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THE SOPHOMORE GIRLFRIEND

By Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy

            She was dressed in a cotton long-sleeved brown plaid dress shirt, tucked in, and a light brown leather vest buttoned up with shiny metal buttons, and faded flare leg blue jeans with a button fly, and dark brown leather boots within her jeans, and a white cowboy hat—or in her case, a white cowgirl hat.  Her frame was slender and wondrously lithe.  Her visage was staid, and it was pretty staid.  She was a high school girl.  Her name was “Brindle Staid.”  And Brindle was the sophomore girlfriend.  Her boyfriend, Flanders Nickels, was also a sophomore.  And they went to Preble High School in the eastern section of Green Bay.

            Today the sophomore girlfriend and Flanders were on a date at the Preble football field.  Tonight would be the big game—the first Preble Hornets home varsity football game of the school year.  The two were very early, three hours before game start, just so they could sit and talk for a long while before the game on their date.  Right now they were both sitting in the green grass of the end

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zone.  It was late August out here, and it was, of course, yet hot here in Wisconsin.  High school football players of green and gold were practicing off near the opposite end zone. High school cheerleaders of green and gold were chanting and prancing in practice along the sidelines of the far twenty-yard line. And pom pom girls of green and gold were kicking up their legs and dancing in practice along the sidelines of the near twenty-yard line.

            And Brindle continued her gossip of the day to Flanders about the other Preble students:  “Flanders, did you hear about what Daredevil did in Chemistry class?  He went and put bleach and toilet bowl cleaner into the same test tube!  Then he held it up in front of the whole class and said, ‘I hate Chemistry class!’   But then he began to cough really really bad.  And a look of surprise came upon his face.  And everybody got scared for him.  He had not expected anything like this to happen.  Our teacher had to quickly evacuate our classroom, until the air was safe to breathe again.  Daredevil was the first to run out.  The good news is that Daredevil and everybody else were okay.  Our teacher had specifically warned us Chemistry students never to mix bleach with toilet bowl cleaner.  But Daredevil went ahead and did it anyway.”

            Flanders said, “Nobody tells Daredevil not to do something.”

            “He might get suspended,” said the sophomore girlfriend.  Just then a pom and dance girl tripped over Brindle’s outstretched legs where she sat, and she fell ungainly upon her bottom in the grass, her arms breaking her fall.  This pom pom girl quickly got back to her feet, not the worse for her fall, and she said, “Sorry, Brindle.  Didn’t see you there.”  And she skipped merrily on her way back to her squad.

            “Blooming pom and dance girl,” said Brindle Staid to Flanders.

            “Blessed pom and dance girl,” said Flanders to Brindle.

            And the sophomore girlfriend continued her gossip about school:  “Flanders, did you hear about Snake?  He decided to crab walk down the halls to his classes yesterday all day long.”

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            “He crab walked?” asked Flanders.  “He did not just walk?”

            “Yes.  And when the principal confronted him about that, Snake began to sing from a song,” she said.  And the sophomore girlfriend sang from this song to Flanders now:

“Sneaky snake goes dancing,

A’whistling and a’hissing.

I don’t like old sneaky snake.

He laughs too much, you see.”

            “I heard that song on the radio,” said Flanders.  “Mom has her radio on the country-western station all the time.”

            “Well the principal must have talked to him.  And today I saw Snake walking from class to class in the halls like us normal people,” said Miss Staid.

            “The principal must have gotten through to him,” said Flanders.

            Just then the two here in the green grass of end zone saw a cheerleader mess up doing a cartwheel and landing upon her head.  She was lying upon her back.  Flanders worried over her.  He called out, “Are you all right over there?”

            The cheerleader sprightly leaped back upon her feet, and she said, “I’m okay.  I’ve got a hard head.”  Then she skipped back to her squad, her lips singing a cheer.

            “Blooming cheerleader,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Blessed cheerleader,” said Flanders Nickels.

            Miss Staid got quickly back to her gossip:  “Flanders, did you hear about Rotund in the cafeteria today?”

            “She’s the fat girl in twelfth grade.  Isn’t she?” asked Flanders.

            “Uh huh,” said Brindle.

            “There was no food for the two of us for lunch today in the cafeteria,” said Flanders.  “We both had to go hungry.”

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            “Well, I know why,” said Brindle Staid.

            “Why?” asked Flanders.

            “Rotund had to skip breakfast at home this morning, so she made up for it for lunch today at school,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Did the cooks actually run out of food for the rest of us?” asked Flanders.

            “Uh huh, Flanders,” said Brindle with a nod of her head.

            “Brindle, I am lucky to have you as my girlfriend,” said Flanders.  “You are the prettiest girl of Preble High School.”

            “Blooming Preble,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Blessed Preble,” he said.

            The two sophomores laughed out loud together.  Then Miss Staid became thoughtful, and she said, “Flanders, you born-again Christians are different from all the rest of us.  You do and say good things that we do not say.  And you don’t do and don’t say bad things that we do and say.”

            “Jesus saves!” said Flanders in praise of his Saviour.

            “Blooming believers,” teased the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Blessed believers,” he said right back to her.

            And she gave him a brown-eyed look with her head cocked to the side at him here in the grass of the end zone.  And he returned the look in like with his dark eyes.

            The sophomore girlfriend then went on to say, “How long have you been saved now, Flanders? Is it four weeks now so far?”

            “I’ve been saved now for a whole month,” he said.  “It has been a happy month for me.”

            “We’ve been together now for almost a year.  It’s been a happy year for me,” said Brindle.

            “I remember that first day we met in ninth grade last year, Brindle,” he said.

            “You were the freshman spelling bee champion,” said Miss Staid.

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            “And you were the new freshman class president,” said Flanders.

            “And I was the tall girl in ninth grade,” she said.  “Five feet ten inches and growing.”

            “And I was the little guy in ninth grade,” he said.  “A literal ninety-eight pound weakling.”

            “And you loved fractions,” she said.

            “And you loved contractions,” he said.

            “It all began for us in Introductory Physical Science class in the first hour of the school day,” said Brindle.  “You and I were lab partners in an experiment.”

            “I remember,” he said.  “I did not understand displacement quite then.”

            “I understood it completely,” she said.

            “We had a beaker full of water, and we put in an ice cube, and the ice cube raised the level of the water all the way to the top of the beaker,” he began.  “The science teacher then told us to wait and let the ice cube melt in the water.  We waited, and the ice cube melted.  And what do you know?  Now the water was lower that it was when the ice cube was yet in it.  I could not believe it.  But you did.  And you were not surprised.  The teacher called this phenomenon ‘displacement.’”

            “I had it all figured out,” said Brindle Staid.  “I could tell that the volume of the ice cube when it was solid was more than the volume of the melted water that had come from the ice cube.  The frozen water took more space than the melted water that it had turned into.  That was why the water was lower in our beaker when our experiment was all finished,”

            “Now I understand,” said the sophomore boyfriend.

            “It took you a whole year, boyfriend,” teased the sophomore girlfriend.  Then she said, “That first day, I got to thinking of you all of a sudden as a cute boy.  I had never seen a cute boy before.  I was growing up.”

            “I was your first crush,” said Flanders.

            “And I was your first crush, too, Flanders,” said Brindle.

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            “I never knew what a pretty girl was until that day in ninth grade with you,” said Flanders. “I, too, was growing up.”

            “What did you see in me when you first discovered girls?” asked Brindle Staid.

            “I saw a face that was different from any other face I had seen before.  It was pretty, and it was exciting, and it was all brand new to me.  I wanted never to look upon anything else.  I just had to have that girl for myself. I needed her.  She was you,” said Flanders.

            “Do you want to to hear what I first saw in you, Flanders?” asked Brindle Staid.

            “What did you see in myself?” asked Flanders.

            “Great big teeth!” she said right away.  “Handsome and desirable big teeth.”

            “Ah, my overbite,” he said in gladness.

            “The first thing I thought was, I want to kiss those buck teeth,” she said.

            “You never told me that,” he said, loving these words from his sophomore girlfriend.

            “But we never got around to doing that together, Flanders.” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “That would be fun,” he said.

            “For me and for you,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “I forgot all about dogs when I fell for you, Brindle,” said Flanders.

            “And, as for myself, I forgot all about cats when I fell for you,” said Brindle Staid.

            “Introductory Physical Science was fun with you as my lab partner,” said Flanders.

            “And your sense of humor made all of us fellow students laugh,” said Miss Staid. “Even the grumpy teacher.”

            “I think that I remember some of what you’re talking about,” said Flanders.  “I was hoping to get a laugh out of my jokes.”

            “Like the time we students were studying paper chromatography,” said Brindle.

            “Oh yeah,” he said.

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            “And to be funny, you went on to call it in front of the whole class, instead, ‘paper chromatology,’” said Brindle.

            “Even the teacher was confused,” said Flanders.  “I wonder if that is a real word.”

            “I don’t know,” said the sophomore girlfriend.  “But it was clever, Flanders.”

            “’-ography’ and ‘-ology,’” he said with a laugh.

            “And the time that the teacher had you in front of the class to read the level of the chemical that was in the graduated cylinder,” said Brindle.

            “My best trick in Introductory Physical Science,” he said.

            “The teacher was impressed, to say the least,” said Miss Staid.

            “How did I put it?” he asked.

            “I remember exactly,” she said.  “You studied the graduated cylinder and its lines of gradient.  The glass apparatus you had to read was filled to the top with acetic acid.  If full, it would contain one hundred milliliters of chemical.  Each line measured one milliliter.  Thus this graduated cylinder measured chemicals to the nearest milliliter.  But what did you go and say in front of the whole class?”

            “99.999 milliliters!” he said, remembering now.

            “What a sharp eye, Flanders,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “I can see better close up than most people can, Brindle,” he bragged on himself.

            “That’s because you are very near-sighted,” said Miss Staid.

            “It is easier for me to thread needles for sewing than it is for most people, because I can see the thread and the hole up close very well,” he said.

            “My grandpa used to be able to read real small print, until he got cataracts and had cataract surgery.  He sees far away now better than he ever had before.  But now he needs reading glasses,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “I hope that that never happens to me,” said Flanders.

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            “Don’t get old,” said Brindle.

            “I won’t,” said Flanders.

            “What’s that book in your back pocket?” she asked.

            “It’s the Bible,” he said.

            “You brought the Holy Bible on a date?” she asked.

            “Technically this Book is a pocket Old Testament,” he said.

            “I heard of pocket New Testaments, but I never heard of pocket Old Testaments,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “I discovered a real neat tale in the book of Numbers that I was hoping to tell you all about,” said Flanders.

            “The book of Numbers?” she asked.  “Why is it called that?”

            “Because of the two censuses of the children of Israel in their wilderness wanderings as told in that book,” he told her.

            “How many were there among the children of Israel?” she asked.

            “Just over 600,000,” he said.  “Those are the fighting men of Israel.”

            “What kind of tale in this book do you want me to find out about?” she asked.

            “Well, just to give you a hint, Brindle, have you ever heard of animals that talked?” he asked.

            “My cats used to talk to me,” she said.

            “But they did not say people words,” he said.

            “No.  They did not.  They meowed and purred and hissed, but they never spoke to me in people words,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “In my dog stories that I used to write, my dog characters could speak people words,” he said.

            “But those stories were fiction and fantasy,” she said.

            “Yes.  These talking dogs were not real,” he said.  He thought upon the Bible passage that he

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wanted to share with her.  “I do say, though, Brindle, that there once was a talking donkey,” he said.

            “No,” she said.  “That’s impossible.”

            “Not with God,” he said.

            “Even God could not make a donkey talk people words,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “With God all things are possible,” he told her.

            “Prove it,” she said.

            “It’s in here,” he said, pulling out his little Old Testament.

            “In that book of Numbers?” she asked.  He nodded.  “I want to see this, boyfriend,” she said.

            “I was thinking of reading it to you,” he said.

            “May I get to read it instead, Flanders?” asked the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Sure, girl!” he said.  “Numbers 22:22-31.”  And he searched the Scriptures for a while and found that passage and showed it to her.

            And she read out loud the Scripture of a talking donkey:  “And God’s anger was kindled because he went:  and the angel of the Lord stood in the way for an adversary against him.  Now he was riding upon his ass, and his two servants were with him.  And the ass saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand:  and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field:  and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way.  But the angel of the Lord stood in a path of the vineyards, a wall being on this side, and a wall on that side.  And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she thrust herself unto the wall, and crushed Balaam’s foot against the wall:  and he smote her again.  And the angel of the Lord went further, and stood in a narrow place, where was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left.  And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she fell down under Balaam:  and Balaam’s anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.  And the Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?  And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me:  I would

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there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.  And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day?  Was I ever wont to do so unto thee?  And he said, Nay.  Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand:  and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face.”

            “Do you believe what the Bible says?” asked Flanders.

            “With God nothing is impossible,” said Miss Staid.  “I now believe in a talking donkey.”  Then she said, “How come all of this odd stuff was happening?  Why was God mad at this Balaam?”

            “King Balak of Moab wanted Balaam to curse God’s people Israel.  He had money to give to Balaam if he would go and do this for him.  But God told Balaam, ‘No.  Do not go with Balak.’  And Balaam said, ‘No,’ to Balak.  But Balak came again, this time with much money for hire.  And Balaam, for the cause of profit and self-gain, went ahead to ask God again, hoping that God would change His mind.  Never ask the Lord something of which He had already told you.  Once should have been good enough for Balaam.   But this second time, God said to Balaam, ‘Yes.  Go with Balak.’  Nonetheless the anger of the Lord was against Balaam, and Balaam was not in the will of the Lord.  And Balaam was riding his donkey on his way to go and curse God’s chosen nation Israel.  You can tell that God was not happy with this prophet, Brindle.  And the angel of the Lord stood in his way, his sword held out. The donkey saw this angel.  The man did not see this angel.  If it weren’t for the man’s donkey, the man would have been run through with the angel’s sword.  That is why God had the donkey to speak people words to his master.”

            “Why, that man Balaam must have been daft,” said the sophomore girlfriend.  “His donkey said something to him in his own language, and he did not bat an eye.  And even with that, he went on to answer his donkey’s question like he was talking to a fellow human.  One should think it most singular that his pet donkey suddenly started talking like he were a person.  And Balaam did not stop to think,

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‘What’s wrong with this picture?’  He was so mad that he could not tell regular from irregular.  Which one of the two was the dumb animal?”

            “After Balaam repented of his sin, he went ahead and met up with this Balak.  And instead of cursing God’s nation Israel, God made Balaam bless His nation Israel.  Indeed a good three or four times, Brindle,” said Flanders the summary of Numbers 23 and 24.

            “Flanders, do you love to read the Bible more than you love to go out with your special sophomore girlfriend?” asked Brindle.

            Without hesitation, he said, “I do!”

            “I’m jealous,” said his sophomore girlfriend, feeling scorned.

            “Are you mad at me?” he asked.

            “A little,” said Miss Staid.

            “But I love praying just as much as I love Bible-reading,” said Flanders Nickels.

            “I laugh at ‘Dial a Prayer,’” said Brindle.

            “Don’t laugh at that,” he said to her sternly.  “Prayer is not something to laugh at—either on the phone or alone or in groups.”

            “I remember when Vice President Quayle was asked what he would do if President Reagan were assassinated.  He spoke right out and said, ‘I would pray.’  He was laughed off of the stage.

And everybody went and made fun of him,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            In a stand for God, Flanders Nickels stated bluntly, “Dan Quayle said the very best answer that a man can give.  He was right.  They were wrong.”

            “I remember a pair of phrases that sounded the same that were not the same.  They were kind of like homonyms.  Mom told me them both.  One of them was ‘lettuce spray.’  And the other of them was ‘let us pray.’  I liked the first one.  But I did not like the second one.  There is something about prayer that makes me want to stay way away from it,” said the sophomore girlfriend.  “Ick!”

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            “You say, ‘Yuck’ to prayer.  I say, ‘Amen’ to prayer,” said Flanders.  He sighed, then said,”I’ve been praying for you, Brindle, most of all.”

            “I hope that you’ve not been praying that I discover prayer as you have,” said Miss Staid, offended.

            “No, Brindle.  I’ve been praying that you seek and find salvation before it is too late for you,” said Flanders.

            “That’s worse,” the sophomore girlfriend said.  “I’m just fine the way I am, Flanders.  Just because I never prayed before doesn’t mean that I need salvation.”

            “Can you say to Almighty God, ‘Abba, Father?’” he asked her.

            “What does that mean–’Abba?’” she asked him.

            “It’s a Bible word of the Babylonian language meaning ‘Father’ as applied to God,” he told her.  “Pastor preached that in his sermon a week ago.”

            “What was Pastor saying in that sermon?” asked the sophomore girlfriend in offense.

            “He was preaching that if a person is born again, he can call Almighty God ‘Father,’” said Flanders.  “And if a person is not born again, he cannot call Almighty God, ‘Father,’”

            “Why, I don’t dare call the Lord, ‘Father!’” said Miss Staid.  “What impudence to do that to Him!”

            “Pastor had a Bible verse that proves what he was saying,” said Flanders.  “I think that I can find it.”

            “We’ll see about this, Flanders,” said Brindle.

            “Ah, here it is.  Galatians 4:6,” said the new convert in Christ.  And he read it out loud to his sophomore girlfriend:  “And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father.”

            “Are sons of God born again men?” asked Brindle Staid.

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            “We are,” said Flanders.

            “Then does that make it right for you to say, ‘Abba, Father,’ every time you pray to Him?” asked Miss Staid.

            “Yes,” said Flanders.

            “What about us girls?” she asked.  “Does the Bible call born again women ‘daughters of God?’”

            “That the Good Book does indeed, Brindle,” said Flanders.

            “And if I become a daughter of God, is that supposed to make it right for me to dare say to Him, ‘Abba, Father’ every time that I pray to Him?” asked the sophomore girlfriend.

            “That it does,” said Flanders the prayer-warrior.

            “Well this girl cannot do that to the Most High God,” said Brindle.

            “Then you are not a born again believer, Brindle,” he proclaimed to her.

            “I know that already, Flanders,” said Miss Staid, angry.

            “Woe!” he said.  “You need to get saved.”

            “I’m not lost just because I am not saved,” said the sophomore girlfriend in an unexpected contradiction.

            “That is why I have been praying for you, Brindle,” he said to her.  “You need the Saviour.”

            “I am not born again.  So that makes me need the Saviour,” said Miss Staid, snapping at Flanders.

            “Salvation is an eternal truth promised only for the born again, Brindle,” said Flanders.  “And a person’s opinion of praying to the Heavenly Father is a telltale sign of whether he is going to Heaven or to Hell in the life to come.”

            “Now I’m the bad girl going to Hell,” yelled Miss Staid.  “All because I think that praying is silly and that one should respect God with the reverence He deserves.”

            “A true born-again Christian makes God his Best Friend in his prayer life,” said Flanders.

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            “Flanders, let me ask you this,” said the sophomore girlfriend.  “Are you happier when you pray alone with God than you are when you spend time on dates with me?”

            “Yes!” he said in his zeal for Christ.

            “I’m jealous,” said Brindle for her second time this evening.  There was an unsettling bitterness to her tone in this second such utterance.  And for their first time as sophomore-boyfriend-and-girlfriend, there came up a schism between the two.  And their conversation became suddenly constrained and uncomfortable between them.  For a while nothing was said.

            “Say something, Flanders,” spoke up Miss Staid.  “Anything at all.”

            “Would you like to come with me to church this Sunday at East Green Bay Independent Baptist Church?” he asked her.

            “They would not like me there.  I’m sure of that,” said Brindle Staid.  “What would they want with a girl who is not a Baptist like them?”

            “I’ve been telling my brothers-and-sisters-in-the-Lord all about my special sophomore girlfriend,” said Flanders.

            “Bad things?” asked Miss Staid.

            “All good things,” he said.

            “What did they say?” asked Brindle.

            “They want to meet you,” said Flanders.

            “What good things have you told them about me?” she asked.

            “That you are the prettiest girl of Preble High School,” he said right away.

            “And they want to meet me?” she asked.

            “Uh huh,” he said.  “All twenty-five of them.”

            “All twenty-five, Flanders?” she asked.  “That is all of them?”

            “East Green Bay Independent Baptist Church is new in town,” he said.  “We are just starting.”

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            “I would indeed feel more comfortable in being a first-time visitor at a small church like that than I would at a great big church like others,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “I would be honored to introduce you to Pastor Embassy and Emmy,” said Flanders.

            “Pastor Embassy.  That sounds like a great name for a pastor.  Is Emmy his wife?” asked Brindle.

            “She is,” said Flanders.

            “I would like to meet Reverend Embassy and his wife,” said Miss Staid.

            “Pastor does not want to be called, ‘Reverend,’ though, Brindle.” said Flanders.  “He told me that when I called him the same thing on my first day at church.  He shared with me Psalm 111:9. which says at the end, ‘…:  holy and reverend is his name.’  Pastor went on to tell me that this verse was talking about the name of God.  Pastor Embassy told me that only Jesus’s name is reverend—not his name as a minister of the church.  He asks his flock to call him ‘Pastor Embassy,’–not ‘Reverend Embassy.’  So we all call out to him as ‘Pastor.’  And he likes that, and so do we of the flock.”

            “Pastor sounds like a good humble leader of the flock,” said the sophomore girlfriend.  “I would be thrilled to come to church with you and get to know this man.”

            “Pastor is a true servant of the Lord,” said Flanders Nickels.

            “And Emmy?” asked Brindle.

            “A great wife and a doer of good deeds and having a heart for others,” said Flanders.

            “I’ve got to get to know this good woman of God,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Pastor always tells us that the reason that he married Emmy was because she won the Betty Crocker cooking award in high school,” said Flanders in some good humor.

            “They all do say that the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” said Brindle.

            “That’s a good proverb,” he said.

            “Is that in the Holy Bible?” asked Miss Staid.

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            “I don’t think so,” he said.  “There is a book in the Bible called, ‘Proverbs.’ but I don’t think that that one is in there.”

            “Does your church have pot luck suppers?” she asked.

            “We have what we call ‘fellowship dinners,’” he said.

            “Is the food good?” he asked.

            “Well.  You know me.  I prefer hot cereal or cold cereal to what they have to eat,” he said.

            “Let me guess.  They have good home cooked meals for fellowship dinner.  Don’t they?” asked the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Yeah,” he told her.

            “Something like beef roast and baked potatoes and green beans,” she said.  “Am I right?”

            “Yep, girl,” he said.  “Things just exactly like that.”

            “My boyfriend the gourmet,” she said in tease.

            “Your boyfriend the gourmand,” he said in fun at himself.

            “And not the kind of food that is good for him,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Long live candy bars and cookies and doughnuts,” he said.

            “My boyfriend, where they say, ‘Eat to live.’ you say, ‘Live to eat,’” said Miss Staid in fun.

            “Long live onion rings and french fries and curly fries,” he said.

            “My boyfriend who balances out his sugar intake with his salt intake,” said Brindle in mirth.

            And the sophomore boyfriend and the sophomore girlfriend laughed out loud together.

            Then he said, “And not just sugar and salt, but also sour.”

            “Dill pickles and lemons and limes and sauerkraut, too,” said Miss Staid, knowing her boyfriend.

            “Those are the kinds of things that I contribute to our fellowship dinners,” said Flanders.

            “You really enjoy your Baptist church,” she said.

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            He saw red flags upon this declarative statement.  She went on to say, “I’m wondering now that if you had to choose between dating me here at Preble High School and going to church to see your Baptist friends, that you would give me up for them.”

            He said, faithful to Christ, “I would, Brindle.”

            “Now I am jealous again,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            At once the peace that had come between them again became divisive contention.  The sophomore girlfriend said, “I don’t understand you and Christ.”

            And Flanders said, “You need to know me and Christ.”

            And she said, “I will never go to your church, Flanders.”

            And he said, “Pastor says, ‘If your faith won’t take you to church, it won’t take you to Heaven, either,’”

            “I’m sure that Jesus won’t look at me and say, ‘I’ll let you into Heaven only if you go to church.’” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Alas, everything has come to this,” said Flanders with woe.

            “You’re just too good for me,” said Brindle in an offense.  “You read the Bible and pray and go to church.  And I don’t read the Bible and pray and go to church.  You’re a different man now that you got saved than you were for me before you got saved.  I really liked the old Flanders.  I don’t really like the new Flanders.  Whatever happened a month ago that made you a born-again believer has come between us, Flanders.  And it is breaking us up.  And it is breaking me up.  And I can’t take it anymore.”

            “All I know about having become a Christian, is that my old man of sin was going to Hell and that my new man in Christ is going to Heaven,” said Flanders.

            “All of this crazy talk about Heaven and Hell,” said Brindle.  “You used to talk about normal things to me like normal people do.”

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            “All I care about is your eternal soul, Brindle,” he said.  “Your soul is more important to me than my life.”

            “Is not my life second to you than your worship?” asked the sophomore girlfriend.

            “I have allowed my Saviour to become the Lord of my life,” said Flanders.

            “You have been my boyfriend for a year, and you have been a believer for a month.  And you play favorites with Christ over myself,” said Miss Staid.  “That is why I am jealous.”

            “I care for your soul as much as I do my soul, Brindle.  But Jesus died for my sins.  You never died for my sins,” explained Flanders Nickels.

            “A girl cannot win making her Christian boyfriend to choose between herself and God,” said Brindle Staid.

            “Is that what you’re doing—forcing me to choose between you and my Saviour?” he asked.

            “Just never mind, Flanders.  I already know who will win that battle.  I do not have a chance against God in your life,” said Brindle.

            “Brindle, there has been a struggle going on in my life since Pastor’s sermon a week ago that I have not told you about,” said Flanders.  “Now is the time to tell you.  Now you must know what I learned from the Word of God.  Now I must submit my will to the Lord’s will.  And I am afraid.”

            “What are you afraid of?  What did you learn at church last week?  What do you have to do?” asked the sophomore girlfriend.

            “It is written, ‘Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:…’  II Corinthians 6:14,” he dared share with his unbelieving girlfriend.

            “What does that verse say?” asked Miss Staid.

            “It says three things to the born-again believers,” he said to her.  “One thing that it says is that no believer must join with any nonbeliever in a ministry for God.”

            “That’s not you and me,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

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            “A second thing is says is that no believer must be any nonbeliever’s partner in business,” said Flanders Nickels.

            “That’s not you and me, either,” said Brindle Staid.

            “But the third thing it says is that no believer must date any nonbeliever,” he said the kicker.

            “That!  That is you and me, Flanders,” said Miss Staid.

            “Aye,” he said.  “And I will be in sin were I to disobey God’s Word.”

            “Just like that you will throw away our happy one year together like this,” she said.

            “I must not say, ‘No.  I won’t,’ to God,” he said.

            “You have been God’s now for a month,” she said.  “I do say that our last month together was rough on the both of us.”

            “God did not approve of my doing all our things together like we did, O Brindle, this past month that I have been saved,” he told her.

            “I am beginning to see these things now,” she said.  “I tempted you to lie to your Mom and Dad.   I tempted you to skip out on schooldays.  I tempted you to reach and touch me.  I tempted you to cheat the cashier and not tell her that she undercharged you.  I tempted you to steal cookies from your little brother.  I’m just bad, Flanders.  And I understand now why you have to do what you are doing.”

            “Am I really doing this?” he asked.

            “Are you really breaking up with me?” asked his sophomore girlfriend.

            “Lord, help me to do the right thing,” prayed Flanders Nickels.

            “I’ve got the answer, boyfriend!” called forth Miss Brindle Staid.  “What if I did go and get saved for you?  I could become a born-again believer like yourself.  Then it would be all right in God’s eyes that we continue dating together.  I can let you lead me to the Saviour, and we two can live happily ever after as sophomore boyfriend-and-girlfriend.  I’ll do anything to keep from losing you!”

            “No.  No,” said Flanders Nickels.  “That is the wrong reason to become born again, Brindle.

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A girl needs to become born again, because she is convicted of her sins and of her need for the Saviour.

That’s why a person seeks Christ.  Not for the sake of a boyfriend.”

            “Oh,” she said, her heart broken.  “I guess if I were to get saved for the sake of a boyfriend, then I will not have really gotten saved after all.”

            “Would you want to get saved right now for the right reasons, Brindle?” he asked.

            In sincerity and hard heart, the sophomore girlfriend shook her head, ‘No,’ and she looked down and would not look up.

            “I will not give up on you, O Brindle,” promised Flanders.  He put his arm around her shoulders here in the grass of the end zone.  And the sophomore girlfriend began to cry.

            Just then a Preble football player came up to them, telling them, “The game will start in a few minutes.”  The two sophomores had to get off the field pretty soon.  The football player took off his helmet, and, lo, it was the star Preble quarterback.  He saw Brindle weeping there, and he said, “Oh, I have come at a bad time.”

            “That’s okay, Proffery,” said Flanders.  “Brindle and I have to work out some things together.”

            “Good luck to the both of you,” said Proffery.

            “Thank you for asking, Proffery,” said Brindle.  “Thank you for caring.”

            “I’m sorry to see you sad, Brindle,” said the Preble varsity quarterback.

            “I’ll be all right pretty soon, O Proffery,” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “I hate to see a pretty girl cry,” he said to her.  “How can I help?”

            “Handsome Proffery, go out there and win the big game for our Preble High,” she said in good cheer.  “That would make me happy.”

            “I’ll do my best, Brindle,” he promised.

            Flanders said in additional encouragement, “Yea, Proffery.  Go and beat the Green Bay East Red Devils!”

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            “Flanders, would you pray for a victory for us tonight?” asked Proffery.

            “I’ll be glad to,” said Flanders.

            “Does it matter to God that we win?” asked the star quarterback, humbly.

            “That I do not know.  But I do know that it matters to God that we pray,” said Flanders.

            Proffery then looked at the sophomore girlfriend.  He smiled at her.  She smiled at him.  All of her previous sorrow was gone now from her face.  Proffery asked, “Brindle, would you cheer me on tonight?”

            “I will be your cheerleader in the bleachers, Proffery,” said Miss Staid.

            He then said, “Brindle, have you ever gone out on a date with a twelfth grade boy like myself?”

            “I never got to date an upperclassman before,” said Brindle.

            “Would you like to try it out with me and see if you like it?” he asked.

            “What are you doing after the game, Proffery?” asked Miss Staid.

            “We are all getting together at my parents’ place to celebrate the big win.  All of us football players will be there.  All of the cheerleaders will be there.  All of the pom and dance girls will be there.”

            “I’ll be there, too!” said the sophomore girlfriend, caught up in a brave new romance with the most popular boy in school.

            Flanders saw himself losing his precious first girlfriend.  Perhaps high school girls were more interested in football players than they were in born-again Christians. But what was worse for Flanders now was that he was not only losing his sophomore girlfriend to Proffery, but he was also losing the soul of his sophomore girlfriend to the world.  Her companionship was always near and dear to him this past year.  But this first month of his walk with Christ, her companionship always was with a secret hope inside his heart that he lead her to salvation and her own walk with Christ to come after.

            Tonight before game start, the high school was going to introduce their varsity football players

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to their fans, one by one, being announced and walking by on the field with their parents.  This was just about to start.  Flanders looked at his sophomore girlfriend, asking her in his eyes if she would join him now in the bleachers.  She looked at Proffery, and she and he silently agreed that she be with Proffery instead for the rest of the evening.  Flanders, yet a babe in Christ, knew neither what to do nor what not to do.  Holding on to Christ-likeness, he deferred to his sophomore girl, and he went into the bleachers by himself to see the game without her.  In his young faith in his faithful God, he bowed his head where he sat, and he prayed for the Lord’s will to be done this evening.  And he prayed for the football game. And he waited upon God to see what He would do.

            He looked out onto the end zone, and he heard Proffery say unkindly, “Underclass woman, don’t just stand here.  Follow me already.”  He was being rude to Brindle.  Then Flanders saw Proffery grab Miss Staid’s arm and pull her over to the sidelines where the football players and their parents were waiting to walk and to be honored.  Then Flanders saw Proffery yelling at a middle-aged couple, surely his parents,  And when he was done yelling, the couple walked away, their heads down and their gait slow and sad.  Then Proffery grabbed Brindle by the back of her neck, and he pulled her over to his left side.  And when the announcer declared his name, “Proffery Coins,” all of the fans chanted his name over and over.  And the star quarterback made his new sophomore girlfriend to walk with him.

            In his silent prayers, Flanders wondered why God was letting this happen.  Then he saw something most odd happening off in the sidelines.  The man who must have been Proffery’s dad was talking with the whole squad of cheerleaders.  And the woman who must have been Proffery’s mom was talking with the whole squad of pom pom girls.  There were thirteen cheerleaders, dressed in Preble green and gold.  And there were thirteen pom and dance girls, dressed in Preble green and gold.

And God was now answering Flanders’s prayer.   In fascination and in some urgency, Flanders watched as the cheerleaders and the pom pom girls began to march toward the quarterback who had spurned his own mom and dad.  The whole cheerleader bunch was marching toward Proffery from his left side,

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each shaking their pom poms.  In like the whole pom and dance girl bunch was marching toward Proffery from his right side, each shaking their pom poms as well. Whether they were after himself or Brindle, Proffery, the star quarterback, could not tell.  But, in cowardice, he gave Brindle a push toward them, hoping that they would get her instead of himself.  But they were not sent by God to punish the sophomore girlfriend.  Nay, the twenty-six young women were sent of God to go get Proffery.  And he tried to run away for his life.  But he was too late.  And the cheerleaders crashed into him in his left side just as the pom pom girls crashed into him in his right side.  And he was crushed and did fall to the ground between them.  And while he lay there in a daze, the young ladies trampled him with feet covered in saddle shoes.  He was all bruised up and cut up and tread upon.  And he when they were done with him, he was no longer in any condition to play the big game tonight.  The cheer squad and the dance squad then marched away from the supine star quarterback. And he lay there in a stunned spell.  Seeing the sophomore girlfriend Brindle Staid standing there, he raised his right arm and said, “Help me up already, stupid girl!  I’m hurt, for crying out loud!”

            Seeing the error of her decision in choosing him over Flanders, Miss Staid said back at Proffery, “Get yourself up, dumb jock!”  And she walked away, not turning back to him.

            “I’m out!  I cannot play.  We cannot win,” wailed the star quarterback after her.

            In shame and embarrassment and guilt, Brindle searched for Flanders in the crowds filling the bleachers.  Flanders and everybody else had seen and heard this act of God take place.  He prayed and said, “Thank You, God.”  And he ran out from the bleachers to seek reconciliation with his precious sophomore girlfriend.

            He came to her.  She said, “I’m so sorry, Flanders.  Can you forgive me?  I was wrong.”

            And he said, “God and I forgive you, Brindle.”  Meanwhile, Proffery rallied to his feet and did walk off of the football field in his own strength.  But he was benched by the coach for inappropriate behavior.  And the cheerleaders and the pom pom girls remained on the sidelines, allowed to do their

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part for the big game.  The fans then booed Proffery.  And the fans cheered Proffery’s mom and dad.  As it turned out, the Preble Hornets beat the Green Bay East Red Devils 12 to 11.  Preble scored a safety and a field goal and a touchdown and an extra point.  Green Bay East scored a safety and a field goal and a touchdown, but missed the extra point.

            After the game, the sophomore girlfriend promised, “Flanders, I will never betray you again as I have this evening.  Would you take me back into your life?  There are no other boys at Preble quite like you.”

            “I am glad to have you back as my sophomore girlfriend,” he said to her in all accord.  “Would you like to get saved right now?”

            Without hesitation she said, “Yes.  I would.  I want to get saved right now.”

            He said, “Let us pray together out loud, if you would, O Brindle.”

            “What should I say?” she asked.

            “Just repeat what I say, and mean it for real, and then you will be saved,” he said in affection.

            “I’ll do that,” she said.  She looked around and saw the bleachers all empty now and the football field all empty now and any green and gold all gone now.

            And there in the bleachers after a big Hornet’s victory, Flanders led her line-by-line through the sinners’ prayer: “Dear God in Heaven:”

            “Dear God in Heaven:” she began.
“I am a dirty rotten sinner,” he said.

            “I am a dirty rotten sinner,” she said.

            “My good deeds are as rags,” he said.

            “My good deeds are as rags,” she said.

            “My bad deeds are abominations,” he said.

            “My bad deeds are abominations,” she said.

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            “Every sin I do only makes Hell’s fires hotter for me in the lake of fire,” he said.

            “Every sin I do only makes Hell’s fires hotter for me in the lake of fire,” she said.

            “But Jesus came to take away my sin,” he said.

            “But Jesus came to take away my sin,” she said.

            “He shed His perfect blood and died on the cross for me,” said Flanders.

            “He shed His perfect blood and died on the cross for me,” said Brindle.

            “He did that, because He loves me,” said Flanders.

            “He did that, because He loves me,” said Miss Staid.

            “And He rose from the dead on the third day,” he said.

            “And He rose from the dead on the third day,” she said.

            “He did that, because death could not keep Him,” he said.

            “He did that, because death could not keep Him,” she said.

            “Forgive me.  Clean me up.  Help me to repent,” he said.

            “Forgive me.  Clean me up.  Help me to repent,” she said.

            “Save me from all of my sins,” he said.

            “Save me from all of my sins,” she said.

            “Please become my personal Saviour,” he said.

            “Please become my personal Saviour,” she said.

            “And give me eternal life in Heaven with You,” he said.

            “And give me eternal life in Heaven with You,” she said.

            “Only Jesus saves,” he said.

            “Only Jesus saves,” she said.

            “Thank You, God,” he said.

            “Thank You, God,” she said.

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            “In Jesus’s name I pray.  Amen,” he said.

            “In Jesus’s name I pray.  Amen,” she said.

            Having thus accepted the free gift of everlasting life, the sophomore girlfriend had now become a born-again believer like her sophomore boyfriend.

            It was nighttime now for Brindle and Flanders here at Preble out back here in the football stadium.  Brindle had been saved now for three hours.  It was now three hours after the game had ended.  And they were sitting together now at the opposite end zone from the one where they had sat three hours before the game had started.  All of the stadium lights were off.  The moon was dark with a new moon.  The city lights in this residential neighborhood were off.  The only light here was starlight.  It was after midnight now.  And the sophomore girlfriend rested her head of much dark blonde hair against her boyfriend’s head of short brown hair.  The top of her head was higher than the top of his head.   She gazed upon his overbite of teeth beyond his lips.  Even in this dark of midnight, she could still see them in their whiteness.  Whether his overbite were more handsome than sexy, or whether it were more sexy than handsome, the sophomore girlfriend did not know.  She asked him, “Flanders, have you ever kissed a girl before?”

            “Do you mean just any kissing?” he asked.

            “No. I mean kissing a girl on her lips,” she said.

            “Not for real,” he said.

            “How about for fantasy?” she asked.

            “Yes.” he said.  “My only kiss is a pretend kiss,” he said.

            “Once or twice?” she asked.

            “Lots of times,” he said.

            “Lots of pretend times with lots of girls?” she asked.

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            “Lots of pretend times with only one girl,” he said.

            She said nothing for a quiet while.  Then she said, “Is it myself?”

            “It is yourself,” he said.

            “Lots of times?” asked the sophomore girlfriend.

            “A hundred times,” he said.

            “Would you like to go ahead and try with me just one real kiss on the lips?” she asked.

            “I might get it wrong,” he said. Then he asked, “Have you ever kissed a boy before for real, Brindle?”

            “No,” she said.

            “Have you daydreamed about doing that?” he asked.

            “Not until now this night with you, Flanders,” she said.

            “Should we go ahead and try it?” he asked.

            “I might get it wrong, but I sure want to see what it is like,” she said.

            “If one of us gets it wrong, then the other of us can tell him or her how to do it right,” he said.

            “And if we both get it wrong?” asked Brindle.

            “Then we both can get it right the second time,” he said.

            “We both could get it right our very first time,” she said.

            “Then we both have it figured out right from the start,” he said.

            “Love your teeth, Flanders!” said the sophomore girlfriend.

            “Love your lips, Brindle,” he said to her.

            And they drew near to each other, face to face where they sat, herself lowering her head to make up for his short stature, and himself raising his head to make up for her tall stature.  And they had their first kiss.  She felt giddy in her head.  He felt a little high in his head.  They got it right the very first time.  Then they drew apart.

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            “Well,” he said.  “We did it, Brindle.”

            “Ooo, what we just did,” said Miss Staid.

            “I want more,” he said.

            “What else do girlfriends and boyfriends do?” she asked.

            “I was thinking like maybe a little hug from my sophomore girlfriend,” he said.

            “I never hugged a boy before,” she said.

            “And I never hugged a girl before,” he said.

            “We two can’t do a hug wrong any,” she said.

            “How do we start a hug?” he asked.

            “We could do it sitting down like we are,” she said.

            “I think that an embrace is best done standing up,” he said.

            “Let’s go for it, Flanders,” she said.

            They both got to their feet there in the end zone of midnight.  And he put his arms around her, and she put her arms around him.  And they held each other like this in magic of romance. Then they drew apart.

            She said, “Well, that was fun!”

            And he said, “It was fun for me, too.”

            “I want more,” said the sophomore girlfriend.  “What do saved boyfriends and saved girlfriends do that unsaved boyfriends and unsaved girlfriends cannot do?”

            “Why, that would be fellowship, Brindle,” he said.

            “You mean like share God with one another?” she asked.

            “Praising God together.  Thanking God together.  Singing to God together.  Reading God’s Word together.  Praying together.  Going to church together,” he said sound spiritual wisdom despite being only one month old as a child of God.

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            “That sounds even more satisfying than a kiss and a hug,” said the sophomore girlfriend so great wisdom despite having been a child of God now for only a few hours.

            “Shall we two start our dating life now as boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ with an hour-long prayer meeting together?” he asked.

            “Out loud, I hope,” she said.

            “Out loud,” he said.

            “Out here, I hope,” she said.

            “Our here,” he said.

            “Right now, I hope,” she said.

            “Right now,” he said.

            Thus the sophomore girlfriend began her new life in Christ with her Christian boyfriend.  And they fellow shipped here at the Preble football field until light of day.  Then they went back to their homes and told their families the so-good things that God had done for her the night before.

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