Bonnie Lass and Flanders Nickels are Christian boyfriend-and-girlfriend. They are riding their horses—Apple Slices and Sugar Cubes—to a place that Flanders knows about and to where he wants to bring her. Bonnie, the real knockout, wonders what it might be and is in anticipation to find out what it is. In this story, on their horseback ride there, Flanders teaches Bonnie all about the Baptist church and its seven fundamental Baptist Distinctives.
THE REAL KNOCKOUT
By Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
A young man and a real knockout of a girl were riding their horses in the countryside. He was leading her to a place that he had to show her. His name was, “Flanders Nickels,” and he was her boyfriend-in-the-Lord. Her name was “Bonnie Lass,” and she was his girlfriend-in-the-Lord. And they were both teen-age grown-ups. Indeed both were born-again Christians.
Bonnie called forth to her brown mare, “Good girl, would you like some apple slices?” Her she-horse gave forth a hungry neigh.
Flanders asked his black filly, “Girl, would you like some more sugar cubes?” And his she-horse also nickered in hunger to his question.
The two stopped their horses, dismounted, and got ready to feed them. Bonnie’s horse loved apple slices above all food. Her name itself was “Apple Slices.” Flanders’s horse loved sugar cubes the most of all foods. Hence her own name, “Sugar Cubes.”
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Miss Lass said to Flanders, “My horse may love apples, Flanders, but she’s very particular.”
“Does she like only certain kinds of apples, Bonnie?” he asked.
“Oh, she eats all of the kinds of apples that God made,” said Bonnie, “but only so long as they are already cut up for her.”
“Really?” he asked.
“Uh huh,” said Bonnie. “Try to give her this apple.” And Bonnie reached into her purse with the long shoulder strap, and took out a nice big Granny Smith apple and gave it to her boyfriend to give it to her horse. “She likes sour apples like this the best,” said Miss Lass.
He extended his hand with the apple out toward the horse teeth of Apple Slices. She sniffed at it, licked her tongue across it, but did not bite down upon it. And she turned away her brown equine head and refused to eat the whole apple. Flanders brought it back to himself.
Then Bonnie Lass said, “Now watch this, Flanders.” She then reached into her purse and pulled out a little fruit knife. And she accepted back the apple from Flanders, and she went ahead and cut the apple up into apple pieces. And she said to Flanders, “Try to give her this sliced apple now, Flanders.”
He brought his palms together side-to-side and held them up, and Bonnie dropped the apple pieces into his hands. Flanders then proffered Apple Slices all of these apple slices, and the brown mare eagerly ate them all up very quickly. And she gave a neigh of thanks to mistress and boyfriend.
“What a horse!” exclaimed Flanders. “Apple Slices, you’re too much.”
Bonnie then put her little knife back into her purse and sealed up the purse and made sure the long strap around her shoulder.
“She wants another apple,” said Flanders.
“She has had enough apples for one day,” said the horse’s good mistress.
“Now it’s your turn, Sugar Cubes,” said Flanders.
“Which pocket do you have her sugar cubes in on this trip, Flanders?” she asked.
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“All of my pockets this time,” he said.
“All of your pockets, Flanders?” she asked.
“I thought that today’s ride might be a long one, Bonnie,” he said.
“Oo, may I feed her today?” asked Bonnie.
“Yes. You may,” said her boyfriend.
And he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out three sugar cubes, and he put them into Bonnie’s open palm. “Here, Sugar Cubes—three sugar cubes, girl,” said Bonnie Lass.
And Sugar Cubes eagerly ate up the sugar cubes from her hand, and she went on to thoroughly lick Bonnie’s palm until it was all sticky.
“She did it again. Didn’t she?” asked Flanders.
“I forgot how she does that,” said Bonnie.
“I’ve got some brown napkins in my back pants pocket just for things like that,” he said. And he pulled out some nice napkins, and Bonnie thanked him for them and wiped her hands.
Then they saw this same black filly grazing upon the ground behind Flanders. “Flanders, she’s eating sugar cubes from the ground,” said Bonnie.
“Some must have fallen out of my pocket when I pulled out the napkins,” he said.
“She must still be hungry,” said Miss Lass.
“She eats even when she is not hungry,” said her master.
He looked upon his new girlfriend Bonnie Lass, and he saw a true bonny lass. Today she had on fetching faded blue blue jeans with a button fly and a long-sleeved solid yellow sweater, and a solid red pullover sweater that was sleeveless and that had a V-Neck, and foxy canvas sneakers that were black with white soles and white shoelaces and no socks. Her eyes were a pretty and radiant brown. And her hair was as brown as her eyes, with bangs, all straight, and down to her shoulders. She was a little shorter than he was, and he was a short little guy. And her frame was feminine and slender and
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youthful with young adulthood. And he and she loved worshiping God together on lots of their dates. And he treated his lady as a princess. And she respected her man as a prince.
“I think that I’m hungry now, too,” she said.
“I, also, girlfriend,” he said to her.
And Flanders got out their prepared picnic food from Sugar Cubes’s saddle bags.
As he unloaded the food and drink, she narrated the items of this good picnic that he brought for them: “Peanut butter and butter sandwiches and tuna fish and mayonnaise sandwiches for me. And anchovy and butter sandwiches and sardine and butter sandwiches for you. And a bottle of cold water and a bottle of orange powder to mix into my favorite mug for myself, and a carton of milk and a canister of chocolate powder for you to mix into your favorite mug for yourself, Flanders.”
“Yes, girl!” he said in excitement.
“Amen to another delicious picnic in the countryside, Flanders,” said Bonnie.
They then sat down in the grass along the side of the road in northern Wisconsin near Aurora up in Florence County. Then Flanders and she paused to thank the Lord for their food and drink. And then they had their picnic for this long journey.
And as they ate, they played a good and Godly game that was called, “Pass the Praise,” where they took turns praising their Lord for Who He was in His many divine attributes.
Finishing up their picnic, they stashed their stuff into his horse’s saddlebags, and their resumed their journey. “Is this place that we’re going to far?” she asked.
“It is, Bonnie,” he said, “but the trip will be worth it.”
“The other day you promised to teach me some doctrine that you know about,” she said.
“Yes. The seven Baptist distinctives, Bonnie,” Flanders said.
“Does that mean seven main things that make the Baptist church different from all other churches?” asked Miss Lass.
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“Yes,” he said. “Are you interested?” he asked.
“I am always interested in what my boyfriend has to say to me,” said Bonnie. “If it takes all this whole date long, I want you to tell me all seven of them,”
“I can tell you the first one right now,” he said.
“Tell me all that a Baptist church is,” she said.
“The first Baptist distinctive is what we Baptists call ‘Biblical authority,’” he began.
“As in the Holy Bible having authority over all?” she asked.
“Something like that,” he said. “What Baptists mean by ‘Biblical authority’ is that the Bible is the sole, inspired and authoritative Word of God for faith and practice.”
“The Catholics think that the pope is all of that,” she said.
“The pope is going to Hell,” he said. “He is the false leader of the world’s biggest cult.”
“There are so many different Bibles, Flanders,” she said.
“We fundamental Baptists believe that the King James Version Bible is the only perfect Bible out there,” he said.
“My Bible is a King James Version,” said Bonnie.
“Mine is, too, Bonnie,” said Flanders.
“So is this Holy Bible a perfect Book then, Flanders?” she asked.
“The perfect God wrote the Bible. So the Bible is the Perfect Book,” he said to her.
“I heard that the Bible is the world’s best selling Book,” she said.
“That makes sense,” he said.
“Too bad that most people never read it,” she said.
“Their great loss,” he said. “The Holy Bible is ‘God’s love letter to mankind.’”
“It is a great big Book,” she said.
“Do you read it?” he asked.
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“Lots,” said Bonnie Lass. “How about you?”
“Every day,” he said.
“I never knew that the Bible was all that, Flanders,” she said. “I will start reading it every day for now on just as you do.”
“I remember when you were the girl down the road,” he said to her.
“We were classmates for four years at Hillcrest Grade School,”she said.
“Fifth through eighth grade, Bonnie,” he said.
“Then your family moved out of Aurora,” she said.
“Back then I was too young to like girls,” he said.
“And I was too young to like boys,” she said.
“I discovered girls at Pulaski High School a couple of years after,” he said.
And I discovered boys at Florence High School about the same time,” she said.
“Who would have known that we would grow up and become boyfriend-and-girlfriend,” he said.
“I felt all alone in the little high school,” she said.
“I felt all alone in the big high school,” he said.
“What brought you back for me, Flanders?” she asked.
“It was something that my big brother said to me,” he said.
“Was it something about me?” she asked.
“Uh huh,” said Flanders.
“What did he say about me?” she asked.
“He said that he saw in your local newspaper the picture of your 1980 graduating class, and that your picture was there with them,” he began.
“What did he say?” asked Bonnie Lass.
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“He said, ‘That Bonnie Lass is a real knockout.’” Flanders told her.
“I am a knockout?” she said, truly flattered.
“A real knockout,” Flanders emphasized. “I had to come back and see you for myself to see if that were true.”
“It must be, Flanders,” said Miss Lass. “We are together now, dating every day.”
“How has God blessed me,” he said.
“God has likewise blessed me with a gentleman who is handsome on the outside and even more handsome on the inside,” Bonnie praised him.
“That must be the work of the Holy Spirit Who indwells the both of us, both of us being born-again believers,” he said.
“I love the Holy Spirit within me,” she said.
“I love the whole Godhead,” he said.
“Father and Son and Holy Ghost,” she said. “I do, too.”
“We are a little closer now on our way there,” he said about where he was leading her.
“What do you think that it might be, O Apple Slices?” she asked.
“She does not know,” said Flanders.
“Tell me where we are going, O Sugar Cubes,” said Bonnie.
“She won’t tell,” said Flanders Nickels.
“You know, Flanders,” she said.
“I do. And I’m not telling, Bonnie,” he said in flirt. Boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ laughed.
“So, boyfriend, tell me the next Baptist distinctive,” said the real knockout.
“We call it ‘the autonomy of the local church,’” he said.
“Does that mean something like each church governing itself?” she asked.
“Quite right, Bonnie,” he said. “We Baptists believe that each Baptist church ought to be
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independent and self-governing, accountable to God, and not subject to a higher authority.”
“Each Baptist church, then, is its own boss, answerable only to the Lord,” she said. “Is that how Baptists are?”
“Uh huh, Bonnie,” he said.
“I heard that a lot of Lutheran churches answer to the Missouri Synod,” she said.
“They teach the false doctrine of infant baptism,” he said.
“And we both know that the Catholic churches answer to the Vatican,” said Bonnie Lass.
“One point four billion strong,” he said. “Big cult.”
“This second Baptist distinctive makes sense for churches,” said Miss Lass.
“The Baptist church flocks make their own decisions, and they do so with business meetings among their church members,” he said.
“That’s the right way,” she said.
Then her head became all dizzy and disorientated where she sat upon Apple Slices. Things began to spin around her. And she could hardly sit up where she rode. Then her head cleared up again, but a residual dizziness lingered yet in her head. That nasty little vertigo that she got lots in both ears did make life a little more challenging for this young woman.
Flanders noticed her sudden spell. And he asked, “Are you okay, Bonnie?
“I am okay for now, Flanders,” she said. “Dizziness falls upon my head lots and stays a while.”
“I thought that you were about to fall off of Apple Slices there for a while, girl,” he said.
“These chronic dizzy spells that catch me off guard,” she confessed. “The real bad part is done for now.”
“Is there anything that I can do to help?” he asked.
“All that I ask is that you do not contemn me for my strange sickness,” she said. “It’s quite odd.”
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“I promise,” he said. “Are you all right?”
“I am all right for now,” she said. “It will completely be gone again in a little while.”
“I’ll pray for you, Bonnie,” he said.
“Thank you, Flanders,” she said. “It does not hurt. It does not make me feel like getting sick. It is really kind of fun. I like being giddy. But it is still a disease. And I am liable to fall off of Apple Slices one of these days as she gallops up or down a hill when I go real fast.”
“Maybe you should not ride her real fast,” he said in good counsel.
“Mom does not want me riding her at all,” said Miss Lass. “And Dad won’t let me drive the car.”
“They care about you,” he said.
“I have good and Godly parents who care for me in the Lord,” said Bonnie.
“How did this vertigo come upon you like this?” he asked.
“A crazy cheerleader accident of all things,” she said.
“You got hurt when cheering?” he asked.
“In my varsity football cheerleader uniform on my very first day as a cheerleader at that,” she said in wistfulness.
“Did they not catch you in one of those cheerleader stunts—like a guy cheerleader or a bunch of girl cheerleaders who were supposed to catch you?” he asked her.
“No. It was not any of the cheerleaders’ fault,” she said. “It was an accident by one of our football players, believe it or not.”
“What did he do to you that made your head all dizzy these days?” he asked.
“We cheerleaders were cheering our team on to a sure victory. And then our star running back ran an end run toward our direction on the sidelines. The tacklers drove him out of bounds. I turned back to see the game I was cheering for. And bang! He accidentally ran hard right into me with the
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force of a high school boy running into a high school girl. I was thrown back several feet. And I landed upon my back and upon the back of my head. I was conscious, but I was in a terrible daze. And I noticed that I was strangely dizzy where I lay. The ambulance came and took me to the hospital. And they treated me as best as they could. But even when my head quit hurting, I was still dizzy. Then the dizzy spell left me. But it came back again another day. The doctors took a look at my head again. And they said, that though it was not life-threatening, they still could do nothing more for me. And that second vertigo went away, too. But later on a third vertigo came upon me. And then that left. And then another one came some time later and left later. I thank God that this is not a terminal illness. But it does endanger me were it to come upon me at a bad time for me to get it. Like in riding my beloved Apples Slices. I cannot tell ahead of time when it will come. And I cannot tell ahead of time when it will leave. It lasts shorter or longer from time to time. It is something that I live with. But God gives me the grace to endure the trial. I have to pray each time for the Lord’s mercy when I go riding my Apple Slices.”
“I shall be with you in your trials when they come, Bonnie,” he said.
“In you, Flanders, God has given me also a faithful and true boyfriend from afar and from ago to take care of me,” Bonnie praised God and thanked Flanders.
“That careless and reckless running back,” said Flanders in cares for his Miss Lass.
“Do you forgive him, Flanders?” asked Bonnie. “I need you to forgive him as I have.”
“I forgive him, Bonnie,” he said. “He didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“He even came to the hospital that night and brought me chocolates,” said Bonnie in remembrances. “I came to see him as one of the cute boys at high school, His name was Proffery.
I asked him to become my boyfriend. But he already had a girlfriend, and he was true to her in his dating life. And he turned me down as girlfriend. He’s a Christian, too, as you and I.”
“We’ll see him in Heaven after the rapture,” said Flanders in glory of God.
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“So, Flanders, what is the next Baptist distinctive?” she asked.
“The third one of seven,” he said. “That we Baptists call ‘the priesthood of the believers.’”
“What’s that mean?” asked Bonnie Lass.
“That means that all believers in Christ have direct access to God. And it means that we Christians may minister to others without requiring a special priestly class,” he taught her.
“By ‘direct access to God’ does that mean that we can pray to God directly between Him and us?” she asked.
“Yes. It does,” he said.
“What’s this about priests?” she asked.
“An Old Testament priest in the Bible, by definition, was a person who was authorized to perform the sacred rites of a religion, especially as a mediatory agent between humans and God. We Christians are regarded as priests such that we may enter into God’s Presence in prayer directly through our Great High Priest Jesus Christ. No other mediator is needed between God and people. As priests, we believers, Bonnie, can study God’s Word, pray for others, and offer spiritual worship to God. We have direct access to the Father through Jesus in the power of the Holy Spirit. That means these days we need neither priest nor church hierarchy to gain access to God. We believers all have equal access to God, whether we be preachers or not preachers.”
“The priests of the Catholic church are not all like the priests of Old Testament Israel,” said Bonnie.
“The Catholic priests are misnomers,” he said
“I heard that people pay priests in the Catholic church to pray for them. And people confess their sins to the Catholic priest. And Catholic priests think to sacrifice the body of Jesus again every time they celebrate communion,” she said.
“Those are the kinds of priests that shall receive greater damnation,” said Flanders Nickels.
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“The blind leading the blind. Both shall fall into the ditch,” said wise Bonnie Lass.
“They may be sincere, but they are sincerely wrong,” said Flanders.
Just then a big black bird swooped by overhead and just missed Flanders’s head where he sat upon Sugar Cubes. In alarm, Sugar Cubes reared up her forelegs. And Flanders fell upon his bottom on the ground behind the black filly. And just as suddenly the big black bird was gone.
She immediately leaped off of her horse and came up to his side. “Flanders, are you okay?” she asked.
“I believe that I am okay,” he said. He got back up to his feet, brushed his back end with his hands to clean off the dirt, and sighed.
“What was that?” she asked in consternation.
“That was a familiar spirit sent to get me,” he confessed.
“A familiar spirit?” she asked. “As in a wizard’s trained pet?”
“My persecutor, Bonnie,” he said.
“It looked like a raven,” she said. “A big black raven.”
“That was the one then, Bonnie,” he said.
“What did you do to get a wizard mad at you?” she asked.
“It was a witch who sent that familiar after me,” he said. “I tell you, that raven is coming after me more and more now. This is the first time he knocked me off of Sugar Cubes like this. He’s getting increasingly more aggressive,”
“What did you do to get a witch mad at you, Flanders?” asked Bonnie Lass.
“I broke up with her,” he said.
“You broke up with a witch?” she said.
“Uh huh,” he said.
“Then you must first have been going out with a witch,” she said.
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“She looked bewitching in her pretty black witch hat,” he said. “And for a while we were dating quite steadily.”
“You had to have been without Christ yet then,” she said, with bated breath,
“Yes. Take comfort from that. I was not dating a witch, myself a believer. I was dating a witch before I became a believer,” said Flanders.
“Well that I believe about you,” said the real knockout.
“As soon as I found Christ, the Holy Spirit told me to break up with my witch girlfriend at once, and I did,” said Flanders. “As a new convert in Christ, I rightfully feared the Lord.”
“The Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,” said Miss Lass.
“As soon as I told her, ‘Good-bye,’ that was when she went and acquired her familiar the raven,” said Flanders. “She took care of the raven. She trained the raven. She taught the raven. And she filled the raven with her own evil spirit. And she sends out this raven to go after me and make me have an accident.”
“Why, Flanders, that means that anytime and anywhere that raven could come upon you and hurt you,” said Miss Lass.
“Yes. I’ve been much in prayer about that just about every day of my life as a born-again Christian,” he said.
“I don’t envy you your raven problem at all, boyfriend,” said Bonnie.
“He is scary, just like his mistress,” said Flanders.
“The priesthood of the believers, as you just taught me, Flanders. I can pray for you regularly about your testings from the familiar, and God will hear me and protect you,” said Bonnie Lass.
“Prayer is a powerful and wise bond between God and Christian that excels any bond between witch and familiar spirit,” said Flanders.
“And God is greater that Satan,” said Bonnie.
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“Hallelujah, O Bonnie,” he said.
“Alleluia, Flanders,” said the real knockout. She again mounted her beloved Apple Slices.
And Flanders again mounted his horse, patted her on her mane, and said gentle words to her, saying, “It’s all right now, good Sugar Cubes. The evil raven is gone again now. Giddy-up.”
And their journey to this mysterious place that Flanders had to show her resumed.
“Will you not tell me this place you’re taking me, Flanders?” asked his girlfriend.
“Not yet,” he said.
“Then go and tell me more Baptist distinctives that you know about,” she said, eager for more good sound preaching.
“The next one,” he said eagerly.
“The fourth one of seven,” she said.
“This one we Baptists call ‘individual soul liberty,’” he began.
‘I cannot take a good guess at all what that one means,” she said.
“I had to study notes that I took during the sermon to get a handle on it myself,” he said.
“What’s it mean?” she asked.
“That means that we believe in the freedom of each individual to make his own choices in matters of faith, free from coercion or external control,” he said. “It also means that each person must make a personal decision of repentance and faith in Christ. Put another way, all people–believers or unbelievers–have the liberty to choose what they believe is right in the religious realm, and that no one should be forced to assent to any religious beliefs against his will. Baptists always oppose religious persecution. This liberty, though, does not exempt one from responsibility to the Word of God or from accountability to God Himself.”
“I heard that some cults end up controlling their people with fear and intimidation and brainwashing,” said Bonnie.
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“Not the Baptist church,” said Flanders. “We may be strict, but we are not domineering.”
“Strictness in the love of God is better than looseness in the ways of the world,” said Bonnie.
“Like one pastor I heard say one time, ‘If you think that we Baptists are strict, you should see how strict God is,’”said Flanders.
“And nothing is farther from a cult than the Baptist church,” said Miss Lass.
“Cults come in small churches and medium churches and big churches alike,” he said.
“I got saved in a Baptist church back in high school days,” she said.
“You did?” he asked in delights.
“The whole family was far away down in De Pere one Sunday, and we all saw the sign ‘Blessed Hope Baptist Church,’ and we went in to see what Baptists were all about. We found out lots of good things about the Baptists. I did not find out all that you know about those Baptist Distinctives from that one visit. But this little Baptist church we went to sure was on fire for soul-winning,” said Miss Lass.
“Ah, a soul-winning Baptist church. The best kind of church out there,” said Flanders.
“I could surely see that God was in that church.” she said.
“How’d you find Christ then?” she asked.
“The pastor was preaching hellfire and brimstone for a good forty-five minutes. I sat there, finding out more about Hell than I thought that anybody knew. I found out about fire so hot that it does not give light. I found out about darkness that was so black that one could feel it. I found out about worms crawling over your body in all places. I found out about horrible thirst that would never be quenched. I found out about terrible hunger that would never be filled. I found out about slipping and falling in a void with no solid ground. I found out about the loud noise of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. I even found out about the sickness or injury that kills a person being with that person in Hell ever after death. But worst of all I found out about the eternity of Hell. After I learned all of this with this three-quarter of an hour sermon, I knew that I was going there. And I was willing
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to do anything to not end up down there. Then, in the next fifteen minutes, this same pastor told us in the flock—myself particularly, I can now tell—how to stay out of Hell. He taught me of the Saviour of the world Jesus Christ. I already heard that before. Who has not heard the saying, ‘Jesus saves?’ I wanted to hear now everything that the pastor had to say about this Saviour of the world. As I could tell that Pastor was right about everything he said about Hell, so I could also tell that he was right about everything he would say about Jesus. He said that Jesus left the glories of Heaven and came to Earth to become the God-man. He lived a perfect sinless life across all thirty-three of his years as God in the flesh. He was the only Man to ever do this. He knew that He had come to die for sinners. Sinners–that’s all of the rest of us. And He willingly submitted to the Jews and the Gentiles and suffered the cruel cross of Calvary. And He allowed sinful man to slap Him and to mock Him and to drive thorns into His head and to scourge Him and to crucify Him because of His love for all of us. No person suffered more than did Jesus on the cross except those who are in Hell. Jesus shed His blood and died to keep us out of Hell. Because Christ never sinned, His blood was pure. And because His blood was pure, it atoned for the sins of mankind. And because He died on the cross, no man has to go to Hell. And, on the third day after His death on the cross, He rose again from the dead. This was the Easter miracle. It is called ‘the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ.’ Because He came back to life, He is a living God today. And because He is a living God today, He can still save souls. His death on the cross and His arising from the grave is the means of salvation both before the cross in history and after the cross in history. Christ did all of these things not only to keep us forever out of Hell, but also to let us into Heaven for forever in the life to come. His perfect love for us is called ‘Agape love.’ And all that a person has to do to get to go to Heaven is simply to ask for and receive the free gift of eternal life. The saved go to Heaven. The unsaved, the lost, go to Hell. The choice is everyone’s to make. And the choice was now mine to make. I chose Jesus in the silence of my heart. And then the pastor went on to narrate the sinners’ prayer for those who wanted to be saved from their sins. All I had to do to find
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Christ and Heaven and salvation was simply to repeat after the pastor this prayer line-by-line in the silence of my thoughts there in the auditorium. I confessed myself a sinner. I confessed the Gospel. I asked God to save me. And when the pastor in his spoken words and I in my thought words finished the prayer together, I was most assuredly born again. That, good Flanders, is how I became a Christian. And it happened in a Baptist church,” said Bonnie Lass all.
“Glory to God!” said Flanders.
“The church is gone now. The pastor retired. But I shall never forget Blessed Hope Baptist Church,” said Miss Bonnie Lass. “My whole family got saved there that day, as I found out later.”
“Have you any other church to go to that was as good as that church, Bonnie?” he asked.
“No. I’ve been looking everywhere. But a good church is hard to find,” she said.
“I know what you mean,” he said.
“So, Flanders, do preach on for me,” she said.
“Are you ready for the next Baptist distinctive, Bonnie?” he asked.
“Baptist distinctive number five. Tell me, Flanders,” she said.
“We Baptists call it ‘believers’ baptism,’” he said.
“That must mean baptism of a person after he is already born again,” she said.
“Yes indeed,” said Flanders.
“Lots of churches baptize babies by pouring or sprinkling,” she said.
“But we Baptists baptize grownups by immersion,” he said.
“I know that infant baptism is not in the Bible,” she said.
“What believers’ baptism is all about is the believer’s identification with Jesus’s death and burial and resurrection. It is only for those who have made a personal faith commitment. It is not for the unsaved of any age,” he said.
“Salvation, baptism, church membership,” said Bonnie Lass in order.
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“Local church membership in a Baptist church is restricted to those who give a believable testimony of personal faith in Christ and have publicly identified themselves with Christ in believer’s baptism. When the members of a flock are themselves believers, a oneness in Christ exists, and the members can endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace,” preached Flanders.
“Jesus got baptized by John the Baptist in the Jordan River,” said Miss Lass.
“’And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him:’ Matthew 3:16,” recited Flanders Scripture.
“’And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.’ Matthew 3:17,” quoted Bonnie Lass the succeeding Bible verse.
“I myself got saved when I saw a person getting baptized,” he said.
“Was it at a Baptist church, I hope?” she said.
“Uh huh,” he said. “But it was a faraway church up in the U.P.”
“Did you live near there?” she asked.
“Uh uh,” he said.
“What was the name of the church?” she asked.
“You’ll get a kick out of this,” he said. “The name of that Upper Peninsula church was ‘Blessed Hope Baptist Church.’”
“My church where I got saved was Blessed Hope Baptist Church,” she said.
“There seems to be two different Blessed Hope Baptist Churches,” he said. “One in Upper Michigan and one in Wisconsin.”
“Mine was in west De Pere,” she said.
“And mine was in Escanaba,” he said.
“What were you doing way up in Escanaba?” she asked.
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“We were in a high school field trip to see what Baptists believed. So my class took a school bus from Pulaski to Escanaba on a Sunday. We thought it more fun to go on this field trip on a weekend than to go to school on a school day. Little did I know that I would find Christ,” he said.
“Did you become a Baptist then, too, Flanders?” she asked.
“Yes. I became a believer. Then after that I became a Baptist,” he said.
“Two great things came from that field trip, boyfriend,” she said. “Could we take a trip up there someday and go to church there on a date?”
“I’ve got a better idea,” he said.
“What is it?” she asked.
“It is waiting for us at the end of our journey,” he said.
“What’s up ahead for the both of us?” she asked.
“A great place for a great date,” he said.
“If you won’t tell your bonnie lass where you’re taking her today, do at least tell your bonnie lass the good tale of your salvation,” said Bonnie.
“Ah, the testimony of my salvation,” he said. “I can’t wait to do that.” And he told her how he became born again: “We got there. We saw the church sign. And we raced eagerly into the church. Our Religious Studies class was going to find the truth about God in this Baptist church. The pastor preached on the love of God and on the hate of Satan. I was convicted of my eternal destiny when I heard this sermon. I knew then where I stood with God and that I was not going to live happily ever after in Heaven. I came to know that the Devil was my father, and that I was ‘going to Hell in a hand basket.’ I was already ripe for the Good Lord’s picking even before the pastor finished his sermon.
And then the pastor said that there was going to be a baptism ceremony out back behind the church right after the morning service inside was done. We all wanted to stay and see that—I, especially.
But the bus driver said that he had to bring us back home. I took it upon myself personally to talk to
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him and to let us stay just a little longer to see the person get baptized. He was hesitant. Then I begged our teacher to let us stay and watch the baptism. And the teacher understood. And he talked to the bus driver. And we got to stay there at church a little longer. We all saw the new convert profess his salvation and get baptized in a creek and join the church. And then the pastor gave the plan of salvation to his flock and to me and my class there at the banks of the creek. We all came to believe what he was saying about Christ the Saviour of the world. And, with a good Baptist’s heart for souls, the pastor prayed us through the sinners’ prayer that we repeated after him out loud line by line. And when our prayer was done, we were now all officially born-again believers. And Escanaba saw a revival happen there by the creek. That was how I became a Christian, Bonnie. We in Religious Studies Class had arrived there all lost, and we left there all saved. I thanked the teacher and the bus driver and the pastor and especially my own new personal Saviour Jesus Christ.”
“What a good and true tale, Flanders,” said Bonnie.
“It it my good and true story that I can take with me to Heaven in the rapture, girlfriend,” said Flanders in praise of the God of salvation.
“We are Christians first, Baptists second,” she said.
“Christians first, Baptists second, and boyfriend-and-girlfriend third,” he said.
“Yes!” she said. “Yes!” Then she said, “Tell your girlfriend-in-Christ the next Baptist distinctive, the sixth one.”
“Ah, back to the good old Baptist distinctives,” he said. “The next one we Baptists call the church’s ‘two ordinances.’”
“I know one of them,” said Bonnie. “It’s baptism. Isn’t it?”
“Yep. Believer’s baptism is one of the two ordinances of the Baptist church,” he said.
“I think that I know the other one, too,” she said. “Is it ‘communion?’”
“It is indeed that,” he said. “Sometimes we call it ‘the Lord’s table’ or ‘the Lord’s supper.’”
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“Baptism is a ceremony that symbolizes Jesus’s death and burial and resurrection,” said Miss Lass.
“And the Lord’s table is a ceremony that reminds us of Jesus’s death for our sins,” said Flanders.
“Flanders,” called out Bonnie Lass, “maybe I should not be going so fast.”
“Our horses are at full gallop,” he said. “We can slow down if you wish.”
“I just feel a little dizzy in my head again,” Bonnie said.
“We shall stop then,” he said. “Whoa, Sugar Cubes,”
“Whoa, Apple Slices,” said Bonnie.
And the two she-horses stopped.
“I better get down before I fall down,” said Bonnie.
Dismounting his horse, Flanders quickly came up to her horse. “I’ll help you down, Bonnie,” he said.
And she began to dismount her horse, and she fell into his steady arms, and he set her down upon her feet on the ground and held her up good and tight and safe.
“Is that better, Bonnie?” he asked.
“It is,” she said.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“I see everything spinning around me—including you and our horses,” she said.
She looked about herself where she stood with a look of concern.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Bonnie?” he asked, thinking that this time was different for her from her other times.
“I am beginning to see stars,” she said.
“Does it hurt?” he asked.
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“Uh uh,” she said. “But I never saw stars before with my vertigo.”
“I better set you down upon the ground,” he said.
“Otherwise I’m sure to fall, even in your arms,” she said.
And he lowered her and set her upon the ground on her bottom. And he sat down beside her and held her up in his arms where they sat.
“How is it going now?” he asked.
“I feel like I will throw up in the grass,” she said.
“The dizziness is real bad for you this time,” he said.
She then leaned her head to her other side, and up and out it came, sickness falling upon the ground beside her. “Don’t leave me, Flanders,” she said. “I never threw up in my dizzy spells before like this.”
“I shall never leave you, Bonnie,” he promised.
“How will we get home with me like this?” she asked.
“We must trust God, Bonnie,” he said. “I shall be with you and pray for you until you get better.”
“What if I don’t get better, and we are here yet for a long while, Flanders?” she asked.
“Then I and God shall stay here with you and take care of you here,” said Flanders.
“How I wish to see the place that you have to show me, Flanders,” she said.
“My girlfriend’s welfare is more important than the end of our pilgrimage, Bonnie,” he vowed to her. “The important thing is that you not move right now.”
“I think that I will not throw up again,” she said. Then she said, “My head hurts now for my first time.” Apple Slices stood over her mistress and gave a neigh of worry for Bonnie. “I’ll be all right, Apple Slices,” said Bonnie. “I promise that.”
Just then the big black raven came swooping down upon them. He quite chased away Sugar
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Cubes, making her run for her life quite away from her master. Then this raven sought to chase away Apple Slices from her mistress the same way. But Apple Slices refused to leave her mistress. But this
brown mare cowered down upon the ground in a terror that exceeded that of Sugar Cubes. And Flanders stood up to face this familiar with his bare hands. And man fought a demon raven in a battle between good and evil. And Bonnie Lass, almost passed out from dizziness, rallied and prayed for the God of mercy to spare them.
The raven came in upon Flanders from the air. Flanders batted at him and missed. And the familiar threw his beak at Flanders and struck him hard in the head. And Apple Slices began to flee for her life. “My girl,” called out Bonnie with a broken heart. And Apple Slices stopped her flight, turned back around, and looked upon the battle with a terrified equine countenance.
The raven came in upon Flanders from the air a second time. For a second time Flanders batted at him and missed. And for a second time the raven threw his beak at Flanders and did strike him hard, again in his head.
“Flanders!” cried out Bonnie. “You’re bleeding.”
“Keep praying and keep the faith, girlfriend,” he said.
Just then Sugar Cubes came running back. And she came running back hard with the spirit of God. And she charged right toward the avenging familiar and was just about to snatch the raven out of the air in her horse teeth. Just in time the raven flew out away from the black filly’s deadly teeth.
“Bravo, Sugar Cubes,” said Flanders.
Relentless, the raven came in unto Flanders from the sky a third time. Yet again Flanders batted and him and did miss. And yet again the raven threw his beak at Flanders and struck him hard in the head.
“I’m getting dizzy,” Flanders said in pain.
Just then Apple Slices was moved by God to battle. And she charged the raven from behind and
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almost snatched him up in her equine teeth. But the speedy raven flew out of the way just in time.
“Yea, Apple Slices!” said Bonnie. “Now it’s three against one.”
“Keep praying, pretty Bonnie, and make it four against one,” he said, referring to this battle’s prayer warrior as one of four soldiers contending against the one raven.
“More like God Almighty against one familiar,” said Bonnie most clearly.
Just then the raven perked his head in the direction from which he had come. He appeared to be listening to something far away. And he fled away from battle with no need of encouragement. And just like that the familiar left them.
“He’s gone all of a sudden,” said Flanders. “His witch has called him back.”
“Why, Flanders. My vertigo is suddenly completely all gone so quickly. I feel like I have never been dizzy,” she said. And, sure and stable, she got up on her feet and praised God.
“Is it different for you this time, girlfriend?” he asked.
“Yeah. Even though it was the worst dizzy spell that I ever had, it went away all of it so quickly,” she said. “All of my other dizzy spells, though they were not bad like this one, they still took a few hours to clear all the way out of my head. Right now I feel like God has taken away my vertigo for good.”
“I see that as a good sign,” said Flanders.
“What do you think will come of that raven?” she asked him.
“I think this time we scared him,” said Flanders. “I almost got him three times. Sugar Cubes almost got him one time. And Apple Slices almost got him one time.”
“Do you think that he will ever come back?” asked Miss Lass.
“I think now that even if the witch did tell him again to go get me, that he will refuse her,” said Flanders.
“Great is God’s grace,” said Bonnie Lass. Then she asked, “How does your head feel,
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Flanders?”
“It hurts, but not for much longer, Bonnie,” he said.
“There is one more Baptist distinctive to tell me,” she said. “Teach me the seventh one.”
“You heard of the separation of church and state?” he asked her.
“I always hear about that when people do not want religion in their government,” said Miss Lass.
“Well that’s not what separation of church and state is really all about,” he said.
“What is it supposed to mean?” she asked.
“It means really that God has established both the church and the civil government, and that He gave each its own distinct sphere of operation. Further, neither shall control the other, nor should there be an alliance between the two. Christians in a free society can properly influence government toward righteousness, which is not the same as a denomination of group of denominations of church controlling the government,” said Flanders. “The church is to be free from state control, and the state should not interfere with religious matters.”
“In other words, there is not supposed to be an official church state,” said Bonnie Lass.
“Yes, That’s what we Baptists believe in our seventh Baptist distinctive,” he said.
“I believe in the Baptist distinctives,” said the real knockout.
“I’m a Baptist and proud of it,” he said.
“I’d like to be a Baptist, too,” she said. “And to be proud of it.”
They mounted their she-horses again and continued their pilgrimage in thoughtful silence for a while. Then the real knockout asked him, “What are you thinking, boyfriend?”
And he asked, “Would you like to go to a Baptist church far away in a magical world with your boyfriend and never have to leave that Baptist church for ever?” he asked.
“Flanders, what are you talking about?” she asked.
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“Does the idea sound good to you?” he asked her.
“Well, yeah,” she said.
“We will be happy ever after,” he said.
“This sounds like Heaven,” she said. “wherever such a place might be.”
“I found it just the other day,” he said.
“You found Heaven?” she asked.
“Or a Place so close to Heaven, Bonnie,” he said.
“A good Baptist church?” she asked.
“Uh huh. God is in this church,” he told her.
“Are there dizzy spells there?” she asked.
“No. There are not,” he said.
“Are there witches and wizards and ravens and other familiar spirits there?” she asked.
“No. There are not,” he said.
“Flanders, let’s go to this church,” she said.
“That’s where we’re going, Bonnie,” he said.
She stopped her Apple Slices. He stopped his Sugar Cubes.
“Why, Flanders, this surrealistic Baptist church that you’re talking about…is this where you are taking me on this pilgrimage?” she asked.
“Yes, milady,” he said.
“Why didn’t’ you tell me?” she asked in assent.
“I wanted to see if you agreed to the Baptist Distinctives first,” he said.
“Oh, I agree. I so agree with all of them,” said Bonnie Lass.
“I was thinking that we could maybe join this church,” he said.
“I want to join this magic church,” she said.
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“We can become official Baptists that way,” he said.
“I want to be a real Baptist now,” she said.
“We are almost there now,” he said.
“Lord, I’m coming,” prayed Bonnie Lass in fervor. “Lord, we’re coming.”
“Even so, come, Lord Jesus,” prayed Flanders Nickels in fervency.
Then they heard from nearby the sound of an organ and a piano and a singing of a hymn by a flock. The four pilgrims stopped and listened:
“1. There’s a church in the valley by the wildwood,
No lovelier spot in the dale;
No place is so dear to my childhood
As the little brown church in the vale.
Oh, come, come, come, come,
Come to the church in the wildwood,
Oh, come to the church in the vale;
No spot is so dear to my childhood
As the little brown church in the vale.
2. Oh, come to the church in the wildwood,
To the trees where the wild flowers bloom;
Where the parting hymn will be chanted,
We will weep by the side of the tomb.
Oh, come, come, come, come,
Come to the church in the wildwood,
Oh, come to the church in the vale;
No spot is so dear to my childhood
As the little brown church in the vale.
3. How sweet on a clear, Sabbath morning
To list to the clear ringing bell;
Its tones so sweetly are calling,
Oh, come to the church in the vale.
Oh, come, come, come, come,
Come to the church in the wildwood,
Oh, come to the church in the vale;
No spot is so dear to my childhood
As the little brown church in the vale.
4. From the church in the valley by the wildwood,
When day fades away into night,
I would fain from this spot of my childhood
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Wing my way to the mansions of light.
Oh, come, come, come, come,
Come to the church in the wildwood,
Oh, come to the church in the vale;
No spot is so dear to my childhood
As the little brown church in the vale.”
The hymn finished. They dismounted. They looked upon each other where they stood. “Flanders,” said Bonnie Lass.
“Yes, Bonnie?” he asked.
“We’re coming Home. Aren’t we?” she asked.
“We are, Bonnie,” he said.
“Home with Christ,” she said.
“With Jesus,” he said.
“Heaven,” she said in joy of the Lord.
“Heaven,” he said in rejoicing in God.
Up ahead was a sign that read, “Welcome to Aurora Borealis Baptist Church.” They were in a woods. The road came to an end. Up ahead was a gateway between two towering box elders. A thick and divine fog filled this gate. Here this Paradise called out to them. They would soon see this church and be There for ever. He proffered his arm, and she took his arm in hers. They said, “Good-bye, girl,” to their horses. And together Flanders and his real knockout ran away to Heaven.
It is written about Jesus the Rock of ages, “…Upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” Matthew 16:18.
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