The Betrothed and her husband live in the famous Antediluvian Castle in the countryside of northern Wisconsin. Her name is ‘Flaurie,’ and all the world call her ‘the daughter of God.’ And his name is ‘Flanders,’ and all the world call him ‘the son of God.’ They are regarded as the uttermost preeminent woman and man of all Christianity. Flaurie, with her pistol, and Flanders, with his Gilded Saber, are called of God to be griffin-slayers. The wicked griffins are at war against all Christians on and off the battlefields. But a dream girl named ‘Carol Bree Dale,’ is coming for Flanders, and her mystique in Flanders’s life is coming between him and his Betrothed.
THE BETROTHED
Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
The Table of Contents
Chapter I……………………………………………………………………………………………Page 1
Chapter II………………………………………………………………………………………….Page 16
Chapter III…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 31
Chapter IV…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 46
Chapter V…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 61
Chapter VI…………………………………………………………………………………………Page 76
Chapter VII………………………………………………………………………………………..Page 91
Chapter VIII……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 106
Chapter IX……………………………………………………………………………………….Page 119
Chapter X………………………………………………………………………………………..Page 134
Chapter XI……………………………………………………………………………………….Page 147
Chapter XII………………………………………………………………………………………Page 162
Chapter XIII……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 177
Chapter XIV……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 193
Chapter XV………………………………………………………………………………………Page 209
Chapter XVI…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 224
Chapter XVII……………………………………………………………………………………Page 240
Chapter XVIII…………………………………………………………………………………..Page 253
Chapter XIX…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 269
Chapter XX……………………………………………………………………………………..Page 285
Chapter XXI…………………………………………………………………………………….Page 302
CHAPTER I
Her name was Flaurie Allyson Nickels, and she was “the Betrothed.” She was twenty years of age, born again by the blood of the Lamb, and a devout believer in Christ. Indeed her recognition among women in Christianity earned her her given title, “the daughter of God.” All born-again Christians are called “children of God,” having been born again into the family of God upon conversion. Male Christians are thus also called, “sons of God.” And female Christians are also called “daughters of God.” But Flaurie Nickels was the sum thus called “the daughter of God.” She was known in all the world both by the saved and the lost. Many called her the greatest woman on Earth. As for her matchless walk in Christ, Flaurie knew Scripture as well as Ezra the scribe in the days of the Medo-Persian empire; and she prayed like David in the days of the United Kingdom of Israel, David being called by God, “The man after My own heart”; and she loved to go to church with the same commitment as the Apostle Paul had started churches as the great missionary in the days of the first century church. Further, at home, Flaurie submitted most scripturally to her husband as the leader of the family, just as Sarai did in the days of the patriarchs, herself calling her husband Abram “lord.”
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Right now the Betrothed was doing another of her Bible studies alone with God. This time, though, she tried out a new place for her Bible-reading site. She was up here on her roof way above the ground, sitting, her King James Bible open on her lap, and the wind blowing her much hair all about up here. “This may not be the safest place to do something like this, Lord,” she prayed with a grin, “but it is a first like this for me. If I may, I do pray that You keep me from falling.” This was a flat roof above the fifth floor of her castle. Flaurie’s castle was of two towers, each five stories high. She was upon the top of the north tower. The south tower and its top was not within jumping distance from here. She had her Good Book open to II Peter, but the wind was fiercely blowing upon her pages, and it was hard to get her Bible-reading read in this wind. Free in God with her prayers, she spoke to God once again as a friend speaks to a friend, asking Him, “God, could you take away some of this wind? It’s making it hard for a girl to read her Bible up here.” The daughter of God waited. But the wind would not abate. And Flaurie prayed again, in humility, “You’re right, Lord. The wind is all Your own territory. It is not for me to ask that You take it away for my own convenience.”
Then she looked out upon the countryside of her bipartite castle. Behold, a thousand acres of beautiful Wisconsin countryside. To her north was her front yard, of two hundred fifty acres. To her east was her one side yard, of two hundred fifty acres. To her south was her backyard, of two hundred fifty acres. To her west was her other side yard, of two hundred fifty acres. This thousand acres, her husband duly called, “God’s Country.” It was truly a countryside land the jewel of America’s rustic Midwest. Here was the United States’ heartland. Robins and Red-Winged Blackbirds flew the skies here. White-tailed deer and badgers walked the land here. And carp and blue gills swam the waters here. This pastoral paradise was just a few miles north of Lena, Wisconsin.
Today’s drink for her to go with her Bible study was coconut milk, a tradition of a place far away from Wisconsin. Flaurie was drinking from a real whole coconut, through a straw sticking out of a little hole that she had made in the hard shell. Alone with God and His Word, this Betrothed fell upon
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great and fervent prayer of thanksgiving for God having given her so Christian and kind a husband as Flanders. His full name was “Flanders Arckery Nickels,” and he was her spiritual equal in all things of the Lord. Indeed, all the world, both the saved and the unsaved, in like, referred to him as ‘the son of God.” for his holiness and righteousness and goodness. In fact, it was the popular consensus that he was the only man good enough for herself; and that she were the only woman good enough for himself.
Truly their marriage was accounted “a match made in Heaven.”
What did this Betrothed look like? Truly this woman looked to be like unto an extraterrestrial.
One would think that she had come right from the planet Venus. To begin with, her complexion was quite green. Second of all, her hair was quite purple; and it hung down all the sides of her head, long and wild and untamed. And Flaurie had eyes of black. Her nose was short and squat and triangular. And her lips?: They protruded much beyond her teeth, hiding them even when they smiled. Her chin was wide across and short vertically. Her cheeks were, of course, abundant in their greenness. Her ears were lost in her piles of hair on each side of her head.
What was she dressed in all the time?: Her stature being five feet eight inches and her weight being one hundred twenty pounds, she always wore her cherished harem girl outfit all her days as the Betrothed of Flanders Nickels. He loved to see her in this. And she loved all the more to be dressed in this. It was a harem girl outfit of three pieces with most mystical and mysterious accessories. Covering her torso was a short-sleeved green top that showed her midriff and her belly. Covering her legs was a blue harem girl pants that reached to her feet. Also covering her legs, and over the pants, was a green harem girl skirt that reached to her ankles. The entire harem girl outfit was of charmeuse. And her feet were always bare. As for these enigmatic accessories that went with her harem girl outfit, these were four belts unlike any other belts seen by men and angels. Flaurie said that they were called, “ammunition belts” or “artillery belts.” One of these was draped over her left shoulder and crossed diagonally down her torso on to her right side. Another of these was draped over her right shoulder
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and crossed diagonally down her torso to her left side. Another one of these encircled her around her upper waist. And another one of these encircled her around her lower waist. And she had also an extra leather belt upon which was a holster and a pistol along her left hip. This world was a world of swords and knives and spears and bows and arrows and battle axes. Indeed this woman’s four belts and her pistol all the world wondered at in marvel. When asked what those pieces were that filled up her four belts, she told them, “They are called ‘bullets.’” Her pistol and her bullets were indeed seen as a doomsday machine in this time. And her husband loved her in her outfit all the more for these four ammunition belts in their enhancement to her allure as his harem girl wife. He also called her “my stunning wife.” And she was to him, “my darling.” And she was to him, “my Betrothed.”
The wind now let up a little for a while, and Flaurie could now focus on her Bible-reading.
She was in II Peter chapter two. And she came upon verse five. This verse read the following: “And spared not the old world, but saved Noah the eighth person, a preacher of righteousness, bringing in the flood upon the world of the ungodly;” Flaurie paused and pondered and reread this verse a few times; then she took a pencil out of her pencil box and underlined this verse. Looking at the pencil tip, she went ahead to sharpen it with her loose pencil sharpener. And she wrote a comment alongside this verse in its margin, the words being, “a righteous man living in an unrighteous time.” That note described just Noah. She then touched the tip of this pencil with her thumb and forefinger; yes, it was still sharp for the next underline when it would come. Then she saw black smear on her thumb and forefinger. “Number two lead, Lord,” she explained in comical prayer. And she wiped the pencil lead from her hand upon the roof upon which she was sitting. And her hand was clean again. And she looked back upon this II Peter 2:5. This was a New Testament verse about the Old Testament great flood. This had come upon the world in the days of Noah, days when man was most violent and ungodly. Knowing her Bible, Flaurie knew what God had to say in the book of Genesis about such wicked mankind of those days: things like, “And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the
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earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually,” and also, “The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence,” and indeed, “And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.” But Noah was not like the rest of the world. Genesis had all this to say about Noah: “But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.” and “…: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God,” and “Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he.” Noah was a born-again believer just like herself thousands of years later. And Noah’s whole family were also born again like himself. These were his wife and his three sons and his three sons’ wives. His was a family of eight, the only Christians in all the world. Here he was referred to as ‘the eighth person” thus in this II Peter verse before her now. But what caught Flaurie’s attention most of all in this verse was Moses being called “a preacher of righteousness.” Being a preacher of righteousness was a very good thing, No doubt Noah went around warning everybody “repent of your wickedness before the judgment of God comes upon you.” This judgment of God was the coming great flood. Antediluvian man did not know what a flood was. They had never seen rain. There was no such thing as rain up to that point in the earth’s atmosphere. Instead God had had a mist that rose up from the ground that watered the land. Being the preacher of righteousness Noah preached the Word of God and warned everybody about the coming of rain and told them about the great flood soon to come upon all. But instead they all laughed at the preacher of righteousness. And the flood came and destroyed them all, and God delivered Noah and his family with the famous ark. What was there to Flaurie that caught her eye in this title “the preacher of righteousness?” Indeed, it was its very antithesis to another title elsewhere in Scripture called “ministers of righteousness.” Flaurie well knew about II Corinthians 11:13-15 and its “ministers of righteousness,” in God’s condemnation. She looked up this verse as she sat atop her north tower, and she read its familiar words, “For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel
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of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.” Ministers of righteousness were false ministers of false denominations of false churches here in this church age. These were ministers who preached to please man—not to please God. These were pastors who preached salvation by works and not salvation by grace through faith. These were priests who led the mass. These were religious leaders who taught the word of man and not the Word of God. And these were all false teachers never called by God to lead a flock. Such would receive “greater damnation” upon them when they stood before God to be judged; that is, their hellfire was going to be hotter than that of other sinners who also died in their sins. Indeed, just as Noah was the opposite to contemporary church leaders, so, too, was this preacher of righteousness the opposite to ministers of righteousness.
Flaurie felt it time to load her pistol again. She pushed the button on the side of this gun’s hand grip, and the magazine was ejected. Then, one-by-one, she took eight bullets from her ammunition belt running diagonally down her front, and she loaded the magazine with rounded edges of the bullets forward. Then she put the magazine back into her pistol and pushed it up into the hand grip and heard that familiar clicking sound. And she set the safety on her revolver for the meanwhile. Now she was ready in case any of those sorrel griffins were to come after her here in her time alone with God up here on the top of her north tower. This revolver was singular in all the world. And the Lord gave Flaurie the privilege of using this for the cause of Christ. She was called of God to go and slay evil griffins in battles. All of the evil griffins were sorrel-colored. Their sorrel colors gave them away as the Devil’s griffins. And these Devil’s griffins attacked men and women and children of God. Being of their spiritual father, Satan, who hated Christ and Christians, these sorrel griffins in like also hated Christ and Christians. And Satan hated the daughter of God who so lived for God’s cause and who so lived against Satan’s cause. The Devil wanted the Betrothed dead. So did all of his sorrel griffins. And they
attacked Flaurie often, only to be shot down by her super weapon. But demons do not give up. Hence
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the daughter of God’s readiness with her pistol with her in her Bible study for the day up here.
How did Flaurie get this gun? Who made it? Where did it come from? It was wrought by an inventor not too many years ago. He was, as it could be said only about him, “a man of God who was contrary to God.” In his willing service to Christ, he invented weapons for Christian soldiers in their battles against the evil griffins. He did so by first drawing sketches and plans and designs of weapons from the great imagination that God had given him. After making diagrams of such a weapon, he then would go ahead and make this weapon in his shop. And he had invented many great and novel weapons for this world for the cause of God. Many of the weapons of the Christian warriors out there were made by him. The best swords, the best spears, the best bows and arrows, the best battle-axes, the best bombs, the best knives, the best clubs, the best maces, the best crossbows, were all regarded as having been made by this man. And he had made the artillery belts and the handgun that Flaurie had now to fight the dread sorrel griffins out there. He called himself “Inventor.” All the world, thus, referred to him as “Inventor.” His home was on an island beyond Door County between Lake Michigan and the bay of Green Bay, an island called St. Martin Island–near the dividing line of Wisconsin and Upper Michigan. His education was drafting. He earned a B.A. in drafting and an M.A. in drafting and a Ph.D. in drafting. Inventor was regarded a genius. But with his genius also came his madness. And he was a most unstable servant for God. He was prone often to blow up at God with his quick and hot temper when things did not go the way he wanted them to go in his life. He so hastily saw the trials in his life as acts of God meant to hurt him. If something went wrong, Inventor thought that God was to blame or that God was bullying him or that God was holding back on him. And if God had not done this bad thing to him, then it was God Who had not kept this bad thing from happening to him, and it was the same than if God had done this bad thing to him. And it was always the little things in life that so incited Inventor’s rebellions against God Almighty. These were things like Inventor stubbing his toe or Inventor dropping a pencil or Inventor tipping over an empty glass
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on the counter. And the maledictions and the false accusations and the tirades that Inventor yelled up at God were enough to frighten an angel.
But Inventor had a friend who was also a fan. It was a little girl who visited this island from northeastern Wisconsin not far away. It was Flaurie. Her name at this time was “Flaurie Alvers.”
Her family liked to vacation much in Door County. They all loved to pick tart red cherries from all of the cherry trees that this part of Wisconsin was so well known for. And they also went to this northernmost island beyond the Door peninsula just to say that they had been there. And Flaurie the young girl had first come upon Inventor when he was out on his range, shooting his new weapon the pistol. She saw him strike down cans and bottles upon a table from a long distance with this weapon.
Why he was not even within striking distance of these cans and bottles as a normal weapon required its wielder to be. He could take out griffins this way, and he would not have to be right within their reach with this weapon. Imagine a Christian soldier who could slay griffins in battle from far away! Inventor saw her watching him in great awe, and he admired the attention that he was getting from her.
He called out to her, “Little girl, do you like what you see?”
Little Flaurie, wise despite her few years, replied, “I do, sir. What do you call that?”
“It is called a ‘gun,’ little miss,” said Inventor.
“It can kill. Can’t it?” asked little Flaurie.
“It is designed to kill. Yes,” said Inventor.
“I would bet that all of those griffin slayers out there could really use something like that, Sir,” she said.
“Young lady, that is why I made this,” he said.
“It is good to kill bad griffins,” said Flaurie. “Bad griffins go around and kill Christians.”
“Christians are God’s good guys,” he said.
“Are you a Christian, sir?” she asked.
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“I am one of God’s good guys,” he said.
“I am a Christian, too,” she said.
“You are one of God’s good gals,” he said.
“Could I try that, sir?” she asked.
“You want to shoot a pistol?” he asked.
“I’m ten,” she said.
“A ten-year-old girl is not to fire a revolver,” he said.
“How come?” she asked.
“The gun would go back in your hand after it goes off and might hurt you,” he said.
“What if I hold it in both of my hands?” she asked.
“You really are interested in my work,” he said.
“It is truly of God,” said Flaurie Alvers.
“I never had a fan quite like you before,” he said. “What is your name, little girl?”
“I am ‘Flaurie,’” she said.
“My name is ‘Inventor,’” he said. She proffered her hand, and man and girl shook hands in greeting. And he said, “Good to meet you, Flaurie.”
And she said, “You’re a great inventor, Inventor.”
“Are you ready to go ahead and try to shoot my gun, if you wish, Flaurie?” he asked.
“I am ready, Inventor,” she said.
He handed her his pistol and said, “You are the only other person than myself to actually go and fire this, Flaurie. Take care. Be careful. Hold it tight in both hands. And aim and pull the trigger.”
She heeded the inventor’s words. And she aimed at his table of targets. She said, “I’ll try to shoot the empty glass milk bottle, Inventor.” She pulled the trigger.
“You got the empty apple cider bottle next to it, Flaurie. Pretty good for your first time,” said
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the inventor.
“I missed,” said little Flaurie.
“That’s all right,” he said. “In my first time, I shot at an empty white grapefruit juice can, but I hit a tree instead.”
Mentor and fan laughed together in accord. Inventor was most benevolent and affable with Flaurie. And little Flaurie was drawn to Inventor. This man never lost patience with other people. He was a good man with people and animals. And he had compassion in his heart for those in distress. However, when it came to God, Inventor was a loose cannon in life’s vicissitudes. And his bad side was soon to reveal itself before innocent Flaurie. And it would frighten her.
On a table to one side of where they were standing were four more ammunition belts. Inventor had a fifth ammunition belt around his waist. He then took off this artillery belt and set it on the table beside the four others. This fifth such belt was almost emptied of its bullets. Only eight bullets remained in this belt. The other four belts were all completely full of bullets. The inventor spoke and said, “I call my bullets ‘nine millimeter bullets.’”
“Is that big?” she asked.
“It will work most deadly for the griffin slayer Christian for whom God would have me provide.” said the inventor.
“Will it take only one shot to slay a sorrel griffin?” asked Flaurie.
“One at the least. Two at the most,” said the inventor.
“What times we live in these days,” said Flaurie.
Then, for some strange reason, Inventor spoke and said, “I pray God that He does not get me again today.”
“Does God go and get you, Inventor?” asked little Flaurie.
“Let’s not talk about that,” said Inventor. “Now is not the time to discuss the things that God
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does to people.”
“But what does God do to people, Inventor?” asked Flaurie.
“I beg your pardon,” he said humbly to the little girl.
“God gave us His only begotten Son to die on the cross to pay for our sins,” said Flaurie.
“You must surely be a born-again Christian,” he said.
“Oh, I am. I surely am,” said Flaurie. “And you are one, too, for all the things that you do for griffin slayers out there.”
“I am born again, too,” he said.
“In Psalm 146:8 it says, “…: the Lord loveth the righteous.’” she said.
“Ay, little girl,” said Inventor. “And in I John 4:19 it says, ‘We love him, because he first loved us.’”
“God loves me, and I love Him,” said the saved little Flaurie.
“Ay, little girl,” said Inventor.
“God loves you, and you love Him,” said Flaurie.
“Ay. Don’t be too sure of that,” said Inventor.
“Inventor, how dare you say such a thing!” said Flaurie in a stand for God.
“Thirty years I have lived life. And what do I get? Trials from God every day. Well said the innocent Job the words of Job 7:17-18, ‘What is man,…, that thou shouldest visit him every morning, and try him every moment?’” said the unhappy believer.
“Why, Inventor. Your face is red! Are you mad?” she asked him.
He continued his tirade against the Good Lord, “’Man that is born of woman is of few days and full of trouble. ‘ Job 14:1. Again spoken by Job who was just minding his business, and then God came along. A man just wants to be happy.”
“Why, Inventor. You look pale. Are you sick?” asked little Flaurie.
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“This tired man is sick of God,” he confessed most openly. His rebellion against God grew dangerous now. He said, “’Although affliction cometh not forth of the dust, neither doth trouble spring out of the ground; Yet man is born unto trouble, as the sparks fly upward.’ Job 5:6-7.”
“Inventor, you’re shaking,” she said. And she took a step back away from him.
“I am about to finally get my revenge,” he said. He indicated his intentions by looking up to Heaven.
“Inventor, you look like a sorrel griffin in your eyes,” she said, fearful of the man.
“I am beginning to feel like a sorrel griffin,” he said. “Would you give me back my gun, if you would, godly Flaurie?”
“Are you going to shoot me?” she asked.
“No. Never,” he said.
“Are you going to shoot yourself?” she asked.
“No. Never,” he said.
“Whom is it you wish to shoot?” she asked.
“The One Who does bad things to me, because He is bigger and stronger than myself.” he said. “Now do give me my pistol, and I will get my due satisfaction and revenge.”
A child giving in to a grown-up, little Flaurie dropped the pistol into his open palm and remained there transfixed.
He then looked up to Heaven again, and he said, “Jesus, this one’s for you!” And the crazy man began to fire his revolver straight up in a lunatic attempt to shoot down Jesus in Heaven! Bang! Bang! Bang! And his handgun ran out of bullets. He then proceeded to take out the last eight bullets of his nearly empty artillery belt and to reload his pistol and to get ready to do it all over again.
Lo, from above, a force crashed into his head and broke it open. Right after that, a force from above crashed into his neck and tore it open. And right after that, a force from above crashed into his
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chest and destroyed his heart. And Inventor fell immediately dead upon the ground. Little Flaurie believed that God had stricken him dead for his heinous and egregious rebellion against God. But what was it that smote him dead from above? Flaurie understood. It was the three bullets that Inventor had shot straight upward that came back down quite straight downward. And the bullets that he had meant for Jesus in Heaven had come back down upon himself, quite killing him where he stood.
And though little Flaurie was shocked at what had just happened, she was also greatly comforted in a God Who had the last word. The Good Lord was still very good. She asked this Almighty, “What’s going to become of this greatest weapon in the world now, Lord?”
And the still small voice of the Holy Spirit told her, “I hereby give this to you, My good daughter of God.”
There it all was: the pistol and its gun belt, the full magazine of eight 9mm bullets, and four full artillery belts of all the rest of the 9mm bullets made by the inventor. Acting in the spiritual faith of a little child, Flaurie went about to gather this pistol and its accouterments from the inventor’s person and from his table, and she inexpertly hung them all around her right shoulder and down her right side. And she waited for Mom and Dad to come around to take her back home with them. All of this was heavy upon her ten-year-old female frame. But along came the rest of her family not too long later.
Mom took one look at her, and she said, “Flaurie, what is all that that you have on?”
Dad also saw her, and he asked, “My daughter, is that something made by the Inventor?”
And she said, “God called me to a future of griffin slaying, Mom and Dad.”
Her mom, also a believer like Flaurie, said, “My daughter, if God wishes you to fight battles for Him, to God be the glory. Go for it, Flaurie.”
And her dad, just as saved as her mom, said, “God has this day given you the tools to go on to
become the foremost griffin slayer in the world, my good daughter.”
“Do you both approve?” she asked.
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“Amen!” said both Mom and Dad. “God be with you.” They both approved.
“Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Dad.” she said. “I’ll try to be the best that I can for Jesus.”
And they all got back into the boat and rowed back to Washington Island. Meanwhile, back at the inventor’s shop, a lit pipe that he had left unattended tipped over on his desk, and became a great fire that devoured his whole shop, including all of his papers and records and notes about the pistol that he had so ingeniously invented. This handgun was thus wholly given to the ministry of Flaurie now by ordinance of God.
Flaurie had told nobody about the awful fate of the inventor of her pistol. But the news of his death quickly spread all throughout Wisconsin and the rest of the world. It was reported as an act of God that took Inventor’s life. And Mom and Dad did not inquire into this further of their little daughter. They respected Flaurie Alvers in her integrity and in her righteousness. And she loved them all the more for this.
At age ten, Flaurie at once promised God, “I will practice with my gun and get good at it.”
But God told her, “Do not practice, My daughter. I will guide your bullets for you when your time comes.”
She asked God in prayer, “Must I preserve my artillery belts?”
And He said, “Save all your bullets for the sorrel griffins.”
“When shall I begin my battles, Lord?” she asked.
And God told her, “When you grow up into a woman, then you shall begin your battles, My daughter. I do not send little girls to fight big griffins.”
“Your will be done, O Father,” said the daughter of God.
The Betrothed remembered all of this as her thoughts wandered from her Bible study up here on top of her five-story castle. Just then her best friend, her beloved pet he-unicorn, came swooping in upon her on this roof and lighted beside her most affectionately.
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“Dear Horn Of Plenty,” sang out the daughter of God most ardently.
“Your good unicorn at your service, my mistress,” said Horn Of Plenty. He got down on his belly beside her and proffered his equine head for her hands. And his mistress stroked his white head and his white neck and his white mane most endearingly.
Indeed was Horn Of Plenty’s unicorn horn most grand among all unicorn kind. It was an unequaled four feet in length. Horn Of Plenty’s horn was plenty, one could say. And it was his pride and joy.
From where she sat the daughter of God leaned forward, her Bible on her lap, and looked over the edge of this north tower down to the ground five stories down.
“Mistress,” said her he-unicorn, “is it wise to read your Bible up here on the roof?”
“Maybe not,” said Flaurie.
“The Bible says not to tempt God,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“’Ye shall not tempt the Lord your God, as ye tempted him in Massah,’ Deuteronomy 6:16, good Horn Of Plenty,” said Flaurie. “This is no place for me to worship way up here and in the wind like this. Would you take me back down to the ground, O Horn Of Plenty?”
“I would be honored, my mistress,” said her winged he-unicorn. The daughter of God mounted her white unicorn, and the unicorn said, “Hold on to your Bible, Mistress,” and they both glided back down safe upon the earth.
“Thank you, Horn Of Plenty,” praised the mistress her unicorn. “I think for now on I will read my Bible in a safer place.”
“That would make me feel safer for you, O Mistress,” said Horn Of Plenty.
And at once the daughter of God went to pray, finding a safe private place to pray on the solid earth.
And the he-unicorn began to graze in a clover field nearby in this big countryside yard.
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CHAPTER II
Flanders Arckery Nickels and his white winged pet she-unicorn were fellowshipping in the two-hundred-fifty acre backyard, where were many creeks flowing north and east and south and west. “Master, I’m thirsty,” said Bree.
“I, also,” said Flanders.
And both leaned down from the bank and drank in this creek here before them now, and they became refreshed. A person could drink of the creeks of northern Wisconsin, because the creeks were clean and pure.
“This creek is my favorite of all the creeks here in our yard, Master,” said Bree.
“Left Foot Creek,” said Flanders the name of this creek.
“Prove it,” said the she-unicorn, setting him up for their little game.
“I shall,” he said. And he stepped down into the flowing waters and raised and set down his left foot.
“You put your left foot into Left Foot Creek, Master,” she said. “Thereby this creek is ‘Left Foot Creek.’”
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Both laughed out loud. Then Flanders raised and set down his right foot into this little countryside creek. “Right Foot Creek now, girl,” teased Flanders.
“Silly master, there is no such place as ‘Right Foot Creek,’” said Bree. Both laughed again. Then the she-unicorn stepped down also into this creek. She raised and set down her left front hoof.
She declared, “Left Hoof Creek.”
“There’s no such place as that, either,” said Flanders.
“Maybe somewhere,” she said, “but nowhere near here.”
“My feet grow cold in these waters, Bree,” he said.
“You’re barefoot again, my master,” said the she-unicorn.
“My feet are tough,” he said. “It comes from walking barefoot all the time up here in summer,”
“Barefoot in the creeks, barefoot on the gravel, barefoot on the hot concrete, barefoot on the sticks in the woods, barefoot in the thistles in the fields, barefoot on the many sand dunes, and barefoot in the house,” summed up his pet unicorn.
“All day long and every day,” he summed up himself.
“Your heel is like to be like unto my hoof,” she said, “rough and tough.”
“Being young and twenty years old helps out, too,” he said about himself further.
“Too bad that Pastor said that you cannot come to church barefoot,” said Bree.
“Yeah. He makes me wear shoes and socks at church,” said Flanders.
“This little creek feels good for me on this hot summer day,” said the winged white unicorn.
The water was up to Bree’s equine forearm and up to Flanders’s thighs. Himself not particular, Flanders gave no thought to going into the water with all of his street clothes on. He did it all the time. He did not have a swimsuit any. And his clothes would be dry on himself before the day was done.
“Master, I can see the house even from way back here,” said Bree. “How magnificent and noble it looks, rising above the trees.”
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“It is the tallest building in America,” he said.
“Five stories tall,” she said.
“Our wonderful home, the Antediluvian Castle,” he said.
“It was from Earth’s days of before the great flood. Noah was alive when this castle was built.
And it still stands today four thousand years later,” said Bree.
“This Antediluvian Castle is the only thing that survived the great flood besides Noah and his family and his animals on the ark,” said Flanders.
“There is no other building like this among all the continents indeed, O Master,” said Bree. “And you are the owner of it.”
Who more appropriate to live in such a grand edifice as this Antediluvian Castle than the son of God himself? All born-again Christians were called “children of God.” The female believers were called “daughters of God,” and the male believers were called “sons of God.” And this man Flanders Nickels, accounted the greatest man among Christianity, was duly entitled “the son of God.” It is written in John 1:12, “But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.” Again it is written in Galatians 4:6, “And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father.” Again it is written in Romans 8:14, “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.” All the world wondered after this most singular man of God. And there was none like him in all the Earth. He was mightily used by Jesus. And he was full always with the Holy Ghost. And he glorified the Heavenly Father in all that he did. Even good and Godly pastors deferred to him in matters of counsel and in the doctrines of the Scriptures and in the Holy Spirit’s leading. Only the daughter of God, his own wife, was accounted his equal among women of Christendom. And the Antediluvian Castle was God’s gift to these two renowned personages of the Earth. It was given to them by the angels Michael and Gabriel
as a wedding present from Above, after having been vacant for some years. And now they have been
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here for two years as Betrothed and husband.
This grand old castle was located between the towns of Pound and Coleman. Highway 141 ran past their thousand acres. And it was higher than the two water towers of these two towns. It consisted of a north tower of five stories high and a south tower of five stories high. One hundred feet lay between the two towers. As for the north tower, its first floor was the stable of Horn Of Plenty with its straw-covered floor and its trough of water and its basic barn-type interior; this measured ninety-feet-by-ninety-feet. The north tower’s second floor was the Nickels’s dining room, measuring eighty-feet-by-eighty-feet. This tower’s third floor was the Nickels’s den, a private library, measuring seventy-feet-by-seventy-feet. On the fourth floor of this tower was the Nickels’s Bible-study room, measuring sixty-feet-by-sixty-feet. And on the fifth floor here was the Nickels’s bedroom, measuring fifty-feet-by-fifty feet. As for the south tower, its first floor was the stable for Bree, whose floor was covered in loose hay and which had a pump and pails for drinking water and which had a bare interior to it as animals preferred. This room measured ninety-feet-by-ninety-feet. As for the second floor of this south tower, this was the master’s and mistress’s kitchen, measuring eighty-feet-by-eighty-feet. The third floor to this south tower was the married couple’s living room, which measured seventy-feet-by-seventy-feet. This fourth floor of the south tower was the prayer room for the Betrothed and her husband, measuring sixty-feet-by-sixty-feet. And the fifth floor to this south tower was the attic, dusty and full of stuff and with rafters above, this room measuring fifty-feet-by-fifty-feet. Between the north tower and the south tower of this Antediluvian Castle, on the ground below, was a courtyard of verdant green grass of lawn, measuring one-hundred-feet-by-one-hundred feet. In the center of this open way was a pair of cellar doors upon the ground which opened upward with a pull on the handles. Down there was the basement to the Antediluvian Castle, which contained the bathroom and the furnace room and the water heater room and the dryer room and the washing machine room and the pump room and the tub room and the shower room and the meter room. These cellar doors provided access to the
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basement and its many rooms all four seasons of the year in northeastern Wisconsin. Right beside these cellar doors was the a flagpole with the Christian flag reaching six stories high in the middle of this courtyard of lawn. On top of the north tower was a flagpole half a story high with the American flag flying high and proud. And on top of the south tower was a flagpole also half a story high with the Wisconsin flag flying high and proud. How did the Betrothed and her husband go from one tower to the other tower? By way of walking ramps way high up, sturdy, but not sheltered, all year long. On the ground, a lane of cobblestones one hundred feet long joined the one stable to the other stable on the first floor. On the second floor, a walking ramp one hundred twenty feet long connected the dining room of the one tower to the kitchen of the other tower. On the third floor, a walking ramp one hundred forty feet long connected the den of the one tower to the living room of the other tower. On the fourth floor, a walking ramp of one hundred sixty feet long connected the Bible-study room of the one tower to the prayer room of the other tower. And in the fifth floor a walking ramp of one hundred eighty feet long connected the bedroom of the one tower to the attic of the other tower. How did the Betrothed and her husband go from floor to floor in each of the two towers? By way of outdoor staircases lining the exteriors of these two towers. The north tower’s outside staircases lined the north sides of this tower. The south tower’s outside staircases lined the south sides of this tower. They were made of wrought iron, and they were used all four seasons of the year by the married couple. These two staircases started upon the ground along the walls of the stables, and they ended up on top, giving access to their towers’ roofs.
How had this Antediluvian Castle come to be built in the first place? Neither the son of God nor the daughter of God knew. People who were their fans claimed that giants in the earth in earth’s earliest days had constructed this great edifice. Folklore had it that the builders were, “mighty men which were of old, men of renown.” Such legend claimed that these giants in the earth were the children of “the sons of God who came into the daughters of men.” But the wise Flanders and his
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Betrothed did not claim such to be truth. The secret things belong to God. Only He knew how this Antediluvian Castle had been built. They just knew that it was built before Noah’s great flood. That had God told them.
“Master, I don’t want to be standing in this creek anymore,” said Bree.
“I think the same thing now myself, girl,” said Flanders. “Let’s get out and dry off in the air and under the sun.”
And master and pet climbed up the bank out of Left Foot Creek and dripped water down upon the pleasant warm ground from where they stood. Bree shook herself like a dog. Flanders stomped his bare feet upon the grass.
Flanders once again reached his right hand to his left hip and unsheathed his sword from its scabbard. He declared, “Behold the Gilded Saber!”
“A sword wrought all of gold and none of silver,” proclaimed his she-unicorn pet.
“The saber given me from God,” said the son of God.
“The sword for which God had made you come and get, Master,” said Bree.
“The greatest griffin-slaying sword in all the world,” said Flanders.
“Wielded by the greatest sword fighter among all griffin slayers,” said his white winged unicorn.
“With his gallant unicorn comrade at his side,” said the son of God.
“A humble unicorn at his master’s service,” said Bree.
“An ally valiant and brave and formidable,” added Flanders about his dear Bree.
“Whose master has more than once saved his unicorn’s life in battle,” said Bree.
“And whose master’s life has been saved more than once by this unicorn in their battles,” said Flanders.
“I care for you, O Master,” said Bree.
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“And I care for you, girl,” said Flanders Nickels.
How did Flanders get this Gilded Saber for his battles against the evil sorrel griffins? He had to go on a long journey. And his Bree carried him in the air all the way there. It was to Point Barrow in Alaska, which essentially was the North Pole. It was in the Arctic where Flanders had to prove himself worthy of this Gilded Saber of God. And the month was January. Flanders just the other day had asked in prayer, “Lord Jesus, what is Your will for me in this life?”
And God had told him, “I will that you slay sorrel griffins en masse for me.”
And he said to God, “But I have not a weapon.”
And God had said to him, “I shall give you a weapon.”
“Good Lord, give me the weapon, and I will try to be the best griffin slayer that I can be for You.” Flanders had promised.
And God had said, “Because you said this and that you said this with your heart, I shall give you the greatest sword ever made by man. It awaits you, My son. Go to the north of the north on this Earth—go with your she-unicorn in the air—and it shall await you.”
“How will I know that I have arrived at the right place, O Lord?” asked the son of God.
And God said, “You will see a penguin standing on top of an igloo. Once there you will find out all things. And you will have to be tested. If you prove yourself to yourself, then you know that you are ready for your calling. And your ministry as griffin slayer will have started.”
And as he and his winged unicorn were on this flight together that day, they talked about many things. For one, they both knew that no penguins lived in the North Pole. Penguins lived only in the South Pole. The North Pole was twelve thousand miles away from the South Pole. Man and unicorn agreed together that this was a miracle of God. As for the sign that there was to be a penguin actually standing on the roof of an igloo, they both agreed that such an occurrence as this was hard to miss.
Who could not see such a thing as this when they came up to it? God made it easy for Flanders to
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know when he got there where God wanted him to be. And also the two on this long flight in mid-Winter all the way north wondered what God’s test for Flanders might be. Flanders said that it may be a physical test. Bree said that it may be a spiritual test. Both agreed that it would be a hard test for this son of God. Flanders thanked Bree for taking him to this place so far away. And Bree thanked Flanders for letting him to be a part of his master’s calling.
Behold, a penguin standing upon an igloo in the Arctic! “Take me down, Bree. We are there. Let’s see what God has in store for us this moment,” said the unicorn master.
And the two descended to the ground all covered in white snow. Flanders dismounted. And man and unicorn looked upon the penguin. And the penguin looked upon man and unicorn. The penguin gave forth its penguin call to Flanders: “Gook! Gork! Gawk!” Flanders remembered having read that children’s novel Mr. Popper’s Penguins when he was a little boy. This was just exactly the call that the penguins of Mr. Popper called forth in that novel.
Just then an Eskimo man all bundled up for the cold came out of the exit of his igloo. He saw Flanders all bundled up for deep winter in this deep north with his unicorn beside him. This Eskimo spoke, “Are you the man sent from Wisconsin, sir?”
“I am, sir,” said Flanders. “I can see that you are the man to whom I am sent.”
The Eskimo turned back for just a moment and said to his penguin sentry, “Thank you, Pole, for summoning me.” Then the Eskimo turned back to Flanders and his unicorn. He said, “Come into my igloo out of the cold, both of you, if you would.” And man and unicorn followed this penguin master into a warm home of much space.
And this Eskimo led Flanders to a back room that was truly the biggest room of this home. He came up to a raised wooden cabinet, horizontal, and measuring five feet wide and two feet deep and one-and-one-half feet high. It was resting upon four cylindrical pillars of wood, each at this cabinet’s four corners, and each measuring two-and-one-half feet high and six inches in diameter. And he
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opened this cabinet’s lid with its hinges on the top in the back. And he reached into this repository and took out a most dazzling sword and its sheath, and he held it in front of Flanders. “Good son of God, behold God’s Gilded Saber. Take it. Use it. Kill griffins with it.”
Flanders at first was struck mute upon seeing such a scabbard and its hilt extending from this scabbard, and he had not even yet seen the blade.
“Master,” spoke up Bree, “he bade you to take the sword.”
And Flanders now reached out to hold this dazzling sword. He took scabbard and sword in his left hand, and he drew the sword out of the scabbard with his right hand. “It’s gold,” said Flanders.
“It is all gold, O son of God,” said the Eskimo.
This Gilded Saber was double-edged all the way from the tip to the hilt. Its pure gold reflected the lights of this big room like sparkles upon its blade. And its pure gold handle had a grip easy to hold and hard to drop. Even the whole sheath was all of sterling gold.
The Eskimo went on to say, “I had come to Alaska to find gold three years ago. God had told me to come to this great state to look for gold in order to make a saber that would glorify God in battle in the hands of a renowned griffin slayer. You, sir, will be that renowned griffin slayer if you obey God and do the things that God commands you. Respect this Gilded Saber. Take care of this Gilded Saber.
Practice and train with this Gilded Saber. Heed God’s ‘Thou shalts’ in the Bible. Heed God’s ‘Thou shalt nots’ in the Bible. Fight the Lord’s battles. Do evil to the cause of evil. Do good to the cause of good. As God had said to Joshua in Joshua 1:9, so do I and He say to you now, O son of God: “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”
Flanders spoke to this maker of the Gilded Saber, “”I thank you and God for this golden sword, sir of the North Pole. I shall pursue my new ministry to God as a slayer of griffins. I shall fight for my Jesus whether unto survival or unto death. It is written, ‘For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.’
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Philippians 1:21. If it be God’s will, with my sword, He shall behold Satan as lightning fall from Heaven.” This was from Luke 10:18. Then Flanders Nickels spoke and said, “I am at Your service, O Lord.”
“The test from God now awaits you, O new warrior for Christ,” said the Eskimo. “Good unicorn, would you step outside for a moment? Your master needs to prove himself alone. I and you have to leave this son of God to prove himself the Christian soldier worthy of this Gilded Saber.”
“I shall defer to the will of my God, sir,” said Bree.
The Eskimo turned to the back wall of this igloo and pointed. Flanders saw a solid wooden door that was shut tight with a board resting upon a latch to the side. “Open the door. Fight the good fight. Slay the demon,” said the Eskimo. And Eskimo and unicorn left the room and went outside for the fiery trial from God upon Flanders.
Alone in this far back room, Flanders said a quick prayer of supplication, came to the far wooden door, raised the board up and off of the latch and tossed it aside, and went ahead to open this door of his testing.
Lo, a fierce and avenging sorrel griffin who at once lunged upon Flanders in a pounce of a great beast three times the size of the man. The son of God, cognizant of imminent danger, was still caught off guard nonetheless. But with quick reaction, Flanders Nickels instinctively, with both hands holding on to the grip, thrust his Gilded Saber into the midriff of this dread fell demon. His sword stuck into the chest of this demonic griffin between his two lungs, and the griffin shuddered a death shudder there before Flanders. And Flanders lost his hold upon this sword of God. Yet the sorrel griffin fell backwards to his death in this doorway, the saber deep into his ribs. Flanders at first was shocked.
He had nearly been killed just now. And here he had killed another just now. He was mortified.
He told God how he felt. And the Holy Spirit of God—the Comforter—comforted His son alone with Him here. And Flanders grew bold in battle for the Lord, a boldness that would carry over into the rest
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of his battles to come as a griffin slayer. Looking upon the fallen griffin, the son of God grew strong in Christ, and he grabbed a hold of his Gilded Saber in both hands and pulled the sword out of the carcass.
Victory in Jesus, the son of God wiped off the sword with a cloth that the Eskimo had left there for such use. And he left this room of testing, passed through the rest of the rooms, and went out of this igloo. His sword held high, he announced, “The demon has been slain in battle.”
The Eskimo was duly impressed. He said, “Great is your future with the Gilded Saber.”
The penguin spoke and said, “Gook. Gork. Gawk.”
Bree blasted a note on her unicorn horn and said, “Well done, O Master.”
Then the Eskimo said, “This day, intrepid son of God, God has commissioned you and your unicorn to be griffin slayers for the honor of Christ Jesus the Lord. Go now and prosper. Slay and shed blood. Fight the enemies like King David did in his battles against Israel’s foes. And God will surely fight for you and with you.”
Bree bowed her unicorn horn in deference to this sender from God. And Flanders bowed his head in mutual respect with this maker of the Gilded Saber. And master mounted she-unicorn, and they lifted up into the air, and they began their long flight back home. And at once, the son of God and his comrade- in-battle began to train for war.
Here in this backyard by the creek years later with Bree, Flanders sheathed his sword. He and his Bree had together slain many assaulting sorrel griffins since his calling. And they two knew that there were many more sorrel griffins that they must slay in their days together yet to come. Bree spoke now and said, “Master, we have not trained yet today for our battles.”
“I was thinking the same thing, good girl,” said the son of God. “Shall we go and practice our craft now?”
“Last time we made it harder than we had the time before,” said Bree. “This time let’s make it harder than we had the last time.”
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“What shall it be this time, Bree? Logs? Rocks? Trees?” asked Flanders Nickels.
“Let’s do logs again this time, Master,” said the she-unicorn.
“Logs it will be,” said the son of God.
And the two prepared a field for their war games of the day, setting up logs throughout individually and in piles. When they were done with their preparations, Flanders asked, “Bree, would you like to go first, or would you like to go second?”
“I am ready, Master, Let me go first if I could,” said Bree.
“Get ready, girl. A griffin slayer can get hurt in our game of Logs,” said Flanders.
“Getting hurt a little in war games is better than getting hurt a lot in war,” said Bree.
“We train in order to prevail over the griffins,” said the son of God.
“Little wounds now can help prevent big wounds later,” said the she-unicorn about training for battle thus.
“Here goes, my ally,” said Flanders. He and Bree stood facing each other about ten feet apart.
Flanders picked up a little log about six inches in diameter, held it above his head in one hand, and tossed it toward Bree where she stood, ready and primed. The she-unicorn lunged with her unicorn horn “aimed for the kill.” And she thrust her unicorn horn forward toward the little log in the air. And she speared it through with her horn. Her horn went into the one side of the log and went out the other side of the log. And there it was halfway down her unicorn horn, stuck tight. With the fervency of battle, Bree swung her horn off to the side to throw off this log from her horn. And the log was forced off the horn with this thrust and landed upon the ground ten feet away to the side. She was now ready for the next log.
The master then picked up a bigger log, this one about nine inches in diameter, and somewhat heavy to throw. And he lifted it up above his head in two hands, and he tossed this one toward his training partner. Again Bree leaped and thrust her horn toward this log in the air, and pierced this log
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through with her unicorn horn. The horn went in one end and came out on the other end. Again the log was stuck in the middle of her unicorn horn. And with a powerful shaking of her horn to the side, she threw this big log off of this horn and away to the side, this time seven feet away from where she stood.
Third, Flanders picked up a big heavy log, this one twelve inches in diameter, and indeed heavy to lift up. With both arms, the master lifted it above his head, stood there a moment, then heaved it with both hands toward the unicorn warrior. For a third time Bree pounced forward, threw her unicorn horn forward, and did truly pierce it all the way through with her horn. She stood there, this heavy log stuck on her unicorn horn, and she had the look of ferocity upon her equine countenance. Flanders admired her fierce spirit of war games so necessary for preparation for wars themselves. And with
great aggression, Bree threw this heavy log off of her horn to the side five feet with a shake of her head.
“Very admirable, mighty Bree,” said the master to his pet unicorn.
“Real griffins are more dangerous than real logs,” said Bree about such practices as this.
“Your horn is the bane of sorrel griffins, girl,” praised Flanders his unicorn ally.
“I pray God that it can continue to be thus, Master,” said Bree.
Now it was Flanders’s turn for today’s training. He came up to an arrangement of seven logs that formed a circle. These logs were box elder logs, and they were resting upon the ground on their ends. They were all one foot in diameter and two feet in height. He stepped into this circle in its center, its radius five feet. These logs were “sorrel griffins.” And he had to assault them in a fury in a circle whose diameter was ten feet.
“Are you ready for this, Master?” asked Bree, knowing how strenuous this part of their war games of Logs was for her master.
“A soldier must be ready at all times,” said the sword fighter.
As their official deed to start such training, Bree stamped her hoof upon the ground, and
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Flanders began his training thus. With his mighty Gilded Saber, the griffin slayer waged battle against the big heavy logs resting upon the ground. And Bree watched with great awe and some fear. Flanders hacked. Flanders thrust. Flanders parried. Flanders feinted. Flanders swung right. Flanders swung left. Flanders swung down. Flanders swung up. Flanders swung, using his right hand. Flanders swung, using his left hand. Flanders swung, using both hands. And not one miss committed he with his Gilded Saber. At all times, his golden sword struck a log in this “battlefield.” It sounded like an Old Testament battle between Israel and Philistia. Chunks of wood flew up in the air about. Pieces of bark flew out and landed upon the grass. A cloud of dust arose from the many sword strikes. And sawdust fell upon the ground like hail. And Bree smelled as it were the aroma of a woodworker’s workroom.
After fifteen minutes of this most intense training, exhausted, Flanders Nickels fell to his knees. Breathing hard, he asked, “Who won, my good Bree?”
Bree looked upon the “sorrel griffins.” Not one of the seven logs looked at all like logs anymore. In fact, the she-unicorn could not tell exactly where the logs had originally stood when Flanders had set them up. It was as if the logs had been decimated unto utter dissolution. Such a work of war game even Bree had not seen her master perform before. It frightened even a seasoned unicorn of battle to behold. But it also gave her all due confidence in her ally. She replied, “You won, Master.”
He then got back to his feet. He touched the flat edge of his sword blade. “It’s hot, Bree,” he said.
“As it got hot fighting logs, so, too, shall it get hot fighting more sorrel griffins, Master,” said his she-unicorn comrade in great encouragement.
He now sheathed his Gilded Saber in his gilded scabbard once again. “Good Bree, would you take me back to the castle?” asked Flanders.
“The honor is mine,” said Bree. And he mounted her, and she began to fly back to the
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Antediluvian Castle.
In the skies, Flanders bragged on his illustrious unicorn, “Bree, your broad white wings are the envy of all unicorns and the respect of all people.”
“God has well-endowed me, Master,” said the she-unicorn.
“Your wingspan is eight feet!” he said in great admiration. “No other unicorn anywhere has a wingspan like unto yours, girl”
“I used to be called by the name, ‘Wings,’” said Bree.
“Yeah. I know,” he said.
“You went and changed my name,” said the she-unicorn. “At first you called me ‘Wings,’ but then you began to call me ‘Bree,’ instead.”
“Yeah. That’s right,” said the master.
A moment went by. Then the unicorn pet asked, “How come?”
Flanders Nickels suddenly became speechless and would not answer.
“Does my name ‘Bree’ mean more to you than does my name ‘Wings,’ my dear master?” implored the white winged unicorn further in curiosity.
Still Flanders gave no reply.
“Master, is there a ‘Bree’ out there who is important to you so that you named me after her?” asked the unicorn pet.
“Unicorn, dare not to ask such questions of your master,” said Flanders Nickels.
“There is a girl named ‘Bree,’” said the wise she-unicorn in conjecture.
Again Flanders betrayed not an answer. He remained mute. He said nothing more, either aye or nay, to his unicorn confidante.
“This is the first time that I find you keeping a secret from me, Master,” said Bree.
Again, Flanders remained dumb. And nothing more was said in this flight back home.
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CHAPTER III
The Betrothed, riding Horn Of Plenty, and her husband Flanders, riding Bree, were on their way to church this Sunday morning, the two unicorns in another of their galloping races again. Their church was called “Alpha and Omega Baptist Church,” and it was an independent fundamental King James only Baptist church located in Crivitz, Wisconsin on Highway 141. Their pastor, Pastor Integral, led his flock as a true and good man of God. All of his flock knew that when he was to stand before Jesus, that Jesus would award him with the crown of glory—the crown given by God to those Pastors who are faithful to God’s call. Pastor’s wife was Emmy, and she was a godly help-meet to Pastor in his ministry, humbly submitting to his authority as husband. Flanders Nickels was the official church usher; Flaurie, the official church treasurer; and Emmy, the official church clerk. Always, every time the doors of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church were open, these four were always the first ones to get here and the last ones to leave here.
In this mad sprint of the unicorns, Flaurie looked to the east, and she said, “It is a little after sunrise.”
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And Flanders said, “We are a few hours early again.”
“We have never been this early before, Master,” said Bree.
And Horn Of Plenty said, “This time we might even beat Pastor and Emmy, Mistress.”
Flanders said, “We can fellowship together, then fellowship with the good flock.”
And the Betrothed said, “”We of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church are all one big happy family in the Lord.”
“Nobody comes late,” said Flanders.
“And nobody leaves early,” said Flaurie.
Bree said, “The driveway to the church is just up ahead on the right.”
“That’s the finish line, Bree,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“I shall not let you beat me in this race on the ground,” said Bree.
“I always beat you in our races on the ground,” said Horn Of Plenty. “I always win by a unicorn horn.” He shook his most lengthy unicorn horn in boast.
“I always win our races in the air,” said Bree.
“That’s because your wings are too big,” said Horn Of Plenty.
And Bree unfurled her wings in bragging as she galloped toward the finish line.
The Betrothed called forth and said, “Horn Of Plenty, you run like Man-O-War!”
And Flanders said, “My Bree runs like Secretariat.”
And, lo, both sprinting unicorns passed the finish line at the same time.
“Ah, a tie,” said Flanders.
“Neither unicorn won; neither unicorn lost,” said Flaurie.
And the two unicorns stopped and turned back to the church driveway. This road to the Baptist church was made of cobblestones, and it was one-tenth of a mile long. “I worked up a hunger,” said Bree. “I feel like clover.”
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“You’re not the only hungry unicorn,” said Horn Of Plenty. “I want some alfalfa myself.”
Flanders said, “The fields of food are just up ahead.”
Flaurie said, “Praise the Lord that our deacons take such care of the church fields as they do. The animals that take our flock to church need something to eat when they get here. It is a long trip here and back for some of them.”
“Pastor’s horse likes oats. And Emmy’s horse likes wheat,” said Flanders.
The two unicorn owners dismounted their unicorns, and the four began to amble down this driveway. To the left was an alfalfa field; to the left was a clover field. The two unicorns began to graze in these feeding fields. Also on both sides of this driveway were little ponds. These were meant to quench the thirst of the animals who brought their owners to church. And the winged unicorns flew up to them and began to drink. And before too long, the four stood before the church sign at the end of the driveway. It was made of red marble five feet wide by three feet high by six inches deep. And it rested upon white marble pillars, one on each side, measuring one-and-one-half feet tall by one foot in diameter. This sign read the following:
“Alpha and Omega Baptist Church
Pastor Proffery R. Integral
Sunday Morning Worship: Nine o’clock
Sunday School: Ten thirty
Sunday Evening Worship: Six o’clock
Wednesday Night Bible Study and Prayer Meeting: Six thirty
Thursday Evening Visitation: Seven o’clock
It is written:
‘…, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved…’
–Acts 16:31”
Church attendance averaged about one hundred. Without variance, this one hundred who came regularly for the morning service also came regularly for the evening service. And this one hundred who came regularly for the evening service also came regularly for the Sunday school service. And this one hundred who came regularly for the Sunday school service also came regularly for the
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midweek service. Though small in numbers, this Alpha and Omega Baptist Church was a healthy and
and faithful and balanced church. Unlike other churches whose attendance decreased noticeably in the aforementioned services in the stated order thereby, Pastor Integral’s flock loved all of its four services with faithful attendance, filling up the auditorium in each of its services.
Hand-in-hand, the Betrothed and her husband walked affectionately up the twenty-five stone steps that led to the church doors. No one else was here yet. Together they sat down side-by-side upon the top stone step. Flaurie lay her head upon Flanders’s shoulder. Flanders put his arm around her waist.
Flaurie said, “I am so happy with you at church like this, Flanders.”
And Flanders said, “I am never lonely with you in my life, Flaurie.”
“You and I have been married now for two years,” said the Betrothed.
“Pastor and Emmy have been married for fifty years,” said Flanders.
“God is in our marriage, and He is in their marriage,” said the Betrothed.
“As Pastor preaches about marriage, the woman is to bow and to build, and the man is to love and to lead,” said Flanders.
“We wives must submit to our husbands and let him be the leader in the marriage; and we women need to build up our husbands and encourage him,” said Flaurie.
“And we husbands are to love our wives as the weaker vessel and to lead our wives in a Godly manner,” said Flanders.
“And we both must forgive and ask for forgiveness regularly in our marriage,” said Flaurie.
“Ah, good wisdom from Emmy,” said Flanders.
Just then Pastor and his wife came riding up on their pet horses. Pastor was riding a black stallion; Emmy was riding a white mare.
“Maranatha, Brother Flanders, Sister Flaurie,” said Pastor.
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“Maranatha, Pastor Integral,” said the brother-and-sister-in-the-Lord.
“You two beat us this time,” said Emmy.
“We were a little early,” said Flaurie.
“And also our unicorns fell upon another of their spontaneous races,” said Flanders.
“Who won, Bree or Horn Of Plenty?” asked Pastor.
“It was a tie this time,” said Flaurie.
“Ties don’t happen a lot,” said Emmy.
Pastor then unlocked the church doors for another day of worship on the Lord’s day, and the four parishioners went in. They went through the foyer, through the anteroom, and into the auditorium. Here was an aggregate of sundry and divers wooden church pews, all in all seating one hundred people.
This main room measured fifty feet wide by fifty feet long. There was an arrangement of unequal pews throughout ten rows, each row seating ten people. In the first row, there were ten tiny pews, each pew seating one person. In the second row, there were five little pews, each pew seating two people. In the third row, there were three somewhat small pews, seating three people each, and also one tiny pew that seated one person. In the fourth row, there were two medium pews, each seating four people, and also two tiny pews, each seating one person. In the fifth row, there were two medium pews, each seating five people. In the sixth row, there was one medium pew that seated six people, and also four tiny pews, each seating one person. In the seventh row, there was one somewhat big pew that seated seven people, and also three tiny pews, each seating one person. In the eighth row, there was one big pew that seated eight people, and also two tiny pews, each seating one person. In the ninth row, there was one very big pew that seated nine people, and also one tiny pew that seated one person. And in the tenth row, there one one giant pew that seated ten people. Behind this last row, and up against a back wall, there was a blank row with metal folding chairs folded up and resting against the wall. These were in case they were needed if the attendance surpassed one hundred in any given service. If such
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were so, these chairs were unfolded and set up in this blank back row.
For light within this auditorium during the day, there were ten windows, five on the left wall and five on the right wall. These windows were open in the summer services to let in Wisconsin’s good clean air. They were old-time windows—the kind whose storms opened outward at an angle at the bottoms, their tops having hinges, and their sides having metal arms that held them in place. For screens, each window had a fold-out loose screen that was stretched left and right with a slider and that was put in place underneath the inner upper window.
For light within this auditorium during the night, there were ten lit kerosene lanterns of red, all put upon the windowsills of each of the ten wind.ows. These windowsills had plenty of room to hold a red lantern.
As for the dais, upon which Pastor stood and preached, his pulpit was a metal music stand that held his King James Bible and his hymnbook and his sermon notes. For light up here on the dais at night, behind Pastor and before the far wall was a lamp table with a black kerosene lantern lit. Behind the pulpit up here and to the left was an indoor brass flagpole with the American flag. And behind the pulpit upon this dais and to the right was an indoor brass flagpole with the Christian flag. On this stage and just before the pulpit was the collection plate table to gather the tithes and offerings of the generous flock at any given service. It was made of wood, and it had the Scriptural words engraved upon it, “’Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse,…’ Malachi 3:10.” And on the far wall in its center were the Bible words taped up in red construction paper letters, “As my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.’ John 20:21.” On this far wall to the left was the church back exit door. Going through this door, and through a wooden hallway one came out onto the church’s backyard. And on this far wall to the right was the door to Pastor’s office, where he did prepare all of his sermons. Pastor’s office had a back door that also led out to the church’s backyard. Right outside his back office door was a tree of big white grapefruit which Pastor loved. His two good and faithful deacons knew that he loved big
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white grapefruit and that this kind of grapefruit was not around anymore in the grocery stores, so they planted it some years ago, and now it was tall and mature and bearing fruit.
The four pillars of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church here now very early once again, chatted together in fellowship for a while. Soon along came Deacon Gary. Then came Deacon Todd. Both were here an hour early. Deacon Gary said to Deacon Todd a well-known Christian greeting, “Christ the Lord is risen!”
And Deacon Todd replied to Deacon Gary the well-known Christian reply, “Christ the Lord is risen indeed!”
During the next half-hour, others of this good church began filing in. And then all the flock were here. All sat down in reverence to the Lord’s house and waited for the service in silence. Sunday Morning Worship would start in a half-hour. The Betrothed and her husband were sitting once again in the front row.
Then Pastor began his sermon: “Good men and women and children of the flock: Today I would like to preach on griffins and unicorns. As you know, there are two types of griffins out there. There are the evil griffins and the holy griffins. The evil griffins are the sorrel griffins. The holy griffins are the gray griffins. And we also know that there are two types of unicorns out there—both types are white all over. The one type are winged unicorns, and the other type are wingless unicorns.
We all have seen both kinds of unicorns. Brother Flanders has a winged unicorn we all know as ‘Bree.’
Bree is a fierce and loyal soldier for Christ—just like her master. And Sister Flaurie has a winged unicorn we all know and love. His name is ‘Horn Of Plenty.’ He fights griffins just as hard as his mistress does. Deacon Gary has a unicorn that has no wings. Brother Gary, does your unicorn still eat cabbage?”
“Cabbage and Brussels sprouts, Pastor,” said Deacon Gary. “Both are his favorites.”
Pastor then went on to say, “And Deacon Todd’s pet is also a wingless unicorn. Brother Todd,
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does he still love apple juice?”
And Deacon Todd said, “Now it’s apple cider, Pastor.”
Pastor continued, “There are no evil unicorns. There are only good unicorns. Both unicorns with wings and unicorns without wings alike glorify the God of Creation. And both winged and wingless unicorns can serve their Creator in a ministry to which God has called them. And both kinds of unicorns make among the best pets among all domesticated animals for masters and mistresses out there. They are playful with children, obedient to adults, and careful with the elderly. And they can speak our language. And they can understand our language. They are highly intelligent. And no pets can shine so with their colors as white unicorns do with their whites. And their horns stand out more prettily or handsomely than any other horns of any other animals. They can run like the wind. They can fly like the eagle. They all give companionship to the lonely. Blessed is the unicorn pet who finds a master or mistress. But more blessed indeed is the master or mistress who finds a unicorn pet. I and my wife were thinking about looking for a unicorn pet for ourselves, if the Lord tarries. My horse and Emmy’s horse are both getting up in years, just as we two are. If they both die before we do, Emmy and I were thinking of getting a real unicorn to chat with together just for the two of us. We have been in prayer meeting together to seek God’s will about this matter. Pray for your pastor for this in your quiet time with the Lord if you would.”
“We shall, Pastor,” said Deacon Todd.
“I’ll do that,” said Deacon Gary.
And Pastor Integral continued his message for the day: “Back to the griffins, as I must. We of the United States know more about the sorrel griffins than do the people of any of the other countries out there. Their father Satan hates the United States more than he hates the rest of the world. He knows that at one time, America was where all of the Christian revivals used to take place. America had sent out more missionaries abroad than any other country. And in America, Sunday was the day
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that all the families went to church. And the Bible of all the homes was the King James Bible. Our United States was at one time truly ‘a Christian nation.’ And this and many other good things about America pleased God. And God blessed the United States into becoming the greatest nation on Earth.
God blessed the U.S.A. with great freedoms and with great wealth and with great happiness. The devil did not like how the U.S. so worshipped God in rightness and in righteousness. He hated the Christians in our nation. And he focused his war against God by attacking America with his many demons. These were the sorrel griffins that we all know about and fear. The sorrel griffins came down to America to tempt and to deceive and to attack Christianity in our nation. And he waged diabolical war against those in America who are not Christians. And now our nation kills babies and shacks up together and honors same-sex marriages. And now our country is even turning against Israel. What can happen to our United States now but God’s absolute hand of judgment? Our great nation’s spiritual fall is not the fault of the sorrel griffins. Nay, it is all of our own fault. We of America have been listening to the Devil’s lies. And we of America have shut out God from our lives. And now we are a crumbling empire. It is no wonder now that Christianity no longer has any impact on these United States. Our Alpha and Omega Baptist Church is one of the last Bible-reading Bible-teaching Bible-preaching churches out there. And most of Satan’s wicked sorrel griffins have our church as their focus for battles. I and the rest of our flock are much indebted to you both, Flanders and Flaurie, Were it not for you two and your two unicorns, this church would have been knocked down and all of us killed long ago.” Pastor paused to look up to Heaven and to say, “Thank You, Good Lord.”
Flanders, in self-effacement, said, “I am but a soldier for the house of God.”
And Flaurie said in humility, “I am just an inventor’s soldier-for-Christ.”
The Betrothed and her husband felt honored and humbled at the same time upon hearing Pastor’s most sincere praise upon them.
Pastor continued his Sunday Morning Worship sermon, “How many of us have seen a sorrel
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griffin?”
All hands immediately went up.
“How many of us have seen a gray griffin?” Pastor Integral then asked.
“No hands went up.
Pastor went on to say, “We in America do not often see the gray griffins flying around out there.
These are the good griffins. They are angels that serve Christ and Christian. Their job is to hinder and to balk and to reverse the evil deeds of the sorrel griffins. There is a battle in the skies above the earth. It is called ‘spiritual battle in high places.’ Yes, all throughout this world, the gray griffins and the sorrel griffins wrestle in angelic warfare. It is ‘the good angels vs. the fallen angels.’ It is the ages-long conflict of good vs. evil. Before the time of the evil griffins, all griffins were good griffins. God’s brightest griffin was his culminating creation called ‘Lucifer.’ This good griffin Lucifer was the strongest and smartest and most beautiful of angels. But something bad happened in creation. This griffin of griffins–Lucifer–God’s greatest angel—fell into pride. He became jealous of God. He wanted to be God. He rebelled against God. And one-third of all the griffins felt the same way as he did and did join Lucifer in his rebellion against the Lord. Being completely invincible, the Lord God went ahead and cast Lucifer and his band of rebels right out of Heaven. The Almighty God banished these fallen angels to the skies above the Earth. He now called Lucifer ‘the Devil’ and ‘Satan.’ He then turned the fallen griffins into sorrel griffins. But two-thirds of the angelic griffins did not rebel; they stayed true to God. And from this we know that there are more gray griffins than there are sorrel griffins out there. The Holy Bible mentions the names of two such good angels that stay true and loyal to God. One is the gray griffin Michael. And the other one is the gray griffin Gabriel. Michael’s ministry is ‘protector of Israel.’ Gabriel’s ministry is ‘messenger of God.’”
“Amen, Pastor!” said Flanders.
“Amen!” said the Betrothed.
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Pastor Proffery Integral continued his message of the day, saying, “You of the flock know that when the Bible talks about the works of the flesh, that works of the flesh are bad things in the eyes of a holy God. The sorrel griffins, in their cause for their father the Devil, go around and tempt and deceive men and women and children to commit these sins of the works of the flesh. The Bible lists these seventeen works of the flesh in the book of Galatians. Turn with me, if you would, to Galatians 5:19-21. Let us read out loud these three verses.”
And the flock and their pastor read from the Scriptures out loud: “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”
Pastor went on to preach by way of definitions the meaning of these verses: We at church today know most of these words of this list. Some of these words we may not all know. ‘Adultery’ is ‘sex between a married partner and an unmarried partner.’ ‘Fornication’ is ‘sex between two unmarried partners.’ ‘Uncleanness’ is ‘the state of being morally or spiritually impure.’ ‘Lasciviousness,’ is ‘the state of being lustful.’ ‘Idolatry’ is ‘putting someone or something ahead of God.’ ‘Witchcraft,’ as you know, is ‘the use of sorcery or magic.’ ‘Hatred’ is ‘an emotional aversion often coupled with enmity or malice.’ ‘Variance’ is ‘dissension; dispute.’ ‘Emulations’ are ‘ambitious or envious rivalries.’ ‘Wrath’ is ‘strong vengeful anger or indignation.’ ‘Strife’ is ‘a fight; a struggle.’ ‘Seditions’ are ‘revolts; rebellions.’ ‘Heresies’ are ‘doctrines contrary to the teachings of the Bible.’ ‘Envyings’ are ‘wishing to have what others have.’ ‘Murders,’ of course, are ‘killing another person unlawfully on purpose.’ ‘Drunkenness,’ as we all know, is ‘intoxication.’ ‘Revelings’ are ‘wild parties.’” He then went on to repeat, “The sorrel griffins of the world seek to fill mankind with these seventeen works of the flesh.
My old pastor, when I was just starting out on my walk with Christ, told us in his flock, that Satan has
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a chief demon in charge of adultery, and a chief demon in charge of fornication, and a chief demon in charge of uncleanness, and a chief demon in charge of lasciviousness…and so on, through the rest of this very list we see today, a chief demon in charge of each of the works of the flesh mentioned in these three verses. How can the Devil do so much evil as he does in this world? It is because he has a lot of helpers. Thus the sorrel griffins who do his bidding all throughout the continents and the seas of the world.” Pastor paused for a moment.
“Amen!” said Deacon Gary.
“Amen!” said Deacon Todd.
Pastor Integral then continued, saying, “You in this church also know that the Biblical ‘fruit of the Spirit’ is a good thing in our righteous God’s eyes. God’s angels, His good gray griffins, go around and encourage and exhort believers to live these fruits of the Spirit. The Bible states that there are nine such fruits of the Spirit, and it does so in the next two verses in our Bibles. Look upon Galatians 5:22-23, if you would, and read with me out loud this good Scripture.”
And the flock and their pastor read this passage: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance; against such there is no law.”
Again by way of definition, Pastor preached upon the nine fruits of the Spirit: “’Love,’ as you know, is ‘a feeling that transcends all that is “like.”’ ‘Joy,’ as we know, is ‘rejoicing in the Lord.’ ‘Peace,’ indeed, is ‘what is felt in Heaven.’ ‘Longsuffering,’ is ‘patience’ ‘Gentleness’ is ‘mildness of manners and disposition.’ ‘Goodness’ is ‘being like God in character or tendency.’ ‘Faith’ is ‘acting on what God has promised.’ ‘Meekness’ is ‘composed self-restraint during trials.’ ‘Temperance’ is ‘moderation; not pursuing excess.’”
“The good things of God, Pastor,” said Deacon Todd.
“The good things of Christians, too,” said Deacon Gary.
“One of the many ministries of the Holy Spirit,” said Flanders.
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“One could call this ‘the fruit of the Holy Spirit,’” said Flaurie.
And Emmy said, “All these are the traits of Jesus Christ Himself.”
And Pastor said, “And these are the traits of Jesus’s gray griffins, as well.”
The rest of this Sunday Morning Worship, Pastor read the announcements, had the church sing hymns, had Usher Flanders gather the church offerings, had Deacon Todd pray for a home missionary that this church helped supported financially, had Deacon Gary pray for a foreign missionary that this church also helped support financially, then had Usher Flanders close this morning worship with a word of prayer. And Pastor dismissed his flock.
And after the morning worship service, came Sunday School for all ages. Pastor had Deacon Gary pray for the adult Sunday School class at its beginning. For the adult Sunday School class, Pastor taught upon sanctification—positional sanctification and progressive sanctification and permanent sanctification. Then he had Deacon Todd close this adult Sunday School class at its end with a word of prayer. And Pastor dismissed his flock.
And all of this flock remained here to share fellowship with the brethren and the sisters and with their beloved pastor. An hour later, the folk began to leave for the morning. And Flanders and his Betrothed were the last of the folk to leave. Only Pastor and Emmy remained at Alpha and Omega Baptist Church when Flanders and Flaurie mounted their unicorn pets. And the pets and their owners began the walk back to the Antediluvian Castle.
“Flanders,” said the Betrothed, “I’ve got a great idea just now.”
“Do tell me, good wife,” said Flanders.
“You know how we love to take pictures of each other,” began Flaurie. “I love my pictures of you in your jeans and simple cotton shirts. You love your pictures of me in my harem girl outfit.”
“And don’t forget Horn Of Plenty and Bree,” said Flanders.
“Yes, Horn Of Plenty and Bree,” said the Betrothed. “We love our pictures of our unicorns,
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too.”
“What neat thing do you have on your mind, Flaurie?” he asked.
“We could have sketches of ourselves, maybe, done by an artist,” said Flaurie.
“You mean like as in drawings?” he asked.
“Uh huh,” she said with a nod. “A drawing may not be as real as a photograph. But I sure would like a drawing of you, good husband. And maybe you would like a drawing of me, as well.” “True, it would not be as virtual as any of our photographs, Flaurie, but the idea sounds like something I would really want to see,” said Flanders.
“Do you really think so?” asked the Betrothed.
“I would love to pay money for a professional artist to sketch the stunning face of my beloved Betrothed,” he said in excitement.
“And I would love to have my husband’s face for forever in paper and pencil,” said Flaurie.
“Let’s do it,” he said. “Let’s go and find an artist to go and do such a thing,” said Flanders.
“This is going to be fun!” sang out Flaurie in joy.
“And not just one sketch of my Betrothed, O Flaurie, but many sketches: your stunning face in front and in profile and in thoughts and in smile and in pencil and in pen,” he said, clearly manifesting his great zeal for her suggestion.
“And I could have just as many drawings of you, Flanders—not just your face, but your whole self in blue jeans and cotton shirt and bucket hat,” said Flaurie.
“Then I get to have drawings done of your whole self, too, in that sexy harem girl outfit, artillery belts and all, O my Betrothed,” he said.
“You’d like that, Flanders,” she said.
“Yeah, girl!” he said.
“You could pick out your favorite of me and put it in a special place of our Antediluvian
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Castle,” said the Betrothed.
“It would be the perfect representation of your stunning face, dear Flaurie,” he said.
“A sketch of my face would be a treasure that you would put in your favorite place in the world,” said Flaurie. “Just think.”
“Just like that sketch–” began Flanders. Suddenly he stifled. He almost gave away that secret to his Betrothed. He quickly turned away from Flaurie. And he dared not to look upon her. There was already a sketch in his life that he had in a most special place in this castle. It was drawn personally for him by a college art major. It was the sketch of a beautiful woman’s face. It was drawn from a magazine ad, that woman a model for the product. And it was inside a little desk way up in the attic, and folded up and hidden in that magazine where that ad was.
“Just like what sketch, Husband?” asked Flaurie innocently.
Quickly seeking words, Flanders said, “Just like a sketch, Flaurie.”
“Just like what sketch?” she asked again without any suspicions.
“Just something from long ago when I was still a teenager,” he said.
“Do tell me, O good husband,” said the Betrothed. “I am fascinated by what you have to say.”
“I have to have nothing to say right now, stunning wife,” he said.
“Husband, you tease me so, making believe to keep a secret from me,” said Flaurie.
“I apologize if I seem to be keeping a secret from you,” he said.
“You’re not really making believe, Flanders?” she asked.
“Not really,” he said.
“Flanders, this is the first time that you have ever kept a secret from me,” said the Betrothed.
In subtlety he went on to confess, “You know how I changed my unicorn’s name from ‘Wings’ to ‘Bree,’” he said. She nodded. “It is the same secret that I keep from both you and my unicorn,”
In silent prayer the four continued in reticence the rest of the way home.
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CHAPTER IV
The family of the Antediluvian Castle were in their front yard of two hundred fifty acres. They had collectively agreed that this four-foot tall field grass that so filled this front yard would be a perfect place for the four of them to play ball tag. When the two unicorns said that they could not be “it” in this ball tag, because they could not throw the ball, all four at first thought about maybe playing another game instead. But Flanders came up with an idea that if one of the unicorns were “it,” instead of throwing the ball toward a hider, the unicorn could kick the ball toward the hider or maybe hit the ball with the unicorn horn toward the hider. And the four all said that that was a good idea. And they got ready to determine who would be “it” the first in this game of ball tag.
He held a big red rubber playground ball in his hands. At the right time, when prompted, all four were to say, “not it.” And whoever had said, “not it” the last of the four was by rules the first one to be “it.” From there, the player who would be “it” would count to ten, then look for a hider, and then throw the ball to hit the hider. If the hider got hit by this ball, that player was next to be “it.” If the thrower missed the hider with the ball, the thrower was still to be “it.” And that person who was still “it” would have to look for another hider to try to transfer that position of being “it” with a throw and a
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hit. And so on until everybody was done with the fun game for the day and satisfied and contented with diversion.
Flanders began to prepare the prompt: “On the mark. Get ready. Get set. Go.”
“Not it!” declared all four simultaneously. Flanders had to do it over.
“On the mark. Get ready. Get set. Go,”
“Not it!” said Flanders and Horn Of Plenty and Bree one after another.
Flaurie had not said, “Not it,” at all.
“Well, my good tardy Betrothed,” teased Flanders, “It looks like you are ‘it.’” He held out the big red rubber ball to her.
“I cannot be ‘it,’” she said.
“How come?” he asked, ready for her clever female wiles. “You did not say, ‘not it,’ and the rest of us did.”
“True I did not say those two words yet,” said Flaurie. “But it did not say them last, either. And to say those two words last, I would have to have said them in the first place.”
“Say what?” asked Flanders.
“Not it,” she said.
Flanders grinned and took a step and brought the ball closer to her where she stood. “My beautiful Betrothed, right now you just said ‘not it.’ and you are the last to say it. You just made yourself ‘it.’”
She grabbed the ball in mock indignation, and she said, “Flanders, you griffin you.” She did not mean a gray griffin at that.
“Do go ahead and count to ten, Mistress,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Let’s quick all go hide,” said Bree.
“This field grass can hide a dragon,” said Flanders.
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“Flanders, there is no such thing as a dragon,” said the Betrothed.
“Nor is there any such thing as a wyvern, Flaurie,” he teased her right back.
“Mistress, what is your pleasure for counting to ten this time—English or Spanish or French or German?” asked Horn Of Plenty.
“The woman’s a polyglot,” said Bree.
Flanders said, “Mainly with numbers, and not so much with reading and writing.”
“I’ll pick French,” said Flaurie. She then turned around to look the other way. She was about to count. And the three others ran off to hide in the tall swaying field grass. “Une, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix,” counted Flaurie. And she turned back around, the big red rubber ball in both hands.
“Onze,” called forth a familiar equine voice. That was “eleven” in French.
“I heard that, Horn Of Plenty,” said Flaurie. “And now I can see you. You went and gave yourself away.”
“Catch me if you can, O Mistress,” called forth her he-unicorn, and he leaped up and scampered off like a deer. Flaurie threw her playground ball toward her unicorn pet, and she missed her mark very much. But it did hit a different mark. She saw the ball bounce off of someone or something in the deep grass right behind where she had flushed out her Horn Of Plenty. Whatever the case, now the ball was lost somewhere in this tall thick grass.
Bree stuck her head up out of the grass off to the side and looked around. “Where’s the ball, Flaurie?” she asked.
The Betrothed saw a path in the grass not far away that was being made by a concealed crawler making slow steady progress.
“Flanders, I may not be able to see you, but I can still tell who it is walking on his hands and knees,” called out Flaurie.
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“Master, if that’s you, you need to know that your wife lost the ball,” said Bree.
“The ball hit someone, Bree,” said Flaurie. “I am no longer, ‘it.’”
“It didn’t hit me,” said Bree.
“And it didn’t hit me,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“It did hit me,” said Flanders, standing up in the grass, the ball in both of his hands.
“Why were you so sneaky just to look for the ball?” asked the Betrothed.
“Do you mean that you didn’t see me get hit?” he asked.
“It was a chance that happened,” said Flaurie. “I guess I aimed for Horn Of Plenty and hit you instead.”
“Well, then, it was a lucky shot for you, my Flaurie,” he said. “A guy like me is a proud fellow when it comes to this, and I hid myself until I could get to the ball that bounced off of me.”
“O, Flanders, did you get hit in the back end?” asked the Betrothed.
“If I had a tail, my wife, it would have gotten hit,” he disclosed.
“You’re ‘it,’ Hubby,” declared the Betrothed.
“Master, count to ten, and we three will hide, and you go looking for us with the ball,” said Bree.
“My Betrothed knows things, and I know things,” said Flanders.
“What things?” asked Flaurie.
“You know four different languages some, but I know a number system much,” he said.
“My mistress can indeed count to ten in four different languages,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Well, guys, I can count to ten in the Arabic numeral system,” said Flanders.
“Master, I know you. You do not know the Arabic language any,” said Bree.
“Even I do not know Arabic,” said Flaurie.
Flanders went on to say, “I did not say that I know how to count to ten in the Arabic language.
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I said that I know how to count to ten in the Arabic numeral system,”
“What is that?” asked Flaurie.
“Is it real hard?” asked Horn Of Plenty.
“Where did you learn about it?” asked Bree.
“Tell us it,” said the Betrothed.
And he answered them, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.”
“Is that it?” asked Flaurie. “That is the Arabic number system?”
“Our number system used worldwide is officially called ‘the Arabic number system,’” Flanders Nickels said.
“I never knew that our numbers had an official name to them before,” said Flaurie.
“He got you there, Mistress,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“He got all of us this time,” said Bree.
“He got us, but he is still ‘it,’” said the Betrothed. “Count to ten, Flanders, and we three will hide,”
Flanders, with a grin, tossed the ball to her. She caught it in both hands. He said, “Now you are ‘it’ once again, my Betrothed.”
“How can that be?” she asked, cocking her head to the side at him in disagreement.
Horn Of Plenty understood before his mistress did. “I see, Mistress. Flanders had already counted to ten.”
Also understanding her master’s subtlety quicker, Bree said, “And right after, he tossed the ball to you, Flaurie, and you caught it.”
“I counted to ten, and I threw the ball at you, and it hit you in the hands,” summarized Flanders.
“That means that you are ‘it.’”
“Flanders, you harpy!” the Betrothed teased him in merriment.
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“Stunning Flaurie, there is no such thing as a harpy,” he teased her.
“Mistress, you must enjoy being ‘it.’ You end up being ‘it’ all the time,” said Horn Of Plenty.
The daughter of God went on to say with mirth, “Flanders may count to ten with his Arabic numerals. But I will count to ten with my classy Roman Numerals.”
“I know my Roman numerals,” said her he-unicorn.
“I, too,” said Bree.
“I love those letters that work as numbers,” said Flanders. “The ‘I,’s and ‘V’s’ and ‘X’s’ and ‘L’s’ and ‘C’s” and ‘D’s’ and ‘M’s.’”
“What does ‘DCLXVI’ say?” quizzed Flaurie.
Horn Of Plenty said, “It looks like a sequence of gradually diminishing individual Roman numerals, except that you did not start with ‘M.’
“You didn’t just count to ten to trick my master as he did to you. Did you?” asked the she-unicorn.
Flanders Nickels said, “That’s the Roman numeral for the number ‘666,’ ‘666’ being the mark of the beast.”
“How different that number appears in the Roman numerals than it does in our numerals,” said Horn Of Plenty.
The Betrothed then raised the red playground ball in both hands above her head, then back down to her midriff. And she turned around and closed her eyes. At once the three other players ran off to hide in the grass. She counted, “I, II, III, IV, V, VI. VII, VIII, IX, X.” She then opened her eyes, turned around, and said, “Ready or not, here I come.”
Just then an untimely sneeze arose from out there in the 250 acres of field grass. She looked hard and listened hard. She could not see who it was who sneezed. Nor could she tell if it were a human sneeze or an equine sneeze. There were no more give-away sneezes. Flaurie called forth,
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“Who sneezed just now?”
To her left, a he-unicorn said, “Not I.”
To her right, a she-unicorn said, “Not I.”
From behind, a young man said, “Not I.”
Looking left, she could not see Horn Of Plenty. Looking right, she could not see Bree. And, looking behind, she could not see Flanders.
In an impromptu scheme, she went on to say, “Bless you,” hoping to hear another voice from which she could find one of these hiders in the grass.
“Thank you,” called back all three of these voices at once. Looking left and right and back, she still could not see those tantalizing speakers who beguiled her with short responses.
Trying again, Flaurie asked the three, “Who said that?” But this time there were no more utterances from the three in the field grass out there. The Betrothed, seeking a giveaway laugh, said “Don’t make me have to come out there and find you.” There were no telltale laughs. All was quiet.
She had to trudge out into this big meadow and look with her eyes. And she turned back to look for the man, the ball in both of her hands, ready to throw it. The Betrothed felt that her husband would be the easiest of the three other players to get with the ball. She began to walk in quest of Flanders.
Just then, she heard a rustling off to one side. She looked and saw field grass bowing down. It seemed to be being tread down by hooves. Just then she heard the same rustling sound off to the other side. It seemed to be the treading down of grass under the weight of more hooves. And also she heard the sound of rustling before her. It was a quieter treading down of grass underneath bare feet. She saw her husband’s head just above the stalks of grass, his back bent down in hiding, and his legs running in sprint. “Gotcha! Flanders!” declared Flaurie.
“Not yet, woman!” said Flanders.
She threw the ball toward his back. It hit him in the back of his head. His bare feet tripped over
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all of that grass. And he fell down upon his face. In resignation, he stood up, the ball in his hands, and he said, “Got me, woman.”
“You’re ‘it,’” she said.
“I am ‘it,’” he confessed.
“’It’ so soon again, Master?” asked Bree in tease.
“Mistress, between you and Flanders, you leave us unicorns no chance to be ‘it’ ourselves.” said Horn Of Plenty.
“All this trash talk sounds like madness,” said Flaurie.
“We are talking like the mad hatter and the march hare,” said Flanders.
“I want to be ‘it well,’” said Bree, remembering that book’s chapter and improvising in pun.
“But I want to be ‘well it,’” said Horn Of Plenty, also remembering that book and that chapter.
“The ‘it’ was an ‘in,’” said the Betrothed. “And they were talking about a well.”
“All of this talk about Alice in Wonderland that has come about so from a friendly game of ball tag between four fellow shippers of God,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Through The Looking Glass was a great book, too,” said Flaurie.
“I read Lewis Carroll much,” said Flanders.
“I read The Song of Solomon much, Husband,” said the Betrothed, cocking her head to the side at Flanders amorously.
“I read the whole Song of Solomon yesterday,” said Flanders in romance.
“I would like to read it with you,” said Flaurie in feminine wiles.
“So would I with you,” he said, in coquetry.
Bree said, “It looks like my master wants to make out with your mistress again, Horn Of Plenty.”
“Yeah. I can see that and hear that,” said Horn Of Plenty. “They want some of that conjugal
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stuff again, Bree.”
“Mush,” said Bree.
“Kissing and hugging,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Let’s get out of here,” said Bree.
“Goofy man and goofy woman,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Married people,” said Bree.
“Husband and wife,” said Horn Of Plenty.
And the two unicorn pets flew away to leave their owners free to make romance. And while the unicorn pets were playing unicorn games out back, the Betrothed and her husband read from the Song of Solomon in the Bible and basically “necked.”
Out back in innocent unicorn games, Bree and Horn Of Plenty fell into fellowship about Moses in the Bible. Bree spoke and said, “I better understand what my master means when he tells me that our God uses imperfect people to bring about God’s perfect will.”
“As my mistress tells me, ‘Little is much when God is in it,’” said Horn Of Plenty. “Do tell me what you are pondering.”
“I was reading about Moses,” said Bree.
“Moses, the servant of the Lord,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Moses, the ‘prophet of prophets,’” said Bree.
“What do you have to tell me about Moses, Bree?” asked Horn Of Plenty.
“The Bible verses Exodus 2:11-12, good friend,” said Bree. And she recited them, “And it came to pass in those days, when Moses was grown, that he went out unto his brethren, and looked on their burdens: and he spied an Egyptian smiting an Hebrew, one of his brethren. And he looked this way and that way, and when he saw that there was no man, he slew the Egyptian, and hid him in the sand.”
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“That’s right, Bree,” said Horn Of Plenty. “Moses did kill a man. And by Old Testament law, he should have been executed for having done that. Yet God spared Moses, and Moses went on to live the rest of his life to deliver his people out of Egypt and to lead these children of Israel through the forty-years’ wandering in the wilderness and to write the Pentateuch. Instead of suffering due capital punishment, Moses lived another eighty years after having killed that Egyptian.”
“Can you begin to see how God used imperfect Moses to do God’s perfect will with him?” asked Bree.
“Uh huh,” said Horn Of Plenty with a nod of his unicorn horn.
“But all of that is not what I was thinking. Just wait till you hear what I was thinking further,” said Bree.
“Tell me more,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“You remember the Ten Commandments,” said Bree.
“I know all of them,” said Horn Of Plenty.
In introduction to her point, Bree said, “And you know how Moses did get alone with God on Mount Sinai, and how God spoke to Moses the ten commandments on that mountain, and how God wrote these ten commandments on two stone tablets.”
“Moses held the two stone tablets in his arms,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“And, Horn Of Plenty, what does the sixth commandment say?” asked Bree.
“The sixth commandment, Bree, says, ‘Thou shalt not kill,’” said Horn Of Plenty.
“And Moses had killed a man forty years prior,” said Bree.
“The man to whom God entrusted the ten commandments had already broken one of them real bad, and here he was holding those two stone tablets in his arms.” said Horn Of Plenty. “I can see what you’re thinking.”
“God used Moses to teach the people not to kill, and Moses had already killed.” summed up
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Bree. “God used imperfect Moses to teach God’s perfect law.”
“Do you know what that says to me?” asked Horn Of Plenty.
“Tell me,” said Bree.
“God uses two imperfect unicorns and two imperfect Christians who live in an ancient castle to serve His perfect will to go out and slay sorrel griffins for Him,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“I had not thought of that, Horn Of Plenty,” said Bree. “But you are right about us and God and our ministry for Him.”
“The happiest place for a Christian like our master and mistress to be is right in the middle of the will of God,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“God’s will is safer than Satan’s will,” said Bree.
“Even in a ministry as ours is in slaying Satan’s demons,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Satan and his sorrel griffins all know where they will end up when God comes around to judging them,” said Bree.
“It is written, O good friend, ‘Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble,’” recited Horn Of Plenty.
“James 2:19,” said Bree.
“Amen!” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Amen!” said Bree.
And the two unicorns of the family of the Antediluvian Castle went on to play more unicorn games in the backyard together.
Meanwhile the Betrothed and her husband were finished with their sweet magic of romance. And the harem girl and her husband sat alone together, enjoying each other’s company without speaking a word. It was fun to talk romance for them together in their dates as husband-and-wife, and it was fun to share silence for them together in their dates as husband-and-wife. Flanders felt true
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bliss in his quiet times with his Betrothed, admiring her in her harem girl outfit, as they sat and spoke not. And the Betrothed loved to be looked at in her harem girl outfit by the husband whom she adored.
Then Flaurie remembered a confidance that Flanders would not tell her about. There was that matter of his she-unicorn’s name having been changed for some unexplained reason to Flaurie. And she sought assurance from her husband, asking him, “Flanders, what is it about a sketch that is a secret that you do keep from Bree and myself?”
“That again,” he said in sigh and sorrow to himself out loud.
“Knowing you, Flanders, this can hardly be anything real bad,” said the Betrothed.
“Even Bree does not know,” said Flanders.
“Do you not tell your Betrothed things that you do not tell your unicorn?” asked Flaurie, knowing Flanders most well.
“That I do,” admitted Flanders.
“And do you not tell God in prayer things that you would not even tell your Betrothed?” asked Flaurie.
“You know me better than does anyone else, yourself having said what you just said,” said Flanders.
“What is the secret that you do tell only the Good Lord?” asked Flaurie in good cheer.
“That name ’Bree’ has a lot more to do with another who is not the Bree you know,” he said.
“It is not sin in your life, Husband,” said the Betrothed.
“It is not sin, Flaurie,” he said.
“Is it perhaps temptation?” she asked.
“It could be temptation,” he said.
“Flanders, in the name of God, I pray you tell me who this other ‘Bree’ is,” adjured the Betrothed.
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“’Carol Bree Dale,’” said Flanders in subtle revelation.
A silence broke in upon the Betrothed and her husband.
Flaurie went on to query, “This ‘Bree’ then must be the middle name of a ‘Carol Dale.’”
“She’s too beautiful to be a mortal,” said Flanders.
“This Carol must truly be a dream girl,” said Flaurie.
“Yeah. I think so,” said Flanders.
“Is she real, Flanders?” asked the Betrothed.
“I believe so,” he said.
“Is she make-believe?” asked Flaurie.
“She is a wheat germ girl in a Reader’s Digest,” he told her.
“She’s a model in an ad?” asked Flaurie.
“An ad that I keep in the attic,” he said.
“An ad and a sketch, Flanders?” asked Flaurie.
“The photo and the drawing both in the attic,” he told her.
“This is getting mysterious,” said the Betrothed.
“I gave her this name,” said Flanders. “Or else this name just came to me supernaturally.”
“’Carol Bree Dale,’ is not her real name then?” asked Flaurie.
“It could be. Or it could not be,” he said. “It just seems to be her name. I feel it inside.”
“I would love to meet her,” said Flaurie.
“Think how much I would love to meet her,” said Flanders.
“You do not know the woman,” said the Betrothed.
“No,” said Flanders.
“And she does not know you then, either, Flanders?” asked Flaurie.
“No. She does not,” said Flanders.
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“Unrequited love,” said the Betrothed.
“Carol was my first love,” he said.
“How about me?” asked the Betrothed.
“Requited love,” he said.
“Do you love me, Flanders?” asked Flaurie seeking assurance.
“Flaurie, you are my last love,” he said.
Understanding her husband, Flaurie said, “I am your last love, and after me you will have no more loves.”
“And there were no other loves after my first love and before my last love,” he said.
“My,” said the Betrothed. “I sense a struggle going on in my husband between a first love and a last love.”
“She’s just a picture,” he said.
“But I’m not a model,” said the Betrothed.
“You are my stunning Betrothed,” said Flanders Nickels.
“But I am not a living dream girl,” said Flaurie.
“You are all that is a woman in my real life,” said Flanders.
“But I am not all that is a woman in your fantasy life,” said Flaurie.
“My wife, you are condemning yourself,” said Flanders.
“There is another for you who is more beautiful to you than myself,” said the Betrothed.
In the intensity of the moment, Flanders went on to say most telltale, “Flaurie, things are happening. I think thoughts. I feel feelings. I think to hear sounds. I think to see sights.”
“What are you saying, Flanders?” asked the Betrothed.
“She’s coming,” said Flanders. “I believe that from somewhere out there that Carol is coming.”
“She’s coming for you,” said Flaurie.
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“I am not sure,” he said.
“You are not sure,” she said.
“I am not sure what I will do,” said Flanders.
“You are not sure which one of us that you will choose,” said Flaurie.
“I fear,” he said.
“I fear also,” said the Betrothed.
“The Devil beguiles me with this dream girl,” said Flanders.
“Remember what Pastor always says, Flanders,” said Flaurie. “Sometimes a woman can get a man to do something that even the Devil himself cannot make him do.”
“I have come to call that wherever she is, that place thereby to be ‘Paradise,’” he said.
“Flanders, this girl scares me even more than do the sorrel griffins,” said the Betrothed.
In this dire moment between husband and Betrothed, Flanders did say, “Remember Pastor’s other words: ‘There are three hundred sixty-five “fear not’s” in the Bible, one for every day of the year.’”
In silence, the Betrothed remembered other good words of Pastor from his sermons: “Do not worry. Take care of today. Yesterday is come and gone. And tomorrow has not come yet. That only leaves today.”
In earnestness, Flaurie said, “It is written, Husband, for you and me, ‘Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.’ Matthew 6:34.”
“Again it is written, ‘Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?’ Matthew 6:27,” recited Flanders.
And the Betrothed and her husband went on to share a prayer meeting together here amid the tall field grass of the large front yard of their Antediluvian Castle.
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CHAPTER V
It was Saturday morning, and the four were at the church doing chores. Emmy and Flaurie were inside cleaning the church, and Pastor and Flanders were outside taking care of the church yard. The two horses of Pastor and his wife were outside, grazing, as were the two unicorns of Flanders and his Betrothed. Last week the men did the cleaning inside, and the women did the lawn work outside. Next week again the men would do the inside; and the women; the outside. They took turns in their chores so that all four pitched in both inside and outside, alternating every other Saturday thereby. Pastor was not hesitant to clean the bathrooms; and Flanders felt worthwhile doing the sweeping. And the women felt good with the manual lawn mower and the weed-trowel.
Alone with Flanders outside today in front of the church, Pastor told of bad news. “Brother, you remember Pastor Booth.”
“I remember him, Pastor,” said Flanders. “He is your old pastor.”
“Brother, the sorrel griffins came after his church,” said Pastor Integral.
Flanders thought upon his Pastor’s words and their tone. Then Flanders asked, “Was it real bad, Pastor?”
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“They killed Pastor Booth,” said Pastor Integral.
“I’m so sorry, Pastor,” said Flanders.
“They killed him and they killed his whole flock, and they broke up the building down to the ground,” said Pastor.
“The Devil had a victory,” said Flanders mournfully. “I am sorry to hear that, Pastor.”
“There were five of them—all sorrel and wicked and full of vengeance,” said Pastor of the sorrel griffins who razed Pastor Booth’s church and ended his ministry.
“The Devil is stepping up his attacks,” said Flanders. “I never heard of five sorrel griffins together all at once like that doing their work for the Devil.”
“’…for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.’ Revelation 12:12, Brother,” recited the good Baptist pastor.
Flanders knew how much Pastor Booth meant to Pastor Integral. Nobody in this flock of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church knew more about Pastor Proffery Integral than did Usher Flanders, except for Emmy, Pastor’s wife. Truly it was Mrs. Booth—a mighty soul-winner in Christ—who had led Pastor Integral to his own salvation long ago. And it was Pastor Booth’s Baptist church from where Pastor Integral had been called into the ministry as Baptist church planter missionary. Pastor was a deacon at the time. And he made a most selfless and hard-working deacon. And he learned all about the Bible and God and living the Christian life in his formative years under Pastor Booth. Deacon Proffery picked up children for Sunday School and picked up people for church and shoveled the sidewalks and helped clean the church and was invaluable in times of necessary church discipline and taught the teen Sunday School class and led in the singing and led in the opening of adult Sunday School and went out always on Thursday Evening Visitation and preached at the nursing homes and filled the pulpit when Pastor Booth was away. Those old days were better days for America and the world: the sorrel griffins were few and subtle back then.
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Here in the front yard of this Alpha and Omega Baptist Church now, Pastor went on to say,
“I served in the church for ten years with Pastor Booth—both myself and my wife. Then one day the flock sang the hymn, ‘I’ll Go Where You Want Me To Go.’ It was a Sunday morning. I looked at my wife. My wife looked at me. And we both came forward to the front of the auditorium. Pastor Booth asked me, ‘Brother Proffery, why have you come forward?’
And I said, ‘God has called me into the mission field.’
And in the next several months at my old church, God prepared me for the ministry. Neither Emmy nor I knew where God would send me. The Baptist mission field is a calling of God. I and my wife were much in prayer as to where God would send me. Then one day an opening came for me to minister to a flock in Crivitz, Wisconsin.”
“Right here,” said Flanders.
“Yes,” said Pastor Integral. “They could not pay me a big salary, and I was making good money as a salesman at a clothing store in town. I was not sure about my money situation were I to take the pastorate here. And I got alone with Pastor Booth, and I asked him, ‘Should I quit my job at the clothing store and go full-time into the ministry?’
And Pastor Booth asked me, ‘Proffery, do you believe that God can take care of you?’
And I said, ‘Yes. I do, Pastor Booth.’
And Pastor Booth said, ‘Then quit your job at the clothing store. Go and serve the people of Crivitz. And let God take care of you, Brother.’”
“Your beloved sending church, Pastor,” said Flanders.
With a sigh upon the loss of beloved Pastor Booth, Pastor Integral said, “’Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.’ Psalm 116:15. God is good.”
“’Is it not lawful for me to do what I will with mine own?…’ Matthew 20:15,” Flanders said in consolation.
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“They are in Heaven now,” said Pastor Integral about Mr. and Mrs. Booth and their good flock.
“And those five killer sorrel griffins will end up in Hell in time to come,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Our God makes all things right,” said Pastor Proffery Integral.
Meanwhile, the women—Emmy and Flaurie—were inside the church cleaning. Emmy told the Betrothed what what bad thing had happened to good Mr. and Mrs. Booth and all of their church just the other day. Flaurie gasped and asked, “All of them, dead?”
“All of them,” said Emmy.
“The church is all wrecked?” asked Flaurie.
“All wrecked,” said Emmy.
“That’s the worst news that I have ever heard,” said Flaurie in shock.
“The Lord called Proffery and myself to the mission field from that church,” said Emmy.
“To Crivitz here,” said Flaurie.
“I remember how we, with God, first built our work here with this church,” said Emmy.
“Do tell me all about it, Emmy,” said Flaurie.
“Well, first of all Pastor began going out on deputation,” began Emmy. “He spoke at many local Baptist churches, like ours that we went to, and he found numerous such churches who decided to take us on for support. Pastor Booth’s church was the first church to agree to give us such financial support. Baptist churches regularly send out monthly disbursements to certain other missionaries who are serving God either in the United States or outside of the United States. The pastors who serve God in the United States are called ‘home missionaries.’ And the pastors who serve God outside of the United States are called ‘foreign missionaries.’ Pastor worked hard on deputation and soon earned enough money to begin his first church. And our church met at our duplex on Merrill Street at the time. And with generous offerings from our faithful little flock our church had stored away in the bank a nice sum for the church’s future. We had money in the general fund now. And we had money in the
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building fund now. And we were supporting other home missionaries also with our church finances. And our flock knew that it was time for us to look for a building of our own to meet together in in worship. In a special business meeting, we took a vote, and we officially called our church ‘Alpha and Omega Baptist Church.’ And Pastor and the deacons began to look for a building in which to worship.
And Pastor found a place that was for rent. It was the senior citizen center in town. And it was available for us for a church on weekends and evenings. The church had a business meeting, and we agreed to rent out this building and make it our new home for Alpha and Omega Baptist Church. Because the building belonged to the senior citizen center, we of the flock had to arrange the furniture for our church services and to put the furniture back the way it was after our church services for the senior citizens for their day times for the weekdays. Pastor preached at this senior citizen center for some years. And the flock grew to forty people. Our Baptist church then had in the bank a certificate of deposit worth twenty thousand dollars.
And Pastor and our flock found the time right to step out in faith and to seek our own building in which to hold church. None of us knew where such a thing might be found. Would we build? Would we buy a building already made? What was God’s will for Alpha and Omega Baptist Church?
Pastor prayed about it. And a place became available in Crivitz. You know that, Flaurie. It was an old Jehovah’s Witness building. Their congregation outgrew their old building, and they built a new building and moved into that one. That left this building in town vacant. It was for sale for over one hundred thousand dollars. We of the church numbered about forty different people then. But only nine of our flock were voting members. And by dint of necessity and with stubborn resolve, Pastor, at the bargaining table, forced the price down to about ninety thousand dollars for the old Kingdom Hall.
But his work was not done yet. He had to convince the banker to let our church borrow the money from the bank just to get the building that we wanted. Of course the pragmatic banker was reluctant.
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The loan officer asked Pastor, ‘You want to buy a ninety-thousand dollar building with only nine voting members to your church?’
To this Pastor said, ‘We serve a great God.’
Of course this banker did not have the faith that Pastor had, the banker not at all a born-again Christian like Pastor and the rest of us.
In a business meeting the nine voting members of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church voted unanimously to go ahead and buy the old Jehovah’s Witness building. And the bank did go and lend our church the money. We bought the existing church building, and we moved into the building not long later, and the building then became a spiritual lighthouse to the town of Crivitz. And because all of our flock–the members and those not members– were all givers of tithes and offerings, we paid off the new building lock, stock, and barrel a few years later.” Emmy was now done telling Flaurie the history of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church.
“I was there that day when Pastor and the deacons ceremoniously burned up the copy of the last check that paid off the church mortgage,” said Flaurie. “So was Flanders.”
“I remember, Flaurie,” said Emmy. “You and Flanders were still dating then.”
“And that was even before Flanders and I became members,” said the Betrothed.
“From yourselves coming as first-time visitors unto becoming voting members, nobody else in all of our flock made this transition so quickly as did you and Flanders,” bragged Emmy on the Betrothed and her husband.
“This house of God is like mine and Flanders’s second home, Emmy,” said Flaurie.
“Do you like the divers and sundry pews of our Baptist church, Flaurie?” asked Emmy.
“They are quite odd and very neat,” said Flaurie in true favor.
“The Jehovah’s witnesses had chairs in here when they sold us the building, but we of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church wanted something different. And this was what the flock all decided upon
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in a business meeting,” said Emmy.
“They are…original,” was all that Flaurie could say. But she loved the pews in their great variety.
Just then the women heard the sound of a crashing upon the roof. Then they heard a second crashing upon the roof. Then they heard a third crashing upon the roof. In great fears, the women fled outside for fear of the ceiling maybe coming down upon them.
Behold, Pastor Proffery Integral holding his King James Bible in the air and looking up toward the church roof and rebuking in utterance, “”Get down off of my roof, you filthy demons!”
Lo, three real, living, dangerous sorrel griffins!
Flanders drew his Gilded Saber. Flaurie took out her pistol. Bree came flying up to her master and lighted beside him. Horn Of Plenty came galloping up to his mistress, his long unicorn horn ready for battle. Pastor stood guard before his church’s front doors, his whole self full of the Holy Spirit. Emmy immediately began to pray words of intercession and petition. The three sorrel griffins stood there upon the church’s shingles as an army of Satan against all that was good and Godly.
It was time now for the Christian soldiers to serve their ministry as griffin-slayers. Flanders spoke and said, “My pastor has told you to get off the roof.”
One of the griffins most insultingly spoke and said a childish, “Make me get off the roof, O son of God.”
A second griffin spoke and said, “I will get off the roof if you give up the ghost.”
And a third griffin dared to say to Flanders, “I will get off the roof just as soon as I kick it down unto the floor.”
“Bree,” commanded Flanders, “take me to the roof!” And Flanders mounted Bree, and Bree flew upwards toward the mocking sorrel griffins, the great sword fighter riding her on her back.
The sorrel griffins instantly scattered, fleeing the son of God and his great she-unicorn, and
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did light upon the ground before the church doors.
“Bree, take me to the ground,” said Flanders battle commands. And unicorn and master went back to the ground. The sorrel griffins again scattered, and they flew back up to the roof and lighted thereupon again. One of the sorrel griffins said, “Behold the famous soldier for God in Wisconsin. Son of God, I shall eat your sword.”
Another griffin said now, “Cat and mouse. Cat and mouse. Cat and mouse.”
And another griffin said, “”Come back up, Christian warrior, and we will go back down.”
Just then a shot rang out. Behold, a sorrel griffin falling in battle. He gasped, “Alas!” And he fell down upon the roof, rolled down the roof, and fell to the earth beside Pastor standing by the door.
Pastor checked the griffin’s heartbeat with his hands and said, “He’s dead.”
There stood the daughter of God, her pistol raised victoriously in the air.
Flaurie spoke now and said, “Nasty griffins of the Devil, get off of the church roof. It is no place for demons.”
One of the two remaining griffins said, “Behold the renowned lady with a gun. Never mess with a lady with a gun.”
And the other of the two remaining griffins said, “Let us shake up the daughter of God.”
Flanders said in battle orders, “Bree, take me up to the roof.” And man and unicorn of God ascended back up to the roof. And again the griffins fled the son of God and lighted back upon the ground. But they were now after Flaurie. Horn Of Plenty lunged at one of the sorrel griffins, his long horn aimed for the heart. But the griffin batted away the unicorn horn with his eagle claws. And the other griffin grabbed a hold of the daughter of God around her ankle with one eagle leg. And this sorrel griffin lifted the lady shooter upwards and upside-down.
Flaurie cried out, “Flanders! Horn Of Plenty! Lord!”
And the sorrel griffin shook her where she was upside-down in the air, and all four of her
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artillery belts fell off of her person and fell down upon the ground.
Pastor’s black horse panicked there in the parking lot, and she ran off in fear. And Emmy’s white horse also panicked and fled battle for her life. Pastor remained, hurling Bible verses at the demonic griffins. And Emmy also remained, speaking prayers to God.
Flanders saw his Betrothed about to be carried away up into the sky by the one sorrel griffin.
And he saw this griffin with his back toward him. And he saw the other griffin next to that griffin and contending in battle one-on-one against Horn Of Plenty. And he gave commands, “Bree get him from in back. Horn Of Plenty get him from in front.” Flanders dismounted Bree, and Bree flew off of the roof to obey her master. Flaurie’s unicorn also gave heed to the orders of the son of God. Flanders remained on the roof.
Behold, Bree impaled the sorrel griffin in his back with her unicorn horn and Horn Of Plenty impaled this sorrel griffin in his chest with his unicorn horn. The griffin gasped and said, “Woe am I!”
And he fell down dead in battle. Flaurie was dropped some feet upon her head. And she was knocked unconscious. And she lay there in a heap. Her pistol was still in her right hand.
One sorrel griffin remained. He was alone with two avenging unicorns. And Flanders was still on the roof. The lone sorrel griffin, in peril for his life, still had prideful words to say to Flanders.
He said, “She’s dead. You know your Betrothed is dead.”
“She’s knocked out,” said Flanders.
“Are you sure?” asked the griffin. “The way she looks, it is a lot more serious than that, O son of God.”
“Master,” said Bree, “let me at him. I will make it quick.”
“Sorrel griffin, she yet lives,” said Flanders. But doubts filled his heart.
Horn Of Plenty spoke and said, “Flanders, this is not the time for words of doubt.”
Bree said, “Let us take down this foul griffin, O Master.”
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The sorrel griffin then spoke and said, “Soldier for Christ, if you would, allow me the pleasure of razing the church for my father, and I will leave your wife unmolested where she does lie.”
“Your father, O demon?” asked Flanders. “It is written about you and your kind, O sorrel griffin, ‘Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.’ John 8:44.”
In rage, the sorrel griffin at once lifted up off of the ground and zeroed in upon the son of God up on the roof with the speed of a fallen angel. Flanders held his Gilded Saber in both hands, ready and steady. And as the griffin crashed into him, he thrust his gold sword deep into the griffin’s midriff.
The griffin squawked a death call, “Eek!” And he fell down upon the very edge of the roof and slipped down to the ground below and fell down between Pastor and Emmy. As for Flanders, he was knocked hard backwards upon the shingles from the great collision. His right wrist was broken. But he still held on to the Gilded Saber. His head was clear. His body was sore. His wrist hurt like broken bones. But he was going to be all right. And in rally, he stood back up upon the roof and raised his sword in his left hand in victory in Jesus.
Emmy put her hands to this fallen griffin’s heart, and she said, “He’s dead, Pastor.”
Flaurie stirred where she lay. His saber back in his scabbard, at once Flanders climbed down off of the church roof with only his left arm, leaping the last five feet to the Earth. And he ran up to be beside his wounded Betrothed. The two unicorns were already there. And Pastor and Pastor’s wife were there right after Flanders was.
And Flaurie spoke, “Foolish woman I am. Leaving my artillery belts lying around like that. Bad bad griffins to make me to do such a thing as that.” And she sat up, looked around herself, and stood back up and gathered her four ammunition belts and put them on herself again.
“That’s my Flaurie,” said the son of God. The Betrothed was okay.
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Flanders remembered the day that they had gotten married. It was Easter Sunday in springtime in northeastern Wisconsin. And it took place right here at Alpha and Omega Baptist Church. She and he agreed that he, as the bridegroom, wear a fancy black tuxedo with tails. And he and she agreed that she, as the bride, wear her comely harem girl outfit with her comely artillery belts. Both bride and groom were barefoot that day of their wedding. And Pastor Integral performed the ceremony. And Bree and Horn Of Plenty served as types of maid of honor and best man.
Upon the dais stood Pastor and the wedding party. Pastor was standing at the altar, facing the auditorium. The bride and the bridegroom stood side-by-side before Pastor at the altar, their backs to the auditorium. Flanders stood to the right; Flaurie stood to the left. To Flanders’s right stood his best man for the ceremony—Flaurie’s Horn Of Plenty. To Flaurie’s left stood her maid of honor for this ceremony—Flanders’s Bree. To the right of the best man stood the groomsmen, all dressed in white tuxedos and white shirts and white pants and white socks and white dress shoes. To the left of the maid of honor stood the bridesmaids all dressed in green bridesmaids dresses of acetate with green tights and with green pumps and with green ribbons in their long hair.
Pastor preached on that ever-popular representation of marriage as the triangle that day of the wedding. He said “A good Christian marriage is like a triangle. The husband and the wife are in the bottom two vertices of the triangle at its base. God is at the top vertex of the triangle. As the husband and the wife climb up the sides of the triangle and draw nigh to God, they also draw nearer to each other in the middle.”
Pastor then went on to preach a good old-fashioned message on God’s institution of marriage. He began, “It is written, ‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
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That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.’ Ephesians
5:22-33.”
Pastor continued, “We Baptists have a proverb about marriage: ‘The wife is to bow and to build; the husband is to love and to lead.’ The wife is called of God to put herself in subjection to her husband. She must allow her husband to be the leader of the home. And she must defer to his decisions that he makes for the family and their marriage. And she must encourage him and be his cheerleader and be his helpmeet in their days together. The husband is called of God to love his wife, doing so gently by giving honor to her as to the weaker vessel. He is ordained of God to be the leader of the home. It is the husband who must make the decisions for his family.”
Pastor Integral then went on to say, “Wives and husbands are equally important to God in marriage, just as women and men are equally important to God in His creation. But God made his people male and female. And He created them to be different. Men serve God in God’s ways for men to serve Him. And women serve God in God’s ways for women to serve Him. Women think with their hearts. Men think with their heads. But male and female alike are both made in the image of God, and both have eternal souls, and Christ died for the sins of both. A woman who lives for God is a glory to God. And a man who lives for God is a glory to God. God loves wives and husbands alike equally with His perfect love.”
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Pastor then turned to the maid of honor—the she-unicorn. And he asked, “Bree, do you give away the bride Flaurie to the bridegroom Flanders?”
“I do, Pastor,” said Bree.
And Pastor declared, “Thus is Flaurie duly given to Flanders.”
Then the pastor turned to the best man—the he-unicorn. And he asked, “Horn Of Plenty, do you give away the bridegroom Flanders to the bride Flaurie?”
“I do, Pastor,” said Horn Of Plenty.
And Pastor declared, “Thus is Flanders duly given to Flaurie.”
Then Pastor Integral said, “I now turn this wedding ceremony to the bride and groom for now for them to exchange wedding vows to each other.”
Bride and groom now turned to look into each other’s face. Flanders went first, “My stunning bride, ‘Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.’” Thus the Word of God in I Corinthians 13:1-3. Flanders went on to say personally, “In you, Flaurie, I have found a completion of myself in Christ. You are more beautiful than the words of the Song of Solomon. Your attire of charmeuse and belts has come from God. Your dark eyes shine with the goodness of the Holy Spirit. Your complexion is the green of springtime in Wisconsin. Your hair is as a wild animal’s who runs free through the fields and is the purple of kings’ and queens’ apparel. Your endued lips have never kissed another. And you are all of my blessings from God. Be my Betrothed—both as fiancée before and as wife for now on,”
Flaurie now spoke her vows to Flanders, saying, “Good and faithful groom, ‘Charity suffereth
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long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.’”
Thus God’s Word of I Corinthians 13:4-7. Flaurie then went on to say her own words: “As I was my fiancé’s Betrothed, so shall I be my husband’s Betrothed. As Eve was created to be Adam’s helpmeet, so do I wish now to become your helpmate, O Flanders. I shall be faithful to you where others will be unfaithful to you. I shall trust you where others distrust you. And I shall love you where others do not love you. And I will forgive you when you do me wrong. And I will ask for forgiveness from you when I do you wrong.”
Then Pastor said, “Flanders, you may now hug the bride.”
And Flanders and his Betrothed embraced each other long and hard. Indeed his arms lifted her up off of the ground. And, airborne, she raised her lower leg upward behind herself in delights. She grew giddy in romance. And he set her back down. And they let go of their hug.
Then Pastor said, “Flanders, you may now kiss the bride.”
And Flanders and his Betrothed touched lips together. Her protruding lips kissed his normal lips. And his normal lips kissed her protruding lips.. Her consciousness was in most idyllic reverie.
And she knew that he was in his dreamland with her, too, also. Then, after a long moment, they drew apart.
Then Pastor said, “By my authority as a pastor of the Word of God, given to me by the state of Wisconsin, I now pronounce you, ‘man and wife.’”
“Happy Easter, Husband,” said Mrs. Flaurie Nickels.
“Happy Easter, my good wife,” said Mr. Flanders Nickels.
Then Pastor said, “Flanders, you may now take the bride.” And take his bride he did. He swept his Betrothed off of her feet and carried her out of the church and away on their honeymoon. And the
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married couple began the rest of their lives together in their new conjugal union.
Remembering all of this, here two years later, Flanders said, “Thank you for our two years together as husband and wife, Flaurie. And thank you for our two years together as boyfriend and girlfriend before that.”
“Thank you for our four years together, Flanders,” said Flaurie. “Especially the last two years of those four.”
Emmy said, “What a mess is here at the church with all of these dead griffins.”
Pastor said, “There are wounded soldiers here.”
“A little wounded at that,” said Flanders.
“My head still hurts,” said Flaurie.
“Let us have a word of prayer,” said Pastor.
And Pastor Proffery Integral prayed intercessions for the four Christian warriors of today’s battle.
Then Emmy said, “Praise God for Flanders and Flaurie and Bree and Horn Of Plenty.”
Then they all agreed to have the flock go and bury these three griffin carcasses tomorrow afternoon after church, themselves helping out as well.
The church building was yet intact and still undamaged from this battle.
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CHAPTER VI
Flanders and Flaurie Nickels were riding their unicorns together up in the sky on a trip to the big city to do some shopping. Flanders was going to buy his Betrothed the perfect one-piece swimsuit for her. Flaurie asked, “Flanders, are there lots of one-piece swimsuits on the racks in Green Bay?”
He answered, “Yes, Flaurie. Where we are going are lots of malls all throughout the city.”
“I know of Port Plaza,” she said. “Are there other malls in Green Bay?”
“Yes,” he said. “There is also Bay Park Square and East Town Mall and Green Bay Plaza.”
“Which is the best store in any mall for just the right swimsuit for me?” she asked.
“J.C. Penney’s,” he said. “They have the highest quality maillots.”
“Which store in any mall has the most swimsuits to choose from for myself?” she asked.
“Younker’s,” he said.
“Is Sears good for us to go to, too, Flanders?” she asked.
“Sears is a great place for one-piece swimsuits, too,” he said.
“Who else has good swimsuits?” asked the Betrothed.
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“K-Mart and Shopko,” he said.
“Oo, could we maybe go to all of them?” she asked.
“We will go to all of them, girl,” he promised in excitement.
“How blessed of God I am to have a husband who loves to go shopping for clothes for his wife and with his wife,” said Flaurie.
“Maillots are exciting for me, just as they are for you,” he said. “One of my hopes and dreams I had in my life was to go one-piece swimsuit shopping with a pretty girl. And now I get to do that with a stunning wife.”
“You are not like other men,” she said.
“I like dressing up my woman,” he said, “in pretty clothes.”
“Our shopping trip might take the whole day if we go and check out all of the clothing stores, Husband,” she said.
“We can enjoy a veritable festival of maillots,” he said. “Let’s make our special marital date out shopping like this to last maybe three days.”
“Three days!” she said. “I like that!”
“I will be your sugar daddy,” he said.
“That sounds like spending more money on me that I deserve,” she said.
“I love my Betrothed,” he said. “And money is no object.”
“I defer to your providence, Husband,” said Flaurie, eager to be thus treated by her man.
After a while of flying above the earth, Flanders, curious about the opposite sex, asked, “Flaurie, what does a woman look for when she goes to buy a one-piece swimsuit?”
“Oh, that’s easy for me to answer, Flanders,” said Flaurie. “A woman wants a one-piece swimsuit that does not make her look fat.”
“There is no fat to you, Flaurie. You would look good in any maillot,” he said in sincerity.
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“Why, thank you, Flanders,” said the Betrothed. She was, in truth, most femininely slender of frame and slim of limb.
“What else does a girl look for when she is one-piece swimsuit shopping?” asked Flanders.
“A maillot that fits and is comfortable,” she said. “No woman wants a one-piece swimsuit that hikes up her bottom or that has shoulder straps too tight or too loose or that doesn’t cover herself decently.”
“Fascinating,” he said. “Men don’t know about things like that.”
“And we women want our one-piece swimsuits with the right colors.” she said.
“Do you have a favorite color for a maillot?” asked Flanders.
“Black, definitely,” said the Betrothed. “We girls like black one-piece swimsuits because black makes us look thinner.”
“What’s your second favorite color for a maillot?” he asked.
“That would be white,” she said.
“I don’t see a lot of white one-piece swimsuits,” he said.
“They’re kind of hard to find nowadays,” she said.
“What do you think about one-piece swimsuits that are both black and white?” asked Flanders.
“That would be my third favorite,” she said.
“Here I am, talking about being your sugar daddy for a one-piece swimsuit. You definitely have the right build for a two-piece swimsuit, too, girl,” he said.
“Two-piece swimsuits would look good on me, Flanders. Thank you for telling me that. But I don’t want to show a lot of myself with myself being a Christian and all,” said Flaurie. “I try to stay away from two-piece swimsuits.”
“Oh good,” he said. “I find one-piece swimsuit women a whole lot more sexy than two-piece swimsuit women.”
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“You are a most unusual man, Flanders, thinking that,” said Flaurie.
“I believe that,” he said. “I never once dreamed about going shopping with a girl for two-piece swimsuits.”
She then cast a flirt in her eyes and said, “But there is a situation for a woman when a two-piece swimsuit is better to have on than a one-piece swimsuit.”
“Do tell me, woman,” he said.
“When she is at a park or a wayside, and she has to use the bathroom,” she said.
He cast a flirt in his eyes back at her, and he said, “Naughty, naughty.”
In reply, she said, “You men don’t have to worry about things like that.”
Bree spoke up and asked, “Horn Of Plenty, our master and mistress are talking their romance talk again.”
And Horn Of Plenty said, “I hear them.”
“Do you understand what they are talking about?” asked Bree.
“No. I do not,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Well, neither do I,” said Bree.
“They are both goofy,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Goofy in the head,” said Bree.
The four continued their flight south to the big city. Then they saw a big bridge below. Flaurie asked, “Flanders, is that the I-43 bridge?”
“Yes,” he said. “Also called ‘The Tower Drive Bridge.’”
“And is that the Fox River right below us?” she asked.
“Yes. It is,” he said.
“Is this Green Bay then?” she asked.
“We are just coming into the northern side of Green Bay, Flaurie,” he said.
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After a few minutes, they saw a large building covering many acres in downtown Green Bay down below them. “That must surely be one of Green Bay’s malls,” she said.
“That is is,” he said. “It is Port Plaza.”
“It is so big,” she said. “It has to be the biggest mall of this city.”
“It is at that, Flaurie,” he said.
“Can we go down to Port Plaza first?” she asked.
“I would like that much,” he said.
“Descend, O good Horn Of Plenty,” said his mistress.
“Descend, my Bree,” said Flanders.
And the unicorns descended and lighted upon the sidewalk. The four travelers now stood before a cement structure of many floors and much open space and shadows of darkness within. Transporting animals of all species were in here, waiting and idle. “What’s this, Flanders?” asked the Betrothed.
“It is called ‘a parking garage,’” he said.
“A woman does not see anything like this where we live,” said Flaurie.
“Madison and Milwaukee are full of these,” said Flanders.
“Are we supposed to go in?” she asked.
“We must park our unicorns,” he said.
“Is that okay with you two?” Flaurie asked Horn Of Plenty and Bree.
“It is, Mistress,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Of course,” said Bree. “I have come here with my master before.”
And the four entered the parking ramp, and two came out. And Flanders and his Betrothed went “malling” at Port Plaza. And they went first to J.C. Penney’s.
Right away, even before they found the women’s swimwear department, the Betrothed asked,
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“Do I get to ask you what you think about each one that I try on?”
“Do I get to hug you in each one you try on?” he asked.
“Husband, you have a fetish,” she said.
“A one-piece swimsuit fetish,” he said.
“At least you and I agree on one thing, Flanders,” she said, “and that I look my very best as your own harem girl.”
“My own harem girl, and my pistol girl,” he said.
“I can see you gawking at my ammunition belts, Flanders,” said the Betrothed.
“I will be gawking at your maillots pretty soon now,” he said.
“Goodie!” she said. “A wife loves to be admired by her husband.”
“Today, Flaurie, you can be my one-piece swimsuit goddess,” he said.
“Here we are,” she said, “Penney’s women’s swimwear rack.”
“Ah, shiny colors, shiny patterns, shiny fabric,” he said in awe and wonder.
“I’m looking for a size 9/10,” said the Betrothed. “I am a five feet eight inch girl who weighs one hundred twenty pounds.”
“A tall thin woman,” he praised her.
“Your ‘one-piece swimsuit goddess,’ as you called me, Husband,” said Flaurie.
“Whoa!” he said in raptures here at the women’s swimwear department with his Betrothed.
And husband and wife began to search for sexy maillots in great pleasure together. They could hear the sounds of plastic hangers knocking against each other. They wrestled with stuck hangers on overcrowded racks. They read tags inside the maillots. They saw liners inside that were tan, or white, or black. They felt shoulder straps and strings upon their hands. They saw floral patterns and solid patterns and old-fashioned geometric design patterns. And they looked upon nylon/Spandex fabric of all the colors of the spectrum. And they saw maillots made of Polyamide/Elasthanne as well.
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Then, after much shopping, the Betrothed gave away a squeal of delight. She said, “I found it, Flanders. My new one-piece swimsuit.” She had not even tried one on yet. But this one was surely a great keeper for a woman built like Flaurie.
“Did you find one that you like, Flaurie?” he asked. And at once he came up to her side to see which one had to be so very good like this one. They admired it there on the hanger on the rack.
It was red, white, and blue and full of stars and stripes all throughout.
“An American flag swimsuit,” said Flaurie.
“I never saw an American flag one-piece swimsuit before, Flaurie,” he said, looking upon its lustrous colors in a trance.
“I like this pattern even more than I like solid black patterns,” she said.
“It’s beautiful, like you, Flaurie,” he said.
“Look at the perfect shoulder straps,” she said. “These are far better than strings.”
“It looks like it has a whole lot of material,” he said in a sensual approval. “It seems different from one-piece swimsuits that I know about.”
“Get ready, Husband. I am going to lift it off the rack on its hanger,” she said.
“Let’s get a good look at all of it,” he said.
She then took it down from the rack and did hold it in the air before them in all of its fullness.
“Ah,” said Flanders in an understanding.
“Why, Flanders,” said the Betrothed. “It is a one-piece swimsuit with a skirt portion!”
“Yes!” he said. “A real swim dress!”
“I never saw anything like this before,” said Flaurie.
“They are indeed uncommon, almost rare, in fact,” he said.
“This is called ‘a swim dress,’ then?” she asked.
“Yep!” he said. “Isn’t it a thing of beauty?”
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“I bet that it just has to be the most comfortable thing for a woman to put on,” she said.
“And probably the most tempting thing for a woman to put on,” he added.
Curiosity betrayed itself in her eyes. She then reached down with her free hand and lifted up the skirt portion and did see an inner part of this swimdress inside that decently covered a woman’s femaleness. “That’s good,” she said in relief.
“I saw that, my Betrothed,” he said with a smirk.
“No. You didn’t,” she said hastily. Then she said, “Yes. You did.” Then she explained, “A woman needs to make sure about things like this.”
Then he said, “What does the tag say, do you think?”
She now looked inside the ladies’ swimdress, and saw a full tan liner front and back. And she saw the swimsuit tag, and she read it out loud to herself and to her husband, “Exterior, 80%nylon/20% elastane. Lining, 85% nylon/15% elastane. Size 9/10. Made in Indonesia. Hand wash cold. Only non-chlorine bleach when needed. Line dry. Do not iron.”
“Sexy!” he said.
“Men!” she teased him in flirt.
“Look, Flanders. There is also a tag on the outside of this swimdress. A little piece of cardboard,” she said.
“Let’s look at it, girl,” he said. “It has to say something daring.”
The Betrothed held it in her fingers for both to read at once. And the both read the following in silence and good fun: “Your new swimsuit is made of the finest quality fabrics and dyes available. However, swimwear is continually exposed to chlorine, salt water, and sunlight, and cannot be guaranteed 100% colorfast. To help your swimsuit last longer and keep colors more alive, rinse in cool fresh water after each use and let drip dry naturally.”
He said again, “Sexy.”
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She said, “I’ll do that. My red and white and blue will never fade on my swimdress, if I can help it.”
“I wonder if this little cardboard has any writing in the back,” he said.
She turned over this little extra tag, and they both saw a field of blue that read in big silver letters, “Azul” and read also in small black letters below, “By Maxine of Hollywood.”
“That must be the name of the company that made this swim dress,” said Flanders.
“I now love all swim dresses,” said the Betrothed. “But this swim dress I shall the love the most for now on.”
“Let me see my stunning new swimdress goddess, O my Flaurie,” he said.
“I cannot wait to put it on!” she said.
Very quickly she skipped to the dressing room to see how it fit and how she might look to herself and how she might look to her husband. It did fit indeed. And she felt perfectly comfortable covered in this. And she loved what she saw in the mirror in this dressing room. Surely her Flanders would love her in this, too. And she came out of the dressing room, and there was Flanders, waiting for her with bated breath right here.
His feelings upon seeing her now did move him to speak to her in French the romance language, and he said, “Oo là là! Voilà! Une femme en maillot très seduisante!”
Understanding French herself, she translated this into English, saying, “Whoa! Look, a very seductive one-piece swimsuit woman.” Then she curtseyed before her aroused admirer and said, “Why, thank you, Flanders.”
In most overt coquetry, he reached out his hand and lifted up the skirt portion of this swimdress and looked upon the nether region portion of this swimdress. He then said, “A man just needs to make sure, you know, Flaurie.”
“That’s naughty, Husband,” said the Betrothed.
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In tease he said, “But nobody saw that,”
Just then somebody nearby said, “You two must be married.” It was a store clerk.
“Somebody saw that,” said Flanders. And all three laughed.
The Betrothed then said, “Flanders, can my swimsuit be this one? I want this one so bad. I’ve just got to have it.”
“I fell in love it it, too,” he said. “But there are many other women’s swimsuit racks throughout all of Green Bay. There are probably other one-piece swimsuits that you might like better.”
“I can find none better in Green Bay than this one,” she said. “Let’s quit our shopping spree and pick this one, Flanders. I can tell that you feel the same way about this one.”
He became swept up in her fever for this swim dress, and he said, “I do believe that, Flaurie. I doubt that we can find a better one-piece swimsuit in any other store in Green Bay than this swimdress we see here now at Penney’s.”
“Then you’ll buy it for me right now, Husband?” she asked.
“I will buy it for you right now, my Betrothed,” he said.
She then looked at the price tag. And she gasped and fell upon dismay. She thought for a while, then said, “It’s too expensive. Alas. I did not know that swimsuits cost so much.”
“Flaurie, my Flaurie, no swimsuit is too expensive for me to buy for you,” he said.
“It’s ninety-nine dollars, Flanders,” she said. “That’s almost a hundred bucks.”
“It is a good price for me to see you in this,” he said. “Ninety-nine dollars is a bargain for a swim dress this enticing. You are not the only one who has to have this, you know.”
“Are you saying that you have to have this, too, for on myself?” she asked.
“I love it, and I love you, and I love you in this,” he said.
“Well, if you really would,” she did say. “I really would love to take this back home to our Antediluvian Castle and wear it around the house and be a swim dress lady.”
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“Keep it on right now, if you’d like,” he said.
“Oh, Flanders. We forgot what we were supposed to do on our shopping spree,” said the Betrothed.
“I think that I know what you’re saying,” he said.
And they both fell into a hug with her in her swimsuit. Then they drew apart, and she said, “Let’s go and buy me this swim dress, good husband.”
“The honor is all mine,” he said. Then she gathered up her traditional harem girl clothes to take with her to her unicorn to put in his saddlebags. And husband and Betrothed went to the checkout stand and he bought her her ladies’ swim dress with herself still in it, and the cashier smiled in novelty.
Then they left J.C. Penney’s to fly back home on the two unicorns. And on the way back, Flanders said a most odd statement, “I wish that I could go to K-Mart.”
She asked, “Why?” And she said, “It’s not too late.”
And he replied nought. And she wondered. And she spoke not to his silence.
The next day, Flanders, alone, came up to Bree, and he said, “Girl, take me to K-Mart.”
And Bree said, “I defer to your wishes, Master.” And Flanders mounted his she-unicorn. She then asked, “By land or by air, my master?.”
“Make Godspeed, Bree,” he commanded. “I cannot wait another moment. Let us go by air.”
And she lifted up off the ground to take her master back to Green Bay. Bree did not ask Flanders what was at K-Mart that he had to go there for; and Flanders did not confide in Bree as to what he needed to buy there that he would not buy anywhere else. They then lighted upon the open parking lot of K-Mart. And Flanders said, “I will be a while.” And he went into the department store.
And he went right to the women’s clothing department. He indeed walked past the swimwear department to get to the casual department. Here were women’s shirts and women’s pants. He went
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right to the blue jeans. He had seen junior’s blue jeans for sale in the K-Mart ad in the Sunday newspaper the other day. He had to buy a pair as a treasure to keep. Blue jeans made women look good. These blue jeans would not be for Flaurie. Neither were these blue jeans for another woman. They were to be just for him to have and to remember and to dream. Remembering with great vividness at what he had looked upon for so many years, he went about to find the exact same type of blue jeans that he had come to know for so long. And he scrutinized the whole women’s blue jean racks—choosing between zipper flies and button flies, between boot cut and flare cut, between faded blue denim and dark blue denim, between medium and large, even where the pockets were and if it had a watch pocket. And in the end, he picked up a pair of junior’s dark blue denim jeans with a flare cut. This looked like it was very close to what it had to be. And he put them into his shopping basket and continued shopping. He needed now to buy the shirt, and he would have the complete outfit. He went to the women’s shirt section. He was looking for a long-sleeved navy blue chambray work shirt with two pockets in front near the top and with buttons and a collar. This shirt was also in the K-Mart ad the other day. He especially needed this to complete the secret ensemble. And he found the junior’s long-sleeved shirts. And he found the very right one right away. Behold the chambray work shirt that he would never forget. Here it was, waiting for him. And he put this into his shopping cart as well.
His shopping was done. But an idea came to him in its sweet charm. He could be more like her if he put it on. And he did not have to wait to get home to do this. He could do this kind of secretly right here. And without a word of prayer, he went right to the men’s dressing room with these clothes, and he put them on, and he looked at himself in the mirror in the privacy of this little room. He looked at his blue jean thighs with the chambray work shirt tails in front and resting against them. He put his hands to his shirt pockets and pondered womanhood there were he she. He looked at the pleasing cuffs over his wrists. He then sat down upon the dressing room floor, raised his right knee, unbuttoned his top shirt button, brought his hands together down in front, cocked his head to the side, and did look
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into the mirror. And he said to himself, “You are what you eat.”
Behold, he was now the wheat germ girl of the ad.
Having done all of this, Flanders stood back up, took off the wheat germ model’s attire, put back on his own attire, and went ahead and bought this attire. And he took it back home, riding Bree through the skies. And when he got back to the Antediluvian Castle, he put it in the attic next to the beloved Reader’s Digest, and quite hidden away.
This must Flaurie never put on. This Flanders would never put on again. This was what Carol Bree Dale had put on for Kretschmer Wheat Germ.
He came back down from the attic, singing an old Anne Murray song, “Shadows in the Moonlight.”
There was Flaurie, in the dining room, eating French Toast for dinner. She said, “Flanders, you’re singing a song, and it is not a hymn song.”
“It’s an old song I loved best in my old days,” he said.
“Days before you found Christ?” she asked.
“No. Days before I found you,” he said.
“I remember that song, too,” she said. “It is a magically romantic song at that.”
“It was my very favorite song at the time,” he did say. “Anne Murray was my favorite singer, and that was my favorite of her songs.”
“Flanders, you’ve been gone all day, and you did not take me with you,” she said.
“I had to be somewhere by myself for a while today,” he said.
“I’ve missed you,” she said.
“I’m back now,” he said.
“Where did you get to go?” she asked. “It was K-Mart. Wasn’t it?”
“I went to Green Bay, shopping for myself,” he said.
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“Oo! What did you get for yourself?” asked the Betrothed.
“Stuff,” he said. “Great stuff.”
“Husband, you tease your wife so with ambiguity,” she said in sweet affection. “What did you buy?”
He had to tell her some things, and he said, “I went and bought some Carol Bree Dale stuff,”
“You bought yourself Carol Bree Dale stuff, and now you’re singing romance songs about her,” said Flaurie.
“I went to K-Mart today,” he said what she already guessed.
“Was it a swimdress?” asked the Betrothed, becoming jealous.
“It was a work shirt and a blue jeans, Flaurie,” he confessed.
“Is that what she had on in the ad, Flanders?” asked Flaurie.
“Yeah. Kind of,” he said.
“I didn’t see them,” she said, no longer jealous, now that she knew that it was not a swimsuit that he had bought about her.
“They’re in the attic,” he said.
“Let’s go up to the attic, and let me see what they look like,” said Flaurie, curious and interested.
“Do let me go up and bring them down to show you,” he said.
“You are not ready to show me her picture and her drawing yet,” said Flaurie.
Feeling good and feeling not good about this, Flanders ran up to the attic to fetch the plastic K-Mart shopping bag and came back down to this dining room with it.
The Betrothed spoke and said, “Now I can see something tangible about this dream girl who you’ll never forget,”
And he took out the blue jeans and the chambray work shirt. And she reached out her hands
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toward them and took them into her hands.
Behold, in Flanders’s thoughts, a first love meeting a last love.
In Flaurie’s thoughts, wonderful nostalgia for the man she married.
Then Flanders spoke and said, “I think that I would like to put these two things in the closet and not in the attic anymore.”
“Which closet, Flanders?” she asked.
“Our closet, maybe,” he said.
“This?” she asked, holding up the two clothes.
“That,” he said, taking the two clothes back into his hands.
Flanders thought of his reminiscences of this “Carol Bree Dale” to be easier if these reminders were in this bedroom closet instead of in the attic.
Flaurie thought of having to “share” her and her husband’s bedroom closet with a strange other woman.
And the Betrothed said, “I disagree with that, Flanders.”
And he said, “I agree with that, Flaurie.”
And in overt domination Flanders turned his back on his Betrothed and went to their bedroom to hang up “Carol Bree Dale’s” clothes in their bedroom closet. He came back.
The Betrothed said again, “I disagree.”
But Flanders said again, “I agree.”
The wheat germ woman had now become a problem. She had now come between the Betrothed and her husband. And she was only a woman that he had seen in an old Reader’s Digest. Indeed, Flaurie could tell, Carol was more beautiful to Flanders than was herself.
Flanders said, “Obey your husband.” And he left the room to go for a long walk.
The Betrothed was alone in the dining room with her French toast. And she cried.
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CHAPTER VII
How did master and she-unicorn first meet and become best friends? How did Flanders and Bree first discover each other? How did Flanders see it from his perspective? How did Bree see it from her perspective? This chapter will go on to narrate their true tale:
As Flanders saw it, he was a little boy who knew nothing about unicorns. He had asked Mom and Dad if he could have a pet to take care of. Dad asked him, “Would you like a cat?”
And he said, “No. Cat’s don’t appreciate their masters.”
Mom then asked him, “Would you like a dog?”
And he said, “No. Dogs can’t talk.”
They then asked him, “Would you like a pet that would appreciate you and that talks then, Flanders?”
“Yes,” he said.
“That sounds like a unicorn,” said Dad.
“All unicorns are wild and run around the countryside making trouble,” said Mom.
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Dad said, “Those kind, wife, are only the ones who are not tame.”
Mom said, “I know of people who thought to adopt a wild unicorn, and they ended up letting them go back to the wilderness. A person cannot take the wild out of a unicorn. The unicorn is liable to break down the house.”
“A unicorn needs the right kind of owner to make him domesticated,” said Dad.
Flanders spoke up and said, “I could tame a unicorn by love if he became my pet.”
Mom spoke and said, “A master needs love and a paddle were he to adopt a wild unicorn, Flanders.”
Flanders said, “I got paddled yesterday for playing tic-tac-toe on the wall in magic marker, and you still loved me, and I will never do that again.”
“Spare the rod, spoil the child,” said Mom. “Proverbs 23:13-14.”
“You were right, Mom, and I was wrong,” said Flanders.
Dad said, “Flanders, if we did go and adopt a unicorn, would you take the responsibility to be the best master that you can be?”
Flanders said, “I would love him and discipline him in good measure.”
Mom then said, “Would you do so in the glory of God?”
And Flanders said, “I will always love my Saviour first; and my unicorn second.”
Mom looked at Dad and said, “I think that he is ready for his first pet, my husband.”
And Dad said, “I think so, too.”
“Where do we look for a unicorn, Mom, Dad?” asked little Flanders.
Dad said, “Maybe at an animal farm. Maybe in the newspaper ads. Maybe at a private residence.”
Mom said, “Maybe in the countrysides. Maybe in the woods. Maybe in the fields.”
And Flanders said, “Maybe I can pray to God about it.”
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Of course!
Right away the three sat down to pray that God find the right unicorn for Flanders to adopt as pet. Then, when they were done, Dad said, “There. Now all we have to do is to wait upon God to answer our prayer.”
“It could be real quick,” said Mom.
Later that day, Dad was grilling out steak tenderloin on the charcoal grill. And the family was looking forward to their first summer picnic of the year. This was to be their first time with such a steak for dinner, and they all anticipated tasting the highly regarded “best steak there is.”
Lo, all of a sudden, a wild unicorn running right into this grill, knocking it over with her horn, grabbing up a steak tenderloin, and seeking to fly off with it in her mouth!
That was the unpropitious start of Flanders’s new life as master of a unicorn.
That was Bree. And the following is Bree’s perspective as to how she and Flanders had first met. Bree was a wild unicorn running free and untamed in the countryside, knocking things over, stealing food, and creating havoc wherever she went. She had just ruined a family’s rummage sale a mile down the road. And then she decided that she was hungry. And she smelled a nice cookout far away down the road. And she ran toward this nice smell of cooking meat, her unicorn horn straight out and ready for knocking things down out of her way. She ran quickly, increasing her speed the closer that she got to that grill. And there it was, in a plot of lawn by a house with a family outside. By this grill was also a picnic table all set up and ready for a family picnic. And mischievous Bree ran her unicorn horn right into the side of this grill to knock it over and to spill it out and to steal one of those nice cooked meats from it. She snatched a steak tenderloin in her equine mouth and began to escape up into the sky with it, with both a laugh and a gloating at the family that she had gotten the best of.
With wisdom that exceeded his years, little Flanders prayed and said, “Good Lord, would you bring her back down hard?”
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And a flock of Canadian Geese flying north for the summer suddenly crashed into her in the air. And she had the wind knocked out of her. And she began to fall down toward the ground. Were it not for God’s mercy, she might have perished. But her wings, so very broad and so very wide, were truly endowed by her Maker. And between her great wings and her great Creator she survived the fall. She fell most ungainly upon her haunches right down upon the picnic table, crushing it in upon the ground.
And she lay there in an embarrassment and in a daze. The steak tenderloin that she had seized fell out of her mouth upon the ground next to the picnic table. And she was conquered.
The little boy Flanders came up to her where she lay upon her back upon the broken up picnic table, and he said, “You are a bad girl, unicorn.”
And she shook her head free from her stun and did look upon him. She said, “I did bad, young man. Didn’t I?”
“I will have to spank you for that,” said Flanders. And he took out his belt from his belt loops.
Temporarily unable to resist the promise of a belting, the she-unicorn spoke and said, “I do say that God has spanked me first already, young man.”
“Would you become my pet unicorn?” asked Flanders.
“Would you spare me my belting?” she asked.
Mixing compassion with discipline Flanders said, “I will not belt you.”
“Then I agree to become your pet unicorn,” she said. And Flanders put the belt back around his belt loops.
The she-unicorn then got back up to her hooves, walked around steadily, and surveyed the trouble that she had brought to this family because she was running wild in the countryside. She then said, “I am sorry for all that I had just done right now. If I may stay and become a part of this family, the first thing that I want to do is to make up for everything. I will never ruin a cookout again. And I will never do mischief to this family again. And I will learn to behave myself for now on.”
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“Apology and repentance accepted,” said Flanders.
“My master?” asked the she-unicorn in proposal.
“Your master,” said Flanders in formal union.
“And I your pet unicorn,” she asked to make sure.
“And you my pet unicorn,” said Flanders officially.
“My name is ‘Wings,’” said the she-unicorn.
“Wings, your name is most aptly called,” said little Flanders.
“My wings are eight feet across, from one wingtip unto the other wingtip,” said Wings.
“Then you shall be my ‘Wings,’” said little Flanders.
Dad and Mom were right away in agreement that this was God’s pet unicorn for Flanders. And that was how Flanders and the unicorn who would later be named, “Bree,” had first met and become master and pet.
Now how had mistress and he-unicorn first meet and become best friends? How had Flaurie and Horn Of Plenty first discover each other? How could Flaurie tell their tale? How could Horn Of Plenty tell their tale? The following will tell this narrative from both sides:
Little Flaurie liked to climb things. As a little girl, there was much tomboy in her when it came to climbing trees. And she was not always careful, even when Mom told her, “Be careful today when you’re climbing trees, Flaurie.”
Having fallen in love with great heights, Flaurie, as a young girl, asked Mom and Dad if she could have a pet winged unicorn upon which she could ride in the skies.
Right away Mom said, “No, Flaurie. You will fall off and die.”
And Dad said, “That’s just not safe, little girl.”
Flaurie took heed to her mom and dad in what they said. But her loneliness as a girl without a pet began to gnaw upon her heart. And her love for great heights branched out into ladder-climbing
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telephone pole climbing, tall tree climbing, and tower-climbing. And she dreamed of buttes and mesas in the nation’s southwest and desired to stand upon them. And she pondered hang-gliding and bungee-jumping and parachuting. And now she wanted more than anything else a unicorn with wings to carry her in the air above the clouds.
Then one day, little Flaurie and her family went to the Wisconsin State Fair. And for little girls her age, the fair provided pony rides for all children. For teen-age children, the fair provided horse rides with prancing Morgan horses. For adults, the fair provided unicorn rides with galloping wingless unicorns. And for those with a spirit of adventure, this fair provided flights upon the backs of winged unicorns up in the air a little way. Pony rides were five dollars. Horse rides were ten dollars. Wingless unicorn rides were twenty dollars. And winged unicorn flights were fifty dollars. Flaurie had a little purse. It contained a five-dollar bill and nothing else that was money. She was not the regular little girl who would delight in a pony ride. She needed fifty dollars to enjoy her life dream of riding a unicorn in the sky. Pastor had preached on the sin of gambling that all must avoid. She would not gamble. Pastor had also preached on the goodness of an honest day’s work in order to make money. Maybe she could volunteer her services for the rest of the day working for the fair and guiding the walking ponies. Would that cover the rest of the expenses to enjoy her life dream? She prayed to her Saviour what kind of work that she could do to earn the extra forty-five dollars needed for a unicorn flight today. And the Holy Spirit reminded her of the fifth commandment, “Thou shalt honour thy father and thy mother.” Mom and Dad had both said, “No,” to her request for a pet winged unicorn. She must not disobey them here at the fair and ride a winged unicorn when they did not approve of that for their little girl. She then pondered in great resistance, but finally said to God, “No. I will not dishonor Mom and Dad and work for money to do that which they said not to.”
Just then Mom and Dad came up to her. The first thing Dad said was, “Flaurie, your mother and I have been talking. And we have agreed to let you have your dear unicorn pet with wings.”
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And Mom said, “But only on one condition. To make sure that you will be okay with such a pet, first you must ride one of these winged unicorns in the air at this Wisconsin State Fair.”
“We prayed about it, and we both have rest in this,” said Dad.
In joy and rejoicing, little Flaurie summed up her parents’ words most succinctly, “If I do not fall of the winged unicorn of the fair, then I won’t fall off my own winged unicorn at home.”
“Our God will keep you safe,” said Dad.
“And the right unicorn from God will make sure not to let you fall,” said Mom.
And right away Dad got out his wallet, took out five ten-dollar bills, and went right to the ticket booth, little Flaurie right behind him and Mom with her at her side. And Flaurie was never so happy in her good life with her Saviour as she was now.
Dad bought the ticket; a glistening white unicorn came trotting up to her where she stood; and Dad helped little Flaurie onto the winged unicorn’s back. Dad then gave the ticket to the keeper. And Dad said to her, “God bless you, Flaurie.”
And Mom said, “Have fun, my happy daughter.”
And as for the rest, it seemed too good to be true. But it was no dream, even though it was dreamy. The careful and trained winged unicorn did not fly at all high. But it was still higher than Flaurie had ever been before. And Flaurie found in her new life’s heart a love for winged unicorns that exceeded even her love for heights. Both together would forever be a part of her life now for now on.
And little Flaurie prayed, “Only the rapture will be better than this, O Lord.” And then the winged unicorn descended in a long glide of spiral until at long last they lighted upon the ground.
“How was it?” asked Mom.
“Grand, O Mom,” said Flaurie. “The grandest thing that I ever did.”
”You did good, my daughter,” said Mom.
Understanding her, Flaurie said, “Yep! I stayed on him and did not fall off.”
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Dad helped her down from the fair’s winged unicorn. And then he said, “Tomorrow we will go and find you your own such unicorn to fly around above the earth.”
And that they did.
This that follows will be Horn Of Plenty’s viewpoint: He was for sale at a unicorn auction. One hundred unicorns were looking for a good mistress or a good master to buy them and to love them.
Certain of these one hundred had ribbons and awards and plaques telling truthfully this unicorn’s great features. Some said, “Best wings in show.” Some said “Honorable mention for tail.” Some said, “First prize for longest mane.” Some said, “First place for hooves.” Some said, “Finalist for white coat.” But one unicorn in particular had a blue ribbon and an award and a plaque. They all basically made clear that this unicorn had the longest horn among all the unicorns. This was the young adult winged unicorn that was to find for himself a loving Christian home with a loving Christian mistress today at the auction.
This unicorn now came next for the bidding. He walked out onto the field, and all the crowd went quiet with awe upon seeing such a unicorn horn as he had. The auctioneer said, “This unicorn has a horn four feet long! He is great with children. He loves to fly. And he loves to play. He is a domesticated unicorn. And he is not afraid to fight to protect his master or his mistress. He will be ever-faithful to whomever adopts him. He is a unicorn who wishes to serve Christ.”
The bidding began at one hundred dollars. Flaurie and Mom and Dad gathered together to pray that they get Flaurie the unicorn that God willed for her at this unicorn auction. And the bidding went on as they prayed. Then the Holy Spirit told Flaurie, “This is My one for you, good Flaurie.”
Flaurie told Mom and Dad what God said to her. Then the bidding was at five hundred dollars. And Dad shuddered. He was not a rich man. He had not yet bidden. He must bid. He must trust God. Dad bid, “Five hundred one dollars.”
Another man bid, “Five hundred ten dollars.”
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Mom whispered to Dad, “Husband, are we tempting God?”
Dad said, “We are trusting God.”
Flaurie said, “Dad, do we have the money?”
He shook his head and said, “I brought five hundred dollars with me, That is all that we have in the bank.”
Then the bidding was at seven hundred dollars.
Dad bid, “Seven hundred one dollars.”
Mom said, “Husband, this is dishonest.”
“Is this illegal, Dad?” asked Flaurie.
“What God promises, God will enable,” said Dad.
“Flaurie, are you sure of what God said to you about this unicorn with the long horn?” asked Mom.
“I am sure, Mom,” said little Flaurie.
“Then the Good Lord will provide,” said Mom.
Now the bidding was at eight hundred. There was now few bids being declared. And this sale of the long-horned he-unicorn was about to wrap up.
Mom said, “Husband, bid eight hundred one.”
“One thousand dollars!” declared Dad.
That put an end to any more bidding. A long time went by. Silence ensued. And the auctioneer said, “Going. Going. Gone.” Then he said, “Sold to the man with a Bible in his hand.”
Dad took out his wallet with the five hundred dollars of cash, looked up to Heaven, and waited for the Lord in some uncertainty.
Mom opened her Bible and read in silence, “’For every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills. I know all the fowls of the mountains: and the wild beasts of the field are
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mine.’ Psalm 50:10-11.” God was rich, and He could provide the money that this family needed.
Just then a tall man in a white suit and white top coat and white top hat came up to Dad and proffered him a single cash, said to him, “Great is your faith, sir.” and walked away. Dad and Mom and little Flaurie looked at it. It was a five hundred dollar bill!
“Thank you, sir,” said Dad. But the tall benefactor was already gone away.
“He had come from God,” said Mom.
And little Flaurie ran up to this wonderful new he-unicorn pet, and she reached up her arms and hugged him around his upper legs. He kissed her on the head with his unicorn tongue. And he said, “I am yours, my new mistress. What is your name?”
“I am ‘Flaurie,’” said the little girl. “What is your name?”
“I don’t have a name yet,” he said. “But I do have plenty of horn.”
“’Horn Of Plenty,’” said Flaurie. “That can be your name.”
“’Horn Of Plenty,’” said the he-unicorn. “I like that, Flaurie.”
Dad then went ahead and paid the one thousand dollars, and they all returned home with a new member in the family. And Flaurie and Horn Of Plenty became mistress-and-pet.
And the first thing they did together as girl and unicorn was to go flying in the skies above the clouds together, Flaurie safe and well upon Horn Of Plenty’s back.
All of this and more did the two unicorns reminisce over, many years later, here now in the back yard of two hundred fifty acres in fellowship together behind the Antediluvian Castle.
Bree said, “That was a good long time ago already.”
Horn Of Plenty said, “And I have no regrets, either,”
“Flanders is the kind of master that every unicorn should have,” said Bree.
“And my Flaurie and I are just perfect for each other,” said Horn Of Plenty.
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Just then a shadow passed by in the skies from above. The two unicorn pets looked up and saw a good winged unicorn descending in a spiral down toward them where they stood. Such whiteness was never so pure and so bright as the whiteness of this unicorn coming down now. “Bree,” said Horn Of Plenty, “see the white of this unicorn. It shines like righteousness.”
“The white indeed even sparkles,” said Bree to Horn Of Plenty. “He is a most holy unicorn.”
This majestic pure white unicorn then lighted upon the ground, bowed his unicorn horn in deference to them, and said, “Hail.”
“Maranatha,” Bree and Horn Of Plenty greeted him back.
This visitor then said, “I bid you two, ‘Greeting,’ from my mistress.” Then he said, “I have come from afar, and my journey has been long. Are you two the famous unicorns of the son of God and the daughter of God?”
“We are,” said the two unicorn pets.
And this pristine white unicorn went on to say, “I do seek the renowned Flanders Arckery Nickels.”
“He is my master,” said Bree.
The radiant white unicorn then said, “I have a message for your master from my mistress, O good she-unicorn.”
“What is your name?” asked Bree.
“My name is ‘Arckery,’” said this ambassador.
This was Flanders Nickels’s very middle name.
Bree then went on to say, “My name is ‘Bree.’”
Bree was the middle name of Carol Dale. The messenger unicorn said, “I have come to the right place.”
Bree said, “You have a message from your mistress to my master, O mysterious Arckery?”
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“My mistress would like the opportunity to meet sometime with your master, if it be his liking,” said the messenger unicorn.
Horn Of Plenty spoke now and said to make sure of things, “Your mistress can only be Carol Dale, the model in the ad.”
“It be,” said Arckery.
“I shall convey the message and find out my master’s reply,” said Bree.
“My mistress does long and pine,” said Arckery.
And with this, the magnificent white winged unicorn lifted back up into the skies and flew off and soon disappeared beyond the horizon.
The she-unicorn and the he-unicorn looked at each other. Bree said, “I shall tell my master.”
And Horn Of Plenty said, “And I shall tell my mistress.”
And they, too, lifted up into the sky, and they began to fly back to the Antediluvian Castle.
Meanwhile, Flaurie in her traditional harem girl attire was alone in the bedroom. Disturbing thoughts about K-Mart were filling her woman’s mind. And she asked God, “Was is there about a girl that he had never met years ago that today he is so enchanted about whom he still has never met? Surely a betrothed should be enough for any husband to satisfy his lonely heart thereby. And particularly a Betrothed-in-the-Lord for any Christian husband. Lord, does not the son of God have the daughter of God to be his companion in his walk with Christ? What does Flanders need a pair of blue jeans and a blue chambray work shirt for? Fine fellow he is.” Flaurie thought further, thinking to God, This woman was whom Flanders called “his first love.” And the Betrothed Flanders called “his last love.” There it was again, Flanders’s life in a summary, “his first love and his last love and no loves in between.” She then said to God in some frankness, “Fine woman at that, I tell you. My husband, what a guy.”
The Betrothed looked upon the closet door. Her clothes were on the rod to the right. His
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clothes were on the rod to the left. She went to the bedroom closet to check out that K-Mart purchase.
On her rod was her ladies’ swimdress that he had bought for her and sundry other women’s clothes that she never wore because of her allegiance to her harem girl outfit. And on his rod was his men’s clothes and the two pieces of the woman’s clothes from K-Mart. Flaurie thought about this stranger woman.
And she thought about Flanders’s fetish here before her on this rod. And she thought upon making-believe for herself to be this Carol. And the Betrothed took off her harem girl outfit, and she put on this wheat germ girl’s outfit. She looked upon herself in the mirror. And she liked what she saw. And she felt good in it. And it fit her most comfortably. She felt free in this, because the whole idea of long-sleeved shirt and blue jeans was such a new thing to her. She wanted to go outside and maybe have others see her in this brave new outfit. Maybe Flanders could see her in this and love her more than he did the model that had worn this in the ad. No. Maybe it was not meet that the last love be attired as the first love. That might be all wrong to do with Flanders. He might see that as inappropriate. The Betrothed was to wear her clothes, and the wheat germ girl was to wear her clothes. But Flaurie was still not done having these K-Mart clothes covering herself thus. And the idea of going outside in this still beckoned her. She would not go far outside. But she would go all the way outside. And with this, Flaurie left her bedroom, and she walked out onto the fifth floor sky ramp outdoors in the weather.
Looking down and up and down again, the Betrothed found herself alone at home with neither husband nor either unicorn pet anywhere around. She looked down upon herself, and she went ahead to tuck the shirt in the pants.
Just then a voice called down from above, “Fair young woman, I greet you in the name of Jesus Christ.”
Someone saw her! Oops! Wow! Yes! She looked up and saw a lone winged unicorn whose white was most glorious. “Hello,” the Betrothed called up to him, herself a little sheepish in this. “I greet you also in the Saviour’s name.”
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“Is this edifice the famous Antediluvian Castle, madam?” asked this bright white unicorn as he hovered in the sky above Flaurie’s head on this sky walk.
“It is indeed,” said Flaurie.
“I am a messenger unicorn sent from my mistress to bear tidings,” said this lustrous white unicorn.
“What tidings do you have to tell?” asked Flaurie.
“Are you the world-famous daughter of God?” asked this winged unicorn.
“I am, O majestic unicorn,” said the Betrothed.
“My message is for the son of God,” said the mysterious unicorn.
“Who is your mistress, O white unicorn?” asked Flaurie.
To this, he said, “She is a woman dressed just as you are, O daughter of God.”
“Do you mean Carol?” asked Flaurie. “Are you come with a message from Carol to Flanders?”
“Her name is in truth ‘Carol,’” said this unicorn. “She is my mistress, and I am her pet.”
“What does Carol have to say to my husband?” asked the Betrothed in jealousy.
“Carol is coming, O wife of Flanders,” said the unicorn.
“She is coming?” asked the Betrothed. This was getting spooky.
“She requests a time to speak to him,” said the unicorn.
“Is it for fellowship? Is it for friendship? Is it for a date?” asked the Betrothed.
“It is time for which to speak to the famous son of God,” said the unicorn, answering none of the three questions posed by Flaurie.
Having said this, this mystical white unicorn thereupon lifted up higher in the sky and did fly off on into the distant horizon.
“Hm,” said the Betrothed, mystified and considering this unicorn’s words.
Then she looked upon herself and saw the K-Mart clothes still on her self. And she ran off upon
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this fifth floor sky walk back to the bedroom and took off “Carol’s clothes” and put back on her own clothes. She would never tell Flanders what she had just done. This was the first time that the Betrothed had ever decided to keep a secret from her husband.
Just then the two unicorns came back home, from the sky, and they both lighted and told the daughter of God of their surprise visit from a unicorn white like no other and whose name was “Arckery” itself.
After they told the Betrothed all about this, she did say, “I believe that that same unicorn had come to me in like manner. I can now see that this Carol Bree Dale is real and living and coming to present herself.”
“What should we do, O Mistress?” asked Horn Of Plenty.
“We must tell Flanders,” said Flaurie.
“My mixed up master,” said Bree in doubts.
“He needs to know,” said the Betrothed.
Not long later, Flanders came home. The Betrothed told him, “Flanders, a unicorn came over today while you were gone, and he told us that he has a mistress, and that her name is Carol Dale, and that she wants to come over and see you.”
“You mean, ‘the Carol?’” he asked.
“That Carol,” said the Betrothed.
“That can be very good, and that can be very bad,” said Flanders Nickels. And then he said, “I must pray to God about this.”
The Betrothed asked, “Can we make it a prayer meeting just between the two of us, Husband?”
But he said, “No, Flaurie. This time I must pray alone with God.”
And Betrothed and husband said no more. And he ran to the prayer room to be there alone with God for the rest of the day.
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CHAPTER VIII
The son of God and the daughter of God were at Alpha and Omega Baptist Church, having finished the Morning Worship service and now awaiting adult Sunday School. Pastor’s sermon for church this morning had been about believers’ baptism and how Scriptural it was in contrast to the heresy of infant baptism that was not in the Scriptures. Just as this good Baptist church was silent and respectful in the house of God before the Sunday Morning Worship, so were they now before the Sunday School for all ages. In the anteroom were the Sunday School stations set up by the Sunday School teachers for the toddler class and the grade school class and the middle school class and the high school class. And here in the auditorium was to be the adult Sunday School class here in the pews. When Sunday School ended for the children’s classes, the Sunday School teachers took back down the stations, and the children ran outside to play. And when Sunday School for the adults ended, they gathered around Pastor for good happy fellowship and talked about the lesson that he had taught them that day.
Pastor Proffery Integral then came up to the pulpit. And he began his message to his flock for
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today, “Today, my flock, I shall preach on two judgment seats. One is called ‘The Bema Seat.’ The other one is called ‘The Great White Throne.’ The Bema judgment seat, also called ‘the believers’ judgment seat,’ is for the born again Christians, and good things happen here for the believers. The Great White Throne, however, is for those who die in their sins, and only bad things happen here for these unbelievers. Little flock, all of us and all of them—that is, the saved and the lost—must give account for the way we lived our lives here on Earth. For the righteous, we will be given eternal rewards for the good things that we did for Christ; and about all of our bad things that we did, those God has already forgotten and put behind his back and cast into the deepest sea. For the wicked, they will be given hotter fire for all the bad things that they had done against Christ; and the good things that they did—they will be regarded by Jesus as filthy rags. The rewards for the believers are to be extra blessings in Heaven for ever and ever. The punishment for the unbelievers will be greater damnation in the lake of fire for everlasting.”
“God is right!” said Deacon Todd.
“God is just!” said Deacon Gary.
Pastor Integral continued, “I shall first preach upon the Bema Judgment Seat of the believers. Turn with me, if you would, to I Corinthians 3:10-15.” The flock searched the Scriptures and found them. Pastor said, “Let us read out loud these six verses.” And the congregation and its leader read aloud this Bible passage: “According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is. If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but
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he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.”
Pastor at once said, “This fire of the Bema Seat is not hell fire, but, rather, a refiner’s fire testing works. And this Bema Seat does not determine the eternal destiny of a person’s soul. His eternal destiny is already determined to be in Heaven, where all born-again believers go when they die, because he had died in Christ. Rather, this judgment determines eternal rewards for that saint in his eternal life in Heaven. What are these eternal rewards? God does not tell us in this life, but I can’t wait to find out what they might be when I get There. I just know that these rewards will make Heaven an even more joyful place for the saint than It is already. What do the fires of testing test about the saint’s good works? Simply whether these good works were done in love or not done in love. These works that were done in love is the ‘gold, silver, precious stones’ mentioned in our Scripture passage that we read together. They will withstand the Judge’s fire of testing most gloriously, and rewards will be bestowed on that good saint for having done them. But those works of the saint that were not done in love are the ‘wood, hay, stubble,’ that we read together. The fires of testing will burn them up in God’s judgment, and the saint will be left ashamed before Jesus. And he will have nothing to show for his walk with Christ down here. And he will hang his head down before his disappointed Saviour. And instead of a mansion in Heaven, he will have a little one-room cabin Up There.”
“God is fair,” said Flanders.
“And God makes everything even in the end,” said Flaurie.
Pastor continued, “I shall now speak of the Great White Throne Judgment. This is the real bad one. Take courage, this is not going to happen to the Christians. Turn with me to Revelation 20:11-15.” The flock searched the Scriptures and readily found them near the end of the Bible. Pastor said, “Read these verses out loud with me, if you would.” And the people of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church read this grim passage out loud with Pastor: “And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them. And
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I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works. And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.”
Pastor went on to preach on this stark and grave judgment: “Here, there are no refiner’s fires. Instead there are books. One book is a chronicle of all of the sins that this unbeliever had done in his life down on Earth. The other—the book of life—is a list of the names of all the born-again believers anywhere anytime here in this Earth. The lost man at this Great White Throne will see Jesus looking for his name in this book of life, and Jesus will not see it there. This damned person will come to this Great White Throne after having already been burning in Hell for quite some time. He already knows what Hell’s torments are all about. And Jesus will open the books of this sinner’s sins and judge him thereby. And these sins done by this man who died without Christ will determine now much hotter his fires will be than they already were in Hell. And this man knows that he will go to a worse place than Hell. And that place is the lake of fire. Imagine, if you dare, the look on that man’s face when he comes to realize all of this. It will be not just a look of dread, but rather a look of dread dread. He will then be grabbed by the holy angels and be tossed down into the eternal burning torments of the lake of fire. And this everlasting lake of fire is ‘the second death.’”
“Woe!” said Deacon Gary.
“Alas!” said Deacon Todd.
“Except for the mercy of God, that could be me,” said Flanders.
“I’m glad that’s not for me,” said Flaurie. “Good is God’s grace.”
And Emmy said, “Torments worse than what our Saviour suffered for all of us on the cross.”
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And Pastor said, “Fire is so bad that people jump out of burning buildings and fall to their death in order not to get burned.”
Pastor paused for a moment; then he recited two key judgment verses in the Bible for the saved and the unsaved alike. He spoke and said, “It is written, O good people, ‘For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.’ II Corinthians 5:10. Again it is written, ‘For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.’ Ecclesiastes 12:14.”
“Amen, Pastor!” said Flanders.
“Amen to that!” said Flaurie.
Pastor Integral continued, “There is also a more glorious reason for the two judgment seats. A person who has already acknowledged Jesus Christ as Lord in this life—the Christian–can do so again with confidence at the Bema Seat. And each who had refused to acknowledge Jesus Christ as Lord in this life—the unbeliever–will end up doing so to his humbleness at the Great White Throne. Jesus will get His due glory as God from all men—either in time yet down here or too late already at the judgment seat of the lost.”
Pastor Integral then searched the Scriptures for Romans 14:11-12, and he read this verse out loud to his congregation: “For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.” He then searched the Scriptures for the parallel verses Philippians 2:9-11, and he read these Bible verses out loud also to his flock: “Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
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“Glory to God!” said Deacon Todd.
“Praise the Lord!” said Deacon Gary.
Pastor then continued his Sunday School message to the adult class: “The lost have it worse down here and in the life to come. The saved have it better down here and in the life to come. The best that the lost will ever have it is down here in this sin-cursed Earth. The saved have the blessed hope of the rapture when Jesus comes in the clouds and takes them Home. The lost do not want Christ to return. The saved want Christ to return.”
Then Pastor said, “Take your hymnbooks and let us sing hymn number 156–’Christ Returneth!’”
And this mighty little flock of God sang a song of the rapture of the church:
“1. It may be at morn, when the day is awaking,
When sunlight thru darkness and shadow is breaking,
That Jesus will come in the fullness of glory
To receive from the world His own.
O Lord Jesus, how long, how long
Ere we shout the glad song–
Christ returneth! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Amen, Hallelujah! Amen.
2. It may be at midday, it may be at twilight,
It may be, perchance, that the blackness of midnight
Will burst into light in the blaze of His glory,
When Jesus receives His own.
O Lord Jesus, how long, how long
Ere we shout the glad song–
Christ returneth! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Amen, Hallelujah! Amen.
3. While hosts cry Hosanna, from heaven descending,
With glorified saints and the angels attending,
With grace on His brow, like a halo of glory,
Will Jesus receive His own.
O Lord Jesus, how long, how long
Ere we shout the glad song–
Christ returneth! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Amen, Hallelujah! Amen.
4. O joy! O delight! Should we go without dying,
No sickness, no sadness, no dread and no crying.
Caught up thru the clouds with our Lord into glory,
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When Jesus receives His own.
O Lord Jesus, how long, how long
Ere we shout the glad song–
Christ returneth! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Amen, Hallelujah! Amen.”
Then Pastor said, “Let us now take up an offering for the Lord for the Lord’s work.”
Suddenly there arose a fierce blowing of horns outside the church from out in front. It was from unicorn horns. And there were two of them.
“My Bree!” called forth Flanders, jumping up and drawing his Gilded Saber.
“Horn Of Plenty!” called out Flaurie. And she rose to her feet and drew her pistol.
The son of God and daughter of God raced outside to do battle for Alpha and Omega Baptist Church.
The rest of the flock turned now to Pastor. They knew what was taking place right now. Pastor said, “Brother Todd, would you pray for our four soldiers? Brother Gary, would you pray for the rest of us?” And the pastor raced outside. And Deacon Todd and Deacon Gary prayed.
Behold the sorrel griffins! There were five of them this time. And they were just now lighting upon the ground here in front of the church building. The two unicorns were stamping their fore hooves upon the ground in readiness of battle. Flanders was holding his sword in the air in both hands.
Flaurie was loading bullets from her artillery belts into her handgun.
Flanders bade them, “Go back to the Devil!”
In deference to the son of God as the leader of this army of four, Flaurie and Bree and Horn Of Plenty deferred to speak, instead letting Flanders speak to these demons for all of them.
Flanders Nickels spoke again, “Go away from this house of God.”
One of these sorrel griffins now spoke back to the son of God holding the famous Gilded Saber, “I behold a little man with a little sword and big words.”
A second sorrel griffin then spoke and said to Flanders, “Do get out of our way, or you might
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get yourself squished, Flanders of Wisconsin.”
A third sorrel griffin then said to the son of God, “I eat Christian warriors, but they always give me indigestion.”
A fourth sorrel griffin said to the swordsman, “I don’t like the Gilded Saber, men of God, and Christ.”
And the fifth sorrel griffin said to Flanders Nickels, “You are outnumbered five to four.”
Pointing to Pastor, the daughter of God said to this fifth griffin, “That’s wrong. We are five, and you are five.”
In scorn, this fifth griffin said, “Why, he’s a missionary! What can a missionary do for you now against the five of us?”
Just then Emmy came out front here from inside. And she said, “My husband can pray and quote from the Bible.”
Flaurie then said to the sorrel griffins, “We now have you outnumbered six to five.”
“Lo, along comes the Pastor’s wife, and they say that we griffins are outnumbered,” scoffed one of the sorrel griffins.
“This battle out here is no place for civilians,” said another sorrel griffin.
“The place for civilians is a place of utter destruction after the real battle is done,” said another sorrel griffin.
Pastor then hurled the Word of God directly into this sorrel griffin’s eagle face with the words of Ezekiel 28:17 all about the sorrel griffins and their father the Devil, “Thine heart was lifted up because of thy beauty, thou hast corrupted thy wisdom by reason of thy brightness: I will cast thee to the ground, I will lay thee before kings, that they may behold thee.”
Smitten by the Word of God spoken by a man of God, this griffin was offended and convicted, and he became angry at Pastor and angry at Pastor’s wife as the two stood there so bold in their Christ
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and so sure of God’s Word. Then this sorrel griffin charged Pastor and his wife and quite chased them back into the church.
And battle began between five sorrel griffins sent by Satan and four soldiers duly called of God to fight and protect Alpha and Omega Baptist Church. Pastor and Emmy were now in front of the church door, both of them singing the hymn “Victory In Jesus.”
At once Flanders massed his troops, and the sorrel griffins massed their troops. Flanders said, “Bree, go stand before Pastor and Emmy and protect them as if they were your own master and mistress. Horn Of Plenty, fly up to the roof and protect the church as if it were your very mistress.
Flaurie, you need distance from the beaks and claws and paws of five sorrel griffins in order that your pistol and ammunition belts do not get confiscated in the middle of battle. Run back a hundred yards and start shooting. I myself will keep the sorrel griffins busy with my Gilded Saber here in front of the church. The troops of God were thus massed.
As for the sorrel griffins, they massed their troops such that one griffin took on the sword fighter, one griffin took on the woman with a gun, one griffin took on the unicorn on the roof, one griffin took on the unicorn in front of Pastor and his wife, and one griffin was standing around as an extra, waiting to take the spoils of victory back to his father the Devil.
The daughter of God saw the one griffin who was to take her on flying toward her now where she stood one hundred yards away. He was flying most artfully toward her, in such a way as a man might flee a shooter by running zigzags upon the ground. And Flaurie hesitated. She saw the one griffin whose job was to stand still and to pillage the good Baptist church after the battle. He was over there, grinning at her in malice and pride and gloating. She aimed her pistol at him, pulled the trigger, and shot him down where he so confidently stood. He was instantly killed, now dead in battle.
Just then the griffin assigned to her crashed intentionally into her in the air, and she fell upon her back shoulders, and the gun slipped out of her hand. Miraculously the daughter of God was still
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fully conscious and her back was okay. She was sore, but God’s protecting hand was upon her. But she lost her pistol. And now this wicked griffin grabbed it up in his eagle beak and flew off with it. In dismay she cried, “Lord God, what have I done?” The daughter of God had never dropped her pistol before in battle like this. And in mortification she watched this sorrel griffin fly off into the distance and ascend to a great height and to let fall the handgun back down to the Earth where she would never be able to find it again. “I’m so sorry, my Good Lord,” she said. It was not her fault this happened. Sorrel griffins were experts in military strategy. And then this sorrel griffin began to quickly fly back to the battle to rejoin his comrades.
Meanwhile, Flanders and his griffin were trading blows. Flanders hacked left and right and front and back and up and down. The sorrel griffin scratched and bit and mauled. And Flanders got cut up pretty bad. But the sorrel griffin got cut up much worse, and the fight left the griffin. And with a right-to-left swing of his Gilded Saber in his right hand, the son of God cut off the head of this evil griffin. And the sorrel griffin fell dead in battle.
Meanwhile, in front of the church door, the unicorn Bree was fighting her sorrel griffin hard to protect the good pastor and the good wife. Bree was swinging her unicorn horn like Flanders swung his golden sword. She was also “throwing punches” with her two front hooves. As for the sorrel griffin, like all griffins, he was utilizing his griffin parts—his beak and his eagle claws and his lion paws—in his battle against the formidable she-unicorn. He did lash and peck and dodge and scratch and claw and screech. But the unicorn of God was prevailing over the griffin of Satan. And with a thud of her left hoof upon the right lion shoulder of the sorrel griffin, Bree brought the griffin down to his belly. And right after that, Bree drove her unicorn horn down into the back of the neck of the evil griffin demon. And she slew him thereby. And this griffin fell in battle. And Pastor and Emmy were thus well-protected by the usher’s great unicorn.
Meanwhile, up on the roof stood Horn Of Plenty, contending against the sorrel griffin who took
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him on up here. The seasoned he-unicorn soldier of Christ was thrusting and kicking and pouncing and flying and lighting. And his griffin foe was knocking and bumping and colliding and threatening and retreating and advancing. All of this was happening upon the roof. The church building shook, and its roof was buckling under the great weight upon it. Then the griffin reached down and grabbed a shingle of the roof with his eagle beak and tore it off of the roof. He then put this one shingle into his right eagle talons, and he swung this shingle edge-first into Horn Of Plenty’s equine face. The corner of this shingle caught the he-unicorn forcibly right into his left eye. And Horn Of Plenty betrayed a horse’s neigh.
“My boy!” cried out the daughter of God from the far part of this battle field.
Right after, this sorrel griffin ripped off another shingle with his beak, set it into his left eagle talons and swung the edge of this shingle toward the unicorn’s right eye. In counter, the he-unicorn batted this novel weapon away from the griffin’s grasp with a swipe of his unicorn horn. Then Horn Of Plenty lunged toward this demonic griffin where the griffin stood, and he drove his most long unicorn horn into the griffin’s lion chest and out of the griffin’s lion back. The griffin fell dead in battle at once.
And with several shakes, Horn Of Plenty was able to free his unicorn horn from the griffin carcass. And the remains of this griffin lay there upon the roof, the most dead of the dead griffins lying around on this battle scene. At once Flaurie was there with her wounded he-unicorn, herself having climbed up to this roof. He fell down upon his haunches and sat there in shock.
Meanwhile, Flanders and the last griffin in this assault were battling one another on the ground. Flanders was parrying and feinting and swiping and dodging and forcing. The griffin was mauling and tearing and biting and grabbing and swinging. Suddenly the Gilded Saber in the son of God’s both hands tore off the whole left wing of this demon griffin. The griffin betrayed a mortal eagle’s squawk.
And he stepped back. He then pursued escape by flight. But with only one wing left, he could not ascend above the ground. He paused in indecision. Then he pursued escape by sprint. But his
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hesitation gave the son of God time to swing his Gilded Saber in both hands again. And the famous griffin-slayer cut off the whole right wing of the sorrel griffin with his golden sword. And, with the whimper of a defeated lion, the sorrel griffin fell dead in battle.
The battle between good and evil was finished. Good won and was wounded. Evil lost and was dead. It had been a terrible battle. The Devil fights hard. But the Lord must win.
Pastor studied the battle field. He looked to Flanders. Flanders nodded. And Pastor called out into the church building. “You can come out now. It is safe to be out here again.”
And the flock of one hundred faithful Baptists came out to see what their four Christian warriors had just done for them.
They had seen the aftermath of such battles against such griffins before, and yet it never ceased to scare them. They all one by one came up to the four soldiers of Christ to thank them and to praise them.
Emmy saw that Flaurie had not her pistol with her and that she felt shame for that. Emmy privately and lovingly asked her what had become of it. And the daughter of God humbly shared with Pastor’s wife that it had been taken away by a griffin and dropped far far away from here. A sincere doer of good works, Emmy, a woman of integrity, conferred privately with Pastor about the daughter of God’s plight. Pastor, respecting the honor of the illustrious daughter of God, said to Emmy, “Tell my faithful and honest church treasurer that I will get it back for her in the will of the Lord.”
Emmy came up to the embarrassed Flaurie and said, “Pastor will find it for you, mighty Flaurie.”
“How can he find it way out there?” asked the daughter of God.
And Pastor’s wife said, “God goes to bat for his faithful Baptist pastors.”
In confidence, Flaurie said, “God knows where my pistol is.”
Pastor then talked to his two church deacons, and he said, “Our Flaurie has had her pistol taken
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away and dropped somewhere beyond Left Foot Creek out back. Would you two look for it and bring it back?”
Deacon Todd said, “God can find all things.”
And Deacon Gary said, “”God will tell us where it is.”
And the deacons mounted their pet donkeys and at once galloped off to the many fields and woods behind the church.
And Pastor Integral got alone with God in his back office and prayed that God show his deacons where the gun was.
And Emmy was rejoicing over the God that takes care of all things for His children.
After a short while, Brother Gary and Brother Todd came riding back. The gun in his hands, Brother Todd said, “Brother Gary found it.”
And Brother Gary said, “It was right there right between two rocks that were right up against each other. There’s not a scratch on it anywhere. And it looks like it can still be fired. It’s as if nothing had happened to it.”
No longer ashamed, the daughter of God ran up to Deacon Gary and said, “Thank you, Brother Gary,” and accepted the gun into her own hands once again. She then thanked Brother Todd as well.
Now that she had her pistol back once again with her artillery belts on her person the daughter of God felt like a complete Christian soldier once again.
Then Emmy and the ladies of the church set about to help their four guardians to recover from their battle wounds. And Pastor and the gentlemen of the church set about to clean up the church yard by burying the carcasses of the five sorrel griffins who had fallen in battle this day.
And these one hundred plus labourers for Christ fell upon singing the hymn “Victory In Jesus.”
It was good for the Betrothed and for her husband to hear that hymn sung once again this day.
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CHAPTER IX
How did Flanders and Flaurie first meet? Where did it take place? How long ago was it?
Was it love at first sight for the both of them? And how could they tell that they were meant for each other in the Lord? This chapter will narrate this most unique tale, first with Flanders’s viewpoint, second with Flaurie’s viewpoint. Though this was the same event, certain details will not agree one tale with the other tale, because of two different perspectives.
First shall be told in Flanders’s recollection of how boy found girl: Flanders Nickels was a lonely fifteen-year-old boy praying that God bring into his life a lonely fifteen-year-old girl as a girlfriend-in-Christ. And for a long time, God would only have him to wait upon Him. And Flanders kept praying and kept waiting for God to reveal His will for him regarding a girlfriend-in-Christ. And soon he came to forget the call of his heart. And he stopped praying for a Christian girlfriend after a while.
And then Flanders was sixteen years old. And one day the son of God got up for the day, and the still small voice of God bade him, “Good Flanders, go now to the Crivitz Tea House.”
He had never heard of this Crivitz Tea House. He knew where Crivitz was: it was just a few
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miles north of the tiny town of Beaver up here in the countrysides of northeastern Wisconsin. He did not know why God would wish him to go there all of a sudden like this. And what was a “tea house?” Was it place to go and sit down and order a tea and drink it at table or a booth there? Flanders did not even like tea. He had tried to drink green tea a few times at home, but he did not like it. He did not like hot green tea, and he did not like iced green tea. Was this what God would have him to do—go to a tea house and drink green tea? He would go, nonetheless. Surely God had him to go there for a good reason. It must be a place where God would have him to preach the Gospel as he so often did wherever he went, himself being the famous son of God. Surely this Crivitz Tea House was to be his mission field for the day. So he packed up his King James Version Bible and gathered some packs of salvation tracks and went out in search of this place that God would have him to go to right away.
He came into the town of Crivitz and searched long and hard for this mysterious tea house.
He searched County trunks and city streets and outer streets for his destination for the Lord. And after a while, he took notice of a sign of much more pleasing things to him than today’s tea. It was a large and conspicuous sign reading “Crivitz Coffee House.” He said right away, “Coffee, Lord! Amen!”
Flanders loved all coffee. He stopped in front of this little coffee shop and pondered and hesitated.
He did not yet find where God wanted him to come to. He loved coffee most of all. And he decided to go in and have a cup of hazelnut coffee with creamer, and then after, resume his search for today’s destination. Maybe the people in here could tell him where this tea house might be. Once inside the coffee house, Flanders took in the aroma well familiar to many coffee enthusiasts everywhere. He knew how even coffee lovers like himself always said about coffee, “the smell is better than the taste.”
Nonetheless the taste was going to be most satisfactory for him—indeed the taste of his special drink of drinks. He looked around and found an open table and sat down and ordered his coffee. Soon the coffee came and he leaned down his head to carefully see if it were yet too hot to drink. His sip did burn his lips a little. The son of God would wait a little while till his coffee was cooled down enough
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to drink. Looking around this delightful coffee shop, Flanders could see this place as a harvest ready to reap. Souls of men and women were here who were lost and without hope. They needed to hear about the Lord Jesus. He must be the one to tell them. And this born-again Christian began to walk from table to table telling others about Christ and how to go to Heaven and how to stay out of Hell. Some got saved. Some stayed lost. All were courteous to the son of God. Then Flanders came back to his table and began to drink his coffee. And not long later, he was done. He then began to reflect on his mission of the day, and he got up and came to the counter, and he asked the man behind the counter, “Good Sir, thank you for the great cup of coffee. I was looking for a place called the ‘Crivitz Tea House.’ Could you tell me where that might be?”
The counter man said, “Why, that would be right across the street.”
“Thank you,” said Flanders, encouraged in the Lord.
And the son of God walked across the street and found it, albeit even here with difficulty for the poor quality of sign. This sign was a metal sign built just like a speed limit sign or a yield sign, in that it was a little six-inch-wide-by-twelve-inch-high sign on top of a tall narrow post higher than a man’s head. And instead of facing the street, it faced the sidewalk. He stood before this sign and saw that it had two sides—one side facing the one direction; and the other side facing the other direction. And the sign had much of it worn off and faded. Looking and studying both sides, he could ascertain that this sign did indeed read, “Crivitz Tea House.” Well, here it was. He was here where God needed him to be at this moment. Yet Flanders Nickels was reluctant to try any of their tea. He saw two doors about ten feet apart. He went first to the door on the right, only to see the words “Exit only” upon that door.
He then went to the door on the left, and he saw the words, “Entrance only” upon this door. He went through this door. He looked around this Crivitz Tea House. He had never been in a tea house before. It did look just like lots of coffeehouses, except that everything was tea instead.
He sat down in a booth, awaited a waiter or waitress, and looked around from where he sat.
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On all of the wooden walls were large wooden plaques with such words as “Earl Grey,” “Darjeeling,” “Mint,” “Lemon,” “Cinnamon,” “French Vanilla,” “Lime,” “Apricot,” “Peach,” “Raspberry,” “English Breakfast,” “Original,” “House,” and finally “Constant Comment,” He came to understand that these were all manner of flavored teas that this tea house prepared for their customers.
Then a waiter came up to him, And he asked Flanders, “How can I help you today, sir?”
With some sheepishness, Flanders found himself saying, “I’m not sure quite yet. God sent me here. But I never took to tea. Green tea never agreed with my stomach. But I do wish for a cup of tea.”
“Oh, that’s okay, sir,” said the waiter. “Crivitz Tea House does not deal with any green tea of any type.”
“There are other teas than green teas?” asked Flanders, perking up.
“We at Crivitz Tea House deal only with black teas,” said the waiter most affably.
“Black tea,” said Flanders. “Is black tea good?”
“We all love it here,” he said.
Flanders remembered the wooden signs on the wooden walls. And it became all the clearer to him, “Then I get to choose between all these different flavors of black tea that you advertise on your walls in here.”
“We at the Crivitz Tea House boast of the best black tea in Wisconsin,” said the waiter.
Flanders again turned to the signs on the walls, studied them, and asked, “What is the constant comment tea like? Is it real good? Would you recommend it?”
“Ah, our good constant comment tea,” said the waiter. “I recommend it heartily.”
“What flavor is constant comment tea about?” asked the son of God.
“Orange rind,” bragged the waiter.
“Orange tea,” said Flanders, liking the sound of it.
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“Orange rind tea, sir,” said the happy waiter.
“Rinds?” asked Flanders.
“The flavor of orange rinds without the orange rinds in it,” said the waiter in encouragement.
Liking the sound of that and glad that it was not green tea, Flanders went ahead and asked, “Could I try of mug of this constant comment tea, sir?”
“You will not be disappointed,” said the waiter.
Alone at this booth, the son of God thought to wait till after he had his black tea before he go around and share the Gospel here.
Soon the good waiter came back with a mug of this tea. The mug must surely have been a full quart size. And it was a shiny silver goblet. Much steam was coming up from it. Flanders put his nose to it in expectation and did take in the wonderful flavor of oranges. He looked into it and was glad to see neither rind nor rind pieces nor seeds nor fruit pulp within it. A little silver tray of lemon wedges and a little silver tray of lime wedges came with it. Also he was provided with a little silver cylinder of sugar cubes and a little silver bottle of loose sugar. He waited for it to cool down some, then took a sip.
It wasn’t bad. He then put in a few sugar cubes and took another sip. It was pretty good. He then took some lime quarters and squeezed them in and took another sip. It was better than coffee. He then took a big drink of this. It was now his new drink of drinks. This black tea was so good; it was like nothing that he had ever tasted before. He praised the tea and the God of tea with a vocal, “Praise the Lord!”
Not long later, he had it all drunk up.
Now it was time for the son of God to labor for the souls of lost men and women here where God had made sure for him to come right now today. He picked out the closest table of customers, and he came up to them, and he asked them, “Did you know that a Saviour died and rose again?”
And the people at the table replied in kindness and amity, “Sir, there was a woman in here talking about the same things that you are talking about. She was also talking about God. And she
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had some booklets and a Bible in her hands—just as you do.”
Suddenly revelation opened Flanders’s understanding. God had not sent him here so much in order to spread the Word in Crivitz alone. God had sent him here to find the woman! Why, this was God’s answer to his prayer that he find a beautiful Christian girlfriend! And this girl was right here at the Crivitz Tea House where God had sent him!
Quickly he asked the people at the table, “Where is she?”
One of them said, “She’s not here now.”
Another of them said, “She just left not long ago.”
And a third one said, “I saw her cross the street.”
And a fourth one said, “I saw her go into the coffee house.”
At once Flanders raced to the door on the right and saw on this side of the door the words
“Entrance only.” Quickly racing to the door on the left and seeing the words “Exit only,” he raced through this door and out into the sidewalk.
Behold, a young woman running out of the door of the coffeehouse, stopping at the sidewalk, and looking across the street from her side of the road. She was a green woman dressed in a green and blue three-piece harem girl outfit with strange belts of cartridges around her person.
They both saw each other. They both gazed upon one another. They both cocked their heads to the side and smiled at each other. She was not just pretty, but, rather, beautiful. She was not just beautiful, but, rather, ravishing. She was not just ravishing, but, rather, stunning.
They then both began to walk toward each other, stepping into the city street and not looking for traffic. But God looked down and protected them from being run over. No animals were coming from either direction on this street.
They met in the middle of this street. Flanders spoke and said, “Fine Miss, are you my one from God?”
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She spoke in a most mellow feminine voice and said, “I think that that I may be, good Sir.” Then she asked, “Are you my one from the Lord in like?”
“I do think so,” he said.
“My name is ‘Flaurie,’ said this stunning girl.
“’Flaurie’ as in ‘Flaurie Alvers?’” he asked.
“The one, before you now,” she said.
“The famous daughter of God herself!” said Flanders in sweet affection.
“Do I know you, O fair gentleman?” she asked. “You look familiar.”
“I am Flanders,” he said, “Flanders Nickels.”
“Oo, you’re the son of God himself!” she said.
“That is what they call me,” said Flanders.
The daughter of God curtseyed before him in her harem girl outfit, and the son of God bowed before her in his jeans and cotton summer shirt.
The world’s two most famous born-again believers then joined hands, and hand-in-hand they walked onward in life together ever since.
Second shall be narrated the tale in Flaurie’s viewpoint as to how girl met boy: She wrote chronicles in her life in a little diary this year now that she was fifteen. She called this little diary “Letters to God.” And these were most fervent written prayers to God from a teenage girl with the faith in Christ of a woman well into adulthood. Every day Flaurie prayed to God with thought words. And some days she prayed to God with these written words. These letters to God, of course, were not for the postal service to mail out. Instead this was just a novel way for her to pray and to keep these prayers in a little book. And the first letter to God was written that very day that she turned fifteen.
Having discovered how cute boys could be not too long prior, and fiercely obedient to God in not
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unequally yoking herself to an unsaved boy, herself already mightily saved, Flaurie wrote in that first letter to God, “Dear Father, I pray you bring into my life a handsome boy who does not find me ugly and who thinks that I am the prettiest girl he has ever seen and who adores my harem girl outfit as I do. He must be a boy mighty in Bible study and prayer and church. And he needs to be handsome and thin and kind. And he must submit to the Holy Ghost in all callings. Your daughter who waits upon Your answer, Flaurie. P. S. It is written, ‘…: for with God all things are possible,’ Mark 10:27.” That was her first letter to God. For the rest of her year at fifteen, Flaurie continued writing and speaking her prayers to her Heavenly Father. But she had grown complacent in her life without a boyfriend, with all of her satisfaction that she got from Christ in her daily worship at home and at church. She soon forgot
about her desire for male companionship. But God did not forget. And God willed her a boy to share fellowship with. And when she turned sixteen years old, God began to work in her life to answer that old prayer of her young lonely heart.
And on her sixteenth birthday, she got up to go have breakfast that Mom made every morning for the kids. But, behold, when she came down to the dining room table, there was a chocolate cake with candles and cake decorations and the whole family already gathered around the table. They sang “Happy Birthday to you,” to Flaurie. They said to her, “Make a wish and blow out the candles.”
And she made a secret wish that God do a miracle this day just to show off His glory. And she blew out the candles. They then all had cake, celebrated Flaurie turning sixteen, and had a great time.
Flaurie had the best time this day of all of her family.
Then when she went outside to go climb trees, the still small voice that spoke to her as the daughter of God so full of the Holy Spirit, did speak to her heart and said, “My Flaurie Alvers, go at once to Crivitz, find the Crivitz Coffee House, and I will do my miracle for you that I may be glorified.”
Crivitz was not at all far away. She was confident that she could find this Crivitz Coffee House.
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She knew all about coffeehouses in her teenage life, herself being a connoisseur of all coffees already for many years. And she did fantasize now about finding this Crivitz Coffee House, and coming upon a new coffee for her first time that would be even better than that mug of Millstone Danish Pastry coffee that she had discovered on her fifteenth birthday party. God could do that for her. He ever delighted in blessing the daughter of God and all of His Christians in His love for them as His children. In prayer, Flaurie said to Heaven, “It is written, ‘Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah.’ Psalm 68:19.” Then she said, “Amen!” And at once she took a trip to Crivitz to find this coffee house and discover that wonderful and imminent “coffee of coffees,” that only could come from the Lord. Of course, for the cause of soul-winning, she did not forget to take her King James Bible and a pack of salvation tracts with her. After all, were not souls more valuable that coffee—especially to Jesus?
On her way there, she prayed in reminiscence with the Lord about her love for coffee over her years. She remembered her first cup of coffee as a little girl about ten years ago. She decided to have it black. And she was not sure whether she wanted a second cup of such coffee later on sometime. It was bitter for a little girl. But Mom and Dad always put in evaporated milk in their coffee. So Flaurie went ahead and tried that for herself with her second try with coffee. It was much better. And she decided that she would have coffee with evaporated milk in it again for her next time. She never went back to black coffee again. And in these early years of coffee, she, just like Mom and Dad, drank good simple instant coffee. She never once put sugar in her coffee. She knew that she would not like coffee like that. And she was glad for that. Later on as a girl of coffee, little Flaurie discovered real coffee creamer. It was a well-known powder coffee creamer, and that made coffee an even greater pleasure for her. And not long later, she experimented with liquid coffee creamer—only the original liquid coffee creamer without sugar in it. And that was just as delicious. Then her happiest coffee day came upon her one time when, at a family get-together with relatives, one of the family made her some
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fresh brewed coffee. They told her that this was hazelnut coffee. She took a sip of it with her coffee creamer in it, and it was even better than the instant coffee that she had so loved. After that, the lion’s share of her coffee became such brewed coffee. Sometimes she had it automatic drip. Sometimes she had it “perk.” Sometimes she had it espresso. Coffee, in her life other that worship itself, was second only to her precious harem girl outfit throughout her life. Her second favorite drink was green tea.
If she had a thirst to quench Flaurie turned to green tea. And she enjoyed iced green tea in Wisconsin’s summers. And she enjoyed hot green tea in Wisconsin’s winters. But the coffee was foremost, being more of a “food” to her than a “drink” to her.
Her trip to this fascinating Crivitz Coffee House, wherever it was, made the daughter of God thirsty in the hot sun. She came to town with a desire for cold green tea. And at once she saw a big conspicuous sign read “Crivitz Coffee House.” Here it was. She was there. God willed her here.
Indeed this sign was as big as a billboard, and it covered the whole top of the front wall of this coffee house. She could see that there were big spotlights shining down upon it from above for when the dark of night would come. And the letters, in themselves, were each as big as whole street signs such as stop signs or no-parking signs. She looked upon the sign in aspirations of God giving her the best cup of coffee that she ever had. Yet she said to God, “Lord, I’m really thirsty.”
And God had her turn back to look right across the street to a shop on the other side. She could not see what God saw. God saw the sign that read, “Crivitz Tea House.” For her and anyone else, no one could read this sign from over here. In the Holy Spirit, the daughter of God went over to get a closer look at what might be over here. She found a tea house, and she thanked the Lord, and she anticipated a nice cold thirst-quenching mug of iced green tea. The coffee would have to wait a moment for now. God understood. He was working things out for His honour. And he was working His plans around her whim.
The daughter of God went into the Crivitz Tea House, sat down at the main counter, and ordered
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her special green iced tea for hot days like today. But the man at the counter spoke and said, “I’m sorry, Miss. We don’t sell green tea here. We sell only black tea.”
Flaurie was disappointed. But she would make it worthwhile here by telling others about Jesus. She thanked the man at the counter and gave him a salvation tract, and he gladly took it. And she went around from booth to booth asking folk the eternal question, “Do you know where you’re going after you die?” And some said one thing, and some said another. But the daughter of God made sure to give each one a tract. And then she went also table to table, witnessing to others the same way, and telling them, “Jesus loves you.”
Then coffee beckoned her in her heart. It was time to go back to the coffee house across the street and to go in this time and to have her coffee for the day. She went there. Right away the smell of coffee made her feel at home in this Crivitz Coffee House. She recognized the individual aromas of hazelnut coffee and chocolate coffee and highlander grog coffee and french vanilla coffee and dark blend coffee and Irish creme coffee and peppermint coffee and many others. And yet there was one savor of aroma that she could not recognize, a coffee smell that was different, better, singular. Her curiosity beckoned her to ask the merchant, “What coffee is that which I smell now, sir?”
“That’s our house blend,” he said with pride and knowledge.
“Ooo, could I have a mug of that?” asked Flaurie.
“I’d be glad to get you that, Miss,” said the merchant. “That is our best-selling coffee, and there is no other house blend like ours anywhere.”
“Oo, I can’t wait,” said the daughter of God with glee. It was so good to go where the Lord tells you to go. And she went and sat down at a table.
And he brought it out to her in a silver mug surely the size of a quart on a silver tray with a silver spoon and a silver pitcher of liquid cream. He said to her, “This cream is our own cream, and it is made only for our house blend coffee.”
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“Thank you, sir,” said Flaurie.
“Do enjoy, Miss,” he said.
“I shall,” she said. She tried a sip, but it was too hot quite yet. So, while she waited for it to cool, she looked around this Crivitz Coffee House to take in the sights of today’s discovery. She saw wooden carved lions’ heads on the walls beside the booths. She saw wooden carved tigers’ heads on the walls beside the tables. And she saw wooden carved bears’ heads along the fronts of the main counter. Lots of patrons here were playing dominoes. Some were shaking dice. Some were building little houses with playing cards. All were drinking hot coffee. Flaurie decided that she would have her coffee first, and preach second. She could see a little room in back full of coffee roasters with workers tending to them. What heavenly ambiance filled this Crivitz Coffee House unlike any other coffee house that she had come to. She then looked back upon her house blend coffee upon her table where she sat.
She leaned her face down toward the cup and tried a sip again. It was just the right hot now to enjoy. And enjoy it she did upon this little taste. It was like unto a mythological nectar. Even Flaurie never believed that even coffee could taste so divine. She took another sip and said in novel wonder, “This is the memory that I will take with me to Heaven, Lord.” She took another sip and now confessed to herself that this was better even than that memorable Millstone Danish Pastry coffee.
She took another sip and realized that this was better than any other drink and better than any other food that she had ever taken in. She was making so much good ado about this coffee house’s house blend coffee and its own creamer that everybody else took notice of her. And they all agreed with her about this little shop’s coffee. And she most truly made herself favorable with the customers in this way. When she emptied her mug with that last gulp she then remembered what she always did when leaving the house—to tell others about her Saviour.
And the daughter of God began to “street preach” inside the Crivitz Coffee House: “Men and
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women and all who love coffee as I do, do you know God? His name is Jesus, and He is the Saviour of the world, and He is my own personal Saviour. He died on the cross of Calvary and rose again the third day and ascended back to Heaven on the fortieth day. In Matthew 3:2 John the Baptist preached,
‘…Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ In Matthew 4:17, Jesus preached, ‘…Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ And in Mark 1:15, this same Jesus preached, ‘…The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent ye, and believe the gospel.’ I tell you, ‘This Gospel is the death and burial and resurrection of this Jesus—the ‘Son of God’ and ‘God the Son.’”
Just then all of her captive audience spoke in amity and good cheer all at once. And what the daughter of God could hear was that they were saying that a good man was just here who was saying the same things to them that she was now as a good woman.
She asked, “Do you mean that a man like myself was here just a moment ago?”
And the man behind the counter said, “Yep!”
And it dawned on the daughter of God that God had not sent her here just for a cup of coffee and some good witnessing of Christ. God had told her to come to this Crivitz Coffee House to answer her forgotten prayers for a guy companion in her life with which to share Christ with and to find a happiness of sweet good romance in her lonely girl’s heart. What a way for God to glorify Himself through her obedience of going on this trip of this day!
“Was he cute?” asked Flaurie with the nervousness of a little schoolgirl now all of a sudden.
Young women looked upon her and nodded their heads in assent.
The man behind the counter said, “He left not too long ago. I saw where he went. He went across the street. I saw him go into the tea house. And I have not seen him go out from the tea house yet.”
“Thank you. Thank you all, Thank You, Lord,” she said. And Flaurie raced out of the coffee house to run to the tea house.
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Just as Flaurie came out of the Crivitz Coffee House, a strange handsome fellow came out of the Crivitz Tea House. She stopped, looked, and cocked her head to the side at him in confident affection. He did the same toward her from where he stood. Then she and he began to walk toward each other, neither tearing away their eyes from their eyes. And they met in the little island of the street that separated one lane of traffic from the other lane of traffic.
If he were the man of God for her, his character and personality must indeed be full of the Holy Spirit of God. His outward appearance was that of a most dashing prince—buck teeth and all! This surely must be her boyfriend-in-Christ and God’s answers to her prayers both in one. What a hunk this short skinny guy was!
Flaurie spoke and asked, “Sir, are you come for me from God?”
He asked, “You are Flaurie Alvers—the famous daughter of God?”
“You know me?” she asked. “I am indeed she.”
“I am the son of God,” he said.
“You are Flanders Nickels?” she asked.
“You know me?” he asked. She nodded.
“God has brought us here together this day, stunning Flaurie,” he said.
“God told me to go to the coffee house,” she said.
“God told me to go to the tea house.” he said.
“And here we first meet right in between my place and your place, Flanders.” she said.
“Would you have a lonely Christian to become your boyfriend, O Flaurie?” he asked.
“I would, O Flanders,” she said, with a curtsy. Then she asked, “Would I be good enough to become your girlfriend?”
With a bow, he said, “The honor would be mine. Do become my girlfriend-in-the-Lord.”
He then proffered his right arm. She put her left arm around his right arm. And arm-in-arm
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they walked out of the wonderful little town of Crivitz and began their lives together as boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ for forever after. And so was it for Flanders and Flaurie together ever since.
This happened for them when they were both sixteen years old. And when they were both seventeen years old, they became engaged. And when they were eighteen years old they got married. And now they were both twenty years old, having been Betrothed and husband now for two happy years. Theirs, as the son of God and the daughter of God, was truly the match made in Heaven. Their Antediluvian Castle was the most famous home in America. And their unicorns that they brought with them into their family were the most well-loved unicorns in the world. And they themselves were even more famous than their unicorns. God was mighty in this family. And the foundations of Hell shook whenever they fought the sorrel griffins and always slew them in battle. No such fearsome and formidable griffin-slayers were there than this family of four. And the Devil hated Flanders and Flaurie and Bree and Horn Of Plenty.
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CHAPTER X
It was midnight. Flaurie was alone in bed in the bedroom. Flanders was alone in the attic on the other side of this fifth floor sky walk that joined bedroom to attic. This attic abounded in much piles of “attic stuff.” He sat down now upon a tiny tot wooden chair in front of a tiny tot wooden desk.
These were both his one time when he was a very little boy. And here they were stored in his attic almost twenty years later. But this attic item was not just attic stuff for him. This was his repository of all of his Carol Bree Dale stuff from his days before having found Flaurie. In this desk was the magazine and that unforgettable wheat germ ad and that sketch drawn by an artist and bottles of real Kretschmer wheat germ and a letter from the ad agency and an ode to Carol. The only articles of his wheat germ girl menagerie that were not here in this tiny desk were the blue jeans and the blue chambray work shirt that he had bought at K-Mart, and those were both in his and his wife’s bedroom closet. First he took out the Reader’s Digest and looked upon the dream girl, dressed as he knew well as “his country lass.” When he had first fallen in love with this model he pondered whether she were too beautiful to be a mortal. He was older now and knew that all women were mortal, even dream girls. The girl was in the right leaf of the magazine. On the left leaf of the magazine was an ode
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that he taped onto the page with scotch tape, which he called “Carol’s Address.” It read two words:
“WITH LOVE.” It was two words from a particular newspaper article headline about how to cook a certain food with love. He could not now remember any more than that about that headline, but those two particular words he had cut out of the newspaper and “given to Carol” thus right “next to her.”
They indeed covered most of that opposite leaf. He then looked down toward the bottom of the ad and saw the words “International Multifoods.” That had to be the company that produced Kretschmer Wheat Germ. He remembered having done research about this very ad in order to see if he could find out the girl’s identity in his days of ago. He found out that the agency who printed this ad for Reader’s Digest was a firm called, “Barton, Batton, Durstine, and Osbourne.” And in his days before Flaurie, when Carol was his only love, he wrote to this ad agency essentially asking them, “What’ s the girl’s name?” And they wrote back an official letter. It was here in this little desk now in this attic. He took it out of the desk now and read it again in some disappointment: “Dear Sir, we appreciate your interest in Kretschmer Wheat Germ. We offer two flavors of wheat germ—original toasted and honey crunch. Our wheat germ is both a nutritious and a natural treat. Try it today. Enclosed is a coupon for a free bottle of our product good at any grocery store. As for the model about whom you inquired, we do not know who the woman is. If we can be of any further help, contact us, and we will be available. Yours truly, Barton, Batton, Durstine, and Osbourne.” He had been naive thinking that they would tell him where she was, what her name was, and if she were available. And he gave up the search. But he did not give up the girl in his heart. And he continued his little romance in the heart with her from afar.
He prayed to God a short confession, “I began to forget about her, Lord. And then I found Flaurie, and I forgot all about her. Until only a little while ago.” He then reached into this tiny desk and took out that wonderful sketch. There she was, drawn with black ink by an art student. He looked upon the eyes of the girl in the sketch: they were so big and so alluring, just like in the photograph. He remembered how he had once referred to Carol’s eyes to himself as being “passageways to paradise.”
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He gazed upon the blonde hair and its comely bangs in the drawing. The artist had gotten them just right. He remembered how he had used to describe her straight hair in his little romance as “golden strands of wheat in a tranquil meadow.” He then turned to his two wheat germ bottles that he had gotten at the grocery store the other day to replenish his wheat germ supply in this desk, one bottle for each of the two flavors. All of the previous bottles were already eaten up. The original flavor was like a psychological aphrodisiac in his love for the wheat germ girl. The honey crunch flavor he did not like so well. Indeed the labels had changed since the day of the ad. He took a spoon out of this desk and began to eat some of both. Then he wanted no more. And he closed up the caps, licked the spoon clean and wiped it with his shirt tail, and put the spoon and the bottles back into the desk. He then put all of the other parts of this menagerie back into this little desk and closed the lid to the desk and pushed back his little chair from the desk. He then got up and left the attic and walked the elevated walkway and came back into the bedroom. Flaurie was still asleep. And he turned into bed now for the night. It was about one o’clock.
He got up the next day with England Dan and John Ford Coley songs in his heart. In his days before Flaurie, he sang in his heart songs from this singing duo such as “Nights Are Forever Without You,” and “I’d Really Love To See You Tonight,” and “Gone Too Far. These were most stirring songs of love for him only for Carol Bree Dale when she was still his first love. He remembered now how he had used to listen to these songs before going to bed for the night in his high school days, and then go on to sing these songs in his head in bed before falling asleep for the night.
Flaurie heard him singing now some of these songs as he got ready for another day with her.
She said, “Flanders, are you singing songs of the world now?”
“Songs of the world,” he said. “Yes. I was. I was just remembering.”
“Devil’s music,” said the holy and righteous Betrothed.
He then said, “I was in the attic last night when you were sleeping.”
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“Isn’t that where you store all of your old stuff about wheat germ and its woman?” she asked.
“Uh huh,” he said with a nod of his head.
“What were you doing there so late into the night?” she asked.
“I got impulsive and went there to see it all again for myself,” he said.
“Was it fun for you?” asked the Betrothed.
“It was,” he said. “But being way across and high up as it in the attic, it is almost like my precious stuff is not inside the house.”
“The Antediluvian Castle is indeed a very big house,” said Flaurie.
“I think that I want that menagerie to be closer,” he said.
“Are you going to move that Carol Dale stuff out of the attic for your first time since we moved here, Husband?” asked Flaurie.
“I would like to bring all of that into this room here. No. Better yet into our closet, Flaurie,” he said.
“Are you bringing that woman into our closet?” asked the Betrothed, sensing red flags to her husband’s decision.
“That closet is both mine and yours,” he said firmly.
“But you think to make that closet yours and mine and Carol’s,” said Flaurie.
“I do not want to take a walk outside five stories high just to see Carol Dale,” he said.
“This kind of thing is called in French a ‘ménage à trois!” exclaimed the jilted Betrothed.
“My Carol is not adultery,” he exclaimed back in a snap.
“’Her’ blue jeans and ‘her’ chambray shirt have already come between us, Flanders. And now you are bringing in all the rest of her into our life in here,” said Flaurie.
“She is not an evil woman,” said Flanders, knowing nothing about the real woman.
“Why, she is just like a femme fatale,” said the Betrothed.
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“This femme fatale, as you dare call her, is the most beautiful woman in the world,” he said.
“And you are making her a home wrecker,” said Flaurie.
“This home wrecker, as you call her, is so beautiful that even a woman would fall in love with her,” said Flanders, losing his sense and reasoning.
“Husband, I hear you, the son of God, talking utterly crazy,” said the Betrothed.
“I’m not crazy. I’m mad,” he said.
“You’re not going back to the attic,” she said, standing in the bedroom doorway to block his way from the sky walk across to the attic.
“I am going back to the attic,” he said.
“Then you’ll have to push your Betrothed out of your way, because I am not letting any more of her stuff coming into our bedroom,” said Flaurie.
“Get out of your husband’s way, woman, or I will give you a vicious spanking,” he said in threat.
In rage Flaurie ran to the bedroom closet to get her revenge on that outfit from K-Mart that had so started all of this. Not paying any attention to her and glad that she got out of his way, Flanders marched across to the attic to begin his little project. And when he had all of this menagerie from that little desk, he carried it back across the sky walk to the bedroom. Behold, the two pieces of the K-Mart clothes were heaped up in piles upon the sky walk just outside the bedroom door. Flaurie had done this to “Carol’s outfit.” She had thrown them down in great disrespect to his first love. He ran into the bedroom to get her for this, but she was already gone out of here. He ran back out and looked down.
There was Flaurie, riding Horn Of Plenty, and getting away. “Where are you going?” he yelled down to her as she sped by.
And she said, “I’m going away to get some air!”
“Come back, treacherous Betrothed,” he called down. She just kept riding on by. He was
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furious. He said his first curse word since having become a Christian. And in rage he went on to meticulously arrange the complete menagerie in the closet of the Betrothed and himself.
Meanwhile the Betrothed ran her he-unicorn hard and fast to Pastor’s and Emmy’s parsonage. Emmy was outside making a quilt for the winter to come. Pastor must have been inside doing his devotions. Their two horses were grazing in the field next to their house. Pastor’s wife could tell that something was wrong for Flaurie. And she got up from her chair and came up to where Horn Of Plenty was galloping. Flaurie commanded her unicorn to stop, and the unicorn stopped. Emmy stood there for the daughter of God. Flaurie dismounted. And she stood before Emmy.
“What’s wrong, Flaurie?” asked Emmy.
“Something’s very wrong, Emmy,” said the Betrothed.
“Would you like to talk about it?” asked Emmy.
“I had to come here and tell you,” said Flaurie.
“Shall we go to the picnic table and talk about it?” asked Emmy.
“I need your advice like never before, Emmy,” said the daughter of God.
“I’ll try my best to give you the answer that God would have for you, Flaurie,” promised Pastor’s wife.
“Something has come between Flanders and myself,” said the Betrothed.
A moment of grave silence passed. Then Emmy asked, “Is it another…?”
“A woman, you could say,” said Flaurie. “It is another woman.”
“I am so sorry to hear that, Flaurie,” said Emmy.
“And I need a woman like myself to talk about this to,” said the Betrothed.
Understanding his mistress’s hasty flight from the Antediluvian Castle now, Horn Of Plenty acquiesced and said, “Mistress, I will leave you alone with Pastor’s wife.”
“No, good and loyal Horn Of Plenty,” urged his mistress. “Would you stay? I need you with
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me. You will give me strength.”
“I shall stay at your side, O Mistress,” promised her he-unicorn.
Flaurie and Pastor’s wife looked upon each other. The three silently went to the picnic table. And Flaurie said, “Flanders has himself a dream girl.”
“A dream girl?” asked Emmy.
“Uh huh,” said Flaurie.
“Is she real?” asked Pastor’s wife.
“I’m not sure how to answer that,” said the daughter of God.
“Is she fantasy?” asked Emmy next.
After some thought, Flaurie said, “She is there. She is not there. She is here. She is not here. She is. She is not.”
“Is she beautiful?” asked Pastor’s wife.
“I have never seen her,” said Flaurie. And the Betrothed went on to tell her confidante everything that she did know about this Carol Dale.
And after Flaurie did tell all, Emmy spoke and asked, “Does he love her?”
To this the Betrothed said, “I think that he does.”
“Flanders would never be unfaithful to you with a fling,” said Emmy.
“He would not ‘have an affair,’ as people call it, while I am yet his Betrothed,” concurred Flaurie. “But I know my husband. And as his wife I say now, ‘This wheat germ girl could steal his heart away from me with the spirit of magical romance and convince him to run away with her for the rest of his life yet still not commit adultery even one time with the girl.’”
“It is not sex that tempts him to the woman?” asked Emmy.
“No. It is not,” said Flaurie. “It is romance in its simple magic of beauty found in his wheat germ girl.”
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“A husband faithful to his wife physically, but unfaithful to his wife emotionally,” said Pastor’s wife.
“She was his first love,” said Flaurie.
“And you were his second love,” said Emmy.
“He knows that he will never have a third love.” said the Betrothed.
In empathy Pastor’s wife summed it up just as Flaurie knew it to be, saying, “Carol was his first love, and you are his last love, and there were no loves in between.”
“Yes,” said the Betrothed with a nod.
“Young men do crazy things for love,” said Pastor’s wife.
“Flanders calls me his ‘stunning alien girl,’” Flaurie went on to say. “And he does not lie when he says that. He even thinks that my protruding lips are stunning, even though I think that they are positively simian. He loves me for my purple hair. He loves me for my green skin. And he loves me for my protruding lips. Any other man would take one look at me and say, “Ick, an ugly woman who looks to have come from Venus.’ But Flanders takes one look at me and thinks, ‘Whoa! A betrothed that I can take walks with and show off to all the world as my stunning woman.’”
“You do look quite extraterrestrial, Flaurie,” said Pastor’s wife in compliment.
“Flanders finds me most sexy,” said the Betrothed in her harem girl outfit.
“And Godly,” said Emmy.
“I believe so,” said the daughter of God.
“Mistress,” asked her he-unicorn, “why do you suppose Flanders would look at another when he already has all of you?”
“I don’t know,” said his mistress. “I must not be so pretty to him as she is.” Then she turned to Pastor’s wife and asked, “Why do you suppose this is so, O Emmy?”
“Men look at the outward appearance when it comes to us women,” said Emmy. “If a guy has a
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girlfriend whom he finds pretty, he will always wonder if he can find a girlfriend who is even prettier. If a guy has a pretty wife, he might wish that he had a beautiful wife instead. There are lots and lots of women out there, and guys want the most attractive one out there. They often say that there are many fish in the sea. And they want the best fish of them all. And there shall always be, in a man’s heart, a desire for a woman more exciting than the woman he has now. Christian men don’t think this way so much. But Flanders’s ‘prettier girl,’ it seems, is coming to him from afar—both from long ago and from far away. And Flanders is like unto a schoolboy with his first crush with this wheat germ girl model right now.”
“Do you think that she might be a saved woman?” asked Flaurie.
“That is the question that Flanders needs to ask and find out,” said Emmy.
“My husband has not spoken one word about her to me about whether she be saved or lost,” said the Betrothed.
“How can he tell right now?” asked Emmy. “He has not met her yet.”
“But he does not say anything about witnessing to her or trying to get her saved, either,” said Flaurie.
“That’s not good,” said Emmy. “I have never known him to be a Christian who does not think first about a woman’s spiritual state before he thinks about that woman’s pulchritude.”
“That’s bad. Isn’t it, Emmy?” asked the daughter of God.
“Flanders has led more to salvation on Thursday Evening Visitation than any of the men who go out calling from our church,” said Emmy. “Only Pastor has won more souls than did Flanders.”
“Is Flanders backsliding?” asked Flaurie in shock.
“Only Jesus knows that, Flaurie,” rebuked Emmy.
Flanders must ask this mysterious Carol Dale about her eternal soul.
“When she comes, Flanders will ask her,” said the daughter of God in hopes. Surely he would
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seek Carol’s soul. Wouldn’t he?
“My mistress,” called forth Horn Of Plenty, “if the girl comes to the Antediluvian Castle, and Flanders fails to tell her about the Saviour, what would you do? Would you tell your rival about the Saviour?”
“That one hurt,” said the daughter of God. “I do not know what I would do there then, Horn Of Plenty.”
“She’s liable to take the son of God away from our group of four,” said Horn Of Plenty.
And Emmy said about this mystical Carol Dale, “Sometimes a woman can get a man to do something that the Devil himself cannot make him do.”
“What do you think that I should do, Emmy?” asked the daughter of God.
And Pastor’s wife said, “Do be much in prayer, Flaurie.”
“I’ve been doing that a lot,” said the Betrothed.
“Keep praying,” said Emmy.
“I shall,” promised the daughter of God.
“It is written, ‘And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint;’ Luke 18:1,” said Emmy. And she went on to say, “As it is commanded of men, so is it commanded of women.”
“I shall never cease to pray about all of this–even if it is all said and done and Flanders runs away with the girl,” said the Betrothed.
“What else do you think that my mistress should do, good Pastor’s wife?” asked the he-unicorn pet.
And Emmy said, “Go and ask Flanders to show you the wheat germ girl’s photograph, Flaurie.”
“I have never seen it before!” quickly objected Flaurie. “It is none of my business.”
“It is your business now, Flaurie,” said Pastor’s wife.
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“It is?” asked the Betrothed. Then she said, “I always did wonder what the woman looked like.” Then she said, “I need to know what a dream girl looks like.”
“Go for it, girl,” said Emmy. “Demand him that he show you her picture.”
“If I am stunning to him, she must be paradisiacal to him,” said the Betrothed.
“Make him show you not just herself, but all of what she is to him,” urged Pastor’s wife.
“You mean the whole menagerie?” asked Flaurie.
“The whole menagerie,” said Emmy.
The Betrothed pondered in silence, then said, “Knowing my husband, I think that he would still be glad to confide his secrets to his Betrothed yet, despite our fight we had today.”
“”Asking him to share his menagerie with you would be a good way for reconciliation, I would say, knowing Flanders,” said Emmy.
“I’d feel awkward listening to him tell me all about his first love like that, but I am awful curious all about this fascinating woman,” said the Betrothed.
“Be patient and kind with him through all of this, and you could win his heart back in the end,” said Emmy.
“I’m just a wife. I am not a dream woman,” Flaurie cautioned the confident Pastor’s wife.
“I know the way of husbands,” said Emmy. “Treating your man with love is a surefire way to keep him from looking elsewhere.”
“I know the way of my husband better than any other,” said the Betrothed. “Flanders is a dreamer unlike any other man out there. And his love for dream is causing our marriage this stumbling block that you hear about now.”
“You are real; Carol is dream,” said Emmy, understanding better now.
“And dream is coming here someday pretty soon,” said the Betrothed. “Her unicorn told me that she is coming very soon.”
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“Good and faithful Flaurie, would you like a word of prayer right now?” asked the compassionate Pastor’s wife.
“I need just exactly that,” said Flaurie. “Could we make it a prayer meeting with the three of us?”
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them,” recited the Bible-knowing Emmy the words of Jesus.
“Matthew 18:20,” said the Scripture-learned daughter of God this Bible verse’s reference.
“Amen!” said Horn Of Plenty.
And the three at the picnic table of the parsonage prayed to God one-by-one in a prayer circle whose words reached up to Heaven.
And an hour later, they were done. They lifted their heads back up from prayer.
Just then a shadow of a form passed by overhead. It passed across the yellow sunlight. Shade came upon these three for just a moment. Then yellow sunlight shone down upon these three again.
A griffin then called down to her, saying, “Lady warrior, good day to you!”
Instinct impelled the daughter of God to war. She drew her pistol from her holster, and she looked up into the skies, and she fired her gun at this griffin.
Right after the lady warrior shot her gun, she heard Emmy cry out, “Lord, no!” And at the same time, her he-unicorn groaned in apprehension. Flaurie looked up and saw the griffin continue flying by. The lady with the gun had missed.
Emmy rebuked the daughter of God and said to her, “Foolish girl, that was a gray griffin.”
In remorse Flaurie asked, “That was a good griffin?”
“It was, my mistress,” said Horn Of Plenty. “But he’s okay.”
“But I thought that all the griffins here in America’s Midwest were sorrel griffins,” said the daughter of God in regrets at what she had just done. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”
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“Do get a hold of yourself, girl,” said Emmy in encouragement.
“My mistress, you nearly took out one of ours,” said the he-unicorn.
“Forgive me, O Lord,” said the daughter of God.
And Horn Of Plenty said to Emmy, “My mistress is distracted with Carol’s coming.”
And Pastor’s wife said to the daughter of God in good comforts, “’Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.’ Isaiah 26:3, O good sister-in-the-Lord.”
“I’ll do that, Emmy,” promised the Betrothed. Then she said, “What is a gray griffin doing here in Wisconsin? Will more come, too? Are good things coming to us?”
And this fellowship of three came upon and shared first hopes together of an army of gray griffins coming and driving away the sorrel griffins in the times to come.
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CHAPTER XI
How did Flaurie Allyson Nickels become a born-again Christian? This chapter shall be the testimony of her salvation in all of its fulness.
It had taken place for her when she was yet Flaurie Allyson Alvers. She was seven years old at the time. As a little girl, she loved all pretzels. She ate pretzel rods, pretzel sticks, pretzel twists, and Dutch pretzels. The brands that she bought were Snyder’s and Rold Gold and Geiser’s and Old Dutch.
And her favorites were Mister Salty pretzels. And her favorite food of foods were Mister Salty pretzel sticks. Mister Salty pretzels were packaged in dark blue boxes with a plastic inner liner and with a reclosable tab. And on all Mister Salty pretzel boxes were the personage “Mister Salty,” quite a “pretzel guy,” a person made of pretzel. Nabisco was the company that made her Mister Salty pretzels.
And when she was being good, Mom always rewarded her with a box of Mister Salty pretzels. This made little Flaurie want to be an even better girl.
Flaurie was first introduced to pretzels at the age of two. It was Uncle Sodium who had first introduced them to her. Uncle Sodium ate anchovies and saltines and ramen noodles; and oftentimes
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he had a beef bouillon cube or a chicken bouillon cube in his mouth. He put plain white table salt on everything he ate—even dessert and fresh fruit. In his right shirt pocket he always had a little bottle of Lawry’s seasoning salt, and in his left shirt pocket he always had a little bottle of Durkee garlic salt. He also was known for sprinkling McCormick celery salt upon his palm and licking it off of his hand.
One day he came over to the house with a pretzel rod in his mouth, his taste buds enjoying the savor of pretzel salt a while before crunching it down with his teeth. “Can I try that with one, too, Uncle?” asked impressionable two-year old Flaurie.
“Good niece,” he said, “you’re a girl after my own heart.” And he pulled out a pretzel rod from his shirt pocket and gave it to her. He said, “My Phy. Ed. Teacher in college has a canister of these on his desk in the office. And he sells them to us students at two for twenty-five cents. It’s quite a bargain for us at that price.”
Trying to be just like Uncle Sodium, Flaurie put an end of this pretzel rod into her mouth and began to suck on it. In his way she continued savoring the salt of the outside of the pretzel until it was all gone. And then when the pretzel was somewhat softened and the salt gone, Flaurie crunched down into it and bit off the end. And after this she moved the pretzel rod remnant into her mouth to savor the next part of the dry pretzel, and she did the same with this second partition as she had the first partition.
And so on to the third. And the fourth. And the fifth. And then the pretzel rod was all consumed.
“What do you think, my good niece?” asked Uncle Sodium.
And Flaurie said, “I like it a real lot, Uncle.” And she thanked him and discovered her favorite childhood food for years to come. And she coined a saying that everybody in the family instantly adored: It was, “Pretzels rule!”
Then at age seven, Flaurie found a new friend and a new pretzel come into her life. Her new friend was a born-again bakery manager at the grocery store down the street. Her new pretzel was ranch-flavored pretzel sticks. And this bakery manager made these pretzels for sale in her bakery
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department. These pretzels themselves the bakery manager did not make. But the ranch seasoning she did make. And she made her ranch pretzel sticks by taking a bag of pretzel sticks from the shelf of the snack foods and roasting them in her special ranch seasoning in the bakery oven.
That day of her ranch pretzel discovery, little Flaurie, a pretzel twist in her mouth, came up to the bakery department and watched as the bakery manager was scraping a hot flat baking pan of many pretzel sticks into an interlocking clear plastic container. Flaurie could smell the flavor that was coming from these exciting new pretzels, and she loved it. The bakery manager, as she was doing this, could see a little girl with protruding lips and big eyes of black and wild hair and a pretzel twist half in and half out of her mouth. The born-again woman in the bakery called out to her, “Hi there, little girl.”
Little Flaurie took the pretzel stick out of her mouth, and she said, “Mom told me never to talk with my mouth full.” Then she put the pretzel twist back into her mouth and said, “Hi, Ma’am,”
The bakery woman said to her, “I can tell that you like pretzels.”
Flaurie first chewed and swallowed her pretzel twist before she spoke, and then she said, “Pretzels are my best food.”
The bakery manager said, “You mean to say that pretzels are your ‘favorite food,’”
“My best favorite food,” said Flaurie in her simplicity.
“What’s your name, little girl?” asked the Christian woman.
Flaurie said, “Dad told me never to talk to strangers.”
“My name is ‘Danielle,’” said the bakery lady.
“My name is ‘Flaurie,’” said Flaurie Alvers.
“Glad to meet you, Flaurie,” said Danielle.
“Glad to meet you, too, Danielle,” said Flaurie, proffering her hand.
They both shook hands. Then the born-again believer asked Flaurie, “Are you born again?”
“No. Not me,” said little Flaurie.
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“That’s sad,” said Danielle with wisdom.
“Are you born again, Danielle?” asked Flaurie.
“Yes. I am,” said Danielle.
“That’s good,” said Flaurie. “Mom and Dad are born again, too.” Then she said, “Born-again Christians are real good people. Like you, Danielle.”
“That’s a nice thing to say, Flaurie,” said Danielle, flattered. Then she opened up one of those little plastic containers full of ranch pretzels just out of the oven, and she said, “Would you like to try some of these, Flaurie?” She held it out in front of the pretzel girl. “They might be a little hot yet,” said the pretzel maker.
Flaurie most carefully took out one ranch pretzel stick, and she put it in her mouth. Her eyes grew big with wonder. Her closed mouth said, “Mmm!” And desire for more exuded from her features.
“Have some more,” said Danielle. “They’re ranch pretzel sticks.”
“Thank you, Danielle,” said Flaurie. And this time she took a whole handful. And yet she ate them all up one at a time patiently.
“You’re welcome, Flaurie,” said Danielle. “Jesus saves.”
After finishing her handful of ranch pretzels, Flaurie said in reply, “That’s what Mom and Dad always say–’Jesus saves.’”
“He is the Saviour of the world,” said the Christian woman.
“I’m good at spelling,” said Flaurie. “I know that ‘Saviour,’ is spelled, ‘S-A-V-I-O-U-R’ and not ‘S-A-V-I-O-R.’”
“You are a good speller, Flaurie,” said Danielle.
“But I cannot tell which word is ‘a-u-g-h-t’ and which word is ‘o-u-g-h-t,’” said Flaurie.
“That’s a hard one,” confessed Danielle.
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“Mom said that I have to study that so that I do good on my spelling test tomorrow,” said Flaurie.
“Will I get to see you again, Flaurie?” asked Danielle.
“I promise to come back lots,” said Flaurie. “I’ll come for now on for those pretzels. They are my new favorite pretzels now.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” said Danielle.
“I like you, Danielle,” said Flaurie.
“And I like you Flaurie,” said Danielle.
“I’ve got to go now. Mom likes me home before dinner,” said Flaurie.
“I’ll have you in my prayers,” said Danielle.
“Prayers are good things,” said little Flaurie. And she left. But she was going to come back soon. And she was going to come back often.
And from the start of this most blessed friendship, the saved bakery manager found a great burden for the soul of this kind and gentle pretzel girl who was still lost in her sins. Saved girls got to go to Heaven. Lost girls had to go to Hell. But there was still hope for Flaurie. And Danielle sought ways to convince her of her need for Jesus unto Flaurie’s own so great salvation.
One day as Flaurie was there at the bakery counter, herself eating a little container of Danielle’s ranch pretzel sticks, Danielle asked her, “Flaurie, did you remember to pray and thank the Lord for your food?”
“I guess that I forgot,” confessed Flaurie.
“Say grace now, Flaurie,” said Danielle with good Christian authority.
In submission, little Flaurie shut back up the little container and held it in both arms against herself in endearment and said grace, “Come, Lord Jesus. Be our guest. May this food in You be blest.”
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“No no no, O Flaurie,” called forth the Christian lady. “That is not the right way to thank our Heavenly Father for your food.”
“It isn’t?” asked Flaurie. Danielle shook her head vigorously. “What is the right way then?” asked Flaurie.
“A person needs to thank God like she means it,” said Danielle.
“I thought that I meant it,” said Flaurie.
“Never recite back to the Lord any memorized prayer, little Flaurie,” exhorted the bakery manager. “God hates the sin of vain repetitions in prayer.”
“How should I say grace?” asked Flaurie.
“You’ve got to say your own words when you say grace,” said the Christian woman. “You’d be surprised how much fun it is for a believer to pray to her Heavenly Father in her own words.”
“But I’m not a believer, though, as you know,” confessed seven-year-old Flaurie.
In encouragement, Danielle said, “Go ahead and try it. Try it again with your ranch pretzels.”
Unsaved Flaurie attempted to say grace the right way this time, and she prayed tentatively, saying, “Dear God, I am hungry now. I really need to try just a few pretzels for now to tide me over till I get home and have dinner. I thank You for finding these ranch pretzels for me. And I thank You for
bringing Danielle into my life. She makes these great pretzels. Thank You that I never have to go to bed hungry. Thank You for these ranch pretzels now.”
“In Jesus’s name,” Danielle had for her to say.
“In Jesus’s name,” finished off Flaurie. And she filled her mouth with the bakery manager’s pretzel sticks.
“Amen,” said Danielle for her to say to finish her prayer of grace.
“Amen,” said Flaurie, her mouth full of pretzels.
“That was very good,” said Danielle.
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“How did I do?” asked Flaurie. “I kind of began eating before I said ‘Amen.’”
“That’s all right,” said the born-again Danielle. “That was very good for your first try.”
“I kind of like praying like that, Danielle,” said Flaurie.
“You would love praying like that all the time if you were a Christian,” said the pretzel maker.
“Why, Danielle, you make it sound like thanking God for the food is more fun even than eating the food,” said Flaurie.
“Praying is more fun than eating,” said Danielle.
“Not for me,” said little Flaurie.
In warning, Danielle did say to her, “I have to tell you that God hears the prayers of only His children—us Christians. He does not hear the prayers of the Devil’s children—the lost.”
“I think that I know what you mean, Danielle,” said little Flaurie. “If I get saved like you, then God will hear what I pray to Him, and then I will love to pray.”
“Yes, little Flaurie,” said the born-again believer.
To this, Flaurie said, “Mom and Dad pray together out loud every evening.”
The next time Flaurie visited Danielle at the grocery store for more of her ranch pretzels, the first thing that Danielle said was, “Flaurie, did you say your prayers before you went to bed last night?”
“That I did,” said Flaurie.
“How was it?” asked Danielle.
“Oh. It was okay,” said the seven-year-old girl.
“What did you say to God in your prayer?” asked the bakery manager.
And Flaurie said what she prayed last night: “Now, O Lord, I lay me down to sleep. I pray Thee, Lord, my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray Thee, Lord, my soul to take.”
“Wrong. Wrong. Wrong,” chastised righteous Danielle. “Remember what I told you about praying to your Heavenly Father.”
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“You said something about the sin of saying memorized prayers,” said Flaurie. “I remember now.”
“Sinful vain repetitions,” said Danielle.
“I should have used my own words when I prayed last night before going to bed,” said Flaurie.
“When you pray, just talk to God like you talk to me,” said Danielle in friendship.
“You mean to talk to God just like I would talk to my best friend,” said Flaurie, learning the good way of prayer.
“Right. Right. Right,” said the bakery manager in affection.
“That’s easy for you, Danielle. You know God. But I don’t know God,” said Flaurie.
“Oh, Flaurie, I’ve been praying for you that you get to know God,” confessed Danielle her burden for this pretzel girl’s soul.
“Mom and Dad, also, pray that I find Jesus,” said Flaurie.
“What’s keeping you from doing that?” asked the bakery manager.
“I’m not ready for all of that quite yet,” said foolish Flaurie.
Danielle went on to tell Flaurie that once she were to get saved, then she will want to pray everyday, and her prayers will fulfill her, and her prayers will be answered, and her prayers will have eternal rewards in Heaven.
And that night, just before going to bed, seven-year-old Flaurie knelt beside her bed and sought to pray in this close to another day the kind of prayer that Danielle said to—with her own words. And she said, “Dear God, I had a good day and a kind of bad day today at school. I got another ‘A’ on my spelling test—in fact I got a 100. But on my math test I did not do well in multiplication. I got a ‘D’ on that test. I’m glad that I get to go to bed and get ready for a new day at school tomorrow. Thank You for my special friend Danielle. I love her pretzels. And I love to talk to her and to hear what she says about You. Good night, God. In Jesus’s name. Amen.”
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And when little Flaurie went to bed that night, she first came to consider accepting Christ as Saviour.
The next time the ranch pretzel little girl went to chat with the ranch pretzel roaster, she heard Danielle talk all about her joy over the Word of God that only a born-again believer can have in God’s Word. Danielle said to Flaurie, “I had a great time studying the book of I John yesterday, Flaurie! I got lots of underlinings and lots of notes to pencil into my Bible with that book!”
At a later day at the grocery store, Danielle told Flaurie, “I studied the book of Jude yesterday. I did not think of any notes to pencil in, and I hardly had any verses underlined. But I still had a lot of fun reading it.”
At a later day at the bakery department, Danielle said, “Guess what, Flaurie? I finished reading my King James Bible yesterday for my tenth time! Revelation: What a book, girl! Tonight I will start reading my Holy Bible cover to cover again, this time for my eleventh time. Amen!”
Then another day, Danielle asked, “Flaurie, did you read your Bible yesterday when you came home from school?”
“No,” admitted Flaurie.
“A girl should read her Bible,” admonished Danielle.
“I know that I should,” said Flaurie. “I never did that before. You do that all of the time.”
In warning, Danielle said, “But only the Authorized King James Version Bible, Flaurie. The others are not the true Word of God.”
“That’s the Bible that Mom and Dad read together in their morning devotions every day.” said little Flaurie. “Their Holy Bible has the letters ‘KJV’ on its spine.”
“Read it with them,” recommended the bakery manager. “That’s the good Bible.”
“I could read it by myself,” said Flaurie, noncommittal yet.
“That would be good, too, Flaurie,” agreed the ranch pretzel maker.
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That night, little Flaurie went ahead to try Danielle’s idea. By herself, the seven-year-old girl searched the Scriptures for a good short book in the Bible to read in silence. She found a lot of short books in the back of the Old Testament. And she picked one with only two chapters. And she read from the Holy Bible for her first time, reading the whole short book.
The next day at the bakery department, Flaurie came up to her bakery friend, and she said, “I read some from the Bible yesterday, Danielle.”
“What did you read?” asked the Christian woman.
“It was called, ‘Haggia,’” I think,” said Flaurie.
“Oh, you mean, ‘Haggai,’” said Danielle. “The name ‘Haggai’ means ‘the festive one.’”
“It was all right,” said Flaurie.
“Did you like it?” asked Danielle.
“It was boring,” confessed Flaurie.
“Ah,” said wise Danielle. “If you were a born-again believer, it would have been exciting.”
“Why is the Bible exciting to believers and boring to unbelievers?” asked little Flaurie.
“Because we believers have the Holy Spirit indwelling ourselves and helping us to understand what God is saying in His Word,” said Danielle. “When I read my Holy Bible, I can discern God speaking to me, and I can understand what He is saying to me.”
“I’ll try again tonight, Danielle,” said Flaurie. “And I shall read a bigger book.”
“The Bible is God’s Perfect Book, His love letter to mankind,” said Danielle.
That evening, Flaurie searched for another little book in the last part of the Old Testament. And this time she found one that had three chapters. She went ahead to read all of it, heedlessly ignoring what Danielle had said about how one needs to be born again in order to enjoy reading Scripture. And again, she was not glad to start reading this book, and she was glad to finish reading this book.
The next day she visited Danielle to tell her how it had gone for her.
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“Did you read the Good Book yesterday?” asked Danielle.
“Uh huh,” said Flaurie.
“How was it?” asked the mentor.
“It didn’t go so good again,” said little Flaurie.
“Where did you read in the Bible?” asked the bakery manager.
“I read the whole book of Habbakuk,” said Flaurie.
“Oh, you mean the book of Habakkuk,” corrected Danielle. “’Habakkuk.’ by definition means ‘to embrace.’”
“I don’t think that a lost girl like myself can ever get out of the Bible what a saved girl like you gets out of it,” lamented the pretzel girl. “The Bible is boring and hard both at once for me.”
“Ah,” said Danielle. “’Why do ye not understand my speech? Even because ye cannot hear my word.’ John 8:43. And again, ‘He that is of God heareth God’s words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.’ John 8:47.”
“What does that say?” asked Flaurie. “Does it say what you’ve been telling me?”
“Get saved, and the Holy Bible will come alive for you every time you read it,” said Danielle.
“That would take a miracle for me, Danielle,” said little Flaurie.
“It happened for me,” said Danielle. “And it could happen for you.”
“You’re a great Christian, Danielle,” said Flaurie.
“Would you like to become a Christian, too, Flaurie?” asked Danielle.
“Maybe later. But not right now,” said Flaurie.
“Flaurie, Flaurie, God’s Word says about salvation in II Corinthians 6:2, ‘…: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation,’” said the mentor.
“Could I come with you to your church, Danielle?” asked Flaurie, still interested in Christ despite her repeated rejections before Danielle.
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“Why, Flaurie, I would be glad to take you there with me. We have a visiting evangelist coming to preach tomorrow. He has a photographic memory. And he knows the Bible better than anybody I know,” said Danielle in rejoicing.
That Sunday morning Flaurie and Danielle were sitting in the front pew of a little Baptist fundamentalist church. And the evangelist spoke and gave his message, preaching the following most erudite learning from the Holy Scriptures: “Good people of northern Wisconsin: The Lord Jesus Christ has a multitude of names and titles throughout the many pages of Scripture—both in the Old Testament and in the New Testament. There are sixty-six books in the Holy Bible, and in each book is a keynote specific title given to the Saviour that is unique for that book and that is in context with what that book says about the Saviour. I shall now recite to you what each book goes and calls our Saviour in its sum: In the book of Genesis, He is called ‘The Creator’ and ‘The Seed Of The Woman.’ In the book of Exodus, He is called ‘The Lamb Of God For Sinners Slain.’ In the book of Leviticus, He is called ‘Our Perfect High Priest.’ In the book of Numbers, He is called ‘The Star Out Of Jacob.’ In the book of Deuteronomy, He is called, ‘The Prophet Like Unto Moses.’ In the book of Joshua, He is called ‘The Captain Of The Lord’s Host.’ In the book of Judges, He is called, ‘The Messenger Of Jehovah.’ In the book of Ruth, He is called, ‘The Kinsman-Redeemer.’ In the books of I Samuel and II Samuel, He is called, ‘The Despised And Rejected King.’ In the books of I Kings and II Kings and I Chronicles and II Chronicles, He is called, ‘The Lord Of Heaven And Earth.’ In the book of Ezra, He is called, ‘The Teaching Priest.’ In the book of Nehemiah, He is called, ‘The Builder Of The Work.’ In the book of Esther, He is called, ‘Our Mordecai.’ In the book of Job, He is called, “Our Risen Returning Redeemer.’ In the book of Psalms, He is called, ‘The Great Shepherd.’ In the book of Proverbs, He is called, ‘Our Wisdom.’ In the book of Ecclesiastes, He is called, ‘The Forgotten Wise Man.’ In the book of the Song of Solomon, He is called, ‘The Rose Of Sharon And The Lily Of The Valley.’ In the book of Isaiah, He is called, ‘Our Suffering Substitute.’ In the book of Jeremiah, He is
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called, ‘The Lord Our Righteousness.’ In the book of Lamentations, He is called, ‘The Man Of Sorrows.’ In the book of Ezekiel, He is called, ‘The One Sitting On The Throne.’ In the book of Daniel, He is called, ‘The Smiting Stone.’ In the book of Hosea, He is called, ‘David’s Great King.’ In the book of Joel, He is called, ‘The Lord Of Bounty.’ In the book of Amos, He is called, ‘The Rescuer Of Israel.’ In the book of Obadiah, He is called, ‘The Deliverer Upon Mount Zion.’ In the book of Jonah, He is called, ‘The Buried And Risen Saviour.’ In the book of Micah, He is called, ‘The Everlasting God.’ In the book of Nahum, He is called, ‘Our Stronghold In The Day Of Wrath.’ In the book of Habakkuk, He is called, ‘The Anchor Of Our Faith.’ In the book of Zephaniah, He is called, ‘The One In Midst Of Judgment And Cleansing.’ In the book of Haggai, He is called, ‘The Smitten Shepherd.’ In the book of Zechariah, He is called, ‘The Branch.’ In the book of Malachi, He is called, ‘The Sun Of Righteousness.’ In the book of Matthew, He is called, ‘The King Of The Jews.’ In the book of Mark, He is called, ‘The Servant.’ In the book of Luke, He is called, ‘The Son Of Man.’ In the book of John, He is called, ‘The Son Of God.’ In the book of Acts, He is called, ‘Our Ascended Lord.’ In the book of Romans, He is called, ‘The Lord Our Righteous.’ In the books of I Corinthians and II Corinthians, He is called, ‘Our Resurrection.’ In the book of Galatians, He is called, ‘The Seed Of Abraham.’ In the book of Ephesians, He is called, ‘The Head Of The Church.’ In the book of Philippians, He is called, ‘The Supplier Of Every Need.’ In the book of Colossians, He is called, ‘The Fulness Of The Godhead.’ In the books of I Thessalonians and II Thessalonians, He is called, ‘The Returning Lord.’ In the books of I Timothy and II Timothy, He is called, ‘God Manifest In The Flesh.’ In the book of Titus, He is called, ‘Truth.’ In the book of Philemon, He is called, ‘The Saviour Of Slaves.’ In the book of Hebrews, He is called, ‘Our High Priest,’ In the book of James, He is called, ‘The Judge That Standeth Before The Door.’ In the books of I Peter and II Peter, He is called, ‘The Chief Shepherd.’ In the books of I John and II John and III John, He is called, ‘Our Advocate.’ In the book of Jude, He is called, ‘Our Security.’ And in the book of Revelation, He is called, ‘The Root And
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The Offspring Of David’ and ‘The Bright And Morning Star.’”
Inside the heart of seven-year-old Flaurie, she came to think, “This Saviour Jesus Christ has so many names, and I do not even know Him. I really do need to know Him with all of these titles He has. If I die without knowing Him, I will go to Hell. If I die with knowing Him, I will go to Heaven.
I am afraid. And I need hope.”
And she waited in great anxiety till the service ended before she could whisper in Danielle’s ear in the pew, “I am ready.”
Danielle knew exactly what little Flaurie meant. And the two went out back of the church for a quiet place to get her saved. Danielle asked Flaurie, “Do you now believe that you are a sinner who cannot save herself?”
And Flaurie said, “Yes!”
And Danielle asked, “Do you now believe that Jesus died for you and rose again?”
“Yes!” said Flaurie.
“And do you now believe that salvation is by grace through faith?”
“I do!” said little Flaurie. “I want Jesus now to become my own Saviour!”
“Let us pray,” said Danielle.
“What do I say to become a born-again Christian like yourself, Danielle?” asked little Flaurie.
“I will help you through the prayer, Flaurie,” said Danielle. “Just repeat what I say in prayer, and when we are done with the prayer, you will be a born-again believer, too, a daughter of God who knows this Saviour Who has so many names.”
And this sinner’s prayer was what little Flaurie prayed to become born-again into the family of God: “Dear Father in Heaven: I am a little girl. And yet I have done bad things all of my life. Because I did all of these bad things, I have to pay for them and go to Hell. But You gave Your Son Jesus Christ to pay for my sins so that I do not have to spend even one moment in Hell. This Jesus
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in His love for me went to the cross and bled and died for me. His perfect blood saves souls. And not only that, but on the third day, He rose from the grave. He arose, and He lives today, and He saves all Who call upon Him. I am sorry for all of my badness that I have in me. Please forgive me of all of it.
And please clean me up from that. And please help me to repent of these things. I ask You now to become my personal Saviour just as You have become Danielle’s personal Saviour long ago. And give me a forever in Heaven with You. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’s name I pray. Amen.”
The prayer leader and the prayer repeater now looked up from this soul-changing sinner’s prayer here in the back countryside yard of this little church.
Danielle asked, “How does it feel to be born-again now, Flaurie?”
And little Flaurie spoke and said, “In Jesus I have found something even way better than pretzels, Danielle!”
“Amen and amen!” said Danielle in so blissful joy.
“Thank you for helping me to know all about God,” said Flaurie.
“This day you have become a mighty daughter of God, Flaurie,” said Danielle. “And I can tell that you will do very great things for our Lord Jesus later on in life.”
This was how Flaurie Allyson Nickels had become a Christian thirteen years ago. And truly Danielle’s prediction was true. Flaurie was these days the most preeminent woman of all Christianity of the world. The mighty daughter of God thus proclaimed first by this good bakery manager had grown in faith and in holiness and in service to the Saviour Jesus Christ. And she was the renowned griffin slayer with a gun. And she was a role model for all women of Christendom. Greatest would be the Betrothed’s rewards when she got to Heaven. How Jesus loved her. And how Satan hated her.
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CHAPTER XII
The reader now knows how the Betrothed had found Christ. But how did Flanders find Christ? How did the illustrious son of God become born again? The following narrative that makes this chapter gives the testimony of the salvation of Flanders Arckery Nickels:
It was the tale of two different events at the stadium of Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The one event was an N.F.L game between the Green Bay Packers and the Chicago Bears, the oldest rivalry of professional football. And the other event was a Billy Graham Crusade where the great evangelist preached a salvation message. First of the two came the football game, a game in the days of football where what counted was a running game and a steel-curtain defense. The game frustrated the Packer fans in the stands with a lackluster performance by their home team. And disgruntled fans were not happy, and they voiced their disapproval with maledictions shouted at their team on the field.
And at the end of the game, the score was Bears: 6; Packers: 3. And the whole stadium of Packer fans broke into a thundering cursing of the name of Jesus Christ in dishonor of God. Little Flanders had never heard of God’s name like that spoken in vain as they were all doing here now at the stadium.
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Angry people were using the Lord’s name as a curse. And little Flanders pondered Who this Jesus Christ was Whose name was so disrespectfully sworn with. And when his family left the stadium, young Flanders was curious about Christ Jesus for his first time. Not long later, Mom and Dad took Flanders and the rest of the family to a Billy Graham Crusade at this same Lambeau Field. This evangelist was proclaiming the name of God in an honorable and holy declaration. And people all over the football stadium were shouting the name of Jesus Christ, but doing so to the glory of God. Flanders could feel a revival as everybody was praising the name of Christ Jesus in a good and godly shouting.
And when the family left the stadium this time, Flanders’s curiosity about this God was now fervent with a search for truth. Would he find the Lord of Whom the good Billy Graham had spoken about?
At once young Flanders Nickels began to ask everyone whom he knew or met, “Who is Jesus Christ?”
One person said, “He was a great Christian.”
Another person said, “He was a great Jew.”
Another told him, “He was a great Teacher.”
Yet another claimed, “He was a great Healer.”
And a fifth person told him, “He was a great Prophet.”
And a sixth did say, “He was a great Miracle-Worker.”
But a pastor of a fundamental Baptist church told him, “He is the Saviour of the world.”
Flanders thought upon these seven answers, and he believed the Baptist pastor most of all.
Thus began young Flanders’s search for God.
He got alone with himself in his bedroom, and he gathered his thoughts and his recollections about that revival sermon at the football stadium. He remembered how Billy Graham had talked about a terrible time to come upon the world that was called, “the day of the Lord.” And he grew fearful and
anxious about his own future in this world. He thought upon asking others now, “What is the day of
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the Lord all about?” He began to go around and ask everybody that question: “What is the day of the
Lord, and when will it happen?”
One person said, “That is the Apocalypse.”
Another said, “That is when Armageddon happens.”
Another said, “That’s not something that we need to talk about.”
Another said, “Let’s not talk about that.”
Another said, “That’s when the world ends.”
And a sixth person said, “The day of the Lord is a bad thing.”
And when searching Flanders came back to that good Baptist preacher, the preacher told him, “That is when Jesus comes and judges the sins of all the world and puts down all evil and establishes righteousness in His reign.”
Flanders asked this wise preacher, “What will the day of the Lord be like for the Earth?”
And this Baptist teacher said, “It is written, ‘But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.’ II Peter 3:10.”
“That’s a catastrophe!” declared little Flanders.
“A global catastrophe,” said the Baptist pastor.
“Is that as bad as the great flood?” asked little Flanders, having heard of a man called, “Noah.”
“That was also a global catastrophe,” said the Baptist missionary. “That was the first global calamity, and the day of the Lord will the second global calamity.”
“What a way for the world to end,” said Flanders.
“The first end of the world was by water, and the second end of the world will be by fire,” summed up the good missionary.
Once again, searching young Flanders believed the man of God more than he did the others
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to whom he had asked his question.
Once again he got alone with himself in his bedroom at home and reflected on more things that Billy Graham had preached on in his crusade at Lambeau Field. And he remembered something that the holy evangelist had said about ‘a snatching away up to Heaven.’ He said it was called ‘the rapture of the church.’ And he said that it was also called, ‘the translation of the saints.’
And little Flanders went around and asked others, “What is the rapture all about?”
One person said, “That’s the most preposterous idea of modern Christianity.”
Another person said, “The word ‘rapture’ is not in the Bible, so it cannot be true.”
A third person said, “I saw a movie with the rapture in it. Their clothes got left behind on the floor. Crazy idea!”
A fourth person said, “It will be when aliens come to earth from outer space and take away all of those Christians to deprogram them.”
A fifth person said, “That is when we get to get rid of all of those Christians who go around and talk about Hell and Heaven and eternity.”
Another person said, “Mom always told me, ‘Before you get to Heaven, first you have to die.’
And yet the Christians who believe in the rapture say that they can go right up to Heaven and not have to die to get There. I believe Mom.”
And a seventh person said, “As for the rapture, leave me behind, I tell you.”
And yet when Flanders again went to the wise Baptist missionary and asked him about the rapture, the missionary told him, ‘The rapture is both the blessed hope of the believer and the blissful promise from Christ. Though the word ‘rapture’ is not in the Bible, what the rapture is all about is abundant in the Bible. In I Thessalonians 4:13-18, it is written in summary that the Lord will descend from Heaven with a shout, and the dead in Christ will rise first, and the living in Christ will rise second, and they will be caught up with Christ in the clouds, and they will meet the Lord in the air, and they
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shall ever be with the Lord. And in I Corinthians 15:51-53, in summary, it says that we shall not all die, but we will be changed, and it will happen in a blink of an eye, and the dead will be raised into incorruption, and the mortal will be raised into immortality. And, also about this rapture, it says in summary in Luke 17:34-36 that one shall be taken, and one shall be left behind. And in Revelation 4:1 and Revelation 11:12, it says the three words that will be spoken that will summon the saints into this rapture: those words are, ‘Come up hither.’ When the rapture takes place, the newspaper headlines will read, ‘Millions Vanished From The Earth.’ These will be the born-again believers. These will not be the unbelievers. The unbelievers will be left behind to face the world’s darkest hour of all of its history—the seven-year tribulation. And in this tribulation, God will unleash twenty-one cataclysms upon Earth, and these will be the seven seal judgments and the seven trumpet judgments and the seven vial judgments. No Christian will have to endure these twenty-one judgments, because he will already be Up in Heaven and very safe. Revelation 3:10 promises this to the born-again believers with these words, ‘Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth.’ The Christian authors Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins wrote a most literary collection of twelve novels that focus all about being left behind and having to live in the tribulation. They are collectively called ‘the Left Behind series.’ And the titles of these twelve books are: Left Behind, Tribulation Force, Nicolae, Soul Harvest, Apollyon, Assassins, The Indwelling, The Mark, Desecration, The Remnant, Armageddon, and Glorious Appearing.”
Once again the young child Flanders believed the Scripture-learned Baptist minister and did not believe the others who had told him what they thought.
And he got alone in his bedroom once again to ruminate upon Billy Graham’s salvation message at Lambeau Field. And he remembered of something called “The Second Coming” and “The
Second Advent.” This was the culmination of the day of the Lord.
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And again he went around and asked questions to others: “What is the Second Coming? What is the Second Advent?”
One person answered, “That comes after the First Coming.”
Another person answered, “That’s a bad day for all of us.”
A third person said, “That comes after the First Advent.”
A fourth person said, “Don’t scare me like that.”
A fifth person said, “My grandpa used to talk about that, and Jesus still has not come.”
A sixth person answered and said, “If Jesus has not come by now, He shall not come at all.”
And a seventh person boldly said, “That’s all bunk.”
And once again he went to the local Baptist pastor and asked him. And this was what the man of God said, “It is the day when Jesus comes back to Earth and puts down all evil and wickedness and establishes His Thousand-Year-Reign on Earth.”
To this, little Flanders said, “That is good. Isn’t it?”
“It is good for the righteous. Yes. But it is not good for the unrighteous. No,” said the Baptist preacher.
“Am I righteous?” asked Flanders.
“Are you born again, Flanders?” asked the pastor.
“No. That I am not,” said Flanders.
“Then you are not righteous,” said the minister.
“Am I unrighteous?” asked little Flanders.
“Are you born again?” asked the Pastor once again.
“No, Pastor,” said young Flanders.
“Then you are unrighteous,” said God’ s man. “Jesus’s Second Coming will be bad for you.”
“I am afraid now of the Second Coming of Jesus,” said Flanders.
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“It is written, ‘The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire; there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.’ Matthew 13:40-41. And again it is written, ‘So shall it be at the end of the world; the angels shall come forth, and sever the wicked from among the just, And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.’ Matthew 13:49-50,” said the Baptist missionary.
“That’s me. I’m going to the furnace of fire,” said little Flanders, convicted of his sins.
The wise Baptist minister went on to say, “The Second Coming of Jesus will be consummate and final and decisive. In Matthew 24:29-31, Jesus says this about His Second Coming, ‘Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken: And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.’ Again Jesus says in Mark 13:24-27 about His Second Coming: ‘But in those days, after that tribulation, the sun shall be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, And the stars of heaven shall fall, and the powers that are in heaven shall be shaken. And then shall they see the Son of man coming in the clouds with great power and glory. And then shall he send his angels, and shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from the uttermost part of the earth to the uttermost part of heaven.’ And yet a third way does Christ speak of His Second Coming in the words of Luke 21:25-27: ‘And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring; Men’s hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken. And then shall they see the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and
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great glory.’”
Once again little Flanders believed this Baptist preacher and did not believe any of the others. But this time Flanders determined with himself not to leave the good pastor without having sought and found this Christ the Lord as Saviour.
And he asked this man of God, “Pastor, I want this Jesus of the day of the Lord and of the rapture and of the Second Coming.”
And the good fundamental Baptist missionary preached unto young Flanders the doctrine of Jesus: “Christ the Lord and Saviour has always been. He is from everlasting to everlasting. And He lived since eternity past. We humans do not have the intellectual capacity to understand this about Jesus. For all of us who live our temporal lives we always see the beginning of things and often times the end of things. And we can understand infinity in the future, but not infinity in the past. And for forever before, Jesus was in Heaven at His Father’s right hand side. The day came when Jesus left the glories and comforts of Heaven to come down to Earth and to live life as a man. This is what the good Christmas carols of the faith tell us all about. This was Christ’s First Coming, Christ’s First Advent. And He did so, being a babe born of a virgin in a manger in a humble stable. This village in which He was thus born was Bethlehem, by definition, ‘house of bread,’ a town six miles south of Jerusalem. And the Lord Jesus grew in His childhood, raised by Mary and Joseph, and he had brothers and sisters that grew up with Him: four of them named in the Scriptures—James, Joses, Juda, Simon. And Jesus grew up into adulthood and in favor with God and with men. Jesus had left Heaven and come to Earth to die for all of mankind to redeem fallen mankind. And at age thirty, Jesus began His three-year ministry for which He had come:
He commanded John the Baptist to baptize Him in the Jordan River to fulfill all righteousness.
And when Jesus came up out of the water, John the Baptist saw the Spirit of God descend like a dove
and light upon Him. And John the Baptize proclaimed about this Jesus the Lord, ‘Behold the Lamb
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of God, which taketh away the sin of the world!’ After this, Jesus went out into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil. And Jesus overcame Satan there by quoting Bible passages from the book of Deuteronomy right back into his face. Defeated, Satan left Him for a season, and angels came and ministered unto Him. Jesus then had an all-night prayer unto His Heavenly Father, and He chose His twelve Apostles—Peter and Andrew and John and James and Philip and Bartholomew and Thomas and Matthew and the other James and Lebbaeus and Simon and Judas. Jesus taught His famous sermon on the mount. He performed miracles. He performed healings. He performed exorcisms. He did these works to prove His deity. And he talked with people one-to-one. And he talked to people one-to-many.
He preached parables, so that, ‘seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them.’ And He preached more about Hell than He did about Heaven. And he went around and rebuked all of the false teachers and false religionists of His day—the Pharisees and the Sadducees and the elders and the scribes and the lawyers and the priests. Then the day came when He was to die. This Jesus knew that this was why He had come to the world in the first place. And He willingly accepted this sacrifice. He willingly chose to lay down His life in His perfect love for fallen mankind. As He said in John 8:29 about Himself and His Heavenly Father, ‘…; for I do always those things that please him.’ And also as he said in Mark 10:45 about Himself, ‘For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister; and to give himself a ransom for many.’ And in Hebrews 10:7, Jesus said, ‘…, Lo I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me,) to do thy will, O God.’ He was now thirty-three years old.
He lived His whole life as a perfect Man, never having sinned even one time in His life. And He was
truly one hundred percent man and one hundred percent God both at once. And He had made this world called ‘Earth’ and filled it with life and blessed it with nature. And His love for His creation man was Agape love, love that expects nothing in return. And in history’s most illegal court trial, a mob cried out about Him, ‘Crucify Him! Crucify Him!’ And they crucified Jesus, the Lord of Glory. His
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hands and His feet were nailed to the cross of Calvary with spikes. I believe that by ‘hands’ the Bible means ‘wrists.’ And I believe that by ‘feet’ the Bible means ‘ankles.’ After having nailed Christ to the old rugged cross, they then drove the cross down into the ground. And Jesus hung there for six hours unto death. His much shed blood was perfect blood, and His perfect shed blood is what saves us from our sins. Today, two thousand years later our redemption is still paid for by this blood of the Lamb of God slain from the foundation of the world. Because of what Jesus did for us at Calvary, Heaven is a free present for mankind. All we need to do to get saved is to ask God to give us this free gift of eternal life through Christ the Lord. And at three o’clock in the afternoon, Jesus cried out, ‘It is finished.’ His work of redemption for all of us was done. And He gave up the ghost. Two good men then worked together to give due honor to Christ’s body. They were Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathaea. They took down Jesus from the cross and put His body in an empty cave of a tomb. Three days later, on history’s first Easter Sunday, Mary Magdalene came first to Jesus’s tomb. Behold, the cave was empty. Jesus was no longer there. Christ arose. He was alive again. And the angels proclaimed the resurrection of Jesus. And for the next forty days, the risen Lord Jesus walked the holy land in a very real and physical body, Himself very much alive. He appeared to the disciples and to walkers and to over five hundred believers at one time. Then on the fortieth day, in the town of Bethany, in front of a crowd of many creditable witnesses, Jesus ascended up to Heaven as two angels proclaimed, ‘Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? This same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven.’ And in this Ascension, the Good Lord returned to be at His Heavenly Father’s right hand side once again. And He is There today, two thousand years later, interceding for us born-again believers of this day as our Advocate. And He still bears the marks of the nail prints upon His hands and His feet in Heaven, and He will have them on His person for eternity future as an everlasting reminder of the price that He did pay for us for our sins.
This is all about Jesus, the Saviour of the world.” And this Baptist preacher finished his testimony of
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Christ thus.
“This Jesus is very big stuff,” said little Flanders. “I need Him to save me.”
“Would you like to get saved right now?” asked the good pastor.
Again he said, “I want this Christ of the day of the Lord and of the rapture and of the Second Coming.”
“Amen, little Flanders,” said the preacher. “Let’s go and get you saved right now.”
“What do I do?” asked Flanders.
“Just pray and ask for the free gift of eternal life,” said the minister. “I can lead you line-by-line through the prayer, and you can repeat what I say line-by-line, in prayer, and you will be a born-again Christian, too, just like myself.”
“I like that. And I want that. I am ready,” said young Flanders.
And witness-warrior and searching soul bowed their heads for the sinners’ prayer:
The Baptist preacher began, “Dear Father in Heaven:”
“Dear Father in Heaven:” began Flanders.
“I am a lost little boy on my way to Hell,” led the minister.
“I am a lost little boy on my way to Hell,” repeated Flanders after him.
“And nothing that I can do on my own without You can change that,” said the pastor.
“And nothing that I can do on my own without You can change that,” said Flanders.
“But You can save my soul,” said the preacher.
“But You can save my soul,” said Flanders.
“I believe that Your only begotten Son Jesus Christ died for all of my sins,” said the preacher.
“I believe that Your only begotten Son Jesus Christ died for all of my sins,” said Flanders.
“And I believe that this same Lord Jesus came back to life three days later,” said the Baptist missionary.
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“And I believe that this same Lord Jesus came back to life three days later,” said Flanders.
“His shed blood saves to the uttermost,” said the minister.
“His shed blood saves to the uttermost,” said Flanders.
“I am sorry for being a sinner. Forgive me. And help me to repent,” said the preacher.
“I am sorry for being a sinner. Forgive me. And help me to repent,” said Flanders.
“I call upon You now to become my personal Saviour,” said the pastor.
“I call upon You now to become my personal Saviour,” said Flanders.
“And save me from Hell, and save me for Heaven,” said the Baptist preacher.
“And save me from Hell, and save me for Heaven,” said Flanders.
“Thank You, Lord,” said the missionary.
“Thank You, Lord,” said Flanders.
“In Jesus’s name I pray,” said the man of God.
“In Jesus’s name I pray,” said Flanders.
“Amen,” said the Baptist pastor.
“Amen,” said Flanders.
They both looked up from their prayer. “How do you feel, Flanders?” asked the soul-winning pastor.
“I do not feel any different, but I sure do know different now,” said Flanders.
“Tell me,” said the good pastor.
“I know that before I prayed just now that I was on the road to Hell. And I know that because I prayed just now that now I am on the road to Heaven instead,” summed up little Flanders.
“Ah, the good and Godly faith of a child. The only kind of faith that saves souls,” said the minister.
“Now that I am a born-again believer, what kinds of things does God want me to do?” asked
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Flanders Nickels.
And the pastor said, “Go to a good Bible-believing church every time the doors are open. Read the King James Version Bible every day. Pray to your new Heavenly Father every day in the Spirit of the Lord in the name of Jesus. And tell others what great things that God has just done for you this day, O Flanders.”
“I promise to do that,” said Flanders.
“Little Flanders, I sense a great Spirit in you that will make you pass up even Baptist pastors in sanctity and right living as you grow in the Lord,” proclaimed this man of God.
“I?” asked Flanders in doubt.
“You, Flanders,” said the minister.
“What can I do that is greater than leading a Christian flock?” asked little Flanders.
“I can think of only one thing,” said the Baptist pastor.
“What could such a thing be?” asked Flanders.
“It can be found only in slaying sorrel griffins,” said the missionary.
“This boy will grow up to become a real griffin-slayer?” asked Flanders Nickels.
“Aye, Flanders,” said the Baptist preacher. “And I do not doubt that you will become indeed the foremost griffin-slayer of all the world.”
“Do not griffin slayers have to be the most like Christ among all of Christianity?” said Flanders in denial of such a future for him as this.
“You shall become in a time to come a type of Christ,” said the Baptist minister.
“Christ is the Son of God,” said Flanders.
“And you shall become the son of God,” said the Baptist preacher, “with a little ‘s.’”
“If this is God’s will, I will try to fulfil my role as the son of God the best that I can for him,” said little Flanders Nickels.
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“Grow and prosper in the Lord, good and honorable Flanders,” said the Baptist pastor.
“What is your name, that I may tell others of what you did for me this day?” asked little Flanders.
“My name is Pastor Pilgrim,” said the Baptist pastor.
“Where is your good church, Pastor Pilgrim?” asked young Flanders.
“My good church is not of this world,” said Pastor Pilgrim.
Mystified by this subtle reply, little Flanders thought it best to not inquire further. And Pastor Pilgrim hugged little Flanders in the Lord. And then he said to Flanders, “Go with God, O Flanders Arckery Nickels.”
Looking up to Heaven, Flanders prayed, “I shall go with You, Jesus.”
And when Flanders looked back down to earth, Pastor Pilgrim was no longer there. Mystified even more so now, little Flanders thought it best to leave all in the hands of the Good Lord. And he turned to go back home.
Meanwhile, a good gray griffin was flying back up to Heaven. His work of God upon the soul of this boy who had heard a Billy Graham message was done. And the boy was destined to be a mighty man of God.
This was how the son of God had found Christ as personal Saviour.
It is written in the parable of the lost sheep, Luke 15:4-7, the following: “What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.”
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Flanders Nickels had been that lost sheep.
It is written in the parable of the lost coin, Luke 15:8-10, these words of God: “Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. Likewise I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.”
Flanders Nickels had been that lost coin.
And his so great salvation of that day come upon him brought joy and rejoicing to all of the saints in Heaven.
Now, at twenty years of age and married to his Betrothed, he was the renowned son of God, the most famous person on Earth.
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CHAPTER XIII
It was another good day of marriage for the Betrothed and Flanders. They had reconciled after that big fight over Carol. And Flaurie repented of her jealousy. And Flanders had repented of his menagerie being in their closet. He now had the menagerie in the den, all stored in a wooden green bin in the corner of the room.
The Betrothed and Flanders were together browsing the many books in the shelves of this den one day not long later. “Look, Flanders, the classic ‘Ivanhoe,’” said Flaurie, pulling out the book from her shelf. “I didn’t know I had this book,”
“That’s written by Sir Walter Raleigh,” he said. “Isn’t it?
“No. It’s written by Sir Walter Scott,” she said.
“I read that book,” he said. “Robin Hood is in that book,”
“Yeah. He is,” said the Betrothed. Then she said, “Ivanhoe get hurts in a jousting tournament; then he doesn’t do much else for the rest of the book, but be carried along.”
“Even with that, he is still the hero,” said Flanders.
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“Look, I have also the book The Twenty Three Ivans,” said the Betrothed.
“All of these ‘Ivan’s,’” said Flanders.
“I never read this book,” said Flaurie.
“You do not know your den of books as you know your Bible,” he praised her. Then he asked, “Do you have any book about Ivan the Terrible?”
“I could, Flanders. I’d have to look for it, though, in here,” said the Betrothed.
Then she went over to her reference section of books in her den and looked around for something interesting to sit down and look through.
He went to her children’s classics section of her den. And he found a number of L. Frank Baum children’s’ novels. He said, “I read about him, and I don’t like what he believes,”
“What does he believe, Flanders?” asked the daughter of God.
“He does not believe in good old-fashioned American free enterprise,” said Flanders.
“He doesn’t?” asked Flaurie.
“He believes in some socialist utopia,” said Flanders.
“He does?” asked Flaurie.
“What a thing to teach impressionable children,” said Flanders.
“God never blessed Russia or China like He has blessed America,” said the Betrothed.
“Back when America was a Christian nation,” he said.
“I think that I will take these books right out of my house,” said Flaurie. She then took the Baum books off of the bookshelf and dropped them upon the floor next to the green bin. “I believe that good private enterprise is a good way for a nation’s people to preserve their civil liberties.”
“Socialism is one step away from communism,” said the son of God.
The Betrothed then went to her reference section and picked out a book from the shelf and sat down upon the green bin to look through it.
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Flanders then found a book of contemporary American literature. And he sat down upon the floor to take a look at it.
After a while, he looked up and asked, “What are you looking at so quietly over there, Flaurie?”
“An atlas,” she said. “What are you looking at?”
“I am reading shortened novels,” he said.
“What is the book called?” asked Flaurie.
He looked and read the title of the book to her, “Reader’s Digest Condensed Books.”
She looked at the title to her atlas and read out loud to him, “Reader’s Digest Atlas of America.”
“Reader’s Digest?” he asked.
“Reader’s Digest?” she asked.
Flanders and his Betrothed turned to look upon the green bin upon which Flaurie was sitting.
The Reader’s Digest that had changed Flanders’s life forever was in that repository. So, too, were all of the other treasures that were a part of that beloved periodical. Therein was Flanders’s menagerie all about his “Carol Bree Dale.”
The Betrothed and Flanders looked up at each other. He could see his Betrothed’s curiosity in her features. And he knew what she was thinking. And he knew what she wanted to ask. And he said it for her, “You want to see the wheat germ girl ad.”
“I have never seen it,” confessed the Betrothed.
“It’s dangerously beautiful,” he dared to say.
“I am ready to see it…if you are ready to show it,” said Flaurie.
“Are you sure?” he asked, hoping for a “Yes.”
“Yes,” she said.
“Whoa!” he said.
The Betrothed stood up from the green bin, stood beside it, and said, “Well. Here goes,
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Husband. Your great big secret.”
He came up to the green bin, stood before it, and said, “This is different from slaying griffins.”
In exhortation, the Betrothed said, “Be of good courage, Husband. The son of God is a man of bravery.”
“And the daughter of God is a woman of great understanding,” he said to his Betrothed.
And he opened the lid to his wooden green bin. Therein was the whole menagerie that had brought discord to the married couple of the Antediluvian Castle. But Flaurie no longer feared it. And Flanders now wanted to share it. And therein were the clothes and the magazine and the wheat germ and the sketch and the letter and the name “Miss Carol Bree Dale” upon a cardboard placard in metal letters meant for mailboxes. Flanders looked upon Flaurie’s stunning face as her stunning face looked down into the green bin in avid fascination.
Knowing his Betrothed, Flanders asked, “Would you like to see the ad first of all of all of these things, Flaurie?”
“Yes, Husband! Let me see the woman,” said Flaurie with a quick eager nod of her head.
He reached in and took out the Reader’s Digest and held it up and opened it right off to the right place.
And the Betrothed saw the wheat germ girl.
The first thing that the Betrothed said was, “Why, Flanders, she’s a blonde!”
He knew just exactly what his wife meant. And he agreed with her and said, “Yeah. She is.”
“You never look at blondes,” said Flaurie.
“She was the only one,” he said.
“You look at brunettes and redheads and gray foxes and myself with my purple hair. And here I find out that your wheat germ girl has blonde hair,” said Flaurie with a grin.
“She is the exception,” confessed Flanders.
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“She’s beautiful,” said the Betrothed. “I can see how a girl like her can steal a man’s heart.”
“Thank you for saying that, Flaurie,” he said.
“And there she is, wearing what she is wearing,” said Flaurie. “Those blue jeans and that long-sleeved navy blue chambray work shirt.”
“These indeed,” said Flanders, picking out these very same clothes that he had bought at K-Mart just recently.
“This ad is all black and white,” she said.
“It is not color,” he said.
“All of this time I had thought that this unforgettable wheat germ ad of yours was a color ad.” said the Betrothed.
As he looked upon the ad, his Betrothed’s head next to his, he said, “They have to be brown. Do you think that they are brown?”
Understanding her husband, Flaurie said, “I would say that her eyes are brown. Even though it is a black-and-white photograph, I would still say that her eyes are brown.”
“And I like black eyes a lot,” he said.
“My eyes are black,” she said.
“I know, my Betrothed,” he said.
“You are what you eat,” the Betrothed read from the big letters at the top of the wheat germ ad.
“Kretschmer Wheat Germ,” he read from the bottle below that title in the ad. And he read below that from this same label on the bottle, “Nutritious Breakfast Food.”
And Flaurie went on to read the gist of the ad in its promotion from a paragraph below the bottle:
“And what you eat has a lot
to do with how you feel.
That’s why America’s
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caught on to the benefits of
natural nutrition.
Wheat germ is the world’s
most nutritious natural
cereal. Kretschmer Wheat
Germ contains protein,
B vitamins and Vitamin E.
It can help provide the
balanced diet so important
for energy and vitality.
So isn’t it time you and
your family started eating
Kretschmer Wheat Germ?”
Flaurie then went on to say, “Flanders, I know how you eat.”
“I do not eat the way that this ad says to eat,” he confessed.
“You are no nutritionist,” said the Betrothed. “That I can tell about you.”
“I live to eat. I do not eat to live,” he confessed.
“You love this ad, but you do not live this ad,” said his Betrothed with a grin.
“I eat everything that I am not supposed to,” he said.
“And yet you are still so thin,” bragged Flaurie on Flanders.
“So are you, Flaurie,” he said.
“And so is the wheat germ model,” said the Betrothed.
“The advertising is on the right half of the ad,” he said.
“And the girl is on the left half of the ad,” said Flaurie. And she went on to say, “She looks to be sitting. I don’t know if she is sitting on the floor or on a chair. I see her right knee raised and her right leg bent at the knee. I see shirt pockets right where her…well you know whats…are. Her shirt buttons are unbuttoned somewhat far from her collar. I see long strands of wheat and short little white flowers that might be in a vase or something. Her side to our right and to her left is all brightly lit up. Her side to our left and to her right is in shadow. And at the bottom are the words, ‘International Multifoods.’”
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“Right on,” said Flanders. “Now you know just as much of this ad as I do, Flaurie.”
“I think of this wheat germ ad as real neat,” said the Betrothed. “My husband’s dream girl.”
“Is she attractive to you?” asked Flanders.
“Yes!” quickly assented the Betrothed. “My husband has a most interesting taste in women. His Betrothed looks like an alien space girl from Venus. And his dream girl looks like a down-to-earth common country woman of America’s Midwest.”
Then Flaurie in her excitement reached into the menagerie in the bin and picked up the clothes from K-Mart and held them against her own harem-girl attired form. In one arm she held the blue jeans, and in the other arm she held the long-sleeved navy blue chambray work shirt. “What do you think, Husband?” she asked. “Can I compete with a country lass model?”
He said, “In truth, I do like your outfit more than I like her outfit, my Flaurie.”
“I have a confession to make about these two country woman clothes you got from K-Mart, Flanders.” said the Betrothed.
“Oo, a secret,” he said. “I can’t wait to hear what it is, Flaurie.”
“Your curious little Betrothed got sneaky on you and tried these on,” said Flaurie.
“You put on the wheat germ girl’s clothes?” he asked, most titillated.
“All the way for sure, Flanders,” said the Betrothed.
He knew that she meant that she had taken off her harem girl outfit in its several pieces first before having put on “Carol Dale’s” outfit in its two pieces. Caught up in this spirit of romance, he went on to say, “I have a confession, also.”
“A secret just like mine, Flanders?” asked his Betrothed. He nodded with a grin. “You wore these clothes one time, too?” asked Flaurie.
“All the way, as well,” he said. He had first taken off his blue jeans and his cotton shirt before having put on her blue jeans and her chambray shirt. And he went on to say, “But I wore them where
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no one could see me.”
“I wore them where everyone could see me,” said Flaurie.
“I wore mine inside,” he said.
“I wore mine outside,” she said.
“I was in the department store’s dressing room,” he said.
“I was in our highest sky walk of our Antediluvian Castle.” she said.
“Woman, I underestimated you,” teased Flanders in flirt.
“Husband, you tasted a bit of drag,” teased Flaurie right back at him.
Then she reached into the green bin and took out two bottles of Kretschmer Wheat Germ. One bottle said “Original.” The other bottle said, “Honey Crunch.”
“What does it taste like, Husband?” asked Flaurie, pointing to the original wheat germ.
“Bitter,” he said.
“Not so good?” she asked.
“I would prefer cold cereal or hot cereal,” he confessed.
Pointing to the honey crunch wheat germ, she asked, “What does this taste like then?”
“Sweet,” he said.
“Pretty good?” she asked.
“A little worse,” he said.
“Regular cereal would make a better breakfast then than this?” she asked.
He nodded. And he said, “Sugar cereal and non-sugar cereal is better.”
“Why do you still eat it even today, Flanders?” asked the Betrothed.
“Because of the girl,” he said.
“I know what you’re trying not to tell me, Husband,” said Flaurie. “The girl is not only beautiful, but also sexy. And you fell in love with her. And you eat her wheat germ because it turns
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you on.”
“It is a novelty,” he confessed.
“A bad-tasting novelty,” said the Betrothed.
“I get more out of the original than I do the honey crunch,” he confessed.
“May I try some now for myself and see if it does anything for me as it does you?” said Flaurie.
He nodded with wonder. And she opened first the original and poured some into her palm and licked it with her tongue. She waited, pondered, and said, “Nothing’s happening. But I like the taste.” Then she took the honey crunch and poured some into her palm and licked it with her tongue. She waited for something to happen and nothing happened. And she said, “It doesn’t work for me. But this one tastes pretty good, too, Flanders.”
“Betrothed, you like wheat germ!” exclaimed Flanders.
“Yes, I do. I like Kretschmer wheat germ. But I like it for the right reasons—not for your reasons,” said the Betrothed.
“I just found a regular customer for Carol Dale’s wheat germ,” he did say.
“You can eat your meals of wheat germ for just before bedtime, Husband,” said his Betrothed amorously.
“And you can eat your meals of wheat germ first thing in the morning,” he did say affectionately.
Then both looked back into the menagerie in the green wooden bin. And Flaurie reached in and pulled out that sketch that she had heard about. And she looked upon it in approval.
“What do you think, Flaurie?” asked Flanders.
“It is a drawing done in ink at that,” said the Betrothed. “It is real good. It looks just like her. Nice. It is nice.”
It was a sketch that took the whole sheet of paper. It was all of her face and head alone. And it
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captured the shadows upon her side of her face just as in the photograph itself.
Admiring this drawing, Flaurie said, “What big and beautiful eyes she has in this sketch. They almost look prettier even than her real eyes in the real photograph. I love the eyelashes that she has in the drawing. They are just like Carol’s eyelashes in the ad. And what perfect eyebrows, again, in the sketch just like in the picture.”
“Big eyes, long eyelashes, and full and abundant eyebrows,” said Flanders.
“That must be why you fell hard for her eyes, Husband,” said Flaurie.
“Not just in the ad, but also in this sketch,” said Flanders.
“The Carol Dale in this drawing has bangs just like the real Carol Dale has,” said the Betrothed.
“Bangs rule,” he said.
“Any woman you have or would have needs to have bangs to keep your heart,” said Flaurie.
“You are not a man who wants to see a lot of forehead in your woman’s face.”
“Your own forehead is covered over with a veritable mess of hair,” he said affectionately.
“And you love it so,” said the Betrothed, knowing him and shaking her head about flirtatiously.
“Yeah!” he said in great favor.
“Who’s the drawer?” asked the Betrothed.
“A young lady who excels in art in high school,” said Flanders. He pointed to the bottom of the drawing where the artist’s name was. “She always gets straight ‘A’s’ in art class.”
And Flaurie read, “Bonnie Brinkman.”
“She loves art,” said Flanders. “And she is good at it.”
“I can see that for sure for myself with this sketch,” said the Betrothed. “And in big letters she has the name ‘Carol Bree Dale’ also written at the bottom.”
“The name in printed letters, and the signature in cursive letters,” said Flanders Nickels.
“This is a treasure!” exclaimed the Betrothed.
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“Indeed. Very much so, Flaurie,” he said.
Then the Betrothed took out another item of this menagerie from the green wooden bin, and she held it in front of herself. It was the document with the name “Miss Carol Bree Dale” upon it. Flaurie said, “This one looks like a piece of cardboard with letters on it that usually go upon mailboxes.”
“I bought the letters individually from the hardware store in town,” said Flanders.”
“And you affixed them most evenly upon this little cardboard,” said Flaurie. “And these letters do not look cheap.”
“They are not paper letters,” he said. “They are metal letters.”
“I can see light shining back from them,” she said.
“Black letters with gold backgrounds,” he did say.
“Do these metal letters have something sticky behind them as paper letters have to keep them up where they are put?” asked the Betrothed.
“Yes,” he said. “Just peel and stick, As it is for paper letters so is it with these metal letters.”
She then looked into the bin once again. There was an envelope with a letter. This was the last item of the menagerie. Flaurie asked, “A love letter from the woman?”
He said, “A rejection letter from her ad agency. Do go and look into it.”
The Betrothed took the ad agency letter and read its short anticlimactic message, and when she got to the end, she read, basically the words, “We don’t know the woman.”
“Do they lie?” asked Flanders.
“It would be hard to be the real truth,” said Flaurie.
“They’re probably saying that to protect her from trouble people,” he said.
“To think of the son of God as being a problem person,” said Flaurie in indignation on his behalf.
“What an Elysian girl that Carol Dale is,” said Flanders Nickels in passion.
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“An old love like her a man could call ‘Elysium’ herself,” said the Betrothed.
“Paradise!” he translated.
“Eternity with the dream girl,” said Flaurie.
“The girl with whom I fell head-over-heels,” said Flanders.
“Your first love, Husband,” said Flaurie.
“Second to my last love, my stunning Betrothed,” he said in the moment.
And Flaurie once again took up the wheat germ ad to ponder. The ad was on the right leaf of the Reader’s Digest. And the big headline-type words ‘WITH LOVE,” were taped onto the left leaf of this Reader’s Digest. And suddenly, inside the woman’s heart of the Betrothed, all of this taking place at this repository of the menagerie seemed all wrong. This “address,” this ode to Carol, expressed her husband’s love unto a woman other than his wife. Flanders had forgotten to tell Flaurie today that he loved Flaurie. The last time that he had said, “I love you,” to Flaurie, it was a matter-of-fact statement a far cry from this newspaper cut out right in front of the girl in the ad. And as he was bonding with Flaurie with all of these great revelations he was sharing with his Betrothed, right now, it was with great ardor for Carol and with only novelty for his confidante and wife. That is, his heart was stirred more by the wheat germ girl than to the Betrothed to whom he was showing the wheat germ girl.
And in her eagerness to satisfy her own curiosity of this mysterious and “mythical” old flame of Flanders, Flaurie had fallen right into a most awkward time with her own husband that was abjectly unfair to her to have to go through as his own wife. That is, he was taking advantage of her role as submissive wife unto her own shame, and he did not see this. And she did not see this until just now.
She now felt shame and embarrassment and envy. And the Betrothed was jealous. And she should feel jealously. And she said,”Husband, you make your Betrothed jealous over a woman more beautiful than herself.”
“Well, stunning Flaurie, she can’t help that,” said Flanders with great unwitting disrespect unto
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Flaurie and with dream girl vainglory and ignorant boasting of Carol.
“This girl, Flanders, is dividing the Antediluvian Castle that is our home as Betrothed and husband.” said Flaurie.
In seeking to assuage Flaurie’s onerous malaise, Flanders said an apparently most trusting and selfless bargain, “If you wish, my Betrothed, I can renounce this whole menagerie and all, and I can give it all to you to keep and to preserve.”
Offended, Flaurie asked a succinct, “What would I have to do with this?”
And he said, “Just keep it.” He was cheerful and confident.
Still jealous, Flaurie asked, “What would I want to do with this?”
And he said, “Just take great care with it.”
“I do not want anything to do with this woman,” said Flaurie.
In grabbing onto something in his attempts at keeping both of his women, he said, “You could put it down in Horn Of Plenty’s stable, if you don’t want it in our living quarters.”
“My unicorn does not want his mistress’s rival anywhere in his room, Flanders,” said Flaurie.
“My Bree would not mind if I brought all of this down into her stable, Flaurie,” said Flanders.
“Then you would be always in her stable, “spending time” with the other woman,” said Flaurie.
“Betrothed, do you expect me to bury it in the thousand acres?” he asked, upset at her for her continual opposition to his Carol.
“I expect you to burn it with fire, Flanders Arckery Nickels,” said Flaurie.
“Woman!” he hollered at her.
“Husband!” she hollered back at him. “I want you to go out into the thousand acres, set this menagerie of memories upon the ground, and set it on fire.”
“Wife!” he shouted at her.
“Man!” she shouted back at him.
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“I cannot do that,” he said.
“Then I will,” she said.
“If you do that, you will do something to me worse than anything that a sorrel griffin could do to me,” he said.
“The woman is a homewrecker, Flanders,” said Flaurie. “And you do not even know her, and she does not even know you.”
“A man like myself needs to dream,” he said.
“Then dream with your wife, Flanders,” said the Betrothed.
“You are my reality,” he said.
“Live happily with your reality, Flanders,” said Flaurie.
“Those are hard words, Flaurie,” said Flanders.
“Those are words spoken from the daughter of God,” said Flaurie.
“I have forgotten how to love my reality,” said Flanders.
“Is anything too hard for the Lord to do in the life of the son of God?” asked Flaurie.
“I was happier with you before my old flame came back to my heart,” confessed Flanders.
“I want to be the one who makes the son of God content in his marriage,” said the Betrothed.
“Funny, I don’t want a physical relationship with Carol Dale, but the idea of running away with her to some Paradise tempts me real bad,” said Flanders.
“She is not as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside,” said the Betrothed.
He looked upon his Flaurie, and she could discern his thoughts toward her. His countenance was telling Flaurie that her own outside was stunning, and her own inside was Holy Spirit indwelt.
And Flanders Nickels said, “This Carol woman, she is too good to be true. She is not all that I make her out to be. She could cause me to backslide on Christ.”
“I think that I know what you’re saying,” said Flaurie gently.
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“I now see the wheat germ girl whose beauty is only skin deep and whose inside is all ugly,” said Flanders.
“And what about your Betrothed?” asked Flaurie Allyson Nickels.
And he went on to say, “I have a betrothed, God gave her to me. God knows who the right girl is for me. And my right woman loves me. And I love my right woman. Who am I to be a son of God who runs away from the daughter of God? They say that we were a match made in Heaven, Flaurie.
I was the most wrong man on Earth for having put you through what I did today here in the den with the menagerie. You were so gracious to have put up with it as you did. Never before have I wronged you as I have today. If you can forgive me in time, I will never do you wrong again. I promise to repent now of Carol Dale. And I repent from this menagerie right now.”
“You will burn up this green bin out back, Husband?” asked the Betrothed.
“I will burn up this green bin out back right now, Flaurie,” he said.
“Can I watch?” asked Flaurie.
“Yes, You can watch,” he said eagerly.
“Can I help out?” asked Flaurie.
“Yes. You can help out,” said Flanders, happy alone with Flaurie.
“Can we bury the ashes?” asked Flaurie.
“We can bury the ashes, Flaurie,” said Flanders, in true marital fidelity.
And Flanders Arckery Nickels, with his Betrothed at his side, consummately repented in the Lord of all that was Carol Bree Dale in his life. And the fire was set, and fire consumed, and the menagerie became ashes, and the ashes were buried.
And the marriage of the famous daughter of God and the son of God was greatly blessed and enriched and bonded strong in the Holy Spirit like never before.
“I love you, Flaurie,” he said.
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“And I love you, Flanders,” she said.
And no remnant of Carol Dale remained in any part of their Antediluvian Castle nor in any part of their thousand acres.
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CHAPTER XIV
It was Sunday Evening Worship at Alpha and Omega Baptist Church tonight in Crivitz, Wisconsin. Again the whole flock was there and not one member was missing. Though Pastor Integral’s church was small, they were all fiercely faithful in attendance every time the church doors were open. If any had not showed up at any time, they either were sick or at work or providentially hindered. Tonight Pastor began his sermon with the question directed unto his flock, “What is this dispensation of grace?”
A member raised his hand and said, “It is also called the ‘church age,’ Pastor.”
“That’s right,” said the pastor. “This dispensation has lasted for two thousand years and still continues this day.” Then he asked his flock in challenge, “Where in the Bible does it talk about this church age in prophecy?”
Another member raised her hand and said, “Revelation chapter two and revelation chapter three.”
“Right again,” said Pastor Integral.
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Then Pastor quizzed his flock and asked them, “What are the seven churches that are prophesied in these two chapters of Revelation 2 and Revelation 3?”
Deacon Gary raised his hand and said, “The church of Ephesus and the church of Smyrna and the church of Pergamos and the church of Thyatira and the church of Sardis and the church of Philadelphia and the church of Laodicea.”
“Where is that summarized in Revelation?” quizzed Pastor.
And Deacon Todd raised his hand and answered, “In Revelation 1:11, Pastor. That verse says that what John saw in his vision he was supposed to write down and send it to these seven churches which were in Asia. And ‘Asia’ back then did not mean ‘Asia’ today, but rather, ‘Asia Minor’–an ancient country bordered by the Black Sea and the Aegean Sea and the Mediterranean Sea.”
Pastor then tested his flock, asking them, “What do these seven churches represent in these two thousand years past of our church age that we are in?”
The daughter of God raised her hand and said, “Pastor, these seven churches of Asia Minor do represent the seven church ages that make up this whole church age in its history.”
“In what way?” asked Pastor.
The son of God then raised his hand and said, “Each of these seven churches listed had certain good points and certain bad points to their characteristic as a church. And each of these churches had a certain nature to them overall, either good or bad. In like, each of the seven little church ages of our dispensation of grace had a certain nature that reflected the nature of the church which did represent it.”
“I think that I understand, Pastor,” said Emmy. “The Ephesian church was just like the Ephesian church age. The Smyrna church was just like the Smyrna church age. And so on. Is that what you’re saying, Flaurie and Flanders?”
“Yes,” said Flaurie and Flanders with a nod.
“You are all correct,” said Pastor Integral.
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And Pastor went on to preach, “The first one is the church of Ephesus. Does anyone know what the church of Ephesus was all about in its sum?”
Flaurie raised her hand and said, “Ephesus was the very busy church doing all kinds of good things, but missing the point.”
“What was the point that the church of Ephesus missed, Flaurie?” asked Pastor.
“They forgot about God, of all things,” said Flaurie.
“How does the Bible put it?” asked Pastor.
“It is written,” said Flanders, “’because thou has left thy first love.’”
“Ouch, Pastor,” said Deacon Todd.
“The busy church that lost their love for Jesus,” said Deacon Gary in understanding.
Pastor went on to preach, “God addressed this church of Ephesus, referring to Himself as ‘He that holdeth the seven stars in His right hand, Who walketh in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks.’ What does this mean?”
Flanders answered and said, ‘The seven stars in His right hand meant, ‘the angels, or the ministers, of the seven churches,’ and the seven golden candlesticks meant, ‘the seven churches themselves.’”
Pastor said, “Very well said.” Then he said, “In a conclusion to His words to Ephesus in Revelation 2, God made a promise to the people of this Ephesian church who did overcome in the Lord. He promised them, ‘I [will give them] to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God.’ What do you suppose that this was all about?”
Flaurie answered and said, “In Genesis 3:22, God says that whosoever eats of the tree of life lives forever. Originally this tree of life was in the paradise of the Garden of Eden. Now it might be in the paradise of Heaven. I believe that God is saying to them, ‘To whomsoever of you overcomes in this church of Ephesus I do promise Heaven.’”
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“Amen!” said Emmy. “The tree of life, in Revelation 22:2, ‘…,which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.’”
“Indeed!” said Pastor Integral.
Then Pastor continued his sermon on this lengthy church age and its prophecy: “Next, second, comes the church of Smyrna. Can anybody tell me what this church was all about in sum?”
“It was ‘the suffering church,’ Pastor,” said Flanders.
“And it was a good church and not a bad church,” said Flaurie.
Deacon Todd said, “Five of the seven churches were bad churches, and two of the seven churches were good churches.”
Deacon Gary said, “This church was one of two good churches of the seven.”
“Quite right, all of you,” said the pastor. “The church of Smyrna was also called ‘the persecuted church.’ The Lord Who addressed this church referred to Himself as ‘the first and the last, which was dead, and is alive;’ The Lord Jesus Himself was dead and buried and came alive again. Those of the church of Smyrna who proved faithful unto God unto death were promised a crown of life for in Heaven—the martyrs’ crown. What else did God promise the ones who overcame in this church of Smyrna?”
The daughter of God spoke and said, “[He] shall not be hurt of the second death.”
“What does the Bible say that this ‘second death’ is all about?” asked Pastor.
And the son of God said, “The second death is the lake of fire for forever. Revelation 20:14 and Revelation 21:8.”
“So that must be another promise to those who overcame to go to Heaven for forever,” said Emmy.
“Indeed,” said Pastor. “The ones who overcame in Smyrna were promised never to go to Hell.
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Hence they went to Heaven.”
Pastor went on to the next church of the seven, saying, “The third church is the church of Pergamos. What was this church of Pergamos like?
Flaurie answered, “Pergamos was the worldly church, Pastor.”
“They must have enjoyed entertainment instead of worship,” said Flanders.
Pastor said, “If a pastor has to bring in entertainment to bring folk in, he will have to keep entertainment to keep folk in.”
“We must worship God in the beauty of holiness,” said Deacon Todd,
“And we must give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name,” said Deacon Gary.
“I Chronicles 16:29,” said Pastor the reference to these two utterances. Then he asked, “How did Jesus refer to Himself in His address to this church of Pergamos?”
And the son of God said, “He which hath the sharp sword with two edges;”
“What else is referred to as ‘a sharp sword with two edges?’” asked the Baptist pastor.
“The Word of God is ‘sharper than any twoedged sword,’” answered Flanders Nickels. “Hebrews 4:12.”
Then the Baptist pastor asked, “What did the Lord Jesus promise to those who overcame in this church of Pergamos?”
Reciting, the daughter of God said, “[I will give him] to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it.”
“Manna—corn of Heaven,” said the son of God. “Psalm 78:24.”
“Manna—angel’s food,” said Flaurie. “Psalm 78:25.”
Emmy said, “This sounds like another promise of Heaven.”
“All very well put,” said the pastor.
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“Thyatira is next, Pastor,” said Deacon Gary.
“Thyatira is the fourth of the seven,” said Deacon Todd.
“The church of Thyatira,” said the Baptist preacher. “What kind of church was this church at Thyatira?”
“That was the satanic church,” spoke up Flaurie.
“How did God refer to Himself in his address to this satanic church?” asked Pastor.
Flanders recited, “…the Son of God, who hath his eyes like unto a flame of fire, and his feet are like fine brass;’”
And Flaurie said, “’Fire’ in the Bible is connected with the presence of God.”
And Deacon Todd said, “And brass is an alloy of copper and zinc.”
And what did the Son of God promise to those who overcame at this church of Thyatira?” asked the Baptist minister.
And the daughter of God replied, “To him will God give power over the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron; as the vessels of a potter shall they be broken to shivers: even as Jesus received of His Father. And He will give him the morning star.”
“It sounds like the ones who overcame in this church will rule over the Gentiles someday,” said Flanders.
“The fifth church is the church of Sardis,” said Pastor.
“That’s the dead church,” said the daughter of God.
“How did the Lord refer to Himself in His address to this church of Sardis?” asked Pastor.
“He that hath the seven Spirits of God, and the seven stars:…” said Flaurie.
Deacon Gary asked, “Pastor, isn’t the number ‘seven’ God’s perfect number of completion?”
“It is, Brother Gary,” said the Baptist missionary. Then the missionary asked, “What did God promise to the ones who overcame at this church of Sardis?”
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And the son of God answered and said, “[He] shall be clothed in white raiment; and God will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but Jesus will confess his name before His Father, and before His angels.”
“The book of life is the book with all of the names of all of the born-again believers in the world,” said Pastor Integral.
And Emmy said, “Another promise of Heaven to those who overcome.”
Then the good missionary quizzed his flock saying, “Sixth comes the church of Philadelphia. What words summarize this church?”
Flanders said, “Philadelphia was the evangelistic church. It was the second of only two good churches of the seven churches mentioned.”
And Deacon Todd said, “Our Alpha and Omega Baptist Church is a type of a Philadelphia church.”
“As you preach to us about our church and about Philadelphia’s church of back then, Pastor,” said Deacon Gary, “‘…; for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.’”
“Revelation 3:8,” said both the son of God and the daughter of God together. And both said, “Amen!”
Pastor then said, “Jesus referred to Himself in His address to the church of Philadelphia as ‘he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of David, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth;’”
Emmy asked, “What did God promise to the ones who overcame in the Philadelphia church?”
Pastor looked at his two most Scripture-learned members, and he asked, “Would you two tell us of the flock the answer to that question?”
Flanders recited, “Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he
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shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, which is new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new name.”
“Revelation 3:12,” said Flaurie the reference to this verse. “This is the longest verse of these two chapters about the seven churches.”
Emmy said, “It sounds like the ones who did overcome in this good church did become pillars among saints in Heaven.”
Pastor then said, “Seventh and last came the church of Laodicea. You all know what this church was all about.”
“The lukewarm church,” called forth all the flock. “The church that was neither hot nor cold for Jesus. The church that made Jesus sick to His stomach.”
“I seem to have taught you all much about this Laodicean church,” said the Baptist preacher.
“That is today’s church everywhere,” said Emmy. “All of the churches here in the twenty-first century are only lukewarm like Laodicea back then.”
Deacon Todd said, “Jesus knocks on the doors of these churches, asking them to let Him in, and they do not let Him into their church.”
And Deacon Gary said, “These are the churches that the sorrel griffins leave alone and do not attack. The Devil likes these churches.”
Pastor Integral then quizzed another Bible verse challenge, asking, “What did the Lord Jesus call Himself in His address to this church of Laodicea?”
The son of God responded, “The Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God;”
And Pastor Proffery Integral then finished tonight’s special quiz in tonight’s Sunday Evening Worship with the last quiz question, “What did the Lord Jesus promise to the ones who overcame in
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this Laodicean church?”
And the daughter of God replied, “To him…will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.”
“Another promise of Heaven, Pastor?” asked Deacon Todd.
Deacon Gary said, “It sure sounds like it, Brother.”
And Emmy said, “Once again, in each of the seven sections for the seven churches, the Bible goes and says this: ‘He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.’”
“Amen?” asked Pastor.
“Amen!” said the whole flock.
Suddenly a warning summons issued from outside this peaceful church in Sunday Evening Worship. It was the blasting of the unicorn horns of Bree and Horn Of Plenty, the two unicorn sentries standing outside the church building and waiting to bring their master and mistress home after church.
The brave flock knew what this meant. It happened before. The sorrel griffins had come. It was time for the four Christian soldiers to fight for the cause of Christ once again.
Right away the son of God drew his Gilded Saber and rushed out the church door to do battle.
Right after him went the daughter of God, her pistol drawn and her bullets loaded from her artillery belts. And Pastor took over for his flock inside the building here. Pastor and his whole flock knelt down upon their knees in this auditorium and prayed for victory over the sorrel griffins.
Flanders and Flaurie, once outside, saw a veritable phalanx of sorrel griffins. Flaurie said, “There must be twice as many now as last time, Husband.”
And Flanders said, “I count ten of them.” She was right.
Bree and Horn of Plenty stood their ground in front of the Baptist church building, their horns lowered in defense. Bree asked, “Master, shall I charge?”
The son of God said, “Steady as she goes, Bree. I must plot strategy.”
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Horn Of Plenty asked, “What shall I do, my mistress?”
And the daughter of God said, “I defer to my husband. We will do what the man says to do in our battle, good Horn Of Plenty.”
And as the four stood between the Baptist church and the gang of ten mighty satanic griffins, they saw the ten sorrel griffins proceed to form a single-file line left-to-right in the parking lot right in front of the church door and spreading out beyond the width of the building. Five feet separated the griffins one from another in a massing of ten troops in a line almost fifty feet long.
Flanders thought to himself that if all of these griffins were to attack right now that the four of them would be overrun and overwhelmed. He had to buy time to devise an effective battle tactic. And he knew how sorrel griffins did like to talk and taunt and gloat before they attacked. He must convince them to go and speak their braggadocio for a while so that he could come up with something to pull out another victory over sorrel griffins. He looked at his Betrothed with a message in his countenance hidden from the griffins. She understood his words, “Stall them.” in his expression to her. And she knew how he meant for her to stall them. She must tempt these ten griffins to all speak their fighting words for a while before they began to fight. That way the son of God could come up from God what the four of God needed to do to win this battle of this evening. And the daughter of God did not need any time at all to come up with something to say to trick ten sorrel griffins into chattering all at once.
She pointed to the first sorrel griffin in the single-file line, and she said to him, “You look positively gray.” She then right after, pointed to the second sorrel griffin in this single-file massing of troops, and she said to this one also, “You look positively gray.” And she pointed to the third of the ten sorrel griffins, saying to him also, “You look positively gray.” And so on from the fourth sorrel griffin unto the tenth sorrel griffin. As all the world knew, gray griffins were God’s griffins, the good griffins, the angels. And the demon sorrel griffins were greatly offended by the clever words of the daughter of God. And they got their dander up. And they lost their focus for physical battle for which they had
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come. And they began to chatter in trash talk:
One of them said, “Woman, I’ll get you for that.”
A second one of them said, “I’ll peck your eyes out.”
A third one of them said, “I’ll strike God right out of you.”
A fourth one of them said, “I’ll eat your vaunted gun, girl.”
A fifth one of them said, “Do I have to go over there and grab your artillery belts off of you, lady?”
A sixth one of them said, “I’ll pull all of your hair off of your awful head.”
A seventh one of them said, “I will make you to deny Jesus.”
An eighth one of them said, “You will wish that you never said such a thing,”
A ninth one of them said, “I am no angel!”
And a tenth one of them said to her, “You look positively white.”
Being green, the daughter of God felt insulted by that last comment. The son of God looked at her, and she kept her cool.
And Flanders came up with battle strategy for this day. His line of massed troops was Bree to the far right, then himself, then Flaurie, then Horn Of Plenty to the far left as they faced the ten sorrel griffin troops. Flanders at once dispatched Bree to attack the flank of the griffin line from the right, driving them in toward the middle. With this in mind, he, as the sword fighter, could hack down griffins as they were driven by his she-unicorn toward him. He also dispatched Horn Of Plenty to attack the middle of the griffin line and to drive them to the left. And with this in mind, Flaurie, as the pistol woman, could shoot down griffins as they were driven away from her by Horn of Plenty and sent a distance away from her for her to shoot down.
Bree attacked. The five griffins were driven in toward the son of God with the Gilded Saber.
Flanders hacked. Horn Of Plenty attacked. The five other griffins were driven away from Flaurie.
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Flaurie began to shoot her gun.
At once a griffin fell in battle by the sword of the son of God. At once also a griffin fell in battle from the pistol of Flaurie.
Lo, Bree was struck down by a mighty lion paw of a griffin! Behold, a swipe of an eagle claw scraped across the face of Horn Of Plenty, and the fight was taken out of him!
Again a griffin fell in battle by the saber of Flanders. And again, Flaurie shot down a griffin.
Four griffins fell in battle. Six griffins remained in battle. The son of God was fresh and not wounded.
The daughter of God was okay and ready for more. The he-unicorn did not budge where he stood, bleeding profusely from his equine face. The she-unicorn was upon her belly, her back wounded, and her form trying to get back up.
Flanders had to change his battle tactics now. He saw a griffin about to drive his eagle beak down upon the back of Bree’s head where she lay! Flanders cried out, “Jab me with your foul beak, you dirty crossbreed!”
That incurred the wrath of the avenging sorrel griffin. And he turned away from Bree and began to stalk her master. Too angry to be afraid, Flanders ran toward this griffin, his saber ready for the kill. Another griffin came up to the wounded Bree and looked upon her with gloating.
Meanwhile, two griffins were on two sides of the shocked Horn Of Plenty where he stood.
And two griffins were in front of the daughter of God, about to pounce upon her. The griffin on the one side of the he-unicorn was spitting upon him, and the griffin on the other side of the he-unicorn was cursing him. And his mistress was hindered from helping him out, herself about to be taken down by two griffins. Not knowing what to do, Flaurie chose to look out for the life of her he-unicorn more than her own life. And she called out to him in an awakening, “Horn Of Plenty, to battle!” Right after, the two griffins in front of Flaurie leaped and pounced upon her. She fired her pistol as she was falling. Behold, one of those two griffins who assaulted her fell backward to the ground and onto his back. The
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full weight of the other griffin fell upon her chest when she landed upon her back and the back of her head. And she felt a rib break in her chest. It was an upper rib. And the pain was sharp. And it took away her breath. Had the weight of two griffins landed upon her, she could have been dead. She wondered what became of the second griffin. Yes, she shot him dead. He had fallen in battle. Now only five sorrel griffins were left. What became of her dazed Horn Of Plenty? Flaurie herself had a griffin standing upon her. He was spitting upon her and cursing her with names.
Unknown to the daughter of God, Horn Of Plenty came alive and rallied where he stood after his mistress had commanded him to battle. He shook his head, and he thrust his unicorn horn into the side of the neck of the one griffin, killing him instantly. A sixth griffin thus fell in battle. Only four griffins remained. And the other griffin who was contending against this he-unicorn fled from Horn Of Plenty.
Meanwhile, Flanders and the sorrel griffin met in mutual charge. Flanders’s Gilded Saber cut off the head of the griffin, just as the griffin’s lion paw swiped down upon Flanders’s sword wrist.
This was the same lion paw that had batted down upon the she-unicorn of the son of God. Flanders cried out in torments of pain and grabbed his right wrist with his left hand. Still he held on to the great sword. Yet another griffin fell in battle. Seven griffins had fallen. Three griffins remained.
What about the sorrel griffin who was standing before Bree and rejoicing over her wounds of battle? He now decided to act. And he was about to jab his beak down upon her head now. Upon hearing her master cry out for his wounded wrist, Bree rose to action. She stood up, and she stamped her fore hooves upon the ground by dint of determination. Then she boxed the ears of the griffin with two blows from her fore hooves—one blow with the right fore hoof into the left side of the griffin’s head, and another blow with the left fore hoof into the right side of the griffin’s head. This griffin fell unconscious straight down upon his face stiff and unmoving. Bree then thrust her unicorn horn into the back of this sorrel griffin. And this sorrel griffin died in battle. Now only two griffins were left.
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The son of God had a maimed sword wrist and could no longer hold his Gilded Saber. The daughter of God had a broken rib in her left upper rib cage, and a griffin standing upon her supine form. Bree had a wounded back. Horn Of Plenty had a wounded head. And the two sorrel griffins were alive and well and ready for more battle unto death.
Flanders then switched his Gilded Saber from his right hand to his left hand. He saw his Betrothed lying underneath the standing griffin. He saw the second griffin coming over to help his ally against Flaurie. He saw Horn Of Plenty looking upon him for a battle command. He saw Bree looking upon him and awaiting his orders. He saw Flaurie looking up at him with eyes thinking upon the comforts of Heaven in the life to come were she to die right now. And Flanders came up with battle tactics. He would run toward the two griffins who were about to finish off his Betrothed, his sword in his left hand, and he would assault the two griffins. He knew that if he did this alone, he would probably die in battle. But he knew his troops, that his two unicorn warriors would rally and assault the two griffins with him, one on each side of him. They would rush upon the two well griffins, and the three of them would overwhelm the two of them. And Flaurie would live. And the battle against the sorrel griffins would be another victory of the day for the cause of Christ.
“Charge!” commanded the son of God.
And Flanders, his Gilded Saber in his left hand, ran toward the two last griffins. Bree ran toward them, too, galloping along his right hand side. And Horn Of Plenty also ran toward them, galloping along his left hand side.
Unnerved, the one griffin backed up and away from his partner who was standing upon the woman. The griffin who was standing upon the woman kept standing upon the woman. Flanders swung his saber toward the shoulder of the griffin who backed away, and the griffin dodged out of the way of the Gilded Saber, and fled. The two good unicorns chased after him. Flanders then turned back to get the griffin standing upon his Betrothed. He swung his sword toward this defiant sorrel griffin
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and hacked off his right eagle leg. He swung his sword toward this griffin a second time and hacked off his left eagle leg. This sorrel griffin fell dead in battle, most disrespectfully upon the face of Flaurie where she lay. Flaurie cried out and swung her arms about above her head where she lay.
“Filthy beast, get off of my wife,” snapped Flanders to the dead griffin. And he bent down and rolled it off of his Betrothed.
She said gratefully and feebly, “Thank you, Husband. I can breathe again now!”
There was now only one sorrel griffin left alive in this battle at the church of Sunday Evening Worship. And the two good unicorn-soldiers-for-Christ trampled down this last griffin before he could seek to escape into the air. And they tread upon him and impaled him with their unicorn horns. And he fell in battle, dead. And the he-unicorn and the she-unicorn came back to their mistress and master.
The ten-griffin army of Satan was defeated this evening by the four-soldier army of God.
Pastor was told by the Holy Spirit to come out now. Pastor knew from God that the battle went hard for his four soldiers, but that they were all alive and the enemies were all dead. And Pastor and Emmy came out of the church with praises and thanksgivings unto God and unto His Christian soldiers.
After that came out the two deacons and their wives and children. After that came out the rest of the one hundred of the flock. Never before was there such a battlefield before them now at Alpha and Omega Baptist Church as this battlefield of this day.
“Ten this time!” exclaimed Pastor.
“What’s this world coming to, Pastor?” asked Emmy.
The rest of the flock was shocked upon seeing the wounds upon their four Christian warriors and upon seeing ten griffin carcasses lying all about on the church property.
“So much blood,” said one member of the flock.
“So much death,” said another member of the flock.
And the whole flock gathered around their four protectors to encourage them and to express
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their gratitude to them.
“What should we do?” asked one of the women.
And Emmy said, “We need to help our four fighters to heal and to get better right now.”
“What should we do?” asked one of the men.
And Pastor said, “We need to clean the church parking lot from the wicked griffin carcasses.”
“Shall we bury them like the other times, Pastor?” asked Deacon Gary.
“Or shall we burn them this time, Pastor?” asked Deacon Todd.
“That would be faster and better,” said Pastor Integral. “This time with so many griffins to bury, we shall burn the griffins instead with fire.”
“Bonfires indeed!” said Deacon Gary.
“Ten bonfires at that, Brother,” said Deacon Todd.
Emmy said, “Ladies, let us tend to Flanders and Flaurie and Bree and Horn Of Plenty.”
And the good Baptist church went to work to clean up after this biggest battle yet against the demonic griffins.
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CHAPTER XV
Flanders indeed had repented of the menagerie of Carol Bree Dale. But he still knew that the real Carol Bree Dale was coming right here to the Antediluvian Castle to see him in her very real person. He knew that and felt that and feared that. His Betrothed knew that. Bree knew that. Horn Of Plenty knew that. And in the thoughts of his heart, he confessed secretly to God that he still carried a torch for the beautiful woman. He had given up all of his mementos of the girl, and he did not regret having done such a thing for himself and for Flaurie. But that was still not going to keep the real wheat germ girl from coming and talking to him. What would he do when she came? What was she coming to talk to him about? What was her business coming in unto this family of the Antediluvian Castle and coming between the son of God and the daughter of God like this? Was this dream girl wishing to tear him from his Betrothed? The problem of Carol Dale was not over yet in his life as the illustrious son of God. Indeed she did keep herself a great secret from everybody else in the world but his family. She was like a beautiful specter. And she had supernatural power. And she was magic. And Flanders prayed everyday for what God would have him to do when she did come to him from far away riding
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her winged unicorn “Arckery” (after his own middle name sake) at a time of her own choosing. And he had prayer meetings seeking God’s will with this matter much in a prayer circle alone with his Betrothed. And at last, alone in the Holy Spirit, the son of God chose to leave it all in God’s hands. It is written, “In God have I put my trust; I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.” Psalm 56:11.
And Flanders Nickels prayed according in like with these words, “In You, Lord, have I put my trust. I will not be afraid of what woman can do unto me.” And his fears left him. And he had rest in Christ. God would take care of it for him.
Flanders Nickels found himself in a dimly lit wooden hallway with four shut wooden doors all around him. In front of where he stood was a door that read, “Forward.” To his right of where he stood was a door that read, “To the right of the way.” To the left of where he stood was a door that read, “To the left of the way.” And behind him where he stood was a door that read, “Backward.” He pondered to himself, “What is this hallway? Where am I? What was before here?” He did not know the answers to these three questions. He looked upon the door marked, “Forward.” This door was a good door. It had to lead to the way to growth in Christ. Going through this door was the way to go forward in his walk as a Christian. He looked to the doors that led “to the right of the way” and “to the left of the way.” These doors were both ways to go astray off of the straight and narrow path. In Joshua 1:7, God had commanded Joshua about the law of Moses, “…: turn not from it to the right hand or to the left,…”
Flanders would not go through either of these doors. He was to stay on the straight and narrow path.
He then turned to the door marked, “Backward.” That had to be a door that opened up unto a personage of his past, a woman of magical days, a girl to forget. He turned away from this door. He turned at once to the door marked, “Forward,” and he put his hand to the knob of this door to turn it and to go onward in Jesus.
Just then a loud single knock on the door behind him came upon his ears. He turned back to
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this door, and again saw the sign “Backward.” He hesitated in caution. This was not a good door. He waited. Not another knock came upon this door. Then he whispered to himself, “Who is there?”
He waited. Then he called out to behind this door. “Who’s there?” None answered from the other side.
Who was it that was backward in his life that so tempted him here in this strange netherworld? He waited for another knock. All was silence. He did not turn back to the “Forward” door. Instead he put his hand to the knob of the “Backward” door, turned it, and opened it to pursue a vague dream.
No one was there. Instead, he saw a long dimly lit hallway that stretched on into a dim distance with nothing in here waiting for him. Yet he proceeded backwards from the correct path, walking deeper down this wooden hallway. He proceeded to an ago. After about five minutes of walking, he came upon an end of this passage. Here, he saw three doors—one in front and one to his right and one to his left. The one in front read, “To the future.” The one to the right read, “To the present,” The one to the left read, “To the past.” The door “To the future,” surely led to Heaven. The door “To the present” surely led to a great castle and a family of four bonded in Christ. The door “To the past” surely led to a romance siren he must have loved. In love for Jesus, he put his hand to the knob of the door in front of him that opened to His future in Heaven. But then he remembered a beautiful face of a harem girl. He remembered a darling Betrothed. And he turned to the door on his right. This door would open to his present with a stunning wife. But, like all good Christians, Flanders yearned to come Home and be with Christ. He did not put his hand to the knob of the door on the right. Then he heard a soft feminine angelic voice call out to him from the other side of the door to the left, “Flanders. Flanders.” This was all about a dream girl of his past. This door opened up to his past “with her.” Was she on the other side of this door, calling out his name to him right now? He hesitated for but a moment, then called out, “Come in.” No one came in. At once he grabbed the door knob in ardor and opened it. There was no dream woman there, waiting for him.
Yet he pursued his dreams and walked down this hall that led to the past. Once again he was in
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a nether land of long and lonely dim and wooden hallway of great length. He walked quite rapidly in quest for someone down the long hall. After five minutes of brisk walk, he came to the end of this hallway as well. And before him was a solid wall and a door to his right and a door to his left. The door to the right was engraved, “Faithful to Flaurie.” The door the left was engraved, “Faithful to Carol.” And Flanders came to remember everything. “Flaurie” was his wife of two years and he had a pet unicorn named “Bree,” and she had a pet unicorn named, “Horn Of Plenty.” He and Flaurie were both devout and mighty born-again Christians in the world. And he had loved her for four years—through two years of courtship and two years as Betrothed. And theirs was a marriage blessed by Heaven. And he also remembered “Carol.” She was a wheat germ girl who had been the first love of his life. And she was in a Reader’s Digest Kretschmer Wheat Germ ad. And she was the most beautiful woman in the world for him. And she could tempt him to run away with her to some Paradise
“in the skies.” And Flanders clearly remembered how he had repented of the menagerie in the green bin and all that Carol was for him that was stored in that green bin. And he turned away from the door marked, “Faithful to Carol.” And he put his hand to the knob of the door marked, “Faithful to Flaurie.”
He sought to turn the knob. But it did not turn, and he could not seem to open this door. Then he heard a clicking of the door across the hall that led to Carol. And he went to this door and reached out toward the knob. It turned. The clicking must have been the sound of someone unlocking this door. Both of these doors must have been locked from inside, and now Carol must have just unlocked this door that led to “Faithfulness to Carol.” Just as he pushed open Carol’s door, he heard a clicking of the door that led to “Faithfulness to Flaurie,” behind him. Flaurie’s door was now unlocked. He turned not back. He proceeded to open this door to be faithful to Carol. And he looked in from where he stood,
Carol Bree Dale was not there. Again before him stretched out a long wooden hallway with dim lights and long horizons and not a soul anywhere to be found. And he began to run down this lonely hallway to find his Carol somewhere anywhere here in this demesne of halls. He ran for five
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minutes and came to the end of this eerie hallway as well. The walls to right and left were solid. And before him at the end of this hall was one lone door. It was inscribed with the words in the Bible, “’Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with banners?’ Song of Solomon 6:10.” Why, this was Flanders’s secret Scripture verse only about his Carol Bree Dale. This book “The Song of Solomon” in the Bible was a great and inspirational romance book about the love between Solomon and his Shulamite wife. And Flanders and his Betrothed Flaurie had often read this book together in love talk between each other. Flanders would read the love verses to Flaurie that Solomon was saying to the Shulamite. And Flaurie would read the love verses to Flanders that the Shulamite was saying to Solomon. But this verse, Song of Solomon 6:10, Flanders had always refused to say to Flaurie. And Flaurie never knew why. Secretly, this verse he could only say to his dream girl. It was his favorite verse of this romance book, and it was too good to say even to his Betrothed. He could express this verse only to his Carol Bree Dale. And here it was on this last door of this last hallway in this domain of halls. Paradise was here, on the other side of this door. And “Paradise” was to him “a dream-utopia shared only by him and Carol.”
He grabbed the knob, turned the handle, and pulled open the door. Behold, Carol in blue jeans and long-sleeved navy blue chambray work shirt and bare feet. They were in another long and dim wooden hallway that stretched on for a great span into dimness. But anyplace with his dream girl was still paradise. And she said to him, “My love.” And she cocked her head to the side and smiled in her eyes and in the curve of her mouth to him in sincerity and affection and romance.
He said back to her, “My love.”
Just then he heard a familiar domestic feminine voice call out to him in affection, “Husband?”
He opened his eyes, and he saw himself lying in a chaise longue lawn chair outside in the courtyard of his two towers of his Antediluvian Castle. The two cellar-type doors to the basement of the castle were below his lawn chair. The Christian flag was blowing in the wind way up high above.
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The four sky walks were directly above. And the sun of daylight shone down all around him. And here stood his Betrothed harem girl. And here was Bree. And here was Horn Of Plenty.
“Did you have a good nap, Husband?” asked Flaurie.
“Did I fall asleep outside?” he asked.
“You must have fallen asleep with the Good Book,” she said.
He looked and found the Bible resting upon his stomach where he lay. “I fell asleep reading the Bible,” he said in surprise.
“Too big a meal at Dairy Queen today, Flanders,” she said. “You ate too much, tried to read the Word of God, and grew sleepy, and did fall asleep reading God’s Book.”
“Yeah. That was it,” he said. “A large chocolate ice cream cone and a banana split and a Peanut Buster Parfait.”
“All in one meal, Husband,” said his Betrothed.
“I’m back,” he said.
“Welcome back,” she said.
But he was disappointed upon seeing his stunning Betrothed. He had just met his dream girl for his first time. And now he was with his wife in reality. And a gloom came upon his marriage. He told not Flaurie about his dream date. He told not Flaurie of the doors which he had chosen in the hallways.
He told not Flaurie that his Carol had come for him and told him that she loved him. It had all been a dream in his sleep, or a vision of the day, or an allegory from a first love. And his Betrothed and his she-unicorn and her he-unicorn became strangers to the son of God in his own Antediluvian Castle.
And he became a stranger to Flaurie and Bree and Horn Of Plenty in the world’s most famous family.
Carol was coming surely soon to the castle.
And Flaurie, in her wisdom as a betrothed, knew why Flanders was acting so strangely. And she went to pay a visit with Emmy alone and told her what was happening between her and Flanders.
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“A pretty model in an ad,” said Emmy.
“A beautiful model in an ad,” said Flaurie.
“My my,” said Emmy.
“He gave up the picture of the woman just for me,” said Flaurie.
“Do you think that he might have had a dream about her, Flaurie?” asked Emmy.
“He must have,” said the daughter of God. “Ever since he woke up and saw me standing there in front of him that afternoon, he has never been the same with me.”
“And she is coming for real real soon, Flaurie?” asked Emmy.
“We all think so, Emmy,” said Flaurie. “Her unicorn came and told us.”
“Sometimes a woman can get a man to do something that the Devil himself cannot make him do,” said Pastor’s wife.
“What does he see in another woman that he does not see in me?” asked Flaurie.
“Men are different from us women,” said Emmy. “Men are always wondering if there is a girl out there for him more beautiful than the girl he has already.”
“Men think that?” asked Flaurie.
“Some do,” said Pastor’s wife. “Men are drawn by the eye gate. They like what we women look like. And they are visually attracted to beautiful women in beautiful outfits.”
“Flanders turned his eyes away from me that day he woke up from the lawn chair to find me standing there.” said the Betrothed.
“Can this wheat germ girl be as beautiful as he sees her to be, do you think, Flaurie?” asked Emmy.
“She has to be,” said Flaurie.
“Does she have to be?” asked Emmy.
“What do you mean, Emmy?” asked the Betrothed.
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“The only thing that he knows about her is what she looked like when they photographed her for the magazine ad,” said Emmy.
“Yeah,” said Flaurie.
Pastor’s wife went on to say, “Before Pastor got saved and went into the ministry he had a crush on a girl in a high school yearbook. We were going together then—Proffery and I. And he said, ‘Emmy, I found a pretty girl in a yearbook picture. I want to show her to you and ask you what you think of her.’ He had never met the real girl, nor did he ever see her for real. She was just a pretty picture in our yearbook. And I told him, ‘Proffery, you decide that a girl is pretty based upon her high school yearbook picture?’ At once he could see the error of his ways. He never did show me her picture. And when he saw her for real in the halls of the high school he decided that she was not truly as pretty as she had seemed to him in the photograph. Men are that way at times with us women.”
“Pastor was a dreamer,” said Flaurie.
“He was not being realistic,” said Emmy.
“But then you both found the Saviour, and you both fell in love, and you both married and lived happily ever after,” said the daughter of God.
“Pastor is a gentle and kind husband,” said Emmy. “And he loves me and the Lord.”
“And you are a submissive and Godly wife, Emmy,” said Flaurie.
“So are you, Flaurie,” said Emmy.
“And Flanders is gentle and kind,” said the Betrothed. “And he loves me and the Lord.”
“And it may do your marriage good if Flanders is to see this dream girl as she really is in her life not in the photograph,” said Emmy.
“I am afraid of her, nonetheless,” said the Betrothed.
“The son of God may well be disappointed when he sees the real wheat germ girl,” said Emmy most clearly.
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Flaurie laughed in relief. And she said, “What a thing to say about his dream girl, O Emmy.
It is the best thing that I have heard in a long time. I hope that he sees this woman as she is. Thank you for saying that, Emmy. Thank you.”
“Are you afraid of her now, Flaurie?” asked Emmy.
“All of a sudden, not,” said the Betrothed. “In fact I can’t wait for her to come and see Flanders.”
“He could change his mind all about her,” said Pastor’s wife.
“He could fall out of love with the woman right away,” said the Betrothed.
“He could at that, Flaurie,” said Emmy.
“Do you think that he will get back to loving me again, Emmy? Do you think?” asked the daughter of God.
“Flanders has never stopped loving you, O Flaurie,” said wise Pastor’s wife. “He has just forgotten for a while how much he loves you.”
“My husband spends too much time living in dream lands,” said the Betrothed.
“Flanders is definitely cut out to be a writer with the way he thinks,” said Emmy.
“God made him a soldier instead,” said the Betrothed.
“I hope that I have been an encouragement in the Lord to you today, Flaurie,” said Emmy.
“You have, Emmy,” said Flaurie. “You have. Now I know that everything will turn out all good again when all of this is over with.”
“Shall we share a word of prayer together, us two women prayer-warriors?” asked Pastor’s wife.
“A prayer meeting would do me good,” said the daughter of God.
And the two great women of God prayed together for the will of the Lord to be done for Flanders Nickels.
Meanwhile, Flanders, having prayed, sought the counsel of his she-unicorn Bree. This dream
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that he had, though it were the happiest dream of his life, now made him the most unhappy in his waking life of twenty years. He was doubtful now of his walk with Christ. He felt like an unfaithful husband. And he might lose his Betrothed.
He got alone with Bree in her stable and told her all about his romance dream, and how he finally met the real Carol Dale, and how much she did love him. He told Bree all, from the beginning to the ending, of the dream, without missing any one detail.
And of all things to say, Bree said to him, “You do not love Carol Bree Dale, O Master.”
At first he thought to laugh. But he did not laugh out loud. He said, “Bree, you do joke with me.”
“I do not joke with you, my master,” said the wise she-unicorn.
“What is it that I felt in my dream when I called her, ‘My love?’” asked Flanders, a little indignant.
And Bree said, “Your love is for the dream woman in the dream, Master. You do not love the real woman in the waking world.”
“I have loved her even before I have loved Flaurie, silly girl,” the son of God chastised his she-unicorn.
“Do you all about her then?” asked Bree.
“No. I do not know all about her. But I want to find out all about her,” said Flanders.
“I always like to say that a friend is ‘someone who knows all about you, but loves you just the same.’” said Bree.
“Carol is hardly just a friend to me,” said Flanders, intrigued by what Bree was about to share with him from her wisdom.
“A dream girl is ‘a woman whom you know nothing about, but you think to love just the same,’” said Bree.
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“She has the face of a goddess,” said Flanders.
“Does she have the spirit of a devil?” asked Bree.
“She-unicorn,” said her master to her in offense.
“You say that you know how beautiful her outside is, Master,” said Bree. “But what do we know about the woman’s inside?”
“Are you calling Carol a wicked woman?” asked Flanders, upset.
“Can we assume her to be righteous?” asked Bree.
“She could be lost in her sins, if one stops and considers her eternal soul,” confessed Flanders. Then he said, “But can we assume her to be unrighteous?”
“Master, is the real woman unsaved?” asked the she-unicorn point-blank.
“If my Carol is one of the unbelievers, Bree…if she is not born again…what would I do with her?” asked the son of God.
“You would want to go to church; she would not want to go to church. You would want to pray; she would not want to pray. You would want to read your Bible; she would not want to read her Bible,” summed up wise Bree the Biblical reality of a believer being unequally yoked together with an unbeliever.
“What would I want to do with such a woman?” asked the son of God.
“Do not think to run away with her lost first and hope to get her saved second, either, Master,” said the she-unicorn.
“I heard of Christians doing that kind of thing,” said Flanders. “The saved man married an unsaved woman, thinking to get her saved later. And it never happened. She continually rejected his Jesus. And she never got saved. And he was hindered from growing in Christ from then on, and he was unhappy in his marriage.” The son of God then said, “And a saved woman married an unsaved man, thinking that she could change him toward Christ with a little love. But a wife cannot change the man
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she married just because she thinks that she can do that. That man persecuted his wife until at last he divorced her. And now she is a divorcée who cannot marry again as long as her ex-husband is still alive according to the Holy Bible. And her Christian life is in shambles now.”
“Tread carefully, Master, when Carol comes, that this not happen to you in your times to come,” warned Bree.
“Good Bree, you give a man hope in his most dire times,” said the son of God.
“Master, you look weary,” said Bree.
“I feel guilty after having had that dream, girl,” he said to Bree.
“You look like you lost a battle to a griffin,” said his she-unicorn.
“In my dream I have proved unfaithful to my precious Betrothed,” said Flanders.
“Have you proved unfaithful to Flaurie in your waking life?” asked Bree.
“Why, no,” said Flanders. “I have not.”
“Then you have not proven unfaithful to Flaurie,” said Bree.
“But the vision. It was so real,” said Flanders. “Each door I came to, I ended up cheating on Flaurie with my decisions.”
Remembering all that her master had told her about his dream, Bree began, “Let’s see now. At the first door of the wheat germ girl, you heard her knocking from the other side.”
“Yes, and I asked, ‘Who’s there?’” said Flanders. “Carol did not answer.”
“Did Flaurie knock from behind her door in that first group of doors, Master?” asked Bree.
“No. No knock came from her door of the four doors,” said Flanders.
“There,” said Bree. Then she asked, “At the second door of Flaurie, Master…this Carol called out your name two times.”
“Yes, Bree. And I asked her to come in,” said Flanders. “She did not come in.”
“Did Flaurie call out your name twice from behind her door?” asked Bree.
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“She did not,” said Flanders, learning to understand the partiality of this vision sent upon him.
“It was like Flaurie was not there behind that door of the three doors.”
“You are beginning to see what I’m getting at,” said Bree. And she went on to say further, “And at the third door of Flaurie, did you not find Flaurie’s door locked up, and Carol’s door just being unlocked?”
“I heard the clicking as of a key in the lock,” he said. “First Carol’s door was unlocked. Second Flaurie’s door was unlocked.”
“Carol unlocked her door before Flaurie unlocked her door,” said Bree.
“I chose Flaurie’s door first, but that was still locked. And when I heard Carol’s door unlock, I went after Carol. I chose the dream girl’s door of the two doors,” said Flanders.
“Uh huh,” said Bree. “Do you see a pattern here in your vision, Master?”
“Door by door, the wheat germ girl played an upper hand, like she were cheating in a contest over me,” said Flanders.
“Where do you think this vision came from?” asked Bree.
“From my heart?” he asked.
“No, my master,” said Bree.
“From God, then?” asked Flanders.
“I would say not,” said Bree.
“Then it must have come from Carol, somehow,” he said.
“This Carol cannot do such a thing as to make a man dream with her rules in the dream,” said Bree.
“Then it was just a dream that had come upon me in my subconscious,” he said.
“No, Master. It had to be a vision sent to you by the Devil,” said the she-unicorn.
“At that fourth Flaurie door, Bree, there was only one door to choose from,” said the son of
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God. “My Betrothed did not even get to have a door at that fourth test,”
“And to use a Bible verse to tempt you to sin, O Master,” said Bree.
“My Song of Solomon verse inscribed all over that door, girl,” confessed Flanders.
“And your make-believe afterlife alone with Carol Dale forever,” began Bree.
“A concept I have called, ‘Paradise,’” he said.
“In your vision, this Paradise, was it Heavenly?” asked his unicorn confidante.
“Not really,” said Flanders.
“A long dimly lit hall,” said Bree, knowing what her master had told her about this romance dream.
“In that dark hallway, she said that she loved me, but she must have lied,” said Flanders.
“You said the same thing to her,” said Bree. “Did you lie?”
“I didn’t think that I did, girl,” said Flanders.
“How do you feel about her now?” asked Bree.
He thought for a long while, then said, “I do not think that I can say that to her now.”
“You do not love the wheat germ model anymore?” asked Bree.
“I love Flaurie,” said Flanders.
“You love your dear Betrothed,” said Bree in great assurance.
“I want my wife. I do not want a specter,” he said.
“Tell me that you no longer love Carol Bree Dale,” admonished Bree.
And he said, “Bree, I no longer love Carol Bree Dale.”
“Tell me that you love your Betrothed, Master,” urged Bree.
“I love only Flaurie Allyson Nickels.” said the repentant son of God.
“This day has reconciliation come upon the son of God and the daughter of God,” declared the she-unicorn pet.
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“What do I need to do to get my darling Betrothed back into my life?” asked Flanders.
“Goofy married man, you forget,” said Bree. “Remember what you said in your testimony of what a good marriage is all about to your church fellow shippers.”
In recollection he said, “I always said that marriage is all about forgiveness—giving it and asking for it.”
“Go and ask faithful Flaurie to forgive you, and await her loyal forgiveness,” said the wise unicorn.
“I will go and do just that,” promised the son of God.
“And she will surely go and do just that,” promised Bree.
And right away, the son of God sought and found his Betrothed and apologized and asked her forgiveness and repented of the dream girl of the vision. And good and adoring and loving Flaurie forgave him and thanked him and came back to him.
And the family of four of the venerable Antediluvian Castle were reconciled together into the bond of the Holy Spirit as God willed it to be,
Carol Dale was definitely still coming here soon to talk to Flanders. But everything was going to be okay in Christ. The son of God now loved only the daughter of God. And Flaurie knew this, also.
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CHAPTER XVI
Flanders and Flaurie were at Left Foot Miniature Golf Course Park in Beaver, Wisconsin, just north of where they lived. They were just about to start a “battle of the sexes” here at miniature golf. Their unicorns were having their own battle of the sexes with obstacle courses at the Marinette County Unicorn Park in Crivitz just north of here a little way.
Man and woman stood side by side before the first hole of this mini-golf course, each with a golf putter in hand and with tongues ready for trash talk. Flaurie started it with saying, “If you have anything smart to say to me, say it to me now.” She cocked her head to the side at him and smirked.
“As a matter of fact, I was thinking of something smart to say just now, but I did not know if I should let you go first,” he said with a laugh and a grin.
“I defer,” she said. “Go first and say the first sarcastic thing of our game of the day, Husband,” said Flaurie.
“I was thinking, Betrothed,” he began, “you best be careful with your first putt. You could accidentally bump your artillery belt with your wrist, and one of your bullets could go off.”
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“It could. Could it?” she asked in denial.
“A girl is liable to shoot herself in the foot playing miniature golf, herself dressed as the famous griffin slayer that you are, woman,” he teased her.
“Husband, if I do accidentally shoot myself in the foot, then I can always file for workman’s compensation,” she said most nonsensically.
“But you’re not punched in,” he said.
“A griffin slayer is always on call with her ministry for God being what it is,” she said. “Myself, as a pistol girl, I am always expected to be ready for my work.”
“We griffin slayers for Christ are not entitled for workman’s comp,” he told her.
“I am if I get hurt at my secular job as cashier,” she said.
“And I am if I get hurt at my secular job as bagger,” he said.
“How can a bag boy get hurt working at a grocery store as I can?” asked the Betrothed.
“Well, a little bit of water on the tile, a bad step, and, there, a fall,” he said. She laughed. He laughed. Then he said, “In fact, I was thinking of practicing at something just like that.”
“You’ve been practicing at workman’s comp?” she asked. He shook his head, “No,” but smiled in big tale.
“What have you been thinking about in your head, Flanders?” asked the Betrothed. “What do you hope to get from a workman’s comp ‘accident’ at work?’”
“I hope to acquire the greatest amount of workman’s compensation for the least amount of pain and aggravation,” he joked.
“Husband, they have a name for that,” she said. “It’s called ‘fraud.’ And it’s a felony.”
“I see a need to come up with a plan B,” he teased her.
“Plan A was not your best idea, Hubby,” said Flaurie.
Then he said, “I will let you putt first, just as you let me start our nasty comments first.”
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“You are most gracious to the fair sex,” she said.
“The sign says, ‘Par 3,’ You will score a ‘4’; and I a ‘2’ here on the first hole,” he bragged.
“I do disagree,” she said. “Let me show you.” And the Betrothed putted her golf ball in this hole one of the course. Behold, it went around the bend, between two boards, down a hill, and right into the cup! “Hole in one, Husband!” she declared. “You can’t do better than a hole in one. Can you, Flanders?” she taunted in victory.
“How did you go and do that, woman?” he asked.
“I’m just good!” she said in boast.
“Let’s see now. The par was three. You scored a one. That’s two under par. That’s an eagle. That’s not a hole-in-one.”
“You talk smart. You golf dumb,” she said. “Go ahead and show your Betrothed if you can do any better at this hole than I just did,”
Mumbling he said, “It should be called a double-birdie.”
“I heard that one, too,” she said. “Try to even just match what I got on this hole.”
Both giggling, Flanders lined up for his turn to putt on this first hole of miniature golf. He paused, looked up at Flaurie, and asked his perennial golf riddle, “Is this a good day for golf?”
Saying his punch line to his favorite joke thus, she asked, “Does the day end in ‘y?’”
He then putted. But he almost missed the ball. His putter just grazed across the top of the golf ball, and this knocked the golf ball out of the tiny hole in the green, and this golf ball rolled backwards away from the green and down the sidewalk on into the practice green that lay just before this first hole.
“Divot!” she teased him with the wrong golf term.
“What’s with this Left Foot Miniature Golf Course?” he exclaimed. “I have never seen such a thing before as this.”
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“Husband, you are supposed to go forward—not backward,” said the Betrothed.
He came back after his ball and went up and put it back on the little hole at the start of this hole number one. And after four more putts, he finally got his golf ball into the cup. “Finally already.” he said.
The Betrothed said, “Par 3. Score 5. That’s a double-bogey, Flanders.”
They both wrote down their scores on their little score sheet with their little pencils. He went on to explain, “But it wasn’t my fault. The wind came up just like that.”
“Yeah. Sure. Blame God,” she said in fun.
“It wasn’t that bad,” he said.
“For a clumsy sword fighter, not bad at all, Flanders,” she teased him.
“God will get you for that comment right away in hole number two,” he said with a laugh. “A lot of things can happen between now and then.”
She read the sign for this second hole, “Par 3.” Then she said, “If only we were at the hole that has the little red windmill, Flanders. I love red windmills.”
“The little red windmill is next, Flaurie,” he said. “That is in hole number three coming up.”
“Oh, why does a woman have to wait for the best things?” she lamented in mock.
“Jesus does not like complainers,” he said to her in flirt.
“But He knows that I’m only pretending,” she said.
“The daughter of God, a pretend-complainer,” he said.
“But you like it when I talk that way, Husband,” she said
“I do,” he said. “It turns me on when you talk like that. Your voice takes on a different tone to it when you pretend to complain like that.”
“A man would say that it is quite ‘sultry.’ Wouldn’t he?” asked the Betrothed.
“Or salty,” he said in quip. Husband and wife laughed out loud.
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As they stood before this familiar hole number two, they studied its piles of red bricks. There were little red brick walls to both edges of this green, and there were single red bricks to the left and to the right and in front and in back of this hole’s cup. “This hole number two looks to be a pinball game.” said Flaurie.
“My big brother scores billions on pinball games where he goes to bars throughout the state,” said Flanders.
“Don’t go and do the same thing with miniature golf here with me today, Husband,” said Flaurie. “Remember, with golf you want the lowest score possible, not the highest score possible.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Very funny, Betrothed,” he said in fun. “Just don’t go and hit any red bricks.”
Flaurie putted. The ball went in a straight line at the right angle between the two side brick walls right up to near the cup and in between the brick in front of the cup and the brick to the right of the cup, bounced off of both bricks and went right into the cup in the center of the four bricks.
“Betrothed,” he said, “you are one lucky woman.”
“Hole-in-one!” she cheered herself. “Once again!”
“This game is not fair,” he said. “As Shakespeare put it, ‘Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark.’”
“Too bad that Wisconsin is not Denmark, Husband,” said Flaurie jubilantly. “This game is very fair for me. And I see nothing rotten at all in Denmark or right here.”
“”Flaurie, you are the luckiest woman in the world,” he said.
“Would you not say that I golf as well as I slay griffins?” asked Flaurie.
“What I would say is that you golf better than you shoot,” he said.
“But we both can say that I putt better than you putt,” she said in gloat.
“My turn now for this second hole,” he said.
“And, Husband, look out for the red bricks,” said the Betrothed. Both tittered again.
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“Woman, your quips make it hard for a man to focus,” he said.
“My barbs, too?” she asked.
“Yes. Your cocky barbs, too,” he said.
“’Barbe’ in French means, ‘beard,’” said the daughter of God.
“You do not have a beard,” he said.
“You do, Husband,” she said.
“I’m not French,” he said. And he went and hit the golf ball for his first putt of this second hole. Indeed the golf ball smashed right into all the wrong places and against all the bricks that it was feasible to hit with an awful putt. And it ended outside the green.
“Just like I said, Flanders– this second hole is ‘pinball,’” teased the Betrothed.
“I hit the ball too hard,” he confessed. “It could have been so close, too.”
“You know what they say, Husband–’Close only counts in horseshoes.’” said Flaurie.
“And in swords and bullets,” he added in humor. He then picked up his ball, put it back on the little hole at the beginning of this green and acknowledged a one-point penalty once again for having putted his ball outside of the green. After two more putts, he finally sank the ball into the cup.
The Betrothed said, “Par:3; score: 4.”
“I’m getting better. I got a bogey this time. The way I’m going, the next hole, I’m likely to get an even par,” he said.
“Look out, Arnold Palmer. Look out, Jack Nicklaus. Flanders Nickels has come to play,” said Flaurie.
Feisty for his Betrothed, Flanders grabbed his harem girl in his arms, and they began spontaneous roughhousing in the middle of the miniature golf game. He pushed her to the ground. She snickered. He smiled. He reached out his hand and helped her back up to her feet.
“Hubby, people might be watching,” she said, magic of romance in her dark eyes.
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“They might not understand us two-year-long newlyweds,” he said. “They could call the police on me.”
“Men like to wrestle with their wives,” said the Betrothed.
“And women like to wrestle with their husbands,” said Flanders.
“Uh oh, here comes the man from the counter,” she said.
Flanders and Flaurie saw a young man their age coming up to where they were both standing. He had sold them their tickets just a little while ago. And he was new at Left Foot Miniature Golf Course Park. “Is everything okay?” asked the young man. “Are you all right, Miss?”
“This is my husband, and we love to roughhouse with each other,” said Flaurie right away in defense of her innocent husband.
“Flaurie and I get kind of impulsive with each other when we flirt.” said Flanders.
“Did you say, ‘Flaurie?’” asked the young man. He turned to Flaurie, “Are you the daughter of God?” She nodded. He turned to Flanders, and he asked, “Are you Flanders, the son of God?” Flanders nodded. And he said, “My apologies to the both of you. I thought I saw some trouble, and here it was just fun and games. Sorry for interrupting.” And, laughing at himself jovially, he walked back to the counter. And, happy in the Lord, they brought their attention back to the miniature golf course.
“Hole three; par 2,” read Flanders.
“Remember who goes first today,” said Flaurie.
“I cannot forget,” he said.
She lined up to putt on this third hole.. Then she said, “I’m providentially hindered.”
“What hinders you, my Betrothed?” asked Flanders.
“I feel my ammunition belts getting in the way of my golf club swing,” she said.
“You already used that excuse on me last time we went here,” he said.
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“Last time was different,” she went and said.
“How can the same thing be different in two different times?” he asked.
“Last time it was my two artillery belts around my waist. But this time it is my two ammunition belts along my torso,” she explained.
“God does not want you to take off your artillery belts. We both know that sorrel griffins are flying around the air. The moment you take off your four belts will be the moment that they swoop down upon you and carry you away and drop you down to Earth,” said Flanders.
“Does that mean the same for my gun belt and holster and pistol?” she asked.
“Uh huh,” he said. “You can never take them off and leave yourself vulnerable to the evil griffins.”
“You’re lucky. All you have to carry around with you is a sword and a sheath.” said Flaurie.
“I could complain, ‘My saber is in the way of my putting,’” he said.
“Ho ho ho! It is your putter that is getting away of your putting the way your game is going today,” said the Betrothed.
“He he he!” he said. His laugh was even louder than her laugh.
This hole three was an easy hole, being only par two. It had the aforementioned red windmill, and it stood upon four braces all at the corners, holding it up six inches above the green. And the vanes were long and constantly spinning and almost touching the ground as they spun. The green of this hole number three was in front and underneath and in back and left and right of this spinning windmill, and the cup was at the end of the green. But this spinning red windmill was right in the middle of this green, right in way of the cup far behind. And its long vanes could easily knock the ball aside.
Confident, Flaurie said, “I can get another hole-in-one if I try to go right through the windmill, Husband.”
Not so confident about himself, Flanders said, “If I go around the windmill, I can score my first
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two-score hole of the month.”
“I’d like to make a bet with you, Flanders.” said the game-some competitor woman.
“I’m all up for a bet,” said Flanders.
“I bet you that I can get another hole-in-one with this hole number three,” she said.
“You have never scored a hole-in-one with this hole with the red windmill, O Betrothed,” he said.
“This time I can do it,” she said.
“In fact, I dare say, Flaurie, your worst golf at every miniature golf course we played at in Wisconsin is always at the holes where there are spinning windmills,” he said. “Are you sure that you want to make this bet?”
“I do, Husband,” she said.
“What is the wagers for our friendly little bet?” he asked.
“If I win this bet, Flanders, then you have to say to me, ‘Flaurie, Horn Of Plenty is twice the unicorn that Bree is.’” explained the Betrothed.
“And if I win, what then?” he asked.
“If I lose this bet, then I have to say to you, ‘Flanders, Bree is twice the unicorn that Horn Of Plenty is,’” she conjured up.
“It’s a bet,” said Flanders.
“Shake on it,” said Flaurie.
They shook hands, verifying the bet.
And Flaurie studied the spinning vanes of the little red windmill. She studied the cup on the far end beyond. She looked down upon her golf ball. And she looked again at the windmill. And Flaurie putted this start to hole number three. Lo, the ball went dead straight, approached the windmill with a good speed, passed by underneath and between the swinging vanes, passed on by right through and
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beneath the raised windmill, continued onward toward the cup, slowed down, and dropped neatly into the cup. The daughter of God scored a hole-in-one.
“Hubby, do you have anything to say to your stunning Betrothed?” asked Flaurie.
In merriment, he said, “I do, Flaurie.” And he said, “Flaurie, Horn Of Plenty is twice the unicorn that Bree is.”
“I can tell by your tone that you were being facetious when you said that,” she said.
“You never said that I had to mean it when I said it,” he said. “The bet said that I only had to
say it.”
“Clever husband,” she said.
“Now my turn,” he said. And he lined up to pursue his more conservative ideas to this hole with the spinning red windmill. He said, “I’ve got an idea. Let’s make the same bet once again with my chances to this third hole of this course.”
“That you have to praise my unicorn or that I have to praise your unicorn?” she asked.
“Yes. But my premise for this same bet is that I can break even with par on this hole with the red windmill,” he said. “My bet with you is that I can sink the ball in the cup of this third hole in two putts.”
“I’ve seen you do your best miniature golf all over the state with holes with red windmills, Husband,” she said.
“But have I ever made par on any hole on this miniature golf course before, O Betrothed?” he asked.
She thought, then said, “Not that I can remember. In fact your worst games are always at this Left Foot Miniature Golf Course Park.”
“Is this a bet, woman?” he asked.
“It is a bet,” she said.
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“Let’s shake on it,” he said.
They shook hands on the bet.
And Flanders prepared himself for this hole number three. “What’s keeping you?” asked the Betrothed.
“I don’t know if I should go around the windmill to the right or to the left to get to the cup,” he said. “I just know that I cannot putt the ball underneath it as you did. That blooming red windmill makes me not be able to see the cup over there.”
“Try hitting the golf ball over the little windmill, Hubby,” teased Flaurie.
“Funny. Very funny,” he said.
And he decided. He hit the golf ball toward the right of the rotating windmill, and it rolled right up to the green along the right of the red windmill and stopped halfway to the cup. “There!” he said in premature victory.
“There what, Flanders?” asked the Betrothed.
“There, I can now see the cup that awaits me now that I am along the side of that blasted little windmill in the middle,” he explained to her. He walked up to his ball, and sure enough, from here he could see the cup of this hole number three off beyond. He putted again, and, behold, the ball went dead straight and down into the cup. “There!” he said again.
“There there,” said Flaurie, knowing that she had lost the bet and had to eat her words.
“Here here,” he said.
“Here,” she said.
“Do you have something to say to me, my Betrothed?” he asked. “I sunk this putt into the cup on this hole number three. Par 2: score 2. I shot at par in this hole with the windmill.”
Giving into her husband, Flaurie now said under duress, “Flanders, Bree is twice the unicorn that Horn Of Plenty is.”
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“Good girl, my Betrothed,” he said.
“Flanders, I’ll never bet with you again,” said Flaurie.
“Wise woman, O Betrothed,” he said.
And Flanders Nickels got the last word in. But Flaurie won the miniature golf game. Par for this eighteen-hole miniature golf course was “50.” Flanders scored 70. Flaurie scored 30. And the woman beat the man.
Just then in came their pet unicorns, coming back from their contests at the unicorn park.
“Did you win, Bree?” asked Flanders his she-unicorn.
Bree shook her head and said, “I did not win, Master.”
“Then you must have won, Horn Of Plenty,” said Flaurie to her he-unicorn.
Yet Horn Of Plenty also shook his head and said, “I did not win, either, Mistress.”
Bree said, “We both won and lost.”
And Horn Of Plenty said, “We both neither won nor lost.”
The Betrothed said, “See how our unicorns talk so with nonsense, Flanders. What do you suppose that they mean?”
“That’s easy,” said Flanders. “I bet that it was a tie.”
“It was,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“We tied, two to two,” said Bree. “We unicorns played nine games”
Horn of Plenty said, “I beat Bree at the two obstacle courses involving unicorn horns.”
“And I beat Horn Of Plenty in the two obstacle courses involving flying,” said Bree.
“How did you two fare on the race tracks?” asked Flanders.
“On the one hundred yard dash we tied. On the mile long race we tied. On the hurdles we tied.
On the uphill race we tied. On the downhill race we tied,” said Bree.
Flaurie said, “Right there I can see the score at ‘2-2-5,’ after it was all done.”
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“But you should have seen me in my two big wins today, my mistress,” bragged Horn Of Plenty. “Chalk two up for us he-unicorns, and confess your two defeats to me today, Bree.”
“My horn is shorter than your horn, Horn Of Plenty,” confessed Bree.
“Every unicorn horn is shorter than my horn,” boasted Horn Of Plenty. “In the first of the two unicorn horn courses, we were supposed to ‘hunt’ concentric-circled targets in a field. They were mounted on wooden structures, and they were scattered randomly in a ‘hunting range.’ Bree’s field and my field each had ten such targets, and both of us unicorns had the ten targets arranged the same random way. The director’s bugle sounded, and we both went ‘hunting for targets’ with our unicorn horns. It was a race to spear with our unicorn horns the most targets in a three-minute span. I won. Did I tell you that? I got ten targets speared through right in the bull’s eyes. And my three minutes were not up yet. Bree’s three minutes passed her by, and she only speared through seven targets, not one of them a bull’s eye. Did I tell you that yet? I won that obstacle course. Didn’t I?”
“Do tell me all about your second victory today, too, O Horn Of Plenty,” said his mistress.
“Ah, my second. I sure handed that one to you, Bree.” said the he-unicorn with the big horn.
Bree went on to say, “It was an obstacle course definitely to your advantage, Horn Of Plenty.”
“It was another hunting course,” said Horn Of Plenty. “But this one was more for strength of horn than for accuracy of horn.”
“As in boxing, where reach is an advantage for a longer-armed man over a shorter-armed man, this obstacle course favored the unicorn with the longer horn over the unicorn with the shorter horn,” said Bree.
“We ‘unicorn hunters’ had to impale big deciduous trees in a field. Our ranges—mine and Bree’s—had great big box elders and red maples and weeping willows,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Wisconsin kinds of trees,” said Bree.
“Our ranges were not the same, but I wouldn’t be afraid to say that my range was harder to
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compete in than Bree’s range,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“My range had a lot more trees in it than your range did,” said Bree.
“But my range had a lot more big trees in it than your range did,” said Horn Of Plenty. He then went on to say, “The contest was not how many trees we could impale our horns through. The contest was how deep we could drive our horns into the trees’ trunks.”
“How did it end up?” asked his mistress.
“I won big,” said Horn Of Plenty in braggadocio.
“We already knew that,” said Bree.
“Well, to sum it all up, my best tree was a four-foot diameter box elder. I struck my four-foot long unicorn horn all the way through it—from one end through to the other end.” And when I pulled out my unicorn horn, the big tree fell crashing down to the ground,” declared the he-unicorn.
“My best, Master,” confessed Bree, “was a three-foot wide diameter red maple. I thrust my three-foot long unicorn horn all the way through the trunk, and I pulled it out. The tree remained standing. But I could see through the big hole that I made in it. I then did it all once again with the same tree, and this time the big tree toppled over onto the ground.”
“Chalk up another one for us he-unicorns,” said Horn Of Plenty.
Flanders said, “Let me hear my she-unicorn now tell us about her two victories over Horn Of Plenty at the Marinette County Unicorn Park.”
“Flying races,” said Bree, eager to brag on herself now. “My wingspan is over eight feet. What is your wingspan compared to that, Horn Of Plenty?”
“My wingspan?” asked the he-unicorn. “A little over four feet.”
“A ha, let’s hear it for me as a she-unicorn,” said Bree.
“Tell us of how you won big in the two flying races at the park today, girl,” said Flanders.
“Why, Master, Flaurie, Horn Of Plenty, the pleasure is all mine,” said the she-unicorn. And
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Bree went on to speak of her flying prowess at the obstacle courses today. “In my first victory in the unicorn park today, we two unicorns were to see how high into the sky that we could ascend. Simply put, the unicorn who flew to the highest elevation won that contest. There was no race to this contest. And a unicorn could take as much time as he or she wished to. Well, the he-unicorn among us flew up to the clouds. But just as he reached the lowest of the clouds of the sky, he got dizzy being where there was not a lot of air. The thin air of the high atmosphere got into his head. And he had to give up and descend back to the ground. As for myself, I not only reached the bottom of the highest cloud, but I also ascended all the way through that highest cloud, and I came out above that highest cloud. One could say that I had left Earth’s atmosphere. And my breathing was steady and sure. And my head was sensible and sentient. And I came back down to earth, and I lighted upon the ground, the winner of this game over Horn Of Plenty. I am a she-unicorn. Hear me roar.”
The he-unicorn said, “My smaller wings got tired out.”
Flanders then invited his Bree to share with this group of four of God all about her other victory in the contest about flying. And the she-unicorn said, “This was, simply put, a race across the sky. We were to fly ten miles in the countryside from the elevated perches at one end of the unicorn park to the elevated perches at the other end of the unicorn park. I knew that this contest was mine for the taking. Horn Of Plenty, did you tell them what I did for you in that contest?”
The he-unicorn cleared his throat and said, “She gave me a head start.”
“Yes. That I did. I gave him a head start, Master, Flaurie,” said Bree.
“The referee blew on his trumpet to start the race. I took off. But I did not see Bree take off,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Then I decided that it was time for me to take off. And I took off,” said Bree.
“I was in the lead for a long while, but halfway across the ten miles, Bree here passed me by like I was running on foot. I saw her go by like a chimney swift she was so fast. And I quickly lost
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sight of her way up ahead of me into the horizon. No other unicorn in this world can fly like Bree flies,” confessed Horn Of Plenty.
“I got there, settled upon the perch, and waited for Horn Of Plenty to arrive,” said Bree.
“And when I got to my perch, right next to her perch, Bree had already caught her breath back from the great race in the skies,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“Let’s hear it for us she-unicorns,” said Bree.
“Hear hear!” said her master, clapping.
And all was joy and rejoicing here at Beaver among this family of four of God.
Flanders asked, “Shall we go back home to our Antediluvian Castle, guys and gals?”
“Hear! Hear!” said the two unicorn pets.
“Amen!” said Flanders.
“Amen!” said the Betrothed.
And the two born-again believers mounted their unicorn pets, and their unicorn pets flew and carried them back home to the famous castle.
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CHAPTER XVII
How did the Betrothed first discover her beloved harem girl outfit? It was when she was fifteen years old. She had not yet first found Flanders. And it all began for her on a visitation night with the other ladies of the church. It was Thursday Evening Visitation for the daughter of God with the devout ladies of the church. Tonight the Baptist women had visited Taycheedah Correctional Institution. And many of the women prisoners repented and got saved through the witnessing of the godly women from the church in Crivitz this evening. But the soul-winning women after this great revival were most full of praise for Flaurie’s labors for Christ here and in the soul whom she had won for Christ over all of the other women convicts who had found Christ this evening. The daughter of God felt flattered with this, and she did not understand the reason for all of this hoopla over the soul whom she had led to Christ. And she asked her sisters-in-the-Lord why all of these congratulations were heaped upon herself.
One of the lady soul-winners asked her, “Flaurie, do you know who it is that you led to salvation?”
And the daughter of God said, “She said that her name was, ‘Laurie.’”
“That’s what her name is now,” said another of the ladies of the church to the daughter of God.
“She changed her name?” asked Flaurie. “What did she used to be called?”
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Emmy said, “Flaurie, have you heard of ‘Lawrencia Bembenek?’”
“Bambi,” said Flaurie. “Everybody heard about her.”
“That was she whom you led to salvation,” said another of the ladies of the church.
“Lawrencia Bembenek?” asked the daughter of God. “God used me to get Bambi saved?”
“Uh huh, Flaurie,” said another woman from the Baptist church.
Flaurie said, “She was innocent. The crooked Milwaukee cops framed her. Her husband betrayed her. And she suffered wrongfully for doing right.”
Another lady from the church said, “My husband refers to her as ‘a doll.’ He thinks she’s cute. And I do, too,”
Another woman from the church asked Flaurie, “Didn’t you recognize her, Flaurie?”
“She looked different tonight, having been in prison for so many years,” said the daughter of God.
And Emmy said, “Well now she’ll go to Heaven someday instead. And Up There she will not remember anything about her ruined life down here and all of those years at Taycheedah.”
“This day so great salvation has never meant more to me than any other so great conversion other than my very own,” said the daughter of God in joy and rejoicing.
“Amen, good and caring Flaurie,” said Emmy.
“Amen!” said all of the other soul-winning women.
“Lawrencia is my one hundredth soul whom I led to Christ,” confessed the daughter of God.
“It is written,” recited Emmy, “’Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest.’ Luke 10:2.”
And great gladness came upon this mighty daughter of God a prolific “messenger of Heaven.”
It is written in soul-winning verses in the synoptic Gospels, of seed sown on the good ground,
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about bringing forth fruit, “some thirtyfold, some sixtyfold, some a hundredfold.” This was most assuredly the daughter of God as a witness-warrior for Alpha and Omega Baptist Church.
That night, after she turned in for the day, God visited her in a Theophany. She suddenly found herself in a sublime haven with Christ sitting upon His throne before her. She fell down before Him in worship and dared call forth, “My Lord and my Master.”
He said to her, “My steadfast and faithful daughter: I looked down from Heaven today, and I saw you leading an innocent prisoner through the sinners’ prayer.”
“I did, my Lord,” she said.
“That was your one hundredth soul whom you led to Me in your many years as my daughter,” said God.
“It was, O Jesus,” she said.
“Ask what I can give you,” said Christ.
“You wish to give me a blessing, O Lord? I am unworthy,” said the daughter of God.
“You have already earned Heaven’s crown of rejoicing one hundred times over, My child. Ask what I can bless you with for your life down in Earth,” said the Christophany.
“Lord, I am a young woman. We young women like nice clothes. I have not a favorite outfit to wear. I have four ammunition belts, but I have not anything beautiful to put on to go with them. If you would, O Saviour, could you find for me something pretty and comfortable and feminine that I can wear everyday and feel complete in?”
“Because you have asked for something to get comfortable in and have not asked for anything that you may consume upon your lusts, I will give you a feminine apparel that will help you to find a young man and that will keep him faithful to you in his times of temptation,” declared God.
“Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power,” praised the daughter of God the Lord Jesus with the words from Revelation 4:11.
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“Tomorrow sometime you will see an angel come to you from afar. You will ask him, ‘Have you come from the north?’ And he will say to you, ‘Daughter of God, “For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south.” Psalm 75:6.’ He will proffer you his back, and you will mount him, and he will carry you to a land of answered prayers. There will you find your new favorite outfit. It will gleam in much charmeuse. And you will put it on. And you will forever after find it easier to put back on than to have to take off again. And your ammunition belts will be most aesthetic accessories to this wonderful new apparel for the rest of your life,” promised the Lord of promises.
“I shall be ready, Jesus,” promised the daughter of God.
“God bless you, My daughter,” said Christ.
And then she found herself back home in her bedroom at Mom and Dad’s. It was the next morning. And it was a day of no school. And she remembered everything that God had told her in that vision or dream. Today was going to be the happiest day of her life since the first day of her salvation some years ago. What kind of fabric was this “charmeuse?” What color was this brave new outfit going to be? It would fit her perfectly, being a present from her Maker. And surely, going around and wearing this most feminine of clothes would in itself be almost as satisfying as worshiping God Himself daily. And nothing would keep her from leaving this new mystery attire behind except the rapture itself, which she anticipated with great zeal. Who knows, maybe she could continued wearing this wonderful new outfit even after the rapture took her to Heaven. What did it look like? How did it feel? Could she keep it clean? Would God keep it from wear and tear in His grace? She would keep it in her closet to go to and dress up in everyday for the rest of her life. Would men find her attractive in it? Would it go with her purple hair and her green complexion? Would she be happy seeing herself in the mirror in this in her new life? Would it be cold in the winters? Would it be hot in the summers?
Would it get wet in spring’s rains? Would it look good with fall’s leaves falling down upon it? Well,
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now she was thinking silly.
She then put on her argyle sweater and her faded blue jeans and walked out into Mom’s big vegetable garden and sat down on the ground between the rows of sweet corn and decided to pray in most anticipatory marvels until the angel came for her. “Knee high by the fourth of July, Father,” she said to God about this corn here in July in the garden. Three hours of morning passed.
Behold, a gray griffin spiraling down in a glide from way up in the skies directly above her.
The angel was coming. In awe of this griffin for the glory of the Creator, the daughter of God stood up and watched in fascination and contentment as he gradually came down and lighted upon the garden before her. And there he stood in all of his holy and righteous gray.
She asked him, “Have you come from the north?”
And he said to her, “Daughter of God, ‘For promotion cometh neither from east, nor from the west, nor from the south.’ Psalm 75:6.”
The gray griffin, having said this, then stooped down and lowered his angel’s back for her. And she mounted this good griffin of God. And he lifted up into the skies, herself borne upon his strong form, and he began to carry Flaurie Alvers to a magic land where prayers were always answered with a “Yes.”
Too caught up in her female’s emotions to talk to this gray griffin or to pray to God in words, the daughter of God fell upon singing a hymn out loud for all of Heaven and Earth to hear:
“1. All praise to Him who reigns above, In majesty supreme,
Who gave His Son for man to die, That He might man redeem!
Blessed be the name, blessed be the name, Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Blessed be the name, blessed be the name, Blessed be the name of the Lord!
2. His name above all names shall stand, Exalted more and more,
At God the Father’s own right hand, Where angel hosts adore.
Blessed be the name, blessed be the name, Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Blessed be the name, blessed be the name, Blessed be the name of the Lord!
3. Redeemer, Saviour, Friend of man Once ruined by the fall,
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Thou hast devised salvation’s plan, For Thou hast died for all.
Blessed be the name, blessed be the name, Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Blessed be the name, blessed be the name, Blessed be the name of the Lord!
4. His name shall be the Counsellor, The mighty Prince of Peace,
Of all earth’s kingdoms Conqueror, Whose reign shall never cease.
Blessed be the name, blessed be the name, Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Blessed be the name, blessed be the name, Blessed be the name of the Lord!”
And this gray griffin high up in the air crossed over the seven seas and the seven continents unto a Heavenly demesne beyond Earth. And he lighted upon a world of presents. Here the daughter of God found herself in a place of gifts, of boxes in wrapping paper and ribbons and bows. Right here was a big garden of mullein plants, enhanced with little box elder saplings and abundant with springing grasshoppers and chirping crickets.
“We have arrived, O God’s daughter,” declared the good gray griffin.
“God bless you, O gray griffin,” said the daughter of God, and she dismounted and looked around with the anticipation of a little girl on Christmas Eve. But she was a big girl now. And these presents were from God, not from Mom and Dad.
“It is written,” declared the gray griffin, “’Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.’ James 1:17.”
“”These are not all my gifts,” sought ascertainment Flaurie.
“Three of these presents are yours,” said the gray griffin.
“There must be hundreds of presents here,” said the daughter of God, overwhelmed with God’s answers to the prayers of His many born-again believers. “And God has three just for myself.”
And the gray griffin said, “It is written, ‘…, A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven.’ John 3:27.”
“Which three are just for me?” asked Flaurie Alvers.
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“You will find that out on the tags,” said the good griffin angel to her.
“Yippee!” said Flaurie in glee. “Hooray!”
“And an ‘Amen’ and a ‘Praise the Lord?’” asked the gray griffin.
“Amen!” exclaimed the daughter of God. “Praise the Lord!” And then she said, “Thank You, God.” And then she said, “And thank you, gray griffin.”
“God wills you to seek first; and to open second,” said the gray griffin.
In understanding, the daughter of God said, “I cannot open any one present till I have all three together and ready for me to open one after another.”
“Go now, O Lord’s daughter, and see how great things that God has for you in this magical land of answered prayers,” said the gray griffin.
And at once Flaurie began to read tags in search of her name among the great many presents throughout this land.
And after a while she found one tag that read, “To: Flaurie. From: Your Saviour.” And it was a little box about six inches wide by six inches long by two inches high. She shook it and put it to her ear and heard nothing. She raised it and lowered it in both hands, and it felt quite light. She put her nose to it, but could not smell through the cardboard. She set it upside-down in her hands and right side up in her hands. This was a mystery. She wanted to open it right now, but the griffin had said to her, “God says you have to wait till you have all three at once to open up before you open the first one.” She would obey God and gray griffin. She set down this gift for now.
And she very quickly went searching for another gift from God here in the garden of presents.
And after a while, she found a second gift for herself. This tag read, “To: The daughter of God. From: God.” It measured about six inches wide by nine inches long by two inches high. She shook it and stared down upon it in her hands. She held it up in front of the gray griffin and said, “This second box is bigger than the first box.” She held it up before her eyes up toward the sun. Of course she could
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not see the inside. The sunlight could not pass through cardboard. She then set this gift on the ground.
And she went looking for her third present from God. And after a while she found one tag that read, “To: The winner of one hundred souls for Christ. From: The Lord Who saved them.” This was herself indeed. This was her third and last present. This box measured about six inches wide by twelve inches long by two inches high. She tossed it just barely above her palms and let it fall back upon her palms. This package, also, was quite light for the size of the box. She said, “Gray griffin, this is the biggest box of my three boxes.” And she set down this gift on the ground. It was time. She had all three together now, waiting for her to open up. And she looked with expectation to the gray griffin for the okay for her to open up her presents.
And the good griffin nodded his eagle head and said, “You may now open up your presents, Flaurie.”
And she first grabbed up the little present, and she paused to look upon its adornments on the outside of the box. The wrapping paper had a design of many gold coins in a solid field of green. Its ribbon was green. And its bow was green. On this pretty little cardboard box were the German words, “Kleidung harem der Frau.” And on a string around this present was a little card that read in German, “Oberteil.” The daughter of God knew some basic German. And this word “Oberteil” meant “top.”
This must be a woman’s top or shirt of some kind. And she opened up this first gift from God. And there it was. She took it out of the box, spread it out in the air in both hands, and held it up by its shoulder parts. It was a harem girl’s top—all green throughout and with little imitation gold coins lining this nice green fabric throughout. It had short tight sleeves that went down from the shoulders only a little way. It had a low square neckline to it. And its bottom hem would reach to just below her breasts. It would show a lot of her thin belly. And it would show much of her back. And it would show almost all of her long skinny arms. She liked this a lot. And she said to the gray griffin, “I like this a lot!”
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“It is yours from the Lord,” said the gray griffin angel.
“Amen, Praise the Lamb of God slain from the foundation of the world,” said Flaurie, looking up to Heaven. Then she tenderly folded up this brave new harem girl outfit top and set it upon the ground for the culmination soon to come when all three gifts were open and ready for her to put all on.
Then the daughter of God took the second present. Its wrapping paper was green with parallel yellow stripes running throughout it. And its ribbon was green. And its bow was green. On this box was another German label, this one also reading, “Kleidung harem der Frau.” And on a string around this package was a card that read the German words, “Langer Rock,” Flaurie knew what these two German words meant. This translated into “Long skirt,” in English. “Is this a harem girl skirt, O good angel?” asked Flaurie with bated breath.
“Good and faithful Flaurie, open it up and see what it looks like,” said the griffin angel.
And that she did. Indeed it was a long harem girl skirt. She held it up before herself and her angel. It was all green throughout with three narrow bands of yellow running all around the bottom of the skirt. It was sheer and sexy. It would reach down to not far above her ankles. Its flow as she walked in it would surely be smooth. And its swishing as she walked in it would surely be like a song.
And its feel as she walked in it would surely be utmost feminine.
“Whoa! Where can a woman like myself go, dressed in this?” asked Flaurie. But she knew. And she answered most blissfully, “Anywhere that God wishes her to go.”
Then she tenderly folded up this harem girl skirt and set it upon the ground until the time came for her to finish opening her three presents. Then. Then she would put it all on at once.
And she took up the third box in her hands. Its wrapping paper was a lustrous medium blue all solid throughout. Its ribbon was medium blue. Its bow was medium blue. Again she saw a label with those four German words reading, “Kleidung harem der Frau.” This must mean exactly “Harem girl outfit” in English. And attached to a string around the box was a card reading in German, “Die Hose.”
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She did not know this German word. She thought upon what the third attire of this harem girl outfit must be to make it complete and proper for her. And she asked the griffin, “Does ‘Hose’ mean ‘pants?’”
And he said, “It does. In your case today, it can be called in German, ‘Haremshosen.’”
“Why, this must be a pair of harem girl pants then,” said Flaurie.
“For underneath your harem girl skirt, I do believe,” said the griffin sent by God.
“Positively sexy…and decent…for a Christian girl like myself,” said Flaurie.
And she most excitedly opened up this box of harem girl pants for her. They were all a medium blue top to bottom. And they were slightly diaphanous. And they were fitted at the bottoms of the pant legs, caught in at the ankles, as such pants were. She held up this third item of the four, and she said, “I never dared to put on anything like this before. Would it be okay with God for me to put this on for the rest of my life?”
“It is, O daughter of God. As long as you wear all three pieces together, you will be decent in the eyes of the holy God,” said the good angel.
In understanding, Flaurie said, “Wearing both the harem pants and the harem skirt together will effectively cover me where I need to be covered.”
“You will still be dressed modestly as a girl, O Flaurie,” said the gray griffin.
A silent moment passed by. And the daughter of God asked, “Is now a good time?”
And the gray griffin said, “Now is a good time.”
“Where is a good place to do it?” she asked, looking around upon mullein and little trees and grasshoppers and crickets.
And the gray griffin called upon God, and, behold, a large towering box elder suddenly appeared. “Lo, O Lord’s daughter, a big tree with a big trunk.”
Understanding her good angel once again, the daughter of God said, “I can go and change into
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this behind the tree, and no one will see me.” She held up her new outfit of her new life in indication.
“Go and do so, O daughter of the Most High God,” said the gray griffin. “And enjoy your life as a young woman as women can do best.”
In great magic of being fifteen years old, the daughter of God skipped delightfully over to the tree, her new menagerie held tightly against herself in both arms. And she disappeared behind the big trunk of God’s box elder tree. And she did her women’s business. When she was done, she looked upon herself before she presented herself to the good angel. The one artillery belt ran diagonally across her front from her uncovered right neckline to down across her green top and down across her bare belly to its left and unto the side of her left hip. Likewise the other artillery belt ran diagonally across her front from her uncovered left neckline to down across her green top and down across her bare belly along its right and unto the side of her right hip. She could feel the cold of the bullets resting upon her shoulders along the edges of her top on both sides of her neck and also upon her bare belly diagonally and also along her bare lower back diagonally. And she could see her two other ammunition belts, around her waist, hugging her just above her hips. The one ammunition belt she had on herself around herself just above the top of her skirt. That one felt cold all around her lower belly region and her lower back region and her two sides. The other ammunition belt that she wore she had on around herself right at the top of her skirt, her outfit’s fabric between her and her bullets. And her gun and its holster and its gun belt she wore just below her two aforementioned ammunition belts, the pistol and its holster along her right hand side.
And, as for the new harem girl outfit, Flaurie Alvers was in utterly ethereal reverie. It felt better than anything that she had ever felt before. It looked more stunning than anything that she had ever seen before. It smelled with a newness of a fabric that she had never before known about. It was so provocatively feminine that she felt her insides stimulated with urges that she dared tell no angel. And, having come from God, it fit her better than anything else had ever fitted her before. Where was such a
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garment like this all fifteen years of her life? Why had she ever worn anything else before? Why would she ever wear anything else again? Surely the daughter of God was never going to take this off.
And she would wear it for now on every day of life till God took her home by rapture or by death. Who knows, maybe she could wear this for the eternities of Heaven also! This was the most comfortable that Flaurie had felt with her body since she was born. And this comfort would never leave her. God gave it to her to enjoy and to feel feminine in it. Only God’s gift to her of everlasting life was a better gift for her than this gift that God gave her now.
The gray griffin, wondering what was taking the young woman so long, called forth, “Daughter of God, is all okay there behind the tree for you?”
And the daughter of God sang out, “I was looking at my harem girl outfit.”
“Do you like it?” asked the gray griffin.
“I love it,” she sang out.
“Come out from behind the tree, if you would, and show yourself to your good angel.” said the gray griffin.
And Flaurie Allyson Alvers came out from behind the tree, herself a brand new Christian woman, and she asked, “Gray griffin from our Heavenly Father, how do I look?”
And the gray griffin called forth, “I definitely approve, milady!”
“I look pretty to an angel?” she asked, duly flattered.
“You look pretty to this angel before you now, O daughter of God,” sincerely called forth the gray griffin.
“If I, as the new harem girl believer, can turn the heads of angels, surely I can come to turn the head of a handsome young Christian man someday,” said Flaurie.
“If your sexy harem girl outfit won’t do it, surely your stunning face shall, O daughter of God,” praised the good griffin Flaurie’s attraction.
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In thoughts of her heart, Flaurie, looking down, said dreamily, “I would never be lonely again.”
“Lonesomeness can be sad,” said the gray griffin.
“I feel comforted of God right now in this new outfit,” she said.
“God the Holy Spirit is called ‘the Comforter,’” said the gray griffin.
“This irresistible harem girl outfit,” she began, “what is it made of, O gray griffin from Christ?”
“It is made of the fabric called ‘charmeuse,’” said the gray griffin.
“Charmeuse!” said Flaurie. It had a sensual sound to it. She went on to say, “It sounds truly provocative.”
“It is the Lord’s gift to the Betrothed,” said the gray griffin.
“The Betrothed?” asked the lonely Christian woman. “Are you saying that that is myself?”
“Aye, my lady,” said the griffin prophet. “At a time to come.”
And the daughter of God could only wonder and marvel, and she said no more.
Then the gray griffin said, “I must now take you back home, O good and faithful Flaurie.”
“I am ready, O good gray griffin,” said Flaurie.
And he lowered his back, and she mounted him, and he lifted back up into the skies above the land of presents. And he took her across the seven continents and the seven seas back to Wisconsin. She remembered having left behind her old clothes of the day behind that big tree. And she laughed in mirth. Never more would she wear anything plain like those again. God gave her the best today.
“Thank You, Lord, for using me to win one hundred souls to Christ, and thank You, Lord, for giving me my harem girl outfit as a reward, and thank You, Lord, for this guy that the good griffin was hinting about who will love me in my harem girl outfit,” prayed the daughter of God.
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CHAPTER XVIII
In the skies above the Earth, Flanders and his Betrothed were riding their unicorns on their way to church. Tonight’s service was the mid-week service. “Wednesday Night Bible Study and Prayer Meeting, O Flanders,” said the Betrothed in gladness.
“My favorite of the four services each week,” said Flanders.
“Mine, too,” she said.
“The prayer meeting even more so than the Bible study, Flaurie,” said Flanders.
“Such Spirit of God is in our prayer groups, Flanders,” said the daughter of God.
“The men praying with the men, and the women praying with the women,” said Flanders.
“And the children praying with the children,” said Flaurie.
“As much as I love to hear the prayers, I love even more to say the prayer,” he said.
“As for myself, I love hearing the prayers even more than I love to pray the prayer,” she said.
“Is Emmy as good a prayer-warrior as she is a church clerk?” asked Flanders.
“Yes. She is. She is,” said the Betrothed. “She prays for us at church with the understanding in her heart of a woman who cares.”
“God must surely hear Emmy when she prays,” said Flanders.
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“She is the most compassionate prayer-warrior I know of,” said Flaurie. “How about Pastor and the men of the church? Is God in their prayers, too? I’d bet so.”
“Pastor prays as fervently as the best of them,” said the son of God. “He’s been doing that for a while, one can tell. And Deacon Gary is so personal with God that he can laugh with the Lord when he shares a ‘this-happened-to-me’ story with Him and with us in the prayer circle. And Deacon Todd can share anger and judgment and call for revenge in his prayers he is so honest with our Heavenly Father.”
“The secret to good prayer is simply just to talk with God,” said Flaurie.
“Yes, just chat with the Lord as you would your best friend,” agreed the son of God.
“Do you have your quiz verse memorized for the service tonight?” asked the Betrothed.
“I do. I memorized it lots,” he said,
“I am ready, too, to recite it,” she said.
And Flanders said, “’Alas for the day! For the day of the Lord is at hand, and as a destruction from the Almighty shall it come.’ Joel 1:15.”
“’Alas for the day! For the day of the Lord is at hand, and as a destruction from the Almighty shall it come.’ Joel 1:15,” recited Flaurie.
“You’ve got it,” said the son of God.
“You, as well,” said the Betrothed.
Bree then spoke up and said, “Master, you tell me that Pastor prays before he picks out the verse for his congregation to recite every Wednesday night.”
“Uh huh,” said the son of God.
“That he does,” said Flaurie.
Horn Of Plenty then spoke and said, “I sure hope that this week’s quiz verse is not prophetic.”
“Pastor is not a prophet,” said the daughter of God. “But God does bring to Pastor’s mind the quiz verse that God would want us to learn.”
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Bree then said, “Pastor is a good man of God.”
The son of God then said, “Pastor Integral also prays for what God would wish him to preach to us of the flock for every service of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church.”
“Four services per week. Four sermons per week,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“What do you think that Pastor will preach on tonight?” asked the daughter of God.
“No doubt it will be something that we will all need to hear,” said Flanders.
“Pastor preaches to please God. He does not preach to please us,” said Flaurie. “That’ s what makes our pastor the best pastor out there. Praise God for Pastor Integral.”
“Remember last week’s quiz verse, Flaurie?” asked Flanders.
“Yes. It was I Thessalonians 2:4,” replied the Betrothed.
“Do you remember how it goes?” asked the son of God.
“Uh huh,” she said, And she recited it: “But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts.”
“See. There. Just what we were saying,” said Flanders. “Pastor preaches to his flock only what God wants him to preach. That is why we are one of the last good churches out there these days.”
“In all of the bad churches out there, the ministers preach in order to make their flock happy. They preach good news only. They preach only sweet nothings. They do not preach the true Word of God. They do not preach the full Word of God,” said Flaurie.
Horn of Plenty spoke and said, “Like the Lutheran ministers out there, Mistress. They teach their people that they need to baptize their babies so that they can go to Heaven someday. They know that infant baptism is not in the Bible, and they know that all babies go to Heaven. But they still lie and baptize babies anyway, because it will make the parents happy.”
“They have no backbone. They are afraid to preach the truth, because someone might become offended and go and leave that church,” said the son of God.
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“And the Catholic church, too, Master,” said Bree. “Their foundation for truth is the rules set forth by the Vatican. To them truth is based upon the traditions of the Roman Catholic church. They do not know that truth is to be based upon the Holy Bible instead.”
“And not just any Holy Bible,” said Horn Of Plenty. “But only the Authorized King James Version Bible.”
“Yeah. Yeah,” concurred the daughter of God. “Well said, Horn Of Plenty. Well said, Bree.”
“I know of a customer who sees the human race differently from how we Christians see the human race,” said Flanders.
“We believers see mankind as either born again or not born again,” said Flaurie.
“Well this woman that I am talking about sees mankind as either Catholics or Protestants.” said the son of God.
“I think that I know where she’s going when she dies,” said Bree.
Flanders went on to say, “She is like the Catholic church’s greatest advocate. Too bad for her.”
Flaurie said, “Pastor always says, ‘Nobody who believes what the Catholic church says about salvation is going to Heaven,’”
“She even makes a distinction between what she calls ‘the Catholic Bible’ and ‘the Protestant Bible,’” said the son of God.
“Which ones does she say are which?” asked Horn Of Plenty.
“She calls the Douay Rheims Version the right Catholic Bible; and the King James Version the false Protestant Bible,” said the son of God.
“Satan is the author of confusion,” said the Betrothed.
“Many people who go to Hell are sincere in their beliefs, but they are sincerely wrong,” said Flanders.
“Like Taliban and Al-qaeda,” said Horn Of Plenty.
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“Like Lutherans and Catholics,” said Bree.
“Like lost Protestants in their many denominations,” said the daughter of God.
“Like even Baptists who never prayed and accepted Jesus as Saviour,” said Flanders.
“Pastor says that only two percent of the world’s population are truly born again,” said the Betrothed.
“That’s only two out of every hundred, Mistress,” said Horn Of Plenty. “One out of every fifty.”
“That means that ninety-eight percent of the world’s population are lost and going to Hell,” said Bree. “That means ninety-eight out of every one hundred. And that means forty-nine out of every fifty.”
“Do you guys know how Matthew 7:13-14 goes?” asked the daughter of God.
Flanders spoke and recited these two verses: “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”
“Do you think that that might have been some of the quiz verses that Pastor had for you people to memorize at one time, Master?” asked Bree.
“I cannot remember,” said the son of God.
“I can’t remember, either,” said Flaurie.
“Mistress, you and Flanders memorize lots of verses on your own that are not the quiz verses of the week,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“The both of you spend almost as much time memorizing Scripture as you do reading and underlining Scripture,” said Bree.
“I eat the Word of God thereby, Horn Of Plenty,” said the daughter of God.
“And I drink the Word of God the same way,” said Flanders. “Bible reading and Bible
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memorizing.”
“We’re almost there, my Mistress,” said Horn Of Plenty.
“The church is just up ahead, Master,” said Bree.
And they were here at Alpha and Omega Baptist Church to enjoy another Wednesday Night Bible Study and Prayer Meeting with their fellow born again believers.
But what they saw was far from a good time at the Baptist church again.
The daughter of God gasped and cried out in prayer, “God help us!”
Mortified, Flanders called out, “Woe unto us!”
Behold, Pastor standing out in front of the church, defending this holy refuge with a large apple tree branch in both arms and swinging it about like a club. And before the pastor, ready for attack, was a massive army of sorrel griffins the numbers of which Flanders and Flaurie had never seen before in one battle. It was as if Hell had been emptied out and been dispatched right here.
“There must be at least two dozen of them down there, Flanders,” gasped Flaurie.
“I count twenty-four of them,” said the son of God.
Still up in the air, Flanders and Flaurie paused to pray. Lo, the great phalanx of sorrel griffins, upon seeing the Lord’s army of four coming on the scene, now began to mass their very many troops for a siege upon the fundamentalist Baptist church building. A captain of five griffins and his five griffins massed themselves along the east side of the church. A captain of five griffins and his five griffins massed themselves along the south side of the church. A captain of five griffins and his five griffins massed themselves along the west side of the church. And a captain of five griffins and his five griffins massed themselves along the north side of the church.
From above, sitting upon Bree’s unicorn back, Flanders called down to them in the exigency of the moment, “Dirty rotten griffins, come up here and fight with someone your own size!”
One of the captains said to the son of God, “Come down here and say that to us.”
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Another of the captains said back to Flanders, “We have work to do down here, Our job is to raze the church. If you care for your life, do not keep us from our work.”
A third captain went and told Flanders, “I am hungry and desire for dinner today two-by-fours and nails and shingles and windows. For dessert I shall devour pews.”
A fourth captain said in mock of Flanders and his comrades, “My business here is church-wrecking; my pleasure today is Christian-slaying. As the saying goes, ‘Business before pleasure.’ Do not come down from the sky right now.”
Enraged, the daughter of God spoke and told them, “Go to the Devil, you demons! All of you!”
The son of God held up his hand to her and bade her to not speak in the heat of the moment. He found a battle strategy to implement right now.
Ready for a fight and provoked beyond their patience, the four captains of five, without their five, lifted up into the air to meet the four Christian soldiers in battle above the ground. Without their captains telling them what to do, the twenty other evil griffins hesitated and did not go now to break down the Baptist Church. Nor did they yet go after the Pastor in his brave stand for God with his apple tree branch. They felt it incumbent upon themselves to wait until their captains told them to attack.
Flanders swung his Gilded Saber and cut off the two front eagle legs of the one assaulting captain with two strokes. Flaurie fired her pistol and shot another assaulting captain in the chest. Bree thrust her unicorn horn forward and impaled another attacking captain in his midriff. Horn Of Plenty swiped his great unicorn horn left to right and severed the head from the neck of another attacking captain. Lo, four griffin captains at once fell to the ground, slain in battle.
Though four of the evil griffins fell in battle so very quickly, the twenty other griffins neither
flinched nor failed in their inherent courage as sorrel griffins. But they felt a sense of duty to their fallen captains to elect new captains to rule over them and to resume today’s battle.
Among the five griffins along the north of the church, their strongest said to the other four here,
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“Let me be your captain, and we shall plunder and pillage.” They all nodded their heads at once.
Along the east wall of the church, the strongest of the five griffins here said to the other four with him, “Let me be your new captain, and we shall take down and take away.” They all nodded their heads in assent.
Along the south wall of the church, the biggest of the five griffins said to the other four with him on this side, “Elect me as your new captain, and we shall spoil and ravage.” They all nodded their eagle heads in an “Aye.”
And as for the five griffins along the west wall, their biggest said to the other four, “Vote for me as your captain now, and we shall destroy and destruct.” All nodded their heads and cheered.
The four fallen captains of five were thus replaced by four new captains of four. The remaining sorrel griffins now awaited their four captains to say, “Attack the church!”
And the son of God knew that once these griffins did so, the four Christian soldiers would not be able to stop them in their very great numbers and their very great bulk.
And Flanders, with a battle tactic coming to him now from his much experience of fighting devils, called out to them from the sky, “Cowards, all of you, who wish to attack a building that cannot fight back. Come up here to me and fight someone that can fight back.”
“That’s enough from you, O son of God,” called up one of the new captains.
“I’ll get you for that, O soldier of Christ,” said another of the new captains.
“I’ll show you a thing about cowardice for saying that, Flanders of Wisconsin,” said another new captain.
“I will see you eat your words, O Christian warrior,” said another new captain.
And just as the son of God had hoped when he went ahead with this impromptu strategy, the four captains of four, each leaving their four griffins behind, ascended into the air to go get Flanders and his three comrades.
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The son of God ran his Gilded Saber through the lion belly of the one captain. The daughter of God fired her pistol and shot in the lower neck another captain. Bree swung her unicorn horn right to left and severed a back left lion leg from the hip of another captain. And Horn Of Plenty brought down his unicorn horn from above and tore open the eagle face of another captain. Lo, these four captains of four fell down to the ground, all slain in battle thus.
Now there remained but sixteen sorrel griffins. And truly this army of griffins fought battle unlike any other sorrel griffin army that Flanders had ever faced before. This bunch of griffins were uncharacteristically formal and most dutiful to ceremony. And with this army’s downright weird rules of battle among the usually quick and efficacious sorrel griffin armies sent by the Devil, Flanders had found the weakness of this biggest griffin force he had ever seen. This bunch fought too formally.
And he waited patiently for their self-destruction. And he fought this battle with God on his side again. And he waxed confident. So, too, did Flaurie and Bree and Horn Of Plenty as they saw his faith in God in his countenance.
Becoming predictable in today’s battle, the four groups of four griffins each, went on to nominate and to elect and to inaugurate four new captains of three.
The first captain of three gave commandments, “Raze the church!”
“Chicken!” called down Flanders.
The first captain of three changed his mind and commanded his three griffins instead, “Belay that order!” And at once he ascended to get even with Flanders for having called him that. His three griffins did not go ahead right now to raze the church.
The second captain of three griffins gave his commandments, “Ruin the church!”
“You’re not sorrel. You’re yellow!” taunted the son of God.
And the second captain of three lost his focus, and he said to his three griffins about his command, “Never mind that right now.” And this captain left his three behind, and he flew up to
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go get Flanders, who mocked his griffin hood. His three griffins could do nothing right now about ruining Alpha and Omega Baptist Church until further orders.
The third captain of three then commanded his three griffins, “Wreck the church!”
Flanders called down to him, “Scaredy cat!”
That provoked this captain to lose his composure in battle. He went on to command his three griffins, “Halt!” This command told the three to not wreck the church. So they did not wreck the church quite yet. And right away this third captain of three flew away from his three to get revenge upon this taunting man of God.
And the fourth captain of three in like, gave the same command, saying to his three sorrel griffins, “Devastate the church!”
“Fraidy-cat!” ridiculed Flanders this fourth captain from above.
Insulted by the worst thing to call a sorrel griffin, this fourth captain of three griffins gave a reverse-command, saying to his three griffins, “Wait!” His three griffins had to wait. And they could not devastate this church of God. And, of course, he flew up into the sky above the church to attack the clever and wise son of God.
Flanders, his Gilded Saber in both hands, swung from above his head downward upon the one captain of three. And he struck down upon the lion back of this griffin captain. The daughter of God aimed her pistol and fired and shot another griffin captain in the lion belly. Bree struck outward with her two fore hooves and struck the upper ribs of the lion chest of another griffin captain. And Horn Of Plenty struck out his right fore hoof and struck the little eagle head of another griffin captain.
Behold, four more griffins fell in battle down to the ground right in front of the church. These avenging captains of three all perished in battle. Now only twelve griffins remained.
And, in a vicious circle, they all appointed four new captains, these griffins being now captains of two. Again, the griffin troops awaited their captains of two to give the orders to break down the
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good Baptist church of God. And again the proud sorrel griffins were provoked to turn their attention away from the house of God and up to the Christian soldiers up above. And the four captains of two ascended into the air to get the two Christians and their pet unicorns. And this time the son of God hacked up two of the griffins unto their demise with his Gilded Saber.. And this time the daughter of God shot down two of them out of the air with her pistol. And these four captains of two fell dead in battle. Now only eight sorrel griffins remained.
And they elected four captains of one. Now there were four captains of one and their one. And without taking heed to what was happening in this battle, the four captains at once lifted up into the sky to go after the four Christian warriors without thinking. And of course they fell in battle. Flanders, still riding his Bree who was hovering in the air, slashed up with his Gilded Saber two of these sorrel griffins into carcasses. And Flaurie, still on the back of Horn Of Plenty, hovering above the church, shot down the other two griffins with her gun. These four captains of one fell dead to the ground in battle. Now only four griffins remained.
These four had nothing keeping them from appointing themselves to the rank of captain. And they became captains. Pastor was still down there in front of the entrance with his apple tree branch swinging around. Emmy, following God’s still small voice that told her that it was safe for her to come out of the church now, was now at Pastor’s side, her Holy Bible raised up in victory. Now Deacon Todd and his family and Deacon Gary and his family were arriving at church for tonight’s Wednesday Night Bible Study and Prayer Meeting. The four last griffins were still at their stations, one griffin along each side of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church.
One captain said, “I shall knock down this east wall.”
Another captain said, “I shall knock over this south wall.”
Another captain said, “I shall knock asunder this west wall.”
And another captain said, “I shall knock aside this north wall.”
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Playing his ploy once again with the sorrel griffins, Flanders said, “Knock me down instead.”
Following through with this strategy, Flaurie went on to say, “Knock me over first.”
In like, Bree said “No. Knock me asunder, if you can.”
And in finish, Horn Of Plenty said, “Try knocking me aside, if you dare.”
But this time the four sorrel griffins turned their backs on the four Christian warriors in the air, and they turned to the four walls of the Baptist church. These four last evil griffins were not falling for Flanders’s tricks. This time Alpha and Omega Baptist Church was in very real danger of dissolution.
With all due command, Flanders said to his troops, “Descend and charge and assault!”
The one griffin swung his eagle leg in a horizontal swing across the east wall of the church and broke down a whole section of boards. Another griffin swiped his lion paw downward upon the south wall and broke up a window into pieces. Another griffin jabbed his eagle beak into the west wall and broke up dozens of bricks right out of the wall. And another griffin tossed Pastor aside with his one eagle claw and knocked hard on the north wall with his other eagle claw and knocked down the front door of the church right into the foyer.
The son of God and his she-unicorn and the daughter of God and her he-unicorn descended down upon the four ravagers. Flanders picked one griffin to go get. And Flaurie picked another griffin to go get. And Bree picked out her griffin to go get. And Horn Of Plenty picked out his griffin to go get. And in this way the battle came to its conclusion here along the exterior perimeter of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church. The Christian soldiers decimated the devil’s soldiers. And the four last sorrel griffins fell in battle. The twenty-four griffins were now all gone. And none of the great evil griffin army remained alive.
Emmy was the first one at Pastor Integral’s side where he sat sprawled in an awkward position.
She called out, “Pastor’s hurt.”
Flanders and Flaurie were the next ones to arrive to be with the wounded Pastor. The man of
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God said, “I think my ankle is broke.”
Then Deacon Todd and Deacon Gary were right there to be with their dear pastor.
Soon others of the flock began to arrive for the midweek service. They were shocked to see what had happened tonight in this period before the church service was to begin. Their church was damaged quite much for its first time. And their beloved pastor was wounded for his first time. And never before had there been so many dead evil griffins lying around on this church property before.
And the less spiritual of them could find nothing to say. And the more spiritual of them sought to comfort the less spiritual of them.
Deacon Todd surveyed the battle field, knelt down beside the wounded pastor, and asked, “Should we cancel the service tonight, Pastor? Could I take you to the hospital?”
Brother Gary saw the pain in Pastor’s face, and he knelt down beside the fallen pastor, and said, “Pastor, you need to get better. Would you like us deacons to fill the pulpit for you tonight?”
Like a Christian soldier, Pastor Integral said, “The midweek service will not be canceled tonight. We will still have Wednesday Night Bible Study and Prayer Meeting.”
In full understanding of Pastor’s thinking, the son of God said, “We can carry you to the pulpit, Pastor. And we can set up a chair and a little table for you up on the dais. And you can sit and preach and rest your broken ankle, and we can still worship God tonight at Alpha and Omega Baptist Church.”
“I would like that very much,” said Pastor in acknowledgment.
And Flaurie said, “Don’t put any weight on that foot, Pastor.”
And the three main men of the church helped their selfless pastor into the church and up to the dais and set up his place to preach and elevated his wounded ankle where he sat.
“Thank you,” said the minister. “Thank you all.”
And this gave courage and encouragement to all of the flock. And Pastor went on to give a short message to his grateful and good flock in a church building that was broken up along its four
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walls. And the midweek service began:
Pastor preached, “What were the Heavenly hosts of angels like in the time of creation? We of the twenty-first century only know about the angels of the Earth of these days. We know of the sorrel griffins, who are the evil angels. And we know of the gray griffins, who are the good angels. But at one time all the angels were spotted and speckled griffins. All of the angels of creation were created as good angels. And these good angels were all spotted and speckled. God’s most perfect spotted and speckled griffin was named ‘Lucifer.’ He was the greatest and the wisest and the strongest and the most beautiful of all the spotted and speckled griffins of creation. The Bible tells us about him in Ezekiel 28:12-15. Let me read that to you now, if you would.” And Pastor Integral read out loud to his flock this description of Lucifer: “’…, Thus saith the Lord God; Thou sealest up the sum, full of wisdom, and perfect in beauty. Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God; every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold: the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou wast created. Thou art the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou wast upon the holy mountain of God; thou hast walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire. Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the day that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee.’ Behold, the great fall of Lucifer. His angel’s heart discovered pride. His angel’s heart grabbed a hold of pride. His angel’s heart filled up with pride. And his angel’s heart rebelled in pride against God. What was this pride that brought him down? It was the desire to be worshipped above God Almighty Himself. He had become jealous of the Lord. He wanted to be number one in Heaven and in Earth. He went ahead and made a rebellion against the Heavenly Father. He wanted to conquer Jehovah. And this spotted and speckled griffin convinced other spotted and speckled griffins to join him in his rebellion. These on Lucifer’s side were one-third of the whole host of all the angels. These God did strike with an omnipotent smiting, and He spoke His Word, and he turned them into sorrel
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griffins. These were the fallen angels. Thus the sorrel griffins we saw today who assaulted our church and our four protectors this evening thousands of years later. Two-thirds of the spotted and speckled griffins refused to join Lucifer and his cause against God. These were the good angels. And the two good angels that we know about in the Bible are Michael and Gabriel. God thereby spoke His Word, and all the hosts of these good spotted and speckled griffins became gray griffins. Thus the hope of mankind in his groaning and travail in an Earth filled with demons sent by the Devil here in the beginning of the third millennium A.D. We in Christianity today in America and throughout the world foresee a day when God sends his gray griffins to go and defeat the sorrel griffins for ever and ever. God will have the victory over the Devil in His time and in His way. Good shall defeat evil. Jesus will come and set up his Thousand-Year Reign. And Satan will be cast down into the bottomless pit for ever and ever. And the sorrel griffins will be no more in our world. And peace and love and joy will be everywhere for everlasting. That is the future for all born-again believers. Take heart, child of God. Things get better when Jesus comes.”
Then Pastor halted his words of sermon. He was weak and hurting. Emmy came up to his side upon the dais. He said to his wife, “I cannot go on.” And Emmy looked to Flanders.
And Flanders stood up in the auditorium and said, “Pastor is exhausted. He needs to rest. I recommend that we close Wednesday Night Bible Study and Prayer Meeting a little early this night.”
And the two deacons nodded their heads in agreement.
Flaurie came up to Flanders and spoke into his ear a recommendation. And he nodded his head in definitive assent. And the son of God said, “I have been reminded of the damage done tonight to the church building. I recommend an impromptu business meeting right now to discuss this.”
And Deacon Todd and Deacon Gary conducted a necessary spontaneous business meeting. And plans were made to do the necessary repairs to the four walls of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church and to clean up the church yard from twenty-four griffin carcasses all lying around. As this was going on,
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Emmy and the daughter of God took Pastor to the clinic so that he could get better. And Jesus was glorified thereby.
And everything got fixed up and cleaned up, and the pastor got well again.
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CHAPTER XIX
Flanders Nickels woke up in bed, Flaurie beside him, asleep. He thought that he heard a sound.
He listened, but could not discern what this sound could have been. It struck him as being a sound unlike any sound he heard before. He would not wake up his Betrothed. He listened hard. But it was hard to tell. It was coming from a place far away from this bedroom. It was coming from outside the castle somewhere. It was out in the thousand acres somewhere in the dark. He looked at his battery clock. It was too dark to see the time on the clock face. He then pushed the button on the back of his clock, and the tiny light upon the face of this clock lit up its face. The time was twelve o’clock midnight. He let go of the button, and the clock face went dark again. He listened. It was a most pleasant sound. It was beckoning him to go and find it. To find it he would have to go outside.
He hesitated. He strained his ears in this dark bedroom. It sounded like a song. It was a singer who was summoning him. And it had a supernatural resonance to it. He looked upon his dear Betrothed, lying in bed beside him. He listened to the song coming from afar. And he pondered. Was this the
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the last day he would see Flaurie? He prayed in careful silent thoughts, God, what will become of her? The song was eerie, personal, romantic. He got out of bed. He got dressed. He looked upon Flaurie for maybe his last time. And he left their bedroom, himself moved by a force of great love.
And he went down to the courtyard and stood alone in the night. The night was warm, with a nice breeze, and lit up with a full moon in a cloudless dark sky. The song he heard inside the castle he now heard more clearly outside the castle. It was a song about shadows in the moonlight. He had to go there. Something idyllic was awaiting him. Before he left the courtyard, he went to Bree’s stable. And he looked in upon her. She was on her side, upon a bed of much loose straw, her unicorn eyes closed in sleep, and her great wings all furled up where she lay. Was this the last time that he would see her? Who was singing this powerful song? What did this song mean? What could make him maybe go and leave his stunning Betrothed and his family and not come back? Yet it seemed the thing he had to do in this strange bright night. He then went over to Horn Of Plenty’s stable. And he looked in upon him. He was sleeping upon his bales of hay, resting upon his stomach, his great horn spread out from his head among the bales. Was Flanders never again to see Horn Of Plenty after this night? Was he going to be taken to Heaven? Was he going to run away to another place? Who was this singer who was calling for him under the moonlight from somewhere out in the thousand acres? He had to go and look for this maker of this song. He then left the courtyard, and pursued this magic out into the wild countryside. Was he not to come back to the Antediluvian Castle? Was there a better place for him than this great castle? Was he leaving his Betrothed? In a spell, Flanders Nickels began to walk toward this song out in the wilderness. And the song became clearer to him as he drew ever closer to its mystical singer. It was a woman who was singing for him out there. And he heard words of song being sung by this woman: He heard odes of “shadows in the moonlight,” odes of “getting together after midnight,” odes of “dancing hand-in-hand,” odes of “dancing through the Milky Way.” odes of “finding a hideaway,” odes of “loving away the whole night till day’s light,” odes of “the night being
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young and so were they,” odes of her “making him glad that he came,” odes of him “not having to bring anything, but just to bring his love, and she would bring her love for him,” and more odes of “he and she being shadows in the moonlight.”
And the son of God knew who was out there under the moonlight singing for him. This was Anne Murray’s song. And Carol Bree Dale was singing this song for him. And she had now come for him in all of her inimitable feminine beauty to have him to run away with her to Paradise. He now knew what this compelling force was that so gripped him so romantically like this. It was the wheat germ girl in her very person now on his property tempting him to leave his beloved Betrothed. He had already repented of his menagerie of Carol Dale. He had already repented of his dream Carol Dale of that vision in his nap. He must now repent of the real Carol Dale as she really was who was singing of her love for him out in the wild countryside of Wisconsin of midnight, whom he saw not yet. Like the rock of Christ that the famous son of God was in his life since salvation, Flanders Nickels went on to say to himself, “It is written, ‘Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to
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speak.’ Ephesians 6:10-20.”
Jesus looked down from Heaven. He heard the son of God. He saw the son of God. He knew the heart of the son of God. He saw Flanders’s complete repentance of all that was once the first love of Flanders as he now saw her to be hidden by a patch of wilderness. And Christ was glad. But Christ had to test Flanders with a test that only the Saviour would have thought of. God knew the one thing about this once irresistible woman right now that Flanders Nickels did not know. How would Flanders respond? What would he do? Would he do the Lord’s will once he would find out about the truth of the contemporary wheat germ girl? What would the son of God do for the soul of his first love were he to see her now?
Carol stopped singing.
Still believing this nearby and concealed Carol Dale as the beautiful blonde home wrecker and carried by his fervid fever of his passions for fidelity to Flaurie, Flanders prayed, “Lord, curse this Carol with doom!”
From the other side of the shrubs, a woman cried out, “I don’t want to go to Hell!”
And the Saviour was not glad.
Flanders stayed here and did not take one step toward the broken-hearted woman who had just cried out. Flanders most gloriously and sincerely and resolutely made his stand to be true to his Betrothed given him by the Lord. Her harem girl outfit was more enthralling than any other outfit worn by any other girl—even far more enticing than the outfit worn by the wheat germ girl in that ad of whom he had made an idol. His Betrothed had the Holy Spirit indwelling her, because she was a born-again Christian like himself. That, in itself, made her inside more beautiful than the inside of any dream girl who was not a Christian. And His Betrothed had a stunning countenance that was enhanced with features that truly seemed out of this world—all the which made her to him “his last love.” And yes, the son of God did love his last love more than he loved his first love. No girl offering a Paradise
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would steal him away from the daughter of God and their Antediluvian Castle.
Just then a woman in blue jeans and long-sleeved blue chambray work shirt came out into the clearing where he was standing. She stood there before him, both of them shadows in the moonlight.
And she called out, “Flanders?”
“Yes,” he said, shocked at what he was seeing. “Carol?”
“Yes,” said Carol Bree Dale.
The wheat germ girl was now an old woman.
He stammered with his words to this woman, “I thought that…I see now that…I do not…”
She most articulately finished his three sentence fragments, “You thought that I was young. You see now that I am old. You do not recognize me.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
She knew that he was sorry not just for having said what he had just said, but also that he was sorry for himself upon what she was now in her older years.
She said, “Even us models have to age and lose our looks.”
He turned away from a most plain woman.
She said to him, “I’ve been carrying a torch for you ever since I saw your famous wedding with Flaurie on TV.”
He sighed. And he confessed, “Carol, Carol, I’ve been carrying a torch for you for what seems all of my life.”
“You have?” asked the old wheat germ girl model.
“Ever since I first found you in that Reader’s Digest, Carol,” he said.
“How the great son of God honors a simple farm woman like myself,” said Miss Dale.
“You are a farm woman?” he asked, greatly impressed with this first revelation of the real woman who was once his dream girl.
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“Uh huh, sir,” she said.
“What do you do as a farmer?” he asked.
“I milk cows. I bale hay. I grow field corn,” said Carol.
“You do all that?” he asked.
“I am a simple country woman,” she said. “I work long hours and I make an honest day’s living.”
“That is the first real thing that I ever knew about you,” he said.
“I do seem to have impressed the great son of God,” she said.
“The years. The years,” he said in reality. How the years had taken away her greatness as the one-time world’s most beautiful woman.
“You did not know, Flanders. Did you?” she asked.
“How did it happen?” he asked.
In great understanding and patience, Carol said, “Flanders, do you know how long ago I posed for that ad?”
“I thought that it was just a few years ago,” he said.
“It was a long time ago,” she said. “How I wish I were young again, so that we could talk like I wish we could.”
“But I saw that ad just a few years ago, Carol,” he said.
“Didn’t you go and check out the date of that Reader’s Digest?” asked the wheat germ girl.
“No, Carol. I never did,” he said.
“There were two of them, and they were both identical,” she said. “But I saw that the earlier one was a little darker than the later one.”
“There were two wheat germ ads in the Reader’s Digests with you in them?” he asked.
“Uh huh,” she said. “Both the same.”
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He paused, took a breath, and asked the big question, “What issue was the later ad in?”
“The February 1973 Reader’s Digest,” she said.
Then he asked, “What issue was the earlier ad in?”
“The December 1972 Reader’s Digest,” she said.
They were both from several decades back in time.
“Oy yea,” he gasped in stark cruel reality.
“I’m sorry, Flanders,” said Carol Dale.
“I’m sorry for my disappointment. I’m wrong about this,” said Flanders.
“I’m not a dream girl anymore,” she said. “Am I?”
He turned away from a mortal average woman. And he did not answer her for kindness’s sake.
“Please, sir, O Flanders, do not look away from me,” entreated Carol Dale.
Even this moonlight could not hide her old age. He forced himself and turned back to her.
She said, “You are still a young vibrant man with all the fame of the son of God. And you are still the most handsome man I have ever seen. But I see now what I had refused to see when I fell head-over-heels for you.”
A silent moment went by, and Flanders asked her, “Carol, what do you see that you had refused to see when you fell in love with me?”
And Carol Dale said, “That you belong to the daughter of God.”
“She is my beloved Betrothed,” said Flanders.
“She is a good and holy woman,” she praised Flaurie.
“I am not worthy of her,” said the son of God in humbleness.
“Few women are worthy of you,” said Carol. “I am not one of them.”
“Is there a man in your life who’s kind to you?” asked Flanders. “A man who treats the wheat germ girl like a lady?”
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“Like a boyfriend or a husband?” she asked.
“A man that would be lucky to have you at his side,” said Flanders.
“I am a Miss Dale, and I am not a Mrs. Dale,” she did say. “I have even unto this day found neither boyfriend nor husband.”
“I’m sad to find that out,” he said.
“I have ‘all of the bunch’ on the farm, all of us still living and working together to make the farm a successful business. I have three big brothers and three little sisters. And we take care of Mom and Dad in their own guesthouse that we built for them next to our big mansion,” said Carol.
“You sound lonely, nonetheless,” he said.
“I am lonesome without a boyfriend,” she said. “How could you tell?”
“I heard it in your voice,” he said.
“If only I had a boyfriend. Then I would be happy,” she said.
Then the Holy Spirit spoke His still small voice into the heart of the son of God, and Flanders said, “Carol, only Jesus can make a woman or a man happy in this life.”
“I am unhappy in my life now,” she said.
“Were you truly happy in your life before now, Carol?” he asked.
She did not need to think long, before she said, “I have been unhappy all of my life.”
“Neither boyfriend nor fiancé nor husband can make a woman happy in her life, O Carol,” he declared in good spiritual truth.
“All the world knows about the Jesus for Whom you fight griffins, Flanders,” said the old wheat germ girl.
“Only Jesus satisfies,” he told her.
“I don’t know the Lord Jesus like you know the Lord Jesus, Flanders,” said Miss Dale.
“You need to,” he said.
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“Are you saying that Christ is the answer to what I have been looking for all of my life?” she asked.
In a revelation, he found himself saying, “My dream girl is not saved.”
“What’s that, Flanders?” she asked.
“I was saying to myself that my old dream girl is lost,” he said to her.
“Is that a bad thing for me?” she asked.
“Carol, Hell is too dreadful a place for me to let you go down there,” he said to her in Christian compassion and in remembrances of the Carol he had believed in.
She cried out again, “I don’t want to go to Hell, Flanders.”
“I will not let you go down there,” he said. “We shall see tonight how great things that God will do for you here in the moonlight.”
“Will you tell me all about the Saviour of the world and get me saved, Flanders, as you have hundreds of others?” the former wheat germ girl asked.
“God will not let you slip away from His so great salvation if I have anything to do with it, Carol,” promised the son of God.
“What do I need to do to get saved, Flanders?” she asked.
He said, “All I ask of you for your eternal soul, dear Carol, is to hear me out as I share with you nine Scripture verses and to believe them and to pray.”
“I’ll do that, Flanders,” she said.
“Will you believe?” he asked.
“I believe all that the son of God has to tell me about his Saviour,” promised Carol.
“We Christians call these nine verses, ‘The Romans’ Road,’” he told her.
“Do let an old dream girl hear this Romans’ Road,” she said.
“Will you pray?” he asked her.
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“This wicked woman will pray,” she said repentantly.
And he began, “It is written first, ‘As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:’ Romans 3:10.”
“I believe,” she confessed.
He then went on to say, “It is written second, ‘For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;’ Romans 3:23.”
“I believe,” she confessed.
He then said to her, “It is written third, ‘But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.’ Romans 5:8.”
“I believe,” she confessed.
Next he said, “It is written fourth, ‘Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.’ Romans 5:9.”
“I believe,” she confessed.
He said next, “It is written fifth, ‘Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:’ Romans 5:12.”
“I believe,” she confessed.
Then he said to her, “It is written sixth, ‘For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.’ Romans 6:23.”
“I believe,” she confessed.
Then he said, “It is written seventh, ‘That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.’ Romans 10:9.”
“I believe,” she confessed.
And he said, “It is written eighth, ‘For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and
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with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.’ Romans 10:10.”
“I believe,” she confessed.
He lastly said, “It is written ninth, ‘For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.’ Romans 10:13.”
“I believe,” she confessed.
“Do you also understand, Carol?” he asked after having recited these nine Bible verses to her.
“I understand, and I believe now,” said Miss Dale.
“Would you like to get saved now?” he asked.
That seven-word question: “Would you like to get saved now?” He had asked this question hundreds of times of his mentors who listened to him witness of his Christ one-on-one. And there were those who had replied, “Yes.” And there were those who had replied, “No.” He had pronounced this seven-word question, his, “Gilded Question.” It had more value than gold. A man’s or a woman’s soul was worth more than all of the wealth of the world. A “yes,” to his Gilded Question always led to the salvation of that soul through praying the sinner’s prayer. A “no,” to his Gilded Question always led to the rejection of salvation through refusing praying the sinner’s prayer. But never before had he asked this Gilded Question of such a personage as Carol Bree Dale. What would she say? What would she think? What would she do? He would find out right away.
The woman here in the night light answered and said, “I would like to get saved now.”
“I would like to get saved now.” She said it. It was truly a Gilded Answer. It was the seven-word Gilded Answer. Carol said in essence, “Yes.” It was time now to go to work for God as the soul-winner that all the world knew about in the son of God.
“Just repeat after me these words of prayer as I say them, Carol, as I lead you line-by-line,” he said. “And when we are done praying, you will be a born-again Christian.”
“Okay, Flanders,” said the sincere wheat germ model of years ago.
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They together sat down facing each other in the little clearing here directly under the light of the full moon. He began the sinner’s prayer for her: “Dear Father, Who art in Heaven:
She repeated, “Dear Father, Who art in Heaven:”
“I have sin in my life,” he led her further into this prayer.
She said instead, “Flanders, is it wrong for a woman to pray her own words in a kind of prayer like this?”
He said in compassion, “It is not wrong for a woman to pray her own words in the sinner’s prayer, O Carol.”
“I know all about my sin and my need for the Saviour to take away my sin. And right now I need to tell Jesus all about it in my words, if I could, Flanders,” said Carol.
“I shall sit here and hear you pray your prayer then, good Carol,” he said. And he ceased leading her through a sample sinner’s prayer to let her pray her own specific and spontaneous sinner’s prayer right from all of her heart.
She began the cry of a repentant woman’s heart unto her own so great and true conversion: “Dear God Up in Heaven far away: I come praying to You for my very first time. If You would, hear me out as I pray. What I am before You now is a dirty and unclean woman full of filthy rags in her soul. I have been sinning for over seventy years of life so far, and there will probably be more sinning in my years to come in this life down here for me. Can any one forgive me for all the wrong that I have done? Indeed only You the God of forgiveness can do such a thing for me. Only You can clean me up.
Please clean me up. I need to repent. Please help me to repent. Just think upon what I had thought to do today, O Lord: I thought to come between the son of God and the daughter of God on a venture to run away with Flanders Nickels here as two shadows in the moonlight. But he proved mighty and true to Flaurie his Betrothed. As he had rejected me as the old woman I am now, he would have rejected me here even as the young woman I used to be. I pray Flanders does not contemn me for so brazen a
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deed.”
She continued her sinner’s prayer: “I know that it is for such things as this done by such people like myself for which Your Son came down to Earth to live as the only sinless man in history. Jesus came to die for my sins. He came to die for everybody’s sins. He lived the only sinless life ever lived by any among all of His own creation. That made His blood to be perfect blood. And only perfect blood can take away the sins of mankind and womankind and child kind. And Jesus shed His sinless blood on the cross of Calvary. They drove His hands into the crossbar of the cross with big metal spikes. They drove His feet into the vertical of the cross with big metal spikes. Jesus suffered like no man ever suffered there on the old rugged cross. And He did that for me. And He did that for everybody else, too. He did that with the perfect love that only He could have in His divine heart. And in the end, the Good Lord died there.”
She resumed her sinner’s prayer: “But even death itself could not keep Christ down. On the third day, he rose again from the grave. It is what Easter is all about here on Earth two thousand years later. As Christians say, ‘Christ arose!’ He was alive once again. A dead God cannot save anyone. But a living God can save everyone. I heard that this miracle is called ‘the resurrection.’ Truly what historical fact is as great as the resurrection of Christ Jesus? The earliest indications of this resurrection were seen by the visitors to his burial cave who could see that this burial cave was empty. The later indications of this resurrection were seen by the witnesses to whom the living Christ presented Himself in His glorified physical Presence. And His last indication of His resurrection was the Ascension on the fortieth day.”
Then she went on to finish her most lengthy and honest sinner’s prayer thus: “I do not want to go down to Hell to burn in fires forever. I want to go up to Heaven to rejoice in peace forever. That is why I am praying my first prayer right now with the son of God here with me, O Lord Jesus. I am asking You to save my soul, and I know by faith that You can save my soul. Only You can save lost
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souls out there. That is a promise from the Holy Bible. You are called ‘the Saviour of the world.’ I ask You now, if You would, to now become my own personal Saviour. Give me this eternal life. Give me this everlasting life. Give me a place in Heaven to come. Give me this so great salvation for ever and ever. Give me a mansion in Glory.”
She then concluded her sinner’s prayer with the right closing to all prayer, saying, “In Jesus’s name I pray. Amen.”
The son of God and the former dream girl looked up from their prayer. “How did I do, Flanders?” asked the wheat germ model.
“It was the longest sinner’s prayer that I have ever heard in all of my years of winning souls for Christ, but it was the sinner’s prayer that Jesus surely heard the best of all of them that I have ever been a part of as a witness-warrior,” he did say to her.
“I’m saved,” she said, standing up and spreading her arms outward and spinning in place in new-found joy.
“You have become a born-again believer, Carol,” he did declare to her. And he got to his feet.
“Myself, a born-again Christian,” she said in enlightenment. “Thank you, Flanders.”
In verbal prayer, the son of God looked upward and said, “God, You never cease to amaze me.”
And he thanked God for having saved the soul of this woman from afar.
Just then a silver-white winged unicorn came out of the other side of some trees in the night and called forth, “Mistress, I have returned.”
“It is good to see you again, O Arckery,” said Carol Dale.
Arckery looked at Flanders and said, “I am honored to meet you, O son of God.”
“I am honored to make your acquaintance, too, O Arckery,” said Flanders.
Carol said to her pet unicorn, “Flanders has just gotten finished leading me to Christ, O Arckery.”
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Upon hearing this, the wheat germ girl’s unicorn bowed his head and his horn before Flanders in gratitude and respect and said to him, “Good and faithful Flanders, God bless you and thank you.”
And Flanders said, “Your mistress made it so easy for me. She was truly ready for Christ.
And now she is a mighty Christian lady who will live her life for God.”
“I promise, Flanders,” said Carol.
“Shall I take you back home now, Mistress?” asked Arckery.
“Yes, good boy,” said Carol. “Tomorrow will be a busy day at the farm. I need to get some sleep before I get up for the morning.”
She then mounted her he-unicorn pet. “Is this, ‘Good-by,’ Carol?” asked the son of God.
“Only until we meet again in Heaven, O Flanders,” called out Carol Dale.
“Good-bye for this life, O Miss Dale,” he called forth in most high regard.
“You have a very lovely wife, Flanders,” she said. She then said, “And she has a real handsome husband.”
No more words spoken, Carol’s unicorn lifted up into the skies in the moonlight, carrying his mistress surely upon his back, and they disappeared from Flanders’s view a moment later.
He stood there, in remembrances of all that had happened tonight since whispers of a love song had woken him up a couple hours ago. He had proven faithful to his Betrothed, even before he had found out that the dream girl was no longer young. And he had repented of his sudden distaste of the old wheat germ woman by leading her to salvation. And now his old first love was born again.
He wanted to go back now to his last love. She was still sleeping in the bedroom of their Antediluvian Castle. And he walked back to the castle with a swift walking gait.
He came back home, woke up his stunning Betrothed, and said to her, “I met Carol Bree Dale just now in the moonlight out in the yard.”
Knowing the son of God better than anybody else did but God, Flaurie asked him, “Did you get
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the girl saved?”
“That I did, O Flaurie,” he said to her.
“Way to go, Husband!” cheered the Betrothed.
And Flanders went back to bed.
And God saw all that His son of God had done tonight. And He was very happy with him. And He was going to bless and reward and give good things to Flanders for all that he had done tonight in his much abundant righteousness.
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CHAPTER XX
It was Thursday today, the day of Thursday Evening Visitation for Alpha and Omega Baptist Church. And Flanders and his Betrothed were getting dressed formally for tonight’s soul-winning labors for Christ. Pastor always preached, “Look your Sunday best when you go knocking on doors and spreading the Word.” Flanders was dressed in his suit and tie. Flaurie was dressed in her harem girl outfit.
The son of God laughed and said, “My tie is getting botched up again. I will soon have to ask Pastor to tie it for me again.”
“You never figured out how to tie men’s ties, Husband,” said Flaurie.
“It’s been a few weeks since the last time he tied it for me,” said Flanders. “He puts it around his own neck and ties it just right and gives it to me and I tie it up around my neck, and I am ready for church or visitation.”
“And for weeks after, you simply loosen it up when you take it off and simply tighten it back up when you put it on,” said Flaurie. “Until it gets like it is now, Husband.”
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“But this time the knot is getting stubborn,” said Flanders. “I will ask Pastor to fix up my tie for me before we all leave the church and go spreading the Gospel.”
“He’ll be glad to do that for you,” said the Betrothed. “He is a good and kind leader of the flock.”
“Not only that, Flaurie. But he knows how much I hate wearing suits,” said the son of God.
“As for me, I love wearing my church outfit. Emmy knows. Everybody knows,” said the Betrothed.
“That’s because your church outfit is also your everyday outfit,” he said.
“And it’s comfortable, too, both practically and aesthetically,” she said.
“You make your husband wish that he were the Betrothed,” said Flanders Nickels in flirt.
“Silly husband, harem girls outfits are only for women,” she said.
“I would probably look very silly dressed in that,” he said. “Wouldn’t I?”
“The son of God is no cross dresser,” she said.
“Drag,” he said. “What a strange transgender word.”
“We are almost ready to fly to church,” said the daughter of God.
“You know how the Bible says that we soul-winners have beautiful feet,” he said.
“Uh huh,” she said with a nod. “Romans 10:15: ‘And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!’”
“That New Testament verse is a parallel verse to an Old Testament verse,” he said. “It is based upon Isaiah 52:7.”
“How does that verse go, Flanders?” asked the Betrothed.
He recited it to her, “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith
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unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!”
“Do I have beautiful feet, Husband?” asked the Betrothed in marital flirt.
“Quite two times over,” he said.
“Do you mean ‘two times over’ in reference to having two feet, or do you mean ‘two times over’ in reference to my feet being both witness-warrior’s feet and pretty feet?” she asked.
“The latter,” he said in romance.
“My Maker gave me great feet,” she said.
“Sexy feet, too, at that,” he said.
“Husband, you’ve got a fetish,” she said.
“Betrothed, just be glad that Pastor lets you go on visitation with your bare feet. Pastor makes me wear shoes and socks,” he said.
“God never gave me harem girl shoes to go with my special outfit,” she said. “So, if God does not mind, Pastor should not mind,”
“Even a pastor has to give some ground to the famous daughter of God,” bragged Flanders on his wife.
“I know how that is,” said the Betrothed. “Pastor told you that you should shave your beard and mustache off. But you never did.”
“I am glad that I have a beard and a mustache,” said Flanders.
“The son of God is one man that even the pastor has to give in to from time to time,” said Flaurie about Flanders’s greatness in Christianity.
Then, from outside the Antediluvian Castle, the tooting of two unicorn horns blasted in the air in a message to hurry up and get ready to go to the church.
Flaurie said, “Our unicorns are getting impatient.”
“We do not want to be late for Thursday Evening Visitation,” said Flanders.
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And Flanders and his Betrothed came down, went outside, and mounted their pet unicorns.
Flaurie asked, “Shall we fly, or shall we gallop?”
Flanders said, “Let’s go by way of the ground this time.”
Bree said, “We shall still get there early if we travel on the ground.”
And Horn Of Plenty said, “But this time, Pastor and Emmy may beat us there.”
“Not a lot of our flock come out for visitation,” said Flaurie.
“Just the most spiritual members of our flock,” said Flanders.
Flanders had over his church suit and tie his scabbard and Gilded Sword along his left hip now as always. And, just like every time she left the castle, the daughter of God had over her harem girl outfit her much artillery. The son of God and the daughter of God were always ready in Christ for the next battle of which the sorrel griffins may contend against them. Right now, though, they were thinking about souls out there that were lost and dying and that needed to hear what they two had to say to them about Christ the Saviour.
The two unicorn pets were making good progress on the journey to the Baptist church, when suddenly a bone-chilling and powerful gale wind came upon the four as a straight-line wind. The gale must surely have been almost one hundred miles per hour. And it was coming from behind them.
“Flanders,” cried out the Betrothed, trying to speak above the noise of the wind, “I have never been so cold before!”
“This is not from God,” declared Flanders, yelling above the noise of the gale. “I fear the worst is yet to come.”
“Master, Master, what suddenly happened?” cried out Bree.
“My mistress, are we going to die?” asked Horn Of Plenty.
“This can only be the cold of evil,” said Flanders.
“This coldest cold must be the most evil evil, O Flanders!” said Flaurie.
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Never before had something so wicked troubled the two born-again believers with so much vexation as did this phenomenon that was happening right now.
And great darkness came upon the sky off behind them. It came toward them, spreading out and getting darker. And it came up to them and covered the whole daytime sky with the darkness of catastrophe. Behold, an innumerable army of sorrel griffins flying in the sky toward the Baptist church. And they were charging in the air en masse.
Horn Of Plenty, looking up in great terror, said, “Oh, my mistress, the gates of Hell have been opened up unto the Earth! And they are here!”
Bree, also looking up in much horror, said, “Master, Master, the bottomless pit has been opened up from beneath, and the demons have come out!”
The daughter of God, upon her he-unicorn’s back and her pistol drawn and ready, said, “Flanders, there have never before been gathered together in one army so many sorrel griffins all at once like this! What are we going to do?”
Flanders, still mounted on his Bree, his sword drawn and ready, watched them as they all passed over above. And then he said, “I counted a hundred.”
“One hundred?” asked Flaurie. “One hundred evil griffins all together?”
The last of this great flock passed by overhead, and the darkness and the cold and the straight-line wind passed the four of God by. Here it was light and warm and calm once again.
“Our church, Flanders!” cried out the daughter of God.
Flanders, the leader of this Christian army of four, was, most uncharacteristically at a loss for what to say or what to do or how to fight battle.
But the still small voice of the Holy Spirit spoke in his ear, “My son, it is written in Psalm 46:1-3, ‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters
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thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.’”
And the son of God vowed to the Son of God, “In You will I trust. I will not fear what griffins may do to me.”
He needed only to wait upon God and to see how great things that God would do for them.
And he calmly said, “Flaurie, Bree, Horn Of Plenty, it is all taken care of. Let us fight for our God. And if we die, we go to Heaven. If we live, we need battle sorrel griffins no more. God is good and great and grand.”
And in silence the four Christian soldiers continued their journey to the church to fight what must surely be the last battle between good and evil.
And sure enough there stood one hundred sorrel griffins.
But where was Alpha and Omega Baptist Church?
Flanders looked, but did not see it. Flaurie did not see it anywhere. Bree could not find it. Horn Of Plenty saw it not, as well.
Behold, piles of rubble and of boards and of broken glass and of shingles and of bricks!
Lo, the form of Pastor and Emmy, faithful to God and to church, lying upon the ground at the top of the pile of debris.
Flaurie cried out, “Alas! Satan has won the battle this day!”
Flanders spoke and said about God, “’Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.’ Psalm 62:8.”
Bree said most gravely, “They’re dead.”
“They are both surely dead,” emphasized Horn Of Plenty.
And the daughter of God said, “What do we have to fight for anymore, Flanders?”
The Baptist church was broken down to the ground. Pastor and Pastor’s wife were killed in battle. And one hundred demonic sorrel griffins stood here, most victorious in war against the four
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great griffin-slayers of the world.
The son of God, full of the Holy Spirit, began to sing a battle song for Christ:
“Onward, Christian soldiers,
Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus
Going on before!”
And, with his Gilded Saber drawn, he marched right into the phalanx of sorrel griffins most certainly unto his own demise.
Lo, from afar, as the voice of many angels, a Heavenly host singing this battle song’s first line:
“1. Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus Going on before!
Christ, the royal Master, Leads against the foe;
Forward into battle See His banner go!
Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus, Going on before!”
Behold, the army of Hell standing before the army of four from God fell upon a most turnabout confusion and disorder. Flanders yet lived. And help from God was coming for the Christian griffin-slayers from afar. The one hundred sorrel griffins quaked where they stood. And the wicked griffins were afraid of the singers of this hymn far away.
A more intrepid sorrel griffin reached out his eagle leg and did grab a hold of the son of God’s Gilded Saber in his eagle claws and did force it out of Flanders’s grasp. And the demonic griffin went about to try to destroy this golden sword. He struck it hard against the stone steps. He struck it hard against a tree. He struck it hard against a big rock. He struck it hard against a pile of bricks among the rubble. He struck it hard against the gravel of the parking lot. But this Gilded Saber was made by God. And no demon or Devil could break it. And this sorrel griffin gave up his efforts at breaking the famous sword made by the Lord. Not giving up his dogged attempts at compromising the son of God’s efficacy of battle, this sorrel griffin instead flew off with Flanders’s sword, came to to a place way just above Left Foot Creek, and let it fall hundreds of feet in the sky down into the little flowing creek. And
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he came right back. Just like that, the son of God was no longer able to slay any more sorrel griffins with his Gilded Saber. Yet, Flanders, unwavering in his faith in the God Who was fighting this battle for him, spoke and said to the one hundred sorrel griffins, “All of you demon-griffins shall know that the Lord saves not with saber or foil, for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give you into our hands.”
And the one hundred sorrel griffins screeched and squawked and squealed. Though there were a hundred of them, they were manifestly rattled by the turn of events that had begun in this last battle ever since the son of God sang that chorus of Christ’s battle song and that great host sang that battle song’s first line. And though Flanders should have been defeated, he was still alive and quite winning this battle even without his Gilded Saber in his hands.
Flanders turned now to Flaurie, his chief ally in griffin-slaying. His countenance said to her, “Fear not, my Betrothed.” And her countenance said back to him, “I fear no longer.”
Then, from not far away, came the battle song of the angels once again, the second stanza of that hymn for Christian warriors:
“2. At the sign of triumph Satan’s host doth flee;
On, then, Christian soldiers, On to victory!
Hell’s foundations quiver At the shout of praise;
Brothers, lift your voices, Loud your anthems raise!
Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching on to war,
With the cross of Jesus Going on before!”
Upon hearing this hymn from not far this time, the sorrel griffins panicked and lifted off the ground and lighted back upon the ground and chattered and cackled in chaos. Something was definitely coming. And it was stronger than one hundred sorrel griffins.
Waxing courageous in Christ, the daughter of God aimed her pistol at the horde of sorrel griffins. One steadfast evil griffin at once seized the handgun out of her hands and four other such staunch griffins came upon her and seized her artillery belts from her person, and a sixth griffin even took her holster and her gun belt away from her. The six sorrel griffins worked together most
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innovatively and thought not shoot her down with her own pistol. Nor did they ravage her as a sorrel
was wont to do by way of beak and claw and paw. Nay, instead, threatened by that army coming quickly from Heaven, the six griffin demons commenced to load and to fire into the harmless skies all of the remaining bullets of the daughter of God’s famous artillery belts. And, lo, the daughter of God no longer had any ammunition left to shoot down any more griffins as the famous griffin slayer.
And, despite this coming trouble soon to befall the sorrel griffins, they paused to revel in this unprecedented appropriation of Flaurie’s most deadly weapon. And as they laughed and praised the Devil and cursed Christ, they kept looking apprehensively off to the distant horizon for fear of God Almighty.
But the daughter of God did not share their fear. The daughter of God was confident in God.
The daughter of God knew that the Lord was going to win this last battle against the sorrel griffins, even though she did not know who it was who was coming to her and Flanders’s rescue.
But evil and Satan do not give up their wicked causes without a fight. And Satan put in the heads of his one hundred griffins here an evil thought, Go and take away the pride of the unicorn pets.
What was the pride of Bree other than her eight-foot wingspan? What was the pride of Horn Of Plenty other than his four-foot horn span?
Just then, now fairly close by, came the battle song of Christ once again, the angels singing this time the lyrics of the third stanza:
“3. Like a mighty army Moves the Church of God;
Brothers, we are treading Where the saints have trod.
We are not divided, All one body we–
One in hope and doctrine, One in charity.
Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus Going on before!”
Bedlam came upon the hundred griffins. And a number of them fled from the approaching forces of God and good. The sorrel griffins more courageous chased after the sorrel griffins who were
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fleeing, and they forced them to come back to the battlefield and to stay true to their cause. And before the four griffin slayers of Christ stood one hundred trembling sorrel griffins.
Rallying his faint fellow griffin demons, one of them said to the others, “Let us go and take off the wings of the she-unicorn among them.”
And this emboldened the griffins to take out everything upon Bree as their scapegoat. And Bree was in desperate peril now of losing her dear vast white wings. But she would not flee. She would not charge. She would stand there and defend herself where she stood. And the one hundred sorrel griffins came upon the she-unicorn en masse like a tornado itself. Instantly Bree was crushed down to the ground. The griffins did not trample her or peck her or scrape her or maul her. Instead they all grabbed at all the parts of her great wings and pulled. They pulled pieces of wings with their beaks and with their eagle claws and with their lion paws. Her master could not get to her with all of these griffins between himself and herself. And it did not take long. And it was done. There stood Bree, now utterly stripped of her magnificent wings. She was not physically harmed. But now she looked mundane. And she was made a mockery among winged unicorns. And she was most humiliatingly ashamed as she stood “naked” before her master now. And even the son of God found it hard to look upon his Bree now for this first time. “Bree,” he cried out, “I am so sorry.”
Holding on to her faith, Bree said, “Master, God can give me back my wings that I have lost this day if it be His good will for me.”
“Bree, great is your faith,” said her master, waxing hopeful in Christ and praying for a miracle of God.
The one hundred sorrel griffins now broke into cheers for the Devil and for what they had just done to the famous griffin-slayer Bree.
Lo, from very nearby, came the song of Christian warfare once again from a great army sent by
the Almighty Lord God, this time with the lyrics of the fourth and last stanza:
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“4. Onward, then, ye people, Join our happy throng;
Blend with ours your voices In the triumph song.
Glory, laud and honour Unto Christ the King–
This thru countless ages Men and angels sing.
Onward, Christian soldiers, Marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus Going on before!”
Behold, this imminent great host of God scared the host of Satan away from the battlefield. The one hundred sorrel griffins all fled for their lives in the air to get away from the Lord’s armies. But the Devil as the prince of the power of the air—the spiritual potentate of the sorrel griffins—came between them and their escape. And he told them to go back and finish their work. And they were coerced to come back to the battlefield to face God’s wrath against them. And the one hundred sorrel griffins returned to the church and its four Christian soldiers. The demon griffins did not want to be here anymore. True, it were these four griffin slayers who had done the most harm to the cause of the sorrel griffins. But what was coming from the Almighty now, whatever it was in its intimidating mystery, was surely more redoubtable than even the four formidable griffin slayers.
Then one of the griffins spoke and reminded his fellow griffin demons what the Devil had said to them earlier in this battle: “Let’s go get the he-unicorn’s horn!” Lo, a scapegoat again to rally evil to battle. And evil was rallied to battle. And the one hundred avenging griffins flew right into the stalwart and valiant Horn Of Plenty as he stood there, ready to die for Christ. They pinned him to the ground upon his belly. They grabbed a hold of his long unicorn horn. They began to pull upward on the unicorn horn. They sought flight to get an advantageous leverage on this super horn.
And he called forth, “Mistress, I do believe that I am going the way of all the world.”
The daughter of God said, “Don’t die, O Horn Of Plenty!” She could not get to her he-unicorn with all of these griffins in the way.
Then a sickening “boom” came upon all of the ears of the warriors here, both good and evil.
It was done. The horn broke off. They had it. The once-mighty griffin slayer unicorn was now
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no different from a white horse. He felt like dying. He chose life. He felt naked. And the sorrel
griffins began to fight over it as a spoils of battle.
“You dastardly fiends!” cried out the daughter of God. “You desecrate that which is holy and godly!”
“My mistress,” said her he-unicorn calmly, “God is looking down on this right now, and it may be that He will judge them for this deed someday, and they will suffer for having done this to a unicorn for perhaps forever.”
“The lake of fire for you sorrel griffins!” cursed the daughter of God.
Then the hosts of the Lord of hosts came in upon the celebrating sorrel griffins. And all here now witnessing this great assault could now see what it was that had been on its way here. Amen! It was a great Lord’s army of hundreds of gray griffins! The good angels had come to the rescue. And Michael and Gabriel were leading the charge. Indeed the good angels came upon the evil angels with an advantage of numbers and strength that was even greater than the advantage of numbers and strength that the evil angels had demonstrated in contending against the four mortal griffin slayers earlier in this final battle. And the one hundred sorrel griffins were massacred in a great slaughter that reached down into the pits of Hell. Every last sorrel griffin that had taken on good in this culminating battle was slain by the gray griffins. And the dead sorrel griffins were cast into the lake of fire, which awaited their potentate Satan in time to come.
Then the gray griffin Michael came up to the four Christian soldiers, and he said, “We wanted to help you out earlier, but God told us angels to wait. Gabriel and I saw how bravely you four fought demons these years without our help. Angels’ job is to help the believers to withstand the sorrel griffins in the world. I ask for your comprehension, O Flanders.”
Indeed it had been a whole part of a walk with God that Flanders and his three allies had had to fight fallen angels without the help of the good angels. The son of God did not comprehend.
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The gray griffin Gabriel further explained Michael’s words, “But there was sin in your group. And God cannot bless a Christian with sin in his life.”
The four griffin slayers all asked in humbleness, “Was it I?”
And Gabriel said, “Son of God, you were the man.”
“What did I do?” asked Flanders in humility.
And Michael said, “There was a wrong woman in your life. God had given you Flaurie, and you wanted Carol, also. You could have ended up cheating on your own Betrothed.”
“I pray God forgive me!” cried out Flanders.
“God forgives you, O man of God,” said Gabriel. “But your ambivalence has given the sorrel griffins great occasion to blaspheme the name of Jesus.”
And Michael said plainly, “As long as you still dared to love the Kretschmer woman, we gray griffins were hindered from coming to help you in all of your battles. God had to hold back His blessing upon even you the upright son of God because of sin.”
Gabriel went on to say, “But God looked over the banisters of Heaven and saw how you repented of the wheat germ girl, and He was well-pleased with you, O Flanders.”
“Son of God,” said Michael, “You repented of Carol Bree Dale to the uttermost. And not only that, but you went ahead and led her to true and genuine salvation. And, because of both of these deeds, God now sent me and Gabriel and us other gray griffins to help you and your comrades in this final battle between good and evil.”
“Why, I could have gotten us all killed in battle, playing around with temptation like I did,” confessed Flanders.
Just then Flaurie reminded him, “Flanders, Pastor and Emmy are lying dead upon the wrecked church.”
“God be merciful” cried out Flanders in conviction.
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He then looked upon his Bree. Her beautiful white wings were completely broken off. This was Flanders’s fault. He then looked upon Horn Of Plenty. His great unicorn horn was broken off from his forehead. This was Flanders’s fault. He looked upon what was once the light in a dark place—Alpha and Omega Baptist Church. It was a ruins now. This was his fault. None of this would have happened if his sin had not kept the gray griffins from coming when they had wanted to. And he looked upon the remains of dear Pastor and Emmy, lying there, slain in battle, upon the pile of debris.
This was his fault also.
“I am sorry, Pastor, Emmy,” he said. “I was wrong.”
The Betrothed spoke and said, “I love you very much, Flanders. God is more righteous than we. You did not know. I did not know. None of our unicorns knew. Who thought that a memory of a first love could do so much evil? But you cared enough for her to lead her to Christ. And now she is a born-again Christian. You got another soul to end up in Heaven someday, O son of God.. Don’t forget that, O good Husband.”
“I remember,” he said, reliving that day of shadows in the moonlight. “She is a born-again believer now.”
Gabriel and Michael and the hosts of Heaven surveyed this battle field. All of the sorrel griffin carcasses had been cast down into Hell to join their eternally damned souls. Michael said, “Gabriel, let us call upon the Good Lord Jesus to do something that we gray griffins cannot do in our own angelic strength and wisdom.”
“I agree, good Michael,” said Gabriel. “Only God can undo the damage done by the one hundred evil angels this day.”
They ascended up to Heaven, the rest of the gray griffins following them, and they were gone for a while. And while the four griffin slayers waited down on Earth to find out what Michael and Gabriel were talking about, Michael and Gabriel came to the throne of Jesus in Glory and interceded on
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Flanders’s behalf. Christ in His compassion and Agape love and longsuffering heard out His two angels. And He agreed. And He took action. And He came down to Earth as the post-incarnate Jesus.
The Saviour came to His four intrepid soldiers here in Crivitz, and He said in endearment, “Good disciples, let Me help.”
The four disciples fell down upon their knees in worship of God.
The Saviour at once walked up the pile of rubble and stood before the fallen bodies of Pastor and his wife. God spoke from the prayer of Hezekiah in Isaiah 38:17: “The living, the living, he shall praise thee, as I do this day:…” Lo, Pastor and Emmy came back to life, stood up on their feet, and began to praise Jesus this day! Jesus then helped them to walk down and off of the debris.
This same Lord Jesus then stood before what was once the solid and sturdy Alpha and Omega Baptist Church, and He spoke the psalmist’s words of Psalm 127:1: “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it:…” Behold, the good Baptist church was made solid and sturdy once again, just as it had always been both inside and outside. It was as if this sanctuary had never been violated by sorrel griffins.
Then the Good Lord came up to Bree, who had lost her beautiful wings. Jesus put His hands on both sides of her back, and He said, “In My name, be made whole.” Lo, her resplendent vast white wings came back upon both sides of her back! She could fly again. She no longer had to live the rest of her life as one of those wingless unicorns.
“My Lord and my God!” called forth Bree in great worship. “Thank You, O Jesus!”
Then Christ Jesus came up to Horn Of Plenty, and He saw him without the great horn with which He had endowed him previously in his life. God then put His right hand upon this he-unicorn’s head in blessing, and He said, “In My name, I heal you.” Behold, his great unicorn horn was back upon his forehead, never to come off again!
“Precious Lamb of God, thank You!” praised Horn Of Plenty in deep reverential gratitude.
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Then Jesus came up to Flanders Nickels. He saw the son of God on his knees before Him, with Flaurie kneeling before Him at Flanders’s side. Neither Flanders nor his Betrothed said anything to the Lord as they knelt there in silent worship. But Jesus knew Flanders’s penitence. And Jesus knew Flaurie’s advocating on Flanders’s defense. And Jesus put His one hand of the son of God’s head and put His other hand on the daughter of God’s head and said to the both of them in blessing in a parallel to Isaiah 38:17: “…: for I hast cast all your sins behind My back.” By saying this, Jesus told Flanders and his Betrothed that He had cast all of Flanders’s sins and all of Flaurie’s sins behind His back. Flanders was forgiven for Carol Bree Dale. And Flaurie was forgiven, too, for her iniquities in this ménage à trois. Both husband and wife understood their iniquities.
Then Flaurie spoke and asked, “Good Lord, would you bring me me some more artillery belts so that I can continue serving you as griffin slayer?”
And Jesus said, “My daughter, there are no more sorrel griffins to slay.”
And Flanders asked, “Are my days as griffin-slayer done also? What will become of my Gilded Saber lost in the creek?’
And Jesus reaffirmed His words, saying, “My son, your days of battle against sorrel griffins are finished now. Leave the sword of the son of God buried in the waters. It is time for you and your stunning Betrothed to rest and rejoice in the peace of God for now on.”
Then Jesus said, “I must go back to Heaven now. I hereby bless you six here this evening with the words of Matthew 11:28-30: It is written therein, ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’”
Then having said this, Christ Jesus ascended back up to Heaven.
Tonight was Thursday night. Flanders asked, “Pastor, are we still going out knocking on doors tonight?”
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And Pastor Integral looked at his watch, and he said, “It is late now. We shall cancel Thursday Night Visitation this week.”
“I’ll see you at church again this Sunday, Emmy,” said Flaurie.
“I shall see you here this Sunday, too, Flaurie,” said Emmy.
And six pillars of Alpha and Omega Baptist Church returned home for the night.
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CHAPTER XXI
Flanders and his Betrothed were on a walk throughout their thousand acres together. They were arm-in-arm. And they were alone. And it was some years since that last battle against the sorrel griffins. Flaurie was older now, and her features were no longer those of a young woman. But she was still Flanders’s stunning “alien girl.” She still had on that old harem girl outfit, and he still loved her in it. Flanders, too, was now an older man himself. But his Betrothed still saw him as a dashing man of courtship. And he still had that overbite, and she still loved to kiss that. A lot of changes had come upon the daughter of God and the son of God’s life since the last sorrel griffin had been taken out of this earth. Some were happy. Some were sad.
Flaurie said, “I miss Alpha and Omega Baptist Church.”
“Yeah,” said Flanders. “I miss church, too.”
“They both died—Pastor and Emmy,” said Flaurie.
“God gave them many years together,” said Flanders.
“Remember when we of the church celebrated Pastor’s and Emmy’s fiftieth wedding anniversary, Flanders?” asked Flaurie.
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“Yeah, Flaurie,” he said. “It all seems so long ago.”
“They were both in their eighties when God took them Home,” said Flaurie.
“Yeah. And all the church were thinking of having me to take over when Pastor Integral passed
away,” said Flanders. “But I am no preacher.”
“God did not will you to become a pastor,” said Flaurie.
“I did not will that, either,” said Flanders.
“Like you always say nowadays, O Husband, ‘I’m a writer, not a speaker,’” said his Betrothed.
“After my ministry as griffin-slayer came to its end God gave me a new ministry as a writer,” said Flanders.
“And what writings that God uses you to write!” said Flaurie. “The son of God writes quite the novels and the short stories!”
“The flock were thinking about making one of the deacons to become the new pastor of our Baptist church,” said Flanders.
“But God sent Deacon Gary to the west coast; and Deacon Todd, to the east coast,” said Flaurie.
“They are both serving God as missionaries at both sides of our United States,” said Flanders.
“God did not send a new man to Alpha and Omega Baptist Church to lead the flock,” said Flaurie. “We no longer had a pastor.”
“And we of the flock had to vote and officially dissolve Alpha and Omega Baptist Church,” said Flanders.
“That seems like it were just recently,” said Flaurie. “I cried that day.”
“We could still count our blessings with our eyes upon Jesus,” said the son of God. “After all, was not our little church in the days of the sorrel griffins ‘the Baptist church of Baptist churches?’ And was not Pastor Integral ‘the Baptist pastor of Baptist pastors?’”
“And was not Emmy ‘the pastor’s wife of pastors’ wives?” asked Flaurie.
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“We had the best church and the best pastor and the best pastor’s wife in all of America,” said Flanders.
“It was no wonder that all of those griffins kept coming after us and our church like they did,” said Flaurie.
“God has given the two of us many years with our brothers-and-sisters-in-the-Lord there,” said Flanders.
“For that I do thank Jesus every day,” said the daughter of God.
Flanders gave out a sad sigh and said, “I miss my Bree most of all.”
“She was a most grand unicorn, Husband,” said Flaurie.
“I loved her,” said Flanders.
“And she loved you,” said Flaurie.
“Bree was God’s gift to a lonely lad,” said Flanders in reference to himself.
“She did not die alone,” said Flaurie.
“I was at her side in her stable in the south tower of our Antediluvian Castle,” said Flanders in sorrowful recollection.
“Was she brave?” asked Flaurie.
“She was brave, Flaurie,” said Flanders.
“It takes great bravery to know that you are about to die,” said Flaurie.
“She was a unicorn who lived beyond her years,” said Flanders. Bree had died of natural causes.
“What were her last words, Flanders?” asked the Betrothed.
“They were five words,” said the son of God. “She said, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’” He paused in mourning. It had not been a long time ago. It still bought grief to his heart. He went on to say, “Then she lay down her head on the loose straw. And she closed her eyes. And she stopped
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breathing.”
“Flanders, you’re crying,” said the Betrothed.
“Yes. A little bit,” he said. And he wiped his eyes.
“I miss Bree, too, very much,” said Flaurie.
“But what about you, Flaurie?” asked Flanders. “How do you feel about having lost your own Horn Of Plenty?”
“The wolves got him,” said the Betrothed. Wild wolves roamed around northeastern Wisconsin in the countryside. She went on to say, “Queer how my Horn Of Plenty fought griffins and lived to tell about it; and yet it was a simple pack of wolves that ended his life.”
“He was out hunting for wolves, and he ran upon a mean pack of them,” said Flanders Nickels.
“They chased him back to his stable,” said Flaurie. “I was standing in the courtyard, and they chased him into his room on the bottom of the north tower of our castle.”
“You were lucky that they did not turn on you and take you down,” said Flanders.
“They then finished off Horn Of Plenty in his own stable,” said Flaurie.
“There had to have been something wrong with those wolves to go after a unicorn as they did,” said Flanders. “Did they have demons in them?”
“The demons had all been taken away when we fought that last battle together, good husband,” reminded the Betrothed.
“Then the wolves must surely have been mad,” he said then.
“It had to be rabies,” said Flaurie. “I cannot think of anything else that it could have been to make something like this to happen.”
“A pack of wild and rabid and hungry wolves,” summed up Flanders. “Even Horn Of Plenty could not survive an attack from something like all of that, Flaurie.”
“I grieve,” said Flaurie.
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“Flaurie, you’re not crying,” he said.
“My crying is done,” she said in humbleness.
The two stables of the Antediluvian Castle had been empty now for some time. Neither Flanders nor his Betrothed went ahead to seek more unicorn pets. Flanders chose to no longer be a master; nor Flaurie, a mistress. Bree was buried underneath the south tower of the Antediluvian Castle, and Horn Of Plenty’s remains were buried underneath the north tower of the Antediluvian Castle.
The Betrothed then said, “What about the two of us, Flanders?”
“Yes, my wife. The two of us,” he said.
“What did the doctor say?” she asked.
“He said, ‘Anytime,’” said Flanders. “What did the doctor tell you?”
“’Anytime,’ for me as well,” said Flaurie.
“My heart is the heart of a man much older than myself,” said Flanders.
“You’re too young to supposed to have your heart start racing as it does,” said Flaurie.
“Yourself, too,” said Flanders.
“My arteries in my neck are blocked. Sometimes my blood does not get to my brain. I am a candidate for a stroke,” she said.
“At such a young age, O Flaurie,” he said.
“Remember what Pastor used to say all the time from the pulpit, Husband?” asked the Betrothed.
“You mean about death for the born-again believer,” said Flanders.
“That saying that he preached all the time in his sermons,” she said.
“Death for the Christian is like going to sleep and waking up in Heaven,” recited the son of God.
And she said, “Now it looks like it might actually happen for us, Flanders.”
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“Funny. Isn’t it?” asked the son of God. “I had always thought that I would go in the rapture.”
“And the rapture has not happened yet,” said Flaurie. “And here we both are, not far from death from sickness.”
“We may get to Heaven by way of the vale and not by way of the clouds,” said Flanders, most staid.
“Either way, because we are Christians, we will never know the antichrist and the false prophet and the tribulation,” said the daughter of God.
“I wonder what He looks like,” said Flanders, thinking about God.
“Our Saviour?” asked the Betrothed.
“Yes,” said Flanders.
“We will find out soon,” said Flaurie.
“’As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.’” recited Flanders.
“Psalm 17:15,” said Flaurie the Scripture reference. Then she recited, “…; we shall see him as he is.”
“I John 3:2, at its end,” said Flanders. “And they shall see his face,” he went on to recite another eschatological Bible verse.
“That’s Revelation 22;4, at its beginning,” said the Betrothed.
“Pastor and Emmy already know what God looks like,” said the son of God.
“We shall see Jesus in His divine and deified and perfect Form,” said Flaurie.
“We shall see Christ in all of His regal Glory,” said Flanders.
“And He shall have in His hands and in His feet those nail prints that tell of Calvary’s cross and how He died for us,” said Flaurie.
“And those nail prints He will bear for the rest of eternity up in Heaven,” said Flanders.
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“I’m getting a headache again right now, Husband,” said the Betrothed.
“My chest feels uncomfortable,” said Flanders.
“This is quickly becoming my worst headache yet,” said Flaurie.
“It feels different for me this time with my heart,” said Flanders.
“I need to sit down,” said Flaurie.
“I must get off of my feet,” said Flanders.
Together they sat down in an open field of yellow dandelions. “I feel better,” said Flaurie.
“I think that I do, too,” said Flanders.
Suddenly her face lit up with discovery, She asked, “Do you remember that day that we spent right here among the dandelions, Husband?”
“Oh, yes, I do,” he said. “I remember that the dandelions were not yellow, though.”
“They were all white and had already gone to seed,” said the Betrothed. “I did not recognize this place. It changed not at lot, though, since that day, Flanders.”
“That day was magic,” he said.
“It was our wedding day,” said the Betrothed.
“It was our honeymoon—you and I—right here in this field of dandelions under the sun,” he said.
“I remember, Husband,” she said in reminiscence.
“We had just come from the altar,” said Flanders.
“And our first happened,” said Flaurie.
“We consummated our marriage,” he said.
“God’s gift to marriage,” she said.
“Outside,” he said.
“Right here,” she said.
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“Under the sun,” he said.
“Nobody saw us,” she said.
“God saw us,” he said.
“But it was legal,” she said.
“We had our marriage license,” he said.
“And it was good in the eyes of the holy God,” she said.
“And it was good for the bride and the groom,” he said.
Then the Betrothed spoke and said, “Flanders, I’m suddenly not feeling well in my eye.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I can see out of one eye, but I cannot see out of the other eye,” she said.
“That’s bad,” he said. Then he said, “I’m feeling other things wrong with myself, too, now.”
“What’s wrong, Husband?” called forth the Betrothed.
“Feel my pulse,” he said. She put her hand to his wrist.
“It’s very rapid, your pulse, Flanders,” she did say.
“My heart is racing on me again,” he said. “This time faster than any of the other times.”
“Do you remember what we did after our romance fling here that day, Flanders?” she asked.
“After we did our thing, we made ourselves decent again and we went around and picked the dandelions,” he said.
“You made me a bouquet of dandelions,” she said.
“They were all gone to seed,” he said. “But I liked them, and you loved them.”
“You said to me, Flanders, ‘Too bad they are not yellow. My Betrothed deserves better,’” said Flaurie.
“And I promised you that next time we were to romance here that I would make you a bouquet of yellow dandelions,” he said in reminiscence with his Betrothed.
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“We never did go and romance here again since our wedding day, Husband,” said Flaurie.
“We are here again now,” he said. “For our first time since.”
“And the dandelions are now all yellow,” she said.
“We cannot romance together here now with our bodies sick as they are, but we are both still well enough to pick some beautiful yellow dandelions,” he said.
“Dearest Husband, are we up to it?” she asked.
“God will help us to be up to it, O my Betrothed,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Let’s,” agreed Flaurie.
They got to their feet, and they went around to gather up the many yellow dandelions in this nostalgic part of their thousand acres. And when they found enough, Flanders made a bouquet of them.
Proffering his stunning harem girl wife this blessed present, he said to her, “This is a token of my love for you in our many years together. I pray that it is not too small a gift for the world’s most beautiful wife. I humbly bow before you now.” He bowed before her.
She said, “I humbly curtsy before you.” And she curtsied before him. And she accepted this most endearing gift.
Then she wavered where she stood. It was coming on her again now. “Beloved, let me hold you,” he said to her.
She called out, “I feel so dizzy that I cannot walk.”
“Let me help you back down,” he said. He helped her to get to a sitting position in the field.
And he sat down at her side. He looked around in his own disorientation.
“Husband, your face looks like mine feels,” she said.
He confessed, “Now I am suddenly so dizzy that I cannot even sit up.”
“We can hold each other sitting up,” she said.
“I think that we both need that, Flaurie,” he admitted.
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They leaned their shoulders against each other, and they held each other in a hug along the sides in both arms. The Betrothed had her dear bouquet resting upon the fabric of her harem girl skirt between her knees.
Flanders said, “I wonder if Pastor will remember me when I get There and be with him again.”
“He will, Flanders,” said Flaurie. “And Emmy will remember me.”
“There are a lot of really spiritual believers Up There with Pastor and Emmy,” said Flanders. “There are Christians more faithful and mature in the Christian walk in Heaven than myself. Pastor found new friends up there who are more good than myself, and he might forget me.”
“Pastor will never forget Brother Flanders,” said the daughter of God. “And about saints Up There who are more Godly than you, Husband? Bah! Who is more like God than the illustrious son of God himself? Surely Pastor thinks about you every day There. And surely Emmy thinks about me every day There, also.”
“That’s good to hear, kind Flaurie,” said Flanders. “I am encouraged by that.”
Flaurie leaned her head affectionately against his head. He felt her much wild feminine hair along the sides of her head touching his short masculine hair along the sides of his head. “I feel safe with you and Jesus even now, Husband,” said the Betrothed.
“You are still a stunning woman, O Flaurie,” he said. “I love you, Flaurie.”
“And I love you, O my handsome prince,” she said to him.
Then her face contorted with more symptoms. “Darling Betrothed,” he called out. “The time is coming soon. Isn’t it? For the both of us.”
“My one side of my face is all numb, and it is spreading to my one arm and to my one leg on that same side,” she said.
“I myself feel my heart doing things unlike it had ever done before,” he said. His heart was racing faster than ever before, and it was pounding painfully in his chest, and he felt it fluttering
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terminally. And this time his neck felt it, too.
“Dear God, I’m coming Home!” prayed the mighty daughter of God.
“Lord, Your son is ready,” said Flanders Nickels.
Flanders looked up to Heaven. And he saw Jesus.
And he said, “Flaurie, I see God the Father Up in Heaven, and Jesus sitting to His right.”
Flaurie looked up, and she said, “I see the same thing, Husband. I see God and the Son of God sitting on His right hand side.”
“Our Saviour is welcoming us Home,” said the son of God.
“All my life I waited for this,” said the Betrothed.
“The glorious end of a believer’s life on this Earth, and the glorious beginning of a believer’s life in Heaven,” said Flanders, not turning away from Heaven Above.
“Pastor used to preach, ‘Look up, child of God. Things get better when Jesus comes.’” said the daughter of God.
“Amen, good Betrothed,” said Flanders. “In our case things get better when we come.”
“We are coming to Jesus,” agreed Flaurie.
Then Flanders said to Flaurie, “I now see God, and Jesus standing on His right side,”
“I see Christ standing now on our Heavenly Father’s right side, too,” said Flaurie, also seeing the change.
“I am so happy to be dying in Jesus,” said the son of God.
“Heaven is worth the valley of death,” said Flaurie.
“Our Saviour is beckoning us,” said Flanders Nickels.
“We must not keep our Saviour waiting,” said Flaurie.
“Our time so soon to come is in God’s hands,” said the son of God.
“And I can’t wait,” said the Betrothed.
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The son of God then said, “I see the Lord, and Jesus holding out His arm.”
“I see Christ holding out His arm toward us,” said Flaurie.
“I feel it, Flaurie. I’m dying now. I feel like I’m about to pass out with my racing heartbeat,”
said Flanders.
“Flanders, you look faint,” Flaurie attempted to say.
“Flaurie, you slurred that last thing you said,” said Flanders. “What was that that you said?”
She repeated what she said, but her words were unintelligible. She tried a third time to speak, but it was all confusion for her. Her clear and cognizant speech was now taken away by a full stroke.
She was dying now as well.
Then, from above came the sound of of a trumpet. The two dying born-again believers knew what this trumpet meant. It was the last trumpet, the trumpet that declared the rapture of the saints.
After this came the voice of the archangel. That archangel’s voice also was the sign of the rapture of the church happening right away. After that came the three word utterance, “Come up hither!”
These three words were the declaration of Jesus of the rapture to come immediately after. The son of God and the daughter of God, dying, but not dead, now knew that the rapture was happening, and that this rapture was rescuing them from death just before it could befall them in its finality.
In their last coherent voices, Flanders Nickels and his stunning Betrothed sang a lyric of song together from the hymn, “Christ Returneth!”:
“O joy! O delight! Should we go without dying,
No sickness, no sadness, no dread and no crying,
Caught up thru the clouds with our Lord into glory,
When Jesus receives His own.
O Lord Jesus, how long, how long
Ere we shout the glad song—Christ returneth!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Amen, Hallelujah! Amen.”
And Flanders Arckery Nickels and his Betrothed, Flaurie Allyson Nickels, were raptured Home to Heaven to be with Jesus for ever and ever in perfect peace and perfect love and perfect joy.
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