qMiss Heidi H. Highness, the centaur keeper to her pet centaur ‘Centurion,’ is a born-again believer living both for the world and for the Lord. When she chooses to enjoy the world, she dresses in a provocative black attire and rides her centaur to the county fair to see her boyfriend Proffery and to do wicked things for adults with him. When she chooses to enjoy fellowship in the Lord, she dresses in her fetching white attire and rides her centaur to the Baptist church to see her boyfriend Flanders and to do good things in the Lord with him.
THE CENTAUR KEEPER
By Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
The centaur keeper was a woman named “Heidi H. Highness.” Heidi was a tall girl, standing five feet ten inches. She was a slender girl, weighing hardly over one hundred twenty-five pounds. She was a young girl, just about twenty years old. And she was a pretty girl, with a fetching face and long brown hair and a sparkle in her eyes. Her centaur was named, “Centurion,” and he was her best friend and confidant and especial pet. Heidi Highness professed salvation in Jesus Christ, but she was a carnal believer who still loved the world and its wicked system. Centurion was a true testimony to Christ, and he had a good head of sense to him in his ministry as the centaur keeper’s pet. In fact it was Centurion, long ago, who had led his mistress to Christ that first day that they had met. Often times in
rebuke of his mistress, the good centaur would say to her from the Bible, “It is written, O keeper, ‘As a
jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.’ Proverbs 11:22.”
“A discreet woman may not be a fair woman,” always replied Miss Highness in boast of her comeliness.
Page 1
What was this centaur keeper’s life all about? On some days, she would dress in black and go to the county fair and live for the world. And on some days, she would dress in white and go to the Baptist church and live for God. She enjoyed both the fair and the church equally. But she should not have been doing both like this. And Centurion could never keep his mistress from her wild nights at the fair. Whether or not Heidi were a righteous girl at the county fair or a hypocrite at church, she never paused to ponder this. She loved good times in wild places, and she loved fellowship times at holy places. And she spent her days and nights doing both in her life as centaur keeper.
Heidi Highness this day with Centurion went and asked him, “Best Friend, what is the meaning of life?”
And the wise centaur said to her, “Solomon tried to find that answer when he was the wisest man made by God.”
“What did he say about that?” asked the centaur mistress.
“He tells all about it in the book of Ecclesiastes, my mistress,” said Centurion.
“Tell me what Solomon says in the book of Ecclesiastes about the meaning of life.” said Heidi
Highness.
“He starts out saying that life without God is meaningless, and he ends up saying that life with God is meaningful,” said the wise centaur. “Would you like to hear how he says all of that, Mistress?”
“Good Centurion, do recite more Scripture that you know so much of to your eager mistress,” said the centaur keeper.
“He starts out saying this:” said Centurion. And he recited the following: “’The words of the
Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem. Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun? One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever. The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose. The wind goeth toward the south, and
Page 2
turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits. All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again. All things are full of labour; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? It hath been already of old time, which was before us. There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after.’ Ecclesiastes 1:1-11, O Mistress,”
“Alas, all of those poor unsaved people out there,” said the centaur keeper. “How sad they must feel without the Saviour in their hearts.”
“And Solomon ends up at the end of the book, saying this:” began Centurion. And he recited another Bible passage to his mistress: “’And moreover, because the preacher was wise, he still taught the people knowledge; yea, he gave good heed, and sought out, and set in order many proverbs. The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and that which was written was upright, even words of
truth. The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd. And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.’ Ecclesiastes 12:9-14.”
“Amen! Just think of all us lucky people like myself who are saved and going to Heaven. How blessed we believers are to have Jesus as Saviour as we do,” said Heidi Highness.
“My mistress, half of you lives for the Devil; the other half of you lives for the Lord,” said Centurion in chastisement.
Page 3
“That may or may not be true, Centurion, but I am still a born-again Christian, having prayed for and freely accepted God’s gift of eternal life,” said the centaur keeper. “I shall never have to go to Hell. That’s good enough for me.”
“It is not good enough for the Lord Jesus,” said her caring centaur.
“Centurion, sometimes you’re no fun at all for a girl like myself,” said Miss Highness.
“Faithful Christians win rewards at the judgment seat of the believers. And unfaithful Christians lose rewards at the judgment seat of the believers,” preached Centurion.
“Girls just want to have fun,” said the centaur keeper.
“County fairs are the wrong kind of fun for a daughter of God. Baptist churches are the right kind of fun for a daughter of God,” said her wise centaur.
“I know. I know,” said the centaur keeper. “Next you’ll tell me that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”
And he said to her, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” The centaur was right.
The next day, at nightfall, Heidi H. Highness summoned her centaur to bring her once again to the county fair. This was not a good county fair that she always went to. This was an adult county fair that was not for children and families. Hence Heidi’s holding on to the world that opposed God and godliness. It was on nights such as these wherein Heidi dressed as the woman in black. The woman in black had on a black witch hat and a black mask and a long-sleeved black body suit with sleeves of sheer black lace and a black tulle skirt that reached halfway down her thighs and black fishnet stockings and black block-heeled pumps and black lingerie within. This particular county fair was like a carnival for the immodest, the unchaste, the libertine young men and young women out there. And her special boyfriend Proffery was there waiting for her once again. She could tell it was he because he was dressed as a pirate with a black mask just like hers. “Hi, Boyfriend,” she called out to him.
“Hi, woman in black,” he called out to her. They were at the drinking tent.
Page 4
“Shall we have at it with a keg again, Proffery?” she asked.
“Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, Heidi,” he said.
“Only in this case a keg of ale,” she said.
“Myself first this time,” he said. And he took a wooden keg of ale in both hands, pulled off the bung, lifted it up to his head, and tilted it back and began to gorge himself with its much ale.
“Leave some for your woman in black, Proffery,” she said. And he tilted the heavy keg back right-side up and proffered it to her. And she took it in both of her hands, and she did likewise with this keg of ale. But it was heavier for the gal than it was for the guy. And it fell out of her grasp and broke upon the ground.
“Careless wench,” scolded the pirate Proffery.
“I’m sorry, Proffery,” she said.
He knelt down and felt the pieces of wood that had once been his keg of ale. And he said, “All busted up!” And he was not happy.
“Let’s try our luck at the slot machines,” she said. “Maybe we’ll have better luck there.”
“One-armed bandits can solve a lot of problems, Heidi,” said Proffery.
“A gal can get rich fast with a thing like that,” she said.
“So can a guy,” he said.
And they went to the gaming tent of this county fair. And they began to play the slot machines. Their one-armed bandits were right next to each other. She put in quarters and won silver dollars. He put in quarters and lost quarters. She was having a good time. He was having a bad time. After a while, Proffery cursed his slot machine, gave it a whack with his right hand, and gave it a kick with his right foot. Just then Heidi hit the jackpot. And she won two hundred fifty dollars in a splash of a thousand quarters falling out of the slot and onto her shoes.
“Oo oo! I won! I won!” sang out the woman in black in glee. She turned to her boyfriend.
Page 5
“Are you happy for me, Proffery?” she asked in gaiety.
“I am happy for you,” he said. But jealousy was in his visage below his mask. He bent down to help her to pick up her jackpot, and together they filled up her big purse. Sullen, he said, “Let’s get out of here.”
“Where should we go next, Boyfriend?” she asked.
“Let’s go to the food tent,” he said. “Are you hungry?”
“I am very hungry, Proffery,” she said.
“I, also, Heidi,” he said.
They each bought three ears of fresh roasted corn-on-the-cob from this food tent and stood up at the high table to eat together. “Are you having fun yet, Proffery?” she asked.
“I think that I am getting into the spirit of the county fair now, Heidi,” he said, more cheerful now. “I may not have all of my teeth these days with all of my tussles and scuffles, but I can still bite off some of these nice buttery and salty kernels in my teeth.”
“You shouldn’t get into so many fights,” she said.
“Well I had another one again yesterday,” he said.
“I saw,” she said. “He got the worst of it with you, O Boyfriend.”
Just then Proffery’s face made a contorted twisting to it. “I bit my tongue!” he cried out.
“Are you bleeding?” she asked.
“It happened again!” he murmured about this time. “Blooming cursed teeth that I have! A man like myself cannot even eat!” He was a man yet in his twenties.
“Are you going to be all right?” she asked.
“The bleeding seems to have stopped,” he said in sarcasm. “But I have had enough of this roasted corn for now. Let’s go to the love tent.”
“I’m still eating,” she said.
Page 6
“Hurry up and finish,” he said. “You do not want to keep your lover waiting for his favorite tent of this county fair for you.”
She quickly finished eating her roasted corn-on-the-cob, her anticipation of this next tent exciting her to distraction.
And they went into the love tent. And they made love to each other in all of their clothes. And when they were done, he said to her, “Now that’s more like it, Heidi. That definitely made tonight worthwhile for me at our county fair. Thank you, girl.”
She had the same fling with him as he had with her. But Heidi Highness felt guilt and dissatisfaction instead of the fun and satisfaction that he got out of it. And she felt a little dirty in her soul for what she had done once again at this county fair with Proffery. She was a bad woman. He was a bad man. But they were definitely coming to this county fair again soon. And when they parted, for the night, Proffery said to her, “I’ll always love you, Heidi.” She did not say the same thing back to him. Then she rode her centaur back home to her place again for the night. And the woman in black took off her black clothes and went to bed for the night.
A few days later, the centaur keeper felt like going to church. Her church was a Baptist church not too far away. Whenever Miss Highness felt like worshiping God she always rode Centurion to this good little church, and everybody loved to see her there, and she loved to see everybody there. So, Heidi dressed up for church as the woman in white. She wore a gorgeous white silk wedding dress with puffed shoulders and long sleeves and much embellished white ornaments and a long white train. And she also put on a most luxurious white veil that covered her whole head front and back and much of her shoulders and down her back a way. And she wore expensive white pumps with block heels.
This was the good woman in white going to have a good time at church. Her centaur took one look at his mistress when she came out of the house, and he knew that she was going to have a good time in fellowship in the Lord at her good Baptist church. He said to her, “Church is the right place to go for
Page 7
born-again Christians like yourself, my mistress.”
“I can’t wait to get there, O Centurion,” she said in the sincerity of her heart. Her boyfriend Flanders would be there, waiting for her. And she had a crush on Flanders, and Flanders had a crush on her. Nay, the centaur keeper was not dressed thus for a wedding; she just loved to wear wedding dresses. She had bought this at a wedding gown shop on a lark one day. And when she put it on just to see what it felt like on, she decided to wear this lots from then on. It was the perfect white outfit to wear to a good place like church.
The woman in white worked at mounting her centaur in this most abundant bridal dress and was able to sit herself surely and steadily upon his back. “To church now, if you would, O Centurion,” she sang out in joy of the Lord.
“Amen, Mistress,” said Centurion. And he began to gallop at top speed to bring his keeper to the little white church in the vale.
Once there, the centaur keeper leaped off of her centaur, ran up to her church boyfriend in his suit and tie, and they hugged in the Lord. “I’ve missed you, Heidi,” he said.
“And I have missed you, Flanders,” said Heidi in truth. The woman in white then curtseyed before him. And he bowed before her. She then said, “Sorry that I did not make it here last Sunday, Flanders.”
“Will you be here this next Sunday?” asked her church boyfriend in entreaty.
“I’d like that, Flanders,” she said. Then, hand-in-hand, the Baptist church couple went into the building to worship together. Everybody greeted the centaur keeper and Flanders with “Amen’s” and “Praise the Lord’s.” And the centaur keeper and Flanders greeted everybody with the same “Amen’s” and “Praise the Lords.” Indeed Heidi Highness once again enjoyed an hour of Sunday Morning Worship with Flanders and all of her brothers-and-sisters-in-Christ. The pastor preached a great sermon on forgiveness for over a half an hour. And as she listened, she thought upon how she had to
Page 8
keep forgiving Proffery for all the times he spoke ill and did ill to her at the county fairs. And she also
thought upon how many times she had made Flanders have to keep forgiving her for her unfaithfulness at their church. Then the pastor went on to tell the announcements. He told about Sunday School for all ages, which came before Sunday Morning Worship. He told of Sunday Evening Worship, which would come tonight sometime. He told of Wednesday Night Bible Study and Prayer Meeting; this was the official mid-week service. And he told about Thursday Evening Visitation, where Pastor sent out soul-winning teams of twos throughout the town to go door-to-door and witness for Christ. Flanders did all of these things. But Heidi did none of these things. She came regularly only to these Sunday Morning Worships. Maybe she should start coming to these other services as well. Flanders would be happy. Flanders was a good man. Flanders was cute. Then Pastor had the flock turn to the hymnbook and sing a hymn. It was the hymn, “I’ll Go Where You Want Me To Go.” And as she sang this song of God, she became convicted of her two great sins. One great sin was her faithfulness to her flings at the county fair: there she was going where God did not want her to go. And the other great sin was her arbitrary faithfulness to her worship at church; here she was not going where God wanted her to go. Then Pastor had the usher take up the offering. Flanders put in a fifty-dollar bill. He was not a rich man, himself a grocery store employee. Heidi put in a one-dollar bill. She was a rich woman, herself always winning jackpots at the county fair. Then Pastor had the church deacon pray for the missionaries that this little Baptist church supported financially on a monthly basis. And the deacon prayed that God take care of their financial needs and that they not go the way of the world and that they do not give up their needful Bible study and prayer for the cause of their work and that they lead their flock in a Godly manner and that their flock encourage them in their labors as missionaries. Then Pastor had the church assistant pastor pray for himself as the main pastor. And this assistant pastor prayed that Pastor stay bold in his endeavors for spreading the Word of the Lord just as the Apostle Paul wanted others to pray for himself in his own boldness of utterance of Jesus Christ. And he prayed
Page 9
that God give Pastor strength for his ministry; the Devil often sought to make Pastor weary and fatigued as the leader of this mighty and good little flock all of whom did much for the cause of the Lord and whom did much against the cause of Satan in this community. And he prayed that Pastor seek and find rest in the Lord when he could find it. Then Pastor dismissed the flock with a beatitude, “’The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.’ Numbers 6:24-26.” And the whole flock said the same beatitude back to their good pastor, including Heidi H. Highness. And Sunday Morning Worship was done for the day. And the centaur keeper was happy and fulfilled. Unlike her time at the county fairs, there were no altercations or hurt feelings or hardness of heart or wrong words or dubious activities here at the Baptist church with Flanders and all the fellow believers who gathered here. Here was only goodness and Godliness and joy in the Lord and righteous activities and good wholesome fellowship. And the centaur keeper had come here with anticipation, and she was leaving here now with fullness and contentment. And she and Flanders gave each other another “Good-bye” hug for now until the day she were to come here again. And that would be soon for sure for the centaur keeper. And the woman in white rode Centurion back to her home once again from church.
Though this centaur keeper woman was leading a double life as a hypocrite—living half as the woman in black of the world and half as the woman in white of the Lord—she was truly a born-again Christian. She was a born-again believer, but she was a carnal born-again believer. It was indeed her centaur Centurion who had personally led her to her saving knowledge of Christ that first day that they had met some time ago. He was there. He could attest to her salvation. He had led her through the sinner’s prayer. And it was he whom God had used to get her saved as she was. But it was to her shame that she had chosen never to grow in the Lord, instead making bad decisions to remain a babe in Christ these few years past. And Centurion was disappointed in his centaur keeper. So, too, was the Lord. So, too, was Flanders. And of these three, it was Flanders who had no knowledge of this woman
Page 10
in black.
How did centaur and centaur keeper first find each other, and how did he lead his new mistress to the Saviour? The following will narrate this tale: Young Heidi, an adventurous teenager, decided that she wanted a pet centaur for a partner in life. She did research in the encyclopedia at the library and found that the finest centaurs were found in Greece. And it was in the eastern part of Greece in the mountains of Thessaly where most of the centaurs lived—in a plot of Greece between the Hindus Mountains and the Aegean Sea. So, Miss Highness would go to Greece to find her special centaur pet. Going to the Midwest Stables in Green Bay, she would rent a winged horse to take her in the skies from America to Greece. When she would get there, she would dispatch the winged horse back to America while she searched the Thessaly Mountains. Here was surely to be a wild young handsome centaur who was looking for a keeper. When she would find him; and he, her, then she would go and rent a dragon from the Aegean Stables to bring them both back to America in the skies. Then she would dispatch this dragon back to the Aegean Sea. Then she would ride her new centaur upon the ground the rest of the way to America’s heartland—Wisconsin, where she lived. And they would live happily ever after as centaur keeper and centaur. She did not know the Saviour of the world yet. But that would change soon for the good of her soul.
She found him on the top of a tall mountain that was snow-capped, He was just outside of a structure made of cement blocks stacked together without mortar. And he was sitting down upon his horse belly, and his man’s torso was upright, and his man’s hands were holding a big brown book. His head and face were both hirsute with much wild black hair. In essence this was a centaur reading a book. “O sir,” said Heidi. “O sir.”
He looked up from his book and he said to her, “O, Miss.”
“What are you reading?” she asked.
“The King James Bible,” he said to her.
Page 11
“Is it interesting to you?” she asked.
“It is always interesting to me,” he said. “It is my favorite Book of books,”
“What’s that building you have behind you?” she asked.
“It is my centaur den,” he said to her. “That is my home.”
“What do you do with all of this snow?” she asked.
“I shovel it,” he said to her.
“I like your beard and your mustache,” she said.
“Why, thank you,” he said to her. “I like your long brown hair.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Do you have a name?”
“I do,” he said. “My name is ‘Centurion.’”
“Are you named after a man in the Bible?” she asked,
“Uh huh,” he said with a nod of his head. “I was so named because of the centurion who saw Jesus die on the cross and who declared Him a righteous man.”
“Where is that in the Bible?” she asked.
“That’s in Luke 23:47, which says, ‘Now when the centurion saw what was done, he glorified God, saying, Certainly this was a righteous man.’” recited this Bible-learned centaur reader.
“Jesus must have been a righteous man,” said Heidi Highness.
“That same centurion, in another place in the Bible, when he saw Jesus die on the cross, also went on to declare Him ‘the Son of God.’” the centaur went on to preach.
“Where is that in the Bible?” asked the centaur admirer.
“That’s in Mark 15:39, which says, ‘And when the centurion, which stood over against him, saw that he so cried out, and gave up the ghost, he said, Truly this man was the Son of God.’” recited this wise centaur another scripture verse.
“Jesus must have been the Son of God,” said Miss Highness.
Page 12
“Do you know what a ‘centurion’ is in the Bible?” he asked her.
“I do not. What is a ‘centurion.’ O Centurion?” asked Heidi.
“He is an officer among the Romans commanding a hundred soldiers,” replied the learned centaur.
“Do you command a hundred soldiers?” she asked.
“I command a hundred centaurs,” he said. “But I wish to leave that profession.”
“What do you want to do instead?” asked Heidi Highness.
“I want a keeper with which to share life and for whom to care,” said Centurion.
“Maybe I could be your keeper, O Centurion,” said Miss Highness.
“I would like that very much,” he said to her.
“I would like that very much, too,” she said to him.
“Do you have a name, girl?” he asked her.
“I do,” she said. “I am ‘Heidi H. Highness.’”
“I am at your service, O Heidi H. Highness,” said the centaur, bowing his man’s head before her in deference.
“Would you come back with me to the United States, O Centurion?” asked the new centaur keeper.
“I would,” he said without hesitation. “Would you like to know Jesus the Saviour as I do?”
“I would,” she said right away. And he told her of how God had sent His only begotten Son into the world to die for sinners and how this same Son of God rose from the dead three days later. And he told her that this Jesus was the difference between Heaven and Hell for forever after in this life. And he led her through the sinner’s prayer unto her own so great salvation. That was how the centaur keeper had become a born-again Christian. And that was the best decision that she had made in her life. And here they were now, together ever since for several years.
Page 13
It was another day where evening was drawing on to night. The twilight of summer beckoned the centaur keeper to another day with Proffery at the county fair. She must go and see him at once.
He, of all people, was not the kind of man to keep waiting. She got dressed up for her special date tonight, and she called forth for her centaur to take her there right now. He came to her, and when he saw her, he asked, “Is there a church service tonight, Mistress?”
“Of course not,” she said. “It is Saturday night right now.”
“You must be going to the county fair then, Mistress,” Centurion said to her, with a grin on his man’s face.
“Yes,” she said. “Could you take me to the county fair, O good centaur?”
“You are not ready for Proffery at the county fair, I dare say, Mistress,” said the centaur.
“Centurion, I am always ready for Proffery at the county fair,” said the centaur keeper, vexed by her pet’s subtle challenges.
“Are you really sure?” he asked inexplicably.
“I am more sure than I have ever been before, Centurion,” she rebuked him. “Take me now to the county fair and do not say any more.”
“Okay,” he said. In obedience and with a certain knowledge that she could not comprehend, the centaur took his centaur keeper to the county fair. Once there, Heidi dismounted. There stood her “pirate” Proffery Coins. But he was not glad to see her this time. The centaur said, “I best be off, Mistress, before everything blows up.” And he galloped off a way.
The centaur keeper wondered why everybody she knew were acting so strange today ever since she had gotten dressed and come out of the door.
Then Proffery said, “I do not care for white.”
“What do you mean, Proffery?” asked Heidi Highness.
“I want my girlfriend to be only in black,” he said.
Page 14
She then looked upon herself. Behold, she had dressed inadvertently as the woman in white!
She had put on the wrong outfit. She was dressed for church here at the county fair. Never before was she so embarrassed with Proffery as she was right now. And she said in apology, “What can I say?”
“You can say that you are sorry,” said Proffery.
“I am sorry, Proffery,” she said. “I put on the wrong outfit before I got here. I was not thinking.”
“You look like a woman going to church to get married,” he said to her in scorn.
“I’m not the marrying type,” she avouched.
“Let’ s hope that you do not become the church type, wench,” he said to her.
She dared not deny this. But especially did she dare not confess this, either. Then she said, “I am the county fair type for you tonight, Proffery.”
“I do not want my friends to see you like this,” he said to her.
In personal sacrifice, the centaur keeper gave in and asked, “Should we go to the movie tent, Proffery? If your friends are there, they will not be able to see me in this in the dark.”
“What’s playing in the movie tent?” he asked.
“Risky Business, with Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay,” she said.
“Great movie. Great climax on the choo choo train,” he said. “Let’s see that movie together, girlfriend.”
The part of her that belonged to the Baptist church made her stand up to him against this movie this time, herself telling him, “Let’s not go to the movie tent and see that R-rated movie. I do not like those swear words that are in that movie—all of them the worst.” Indeed, though she had found that choo choo train ride scene most pleasantly scandalous, the curse words had always ruined this movie for her—even the first time that she had watched it at this county fair.
“I like curse words in my movies,” Proffery scolded her.
Page 15
“You like curse words to speak too much, Proffery,” she said.
“You never say curse words,” he told her. “How come?”
Because she was a born-again believer. But she dared not say this to Proffery. Her dear boyfriend of the county fairs would never want to see her here again. Instead she asked him, “My white dress is not too bad, really. Is it?”
He then asked, “Where is your centaur friend? I want to speak to him.”
“I’ll bring him here,” said the centaur keeper. And she whistled a summons, and Centurion was here with them at once.
“I want to speak to you, Centurion,” said Proffery. “Why did you bring my girlfriend here dressed as she is for church?”
“Because my mistress goes to church, young man,” said Centurion, telling all.
“She does?” asked Proffery in condemnation. “Well, church-goer, you’re not at church right now, Heidi.”
“I won’t do it again to you, Proffery,” promised Miss Highness.
“You won’t come here dressed in white? Or you won’t come to church anymore?” asked Proffery, putting her on the spot.
In his keeper’s defense, fearless Centurion said, “Proffery, would that for now on you do not see my mistress again unless it be at her church.”
In a Devils’ hatred for Christ, Proffery Coins cursed her church. Then he said, “I will never come to your church, Heidi. And I never want to meet anybody at your church. And I do not want to go out with you at our county fair with yourself dressed as this woman in white.”
In rebuttal, the centaur said, “I resent my mistress as the woman in black. But I resent you more, O Proffery, as her boyfriend of the world.”
Proffery hauled off and slapped Centurion across his face. In reprisal, Centurion raised his
Page 16
horse hoof and struck Proffery in his temple. He fell. He lay there. He struggled back up. He walked
off away from Heidi. His head was hurting. And he was sufficiently rebuked. “Mistress?” asked the centaur.
“I’m all right, Centurion,” said the centaur keeper. “I needed you to do that.”
And the centaur took his beloved centaur keeper back home.
The next day was a Sunday. This was church day. Yet Heidi instead dressed up as the woman in black on purpose. She was thinking about going to the county fair again this day and making up with fun Proffery. They could go to the betting tent today and bet on the horse race. He had told her that the horse “Seven-Eleven” was the bettor’s favorite for tonight’s big race. Indeed she was even planning on giving her church offering of this day instead to Proffery to place his bet, now that he was short on funds for the county fair with her.
The day passed. God had been convicting her of her sin of her tithing money all day. And by the time the race was about to start, instead Heidi asked her centaur, “Good and holy Centurion, could you take me to church tonight? I missed church this morning. I need to give my money to the Lord.”
“Well chosen, O Mistress,” praised her centaur herself.
And they went to Sunday Evening Worship, and the centaur keeper was happy for her righteous decision. County fairs were fun for the sake of fun. But Baptist church services were fun with the feeling of satisfaction. And the latter made her more happy than the former.
Behold, once she stepped inside her Baptist church and saw all the men and women in their Sunday’s best clothes, she started and looked down upon what she was wearing right now. Behold, she was dressed now as the woman in black! She had forgotten to change into her appropriate clothes.
And her centaur had forgotten, too. Heidi Highness had come to church attired for the county fair.
In confession and embarrassment, Heidi said, “My my. I am dressed as a call girl.”
And then came her church boyfriend Flanders up to her. He took one look at her, saw her
Page 17
attire of parties and partying, and he said to her in kindness and honesty, “”It is good to see you at church tonight, Heidi.”
“Do I look like a bad girl, Flanders?” she asked.
“You look like my extra pretty girlfriend, Heidi,” he said in sincerity and integrity. Why, good and decent Flanders told her that she looked pretty in black! Indeed the whole flock gathered around her and said good things about her dress of this day. How they knew nothing about what she always did in this dress at the county fair. And she felt like confessing her sins to her ever-forgiving fellow church-goers. She looked first to her centaur. He could read her thoughts in her expression. And he answered her with a shaking of his head. He was right. Sins must be confessed to God. Sins must not be confessed to fellow believers. And Flanders seemed to be reading her feelings with a gentle and understanding heart. Flanders might know. None of the others knew. How good to be in the favors of Flanders. She was not always in the favors of Proffery.
Once again where she sat in the front row of the Baptist church, good and loyal Flanders sat right next to her. And much-admired Centurion sat next to her on her other side. Pastor began his sermon for this Sunday Evening Worship. And he said, “Parties? What are they? What are they about? What does God think about parties? I am not talking about the kinds of parties that believers take part in. I am not talking about our church’s fellowship dinners or Friday Evening Fellowships or Saturday morning breakfasts at Old Country Buffet. I am talking of the kinds of parties where everybody plays the habitual ‘party animal.’ I am talking about parties of the unsaved out there in the world. I am talking about drinking parties, carousing parties, drug parties, and all other manner of wild parties that please the flesh and do not honor the Spirit. God does not like those kinds of parties. They honor the Devil Himself. And no thinking Christian would go to any of these parties of the world. In I Corinthians 3:16-17, God says, ‘Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God
Page 18
is holy, which temple ye are.’ No Christian man or woman belongs in a party where the Holy Spirit that dwells within him or her would not be glorified. The Holy Spirit is God. And if you do not feel comfortable being in a place with God inside you, then you do not belong there. Do not bring your body, the temple of God, to a wild party or to a bar or to the casino or to the theater or to the greyhound park.” Pastor then continued, saying, “And in I Corinthians 6:19-20, God tells us this similar Scripture: ‘What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.’ The ‘Holy Ghost’ is another name for the ‘Holy Spirit.’ Every born-again Christian has the Holy Spirit come to indwell him or her the very first moment of his or her salvation. Jesus bought the born-again believer into the family of God by His shed blood on the cross of Calvary. Your very body is not yours to do with as you wish. Your very body is called to obey Almighty God and to live a holy life for Him. I heard of things that go on at the county fair in town that would shock any of us here in the flock just to hear it. The lost go to this county fair and do things and think things and say things that no child of God would do or think or say. The Devil himself is at this county fair. And it is full of the things of the world. In James 4:4, God’s Word tells us, ‘Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.’” Pastor seemed to be preaching right at the centaur keeper, and he did not even know it. Heidi knew that Pastor prayed before he sat down at his study to prepare his notes for his sermons each time. And good Pastor always preached what God told him to preach each message of each service.. Hence God had prepared this sermon just for her. And Pastor never knew that she regularly went to this town’s county fair to see a wild man of the world and to enjoy the world with him in the dark of night, herself dressed in this now convicting black that she had on now. She must quit the county fairs and Proffery Coins and the tents of iniquity right away for now on. She must renounce the dressing in black for what she did in it.
Page 19
She must repent of her wicked and pleasurable and carnal fun in her life in her wanton nights. And she prayed to God in the silence of her spirit, “God, I quit my nice black outfit.” There. It was done. She was no longer the backslidden prodigal daughter of the county fairs. For now on she would dress as the daughter of God that she was in her soul’s state of salvation. She would call Proffery and break up with him. She would never go out and do wild things out in the dark night anymore. She would never become the libertine woman in black again. And the centaur keeper felt good and clean and white. The message finished, the rest of the service continued on. But the centaur keeper was still praying silently and secretly to her Heavenly Father. And she did not pay attention in this second half of Sunday Evening Worship tonight. But God was well-pleased with her for this, nonetheless. She was confessing and forsaking sins in silent communion with God, and there were many. And all of a sudden she heard the pastor say, “I now dismiss you in the Lord, good and faithful flock.” And church was done.
On her ride home upon Centurion, the centaur keeper told her hybrid confidant all in regard to her decision of this night. And he said in joy of the Lord, “Amen! Amen! Amen!”
Then she said, “I have to tell Proffery, too.”
“Amen!” said the centaur. “I will help you through that.”
“I will not do that at the county fair, though,” she said.
“Call him up and tell him,” said Centurion. “He was no good to you.”
“And I have to tell Flanders, too,” said Miss Highness.
“He’ll understand, Mistress,” said the centaur. “He’s a good man.”
“Should I tell Pastor?” she asked.
“If the Lord leads you to do that,” said Centurion.
“I did not get a ‘Yes,’ about that from God in my prayers,” said Heidi.
“You best not do that then, Mistress,” said the centaur pet. “The pastor is holy.”
Page 20
Then they were home. “I think that I’ll call Flanders and tell him what God has helped me to repent of today.”
“Mistress, maybe you should put on something white,” reminded her centaur.
“I must not wear something black like this anymore tonight. I’ve had too much to do with it already in my carnal Christian life,” said the centaur keeper.
And Heidi Highness put on her white bridal dress and all of its accessories. She then said,”I bet men have it easier dressing for the day than do women, Centurion. What do you think?”
“Women seem to have more pieces that they have to put on than men do, it seems,” said Centurion.
“I’ll miss my black outfit,” she said.
“Save it for when you feel like putting it on again,” said her centaur. “But don’t go back to where your old life has left you anymore.” Of course. County fairs were no longer a part of her life.
With gladness the centaur keeper now knew that giving up her sins with Proffery did not entail giving up this nice black outfit as well.
Right away she picked up the phone to call Proffery. Just then Holy Spirit misgivings filled her heart. What would he say? What would he not say? She could not go this alone on the phone. He would come to dominate her again. And he would make her to choose between himself and Flanders. And her repentance at church could be negated by a backsliding at the county fair. And she would go right back to her old worldly ways, simply because she was a docile young woman who could not say, “No,” to a guy she adored. Quickly she hung up before finishing dialing his number. And she said, “I can’t do this, Centurion. He’s tough, and he will tempt me back to him. I am afraid of Proffery Coins. What do you think that I should do?”
“Seek God first in all things,” said her centaur. They had a short word of prayer in a prayer meeting here in the den of her house. And God told her to call Flanders first. And her centaur
Page 21
understood the same answer from the same prayer-answering God. And she went ahead to go and call Flanders Nickels to tell him all. Faithful Centurion was at her side as she told her good boyfriend-in-Christ her tale.
“I’ll be right over, pretty Heidi,” said Flanders.
And he came right away. And the first thing he said to her was, “Ah, I have my beautiful brunette bride back once again.”
“This bridal gown feels good, too,” said the centaur keeper, comparing the white outfit to the black outfit.
Flanders said, “I praise God for your so great repentance that you just told me about on the phone, girl. Praise Jesus!”
“Praise Jesus!” said Miss Highness.
“So now you want to tell your old boyfriend of the county fair, too,” said Flanders.
“We have had much fun together,” said Heidi. “I feel that I must make our breakup personally and to make it official. I owe that to Proffery.”
“It is good to break up with this guy,” said Flanders. “From what you told me about him, he owned you, Heidi.”
“I want you to own me now, Flanders,” said Heidi.
“Let Jesus own you, fair Heidi,” said Flanders in compassion.
“God is good,” said the centaur keeper.
“Let’s say that the three of us go and visit this fellow Proffery,” said Flanders.
“With you two at my side, breaking up with him would be so much easier for myself,” said the centaur keeper.
“I was thinking of more eternal things for him that losing a woman whom he adored so much,” said Flanders Nickels.
Page 22
“What does a girl say to a guy when it is over?” asked Heidi. “And what do you mean by ‘than more eternal things than losing me as girlfriend?’”
“Does this Proffery have a soul?” asked Flanders.
“Yeah. He does, I think,” said Heidi. “Everybody that is a person has a soul.”
“Jesus died for Proffery’s soul,” said Flanders.
“You mean that you want to tell a guy like him all about the Lord Jesus Christ?” exclaimed the centaur keeper.
“Indeed I do,” said Flanders.
“He’ll belt you!” said Miss Highness.
“If he belts me, he will have to get past God first,” said Flanders.
“We are not going to the county fair, I ask,” said Heidi. “I have promised God that I will never go there again.”
“Where else can I find this guy?” asked Flanders.
“Let me invite him to our Baptist church,” said the centaur keeper.
“He will not come to our church, even if you ask him, Heidi,” said Flanders.
“He could so easily find the Saviour if he heard our pastor preach hellfire and brimstone as he so often preaches,” said Miss Highness.
“The Bible does not command the lost to go to church,” said Flanders. “But the Bible does command the church to go to the lost.”
“So we believers need to go to the lost Proffery and share the Gospel with him,” said the centaur keeper.
“I’m game,” said Centurion.
“I am, too,” said Flanders.
“Then I am, too,” said Miss Highness. Then she said, “I will break God’s heart going there
Page 23
again after I told him that I’m never going there again.” How she now so rued the county fair.
“Then I would have you not come, good lady of the Lord,” said Flanders. “I will go to the county fair with Centurion by myself and try to win this man’s soul to Christ.”
“Oh, thank you, Flanders,” said the centaur keeper.
“What does this Proffery look like?” asked Flanders.
“He will be dressed as a pirate,” said Heidi.
“You would recognize him. Wouldn’t you, good Centurion?” asked Flanders.
“That I would, Flanders,” said the centaur.
“When will you go?” asked Heidi.
“Is the county fair still going on tonight?” asked Flanders.
“It goes on all night long until the light of day first starts to come the morning after,” said Heidi Highness.
“He might still be there even now,” said Flanders.
“He is always the last one to leave at the county fair every time,” said Heidi.
“Well, loyal centaur. Shall we go?” asked Flanders. He raised his Holy Bible in his right hand.
There was much work for this godly man to do tonight. And he would be weary before his time was done there at the county fair. But their Jesus was a God Who worked miracles. And even Proffery’s soul was not doomed yet. He could still be saved. Surely Flanders were the man whom God would sent to Proffery.
And Centurion said, “Yes, my friend. Let us go now to the county fair and win a soul for Christ.”
Flanders mounted Centurion. He said, “Pray, dear Heidi. I have a heavy burden for this Proffery’s soul that weighs down upon me now. I fear for his life to come.”
“I shall be much in prayer for as long as it takes,” promised the centaur keeper. “Do come back
Page 24
and tell me the news when it is all done.”
“Whether good or ill?” he asked.
“Whether good or ill,” she said.
And with this Flanders said, “Let us go and do the Lord’s work, good friend Centurion.” And the centaur took off with a gallop toward the county fair.
Heidi Highness was alone now, but she was not lonely. She had her Heavenly Father with her here in the dark of warm summer night. She at once got down on her knees in her bridal dress and veil and all, and she began a desperate prayer for a desperately lost man. God had taken her, a Christian living for the world, out of the Devil’s lures of the county fair. God, with His wisdom and strength and love, could do the same for Proffery. But first Proffery had to become born-again to have the Holy Ghost power to get away from such county fairs. As it is written in Matthew 6:33, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Handsome Proffery’s greatest need was to his lost eternal soul. He had to get saved from his sins so that he did not have to go to Hell and that he could go to Heaven, instead. Once this unsaved cute guy got saved, then God would work with him from then on to make him more like Jesus. And even Proffery, the bon vivant, would quit the county fairs for Jesus. And the Lord would turn a bad man to a good man. Just think—the three of them—herself and Proffery and Flanders–enjoying Heaven together for eternity!
Not only was that better than going to any county fair, but that was better even than going to the Baptist church. She continued praying for the next couple hours. Then she heard the sound of hooves galloping across the ground. She looked up from her prayer. She saw centaur and church boyfriend.
She stood up. She awaited. The two came up to her. Flanders told her, “Good news. Your prayers are answered. The man got saved tonight at two-forty-five in the morning.”
He dismounted the centaur, and Heidi ran up to him, and they hugged. Then she saw his ear bleeding. “What happened to you, Flanders?” asked the centaur keeper.
Page 25
“Your Proffery hauled off and slugged me,” confessed Flanders.
“I thought that you said that he got saved,” said Heidi.
“He did that when he was still lost,” said Flanders.
“I was about to to the same thing to him as he did to Flanders,” said Centurion, holding up his horse hoof. “But Flanders told me to forgive him.”
“I forgave Proffery for that box on the ear.” said Flanders. “And after wrestling with the Devil for a couple of hours, I was able to convince Proffery to pray the sinners’ prayer with me.”
“And Proffery is now a true born-again believer, Mistress,” said the centaur.
“That only God could have done,” said Heidi so very glad in the Lord. “And to think that it happened at the county fair!”
“The man did not want to go to Hell,” said Flanders. “Fear of the lake of fire is a great reason to become a born-again Christian.”
And Centurion spoke and said, “Before you can get a person saved, first you have to get him to know that he is lost.”
It was a week later now. And Flanders and Proffery got together for fellowship with Heidi and Centurion at her and her centaur’s place. With the zeal of a new convert, Proffery asked, “Would you tell me more about my Jesus?”
And Flanders said, “The prophet Isaiah told about Jesus seven hundred years before Jesus came upon the Earth. It is the Messianic prophecy of Isaiah chapter fifty-three. It tells of Jesus’s suffering on the cross of Calvary for us sinners.”
“Would you show me Isaiah chapter fifty-three?” asked Proffery, hungry for the Word of God as a healthy babe in Christ.
“I’d be glad to, Proffery,” said Flanders. And Flanders took Proffery’s new Bible in his hands, found the place of Isaiah 53, and gave it back to him.
Page 26
Proffery went ahead to ask, “Could I read this whole chapter out loud for us four?” He looked to Heidi Highness.
“I’d like that, Proffery,” said Heidi.
And Proffery Coins, new in Christ, began to read God’s Word out loud with a quite literate tongue: “Who hath believed our report? And to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed? For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? For he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken. And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand. He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities. Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.”
Page 27
“Praise the Lamb of God for sinners slain from the foundation of the world,” said Flanders.
“I can see,” said Proffery, “that Christ’s shed blood and His death on the cross has taken away my sin.”
“It is written,” said Heidi, “’Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness, by whose stripes ye were healed.’ I Peter 2:24.”
Proffery said, “This ‘tree’ must be the ‘cross.’ Isn’t it?”
“It is, Proffery,” said Heidi.
“Also is it written,” began Centurion, “’For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the Spirit:’ I Peter 3:18.”
And Proffery said, “’The just for the unjust.’ Is that ‘the sinless One for us sinners?’”
“Indeed, O Proffery,” said the centaur.
Flanders then went on to ask in apt confidence, “Are you glad that you became a Christian, Proffery?”
“This thing you guys call ‘fellowship’…it’s a whole lot more worthwhile than that old county fair.” confessed Proffery Coins. He nodded his head in a fervid, “Yes!” to Flanders’s question.
“I should never have kept going there,” confessed Heidi. “How many times I did grieve the Holy Spirit within me.”
“I will never go there again,” said Proffery. “I am sorry for having been so rough and tough with you, Heidi. And, Flanders, I apologize for having hit you as I did. You were right, and I was wrong.”
“My ear feels all right now,” said Flanders with a grin of mirth.
“My hand still hurts,” said Proffery about that slug. All four laughed in merriment.
“Proffery, you are more fun now as a believer than you were as a party animal,” said fond Miss
Page 28
Highness.
“And happier now, too,” said Proffery. “You were right about my life, and I was wrong about my life.”
“Do you like me in white, Proffery?” asked the centaur keeper.
“I do,” he said.
“Do you like me in black, Proffery?” she asked.
“I do,” he said.
“Flanders, do you like me in white?” asked Heidi.
“I do,” said Flanders.
“Do you like me in black, Flanders?” asked Heidi.
“I do,” said Flanders.
She then looked at her centaur Centurion. And before she could ask him her two questions, he told her, “Mistress I like you in white, and I like you in black.”
“I do, too, then,” declared the centaur keeper. “I shall keep both of my favorite outfits and live the rest of my life to the glory of God.”
“Amen!” said the three others in fondness for the centaur keeper.
Page 29
