Heidi Phylum Genus and her boyfriend Flanders Nickels go on a date to far-away Botany Bay, the swimdress capital of the world. Heidi is there to buy herself some swimdresses. Flanders is there to look at the swimdress women. Lo, a centaur comes charging upon the beach, grabs a hold of one of the swimdress women on the beach, and carries her away without her will to his centaur den. There is trouble in paradise for Heidi and Flanders. But they find out here that their eternal destiny is hellfire and brimstone as long as they keep saying, “No,” to Jesus, Who wants to become their Saviour. What will they do about Christ?
BOTANY BAY
By Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
Heidi Phylum Genus and her boyfriend Flanders Arckery Nickels were at the man-made lake of Ashwaubomay Park in Ashwaubenon. Her black mare Dark was faithfully at her side. Dark had large black wings. And Flanders’s black stallion Black was at his side. Black also had large black wings. Heidi Genus was a true and loyal swim dress girl. And she had a favorite swimdress, and that was the swim dress she had on now with her date Flanders. It was a fetching and eye-catching American flag patterned ladies’ swim dress. Flanders had on blue jean shorts that he had made out of a pair of blue jeans for dates like this with his girlfriend. And they were looking out upon the visitors who were enjoying the summer day on the sandy beach to the lake. Heidi, though with her boyfriend, was looking at the other guys there in their swimsuits. Likewise was Flanders, though with his girlfriend, looking out upon the other swimsuit gals out here. And they both knew it.
After a while, Heidi spoke and asked, “Any good ones today, Flanders?”
And Flanders said, “Yes. There are indeed. I see quite a few ‘one-piece swimsuit goddesses’
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out there this day.” Then he asked, “How about you, Heidi? Any catchers?”
“I see some real hunks of guys out here with us today, Flanders,” said Heidi.
He said, “I’m not excited about the two-piece swimsuit girls today.”
“You never are,” said Heidi. “You favor us one-piece swimsuit women.”
“I don’t like the modern swimsuits that are coming out,” he said.
“You must mean the tankinis,” she said.
“Yeah. Them. No good to me,” he said.
“Which swimsuit girl is your favorite at the park this time?” she asked.
“I would say that you are,” he said.
“You always say that, Flanders,” she said.
“And I always mean it,” he said.
“You are I are both admirers of swim dresses,” said Miss Genus.
“Which hunk is your favorite here on the beach for yourself, Heidi?” asked Flanders.
“I would say that you win out again today, too, Flanders,” said Heidi.
“Again?” he asked. She nodded. And he said, “Just like every time, girl.”
“You are my man, Flanders,” said the swimdress girlfriend.
“And you are my woman,” said Flanders.
“We swimdress gals are rare up north here in Wisconsin,” said Heidi.
“Tell me, Heidi. Is there any swimsuit within the skirt portion of your swimdress?” he dared ask in curiosity.
“You don’t know, boyfriend?” she asked.
“I’ve always been wondering,” he said.
“Skirts to swim dresses are not like skirts in regular clothes. Thank the makers for that,” she said. “The skirts to women’s swim dresses all have an additional inner swimsuit portion that covers us
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women decently and properly where we need best to be covered.”
“So swim dresses could be called ‘one-piece swimsuits with skirt portions,’” he said, figuring it out.
“Uh huh,” she said.
“So, then, with regard to the skirt portion of your swim dress, you could with your hand pass the outer layer of spandex across the inner layer of spandex,” he said.
“Yep!” she said, “Front and back and left and right, all around myself down there.”
“I thought that one layer of spandex was sexy, but two layers of spandex in one swimsuit—whoa!” he said.
“It is something that I know about as a woman,” she said.
“Does the swimdress feel good?” he asked.
“It does at that,” she said. “It makes me glad to be a female.”
“Some day I’ve got to get one for myself,” he said.
“Drag doll!” she said in flirt.
“Just teasing,” he said.
“I do wish that we try another swimming place someday, Flanders,” said Miss Genus.
“I would like to try something new, too,” he said.
“Some exotic beach somewhere far away in an enchanting land,” she said.
“Where swimsuit girls are swimsuit girls,” he agreed.
“A magical land full of women’s swim dress shops,” she said.
“A magical land full of swimdress women,” he said.
“Let’s run away together and look for such a place, Flanders,” said Heidi.
“Let’s run away together to Botany Bay, girl!” he said.
“Botany Bay!” she said. “The place where every girl has on a swim dress.”
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“You’ll fit right in with your red and white and blue and stars and stripes swimdress!” he said.
“How does a couple find Botany Bay, Flanders?” she asked.
“Legend has it that you have to follow the geese,” he said.
“Flying geese?” she asked.
“On their way south for the year,” said Flanders.
“Our horses can fly,” she said.
“You’re right,” he said. “We can wait for the geese to fly by overhead, and we can mount Dark and Black, and we can follow the geese in the skies all the way to that swim dress place.”
“Botany Bay!” said Heidi. “It is all the way on the other side of the world.”
“Should we go for it, girlfriend?” asked Flanders.
“Let’s go for it, Flanders!” agreed Heidi Genus.
And the geese soon came flying over Ashwaubomay Park.
There it was before them and far below. Heidi was riding Dark in the sky. Flanders was riding Black in the sky. And the geese landed in upon the water and began to sing and to call forth their language only they could understand. Here was Botany Bay. And just then a rainbow started to form in front of the four travelers as they hovered in the sky. It ascended from the ground to the left, rose into the skies above their heads, then descended back to the ground to the right. A Higher Power had just now made this rainbow. And this rainbow was a divine gate to so blessed Botany Bay. And swimdress girl and swimdress girl boyfriend told their horses to light, and they passed in the air through the rainbow of a gate. And they lighted upon the land on the other side of the rainbow.
“Here we are,” said Heidi Genus, “and I still cannot believe it.”
“I feel that miracles happen here,” said Flanders. And they dismounted their winged black horses. Then the flock of geese lifted back up into the sky and flew off farther south. Their job was
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done.
“Thank you, girl,” said Heidi to Dark, stroking her dark black mane.
“Good work, boy,” said Flanders, giving Black a sugar cube from his saddlebag.
And a bunch of beach people came up to Flanders and Heidi and commended them their pair of noble and gallant black horses. Some of these beach people were young men like Flanders. And the rest of these beach people—all of the women—had on sundry and divers swim dresses.
One of the swimdress women spoke and said, “We don’t see horses much here.”
Another swimdress woman said to their two visitors from afar, “The kinds of horses that we have here are not so nice as yours are.”
A young swimdress girl asked, “Where are their men halves that shoot bows and arrows?”
An older swimdress girl spoke to her and said, “Don’t say anymore.”
And a guy in a swimsuit said, “”Welcome to Botany Bay, O good travelers.”
And another swimsuit man said, “The pick here is great, sir.”
And another swimdress girl said, “And the shopping is just as good, miss.”
“This must be paradise,” said Heidi Genus.
“It is definitely worth the journey,” said Flanders.
“Let’s go shopping, Flanders,” said Heidi.
“That sounds like fun,” he said.
“Did you want to see the swimdress girls?” asked Heidi.
“Yes. But I can do that later,” he said. “I would rather enjoy browsing through real swim dress racks with you, O Heidi.”
“Then we can go see the young ladies here at Botany Bay,” said Heidi.
“First things first,” he said. “And we’ll save the best for last.”
“Promise me that you will not cheat on me and take a new girlfriend back to Wisconsin with
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you,” said Heidi.
“I promise,” he said.
“After all, if a guy like you sees other swimdress girls like myself, you might forget about your faithful swimdress girlfriend that you already have,” said Heidi.
“That never happened before,” he said.
“Boyfriend, this is Botany Bay,” she said in flirt.
“I’ll be careful, Heidi,” he said.
“Look, but don’t chat,” she said.
“Suffice it for me to look, but don’t touch,” he said.
“That’s good enough for me,” said Heidi in accord.
“For you in the shops,” he said, “look and touch, but don’t buy.”
“Boyfriend!” she cried out.
“Just fooling,” he said in flirts.
“Just for that I will buy at least two,” she said.
“Two sounds better to me than just one,” he said.
“Maybe three,” she said.
“You pick them out, and I will buy them,” he said.
“Boyfriend!” she said in sweet affection.
“I have a mad crush on you, Heidi. And money is no object for me if it means more swimdresses to see you in,” he said in sincere kindness.
“What girlfriend other than myself has a boyfriend who loves to go shopping for clothes for her and with her?” asked Miss Genus in flattery of him.
“What other man is there other than myself who has a crush on swimdresses in themselves as I do?” he asked.
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“Boyfriend, I do believe that you have a fetish,” teased Heidi.
“That I do,” he said. “But in your case, fair Heidi, I do have to say that your form is even more sexy than is your swimdress.”
“You want my body,” she said.
“But you don’t give it to me,” he said.
“That’s because we’re not married,” she said.
“That makes my swimdress gal a real lady,” he said.
“Are you happy being abstinent, Flanders?” she asked.
“I am,” he said. “I am.”
“I am, too,” she said.
“Shall we go shopping at Botany Bay now, milady?” he asked.
“Is it a date?” she asked coquettishly.
“It’s a date,” he said in great anticipation.
And they found a little swimdress boutique right away very nearby where their flying horses had lighted. It was called “Three Sisters’ Swimdress Shoppe.” And Flanders and Heidi went in.
It was a small little shop. Inside it was delightfully quaint and magically charming and very colorful of swimdresses on racks. And the swimdresses were arranged in a Mini swimdress department and a Midi swimdress department and a Maxi swimdress department, all depending upon the length of the skirt portions. Both at once went to where the Maxi swimdresses were. Heidi picked up a white one and held it against herself. It reached to halfway down her thighs.
“What do you think, boyfriend?” she asked.
“Nice!” he said in admiring it and her.
She then went to the Midi swimdress racks, picked up another all-white one and held it against herself. It reached only a small way down her thighs. “What do you think about this one?” she asked.
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He said to her, “Not so good.”
She then went to the Mini swimdress department, picked up a white one again, and held it against herself. It barely reached to the top of her thighs. “How about this one?” she asked.
“Kind of bad, girl,” he said.
“I think so, too,” she said. “I agree with you on all three critiques.”
“Let’s go back to our first rack,” he said.
“We like those the best,” she said. And they went back to the rack of Maxi swimdresses.
“I doubt that we will find a swimdress so good as the one you have on now, Heidi,” said Flanders.
“Nothing beats a good old-fashioned patriotic swimdress like the one I’ve got on now,” she did say.
“This Botany Bay is not our United States,” he said. “It makes sense that they will not have an American flag swimdress even here in the swimdress capital of the world.”
“I bet that I can find the second best swimdress in the world here at Botany Bay, though, Flanders,” said Miss Genus.
“Maybe both the second best and the third best,” he said.
“Flanders, I love shopping with you,” said Heidi.
“And I, with you, girl,” he said.
“Shopping spree, look out—here we come!” said Miss Genus.
“And a fourth best and a fifth best,” he said to her.
“Boyfriend, you will overfill my closet with swimdresses,” she praised him.
“The better for us to have our next date in your closet,” he said to her.
“A good swimdress is not cheap,” she said.
“Then we best stock up this day,” he said to her in convincing manner.
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Just then Heidi heard a sound from outside. She cocked her brunette head and listened.
Flanders said, “Heidi, do you hear what I hear?”
“It sounds like little thuds one after another,” she said.
“It sounds like hooves galloping upon the sand,” he said.
“And it sounds like it is coming toward us,” she said.
“It sounds bigger than Dark or Black,” he said.
“That is no horse out there that we do hear,” said the swimdress shopper.
“I’ve got to see what it is,” said Flanders.
“I think it best to stay inside, Flanders,” she said.
“I’ve got to go outside and see,” he said.
Then there arose a panic among the people outside on the beach. Flanders and Heidi stood there, not knowing what to do. Something bad was happening here in idyllic Botany Bay. There was suddenly trouble in paradise. And all manner of bedlam and alarm was happening right outside the door of this Three Sisters’ Swimdress Shoppe.
Heidi grabbed Flanders’s arm with both hands, and he dashed for the door to see what was going on out there, and she followed him, holding on to his arm.
Just then three women’s voices called out to them from within the store. One woman said, “Do not go out there.”
A second woman said, “Do stay inside.”
And a third woman said, “Do not look.”
And Flanders and Heidi stepped outside and suddenly a great bulk of a beast, half man and half horse galloped past them—right in front of their very noses! And they were pressed back against the shop door hard against their backs. And the great beast went on by. Swimdress women and swimsuit guys fled to the right and to the left of where this great beast was galloping. And Flanders and Heidi
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saw what it was. It was a centaur with a bow and arrows and a quiver. He held his bow in his left hand, and a strap upon his bare left shoulder held the quiver of arrows along his bare back. And his face was hirsute with red like his head.
In great fear, Flanders and Heidi saw this centaur reach down with his right hand and pick up a fleeing swimdress woman with his right arm. And with great strength he held her tightly along his side. And he galloped away with her, kicking and flailing, to a place Flanders and Heidi dared not guess.
Then the three from inside came out to join the two outside.
“Poor woman,” said one of three women.
“Off to his centaur den,” said another of the three women.
“She will be violated,” said a third of the three women.
“What is a centaur like him doing here?” cried out Heidi.
To this, one of the three women said, “What are all of the centaurs doing here?”
“There are others like this centaur?” asked Flanders in apprehension.
“There are many others like him here,” said one of the three women.
And another of the three women said, “Botany Bay is not a safe place for swimdress women.”
“Flanders, maybe we should go back inside,” said Heidi.
“I would feel safer inside, too,” agreed Flanders.
Botany Bay was not paradise after all. And the five all went back into the Three Sisters’ Swimdress Shoppe. One of the women of the three said, “You two must be new here.”
Then Flanders and Heidi did a double-take. These three women were identical triplets. And these identical triplets were all dressed alike in the same swimdress style—one in solid black; one in solid blue; and one in solid purple.
Heidi spoke and said, “You three are all identical.”
“My name is ‘Nöel,’” said the woman in the black swimdress.
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“And my name is ‘Carol,’” said the woman in the blue swimdress.
“And my name is ‘Advent,’” said the woman in the purple swimdress.
“Then you must be the ‘three sisters,’ on the sign,” said Flanders.
“That we three are,” said Nöel.
“What was that all about out there just a moment ago?” asked Miss Genus in fears.
“That was the Devil at work,” said Nöel.
“I never thought to envision the Devil being here of all places,” said Flanders.
“This is supposed to be Botany Bay,” said Heidi in dismay.
“Evil abounds here and everywhere else in the world as long as Satan continues his rebellion against Jesus,” said Carol.
“Those centaurs are positively satyrs,” declared Flanders.
“By God’s mercy, He will not allow any of those centaurs to come into this swimdress shop,” said Advent.
“Then this Three Sisters’ Swimdress Shoppe is a sanctuary from those charging centaurs,” said Heidi.
“That it is, fine lady,” said Advent.
“Indeed all such swimdress boutiques of this land are refuges from the evil centaurs here in Botany Bay,” said Nöel.
“We came from far away and had no idea about wild centaurs run amok like that one out there.”
said Flanders.
“The three names that you three sisters have,” said Heidi. “’Nöel’ and ‘Carol’ and ‘Advent’: they all sound like they all have to do with Christmas.”
“Indeed,” said Nöel. “I was named after that great Christmas hymn, ‘The First Nöel,’”
“And I was named ‘Carol,’ as in ‘Christmas carol,’ said Carol.
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“And my name ‘Advent,’ commemorates Christ’s First Advent, which was Christmas,” said Advent.
“Do you three love Christmas?” asked Flanders.
“Oh, we do,” said Nöel. “We three were all born on Christmas.”
“And on Christmas Eve and on Christmas day, our Great Saviour drives away all the evil centaurs out of Botany Bay here for those two days of the year,” said Carol. “In honoring the birth of Jesus two thousand years ago, God allows this Botany Bay to be the paradise it was meant to be.”
“Is there snow here on Botany Bay in the Christmas time of the year?” asked Heidi.
“No. There is not,” said Advent.
“That’s sad,” said Miss Genus.
“Christmas without snow,” said Flanders. “What is Christmas in a place without snow?”
The triplet swimdress twins spoke and said, “What is Christmas about other than our Good Lord?” There was great compassion in their tones.
“To us Christmas is Santa and presents, and little kids,” confessed Heidi.
“Nay, O friends,” said Nöel. “As we Christians say, ‘Jesus is the reason for the season.’”
“We believers choose to keep Christ in Christmas.” said Carol.
“Do remember the First Coming,” said Advent.
“How come you gals say that?” asked Flanders.
“Should we tell them?” asked Nöel to her two sisters.
Carol said, “Yes. They need to know.”
And Advent said, “Tell them, Nöel.”
“Tell us what, may we ask?” asked Heidi.
And Nöel said, “Anyone on this earth who does not have Jesus Christ as his or her own personal Saviour is as wicked in God’s eyes as the centaurs who stalk this Botany Bay.”
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“What a thing to say to a woman!” exclaimed Heidi Genus, offended.
“I am not a bad guy like those centaurs!” exclaimed Flanders in offense.
“Flanders, I don’t like it here in this swimdress store anymore,” said Heidi.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said. “They make me feel unwelcome.”
“Comparing us two to the demons,” said Heidi. “What gall.”
“We will not be back,” said Flanders. “Good day to you three ladies.”
“Such arrogant women that those Jesus people are, Flanders.” said Miss Genus. “I tell you.”
And as the two walked out the door, the three all said in kindness and sincerity and compassion, “We three sisters will be praying for you two.”
Once back outside on the beach, Heidi Genus asked Flanders, “Now what should we do?”
“I don’t know about you, but I am going to look at girls now,” he said.
“I think for myself I will look for some other swimdress shops out here to browse around in,” said Heidi.
“Have fun,” said Flanders.
“You, too, Flanders,” said Heidi. “Take as long as you want.”
And the two went on to occupy themselves apart for a little while here at the swimdress capital of the world.
And Flanders wandered around Botany Bay admiring all of the swimdress ladies here. Indeed swim dresses were made for well-built girls. He admired the skirts of the swimsuits as they blew about a swimdress woman’s waist in the winds outside here. He often waited to see the winds blow the swimdress skirts up above their hips and reveal the part of the swimdress that directly covered their nether regions. Sometimes he saw a lot of swimsuit down there under the skirt. Other times he saw only a little of swimsuit down there under the skirt. It depended upon the wind. Lots of swimdress women here at Botany Bay had straw hats upon their heads. Heidi had more than once said to him,
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“Swimsuit girls always wear straw hats.” But Heidi never had a straw hat to go with her swimdress.
She would look good in one. He would buy her one at this Botany Bay later on today.
He then went to wade out into the sea that bordered Botany Bay. He then remembered the swimdress lady kicking and screaming in the strong arm of the centaur who had grabbed her and was carrying her away. He trembled at this strange evil in this good place. From the sea, about knee high now, he quickly scanned the beach to see if there were another one coming to assault and to carry away.
He did not see any centaur right now on the beach. He quickly searched the sea around himself to see if there were any centaurs in the water who might do bad things. There were no centaurs in the sea. He thought to look up in the sky, but then he remembered having seen no wings on that centaur that ran off. There could be no centaurs in the sky. He was scared. And he was alone. And he worried for Heidi. As long as she did not step out of a swimdress boutique, she would be safe. And if worse came to worse, he and she could mount Black and Dark, and their winged horses could lift their keepers up into the air and away from the arms of the centaurs. But then he remembered the artillery that the centaur had. Why, a centaur by himself could shoot down all four of them out of the sky with his bow and arrows. Flanders felt like he needed a savior, a higher power, that was stronger than a centaur and that could keep him safe from the centaur archers. Forcing the demons out of his thoughts, he waded out deeper into the sea, and he stood waist high in the ocean. And he looked around at the swimdress women who were playing and swimming and wading about this sea. He felt better now. Swimdress women who were wading had their skirts floating about and all fanned out upon the surface of the sea about themselves. Swimdress girls who were swimming had their skirts do optical illusions of perspective below the water with the natural laws of light refraction. And swimdress ladies walking out of the sea and onto the sand had their skirts clinging to their loins and dripping around their feet. How provocative were swimdresses when they got wet and exuded that swimsuit sheen as they did when drenched,
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He remembered now what Heidi had told him about women’s swimsuits in general, but also specifically one-piece swimsuits and swimdresses like hers and like these here at Botany Bay. Herself, being a woman, knew this kind of thing. She had told him, “Swimdresses feel good on when they are dry. Swimdresses feel better on when they are wet. But swimdresses feel best on when they are wet and under water.” That must be all because of the material that women’s swimwear was made out of. He knew what that fabric felt like. He knew what her swimdress felt like. Sometimes on their dates at her place she would take out her swimdress from her closet and let him feel with his hands what she always felt on her self on days at the beach. It was a most sensuous and erotic material. And here was a whole world of swimdress women that felt the same fabric with the same cut of the cloth that his Heidi Genus had on all the time. What was a daily delight for his Heidi was a pining fetish for him.
Just then he heard a thumping of hooves! He started where he stood. The centaurs were coming! He looked toward the shore with trepidation. And he saw two black horses come running up toward him. He almost cried out for help. Then he knew who they were—Heidi’s Dark and his Black.
He had presumed his two tame and benign equine friends to have been demon centaurs. The relief made him to laugh a little at himself. And they came up to him in the sea, and they played games together in the ocean. What a relief! But the scare did not leave him. And were he exempt from a centaur by reason of his gender, pretty Heidi was most appropriate for a centaur by reason of her gender. And he feared now for his swimdress girlfriend here at Botany Bay. If only God could be here for him. But who was God? He never needed God before. And this Lord Jesus—surely Christ was not the answer. A man like Flanders Arckery Nickels was never going to become a born-again Christian.
Meanwhile Heidi Genus was shopping at the fifth swimdress shop she had found since leaving the Three Sisters’ Swimdress Shoppe. She had seen more swimdresses with more patterns and more colors and more styles here at Botany Bay than she had all of her life in the outside world. They all looked good, and they all called out to her, and they all were worth the money. But she was afraid
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here at Botany Bay so far away from home. There were no centaurs in Wisconsin. And they seemed to be everywhere down here—even though she had seen only one. She needed to be with Flanders. He was her special guy. He could protect her. She must quit shopping now and go look for him and ask him to wrap his arms around her. Inside Flanders’s hug, she believed, no centaur could grab her.
But to find him now, she would have to leave her refuge. Going out of this swimdress boutique meant going out into danger. And Flanders was outside. In fear for her life, Heidi Genus ran out of the sanctuary and out upon the beach, and she called forth Flanders’s name loud and often, and she looked around for him.
Flanders saw his girlfriend in her American flag swim dress, heard her crying out his name in panic, and waved and called forth to her, “Here! Over here!” She ran to him. He ran to her. They met on the sand, and she threw her arms around him.
“I’m scared. Flanders. I’m so scared,” she said.
He put his arms around her hard and long. And he said, “I’m scared, too, Heidi.”
“Let’s leave this Botany Bay, Flanders,” said Miss Genus.
“We must wait for the geese to fly back north,” he said. “We found this place only by following the geese. We can not find our way back home unless we follow the geese.”
“How long will that be, do you think?” she asked.
“I heard it said that they fly only when God tells them to fly,” said Flanders.
“Jesus tells them when to fly?” she asked.
“That’s what the legends say,” he told her.
“Not Jesus!” said Heidi.
“I feel the same way, Heidi. I feel the same way,” said Flanders.
“What are we going to do?” asked Heidi.
“I think that we will have to wait a while,” he said.
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“I could lose my innocence with all of these centaurs running around,” said Heidi. “And you could be killed.”
“What else can we do?” he asked.
“We must not ask Christ to help,” she said.
“Only weak people have to depend upon Jesus,” said Flanders.
“We don’t need Jesus,” she said.
“You and I do not need God for a crutch,” said Flanders.
The two heard a woman cry out. They looked around in terror. They saw no centaurs. The woman who cried out was a swimdress woman who was having a happy and benevolent roughhousing with her manfriend at the edge of the waves. She was okay. It was a false alarm for Flanders and Heidi. All was quite well.
“Woe!” said Flanders.
“Wow!” said Heidi.
“I thought that it was a charging centaur,” confessed Flanders.
“I thought for sure that I was a goner,” said Miss Genus.
“We two cannot keep on like this in this place,” said Flanders.
“If I have to stay here a little longer, I am going to lose my mind,” said Heidi.
“Those three sisters said that they would be praying for us,” said Flanders.
“I am beginning to think differently now about what they promised,” said Heidi.
“They are into that ‘Saviour of the world,’” said Flanders.
“You and I both need saving,” she said.
“I need to be saved from the centaurs’ artillery,” he said.
“And I need to be saved from the centaurs’ probing hands,” said Heidi.
“Could this Saviour save us from those centaurs?” asked Flanders, considering Jesus now for
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his first time.
“I don’t know about you, Flanders, but I would rather ask Jesus for help now than to have to get raped by a centaur,” said Heidi.
“So unthinkable bestiality!” gasped Flanders in facing the real danger for his real girlfriend.
“Maybe we two should both go back to the first swimdress boutique, hope that they are still there for the day, and apologize to all three of them,” said his swimdress girlfriend.
“If anybody here in Botany Bay could help us, it has to be them,” agreed Flanders.
They quickly joined hand-in-hand and ran back in the direction of Three Sisters’ Swimdress Shoppe to find it and get help.
They found it very soon. They came to the door. And there was a sign that read, “Out for break. We’ll be back at four o’clock.”
Flanders pulled out his pocket watch from his shirt pocket. It said “Three fifty-five.”
“Only five minutes from now, Heidi,” he said with a sigh of relief.
“Five whole minutes!” cried out Heidi, fear of centaurs clearly in her voice.
Just then Dark and Black came galloping toward them where they stood, and the horses stopped, looked at their keepers, and for some reason gave forth an unsettling and strange-sounding neigh almost like a warning alarm.
“What’s with you, Black?” asked Flanders in some rebuke and incomprehension.
“It’s going to happen, Flanders!” cried out Heidi Genus. “Dark knows, and she’s telling me! And Black knows, and he’s trying to tell you!”
“What do our horses know that we do not know?” asked Flanders in confusion and panic.
“I’m going away!” cried out Heidi. “Do you hear it—the hooves upon the sand?”
“I will not let you go!” he said.
“Then hold me now, please, my Flanders!” cried out the swimdress woman.
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He reached out to grab her outstretched hands. Suddenly a great form was between them. And a great force crashed into him. And a great strength grabbed a hold of Heidi and lifted her up and took her from him. He was knocked hard against the swimdress shop door. The three triplet sisters were here. And a centaur was carrying away Miss Genus, kicking and screaming and flailing her arms about.
And Flanders Nickels took action as of a man seeking vengeance. He at once mounted Black, and he commanded him, “Giddy-up!” And he said to Dark, “Follow us!” And he said to the two “Fly!”
And he and the two winged horses ascended up into the air. By this way did Flanders pursue this centaur. The centaur, very fleet, had a great head start on Flanders. His hooves were like thunder and lightning. But winged horses are faster in the air than ground centaurs are on the ground. Flanders did not think what he would do were he to get to the centaur. His focus was only on rescuing the girl in distress, the woman whom he cared for the most of all people.
Meanwhile Miss Genus saw Flanders up above, and she saw their two noble black horses with him. And she came upon an idea. She must somehow empty the centaur’s quiver of arrows. The powerful centaur’s left arm held her right side against his man’s left side in a tight and painful and suffocating clutch. He had to for now hold his bow in his right hand. And his quiver of arrows was slung over his left shoulder and along his back. She thought to reach over with her right hand to tip over his quiver as he galloped. But he had her right arm pinned hard against his right side. Her right hand was held mightily in its place, and she could not free it. And her left arm could not reach his quiver from its position on her wrong side. Likewise her left leg, also, was on her wrong side to kick at the quiver. She tried to lift her right leg to kick at the quiver, but his horse body got in the way of her foot. She then thought to bend her right leg at the knee and to bump her knee up against the bottom of the quiver. And she went ahead and tried it. She struck the bottom of the quiver with her right knee. It
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got knocked about. But no arrow spilled out. The centaur knew what she was up to. But he did nothing about it. He felt invincible. And he was focused only upon what he would do with the woman when they would get to his centaur den not far away. He was wise to Flanders and the two horses behind him and above, as well. But he never minded the man and the flying horses. Heidi kicked again at the quiver with her knee. Again no arrows spilled out. She kicked a third time. And one arrow fell out and landed upon the sand. It lay there, an arrow without a bow. Heidi turned back to it wistfully. And the centaur continued carrying her away to his den of iniquity. Losing an arrow would not disadvantage him were he to have to take on the boyfriend.
Flanders saw that arrow fall out, and he made a quick decision about that arrow. He commanded Black to light upon the ground so that Flanders could pick up the arrow and maybe use that for combat against the centaur in order to rescue his swimdress girlfriend from him. But that allowed the centaur to get away from him. But Dark continued pursuing after the centaur. And Flanders quickly mounted Black and commanded her to resume the chase in the air. But now Flanders lost Dark in this desperate pursuit of the centaur.
Meanwhile, Heidi Genus kicked at the quiver once again. And another arrow fell out of the centaur’s quiver. Flanders could not see this arrow fall from where he was now way back upon Black. Dark could see it from above where she was flying, but what could she do about it? Looking up, Heidi could see that Flanders was no longer with her in this chase. And she cried out for him in fear. She took courage from Dark still in the skies with her. And she kicked another arrow out of the quiver and did watch that arrow fall down upon the sand. And the swimdress woman came upon a plan. And she began to execute it, kicking and letting fall an arrow from the quiver one-by-one for the rest of this carrying off.
Meanwhile, Flanders, flying Black and catching back up, saw an arrow upon the ground, but did not stop to pick it up. He instead continued on to find that wicked centaur. And he soon saw another
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arrow upon the ground. And a third. And he understood. And he said to Black, “Let us follow the arrows so that we may find my girlfriend.”
Then swimdress lady and centaur satyr arrived at his den. The first thing he did was to toss her aside, whereupon she landed most ungainly upon her bottom. Such contempt for a woman with whom he would think soon to have. She got back up. Her ribs hurt her. His hold along her sides had been strong and painful. She sneaked a look upon his quiver where she stood. There was not one arrow left. He did not know this. Or perhaps he did know this and did not care.
This centaur den was a cold and austere cellar type of home. It was a home of a dirt floor and cement block walls and no windows. And it was underground. Its ceiling was all rock like unto a cave. And one got there by a cold dank shaft that led down in a ramp of gravel stones deep down into the earth. And all about was scattered straw that hardly covered the dirt. Indeed her bare feet sank an inch or two into mud when she was fully inside the centaur den. And the cold of winter filled this den in the warm of summer outside. She trembled more for the danger than she did for the cold. The only light in this centaur den came from the shaft whose mouth was like a cave’s mouth.
And he said to her. “Now it’s your turn, O swimdress woman.”
And she saw him throw off his empty quiver and toss off to the side his bow. He was a beast. He was a lecher. He was a demon. How she wished to be in the arms of Jesus now. Were she to be one of Christ’s she would yet have hope. But she knew Jesus not. The very least that could happen to her now were the losing of her chastity. And what woman would not feel dirty for the rest of her life from such as this here in this centaur den? She could even die this day. Where would she go after that?
She cried out to God now. But God was not her Heavenly Father. And He would not hear her.
She had rejected God all of her life. And now she had to suffer for it. Behold, good and faithful Dark, standing at the far end of the shaft, her black equine form silhouetted in the light of the outside.
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Meanwhile Flanders and Black followed the arrows on their trail to the hidden centaur den. And they saw Dark, standing upon the ground, in front of a makeshift and rundown shaft of a structure.
Flanders commanded Black to light, and Flanders silently dismounted and looked into this barren place. All he saw was darkness. He had never seen a centaur den of Botany Bay before, but, having come to a knowledge of such creature’s wickedness, he felt that this was just what a home would look like for such a demon. His Heidi Genus had to be here. And he and the two horses silently sneaked in.
Behold, a bow lying upon the ground all by itself! Flanders stealthily picked it up. And the three pursuers dared go farther into the dark. Flanders now had a bow and one arrow. And his eyes became accustomed to the dark, and he could see things in this centaur den now.
Then there she was! And that dirty rotten centaur of a guy! Heidi, facing Flanders, saw him, and betrayed no knowledge of him to her captor. The centaur, his back to Flanders, could not see him. And the centaur did not know of the man with the artillery and his two black horse comrades here in the den with him.
Thinking himself alone with the swimdress woman in his centaur den, the centaur said to Heidi Phylum Genus, “Now take it all off, my concubine.”
Flanders had taken archery class in high school. He had fired arrows from bows before. And his test scores were always “A’s.” But his archery skills were not as adept as was his archery knowledge. And now he had to slay a centaur with his limited archery skills in an actual battle. He prayed that God help him now in this dire moment. But why should God help a man who all his life had said, “No!” to Jesus? Sure, Christ would probably answer the prayer of a born-again Christian. But surely that same Christ would have no reason to answer a prayer of a Christ rejecter. Even the holy God would not hear his prayer now, himself so lost in his sins as he was without Jesus. His knees and his elbows shaking, he nocked an arrow, drew back the bowstring, and aimed at the centaur’s back side of his man torso.
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And the centaur sought to begin his idyll by putting his right hand upon the shoulder strap over Heidi’s bare shoulder. Just then, sensing danger to her mistress, Dark gave forth a neigh and did charge in toward the centaur from behind. The centaur quickly turned back and stood up and kicked out his horse hoof into the shoulder of charging Dark. And Dark fell to the ground wounded. And right away Black came charging in upon the centaur to contend against evil. And the centaur kicked out his other hoof and struck down Black with a blow to his forearm. Then the centaur saw Flanders standing there about to fire the centaur’s own arrow and own bow back at him! In retaliation, the centaur thought to reach out and grab the swimdress lady and to put her between the arrow and himself. But the centaur was too late. Before the centaur could bring the woman toward himself, the arrow struck him in the chest, pierced his heart, and came out his back.
The centaur fell down at once in a heap, and he did not move, and he did not breathe.
“Flanders, I do believe that he is dead!” sang out Heidi Phylum Genus.
“Dead? Him? A centaur?” asked Flanders in jubilation.
“I see blood coming out of him,” said Heidi, “lots of blood.”
“The centaur is dead!” exclaimed Flanders Nickels.
“You slew him, O good Flanders,” sang out the swimdress girlfriend.
“Nay,” said Flanders. “Jesus slew the centaur.”
“I have been saved this day from a centaur’s lust and its consummation,” said Heidi Genus.
“And I have been saved from a centaur’s bow and arrows and their certain death that they would have been of me,” said Flanders.
“That Jesus the Lord has saved us both today,” said the swimdress girl.
A thoughtful moment passed between unsaved boyfriend and unsaved girlfriend.
And she said, “We could have died and ended up in a worse place than even this centaur den, Flanders.”
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“I know what you mean, Heidi,” he said. “Were we to die this day, we would truly now be in Hell forever, where the fires are.”
“Isn’t that where those without Christ go?” she asked.
“We are yet without Christ, Heidi,” he said.
“If we had died in this den today, we would both forever miss out on going to the one Place that is better then a Botany Bay without centaurs,” said Miss Genus.
“We would miss out forever on Heaven,” he said, understanding her words clearly.
“Where those without Christ can never go,” said the swimdress girlfriend.
Again Flanders Nickels said, “We are both without Christ, Heidi.”
“We need to be saved from our sins, O Flanders,” said Heidi Genus.
“We both need the Saviour Jesus Christ,” said Flanders.
“We both know three swimdress sisters who know Christ as Saviour,” said Heidi.
“Back at the Three Sisters’ Swimdress Shoppe,” he did say.
“They said that they would pray for us,” said Miss Genus.
“They are probably praying for us right now,” said Flanders.
“They saw my centaur foe grab me and carry me away,” said Heidi.
“They can help us to find Jesus,” said Flanders.
“And that’s what we want to do right now,” said Heidi, “to find Jesus.”
“Let’s all get out of this centaur den. It’s creepy in here,” said Flanders.
‘I want to breathe in the open air again,” she said.
Black was back on his feet. He was stepping about carefully. But his forearm was going to be okay. And as for Dark, she was also standing and walking gingerly. And her shoulder was going to be all right. And horses and keepers quickly hastened up out of the centaur den and came back outside again.
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And keepers mounted horses and said, “Rise up,” and “Fly,” and “Take us back to the three sisters.” And Flanders and his American flag swimdress girl flew back to that first swimdress boutique that they had seen this day.
Flanders and Heidi saw the three triplets kneeling upon the sand in front of their swimdress shop, their heads bowed in prayer: Nöel in her black swimdress; Carol in her blue swimdress; and Advent in her purple swimdress. And the identical triplets did not see the four until the two horses lighted beside their prayer circle.
“Why, look! You’re back!” called forth Nöel in surprise.
“We were praying for you to come back,” said Carol.
“Who’d have thought?” said Advent.
“You have been praying this whole while?” asked Heidi.
“Ever since he took you away,” said Nöel.
“God has answered your prayers,” said Flanders with good faith.
“You’re both okay?” asked Carol.
“We are okay,” said Flanders.
“What became of the centaur?” asked Advent.
“My boyfriend slew him,” said Heidi.
“You slew a centaur?” asked Advent, awed.
“I would say that God slew the centaur,” said Flanders, giving God the glory.
“I’m glad to see you both back,” said Carol.
“We came back to ask a favor,” said Heidi Genus.
“Ask, and we will see if it be okay in God’s eyes,” said Nöel.
“We would like to get saved,” said Flanders.
“Flanders and I want Christ as our Saviour,” said Heidi.
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“That is indeed very most okay in the Lord’s eyes,” said Nöel in great exultation.
“We three sisters were praying for you two the most for that,” said Carol.
“The Lord has answered our prayers twofold,” said Advent.
“What must we do to get saved?” asked Flanders.
“Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved,” said Carol.
“How do we come to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?” asked Heidi.
“Simply ask the Lord for the free gift of eternal life,” said Advent.
“How do we ask the Lord for the free gift of eternal life?” asked Flanders.
“Just pray,” said Nöel.
“What do we pray?” asked Heidi and Flanders together.
And the three identical triplet swimdress girls all said, “We can lead you through the prayer line-by-line.”
“I need to do that,” said Flanders.
“And I need to do that, too,” said Heidi Genus.
And Advent and Carol looked upon Nöel. And Nöel said, “May I have the honor to lead you two searching souls to the Saviour?”
Flanders and Heidi replied a “Yes,” with sincere nodding of their heads.
And Nöel said, “Repeat after me line-by-line this prayer that I will say for you.”
And Flanders and Heidi nodded another “Yes.” with their heads.
And this was the sinner’s prayer that the woman in the black swimdress led Flanders and Heidi through unto so very great salvation:
“Dear Father Who is in Heaven:
I have sinned, do sin, and will sin again. Because of this, I must
go down forever to the fires of Hell and burn. But You love me.
And You do not want me to go down there. And You sent Your
Son Jesus Christ down to Earth to pay the penalty for all of my
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sins. On the cross of Calvary He did shed His sinless blood for
- And there He did die for me in my place as a substitutionary
sacrifice. Three days later, He arose from the dead. Christ lived
again. And Christ lives today. I am sorry for being bad, when
You want me to be good. And I am sorry for being not good.
when you want me to be not bad. Forgive me of and cleanse
me from and help me to repent of all of my sins, O Lord.
Only You can save me. I cannot save myself. O Son of God
and God the Son, please become my personal Saviour, and let
me through Heaven’s gates when it comes my turn to go. I
would rather spend eternity with You in Heaven than to spend
eternity with Satan in Hell. Thank You, Jesus, for saving my
soul.
In Your name I pray all of this.
Amen.”
The five looked up from prayer. As Nöel was praying Flanders and Heidi through their sinners’
prayer, Carol was silently praying that the two seeking Jesus do not change their minds, and Advent
was silently praying that no centaur would come charging up and disrupting this sinners’ prayer in its
middle. All was well now in the end. Flanders and Heidi were now born-again Christians, whose
eternal destinies were now forever sealed in Heaven for when their time came to leave this Earth. They
needed no more again to ever worry about going to the fires of Hell.
“I’m in God’s family with you three right now,” said Heidi.
Carol said, “You are now our sisters-in-Christ.”
And Advent said, “You have become now a daughter of God.”
And Flanders said, “I am now a believer like you three.”
And Advent said, “You have become our brother-in-Christ,
And Carol said, “The Bible calls you a ‘son of God.’”
And Nöel said, “Commendations to the two of you for making the best decision in your life.
You two have been born again into God’s family.”
“I am happy now,” said Heidi.
“And I am content now,” said Flanders.
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“We are happy for you and content for you, also,” said Nöel. “I and my two little sisters.”
“I thank you three very, very much,” said Miss Genus.
“I am forever grateful,” said Flanders.
“Amen!” said Nöel.
“The Lord be praised,” said Advent.
“The Lord be glorified,” said Carol.
“The Lord be honored,” said Nöel.
“Well, Flanders,” said Heidi. “Should we go back home?”
“We have to wait till the Lord sends the geese for us,” said Flanders.
“What should we do in the meantime?” asked Miss Genus.
“We can still do our Botany Bay shopping that we both so looked forward to,” said Flanders.
“What better place to do all of our Botany Bay shopping together than right here where we got saved from our sins?” asked Heidi Genus.
“I can find no better swimdress boutique than this Three Sisters’ Swimdress Shoppe,” agreed Flanders.
And they began shopping for the perfect swimdress for his swimdress girlfriend.
They searched every department, every rack, every hanger, till they knew this swimdress shop almost as well as the three sisters did. All the swimdresses looked just right to Heidi and irresistible to Flanders. But they wanted the perfect one for her. And Heidi and Flanders decided upon a white swimdress with black punctuation marks scattered throughout front and back and left and right and up and down. Upon a field of white were periods and question marks and exclamation points; commas and semicolons and colons; apostrophes and quotation marks; parentheses and brackets and braces; hyphens and dashes.”
“I like this one the best, Flanders,” said Heidi. “Could you buy me this one?”
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“I would be most honored to buy this one for you, my Heidi,” said Flanders.
“Oh, good. We’ll take it, O sisters,” said Heidi Genus.
“I sure wish that I could buy you two swimdresses, Heidi,” said Flanders. “Would you like more than just this one?”
“This one surely has to be the best of all of Botany Bay’s swimdresses, Flanders,” said Heidi.
“I will be happy with just this one.”
“It will make a great complement in your closet to the swimdress that you have on now,” said Flanders.
Then Nöel spoke up and said, “Oh, by the way, I think that we three sisters have in our backroom a swimdress a lot like this one.”
“One just like this?” asked Heidi, holding her swimdress against herself in a hug, hanger and all.
And Nöel said, “I think that it is just like it, but opposite.”
“Just like this one, but opposite?” asked Flanders.
“May I take a peek at it?” asked Heidi.
“I would be glad to bring it out to you for a good hard look at it,” said Nöel. And she went to the backroom, was there for but a short time, and came back out with a swimdress on its hanger.
It was a black swimdress with white punctuation marks all around upon its pattern. There were those same marks—periods and question marks and exclamation points; commas and semicolons and colons; apostrophes and quotation marks; parentheses and brackets and braces; hyphens and dashes. Where the swimdress that Heidi held in her hands was white with black punctuation marks. The swimdress that
Nöel was holding was black with white punctuation marks.
“Oooo!” sang out Heidi, most pleased.
“Yeah!” said Flanders in accord and great favor.
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“May I change my mind and get this one, too, Flanders?” asked Heidi Phylum Genus.
“A swimdress girl of mine cannot have the one without also having the other,” said Flanders, pulling out his wallet. “And I feel the same way. I will buy both of them for her, Nöel.”
“Good choice, sir,” said Nöel.
“Great idea,” said Carol.
“Well done, sir,” said Advent.
And the three sisters rang up the two swimdresses, and Flanders paid cash for the purchase.
“Thanks, Flanders,” said Miss Genus. “Now we are done.”
“Oh. One more thing, girlfriend,” said Flanders.
“What’s that, Flanders?” asked his swimdress girlfriend.
“My swimdress girl deserves a straw hat,” he said.
“A straw hat?” she asked, remembering.
“A straw hat, like what swimsuit girls always wear in the swimsuit ads,” he told her. And he had the three sisters to ring up a nice straw hat for his girlfriend. She at once put on her new straw hat.
Then she said, “Are we ready now to go back home, O wonderful boyfriend?”
“I hope the geese come soon,” he said.
“I think that I hear geese now up in the sky outside,” said Heidi Genus.
“I do, too, now,” he said. “We better get going. Nobody ought to keep God waiting when He does His miracles.”
“I thank you three very, very much,” said Heidi Genus.
“And so do I,” said Flanders Nickels.
“God bless you,” said Nöel.
“God be with you,” said Carol.
“God keep you,” said Advent.
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And the newly-saved boyfriend-and-girlfriend–now boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ–raced outside, quickly mounted their black mare and their black stallion, and lifted up into the skies to follow the geese back home to Wisconsin.
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