re always so pretty that I can’t take my eyes off of you.”
“Why, thank you, Flanders,” she said.  “You’re my hunk!”
“Would you honor your boyfriend with a little help for his walking, my Tracy?” asked Flanders.
“The honor would be your one-piece swimsuit girlfriend’s, boyfriend,” said Tracy.  And with their arms around each other’s waists, they walked to her house in the back of this ridge.

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CHAPTER XX
It was a beautiful morning of warm yellow sunlight for Tracy Chart and her pet golden hind here on the ridge.  And yet there was the work of darkness in its nocturnal visit of the night before in the front part of Tracy’s house.  Major vandalism had struck her home in the middle of the night.
“It’s all broken, Mistress,” lamented Demoiselle.
“Most of my front wall,” said Miss Chart.
“The door and halfway down the wall to the right and halfway down the wall to the left,” said Demoiselle.
“I never thought to see such a thing,” said the one-piece swimsuit girl.
“That nasty Great Dark Griffin!” declared the golden hind.
“The Great Dark Griffin sent here by Satan,” said Tracy Chart.
Boards were all broken up; windows were shattered; the whole door was completely ripped off of its hinges and lying here in the grass; the wall along the left was leaning inward; the wall along the right was leaning outward; even the roof was caving down here in the front.  “Mistress,” asked Demoiselle.  “What are we to do now?”
“We must trust God, O Demoiselle,” said Miss Chart strongly.  “You and I together now need to
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trust God together in our persecution from my fearsome griffin like we never trusted God before.”
“I heard it happen from my stable around midnight, and I ran out to see, and it was all done so quickly.  I heard the Great Dark Griffin laughing at me, and I saw him flying away in the dark.  I yelled  out at him, ‘What do you think you are doing?’  And as he was fleeing, he vowed to me, O Mistress, these dread words, ‘Tomorrow is the day of decision between me and your mistress, Demoiselle of God.’  And then I saw you come out of the house.  And we both stood there and stared off into the night sky where we had last seen him.
“I was in my bedroom and asleep when I heard a creaking of the front door,” said Tracy Chart.  “I am a light sleeper, and I woke up at once from the quiet and unexpected sound.  I perked up in bed and raised my head from the pillow and listened in apprehension and misgiving for what might be out there right next to my house.  I heard a most nefarious whisper from beyond two doors, my bedroom door and the front door on the other side of my front hallway.  It was quiet and yet it was loud.  I never heard my griffin actually whisper, but I could tell that this was he doing so now.  He was saying to me, ‘Miss Tracy Pie Chart, troublesome daughter of God and faithful servant of my enemy Jesus Christ, your day of reckoning will come upon you tomorrow at noon when I come upon you with a storm of a demon scorned.  And when that day of the Devil will come upon you, you and your holy and righteous golden hind will finally lie dead together up here upon the ridge for all the world to see.  And I and my father Satan will finally be happy.’
I then called out loudly, ‘Is that you, O Great Dark Griffin?’
And it was then that he wrecked the front of the house.  At once I ran out of bed and raced to get outside.  I saw you standing there looking off toward the east in the night sky.  I looked off toward the east of the nighttime sky.  And I could barely see a distant dark and sinister form fleeing in the night.
We stared out there for the longest time.  Then you said, ‘It is now midnight, Mistress.’
And I then said, ‘We have twelve hours, Demoiselle.’”  And Tracy’s narrative was done.
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“We had a word of prayer and went back to our beds for the night, and we got up at eight o’clock, and we have been here for a few minutes, seeing the bad thing that happened last night,” said Demoiselle.  “We must worship God now for the rest of our four hours before he comes for his last time.”
“This time, either he will die, or we both will die, Demoiselle,” said the maillot Christian.
“My mistress, it is taking less courage for you to face our last battle with the Great Dark Griffin than it had taken for you to finally get around to witnessing to your friend Jenny and telling her about your Saviour,” said the golden hind.
“Yeah,” admitted Tracy.  “That was once the scariest thing I ever had to do in my walk with Christ until God got a good hold of my heart and made me know how badly that it needed to get done.  Once I finally came around to obeying him, sharing Christ with Jenny was not so scary to me anymore.
I guess that fighting griffins is probably my second most frightening part of my walk with Christ,”
“And now your friend is saved and on her way to Heaven just like you are, Mistress,” said Demoiselle.
“Jenny Classy Lassy got born again!  Yes!  Amen to that, Demoiselle!” said Miss Chart.
“I think that that may have taken some of the edge off of our griffin foe’s advantage over you, Mistress,” said the golden hind.
“You think so, Demoiselle?” asked the maillot girl in incomprehension.
“I do think so, O Mistress,” said the wise golden hind pet.
“What do you mean?” asked Miss Chart.
“I am thinking now that because you finally did obey God and win the soul of Miss Lassy that now that black griffin will not be such a problem anymore.  Remember, that black griffin had come unto you in the first place because you refused to witness to dying Allison long ago.  And that black griffin was after you all because of your sin of never witnessing to anybody all these years of your
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life in Christ.  And I think that that black griffin will soon be gone now that you are winning souls for Christ,” said Demoiselle.
“I am going knocking on doors with the women of the church this Thursday.  I hope to soon win other souls for Christ just as I have my best friend Jenny,” said the maillot believer.
“See, Mistress?  God will reward the obedient child of God,” said the golden hind.
“So, you’re saying that maybe now for his first time my Great Dark Griffin might be afraid of me?” asked Tracy Chart.
“God now fights for us and with us more than ever He has before, Mistress, because He has made you to become a dedicated soul-winner,” said Demoiselle.
“Do you think that the griffin knows?” asked Miss Chart.
“That you won Jenny Lassy’s soul for God?” asked the golden hind.
“Yes.  That,” said Tracy.
“I believe that he found out,” said Demoiselle.  “Why else would he come sneaking around here in the middle of the night when no one can see him and then flees when we come out to see him?”
“You’ve got a good point, Demoiselle,” said Tracy Chart.  “How do you think that he found out about Jenny getting saved?”
“Maybe God told him,” said the golden hind.
“I would think now that if God told him that the woman that he bullied around led another woman to Christ that he probably quaked right where he stood!” said Miss Chart.
“The one thing that he thought would never happen, the one thing that would strip him of his dominance over you, the one thing that would take him away from this earth,” said the golden hind.  “But God has won.  You did lead her to the Lord.  It did happen.  It did strip him of his dominance.  It will take him from this earth.”
“I understand all now,” said the one-piece swimsuit woman.  “Because I led Jenny to salvation,
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there is no more purpose for the Great Dark Griffin.”
“That sounds like what it is, Mistress,” said the golden hind.
“All that we have to do now is to fight one more final battle against the Great Dark Griffin, and he will be slain, and he will go back to Hell and bother me no more,” said Tracy Pie Chart.
“Yes, my mistress,” said the golden hind.
“Take good heed, Demoiselle,” warned Tracy wisely.  “My griffin knows that now he has but a short time.  It is possible that all three of us may die in this last battle.  This final contention against him would be a good time for you to shoot your best arrows; and for me, to quote my best Scripture.”
“I understand, Mistress,” said Demoiselle.  “The Great Dark Griffin will not be afraid to die if if means that he can still slay the two of us in doing so.”
“May he fear before your arrows, and may he fail before my Bible verses,” said the Christian mistress.
“It is God Almighty Who fights the Christians’ battles, and it it God Almighty Who wins the Christians’ battles,” said her lady archer golden hind pet.
“We have three hours till the Great Dark Griffin comes,” said Tracy Chart.  “Shall we have a prayer meeting till then, O good Demoiselle?” asked the one-piece swimsuit lady mistress.
“I can think of nothing better than that right now until then,” said Demoiselle.
And the golden hind got down upon her stomach and bowed her head.  And Tracy got down upon her bottom and bowed her head.  Upon Tracy’s lap was her Authorized King James Version Bible from which she was going to shoot her fiery darts unto and into the demon who was soon to come.
And the maillot girl and her pet had a fervent and effectual three-hour prayer meeting together.  And indeed God and all of the Heavenly host heard Tracy’s petitions and praises and thanksgivings and intercessions and glories and doxologies and benedictions and beatitudes all given to Jesus Christ her Lord and Master and Redeemer and Best Friend and Intercessor and personal Saviour.
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Behold, it was twelve o’clock noon.  It was the time of consummation of all the battles of good vs. evil for the life of Tracy Pie Chart.  And there in the sky above, descending in a steady glide, was the Great Dark Griffin.  His words of pride did not come out of his beak this time.  His red eyes did not shine with the power of the evil eye this time.  His wings seemed old and tired.  And he lighted upon the ground before the two standing soldiers of Christ.  Yet he smiled in satanic gladness.  The Great Dark Griffin was ready for the fight.
The one-piece swimsuit Christian soldier opened her Bible and did assault the demon with a Bible verse about the great white throne judgment for the demons and for the damned:  “’For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.’  II Corinthians 5:10.”
The griffin’s head snapped from one side to the other as if he had been punched by a roundhouse thrown by a titan.  And for just a moment, he seemed not to know where he was.  Then his senses returned for him.  But he was hurting from this flaming arrow of Scripture.
Meanwhile, Demoiselle was busy at the work of battle right now, quite truly nocking two arrows at the same time upon her bowstring.  Her golden hind knew what she was doing.  All the times that she had fired one arrow at the black griffin, the black griffin had always batted that arrow out of the air before it could get to him, either with his beak or his eagle claw or his lion paw or his tail.  But surely, were the golden hind to fire two arrows at once at him, though he would knock the one out of the air, surely the other one would get him.  But could even a seasoned golden hind archer actually perform such a feat with such artillery?  And the maillot girl watched with bated breath as her pet drew back upon her bowstring, two arrows ready to strike down the fell black griffin where he stood watching her.  Twang!  Demoiselle let fly both arrows at the same time.  One arrow drove in toward the griffin’s chest just above his heart; the other arrow drove in toward the griffin’s chest just below his heart.  With speed and finesse and the ways of a fallen angel, the Great Dark Griffin swung both eagle
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legs downward and outward at once.  His one eagle leg knocked the upper arrow out and away from himself, and his other eagle leg knocked the lower arrow out and away from himself.  And the arrows both stuck fast in two tree trunks behind him.  Lo, both arrows did miss the evil griffin from Hell by dint of supernatural means.  And the golden hind’s greatest artillery feat was for naught.  And Demoiselle felt her spirit fainting within her upon this disappointment.
“Try three arrows at once, girl,” suggested her mistress in good hopes.  That sounded right to the golden hind.  And the natural-born archer began to attempt to nock three arrows upon her bowstring all at once.  At first her hands fumbled around and could not hold the bows to the string.  And she struggled thereby to do what no golden hind archer had ever done.  And this preparation was taking time in a moment when time was of essence.  This idea had not come from God.  And the Great Dark Griffin was getting his strength back after the attack from the Bible verse.  And, lo, all three arrows now fell off of the bowstring, dropped out of the hands of Demoiselle, and lay loose and futile now upon the grass.  And the griffin saw this, and he laughed at the great archer.  The demon was now finding himself the advantage in this last battle.
Tracy Chart now found another Scripture verse about the great white throne before where this griffin devil must someday stand and be judged.  And she spoke it and shot it point-blank right into the black griffin’s ears and face:  “’For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.’  Ecclesiastes 12:14.”
This time the griffin gasped, and his legs failed him, and he fell down upon his haunches as if he had been punched in the belly by Michael the great angel of God.  The Great Dark Griffin could not move for the pain in his belly.  He lost his breath for now.  Indeed was his wind taken from him.  He was not in any condition to retaliate in battle quite now.  He lost his advantage because of the spoken Word of God.
And God now spoke His idea to the golden hind as for what He wanted her to do for her
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mistress as her comrade.  The still small voice spoke inside Demoiselle’s ear.  And though she did not understand why this strategy should work, she went ahead and obeyed the Holy Spirit with the faith like unto Abraham’s.  And the deer woman archer began to fire her arrows, one at a time, straight up into the air one after another for a reason that only the Lord knew.  And the two women watched.
And they saw the first arrow come back down to the ground, and it just missed the Great Dark Griffin where he was sitting.  It landed upon the ground just to the right of his haunches, and it stuck fast into the earth.  Then a second arrow came down, landing just to the left of his left lion paw, sticking fast into the ground very near to his left haunch.  More arrows came back down to the earth, all just missing the wounded demon sitting there.   And then that last fired arrow landed into the ground just one foot before where he was sitting.  Behold, twenty-five arrows fired, and twenty-five arrows now stuck into the earth all close, but all missing their target.  Not one of these arrows came close either to mistress or pet.  All just barely missed their enemy in battle.  And the Great Dark Griffin was rallying now from his blow from the second Bible verse of the day.  And he was regaining his spirit for war.  And he stood back up.  His breath was now all back.  He felt better.  Yet his belly hurt.
Furthermore, Demoiselle cried out, “That is the end of my arrows, Mistress!  I fired all of them!
They are all gone!”
“Woe!  Woe!” cried out Tracy.  And Tracy quickly found another Bible verse to enervate her demonic adversary, and she found it, and she said it to him, “’For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.  So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.’  Romans 14:11-12.”
The Great Dark Griffin, upon hearing this Word of God, felt a force like unto a pipe smite him mightily hard into his chest.  Tracy and Demoiselle heard the sound of something breaking inside the physical form of the Great Dark Griffin.  And the Great Dark Griffin gave forth a curse of dismay.  Then he cried out, “My rib!  My rib!”  And he hung his head downward where he stood.
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Then God the Father spoke in thunder down to his two soldiers, “Demoiselle, do not cease to fire your arrows up into the air.  I, the Lord, have need of them.  And what the Lord needs, He does provide.”
Behold, the quiver that had run out of arrows, was now once again full of arrows!  At first the golden hind hesitated, her mind not believing what her eyes were seeing.  But her mistress exhorted her, “Quick, Demoiselle, do what God said!”  And the golden hind resumed firing all of her arrows straight up into the skies.  And woman and golden hind waited upon God to see where all of these arrows would would land.  And they all came down, all sticking fast into the ground, all right next to the vulnerable and subdued griffin, and all adding to the many arrows already in the ground all about him.  And Demoiselle’s quiver was empty again.
“Do it again,” said Tracy Chart.  In simple faith, Demoiselle reached back to grab an arrow from a quiver she believed that God was filling up for her again.
“Wait,” said God.  And Demoiselle pulled back her arm and did not reach forth her hand for another arrow.  In more wise faith, the golden hind now waited upon God for His next Word.
“Why, your quiver is still empty,” said Miss Tracy Chart.
“Our Jesus will fill it up again in His time, Mistress,” said the golden hind ally.  “I will not grab another arrow again until Jesus tells me to grab another arrow.”
Just then the Great Dark Griffin was finding strength from the Devil.  And he roared like a lion through his eagle beak.  Yet his broken rib in his chest cut off his roar in the midst.  And he coughed and wheezed and tried to speak, but said nothing.  But he nonetheless began to advance toward the woman, ready to slay her with one peck of his beak upon her heart.
“Mistress, he’s coming!” yelled Demoiselle.
“I can see now that if ever I needed the Word of God this is the time, Demoiselle!” cried out Miss Chart.
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The open Holy Bible in both hands, the one-piece swimsuit woman began to backpedal in retreat before the stalking griffin demon.
Then Jesus spoke to the golden hind from Above and said to her, “Good and faithful Demoiselle, grab your arrows and resume shooting them straight up into the air.  I have filled your quiver once again.  One of these arrows will strike home with the will of God.”
And Demoiselle began to fire her arrows up into the skies.  And as she did so, she kept looking apprehensively to her mistress in peril.  Tracy was backing up before the stalking monster.  Tracy’s hands were rummaging through her Holy Bible.  And Tracy’s eyes were searching for the one Scripture from God that would finally and consummately put an end to the life of this black griffin from Satan.
And the Great Dark Griffin drew back his aquiline head, his beak now primed for the death blow with which he had always wanted to strike down Tracy.  Lo, Tracy found herself backed up against a tree, and she could not now retreat any farther right this moment.  And the arrows began to fall back down to
Earth, all of them all around right where the demon stood.
Now the Great Dark Griffin spoke, and he said, “Miss Tracy Pie Chart, I shall peck you in your heart with my griffin beak.  I shall slay you now.  Prepare to meet your Maker.”
Then Miss Tracy Chart found the right Scripture.  Then the eagle beak shot forward in toward her heart.  Then one last arrow came down from Demoiselle’s salvo.  And this final arrow impaled this Great Dark Griffin right into his own heart.  At once his strength failed him to the uttermost.  His jab with his beak was vanquished of all force.  And his beak grazed Tracy’s chest at her heart, but did not cut into her skin nor hurt her at all.  And he drew back his beak and looked down in shock upon the arrow that was sticking out of his chest.  And he was bleeding profusely.
Then the maillot woman assaulted the Great Dark Griffin with this King James Version Bible passage of three verses:  “’Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:  That at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow, of things in heaven, and things in
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earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.’  Philippians 2:10-11.”
“My heart!  My heart!” cried out the utterly defeated Great Dark Griffin.  This Scripture had given him a heart attack.  And he fell down dead now right away.
And this Great Dark Griffin was now slain in battle by the Good Lord, the Good Lord using a maillot Christian and her golden hind friend to carry out His good will.
Further, the Good Lord now sent a flock of heavenly good white griffins to come and take away this demon carcass from the land of the ridge.  And the ridge was now cleansed from the blood of the devil.  And then God sent Flanders here, riding Sieur.  Flanders took one look at her house, and God told him all that had happened, and Flanders said, “God is good, and God is great, beautiful Tracy.  I will fix your house back up for you good and new.”
And all was now forever well with the one-piece swimsuit girlfriend.
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CHAPTER XXI
Flanders and Sieur were alone in fellowship in God in Flanders’s backyard.  “My back forty is most appropriately called thus, Sieur,” said Flanders.
“Yeah, Master,” said the centaur.  “Your backyard is exactly forty acres large.”
“Look at all of these wonderful little young box elders,” he said.  “None are higher than my head.”
“And my head is higher than all of them,” said Sieur.
“Someday they may be as big as my girlfriend’s box elders,” said Flanders.
“Not for many years, Master,” said the he-centaur.
“I had a dream that a messenger was coming to me sometime today,” said Flanders.
“What was his message going to be?” asked Sieur.
“I won’t find out until he comes today for real,” said Flanders.
“What form was he of?” asked his pet.
“He was a black horse, a black winged horse who could talk,” said Flanders.
“What happened in this dream?” asked Sieur.
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“In my dream I was in prayer alone here with the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit said to me, ‘Man of God, behold a messenger from afar coming to you in the morning some time after you wake up.’  And then I saw a vision of a winged black horse lighting upon the ground right about here where we are now.  I understood him to be the messenger of which the Holy Spirit spoke.  Then I woke up.  And the dream was done.  And I got out of bed and came out to you.  And here we are together, waiting upon the revelation from God,” said Flanders Nickels.
“You said that this messenger was a black winged horse who could talk, my master?” asked his centaur pet.
“Yes.  A most majestic black stallion with big black wings and smoke coming out of his nostrils,” said Flanders.
“That sounds like a kind of messenger that the Great Dark Unicorn might send your way, O Master,” said Sieur.
“Would God send me a demon’s messenger?” asked Flanders.
“No, Master. I do not believe that God would use a demon messenger.   But maybe God is prophesying to you that the Great Dark Unicorn will use a demon messenger.” said Sieur.
“Why would not my black unicorn demon come and tell me what he had to say to me in himself?  Why would he need a winged horse to do it for him?” asked Flanders.
“Maybe now that you are no longer afraid to shed demon’s blood for Christ, he might be afraid to come and tell you his message in his self,” said the thinking centaur.
“I never took the Great Dark Unicorn to be a coward,” said Flanders.
“Probably because you were an easy victim,” said Sieur.  “But not anymore.”
“Just think, the big black unicorn is afraid of me,” said Flanders.
“Master, Master, do you see something in the sky far away to the north?” asked Sieur.
“I see something black and equine,” said Flanders.  “And I see big black wings.”
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“And I see no horn on his forehead,” said the centaur with better visual acuity than Flanders’s.
“It is the messenger in my dream,” said Flanders.  “Let us wait and find out what he has to say to me from my black unicorn adversary.”
And in silence the two of Christ watched and beheld this messenger approach from above, descend in a spiral, and light upon the ground before them.  Flanders then asked, “What is your message, O messenger from the devil?”
And the black winged horse told his message, “Mr. Flanders Arckery Nickels, the Great Dark Unicorn requests your presence here in your backyard in one hour.  When he comes, you will be alive.  When he leaves, you will be dead.  Do not forget your sword.  Prepare to meet your Creator.  Felicitations to both of you.”
Flanders rebutted this message with his own message, “Tell that Great Dark Unicorn, ‘I will raise my straightsword to strike, and I will cast down my straightsword to kill.’”
And with this the black winged horse flew off back to the north to relay Flanders’s message back to the black unicorn.
And Flanders and his pet he-centaur were left alone.  There was but one hour before the two were to have their final battle between good and evil against the fell Great Dark Unicorn.  And Flanders  knew that now it was time to pray.  He had always prayed before battle before back when he was the unwilling, disobedient Christian warrior.  And last time, when he was finally the willing, obedient Christian warrior he had not prayed before battle for his first time.  But this time Flanders Nickels was willing and obedient and primed for prayer before the final battle.  And he and his centaur stood outside here amid the beautiful little box elders in prayer meeting, and the man did all of the praying in this prayer group this morning:
“Dear Father, Who art in Heaven, it is written in II Chronicles 13:10-18, ‘But as for us, the Lord is our God, and we have not forsaken him; and the priests, which minister unto the Lord, are the sons of
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Aaron, and the Levites wait upon their business:  And they burn unto the Lord every morning and every evening burnt sacrifices and sweet incense:  the shewbread also set they in order upon the pure table; and the candlestick of gold with the lamps thereof, to burn every evening:  for we keep the charge of the Lord our God; but ye have forsaken him.  And, behold, God himself is with us for our captain, and his priests with sounding trumpets to cry alarm against you.  O children of Israel, fight ye not against the Lord God of your fathers; for ye shall not prosper.  But Jeroboam caused an ambushment to come about behind them:  so that they were before Judah, and the ambushment was behind them.  And when Judah looked back, behold, the battle was before and behind:  and they cried unto the Lord, and the priests sounded with the trumpets.  Then the men of Judah gave a shout: and as the men of Judah shouted, it came to pass, that God smote Jeroboam and all Israel before Abijah and Judah.  And the children of Israel fled before Judah:  and God delivered them into their hand.  And Abijah and his people slew them with a great slaughter: so there fell down slain of Israel five hundred thousand chosen men.  Thus the children of Israel were brought under at that time, and the children of Judah prevailed, because they relied upon the Lord God of their fathers.’  Dear God, Israel was not worshiping You as You told them to worship You back in those Old Testament days.  They lost five hundred thousand troops in one battle to Judah.  Judah was worshiping You as You told them to worship You back in those Old Testament days.  They slew those five hundred thousand troops of Israel in that great battle.
I come to You now, Father God, in New Testament worship of prayer for wisdom and strength in my coming final battle against the formidable demon my Great Dark Unicorn.  I pray now, ‘Use me for Your glory.’  I pray now, ‘To You be the victory.’  I pray now, ‘Thy will be done. O Lord.’  The Great Dark Unicorn, sent from Satan, will not pray to be used for Your glory, will not pray for You to have the victory, will not pray for Your will to be done.  I pray and read my Bible and go to church; the Great Dark Unicorn has never prayed, has never read the Bible, has never gone to church.  My Heavenly Father says to me, ‘Go and do good unto others.’  His hellish father says to him, ‘Go up and do
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something bad.’  In Jesus’s name I pray for the death of the Great Dark Unicorn this day.  Amen.”
Swept up in the glory of the Lord Who could slay this dread black unicorn for Flanders and for his Sieur, the Christian man Flanders Nickels began to sing the hymn “Onward, Christian Soldiers”:
“1.  Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus Going on before!
Christ, the royal Master, Leads against the foe;
Forward into battle See His banner go!
Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus Going on before!

2. At the sign of triumph Satan’s host doth flee;

On, then, Christian soldiers, On to victory!
Hell’s foundations quiver At the shout of praise;
Brothers, lift your voices, Loud your anthems raise!
Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus Going on before!

3. Like a mighty army Moves the church of God;

Brothers, we are treading Where the saints have trod.
We are not divided, All one body we–
One in hope and doctrine, One in charity.
Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus Going on before!

4. Onward, then, ye people, Join our happy throng;

Blend with ours your voices In the triumph song.
Glory, laud and honor Unto Christ the King–
This thru countless ages Men and angels sing.
Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus Going on before!”

And behold, a good white winged horse passed by, saying to Flanders and his pet, “Thus saith the Lord, ‘Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:  For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.’  Matthew 7:7-8, O good and faithful servants and soldiers of the Lord.’  And just like that this messenger from Jesus flew back Up to Heaven from where he had come.
Lo and behold, the Great Dark Unicorn lighting upon the ground before them, his unicorn horn

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now completely restored, in fact longer and stronger and sharper than it had been before the excision at the tip.
With no words, at once the malevolent unicorn charged the two where they stood.  He crashed into them both at once with his great bestial bulk before they could even draw their weapons.  Flanders,   being knocked hard to the right, unsheathed his sword just before he fell on his side five feet away.  Sieur, bigger than Flanders and smaller than the dark unicorn, fell three feet away upon his side, losing his battleaxe from his harness and quickly picking it back up where he lay.
And at once the Great Dark Unicorn charged back, galloping right in upon the centaur, the unicorn’s horn lowered and aimed at the top of the centaur’s head.
Right now Flanders had to formulate a tactic to turn the tide of battle back toward the side of the good.  And he found one and called out, “Strike his hooves down where you are, Sieur!”
Sieur, himself down, obeyed his master, and did swing his battleaxe sideways in a swath to try to cut down the charging black unicorn at his hooves.
Most agile, being a demon, the Great Dark Unicorn, leaped up and over the battleaxe in its swing, and Sieur missed.  The demon unicorn then turned about and charged Flanders now, who was sore all over his body, but who was now getting back to his feet.  The fell unicorn horn was aimed right at Flanders’s midsection.
“Duck or leap, Master!” called out Sieur.
Instead Flanders took the offensive, and he swung his straightsword right at the unicorn horn just before it could drive into him.  Here again, the Great Dark Unicorn took the defensive, and he swung his unicorn horn the other way and away from the swinging saber from God,  His horn did cleanly miss Flanders.  But Flanders also missed, just as had his centaur.  Flanders Nickels had now found a second key of strategy to add to his battle plan against this invincible black unicorn.
“Master, we are both lucky to still be alive!” called out Sieur, standing now and quite sore.
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And the Great Dark Unicorn turned back around to charge a fourth time.  Then he decided to stop and catch his breath.
Flanders said, “God is telling me how to fight this final battle with the strategies that I am thinking up right now, Sieur.  I say to you, rather, that the Great Dark Unicorn will be lucky to be alive much longer.”
“What are you thinking, Master?” asked his centaur comrade.
The Great Dark Unicorn, in order that Flanders could not tell Sieur his secret without the unicorn hearing it, put himself between the two Christian soldiers.  And the black unicorn went on to say, “Tell him your tactics that God is telling you about, Flanders of Christ,”
“Alas, if you tell me the strategy, Master, now he will hear it also,” said Sieur.
As if in code, Flanders said, “Ruse Regal, Sieur.”
The centaur had never heard of a “Ruse Regal,” before.  To the demon this must have been a secret code between master and pet ally.  But in truth this was no real secret code from Flanders at all.  To the centaur this was a trick to fool the demon, and he played along artfully with his master to the unicorn’s disadvantage of battle, Sieur nodded his head and said, “Ruse Regal,  Wise plan, Master.”
Set back, the Great Dark Unicorn asked, “What kind of strategy is this Ruse Regal?”
“One that we never had to use before,” said Flanders.
And the centaur said, “And one that you will see for yourself after it is too late for you.”
Furthermore, because the Great Dark Unicorn had strategically placed himself between his two enemies in battle to botch their communications with each other, now he had his two enemy troops on both sides of him, with himself caught in the middle.
Innocently enough to the unicorn, Flanders gave simple battle command to his comrade, “Steady as she goes, Sieur.”
And Sieur replied briefly, “Steady as she goes.”  This was their code for “You do what you just
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did, and I do what I just did.”
Sieur paused to ponder what he had just done that he had to do once again.  In his silent thoughts he remembered how he had tried to hack off the black unicorn’s hooves with his battleaxe.  He had completely missed them.  And yet his master told him cryptically just now to keep on trying to do that for the rest of this battle.  Indeed the Great Dark Unicorn’s second most powerful weapon were his four black hooves.  And Sieur now knew that it was his job to hack with his battleaxe all four hooves until he got one, then continue on with his battleaxe and hack the other three hooves.  The great centaur soldier then ruminated upon what his master had just done that his master had to do once again.
His master had attempted to cut off the Great Dark Unicorn’s unicorn horn with his most effectual straightsword of God.  Sieur had seen how he had tried to do this—indeed Flanders had attempted to cut off that dire unicorn horn at its very base on his equine forehead just above the eyes.  Yes, his master did miss, but his master was convinced that God desired him to try and try again until he succeeded.  This unicorn horn was the most powerful weapon of this demonic Great Dark Unicorn.
And where Sieur’s battle ax had only cut off a tip of the horn, Flanders’s straightsword could quite cut off the whole horn.  God willed to use Flanders to hack off this unicorn horn with the saber that He had given him.
Meanwhile, Flanders was still doing his thinking with God his Counsellor.  As long as Sieur kept swinging for the hooves, he would likely keep missing the hooves.  And as long as he himself kept swinging for the unicorn horn, he would likely keep missing the unicorn horn.  And in his defensive
strategies of this cat-and-mouse battle, the Great Dark Unicorn would also keep missing.  For a great stretch of skirmish.  But the exertions of offense by the two soldiers of God was less taxing than the exertions of defense by the soldier of Satan.  And the charging black unicorn would tire before Flanders and his he-centaur would tire.  And the charging dark unicorn would get careless before Flanders and Sieur would get careless.  And Sieur’s battleaxe and Flanders’s straightsword would begin to first hit
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home with the Great Dark Unicorn.
And now it was time to carry out this strategy from God, and Flanders and Sieur must execute their respective assaults simultaneously—that is Sieur must swing his battleaxe at the black unicorn the same time that Flanders must swing his sword at the black unicorn.  And they must do so synchronously.  And it must be just right from the first time unto the last time.  Pray God that they don’t get themselves killed in attempting this.
In order to entice the unicorn to leave his place between man and centaur and to get himself and his centaur back side-by-side to carry out this divine battle tactic, Flanders gave another code, one not at all indecipherable to a learned evil unicorn.  Flanders spoke the French phrase, “Au droite” to Sieur.  All three on this battlefield knew some French.  And all three knew that “Au droite” meant “To the right” in English.  This told the Great Dark Unicorn that Flanders wanted his centaur to go to his right.
And the educated unicorn at once took his eyes off of his enemies in battle and began to gallop to Sieur’s right and to his own left.  Once Flanders saw the unicorn not looking now, Flanders quickly glanced a sneaky glance toward his centaur off to the centaur’s left.  Understanding his comrade, Sieur quickly galloped to his left.  Flanders ran to rejoin his centaur warrior.  And before the unicorn knew it, there stood man and centaur side by side, their weapons raised, and he himself no longer strategically dividing his two enemy troops with his great presence.   All that the troops from God needed now was for the Great Dark Unicorn to race heedlessly at them in another of his fearsome charges.
And that the Great Dark Unicorn did do.  He recklessly charged the two in an assault.  And he came in upon them, and Flanders swung for the unicorn horn with his straightsword, and Sieur swung for the unicorn hooves with his battleaxe.  And simultaneously the agile black unicorn lifted all four racing hooves above the battleaxe and lowered his unicorn below the saber.  And he ran right between them and past them and did quickly turn around to face them again.  All three soldiers cleanly missed.
And the unicorn devil charged again, more recklessly and less tactically.  And again the
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Christian soldiers swung and missed, and again the great horned beast missed them in like.  And the unicorn turned back to face them again.
And he charged again, this time somewhat winded, and weapons were swung again and horn and hooves dodged weapons again, and all three soldiers missed again.  And the unicorn faced them again for another assault.
And he charged again, this time his breathing getting heavy.  And again good and evil missed and neither was scratched.
And he charged again, his chest breathing hard now.  And again, misses among all three.
He charged again, his legs getting heavy now.  And again man and centaur missed and got missed.
He charged once again, his head struggling to hold up his horn.  And again no one got wounded.
And again he charged.  Sweat drops were dripping off of his black hide.  And again no one was wounded in this charge, either.
And he charged once again.  He was greatly fatigued and somewhat exhausted now.  Yet once again he found the battle strength and poise to evade the mighty sword and the mighty battleaxe.  But, lo, one of his hooves had struck a bruising blow hard on Sieur’s right upper arm, his arm whose hand was primary in swinging his battleaxe! Behold, also, his unicorn horn tip had pierced Flanders in the palm of his right hand, the hand with which Flanders held his sword!  This Great Dark Unicorn seemed indefatigable!  And the Christian man and his centaur were all tired out in swinging their weapons with all of their might!
The man and his centaur looked at each other in uncertainty.  Sieur awaited his master’s battle commands now.  What Flanders must say now must now come from God.  And he had to say it with Godspeed to his centaur ally.  For the tireless Great Dark Unicorn was charging again.  And Flanders gave his battle command to his troop:   “Only trust God.”
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And the centaur put his trust in God.  And the man put his trust in God.  And the Great Dark Unicorn put his trust in Satan.  The indomitable black unicorn came in upon them, his great physical form now feeble and faint and his great wily mind now unsure and confused.  It was to his credit that he was not now falling down after all of those charges.  But the Great Dark Unicorn was not afraid of a good fight.  And he came in upon the two Christian soldiers.  And the he-centaur swung his battleaxe for the hooves.  And the swordsman swung his saber for the unicorn horn.
And God duly rewarded the faith of His two warriors in their stand they made together to trust Him now like never before.  With the power of the Holy Spirit, Sieur, in one swing, quite cut off all four hooves of the Great Dark Unicorn as he ran.  And with the same power of the Holy Spirit, Flanders quite cut off the horn of the Great Dark Unicorn at its very base as he closed in.
Immediately the Great Dark Unicorn fell down dead behind them, slain in battle by the forces of Good.
Flanders and Sieur looked down upon the carcass, not sure what had just taken place.  They said not a word for a long moment.  Both were expecting this mighty devil to get back up again.  After a while, the centaur spoke and said, “Is he dead, Master?”
“He is dead, Sieur,” said Flanders.
“I thought that he could never die,” said Sieur.
“I had come to think the same thing,” said Flanders.
“What do you think that we should do now?” asked Sieur.
“We can pray to God that he take away his carcass just as He had taken away his life,” said Flanders Nickels.  And with this said, Flanders prayed that God cleanse his backyard from the evil physical remains of the late Great Dark Unicorn.
And God brought a heavenly host of good white unicorns.  And the good white unicorns touched their white unicorn horns upon the dark unicorn’s carcass where it lay.  And the demon’s form
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turned to dust.  And a mighty zephyr came up and blew the dust away.  And the good white unicorns then left as quickly as they had come.
Then Tracy Chart came riding up on her golden hind.  Flanders told them both what had just happened.  And Tracy rejoiced in the Lord.  And she said, “Flanders, now you and I can live happily ever after.”
“Yes, dear Tracy,” said Flanders.  “For the rest of our lives together down here and for forever after in Heaven Up There.”
And he proffered his open arms, and his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend threw herself into those open arms, and boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ hugged long and hard.

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CHAPTER XXII
Flanders and his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend were alone together on her ridge on another of their dates at her place.  Their pets were out hunting, and the two took advantage of their privacy for fun romance that prospered in such privacy.  This romance was not kissing or hugging or petting, nor was it immorality or venery of the sort.  But the mistress did not want her golden hind here now, nor did the master wish his centaur to be here now.  Just say that boyfriend and girlfriend were very close.
Right now Tracy was sitting upon the grass with her legs spread out before her and her palms upon the grass to her sides; and Flanders was sitting on the grass right behind her and right up against her, herself in her maillot, his legs spread out on the grass to both sides of her and right beyond and his palms also upon the grass to both of his sides.  His front was up against her back.  His eyes could see the brown hair in the back of her head.  Her reds and yellows of her one-piece swimsuit’s back side were right up against his chest.  And he could see the red strings that were tied up along her hips now resting against the insides of his thighs.  And yellow and red V-stripes across her bottom were indeed right there for him where he sat, himself feeling that he would never want to leave this place.  Flanders felt aroused sitting behind her thus, and Tracy felt aroused sitting before him thus.
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“We never did anything like this before, Tracy,” he said.
“I never did this with you before, nor did you do anything like this with me before,” she said.
“Are you comfortable sitting in front of me so close like this, Tracy?” he asked.
“I feel good,” she said.  “Are you comfortable sitting behind me so close like this?”
“I feel good, too,” he said.
“Is this the funnest thing you ever did with your one-piece swimsuit girlfriend, Flanders?” she asked.
“Yes!  Yes!” he said.  “How about you?”
“It is for me, too, Flanders,” she said.  “Don’t ever stand up.”
“Oh, I won’t,” he said.
‘This is almost like Heaven,” she said not without presumption.
“Yes, girl,” he said.  “And to think that Heaven gets even much better for us than right now.”
“The glorious rapture of the church awaits us someday soon, Flanders.” she said.
“Let’s hope,” he said.  “Tell me your three words of the rapture that you love me to say to you.”
“Come up hither!” she spoke.  “Right after you and I and all the rest of the born-again Christians hear those words from Heaven, we all go to Heaven without having to die.”
“’Come up hither’:  the utterance that you do call, ‘My Marvelous Words of Life.’” said Flanders.
“Flanders, tell me your favorite seven words of the Bible that you love to hear me say lots,” said the maillot girlfriend.
“’Well done, thou good and faithful servant,” said Flanders.
“The words that the faithful born-again Christian gets to hear Jesus saying to him at the Bema Seat judgment,” said Tracy Chart.
“’Well done, thou good and faithful servant,’–’My Wonderful Words of Life,’ O Tracy.” said
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Flanders Nickels.
“Oh, I know,” she said.
“Your Marvelous Words of Life are found in the Bible in Revelation 4:1 and in Revelation 11:12, Tracy,” he said.  “You so know!”
“Oh, I do,” she said.  “And your Wonderful Words of Life are in Matthew 25:21 and Matthew 25:23.”
“I know.  I know,” he said in the spirit of fellowship and joy in the Lord.
“For us Christians, Flanders, the first thing that we do Up in Heaven after we get raptured There is to go to this Bema Seat and get rewards for our faithful service to Christ from how we lived our lives down here,” she said.
“A most sobering first visit with God,” he said.  “And yet a most good judgment.”
“When the rapture will come, we do not know until it happens,” she said.  “It is written in Matthew 24:44, ‘Therefore be ye also ready:  for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.’  Again it is written in Luke 12:40, ‘Be ye therefore ready also:  for the Son of man cometh at an hour when ye think not.’”
“Even Jesus does not know when the rapture will happen,” said Flanders Nickels.  “It is written, Tracy, ‘But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father.  Take ye heed, watch and pray:  for ye know not when the time is.  For the Son of man is as a man taking a far journey, who left his house, and gave authority to his servants, and to every man his work, and commanded the porter to watch.  Watch ye therefore:  for ye know not when the master of the house cometh, at even, or at midnight, or at the cockcrowing, or in the morning:  Lest coming suddenly he find you sleeping.  And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch.’  Mark 13:32-37.”
“If the Son of God does not know, then the Devil and his demons do not know,” said the maillot
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woman.
“I want to switch places with you now, Tracy.” said Flanders.
“And I want to switch places with you, too, Flanders,” she said.
And the two got up and switched places and sat back down upon the wild grass of Tracy’s ridge.  Now Flanders was in front with his maillot girlfriend right behind him and right up against him.  He sat
there with his knees up and his hands resting upon his knees.  And Tracy sat there right up against his back side with her knees up at his sides and with her hands upon her knees.  Flanders could feel her feminine cups and what was in them resting against his upper back.  Flanders could feel her pretty brown hair resting against the back of his head.  Flanders could feel her femaleness at the bottom of her lowest V-Stripe resting against his bottom.
“This is fun, too, Tracy,” he said.
“This is fun for me, too,” said Tracy Pie Chart.
“i wonder if it is more fun for a man than a woman, or if it is more fun for a woman than for a man,” he said.
In clever reply, Miss Chart said, “Promise me that you will never stand up.”
In mock-truth he said.  “I will never stand up on you.”
“This romance is good!” she said in a sultry tone.
“Yes!  Yes!  Yes!” he teased her in subtle insinuation.
“And yet my salvation is better than even romance,” she said.
“Verily!” he said a powerful Bible word with the wisdom that only Christians like himself and Tracy understood in their saved states.  Having a personal Saviour was the best thing that could happen for anybody and everybody.  And being saved was perhaps the only think better than having a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
“He is coming,” said Miss Chart.  “The Bible says that He will come soon.”
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“He will come like a thief in the night,” said Flanders.
“And His world will not be ready to meet their Maker,” said Tracy Chart.
Flanders Nickels went on to say from the Bible, “’Behold, I come quickly:  hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.’  Revelation 3:11, Tracy.”
And Tracy went on to say from the Bible, “’Behold, I come quickly:  blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of this book.’  Revelation 22:7.”
Flanders added to this fellowship about the Second Coming of the Lord, “’And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give to every man according as his work shall be.’  Revelation 22:12.”
And Tracy finished off this foursome of such Bible verses with the second-from-last verse in the Bible, the Scripture’s last promise:  “’He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly.  Amen.  Even so, come, Lord Jesus.’  Revelation 22:20. Flanders.”
“As we twentieth century believers do say in greetings, Tracy, I do say unto you, ‘Even so, come, Lord Jesus,’” said Flanders to his maillot girl.
“Even so, come, Lord Jesus,” Tracy did say back to Flanders.
“And as the first century believers did say in greetings, ‘Maranatha!’” said Flanders to Tracy Chart.
“Maranatha!” Tracy said back to Flanders in greetings.
“Christ is so near to us now, O Tracy,” said Flanders.
“It is like He is right here,” said the one-piece swimsuit lass.
“We should probably stand up,” he said.
“Maybe we should quit sitting like this for now,” said Miss Chart.
And boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ separated from their carnal positions and stood back up and did look around.  “Is there someone coming to see us, do you think, Flanders?” asked Tracy Chart.
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“Someone or someones,” said Flanders Nickels.
“I feel the presence of an angel,” she said.
“I feel the presence of two angels,” he did say.
“Look, Flanders, up there, coming down from Heaven,” she said, looking up and pointing.
Behold two gilded great-winged creatures surely the glory of God’s good creation coming down from Heaven in a broad and looping spiral.
“Whoa!” was all that Flanders could say upon discovering these two from Above.  With awe and muteness man and maillot woman watched as these two came down and lighted upon the Earth before them.
One was truly a griffin of griffins!  Godliness emanated from his very self.  His wingspan was unmatched among God’s mortal creations.  And he was all of gold.  Not one part of him was not gold in color.  And he was greater than even Tracy’s late Great Dark Griffin.  And he was more good than that late black griffin was evil.  His very griffin eyes shone with the light of God.  And his beak could pierce even diamond.  His eagle claws could grab a tree and pull it out of the ground.  His lion paws could swipe down a house.  And his tail was the size of a boa constrictor.  Neither Flanders nor his maillot girlfriend had seen so glorious a griffin before, nor had they thought to ever see such a griffin before.
And this griffin of griffins declared himself, “I am the Grand Gilded Griffin, and I stand in the presence of God.”
As for the other one with him, truly this other was a unicorn of unicorns.  And his golden wingspan exceeded even that of this golden griffin with him.  And all the rest of him was as golden in color as were his wings.  The gold of his wings was gold of Ophir.  The gold of his equine chest and his   equine legs was gold of Uphaz.  And the gold of his horn and his head and his mane and his tail was gold of Parvaim.  His eyes glowed with righteousness of God.  His unicorn horn was longer than Flanders was tall.  And his hooves could break down a brick wall, and they could break up cement
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blocks.  Flanders and Tracy knew that such a unicorn as this did not come from anywhere in this temporal Earth.  He had come from the throne of God just as had his fellow messenger.  Then this unicorn of unicorns proclaimed himself to these two mortals, “I am the Grand Gilded Unicorn, and I am the great prince that stands for the people of God.”
Overwhelmed with the grandness of these two angels, Flanders and Tracy fell down in worship before them, themselves not sure of what else to do before them.
And the Grand Gilded Griffin rebuked the one-piece swimsuit girl for her foolishness, saying to her, “Daughter of God, see thou do it not:  I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus:  worship God:  for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”
In like did the Grand Gilded Unicorn rebuke silly Flanders for such, saying, “O son of God, see thou do it not:  for I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren the prophets, and of them which keep the sayings of this Book:  worship God.”
The two on their knees reached out their hands to each other and took them and stood back up before these two good angels.  And man and woman trembled before these two most great angels.  In some fears, Tracy held on to Flanders at her side in both arms and rested her head against his head for encouragement.  Flanders himself dared not speak for fear of saying the wrong thing.
Seeing the fear of God and angel in their quivering, the grand griffin and the grand unicorn spoke words of exhortation, saying, “Peace be unto you; fear not; ye shall not die.”  The Grand Gilded Griffin reached out his right eagle leg in friendship and touched Tracy’s head with his right eagle talons, and put the peace of God into her heart; and she was no longer afraid.  And the Grand Gilded Unicorn extended his unicorn horn in amity and touched Flanders’s head with it and took away doubts from his head, and Flanders no longer feared these angels of God.
Then the Grand Gilded Griffin spoke and said, “O son and daughter of Jesus Christ Most High, it is written, ‘Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto
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a wise man, which built his house upon a rock; And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not:  for it was founded upon a rock.  And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell:  and great was the fall of it.’  Matthew 7:24-27.”
In spiritual understanding of these words of God, Flanders Nickels asked, “Grand Gilded Griffin, what does God will for me for now on?”
And the Grand Gilded Griffin said, “Son, go and rest now from thy labors of battle.  Thou hast killed for God once.  Go and kill for God no more.  Go and be now the best boyfriend-in-the-Lord that thou canst be for the maillot woman here with thee.  Cherish her.  Be kind to her.  Treat her with love.
And great will be thy reward in Heaven.”
“I do promise to do that, O griffin of griffins,” said Flanders Nickels.
And Tracy Chart also asked the grand golden griffin, “And what would God have me to do for now on, O good angel?”
And the Grand Gilded Griffin said, “O faithful daughter, thou hast won one soul for Christ.  Go now and win many souls for Christ.  Go out into the world as a messenger-from-Heaven and as a laborer for God, and when thy day of good judgment doth come, He shall give thee the soul-winner’s crown.  Great thus will be thy reward in Heaven.”
The the Grand Gilded Unicorn spoke and said to the two of them, “Flanders and Tracy of Aurora, it is written, ‘Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:  But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor dust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.’   Matthew 6:19-21.  Again, good children of God, it is written,
‘If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right
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hand of God.  Set your affection things above, not on things of the earth.’  Colossians 3:1-2.”
In wisdom of the Holy Spirit, Flanders replied to this commandment, “That I shall do, O august angel.  I shall continue to ever love the Lord’s appearing.”
And Tracy Chart said the same thing, “And I do eagerly anticipate the rapture, and I shall continue that zeal until the day the Lord takes me home by way of those clouds or by way of that valley.”
“O saints of God Most High,” said the Grand Gilded Unicorn, “Ye twain shall both receive the crown of righteousness when ye come home to Heaven.”
“I cannot wait to get There, unicorn sir,” said the maillot girl.
“I wish that it were today, even right now,” said Flanders Nickels.
Then the voice as of many waters came down from Heaven upon them with the divine authority of an utter Most High,  saying to them Scripture verses all about what was in Heaven:  “After this I looked, and, behold, a door was opened in heaven:  And the first voice which I heard was as it were the voice of a trumpet talking with me, which said, Come up hither, and I will shew thee things which must be hereafter.  And immediately I was in the spirit:  and, behold, a throne was set in heaven, and one sat on the throne.  And he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone:  and there was a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald.  And round about the throne were four and twenty seats:  and upon the seats I saw four and twenty elders sitting, clothed in white raiment:  and they had on their heads crowns of gold.  And out of the throne proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices:  and there were seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven Spirits of God.  And before the throne there was a sea of glass like unto crystal:  and in the midst of the throne, and round about the throne, were four beasts full of eyes before and behind.  And the first beast was like a lion, and the second beast was like a calf, and the third beast had a face as a man, and the fourth beast was like a flying eagle.  And the four beasts had each of them six wings about him;
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and they were full of eyes within:  and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.  And when those beasts give glory and honour and thanks to him that sat upon the throne, who liveth for ever and ever,  The four and twenty elders fall down before him that sat on the throne, and worship him that liveth for ever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying, Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power:  for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.’  Revelation 4:1-11.”  And the voice of the sound as of many waters ceased talking down upon the ridge from Heaven.
And the Grand Gilded Griffin said, “Children of God, He Who had just spoken unto you was God our Heavenly Father.”
And the Grand Gilded Unicorn said, “He doth tell you what He sees when He doth sit and rule the universe upon His throne in Heaven.”
And just like that, the angelic messengers having given the two born-again believers their messages from the Lord, they then raised their great gilded wings, lifted back up into the skies, and flew back Up to Heaven.  And they were gone.  And Flanders and his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend were alone on her ridge.  And Flanders and his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend were overflowing with the Spirit of God.  And Flanders and his one-piece swimsuit girlfriend sang a song about Heaven from her green hymnbook.  It was hymn number 500 in this book of hymns.  And it was called, “When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder.”  And this was what they sang to Jesus:
“1.  When the trumpet of the Lord shall sound and time shall be no more,
And the morning breaks eternal, bright and fair–
When the saved of earth shall gather over on the other shore,
And the roll is called up yonder—I’ll be there!
When the roll is called up yonder,
When the roll is called up yonder,
When the roll is called up yonder–
When the roll is called up yonder I’ll be there!

2. On that bright and cloudless morning when the dead in Christ shall rise

And the glory of His resurrection share–

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When His chosen ones shall gather to their home beyond the skies,
And the roll is called up yonder—I’ll be there!
When the roll is called up yonder,
When the roll is called up yonder,
When the roll is called up yonder–
When the roll is called up yonder I’ll be there!

3. Let us labor for the Master from the dawn till setting sun,

Let us talk of all His wondrous love and care;
Then when all of life is over and our work on earth is done,
And the roll is called up yonder—I’ll be there.
When the roll is called up yonder,
When the roll is called up yonder,
When the roll is called up yonder–
When the roll is called up yonder I’ll be there!”

Flanders said, “My Tracy, the roll will be called up Yonder soon,”
And his cherished maillot girlfriend said, “And we’ll be There, dear Flanders.”
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