Flanders Nickels, a born-again Christian, prays that God give him a pretty girl in a pretty prom gown for a girlfriend. Meanwhile a born-again Christian lady in a prom gown, also a born-again believer, prays that God bring back into her life prayer meeting to enjoy. Her name is Patricia Whiz Bang—the blonde bombshell. They meet, bond in fellowship, and become boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ, and their prayers are answered. Behold, another prom dress girl comes along, comely Kyrie Key Kendricks. And this woman comes between Flanders and Patricia.
THE BLONDE BOMBSHELL
By Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
He was alone with God in his favorite prayer site outside here in nice warm summer of June in Wisconsin. And he was remembering a girl. This prayer site was a secluded and private little place amid branches and leaves and bushes, He was sitting upon a flat-topped large rock that sloped downward. And before him flowed the Fox River. And behind him was Wells Park. He was at the base of the sloping bank. His legs were stretched out. His bare feet were in the river. And the shade about him kept him cool in this sunny summer daylight. And his prayer once again was fervent and effectual here where no one saw him. The wind was strong and somewhat loud, and this combination enhanced his spirit of this prayer. He saw a seagull hovering above the river right in front of him. At first he thought that the wind was too strong for the seagull to go forward. But then he thought that the seagull were hovering, because it was looking for fish. How good it felt to pray. How sad it felt to have let the girl get away. Her name was Kyrie, and she was lost in her sins. His name was Flanders, and he was saved from his sins. That was why he lost the girl out of his life. Born-again Christians
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are supposed to not date girls who are not born again themselves. And girls who are not born again themselves wish not to date born-again Christians like himself. His Saviour had come between them. And he was on his Saviour’s side. God was right. She was wrong. He was lonely.
“Brown hair rules,” Kyrie used to say. His hair was brown, and she liked that in him.
And he went on to say, “Yes, my brunette. Brown hair rules!” He preferred girls to have brown hair. That was why he was first attracted to her. Kyrie was a tall and slender young woman who flirted with him at work together in the grocery store. She was the cashier, and he was the bagger. Never before had a pretty girl flirted with him. There were times when a plain girl flirted with him, but that was just okay for Flanders. And there were those pretty girls who did not flirt with him, but he was glad that they were pretty to him anyway, and that was good for Flanders. But with Kyrie, he found a pretty woman who thought that he was handsome. Kyrie Key Kendricks was the first woman of her kind to come into Flanders’s life of lonesomeness. And for Flanders, it was like a first crush in its magic spell. “Kyrie likes you, you know,” the dairy manager told him. “Kyrie is not a very nice girl,” said another cashier to him, who was looking out for him. “Flanders, did you make a date with the check-out clerk yet?” asked the presumptuous store manager. “She’s too tall for you,” said the store bookkeeper. And his favorite fellow worker said, “Oo, go after her!” But Pastor warned him, “Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, Brother Flanders.” Pastor Royal was right. God said those words in the Holy Bible. And God was Truth, and the Bible was truth. Flanders was indeed a spiritual believer growing mightily in the Lord. Were he to date this pretty brunette, he would end up becoming a backslidden Christian and turn into a carnal believer, maybe even lose his own precious purity.
How did he remember this day Kyrie best? As the prom gown girl in black. Her prom dress was made of sleek black acetate and fine black lace. It was from the old days of prom fashions around 1989 and 1990. And it had a bodice with strings over the shoulders and a jacket with padded shoulders and long sleeves, and a skirt that reached most of the way to the ankles. She had asked him to her high
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school prom, and he was already a man in his twenties; and she, a girl of eighteen. He never did answer her proposal. She did not ask him a second time. The girl got away to the glory of God.
Kyrie Key Kendricks, was in Flanders’s little world of emotions, what he endearingly called “my Fable.” “Fable,” by his own little definition, had two meanings to him. For one, a “Fable” was a “prom gown girl.” For another, a “Fable” was a “real living girlfriend.” And his Kyrie could have become his real living prom dress girlfriend–two Fables in one woman. What an idyll a Fable like Kyrie could have brought into his lonely life. The dress was elegant. The lady was elegant. The prom would have been elegant. And being a boyfriend to Kyrie would have been elegant. He even went and wrote story about her in paper and pencil. It was called, “The Woodland Nymph.” And it was his best-kept secret. And he wrote a special remembrance of Kyrie for himself upon an index card. This, too, was in pencil and paper. And it said the following:
“’Prom gown”
In French, ‘robe de bal.’
In Spanish, ‘vestido de gala.’
In German, ‘prom kleid.’”
This was his second-best kept secret. And he had four special yearbooks from Kyrie’s high school years, and in them pictures of this fair young woman throughout. This was his third-best kept secret. In his walk with Christ he wrote five witness letters to her to tell her of her need for Christ and of his many prayers for her salvation. In one letter he wrote out a sample sinners’ prayer for herself. And he wrote the truth that if she prayed the words of this little prayer in this letter, then she would become born-again. This letter right after said that if she did pray this prayer, then “a pretty girl with pretty hair has just gotten saved.” In no other of his many witness letters to lost souls out there had Flanders made seeking salvation so easy as he did in this letter to fair Kyrie. Salvation was free to all who prayed and asked for it. That was why salvation was called, “the free gift of eternal life” and “the free gift of everlasting life.” He never knew if his especial Fable had ever prayed this prayer thus written down.
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At the time he went to the Deb Store many times to see if he could find Kyrie’s black prom dress to look at it and to touch it on the racks. She said that that was where she had bought that. But he never found it there. They were all sold out. He saw other delightful prom gowns there, but none so delightful as his Fable’s prom gown. Then, woe unto him, the prom dress fashions began to change. And they became no longer so irresistible in his eyes. And a couple or so years after, prom dresses no longer made women “elegant ladies in elegant dresses” to him. And prom gowns no longer excited him. It happened in the early 1990’s. And Fables were over in his life. Even Kyrie would not look so good in a contemporary prom dress. Oh for the days of 1989 and 1990 and 1991 to come back again for him. Perhaps Miss Kendricks still had her traditional black prom gown yet in her closet. His literary “woodland nymph” would be real and living and his. And he would go to the prom with her, and he would enjoy the world with her, and he would fellowship with her. The Holy Spirit told him what the Bible told him, “You cannot fellowship with a woman, unequally yoked together.” And he said to God in prayer here in his prayer site at the park, “You’re right. She’s pretty on the outside, and not-so-pretty on the inside.” She would have nothing to do with the God Who had rescued him from an eternity in Hellfire.
Meanwhile at this time, there was another visitor to this Wells Park. She was sitting upon the nice green grass near the top of its slope, a Bible open upon her lap as she read. She had on a golden-yellow prom dress all of acetate, from her own days of high school several years ago. She had a fetish for old-time prom gowns, and they had not make this kind for many years. She wished that she had bought other prom gowns like this when they still made these kind, but she had not. At least she had this one yet. And though she had purchased this prom dress, she had not thought to actually go to a prom for real for herself. This lady was a born-again believer who did not believe in going to proms.
Her pastor often preached against dancing as a sin. And he made sense. She was no slow dancer with any guy. She looked out upon the Fox river from up here by South Broadway Street. She saw the
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other edge of lawn of this little De Pere park. Beyond that was a fence of thick hemp rope dangling down between short thick wooden posts at regular intervals. Then came a lane of gravel stones. Then came the back road—Front Street. Then came another lane of gravel stones. Then came the steep little bank and its shrubs and weeds. Then came the Fox River. She could not see a man praying down there from up here because the steepness of that shore. This born-again Christian lady had much blonde hair—pretty and average-length and straight.
She then came upon the Bible verse Psalm 122:1 and she read it in silence: “I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord.” She pondered it. She remembered old days. She read it out loud now. And she remembered her “days of yesteryear,” when her walk with Christ was blessed with prayer meeting nights at her old church. It was the main part of the service there for every Wednesday Night Bible Study and Prayer Meeting. The men used to get together with the men; the women used to get together with the women; and several prayer circles scattered throughout the auditorium glorified the Lord God with prayer meetings. And, before the chairs were formed into little circles, Pastor always gave ideas and asked his flock for ideas as to what to pray about this evening. This young lady so reveled in these prayer meetings when she listened to fellow women believers praying in their turns. And Emmy, Pastor’s wife, prayed with the greatest of compassion and understanding and faith of all of the women prayer-warriors. And when this blonde lady’s turn came to pray in those good old days, even her own silent prayers in quiet time alone with God in her bedroom had not the spirit and the soul of her verbal prayers with the church ladies. There must have been something about praying out loud with sisters-in-the-Lord that made these prayers come alive with such Holy Ghost inspiration. The blonde lady in the grass at the park prayed in silent sorrow to her loving God, “But Pastor retired, and the church dissolved.” She had no more church to pray with. It was prefaced by those last days of the midweek services and their final prayer meetings. She had come to call these final prayers by the allegory, “La Dernière Classe.” In French IV in high school this
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blonde had read a classic French story by Alphonse Daudet. It, of course, was called “La Dernière Classe.” This French title translated into English as “The Last Class.” In this story, France had lost a battle against Germany, and Germany was taking over this conquered section of France. A little French school was a part of this area. And the children and their teacher knew that their school was no longer going to be a part of France, but instead a part of Germany. And this day was to be their last class. And this classroom was doleful and uncertain and fearful. The end of their liberty as French people was coming. In like manner, for this blonde woman in her final days of church, she saw an end coming to her precious prayer meetings with her sisters-in-the-Lord. They all knew that soon would come their last prayer meeting. As with the literary “last class,” so with the real “last prayer meeting.” She prayed this allegory and explained it in that final prayer circle with the Godly ladies. And the women wept together with God.
Ever since then, this blonde woman prayed for her church to somehow come back. But it never came back. And from then on she prayed every day that God bring back prayer meeting and prayer circles into her life in His way and in His time. And she waited upon God. Her name was “Patricia.”
She then sighed and resumed her Bible study in her King James Bible. She saw still in her hand her little marker with the drawings of unicorns it. This was her bookmark for her Bible studies. She had a white ribbon that went with this white Holy Bible, but she liked unicorns; so she used this instead to mark off where she left off each day. She had got this book marker at the book store in town. She could not remember whether this book store were Walden’s Books or B. Dalton Book Seller. But she loved this book marker, and she still used it all the time here years later. She then set this book marker upon the grass alongside of her golden yellow flounces of acetate. And she returned back to the book of Psalms. Just then the wind picked up this little marker and lifted it up into the air and away from herself where she sat. She grabbed for it, but she missed. It started to blow now toward the big wide river not far away. Picking up her Bible from her lap, she leaped to her feet and did run after this
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necessary little paper. Now it was back upon the ground. She stopped and leaned down to grab it back up. Now the wind carried it out into the little road. She look both ways, saw the way clear, and stepped out into the road to try again to pick it up. Now the wind carried it down the ditch and into a section of shrubbery and branches and leaves. She could not see it in there. She prayed that it did not fly out into the river. And she ran off of the road and carefully climbed down the little steep bank in search for her treasure. “I hope it’s not in the river, Lord,” said Patricia, trusting God for His providence.
Then a man’s voice called out from some hidden place within these bushes, saying to her, “Miss, if this is what you’re praying about, I caught it before it could fall into the water.”
She could see a young man sitting upon a flat edge of rock, a Bible on his lap, and his feet in the water, and his hand holding her bookmark of unicorns.
He could see a blonde bombshell of a woman in a most becoming shiny yellow prom gown and holding a Bible in her hand.
He proffered this bookmark to her, and she accepted it, and she said, “Thank you, kind sir,” and he said, “You’re welcome, pretty miss.”
For a moment both of them were at a loss for words. Indeed a blue-eyed blonde was talking to him and he found her pretty, very pretty in fact. He had never seen a blonde woman with blue eyes to be a desirable girl before. He doubted his heart. For the blonde bombshell, she saw a man with a big overbite and with a goatee and with a mustache that was hardly grown upon his face. And yet he looked quite handsome. Maybe he was a gentleman who treated ladies with courtesy and respect.
He spoke first in official greeting, “The Lord be with you.”
Knowing her Scripture, she said to him, “The words of good Boaz to his workers in his field on their workday.” Then she followed through in like, saying to this cute guy, “The Lord bless thee.”
Also knowing his Bible, this fellow said to her, “The words of Boaz’s workers to their boss at
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their workplace.”
“From Ruth chapter two,” she said in Bible wisdom.
“Ruth chapter two verse four,” he said in greater Bible wisdom.
He could tell to his satisfaction that she were born again like himself. And likewise she could see that this fellow were also born again as she was.
He then stood up from his rock, proffered his hand, and said, “My name is Flanders. Flanders Arckery Nickels.”
She shook his hand, and she said, “And I am Patricia, sir. Patricia Whiz Bang.”
“Glad to meet you, Patricia,” he said.
“And I am glad to meet you, too, Flanders,” she said.
“I have to say, Patricia, ‘You are even prettier than your prom dress,’” he said in sincerity and in great praise.
“A handsome fellow that praises my prom gown, Flanders. That’s a good way for a guy to win a gal’s favor,” said the blonde bombshell. “But then to say that the woman is prettier than her dress, that’s unusual, but I like it!”
“Prom gowns were quite different in those good old days,” he said. “It is good to see an elegant lady in such an elegant dress again after all of these years.”
“It not only looks good, Flanders, but it feels good on, too,” she said.
To make sure where she stood spiritually, he dared to ask her, “You are a born-again Christian. Aren’t you, Patricia?”
“I am,” she said. “Born again by the blood of the Lamb of God, Flanders.”
“I, also,” he said. “Born again by the blood of the Lion of the tribe of Judah.”
“Amen to that!” said the blonde bombshell, so grateful for finding this out about him.
“Do you go to church anywhere, Patricia?” he asked her, eager to find out more about her.
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“I used to,” she said. “But the Pastor retired, and the church dissolved.”
“I think that I heard about that church,” said Flanders.
“It was ‘Lamb of God Fundamental Baptist Church,’” she said.
“You must have had good Pastor Royal for your pastor,” said Flanders.
“I did,” she said.
“He won many souls for Christ,” Flanders praised him.
“Is there a church that you get to go to, Flanders?” asked the blonde bombshell.
“Uh huh, Patricia,” he said with a nod. “Mine is ‘Good Shepherd Independent Baptist Church.’”
“Where is that one located?” she asked.
“In west DePere,” he said.
“My old church was here in east De Pere,” she said.
“My pastor’s name is ‘Pastor Regal,’” he said to her.
“Is he a good pastor?” asked Patricia.
“He has started a house-to-house visitation program with the men and women of our church to knock on every door in De Pere and give out the Gospel to all who will hear us,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Your Pastor Regal must be just like my old Pastor Royal,” she praised him in sincerity.
“He’s a good man of God,” said Flanders.
The blonde bombshell remembered her prayer requests to her Heavenly Father. And she asked Flanders, “Does your church have a midweek service as my old church had?”
“Yes,” he said.
She paused, then tentatively asked, “Flanders, in this midweek service at your Baptist church, does your flock also have a prayer meeting as a great part of the service that night?”
“We do, Patricia,” he said. “I love it lots!”
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She fell upon great reverie upon hearing these words. This church of this cute guy had a weekly prayer meeting among its flock every Wednesday night, just as her old church had. She thought to say, “Thank you, Flanders.” But right now she was too thankful to say it with a steady voice. Words and voice failed her in her answered prayer finally come true.
“Patricia, you’re crying,” he said to her in compassion.
“I have missed my old-time prayer circles, Flanders,” said the blonde bombshell. And she wiped her cheeks with both hands.
“Would you go out with me at church on prayer meeting night this Wednesday, Patricia?” he asked her.
“I will get to pray out loud with other Christian women,” said Patricia in joy and rejoicing.
“I will be honored to be your date at your Baptist church, Flanders.”
Today was Thursday. How could this blonde bombshell wait six days to have prayer meeting back once again in her life?
“Would you like to go on a date with me right here at Wells Park and pray with me, maybe, in a prayer meeting just between the two of us right now, Patricia?” he asked her.
“Yes! Yes!” said the blonde bombshell. “Praying with you alone would be better even than praying with the women in a group. And now is better than later. And I can begin my new life with you with our own little prayer circle, Flanders.”
“Let us come back up to the grass of the park and pray at once, kind Patricia,” he said.
Praise God for Patricia Whiz Bang. In her did Flanders find his first truly valid Fable. This blonde bombshell was both a prom gown girl and a girlfriend-in-the-Lord both at the same. And he said before this woman in prayer up to Heaven, “Thank You, Lord, for my beautiful prom dress girlfriend-in-Christ. In her I have found my dream Fable come true.”
“Amen!” said the blonde bombshell.
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And the Christian couple had a prayer meeting together right up there where she had been sitting in worship alone just a little while ago. And Christian girlfriend and Christian boyfriend were rejuvenated with newfound wonders of magic of romance springing up in their hearts after many good years of their walk in Christ.
God had answered the prayers of Patricia and Flanders. And all was all right and good. And their pining souls and spirits were full of joy of the Lord. And they planned a rendezvous between themselves for here again. They would meet again here two days from now.
The very next day Flanders was at this little park again. He had come here a day ahead of time just to be alone with God and to daydream upon what new things he could do in the Lord with his blonde Fable as his new Christian girlfriend tomorrow. But his conscience convicted him of iniquity. This morning, for some odd reason, the still small voice of the Holy Spirit had told him, “Do not go to Wells Park today. Go to Wells Park tomorrow instead.” But he disobeyed God and went to Wells Park today anyway. And here he was right now. He wanted to “be here with Patricia” in his make-believe. And he daydreamed alone here at this little park’s only picnic table. And his new blonde bombshell in life took away his life’s loneliness.
Just then a prom dress woman came walking toward him from the far edge of the park where the back street intersected with the main street. “Patricia?” he asked, too quietly to be heard. The woman was dressed in a black prom gown. The woman had brown hair. The woman was quite attractive. This lady was not Patricia. His tongue spoke no words.
And the familiar voice so resonant as of an old girlfriend’s voice called out to him, “I thought that I’d find you here, Flanders. I heard that you like this park. Do you remember me?”
Behold, Kyrie Key Kendricks!
“Kyrie?” he asked in uncertainty.
“Flanders, it is you,” she said ardently.
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“Kyrie!” he exclaimed in certainty. It had been a long time since last they had met.
“The one and only, Flanders,” she said in flirt, and she curtseyed before him in her magical black prom gown of shiny acetate and lustrous lace.
“It’s good to see you again,” he said.
“I’ve missed you lots,” said Kyrie.
“What brought you here?” he asked.
“My lonesomeness,” she said. “I kind of want you back, Flanders.”
“Oh,” he said, cautious now about allegiance to this girl.
“Would you forgive me for rejecting Christ?” she asked.
Loyal to his convictions, Flanders said to her, “I cannot date you now, Kyrie, any more than I could have before. You are still lost in your sins.”
“Maybe things can be different now for me,” she said.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I was thinking that maybe I could get saved, and then we two can go out together,” she said.
Alas, too little too late. And he told her now, “Kyrie, I already have a girlfriend now.”
“But still you could tell a lost girl a little about this Jesus for her own good, if you would,” said Kyrie Kendricks.
He was a mighty soul-winner. Surely the soul of this lost gal of all lost gals and guys were still his most cherished lost soul with which to share the Gospel. But was this a trick of an old flame? Was Kyrie a threat to his life with Patricia and to his walk with Christ?
Tentative, he shared the Gospel with this attractive brunette: “Kyrie, did you know that the Lord Jesus died on the cross for your sins and rose again from the dead on the third day?”
“I know that. You told me that in your letters. What about that?” she said.
The powerful Gospel of salvation had no effect upon this girl. Her face showed blankness of
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matter-of-fact upon her features. This most glorious and convicting eternal truth did not faze this “old girlfriend.” The woman was lost in her sins and not ready to get saved from her sins. Her heart was hard, and her eyes were blinded to her need for his Saviour.
He went on to recite to her the following Scripture in rebuke at what he saw in her now: “Kyrie Key Kendricks, it is written in Acts 28:26-27, ‘…, Go unto this people, and say, Hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and not perceive: For the heart of this people is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes have they closed; lest they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them.”
Giving away her true feelings, she said in scorn, “What do I need Jesus for?”
Grabbing on to a piece of her soul, he asked her, “Kyrie, would you like to get saved today?”
And to this eternal question she did say most temporally, “You know that a girl like me is uncomfortable talking about things like that.”
The worst possible answer to the most wonderful question.
And his old “girlfriend” was not so pretty to him now all of a sudden all over again.
Playing the charmer, Kyrie went on to say to him, “Remember our workdays together at the grocery store? I kind of liked you. You kind of liked me. We kind of had a thing together. And all of the workers knew.”
“I was proud to have a woman like you after me like that,” said Flanders. “That kind of thing never happened for me before, Kyrie.”
“’May I sit down with you?” she asked, still standing before him at his picnic table.
He paused not to think or to seek God, and he at once said, “Join me, Kyrie.” And the black prom gown girl sat down across from him at his picnic table.
Lo, Flanders Nickels was now torn between two Fables in his life.
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They talked about their days at work together at that old-time family grocery store: that day that the new owner had reset the whole store and still stayed open for customers in the middle of it all, and also that day the new owner went and put in the scanners for the store, and that day that Kyrie was hired as the new worker among the group, and that pretty cashier’s smock that Kyrie wore at work—short-sleeved and with very narrow green and white vertical stripes—and the smock that Flanders wore at work as a bag boy–short-sleeved and solid green and with two pockets. And when they were done reminiscing, Flanders found himself smitten by this Kyrie like never before.
After this, Kyrie spoke and said to him, “I saw you here yesterday with another woman.”
Ah, his blonde bombshell. Kyrie saw her. Kyrie saw him.
He said to Kyrie, “What were you doing at my park?”
“Following a cute guy to try and get him back,” Kyrie dared to tell him in no shame.
“Another prom gown girl already has her cute guy,” said Flanders firmly.
“I must try and steal him away from her,” said Kyrie so confidently.
Threatened, Flanders said to her, “Try it, woman.” And he looked upon her with a look of authority. Daunted and overcome, the Fable Kyrie stood up, bowed her head, looked away, and walked away. But Flanders knew that all was not over. She would come back again and try to take him away again. He must be true and faithful to his Fable Patricia. The wise and good Lord wanted for him the blonde bombshell. And now he prayed. Perhaps one moment too late.
It was the next day for Flanders Nickels and his blonde bombshell at this Wells Park. This was their most eager rendezvous that they had planned. Patricia in confidence said to him, “’Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.’ I Corinthians 1:3.”
And he responded in like with a parallel Scripture verse from the next book in the Bible: “’Grace be to you and peace from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.’ II Corinthians 1:2.”
“Flanders, you have a look of hesitation upon your face at seeing me for our second time,” said
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the blonde bombshell with the sensitivity of a woman in a crush for her guy.
“Patricia,” he said. “Yesterday, on the day between our first date and our second date, I thought that God told me not to come here. But I came here anyway.”
“You bad man,” she said part in earnest and part in levity.
“I had come here to remember our first date,” he said in truth. “But now I’ve got a sin problem to deal with.”
“Did you sin yesterday at this park, Flanders?” asked the blonde bombshell.
“I believe that I had sinned in my own decision to disobey God and come here, Patricia,” he said. “As to any sin at this park with what came after, I do not think I sinned.”
“What happened here where God told you not go yesterday?” asked Miss Bang.
“Who would have thought that she would come to my park like she did?” asked Flanders in sharing a secret that Patricia had to know about.
“You saw a girl here at the park?” asked the blonde bombshell.
“The woman who had gotten away years ago,” said Flanders. “And she was still dressed in that sleek and elegant black prom gown.”
“Do you like my prom gown, Flanders?” asked Patricia Bang.
He gazed upon her prom dress’s shiny golden yellow fabric in great delight. He nodded his head. “Then he said, “Her name is ‘Kyrie.’”
A short silence ensued; then the blonde bombshell asked him, “Is she still pretty, Flanders?”
He nodded his head and said, “She is, Patricia.”
“But I’m prettier. Aren’t I?” she asked.
In truth and in evaluation, he spoke and said, “You are prettier than she is, Patricia.”
“Why are you troubled seeing an old crush from long ago?” asked the blonde bombshell of a woman.
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“She said that she wants to steal my heart away from you,” said Flanders. “She said that she was here that day we were talking in the grass. She saw you. She saw me. She is jealous.”
“Is she saved, like we are?” asked the blonde bombshell.
“She has rejected the Saviour every time I told her about Him for years,” he said.
“She’s a bad woman,” said Patricia in gravity and no mirth.
“I’ve been thinking about her all these years since I rejected her as girlfriend,” he said. “I never forgot her voice those years, the pretty voice of a pretty girlfriend whom I never dated. And I heard that pretty voice again yesterday. But her words were the words of evil.”
“What’s so hard for a Christian guy to turn down a non-Christian girl?” asked the blonde bombshell.
“She’s doggedly determined not to lose me again as she had those years ago,” said Flanders.
“Flanders, are you familiar with Mark 10:9?” asked the blonde bombshell.
He pondered this reference for a while in his head, then recited the verse by memory to Patricia, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” He then preached, “That is a marriage verse.”
“Well I kind of see it also as a dating verse, Flanders,” said Patricia. “God had brought us together here at this park to be boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-Christ. Did not God use you to answer my prayers and bring my prayer meetings back for me? Amen! Did not God use me to answer your prayers and bring a traditional prom gown girl into your life as girlfriend? Amen! Who are you or who am I to put asunder our God-ordained fellowship as boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-Lord, Flanders?”
Then he said, “Kyrie is spunky.”
“What do you mean with that?” asked the decent blonde bombshell.
He added in reply, “Kyrie is frisky.”
“Do you mean…?” asked the Christian Fable in golden yellow.
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“Kyrie is a fun girl,” he went and said all.
“You mean ‘Kyrie is loose,’” said Patricia.
“She’s not afraid to kiss and hug,” he said in understatement.
“I should say that she’s not afraid to do anything,” said the blonde bombshell in innuendo of greater verity.
“I have to confess to men’s weakness,” he said in a lame and unfair deprecation of his gender.
“You’re not going to lose your chastity with that woman, Are you?” asked Patricia.
“No,” he said. “I am thinking of maybe doing things with that lost Fable that I cannot do with you as a saved Fable..”
“Kisses and hugs,” she stated in subtle equivocation that he understood.
“More than those and less than that,” he said, contrasting wholesome romance to unwholesome romance
“Flanders, the Holy Bible tells about such gals as this that you found for yourself,” warned the blonde bombshell. And she recited the Scripture that she was thinking about, “As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.”
“Proverbs 11:22,” he accurately spoke the reference.
“She’s a pig. Run away from her when she comes back looking for you,” warned Patricia.
“I promise not to go out looking for her,” he said for the cause of Christ.
“You cannot promise that she will not go out looking for you,” said the blonde bombshell.
“I have to be in prayer and ask for Holy Ghost power to resist a femme fatale for an admirer,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Could we have, maybe, a prayer meeting with us two here at this Wells Park right now?” asked Patricia Whiz Bang.
“Let’s,” readily consented Flanders. And they formed a prayer group in the grass and did pray
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together out loud in this isolated and little known park in De Pere.
They then planned their third date of their new relationship for right here again—but this time for the next day and not for the day after the next day. It was best, in Flanders’s eyes, for himself not to come here again without Patricia and risk being alone with Kyrie again. Kyrie knew that this Wells Park was “his home away from home.” Not a day was going to go by now without him and his blonde bombshell getting together for a date and for fellowship. And Patricia loved this simple little park by the river as he did.
The date was for noon. And he got there all excited a few minutes before noon. Noon came upon his pocket watch. The blonde bombshell was not prompt. Indeed this was unusual for a woman who claimed salvation long ago. Then his phone rang. He picked it out of his pocket and answered it. It was Patricia. She got called in to work unexpectedly. She had to cancel their precious date at the park. And she was crushed in her spirit. Flanders was disappointed. He said, “Keep the faith. I’ll miss you. See you tomorrow.”
And she asked, “Same time? Same place?”
He said, “Yes.”
She said, “I can’t wait.”
Flanders Nickels was alone now at Wells Park. In discouragement, he began to walk back home. Just then Kyrie came walking down Front Street. She was in that sultry black prom dress again. And in her hands was a whole loaf of bread.
He groaned in angst before her.
Tenacious, Miss Kendricks said in kindness, “Do you want to know why I brought all of this bread to the park, Flanders?”
He sighed in malaise.
Not giving up, she said, “It’s to feed the seagulls.”
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Fearful of the old prom gown admirer, he said, “It looks like you’ll have to feed the seagulls without me, Kyrie.”
Sweet and with cares, she said to him now, “I was thinking, Flanders. If you joined me in feeding the seagulls, maybe you can tell me what I need to learn about God.”
“I don’t believe you,” he said in suspicions.
“You do not believe me. You might believe me a little. But wouldn’t it be worth a try to join me today in my fun and maybe get me saved like yourself?” asked Kyrie Key Kendricks.
“You are a sly devil, Kyrie,” he said.
“I love seagulls,” said Miss Kendricks. “Do you like seagulls?”
“I love seagulls,” he said the truth about himself.
“I feed the seagulls most of the time at Voyageur Park three blocks away from here. It’s a much bigger park than your park. But I was hoping to get to talk to you again today,” she said.
“I never got to feed seagulls before,” he said. “How do you do it?”
“Just stand in the grass, toss out a few pieces of bread, and there you have it,” she said.
He looked around at this Wells Park. He said, “There aren’t any seagulls around to eat this bread, Kyrie.”
“They will come,” she said. “And very soon.” She then took out a piece of bread from the bag and tossed it out into the grass. She then tossed a second piece of bread out on the grass. Then a third piece of bread upon the grass.
“I don’t see any seagulls here, Kyrie,” he said in doubts.
Just then a seagull came in upon them where they stood. And he lighted upon the ground before one of the pieces, and he leaned down his beak and grabbed a bit from the piece, and he swallowed it.
“Where did that one come from?” asked Flanders in marvel. “He must have come from the river.”
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Right after, two more seagulls came from that direction. Kyrie said, “They came from the other side of the river, from the west end of town.”
“How did they know to come here?” he asked in wonder.
“God gave seagulls great instinct,” Kyrie praised the Creator.
“God is a Great Maker,” he said in trust now.
“Would you like to try now, Flanders?” she asked.
“I’d like that a lot, Kyrie,” he said. And she gave him three pieces of bread to toss out for the majestic seagulls. And now a whole flock of those beautiful scavengers were all about in the green grass of Wells Park, picking away at the food and singing their songs and fighting each other.
“Would now be a good time to tell me about Jesus, Flanders?” asked the brunette Fable.
And Flanders gave the doctrine of salvation now to Kyrie for his first time verbally: “Kyrie, the first thing a person needs to know is that he or she is a wretched sinner in the eyes of the holy God. We both know that the Lord is a God of love. But the Lord is even more a God of holiness. And a holy God hates unrighteousness and loves righteousness. God Almighty cannot look upon sin. In Habakkuk 1:13 it says about God, ‘Thou art of purer eyes than to behold evil, and canst not look on iniquity:’
And all of us people are born in sin. We sin willingly from the beginning of our life unto the end of our life. And God declared the eternal fires of Hell to be our harvest we reap as sinners. That is, the only way we can pay for our sin is to burn in Hell forever. And this is our punishment even if we committed only one sin. And who of us has not sinned lots? Well, God looked down from Heaven, saw us in our lost and dying nature, and had compassion for us. He did not want any of us to go down to Hell. Remember how he is also the God of love. He wanted all of us to go up to Heaven in our time. The Father had to find a way for Himself to pay for our sins so that we didn’t have to be doomed forever in fires. And He sent His only begotten Son Jesus Christ down to Earth as the Saviour of the world.
So Jesus left the glories of Heaven, became born of a virgin, and lived a sinless life. This Jesus was
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a man Who lived a perfect life, and Who did not one sin, and Who did all that His Heavenly Father had Him to do without fail. Hence God in the flesh. Only this God man was qualified to become our Redeemer. And He knew that He had come to Earth in order to die for mankind. And He faithfully carried out His mission. He willingly gave up His body on the cross of Calvary. This Son of God and God the Son allowed wicked people to nail His hands and His feet upon the cross and to hang Him up there. Jesus shed His perfect blood to pay for all of the sins of all of us of all history. And God died! But He did not stay dead. Three days later, because death could not keep Him, Christ arose from the grave. This is the Easter miracle. We Christians call this ‘the resurrection.’ And, because He came back to life, He can still save souls, even these days two thousand years later. This is the Gospel message—that Christ died for us and rose again. This was prophesied back in Genesis chapter twenty-two when God was testing Abraham, the ‘friend of God.’ God told Abraham to go to a place where He would show him and there sacrifice his beloved young son Isaac on an altar. When they got there, the little boy said to him, ‘Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?’ And Abraham said, ‘My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering.’ Behold, a ram caught in a bush nearby. And God had Abraham spare his son and slay the ram instead. But this test of Abraham—both Isaac’s question and Abraham’s answer–was a symbol of Christ the Lamb of God offering His own body on the cross to die in our place,”
“Then this Saviour really did die for me on the cross and really did rise from the dead!” exclaimed the Fable in black.
“Do you believe now, Kyrie?” he asked.
“I did not believe any of that before,” she confessed. “But I believe all of it right now.”
He then asked her that old eternal question a second time, “Kyrie, would you like to get saved right now?”
Just then the seagulls grew most frighteningly fierce. They began to squawk gratingly where
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they were feeding. All of the pieces of that loaf Flanders and this brunette Fable had already tossed out to the gulls. Flanders could see that all of that loaf had been devoured by them. And they wanted more. And they were becoming vehement toward her because there was no more. And they all looked upon Kyrie Kendricks with an evil eye. It was like demons from Satan had come into these gulls just as the girl was about to pray and get saved. Kyrie stepped back from her seagulls. Then they assaulted her where she stood. Flanders tried to put himself between the demonic seagulls and his Fable who was seeking Christ. But then they went after him, too. And man and woman fled. The seagulls chased the two right out of the park. And they did not stop chasing them until both of them were way away from the park and even farther away from each other. And when it was all over, Flanders was at one place, and Kyrie was at another place. And neither knew where to find the other. And the gulls left.
Bereaved, Flanders walked back home, his body wounded throughout with scratches and bruises. One day long ago, he had let this girl get away from him. This day, today, the Devil had made the girl get away Jesus. The latter hurt Flanders more than had the former. He was grief-stricken. And as soon as he got home, he knelt down and prayed for Kyrie Key Kendricks. Then he called Patricia and told her all that happened. And Patricia promised to pray for Kyrie also.
And Flanders went and bought a BB gun.
The next day, as he prayed, he confessed to God, “I give up with that girl. I’ve gone as far as I can with her soul. And I have to leave her soul in Your hands. “
Indeed this was a laudable profession in the case regarding a family member with whom one has shared the Gospel and warned about Hell many times over for years and still has not seen repentance in that loved one. But such was not the case with the Fable Kyrie the other day. And Flanders knew that inside when he renounced his soul-winning endeavors with this girl before the all-wise God. Kyrie was so eager to find Christ as Saviour the other day, and she was so different from that proud girl with the hard heart that posed a threat to his abstinence. But Flanders had willingly
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fallen into a most ungodly slough of despond. He thought to himself, If Patricia could see you now, Flanders, she would say that you were feeling sorry for yourself. Nevertheless he still had this BB gun.
Then he said to God, “I am not going to the park today.”
Just then his phone rang. He picked it up and saw the name,”Patricia Whiz Bang” and her phone number on the screen. He was not certain that he wanted to talk to anybody right now. But he answered it anyway, “Hello, Patricia,” he said.
“Flanders, are you at the park?” she asked. “Did you get the girl saved yet?”
“I am not going to that park again,” said Flanders.
“Oh, but you’ve got to go there,” said the Christian Fable.
“I’m not going through that again,” he said.
“Don’t you care for the girl’s soul?” asked the blonde bombshell.
“In I Corinthians 15:33, it says, ‘Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners,’” he said.
“Yeah,” said the blonde bombshell of a Fable.
“That says if you chum around with the wrong crowd, you will get just like them,” he explained to her.
In challenge to his ‘righteousness,’ Patricia said, “You’ll get just like Kyrie? Just like a woman seeking Christ?”
Not letting go of his discouragement, he said, “We both know that the Bible warns believers that if they hang around a person who is trouble, that that same trouble will fall upon them. And such trouble as this is a bad testimony to that Christian and is to the inglory of his Jesus.”
Point-blank the saved Fable in yellow said to him, “All the girl wanted was to get saved like yourself.”
Defending his stubbornness he said to her, “Just the other day, Patricia, you were practically
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calling Kyrie…’a floozie’…’a hussy.’”
“Even Rahab the harlot got saved, Flanders,” said the blonde bombshell from the Bible story about the fall of Jericho from the hand of God through Joshua.
Flanders secretly thought about the Bible verse Hebrews 11:31, which said, “By faith the harlot Rahab perished not with them that believed not, when she had received the spies with peace.”
The born-again Fable went on to implore him, “What happened to the compassion for souls that my boyfriend-in-the-Lord had?”
In repentance, he said, “It’s in my BB gun, Patricia.”
“Good! Good, O Boyfriend!” said Patricia, understanding his stand for God now with this BB gun.
“If I have to shoot down a flock of seagulls to get Kyrie saved, that I will do,” he promised.
“May your girlfriend come along with you, Flanders?” asked his Fable Patricia.
“I would like that very much, Patricia Whiz Bang.” said Flanders.
“Is it going to be at that park again?” asked the blonde bombshell.
“If Kyrie has not given up as I had for a while there, I would be pretty sure that I can find her there again, waiting for me,” he said in good hopes.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go to Wells Park and get a lost girl saved,” said the blonde bombshell in good cheer.
“I’ll meet you there, Patricia,” he said.
“I’ll be there for you, Flanders,” she replied.
And the blonde Fable in yellow got there first. And Flanders got there second. “Great to see you again, Patricia,” he said.
“I can’t wait to see a woman get saved,” said the blonde bombshell.
“If she comes, and I pray she does, she must surely be ready for salvation,” he said to her.
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“As the Good Book says, ‘A ripe fruit ready to be picked from the tree,’” said Patricia.
“Such a pretty soul that that pretty girl has,” said Flanders.
“The Bible says that a person’s soul is worth more than all of the wealth of the world,” said the blonde bombshell.
“It is written, ‘For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?’ Mark 8:36-37,” recited Flanders. “Again it is written, ‘For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?’ Luke 9:25,” recited Flanders further scripture about Kyrie’s precious eternal soul.
“I can’t wait until we see her walking here,” said the most alluring Fable with him now.
“She’ll come real soon. She’s got to,” said Flanders.
“She’s not going to get away from the Saviour this time, Flanders,” said the blonde bombshell.
Holding up his BB gun, Flanders vowed, “And if the old Devil comes and does his tricks again I will shoot them all down.”
“I’d like to tear them all up, too,” said Patricia in reference to the demon-possessed seagulls of that other day.
Blonde bombshell and witness-warrior both waited there, sitting at the picnic table.
Flanders pulled out his pocket watch and looked at it. Patricia wondered when Kyrie would be coming. It was, she thought to herself, a simple conjecture between the two of them that Kyrie would be here. But when? But if?
A good half-hour went by, and neither of the two waiters said a word.
Flanders pulled out his pocket watch and looked at it again. Patricia sighed in uncertainty.
Then another half-hour went by. Still no Kyrie came.
“An hour has gone by, Flanders,” said the blonde bombshell.
“She will come, Girlfriend,” said Flanders. “I have prayed that she come.”
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“I did, too,” said Patricia. “And God has not sent her here yet.”
In all faith Flanders said, “Let us wait upon God, O Patricia. Kyrie will come.”
And they waited. Flanders’s faith grew stronger in this refiner’s fire of testing. Patricia, instead, came to doubt Kyrie’s coming. Flanders kept his focus on the God Who answers prayers. The blonde bombshell kept her focus on the woman Kyrie, whose actions looked dismally quite random to her.
After a long while, Patricia stood up and said, “The woman is not coming, Flanders.”
Remaining seated, Flanders said, “The woman is coming, Patricia. God told me.”
In strong doubts, the blonde bombshell sat back down and took a breath in and let a breath out.
Another long moment passed by, and Patricia said, “A Christian guy cannot depend upon a non-Christian gal.”
“But a son of God can depend upon his Heavenly Father, Patricia,” he said to his blonde bombshell of a woman.
“Even God cannot convince a lost sinner to come to the place for her to get saved if she does not want to, Flanders,” said the cute blonde Fable in exasperation.
“Patricia, would you stay with me?” asked Flanders Nickels.
“I am hungry, and I am thirsty,” she said to him. “And I must eat and drink.”
“But Kyrie Key Kendricks will be here anytime now soon,” said Flanders.
“Flanders, I warned you about this one. She broke your heart before, and she’ll break your heart again. She is a dirty rotten sinner who drags you around as a toy in a game,” said the blonde bombshell. And the pretty Fable in golden-yellow stood up now and said, “The wench has stood you up!” And with this Patricia Whiz Bang walked away from Flanders here at Wells Park and did not turn back.
Flanders stayed true to Kyrie Kendricks and to his Lord Jesus Christ. And he stayed there
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at this picnic table at Wells Park. To pass away his time, the man of God now decided to do some Bible study and to do some prayer.
Just then a voice so familiar like unto an old girlfriend’s voice spake out to him, “Hi there.” “Dear Kyrie!” he sang out in affection. He looked up from his picnic table.
“Dear Flanders!” she sang back in equal affection.
Behold, his old-days Fable in her black prom gown! She gave him a quick hug and a kiss.
“I came to you to get saved,” said Kyrie Key Kendricks.
“Let me be the man to help you do this in the Lord, O Kyrie,” he said.
“I would like that very much,” said the comely brunette Fable.
And Flanders Nickels led the young woman to salvation with this prayer: “Dear Father in Heaven: I am a wanton young lady who goes and does things that she ought never to do. I am not a nice girl. In fact I am a bad girl. I confess that You sent Your only begotten Son to shed His blood and to die for me on the cross. I know that this Jesus did not die for me for my own goodness. (I have no goodness to brag about). I just know that this Jesus died for me while I am yet in my sins and still all dirty inside. What love, O Lord! And I also confess the great truth that this Jesus Who died for me did indeed come back to life three days after. Being a living Saviour, the Lord Jesus can still save my own soul even now two millennia later. I ask You to forgive me and to clean me up and to help me to repent in the Lord. As Flanders used to say to me in those letters, ‘Jesus saves!’ And I believe that now. Please look down from Heaven and hear my prayer and save my soul. I ask You to give me eternal life in Heaven. I ask You to keep me out of the fires of Hell. And I ask You to become now my own personal Saviour. In Your Son’s name I pray. Amen.”
Behold, a pretty girl with pretty hair had just gotten saved!
Kyrie knew what great thing had just happened to her. Flanders knew what great thing had just happened to her. And all of Heaven knew what great thing had just happened to her.
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“Flanders,” asked Kyrie Kendricks, “I just got born again. Didn’t I?”
“Yes, my comely nymph. You did,” said Flanders in sweet affection.
And the Fable in black said, “Thank you, Flanders for caring enough for me to never give up on me.” This time he gave her a quick little hug and kiss.
It was the next day. And Flanders went on a date to Wells Park again. But this time he was with Kyrie on this date and no more with Patricia on a date.
“Flanders,” said Kyrie, “what became of your pretty blonde woman?”
“We had a fight last night in my dining room,” he said.
‘What did you two fight about?” asked Kyrie. “If you want to tell me, that is.”
“Remember when you got spontaneous yesterday when you first saw me—that day after our seagull incident–how you hauled off and gave me a hug and a kiss?” he asked.
“Uh huh,” she said. “Boyfriends and girlfriends do that kind of romance stuff together.”
“I told her that you and I went and did that again when I got done leading you through the sinners’ prayer,” said Flanders.
“What did she say?” asked Kyrie.
“She said that I should not do that kind of thing,” he said.
“Was she jealous of me?” asked the Fable in black.
“No, Kyrie. She said that what we did made you a trollop; and myself, a tramp,” said Flanders.
“We? A trollop and a tramp?” asked Kyrie with some indignation.
“My blonde bombshell said that I should save my hugs and my kisses for my wife were one to come my way someday,” said Flanders.
“What a thing to say,” said Kyrie.
“She is more strict than I am as a born-again believer,” said Flanders.
“But you were glad when we did that. Weren’t you, Flanders?” asked Miss Kendricks.
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“I was,” said Flanders. “Making romance like that makes me want to do that again.”
“It made my head spin,” said his new sister-in-the-Lord.
“I get the idea that if I stayed Patricia’s boyfriend that I would never get to hug her and to kiss her,” said Flanders.
“She sounds like she is no fun,” said Miss Kendricks.
“She wanted me to pray with her so that she could enjoy the fellowship of prayer meeting again in her life,” said Flanders. “Getting prayer meeting back in her life was an answer to her prayers.”
“Prayer meeting?” asked the Fable in black. “I do say—that sounds like even more fun than good innocent romance.”
“It is,” said Flanders. “Would you like to do that with me sometime, Kyrie?” he asked.
“I’d love that,” said Miss Kendricks.
“We Christians call that kind of thing ‘fellowship,’” he told her.
“What else is fellowship, Flanders?” asked Kyrie.
“Going to church, talking about God, doing Bible study with others, singing from the hymnbook with fellow believers, and, of course, prayer circles,” summed up Flanders some.
“This thing that you Christians call ‘fellowship’ sounds more satisfying even than a hug and a kiss with a cute guy,” said Kyrie.
“A born-again couple can enjoy together the best of innocent romance and the best of fellowship alone together,” said Flanders Nickels.
“Are you and your blonde girlfriend breaking up?” asked Kyrie.
“Yes. We are,” said Flanders.
“Is she going to be all right, not getting to pray with you anymore in a prayer circle?” asked Kyrie
“Yes,” said Flanders. “Patricia will be praying with the other ladies of the church every
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Wednesday night in our midweek service.”
“Good for her,” said the Fable in black.
“I have no other girlfriend-in-Christ to share my walk in life with anymore, Kyrie,” he said.
“Would you like to, maybe, become my new girlfriend-in-Christ?”
“Would you consent to a hug and a kiss from time to time, Flanders?” she asked.
“If you promise to never go back to your old ways,” he said.
“My old ways are behind me now,” she said. “My body belongs to God now for now on.”
“Let’s become official boyfriend-and-girlfriend-in-the-Lord,” he said.
“What should we do to make it official?” she asked.
“I’ve got just the place to show you where I do my best worship of God,” he said. “Let’s go there and took a look at where I am closest to God.”
“It sounds like a real spiritual place,” she said.
“It is a refuge away from the world,” he said.
“Let’s go and see it, Flanders,” she said.
He took her hand, led her to the bank of the river, and showed her his beloved flat rock on the edge of the waters.
“It’s cozy and homey and private,” she said. “God is in this place.”
“I daydream about being raptured from here after having a two-hour maxing-out prayer alone here in the dark of night, Kyrie,” he said.
“What a way to leave this life,” she said.
“What a way to enter the life to come,” he said.
“Let’s have a prayer meeting here between the two of us, Flanders,” said Kyrie Key Kendricks.
“There is room on the rock for both of us,” he said. They sat down.
She said, “A hug and a kiss here first, then our two prayers.”
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Getting spontaneous, he gave her a hug and a kiss. Then he said, “Now how about a good long prayer meeting, my brunette bombshell?”
“That will certainly make our new relationship official, boyfriend,” said his new girlfriend.
And they made their new relationship official thereby.
How was it that the “Holy Spirit had told” Flanders not to come to this park that day she first came back into his life, and all things Godly had come to pass because he had done so? Flanders now knew. It was not God Who said this to him, but rather an angel of light who was deceiving him as the Father of Lies.
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