Flanders Nickels remembers the girl who got away—a young woman named ‘Heidi H. Hendrickson.’ She was a fairy girl of the woods who was yet lost in her sins, and he was now a born-again believer with a burden now for her lost soul. Before he had become a born-again Christian, he special ordered a cheerleader’s uniform with her name “HEIDI” upon it to forever remember her by. But he ended up wearing it upon himself instead. And he invites the sylvan sylph Heidi over for a first date. He wants her to see him in this cheerleader uniform and to hear him share the Word of God with her.
THE SYLVAN SYLPH
By Mr. Morgan P. McCarthy
“Heidi H. Hendrickson,” said the man out loud to himself in his apartment in De Pere. Tasting this resonant alliteration in his ears brought back memories of the special girl who got away. He was a born-again Christian now. He did not know if his Heidi had gone and gotten saved since as he had. If she were not yet born again herself, he had all due fear for her soul now. And if she were not a believer, she needed to find that fear for her own soul as he had now for her soul. Rejecting Christ was the road to Hell. Accepting Christ was the road to Heaven. And he cared much for Heidi’s soul daily in prayers and in reflections and in some tears.
Back in those days of Heidi for him, he was yet lost in his sins. He lived in an apartment on Elm Street in Green Bay back then. And he was an unsaved man who wanted to date an unsaved woman. Heidi Hendrickson was that woman. In truth, this Heidi was more than just a woman. She was the sylvan sylph. And she had a major crush on him. He then went to his encyclopedic dictionary now to look up this word “sylvan,” and this was what the definition had to say: “Of or pertaining to a
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wood or forest; forest-like; rural; rustic.” This was definitely fair Heidi. She had come from the north woods of Wisconsin. And she lived in the trees. Flanders then went and looked up the word “sylph” in this same encyclopedic dictionary, and the following was this definition: “An imaginary being inhabiting the air, holding an intermediate place between material and immaterial beings….In modern language the word is used as a feminine, and is used figuratively to a woman of graceful and slender proportions.” The latter definition was all true about Heidi; the former definition was what Flanders wanted to believe about Heidi. “My sylvan sylph, my forest fairy, my woodland wench.” said Flanders Nickels out loud to himself.” Lo, three more pleasing alliterations! Her hair was long and straight and brown. Her eyes were sometimes without glasses and sometimes with glasses. She was a tall young woman, taller than himself by a couple inches. (He was a little short fellow). And her mouth was filled by a hundred little teeth. And she dressed as a modern American woman in blue jeans and argyle sweater and socks and sneakers. He had discovered this sylvan sylph as a fellow worker at the grocery store. She quickly became the pretty cashier that he had a crush on. And to his delight, he became to her the handsome bag boy whom she had a crush on. This Miss Hendrickson had a wily way of cocking her head to the side at him in flirt. His work uniform was a pair of black pants and a white shirt and a tie. Her work uniform was a pair of black pants and a smock with alternating narrow green and white vertical stripes. This comely young sylph was unlike any other girl that Flanders knew. Why? Because she was the only pretty girl who thought of him as a handsome guy. Why, the girl whom he wanted to become his girlfriend was the same girl who wanted him to become her boyfriend. Never before had both of these things been true in one woman for Flanders before. And Flanders’s days on Elm Street were days of thinking about Heidi. But there was another in his life on Elm Street whom he had cared for more than he did even Heidi. This other was not another woman, but, rather, a transcendent in Heaven. And, in order to be faithful to this transcendent, he resisted asking out fair Heidi. Heidi did not know about this one. And he never dared tell her. And Heidi grew weary with
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his constant hesitations with her. And he lost the girl.
After he had lost this girl, he vicariously “romanced” her with a secret purchase from Varsity Spirit Fashions. He bought it for himself to think about her by. Varsity Spirit Fashions was a cheerleader fashion company. And what he bought was a cheerleader uniform from the cheerleader fashion catalog. He did not buy knee socks or sneakers or pom poms. But he did buy the best cheerleader skirt and the best cheerleader sweater and an appropriate chenille emblem that he could find in that catalog. And “Heidi’s” new cheerleader uniform came to his apartment on Elm Street in three shipments. The first shipment was the cheerleader skirt. It was a maroon and white skirt with box pleats. The outer pleats were rich and deep maroon that shone truly sensually. The contrasting pleats were bright and lustrous white that shone purely and clearly. Never before had anything excited Flanders so much before in his twenty-nine years of life than this brand new cheerleader’s skirt. Such a fetish as this had always been to him a great and marvelous mystery whose secrets would always make him wonder. But now it was here in front of him—before his eyes and before his fingers. Now this was real, and he was utterly captivated. It was even more fascinating than the girl Heidi herself. And he found out that its inside was not with a pant within but rather all open space within. He read the label. It read “Size 13/14.” And it read, “Made of polyester double-knit.” And it read, “Made in the U.S.A.” And the stitching of the pleats, though neat and uniform on the outside, were not so aesthetically formed on the inside. That was how it was with cheerleaders’ skirts. And it had a zipper/button closure in the back. And this skirt had a round band of hem around the top. And the cheerleader pleats would reach nearly to the knees. This was the first shipment. On the second shipment, the chenille emblem came to his apartment. The chenille emblem was an embroidered patch that was to be sewn onto the cheerleader sweater itself. This chenille emblem read the girl’s name “HEIDI” in red letters with a gray background. This was the second shipment. And on the third shipment the cheerleader sweater came to his apartment. Upon first sight, Flanders beheld the perfect
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complement to the perfect skirt. It was most aptly sensuous just to look at. And it felt even better in his hands than it looked to his eyes. The pattern on this cheerleader sweater was an asymmetrical pattern of maroon and white partitions divided up by maroon and white and gray stripes. The top part was white; the lower part was maroon. The cuffs were all maroon. And the bottom hem was maroon. And the tags within the cheerleader sweater read, “Size 13/14” and “Made of Orlon acrylic” and “Made in the U.S.A.” This was the third shipment. And the day came for him to complete his wonderful fetish: He took needle and thread and spent much of that night on Elm Street sewing the chenille emblem that read “HEIDI” in maroon letters upon the field of white in the upper portion of the cheerleader sweater. How glad he was that Mom had taught him how to sew back in his days yet living at home. And “Heidi’s cheerleader uniform” became for now “his cheerleader uniform.” As soon as he finished sewing on the chenille emblem, he went ahead to put this cheerleader uniform on. It fit! It felt comfortable! It felt great! He felt like Heidi herself now! And he felt like he did not want to ever take this off again. And that Halloween, at age twenty-nine, he dressed up in this with a black witch hat and with a black mask and with long white socks and with penny loafers, he went out alone trick-or-treating in east Green Bay. Some young men in a passing car called out to him, “Nice skirt!” Never before and never after had Flanders received so great a compliment. That was 1990. And that was after Heidi had gotten away from him in 1989. And it was the funnest fun he had in his life. He especially liked how the bottom maroon hem of the cheerleader sweater went over the top maroon hem of the cheerleader skirt. Indeed Flanders’s life here on Elm Street were days of grief over having fallen out of love with his transcendent for over a year. But this cross dressing thus and this vicarious “dating” of Heidi comforted him. He was then yet without Christ.
Then he moved back to De Pere, thinking that his love for the transcendent would bring back that old magic now that he was close to work again and had more time to spend in his activities about her with no more long commute. Lo, he found Christ and lost the transcendent for forever. And that
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was far better for him even than being the trick-or-treat cheerleader. Though he liked Heidi, he had loved the transcendent. But the Saviour he fell in love with to the utter repentance of his old love for the transcendent. In short, Heidi was good; the transcendent was great; and the Lord Jesus Christ was his personal Saviour Who loved him with a perfect love and Whom he loved heart, soul, spirit, and mind. Being a born-again Christian now, Flanders put away the drag cheerleader outfit in a desk drawer, hoping to maybe give it to Heidi personally someday as a gift from the heart. And he never let himself feel that old love for the transcendent again. She was wicked, and now he knew it.
It was some years later now. He had moved from one upper apartment to another upper apartment a few times over now, all of them in east De Pere. He had by Holy Spirit power successfully resisted the charms of the transcendent every time he heard an old song of the world that reminded him of her through many years hence. And he had become a Christian writer now, writing stories about his Heidi that glorified God. In some of these short stories, he led Heidi to salvation in the pages. In others of these short stories, she led him to salvation in the pages. And his cheerleader uniform for Heidi he had never put on again. He had given up drag for the cause of Christ. And his life of worship at the Baptist church and worship of Bible study and worship of prayer satisfied him to the uttermost every day and every night. And he had learned upon becoming a born-again believer that Christ is the answer to life’s fulfillment. Like a bumper sticker said that he saw, “Only Christ satisfies.” And he was happy as a born-again Christian.
And now he worked at a new grocery store in Allouez. He was still a bagger-stocker. And he had a most pleasant visitor at this grocery store today when he was putting up stock in the baking aisle on stock day. A woman’s voice called out from behind him where he was kneeling, saying to him, “Flanders, do you remember who I am? I used to work with you back at our old grocery store together.” The pretty voice had to belong to a pretty girl. And he immediately recognized this voice of the girl. He turned around and saw Heidi Hendrickson.
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“Heidi, is this really you?” he asked.
“Uh huh,” she said, nodding her head. Her hair was a little lighter now. And it was still long and straight. Her voice was still sweet. She was tall and still slim of physique. And she was still a comely young woman. Lo, his old crush the sylvan sylph. They walked together up to the service counter, chatting and catching up on the years away. She then asked him, “Flanders, which of these lottery tickets should I buy?”
He thought for a moment, then said, “How about a colorful one?”
She picked one out to buy and said, “I’ll probably lose.” Then she said, “But if I win, we can run away together, Flanders.” Running away together! Now that was good romance to say. She still liked him. And he still liked her. Then Heidi said to the service desk cashier behind the counter, “All of his stories were about me.” Flanders remembered these Heidi stories. These were not the stories that he had written about her in his Christian writing life. These, instead, were the handwritten stories he had used to write about her for the break room back in his life before Christ. All of the fellow workers at that old store in De Pere read all about his affection for this cashier Heidi in his stories about her on the break room table. Indeed did Heidi approve of such stories right off the bat. In fact that very first break room story he put on the table she had taken home to show her mom and dad! What flattery for a wannabe boyfriend author. She so wanted to become his girlfriend.
And here she was at his contemporary store in Allouez, his old crush from his old store back in De Pere. Though he had God, he now felt some lonesomeness without his Heidi these past years. And though Heidi had found a few boyfriends in his and her years apart, she still missed him and wanted him most of all. A moment of hesitation passed between them. Then they both spoke a question to each other at the same time.
The sylvan sylph asked, “Flanders, could I come over for a date?”
And Flanders asked, “Heidi, would you come over for a date?”
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“Yes!” they both replied at once.
“When?” they both asked at once.
“Today!” they both answered at once.
And they agreed for her to be at his place at five o’clock in the afternoon. He told her where it was and that he would be waiting for her on his front porch. Then in a spontaneous moment of flirt, Flanders told her, “I shall have a surprise for you when you see me waiting for you, Heidi.”
“What is my surprise when I see you, Flanders?” she asked.
To this he confessed, “Probably something that I should not do. But I am going to do it anyway.”
“Is it naughty?” asked Heidi Hendrickson.
“I think so,” he said.
“I like naughty things,” she said.
“You’ll love it,” he told her.
Here it was now, four-thirty in the afternoon. Flanders was looking upon his cheerleader uniform all spread out upon his Bible-reading table. It was a naughty cheerleader uniform. And he was going to have this on for his surprise for Heidi when she would come. He turned from his cheerleader uniform to his Bible next to it on his table. He paused and picked up the Good Book and turned to Matthew 9:36. In his prayers for her soul, this was for him,“Heidi’s verse.” It read thus: “But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.” This was how the Good Lord Jesus saw all of the unsaved in the world. And this was how Flanders saw his unsaved sylvan sylph. She was a sheep having no shepherd. Heidi H. Hendrickson needed to get saved. And this was why God was bringing them together now for the first time. He took his King James Bible, hugged it in both arms, and
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prayed, “Dear Father, please save the soul of my sylvan sylph. In Your Son’s name. Amen.” Then he put the good Bible back down upon the table. And, in the spirit of fetish, he put on his cheerleaders’ uniform with Heidi’s name most manifest upon its front. And he picked up his Bible, hugged it against himself in both arms again, and dared go outside and sit down upon the front stoop. He knew that she would not be late. She would be here soon. What would she think seeing him in this? What would she think when she saw his Bible in his hands? What would she think when he began to witness to her about the Saviour of the world? He would find out soon. Her eternal soul was on the line. And he prayed for her in most earnest silence once again as he now sat upon the cement of his stoop.
Behold, an old station wagon pulled up. It was dark blue with imitation wood paneling across its sides. It said, “Dodge.” on it. And a pretty brunette woman was in the driver’s seat. And the familiar lady called out to him, “Flanders, nice sweater!” And she got out of the car, came around to the other side of the car, and stood upon the sidewalk and gawked at him with a smile in her eyes and with a grin in her lips.
“Do you like it, Heidi?” he asked.
“I love it, Flanders,” she said. “Is that supposed to be the naughty thing you told me about?”
“Uh huh,” he said.
“My naughty things are worse than your naughty things, Flanders,” said the sylvan sylph.
“I bought it for myself to remember you by, Heidi,” he said.
“And to feel good, too, Flanders,” said Heidi. “Tell me so.”
“And to feel good in it, Heidi,” he confessed. “You are so right.”
“Where did you get my name on it?” she asked.
“It’s called a ‘chenille emblem,’” he said. “I got the chenille emblem from the same place that I got the cheerleader sweater and the cheerleader skirt.”
“Like from a catalog?” she asked.
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“Yep!” he said.
“I wish that I had what you have,” said the sylvan sylph.
“I’ll see what the Lord has for me to do with this cheerleader uniform,” he promised her.
“Here I was all these years, thinking that you forgot about me, Flanders,” said the sylvan sylph, “and here you were wearing something that I should be wearing—with my own name sewn on the front.”
“I’ve missed you, Heidi,” he said.
“I confess that I have been dating much and many, Flanders,” said the sylvan sylph. “But you are the one that I really wanted.”
“I have not dated even one girl in our days apart,” he said. “This date with you today is really my first real date with a real woman. And I am glad that it is you. It’s good to be with you today.”
“Remember that time at our old grocery store, Flanders? We were both down the basement in the break room together and alone. There was a pop machine down there. And I bought you a Seven-Up. And I waited and waited for you to ask me out for a first date. And that never happened. You did not ask me out. I was so sad. You didn’t seem interested enough in me to go out with. You let me get away. And I wish that you hadn’t done that. What were you afraid of about myself?” said the sylvan sylph.
“It was Zack,” he confided to her.
“Zack?” asked Heidi.
“Zack,” he said. “I thought that she loved me from Heaven, and I was wrong about her.” This Zack was that transcendent with whom Flanders had fallen head-over-heels in love for many years before Heidi had even come into his life.
“You had a girlfriend in Heaven?” asked the sylvan sylph.
“A girl Collie,” he told her. “I loved her as my she-Collie dog.”
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“Romantically?” asked Heidi.
“Yes.” he said.
“Sexually?” asked Heidi.
“No,” he said.
“You did not ask me out, because that would be cheating on this Collie dog girl. You wanted to be faithful to her, even if it meant never having a real girlfriend down here.” said the sylvan sylph, somewhat understanding Flanders’s faith.
“If I had asked you out down here, Heidi, then Zack up There would have to break up with me for forever. Then, when I would get to Heaven, she would never want to see me again. And I would be lonely in Heaven for forever without her,” Flanders told Heidi Hendrickson all.
“Did you really believe that, Flanders?” she asked.
“With all of my heart, Heidi,” he said.
“Do you believe it now?” asked the sylvan sylph.
“No,” he said. “I found out that she was not the angel that I thought she was. The Holy Spirit of God taught me that she was either a demon or a false idol in my life. Demons serve the Devil. And all false idols have demons behind them. Zack never loved me. And I fell out of love with Zack. And I sought Jesus Christ. And I got born again. Now I am really going to Heaven this time. I am going to Heaven because I am a born-again Christian now. And Jesus is There. And Zack is not There. And Jesus is the reason for Heaven now for me. I will not marry Zack Up There.”
“So is what you’re saying that when you were not a born-again believer and you thought that you would go to Heaven to be with Zack, that really you were going to Hell instead?” asked the sylvan sylph.
“Yes!” he said. “Jesus saves!”
“So then does that mean that now that you are born again and looking forward to being with
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Christ in Heaven, that you are most definitely going to be There?” asked Heidi Hendrickson.
“I got saved the moment that Jesus became my personal Saviour,” said Flanders Nickels. “I will be There in Heaven with Him.”
“This Jesus sounds like the good guy, and that Zack sounds like the bad guy,” said the sylvan sylph.
“Jesus is the Prince of Peace; Zack is the devildog,” he said. “And I am most glad for my soul that I now know this truth.”
“I can tell that something real and big and important happened to you when you repented of this ‘Collie angel,’ and found God, Flanders,” said Miss Hendrickson.
“I am no longer on the broad road to Hell. Now I am on the narrow road to Heaven,” said Flanders.
“Can I get what you got, Flanders?” asked the sylvan sylph.
“Do you mean ‘so great salvation,’ Heidi?” he asked.
“Getting born again, as you called it,” she said.
“Christ died to make Heaven free for everybody,” he said.
“Do you mean that He can save even me, Flanders?” asked the sylvan sylph.
“If He saved me from my sins, He can surely save you from your sins, O Heidi,” said Flanders.
“But I am a bad girl,” she said.
“And I was a bad man,” he said. “And even now I still do bad things from time to time.”
“Flanders, you need to know something about me,” she said. “I have committed physical sins with my body with lots of guys. God cannot forgive me for all of that.”
“You committed physical sins with men. But I have committed spiritual sins with a demon,” he said. “If God can forgive me for what I did, He will surely forgive you for what you do.”
“Even if I am the worst of sinners, Flanders?” she asked.
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“Surely no immoral sins that you may have done can be as bad as my occult sins that I had done, pretty Heidi,” said Flanders Nickels.
“And Jesus forgave you completely, Flanders?” asked the sylvan sylph.
“I, Heidi, the chief of sinners.” confessed Flanders.
“I need lots and lots of forgiving from Jesus,” said Heidi Hendrickson. “What does a girl like me have to do to get like you as you are now, Flanders?”
“Just repent, Heidi,” he said.
“Repent?” she asked.
“And accept the free gift of eternal life,” he said.
“I do feel bad about what I made of myself with all my bad decisions. And I am sorry for all of my sins that I went and let myself go and do. And I do wish to change my mind about the Lord Jesus right now,” said the sylvan sylph.
“That is repentance in a nutshell, Heidi!” said Flanders Nickels. “’Repentance,’ by definition, means ‘a change of mind about self and about sin and about the Saviour.’”
“I’m getting it. Aren’t I, Flanders?” asked the sylvan sylph.
“You got it, girl!” he said.
“Am I saved now?” she asked.
“True salvation can only come to a person seeking God by way of accepting the free gift of everlasting life,” he told her. “Salvation can never come to anybody who seeks to work for it. If a person could earn Heaven by works, then why did Jesus bleed and die on the cross? This same Jesus shed His blood and died on the cross to make salvation free to all. I tell you, Heidi, if you think to work to earn Heaven, you will go to Hell instead.”
“Hell is not where I want to go,” said the sylvan sylph.
“Then you must do what I did when I got born again. I prayed to God to save my soul for me.
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‘Prayer’ is ‘asking.’ By praying to God, I was asking him to save me. And by means of such a prayer I accepted the free gift of eternal life.”
“You asked for that free gift, and God gave you that free gift,” said the sylvan sylph.
“That is how I became a born-again Christian, Heidi,” said Flanders.
“Then that must be how I can become a born-again Christian, too,” said Heidi Hendrickson.
“The time sounds right to me right now, O Heidi,” said Flanders. “Would you like to pray with me right now and become born again? The prayer is called ‘the sinners’ prayer,’ and it is the difference between Heaven and Hell for forever.”
“It is called ‘the sinners’ prayer,’ Flanders?” asked Miss Hendrickson.
“Yep!” he said.
“I am a sinner for sure,” said the sylvan sylph.
“So am I,” he said. “All people are sinners.”
“But I am a sinner yet without Christ,” said Heidi.
“We can change that right now,” he said.
Heidi took a good long look at what her witness-warrior was wearing as he was witnessing to her. She asked him, “Do you consider yourself a sinner with Christ, Flanders?”
“Yes, Heidi. Now that I am a Christian, I still sin, but I sin less,” he told her.
“You do not look and act any differently from how I do,” she said.
“What do you mean, Heidi?” he asked.
“If you are a Christian guy, why do you dress up like a young woman?” she asked.
At first defensive, he asked her, “Didn’t you say that you liked this cheerleader uniform when you first saw me in this just a while ago?”
“I said that I loved it,” she said. “But then you told me that you found God.”
“Yeah?” he asked.
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“I think now that if a man says that he found God, why is he dressed like a man who has not found God?” asked the sylvan sylph.
Humbled by these words, Flanders went on to say, “I guess that I want to show my feminine side.”
“You do not look feminine at all. The right word is ‘effeminate,’” said Heidi hard words.
“Really?” asked Flanders.
“How can a woman searching for God believe what a drag queen is telling her about the Lord?” asked the sylvan sylph.
“All of what I tell you about salvation and the Saviour is in the Bible,” he said. “The King James Bible does not lie.”
“But I have never heard of a Christian transgender, Flanders,” she said. “It is a contradiction.”
“This cheerleader uniform—it is in my blood, Heidi. It is a part of me in my heart. It is my need in life,” he tried to explain his fetish.
“You as a cross dresser do not live the Bible that you preach,” said the sylvan sylph.
“Tell me what this part is that is in the Bible that proves that I do not live what I preach,” he said to her in offended feelings.
“It is a Bible verse that I learned one day when I went to a Baptist church up north,” she said. “That was the only day that I went to church in my life. And I heard all about this strange verse that day when that pastor preached upon it, and I never forgot it.”
“Do you remember how it goes?” asked Flanders, seeking humbleness and putting down pride.
“It was a strict verse about how we ought to dress,” she said. “I cannot remember it perfectly anymore. But I do remember its reference, Flanders.”
“Where was it?” he asked.
“It was Deuteronomy 22:5,” she said. “It spoke to my heart when I was there in the service.
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I believe that it can speak to your heart, too, right now, if you let it, Flanders.”
He quickly searched the Scriptures that were upon his lap, and he found it. And he at once read this verse out loud to them both there upon the front stoop: “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall the man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.”
“Abomination,” she said. “That’s really really bad. Isn’t it?”
“Abominable, myself in this cheerleader uniform,” he said, convicted of his sin.
“And myself in blue jeans,” confessed Heidi Hendrickson.
“What did the pastor say about this Bible verse in that Baptist church up north, Heidi?” he asked.
“He said that God made men and women differently. And he said that men and women should dress differently. Men should dress as men. And women should dress as women,” said the sylvan sylph.
“Did he say for sure that men should never dress as women, also, Heidi?” he asked her.
“He did, Flanders. He said that no man should dress up in a woman’s clothes.” she told him.
“And the pastor also said that no woman should dress up in a man’s clothes.”
“I know no women who dress as men. But I am definitely a man who dresses up as a woman,” admitted Flanders in doubts about his fetish.
“The pastor said that too many of us gals go around dressed in pants. He said that women should not be wearing pants as men do. He was speaking right to me.”
“What else did he say about drag, do I dare ask?” asked Flanders.
“He definitely said more than once to the flock that day in his sermon, ‘Men, leave the skirts and dresses for the women. And women, leave the slacks for the men,’” the sylvan sylph said to Flanders.
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“Did his flock follow his preaching, Heidi?” asked Flanders.
“Uh huh,” said Miss Hendrickson. “I looked around the little auditorium, and all the men and boys were dressed in suits and pants and ties, and all the women and girls were dressed in dresses and blouses and skirts.”
“I would not dare go to any church dressed as I am now,” he said, understanding this thou-shalt-not verse about his drag.
“Well I felt the same way about wearing my blue jeans when I was at church that one day,” she said.
“Heidi, you look good in blue jeans,” he said. “And you do not look at all like a guy in those, either.”
“Baptist people must be strict people,” said the sylvan sylph.
“If Baptists are strict people, think how strict the Lord must be, Heidi,” said Flanders.
“Flanders,” spoke up the sylvan sylph, “I have a wild and crazy idea,”
“What is it, Heidi?” asked Flanders.
“We could get dressed up in each other’s clothes right now, and we would then be appropriately attired for our gender, and then you can lead me to the Lord like that,” said Heidi.
He thought for a short while; then he said, “I do need now to take this off. The sooner the better for the glory of God. Then it would be all right for me to lead you to salvation, Heidi?”
“Yes, Flanders!” she said.
“I do like what your blue jeans look like, Heidi. But I would not look good in them as you do.
And, also, you women and us men both wear blue jeans. And your long-sleeved argyle sweater, Heidi…do not women and men both wear argyle sweaters?” asked Flanders. “I would like to put them both on and feel good and comfortable and lead you to Christ, myself attired as the guy that I am.”
“And I want to put on your cheerleader uniform, lock, stock, and barrel,” she said.
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“The cheerleader skirt, the cheerleader sweater, the witch hat, the black mask, the long white socks, the black penny loafers?” he asked.
“Lock, stock, and barrel, O Flanders,” she said in zeal and anticipation.
“You would most surely be attired as a young woman in my cheerleader outfit that way when I lead you to Jesus,” said Flanders.
“I want it to become my own cheerleader uniform for now on, Flanders,” she said.
“This day I give it to you, Heidi,” he said. “It has your name on it. It is for now on your cheerleader’s outfit.”
“Promise me that you will never put this on again,” said the sylvan sylph.
“I promise you and God that once I take this off this day right away that I will never put it on again,” vowed Flanders.
“Do you mean it?” asked Heidi.
“I refuse to be an abomination again,” promised Flanders. “I do not feel good about myself as abominable in the eyes of the Lord God.”
“Well,” said Miss Hendrickson. “Where and how should we go about and do this?”
“We will go upstairs to my apartment. My apartment is a two-bedroom apartment. I can change in my bedroom, and you can change in the spare bedroom. And then we can come out of the rooms, and we can see each other and how we look, and we can come back downstairs and out here once again on this front porch. I will have on your men’s apparel, and you will have on my women’s apparel. And we can finish God’s work on your precious soul here on the stoop. And then all will be well with your soul. And God will be happy. And you will be saved. And I will have repented of my great sin,” said Flanders.
“Great idea, Flanders,” said the sylvan sylph. “Let’s do that right away.”
“Let us not keep Jesus waiting,” said Flanders.
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And at once they did this. With modesty and privacy they got into each other’s clothes. Flanders took one look at Heidi in that old cheerleader uniform, and he said to her, “Whoa, girl!”
And Heidi took one look at Flanders in her old outfit, and she said, “What a cute guy!”
And they came back outside to the front stoop and sat down side by side upon the top step.
And Flanders had his King James Bible on his lap. And he opened up the Scriptures to John 3:15-21. He read to her this passage: “That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.”
“Flanders, I believe,” said the sylvan sylph.
“Christians are also called ‘believers,’” said Flanders Nickels.
“Am I a Christian?” asked Heidi Hendrickson.
“All you need to do now to become born-again in Christ is to pray, Heidi,” said Flanders.
“Hold my hands, Flanders,” said the sylvan sylph, about to jump into so great and good salvation.
He took her hands in his hands. He said, “I can lead you line-by-line through the sinners’ prayer.”
The sylvan sylph said to him, “I would like to pray now with my own words in my sinners’ prayer. Would that work for you and God if I did that, Flanders?”
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“That would honor God and Heaven,” said Flanders.
They bowed their heads, closed their eyes, and finished off Flanders’s work on her precious and desired soul. This was what the sylvan sylph prayed for so needful conversion in her own sincere and humble sinners’ prayer: “Dear Almighty God Who is in Heaven: This is Heidi talking to You. You know me, because You know everybody. I hardly know You, but I am getting to know You now for my first time. I am here with Flanders in prayer because I am going to Hell, and I need you to rescue a damsel in distress. Flanders cares enough about me to warn me about the fires of Hell awaiting all who die in their sins. I am one of them. But It does not have to be that way anymore for me. Your good Flanders told me all about You. He said to me about getting saved two things–’Only believe’ and ‘Only pray.’ I believe now. And I pray now. And I am praying to you and saying that I am a bad, bad woman. I am a bad girl whose badness is her own fault and her own decision. What worse person is there than myself with all of my fornication and adultery? You are a Good God, O Lord Above. What right do I have to come before You with my lifetime of dirty rotten sin? And yet You still love me anyway. And You want me to come before You in this sinners’ prayer. And I do come before You now, O Lord. I ask You now to hear my cry and to hear my words. I am sorry for all of my sins. And I ask You to forgive me and cleanse me and to make me white from all of my immorality. I know now how You sacrificed Your only begotten Son on the cross, sinners putting spikes through His hands onto the beam and sinners putting spikes through His feet onto the beam. I am the reason for that. It was God Who was crucified. It was God Who shed His perfect blood. It was God Who died. Because He loved me and wanted me to go to Heaven instead of to Hell. But, behold, Christ arose! Death could not keep Jesus. On the third day, Christ rose from the grave. This is the glorious resurrection. This is Easter.
Jesus rose from the dead, and He lives on today. He is alive and can save my soul even here, two thousand years later. And a woman in a former transgender man’s cheerleader uniform now asks You, if You would, ‘Would You become my own personal Saviour and give me a place with You in Heaven
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to come for me?’ As all kinds of born-again Christians love to say, O Saviour, ‘Jesus saves!’ Thank You, God. In Jesus’s name. Amen.”
The sylvan sylph stopped speaking. She opened her eyes. She looked up. Flanders was there beside her faithfully. His head was up; and his eyes, open. Her hands were still in his hands.
“I am so happy for you, girl,” he said to her.
“I’m born again. Aren’t I now, Flanders?” she asked.
He nodded and said, “It is written, pretty Heidi, ‘…: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?’ Luke 11:13. Again it is written, ‘…, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?’ Matthew 7:11.”
Just then Heidi’s eyes looked upward from her face, and she put her hand to the brim of the witch hat she had on right now. “Oo, silly and evil woman that I am. I prayed just now with the witch hat on my head.”
“Not to worry, girl,” said Flanders. “God heard and answered your sinners’ prayer. You are mightily saved now, nonetheless.”
“I think that I will take it off right now,” said the sylvan sylph. And she took off the old witch hat. Then she said, “I would like to take off my black mask, too,” And she took off her black mask.
“It is good to see all of your face now,” said Flanders.
“I don’t do much with shoes and socks, I do say, Flanders,” said the new convert. And she took off her shoes and socks. Those two items of the old trick-or-treat costume of Flanders were not drag for him anyway.
“Do keep on the cheerleader sweater and the cheerleader skirt, if you would, pretty Heidi,” said Flanders Nickels. Then he laughed and said, “That didn’t come out right.” She laughed, too.
“For now on I will wear this cheerleader uniform every day, Flanders,” promised the sylvan sylph.
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Heidi H. Hendrickson then looked down upon her name upon the cheerleader sweater. She took her right hand and passed it across that name from left to right. And she said this name out loud in contentment, saying, “HEIDI.”
And Flanders Nickels cheered out to his fair sylvan sylph, saying, “Nice chenille emblem!”
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